i am called ry. i exist and i write poems. citizen of planet earth. 29 years old. i love poetry and my friends and family and cats. handsome scary genius from space.
In the dream, its much like it is
in the poem. anything can happen.
There may be birds and there may
be something far more terrifying.
There may be something you'd
never considered in your waking life.
Visions of your mother feeding you
black milk or your father coming
at you with a dagger. Diggings
into your chest in an attempt to find
your heart that reveal a withered
white and puss-filled sack,
more like a miscarriage than a brave,
beating vital thing.
In the dream, it is much like it is
in the poem. You find yourself
walking in green fields, sun
on your face, only to fall off
the edge of the world
like you did in a video game you played
while you were still a child.
Rainbow roads fade and evaporate
just as you were approaching
the checkered flag. The end doesn't
matter as much as how you got there.
Journeys and childhood games
look less alike than they really are.
In the dream, it is much like it is
in the poem. There is no end in sight
and it lasts much shorter it seems.
You feel your way in the dark,
some unknown watcher guiding
your hand. Pressure nonexistent
yet you are drawn into the depths
of yourself. Finding all manner
of creatures and thoughts
believed extinct or mythical.
You find the leviathan. He swallows
you whole. You are in his belly
with a candle. You find that ancient
fear, that archaic flame. Where is the guide?
-it takes time to become a god-
You know it's time to read
some poetry
and it's gonna feel good too
after it feels terrible.
Watching these gods
of the word
do their thing.
And it comes
in entropy of ease
and weightlessness
you know
as of now
you only achieve
in your dreams.
But you never see the slashing
and cutting done--
hours and years,
grains in the hourglass
filtered downward
as their mountains
in your hands
grew higher
until they became
the Olympus you witness,
the book in your hands,
the lines that slay
and eviscerate
your sense of yourself
as a poet. You are a fake
you are convinced
as the book shakes
in your grandpa's hand.
Take care
and have faith,
young one,
surely your grains are falling
and building your own Olympus
or Rainier--
the second has lava
and can erupt
any minute.
They stand in awe every time
you are out
and the mist clears
to reveal your peak.
Schoolchildren do drills
in the event of your eruption.
Memory fades
but awakens
when the match is struck.
Take care and have faith.
It takes time to become a god.
-may 15 2018, seattle wa-
Don't need to see the reality
to know it exists. Unfamiliar
familiarity buzzes below.
Uneasy easiness. The river
flows you toward a source
you cant see around the bend.
Oh God I'm in this boat
or body again.
I don't like how it feels.
Can you teach me
to appreciate the sensation
of being a person
who feels things and sometimes
is afraid to say it?
Resist comparing this body
to that. We are all trees,
we are all trees, growing
exactly the way we were
supposed to grow.
Now my growth is hurting.
Tell me it's okay.
Does the butterfly hurt
when it first emerges?
Does blossoming feel like bleeding?
Right now it's dark, I bob
on the surface. Murmurs
of water reach my ears
and in the echoes I place myself
exactly where i think I am
like a bat, I need
to know my own sounds
to steer myself
through the world I hear.
-fecundity-
The child's pose I'm in places
my face to the grass's roots--
the green of the leaves is different
struck directly by the sun.
Shining through, the blades are animate,
bequeathing a new brilliance.
My shoulders stretch. I close
my lids and open my heart,
giving myself to the earth.
The smell of the soil
fills my head, growing glimpses
sowing for me the green
heart of life.
Moments like these renew, remind--
the building blocks of eternity
course through blood, carry
through cells, lie quiet
but alive
in the belly of the mother.
-april 24 2018, seattle wa-
The pink blossoms outside my window
are blossoming brightly, shouting
beauty to the world, inviting notice
of any and no eyes, budding
only for themselves and maybe
the bees, with whom they have
their own language.
There are languages within a language,
speakers tuned to some but not all.
Words and grammar not even written
like the language of the heart.
Letters, symbols do little
when it comes to speaking without mouth.
How to translate what all this means?
Let me not worry about where those bees
have been before these flowers.
I need to trust that everything is in order.
I don’t need to know their language
as long as I know ours.
I fear I wasn’t made the same as the others.
I know just enough of the language.
Do you understand that love is not a pie?
In this life love exists like life,
the end is its beginning.
There is no holding on. Only letting go.
The more you let go the more you are held.
The dangerous mistake lies in wait,
and fear is the enemy of these hands.
The world will try to take it from you.
The petals of the rose turn to steel.
Your joints don’t work so well anymore and
your skin itches when someone
speaks a word against you. You dislike
the taste of your name in other mouths.
Sometimes to find it again you have to go away
from the irritant of voices and sounds that are not your own.
Go there and I will find you,
that presence that feels more
like the caress of the sun than metal.
You owe it to yourself to like the sound
of your own name, your own voice
and those of others. You will be here far longer than you think.
Or like.
Your grandmother’s face swims
before you like a koi in a pond
too big for its confines.
Expand your pool in whatever way you can.
Winter’s bones are thawing and become
spring. You too can find the softness and rain.