theknightlywolfe

[theknightlywolfe]

[theknightlywolfe]

[theknightlywolfe]

Not just thousands of Palestinian children, but tens of thousands of Palestinian youths, men, women, and the elderly. 5% of Gaza's population has been either severely disabled/injured, has gone missing, or has been genocided. From destroying orchards and farms, to the destruction of Gaza Infrastructure to the point where it has collapsed in many spaces -especially their medical complexes, to the complete lack of access to fresh and clean water. Israhell is also still starving Palestinians -is still committing war crimes, and now this? The zionists are continuing their illegal settler-colonial project full steam ahead apparently, and it's beyond horrific.

[theknightlywolfe]

“No one came to Google to work on offensive military technology” 

- Vidana Abdel Khalek wrote in her mail resigning from Google on March 25 addressing to company leaders, including CEO Sundar Pichai, announcing her decision to quit in protest over Project Nimbus.

[theknightlywolfe]

Yeah, this is kinda outdated for Masters degrees. There a lot of office jobs that now require a Masters and the industries do not have a tradition of paying for them and if you are lucky enough to work at a business that offers money for training it is in the low to mid hundreds a year. The alternative is to get certifications that ping you every few years for re-certification that costs hundreds to thousands of dollars to test for and also require continuing education credits that mostly have to be paid for and that might be all that is covered by your job.

i think there probably are situations where it makes sense to go to grad school when you are paying for it but those situations are incredibly scarce. i am doubtful there are situations where its a good idea to go into debt to go to grad school

[theknightlywolfe]

I Halloweened as the "Aliens!" guy a few years ago. Can attest that modern standard hairspray from the CVS down the road cannot support this.

[theknightlywolfe]

I hate to say it but the one advantage of being a half breed is I was always a weirdo other, and it was made abundantly clear that nothing I did could ever overcome being a half breed. So seeking out social groups of other "others" was just the thing to do, because the doors to "normal" were closed and the only kind of normal I would be allowed was the kind that came with a report card and later a paycheck. So masking was never really a thing I did outside the context of school or work and I otherwise surrounded myself with neurodivergent and queer "others" amongst which I look the most socially acceptable at first glance.

So, y'know, some small silver lining to being surrounded by blood purity racism.

Speaking of therapy, I say, as though we're old friends, and you're not a stranger trapped in this metaphorical elevator with me and you can hear the suspension wires starting to fray.

I've been doing a lot of work recently that's focused on imposter syndrome and the feeling that no matter how well or how much I do, I'm not good enough. That I'm somehow tricking everyone into thinking my work is actually good.

Some days it's a minor niggle in my head that I can gentle and soothe with logic and affirmations. Or smother, depending on the mood. Other times it's loud and all-consuming and the mental anguish it causes me is so real I can feel it twitching in my muscles. This desperate fight-or-flight instinct with nowhere to go and nothing to fight but myself.

Anyway, because I'm several types of Mentally Unwell™, I was switching between workshop sheets ahead of next week. Filling in different forms. (Trying to get a good grade in therapy) And I got my "recognize your harmful ADHD coping mechanisms" worksheet mixed in with the "you're not actually lying to people, you just feel like you are because your brain is full of weasels" worksheet, and seeing them side by side made something go topsy turvy in my head, and I just had to sit and breathe for a couple of minutes until the urge to scream passed. Because it clicked, it all suddenly clicked.

The reason the imposter syndrome workshops and therapy sessions aren't sticking was because I do routinely trick people into thinking I'm someone I'm not.

Because I'm masking my ADHD for their convenience.

I've always known there was something wrong with me. My neurotypical peers made it abundantly clear I didn't fit in or was failing in some way I couldn't see nor remedy, no matter how hard I tried.

So I compressed myself into a workaholic box of hyper-competence in the hopes they'd stop noticing the flaws and exploit like me instead. And then subsequently lived with the daily fear that if they looked too close, they'd realize I'm a monumental fuck up with enough personal baggage to block the Suez Canal.

If you ever need someone to burn themselves to ashes for your comfort and convenience, I'm your gal.

Or I used to. Until I had a bit of a breakdown, and the rubber band holding my brain together snapped and pinged off into the stratosphere, never to be seen again.

Unfortunately, the trauma of living like that didn't also fuck off and instead left a gaping maw where my personality ought to be, so now I get to deal with that aftermath.

And it's that aftermath that's affecting the imposter syndrome shit. Because yes, I am hyper-competent and good at what I do-- but it doesn't feel real because that is how I mask.

And the truly frustrating thing is I am good at what I do. I am not pretending. I worked hard to be good at this. It just feels like I'm dicking around because 90% of my personality turns out to be trauma masquerading as humor in a trenchcoat, and having people genuinely like something weird I'm doing is so foreign my brain has decided it's just another form of masking.

I'm pretending to be a good author so people will think I'm a good author, and my brain thinks we are in Danger of being found out. We are in Danger, and writing is Dangerous because then people will know I'm Weird and not whatever palatable version I've presented myself as for their NT sensibilities.

Like the neurotic vampire with a raging praise kink wasn't an obvious giveaway.

Anyway. I got nothing else. Thanks for listening.

I'm going to go be very normal in another room and not stare into the abyss of my own soul for a bit.

[theknightlywolfe]

[theknightlywolfe]

i watched one (1) video on how to draw hands that changed my life forever. like. i can suddenly draw hands again

these were all drawn without reference btw. i can just. Understand Hands now (for the most part, im sure theres definitely inaccuracies). im a little baffled

#reference #art #for later

[theknightlywolfe]

Yesterday I had a (middle aged) colleague sign onto a call with a client rep that we initiated and then, once it connected with video, walked away from the computer without warning or explanation. And then did it again while the client was talking.

So, yeah, professional ain't what it used to be.

Oh my god. INTENTIONALLY?

Yeah. The module lecturer sent her a message saying "Are you sure this is the version you're submitting?"

Her response was "Yes, unless you think it's bad?"

So that rang alarm bells. Lecturer asked me for advice on how to respond, so I suggested "Double check the images you've used, and remember there is a professional standard you need to be meeting in terms of language and content." This was duly sent.

Her response was "OK I'll redo it."

So uh. It seems she intentionally included it and thought that was a good idea. In a formal assignment.

[theknightlywolfe]

Bridget Regan in Legend of the Seeker (2008), "Sacrifice"

#woof

[theknightlywolfe]

Uuuggghhhhh

“It’s rotten work. Especially to me. Especially if it’s you. I’ll fucking do it but Christ alive.”

#as a client accountant #currently #this is such a mood

[theknightlywolfe]

When I was little my mom’s meatloaf was my favorite food. But ONLY her meatloaf. I didn’t like anyone else’s, and she told me that she would teach me how to make it when I was older. And when I was like 19? She finally taught me, but she told me never to tell anyone else and I was like weird but okay

Anyway, she was super fucking homophobic and abusive to me when I told her I was gay, so here’s the recipe

4-6 lbs of Hamburger/turkey burger

1 pk onion soup mix OR ranch mix

1 TBs ketchup

1 Tbs spicy brown mustard,

1 Tbs bbq sauce

1 Tbs steak sauce

1 egg

mix, shape into a loaf in a big pan, and bake at 350 for 2 hrs (maybe 2 and a half if you’re feeling dangerous)

You can get almost all of these ingredients at the dollar store, and have leftovers if it’s just you. The leftovers make great tacos if (taco seasoning is also like a dollar). Enjoy your revenge loaf

#gay spite cooking

[theknightlywolfe]

Y’all I can’t believe the “whistleblower assassination” and “literally falling apart in the sky” company is being represented by a man named Rich White

You could not call a character this in a movie because everyone would say “that’s not realistic” and yet!

[theknightlywolfe]

!!!!!!!!!!

WHY DID POKEMON CHANGE MY AVATAR'S LOOK?!?!?!!

😡😡😡😡😡😡

[theknightlywolfe]

[SOURCE]

Maternity kits, medical threads and scissors, water testing kits, anesthetics, mobile desalination units, etc do you see the pattern? Israel is not only starving the people of Gaza but it also wants to ensure the spread of disease through contaminated water and surgical tools, as well as ensuring injured Palestinians suffer through horrendous pain.

It's beyond sickening.

[theknightlywolfe]