the-wellbeing-warrior

[the-wellbeing-warrior]

Wellbeing responsibility & Social Media

I am an avid user of social media, it does of course get a bad press, in particular these days, and of course there are some bad eggs with some questionable behaviours on it but overall, it is not too bad and the one thing that it can do is allow us to see what content we want but also block out what content we do not.

However, one of the biggest problems for me Is the practice of sharing or retweeting stuff we do not agree with. Now I am not saying people who are say homophobic, or racist or whatever else should not be called out on their ignorance but one thing I cannot fathom is the unrelenting desire of people to call people out while simultaneously giving more milage to the problem they were disturbed by in the first place.

One of the biggest examples of this is a recent video of Gemma Doherty, former journalist turned conspirator, failed politician and whatever else. There is a short clip of her talking about gay people being unhappy or something like that. Gemma is well known for being controversial, and while it is not an excuse, I am convinced she is struggling mentally and has done since the death of her husband. The reason I believe that is that here is a well-educated person, someone who’s career was based on being gifted with words, if she were genuinely well and a complete bigot, you would think she would be smart enough to preserve her social media accounts after all that is where the bulk of her audience comes from. But she remains banned and thus her exposure remains low.

But back to the video at hand, it was shared by a @aciquestion account. Since it was first published it has been retweeted 181 times and quote tweeted 3276 times and has 904 likes and some people highlighting it are well known people with large follower lists. Now yes you can tweet an opinion on something, even have a discussion, but with this, it is a video that did not deserve any publicity but has now been shared thousands of times to a much wider audience. Gemma is banned from social media, yet she has been trending for days because of it.

For risk of repeating myself, I in no way think there is not a problem with her comments, but I do take issue with this desire to retweet crap we do not like and how people generally get in nots over something they have full control in not seeing and in which they certainly have full control in not furthering that hatred. But instead, they must tell the world their disgust, which is fine, but instead of retweeting why not take that hatred and tweet something positive. Yes, her words are vile, but it is only mentally draining on yourself to get wound up by it.

For me it comes down to a basic behaviour that as a modern society we seem reluctant to adopt and that is responsibility. Yes, we are responsible for calling out hatred, but we are also responsible for not giving it further mileage either. To me it is of zero consequence if Gemma is all the bigoted behaviours, she so inelegantly displays but if you do not support her, it should be of zero consequence to you too. What do we have to gain by what we already do not know, but she has so much to gain and that simple 7 second clip has probably given her more exposure than she would have ever gotten if she was still on social media in the first place?

One of the basic principles in recovery is responsibility. I had to take responsibility for my recovery, fundamentally no one can face my mental illness demons but me and I wholeheartedly believe when it comes to wellbeing and social media, we also must take responsibility for not just the content we share but also how we allow content affects us. There is momentum right now to hold social media companies like Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook solely responsible for the various forms of abuse especially of famous people and while I do think they have a role to play in combatting it, society must play its own role. How something affects you is your responsibility, but there comes a point where balancing the ignorance with ignorance becomes important too.

Manchester United footballer Marcus Rashford spoke of 70+ race laden comments on his social media accounts post a recent defeat. While they are wrong, I am convinced the consistent highlighting of it is just adding fuel to the fire. It is like a school yard bully, if they see that you are affected, they will continue to go for the jugular, because what they are doing is having the desired effect. But I do not think the intention is to be racist but more so to be controversial. People get a kick out of watching something spread. I do not believe there is a bigger race problem now, certainly not akin to that of the 70’s and 80’s, and it is important to remember that any written form of social media does not allow for context. I can send say a monkey emoji to Rashford, the action can be perceived as a racist action, but the intention is to cause controversy and not be deliberately racist. I can say to my mate “F57k off you asshole” in a conversation where say my mate is slagging me, I am not being aggressive but I am using words in a different context, but in another case, I can mean it aggressively, the intention to be as aggressive as possible, but which ever way its read on a say a tweet comes down to perception and context.

And thus, it comes back to responsibility and how we perceive things. You will never eradicate the idiots, the provocateurs intent on causing upset just because they can, and while it is important to call out hatred and bigotry, it is also vitally important that we do not inadvertently give the vile content we are perturbed by further mileage, and that responsibility starts with ourselves. How we are affected is up to us, sharing provocative content because we are outraged serves no purpose. Yes, we can call people out, but our energies would be better served in highlighting the great things about the subject that had been so maligned in the first place. However wrong or bigoted she is, Gemma is entitled to an opinion, but we have a responsibility ourselves to the wellbeing of those being targeted as well as ourselves to not give these bigoted views any further mileage. Most of all we owe it to our own mental wellbeing.

[the-wellbeing-warrior]

YOU ARE WORTHY!!!

What is self-esteem. Well I guess in a nutshell it is the level of confidence in one's value as a human being and it is closely correlated with achievement, good relationships, and satisfaction. If you have low levels of self esteem the tendency can be to fall short of your actual potential and living a life you are capable of having.

Now on the other hand too much self-love (aka Jose Mourinho) can result in an off-putting sense of entitlement and an inability to learn from failures. It can also be a sign of clinical narcissism, in which individuals may behave in a self-centered, arrogant, and manipulative manner.

Often people with low self-esteem have experienced frequent criticism or disapproval from others, be it colleagues, friends even teachers, however some of us are able to weather off-putting evaluations. It again comes down to the individuals reaction.

Of course all our experiences are different, for me it started in secondary school. I wasn’t academically poor but for some reason school just wasn’t for me. It was the same at sport, GAA in particular. Both environments there to teach and nurture but you were certainly treated differently if your ability didn’t match that of the lad beside you. I know now that I was better at certain things than others but at the time it was often a snowball effect. I think it is vital when dealing with youngsters we find out, or we help them discover, what their passions are early. If not it feels like an exclusion. I know now I just wasn’t of the standard needed but instead of maybe trying something else, my low self esteem prevented me.

Self-esteem can influence life in myriad ways, from academic and professional success to relationships and mental health. Self-esteem, however, is not an immutable characteristic; successes or setbacks, both personal and professional, can fuel fluctuations in feelings of self-worth.

Self-esteem and how you feel about yourself is something that can constantly go up and down, so here are some tips on how to boost it!

Do something you love

It's too easy to focus on things you don’t like about yourself, but by doing something you love, you can be proud of what you’ve achieved and how happy it makes you feel. For example, if you like cooking, then enjoy the process of making the food, be proud of the finished product and then enjoy the pleasure of eating it!

Keep a diary of the positives

There’s always something good that happens in the day, even if it’s small like someone laughing at your bad joke! Keep note of the happy times, and then when you’re feeling not as good about yourself as usual, read through it, and be reminded of all the things you can do and how amazing you are!

Unfollow accounts

If you scroll through Instagram and find that certain accounts are making you feel worse about yourself, then unfollow! Keep social media as something you can enjoy and get a positive experience from. What are you gaining from feeling bad about yourself due to looking at a stranger’s life?!

Exercise - when you want to!

It’s a well-known fact that this releases endorphins and relieves stress, but you need to do it because you want to! Forcing yourself through intense exercise that you hate isn’t going to improve your mood or self-esteem, so try different workouts until you find something you love – be it walking, team sports, dancing or yoga classes - you’ll gain the benefits of exercise, as well as being proud of yourself for finding a new hobby!

Set mini goals

Try breaking your goals up into small challenges that can be celebrated, for example, if you are learning to cook, celebrate learning a new recipe each week. You’ll be more successful in completing it as it’s more surmountable, and you’ll enjoy it more and feel proud of everything you’re accomplishing.

Compliment others

A super easy way to feel better about yourself, is to make someone else smile! By knowing you’ve made someone else happy, you can take pleasure in the kindness you’re showing as a person, and how it feels to make someone else’s day.

Always remember you are you and your individuality and personality is what makes you special and is one of the many reasons you are loved!

#self care #self esteem #mental health and wellness

[the-wellbeing-warrior]

𝐀 𝐖𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐐&𝐀 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡: 𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐢𝐧 𝐑𝐨𝐠𝐚𝐧 - 𝐂𝐄𝐎 𝐌𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐥 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐭𝐡 𝐈𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐝

Ireland has some terrific mental health organisations nationwide. Over the next couple of weeks, the Wellbeing Warrior will bring you a series of Wellbeing focused Q&A’s with some of the people who help run these brilliant organisations.

Todays Q&A is with Martin Rogan, CEO of Mental Health Ireland.

Founded in 1966, Mental Health Ireland’s aim is to promote positive mental health and wellbeing for all individuals and communities and to support people with lived experience of mental health challenges in their recovery, bringing practical expression to national policy objectives.. Their network of Mental Health Associations promote positive mental health and support people with mental health difficulties within their own communities. For more information on Mental Health Ireland and the work they do please visit: www.mentalhealthireland.ie

Martin kindly took some time out of his busy schedule tell us about life as CEO of Mental Health Ireland and how he looks after his own personal wellbeing. If you would like to support Mental Health Ireland in continuing their wonderful work, please do so by visiting: www.mentalhealthireland.ie/donate

What does a day in the life of a CEO of Mental Health Ireland look like?

Mental Health Ireland is a growing organisation with over 100 staff and hundreds of Volunteers working throughout Ireland, promoting positive Mental Health & Wellbeing and supporting people in recovery from mental health challenges. One of the things I really enjoy in my role as CEO is that no two days are alike.

Certainly, over the past year, during the pandemic, we have been largely working from home so the day normally includes three or four Zoom calls with Volunteers, our Development Team, our Head Office staff and staff working in Recovery Education roles.

We also have a number of very active partnerships with our funders, the HSE and project collaborators like UCC, NUIG, Get Ireland Walking, National Concert Hall and this involves many meetings and phone calls.

Its important to break up the day, so I usually make a To-D0 list of phone calls to make and try to get some steps in while making my phone calls - I'm up to 5 or 8km per day making return phone calls.

Tell us about your organisation and what it does in the promotion of mental wellbeing

Mental Health Ireland was established in 1966 and we play a key role in promoting positive mental health across the whole community, across all life stages and we pay particular attention by working through co-production to develop programmes with marginalised and difficult to reach communities, people living in disadvantage, migrant communities, members of the Travelling Community. people who use mental health services.

While there is much greater awareness and discussion around mental health today -its important that all programmes are underpinned by a strong evidence base, sometimes what seem intuitive, is not really effective, impactful or sustainable. So, at Mental Health Ireland, all of our work is continuously evaluated, reviewed and refreshed. We work with academic and international partners in Mental Health Europe and the International Initiative for Mental Health Leadership to share new insights, projects that we know are effective.

We have partnered with UCC to develop the Mental Health in the Community Course and with NUIG to develop an academic course on Mental Health Promotion which is a first Worldwide. These developments mean that we are bringing innovative, class-leading programmes to communities all across Ireland.

The past year has taught us all the importance of achieving wellbeing, taking active steps to make our own lives and the lives of people around us better. This is never a solo pursuit. One of the things that can give your sense of wellbeing a real boost is to do something for some else - spend some time with an older person, break through loneliness, teach a young person a new skill, coach a sports team, join the Tidy Towns Clean-Up day, become a Volunteer - it'll do your heart good.

As CEO of Mental Health Ireland, I can imagine you have a heavy work schedule, while at work do you have any wellbeing practices to support you in between all the emails, zoom meetings and phone calls.

I like to walk, kayak and link up with friends to unwind. Working in mental health is really exciting and busy and it could consume every waking moment, but like anything, you need to pace yourself, keep a broader view and step back to recharge the batteries.

Everybody working in health, mental health or human services needs to be careful of burn-out and over-exposure. If not, you can find that your energy levels drop or you risk compassion-fatigue where it's difficult to genuinely engage and listen to people's concerns. Self-care is an important step in helping others - a bit like the announcement we hear of aeroplanes at the safety check - 'Please attend to your own oxygen mask first' - if you become depleted, you simply won't be able to help or support others.

It can be difficult for people supporting a loved one with mental health difficulties, would you have any specific tips or advice for those people in minding their own wellbeing while supporting others?

'You don't have to have a mental illness, to suffer from mental illness' was a message used to highlight the particular demands on family and friends supporting a person experience significant mental health challenges. At Mental Health Ireland we fully recognise the importance of including families and friends in our work.

Many of our Volunteers bring family experience and where possible we like to use a Trialoge approach - bringing three perspectives into play - the Person with Lived Experience, the Mental Health Professional and the Family Member viewpoint. Only by working together in co-production can we achieve the best possible outcome.

We know that sometimes family members feel that they are outside the loop, not fully informed or not included in decision making, in order to protect confidentiality this is important, but equally so is having a supportive context that the person lives within.

Our Education, Training and eMental Health Team have developed a number of excellent programmes that family members find helpful and the network of Recovery Colleges staffed by Mental Health Ireland, also have some really impressive courses, resources, and materials that family members find really practical and helpful.

If someone was to ask you for one piece of wellbeing advice, what might you say to them?

Everyday, take a moment to reflect on how your life is going, what's working well, what can be improved and what needs to be discontinued. There can be a tendency to simple climb back up on the treadmill and repeat a version of the day before. Life is full of possibilities, do something new and challenging every day. Remember, Every day is a Schoolday, to alert to learning, stay curious and reach out to others to gain new insights. Actively decide to Enjoy Every Moment

#mental health and wellness #wellbeing #mental health #mental health ireland

[the-wellbeing-warrior]

𝗔 𝗪𝗲𝗹𝗹𝗯𝗲𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗤&𝗔 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵: 𝗗𝗼𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗶𝗰 𝗟𝗮𝘆𝗱𝗲𝗻 -𝗔𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗖𝗘𝗢

Ireland has some terrific mental health organisations nationwide. Over the next couple of weeks, the Wellbeing Warrior will bring you a series of Wellbeing focused Q&A’s with some of the people who help run these brilliant organisations.

Today’s Q&A is with Dominic Layden, CEO of Aware Ireland.

Aware is an organisation close to my heart. I have had the privilege of volunteering with them for more than two years. Aware provides support & information for people who experience depression or bipolar disorder and their concerned loved ones. It was founded in 1985 by Dr. Patrick McKeon, as a response to the clear need for information, understanding and support, both for individuals who had a diagnosis of depression or bipolar as well as family members supporting a loved one. For more information on Aware please visit www.aware.ie

Dominic kindly took some time out of his busy schedule tell us about life as CEO of Aware and how he looks after his own personal wellbeing. If you would like to support Aware in continuing their wonderful work, please do so by visiting: www.aware.ie/donate.

DOMINIC LAYDEN - AWARE

1. What does a day in the life of a CEO of Aware look like?

A. Very varied, which is great. Most days I am very busy, intellectually challenged and stimulated. Most of my work has clearly defined outcomes so you can see what you have done and that gives me satisfaction. I really enjoy being part of the team here. We are a national organisation, but we have small team of 11 ft staff and 5 p/t staff and all the team are highly committed to our purpose so that adds an extra value to all our work. The purpose is everything and the team we have in Aware are highly skilled, motivated and a pleasure to work with. Of course, we have good days and sometimes some of our days is on work that is less satisfying but for the team and myself I think for 95% of our time it is very rewarding work.

2. Tell us about your organisation and what it does in the promotion of mental wellbeing.

A. We were established in 1985 and were set up to inform, educate and support people with Depression. Our services have evolved over the years and we provide a range of support services (Support Groups, a Support line open 365 days of the year and a support email service). In addition, we provide several adult CBT programmes delivered in groups and online. We also offer a wide range of Information services including online lectures/Webinars and Wellness talks to organisations and Schools.

3. As CEO of Aware, I can imagine you have a heavy work schedule, while at work do you have any wellbeing practices to support you in between all the emails, zoom meetings and phone calls.

A. I was trained many years ago to make a list of items to be done in a day/week and to prioritise and nearly 40 years later I am still practising that. I find that helps to put the day in context and of course many a day I get distracted and redirected but having a plan keeps me in control of my agenda and diary. I drink two coffees at work, eat a light lunch and get exercise during the day (most days). When I need a break from the desktop, I chat to a staff member.

4. It can be difficult for people supporting a loved one with mental health difficulties, would you have any specific tips or advice for those people in minding their own wellbeing while supporting others?

A. It can be difficult to help another person unless you are in a good space and Aware tries to help by having relevant information available so that individuals can be well informed and educated on the topics on Depression and other mood conditions if appropriate to the person you are caring for. Knowing the signs, spotting when someone is struggling and having a plan I think helps. You also need someone you can share your burden with, so you do not feel you alone and carry all the burden which is why we have our Relatives Programme to help those caring and minding for others.

5. If someone were to ask you for one piece of wellbeing advice, what might you say to them?

A. Try and be grateful for what you have now.

#aware #wellbeing #mental health and wellness

[the-wellbeing-warrior]

Wellbeing Q&A:Krystian Fikert - Ceo MyMind

Ireland has some terrific mental health organisations nationwide. Over the next couple of weeks, the Wellbeing Warrior will bring you a series of Wellbeing focused Q&A’s with some of the people who help run these brilliant organisations.

Todays Q&A is with Krystian Fikert, CEO of MyMind

MyMind is the first and largest blended model of mental health care in Ireland, and is putting Ireland at the forefront of mental health innovation.

MyMind has created a unique movement for community-based mental health services that work towards giving every person in Ireland equal access to mental health support early, affordably, directly, without stigma or delay. You can find out more about MyMind by visiting the link above or by visiting www.mymind.org

Krystian kindly took some time out of his busy schedule tell us about life working with MyMind and how he looks after his own personal wellbeing. If you would like to support MyMind in continuing their wonderful work, please do so by visiting: www.mymind.org/donate

KRYSTIAN FIKERT - MYMIND

1.What does a day in the life of a CEO of MyMind look like?

When you are the CEO of a busy organisation like MyMind, and especially when you are involved in the provision of mental health services, no two days are ever the same. We have a small operational team but each member has a very distinct role and part of my job is to make sure that they are clear on the organisational objectives and how best their daily activity can meet those objectives. So, I make sure to schedule regular meetings with each team member, usually on a weekly basis, to check in and make sure that everything is going okay.

As you can imagine, Covid-19 has been a really busy time for us as the numbers of people who are struggling with poor mental health has increased hugely since early 2020. This has meant that the organisation has had to be able to meet this increased demands and, in particular, I have led out on the technological requirements there.

I am also involved in dealing with our funders and other organisations to help keep MyMind growing and developing all the time. So, I have meetings with HSE on a regular basis and I am also a member of the Connecting for Life Steering Group. In addition, I am responsible to the Board of Directors to make sure that the organisation is running properly at all times so I have regular meetings with the Board Chairperson to ensure that we’re on track to meet the strategic goals that we have set for ourselves.

As we depend on our really great therapists to provide the mental health services to our clients, I also need to make sure that everything is okay for them to ensure that they can focus on the therapeutic work and not have to worry about the systems or technology.

2. Tell us about your organisation and what it does in the promotion of mental wellbeing

MyMind was set up in 2006 to address the gap in mental health services between the public and private sectors. MyMind has introduced a self-referral system which does away with the need for GP referrals, we offer timely access to appointments so that people are not caught up in long waiting lists, and we offer multi-disciplinary approaches to therapy and counselling in 15 languages for individuals, couples, families, children and adolescents. We also offer mental health packages for the workplace. Most importantly, we offer affordable services which are based on a person’s employment status.

The numbers of people using our service has increased significantly during Covid-19. We are currently delivering 4,500 appointments on average per month.

We have also been funded by Sláintecare and HSE to provide free appointments for those affected by Covid-19. To date, we have delivered over 15,000 appointments through this scheme. This project will run until the end of September.

As CEO of MyMind, I am very proud of the contribution we have been able to make to the challenges of the Pandemic.

3. As CEO of MyMind, I can imagine you have a heavy work schedule, while at work do you have any wellbeing practices to support you in between all the emails, zoom meetings and phone calls

I try to manage my schedule so that I don’t have too much screen time back-to-back as I believe it’s not good for our mental wellbeing to spend too much concentrated time in meetings (virtual or otherwise). I try to concentrate on my breathing to make sure that I am mindful in what I’m doing. I also love to run, so where possible I try to get out for a short run and at weekends I’m able to make time for longer outings. As I live near the Phoenix Park, it’s a great amenity to be able to have a good run on Saturdays or Sundays. I am a great believer in the power of exercise in supporting good mental health.

4. It can be difficult for people supporting a loved one with mental health difficulties, would you have any specific tips or advice for those people in minding their own wellbeing while supporting others?

Firstly, I would say it’s very important to be aware of your own mental health needs if you are supporting someone else who is struggling with poor mental health at any given time.

Sometimes the pressures of supporting someone else can build up until it feels as if you just can't cope any more yourself. This is completely understandable and is probably a sign that you need to try and look after yourself as well as the other person. If you get sick, you won’t be able to be much support to someone else.

Some key things that I would recommend are:

· Take moments for yourself and take some long deep breaths.

· Remind yourself that things are likely to get easier in the future. This will help you to feel a little calmer if you’re feeling overwhelmed or panicked.

· Talk about how you feel — have someone, a friend or family member with whom you can share what’s going on for you as you try to be supportive to someone else. If that’s not possible, you could consider some professional counselling. It’s important to ask for help if you need it.

· Maintain a healthy diet, get some daily exercise and get enough good quality sleep. These are often overlooked in a pressurised lifestyle, but they are very important.

· Be realistic about you can achieve. It may be necessary to seek professional help for your loved one.

5. If someone was to ask you for one piece of wellbeing advice, what might you say to them?

I would say that it’s really important to develop a good sense of self so that when you’re feeling a bit unwell or struggling a bit, you know what to do to take care of yourself. Self-care is not selfish, it’s self-esteem. And if you are not able to be the best version of yourself as often as you would like, then you won’t be able to help anyone else. I have found that being of service to others is a very important part of my own wellbeing.

#mymind #wellbeing #mental health and wellness #q and a #support

[the-wellbeing-warrior]

Q&A- Rob Stephen Grow Ireland

Ireland has some terrific mental health organisations nationwide. Over the next couple of weeks, the Wellbeing Warrior will bring you a series of Wellbeing focused Q&A’s with some of the people who help run these brilliant organisations.

Up first is Rob Stephen, former chairperson of Grow Ireland.

GROW in Ireland is a national organisation that provides a peer supported program for growth and personal development to people with a mental illness and those people experiencing difficulty in coping with life’s challenges. For more information on Grow please visit their website at www.grow.ie

Rob kindly took some time out of his busy schedule to tell us about life working with Grow and how he looks after his own personal wellbeing. If you would like to support Grow in continuing their wonderful work, please do so by visiting: www.grow.ie/donate

ROB STEPHEN – GROW IRELAND

1.What does a day in the life of the Chairperson of Grow look like?

I served as a trustee (director) on the board of the Grow Mental Health charity from 2011 through to their 50th anniversary celebrations in 2019. During the last three years of my term I served as chairperson. All charity trustees are unpaid volunteers so from Monday to Friday I do have my main paid day job as a software engineer. As chairperson of Grow, I would have generally devoted time at the weekend, normally Saturday, to catch up on Grow related work. About once a month this would entail travelling to Dublin for a 2-3 hour board meeting followed by a catch up with fellow board members from all over the country and the CEO. All meetings have since moved online to Zoom which certainly take up less volunteer travel time but the personal connection is not quite the same. The weekend prior to a board meeting would be spent preparing the agenda and digesting reports for review at the meeting. The weekend after a board meeting would be spent ensuring that minutes had been captured and following up on any action items, such as communicating any decisions or updates to the relevant people within the organisation.

From a personal point of view I would have had my share of good days and bad days. The bad days being those where unpleasant but necessary decisions had to be made which might have upset people, so in those cases a degree of diplomacy and empathy would be required. The good days were when I might hear of some success or positive impact which Grow was having in someone’s life, and those were the days which made the effort worthwhile.

One of the key cornerstones of Grow is the development of leadership skills. Examples of this are when a new person comes to Grow and first does a reading or shares their story, then they progress to leading (facilitating) a meeting. They might then progress to take on a role within the group (e.g. Organiser or Recorder). Some Grow members then choose to serve on regional or national teams (committees, including the national board). When someone first attends a Grow meeting in a fragile state, possibly with low self-esteem, progressing to a leadership position may appear way beyond their capabilities, but, with help from the Grow Program this does happen and it is by pushing the boundaries bit by bit that we grow.

2. Tell us about your organisation and what it does in the promotion of mental wellbeing

Grow was actually founded in Australia in 1957 and first came to these Irish shores in 1969. The Grow movement is loosely based on Alcoholics Anonymous in that there are peer-led weekly meetings which are structured around a 12 step program of recovery. In Grow we say “you alone can do it, but you can’t do it alone” which sums up how Grow works. Our recovery from a mental health illness or the improvement in our wellbeing is ultimately our own responsibility, but often we need the support of others to help us, and who better to help than someone who has walked in our shoes and come out the other side? The principle of “mutual support” is very strong within Grow – sometimes we receive help but at other times we can offer help and this makes for strong peer relationships. These relationships differ greatly from those a Grow member might have with their doctor or therapist.

The three key points, I think, about Grow are this: Someone attending a meeting for the first time initially gets a glimmer of hope from hearing others talk about their experiences and how they overcame challenges - this sense of hope sustains them in the early period. Then as they attend their weekly meetings, they share problems and are given tasks by the group to help tackle their issues one by one. This is where the magic happens as they slowly start to create order out of disorder and build confidence out of low self esteem. This can be a long, slow process and it involves plenty of hard work but the group is there to support the individual on their journey. Finally, as a member of their group and of the Grow community, the person develops connections with other human beings and this breaks the cycle of isolation which is so much a feature of mental unwellness.

3. As Chairperson of Grow Ireland, I can imagine you have a heavy work schedule, while at work do you have any wellbeing practices to support you in between all the emails, zoom meetings and phone calls

Coincidentally, around the time I got involved with the board of Grow I also gave up smoking. I then found that I was snacking a lot and getting out of shape so in a moment of New Year’s Eve enthusiasm I signed up for the Great Limerick Run 6 mile event in 2013. I then found that I really enjoyed running and the buzz of participating in big running events – I went on to complete my first marathon whilst I was chairperson. The idea of having a goal and then training to achieve it is very satisfying. I started to notice that the days when I went for a run I just felt more alive, more relaxed and indeed more confident. Conversely, If I didn’t manage to get out for a run, I found that my energy levels were low and my stress levels were high. So keeping active – running in my case – is my main wellbeing practice. A knock on effect of this is that running provides a means to connect socially with others, which is good for me as I am by nature quite reserved. Quite apart from the “feel good factor”, being active outside in nature gives my brain a time to relax and to meander and perhaps to untangle itself and sometimes I compose limericks (five line poems) whilst running.

From a purely practical point of view, I find making “to do” lists an important part of my routine. This ensures that I don’t miss important things and enables me to prioritise my time and ultimately helps to reduce my stress levels. I also enjoy cooking and try to make a habit of preparing food from scratch rather than buying ready-made meals or takeaways. This also means that I have a reasonably healthy diet which contributes to my positive mental health.

4. It can be difficult for people supporting a loved one with mental health difficulties, would you have any specific tips or advice for those people in minding their own wellbeing while supporting others?

Most of us have not flown for a long time but when flying the cabin staff will remind parents, in an emergency, to put on their own oxygen masks before attending to their children. That holds true for life in general – we are not much use to another person if we ourselves are not in a good state. When caring for others, be that someone with a mental health difficulty or perhaps an elderly relative, it is very important to make time for yourself. By that I mean getting a break and doing something you enjoy – and for me that is getting out running. It is vitally important to not feel guilty or selfish for indulging in this self-care activity.

Men quite often like to solve problems so if someone comes to me with say a mental health related problem, my first instinct might be that they are telling me their problem because they want me to fix it. There are a few things which I try to do in this situation which will help both me and the person confiding in me. It is firstly very important to just actively listen and then perhaps offer a few questions which might help the person get some clarity. Quite often when someone is upset they might not be thinking clearly, hence Grow’s Step 8 is “we learned to think by reason rather than by feelings and imagination”. The second point is that though we can support another person, ultimately it is their problem and we should not try to “own” or take on their problem – if we do that then it is likely to have a negative impact on our own health.

5. If someone was to ask you for one piece of wellbeing advice, what might you say to them?

There is a saying in the Grow Program - “Meaning generates energy, lack of meaning depression” – which has always resonated with me. I believe that humans fundamentally need to have some kind of meaning or purpose in life in order to live a life of contentment. For me, that meaning comes from spending time with my immediate family; my job, which is both challenging and satisfying; my running activities and my involvement in an altruistic activity (i.e. involvement with the charity Grow). To broaden this a bit, I would recommend that readers should check out the proven Five Ways to Wellbeing which are: Connect, Be Active, Take Notice, Keep Learning and Give. Jim Lucey has an excellent new book “A Whole New Plan for Living” which touches on this subject.

#grow #wellbeing #q&a session #growireland

[the-wellbeing-warrior]

NEW JOB, NEW CAREER, NEW ANXIETY

It's been a while since I have any sort of proper job or at least paid job. I have my volunteering of course, and I love that. But on Tuesday I officially rejoin the rat race and I would be lying if I said I hadn't some anxiety about the whole thing.

The vast majority of my working life has been behind the bar. It's obviously not all I know but pre depression I spent many happy years serving the men and women of the big city beyont!! (homage to a late neighbours reference for London) I am an affable sort of lad, so I was good at it, and capable of calmly negotiating with any oul drunken "city boy" who might "endearingly" referred to me as Paddy or better still Nick Griffin (Former far right nut job). But that was a hazard of a job I otherwise loved. I was good at it.

Fast forward to today and I am about to take my career in a completely different trajectory and I am apprehensive. When I had my 2016 breakdown I came home, essentially through necessity. I had split up with my partner and though my two beautiful sisters (and partners) moved heaven and earth to accommodate me I couldn't sit up on them forever and I did need to press the reset button. Words will never express how the unwavering support of my parents (and my brothers here) and how lucky I was and felt to have such a supportive family. It's been everything.

When I first came home I decided If I was going to battle depression I had to learn about it, which I have been and my family support network gave me the confidence, and facilitated the opportunity, to study, to get a qualification which in turn has helped me secure the new job I am about to start.

It's a whole new world. It's an advice worker for a national housing support charity and it will be working from home. Very different. Seeing a plethora of equipment arrive this week has made it very real. I know I am good and that I know I will do my level best to repay their faith but it's heightened anxiety in me. You do question yourself. I've thought at times well I got half a dozen rejections this year, why are they picking me........... but i do catch myself when I realise i am having those thoughts. I know im good enough and I know I will be a huge asset to them.

But with the new era I am adopting new change. I have been very slack lately in terms of exercise and mindfulness. So come Tuesday morning I am introducing a pre breakfast walk. It's for focus, getting myself alert for the morning ahead. It's bright early these days so no excuse. I usually have 2 poached eggs on toast in the morning, this week I replaced the toast with spinach and it works. More water and less caffeine too and smaller portions!!! I think it's a great opportunity to create new habits that will help me focus on an excellent opportunity that has come my way.

It's been a truly awful year for the world as a whole and my heart goes out to people who's lives have been irreparably damaged by this virus. For me, and as long as I don't get covid, it has become the year of opportunity, I have been given a golden opportunity and I intend to take it with both hands. I'm anxious about it but I am more excited about learning a whole new career and exploring the opportunities that come with it

#new jobs #new career #mental health and wellness #anxieties #mental health

[the-wellbeing-warrior]

Loneliness- Tips for combatting isolation

This last year has been very difficult. We’ve had our world turned upside down by Covid 19. I can imagine quite a few of us have struggled with enforced isolation. We’re creatures of habit so it’s been extremely hard to adjust. While we might be seeing light at the end of the tunnel, that tunnel is long. There are lots of ways to deal with loneliness and isolation so here are some ideas courtesy of the HSE that might help deal with any loneliness you may be feeling

Get busy

Keeping yourself busy is a very effective way of dealing with loneliness.

If you're bored or can't find a job, volunteer with an organisation you care about or an event you might be interested in. Feeling needed and useful is important sometimes. I have volunteered these last two years and it’s one of the most rewarding things I’ve done. Really grounds you, but you get great mental satisfaction from it too.

Know you're not alone

Feeling lonely doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. For example, leaving secondary school or college to do something new, can be a scary time for everyone.Being unemployed is also stressful. Life feels very different and the future is uncertain. You wonder if you’ll ever get a job again. Remember that everyone goes through lonely periods in life.

Boost your self-esteem

A lack of confidence can hold you back in social situations. Meeting new people can be stressful when you don't feel good about yourself. Think of one thing about yourself that others admire, and build on that.

Explore your interests

Taking up a hobby you've always wanted to get into can help you fight loneliness and isolation.If you're on your own in a new place, a hobby can be a great way of meeting new people and making new friends.If you're feeling lonely for no obvious reason, taking up an evening class or sport can help take your mind off it.

Enjoy your own company

This might feel strange at first if you're used to being around other people. But, spending time alone can be liberating.

The freedom to be alone with your thoughts can be a great way of winding down. Try and feel comfortable with just yourself for company.

Think of people you want to be around. Generally, they are people who are very comfortable in themselves. That quality is attractive to others. Learning to be on your own and like your own company is a step towards this kind of confidence.

Try not to worry

Feelings of loneliness often come and go during life. Sometimes the best thing to do is accept your feelings. Remember, you'll probably feel better after a while.

If you're lonely because you're homesick, think about when you'll be back with your friends and family. Try to enjoy the new experiences you're having away from home.

If you're constantly lonely for no obvious reason, it could be a sign of depression. This is something you should talk about to family, friends or a counsellor.

Mind yourself & Don't become too online dependent

When you're lonely, you may place too much weight on new friendships and relationships. Build trust gradually, take it slow and accept your new friends as they are. Take your time with new relationships.

What people put on social media can make you feel worse if you're feeling low. Remember, people publish the best of themselves online. Try not to get jealous looking at other people's photos and posts.

While online communities can be a great social outlet, don't rely on them too much. Make sure you balance your social life and make the effort to talk to people in person.

#isolation #self isolation #lonliness #tipstocombatlonliness

[the-wellbeing-warrior]

25 posts!

#25 posts #tumblr milestone

[the-wellbeing-warrior]

The low mood reality bites, just remember to bite back!

It’s funny when you decide to write a blog and commit to it, its great but sometimes it’s difficult to keep up consistency. However today rather strangely is a day where I am just not feeling it.I have felt kinda low. Now I am not crying out for help here, I know where that is and I know how to find it, but I just wanted to give a sort of live account from a mind in low mood. Everyone has off days where they feel tired, irritable, and sad. It’s normal to feel sadness as a response to challenging life events, loss, or changes. I have had some really positive news over the last few weeks and I think my brain kinda separates the emotions. I am so glad, and I am truly excited about the opportunity. In an ideal world I’d be on cloud nine and that would be that however it’s just in the last twenty-four hours that the job has been confirmed and I think, the fact that it’s a reality has caught up with me.

I have been unemployed for so long I suppose my subconscious kind of held me back even when I was provisionally offered it, and that waiting for the paperwork sowed an element of doubt. Its funny how the mind works, I did think maybe the Department of Employment would say no, or my new employer might change their minds. To the ordinary person it might sound silly, hell as I type if I say it over in my head it sounds silly but unfortunately a mind that has dealt with depression and rejection sometimes the doubt gremlins get in your ear. I guess with today I am suffering the after-effects of those doubts without realising I had them in the first place.

It might sound like I am just sad but it’s important to remember there are differences between sadness and depression. Sadness usually passes with a little time, while depression is a mood disorder that can appear without any specific time frame.

Depression has common symptoms, I would say right now some of those feelings I am currently experiencing would be feeling a bit “empty”. I am definitely lacking energy and I have noticed more that I am having difficulty concentrating, be it writing this blog, or even watching a Netflix movie. I have also noticed in recent weeks that I have had difficulty sleeping and I am probably eating more than I should.

But alas my friends I am the Shane of 2021, the difference being that the Shane of say 2017 would not really have noticed this. He’d have plodded along regardless and not reached out. Apart from writing it out I am also grateful to have many supportive friends who I can chat too. And after all this blog is about wellbeing right so I have definitely learned how to manage it. And its that which keeps me going that deep down I know I can weather the storm. Its probably not even a storm, a bit of a windy day. Essentially I let it do its thing but only briefly, it’s my head and there is certainly no room at the inn.

Depression it’s a bastard sometimes but I have found that Self-care is a key component to living a happy, healthy life and there are plenty of steps that can be taken that help.

1. A Healthy Diet

What you eat can have a significant impact on the way your body and mind feel. While you might want to reach for snacks packed with sugar or fat when you’re feeling low, it’s best to stick to a healthy balance of fruits, vegetables, and proteins that will improve your energy levels and keep you nourished. One thing I have learned is to avoid skipping meals and be sure to eat meals at regular times to help maintain a routine throughout the day. I also notice lately that I have been consuming way more coffee than usual. So it’s more Rooibos tea and water from now on and avoiding late night jaffa cakes!!

2. Get More Exercise

Those who know me know I am a big fella and exercise and I aren’t good bedfellows. When I am on a roll I am out daily and I know the feeling is wonderful but I can often revert to type without realising. But I do know that it isn’t just about getting my heart pumping and sweat running and I need to remind myself of the benefits of even just 30 minutes. With my new job on the horizon it’s the perfect opportunity to build in a new routine, a routine that will give me the best opportunity to succeed. So just now I have downloaded an app from www.mentalhealthireland.ie called the Get Ireland Walking App which has a feature called the 21 Day Walking challenge which is about walking at least 30 minutes every day for 21 days straight. I think it’ll be a good physical but also mental challenge for me

3. Soak Up Some Sun

Soaking up the sun, in Ireland I hear you say yep he’s gone crackers but hear me out. We are coming in to the summer months and the weather has been glorious lately. The effects of sunshine is often a self-care aspect that is easy to overlook. Sunlight and darkness trigger different hormones in your brain and too much time spent inside can have a huge impact on your mood. Along with boosting serotonin, spending some time outside can help increase Vitamin D production, lower your blood pressure, build stronger bones, and allow you to get more quality sleep. I am also told Vitamin D has a role to play in fighting off Covid

4. Get Quality Sleep

My sleep has definitely been hit and miss lately and i am fully aware that it is something that can quickly influence every other part of my life. Again thankfully I know depression and sleep issues go hand in hand because a lack of sleep may cause or contribute to depressive symptoms and depression can cause sleep problems, ultimately impairing your ability to function on a daily basis but It’s taken me a few days to realise that properly. So I am now in the process of adjusting my sleeping and bed time habits and routines. I certainly love the morning feeling after a good nights sleep.

5. Be Kind to Yourself

I say it often to others but not often enough to myself but I have learned that it is a key way that I can help myself through any difficult situation and that is to be kind to yourself. I have to remember that it is not my fault I am feeling crappy but it is my responsibility to be kind to myself. For example today I was in the position to purchase a hoodie, simple yes but I have wanted this brand for ages and I saw it at a price I could afford.

The thing to remember is that everyone experiences low points in their life and their mental health, but that when the low mood hits, to let it do it’s thing but only for a bit, it’s my mind, my life, my rules. But I have to help myself and help others help me. So today I called my friend, we chatted It was great to hear a familiar voice, I bought that top and I have downloaded that app ahead of fitting in a routine that will suit my own physical and mental wellbeing. I wrote this piece today to just try and explain from a low mood point, that I know I am allowed these moments but I am also fully aware that there are a plethora of things available to me to boost my inner self and that has already started,

[the-wellbeing-warrior]

Letting Go- For our own wellbeing

Elsa sang it proud!! Go on now your singing it aren’t you. Let it Go!! Letting go of my past was a necessary step that I needed to take for my wellbeing and recovery and if anything it has allowed me to see my mental health in an entirely new way.

We address recovery, illness, and wellness as a direction ,a process but we do not often talk about, or see it talked about,as an actual status of being recovered. And yes, people can and do recover from mental illness but it is also important to note, recovery looks different for everyone. For me I would say presently I am “recovered” but I am also aware that deep depression has always the potential to rear it’s ugly head, I feel now though I am equipped to slay the bastard!!

But one difficult part of when i reached that point of recovery, of well-being, is how the hell do I let go of the past? That was where I found myself. I think depression is, and will always be a part of my life but I wasn’t always depressed. It was a long and difficult journey, but I’m here in a place I would call mental peace. However this might sound, It isn’t the bed of roses you might think

It was a few months ago that I found myself a bit lost. I was like what do I do, now that I’m well? I’d done my course, I had this shiny certificate but I felt stuck, still linked to the past. In all years talking about and practicing recovery and wellness, it was the past that I never really addressed. How to be well, and how to let go of the past.

It’s not as simple as just getting on with your life. When you have a lived experience of mental illness, it’s at the forefront of your mind, in everything you do. It’s like a bucket of paint that’s been tossed over your life. The rest of the stuff’s still there, but it’s been covered, coated, with something else. And often, it’s that something else that’s all you can see. So when you begin to feel kind of normal again, reality kind of becomes a bit clearer. Which can be… confusing. Happy to be well? Of course! A bit confused about what to do? Yes to that as well.

It has taken a few years and a bit of soul searching. I’d not been well for a long time so when I had this moment of clarity it was kind of disconcerting. Like instead of being ingrained in me, London was starting to feel like a distant memory, and I began to feel disconnected from it. A good thing you might say, but It was mentally draining. I had 16 years in London, 13 of them in the same relationship, despite the associated heartbreak, it was still hard to move the page but I did begin to properly embrace my future, focusing on surrounding myself with people who despite being bit parts in my life (I was a closed book then) up until then. These were the people who have gone on to be pivotal in getting me to where I was. London was my past, and once I had been well for a while, my focus firmly shifted away from my past, and those that chose to leave me, to my now.

But alas it wasn’t all hunky dory, oh no my arse of a brain had other ideas. I started noticing a few things I’d not done before. I kind of felt that life had left me behind. Compared to my peers, they were married, had 2.4 children, nice cars and a big house they could call their own, now I did not begrudge them that, but me I was like here I am in my childhood bedroom, and I often thought to myself boy you have clearly missed the starting gun and I wondered would I ever catch up.

The domino effect comes in to play them with these feelings filling me with a fresh wave of fear, anxiety, and stress. I started feeling inadequate. Like a failure of sorts, not only had mental illness cost me a lot already, had it seen me fall too far behind to catch up? But I needed to feel that, it was a release of sorts, I found myself in a moment of crystal clear clarity when I started to doubt my journey. I had started to question the person I had become, because of fear of the person I had been. It was then that I had accepted it was 100% the time to let go of my past for good, live in the present and shape my future

Letting go of the past can be emotionally taxing. It’s brutally hard, and it hurts. But to move on, to recover, it has to happen.

Here are some tips in letting go of the past:

1. Stop comparing yourself to others. You don’t know their story, and they don’t know yours. It’s impossible to objectively measure other people’s lives. What we see is usually not the best metric – houses, clothes, travel, career. Your self worth is not defined by how you rank in material items against a randomly selected peer group.

2. Don’t let your age be your metric for where you are supposed to be in life.

We are not actually ‘supposed’ to be anywhere. We can’t take the years back, and we can’t make up for lost time. Live your life now, that’s what matters. The past is over.

3. Let go of regret.

Yes, if given the change no one would choose to be unwell. But it happened. We can’t change the past. But – we always have the opportunity to change how we respond to our past. We can always change our reaction. That’s what dictates our present. Not past actions but how we continue to respond to them.

4. The best in others does not reflect the worst in us.

What we see in others is not a true representation of their lives. Yet, somehow seeing the best in others can make us focus on our own worst moments. Comparison is rarely helpful, and in this case it’s downright damaging. As I tell my five-year-old son ‘you do you’.

5. Excuses are best left in the past.

Sometimes, finding wellness after mental illness can involve blaming the illness. There’s a lot to unpack there, but the advice I am giving is this. Well-being is reaching a point where we take accountability for our actions and move on with our lives. Let the excuses go, well-being is not about well assigned blame.

6. If it’s toxic, let it go.

People, places, careers, and even family. If it does not support the life you are living now. If it does not support the person you have become. Let. It. Go.

7. Grieve the losses and then let them go.

The loss of time, relationships, career advancement, youth, happiness. Of what you think you could have had but didn’t. Of what your life might have looked like. Grieve it. Then let it go.

8. Reframe your past to focus on what you learned and the strength you now have.

Allow your past to be of value to others on their journey to wellness. This might be the most empowering aspect of letting go.

9. Let go of shame. Full stop.

The Habit of Forgiveness

Letting go of the past also involves a habit that must be broken. The habit that might be holding you back is a lack of forgiveness.

· Forgive the people who love you, for not understanding what you went through. They probably never will and that’s OK. Let it go.

· Forgive the people who were part of keeping the dark place dark. It was likely more about them then it was you. They hurt you, and they might have made your journey longer and harder. But you can’t change what happened. Holding onto what they did to you keeps the door open to that part of your life. Let it go.

· Forgive the people who had to leave you behind. The ones that needed to prioritize their own wellness and had to let you go. You understand now. Let it go.

· Forgive the people who judge you for your past. They don’t know the battles you fought, the scars you carry, and the warrior that you are. If they’re judging you based on an impossible metric of money, position, or appearance their opinion isn’t worth having anyway. Let it go.

· Forgive yourself. You’ve struggled enough. There is no need to keep punishing yourself. It’s time to love yourself and your journey. Let it go.

[the-wellbeing-warrior]

Stressing about things out of our control

There’s a brutal truth about life that some people refuse to accept—you have no control over many of the things that happen to you.

Whether we care to admit it, quite a few of us would be classic control freaks or indeed worry warts. Those that seek control generally believe if they can gain enough control over others, and the situations they find themselves in, they can somehow prevent bad things from happening.

While those that find themselves in a frequent state of worry will fret about everything from natural disasters to deadly diseases. It’s as if they believe thinking hard enough about all the potential worst case scenarios will somehow keep them safe.

But honestly no matter what, neither of these strategies can prevent a catastrophe. Instead those that seek control or those that worry use their time and put too much energy into the wrong places, which ultimately creates even more stress.

So how do we better handle our reactions to things we are unable to control. There are more, but here are just six ways to stop stressing about the things you can’t control:

1. Determine what you can control.

In reality, there are many things in life you have zero control over. You can’t force your friends to change, you can’t prevent a storm from happening, or you can’t control how other people feel about or react say to something like Covid19

Sometimes, all you can control is your effort and your attitude. When you put your energy into the things you can control, you’ll be much more effective.

2. Identify your fears.

Are you predicting a catastrophic outcome? Do you doubt your ability to cope with an undesirable outcome?

Usually, the worst case scenario isn’t as horrible as you might imagine. But quite often, people are so busying thinking, “This is going to be a disaster,” that they don’t take the time to ask themselves, “What would I do if the worst case scenario came true?”

Perhaps you’d struggle for a while, but there’s a good chance you have the mental capability to bounce back. Acknowledging that you can handle the worst case scenario can help you put your energy into more productive places.

3. Concentrate on your influence.

You can’t force things to go your way. But you can have a strong influence.

Say for example while you can’t make your child be a good student, what you can do is give them the tools they needs to do there best. And while you can’t force people to have fun at a party, you can create the best party atmosphere possible.

To have the most influence, however, you need to be in control of your behavior. So do your best and keep a good attitude.

When you have concerns about someone else’s choices, share your opinion, but only share it once. Don’t try to fix people who don’t want to be fixed.

4. Differentiate between ruminating and problem-solving.

Replaying yesterday’s conversations in your head and dwelling on catastrophic outcomes isn’t helpful. But solving a problem is.

So ask yourself whether you’re ruminating or problem-solving. If you are seeking solutions, keep thinking about ways to prevent problems and increase your chances of success.

If you’re ruminating, however, change the channel in your brain. Acknowledge that your thoughts aren’t helpful. Get involved in an activity that will distract you for a few minutes and get your brain focused on something more productive.

5. Create a stress management plan.

Whether life is going well or you’re encountering tough times, stress management strategies are key to performing at your peak. Exercising, eating healthy, participating in leisure activities and getting plenty of sleep are just a few key things you need to do to take care of yourself.

Schedule time to engage in healthy stress relievers. Whether you enjoy yoga or you want to spend time with friends, make time for those activities regardless of how busy you are.

Also, be on the lookout for unhealthy coping skills. Drinking too much, binge watching TV, and complaining may offer temporary relief, but they’ll create more problems for you over the long-term.

6. Develop healthy affirmations.

The smart science people reckon your average person has about 70,000 thoughts per day. Many of those thoughts incite feelings of self-doubt, fear, and discouragement.

Keeping a few positive healthy affirmations on hand can help combat negative thinking. So whether you remind yourself, “I’m stronger than I think,” or “I can handle this,” your affirmations can help drown out the negativity.

With practice, you can train your brain to think differently. And you’ll begin to accept that while you can’t control every situation, you can control how you think, feel, and behave.

It's hard not to worry, and it is almost a built in thing, we are inundated with negative news and information at such a rate it is hard to process and it's ok to feel stressed by it. But it is important to try and rise above it and focus on what you can affect. By focusing your attention away from things you can't control it will help in focusing that energy on the the things you can.

#worry #beyondourcontrol #positive affirmations

[the-wellbeing-warrior]

The value of Self-Forgiveness

Self-forgiveness is critical to well-being—but it needs to be balanced with responsibility-taking, when appropriate.

How many of us would say we are our own worse critics? Quite a few I’m sure. What is Self-Forgiveness, I suppose you can say it is the ability to forgive ourselves for mistakes, large and small, I believe it is critical in any quest for mental wellbeing.

It would be remiss of me not to mention that self-forgiveness can have a dark side. Though the primary aim is to relieve unpleasant feelings like guilt and shame, it may also—in some cases—reduce empathy for others and desires to make amends, in other words, self-forgiveness may at times serve as a kind of crutch, producing a comforting sense of moral righteousness rather than a motivating sense of moral responsibility. I know for me personally in my journey of recovery I have felt deep upset and anger at others, those that I committed too but felt that had abandoned me when I needed them most. I can thankfully say that I haven’t felt like that for a good couple of years now. Their reactions are beyond my control but how I react is up to me.

I acknowledge the hurt and pain I caused and I take full responsibility for my role in a deeply turbulent time, but I have forgiven myself. I know others may think differently but I spent so many years mentally beating myself up over it. I have felt that I needed to forgive myself in order to move on. I have learned so much from the whole experience and if anything I am a better person for it. I was never a bad person, I was ill, I made decisions but I can’t take them back, I can only acknowledge, apologise to whom I needed to, forgive myself and try to rebuild my life, I am doing that.

Is there health way to self-forgive, here are four steps to healthy self-forgiveness that might be helpful.

1. Don’t get rid of guilt. Feeling bad when we do something wrong is natural, and maybe even useful. Without it, where would we find the motivation to do better next time? But not all bad feelings are equally beneficial. Shame, which involves negative feelings about the self as a whole (i.e., feeling worthless), is associated with defensive strategies like denial, avoidance, and even physical violence. Feeling like you’re just a bad person at your core can undermine efforts to change, as change may not even seem possible from this perspective. Guilt, by contrast, involves feeling bad about one’s behavior and its consequences.

Healthy self-forgiveness therefore seems to involve releasing destructive feelings of shame and self-condemnation while still experiencing some degree of guilt and remorse. But guilt should only be maintained to the extent that it helps fuel positive change; when it’s excessive or relentless, it can become harmful.

2. Own up. In theory, self-forgiveness is only relevant in the context of transgressions that an individual has acknowledged and taken responsibility for. Without the recognition of wrongdoing, what would there be to forgive? In practice, however, self-forgiveness can sometimes be code for avoiding culpability. The self-forgiveness formula most conducive to constructive change seems to involve an acknowledgement of both positive and negative aspects of the self. It can be suggested that people who have more balanced, realistic views of themselves are less likely to use counter-productive coping strategies like self-handicapping than those who either inflate or deflate their self-images. Along similar lines, self-forgiveness interventions have been shown to be most helpful when combined with responsibility-taking exercises. Alone, self-forgiveness seems to do little to motivate change.

3. Make amends. Just as we might not forgive someone else until they have made it up to us in some way (although there are of course exceptions), forgiving ourselves may be most likely to stick when we feel like we’ve earned it.

So how do we know when we’ve adequately paid our dues? In some cases, it’s obvious what needs to be done, but in other cases the criteria for making amends may be less clear. The best way to find out may be to ask the person you’ve wronged. Rather than simply going through the motions of atonement, we should consider what kinds of reparative behaviours will actually make a difference for others, and for our own growth.

4. Foster empathy for those we have wronged. While researching self-forgiveness i learned that it can be negatively associated with empathy for those that have been wronged. As self-forgiveness increases, empathy tends to decrease. This disconnect is understandable: it’s difficult to have compassion for oneself while also having compassion for those one has hurt. But self-forgiveness is not supposed to be easy, and without incorporating empathy it can feel empty.

Importantly, self-forgiveness needs not be all-or-nothing. It’s a slow process that may not result in a full release of negative feelings or an exclusively rosy view of oneself. Rather than being a form of self-indulgence, self-forgiveness might be better seen as an act of humility, an honest acknowledgment of our capacity for causing harm as well as our potential for doing good.

#self forgiveness #responsibility #recovery #moveforward

[the-wellbeing-warrior]

The Importance of Resilience - reacting to adversity

We all have the capacity for resilience, it is not just your ability to bounce back, but also your capacity to adapt in the face of challenging circumstances, whilst maintaining a stable mental wellbeing. There is no magic pill for resilience, it is learned and built over time and it is something that we can all take steps to achieve. You owe it to yourself to at least tryCoronavirus and Lockdown probably two words that will be ingrained in our thought processes till we shuffle off this mortal coil. One COVID-19 lockdown has blended into another and here we are more than a year later now, more than ever, we are digging deep, in order to manage our emotions, keep motivated and of course rely on our resilience. You could say our resilience comes in three parts - our physical, mental, and emotional.

But what is Resilience, there are varied definitions of it out there but fundamentally, resilience refers to positive adaptation, or the ability to maintain or regain mental health, despite experiencing adversity. It essentially refers to our ability to adapt to stressful situations or crises. Pop star Pink once said “Resilience is a muscle. Flex it enough and it will take less effort to get over the emotional punches each time.”

As someone who has struggled with depression and in turn confidence, I have learned that resilience is important for several reasons: it enables us to protect ourselves in adverse situations, it helps by giving us a semblance of balance during particular periods and it can aid in helping us to protect ourselves against mental adversity.

Something I learned from my psychologist was that motional resilience is not about winning the battle but about being able to give yourselves the tools to negotiate that battle. Essentially bouncing back from a stressful encounter and not letting it affect our internal motivation.

You will notice we are fed a daily diet of negative stories be it on mainstream media or socials, so resilience can be described as when encountering this constant negative chatter that you are able to see past it, to not get bogged down by it. The more resilient we are the better equipped we are to get through all the downsides of life. When we are resilient, we not only adapt ourselves to stress and disappointments, we also grow the insight to avoid actions that might lead us to face such situations.

Stress and emotional resilience are chalk and cheese, effectively coping with stress contributes directly towards building resilience. The whole idea of being emotionally resilient revolves around how well we can handle stress and get back on the track.

I will revert to media/social media as an example. We have a great tendency to really get emotionally involved with the stories of the world. Now do not get me wrong, being annoyed at something (i.e., Vaccine rollout) or feeling compassion (e.g., Cervical Check Scandal) is perfectly ok, if anything it is important but letting ourselves to emotionally invested with these sorts of situations can be a big reason that we can fracture or in some cases lose our emotional resilience.

We become more sensitive, over-reactive, and often emotionally unbalanced. Your thoughts, beliefs, and emotions over these sorts of things are important, were built that way, but it is also important that we are able to separate out how we absorb things. It is not about not giving a damn, but more so looking after you first. Certainly, listening to the consistent negative chatter is really of zero benefit to you.

Five ways you can build more resilience:

1 Self-Awareness: This is the ability to tune into our own feelings, internal conflicts, and perception of the world. Through self-awareness, we gain a deeper understanding of how feelings contribute to our actions. Rather than looking for help outside, or blaming the world for our miseries, self-awareness gives us the courage to look for answers within ourselves. By making us more attuned to our inner world, building self-awareness helps us in becoming more capable.

2 Persistence: This is our ability to stick with some. This sounds so obvious although it is vital to have something that we are achieving with or in. If we do not feel that we are committed to something then our focus drops, our inner motivation is reduced, and we miss an opportunity to build resilience.

3 Emotional Control: This is our ability to self-control or redirect feelings. People who are good at this are less likely to be overwhelmed by stress or let it affect their lives. They think before taking the leap and avoid jumping to conclusions.

4 Flexible Thinking: This is a powerful social skill that incorporates optimism, adjustability, rationality, and positive thinking. A person who has these skills are more likely to be emotionally resilient and well-balanced in life.

5 Interpersonal Relationships: Having good personal relationships is both a by-product and a requisite for emotional resilience. If we have the power to build strong interpersonal bonds at the professional or the personal level, we have already taken one step forward for a resilient life.

We all have the capacity for resilience, it is not just your ability to bounce back, but also your capacity to adapt in the face of challenging circumstances, whilst maintaining a stable mental wellbeing. There is no magic pill for resilience, it is learned and built over time and it is something that we can all take steps to achieve. You owe it to yourself to at least try

#resilience #wellbeing #coronavirus #news #mental health #mental wellness #mental wellbeing

[the-wellbeing-warrior]

PLANTING A WELLBEING GARDEN

Spring has sprung, the daffodils are in bloom, the grass is growing and the sun is shining. We might still be in lockdown but with the damp weather a near memory (for now) we can actually get out in our gardens, using this time to benefit not just our physical wellbeing but our mental wellbeing too. This article is written by Matt Keightley for The Guardian and you can access it and other wellbeing gardening tips via: www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2020/mar/14/how-to-plant-a-wellbeing-garden

Gardens and gardening make us feel better – that's a fact – and the real magic is that anyone, anywhere can enjoy their healing power. Here's how to find your way with gardening and some stories from people whose lives it has changed for the better

How to plant a wellbeing garden

From herbs to aid sleep to trees that tackle pollution, plants can provide more than just a visual feast

There is an ever-growing body of scientific evidence that gardens and gardening are good for our physical, mental and social wellbeing. Having something to nurture brings a sense of unpressured purpose to our lives. And if you choose the right plants and design, you can enhance the wellbeing your garden provides.

A considered, layered approach to planting can block traffic noise; the right trees and shrubs can combat pollution; certain flowers can keep pollen counts low, while still encouraging bees and insects; and scented plants can reduce stress. Here’s how to do it.

Pollutant capturers

English yew (Taxus baccata) has dense natural form and a large surface area through its delicate needle-like foliage. It’s as good for topiary as it is for a formal hedge.

Hornbeam (Carpinus betulus) leaves provide air-filtering qualities. It has beautiful yellow foliage in autumn.

Hawthorn (Crataegus monogyna) is an underrated native, and a popular choice for hedgerow mixes. It also provides a thorny retreat and protection for nesting birds.

Japanese barberry (Berberis thunbergii), with its tiny leaf form, provides a fine filter for air particles. It’s robust, and suitable for both roadsides and ornamental settings.

Holly (Ilex aquifolium) A combination of dense growth and waxy leaves help holly perform well against pollutants. Particulates become trapped in the waxy layer of the leaves.

Soundproofers

Italian cypress (Cupressus sempervirens) is brilliant for adding impactful height and structure in relative confinement; its dense foliage is great at absorbing sound.

Deodar cedar (Cedrus deodara) Shaped like a wizard’s hat, this majestic tree has strong yet delicate limbs that extend laterally. One of the best climbing trees for kids, it is particularly good at absorbing low frequencies.

Chilean bamboo (Chusquea culeou) helps mask noise with lance-shaped leaves that rustle in the breeze.

Beech (Fagus sylvatica) holds beautiful form and great leaf colour. The ovate leaf shape is effective in limiting noise.

Portugal laurel (Prunus lusitanica) is a great hedging plant that can fit in tight spaces. If placed near a source of noise (a road, say), its dense spreading habit can dampen sound.

Low-pollen plants

Clematis (Clematis armandii) has beautifully scented white flowers and a low pollen count. Allow it to clad a boundary fence or pergola to great effect.

African lily (Agapanthus) is a bold plant that will minimise pollen levels in your plot. It can brighten a border or provide brilliant focus in a pot on a terrace.

Foxglove (Digitalis) Although laden with pollen, its bell-shaped flowers act as cups that hold it inside. Given the height the flower spikes reach, they can also be placed at the back of a border.

Female silver-margined holly (Ilex aquifolium ‘Argentea Marginata’) has just about zero effect on allergies. With its waxy leaf structure and red berries, it can add interest in more shady spots.

Whitebeam (Sorbus aria) is a deciduous tree that produces clusters of white flowers in spring and red berries in early autumn, providing long-lasting interest throughout the season.

Scented herbs

Rosemary (Rosmarinus officinalis) looks great in mixed borders or pots, can be used in many recipes, and is proven to enhance alertness, memory, reduce anxiety, improve mood and aid relaxation.

Peppermint (Mentha x piperita) Be sure it doesn’t take over, so place in pots (in sunny spots). Peppermint will enhance attention, alertness and memory as well as reduce stress.

Lavender (Lavandula) A therapeutic garden classic, fantastic for improving concentration, reducing stress and anxiety, increasing relaxation and improving mood. Plant near a back door or seating areas for maximum exposure.

Thyme (Thymus) A great robust ground cover that, if planted along the edge of a path or gaps within paving, will release its beautiful scent when stepped on.

Valerian (Valeriana officinalis) sits daintily within grasses and among other perennials. It makes a delicious tea and aids sleep

[the-wellbeing-warrior]

The benefits of Self-Compassion

Legendary Irish author and poet Oscar Wilde once said “To love oneself, is the beginning of a life-long romance. Now loving yourself is not as basic or easy as it sounds. When we are succeeding our self esteem can be sky high but sometimes we can hit bumps and often that self-esteem can nosedive.

I will use myself as an example. Last year I returned to education for the first time in more than 20 years. You know I was reluctant to ever do so, however with gentle if sometimes not very subtle suggesting, I did go back, and it was awesome. For a long time I had not really engaged that much with people. yeah I had done a few voluntary events here or there, and gone to my support group but in terms of physical day to day interaction I had not but it was great from the off, and I was given the honour of being class representative which was such a great privilege but also really helped me bed in quickly. The whole year, well up until covid hit, was excellent. I passed the course with flying colours and I was, and still am super proud of myself.

I have hit a lot of bumps these last few years but I am so much stronger, I actually like myself!!. I believe that when crap things happen, instead of wallowing, it is up to us to regain control. We can sit there and let the negative voices take over but truthfully that is as effective as a chocolate teapot. The buck stops with you, how you feel, how you react to adversity is up to you. I would say one of my biggest flaws is that I have held on to the past too much. It is extremely hard to let go of things but for me it is important that I disassociate myself with situations and people that are not good for my own wellbeing. I have attended Grow Ireland meetings, a depression support group, and a phrase I have learned with them is “If anyone can rob you of your peace of mind, you depend too much on that person for your happiness” and it is something I keep with me. My actions in 2016 lost me a lot of friendships and support, and even now some are not as communicative as they were initially, and though I have got annoyed by it, upset even, I am learning and of course how they react or perceive me is their prerogative, but I am also learning how to let go. Like i said it can upset me but I also owe it to my long-term wellbeing to say fair enough, I have made the effort, I respect your decision, but I respect myself and wellbeing more.

Self-compassion is at the very core of wellbeing, happiness, self-empowerment, and our chances at enjoying the kind of life we aspire to. You could have all the riches in the world, but all would be relatively redundant if you lacked any tolerance for yourself. Not having self-compassion or any self-confidence can be seriously debilitating. You can often subject yourself to a sort of internal war where your brain is sending a plethora of signals and they often get lost in translation. Until you learn how to properly love yourself you will never really give yourself the opportunity to enjoy life.

Ask yourself this question, how often do you berate yourself for the slightest of errors, be it stepping in a puddle, dropping a coin and the how often do you say well done even for the smallest of things? It becomes second nature that we do not. I do try to remember to give myself credit as often as I can, even when I notice I am not being kind to myself I tell myself. It is a habit I want to continue develop. You think of the word habit, I am sure quite a lot of us would associate it with something bad, like say smoking, biting your nails. But if we can move away from that and create good habits it will certainly help in creating an environment of self-happiness. Get in a habit of eating well, get in a habit of congratulating yourself for your achievements, get in a habit of backing yourself in a job interview, try to form habits that are good for you. Learn to be your own biggest fan.

In a nutshell here are the benefits you can achieve with greater self compassion:

1. Greater happiness

Many of us could find countless ways to complete the sentence, “I’ll be happy when. . .”. Once I am in a relationship. If I get a promotion. After I move to a different city or buy that house or take that vacation. Too often we view happiness as conditional—something we achieve through external events and goods. If we attain these things, we think, then we will be happy.

Though these conditions may positively impact our lives, no external factor will truly determine our happiness. We need to look inward for that.

It is neither easy nor always comfortable, but happiness is largely a decision. It is a choice we consistently practice making, a process informed by inner work. And self-compassion offers an approach to this work. Research shows that those who show themselves compassion are happier than those who do not.

2. Stronger resilience

Self-compassion also influences the way we handle life’s challenges and see ourselves in relation to them. When we treat ourselves kindlier, we respond to stressful or upsetting events more flexibly. We develop resilience as we develop self-compassion.

In helping us recover from setbacks, self-compassion also triggers a “growth mindset” in us. With a growth mindset instead of a “fixed” one, people are more likely to embrace challenges, learn from feedback, and further develop their talents and potential.

3. Increased motivation

Our “no pain, no gain” culture often views self-inflicted stress and struggle as effective motivators. We beat ourselves up in the hustle of work, school, and life, fearful we will become slackers if we go easy on ourselves. According to Neff, the biggest barrier to self-compassion is the fear that it leads to laziness, complacency, and self-indulgence. We associate self-love with being “soft,” weak, and less ambitious and therefore try to drive ourselves with harsh judgment and self-criticism instead.

Interestingly, research shows that self-compassion is a greater personal motivator than self-criticism. People with higher levels of self-compassion typically have greater motivation to work toward their goals. They are more interested in finding ways to improve, investing energy in that pursuit rather than the defensiveness, anxiety, and social comparison that ultimately led to decreased motivation.

4. Better physical and mental health

Self-compassion is also with better physical and mental health. Studies link it to better immune function, stabilized glucose levels in people with diabetes, and improved relaxation. One study found that self-compassion exercises induced higher parasympathetic activity in its participants, promoting stress reduction and emotion regulation on a physiological level.

Studies have also associated lower levels of self-compassion with mental health concerns like anxiety, depression, and post traumatic stress disorder.

[the-wellbeing-warrior]

40 Ways to reduce Anxiety

1.  Put on a FUN song, that instantly cheers you up and makes you move your butt. Set it as your alarm whilst you’re at it.

2.  Take an energising shower, wash your hair, exfoliate the shit out of your face.

3.  Take deep long breaths.

4.  Eat healthy – it makes a huge difference to how we feel. 

5.  Watch something funny and laugh

6.  Get some Vitamin D in ya! If your anxiety stops you from getting out in the sun, try a supplement.

7.  Write your thoughts down and keep track of when they typically occur.

8.  If you can get out, take a nice long walk somewhere quiet, away from cars, houses and people. Clear that head!

9.  Clean your house. Less clutter in your house, less clutter in your brain.

10. Realise you can’t control every situation and that it’s okay.

11. Say some nice things about yourself instead of focusing on anything negative.

12. Be selfish for the day – do things just for you because it’s exhausting thinking about other people 24/7.

13. Get unplugged. Turn off your phone, take a social media break and do things that don’t require being logged in to something.

14. Stretch your body and do some muscle relaxation.

15. Do an exercise DVD.

16. Try a candle-lit bath if you’re feeling stressed by your anxiety.

17. Avoid caffeine and alcohol.

18. Do something you know you’re already good at and give yourself a confidence boost.

19. Read a self help book.

20. Try and get a better nights sleep – change of diet and more exercise may help this but if you still struggle to sleep this is something worth looking into, as tiredness only promotes anxiety.

21. Write a nice letter to yourself that you can read for encouragement when things get really bad.

22. Do some puzzles.

23. Join a support forum or Facebook group

24. Make a list of achievable goals that you can’t start ticking off immediately.

25. Think of something you enjoy doing and go do it.

26. Fix something in the house that’s been nagging at you so it isn’t in the back of your mind anymore.

27. Talk to someone about your feelings.

28. Do one thing that scares you a little bit – use the phone, go to the shop etc.

29. Try some essential oils.

30. Do something kind for someone.

31. Set yourself a craft or DIY project – you’ll feel awesome when you’ve completed it.

32. Throw yourself into learning a new skill like web design, photography, baking etc.

33. Make a list of things that make you grateful.

34. Download an app that assists with stress and anxiety

35. Have a friend come over and watch a movie, play some games.

36. Tackle negative thoughts by only imagining positive things happening.

37. Experience everything fully – take more notice of the taste of your food, the feel of your clothes, the sound of the rain.

38. Pop some inspirational quotes somewhere you will see them everyday.

39. Write down a list of your achievements, no matter how small and remember you can do so much more than you think.

40. Listen to calming music.