the-apocrypha

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i really like looking at google image searches for “firemen rescuing cats” or something because you get super cute pictures like

AND THEN THERE’S THIS ONE

#always rb #cats

[the-apocrypha]

Ancient lock mechanism

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Talking with @bitacti this afternoon about that tiktok in which a woman breaks a load of dried spaghetti in half to make it fit in the pot, and her Italian boyfriend has a meltdown over the disrespect. Everyone else said Nicky/Joe, cute, but my brain immediately said OKAY SO NICKY AND NILE.

Nile snapping a load of Barilla in half to cram it into the pot, and Nicky all, "Ahhhhhh, why? Nile! Is it not enough that we must suffer these garbage American noodles? Must we also make it so short???" And Nile mostly laughs it off, but part of her--the part that remembers that she's 25 and that she grew up on ricearoni and gushers--feels kind of like a pleb. Joe, being Joe, is like, "No worries, kid, I got your back."

So Joe is there with a discrete shake of the head the next time Nile starts pulling the bacon out of the fridge when they're making carbonara, and he casually steers the strainer out of the sink just before Nile can start rinsing off the steaming pasta.

He also provides helpful tips, like when Nile didn't know the ancient Italian custom of making the sign of the cross before you add the salt to the pasta water, so God will bless your meal. Or that a wooden spoon should only be rested on a plate that is red, white or green. Or how fish should always be cut with the largest knife in the house as a sign of respect to the fishermen.

It all comes to a head when Nicky puts Nile in charge of the grilled salmon but she can't find their cleaver anywhere, and after ten minutes and several upended drawers, Nile is getting desperate and then

Nicky: Nile, are you searching for God in this kitchen or a knife, because only one of those things will filet a fish for us.

Nile: I can't find the big knife!

Nicky: The big knife?

Nile: Yes, the big one. We're having fish. We need the big one.

Nicky: You can just use this--

Nile: No, we need the biggest one!

Nicky: But--

Nile: DO YOU WANT THE FISHERMEM HONORED OR NOT NICKY

Nicky: ...

[From outside, the thwick of a blade sinking into wood as Andy hits another bullseye with their cleaver]

#this has been getting some notes recently #the old guard #nile freemam #nicolo di genova #yusuf al kaysani #my writing

[the-apocrypha]

and if you feel comfortable sharing what song(s), let us know in the tags!

#also a mambo number five girlie 👍

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The plot structures of movies need to start taking more cues from classic opera. Open with a fucker in a hat who directly addresses the audience and explains what's going on in a way that raises far more questions than it answers, then immediately drop the viewer into the middle of a shouting argument between three of the weirdest people you can possibly imagine.

[the-apocrypha]

Fourteen was offside. What?

TED LASSO - 3.12.

#ted lasso

[the-apocrypha]

Improbable Compatibility Store / Patreon

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!!!!! Fun Fact !!!!!!

Some humans develop a heart arrhythmia called supraventricular tachycardia, where your heart beats very fast and won't stop, and one of the ways medical professionals can try to make the heart go back to a regular slow rhythm (other than medications) is literally to put the patient's face in a bowl of water. This reflex is why.

Y'all ever just suddenly have the overwhelming urge to swim??? Like not actively but you just wanna,,, be in the water and have some Peace

#you can also just have them hokd their breath and bear down like they're trying to poop #which is logistically easier #but the bowl of water is objectively funnier #pts like you want me to what

[the-apocrypha]

BROOKLYN NINE NINE — The Party

#brooklyn nine nine

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Derry Girls (2018-2022) Season 1 | Episode 3

#derry girls

[the-apocrypha]

I'm in desperate need of your commentary on wrap my teeth around the world. Ever since I read it, I've been wondering about the lines:

'They are a fraction of the marks Dream has left on him, marks that this man will carry on his body until well after his death, until the earth retakes first the flesh and then, much later but still with time, the bones too—and Dream smiles. 

Mine.'

Does it mean that eventually Hob will choose death, and Dream will take him to the Dreaming? Or does it mean that he'll die eventually when the end of this universe comes etc., and that's when Dream takes him to the Dreaming? Or a more sinister take - that Dream's love brings him ruin? Considering the atmosphere of the story, my ultimate favorite is the last interpretation, and that's how I read it. But I wonder how you meant it as the author!

Oh, interesting!

I don't have a definitive answer for this, because it goes a little beyond the scope of the fic, but I can certainly give you my thoughts.

This is obviously Dream at his most possessive, here, but it's not necessarily a Dream that therefore has seen the light and realized that he wants to go on living to the end of the universe. This paragraph, to me, has big "even after you have gone, and only your body remains, and after I am gone, and am not there to hold hallow these last remnants of your existence, you will still be marked as mine".

I also don't think Dream fully believes that Hob will keep choosing to live forever--which is pretty fair, from the perspective of an Endless who is anticipating several billion more years of life on earth, and humanity as only the next hundred thousand years of it. When Hob says "forever" he likely does not mean three billion years past the death of his own species. Dream therefore perseverates on Hob's death from time to time, and this is one way in which he comforts himself. It has also certainly crossed Dream's mind that their relationship may go sour and Hob may end up choosing death just to escape him (there is certainly precedent), and so the satisfaction he takes in Hob's marked bones becomes somewhat perverse, but it's there nonetheless.

It's an interesting thought, that Dream would take Hob into the Dreaming and then let his body decay on earth. IDK. I'm personally much more of a "Dream retires to humanity and Hob" girlie than a "Hob ascends to the Dreaming and Dream keeps on Endlessing" girlie, but I definitely didn't specify one way or the other in this particular fic, so feel free to interpret however you like. Feel free to interpret any fic exactly how you like. It's just one big sandbox, and we're all here to have fun. :D

For the Director's Cut game

#thanks for the ask! #dreamling #dream of the endless #hob gadling #my writing #sandman

[the-apocrypha]

Fanfic Writers: Director’s Cut

Reblog this if you want readers to come into your ask box and ask for the “director’s commentary” on a particular story, section of a story, or set of lines. 

Or, send in a ⭐star⭐  to have the author select a section they’ve been dying to talk about!

#i guess this is what we're doing this weekend #ask away friends

[the-apocrypha]

The Sound of Music dir. Robert Wise | 1965

#fave movies #the sound of music

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A man goes to see his Rabbi in a panic, and he gets there and he says, “Rabbi you’ll never guess what! My son has run away to become a Christian!” And the Rabbi responds, “Well you’ll never guess what! My son has also run away to become a Christian!” So the man asks the Rabbi what to do and the Rabbi says that they should pray to G-d. So they pray and tell him of their plight and G-d replies, “You’ll never guess what!”

- An old Hasidic joke that my Dad likes to tell me

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#linguistics is so cool

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The Nigerian Job.png

#leverage

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I think having a baby niece is great cause my brother will send me just a constant stream of messages that sound indistinguishable from how someone at Jurassic park would text if they were being hunted by the raptor