texas-southern-bell

[texas-southern-bell]

I literally woke up and sobbed in my dream we worked out our problems, built trust agin and we were the happiest we had ever been with each other. I’m not going to lie ever since we had a horrible breakup I felt like we had things left unsaid and never talked through our issues. But I’ve been too scared to say it or even talk about it again. Unfortunately I don’t think that would be a realistic reality for us. We’d just crash and burn again but I also care about him so much I think about it everyday. The reality is that I’m heart broken either way.

#me #personal #alh #life #feels #ethan james wall

[texas-southern-bell]

Y’all ever have a very vivid dream of your ex and get emotional bc you know that’s not the reality of now it would go in real life but your brain just showed you the fantasy of it.🥹 same

#me #personal #alh #life #feels #ethan james wall

[texas-southern-bell]

How does one become friends with their ex?

[texas-southern-bell]

Yall know what scares me to death?

It’s been 6 years since he broke my heart, 2 years since I blew up on him when he tried to reach out to me. But I still think about both everyday.

[texas-southern-bell]

“The person who broke you is not going to be the one to fix you.”

[texas-southern-bell]

Wow only drunk me remembers my life outside of the city and the boy who broke my heart

[texas-southern-bell]

Tell me mercury is in retrograde without telling me mercury is in retrograde….

I’ve had 4 out of 5 dreams this week tell me I’m pregnant even though I know it’s not physically possible🤣🤣🤣 my brain is all over the place

[texas-southern-bell]

[texas-southern-bell]

I don’t know how I can hate and love the same person so much.

[texas-southern-bell]

This may seem silly but I saw a movie about young southern love and it’s really stirred things up for me. I’ve always loved these types of movies or books until I envisioned myself in one. I met a guy who made time feel like it didn’t exist. We spend every second of the summer together and found myself doing all these things I had never done before. I didn’t know what this was but I knew I didn’t want it to end. One day I just blurted out I love you and I don’t know who it shocked more. I didn’t wake up that day know I would doing that say that- or even at all to this person. It wasn’t the same after that. I found myself wanting to spend more time with this person and he wanted to spend less time together. I never know what was running through his head and I surely didn’t know how to make sense of what was running through mine. Not soon after I decided I hated him. Why did he leave? Did any of it matter to him? I spent the next few years teaching myself to forget it ever happened. It was easier to hate him and pretend it never happened than anything else. I found myself not able to make a connection the same way with anyone else. Why fake something that isn’t there? I’m completely fine being alone. In other peoples eyes this was odd to them. But they didn’t know how intensely I felt before. 5 years later just went I seemed to come to terms with it he pops back up. I see he’s still close, just the next town over now.. he ask how I’m doing and says a thing or two he remembered. I was in shock. Did he really remember things how I remembered them? How long has he been thinking about me? I continue to talk to him and learn that he’s dating this new girl but would like to meet for lunch. I was unsure and just wanted to know how his family was doing. Somewhere between reminiscing and day dreaming I freak out. I can’t do this again. He doesn’t even even know how this ended for me last time. I get scared, defensive and run. I said ugly things to him that I’ve never said to anyone else. At the same time no one has ever hurt me bad enough for me to say those words to them before. But I’ll never know what it meant to him or if any of it mattered.

#unedited #me #personal #alh #life

[texas-southern-bell]

I really hate this.

I had a dream about my ex who I haven’t seen in 6 years. We briefly spoke to each other about a year ago and it ended up becoming a shit show. In my dream we were older now but everything was so good with us like it was 6 years ago… we didn’t hate each other and we didn’t cut each other out of our lives completely.. I don’t know how to feel.. I woke up and I was mad that even had that dream. I guess it’s easier for me to push it to the back of my head and not think about it.

[texas-southern-bell]

Ugh. I just started crying about something that happened so long ago and I don’t even know why or how I started thinking about it. Most days I feel like it’s behind me but this really got me

#me #personal #alh #life

[texas-southern-bell]

lol this is me acknowledging I don’t know how to communicate in a healthy manner and I blew everything up last time we even attempted

#me #personal #barf #feelings

[texas-southern-bell]

diagnosed with woman in her twenties disease

[texas-southern-bell]

Is it crazy for me to think I’m meant to be with someone I met when I was 17? Kinda right person wrong time? We’ve talked once 4 years later and it didn’t go great but maybe it’s still the wrong time.

If something else came along I would totally try it out. But with my expirence so far it just hasn’t been the same.

I literally feel insane thinking this but god I think about it like everyday.

#me #personal #ALH #2022

[texas-southern-bell]

I have some things that I’ve felt like I need to act on (ex. find a therapist😂) but I’m scared what people will think which is stupid I know but it legit keeps me from doing it. There’s also another thing but I’m scared I’ll regret it the second I do it. THIS IS WHY I NEED A THERAPIST🙃

#me #personal #ALH #2022 #life

[texas-southern-bell]

It’s been 4 years and I still don’t know how to say what I’m feeling