terrablaze514

[terrablaze514]

If you were to advise young girls on what to look out for in guys, what would some of the things be?

typically my advice is to stay away from men for as long as possible. Odds are that the majority you run into, will hinder your growth. So my advice is to look out for men, rather than look for anything in them.

Cultivate your self-esteem, your passions, become financially independent.

Cultivating self-esteem: i can’t stress this enough, it must be there before you go near men. Most men will damage your self-esteem. It doesn’t even have to be deliberate on their part. It can be something like them not responding to your communication needs and you will turn that inwards, and see that as reflecting your self-worth.

My advice to brown girls is typically the same as well. To build those things first. But then i guess, reluctantly, I do advise them to date. Because they will often be discouraged from dating. And in my experience, no woman from our cultures has managed to get away with not being paired to a man without breaking ties, no matter her initial reluctance. And your parents pickings will definitely be far worse, in that the aim of parents choosing for you (whether anyone admits it or not) is to continue patriarchal control over you.

So coming to what to look for in men:

1) look for how he reacts when you disagree with him. This is the biggest thing imo. Does he get irritated. Does he budge. If he does budge is it reluctant “I guess you’re right”. Do things seem to always be followed by a but. What you want is someone who is impressed and admires you. Not someone who is annoyed that you know better or more, because that would mean he wants to maintain himself above you. Also, men can admire you for being intelligent or opinionated but still manage to reduce you for it: either objectify you or infantilize you. E.g., aw its so cute she knows a lot. OR it’s hot that she knows a lot. Avoid  both. 

2) is the conversation conducive: it’s more than if he is just listening to you and can regurgitate what you’ve told him about yourself. Does the convo have a flow. Do you get to say what you want. Does he hear you out, ask questions, show interest.. or is he just waiting for an entry point in the convo where he can insert himself in order to relate to you. Because the first one feels wholesome whereas the latter, while okay, will make you feel empty in the long run. (and i personally like it when i have said what I want, and the guy still stays quiet on the topic until I ask him so ‘what about you’. I like it when they are quiet and don’t speak unless instructed.. this applies for any men in my life not just dating  lmao but anyway)

3) look for how he talks about other women.. what it is that he talks about when he talks about women. Look at how he looks at other women. Ask him about the women he has been attracted to and how he became attracted to them/what about them he liked. Ask this for real women. Ask this about fictional women. Always be mindful of whether he is objectifying women or not. If he is objectifying women, he’s not capable of real love so forget it. How to know whether he is objectifying women or not? Ask yourself if you or any women you have known would become attracted to a man in the same way/same scenario that he is describing to you.

4) Porn, dominance & attraction: this one is by far the hardest for me to describe. It does go in with #3, about how they talk about women. You can ask the guy about his current porn use, age at first exposure. What he thinks about and gets off to lol. But I have found that they give it away in their verbal language and body language. Like the example of the guy I talked about who I had asked who he was attracted to/ if he ever found someone sexually attractive that he did not find emotionally attractive. And he mentioned his boss and then told me how he did fantasize about her, then goes “you know when you wanna put someone in their place….. oh you don’t know??” If a guy “falls for you” real fast, to me that is an indication of him having objectified you. Love takes getting to know. If he seems to have a “type”, i am personally weary of those men. Any type at all. A body type, even a personality type. Because they still manage to reduce women into categories. You cannot and should not fall in love with a category!

5) how he makes you feel about yourself: related to the above. It’s his responsibility to make you feel good about yourself. I have stated elsewhere that I believe, that unless a woman has clinical type self-esteem issues, the average woman’s self-esteem issues in a relationship actually stem from their male partner’s failures. Their male partner is either objectifying other women which comes across subtly in conversations or the way they behave. So if you are not feeling good about yourself while you are with him, you’re not crazy. He is shit. 

6) age old how he treats others: how does he treat people in the service industry. Does he get annoyed when his food at the restaurant takes longer. Life is a game of patience, and he won’t live if he doesn’t have any.

7) sense of responsibility: does he pick up after others. Not just himself. But others. This is observed. But also you can tell from the stories he tells you. What does he do for others? It’s the kind of thing where eg., the house phone rings, who has to go for it or else it goes unanswered? Would he put the dishes in the sink or leave them around for someone else to pick up?

8) what is he telling you about himself: related to above.. When we tell stories, we all want something taken away from them about ourselves. What is he trying to get across? Most men’s stories are about a display of power and dominance, rather than having been helpful. Take notice!

9) How he relates to other men and things deemed feminine: does he have a lot of guy friends (these men are a lost cause lmao). If he tries to distance himself from anything that is related to women, stay away from that man. E.g., he doesn’t watch click flicks… or  watches them cos they are good to watch when you don’t want to think so much. Also relating to #3, you can also check that from how he views female characters in movies, TV shows and books. If he sees their perspective or not. I remember one guy told me that robot girl from ex-machina was crazy, and that’s all he had to say, and i wanted to bash his head in cos of how dumb his thoughts on the movie were….. If he can’t see from the female perspective in shows and books where it is literally spelled out, he lacks emotional depth and empathy. 

I can’t think of more. Over the years I have mentioned quite a few as I came across! But I haven’t interacted much with men as of late so it’s not so fresh anymore. Just look for any display of dominance and dehumanization, both in words and in actions. I do have an advice tag. 

[terrablaze514]

LISTEN UP

Today I did something that terrified the fuck out of me. But ladies, we all gotta do it at some point. 

I got a contract for fulltime work given to me. 

I looked at it. 

I realized, calculating the amount they wanted to offer, that it would actually be less than I’m making part-time now. 

So what did I do?

Let me tell you, every single piece of me wanted to stay quiet and settle and work my way up the ladder. 

Until I realized that

I am worth more than they were offering, and it would be an insult to value me at any less than my actual worth. 

I have a masters and a year’s worth of teaching under my belt. 

I am a qualified professional who wants to make more than assistants pay. 

Their reasoning for the pay was insurance. I’m given insurance that’s worth a great deal, so I shouldn’t worry too much because that added up to a bigger salary. Except insurance doesn’t do jack shit if I can’t pay for an apartment or car costs or student loans. 

What did I do?

First

I breathed. I took a breath. I washed my face and had a quick cry in the bathroom. Ain’t nothing wrong with a real fast cry. 

Second

I left a note on my bosses desk asking if he could speak to me about my contract whenever he was next available. 

Third

Once in my bosses office, I calmly handed him my contract back and said, “I’m very honored that you thought of me for a position, but I cannot accept what you’re offering me. I have a masters and I’ve taught in this school for a year, and I’d been under the assumption that I’d be receiving a different position than this.” He asked me what I was looking for. I said, “I would work for no less than [MY RANGE]. And if you cannot offer me that, then I’ll have to continue working for you full time until I can find another position elsewhere that can.” I thanked him very much for the offer. I was polite and upfront about my expectations for the position that I wanted. 

I can’t tell you what will happen. But I can tell you that going in there and establishing myself as a no BS worker who looks out for herself and negotiates got me farther than if I’d said nothing. 

I don’t know the outcome yet. I really don’t. 

But I can tell you that he is currently rewriting my contract with higher pay. 

Will it be high enough to keep me there? I don’t know. 

But I do know that today was me putting myself forward and taking a chance, and chances, no matter how small, do pay off. 

Ladies. 

DON’T BE AFRAID TO SPEAK ABOUT YOUR CONTRACTS. 

IT’S FUCKING TERRIFYING. 

BUT DO IT ANYWAY. 

BECAUSE YOU’RE WORTH MORE, AND THEY SHOULD KNOW THAT. 

Thank you for coming to my TED talk. 

[terrablaze514]

“Look around,

And be thankful right now.

For your health,

Your family,

Your friends,

And your home.

Nothing lasts forever.”

Mark and Angel

[terrablaze514]

US Helplines:

Depression Hotline: [phone]

Suicide Hotline: [phone]

LifeLine: 1-800-273-8255

Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386

Sexuality Support: 1-800-246-7743

Eating Disorders Hotline: [phone]

Rape and Sexual Assault: 1-800-656-4673

Grief Support: 1-650-321-5272

Runaway: 1-800-843-5200, 1-800-843-5678, 1-800-621-4000

Exhale: After Abortion Hotline/Pro-Voice: 1-866-4394253

Child Abuse: 1-800-422-4453

UK Helplines:

Samaritans (for any problem): 08457909090 e-mail [email protected]

Childline (for anyone under 18 with any problem): 08001111

Mind infoline (mental health information): 0300 123 3393 e-mail: [email protected]

Mind legal advice (for people who need mental-health related legal advice): 0300 466 6463 [email protected]

b-eat eating disorder support: 0845 634 14 14 (only open Mon-Fri 10.30am-8.30pm and Saturday 1pm-4.30pm) e-mail: [email protected]

b-eat youthline (for under 25’s with eating disorders): 08456347650 (open Mon-Fri 4.30pm - 8.30pm, Saturday 1pm-4.30pm)

Cruse Bereavement Care: 08444779400 e-mail: [email protected]

Frank (information and advice on drugs): 0800776600

Drinkline: 0800 9178282

Rape Crisis England & Wales: 0808 802 9999 1(open 2 - 2.30pm 7 - 9.30pm) e-mail [email protected]

Rape Crisis Scotland: 08088 01 03 02 every day, 6pm to midnight

India Self Harm Hotline: [phone]

India Suicide Helpline: 022-27546669

Kids Help Phone (Canada): 1-800-668-6868

FREE 24/7 suicide hotlines:

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Australia: 13-11-14

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China: 852-2382-0000

(Hong Kong: 2389-2222)

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Croatia: 01-4833-888

Cyprus: 357-77-77-72-67

Czech Republic: 222-580-697, 476-701-908

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Egypt: 762-1602

Estonia: 6-558-088

Finland: 040-5032199

France: 01-45-39-4000

Germany: 0800-181-0721

Greece: 1018

Guatemala: 502-234-1239

Holland: 0900-0767

Honduras: 504-237-3623

Hungary: 06-80-820-111

Iceland: 44-0-8457-90-90-90

Israel: 09-8892333

Italy: 06-705-4444

Japan: 3-5286-9090

Latvia: 6722-2922, 2772-2292

Malaysia: 03-756-8144

(Singapore: 1-800-221-4444)

Mexico: 525-510-2550

Netherlands: 0900-0767

New Zealand: 4-473-9739

New Guinea: 675-326-0011

Nicaragua: 505-268-6171

Norway: 47-815-33-300

Philippines: 02-896-9191

Poland: 52-70-000

Portugal: 239-72-10-10

Russia: 8-20-222-82-10

Spain: 91-459-00-50

South Africa: 0861-322-322

South Korea: 2-715-8600

Sweden: 031-711-2400

Switzerland: 143

Taiwan: 0800-788-995

Thailand: 02-249-9977

Trinidad and Tobago: 868-645-2800

Ukraine: 0487-327715

(Source)

[terrablaze514]

[terrablaze514]

“forgive all the versions of yourself that operated out of fear instead of growth, the ones that viewed comfort zones as safe havens and abandoned boundaries to keep other people happy, forgive all the versions of yourself that didn’t know that love begins with how you treat you.”

— iambrillyant

[terrablaze514]

US Helplines:

Depression Hotline: [phone]

Suicide Hotline: [phone]

LifeLine: 1-800-273-8255

Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386

Sexuality Support: 1-800-246-7743

Eating Disorders Hotline: [phone]

Rape and Sexual Assault: 1-800-656-4673

Grief Support: 1-650-321-5272

Runaway: 1-800-843-5200, 1-800-843-5678, 1-800-621-4000

Exhale: After Abortion Hotline/Pro-Voice: 1-866-4394253

Child Abuse: 1-800-422-4453

UK Helplines:

Samaritans (for any problem): 08457909090 e-mail [email protected]

Childline (for anyone under 18 with any problem): 08001111

Mind infoline (mental health information): 0300 123 3393 e-mail: [email protected]

Mind legal advice (for people who need mental-health related legal advice): 0300 466 6463 [email protected]

b-eat eating disorder support: 0845 634 14 14 (only open Mon-Fri 10.30am-8.30pm and Saturday 1pm-4.30pm) e-mail: [email protected]

b-eat youthline (for under 25’s with eating disorders): 08456347650 (open Mon-Fri 4.30pm - 8.30pm, Saturday 1pm-4.30pm)

Cruse Bereavement Care: 08444779400 e-mail: [email protected]

Frank (information and advice on drugs): 0800776600

Drinkline: 0800 9178282

Rape Crisis England & Wales: 0808 802 9999 1(open 2 - 2.30pm 7 - 9.30pm) e-mail [email protected]

Rape Crisis Scotland: 08088 01 03 02 every day, 6pm to midnight

India Self Harm Hotline: [phone]

India Suicide Helpline: 022-27546669

Kids Help Phone (Canada): 1-800-668-6868

FREE 24/7 suicide hotlines:

Argentina: 54-0223-493-0430

Australia: 13-11-14

Austria: 01-713-3374

Barbados: 429-9999

Belgium: 106

Botswana: 391-1270

Brazil: 21-233-9191

China: 852-2382-0000

(Hong Kong: 2389-2222)

Costa Rica: 606-253-5439

Croatia: 01-4833-888

Cyprus: 357-77-77-72-67

Czech Republic: 222-580-697, 476-701-908

Denmark: 70-201-201

Egypt: 762-1602

Estonia: 6-558-088

Finland: 040-5032199

France: 01-45-39-4000

Germany: 0800-181-0721

Greece: 1018

Guatemala: 502-234-1239

Holland: 0900-0767

Honduras: 504-237-3623

Hungary: 06-80-820-111

Iceland: 44-0-8457-90-90-90

Israel: 09-8892333

Italy: 06-705-4444

Japan: 3-5286-9090

Latvia: 6722-2922, 2772-2292

Malaysia: 03-756-8144

(Singapore: 1-800-221-4444)

Mexico: 525-510-2550

Netherlands: 0900-0767

New Zealand: 4-473-9739

New Guinea: 675-326-0011

Nicaragua: 505-268-6171

Norway: 47-815-33-300

Philippines: 02-896-9191

Poland: 52-70-000

Portugal: 239-72-10-10

Russia: 8-20-222-82-10

Spain: 91-459-00-50

South Africa: 0861-322-322

South Korea: 2-715-8600

Sweden: 031-711-2400

Switzerland: 143

Taiwan: 0800-788-995

Thailand: 02-249-9977

Trinidad and Tobago: 868-645-2800

Ukraine: 0487-327715

(Source)

[terrablaze514]

[terrablaze514]

I hope everyone will be able to see the Supermoon coming up! 🌕😊

Those Days Are Gone

Summary: Yesterday will do what it does best - take one down the smooth and rocky roads.

Keep reading

#supermoon #usagi tsukino #sailormoon #fanfiction

[terrablaze514]

I appreciate the shoutout and recs! 💞 @chaneajoyyy

Happy Reading! ❤️ @madamslayyy

Hey Girl!!! If you don’t mind could you suggest some fics to me that you really like? Maybe with a good fluff to smut ratio or angst to smut ratio? Series or one shots it doesn’t matter, just whatever you like, I know you have great taste 🧡💕🧡💕🧡💕

Hey love!! I don’t mind at all! Does it matter who it’s about?👀. Y’all think i have great taste in fics?😭

#bp librarian at your service #erik killmonger #black panther fanfiction recs

[terrablaze514]

[terrablaze514]

[terrablaze514]

#yeah #this is me versus haters

[terrablaze514]

William Henry Johnson (18 March 1901 – 13 April 1970) 

[terrablaze514]

Okay everyone, I am in desperate need of your help.

Both of my parents lost their jobs, and they are currently fighting with the unemployment office for their benefits. We are a family of four, including myself and my elderly grandmother, and we are at risk of homelessness. We have no food and I am begging for your help to feed my family. I am taking donations as well as writing, and editing commission, and am willing to negotiate other terms due to desperation. I will send commissions straight to you as a short form ghostwriter for the right price. 

Commissions: $5: 300 word minimum $10: 600 word minimum $15: 1000 word minimum +$5 for each 300 words above 1000

Editing commissions are negotiable depending on the content and length: $3 minimum

I am willing to do just about anything I’m so desperate, just negotiate with me. I will write original fiction or fanfiction for donations, I’ve even got a stack of old poetry knee high. I’ve written TMNT fanfiction since I was like 12, have been highly focused on Obey me and Twisted Wonderland recently, and rewatched OHSHC and Criminal Minds. I am also actively following Miraculous Ladybug, and BNHA. This, of course, is not the only media I have consumed. Just ask and I’ll see if it’s something I’m familiar enough with to be of use to you. Smut is on the table, including but not limited to monster fucking and furry porn. Even a dollar would be doing me a great service. If you can’t help me monetarily, a reblogging would be greatly appreciated. Thank you all, I love you. 

C*sh*pp: generoussublimety

My goal currently is $200 dollars to buy us groceries. $0/200

#signal boost

[terrablaze514]

That feeling when you go from being a brown girl who is treated as an adult from the age of 11 and gets catcalled at 13, to an adult brown man who is followed around stores, been told he is scary, and profiled in your own neighborhood

[terrablaze514]

Black Boys Bloom Thorns First, Volume 4 (aka Wet Sugar 2) Masterlist

Summary:

The conclusion of the ‘Black Boys Bloom Thorns First” Book Series. Volume 4 finds Erik N’Jadaka Stevens-Udaku back in the land of his father where revenge is fleeting, but justice and redemption eventually prevail. Erik’s past catches up to him, and with the help of his cousin, Princess Shuri, he finds life in Wakanda more complicated even after a return from death…

NSFW. Smut. Mature Audience Only.  

***Author’s Note!***

BEFORE you read this epic, it’s important to note that you MUST have read “Black Boys Bloom Thorns First Volume 1 & 2, “Stark’s New Intern”, “Black Boys Bloom Thorns First Volume 3″, and “Wet Sugar” first, in that exact order. If not, you will miss a lot of story threads that were planted to bloom here. Go do that first, then proceed with caution, cuz bay-bee, this is about to get messy messy and lead into the Thanos snap, and a war with Atlantis. Have your libations and snacks ready!

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Chapter 29

Chapter 30

Chapter 31

Chapter 32

Chapter 33

Chapter 34

Chapter 35

Chapter 36

Chapter 37

Chapter 38

Chapter 39

Chapter 40

Chapter 41

Chapter 42