Rant.....
I'm not scared of death but I don't want to know if that's what I have in store for me just yet... There's so much inside of me to let out.. I feel like the whole world is counting on me and they don't even know it.... I'd be more of an asset to the world if the world was based on the deeper meaning it was founded on... to the world now I'm just some crazy dude. I realize I'm not this organic automaton and I thrive for experience for soul growth rather than money for egotistical growth.... 36 years and life has been an endless thing of negative experiences that made my mind the way it is.... I am an experience...
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I wanna know what's on or in your mind... I don't want to know about all these "things" on the surface... that's not what I'm about.. you'll lose my attention that way..
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If I just let everything go maybe I can breathe... ..
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Time..... How much have I wasted?
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If I could go back in time I'd tell myself:
Choose your experiences wisely bitch.
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... The mountains were alive at one point. Now they're just petrified carcasses and most don't believe me but one of these lives, you'll remember...
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Everything unnatural to us causes stress. What adds to our material aspects of our lives usually takes up some of our health and life and sanity causing stress.. I try to balance it out with passion but lately passion for something isn't what I've had... My life is in shambles I tell you!
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BPD isn't fun. A big part of it is living with triggers.... I've been triggered so much today my brain is tingling, my heart is in my throat, my eyes want to pop out, my nervous system wants to jump out of my skin... Never thought this was a battle that I'd have to fight...
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Hug.. oh hug... Where are you when I need you?
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.......... I want to die
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... and sometimes the wrong choices take you to the right places.
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Jeremy Radin, from "Lazar Wolf the Butcher" (poem written during staging of Fiddler on the Roof at Paper Mill Playhouse, shared on his IG page) [ID'd]
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These episodes of mine go on for days...... People make me feel better but there's no one around... I'm still learning to make myself feel better... I'll get it right one day.
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The sky..... One day I'll fall up into the clouds...
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I've been the good guy, the bad guy, the victim, the aggressor, the hero, the sweetheart, the rude guy, the curious, the knowing. I've been everyone and still.. I have no clue who I am.....
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