OMG! Look what the rain gifted me 💚 my nasturtiums have taken off 🥹
Grief & Plants
Why do I feel comfortable sharing so many details of my life in Tumblr? Do you feel that way too? I think it is the fact that you share without knowing who's gonna read it, hoping there will be no judgement or bullying.
The 2-year anniversary of my dad's dead is getting closer and closer. The 2-year anniversary of my step dad's dead was just 3 months ago and I haven't been able to cry, even though I want to. Every single day a song, a video, a picture, a conversation with a customer, a Tupperware gifted, the fucking weather all remind me of all the time I had to let them reconnect, to amend things and build a relationship. Regrets, I lost my chance.
I'm committed to use my passion for plants and gardening and this Tumblr page to heal, to release my thoughts and hopefully even help people like me, in deep grief...bad grief... to do the same, heal and learn to live with the fact that they are physically gone, but alive within us.
I planted the nasturtiums on my pictures and many more when I lost them. I was crying while putting the seeds in the soil. Maybe my tears helped the germination process, but all have bloom and reseeded and everytime I see a new bloom, I smile.
Like the herbs, we gotta be strong to regrow, flexible to survive storms/weather and gorgeous for positive vibes and healing!
Do you see how much they've grown since the time I pruned them all. 🌿 Herbs have always fascinated me and their millions of uses. My next step is to explore herbs tinctures and oils, I already use them for cooking, cocktails, tea, salads and popurri.
This week two years ago was my dad's final time at the hospital. I remember continuesly telling my older sister that everything was going to be ok, that we needed to stay positive. My dad's wife called because she needed to decide if my dad was going to the ventilator or not. He went to the ventilator and that's when I knew... Not many make out of the ventilator, at least not at the peak of COVID before vaccines came out a few months later.
This week two years ago was the worse. Work was draining and stressful. News were so negative, not just about COVID deaths and hospital collapsing (In Guatemala they literally had people on the floor because there was no space). But also all the ridiculous political circus, racism and the Jan 6th attack, the whole vibe was insane. That week hit me deep and hard! That week I realized I had spoken to my dad consciously for the last time a couple of days before going to the ventilator.
One fucking month we had to suffer since he showed symptoms. So many mistakes that our medical systems made. Why weren't vaccines out faster? A few months earlier and he might still be alive. When they went to the hospital the first time, he tested positive but he wasn't bad enough, they sent him home with a tank of oxygen. THEY SENT HIM HOME. If he would have received proper care, would he still be alive? Sorry, hospitals were out of beds and he "wasn't that bad". He died.
We were able to go to Taiwan for the new years, after 3 years pre-pandemic. Taiwan really is my second home and the place the started my passion for plant care.
I spent 7 years in Taiwan, almost all my 20s. O was very young, trapped in a reality to suffice society heterosexual standards in my home country Guatemala.
Life took me to the other side of the world. I apply for a full scholarship to learn Mandarin Chinese and 4 years of bachelor's degree. I jumped in a plane and went to Taiwan with no expectations. Life changing. I embraced and learn so much about myself, I felt free for the first time.
Free of judgment, free to discover myself, free to say and do what I wanted. Taiwan open an amazing door to become who I am and for that Taiwan will always be in a heart.
And yes, it is such a beautiful tropical paradise that most "houseplants" can be found casually outdoor and natively in forests too. This time I got obsessed with this potted anthurium that was in a normal front yard. So gorgeous! 💚
Why do I feel comfortable sharing so many details of my life in Tumblr? Do you feel that way too? I think it is the fact that you share without knowing who's gonna read it, hoping there will be no judgement or bullying.
The 2-year anniversary of my dad's dead is getting closer and closer. The 2-year anniversary of my step dad's dead was just 3 months ago and I haven't been able to cry, even though I want to. Every single day a song, a video, a picture, a conversation with a customer, a Tupperware gifted, the fucking weather all remind me of all the time I had to let them reconnect, to amend things and build a relationship. Regrets, I lost my chance.
I'm committed to use my passion for plants and gardening and this Tumblr page to heal, to release my thoughts and hopefully even help people like me, in deep grief...bad grief... to do the same, heal and learn to live with the fact that they are physically gone, but alive within us.
I planted the nasturtiums on my pictures and many more when I lost them. I was crying while putting the seeds in the soil. Maybe my tears helped the germination process, but all have bloom and reseeded and everytime I see a new bloom, I smile.
Observation is a super important skill yo work on.
I discover root rot, by observing the behavior of this plant. She was losing leaves to fast, light levels was great and it just felt not normal for their cycle. So I took her out of the soil and check the roots. About 50% was rotten!
I cut the rotten roots, clean them and potted her in a smaller plastic pot. She's being in recovery since then. Now she lives in my office space with supplemental light and she's putting lots of leaves!
It is crazy to believe that 2 years ago in October I lost my stepdad. He was living in Guatemala, and I was here in the central coast of California. Last time I saw him was in 2017. He was battling COVID in saturated hospitals for weeks without a way to see us. When he passed, my mind shut down. I buried the news deep inside. I couldn't even cry, I just felt like a mini bomb was ticking...
I thought I got it though! Until, the last days of December or first week of Jan 2021. My dad living in LA went to the hospital with COVID (The mini bomb started ticking faster). He was hospitalized for three fucking weeks, none of us couldn't see him either. The final week was the worse, I could tell deep inside that was it...
I had a lot of regrets, anger and unresolved issues with both of them. The last day of my dad, oh gosh. I call the hospital and they tried setting up a zoom meeting, but their wifi was not working well that day. He offers to call directly from the phone and put it on speaker for me... My last words to my dad, not even knowing if he could hear me, were on speaker phone. I just wanted him to know that I forgave him and that I'm sorry my anger took over me and stop me from being closer.
I didn't have the same luxury with my stepdad unfortunately. I never had a chance to talk to him, and for that I'll cry for the rest of my life.
So yeah, from October to February every year my soul turns like a red blood leaf... Like blood coming from a painful wound. A dramatic, sad but still beautiful soul.
Year 2 - hurts as much as year 1. 🤕 But the pain is now deeper within you, feels almost normal and everyone around you have moved on.
Anybody agrees?
This is also probably the most I've written on any of my post. 🫣
I'm not so much into Christmas, but IKEA got me. He was so adorable and fits perfectly with my Hoya carnosa! 🥹💚 What do you think? What should I name him?
This Hoya has grown so much! She is officially my first Hoya in the house back in 2019. I didn't know much about them and she wasn't getting enough light. I remember when we moved to this house, I left her in the back of my garage plants and she started losing leaves. I didn't know what to do, so I sprayed neem oil and brought her upstairs.
Omg, the difference was huge! She just needed more indirect light. It is crazy, sometimes (most times lol) you just need to read, observe and act. This also applies to any relationship! Would you agree?
I've grown this plant for several years now, but I had never repotted her...it was time.
I took her out of her plastic pot that was slightly smaller than this clay pot. This whole time I had the plastic pot inside of that clay pot, so I decided to simply pot her directly in the clay one.
I added my regular soil mix of coco coir, perlite and smart release fertilizer and also gave her a haircut.