I have recently thought about making donations and who am I going to donate to when I get money. I have remembered the links that I have seen throughout the time. But the what came to my mind is that most of these sources and people are someone far abroad usually American, Western European or just Western. And while I think these people in need totally should be donated to, I realized that there are actually fucking plenty of people in my country who are in need. And while there are plenty of rich Americans and Europeans who should actually take care of people of their countries who are in need, there isn't anyone who can take care about my people other than me. There isn't any Karen from New York or Brittany from London who provides donation links and makes donations to people of color, lgbt people or just poor people from Russia while this country drowns in poverty.
I do understand that the main reason behind this is that I mostly consume Western social media and Western issues are discussed the most on the internet, and that social justice movements aren't so strong here, they're actively suppressed by government.
And I don't want to blame lgbt people of people of color from Western countries beacuse a lot of people use the issue of attention to justify their anti-blackness for example.
I just want to talk about the issue with my people - people from Asia or Eastern Europe. And I feel totally embarrassed that I care souch about what happens somewhere in America while not giving a shit about what's going on in my own country.
If you follow me and actively interact and I forget to tag you in posts about mutuals I'm very sorry I just cannot keep in mind all the urls. I love you and thabkyou do much for interacting!
I guess a lot of my mutuals(or even if we're not mutual) are having their exams soon. Wish you all to get lucky and write them all easily!
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Okay, I promised to tell you about my family ancestors.
I appreciate all I know about them, I cannot tell why exactly. Maybe because I don't really know anything about my people's history and any identity other than Russian isn't really encouraged here. I'm not trying to complain about the oppression(TM), just saying how things really are.
Let me start from my father's side.
The person who gave me his surname and the only person who wasn't Tatar among my grandparents - Mikhail Nikitin. He worked on far north in Vorkuta. My grandmother stayed with him for a while and that's where my father was born. Unfortunately when she came back to Ufa, the city where my family comes from, with her two kids, my grandfather got himself a new family and never came back. So unfortunately I don't really know much about him. He was said to some from ome of the Finno-ugric nations - Erzya or Mari. They are quite a number of the population in Bashkortostan Republic, so it can be. But since he isn't here I cannot claim it for sure.
Luckily, I know much more about the family of his wife, my grandmother Zainap Abdullina.
These are the parents of her mother in 1913. My great-great grandfather Mingazetdin with his wife and three daughters. They were Tatar merchants and moved to Ufa from Kazan and owned horse stables for the city people. He is wearing the traditional Muslim Tubetei cap and women are in Kalfaks - Tatar female headresses.
My great grandmother Khadycha and her sister Magira. You won't hear these old names now. Khadycha is wearing the traditional Hasite band with coins stiched.
This is Khadycha as a teenager. Later she worked as pharmacist in Ufa.
Parents of my grandmother's father(hope you won't get confused with all these :)) - Mukhamatzhan Abdullin with his wife and older daughter. He was on of the first ones in Ufa to have an automobile. Ofcourse during the revolution of 1917 all the wealth had to be given to the communist government to share with the society. Some of their relatives were forced out of the house and ended up in labour camps in Siberia.
My great grandfather Nazhib. He was in the army before the revolution so the danger of being repressed as one of the 'Tsar's servants' haunted him until the very fall of USSR. He knew several languages including Tatar, Bashkir, Russian, Arabic and German and worked as a translator on the radio.
As to my mother's side, both grandparents came from the village from peasant families, so we don't have much of their photos.
Galimkhan Abdrafikovich Mazhitov, my other grand-grandfather. I have already posted his photo on May 9th. He was in the labour army during the World War II, almost starved to death. He too wears his Tubetei even though in USSR religion was prohibited. Abdrafikovich is his patronimic, but it became my mother's family name. Hard to pronounce one and became a reason of mockery sometimes.
During the revolution our republic was a place of battles between the Red and the White armies. As the war went several settlements and villages were occupied by different armies repeatedly what led to deaths of several people as everytime other soldiers came - they killed those deemed as betrayers. My great grandfather found a soldier of Red Army once and let him hide in his barn so that in exchange when the troops came people from this village won't be killed as they're said to be the Red Army supporters.
Another fun fact - his father had more than one wife according to the traditions and there was a whip in the house for disobedient wives.
This is his wife with grandchildren. Unfortunately I don't know her name as well as names of many other female relatives as you may have noticed. I wish their names and their lives weren't forgotten as they so contributed to my existence not less than men, they often gave their everything to raise children.
Their son, my grandfather Rais Galimkhanovich Abdrafikov during the army service in 1950s. In USSR as well as now army is compulsory for all men unless they have health issues. Worked as a truck driver. The family carried a nickname 'Ayu' - 'bears' in their village as they were tough-built. I can say that looking at my grandfather.
My grandma, Farida Khamatkhanovna Karimova, or Kart Iney(old mother) how I called her in Tatar. She was my second mother indeed. One of the dearest people I had in my life. She grew up an orphan in a village in a family of six children. Nevertheless she managed to get to a college in Ufa(there was only free education in USSR, but you had to pass the entry exams) and worked in the strategic aviation factory, she had to check the engines for the flaws. Her father, Khamatkhan Karimov was a coachman, died of Siberian plague.
That's all I can recall by now. Hope my family story was at least somehow interesting to read.
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One day my mother will stop telling me that I look and act too masculine and that scares away men(I'm 21 I have never been in any kind of relationship), but not today.
Now that I have shaved sides/undercut, it makes things muuuch wooorse.
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A little silly question here, but I'm exploring myself.
I considered myself demisexual and demiromantic for a number of reasons, but I do have crushes on characters or celebrities(does require time and sense of trust too, more like a crush on your own version of character/person). Can I consider myself demisexual and/or demiromantic in that case?
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Stupid thing about when you're trying into the social justice(TM) (TM because I'm not some kind of hard working activist or whatever) you start having this paranoical feeling that you're judged. You're judged by those who's rights you're trying to speak about. Like you fucked up and trying to improve. And honestly I think it's not right because it doesn't help and is almost certainly one of those stupid feelings that come from anxiety as the fear and suspicion about others that I had. But wtf its there. Am I the only idiot having it?
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Sometimes I forget how many people are actually anti interracial or interethnic couples and see it as an 'erasure of white race' in my country and then I suddenly see them and just
Our relatives from the village came to visit Moscow recently. They speak Russian with a strong Tatar accent and it was so nice to hear it💚
Honestly if I ever get covid, I won't die because of it.
Ostheochondrosis will kill me before that.
I mean, I had flu now, I was feeling awful so I had to sleep all day long, and my back pain is killing me now.
Rn I don't know if thats covid or not, but if feel like that from a simple flu...
Looks like pegging is so popular/fashionable rn, feel weird that I'm not into it. Like no. And yes, I'm a woman.
Russian swearing: 'sobaki nekreshennye' - unbaptized dogs
Tatar swearing: 'chukyngan' - baptized idiot
Funny how we sometimes use both in talks with friends. They'll use their, I'll use mine, we both refer to the same shitty person.
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Celebrated my bd, got cold as the temperature suddenly went low and we were on a whole ass adventure somewhere on the empty open train platform in a village in Moscow Oblast 90 km away from Moscow, where we had to wait for an hour until the next train back, and now sick but happy lol.
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Me: turns 21
My body: congratulations! Let me present you with a heartache!💗💗💗
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Totally weird how to my 21st birthday all my wishes ended up in gluttony and enough sleep.
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What, am I lost in fangirling again...
Anyone demisexual or demiromantic here? Or at least anywhere on ace spectrum?
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Oh, anxiety, anxiety...
You know, I do have anxiety quite often, and despite the reasons can be pretty silly or literally anything, I thought maybe I could talk through at least this one.
I ready had this feeling of expecting and suspicion before, but now since all this situation with Sebastian Stan, it came back again. I mean, look, this dude seemed to be so positive, so nice, so sweet... and then you see all those things that show such a fuckery in several aspects, oh God. And as a person with anxiety who isn't totally indifferent to all social issues including racism, you remember all the other fanous people you like and the fear crawls into your stomach: what if they're also like that? Because, well, you never know, and yeah everyone did something problematic. Like, even Mark Ruffalo with his loud activism threw that shit with apologies about Palestine genocide. You don't make them an idol(lucky I grew far past that), you realize that everyone is flawed and you don't know them personally. But at what level? Like, is it - yes bad, but forgivable, or it's unacceptable? Because eventually you like them.
This all might be some stupid mess (like most of the reasons ofy anxiety lol). So in any way, I'm ready for anything you'd say about it, even that I'm an idiot.
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