#youre all so important and im proud to share a community with you

[wosowrites]

The Jacket (Alexia Putellas x Reader)

Warnings: None

A/n: based off requests from a few people.

Prompt: in which you love to ride motorbikes, and Alexia always steals your leather jacket. One day, after a game, she comes onto the field wearing it proudly.

Alexia was incredibly proud of you, proud of what you were accomplishing as a striker, proud of what kind of person you were. So the reason you kept your relationship private from the public eye wasn’t because she was embarrassed- she had had to reassure you about that once- it was because of how rapidly you were both growing, and how adding the painful, but expected homophobia to that list of things that came with fame, wasn’t a good idea. You had been together for nine months now, and both the spain and the canadian squad knew, as well as the barca squad. Alexia’s family knew too, and proved to be parent figures to you. You had never been close with your parents, them being conservative and homophobic. But the Putellas’ had taken you in, and that was how you liked it.

There were five things in life that you loved to no end. In no specific order, although you told Alexia she was first- you loved your beautiful ballon d’or winning girlfriend, football, indian food, stupid looking dogs and your motorcycle. Your vehicle was your pride and joy, along with a leather jacket that you wore a bit too much. The specific jacket Alexia had decided would go perfectly with todays outfit. Barcelona was playing against Real Madrid, and you left to go meet the team and the bus at 2:00, the game was set to starts at 6:15, meaning a number of things, but mostly that the bus left at 3:00 to be at the stadium at 4:00. You quickly kissed Alexia goodbye, who was still in bed due to her having gone out with childhood friends and only coming back at 1:00 in the morning.

"Im going now baby." You said to her, gently pressing a kiss on her temple. Her eyes fluttered a bit, and you knew not to say anything important to her right now because she was barely awake. "Mhm… will I see you before the game?" She asked, mumbling the words. "Probably not love," you said, brushing her hair out of her face. "Good luck then. I love you." She said gently. "I have an alarm for you for 3:30. Don’t sleep too late." You told her. She nodded sleepily and you pressed your lips to her half open ones gently. She smiled slightly, and then drifted back to sleep.

You arrived at the training ground at 2:30, parking your car and walking towards the group of players waiting outside. Barcelona was perfect weather right now, you loved it, it reminded you of home. You headed towards Lucy and Keira, two of the only other players who were native english speakers. You loved your team, but sometimes miss communication got the best of you. But they all knew that when you stated cursing and yelling in french, a language almost no one else on the team spoke, to either stay away from you or come save whoever you were mad at because shit was about to hit the fence.

You did a handshake with Lucy and the same one with Keira, the three of you having gotten very close over your year and a half at barcelona. You smiled at the rest of the girls who waved and smiled back. "Alexia coming today?" Lucy asked. "Yeah. She’s sleeping though. Long night." You answered. Lucy and Keira shared a look, then looked back at you with a teasing smile. "Wha- No! No not like that! Not like-" You looked around, blushing furiously. "Not like sex…" You whispered to them. "So you guys haven’t had sex?" Keira said rather loudly. You basically pounced on her, covering her mouth with your hand. "Shush!" You squealed.

You had always been a private person, and the girls all liked to embarrass you any way they could. "So you have or you haven’t?" Lucy asked, earning giggles from the other group of girls beside you guys, including Alexia’s close friend, Mapi. "We- of course we’ve done it. We’ve been together for months!" You said to them, earning claps and cheers from the group beside you. "I hate you all!" You yelled at them, a smile on your face betraying your words. Mapi translated to some of the girls who laughed. You threw your hood over your head, your cheeks still bright red. "Ahh, we’re just teasing! We love you." Mapi said, coming over close to you and throwing her arm over your shoulder, looking at you and laughing.

You arrived at Johan Cruyff stadium on time, the entirety of the team pooling out of the bus and into the grounds. You examined the pitch, talked with the group and then went inside to go over the game plan. You changed into your training jersey and shorts, put on your socks and cleats, tied your hair and did your pre game routine which consisted of listening to your hype playlist and walking through the stands before the fans got there. You did a full circle of the stadium in the top row by yourself and then came back down. Only 15 minutes later, music started playing loudly, and 15 minutes after that, fans started arriving.

The team walked out onto the field, Lucy upholding her tradition of going out last, and when you ran out because you were a bit slow, you ran out with Lucy, her grabbing your hand. You walked towards the right side of the field where two groups were doing a rondo to warm up. But as always, since Alexia got injured, you found her in the crowd and nodded at her. She nodded back and you smiled at her softly. It was your thing. You wished you could blow her a kiss instead, but you weren’t public.

Then, sooner than you knew it, the game had started.

1-0 win, goal by you. A crazy headed that you had dived to get, ending up in the back of the net. It was perfect, the crowd went wild, your team was ecstatic, and Alexia was looking at you with so much pride you thought your heart would burst.

"That was quite the goal," Alexia said to you, walking up to you, and hugging you in the least 'I’m in love with you' way possible. You smiled at her as you pulled away, but you were quickly distracted by her outfit. Blue jeans, a white top, and your leather jacket. "Ale…" you started saying, smirking at her. "That’s my jacket." You said. "Yes it is. I thought it looked good." She said, smirking back. "It looks very good. But I wear that jacket all the time. And there are people taking pictures of us… right now." You said, finding a camera and pointing at it. " Everyone’s gonna know. The fans- they’re…" You started saying. "Stalkers?" She joked and you barked of laughter. "No! Well… yes. But they’re intuition is good. They’ll just know." You said. "Does it matter? I mean I know it’s not what we wanted by I want to be with you and have everyone know you’re mine. The whole world. Fuck what they say, mi amor." Alexia said. "Really?" You said. "Yeah. But let them figure it out first. For… what’s the expression you always say?" She asked. "For shits and giggles." You smiled. "Yes. I dont underhand it. But for that."

You were scrolling on your phone, it was a day after the game and your head head was on Alexia’s lap as she looked through her own phone. You were scrolling through your for you page on tik tok when you saw a video. It was a video of you that Ingrid had taken as you walked down the street wearing black jeans, a white cropped tank top and the leather jacket. Following that came a few pictures of you wearing the jacket. Then, was a video a fan had taken of you and Alexia talking on the field, followed by pictures from Barca’s instagram of Alexia on the pitch. The caption read: sharing clothes are they now? I think they’re dating.

All the comments were agreeing, and just to be a little cocky, you liked the video. "Hey, Ale. Look at this." You said.

She watched the video and when she was done, she smiled down at you and pressed a kiss to your forehead. "They know." She said.

"They know."

#woso fic #woso imagine #woso x reader #woso #mapi leon #alexia putellas #lucy bronze #keira walsh #barcelona femeni #woso community #woso fanfics

[hypnoneghoul]

i was thinking today about how actually happy I am writing on here. it's more fulfilling than having my book sitting on the shelves of bookstore all over the country. i forget it's out there sometimes and while it's a success and it's very personal, I don't feel connected to it. what I do feel connected to is writing fanfiction here, for all of you. yeah, I mostly write for myself but fulfilling your requests and sharing it here with you is everything to me. I'm a bit bitter about it lately and I can't lie and say I'm not disappointed with this community. I write for myself and I'm going to keep writing anyway but I share it for you, for the nearly thousand of you and whoever stumbles upon my blog. but I won't keep doing this if all I get in return is a few likes. they mean nothing to me. and I don't want to sound ungrateful because I am, because I know at least half of you appreciate me and what I do. hell, a few of you even paid me real money for it. I am and will eternally be grateful, but I am just a human. I need reassurance that what im doing is making any sense and tagged reblogs, comments, asks, etc. are that reassurance. we---writers---need it to convince our minds its worth it to keep going. so yeah I'm very proud of what I built here, more than of publishing a book at age 17, and it's important as fuck to me but I have to have a reason to keep going

#hypnone's whatever

[drdemonprince]

hi dr price,

wannabe disobedient anon here!!! i hope you’re doing well, i wanted to give an update bc your article a few months ago helped me a lot and putting the things you talked about into practice has noticeably improved my quality of life/how i feel about myself.

i still haven’t graduated to full on breaking the law, but i think the day is coming. what i can say though:

i have more time to give to community bc i am comfortable saying no to my loved ones. and my being able to say no has sort of given them permission to do the same and i think knowing that has brought a sense of peace between us that wasn’t there before!! in addition to that i have gotten better at conflict— calling out behavior or actions that i don’t feel right about and letting my friends do the same with me. i feel like im learning the skills that will help me be a good community member in a broader sense in the future, by practicing them in my personal life now (Sidenote— have you ever noticed that a lot of the most vocally principled online lefty ppl often have rather unprincipled/undisciplined personal lives, if that makes sense? i feel like im learning to walk the walk, i think). i feel more comfortable hearing about my own fuck ups bc im more confident calling other ppl on theirs: it feels like we’re on even, respectful ground.

Politically though, i am committed to not voting this year which is a first for me. It has been so engrained in my conscience for years that voting = action even though in my head i know that’s not really the case. but i won’t be doing it this year, and it feels weird and a little scary but right.

by practicing everything you wrote about i feel like im living how i have wanted to live for a while, and even if im not perfect all the time and still get scared, i know how to move forward. genuinely thank you so, so much ♥️

OMG ANON I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!! The insights you have shared here are ones I also came to once I got a little better at asserting myself. Saying no sets other people free to say no, too. Living firmly within one's values gives one a sense of rootedness that makes rejection and conflict feel less scary. Conflict builds important intimacy. Lots of people aren't actually about the principled leftist life they profess to be, but it is still possible to choose to live in alignment for onself. great shit. thanks for writing back.

[your-queer-dad]

Hi Dad ♥ Thank you so much for the last answer you gave me, it really warmed my heart and brought my spirits up! making slow steps forward, but one thing I did this week was I talked to my doc about bottom surgery! im excited! on a more serious note, im hearing a lot of calls for political action among my distant online peers, and while I share sentiments with them, noones really able to give me all that much information on how I can get involved.... do you have any resources for those of us willing to get out and do some activism?

Hey kiddo!! Glad to hear from you again! And congrats on talking to your doctor, that's awesome and I'm really proud of you!

Activism for beginners: advice for accessing activism and get involved!

- Figure out which causes are important to you, what makes you angry? What are you passionate about? What change do you want to see in the world?

- What limitations do you have? Work hours, travel, school, disabilities or access needs, family, money?

- What kind of activism are you interested/could you do with the limitations that help your cause?

Protests? Boycotts? Demonstrations? Community work?

- Look locally. I personally used social media. There's 100s of groups, protests and information out there for you to search for

- Do something that you actually want to do, and not what you think you should do. If you don't feel passionately about the cause or find the idea of going on protest overwhelming, you're gonna struggle to do it consistently

- community groups or online groups can be a really good way to meet new people and learn more!

Let me know if you have any other questions!

- dad x

#lgbt #finch rambles #lgbtq #lgbtqia #trans #transgender #queer positivity #trans joy #trans kids #queer activism #transgender activism #activism #activist

[natsmagi]

Do you ever feel bad about your art? I've tried drawing before, but it never looked good so I just quit

OUGH SOMETIMES TBH....... though id kinda say thats part of the drawing process 💔💔

for me theres two types of "feeling bad" abt my art; the first being more imposter syndrome-y where i just kinda feel guilty over the amount of recognition i get when theres so many artists that i think are better and deserve it more than i do and other things along that line

the second one (and probably more universal) is, ofc, the feeling that ur art kinda sucks sometimes. honestly its very rare for a drawing to turn out the way i had originally envisioned because i simply do not have the skills to pull it off, which sucks!! and honestly, alot of the time i just try pushing through despite me hating the way the drawing looks. usually ill still post it even if i hate it, because in a way i think its kinda important to let myself be bad at art, and my blog was never meant to be used as a portfolio anyway, so why not post the things im less proud of aswell? especially since the communities im part of are rather niche, and i feel as though even if the quality is bad, someone might still be happy to see it!

so i let myself not be perfect with my art, as i feel being stuck on the same piece is only going to stagnate my growth and make me frustrated. not to mention the drawing usually only ends up looking Worse the more i try to fix it, and me posting a drawing is basically me putting a full stop to working on the drawing, forcing me to move on to something else and try again

art doesnt always look good!! and it most DEFINITELY is never perfect, but i also kinda find beauty in that yknow?? especially when uve been drawing for a while, its always fun to look back and see ur progress! its fun to see ur missteps and how u managed to improve! ive mentioned it before, but the sole reason i even created this account was so that i Would improve my art. i didnt really have much going on so i thought id genuinely try my hands at art again, which i had grown less passionate about the years prior. this blog is me sharing what ive created, no matter how amateurish it is, no matter my ups and downs, because i believe that will help me grow in the end! ive posted numerous attempts at various styles (moreso rendering styles) to see what i think suits me and what i find most pleasure in, aswell as my art style in general being rather stylized (the simplistic faces for example), figuring out what ways of drawing made me happy and what didnt through trial and error!

the first step is always the hardest, but its better than no step at all! so if you wanna draw, just go for it! its ok for it to look bad! keep trying various styles and methods until you find one that makes you happy!! its ok to be inconsistent!!

#having ur art journey documented online is all fun and games until u remember ur old ugly as fuck art is still available for everyone to see #But u dont have the heart to delete them because that would ruin the purpose of why i started doing this to begin with #so i just gotta SUCK IT UP. #ITS OK TO BE BAD!!!!! WE ALL SUCK SOMETIMES!!!!!!!!! ITS OK!!!!!!!!!! #ask #no matter the quality all art is valuable............. this is what i believe

[luriaaan]

I love your art a lot, and your work always inspires me to want to post my own but im terrified of putting so much work in to a blog that wont be successful at all,, do you have any advice?

thank you... this is an interesting question and i guess i would have to start by asking what you mean by success? my first assumption when it comes to social media is measurement of success through numbers of follows and likes. i really want to say "stop caring about numbers" here, but that would be disingenuous because i also care about numbers, especially now that those numbers are tied to making money off of my work. it can be very discouraging when no one is picking up what you're putting down. but i think it is important to try to internalize that those numbers do not accurately reflect the value of your work or how "good" it is, or even how many people are looking at it (hi lurkers). sometimes i post something and people go crazy for it and other times i post something i'm really proud of and it goes totally unnoticed. i think it is important to just keep going anyway. do things you are excited about regardless of negative/no feedback. the internet is so big now, there are definitely, absolutely people out there who will love what you're making! they just gotta find you... the people i have met over the years and the little communities i came into unexpectedly through sharing these parts of myself make it all feel worth it.

i think it helps to manage my own expectations of what i hope to get out of sharing my work, too. an experimental mentality can be really helpful in this case. i try to go into posting things i can't guess the reception of with a "well, let's just see what happens!" type of attitude instead of putting a lot of pressure on it being a success. you're allowed to let it be low stakes. and you are allowed to have fun with it!

i hope that some part of this was helpful and i hope that you will make a blog to share your work! i am looking forward to seeing it!!!

[ssamorganhotchner]

I'm normally quite a silent tumblr user but I felt it was important for me to tell you how much we all value your talent and appreciate so much that you choose to share it with us. It truly is a privilege to read, and yours specifically is a blog I come back to when having a shit day knowing that even your silly little horny on main posts about Aaron are enough to put a smile on my face and cause me to giggle. I'm hesitant in writing my own content but you and the community are inspiration enough to maybe start. Both your writing and personality are so enchanting, NEVER CHANGE BABE XX

Lots of love from a proud anon, sending you all the love i can possibly hold !!! xx

ps no one else's writing turns me on like yours.

oh my goodness anon 😭🩷 stooppppp i don’t even know how to respond to this. the love and encouragement you all have given me is insane & idk how i’ll ever be able to thank you properly for it.

i started writing for a smut prompt one day for kinktober and had so much fun i never looked back. it is a blast to write and share with all of you. i don’t think I’m the greatest but y’all’s compliments and encouragement go such a long way. im still writing though i haven’t published in a while, but im close to being done with one now so it’ll be out soon ◡̈

i am so glad y’all love the ‘horny on main’ posts bc I swear i thought people would hate that & be so annoyed. I have an nsfw hotch blog for that reason alone (@hotchners-sweetheart) but always forget to post my ✨thots✨ on there 😭🤣 so thank you bc you’ll be seeing more 😀

if you feel comfortable one day, you should absolutely write something, but remember only write for yourself and no one else. if you choose to publish it and let us read, by all means we will eat it up. writing is super intimidating at first but if you’re writing for yourself, i promise it’s worth it in the long run. 🩷

AND WHAT YOU SAID ABOUT MY WRITING TURNING YOU ON?! plz there are so many talented hotch writers out there that is such a compliment to me 🥺 we do not slut shame around here, we encourage it 😈

thank you again for your kind words, i really have no idea what i do for this but you all are so sweet and kind to me 😭🥺

#anon❤️ #ask answered! #morgan answers!!! #y’all be making me cry before work fr #thank you again anon :( #aaron hotchner #criminal minds #aaron hotchner x reader

[agent-cupcake]

Hey, another fanfic writer here—I saw ur recent post regarding lack of interest, and I have a few things I’d like to share that would hopefully help you since I’ve felt, and to an extent STILL feel the way you do about the topic of only really getting attention for fics of other more popular fandoms while the ones your proud of are just… 20 likes, as you said.

Apologies for the unasked advice, I come from a place of complete empathy since I’ve been there again and again to where I’d write a shit one off for a fic and it would get more traction then the stuff I actually put work into—like “wow you guys prefer some garbage written fluff of x character but this fic, which i have poured a LOT into, isn’t really acknowledged?” and unfortunately, there’s really no way of getting past that feeling beyond just completely removing yourself from the concept of being praised/putting importance in other people’s thoughts.

Genuinely I have not felt better than now when I post fics because I completely disregard people’s opinions—both good and bad, whether it be praise or mild hate—whatever is said, I feel nothing. This has fostered to the extent where I get annoyed when I get excessive likes for a fic because I find the notifs annoying. It’s a sad reality, but as writers (or creatives in general) it’s a detriment to consider others, especially when YOU, a painfully, undoubtedly SKILLED writer whose unpaid.

Seriously, not to give you the sloppy or whatever, but you’re fucking GOOD. And not to be the “hehe im a hardass and hard to impress!” but genuinely, reading your fics just makes me “😨” BECAUSE THEYRE SO GOOD?? HOW ARE THEY NOT PUBLISHED WORKS?? HOW ARE YOU ONLY GETTING 200 NOTES?? And it pains me to read that you’re deeply effected by the lack of traction you get, because I understand, but you must understand your worth isn’t defined by degens online who want a good smut or just a person who wants to read any content made of a niche character :(

Yadiyadia, long story short: You’re good (REALLY good) and I STRONGLY advise you learn to completely detach yourself from the want for praise and learn to create merely because you enjoy it, because in the end, all that matters is that YOURE happy and you, as the unpaid and sinfully underrated fanfic writer, enjoy the process.

I was being whiny and pathetic last night I don't like the way I came off so first off, I thank you for sending this, and thank all of the people who responded to my complaining with such kindness and understanding. There are so many wonderful people who have followed and interacted with me throughout the years. It's really unfair when I get depressive to be whiny about interaction when I have proof that so many people are willing to read 20k+ word fics. That's, what, over an hour out of their lives? Regardless if they comment or interact beyond that, it's something I'm way too willing to take for granted. I do apologize for speaking in a way that devalues what a blessing all of you are. When I'm upset I have a tendency to speak in a way that plays on guilt or sympathy way too much and, combined with my poor communication skills, I really do not like the way I came off especially since the people who reached out are the same ones who have been supporting me to begin with. It's poor behavior and I should be more mindful. Really, truly, thank you so much for offering your kindness and support, it really does mean a lot to me.

This is good advice and you're right that it's something I should keep in mind. Perspective is the name of the game unless you want to suffer. For the most part, I really do try to think this way. You know, create for the sake it of, enjoy what you do, all of that. To clarify, a little bit, the feelings behind my rambling last night, I view creation as an inherently interactive process. I have an idea and try to figure out how best to express that idea so I can share it with the reader who can then interpret and respond to that idea. The reader can tell me if I properly expressed that idea, or if I failed. That's why even something as small as "this was hot lol" is meaningful is because it's somebody telling me that I was successful with expressing my idea . But if this is how I feel about content creation, the only conclusion I'm able to draw from saying I don't care about feedback is to never post anything at all. I can't be "good" in a bubble. There's nothing to be learned, or understood, or measured if I am the only audience for myself. I write and share stories to express ideas to others because I genuinely think I have something to offer other people. Sure, it's often an appeal to sexuality or ridiculous levels of heightened emotion for the sake of titillation, but there's a lot of evidence of just how valuable people deem content like that. If somebody is willing to read a 20k+ word fic, I would like to know why. What I was whining about more than anything was a lack of interaction rather than traction. I don't expect to be wildly popular with reader insert, but it irks me that people would be more willing to demand I post more content (such as with the HxH stuff) than they would to show their appreciation for content I've already put up and they've consumed. Now that I'm not in that state of mind, I can acknowledge that this was a childish view to take that could very well not even be true on top of weird framing of holding my fics hostage for the sake of attention.

Anyway, I'm sorry that was an objectively bad take and I'll blame being sad and tired. I truly thank everybody who has responded kindly and with a reminder to focus on what actually matters (degeneracy and thirsting). I apologize again for putting people in that position it was pretty lame of me.

#personal #big yikes #gotta walk back my idiocy so i can have another brain dead take later

[fromdarzaitoleeza]

Hey! First of all I love your blog!

Now about siblings, me and my siblings both are in our in early 20s. I have a little brother, but it's like he's grown so much more than me. He taller, more social, bit more adult. After we both moved away from home for studies, we only meet in holidays. I'm studying to be a doctor and he's doing his degree. What I've felt recently is that even in friendly jabs he often brings up that I'm worthless even if I think I'm doing medicine, that it doesn't make me worthy of respect and praise. We have always had a bitter sweet relationship, I was always academically better than him. It never bothered him, he was never jealous and malicious. But now these silly jokes drip of jealousy and hate. He grown too old for me to punch him and then caress his cheek saying i hate you (affectionate) . I feel insecurity and resentment reek out of him, it sits heavy on my tongue. When we talk on phone occasionally, he says he misses me but when we're in the same room we don't talk. I love him so much I don't know where i went wrong. I only wanted him to be proud of me, all my hardwork to get into medschool now seems futile and useless. I was always the insecure one, the less favourite one, the spare, the problem but he wasn't, he was confident, he was my parents pride, he was the favourite. After so long I had come to terms with it but now I can't digest it that his biggest insecurity is me when in all facade I'm just the same Little girl who thinks nothing I can do is good enough. He doesn't need to be insecure or scared of me because there's nothing to compete, he's already the better one.

I'm so sorry for the rant and im sorry if it's now very articulate. I really wanted to get it off my chest. Thank you.

Hello thank you,

Responding to this while not having siblings feels illegal , I can only answer this based on things I have seen/ known that have had happened to others around me , looking at what you said maybe when you started to do better than your brother maybe your parents or PPL around him began to compare you with him, in regards with how much you have grown as a person and your brother has not( in terms of academic or career success/ or this could have brought up envyness?) when one sibling who was always better his whole is now compared as he is lacking behind than the other one, I guess that's when things go bad i could be completely wrong but that's what I could think of rn, letting go of past resentments is very important for any human relationships may be it's something he has to do , or perhaps if u could make some time to share with him this could clear up any misunderstanding that might have built up due to lack of communication, may be try to show up for him when he needs you may be this could help? I just hope things get better

You are always welcome to rant on my blog and being articulate about it🩷

#hope it get better #i am of no help when it comes to understanding siblings ties

[think0fmehigh]

love you so much molly and i will miss august and yfg but i know that your wellbeing is 100000x more important <3 proud of you for making such a big important decision and putting yourself first, you’ve left such an amazing mark on this community that im sure will be remembered by so many <3 wishing you so much love and luck

i’m crying thank you i love you !!!!!!

i’m glad i was able to share my work for a bit and have a positive impact on anyone. i really did not expect support like i’ve reiterated time and time again and i am so grateful for the all the love cuz fr i’m just a mentally ill girl

and i consider u little anons that are sweet to me my friends, which is why i wanted to explain myself to people other than my mutuals. 💗💗

#asks

[thatwhiteboardpsychstudent]

Hello!

After years of looking at the studyblr community from the outside, I've finally decided to join and try to see if this boosts my motivation to study! As you can probably guess from my url, my main study technique is with a whiteboard (I use the blurting method), but I also tend to take notes by hand and, not to be proud of myself or anything, I do think they end up being kinda aesthetic.

(This however does not mean that I have that polished crisp clean perfect study set up as some other studyblrs out there, so expect loads of realist, messy, cluttered pictures)

a b o u t m e:

i'm Carmen, but tbh any other nickname you can find (Car, Meli, anything else besides Transformers although I accept Bumblebee ha) works for me!

she/her

I'm gonna be 21 in October and Im not prepared at all.

Spanish.

As you can guess, english is my second language and I'm starting to study german again after five years of not touching it.

finishing my second year of uni.

psychology student and psychology obsessed kid

im a coffee addict but in the basic kind of way (aka lattes)

i follow from @ethereal-carmen

i n t e r e s t s:

reading (I read a lot and you will find some pics of my books along with my study material)

im that annoying middle school greek mythology nerd and Im not apologizing for it

baking although im starting to learn now

knitting and crocheting

playing the guitar and the uke

fencing (super into fencing)

writing -> my writeblr is @ink-fireplace-coffee

g o a l s:

i'd like to have motivation, although I think it's important for you to know that i'm not going to take this blog "seriously". I do think this can help me but I don't want to be too focused on aesthetics or making seem like my life is amazing if it's gonna distract me from my studies.

also i'd love to know some people and share our goals so that i can be the personal cheerleader of someone. I'm always up to read your thoughts, how your day went or what worries you about the next test you have to take <3

a c k n o w l e d g m e n t s:

as i've said, I've been following along from the sidelines for quite a few years now, and specially i have to thank these blogs for the inspo and the "final push" to make me start my own journey:

@chazza-studies-alevels, @apricot-studies, @studyxpsych, @studyign, @elkstudies and @emmastudies in between many many more. thank you!

#studyblr #new studyblr #studyblr introduction #studyblr intro post #studying #university studyblr #psychology student #psychology studyblr

[reggies-eyeliner]

YALL I WOKE UP TO PEOPLE SAYING BYLER IS A SIN???? HUH????

DONT BE LIKE JASON

(tw: religious talk + Christianity, if you're uncomfortable w these topics please let me know love + keep scrolling ilysm)

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number one!!! im a growing Christian!! i do have my fair share of religious trauma but at the end of the day im a Christian. But the God that I love isn't homophobic wtf are y'all on 😭😭✋

number two!! I'm unlabeled and very very gay and very much into women. And I love Byler and I support the lgbtq+ community which I may add is the BARE MINIMUM SO PLEASE

number THREE IDK WHERE YALL CHRISTIANS ARE GETTING THE IDEA OF "god hates gays 😡😡😡" from because he?? doesn't?? the Bible literally says that love is the most important and that we should be loving others. Pushing YOUR RELIGION onto other people who could ALSO HAVE RELIGIOUS TRAUMA isn't what God taught us to do!!

y'all I just want to go through my byler tag in peace 😭🫶

IN SUMMARY, God does not hate you man. You were made so beautifully and I am so proud of any member of the LGBTQ+ community for enduring so much hate bc that's definitely not what God taught. Christians, please stop forcing your religion in a toxic way, and instead!! Get to know them!! Be nice to them!! LET THEM LIVE THEIR LIFE CAN I GET AN AMEN

IN ALL SUMMARY, DON'T BE LIKE JASON. No one wants to be like Jason.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk

#tw Christianity #man im so sorry it has to be a tw in the first place #on behalf of them im so sorry oh my gosh man #byler

[metfell]

I know im not much in the sea of artists out there but I hope it brings you hope that you DID help someone!! I used to be like super hard on myself and stressed all the time about the presentability of my art, but then I saw how much you posted "unfinished" art and boosted your own work and how enthusiastic you were about sharing the act of creation and that rubbed off on me!

I still have huge anxiety about my work, but I make a lot of effort to not insult my work and I try to step out of my bubble and look at it through the eyes of someone else, all thanks to advice you shared :) it's genuinely helped me enjoy making art so much more and I want you to know that yes you have had great influence on at least me <3

I'M GONNA GET EMOTIONAL IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!! i think just having someone you see over and over setting an example of how to be kind to yourself as an artist is really important, especially if you're just starting out or if you don't think highly of your own work.

there's a LOT of days where i'm not happy with my stuff. i look back at certain pieces and i think about how much better i could do them now, or that my current style is losing that sense of life that my 2021 pieces had. but i don't say that stuff when i post my art, because i want people to be able to appreciate the work even if i can't. maybe there's something i'm not seeing in it, maybe that art that i'm not proud of is someone else's favorite piece of mine!

there's a work that i can't stand but holly LOVES and i whine and complain about that work all the time but it's a piece he's a fan of, and so i've learned to see the good parts of it even if i myself am not happy with it.

i just think about how happy and full of life the art community could be if we all shared the same excitement for our own works as much as we do for other people's works. i think that would be a really nice place to be in :)

#ask #anonymous #special asks

[onmymasa22]

Right now i feel inspired. To create, to take over the world. Where i dont know what life will bring, where it will take me, but i just want to create. I want to fall in love with painting. I want thick and squeezing and hands into something. Tomorrow i hope to hashem that ill have the same desire to paint and love life. 

Hashem this year, i want to remember that you are with me. Because im human and i forget sometimes. Friends are important so that we never feel alone. 

Sometimes people come to me for advice and all i can do is tell them that they aren't alone, because im there to help or just be with them. And 

I feel like its different when ur with other people and when ur with me. I dont know exactly what it is. Maybe its a different sparkle in your eye. You look like youre happy. I just see something different in you. Like you just look at me and i melt. When you told me you wanted to make those three to ten kids with me. When you told me i couldve come in pajamas. When you didnt care that my breathe smelt like garlic. When you told me that im beautiful inside and out. I see a different light in you. The way you look in my eyes. The way you smile while looking at me. The way holding you just feels like the ocean. I love making you breathe deeply or when you give me a hard time. Or when someone said i had a boney butt, but you said u like my butt. I like it when u said ur smiling and laughing so hard your face hurts. When we're with others its ok. But when we're together, i see something different. I see a twinkle. I see how beautiful u are. You are such a beautiful man. 

I want a husband who is so inlove with me. Who is so grateful im in his life. Who needs to be around me. Who will check with me before physical stuff. Who accepts me for everythibg i am and everything im not. Who pushed me to be better. Who can communicate and is positive and happy. Who loves me when hes happy, not when hes sad or lonely. 

After a while of not being happy, but for no good reason, and then not being happy for all the reasons, i finally feel happy. And it doesnt have to do with any kind of situation differnce. Teachers are still annoying, friends share my secrets. But i stopped caring. I just call them a pineapple and keep going. They want to be upset, let them, they want to give me stumbling blocks, ill be okay. I just want to enjoy each and every day that i have. 

He texted me that im really nice and cute and I'm a good person but I'm not for him. That's ok. Maybe we'll be friends instead. It was a nice run. It's my dating for purim time. I was hopeful and i kind of treat people like we're already friends. Ahhh maybe he wants to have sex with someone. Thats cool. Its not me, but its cool. We can go to being friends. It was all fake. The wanting to be closer, the compliments, all of it. Everything he said was a lie. And im still me. Im still ok. Im pissed. Im frustrated. I saw more than maybe there was. Maybe we dont vibe. Maybe he likes eli. 

Ok. We kind of broke it off today. I dont let people see me sweat. I dont act emotional. I kind of just use my brain. I need to heal myself. That isnt his responsibility to do. Now, with myself i can be emotional. I need to heal myself. It was three weeks, but it was a good three weeks. 

I need to just go through my feelings. I kind of just clam up. Like i wont let them see me sweat. And thats ok. I love myself. Im proud of myself. I appreciate myself. I am inoove with myself and i just need to show myself love. 

I was this day old when i had a relationship where i was fully me. I was comunicative. I 

Me getting angry at you, it means i cared. See, i dont care enough about anybody and thats not always a good thing. It feels sometimes like nothing hurts me when u dont let people inside. I dont plan on anyone staying, i dont plan on people sticking by their words or actions. People get to do whatever they want. They can choose me, or wont. Ill still be here thinking i deserve the world. My worth doesnt corespobd to being chosen. Is a flower not as beautiful because no one picked it. Dalya, you are a flower no one paid attention to. The right person will pick u but people who aren't right will spend a few weeks with you anf understand that they aren't the right ones. 

Im having trouble with this life. I want to b ok. 

I want a guy who will just be good to me. Someone who loves me and accepts me no matter what. Someone who believes in hashem with all their being. Someone who stands by their word. Someone who makes me be better. Someone i can love and accept and make them better. 

A young guy says to a rabbi- im having a really hard time with with davening. How can i work on it? The rabbi then asks, what do you like? The young man said i like chessed. So the rabbi says, put davening asside. Work on chessed. Everyone is shocked. The man says well how do i work on chessed? The rabbi says- start small. When you walk into a room, and a person is in the room, say hello. If a kid is in the room, say hello to the kid. If hashem is in the room, say hello to hashem

I think youre an asshole. I think if i had lower self asteem or i actually trusted u, u would b really damaging. I think guys like you are assholes. U r just grimy, and i am not grimy. A part of me is bothered that u continue on like u r decent and ur not. Youre slimy. And a part of me wishes i could tell u how slimy u r, how i wish i never knew u, how i wish u wouldnt text me again. A part of me thinks that you should just disappear into the darkness of my past. Maybe that part of me is all of me. The part of me that wants for that to disappear. 

I just wanted to say thank you for creating a space where i can go out with my phone on 13 percent battery and know that ill be fine because its a space to connect with people and im barrly on my phone. Almost every event i find myself having a 

I just wanting to say thank you for creating a forum where I dont need to care whether I have battery on my phone. I know that I can come to an event with my phone on 13% and be totally okay because it's about deep connections with whoever is around me, and not being on a cellphone.

Dalya 

 because the energy is to connect with people, not to be on my phone. Its a space where i 

Things that show me im on the right path:

Shai barzilai told me that there's something wild about me and i need to let it out. That "i have it". To keep drawing alot. I said i work fast but not good, he said i work great.

When rachel keeny said that im an artist. And i was like what?! She was like you're an artist. I said im never sure that im in the right place. She said you are.

When meir says that what i did was interesting. When he says that it finds favor in his eyes. The smile and his eyes when he looks at it. 

Things that give me energy:

Creating art

Volunteering with old people

I want to read book, to paint and draw and sculpt. 

I started out as a star. And hashem said, do you want to go to earth for an insanely short period of time and feel every emotion that exists. 

I lived, i loved, and i felt it all. 

I love the look on yonatans face when hed sit and watch me draw and id look at him and he'd smile. Like watching me work gave him pleasure. 

I want to learn how to draw with dry pastels Marriage will not make me happy. Having a good job will not make me happy. I could be married and be unhappy. I could be single and be unhappy. I really just want to be happy. 

I was in a guest bedroom

And i remember looking in the mirror at myself and telling myself that today you are going to say everything that comes into your head. So its a memory of pointing at myself in the mirror.

The next thing is me bleeding from my face, my nose and my eyes and everything. Blood on the floor. Its sitting on the floor and knowing that im gonna live, i checked to see if i still had my legs, if i still had my arms, if all my teeth were still in my mouth. 

Saying no was scary. Because the courage it takes to say know is all the energy in your body. But then if you say no amd they ignore you, you feel invisible. And the feeling of being invisible, is the worst feeling in the world. So you would rather blame yourself for not saying anything, than deal with the fact that you clumpt together all the courage in your body and it didnt do anything. 

Yaakov was a gilgul of adam and thats why yaakov was the most beautiful- he wasnt born, he was created by hashem. 

When yosef refuses to sleep with her. It uses the word refuse. And theres a shalaheles about the word meaning a chain linking it to somewhere else. The word is found where it talks about yaakov refusing to b comforted to believe that yosef is dead until he sees a dead body. Because yosef says, he wont give up on himself, because he believes that his father didnt give up on him yet

On this purim i am letting myself breathe. I am letting myself be slow. I am letting the feeling that ive pent up inside come out. I am crying freely and letting myself feel sad and homesick and grateful at the same time. I am healing. And this is what my healing looks like. I am going through stuff that i dont want to talk about. I have a wheel of feelings that are different all the time. I just want life to stop so i can feel. But it doesnt, so i tske it easy and try to enjoy the ride. 

Im trying to convince myself that im better off without that. That I'm not missing out on anything real or worthy. Im sad now. And im far away. And i want to be back in my happy self. I just want to daven. And be who i am. I am light. I am everything good. I am perfection deep down. I have some dirt still that i got back into. But hey, i kept shabbat all year except for once. I want to be a beam of light again. I need good energy. Energy that matches who i want to be. 

I think the biggest part about my trauma is that i stopped trusting ppl enough to be hut by them. I stopped showing them i was hurt. I wont let them feel like they hurt me. It doesn't mean they didnt, but it means my guard is always up. I cant let my guard down. Duh. 

When i tell u ir try to convince u im not a good person, its a lie. Its a facade because i dont want u to know how good i am. So its like a mask. But actually, im so good and pure. And i dont know if the lie works. But its also a wall. If someone hurts me knowing how good i am, it hurts more than thinking i deserve it. Its easier to blame mysekf than to blsme someone else as just being an asshole. 

I am the girlfriend who will call and just listen to you breathe. I will make u laugh and hold you when i can. I am the type to love with such passion and loyalty. I am such a gift. I am light. I am not like other girls. I am beautiful inside and out. 

I am waiting for the one who thinks he is so lucky to have me. Who wants to spend every second of every day with me. Who answers my phonecalls. Im the girl who will stay. Who will try to gigure out how to deal with whatever. Who will have the conversations. I want everyone to love everything about me. I am the girl a guy should want to marry from first sight. He'll see me and know. Then he'll talk to me and really know. He should be the best person ever. 

I realized, there's not one teacher who will talk about my hagasha that ill respect or appreciate their opinion. 

אנחנו בשנה ג. אז היו לי הגשות שהרגיש טוב, והיו הגשות שפגע בי אישית שהייתי צריכה להרגע אחר כך כי לא ציפיתי. עכשיו הגעתי למקום שאני מרוצה, ואני צריכים להגיד את הדעות שלכם בתור מרצים, וחצי מכם לא תאהובו את מה שעשיתי לא משנה מה, רק בגלל שזאת אני. ואני אומרת לעצמי שזה משקף אתכם, לא אני. ואני לא מצפה לדברים טובים. 

[loverzs]

Letter

I loved you for the person you were. Since 2019, until now, I’ve loved you, I loved you so much. So much that I believe I’ll never be in love again. and I loved you for the simple reason that you were you, and you were the kindest guy I had ever met. It might sound weird, but I could literally feel your kind heart radiating off of you the first time we met. You made me feel special from the earliest moments we had together and it made me so happy. I have so many memories of you and I, that I hold so close to my heart.

You were nowhere near as successful as you are now. While being proud of you, as time goes by, I can feel myself losing you with every day. We’ve both changed so much, but I’ve seen you start caring more and more about fame, attention, material things. And the more you care about those things, the less I can feel you care about me. I know it’s only a matter of time before you realise that I’m not good enough for you, that someone of your status should be with someone on the same level, someone prettier, someone cooler, someone much more well known and popular.

I just know that if you had to choose between your career and to be with me, you would choose your career without a second thought. I can feel and sense so strongly that I’ve become so much less important to you. I cry my eyes out as I write this, because realising I’m no longer the most important thing to you is like I’m experiencing september 2022 all over again. I’m just not that important to you anymore, and I don’t believe that you love me anymore.

I watched a couple on the train home from work today, and I asked myself why couldn’t that be you and me? My heart shattered as I watched them hold hands, share headphones, laugh together, kiss. I cant even see my phone right now from how much i am crying. I don’t know why you did this to me. You made me believe that that could be us one day. I know it can’t. I was believing in nothing. It wont happen. If you couldn’t be with me back in 2022, as the time passes, you gain more to lose. I become even more of a risk to your precious career. I’ll never be someone you bring into your real life. I know you won’t. Please don’t lie to me anymore, please don’t entertain me any longer. I know you don’t really want me, I know our future together is a lie. I know it’s not going to happen. Please don’t delude me anymore. Please remove the heart from your name and just stop tricking me anymore.

The last few weeks have been terrible again between you and i. This situation of no direct communication has brought out the absolute worst in me, it always has, and it’ll continue to. I don’t think it’s fair to expect any better from me, given anyone else in the situation would have suffered emotionally the same as I have. But please know that I’m sorry, for all the negativity I caused in your life I am so sorry and I hate that I did that.

Let’s not fight anymore. Let’s not make each other mad, annoyed or sad anymore. Let’s not ruin each other’s moments that are meant to be joyful and happy anymore. I didn’t mean to do that to you, and Im sure you didn’t mean to do it to me. I’m tired, and my heart is hurting from everything we went through. I can feel you losing the desire to fight for me, you don’t want to have to prove you love me anymore. And it’s okay. We can end it before it gets worse, before it becomes more painful than it already is. I’m just not meant to be with you. You and I are an impossible couple that just can’t happen in this life. I know because if we were possible, last year in September 2022 instead of experiencing traumatic heartbreak, we would’ve been holding each other and telling each other how long we waited. The moment I dream of, of holding your hand and looking in your eyes is never going to happen and I know you were too kind to let me know that. I know it now. Don’t worry anymore.

I loved you and I loved being yours for a while.

[kgssanity]

Long post but worth a read 😅,

I haven’t posted anything personal in so long. And tbh I have my reasons why. But today I thought why not share something maybe someone could relate to.

Lately I started a journey or self discovery. Of self love and getting to know myself really good. I discovered that if a person doesn’t satisfy my needs, not only sexual but spiritually and mentally then my whole body and spirit shuts down. Memories will forever remain in my heart. And regardless of the negative shit and painful shit done to me, I still forgive them. Cause at the end of the day they were trying to figure out themselves as well. Its hard to really explain my new attitude towards my past and those two people i once dated. (One of them who i married) mistakes were made. Arguments and miscommunications happened. But at the end of the day I wasn’t for you and you weren’t for me. I don’t ever stalk nor keep communication with any of my exes. And i think its only respectful for both parties. They both came to my life for a reason and I don’t question it at all cause i learned what I needed to learn.

One taught me that respect is a must. That insults and degrading comments should never be okay. (Unless its sexual and its a kink)

That the love you give shouldn’t be greater than the love you give yourself.

Mental health is important. You should always feel comfortable to speak whats going on with your mental even if it doesn’t make any sense. But whoever you’re with should never make you feel weird about it. Let alone make you feel “crazy”.

Time shows who people really are.

Laying hands or being thrown objects at you is not okay.

Consent is always necessary when coming to sex or even touching no matter how long y’all dated for. I was taken advantage of by an ex partner and I will not say a name. But they were intoxicated and no matter how many times I said no. They still did what they did. (Did i hate them? Well duh but I still forgive them cause that taught me that I shouldn’t settle for less.)

Drinking or smoking should be a fun experience with a loved one. (Not a shitty time of arguing or even fighting)

You should be encouraged on doing those hobbies or activities you enjoy doing! (Never told “nah im not into that, or lets go do what I like to do.” Dismissing you entirely)

Your space and time should be respected. (They need to know when you need some alone time and not think anything about it until you’re ready to talk about it)

Expectations are probably the worst thing to have. (Everyone is different. Meaning everyone has their own way to express their love for you in a positive way)

Standards are good to have. You should know what you want in a partner. However no one is perfect. So let those standards be logical.

Trust is necessary. The moment you start dating is the moment you give 100% trust to them. So no matter how many times your head tells you “go check their phone and socials.” Don’t do it. They chose to be with you.

Privacy needs to be respected. If your phone and/or personal books/journals are private. Let that be known. Trust they will not be touched by them nor invaded.

People need to be proud of having you in their lives. (I was with people who didn’t show any affection in public cause they weren’t proud of me. One because of my physical looks and the other cause they didn’t want to make people uncomfortable of the couple of lesbians showing love.) I don’t feel shame so why make me feel like I should?

If you like masculine women, (like myself 😉) don’t forget that they are still women. They like to be spoiled too. They like flowers and you showing up too. Little surprises with loving details like what they love and enjoy doing could even allow them to be vulnerable with you. Most of these masculine women have been treated like dudes when in reality they aren’t unless told otherwise.

Doing 50-50 is not a thing. Doing 100-100 is where its at. If i want you, i want you 100%. We both need to give 100% of ourselves to build our own empire together.

Feelings should never be invalidated. (If they only talk about how they feel but don’t bother to care how you feel. - red flag.)

Now, I am not an expert but I just wanted to share things I’ve learned. I appreciate the people who have come into my life. Whether it was temporary or permanently. I thank you a lot cause it has helped me become who I am. A strong independent queer woman. Who is no longer afraid of love. A woman who is proud of the body I am in. It took me years to love my chubby body. (I still have my insecurities kick in sometimes but I am only human) but for the most part I happy with where I am.

Yours truly,

Kgssanity ❤️🏳️‍🌈

#personal #lesbian #love #lovely #queer #pride #njlesbian #queer wlw #lets be pals #lets be honest