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#you’ve just reminded me of it!
wavesoutbeingtossed · 1 month
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The whole discourse about the privacy/secrecy/support thing has been sitting with me for a few days (I mean other than it always does to a certain degree) thanks to all the excellent discussion happening and I know I'm not saying anything that hasn't been said a million times before, but I think what we're seeing and what we're going to learn (e.g. from TTPD) is that it wasn't just the support issue, but how it was shown/handled.
We've all gone out of our way to show that introversion =/= lack of support. Someone can be shy, reserved, etc. and still show up for their partner, whether in public or at home. To chalk any of the differences up to the clash between introversion and extroversion is unfair to folks who count themselves among either tbh.
@thisisctrying said something the other day that hit the nail on the head about how if that support had been offered in private, there very well may not have been a Joever to begin with, or at least not at this point in time. (Sorry for loosely paraphrasing, and for namedropping you! Long time listener, first time poster.)
If this were a case where the "shy" partner said, "I am really uncomfortable with the spotlight personally and do not want to court it, but I will support you in your ambitions and offer you whatever you need to make them happen and make the glare bearable," I suspect that would have gone a long way to making Taylor feel seen and comfortable in pursuing her goals in the way that she now has. Again, that might have been more akin to the balance that seemed to have been struck around 2019 from what we can see, but even speaking in a general sense, there are lots of couples out there, celebrity or not, that have similar approaches where there are highly driven people and busy careers involved.
(A famous example being Dolly Parton's marriage. Tbh I know next to nothing about her and Carl, but she's always heralded as an example in this regard, because her husband is famously uncomfortable with the spotlight and hasn't accompanied her to public events in decades, but she's said that she never minded that because that was always work to her, and what was important was that he supported her in pursuing all her career goals and basically ensured she had a place to call home to return to at the end of the day.)
We're kind of in a brave new world with her current relationship because it felt like, at least at the start, we were maybe watching her figure out her boundaries in real time as to what she was comfortable with or not and adjust accordingly. Like so many have said, I fully believe the extreme privacy thing was initially driven by herself and her experiences in 2016, and she needed that quiet time to recover from all of the things and figure out how to exist in the world again.
Stating the obvious, it seemed like eventually privacy was equated with secrecy, turning the relationship and the celebrity into the elephant in the room and something to never be spoken of to the outside world. People are free to choose whatever works best for themselves and their relationships, and for some the separate public lives might work, but the “kept me like a secret but I kept you like an oath” theme is all over her work and it’s clear that it’s a sore spot for her, because she’s been made to feel shame just for the life she leads so many times in the past.
What I’m trying to say is that it’s pretty obvious something Not Great was happening behind the scenes, which didn’t just amount to “she wanted to be a public celebrity and he wanted to be a private hermit.” (Also, in case anyone forgot, this is a person who also chose a public-facing career who also has to engage in press for it, but I digress.) As her career reached new heights post-folklore, if she had the support at home to do all the things without judgment and with encouragement, and in turn offer the same support to her partner, she may have very well lived just fine with that, not unlike Dolly Parton’s case.
By reading between the lines in all the press since, as well as comments on tour and general ~vibes~ with TTPD teasers, it seems like one of the issues was that that was likely not the case. There was all the stuff that we saw — the reticence to acknowledge each other in the media (particularly on one side), the lack of public support even at events at which they were both in attendance for their respective jobs, the great lengths they went to not to be photographed together at events they attended yet no problem taking pictures with other friends and coworkers, the jobs that separated them, the withdrawing from the public even for work accomplishments, etc. Which could all be manageable if a couple chooses to do so together and are not inherently a sign of trouble in themselves.
But what we’re seeing now I think is a reflection of the things we weren’t seeing then, and it seems to indicate some very deep hurt. (I know, call me Captain Obvious.) And like so many have been saying, it feels likely that that part of that hurt is rooted in that very lack of private support where a person would expect it from their partner. Obviously as a Taylor fan blog I’m going to be more inclined to understand her side of a story, but tbh, it’s also because… this is sooooooo common, and something I’ve experienced in my friend group. (@taylortruther is right when she says most breakups are the same one way or another lol.)
One partner is resentful of the other’s success, or resentful that the other’s priorities begin to evolve as new experiences unlock new goals, or feels the other’s ambitions are not worthy of pursuit, and coupled with perhaps their own struggles in the same domain, it’s easy to see where that can chip away at the other partner’s morale and faith in the relationship. I know I’m just speculating here, but I also don’t think it’s totally unfounded. (Again, because a) I’m picking up what she’s putting down and b) it happens to sooooooo many women even among us dull normals.)
With all the pointed mentions about how much Taylor feels supported in her current relationship and how she in turn loves to offer the same show of support to not only her partner but other loved ones, how she’s stepped out more in the last year to a whole host of events, how she’s mentioned feeling like she locked herself away for years and she’s just proud of her partner and happy she can show up for him even if the chaos around it is unsettling, it paints a picture of what perhaps was happening before last year.
To feel like you’re all alone in carrying the weight of the relationship (or burden of it), of twisting yourself into knots to accommodate the other person’s boundaries (or insecurities) but not feeling reciprocity for your own has to be so painful. (The idea that it may have been even darker and to have a partner not only be unreceptive to your own needs but even perhaps resentful/dismissive/belittling of them is even more painful to think of. I guess we’ll find out when TTPD comes out if that was the case, too.)
At a certain point, that lack of acknowledgement will force your hand to be able to reclaim yourself. And it feels like the further removed Taylor in particular is from it, the more she moves from being sad about the life she felt she gave up by leaving, to angry at the life she felt she was giving up by staying. Especially being in a relationship now where it seems like everything comes much easier, where she can be open about the person she’s with and show up for them, all the stuff that seemed as challenging as climbing Mount Everest in her past is nothing more than a molehill at best in her current life.
TL;DR: I don’t think it’s privacy that inherently spells doom for a celebrity relationship like this; it’s the mutual support and respect that does. If Taylor had felt that in the later years of her previous relationship, I think we could be seeing a different, though not necessarily unfulfilled, person right now in 2024, who’d be happy on tour but whose personal life would look a little different. But it seems like by losing that support she lost parts of herself, and we’ve seen her reclaim that in spades in the last year, and perhaps to degrees she didn’t even realize she could from before all the Bad Stuff started happening in her young adulthood.
I know this was extremely long-winded and unnecessary, especially about total strangers we only know through scraps fed through the media, but I just always bristle at this idea that issues like these boil down to “personality differences,” as though one person wants to live in a city and the other on a remote island, or some shit like that. The whole support (and gender tbh) issue is one that’s just very close to my heart because again, I have seen it play out with so many of my friends in long term relationships and marriages and I just think people in relationships (and women in particular in some circles) deserve better than to feel like they’re being, well, tolerated.
#thisisctrying and taylortruther sorry for tagging you two!#can remove if needed!#but you guys made me think a lot#this was inspired by a conversation i had with a friend the other day#where she relayed an argument she had with her partner#who basically felt slighted that he wasn’t getting acknowledgement for all the housework he does — which is. just. the dishes#and she was like ‘wow congrats you’ve done the dishes — i do every other fucking thing to keep this household afloat in ways you see#and don’t see and i never ask for praise because it’s just stuff that needs to get done because that’s how you support your family’#and it just reminded me that some partners (and a certain kind of man in particular) just… think their struggles take precedence#when their partners drown in them everyday but keep things afloat out of necessity and are never recognized or supported for it#(my friends have shitty husbands/boyfriends can you tell lol)#long post#again the way i just feel like i know the vibes of ttpd in my bones are 😵‍💫#i feel like i have a lot more thoughts but I’m trying to be more gracious and less parasocial so#also just want to again defend the introverts of the world by reiterating that being introverted does not mean unsupportive#being a shitty partner does though!#writing letters addressed to the fire#it’s also just like… i feel like if Taylor had had even a modicum of the support in private and even public she needed#she’d probably still be with you know who and wouldn’t have considered leaving let alone doing it#because it would have felt like enough and like it was what was needed for both of them#whereas we’re seeing a completely new side of her open up now because this is the first time she’s ever had that support from a partner#in her adult life at least#and it’s like it’s opening up things she didn’t know she needed or wanted
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silksongeveryday · 1 year
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Drawing Hornet everyday until Silksong comes out - Day 39
vibe check
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not requested just felt silly
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hurt-you · 7 months
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guys i’m not doing ok
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kinokoshoujoart · 6 months
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welcome to forget me not valley, which eligible man(datory husband) will you be pursuing
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nightbloodbix · 6 months
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— THE ROGUE INQUISITOR
Aho belongs to @marivenah 💕
[template by @jacobseed]
tag list (ask to be added or removed!): @adelaidedrubman @florbelles @simonxriley @shegetsburned @voidika @kyber-infinitygems @v0idbuggy @inafieldofdaisies @statichvm @socially-awkward-skeleton @aceghosts @jillvalentinesday @risingsh0t @unholymilf @thedeadthree @cassietrn @jackiesarch
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giveemhales · 2 years
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My Steddie Gifsets: 1/?
10 Things I Hate About You AU
Nancy wants to date Robin. But she knows Robin would feel far too guilty to ever say yes to the girl who broke her best friend’s heart. Unless it was clear Steve had truly moved on. So Nancy enlists the help of her younger brother and his friends, promising to do their homework for a month so they have more time to work on building a campaign if they can get Steve in a relationship. So Mike and Dustin embark on a mission to get Steve a date.
Steve stopped dating after his heart was broken. Everyone knows it, because practically every girl in Hawkins has asked him out, only to be rejected. With the pool now so small, Dustin knows he has to get creative and choose someone who will really be able to grab Steve’s attention. So Eddie- the head of his D&D club and the resident bad boy- seems like the perfect fit. Unfortunately, Dustin also knows that anti-establishment Eddie would never date somebody like Steve- who represents everything he hates- unless there was something in it for him (even if Dustin insists that getting to date Steve should be enough of a prize). So Dustin pools up some money (and his most prized miniature that he knows Eddie has been eyeing), and tells Eddie it’s all his if he can get a date with Steve. He hopes that maybe they can both find happiness together. And things seem to go perfectly. Steve and Eddie fall for each other, Robin and Nancy get together. Love is in the air. But of course, the truth always comes out…
(If anyone feels compelled to use this as a prompt, please send the results my way, I’m obsessed with the idea of this AU)
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starmagnets · 6 months
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kirbtober day 7: headcanon
ofc i was gonna draw cat siblings for this.
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wyvernne · 1 year
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you know what i was thinking about.
like.
to me it feels like kaeya grew up to become what diluc needed. he had already been thrown away by his father once, and now, in this new home, he tried to make himself as useful and irreplaceable as possible. a confidant, friend, brother. but once he realized he was just playing a part, just as his father sent him to do? once he told diluc, knowing how it would end between them?
i feel like the kaeya we see in-game is largely grappling with that realization. honestly, he’s flirtatious and aloof but it constantly feels like a front. he no longer has to be diluc’s second half and shadow. but then, what’s left is a man fighting for a country that he feels was never really his to begin with. it still feels like he still has himself convinced that he’s just playing a role and deceiving those around him.
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exidol · 4 months
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morning everyone . y’all ever feel like you’re bothering people? or is it the overthinking ? 👀
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age-of-moonknight · 1 year
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“Let’s Dance,” Moon Knight (Vol. 9/2021), #21.
Writer: Jed MacKay; Artist: Alessandro Cappuccio; Colorist: Rachelle Rosenberg; Letterer: Cory Petit
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stephantom · 5 months
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I rewatched Friday the 13th for the first time since I first saw it 23 years ago, at a sleepover in October just before my 13th birthday. It was one of the first horror movies I’d ever seen, if not the first—definitely the first slasher film, and it scared the fuck out of me then. So I was curious how I’d feel on a rewatch. I don’t know if I’m disappointed or delighted to report that it was not only not scary, it was dumb. lol
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aquatic-batt · 8 months
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I WANT YOU HERE, LOVE, BY MY SIDE
HOWEVER DARK, HOWEVER LIIIIIIIGHT
I WANT YOU HERE FOR ALL MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!
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scoopsgf · 2 years
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I somehow got warped into listening to a Gilmore Girls podcast where they discussed the infamous "I know you" line with two r*gan fans and only one lit fan and of course, everyone was against it. So it got me wondering what your opinion on that line is, specifically? I never considered it bad or even "manipulative" of Jess because even if you were to argue that he "tried to guilt Rory for not being 'a perfect version of herself that he made up'", that doesn't really hold up within the narrative in season 6 when Jess pretty much leaves her alone afterwards? And many like to argue that Jess just knew "a version" of Rory about 1.5 years before seeing her again when she dropped out of Yale, but that alone isn't a) a significant amount of time that has passed, and b) doesn't negate the fact that Jess could obviously tell that Rory was just lost and aimless, not that he was angry with her because she dropped out of Yale and decided to pursue something else because obviously, Rory had not taken up any other route after the season 5 finale, she had just become aimless. So yeah, if you'd be interested about discussing this, I'd love to hear your opinion on it
i imagine the people who say they’re against it only do so because they’re biased and just… don’t understand what jess meant by it. the bottom line is, he does know her. he knows her ambitions and life goals—to become an overseas correspondent, the next christiane amanpour, to attend an ivy league school and do well there. academia has always been a passion of rory’s; you could even go so far as to identify it as a piece of her personality, so the fact that she’d dropped out of a school she fought tooth and nail to get into was definitely alarming (to everyone, not just to jess). of course he was gonna ask her what the hell was going on??? he was concerned. beyond that, everything he said was true, and you can tell from rory’s facial expressions that she knows it. also, the fact that this conversation gets her to go back to yale says everything. i don’t understand why people are so against it. like, literati aside it’s what gets rory back on track, so the fact that people resent it even as a narrative device when these are the same people who hate on rory for dropping out and “spiralling” just baffles me. anyway, i don’t at all see any part of the speech as manipulative or guilt-tripping. i see it as someone who loves rory and understands her questioning why she’s settling for a guy who drags her down and a lifestyle that doesn’t at all suit her, nor compliment her interests. there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.
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ark1os · 6 days
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I didnt know the tags woulr be so much i shouldve just wrote a long vent 😭😭😭 rip
#lol. there are still times where my brain goes omg what if you’re really a narc#and then i go out of my way to make sure my friends are as comfortable as possible and thati meet all their needs and i apologize every few#minutes for something silly or for maybe hurting them unintentionally and then i remember of#every fallout w people in my life where i was always taking responsibility for my actions n for my role to what led to the fallouts no#matter how toxic the person was and i remember all the times i geniunely apologized to my siblings for my mistakes (without them pointing#out i did smth wrong) and i remember all the tomes someone told me i hurt them and i owned up to it and apologized and then i go#oh ywa. maybe not ?#bonus: all the times i helped someone out in secret to bring some ease in their life without ever telling them or bragging eith it or#using it against them or reminding them that i did x y z for them#and then all the times where my guilt ate me up at nights and i cried and the times where i brought out the best of people because my love#is Nuturing. yea#AND I GUESS THE FACT THAT MY EX BEST FRIEND TOLD ME IM A NARC AND I STRAIGHT UP WENT OMG YEA! PROBABLY! BECAUSE I WOULDVE BELIEVED HER#ANYTHING 😭😭😭😭 BECAUSE INWAS SO SURE SHE KNEW ME BETTER THAN I KNEW MYSELF! 😭😭😭#BECAUSE I HAD LOST MYSELF COMPLETELY IN THE FRIENDSHIP 😭😭😭😭 NOT VERY NARC OF ME 😭😭😭😭😭😭#but yea. i guess abandonment issues apathy and lack of communication skills (which leads to passive aggressivness) will make you look like a#narc i get where she came from! but still. if i ever see someone diagnose other people i will simply tell them to shut up#especially based on sentences taken out of context. not very sexy#and also very stupid.#rationally seen i shouldve kicked out the thought that im probably not one when my therapist told me theres no chance i am but. when you get#treated like a freaking mondter from the people you’ve trusted deeply. it does something to you >.>#also when my therapist said that she has No rights to make Any diagnosis or statements about other people because whatever i tell her its#going to tell her more about me than them. i shouldve just dtopped believing it honestly. like freaking sideeye to those therapists thst#told my ex friends im a narc. and a big fat kiss to my therapist for being such a beautiful empathstic underztanding patient beautiful and#kind person#alhamdulillah ^-^#kicked out the thought thst i am one *#and also a big fat sorry for being hsving no empathy. my communication skills are getting brtter and im working on my abandonment issues#(sfter being abandoned by my closest friends and family hello this is so sexy of me) and im soooo much more st peace w myself n i like and#care aboyt myself ^-^ even just writing a list of positive things ahout me is smth i wouldve never done two years ago#(also my family took me back alhamdulillah eheh)
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cuteniaarts · 6 days
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Fanny, my sweet, beautiful girl
17.11.2012 – 14.04.2019
#my art#artists on tumblr#I cannot accept that it has been 5 years already#I know covid messed with everyone’s sense of time but it simultaneously feels so much longer and so much shorter than that#exactly five years ago I was holding onto my mom for dear life and sobbing as we watched lilo and stitch together#not the best movie to watch when you’ve just lost your first ever pet you know#and then I cried myself to sleep at the next morning we never mentioned her again#I know it’s because it was way too painful for everyone involved. but I do wish I was allowed to process that grief properly#instead of bottling it up and pretending everything was okay until I was reminded of her#feeling like my heart was being shattered over and over again every single time#well anyway. enough of that. I’ve allowed myself a nice long cry today and got most of it out of my system#and once I was feeling okay I decided to draw her#and I can count the number of times I’ve drawn animals on one hand so.. I’m not too sure about the result#but it felt like to commemorate her in some way.#so yeah. here she is. my dear girl. the best dog in existence. she was always so affectionate and kind#which I didn’t always appreciate bc of how young I was. when you’re a kid it feels like pets will live forever#never barked. never bit anyone. her only crime was chewing on my mlp and lps toys that I left out on the floor#but I’m grateful she did that. it taught me not to leave my toys lying around and to clean up after myself#she really was taken from me way too soon. ideally she could still be alive right now. but I’ve been down the road of guilt and regret#there was nothing I could do. I was a child. I can only hope that she knew she was loved right until the very end#even if I didn’t know how to show it properly. and great. now I’m tearing up again#I suppose it’s unavoidable. April 12th will always be a melancholy day. and maybe that’s not such a bad thing#it’s good to have a day when I can freely remember her and cry if I need to. it’s healthy. it’s better than crying every day#she never liked it much when I cried. always tried to comfort me. that’s the kind of dog she was. I miss her so much#when I move apartments and get a dog of my own I’m getting a spaniel. just like she was#well. maybe a different colour so I don’t end up sobbing every time I look at it. but spaniels really are the perfect breed#I mean. cavaliers especially were bred for love and warmth. that’s just what I need. it will be nice to have someone waiting for me at home#and while I don’t necessarily believe in the afterlife… I do hope that Fanny’s watching over me#spiritually comforting me when I feel all alone in the world. it’s a nice thought for sure#and hopefully she won’t mind me getting another spaniel too much. it will be done in her honour after all. to make up for my past mistakes
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dooxliss · 10 months
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was rewatching the super mario bros wonder reveal and i wonder who the caterpillar guy is?
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he has a crown and he’s also prominent in the promo banner on noa’s twitter so i’m assuming he’s the prince of the flower kingdom?
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