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#you’re not fooling anyone paz
xenomorphee3 · 1 year
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Flashback to the day Spider was born from my story : )
Snippet from Chapter 10. Mission Issue. I really enjoyed writing this and the entire chapter. Easily one my favorite of my earlier chapters.
Miles continued down the village's central thoroughfare and saw the Tsahik, Ka’uwe, conversing with a woman. This woman had a sling in front of her, in it was a baby, no more than a few weeks old. Ka'uwe was looking at the baby with great joy as the mother was coddling it. Miles stopped to look at this interaction, another memory emerging from the deepest parts of his mind.
[Flashback to when Spider was born]
Colonel Miles Quaritch was a serious and busy man at Hell’s Gate. Overseeing all security operations was a stressful job that carried a lot of weight to it. There were rarely true, sustaining successes, and people died. Not all the time. But not rarely. Pandora was a hostile place. Worse than hell as far as he was concerned because it was real. He started his tour as an unrelenting professional, maintaining proper relationships with his SecOps subordinates, and rarely engaged with those across departments and divisions outside of work-related encounters.
But time wears on a man. Over his fifteen years on Pandora, he found himself seeking companionship. Stress relief. He was only human after all and by all accounts, he was a stud. He was no fool about his needs, and neither were the women of the base. Miles was always careful though and the RDA was certainly realistic and provided various means of birth control. A population of Pandoran-born babies is not something the RDA endorsed.
Paz Socorro was Miles’ most recent lover in a not large, but not small, close-to-the-vest list of women over the last fifteen years. These other women got the assignment. He was as much a fling to them as they were to him, often meeting him mutually drunk after a few rounds in the base bar and dancing around a bit. The other Hell's Gate personnel would pretend they didn’t know what was happening, but it was a small base and word got around. It didn’t matter though. Nothing came from these casual interactions. Until Paz Socorro.
Paz did not intend to get pregnant and was, unfortunately, the victim of that dreaded .1% birth control failure rate. She hid the pregnancy well, only making highly confidential trips to a base doctor who expressed a plethora of concerns about the pregnancy—Pandora's lower gravity, the base's unsuitability for raising children, the countless dangers, and... the potential wrath of the baby's father.
Still, Paz wanted to keep the child, but she waffled for about seven months on whether or not to tell Miles. One day, after realizing it was getting harder to hide, she finally felt compelled to share it. She sent him a message asking him to visit her quarters, that she had something important to tell him in person. Miles got her message and reluctantly obliged and was not stupid about the possibility of what she might disclose to him. He stealthily went to her small, dorm-like room in the officers' quarters late at night. Certain to not be seen.
When he arrived, she had no way to soften the blow of what to tell him. So she just let it out. “I’m pregnant. You’re the father.”
His reaction was not what any mother-to-be would prefer. He looked at her stomach, the pregnancy showing if you looked for it, and became enraged. He held in his anger's volume the best he could to not disturb her sleeping neighbors. But he was upset. He vocally blamed her for letting this happen, but he knew she was on birth control. Really he blamed himself. He knew that for all of his messing around, it was only a matter of time before such a thing happened.
And her waiting this long made it clear to him that she was planning on keeping it and so he did not press that question. He simply made it clear to Paz that he did not care. That if anyone asked who the father was, she would not implicate him. Her and Miles’ child would be the first human baby born on Pandora and despite this historical milestone, he wanted nothing to do with it. At the time.
On the day Spider was to be born, via an induced labor at the eight-month mark, Paz sent Miles a memo that she was going to go into labor. He ignored it. He already told her he didn’t care and he was busy preparing for the arrival of a Valkyrie full of new RDA employees. The ISV Venture Star was soon approaching Pandora's orbit and would be decelerating soon, and as such would be arriving in a few weeks.
He was organizing SecOps assignments for the new security personnel and preparing his safety briefing. It doesn’t change much each time he gives it, he likes putting fear into the new folks, but it’s been a while since the last new crew arrived. Miles also made a special note of the paralyzed Marine on the Venture Star's manifest that was to be working with the science pukes as an Avatar driver, re-remembering Parker having approved his appointment six years ago. This kid may present an opportunity for him.
Miles was organizing these assignments on his holo-screen monitor at his office desk when he saw the little blinking new message icon. Another message from Paz. He ignored it for a moment but suddenly felt compelled to open it, unable to suppress his curiosity. He tapped the icon.
“It’s a boy. 5 lbs 6 ounces. His name is Miles.”
Miles?? Really? She named this kid after me? Why would she fucking do that? He turned off his monitor in frustration, the screen now clear and transparent, and he just sat at his desk, perplexed and angry, sweating through his tank. Miles needed some air. He decided he was going to go take a walk around the base in his AMP suit to clear his head. As he was heading down to the mech hangar, he ran into Corporal Lyle Wainfleet and Private Sean Fike in the hallway. They were chatting about hazing the incoming new recruits.
Miles walked by and said, “Marines.”
The two of them went to attention. “Sir," responded both.
“I want you on your best behavior when the new folks arrive in a few weeks. This place is already hell. Try not to make it worse, would ya?” he remarked, a forced light tone about him.
“Yes, sir,” Wainfleet replied with a smirk.
Miles continued to the mech hangar and passed the entrance to the medical bay wing. But as he walked past it he staggered for a moment. The med-bay was where Paz... and her baby were. He turned around and looked at the clear, sliding doors for a moment and thought to himself, no, no. He continued walking… The Colonel then clenched his jaw, let out a frustrated sigh, and, against his wishes for himself, decided to head into the med-bay. Mad that he felt so compelled.
He was stealthy, looking around clearly trying not to be seen by too many doctors and the few injured Hell's Gate personnel. Out of nowhere, a female doctor saw him and said, “Room 217.”
“Excuse me?” Miles snapped.
“Room. Two-seventeen,” she spoke again, firm, unbothered by the aggressive and muscular Head of Security. Miles caught her drift, glared, and marched past her. She looked at him with disappointment as he walked by.
He approached room 217 and to his surprise, he noticed that it wasn’t where Paz was. Rather, it was a room with a big glass window that allowed one to look inside. In this room was a little glass tank on a metal stand—it was a makeshift incubator.
There he was. Miles Socorro. Miles wasn’t immediately moved by the sight, but after a moment of seeing this little, bundled-up, slightly premature baby move around in there, Miles softened. But he couldn’t get involved. Wouldn’t get involved. Not at this time. There were the arriving recruits he had to prepare for, and he had far too much to do. Not to mention the ever-growing hostility from the local Na'vi tribe, and pressure from the RDA on both him and Parker to do something about it so they could access other major unobtanium deposits in the region, the greatest of which was under the hostiles' home.
There was so much more to be concerned about than this needy little baby. The lives of good men and women were in his hands. The entire base’s well-being was his responsibility and soon there were going to be new RDA employees who would rely on him to orient them to the dangers of Pandora. After all, he knows what it’s like to get messed up on Day One.
This child was a distraction. One that he would not let into his life. He took a look at Miles, his son, tightened his lips together, frowned, and left. He ran into the same doctor who told him about the room. He locked eyes with her and said nothing as he brushed by. She looked at him walking away with a mild disgust, but also a sadness.
[Flashforward to Miles in the village of the Ash People]
This memory deeply hurt Miles. The father that he could have and should have been. Starting from that moment. But also many more moments after that including, most critically, not assigning every abled body pilot to the Tree of Souls bomb run mission. Here he felt true sorrow. Paz was barely six months postpartum. He asked for every pilot, and as far as he could recall, she never submitted an off request. And he would have allowed it if she asked. But she never did... and he doesn't know why.
He thought that the mission was going to be a surefire success of course, but that’s no excuse. It was still a dangerous mission. She would be in a Scorpion, not the Dragon Assault Ship that he was typically protected by. Miles had no idea how she truly died since he didn't have memories of that battle. However, she is dead because of him. And his son, Spider, exists and was orphaned on an alien moon because of him. He stood there, paralyzed by these memories, staring at this little gray-blue Ash Na’vi child in its mother's arms.
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tailorvizsla · 1 year
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Title: A Night of Sexy Sex with Paz Vizsla (April Fool’s Day Fic) Pairing: Paz Vizsla x f!Reader, mentions of Armorer x Bo-Katan Rating: NC-17 Wordcount: ~4000 Warnings: Terrible euphemisms, PIV sex, unprotected sex. Literally the worst. Overuse of the words sex and sexy. One use of the word moist. Literally this is the worst thing I have ever inflicted onto myself. Author's Note: Part of the Bulbous Salutations exchange! The point of this is to write bad smut and to make people regret having eyes. Happy April Fool’s Day, y’all. :D
*Note: By continuing past the ‘keep reading’ thingie and reading this godforsaken fic, you hereby absolve me from any financial, legal, or moral obligation to pay for your therapy. I am poor. I cannot afford therapy for myself, much less anyone else. Thank u.
You’re not quite sure how Paz worked it out, but he knows that you’re a virgin. The Mandalorian equivalent of cin vhetin. Untouched snow, pure, unmarred by another warrior's touch or love emissions. You've never even held hands with a warrior. Well, except to like, rescue someone, or something. Never bare palm-to-palm contact, though - that was beyond your comfort level.
At first, when you were younger, you wanted to wait for someone to make it worth your time. It’s not like Mandalorians are inherently attached to the idea of virginity, or anything like that. But you did want someone you could trust to help you discover sexual pleasure like in those naughty novels. The ones where the verde have their helmets up over their noses, their lips crashing together in a passionate kiss while their armor has fallen somewhere onto the floor. The ones where if you'd bought them second hand, the pages would sometimes be stuck together. 
As the months and years went by, the partners you were with…they never felt quite right. It was never the right time. It was never for the right reason. And so you and your partners would move on. And now you’re at a point in life where you wonder if you’d made a mistake. 
If you should have just…fucked someone and gotten it over with. Maybe it would have worked out in the end. You’ve seen the raunchy vids the verde pass back and forth during deployments (they're also passing partners back and forth, too, those lucky bastards). You’ve read all the magazines that get your panties so wet you soak them, your pants, and the seat you're sitting on. You know what sex is, technically, but you’ve never experienced it.
So it feels strange to sit with the verde and listen to their exploits, occasionally adding your opinions when you really don’t have one. You’ve never had your pussy licked until you cried and screamed. You’ve never been fucked stupid, to the point where your brain leaves your head and you can't think. And you really wish you knew what it felt like. But, like always, you go back to your room and satisfy yourself with your fingers and that giant floppy vibrating thing you bought ages ago.
Vaguely, you wonder if you should have placed that order for the glow-in-the-dark tentacle heated attachments, just in case things don’t work out here.
Now, you are standing here in front of Paz's door, wondering if you’re finally going to say goodbye to your virginity the same way Armorer said goodbye to heterosexuality when she first saw Bo-Katan. You shift your weight from one foot to the other as you wait for him to open the door. After a few moments, you hear the door click and it swings open, revealing Paz's magnificent, thick, beefy frame. It's obvious he hasn't skipped any meals or workout sessions. He's so big and broad it makes your heart flutter in your chest.
He is not wearing his armor, which explains why you did not hear his footsteps. You worry your lip with your teeth as he shuts the door behind you. Normally, you would have never just jumped into bed with someone, but when you look at Paz - all sourness and grump and bad attitude - you know he’s the right verd for the job. He’s a good man underneath all that beskargam. And kute. And everything else. Look, point is, Paz is a good person. That's all that matters to you. And he’s sexy, so. Bonus points there.
“So,” you say to him. “When you woke up this morning, did you plan on being the one to pop the vacuum seal on my buy’ce?”
Paz chokes a bit.
“That’s a unique way to phrase that.”
A grin crosses your face.
“But…no,” he confesses. “I wasn’t sure you’d want to have sex with me at all.”
“I like you,” you respond with a shrug. “And even though I know you have a kink for my type…it goes both ways, you know?”
“...what’s your kink?” he asks curiously.
“Blindfolds, obviously,” you deadpan at him. He laughs in response as he shakes his head.
“We could get married,” he says. “That way, we can…you know, see what we are doing.”
“You’re the last person I would have expected to suggest marrying just so we can fuck,” you say out loud. He shrugs in response. “Alright,” you say. You’ve done stupider things than get married to have sex. Armorer has left plenty of dents on your armor due to your stupidity. What's another dent? She's going to have to fix it regardless. You and Paz swap vows as quickly as possible.
Then you reach up to take your bucket off. Paz hesitates for a moment, and then he follows suit, lifting his helmet to reveal his beautiful face. He's got a chiseled jawline and eyes like sapphires, glimmering in the fluorescent lighting. His hair is thick and glossy, and it sways slightly. Where is that breeze coming from? Mortification fills you as you realize he's waiting for you to speak. You grin at him.
“You’re cute,” you say.
He’s more than cute - he’s downright handsome under that bucket - but you’re not going to give him any more of a reason to inflate his ego. He smiles at you. Gods, his smile is beautiful and sexy, just like the rest of him. So, so irresistibly sexy.
“You too,” he remarks, and you decide that his voice is definitely the sexiest thing you’ve heard in your life.
Paz reaches for you. You inhale reflexively as his strong hands find your arms and wrap around them, as gently as a newborn loth kitten wrapped in a blanket. Gently, he strokes up to your shoulders, and then down along your breast plate to your hips. He carefully pulls you toward him. Then, he presses his forehead to yours in a Mandalorian kiss, making your breath hitch in your throat.
That feels nice, you decide, as you relax in his embrace. Hesitantly, you touch him, feeling the warmth of his body, the hard planes of his muscle. The unyielding beskargam under your fingertips. Paz lets out a purr of delight as he dims the light to something more comfortable for the two of you. The two of you start removing each other’s armor, piece by piece.
Soon, the two of you are standing there in only your kute. Your entire body feels warm and tight. Your breathing is more rapid, and you definitely feel your pulse in your throat. When you look at the zipper on his kute, you look away. Paz catches you and pulls you in, tilting your face up to his with two gentle fingers under your chin. You close your eyes and tug on his kute, eager to have your first kiss. Paz rumbles approvingly, his breath fanning across your lips.
Your first kiss is a chaste one - a simple press of his warm, dry lips against yours. You’re not quite sure how long it’s supposed to last, so you let him take the lead. Then he presses another kiss to your lips. And again. And again. Like he's trying to tap a sentence in da-di-da with his lips against your heated skin. His lips part slightly and he tilts his head and then he starts to nibble ever so gently. It feels like he's trying to suck on your tongue or something, but whatever, it feels nice. And very sexy. His mouth opens a bit more and his tongue darts out against your lower lip. 
It feels strangely good to have his hot mouth against yours, and your lips tingle as his tongue skims over them. Paz’s hands find your waist and skim upwards toward your chest. Heat fills you as he touches your breasts and tweaks your nipples through your kute, palming them like one would half-price muja fruit at a sus market stall. He pulls back slightly. The whine of protest that leaves you turns into a quiet moan as he kisses along your jaw. More heat fills you, like that one time you drank an entire bottle of tiingilar sauce on a dare.
Boldly, you reach up to undo the fastenings on his kute, inching the zipper down to reveal his chiseled pectoral muscles. Paz mirrors your gestures, never going faster than you. He carefully strips you down, his big, warm hands touching your breasts and cupping your ass. Paz guides you to the bed. Your chesticles bounce most boobily as you recline. So fucking sexy.
Paz carefully settles on the bedding with you. His weight makes the mattress dip toward the center. It’s dark in the room and you’re so shy you can’t even look in his direction. Paz catches your hand in his and guides it to his pectoral. You squeeze gently. His man titty feels so good in your hand. He flexes the muscle, making it jump in your hands.
“Touch me more,” he says. “Please?”
With shaking fingers, you touch his mountain-like shoulder, taking a moment to trace a scar across the skin there. Then your fingers drift down along his belly. It's soft, but firm, with a sparse forest of hair that dips down to his manhood area. You don’t go down too far, though - you’re not quite ready for that yet.
“Might be more comfortable if you sit on me,” Paz says. “You won’t have to lean over as much. And you’ll be in complete control, mesh’la.”
“Alright,” you whisper. He guides you onto him, your knees on either side of him, something hard and twitching against your belly. You assume it's his love Javelin missile, ready to pierce your pleasure target and explode on target. You resist the urge to look down, instead focusing your attention on the scars littering his ultra sexy skin.
“There we go,” he groans. “See, mesh’la? You can touch any part of me you want like this. I’ll just hold you and let you take your time.”
His hands settle on your hips, warm and strong as they massage your supple flesh. You continue exploring his torso, taking a moment to squeeze his nipple the same way he had squeezed yours. He inhales deep, a low noise of pleasure escaping him. You mentally file that away - he seems to like having his sexy man nipples played with. Finally, you know you’re ready to touch him there. You’re pretty sure he’s ready too. Swallowing, you work up the courage to reach out and touch his bulbous beef bayonet. It jumps against your belly and you jerk back.
“S’alright,” he says. “It’s just a little excited.”
His hand guides yours back to his cock. Swallowing, you wrap your hand around him gently. His skin is silky soft and warm, like slipping into a hot Denovian mud bath after hours of hard work. You know warriors are sensitive in this area, but you don’t know how much so. You’re afraid to hurt him, so you loosen your grip as you stroke it. Paz throbs and pulsates in your hand. It is super sexy.
“Don’t be scared, mesh’la. It won’t bite.”
His hand wraps around yours, squeezing you around him in a much tighter grip. 
“Just like that,” he says. “Just like that, don’t be scared…oh yeah, just like that.”
You aren’t sure if he’s really that into it, or if he’s putting on a show for you, but you feel much better knowing that this is bringing him pleasure despite your inexperienced touch. You wrap both hands around him the same way a rath'tar wraps itself around its prey, gnawing on your lower lip as you trace the veins on his thick, meaty baby-batter shooter.
Up at the top, you find he looks a lot like the diagrams. The head is round and blunt, with a slit in the tip. A droplet of pearly white love juice gathers there. Impulsively, you swipe your finger through his creamy Sichuan daddy sauce and lick it. It’s not what you expected, but it’s not unpleasant. Paz lets out a startled groan and his throbbing purple disco stick jumps in your hand again. A very generous glob of baby gravy leaks out and onto your hand as you stroke again. 
“What do you think?” he asks gently. “Does it taste good?”
Embarrassment fills your stomach.
“Uhm…yeah,” you say. “Not…not what I expected, but…uhm…it’s not bad.”
He looks delighted at your words.Then Paz grips your hip.
“Scoot forward a bit,” he urges. You obey, and your clit presses up against his fleshy pokey impregnation stick. Heat fills your entire body again. It’s so close to…there. “Move your hips - yeah, just like that, mesh’la. Do you feel it rubbing up against your little clit?”
“Y-Yes,” you whisper to him.
“Does it feel good?” he asks. “Do you feel your sweet'n'salty love juices getting my manhood all nice and slick?”
“Uh-huh,” you whimper. “Paz…I…”
“What is it, mesh’la?”
“Paz, I…I uh…I think I want it. Inside.”
“Not yet, mesh’la,” he says gently. “I want to make sure you’re really ready for it, alright?”
You nod, grinding your hips against that wet, firm ridge underneath you. His hands guide you on his girthy dipstick, and you’re too embarrassed to look at him. You can hear the wet noises of your bodies sliding together. Is it normal for that to happen? You can’t bring yourself to ask. If something isn’t right, he’ll tell you. But there's so much of it. It's all over his belly and thighs and you're pretty sure the novels didn't mention a literal tsunami of poonani juice.
“Good girl,” he rumbles up at you. “Look so good like that, mesh’la, grinding up against my flesh bes'bev like you can’t wait to have it in you. Does it feel good having it this close to your pretty little hole?"
You nod, unsure if you can even speak coherently right now.
“Every time you grind against me, I can feel you getting wetter and wetter,” he continues. “Your panty porg knows what to do with a big, hard sausage…it knows exactly where this babymaker is going to go, doesn’t it?”
A little noise escapes you.
“I bet your fingers don’t make your love channel all greedy and hungry the way my pulsating pussy plug does,” Paz says. “I bet your toys won’t feel half as good as having me all the way inside you.”
The thought of having him in there, inside your undiscovered lands, pressing up against your insides, stretching your walls the way your fingers and toys can’t, has you wild. You roll your hips again and you feel that knot in your belly break wide open. A moan escapes you, another gush of creamy coochie cum seeping out to drench Paz’s cumslinger.
Paz rolls you down onto the bed. Like this, it feels much nicer. He’s warm and strong and there’s something about the way his body covers yours like a weighted blanket. The way his hips fit between your thighs. Shyly, you turn away. Paz turns your face back to his and kisses gently. Then he works his way down, kissing your straining nip-noops and biting your hip bone. 
“Oh, mesh’la,” he growls at you. “Can’t wait to taste you. Can’t wait to send your pussy into hyperdrive.”
“Uhm,” you stammer out. “T-taste?...hyperdrive???”
“Tell me,” he says roughly. “Has anyone else gotten to taste you between the legs?”
“N-No,” you whisper. “Nobody…”
“No one’s been down here at all?” he asks. “Doctor doesn’t count. No fingers, tongues, or anything else?”
“No one,” you respond. “Uhm..only my own fingers…and my toy…”
“Good girl,” he whispers, placing a kiss against your clit. “Saving it up all for me…” A whine escapes you as his tongue darts out against your aching, throbbing clit. He hums in delight. His tongue probes between your lips, sliding up and then back down. “I’m about to fucking explode, mesh’la. Gonna cum all over myself just having you in my mouth.”
He’s slurring his words. He almost sounds drunk. He licks again and again, one hand keeping your hips pinned to the bed while the other spreads your flesh folds apart. Paz’s tongue delves in deeper as another moan escapes him.
“Gods,” he rasps out, his fingers spreading you wider apart. His tongue dips inside you, making your eyes roll back as you whine. “Like that, huh? Like having my tongue in you?” He drags his tongue back up to the little helmeted warrior in a boat, where he teases you with the tip of his tongue for a few moments. Then he works his way back down. 
“Fuck,” he stutters out. “All mine, only mine.”
He buries his face between your thighs, his tongue and lips working at your uber moist flower petals. He slurps and moans and purrs, sounding like a Wookie in heat. Then you feel his finger circling your unbreeched gates, your unconquered pleasure cove.
“Can I?” he asks, his eyes dark and wild as he meets yours. You nod shyly. You let out a little noise as he starts sliding his finger in. “Let me know if it’s too much for you, mesh’la. I’ll be gentle, I promise…” 
He dips his head back down as he pumps his finger in and out slowly, his tongue working at your outside pleasure doorbell. He sounds like a strill eating a bowl full of protein paste, loud but kind of endearing. Then he eases a second finger into your lockbox of love. His fingers feel so good inside! Your walls begin to quiver around his thick intruding digits, squeezing each time he pulls out, milking them the way you'll eventually be milking the green milk out of his one-eyed Thala-siren.
Paz groans and slurps at your clit, drinking up your pussy nectar like a man who has been trapped in a desert for weeks and you are the only source of hydration...that line sounded much sexier in the naughty holonovel. Maybe he’s savoring the dew on your flower petals???
"So good," he slurs. "So fuckin' good, wish I could live between your legs, mesh'la."
His fingers curl inside you and press up against your swollen interior doorbell - wait, who has an interior doorbell??? He presses up against your light switch of pleasure, making you squeak with delight. As you get closer and closer, Paz's enthusiastic vocalizations get louder and louder. He plunges his fingers into you and you cry out when he fingers your wet, slippery pink taco like he's a pianist and your vag is his piano.
"Ahhh! Paz!!!" you shriek as you finally reach your peak. "YES! Ahhhh!!!"
Your walls explode around him and you finish, crying out his name as the pleasurable waves squeeze and flutter. Paz pulls his fingers out like that one guy pulling a sword out of a rock. His fingers are wrinkled and wet, like he has spent way too long in the bath. He sucks on his fingers like he's trying to suck boba through a slightly too small straw.
"So fucking good," he rasps out.
Then he crawls onto the bed with you, sliding his third leg between yours, resting it on your mound of love. It spews out a jet of white, gooey erectoplasm onto your belly. Then, locking eyes with you, Paz angles himself into you, and gently starts to push in. He feels so gigantic inside you. As he keeps inching his massive love spear into your love spear holder, you cry out passionately, your eyes rolling back inside your head. 
You're not sure how, but he keeps fitting more and more of his Star Destroyer inside your humble shuttlecraft-sized hangar bay. Finally, he bottoms out, and you swear Paz's hymen hammer is poking you somewhere behind your left lung. A squeal, much like a minoch in heat, escapes you, and Paz lets out a noise like thunder as he moans and shakes. He starts to thrust slowly, his cock disappearing into you. You wonder if he's a magician because there's no way he should be able to fit inside you. Maybe he uses portals, like that one game you played once?
"Oh, fuck," he groans. "Fuck, you're gonna snap my turgid Manly Man Shaft in half, cyare. Your virgin hole is so tight I swear to Kad'Harangir it squeaks each time I pull out."
Once your slippery love tunnel starts to adjust around him, Paz starts moving faster, thrusting even deeper before, making you wonder if he's prospecting for beskar deep inside your Mines of Mandalore. So fucking sexy. The bed rocks and shakes with each devastating thrust into you - you swear you can hear the frame clattering each time it lifts off the ground. The headboard slams into the wall over and over, and a bit of drywall dust falls into your eyes, making them water up.
"Don't cry," Paz croons. "I bet it feels good, doesn't it?"
You're being fucked too stupid to respond, so you settle for a high-pitched grunt/whine.
"Look at you taking this trouser snake," he groans. "Pounding so deep into you it makes your belly bulge - "
You wipe some of the drywall dust out of your eye and look down. Yup, definitely. Each time he thrusts into you, you can see the tip of his cock in your abdomen, as if his helmeted sausage soldier is trying to get your attention. Your pulsating pussy starts to pulsate even more, squeezing around his cock like a warm, wet, velvety fist trying its best to squeeze his soul out through his pipi. Paz grunts and groans, his hips slapping against yours wetly. Vaguely, you can hear someone hammering on the wall.
" - it's three in the fucking morning, you dipshits! KEEP IT QUIET - "
The two of you ignore the other person and keep going. You scream as you orgasm around his cock. Pure electricity shoots through your entire body. Just like that one time you were trying to plug your data pad in to charge, but the charger was under your bed, so you were going at it blind, and you ended up touching the electrical prongs by accident. Your bearded clam gushes its sweet and salty clam juices, mixing with his pre-cum to create sex chowder, and you can feel the dampness spreading underneath you like high tide at love time as Paz just keeps hammering away.
"Cyare," Paz bellows. He roars like a hungry Wookiee. Or maybe that was more of an angry Wookie? Horn-gry??? "Oh, cyare! I’m gonna impregnate you! I’m gonna knock you up so many times the Mandostork is gonna stop coming to our Tribe!”
"PaaaAAAaZZZ!" you wail. "Ahh! Aaaa ~ Oh nhhh ah ah yessss! ~ ♡♡♡ ~ harder harder harder!!!!!!!!1!"
He keeps hammering into you. You're not sure if the pounding noise is the bedframe against the floor or if your neighbor is trying to beat the door down. But, again, the two of you ignore them, and Paz goes into hyperdrive. He's fucking into you so hard and fast his bald-headed buir maker is a blur inside you as it pistons and churns your insides into a pre-orgasmic puddle of goo. More and more of your beautiful, bountiful bajingo broth coats your thighs, his thighs, and the bed.
Your wails grow louder and louder as another orgasm starts to descend upon you.
" - please for the love of Kad'Harangir, Arasuum, and the Two Sisters - "
You climax again for the fifth or sixth time that night. He moans and grunts.
"You're so tight you're cutting off circulation to my diiiick," Paz hisses. "Gonna cum again - "
With another deafening roar, Paz finishes, his heat-seeking meat missile shooting jets of man cream into your penis fly trap like a Mandalorian quasar of love. He just keeps cumming, filling you so much that your nether regions can no longer hold it back. His weiner sauce sprays out, coating the bed in millions of fallen future Mandalorian warriors. He groans. With an obscene slurp, he pulls out. His cock is still half-hard, rising proudly above the forest of pubes, like a really tall cylindrical volcano spewing white magma. He puts his hands on his hips and smirks.
"Did you enjoy yourself, cyare?"
"Yes, Paz!" you exclaim as you collapse on the bed. 
He smirks and joins you on the bed.
"When can we have round two?" you simper up at him.
Paz's massive long dong beskar starts to stiffen. It stands at attention like a proud warrior would. It glistens in the dim light. He smirks.
"How about now?" he asks.
You giggle and pull him down onto you for a night of super sexy, passionate baby-making.
-
-
-
A special thank you to my husband for “creamy Sichuan daddy sauce”.
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Imagine Pacifica coming across journal 3 and blushing at Dipper comment about her from their adventures during NWMM 😆
“I didn’t blush because I thought it was cute, okay!? I was just… embarrassed for him, because his drawing of me was so bad!”
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ronnieiswriting · 3 years
Text
Sweet Dreams- Boxer!Paz x Baker!Freader
Inspired by the events of Foul (following straight after) and the Boxer Din AU created and written by the wonderful, amazing, brilliantly talented @djarinsbeskar! WC: 1,641 Tags: 18+, mentions of smut, its a smutty AU ya'll know the drill, sickeningly sweet fluff I have been driven to write this to deal with all my Paz thots- it will become very clear that I make up for the fact that I can't write hot smut by writing the softest shit. Excuse the lack of editing, also, its quite the mess x
After Din had stormed off with his “not-girlfriend” at Avika, Paz was more than ready to go home right then and there, thoroughly unwanting to deal with the feral frenzy that Din had stirred up in and out the ring. But there was no doubt that there would be more calls for blood. And even if that weren’t the case- even if Din wasn’t on the lists tonight- Paz had to stay.
It was his job after all. And one he enjoyed more often than not.
But when he thought about you, Paz’s priorities became trivial- like dust in the wind.
He hadn’t been dating you for long but he already knew that he was in deep. To Paz, you were the one that hung the stars in the sky; you, a hardworking baker with a smile that made his heart ache and hips that made his cock twitch. It was love, the realest he’d ever found, and every day he swore his gratitude to whatever force had sent him to you.
It was almost a taunt to watch Din leave Avika with his “not-girlfriend” tucked into his side- he’d been disqualified from any more fights that night but he couldn’t look any less content about it- when Paz had to stay behind with nothing but the thoughts of you waiting for him back at his place to keep him company.
To pass a bit of time between the words that were being exchanged between Boba and Din’s opponent’s trainer, Paz checked his phone- his mood instantly brightened when he saw a notification from you.
From: Sugar Cookie💖
Hey babe, I just got home. Did you feed Kitty yet? He’s begging me for food rn but I know he’s probs got a full belly and is just being a little gobble guts lol. sent 4:13am
I gave him a tinyyy bit of kibble to hold him over in case you didn’t. Kitty knows I can’t resist him. Sorry for messaging you at work btw. I know you’re busy xx Love you xx sent 4:19am
Paz checked the current time. 5:30am. Shit. He must’ve missed the buzz of the notification amidst the chaos. Usually, your shifts at the bakery ended closer to midnight but he knew you to be a hard worker, proud of the bakery you ran by yourself, and always likely to get caught up in a task until it was done to a high standard. It was just another thing for Paz to love about you.
His thumbs hovered over the reply box; you had probably already gone to bed, exhausted from your own long day of work. He couldn’t bring himself to disturb you but he pushed past that doubt a second later, typing out a response, softened when he reread your messages about his kitten.
“Vizsla!” Boba’s voice pulled him back into reality. “Are you listening at all? This does concern you.”
Paz managed an easy half-lie, fingers tapping away as he switched contacts and began typing another message, “I’m sending Din a text- trying to figure out what started all this.”
When Paz finally did get home it was pushing 8am. Expecting to find you curled up in his bed, comfortably asleep, he was shocked to see you as soon as he opened the door to his apartment. You were propped up against a wall of cushions on his couch with a book resting in your lap and his kitten snoozing on your chest. Head thrown back and peacefully still, he could tell you were fast asleep.
Just the sight of you, the shape of your body outlined by the drape of the blanket that was thrown over you, your features illuminated by the warm light of the lamp, the splay of your hair over the pillows- just looking at you relieved him of so much of the stress he had carried home. His eyes traced over your form, picking out the dip and curve of your hips, and he was struck again with the amount of love he had for you. He still couldn’t believe how quickly he had developed such deep feelings for you but that fact made them no less sincere. The softness and simple intimacy (whether that be primarily sexual or emotional) that your company alone promised never ceased to amaze him.
Trying to be as quiet as he could manage, Paz shut the door behind him, put his backpack down by the door, and crossed the room to kneel down at your side. He considered leaving you there for the rest of the night- if he did he could go take a nap and then come back and wake you up by eating you out before making you breakfast- but ultimately he wanted to, needed to sleep next to you… and he couldn’t manage that on the couch.
He got the best sleep when you stayed the night, your chest made a far better pillow and your arms though relatively small provided him with so much warmth that he would be more than content to sleep without any covers (which happened sometimes when you hoarded the blankets).
Paz let out a silent sigh and reached out to stroke the hair away from your face. You stirred in response and he leaned in to press a kiss to your nose, “Hey, baby, it’s just me.”
You let out a soft moan, eyes scrunching up before blinking open, looking up at him blearily, “Paz~”
His heart could have burst at the sound of your gentle voice laden with sleep. Carefully so as not to disturb your place, Paz eased the book from your fingers. The exhaustion was palpable on your face, the weight of many hours of work pulling at the edges of your eyes. “I thought you’d be in bed by now.”
You eased yourself up on the cushions, one hand bracing the kitten against your chest. “I wanted to stay up for you. I didn’t mean to doze off.” Fuck. Paz was slipping his arms under you faster than you could process and when he stood you were tucked against his chest, kitten, blanket and all. You didn’t even seem bothered by the shift, curling your fingers into the neckline of his shirt. The simple touch drove him wild- the burn of your warm skin against his throat like a blowtorch- and the fact that you seemed oblivious to that only made him ache for you more.
When he had gotten you halfway to the bedroom you spoke again in that voice that threatened sleep, “I would've been able to stay up for you if I didn’t have to spend three hours on a last minute order for a wedding cake.”
Paz opened the door with his hip. “You don’t have to say yes to every job you know.”
“I know- but the couple was so sweet, I couldn’t say no. Plus they paid me double and half on top because of the short notice.”
He laid you out on the bed and replaced the throw blanket with his thick quilt, kitten moving to curl up beside your head on the pillow. The comfortable setting was luring you quickly to sleep again but you were still determined to see him next to you before you shut your eyes again fully. When he didn’t immediately join you, you frowned.
Paz eased the crease in your brow with a kiss there, “Don’t pout, sweetheart. I just gotta take a shower.” He could have skipped one for now, knowing you wouldn’t protest his sweaty skin, but he wanted to be rid of the flecks of blood that had stuck to him, everything that had stuck to him from that ring, before he touched you. You started to protest but Paz silenced you with a searing kiss to your lips, “I won’t be long, I promise.”
If he had thought you would be back asleep by the time he finished he was fooling himself. You scooched backwards on the mattress and petted the space you made in front, “come here.”
Paz went willingly, instantly. He eased back the covers and shuffled in next to you, clad only in a pair of boxers, hands instantly finding your skin to greedily palm the warmth that radiated from you. You cozied up to him just as naturally, arms wrapping around his neck so that he could tuck his face against the crook of your neck. With the covers pulled over the both of you, Paz felt surrounded by your presence and it calmed any remaining stress he had.
Although he had reprimanded Din for taking a violent approach to defending a woman’s honor, Paz couldn’t deny the fact that he’d be just as likely to take a similar action if anyone spoke about you like that- just thinking about those vile, entitled words directed at you made his jaw clench subconsciously. And yet just as soon as that anger stirred up in him, it dissipated again, soothed by the thump of your heart against his chest and the delicate fan of air you puffed over his damp skin.
He was reminded of the first time he told you he loved you; not long ago, in the middle of a good hard fuck when he had you by the hip, lost in the emotion of your eyes to the point where his confession had come out as a babble that became a mantra that he punctuated with each thrust of his hips. You had been on the verge of tears then, overstimulated and shaking, when you returned the words to him from your own lips: I love you too.
“I love you.” Paz whispered.
You snuggled against him tighter, a sleepy sigh escaping you when his hands ran up and down your sides. “I love you too.”
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Bound Together - A Paz Vizsla x Reader Oneshot
A/N: I’m a mess and i needed comfort so I made my own. Its a whole mess and I didn’t really edit it, I’m sorry! If anyone has like fluff they wanna send my way with comfort please do
Summary: Paz dwells on the memory of a dangerous encounter, questioning if he really wants you along with him.
Word Count: 1732
Read here or on AO3
Leaning against the side of your stolen Y-Wing, you contemplated falling asleep right there. You were exhausted enough but you were waiting on someone to get back to you. He was of course, your employer, but he didn’t act like it much to your surprise.
It had been quite the shock when that enormous Mandalorian had come to you, asking for a translator. To your knowledge, legendary Mandalorian’s weren’t known to go asking for help, especially that of complete strangers.
“I need someone who can translate ancient Jedi texts.” Came the rather flat voice through the vocoder.
“And why would you be doing that?” You asked, taking a quick sip of your drink.
“…I could be your potential employer and you’re questioning me?” He spat his last few words.
“You could be and that’s why I’m questioning you.” Setting your glass down, you sighed. “I’ve gotta make sure you’re not dealing with anything…Imperial related.”
The Mandalorian huffed, his posture easing immensely. “You’d be helping me get my quarry. I’ve been…employed by someone particularly interested in Jedi artifacts. Non-Imperial.”
“Alright. How much do I get? A fifth?” You asked.
He tilted his head to the side, you could almost imagine his eyes scrutinizing you. “Generous, but if you do well enough, perhaps.”
That had been over a few month ago. The job had gone over well enough and the Mandalorian had paid you even more than you had initially asked. And much to your secret delight, he had even asked you to accompany him in his travels, stating it was purely for the transportation and protection. After all, you were quite skilled when it came to flying, perhaps in another life you could have been a regular ace.
But no. For now you were traveling alongside a stoic Mandalorian who had just recently gone so far as to gift you with his name. Paz. It felt very strange in your mouth as it flitted across your tongue and past your lips. Though, as strong as it was, a sweet quality was also present. You were quietly practicing saying it, when you heard boots slog their way into the hangar where you were waiting.
“Paz?” You asked, hopping to your feet. “Did you find a place where we can stay the night?”
When the man came fully into view, you could see there was something off. His shoulders were just too slumped, head handing just a bit too low.
“Paz?”
His attention snapped suddenly to you, confused for a second. “O-Oh…Yes.”
He was apprehensive, careful and distant. After locking up your ship, he kept several strides ahead of you, until reaching the run down lodging.
It had been this way for the past week. You would try to engage with the man cheerily only to have him give the occasional grunt in response as opposed to the one sentence replies you had worked so hard to hear. If he wasn’t responding to something more amicable, then perhaps it was time to turn the tables.
“Hey.” You growled once the door to the room was closed. Paz simply lumbered over to the bed taking a seat. “HEY!”
He nodded in reply, continuing to take out one of his smaller blasters and started to clean it, pausing when you just stared in stunned silence.
Taking in a few deep breaths, you took tentative steps until you were standing squarely in front of him.
“Paz…” While hollow, you voice held a certain tenacity. “Paz, look at me.”
The Mandalorian refused to. He kept scrubbing the barrel of his blaster keeping his head down, not meeting your gaze. You wanted to scream, to seize his shoulders in your hands and shake the man until he said something. Anything. Instead, you started to shake, fists balled, nails digging into the leather of your gloves.
“Paz.”
He shook his head.
“PAZ!”
Unable to live with his stubborn silence, you grabbed the blaster from his surprised grip and cast it across the room.
“Hey! Kark what the hell is wrong with you!?”
Finally a response.
“Look at me!” You begged, trying to keep him from grabbing back his weapon. The attempt was futile and Paz easily pushed you aside. “You kriffing metalhead! What do I have to do to get you to look at me? To talk to me? What hell do I have to do? What did I do?”
He paused, almost moving to clean his weapon yet again. “You didn’t do anything.”
“I…” Looking about the room, you half expected to find the right thing to say. “Then talk to me! I-I know you don’t say a whole lot but…but…”
Taking another deep breath you could feel the heat of tears rolling down the curve of your cheeks, dripping off your chin. Embarrassment made your face searing hot, This Mandalorian had seen you in some of your strongest moments and now at one of your weakest. For the past few weeks you had been planning on how to approach such an indomitable man with your blossoming feelings. Surely he must feel similarly, after all you could feel it in the way he used to call your name, in the way he once placed his large hands over your own when instructing you on how to properly operate his heavy weaponry. The weight of his adoration was palpable, you could sense it clearly within him, and so you painstakingly strung together the most endearing way you could  think of to confess to Paz your desire to remain by his side. But now all that was out the window, the words, the loving phrases lost in the wake of your sorrow.
“I thought…I guess I was a kriffing fool to even think you could like someone like me. So stupid! I’m just another idiot with their head in the clouds expecting…expecting the impossible!”
Furious with yourself rather than the Mandalorian, you turned on the heel of your boot, starting to march over to the door. As your hand went for the button, a much larger one wrapped around your wrist , keeping you in place.
“Paz.” You clenched your jaw, pressing your teeth hard against one another. “Don’t. Don’t kriffing pity me. Just let me go, okay?”
When his grip failed to loosen, you yanked your arm away but to no avail, resorting to thrashing about, attempting to break free. Instead you hit your side heavily against the man’s Beskar. Immediately, you let out a sharp cry feeling a searing pain spread from the week old wound on your side, crumpling to the floor, your hands gripped the wound feeling the dampness of new blood seeping past the old stitches.
“Kark…” Paz breathed softly. He moved forward only to see you back up cautiously. He froze. Unable to look away from the growing dark stain on your tunic.
“I…I should of stitched them better.” You huffed, stumbling to your feet.
For a few moments the two of you stood in silence, simply staring at one another in heated confusion.
“I…I was going to ask you to leave.” Paz started.
“Of course you were….” Sniffling, you hung your head in shame. “I’m sorry-”
“I wasn’t finished.” Was that annoyance in his voice? “Gods…As I was saying…I-I was going to ask you to leave. Not because of…You…I like being around you.”
You cocked an eyebrow.
“But, after last week…”
“Last week? Is that what this is all about?!” Taking a bloody hand off your rib cage, you ran both hands through your hair in disbelief. “Here I was thinking that you hated me and it was about that Krait Dragon?”
Slowly, the gigantic man nodded. It had been a a brief encounter when you and Paz had last been on Tatooine on a job, leading the both of you right in the claws of a giant kriffing Krait dragon. Though you insisted in taking the creature on, Paz protested against the idea. At first he was powerless against your will, but as soon as the creature managed to land a hit on you, the Mandalorian made the call and pulled you out as fast as possible.
“I should never have asked you to travel along side me…It’s only gotten you battered and injured…It’s my fault…”
Despite the throbbing agony coursing through your being, you moved forward, taking his helmet gently in your hands, gingerly lifting it so he could meet your watery eyes.
“Gods, you really are a metalhead. You were the one that has saved my ass every time I get in too deep. You’re the one that makes waking up each morning wonderful because I get to wake up knowing you’re not far. And then you stopped talking, stopped looking at me and I couldn’t bear it! I thought you hated me!”
“No!” Paz cried, his sudden change in pitch alarming you. “I wouldn’t-I could never hate you. I just can’t bear seeing you get hurt.”
Smiling weakly, you felt your heart beat faster. “There’s some things in this universe that can’t be helped, Paz. But…I…I know I’ll be okay if I have you. But only if you will have me.”
Paz’s hands which had previously been at his sides moved delicately, coming to rest on your hips. “I…I would love n-nothing more.”
A mix of relief, sheer joy and bliss made wracked your body, spurring forth a volley of tears and laughter. Unable to contain yourself, you threw your arms around Paz’s neck pulling him as close as possible without hurting yourself too much.
“Beloved, though I could spend eternity in your arms, you need medical attention.” He said softly.
“Yeah, good thing I have you to help me.”
Pursing your lips, you decided to take yet another daring step. You knew a fair bit of Mandalorian culture, and leaning forward you pressed your forehead to his helmet.
“I swear I would rather watch the world crumble than see you hurt…Oh, cyare…What is a man to do with you?”
And with such tenderness , Paz tended to your wound. You were on the precipice of melting at the feeling of his skin against yours.
In life you were bound to suffer but with Paz forever at your side, you could bear anything.
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alwaysbethewest · 3 years
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Thank you @yespolkadotkitty for tagging me 😘
Name: Mary
Fandoms: Currently, pretty much just the Pedro Pascal Cinematic Universe, though I also seek out and read fics for lots of other movies and shows I watch. I used to write fic in a couple of other fandoms like... a decade ago.
Most popular oneshot: On tumblr it’s When I Think About You (bodyguard!Javi). On AO3 it’s You’re In Your Own Way Again (Din/Omera sappy lovemaking).
Most popular multichapter: I don’t exactly consider any of my fics multichapter because I’ve never gone into a fic with the intention of making it something other than a oneshot. But there have been a handful where I’ve liked the concept enough to follow up with more. On AO3 the most popular are my two Din/Paz fics.
Actual worst part of writing: Writer’s block. When you want to write but the words won’t come and it feels like they never will. Miserable.
How you choose your titles: lol oh I take it back--choosing titles is the worst part of writing 😂 Usually I take them from a song lyric or saying/phrase that feels on theme.
Do you outline: Ummmm no not really. At least not in the sense of sitting down and writing out, this happens and then this happens and then this, before starting the draft. Sometimes midway through a draft I either get stuck or don’t have time to write properly, and I switch to a rougher, stream of consciousness format just to get the shape down before cleaning it up/filling it out later.
Ideas I probably won’t get around to, but wouldn’t it be nice?: I feel like my mind just went blank, lol. I don’t really want to write off any ideas as “I probably won’t get around to” them but it’s more like, they are just the vaguest glimmer of an idea that either I’m not equipped to write or aren’t fleshed out enough to really be something so instead I just talk about them at length in DMs with friends. These include Edwardian space gigolo!Ezra and an enemies-to-lovers fic featuring Marcus Pike and the rival college classmate-turned-international-art-thief who he chases down only to fall in love with (this one is co-owned by @pedropascallion) (also actually I really do want to write that one). Most of my other ideas I am still fooling myself into thinking I actually will get around to some day.
Callouts @ Me: Why so many babyfics???? Why is everything so soft and sappy? Whennnnn are you going to explore your characters’ darker sides?
Best writing traits: Ooh, I don’t know. Self-analysis makes me uncomfortable. I really like focusing on detail and small expressions of intimacy, I guess.
Spicy Tangential Opinion: People should stop apologizing for their writing. Authors’ notes should never include “this isn’t very good but I hope you like it anyway” or anything to that effect. If you don’t like your writing enough to share, keep working on it before you post it! If you do want to share it, don’t hedge and try to cover for it by telling people you don’t think it’s any good, just let it be. If there is something specific you’re unsure about and want people’s opinion on, name it (e.g., “I’m not sure if the dialogue flows smoothly in this one, I would love to hear feedback about that!”) But I think there is some psychological defensiveness at play here where people feel presumptuous for imagining that anyone would want to read their writing and they try to protect themselves from external judgment by being the first to say: of course no one will want to read this, it’s terrible, I already know that. I find the best strategy to avoid letting those feelings overtake you is to A) remember that this whole thing is meant to be FUN, and that should be your focus, and B) find one person who you think actually will connect with and enjoy your writing, and let yourself care about their reaction but nobody else’s. If you imagine your target audience to be super small (just yourself, or just a few friends), it takes the pressure off of trying to write something that everybody in the world will love.
tagging some other people if they want to do this meme: @keeper0fthestars, @fleetwoodmac-tshirt, @pedropascallion
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recentnews18-blog · 6 years
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New Post has been published on https://shovelnews.com/the-stupid-mistakes-we-make-when-travelling/
The stupid mistakes we make when travelling
WHEN it comes to travelling, we tend to take a few more risks.
But here are some things you probably shouldn’t do when you’re travelling. Ones that I’ve definitely done, and shouldn’t have done.
GET IN A CAR WITH A STRANGER
Never get in a vehicle with a stranger isn’t even exclusive to travelling, this is just plain common sense isn’t it?
You’d think so, but sometimes you can be naive and be lured in to a situation, especially if you’re a first time traveller and a basic English male (some would argue still is) easily won over by the chance of a kick around.
Back in 2010 I visited South Africa for the World Cup, it was the first stop on my travelling adventure that has resulted in me living in the far away land of Australia, which is in fact a real place.
The Rainbow Nation boasts scenic drives, breathtaking coastlines and is home to the Big Five. While it is stunning country full of wonderful people, it’s also no secret that it’s gulf between rich and poor and ongoing internal problems contribute to a high crime rate making it not always the safest place to travel.
So when the man selling mobile phones in the local shopping centre offered us to get in his battered 1994 Vauxhall Corsa for a game of football on day two of your travels, we probably should have declined and not jumped in with our new friend from the Ivory Coast, Solomon.
It actually turned out to be a good choice.
We picked up his friend Ezy E (the name he gave us) who looked surprisingly well considering his death in 1995, before heading to a field to play the single most international game of football possible. We had people from every corner of the globe and the beautiful game was as universal as it should be.
We talk about danger yet this turned out to be the friendliest possible setting and a perfect byword to the World Cup.
Idiot Scale: 6, I went with my gut, got it right and I’d do it again.
GET ON A MOTORBIKE WITH NO HELMET
The world won’t end if you don’t ride a scooter when in Asia. Trust me on this, there’s no-one at customs checking your bike history or interrogating you on your scooter taxi record, you’ll be fine.
It’s not the scooters that are the scourges though is it? They’re a great way to get around crazy busy Mega-Cities, less developed beach towns or rural villages. It’s us morons on them that’s the issue.
Just because we’re travellers though, we’re not indestructible.
That may sound bloody obvious but their seems to be a strange careless approach by travellers that are used to safer, more nanny-state environments.
It’s a whiff of first world immunity, almost an arrogant sense of invulnerability.
Whatever it is, it’s unfortunately a naive misconception and I’m guilty of it too.
After spending three weeks in Ubud and getting a scooter (safely) every day, I fell into this black hole of ignorance and without real reason.
It seemed a valid reason but on reflection, it really was a first-world.
I’d had a pretty hard day, I’d enjoyed a Balinese massage, hopped on a scooter to the gym before scoffing my now regular extra spicy gado-gado from my also now regular haunt, Munchies Warung.
Following that I sauntered back to the hostel without a care in the world, I Skyped my girlfriend before doing a maximum three lengths in the 12m pool, this was clearly a heavy load exercise day.
You’re no fool, you can now see that this had been a flat chat busy day and as it often does in that situation, time had escaped me and left me in a rush for the main event that evening, the Manchester United vs Liverpool game.
The bar showing it, The Melting Pot is on the other side of Ubud, a 10 minute scooter ride away.
It’s now raining (Bali raining, not a March drizzle) heavily and despite usually batting off ‘taxi taxi’ calls by the minute, I somehow couldn’t find a ride to save my life.
That was until one burly, cigarette smoking character approached me for the lift I so desperately needed. I asked for a helmet, he looked at me like I had two heads so I jumped on regardless.
I had looked at the driver and underestimated him, because from minute one he turned into Valentino Rossi on the wet tyres at Phillip Island.
There’s many issues with that but a few of them would be traffic, pedestrians, he didn’t have wet tyres and he isn’t Valentino Rossi.
My point here? I’m an idiot and anyone that does the same thing is an idiot.
Running late for the footy wasn’t a risk to my life, not then, not ever. Jumping on that bike with no helmet in the rain was, massively. I wouldn’t do that over the Westgate Bridge or down George Street would I? No, which compounds the idiocy further.
I don’t know what it is, but it is this fact seems to ironically outfox even the smartest cookies.
In summary, if you, or every single person you’ve ever seen on a motorbike in your country wears a helmet, then it’s probably with good reason, it’s because it saves your bounce from serious, sometimes fatal injury.
Come on, don’t be a me.
WALK HOME IN A DANGEROUS CITY
Another obvious one, even in your hometown but the reasons these tips and life lessons are amplified and exaggerated when overseas are simple, we don’t know the area, language or local customs.
We are out of our comfort zone (or should be) playing in someone else’s playground and we should remember that.
Alcohol is a funny old thing, it can give you the confidence to get up at karaoke, talk to the girl who is out of your league but also to just get on with things and crack on with an air of invincibility no matter where you are — thus ignoring the aforementioned playground rule.
It’s never ideal when you’ve woke up on the top bunk trying to piece together your night. You thank your lucky stars that you got home safely, especially when you don’t know how you got home.
Those stars are thanked a thousand times over when not only do you remember you’re in La Paz (pretty sketchy) but when you remember your night out was a last minute decision and you look in the mirror to realise you are covered in blue paint. Yes, this was a last-ditch effort to join in the fancy dress fun with the partygoers. I never thought I’d have to dress as a Smurf to fit in ….
Nothing says take advantage of me I’m a drunken vulnerable idiot traveller than walking home alone and drunk dressed as Papa Smurf.
Throw in the police in Pretoria (South Africa again) telling us we shouldn’t feel safe while walking home with our two-foot pizza and you realise that things can really turn out a lot worse.
I’ve come to realise that when you’ve had seven beers and three tequilas, you’re a long way from invincible. Spend the dough on the taxi or make sure you go home with mates.
In hindsight, some of these are funny to look back on, some of them life lessons but some, arguably all, were in fact silly decisions and I can count myself very lucky.
I’d have only needed one of these to go a bit wrong for things to have turned out very differently.
It may seem like boring advice but sometimes boring is better, it’s not always more fun or thrilling to go the other way.
There’s no increase in exhilaration by not wearing a helmet, just an increase in risk, stupidity and ignorance.
Do, see, taste, play, find, watch, listen, swim, jump, fall, fly and love, but look after the most important part of it all, you.
Adam Ogle is the co-founder of Welcome to Travel: Melbourne
Source: https://www.news.com.au/travel/travel-advice/travellers-stories/the-stupid-mistakes-we-make-when-travelling/news-story/722c634e879025213380373a11b57e42
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New Post has been published on http://www.lifehacker.guru/30-breathtaking-north-american-natural-wonders-see-die/
30 Breathtaking North American Natural Wonders You Have to See Before You Die
Image Source: Flickr user Dave Wilson
When it comes to traveling, Americans often feel like they haven’t seen enough, despite the number of foreign countries they may be lucky enough to have already visited. You might be determined to visit the famed Seven Wonders of the World, but did you know there are actually dozens and dozens of natural wonders to see right here in North America? From the Old Faithful Geyser in Yellowstone National Park to Hubbard Glacier in Alaska and Canada to Baja California Sur, you could easily take a road trip (or two or three) across our great continent, never ceasing to be impressed. Have a look at this gallery and start planning your next semilocal vacation.
1.The Grand Canyon, Arizona
Image Source: Flickr user Diana Robinson
Easily Arizona’s premier must-visit landmark, the Grand Canyon spans 277 miles from end to end. There are various ways to see it, from hiking, rafting, and even air tours.
2.Red Rock Country, Utah
Image Source: Flickr user Bill Gracey
The Utah Red Rocks offer miles of beautiful scenery and untamed wilderness. Hit the road and drive the loop through Utah’s five landmark national parks: Zion, Bryce Canyon, Arches, Canyonlands, and Capitol Reef.
3. Denali, Alaska
Image Source: Flickr user Ross Fowler
Formerly known as Mount McKinley, Denali, Alaska features 6 million acres reaching up to North America’s highest peak. Visitors can experience a taiga forest and snowy mountains, as well as the various small and large animals that roam freely.
4. Yosemite Valley, California
 Image Source: Flickr user Dhilung Kirat
Situated in the western Sierra Nevada mountains, this glacial valley is a must visit in Northern California. In addition to its famed cliffs and waterfalls, visitors can enjoy a museum and wilderness center, as well as various outdoor activities such as hiking and ice skating.
5. Mount Desert Island, Maine
 Image Source: Flickr user Paul Geffen
Mount Desert Island is the largest island off the coast of Maine, as well as the second largest on the US’s eastern seaboard. Home to Acadia National Park, the island contains evidence of a large moving glacier that it once housed before it melted away.
6. Mammoth Cave, Kentucky
 Image Source: Flickr user Margaret River
Kentucky’s Mammoth Cave is a 400-plus-mile-long system of chambers and underground passageways, making for awe-inspiring tours.
7. Death Valley, California
 Image Source: Flickr user Steve Corey
You can’t get much more extreme than California’s Death Valley, whose claim to fame is that it’s the hottest, driest, and lowest park below sea level. But even with its intimidating name, Death Valley offers a diverse selection of nature and wildlife, from snow-capped peaks to fields of wildflowers.
8. Everglades, Florida
 Image Source: Flickr user Mike Mahaffie
These preserved wetlands on the southernmost tip of Florida are home to various animal and wildlife species, from manatees to crocodiles and even Florida panthers.
9. Redwood Forest, California
Image Source: Flickr user Kirt Edblom
It’s a relatively well-known fact that California Redwoods are the tallest trees on earth. However, they’re just one small part of the wildlife that makes their namesake forest so beautiful.
10. Yellowstone, Wyoming
 Image Source: Flickr user Maarten Otto
Home to hot springs, geysers, and mudpots, it’s no wonder Wyoming’s Yellowstone National Park is a top US road trip destination.
11. Kilauea Volcano, Hawaii
Image Source: Flickr user Sathish J
The youngest and most active of the five volcanoes that form the state of Hawaii, its flowing lava fountains make it a sight to see.
12. Niagara Falls, New York
 Image Source: Flickr user Stacey Gitto
Separating the border between Canada and the United States, New York’s famed waterfalls offer hiking, cave tours, and even a restaurant at the highest point of the falls.
13. Hubbard Glacier, Alaska and Canada
 Image Source: Flickr user Meredith P.
This glacier, which is situated in both Alaska and Yukon, Canada, is a star sight on the various Winter cruises that travel through the region.
14. Black Hills, South Dakota
 Image Source: Flickr user Jerry and Pat Donaho
This small mountain range, which actually extends through to Wyoming, is home to various parks as well as scenic byways and outdoor activities.
15. The Mississippi River System
 Image Source: Flickr user Brent Eades
As the largest drainage system in North America, the Mississippi River extends more than 2,500 miles, from the Gulf of Mexico to Lake Itasca in north central Minnesota.
16. Bryce Canyon, Utah
 Image Source: Flickr user Diana Robinson
Bryce Canyon National Park, with its red-pin-orange hues, makes for a can’t-miss sight when visiting Utah. Make your way through the park by biking, hiking, or even snowshoeing.
17. Crater Lake, Oregon
 Image Source: Flickr user alans1948
Nestled within Oregon’s Cascade Mountains, Crater Lake was formed by a now-collapsed volcano. It’s now the deepest lake in the US and one of the state’s most stunning sights.
18. Carlsbad Caverns, New Mexico
 Image Source: Flickr user Bobby Magill
Beneath the surface of this New Mexico landmark lie more than 119 dissolved limestone caves. Throughout your exploration, you can also take in and see dozens of species of reptiles, birds, and bats.
19. Old Faithful Geyser, Wyoming
 Image Source: Flickr user Kyla Duhamel
This cone geyser was the first one in Yellowstone National Park to receive a name. If you visit this park, you won’t want to miss witnessing its eruption.
20. McWay Falls, California
 Image Source: Flickr user Don Graham
This 80-foot waterfall, located within Big Sur, CA, falls directly into the Pacific Ocean and can be seen by anyone who passes through Highway 1.
21. Hamilton Pool Preserve, Texas
 Image Source: Flickr user Dave Wilson
This natural pool, located in Austin, TX, came to be after an underground river collapsed in the wake of an erosion thousands of years ago. There is a high demand for swimming, which can sometimes come with planned reservations.
22. Caddo Lake, Texas
 Image Source: Flickr user Maciej Kraus
Made famous by its bald cypress trees, East Texas’s Caddo Lake State Park offers an abundance of activities, from kayaking and paddling to hiking and picnic spots.
23. Multnomah Falls, Oregon
 Image Source: Flickr user Al Case
Located on the Oregon side of the scenic Columbia River Gorge, Multnomah Falls is the most visited natural recreation site in the Pacific Northwest.
24. Mendenhall Ice Caves, Alaska
 Image Source: Flickr user arctic_council
Water runs over rocks under shimmering blue ceilings and walls in this breathtaking Juneau, AK, spot. You’ll feel like you’re in something of a fairy tale while visiting the “glacier behind the town.”
25. Baja California Sur
 Image Source: Flickr user Kirt Edblom
The second smallest Mexican state makes up for its size with its picturesque scenery, small seaside villages, and popular resort towns like La Paz and Los Cabos.
26.Moraine Lake, Canada
 Image Source: Flickr user jobar123
Nestled within Banff National Park in the Canadian Rocky Mountains, Moraine Lake is fed by a glacier, which provides its pristine and transparent blue color. It’s no wonder it’s a top destination and getaway spot in Canada.
27. Little River Falls and Canyon, Alabama
 Image Source: Flickr user Thermodynamix
Although a severe drought recently caused the falls to stop flowing, this Alabama landmark is back in business, allowing kayakers to once again ride the rapids of the Little River.
28. Sleeping Bear Dunes, Michigan
Image Source: Flickr user Amy Selleck
Located on the northwest coast of Michigan’s lower peninsula, the Sleeping Bear Dunes offer miles of sand beaches, green forests, and amazing views of the lake.
29. Delaware Water Gap
 Image Source: Flickr user Nicholas A. Tonelli
Don’t let its name fool you about its size; this waterway actually stretches from New Jersey to Pennsylvania for 40 miles, offering scenic roadways and abundant wildlife.
30. Mount Rainier, Washington
 Image Source: Flickr user Joanna Poe
Mount Rainier is closely associated with the snow that caps it, so at first glance visitors may be shocked to learn that it actually houses an active volcano, which makes it a must see when visiting the state of Washington.
(C)
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tailorvizsla · 4 years
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[Image Description: Paz Vizsla sitting on the couch, surrounded by the people who love him.His daughter sits to his left, his son is sprawled across their laps, and his friend sits to his right. Din Djarin stands behind them, sipping a Capri Sun.]
📚 My Master List 📚
Left: Rusaan Vizla, Paz’s eldest child at 15 years old. Don’t be fooled by her petite stature – Rusaan Vizla is 5 feet of pure, unadulterated teenaged rage and sarcasm. Short fused, quick witted, and even faster to pull the trigger, Rusaan is every bit the Mandalorian warrior her father is crammed into one tiny, easy-to-transport package. Need someone to destroy your self-confidence on the Mando-Intercommunication Network’s “Roast Me” board? Someone who will laugh as she sets your ship on fire? How about someone who has no fewer than eighteen knives on her person at all times? @Rusy-Rus is your go-to girl.
However, she’s the biggest daddy’s girl in the world. Paz is the only father she has ever known. She absolutely adores her baby brother and will stab anyone who messes with him. She tends to be more antisocial than the average Mandalorian. Also, yes, she’s drinking soup out of a bowl with a straw. Mandalorians gotta eat too, you know. Middle: Paz Vizla, of course. Early-to-mid 40s, the Tribe’s official Range and Combat Master. Many people have made the mistake of assuming that him being his size means that he’s dumb, but it’s far from the truth. The man is easily one of the smartest people in the Tribe. He’s also quite practical. He found this couch on the side of a road on some backwater planet. Cleaned it up, took it home to the Tribe, and now it is known as Paz’s Seat. He’ll share it with you if he likes you, but he definitely won’t share his drink.
Across them: Thevan, Paz’s youngest child. He’s 7 years old and already getting huge. Not at all related to Paz, but likely will be as big as him when he gets older. He wants to be a medic, a bounty hunter, a loth-cat rancher, and a pilot all at once. He likes spicy noodles, training with his child-sized jetpack, and shooting things with the little paint gun Paz bought him for his birthday.
Unlike his sister, Thevan just loves people. He likes being around them. He likes to talk to random strangers, even though his buir tells him not to talk to strangers. He also likes cuddling with people, so most Mandalorians in the covert have found themselves with a lap full of Thevan at some point or another. He has no personal bubble and WILL find someone to hug. He doesn’t remember anything at all about his life before he was adopted, which Paz is deeply grateful for.
Right: Sort-of unnamed OC. You can call her Tailor. She’s the clan tailor and will sew/embroider/knit/crochet/whatever anything you want. She was raised in a Temple on Marell and covers herself from head-to-toe as a preference. She’s deeply dedicated to her religious beliefs and originally thought that they’d look down on her for it. Fortunately, her Mandalorian friends understand the devotion to a certain walk of life. Also, she’s force-sensitive, but Paz has learned to tolerate it. Especially if it means she levitates snacks/drinks in his direction.
Right: Baby Yoda, aka Din Djarin Junior in my fics. A bottomless pit. He will eat it if it isn’t bolted down. Junior is addicted to jetpack flights with his buir. In fact, he’s a bit of an adrenaline junkie and will often just jump off of things onto the nearest adult. In the Covert, when you’re jumped by Junior, you have been “Drop Frogged”. Force-sensitive, of course, but everyone loves the little rascal, so it’s overlooked. Even though he’s a fifty-year-old baby, he still has fifty years of neglect to work through. It’s okay – with this group of Mandalorians, he will always have someone to love him and cherish him the way he deserves.
Background: Din Djarin, of course, using Paz Vizla as an arm rest. Is that an alcoholic beverage in his hand, or is that just the Mandalorian version of a Capri Sun? No one knows.
On a side note I really fucking hate drawing hands
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