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#you’re always acting like someone you arent and i hope you know nobody else likes you other then 12 year olds
upsidedowngrass · 10 months
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(The “post charlotte now” anon) THANK YOU that is exactly how I interpreted her character! I’m so happy someone else sees her in the same light as me, it’s kinda tiring seeing the negativity towards her (understandable tbh since she barely ever showed a positive attitude and only towards the end) since what she struggles with is an actual real life issue that usually is a result of trauma, it’s the worst mindset to ever be in and it leaves you and everyone who cares about you hurt, if not leaves you completely alone because you keep pushing everyone away thinking nobody’s ever genuine with you and there’s some nasty ulterior motives for their “kind” actions, it sucks and in a way i’m glad she somewhat snapped out of it after dying and being in the waiting room, obviously that world view wouldn’t disappear into thin air but i feel like she’s gonna be a bit more mindful now,i noticed her being a bit less hostile too and i was wondering how people didn’t notice that or at least don’t care to talk about it?, also you’re so right about charlotte being included with Amelia and bryce if they ever moved in together i feel like she’d at least stay in touch w them, arguably to me charlotte is one of the best written one characters if you really look into her
I also remembered people saying she’s an awful person because she’s painting her friends as these bad people like guys….she genuinely thinks they pity her and only care about their own image obviously she’s gonna tell other people the same thing, and her lying about not knowing there was fungus in the caves honestly also seemed like her not wanting to admit she’s wrong to not worsen her already very fragile self image, i feel like she doesn’t like being confronted about her mistakes because it just sucks being confronted about something you struggle to overcome (recklessness, awful spending habits, distrust of others that comes off as “having an ego”, etc) it even might come off as preachy, so overall i love charlotte’s character and how complex she is, i hope more people see your post i’m tired of her being painted as a manipulative asshole she just seems like she’s gone through some stuff that made her that way like no way you distrust everyone for no serious reason
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YAA charlotte is like... a loooottt of how she acts really feels like its deeply rooted in Smth, and while its never specified what it is (or if there IS smth its based in, but it really does read like it is) and ultimately, the specific WHAT isnt really relevant, and it doesnt excuse her actions!! but shes def not like. evil or anything? people arent as patient w her character as they are for others who do similarly shitty things in the series and its genuinely a little like. shes not Bad Forever And Always. shes improving by the end of the series, at least somewhat, and shes not gonna be PERFECT right off the bat, and issues w trust arent easy to get rid of, if you can be rid of them entirely, but i think having the actions of her friends be recontextualized as not malicious like. genuinely has helped w her character growth, and she CAN improve and IS improving
also?? the thing abt her lying . sooooo tru. i think that her lying abt not knowing abt the fungus can really easily be read as her Deliberately trying to manipulate ppl abt her experiences, and while i DO think she does explain things in ways that make her look better (like u said, very likely to save image . bc she ALREADY has expressed that she doesnt like being belittled) its not malicious. that doesnt make it GOOD, but ppl painting all of her actions as Bad and Evil isnt doing her character any justice. shes a SUPER complex character, and i think she unfortunately gets overlooked bc she isnt Obviously part of liam amelia and bryces 'group.' she IMMEDIATELY was ok with the competition and so she doesnt get as involved in the main plot of trying to leave the plane. but i think shes a bit like julien in that, she doesnt ACTIVELY alter the plot in any super significant way, but she IS important narratively, i think. she shows someone similar to taylor, who WANTED to participate, but also someone who DOES ignore the worst parts of whats going on. shes a LOT like airy, easily adaptable, prone to isolation, and not always good at reading the wants or needs of others. but charlotte (and ive seen this mentioned before somewhere?) shows, at the end of the series, the Best case scenario for airy (were he not stuck in his world)
ANWYAY this is a lot but like. man charlotte is SUCH an amazing character. charlotte i am SO sorry everyone overlooks your awesome writing
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tomdiddlyumptious · 3 years
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Fuck you jake paul🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😐
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kpostedsum · 3 years
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daddy issues; D.M
summary: you and draco bond over issues in 6th year
word count: 2.4k
warnings: err angst, comfort, illusions to sex
song: daddy issues (the remix) - the neighbourhood
a/n: i tried not to make it stereotypical bc i didn’t wanna make it seem all “i like older men lol”, probably my fav fic i’ve written, also arent these anime gifs so cute
masterlist | taglist
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Take you like a drug
I taste you on my tongue
Tongues battling for dominance, bodies rubbing against each other searching for a feeling. It’s become routine now, a different person in your dorm swallowing a new pill, entangling limbs with someone just to feel something.
You ask me what I'm thinking about
I tell you that I'm thinking about
Whatever you're thinking about
Tell me something that I'll forget
And you might have to tell me again
It's crazy what you'll do for a friend
It was a constant cycle, putting yourself out there seeking the male attention you crave, seeking validation, constant reassurance and trusting too easily. That’s how you ended up with a different guy who always in the end leaves. You trusted too easily and people took advantage of how trusting and naive you are just for a quick shag.
You wished it wasn’t like this but that’s all you knew, wanting to be the best version of yourself for someone just to feel needed, no matter if the person was good or bad for you. You didn’t care, you wanted love from anyone you could get it from even if it just hurt you more.
You’re familiar with the absence, something stable made you feel a bit wary. It wasn’t something you were used to. Your father wasn’t the most present in your life, and even though he's there, he's never really there.
Go ahead and cry, little girl
Nobody does it like you do
I know how much it matters to you
I know that you got daddy issues
And if you were my little girl
I'd do whatever I could do
I'd run away and hide with you
I love that she's got daddy issues, and I do too
You always wondered where you went wrong, he preferred your siblings over you and doesn't pay you a piece of his mind. Constantly going out of your way to get his attention whether it was academically or acting a certain way just to get some sort of reaction. But he was too preoccupied with his other children, even if they were from your mom or his affairs.
That’s how you found yourself right now sitting in the astronomy tower past curfew watching the rain fall, trying to clear your head while humming softly to yourself to keep yourself distracted.
You hear distant chattering from below and quickly get up from where you were sitting and make your way to your dorm unnoticed by anyone.
Except one person, Draco Malfoy.
I tried to write your name in the rain
But the rain never came
So I made with the sun
The shade
Always comes at the worst time
He’s seen you before, you’re known around Hogwarts for how you put yourself out there and how ‘desperate’ you are for some affection. He almost feels bad for you, but he’s in no place to judge. With his dad in Azkaban Draco had so much more to worry about, like his task and how he can succeed. But there was something about you that intrigued him that he couldn't ignore.
He saw you again in transfiguration the next day and noticed a few hickeys littering your neck that you had tried to cover but it didn’t work. He wondered why you gave yourself up to so many people, but once again he was in no place to judge. He noticed the way your tongue would stick out when you focused extra hard, the way your hands would tighten around your quill when you got a question wrong and your face.
The same face that many boys including the older years would fawn over, the face that entranced and attracted many, the face of someone who would do anything for someone for some affection and the face of someone who seeked out all the wrong things.
You ask me what I'm thinking about
I tell you that I'm thinking about
Whatever you're thinking about
Tell me something that I'll forget
And you might have to tell me again
It's crazy what you'll do for a friend
You walk out of transfiguration on your way to the owlery to send a letter to your parents and feel eyes watching you everywhere. You like it, the attention, it’s something that you thrived in, but you couldn’t help but feel a new set of eyes on you.
Once you reached the owlery you realized you weren't the only one there, Draco Malfoy was also there sending a letter to who you assumed was his mother.
“y/n, right?” he asked, trying to spark a conversation.
“Yea, listen i’m sorry about what happened with your father i know you really looked up--”
“Dont worry about it, he wasn’t as good an influence as I made him out to be,” he sighed, looking away.
“My dad isn’t the best either if i’m being honest, i guess we’re in the same boat” you let out a light chuckle.
And that’s how you found yourself hanging out with draco malfoy bonding over your shared issues.
Go ahead and cry, little girl
Nobody does it like you do
I know how much it matters to you
I know that you got daddy issues
And if you were my little girl
I'd do whatever I could do
I'd run away and hide with you
I love that she's got daddy issues
It’s been weeks since you two started hanging out since the interaction in the owlery and have been getting closer ever since. You both sat down together in the astronomy tower, backed against the wall as the cool wind blew against your faces. The aura between you two was calm, a comfortable silence.
“So tell me about your dad, how is it with him in Azkaban?” you asked, tilting your head towards him.
“Mother’s not taking it well” he frowned. “I can’t even say potter’s wrong for getting him locked up because he deserves it. All my life he praised the dark lord and taught me to be selfish and always defend my blood, but he was never there for me when I needed him. I would have done everything just to hear ‘i’m proud of you’ but it never came. It’s worse now because mother’s all alone. I wish I could have stayed with her” he sighed looking out the tower watching the stars twinkle.
“I’ve noticed you’ve been much quieter this year as well, you stopped making fun of people. It’s not that nice on the receiving end huh?” you said with a teasing look on your face.
He shook his head at you scooting closer to you, it’s like the demeanor between you two have changed over the past few weeks. You found yourself pining over him rather than being in someone's bed. But this is how the cycle always goes, you get attached and they leave, you couldn’t help but hope this wasn’t the situation this time.
“Tell me about your father”
Daddy stuck around but he wasn't present
Cheated on your mom but she never left him
First I didn't get it, now I understand
He broke her heart, left money in her hand
So everything got paid for
She made sure you and your brother had way more
Than she ever had growing up
And when you told me the whole story I felt like throwing up
“ I don't know if i’d even call him my father at this point, he doesn't want me.” you sighed. “He's been cheating on my mum for years now and she still won't leave him because she thinks they can work it out. He’s had affairs with different pureblood women and has children with them. But what hurts the most is how he treats them as his own children and treats me as if I don't exist” you said, looking down as tears pooled your eyes.
Draco moved closer to you and brought his arm around your shoulders for a sense of comfort and waited for you to catch your breath so you can continue.
“I just want him to love me” you cried. “I go out my way to try and get his attention with my school work but it never works. That's why I get along with so many guys. I seek the validation, the comfort and the reassurance that I can get from him from others and I am so tired of it. I just want him to want me draco.” tears slipping out your eyes as you looked up at him, you’ve never confessed this to anyone before.
“Everyone always leaves, please don't leave me” you cried
“I’m not going anywhere” he turned his face towards you, leaning forward cautiously as if you were made of glass.
You leaned forward, wanting the exact same thing. Both very hesitant he gently pressed his soft lips against yours and they moved together in sequence, only taking a break to go back to his dorm and to breathe, limbs tangled together for the rest of the night until the sun rose.
I can see it on your face it was rough left a bad taste on your tongue
And she didn't even take any drug
She would rain all day
Couldn't wait for her son to shine
And you made it shine
There when she cried, you saved her life
It's been a week since that night in the astronomy tower and draco had already been avoiding you. It’s humiliating, but you should have known. You thought the ‘bond’ you had with him would last, it felt so genuine this time. So real.
You’d see him around the halls snogging pansy on your way back to the ravenclaw tower, lowering your head down so he wouldn’t be able to see you so you could get by quickly and unnoticed.
But he saw you.
He stared you right down in your teary eyes as he made out with pansy. You couldn’t help but feel a sense of betrayal, for someone who promised he wouldn’t leave you like everyone else, he did the exact same.
You did the only thing you knew of, you ran.
I keep on trying to let you go
I'm dying to let you know
How I'm getting on
I didn't cry when you left at first
But now that you're dead it hurts
This time I gotta know
Where did my daddy go?
I'm not entirely here
Half of me has disappeared
Draco followed you to the girls lavatory, hearing your shallow cries coming from one of the stalls. He approached the stall you were in trying not to make too much noise so he doesn't startle you.
He felt awful.
He promised he would never leave you, after you both poured your hearts out to each other but he still left. He had too, he was putting you in danger just by being with him. If Voldemort ever found out about you and hurt you he wouldn't be able to live with himself, that's why he took it upon himself to hurt you first.
“y/n are you in here?” he called out even though he knew the answer.
You recognized that familiar voice anywhere. “What do you want draco?” you said, trying to make it seem as if you weren’t just crying.
“I want to talk to you, please”
“No,” you said getting up and pushing yourself out of the stall. “You don't get to just throw me away after I told you everything and just come back into my life like nothing ever happened. Just go away, that's all you guys are good for” you spat.
“Just listen to me, it was to keep you safe. I didn;t want to but i couldn't bear seeing you hurt” he tried to explain.
“Safe?” you laughed. “ and what exactly do i need saving from, malfoy.”
“From me” he said as he pulled up his sleeve revealing his dark mark to you. Your body instantly tensed, you knew he was having problems and his family was involved with the dark lord but you never knew it was like this.
“Draco i-” you tried to say something but the words were stuck in your throat. He stood there looking at you desperately like he was waiting for you to tell him everything was okay, you wanted to be there for him but you didn’t know what to do. You trusted him with everything but he couldn't trust you with this? You thought the bond you had made would have made him trust you in the slightest, but clearly it's always you who’s more trusting.
“Why didn't you tell me?” you managed to say, your voice hoarse.
“I thought you’d leave me, you were the only good thing i had. Please don't leave me” he begged, salty tears escaping his eyes and running down his cheeks as he looked at you with desperation.
“So you thought pushing me away by snogging pansy was better?” you yelled, as he continued to look at you slightly taken aback by your lashing out.
“You know what, go ahead and cry little boy. You know that your daddy did too, you know what your mama went through. You gotta let it out soon, just let it out” you taunted walking closer to him looking straight into his teary eyes.
“This time I'll be the one that leaves.” and with that you were gone.
Go ahead and cry, little girl
Nobody does it like you do
I know how much it matters to you
I know that you got daddy issues
And if you were my little girl
I'd do whatever I could do
I'd run away and hide with you
I love that she's got daddy issues, and I do too
It’s been months since that night in the girls lavatory, and you missed him. You wanted to visit him in the hospital wing once you heard what happened with Harry Potter, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do so. He left you, and you were tired of always going back to people who just hurt you.
Now here you were at the battle of Hogwarts, standing with everyone while Voldemort and his death eaters stood across from you all.
“Draco, draco come here” you heard narcissa call from across the scene. He looked hesitant, as if he was waiting for someone to stop him but no one did. So he started walking over to his parents.
But you grabbed his hand.
“Stay please” you whispered looking up into his eyes.
He looked back at his parents and back at you like he was contemplating his answer.
“I’ll stay”
If you were my little girl
I'd do whatever I could do
I'd run away and hide with you
I love that she's got daddy issues, and I do too
—————-
tagging fun ppl nd ppl who interacted (so srry if u don’t wanna be tagged)
@hellohellook @astoria-malfcy @justfangirlthingies @sfdlm @falling-loki @notvasi @gwlvr @malfoytookmyheart
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brelione · 3 years
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Love and Hate (The Best Boys)
dude come on. you said you’d upload the next chapter on christmas and now it’s been a whole week after and it’s still not out. :(, hi! when are you posting the next chapter of tbb??, tbb????, Are you posting the next chapter of best boys soon? I miss her, when will you be posting the next part of the best boys series??, Ok I’m over TBB I’m just gonna say she ends up with Blah Blah and they live happily ever after, the end. Thank you for the amazing read, it has been fun❤️, TBB is literally the last series I have to finish before I can finally peace out of the shithole that is the OBX fandom for good but like no rush or anything baby❤️,When do you think you’ll be posting the last chapters of TBB?, Hey queen how’s the writing for best boys going, 
Series Masterlist
SHES HEREEEE
Yes, im aware this chapter is all over the place. I went through writing four different versions of this chapter and this is the one that I decided to go with. I know that this one is kind of a little ahfioshviowenvionae but it all comes together next chapter (I already started writing the next chapter). Im so sorry that this is so late. I’ve been having issues for a little bit. My grandfather and my dog passed away and I recently had a relapse and I think that’s why it was taking me so long. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter <3
Warnings:Nothing really, swearing and unedited. Also im sorry if you dont like this chapter but like....yeah.
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You were awoken to the sounds of screaming.Topper ended up at the foot of the bed, Kelce still clinging onto you.Rafe was absent from his spot but the mattress was still warm and had a slight dent which let you know that he hadnt been gone long.
You had spent most of the night trying to find the perfect spot on the mattress, one arm thrown over kelce and your heel against the back of Toppers thigh.It seemed like it hadnt been a super long time since the sun had risen which meant that it was probably around seven in the morning by now.
Your heart was thumping in your chest, trying to pay attention to what the voices were shouting.Something about a mess and irresponsibility but you couldnt hear much besides that.Rafe stomped up the stairs, opening his door.He was shirtless, face red from yelling and his eyes slightly watery.You sat up, making Kelce grumble.
 Rafe’s jaw was slightly dropped, his nose beginning to run and his body trembling.“Hey, what happened?”You asked, gaining Kelce’s attention.Topper’s eyes opened slightly, looking over at Rafe.The tall boy didnt say anything, he just dragged his feet across the room and sat back on the bed, mumbling.You were hesitant to grip his hand, squeezing lightly.
He just stared at a wrinkle in the blanket but the sound of something breaking downstairs told you that it had been more than just bickering.Kelce was worried, knowing that his parents had gotten home late last night and would see the mess he had created. “He doesnt want me living here anymore.”Rafe spoke up, a few tears rolling down his cheeks.
You pulled him closer to you, arms around his shoulders as he sobbed, your fingers rubbing against the back of his neck.He squeezed you tightly when he head footsteps coming up the stairs, silently praying to any god that would listen that it wouldnt be Ward.Kelce’s phone kept buzzing but he ignored it, knowing exactly what it was.
He knew that it was coming and he would be lying if he said that he didnt expect it, nervous the whole night as he waited for his phone to blow up.“What are you gonna do?”Topper asked.As much as you wanted to scold him for asking that when Rafe clearly didnt want to talk about it it was still something that you had also been wondering.
Rafe didnt answer, taking in a deep, shaky breath that hurt his ribs before picking up his head and looking over to his friend. “I dont know.”He admitted.His voice hurt your heart, the realisation kicking in that there wasnt really many places that he could go.
Kelce’s phone buzzed again, all of your eyes falling on him.He sighed, glancing at his screen.He had missed calls from his parents, dozens of text in all caps telling him to come home immediately. “They found the door.”He replied, keeping his voice calm.A new wave of silence washed over the room, not knowing what to say to that.
Your eyes watered as you remembered how simple life was a few weeks ago, all of you eating breakfast, watching criminal minds and laughing as Topper recorded it all on his snapchat.Now everything was completely falling apart.You didnt say anything, trying to think of a solution.Rafe couldnt go to Kelce’s house or Topper’s house since Topper’s mother had one of those security cameras outside of her home and she’d recognize him immediately.
She was still pissy about Topper’s accident, she’d explode if he let friends over. “SO what happens now?”Topper asked.You were all out of ideas.A simple drive or icecream or a movie couldnt solve any of this. “I mean...think about it.We’re adults, right?Child protective services cant stop us if we leave.”Kelce muttered.Rafe nodded, snapping his fingers.
 “Yeah, yeah!You’re right.”He agreed, causing your eyes to widen.They were acting insane. They couldnt be serious about just getting up and leaving forever, right? “No, no hes not.We cant just-we cant just leave!”You exclaimed.They were actually going crazy.How could they even think like that? “Why?What do you have here, (Y/N)?”He asked.You paused, thinking about it.
You didnt really have anything.You had your house of course but other than that you had nothing but memories and your boys.You didnt want to admit that he was right, letting out a quiet sigh. “But leaving forever isnt the answer.”You muttered.Rafe rubbed your back, shaking his head. “Doesnt have to be forever, baby.”He answered. 
“But- but just cause we arent kids doesnt mean we cant be registered as missing people.They’ll come after us.”You told them.You knew that nobody outside of this room actually cared about you enough to report you as missing but you were scrambling through your thoughts, desperately hunting for a reason to stay on the shitty island that you had learned to love so much.Topper shrugged, not really caring. 
“Guys, guys. Okay, look. You’re all fucked, ill admit it. But thats fine! Are you guys forgetting that I still have a house- you guys can just stay there until this whole thing blows over just like you always have!”You reminded them, hoping they’d agree. “This isnt gonna blow over, (Y/N). I cant come back here.”Rafe told you, becoming aggravated. 
“THEN MOVE IN! All of you guys, you can just move in, okay? You dont have to leave- I still have my moms money! We’ll figure it out as we go and…. And it’ll be fine.”You insisted. “Move in with you?”Rafe asked. You nodded, wiping your nose. “You practically live with me already, it wont be that different.”You told him, gripping his hand.
 It was a messy blur as Rafe packed his things, grabbing anything that he thought could be important. A photo of his mother, his birth certificate and diploma, laptop and ipad, the Frozen ll record. Kelce and Topper just watched, neither of them ready for anything like this so early in the morning. 
Maybe if you werent so tired and upset you wouldnt have said it, but here you were in Rafe’s truck, a dufflebag full of his things at your feet with the boys in the backseat as he drove to your house, a few tears rolling down his cheeks as the thoughts finally took over his brain. Kelce had got aggravated and shut down his phone entirely, staring out the window. 
The last thing you were expecting was to come down your road only to see a car that was practically falling apart already in your driveway, a tall man with his hands over his forehead as he tried to look in your windows. “What the fuck….”Rafe muttered, reaching for the door handle when you gripped his hand. “Dont, we dont know what he’s doing.”You told him, hoping he’d listen.
 Turns out he wasnt the one you had to worry about, Kelce swinging his door open and sprinting up your driveway before anyone could even stop him. Wherever Kelce went Topper went, the boy struggling to get the seatbelt over his cast before jumping out of the truck and nearly falling into a puddle. “ESCUSE ME! MR SIR! WHAT ARE YOU DOING LOOKING IN MY HOUSE?”Kelce shouted, purposely making his voice deeper.
 The man turned, confused as to why two half asleep teenage boys were walking towards him. “Your house?”The man asked. “Yes, sir. You ever heard of a gay couple before?”Topper asked, making Kelce break character for a moment. 
“Well, no, its not that. Its just that I thought this was someone elses house.”The man muttered, confused. You had slid down your seat, hoping that the man wouldnt see you. “He’s about to leave.”Rafe whispered. 
“Who’s the other guy in the car?”The man asked, pointing to Rafe’s figure. Kelce glanced over at Topper with wide eyes, trying to think. “Our son.”Kelce replied, cringing the moment he said it. The man only looked more confused, looking between the two boys. “How old are you guys?”The man asked, clearly not buying their story. 
“Excuse me? Are you saying that we’re too old to have a son? I did not spend years training for a medical degreee to have some random old man come and tell us how old our son can be!”Topper exclaimed.  “I didnt spend years trying to find a surrogate and figuring out a way to make a robot nanny for this!”He sighed, trying his best not to smile.
“Could you please leave the property before we call the police?”Kelce asked. The man was beyond confused at this point, quickly making his way to his shitty car before slowly backing out of the driveway, eyes still scanning the area before he gave up and went down the street. 
You let out a sigh of relief, moving to get up when Rafe placed his hand on top of your head to keep you down. “Hes coming around again.”He whispered to you, taking in a shaky breath and holding it in his lungs as the car passed a second time. Topper and Kelce were standing by the door, staring at Rafe almost as telling him to get out and make a run for it.
 “Open the door in 3...2…”You didnt wait, jumping out and running towards the house, typing in the key pad as quick as you could, Topper’s hand pushing you inside. “Here he comes again!”He exclaimed, coming in right behind you along with the others before Rafe slammed the door shut and locked it, letting out a laugh.
 “Oh god, that was scary.”He chuckled. Kelce and Topper nodded as well, eventually laughing. “Was that my dad?”You asked. “Maybe.”Topper answered. Now that you thought about it, your dad didnt same important. Nothing did. You lived on a huge rock that’s floating around space and you’re concerned about your dad when your boyfriends best friends are moving in.
 “What’d you tell him?”You asked. “We told him that we’re a gay couple, Topper’s a doctor and Rafe is our child.”Kelce replied. You giggled, snorting. “I mean, as you should.”You replied. “Hell yeah.”Kelce grinned. Topper tapped at his arm. “Bro, you wanna get married?”Topper asked. Kelce laughed again, nodding.
 “I’ll get baptised and get you guys married!”Rafe volunteered, all of you turning to look at him. “Did you just say baptised?”Kelce asked. Rafe nodded, eyebrows furrowing. “Is that not the right word?”He asked. Topper shook his head. “The word is ordained.”He informed the tall boy. “He’s trying his best.”You replied, sitting down on the chair that you werent used to sitting in. 
“You think he’s gonna come back?”You asked. Topper groaned, sitting down. “Well, I hope not. I dont want my husband and I to have to fight him.”He grinned. You rolled your eyes, changing positions in the chair. “Did he look like me?”You asked, leaning your head against the arm rest, groaning when Rafe pushed your legs aside and sat down with you.
 “Not really… he had rat tails for eyebrows.”Kelce replied, putting his fingers over his eyebrows. “Do I have rat tail eyebrows?”You asked, grinning when Rafe reached forward and poked your eyebrow, a chuckle slipping past his lips. “You wish.”He replied. “Fuck off.”You answered. “Dont be fucking rude.”He grinned, kissing you quickly before pulling away with a small smile. 
You were shocked, trying to hide your surprise. It wasnt like you werent used to kissing Rafe by now, it was just that he had never done it in front of the boys before. They looked nearly as confused as you, the thought of Rafe kissing you in front of them never even being a concern until now. They were used to him getting most of your love and attention but that had just stirred something within them. 
“So how are we gonna do this? I dont know about you guys but im not going back to my house anytime soon.”Kelce announced. Rafe lifted his head, looking over to the boy. “You could always sneak in your own window to grab your things...maybe wait until theyre at work. What about you, Top?”Rafe asked, turning his attention to the blonde boy. 
“What do I have at my house that I need? Like, really need.”He asked, grinning when none of you could answer. “Problem solved.”He replied. “What time is it?”Rafe asked, breaking the silence. “Ten.”Kelce replied, closing his eyes as he leaned against the couch. “Im going upstairs to take a nap then.”Topper yawned, slowly making his way down the hall into the first floor guest room. 
It was arguably the worst since it also worked as your moms office, a queen bed pushed into the corner. You wiggled out of Rafe’s grip, smiling when he whined. You went into the kitchen, grabbing a poptart. For the situation you felt rather calm, opening the silver package and taking a bite of one of the sweet pastries. 
The energy in the house felt different than it had yesterday. You werent sure why, maybe it was just the comfort of knowing that the boys were going to be living with you now and you wouldnt have to worry as much about Rafe or Topper’s relationship with his mom. 
“So how are we gonna handle this?”Kelce asked, confusing you. “The house, I mean. You have this whole house and like...30 million dollars. We can literally redecorate however we want, maybe even clean out your moms office if youre okay with it.”He suggested. 
You nodded, the idea of getting the memory of your mother cleansed from your life sounded appealing. His excitement took over as he opened his amazon prime app, looking for new decor. “How do you feel about your moms room?”He asked, not wanting to push your limits. You shrugged, swallowing part of the pastry. “Shes not using it.”You replied, surprised by how morbid you sounded. 
He simply nodded, shifting in his seat as he added things to his cart. “Can we redo your room? It’s been the same color since we were fourteen.”Rafe suggested. You shrugged, not really caring. You didnt spend a large amount of time in your bedroom anyways. You scrolled through your phone for a few minutes, seeing a little red bubble next to your messaging app that let you know that you had gotten a text. Curious, you opened it. 
As soon as you saw who it was a pit grew in your stomach, eyes widening. It was her. “Sweet words, (Y/N).”The text read. You knew that it was your uncle just trying to mess with you but it still caused your anxiety to skyrocket, deciding to block the number and place your phone between your thighs, taking in a deep breath through your nose. 
Topper dragged his feet, coming out of the room with a frown. “That’s the most uncomfortable bed in all of history.”He muttered, sitting down on the couch instead. “You can go upstairs.’You reminded him, feeling your phone buzz against your inner thigh. 
He just hummed, leaning his head against the back of the couch. “How long was I in there?”He asked. “Literally not even ten minutes.”Kelce replied, still scrolling. “Did I miss anything?”Topper asked. You didnt reply, breaking off another piece of the poptart. “We’re gonna redecorate the house.”Kelce answered. Topper nodded, lifting his head.
 “Does that mean that office too?”Topper asked. You nodded, staring at a spot on your carpet. “Does that mean we get to open the file cabinet in the guest room?”He asked, all of you looking over at him. The thought made you feel nauseous. Even if she wasnt here to yell at you you knew that opening the file cabinet would still scare you anyways. 
“If theres a dead body in there I swear to god-”You muttered, earning a chuckle from Rafe. “A body couldnt fit in there.”he replied, making your eyebrows furrow. “How do you know where bodies can fit?”You asked. “No, no. Like, its not….well...maybe a raccoon body.”He admitted. “Rafe!”You exclaimed, smacking his thigh. 
He rolled his eyes, pulling you into his lap. “There’s no raccoon body.”He answered. “I think theres a raccoon body.”Kelce replied. “Theres not.”You answered. Topper grinned, skipping into the room and beginning to open the cabinet, the three of you following him. “Okay, who votes raccoon body?”He asked, his hand on the knob. 
Kelce raised his hand, grabbing your arm to make you hold your hand up as well. “Ready?”Topper asked before pulling the door open, looking into it. His face fell immediately, not expecting this. “What?”You asked, stepping past Kelce and looking into the cabinet.Guns were being held by small metal pieces, multiple clear bags full of plants and needles on the floor, bullets on sashes hanging with the guns.
 The two of you just stared, ignoring Rafe and Kelce until they came up behind you, equally as confused. “What the fuck?”Rafe asked, seeing the bags. Kelce slammed the doors shut, locking it. “We’re not telling anyone about this, right?”He asked, looking at all of you. “What are we gonna do with all that? We cant just keep it here!”Topper argued. 
Rafe shrugged, resting his elbow on your shoulder. “We smoke the weed and throw the guns in the river, obviously.”Rafe answered. “We’re not smoking weed, Rafe.”You answered. “Well your mom didnt have a liscense to carry, right?”Kelce asked. You shook your head, figuring it would be hung up somewhere in the house to remind you of the power she had.
 “Right, okay. So we cant call the cops and we cant keep it here.”Kelce answered, clicking the lock on the cabinet. “What’d your mom even do for a living?”Topper asked. You frowned, thinking back. You never really knew what your mother did, you just stayed quiet and hoped you wouldnt make her angry. She’d disappear for months, money would appear in your bank account, she’d pay the bills aned thats all you needed to know. 
She’d have long phone calls with people in her office, grounding you if you even dared to listen. “I dont know.”You replied, cringing at how stupid you sounded. “She has these cabinets all over the house, doesnt she?”Kelce asked. “The one in her room is actual files.”You told him, hoping that there were no sorts of hidden things in her room.
 “Should we go check?” Rafe asked, out of the room with a grin before any of you could even answer. You sighed, slightly annoyed that he was treating this like a scavenger hunt. “Its been here this whole time, im sure nothings gonna happen.”Kelce assured you, patting you on the shoulder before his fingers tickled your arm and wrist, gripping your hand and bringing you upstairs. 
“I ordered some tapestries, succulents, fake vines and some new blankets for our new movie room.”He told you, nearly slipping up. “Movie room?”You asked, nearly slipping on the stairs. “Your mom has a big tv, I figured it could be like a second living room if you’re comfortable with that.”He answered, pausing at the top of the stairs so he could wait for you. 
Rafe was in your mother’s room, carefully pulling on the drawers, eventually finding out that the top one was locked. He looked over at you, silently asking if you knew where the key was. You shook your head, letting go of Kelce’s hand and opening the bottom drawer of the filing cabinet, the hairs on the back of your neck standing up. 
Your mother kept most of your medical documents and anything like that to herself along with basically everything that proved you existed. Baby photos, ultra sounds, old school tests. “We could just move it into the other guest room.”Rafe muttered, hoping he wasnt making you upset. You ignored him, looking through all the little colored tags, your eyes falling on a silver tag, your eyebrows furrowing. No other ones had that color. 
You picked it up, sitting down and reading it over. The words were all bundled together, ink scratches and smudges told you that it wasnt a serious document. The only word you could make out was ‘arsonist’. Nothing else was eligible. “Can we take it right now?”You asked, placing the paper on the floor and closing the drawer. Rafe nodded, Kelce grabbing one side while Rafe grabbed the other. Topper grinned, leaning against your mothers unused desk.
 “I would help but my arms broken.”he laughed, watching as Kelce struggled, walking backwards. “Some moral support would be great.”Kelce rolled his eyes. You grinned, slowly clapping. “Great job, guys. You’re doing great moving that illegal file cabinet.”You held back a laugh. They turned carefully, shuffling as they eventually got to the guest bedroom.
 “How do you feel about this?”Topper asked, sitting down on the chair. You sighed, shrugging. “I mean, you know. Its not that I dont love the idea of you guys being here but like… its the circumstances.”You answered, sighing when he pulled you closer with his good arm, rubbing your back. “Thanks a lot for this, though. Like in all seriousness im really grateful that you’re in my life.”He blushed, looking up at you. You smiled, kissing his nose lightly.
 “I mean, I do provide you with half of the drama in your life.”You giggled, kissing him gently. “Where does the other half come from?”He asked. You shrugged, sighing. “Probably you.”You answered. “I cant believe you’d say that to me! You know im at a bad place in life and you put me in this terrible situation when you know that!”He fake cried, bursting into laughter. 
“Kourtney dont laugh at me!”You exclaimed. You felt a vibration under your feet, hearing a loud, dramatic sigh and the sound of skin colliding. They had successfully moved the file cabinet, the door closing as their loud footsteps hit the floor as they entered your mother’s room again. Rafe took a moment to look around, sometimes forgetting that the room even existed. 
It was the biggest room in the house, the ceiling going up at least twenty feet with only glass separating the room from the outside world. His mind wandered, thinking of all the fun nights the two of you could have in here watching the stars or listening to the rain.
 The bed was large and still, the blankets and sheets unwrinkled and untouched. He understood why you were creeped out by the house now, feeling like he didnt belong in the room. You all took turns trying to figure out what the writing said, eventually deciding that it probably wasnt even in english. “Should we put it through google translate?”Rafe asked, staring at the paper. 
Kelce shook his head. “Nah, its not reliable. I tried using it for spanish class in freshman year and I got detention.”He replied. “Well thats definitely not spanish. Maybe its like…. Ancient text.”Topper suggested, causing you to frown. “I highly doubt that my mother would know an ancient text. 
Maybe we should just leave it.”You answered. Although you werent exactly satisfied with it you just didnt feel like spending your time trying to decode a random paper. They didnt seem satisfied either but didnt want to push you, putting the paper down on the desk where it would be safe from your footsteps. 
Of course the boys just couldnt stay at the same place for long periods of time, deciding to suggest that you guys go out to a store to get some paint for the boring walls. You agreed, the four of you getting into your car instead of Rafe’s truck, locking all the doors and windows before you left. 
Kelce didnt suggest a McDonalds run which caused you to frown, knowing that he was probably too stressed to want to eat. You guys went into Walmart with one goal, heading right for the paint section and looking at the wall of colors. “Lets get four colors and kind of just make it up as we go.”Kelce muttered, looking at all the different shades.
 “We could all pick one out.”Topper suggested, reaching forward and picking a bright green. You agreed, picking a shade of light purple, watching as Kelce picked the color toffee biscuits and Rafe went for cotton blue. You doubted any of the colors would actually look good together but that wasnt the point of the project. 
It was more about making the room look fun rather than nice. Kelce grabbed a few large paint brushes, the four of you leaving before you could get distracted by anything that you didnt need. Topper decided to get right to work, spilling some paint on the floor as he dragged the brush along the wall, creating bright stripes.
 “I have an artistic vision! Trust the process!”He exclaimed, feeling your judgemental eyes on him. You didnt say anything, watching Kelce struggle to connect his phone to your speaker, playing the first song on his playlist. 
Line without a hook. Topper looked over at you, almost like he was silently asking you if you had told the boys about his top secret playlist. You shrugged, not wanting to give anything away to the others.
 “Oh my god, I love this song.”Rafe dunked his brush in the light blue, making a smiley face on the wall. “Can I paint an onion?”He asked. You raised your eyebrows, not understanding why he wanted to put an onion on the wall. 
“Ogres are like onions! We have layers!”Kelce laughed. “Who is we? Are you an ogre, Kelce?”Topper asked, not taking his eyes off of the bright stripes, painting a circle on the top. “Topper Harry Katherine Thornton, are you painting a penis on my wall?”You asked, connecting the dots. 
He grinned, ignoring you. “Of course not.”He replied, painting frantically so that you couldnt stop him, green drops rolling down the wall. You picked up your paint brush, painting two circles quicklly before pushing the brush into the center of each, laughing to yourself.
 “Guys, really?”Rafe asked. “Cant we make the wall wholesome?”He asked. You shook your head, a smile on your face. “Says you of all people, Rafe.”You shook your head. “She got you there.”Topper replied, dragging the brush across the painting and blending it out so there was no longer a penis on your wall. 
“What are you doing now?”You asked, wanting to one up him. “What are you doing now?” He mocked you. Somehow you ended up splashing Topper with paint and getting tackled into the mattress as he held the paintbrush over you, trying to get the bright green liquid on your face while you held his arm back. 
“Im gonna murder you!”You laughed, rolling over under him so your face was against the mattress. “Im gonna paint your hair!”He laughed, holding the brush just above it. “Topper, dont mess with her hair.”Kelce took the brush away. 
Topper groaned, falling next to you on the mattress. His eyes were closed, the sun from the window casting a beautiful glow over his face, a small smile tugging at the side of his mouth. You pressed a kiss to his cheekbone, your arm resting on his torso. 
It didnt take long for painting to be forgotten, a few cheap bristles sticking to the wall with messes of colorful lines and unfilled shapes. The song changed, followed by a loud gasp from Rafe. “This is my favorite song!”He smiled, hitting his knees with his fists repeatedly. 
He didnt know what about it made him so happy, whenever he heard it it reminded him of you guys. “You know what we should do?”Topper asked. “No.”Kelce replied while Rafe rewinded the song to listen to his favorite part again. 
“We should make soup. Like, spicy soup with potatoes.”He replied, mouth watering. “We could just order soup.”Kelce replied, not in the mood to go downstairs and hunt for ingredients. “Order soup from where?”Topper asked. Kelce simply shrugged, shifting around and putting his arms under his body.
That had been a week ago. Since then a lot had happened. You guys had developed a system, Kelce could do his laundry on Saturdays, Rafe on Mondays and Topper’s just got mixed in with yours.
 It was a love and hate relationship to have them there with you. You didnt regret your decision but sometimes things would get difficult. Grocery shopping was the worst since nobody could decide what they wanted and you had all agreed not to eat out as much. 
“We need an actual meal, we cant just eat chips for everything.”Topper would grumble, realising he didnt even really know how to cook. That just lead to late flights of searching for recipes o pinterest and watching Gordon Ramsey tiktoks until they decided to try and make bake and shake chicken. That didnt really work out well, having to open all of your windows and get the smoke out of your house. 
Then you guys decided to take a new approach, finding a ton of frozen pizzas and ingredients for sushi. Kelce was the only one who had any idea of what he was doing since he had always been talented in the kitchen, specifically with breakfast. That became more of a safe meal for you guys, making extra food in the morning to eat later for dinner until you got sick of toast, eggs and bacon. 
Kelce ended up banishing you all to the pool so that he could decorate properly, vines hanging from the door ways and landscape tapestries hanging in your living room, hallway and your mother’s old bedroom. “How long do you think he’s gonna be?”You asked, floating on your back in the shallow end, letting out a yelp when Topper grabbed you and dragged you to the deep end. 
“I dont know, probably like three days.”He replied, finally letting go once you were in the middle of the pool. “We could survive three days in the pool.”You replied, watching Rafe shake his head. “With my allergy to the sun?”He asked, making you turn over, going underwater for a moment. “You dont even sunburn.”You told him, splashing water in his direction before swimming away quickly so that he couldnt get back at you.
 Kelce kept getting calls from his parents that were asking him to come home but he never did. They knew where he was, if they wanted him back so badly they’d drive over and take him away. “Guys, i’ve finished my creation.”Kelce announced, coming outside. “So we can come in now?”Topper asked, gripping the ledge of the pool and pulling himself out, falling onto his stomach as he struggled to get up.
 “Yes, you can come in now! Hurry!”Kelce yelled excitedly before going back inside, waiting impatiently for you guys to hurry. Rafe helped you out of the pool, tossing you your towel so that you wouldnt trail water through your house. “Guys! Come on!”Kelce shouted again, the three of you walking across the hot pavement quickly.
 “I’ll clean up the water after- just come see what I did!”He said again. You rolled your eyes, walking into the house. Goosebumps formed on y0our skin from the cool air, eyes widening as you looked at the kitchen. He had bought a plaid tablecloth for the table, vines hanging from the ceiling and doorways, a tie dye tapestry hanging in your living room. It looked like he had taken the time to wipe down every surface and vacuum any mess of broken spaghetti or eggshells that had been kicked under the fridge.
 “Do you like it?”He asked, unable to read your shocked expression. “Kelce, im gonna be honest with you. I feel like im in pixie hollow right now.”You grinned, making him smile. “I think thats a good thing- but upstairs is better!’He exclaimed before making his way up the stairs. He was right. 
There were marble heart shaped tiles hanging on the walls of the hall, a sign on the new hangout spot that was made out of drift wood. He opened the door, revealing bean bag chairs on the floor, a new carpet, a light yellow canopy hanging over the bed that had all new sheets and blankets on it as well. 
He had even somehow managed to fix the paint on the wall so that there were different colored polka dots all over it. The boys seemed equally impressed, still taking it in. You hugged Kelce, not even caring that you’d get his clothes wet. “So I did good?” He asked, hugging you back. “You always do good.”You replied, feeling him hug you tighter.
 “So you’re happy?”He asked, letting out a small sigh when you nodded. “I am happy, Kelce.”you replied, kissing him lightly. He smiled against you, taking in a deep breath. “I found a new recipe for fancy grilled cheese.”He told you, kissing your forehead. This was something that you loved about having them live with you.
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Text
Secret Admirer
Commission by Upperstone on Wattpad!
You paced back and forth nervously around your dorm room as you waited for your friend Leon to arrive. You glanced over at the bento box with a note on top of it and bit your lip.
Ding dong!
You looked over to the door, all of your nerves hitting you at once. You walked over and opened it, smiling when you saw Leon. "Hey, Leon! Thank you so much for coming!" You greeted him.
"Well your text made it sound kinda urgent." Leon replied as you allowed him inside.
You chuckled nervously as you closed the door. "I...may have over exaggerated just a bit. I just really need your help." You walked over to the bento box and held it out to him.
Leon grinned when he saw it. "Oh, what? You made me lunch?!" He glanced at the note on top and smirked. "Oh...is this a confession of your love for me?~ Knew you had a crush."
You scoffed and rolled your eyes. "Not on you, rockstar wannabe." You snapped playfully. "This is for someone else. I need you to give it to them. But you can't tell them it's from me!"
The red head raised a brow. "And who exactly won your heart before I could claim it?" He asked, winking at you.
You sighed, used to his flirting by now. "It's....it's for Mondo." You murmured.
"Mondo?!" He exclaimed. "You're into scary biker dudes?"
You blushed lightly. "Y-yeah, I guess. He's not that scary when you get to know him! He's really sweet."
"To you, Chihiro and Taka maybe." The ginger grumbled. "I swear, he's my bro, but he still scares the hell outta me. And you really have a crush on him?"
You nodded. "I do. But...but I can't tell him. Not yet at least. So when you give it to him, just tell him it's from...his secret admirer."
"And why ask me? You coulda gotten Chihiro or Taka to do this."
You batted your eyelids at him. "Because you're such a nice guy you would do your bestest female friend this one small favor?" You replied, sticking out your lip for added measure.
He rolled his eyes. "Alright alright, I'll do it. Stop with the begging. It's cute and all, but kinda embarrassing."
You chuckled. "Thaaaaaank you, Leon." You thanked the baseball star, giving him a hug. "I owe you one."
Your friend sighed and smiled softly at you. "Nah, you don't. If this'll make you happy, then I'll do it. I mean, what else are friends for?" He grinned. "Besides, if Mondo ends up liking you back, maybe he'll stop being such a jackass. Boom! Two friends happy with one swift move."
You covered your mouth and laughed. "You know, you're a really nice guy, Leon."
The Ultimate Baseball Star smirked and turned to the door, the bento box and note in his hands. "'Course I am. I'll text you when it's done. See ya, Y/N." You waved goodbye to each, and Leon left your room, closing your door behind him.
You bit your lip and began pacing again, anxiously waiting for Leon's text message.
Leon left your room and sighed, glancing at the bento box. He smirked and began walking to Mondo's room. The ginger shifted the boxed lunch and rang the biker's doorbell. After a few moments, the man in question opened the door. He grinned when he saw his red haired friend.
"Hey there Leon! Wassup, buddy?" Mondo greeted him.
Leon returned the grin. "Hey, cornhead!" He chuckled, earning an eye roll from Mondo. The baseball star held the bento box out towards the gang leader, the note sitting on top.
The pompadour wearer raised a brow. "The hell's this?" He asked, suspiciously examining the items his red haired friend was holding.
"A gift from your secret admirer." The messenger informed him, a smirk on his face.
Mondo's eyes widened. "What?!" He exclaimed, basically snatching the gifts from the other boy. "Who is it!?"
Leon's smirk widened and he shrugged. "Sorry." He made a zipping motion across his lips. "I have been sworn to silence."
The biker gang leader glared at the other, clearly not amused. "Leon, seriously?"
"I made a promise, dude! Aren't you the one that's always so high strung about keeping your promises?" The athlete asked, raising a brow.
Mondo sighed. "Fuck you, dude."
"Love ya too, bro." Leon chuckled and gave the angry man a salute before turning on his heel. "Welp, have fun figuring out who your admirer is! See ya!" He left grinning, pulling out his phone to text you that the mission was complete.
Mondo, meanwhile, closed the door with an annoyed sigh. He turned and placed the bento box on his dresser, then opened the envelope. He pulled out the note within and read it.
Hi, Mondo!~
I'm really sorry for having this anonymously delivered. I really want to tell you I like you, but I just don't have the courage. I promise I'll confess eventually!
So...yeah. I really like you. I've liked you for a long time. You're just so caring and protective behind that tough guy act. You're kinda like a poppa bear! Heh.
Anyway, this won't be the first time I give you lunch. I've noticed you don't tend to eat much, so I figured you just don't have time to make your own. I hope you enjoy! I made it myself!
See you around! <3
Mondo couldn't help but smile as he placed the note back into the envelope. Someone had a crush on him. Someone actually, genuinely liked him! He was ecstatic! Placing the note to the side, he looked to the clock. Seeing that it was about lunch time, he smiled and picked up the bento box, happily making his way to his regular lunch spot.
You made it the place you and your friends usually ate together. Leon, Taka and Chihiro were there already, eating their lunch. "Hey guys!" You greeted them cheerfully as you took your seat.
"Hi, Y/N!" Chihiro waved at you, smiling softly.
"Sup?" Leon nodded upwards in greeting.
"Good afternoon, Y/N!" Taka beamed. "How has your day been?"
You blushed lightly, recalling what you had had Leon do. The boy in question noticed and smirked.
"Y/N has had a very busy morning!" He answered for you. "She confessed to Mondo!"
Your two other friends' eyes widened, Taka actually choking on the water he had been drinking. "You did?!" They repeated in unison.
"W-well, kinda." You stammered, opening your bento box. "I had Leon deliver an anonymous note. I'll tell him eventually! When I'm braver!" You defended yourself when Taka sighed and shook his head. "I...was actually kind hoping you two would...help?" You poked your lip out in a pout like you had to Leon, looking between your two friends pleadingly.
"Of course we'll help!" Chihiro agreed, giggling softly. "We just have to deliver notes, right?"
"And bento boxes." You told him before turning to Taka. "...Taka?"
The hall monitor frowned. "...you promise you'll tell him eventually?" He asked, glancing at you. "Playing with a man's heart is that a nice thing to do!"
"I will! I swear!" You assured him. "I just...need to gather my courage first."
The boy in white was quiet for a moment before letting out a sigh and nodding. "Very well, then. I will help you!"
You smiled widely and opened your mouth to thank them all when a familiar voice interrupted you.
"Hey! Guys! Guess what?!"
You all turned, and your heart did a flip as you saw Mondo come to a stop beside the four of you.
"What is it, bro?" Taka asked excitedly.
The biker took a seat between you and his best friend. He grinned as he pulled out a bento box, and you couldn't help but smile.
"Someone made me lunch!" He explained. "Apparently I have a secret admirer!"
"That's incredible, bro!" The moral compass exclaimed, grinning at the biker. "Who is it?!"
Mondo rolled his eyes. "That's where the 'secret' part comes in, bro." He pointed out. "I have no idea who it could be."
You pat Mondo's shoulder, smiling softly. "Well we're all excited for you, Mondo!"
"And proud!" Leon added. "Who knew you hadn't already scared all the girls off yet?!"
Your crush glared at baseball star and reached across Taka in order to smack the ginger upside the head. You all laughed, and ate your lunches together, Mondo theorizing about who the admirer could be.
This continued for some time, you making lunches and personalized notes for Mondo and having either Chihiro, Taka, or Leon deliver them. The biker wasnt thrilled when he realized three of his four closest friends knew who his secret admirer was and was keeping it from him, but he only really pushed Leon on it since Taka was his bro, and nobody messed with Chihiro.
Luckily, the rock star wannabe kept his mouth shut, not giving the increasingly annoyed biker so much as a hint.
About a week had passed, and your courage was slowly growing. You felt like you would be able to tell Mondo soon. You made your way to your regular lunch spot, and smiled when you saw all your friends already there. You giggled softly when he saw Mondo in Leon's face. As you approached, you could hear the conversation.
"Come on, Leon! Just gimme a little fuckin' hint!" The lavender eyed boy begged. "It's been a damn week. I need to know who she is!"
The redhead shrugged, smirking smugly. "Sorry dude. For the hundredth time, I've been sworn to silence. I'll be exiled if I tell you anything."
"A-are there not any hints in the notes she's been giving you?" Chihiro suggested, smiling and waving at you as you took your seat between him and Mondo.
"Hey, Y/N." Mondo greeted you as he thought. He reached into his pocket and pulled out several sheets of paper.
"You kept all the notes?" You asked, unable to keep your stomach from doing a little flip.
Mondo nodded as he read over the notes. "Nah, there arent any hints or anything. They're super cute. though. Look at this one!" He held the note out, and the rest of you gathered around, Taka reading it aloud.
Dear Mondo,
Hi again! Leon told me you like the lunches I make. I'm glad! I was kinda worried you'd hate them. I'm not the best cook, but I feel like the Ultimate Cook hearing that you enjoy them!
Heh, sorry that was kinda lame. I hope you dont think I'm weird or anything. You just make me really happy. I'm glad you're my friend....though I hope we can be more soon.
Anyway, have a good lunch! See you soon! <3
"Aw, that's so sweet!" Chihiro gushed.
"Indeed! Whoever you're secret admirer is must care deeply for you!" Taka agreed.
Mondo let out a happy sigh and pocketed the note. "Yeah, seems like it. Still cant believe someone actually likes me this much. I...I hope I meet her soon."
"I'm sure you will." You assured Mondo, smiling warmly at him. "It takes a lot of courage to confess to your crush. I'm sure she just needs some time."
Mondo nodded, beaming at you. "Yeah, you're right. I dont wanna rush things if she ain't ready. Man, I just wish I knew who it was! Hey, Chihiro." He turned to the programmer. "Who all have we narrowed the possibilities down to?"
The smaller boy beamed and pulled out his laptop, pulling up some notes. You all spent the rest of lunch looking at them.
"Ok, so we've narrowed it down a bit." Mondo said as you and your friends began making your way to the dorms. "It can't be Sakura or Aoi. They're together."
"Celeste and Kyoko have been dating for a while, so it's not them either!" Taka pointed out.
"And Toko is still crazy about Byakuya. I doubt she'd go for a muscle brain like you." Leon added, smirking at Mondo.
The biker rolled his eyes. "Shut the hell up, tiny dick." He snapped.
"So that just leaves Sayaka, Junko, Mukuro, and Y/N!" Chihiro said before the conversation devolved into fighting. The programmer smiled at you, and you gave a grateful smile in return.
"Nah, you can take off Junko." Mondo said. "Even if she is my secret admirer, you don't stick your dick in crazy. Big bro always said that."
Leon snorted, and you couldn't help but giggle at that.
"Oh yeah. And take Y/N off, too." The biker continued, causing the rest of you to stop walking. Mondo stopped as well and slowly turned to look back. "...What?"
"Why are you taking Y/N off the list?" Taka asked, trying his best to not give anything away.
The lavender eyed boy shrugged. "She's one of my best friends. I'm pretty sure I'd know if she was secretly crushin' on me." He flashed you a grin. "I know her too well for something like that to slip past me. Ain't that right, Y/N?"
You felt your heart sink. Unsure how else to respond, you forced a smile and nodded. "Y-yeah! Right!"  Your three other friends gave you a sad look.
"Well!" Mondo clapped, beaming. "That means it's either Sayaka or Mukuro! It shouldn't be too hard to figure out which one!"
You bit your lip, and began fast walking to your dorm. You heard Mondo call your name, but you ignored him, calling back some excuse of being tired and needing a nap.
You closed your door behind you and sighed. You felt heartbroken. After all that work, it was for nothing. Mondo doesn't even consider you an option. You sniffed and felt tears form in your eyes. You wiped at them as you walked over and sat on your bed.
"Of course he doesn't consider me an option...why would he ever like me?" You murmured, pulling your knees into your chest. You heard your phone go off, and you looked at it. You bit your lip when you saw Mondo's name.
Mondo: Hey. You alright? I know you said you were tired, but you ran off pretty quickly. Did...did something happen?
You sighed and turned off your phone, tossing it gently to the side and falling backwards onto your bed. You rolled onto your side and curled up, closing your eyes with a soft sigh. "Maybe I should stop with the notes and bento boxes...I should just give up on telling him how I feel." You let out a deep sigh as you began to slowly fall asleep. "Its...clear he doesn't feel...the same..."
Mondo checked his phone for the tenth time this hour. Taka tilted his head. "You've been checking your phone constantly the entire time we've been in your room! What's wrong, bro?!"
The biker sighed and ran his fingers through his pompadour. "It's Y/N. The way she ran off earlier got me really worried, so I texted her. She....hasn't responded. Now I'm worried something might be wrong."
The prefect nodded as Mondo finished speaking. "Well, it makes sense as to why she was upset." He said, glancing down at the homework he had been working on. "She put an awful lot of work into those notes and lunches, and you basically say you don't consider her a possibility!"
The gang leader blinked, slowly looking over to his friend. "...what?"
Taka dropped the pencil he had been holding. "I...did not mean to say all that."
Mondo's eyes widened and he grabbed Taka by the shoulders, shaking the boy. "Y/N is my secret admirer?! She has a crush on me?!"
Taka nodded, grabbing a hold of Mondo's hands and carefully peeling them off his shoulders. "Yes to both of those questions. I wasn't supposed to tell you."
The lavender eyed boy stood up suddenly, grabbing his belongings and rushing out of his room. "I-I'll be back, bro!" He called before shutting the door behind him.
Taka sighed and shook his head, focusing back on his work.
You awoke from your nap to a series of loud, harsh knocks on your door. You blinked open your eyes slowly, rubbing them to get all of the sleep out. As you slowly sat up, your doorbell was suddenly rang several times. You sighed and stumbled over to the door, opening it. "Ye-Mondo!" You interrupted yourself in surprise when you saw your best friend standing there, finger still on the doorbell.
"Y/N!" He greeted you. "You're ok! You didn't answer my text so I got concerned!"
You sighed and stepped to the side so Mondo could enter your room. When he did, you closed the door behind him. "Yeah, sorry about that. I was just...really tired." You lied.
Mondo sat down on your bed, turning to look at you. "So you aren't upset at what I said earlier?"
You sat beside him and shook your head. "Why would that upset me? You were right! We're best friends, and know each other so well!" You forced a smile on your face.
Mondo sighed. "Yeah, well look how true that was." He muttered. "I couldn't even tell you liked me." Your eyes widened at this and you opened your mouth to respond, but Mondo cut you off. "Taka told me. He didn't mean to. It just kinda slipped out."
You bit your lip and looked to Mondo anxiously. "...So?"
He furrowed his brow. "So...what?"
You rubbed the back of your neck. "You're disappointed, aren't you?" You murmured. "You wished it was Sayaka or Mukuro."
"No no no!" Mondo said quickly, holding his hands up and shaking his head. "I ain't disappointed! In fact....I'm kinda relieved. Happy, really."
You tilted your head in confusion. "Huh?"
"Yeah." The gang leader confirmed, smiling softly. "Sayaka is a pop idol, so she's surrounded by press constantly. And Mukuro's a soldier. That's real intense, even for me. But you...you're, well....my best friend. I already now so much about ya."
"But...you didn't think I was the secret admirer." You pointed out.
Mondo shrugged. "Well, that was because I'm an idiot who thinks I know everything, when clearly I'm clueless."
You couldn't help but let out a chuckle at that. He copied you, and the previously tense atmosphere disappeared. You smiled at him. "So...You accept my confession then?"
Mondo grinned and nodded. "Yeah, I do. I uh..." He pulled at his collar and looked away, his face a light red. "I've actually liked you for a while now. Just haven't had the balls to admit it."
Hearing that seemed to lift a weight off you. You giggled happily and lunged at Mondo, throwing your arms around him. He laughed and did the same, holding you close to his chest. You looked into his eyes for a moment before slowly closing your eyes and pressing your lips against his.
He smirked into the kiss and deepened it, lightly rubbing his hands up and down your back. The two of you stayed like that for a while, just enjoying the other's embrace.
Words: 3,201
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bigskydreaming · 4 years
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Height discourse confuses me so much, because I, a 4'9 21-year-old Asian perceives anyone taller as tall. But reading international posts saying 5'6 is small makes me double-take, like, "Wut?"
LOL, ahh yes, the infamous “How Tall IS Dick Grayson Actually” discourse. I feel you. And I can definitely see how it would be bemusing as hell given your perspective, lmao.
And I mean, its definitely up there on the list of “Things I Can’t Believe There’s Actually Discourse About” buuuuuut I’m not really judging because I know damn well there’s a fuckton of shit I’ve Discoursed about on pretty much everyone else’s “Things I Can’t Believe There’s Actually Discourse About” list. 
*Shrugs* But I also do get why it exists, if you scratch beneath the surface - as is often true of a lot of seemingly inane discourses. Its not really about height so much as it is about the why’s of writers specifying certain heights for him, and stereotypes associated with height.
On the one hand, you’ve got the fans who look at writers who make a point of writing Dick as particularly short, or the shortest of the Batfam once all of them are adults, and think: this is because of fandom’s fixation with writing Dick as effeminate or the least ‘manly’ of the Batfam, and thus I dislike it and do not trust this writer’s take on him.
Then on the other hand, you have the fans who look at objections like this and think: this is because of bullshit fostered by the toxic masculinity and sexism that’s so present in society, even women can be guilty of perpetuating the idea that there’s anything TO object about there, that a man being effeminate or less ‘manly’ than his brothers is some kind of insult or slight against him in the first place.
But then go back to the first hand.....
And on the one hand, of those fans, you’ve got the fans that don’t actually think there’s anything insulting about a man being effeminate or less manly themselves, but given that the bullshit fostered by the toxic masculinity and sexism in society is so everpresent, even women can be guilty of perpetuating the idea that ‘shorter = weaker’ etc, etc.......its not him being written as short that’s objectionable to them, its what they believe the writer is implying by making that distinction that they’re objecting to, like that it reads to them as though its being used as a smokescreen to create associations in readers’ minds, with the idea of him being weaker or softer or whatever the fuck compared to his brothers, without those writers actually having to SAY what they’re getting at there and spell it out. Plausible deniability kinda thing.
And then on the other hand, you have those fans who object to writing Dick as short because they actually DO buy into that bullshit and they ARE simply objecting to the idea itself because of toxic masculinity and sexism and etc etc.
But then go back to the original second hand.....
And on the one hand THERE, you have the fans whose responses to people objecting about writing Dick as short are based on exactly what they say they are......pointing out that its only objectionable if its viewed as insulting and the only reasons its viewed as insulting are toxic masculinity and sexism which they’re calling out as being perpetuated here.
And on the other hand there, you have those fans who DO buy into the associations between ‘shorter = weaker’ and actually ARE writing things that way with the intent of hoping to form that association in the minds of any readers who similarly buy into those lines of thought or are susceptible to it......and are simply using ‘arent you the REAL misogynist here for thinking shorter equals more feminine which equals weaker or frail or whatever’ arguments that are simply typical flipping the script tactics and hiding behind buzzwords they don’t actually believe in themselves but know are effective in getting people to back down, etc, etc. The plausible deniability thing.
And I’ve been out of hands here for awhile now, obviously, but you get what I mean. Round and round and round it goes, with the true point always hidden juuuuuuust beneath the surface, and more than a little tedious to have all unpacked and catalogued like here, which is a major factor in why so many people rarely dig beneath the surface of a seemingly inane discourse to get at what people are REALLY arguing about but nobody wants to ‘lose ground on’ by being the first to admit to.
As for me, again, this really isn’t a dicourse that I spend much time on because I’d rather cut straight to the point of an argument in general, and this isn’t an discourse that’s particularly amenable to people doing that, obviously. 
And also, I honestly just don’t care that much. LOL. Yeah, I often read works where Dick is singled out as being distinctively shorter and feel an author is trying to ‘imply’ something and its the implications of that which are the source of any ‘Not Good, Scoob’ feelings rather than because I agree with what’s trying to be implied. But y’know......when an author IS playing that game and they actually do buy into toxic and sexist stereotypes.....I mean, there’s literally always other indications of this in their work, giving them away all over the place. So there’s honestly never really a time when his height itself is actually what that hinges upon, y’know?
So my big takeaway from all of this is: headcanon and write Dick as whatever damn height you feel like and if you want to imply something about him just fucking say it directly and if you want to accuse someone of something just fucking call it out directly.
*points to the above unpacking of this particular discourse and how fucking tedious and unnecessary so much of it is and all just because people won’t just say what they actually came to say or lay claim to what they actually said*
ANYWAY.
Personally, regardless of how Dick is written in a fic, I will always headcanon him as somewhere between 5′10″ and 6′1″ for reasons that are entirely irrelevant and meaningless to anyone but me, pretty much. LOL.
In my head, Dick obviously has to be that height because he’s walked a runway as a model before. That’s it. That’s the whole reason my mind automatically goes to that span when picturing him or reading something about him.
(As most people who have followed me for a bit know, I spent a number of years working in the TV industry. There were a couple years there where I did a little bit of print modeling too, nothing major at all, but enough to know that the fashion industry has a Very Definitive Thing about male runway models and height: If you are a male runway model, you are between 5′10″ and 6′1″. If you are not between 5′10″ and 6′1″, you are not a male runway model and you never will be. Its a Thing. And not one the industry is shy about. 
Because of the fact that the fashion industry is mostly centered around women models with name recognition, and very few men who model have star power specifically in terms of modeling, rather than because of crossover/overlap with acting, there’s a major difference in how designers tend to approach designing for models. Most designers designing runway looks for women do so with specific models already in mind. Most designers designing runway looks for men do so without specific models in mind because there simply aren’t enough male models with the kind of branding/name recognition that does a designer any good. 
So designers literally JUST design runway looks for men in that height range, and anyone outside that range would require tailoring that could feasibly throw off an entire runway look. So they just don’t do it, to the point that an agent or manager sending them someone outside that height range to consider for a job means that agent’s not getting called back, because they just gave themselves away as a clear amateur by not knowing better.
Of course, keep in mind that my experiences with modeling are based on the industry re: ten years ago, so it could be that things have changed in this regard since. But that was the status quo then.)
So yeah. Dick Grayson walked a runway for Cheyenne Freemont, thus in my mind he’s obviously between 5′10″ and 6′1″ lolol, because any up and coming designer trying to make a name for herself would absolutely know better than to send out someone shorter than that and still think anyone in the industry would take her seriously.
LOL. I told you it was inane. But in my defense, plenty of people headcanon that Dick HAS to be small because he’s a gymnast, and uh.....that is not how that works. Anyone can be an amazing gymnast, its just that smaller body types lend themselves to gymnastics better than bigger, bulkier bodies. And thus the competition oriented gymnastics SPORT heavily favors cultivating and training gymnasts on the smaller side, because coaches and endorsers are looking for literally any advantage possible.
(Being shorter means you have a lower center of gravity which is a help when balancing, or stabilizing yourself. Its easier for a shorter gymnast to keep their balance or to stick a landing. But it doesn’t become impossible just because someone’s hit six feet tall. It HELPS to be shorter. It doesn’t determine whether or not you can do a trick at all, much like being short and having a lower center of gravity by no means GUARANTEES you have good balance.)
And of course, though Dick excels at a ton of gymnastics, he is not and never has been a gymnast per se....he’s an acrobat. From a family of acrobats. Who have been doing this as a family business generationally, thus.....why would they have future height requirements when training their son in the family business? And being from a family of acrobats doesn’t ensure you’re going to be short, if your family members are not already short to begin with. Evolution does not give a fuck about future employment opportunities when selecting which gene sequences to flip on while in utero.
The correlation is ‘most gymnasts who excel at gymnastics feats are small,’ not ‘to excel at gymastic feats, you must be small.’
I am absolutely and completely just rambling now and have been for awhile so I’m gonna go beat up my insomnia until it caves and lets me go the fuck to sleep.
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cilliankelly · 3 years
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text 📱 cillian & ellie.
Discord text thread featuring: cillian & @robinscnfm
When: december 25th
Mentions: @judetaylorhq @loganstjames @iitsace 
Description: ellie texts cillian to wish him merry xmas. they discuss their relationships and ellie encourages cillian to try and be better, but for himself, not for anyone else.
Trigger Warnings: insecurities galoooore but i think that’s it. 
ellie.
merry christmas dumbass 🤩 hope u had a good time and that your leg is better ❤️ you’re awesome buddy
Cillian
thanks els bells
i know i don’t always act like i do, but i really do appreciate you and shit. thanks for everything and merry christmas
also i’m sorry about your couch
ellie.
i know you do ❤️ no problem. I really did take you in just to do you a solid, buddy
no problem 😂
i might not even need to get one. Yknow, logan asked me to move in and if i do, probably the less furniture the better. U know i have enough shit as it is lmao
Cillian
👀
does this mean you’re seriously considering it?
moving in with the boyfriend?
ellie.
honestly? I kind of am
i have until mid january to think about it
and i like his apartment, plus our schedules don’t always line up because he has a day job and i have a morning job and a night job, which makes hanging out impossible sometimes
Cillian
these all seem like very sensible conclusions
ellie.
They are. I mean. Its kind of scary im ngl
Cillian
definitely scary. but good i think.
ellie.
im not used to living with anyone which definitely freaks me out
and u know i love my crappy ass apartment
but.... its also exciting idk
Cillian
no i totally get it.
i mean it’s a little different for me bc until recently i didn’t really feel like i ever had a home
but it’s nice. it’s big and it’s kind of scary but it’s also really great.
ellie.
ohhhh wait wait 👀
are u moving in w .. someone?
its such a nice apartment too im ngl
and he doesnt let me pay for anything which wasnt an issue when we were 18 but now it makes me feel ✨very guilty✨
Cillian
fuck tell me about it
and i mean... yeah. he gave me a key for christmas
ellie
omg im so happy for you!!!!
thats so so awesome
fuckin scary too but im excited for u
Cillian
thanks. i desperately trying to not fuck it up anymore than i already have. but i feel good about it.
ellie.
he wants to marry me
Cillian
holy shit
i know you guys dated in high school but you’ve been together how long?
ellie.
a fuckin MOOD but hes lucky to have u. Yall are a good match
Cillian
wow thanks. that’s actually like, good to hear.
i kind of feel like i magically won the best friend/boyfriend lottery or something
ellie.
this time around? About a month. Overall? Like almost three years
but no. What he said was that he still had the ring he’d bought back then
and that he wanted to give it to me whenever i was ready to be asked
it fuckin scares me how much he loves me idk what i did to deserve it
U SAID BOYFRIEND
Cillian
sounds like we really are in the same boat
wait what
ellie.
im so happy
yeah we are. Idk ive never been with anyone who loved me so... up front and decisively
Cillian
it’s fucking terrifying
ellie.
it is
Cillian
like i’m really happy???? but i look at him and my chest gets all tight and all i can think about is how much it’s gonna suck to lose him.
also i’m a bit buzzed on wine right now and this conversation is staying RIGHT HERE eleanor.
i have a rep to maintain
ellie.
THATS LOVEEEEE CILLIANNN
and idk im conflicted. He told me he wanted to pick it up where we left off and i told him i wanted to take it slow, and he agreed
and i do want to take it slow....... but oof falling back to the place where we used to be before It happened has been so easy its fuckin scary
Cillian
and oh my god shut uuuuuuuuuuup
i can’t even imagine.
ace is back in town and that’s been... weird
ellie.
IM NOT GONNAAAA U LOOOVE UR BF
my resolve to go slow with him is getting weaker and weaker i am such a mess
i know. I think i saw her the other day. Hows everything on that front?
Cillian
i don’t know. fine? a little awkward. i don’t have feelings for her still but like. i see her and it reminds me how shitty i was. and still am.
ellie.
and dont worry. Yes people leave but not the ones that really love you.... and i have a feeling u found it
Cillian
i think it’s really bumming him out that like... nobody knows we’re... together.
ellie.
yeah why is that?
Cillian
i don’t know...
telling people makes it like... real.
and jude thinks that by not telling people it makes it easier for me to take it all back and regress or whatever
but i just... ellie i’m like positive that i’m gonna fuck this up. and i don’t know if i want to share it. with anyone really.  not when it’s this good.
i don’t know if that makes any sense
ellie.
but its important to him
Cillian
he says it’s fine but i know it’s not.
ellie.
and listen
theres a strong possibility you WILL fuck it up and theres also a strong possibility that you will NOT fuck it up. No one knows.
and theres a possibility that he’ll fuck it up
or maybe something else will come in between you two and pull you apart
no one fucking knows ok dude
Cillian
jesus ellie, not making this any easier over here
ellie.
and you’re wasting the sweetest part of a relationship by thinking about the end
so like. The most u can do is stop thinking so far ahead, stop getting in your own way, and every day make the conscious decision to show him you love him and to not to fuck it up. Thats all any of us can do
Cillian
i don’t deserve him, i really don’t.
i’ve never felt so useless in my entire life.
ellie.
youre not useless
but i get you, i really do
Cillian
i can’t even fucking walk correctly. i can’t work. i can’t do anything
and i don’t know that i’ve ever like, really wanted to be better. but fuck. he deserves more than this.
ellie.
no no dont think like that
if you want to do anything about becoming more educated or some shit like that you have to do it for YOU because YOU deserve better
Cillian
it was hard enough the first time around. i’m just not cut out for it.
ellie.
i just think you havent found the right motivation
Cillian
and what’s that? the right motivation?
ellie.
idk how to describe it
like when i was in college i would think about graduating and being independent and it got me through boring classes and shit like that
so yeah. maybe what you need is motivation
Cillian
i know this is dumb. and it’s gonna get me an eye roll or something. but it’s just so much easier... to not.
ellie.
no its not dumb
but like. sometimes the things that are worth it arent the easy ones
Cillian
i just don’t want to fail again.
ellie.
bad news, youre gonna
Cillian
you’re all sunshine and rainbows this evening
ellie.
im tipsyyy
and also giving it to u straight
ur gonna fail bc failing is just. part of the human experience
but !! ur also gonna succeed my dude
Cillian
i guess you don’t know if you don’t try.
ellie.
also idk i think ur fear is valid and it happens to me too
so i just think itd be bullshit to tell u like <3 ur not gonna fail <3 everything will work out <3
Cillian
yeah. i wouldn’t believe you if you said that anyways.
ellie.
yeah exactly so like
the best thing i can say is that when you think that youre gonna fail just. try to think the opposite
Cillian
easier said than done
but i appreciate the advice
ellie.
yeah i know it is
no problem buddy <3 anytime
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bma-2020 · 4 years
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Okiedok here’s the delio. I have a list of all the blogs from the last six months who’s actively either responded to a meme i sent, responded to a message ive sent, replied to something regarding mally herself, has actually written with me, written a starter for me from my liking a starter call, has at least liked a starter i wrote for them to awknowedge it exists, all that jazz, i have a lot of open field so it’s not just a possible tumblr didnt let them no option anymore, because i send memes to everyone who posts them that i see. I reply to most peoples ooc posts. I like most starter calls I pass by. I try my darndest to actually interact bc i know how it feels to be ignored and its… i’ve been called one before so i’m using the word, thats fluffing cunty behavior, and honestly if you complain about not being interacted with but never even try when i try with you, ya being cunty, end of. I gotta list. That list only entails Mally because she’s who I care about the most. I’m probably gonna start instilling a new rule in all my blogs that if you ignore Mally and/or Darcy( @tasedandconfused ), since I would say they’re my two main blogs tho darcy gets ignored even more than mally does, probably bc i denied canon and left it entirely we know fandom hates that, if either of them is ignored then… Ya out of luck, I’m gonna unfollow you. I’m debating soft blocking everyone who ignored me on both of them but I don’t want to like be mean and deny the chance to eventually try again but at the same time i shouldnt feel bad for taking a stand and saying this is bullsheet, idk my anxiety says im awful for giving a fluff about myself but also i should give a fluff about myself probably, ive nearly died in the last three months, my brain almost exploded, i just had three root canals on one corner of my face, i have to potentially get surgery on my inner ear which i cant even afford, i dont got time to deal with only being used for like smut memes or like as a resource blog or utter bs like that, i dont got time for it. So new rules here. 1: If Mally or Darcy are not acknowledged, written with, responded to, viewed as more than just their fluffing bodies? ya dropped, im unfollowing, potentially soft blocking, which means blocking and unblocking for those not in the know, on all accounts I follow you on. Every single one. I know most of my muses are on sideblogs but despite not being able to send memes from sideblogs you can block people from sideblogs fun fact, i will do that if i have to. 2: I’m gonna be posting SCs, PCs, memes, etc. I like and respond to plotting calls, starter calls, i send memes, all of that. If I don’t get any response within.. I’m giving one week for people who don’t run on a queue and a month and a half to people on a queue based system, if i dont get anything within that time like at least an im being like ‘its posted’ or ‘its queued i wanted to let you know in case tumblrs a fluffbutt’ (i do this sometimes if i dont get even just a like on the starters i post so i at least know people saw it since i know tumblrs bs, i wait until the day they’re active to do so in case theyre busy yknow) basically i need acknowledgment at all. No you can’t claim this is abt follower count bc when you unfollow someone they inevitably unfollow you too, thats gonna drop my following, not as quickly as soft blocking would but i wanna be fair i guess, which leads to: 3: I’m basing this on your activity too, like if i like a think and you’re gone for a month after that its fine, im not gonna unfollow you unless you never come back or youre online and posting others just not mine because that tells me youre specifically ignoring me and im gonna drop you for that end of. I’m done with the bullsheet im done w the dillish behavior, i love friendship but if im giving and never receiving thats extremely one way and not gonna work. I check through my follow list weekly and i go back about five-10 pages on someones feed before i unfollow them to see their actual activity and see if theyre here or if its a q so. I’m thorough basically. 4: You dont have to be active with me on all your blogs, i mean i’d prefer it but thats hard as fluff so essentially if you have like five blogs and are just like trying w me on two or three thats fine. Ten blogs, four or five with at least a plot formed is cool. Multis just one muse is all I’d need. I’m not gonna unfollow the blogs youre not writing w me on if you at least write w me on some. Again, specifically Mally and/or Darcy. If you ignore both of them, we’re done. I havent been active on darcy because of being ignored and its a huge butt mess and im just tired i wanna use my babies, you don’t get to have my ‘better’ muses like i know a lot of ppl only follow me for my boys or my villains, you don’t get them if you ignore my baby. But, there is a limit there too. 5: If you never respond to a meme or thread even once with Mally or Darcy, or post a starter, i reply, its never replied to again after a month, I’m unfollowing and/or soft blocking for that too. Bc that means youre just raising my hopes to fluff with me or get someone else and honestly, youre even more cunty than than the people just flat out ignoring me if you do that. And this isnt a specific person, this is five of the people actually on my list. Yes, my list is also annotated with specifics again I was very thorough on this yesterday, I hyperfixated I’ll admit it, I’m in a fluffing depressionary bubble and being told to get over it because people want something they dont deserve to have to. I am a believer that people deserve good things but if youre purposefully being cunty… no you dont. 6: No I’m not releasing my list, maybe I will and I’ll omit the urls because I don’t want people being buttholes to each other too but otherwise, yall not seeing it im not giving a callout because… really thats just unnecessary here. I don’t think yall are toxic people or something i just think yall are unintentionally being cunty. And no I don’t mean everyone that follows me i mean the ppl that add up to what i’ve documented so far and fit the bill of butthat that i’ve shown, its behaviors yall gotta check before ya wreck. Yes there will be some people who have priority, everyone has those people, I write w kathryn on other platforms since she doesnt go on here as often but when Kathryn returns from war here (if she does cause she also agrees most ppl on this platform are cunty, i feel really bad saying that word so often but im gonna keep doing it i recently deleted an ask saying I was a huge cunt for not sending someone smut memes when I didn’t even follow them or know they existed so, again the travesty of this place is nutballers) same with owly, alex is here too, my most active partners are always going to be priority because theyre the ones who show the most interest and the most care. I understand that with others as well which is why I have the timeframe set up, because I want to be as open and shizz as possible while atill being firm i guess. I don’t want to have extreme double standards like its impossible for double standards not to exist at least a little bit but I want to avoid a golden chest full of them I guess. 7: I don’t have a seven rn, this was an even number and it bothered me. Seven is nust my warning that I’m bittery writing this on mobile so formatting is not real but i tried my dandest to make this look like something people might actually mind. I dont want to be butty, i dont want to be awful, i dont want to start drama or have drama but that shizz comes around anyways so i might as well make my space as okay for me as i can cause im supposed to avoid stress so my brain doesnt almost explode again, like again i almost fluffing died i dont need ppl fake being my friend or anything, i want stuff to be real and clear. I want to be happy to be on here again and have fun like i used to since my health is plummetting and I’m not allowed to go outside near plants by myself anymore because i welt up. I have plants outside my work place and im surrounded by chemicals all day long I’m welted from here to new york constantly and never comfortable in my own skin because of it and constantly see people online acting like these actual real problems are pretentious because ‘its an excuse’ when, im a fluffing sagittarius, do you know how much i want to magically be a millionaire so i can pay for friends and my own medical stuff and go on traveling and adventures, be outside probably not camping bc as a pagan i know thats a death sentence but like be outside, lay on grass, go back to swimming because i used to swim competitively and due to health reasons i can barely even go in a pool anymore because theres too much sunlight which, bit plot twist i know, im fluffing allergic to vitamin D and the rays of the sun, so go figure, attempts to be healthy kill me more, i also cant eat most plants and am constantly dying from just eating food, they dont know whats wrong with me. i cant fix it by going ve/gan for a month inf act i tried and it almost made my heart stop thanks society. These arent excuses these are the lives of disabled and diseased and to a lesser but still very real point, ethnic lives every fluffing day. This is real shit and its murder and online and gaming? It may be all I have soon since I can’t just go out and make new friends cause, again, I’d fluffing die. I get sick going to the mall or the movie theater, I miss theme parks so much but have to minimize it to weeks i dont have work so i dont get fired for having a welt while working in the beauty industry. I may have to get a degree online and change my field entirely because of my illness that nobody understands. People even make fun of it constantly online and I wish I could just drop online entirely because of how unbelievably ableist the entirety of the world is, i wish i could drop humans in general for their ableism, but i cant. I don’t have choices in most cases, but throwing away people who maybe purposefully maybe unintentionally thats why i’m giving you this warning and will be repeating this warning for awhile, this is where i have choice. I have to use what little choice I have in life while I can since everytime i go to movies or a concert or a theme park i almost die because of not having an immune system that functions or being in certain air qualities pr being near plants or unclean people, I may not have much time and I gotta do whats best for what little mental health I have, and if that means dropping people i care about and really want to write with and do things with but who ignore me then, i guess so be it.
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tumblunni · 5 years
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Rambling about my new watchholder oc Mallory
* absolute gremlin child. Eats dirt. Probably more of a monster than most of the yokai.
* at the same time tho, she is like super sunshine friend! She looks kinda gloomy ominous but her personality is actually super bubbly and her biggest priority in life is making new yokai friends and loving them forever. Like, creepy in a wholesome way? She does indeed love horror movies and creepy crawlies and could probably fistfight god, but that doesnt mean she's evil!
* kinda always bored but also easily exciteable? One of her biggest recurring jokes is just ignoring the normal or sane solution to a thing and doing something more fun even if its more difficult or dangerous. Actually i guess its more "fearless" than bored? Or bored of fear, lol. Fearless and doesnt really give a shit about any rules. But again not in a mean way, she doesnt break rules because she wants to piss people off, just like "im not gonna believe this if nobody bothers explaining why its supposed to be so important". But not exactly phrased like that cos that would be rude, lol. So uhh more like just relateable autism feel of not grasping social cues but mixed with a personality thats quite outgoing and uncaring of being judged poorly for not being normal, as opposed to me who's always worried about what people think.
* oh wait thats the word for it!! Free-spirited! Trickster! Like a peter pan type of trickster tho, more than loki. Like just "i am naturally outside the obligations of normalcy" rather than "i am intentionally trying to prank/illusion/manipulate people cos its funny". Or uhh i guess "manic pixie dream girl" but without all the stupid shit that trope has got associated with.
* pretty much just wish fullfillment of "what if i was confident enough to not care what people think and just act like myself no matter what"
* anyway in summary she likes to climb trees n stuff and her reaction to yokai being real is "yay" and her reaction to seeing an undefeatable giant kaiju is to run at it and try and suplex it with her bare hands. She's kind of a badass! Tho lol also her biggest character flaw is her badassness, cos she can be reckless due to the lack of fear. But then also sometimes when everyone is hopeless she really does manage to save the day no matter what, and help inspire everyone else to be brave too!
* though i'm thinking of maybe a character arc where she starts off seeing this as just a fun adventure with no stakes, and it doesnt matter if you take risks cos nobody's gonna get hurt anyway. Like a "this isnt really real, its just my hero's story" sort of thing? When things start getting more dark and she faces things she cant just defeat with simple optimism, it kinda stops being fun anymore. And she has to realize that even if she doesnt care about her own self preservation there's consequences that could happen to her friends and family. And maybe she's already made mistakes that she can't take back, and now she's neck deep in a conflict thats a lot bigger and more insurmountable than she thought. You can't just fistfight something like the abstract concept of hatred for humanity which will continue to be perpetuated as long as the idea keeps taking root. And maybe even yokai you befriended could start to believe it too, after all you've kinda been treating them as just fun toys and sidekicks on a story that's all about you, and dragging them into danger with your recklessness. Even though you're fighting the villains, are you really doing it because you actually care about saving the day? Do you even know what you're saving it from...?
* and similar to her unflappable victoryness being shaken, i think her fearlessness and confidence could also be deeper than they look on the surface. I feel like maybe as the story goes on it could be revealed that its less being fearless and more just not caring about her own safety. You start to see her get more actual consequences from her fights, and it starts to become sort of concerning that she keeps brushing it off as no big deal. Laughing it off. Wondering why her friends are even sad that she got hurt. And maybe she isnt really happy all the time and 100% secure in who she is, she just tries to hide any signs of doubt because she feels like nobody would care. And that she has to always be the funny class clown or else nobody would want to be her friend. And like.. She doesnt even really believe that she's great, believe that she's fine as she is. She's more aware of her weirdness than she lets on. She's constantly, paralyzingly aware that everyone thinks she's a freak. She did use to try and change herself to fit in, but she kept failing at it and it never helped her get any friends. Or when she did think she made a friend they'd turn on her whenever she slipped up and showed a crack in her mask of the perfect normal person. The perfect normal person they wanted her to be.. Constantly changing into WHATEVER anyone wanted her to be. The only reason she doesnt do that anymore is that she lost all hope in it working, not that she actually gained confidence in her true self. And even when she's npt conciously doing it she's still subconciously trying to be what people want her to be. She has to always be funny, always be fearless, she has to cling to the few parts of her weirdness that people dont seem to hate. And now she has to be the hero. She has to carry all the dreams of everyone she's met along the way, while never letting them know when she's scared she wont be able to help make them come true. She's always just laughing it off and never being fully open with any of her friends, because she's scared they'll hate her. ..
* so uhh.. Yeah. Personal experience of that. Personal experience of trying to fit into negative stereotypes of autism because thats what everyone saw me as no matter how hard i tried, and also it was the only form of autism theyd treat positively, somehow. Like just be the "funny one" and dont challenge any of their assumptions ans they'll leave you in relative peace. Put up with some degree of degredation to avoid the even worse version. And i was doing all of this at a very youbg age before i even knew i was autistic or what autism was, but i could still feel how people treated me differently and how i had to friggin agree with it or else they'd never let it go. Gahhh.. It was all way too complicated and dark for a kid to understand!
* so yeah anyway her story arc is going from being a badass funny to being a funny badass? Like she just becomes more genuinely tough and cool when she's not always winning and the stakes dont seem so low and comical AND most importantly you know her real feelings and see that she will indeed continue fighting even when she's scared. And she doesnt try so hard to be cool all the time so it just lets her be more genuine. And form actual relationships with everyone with genuine feelings. So its less "she is badass because its funny" and more "she is a badass because she's a badass". But she's still funny, just in more varied ways than simply "the only reason she won this fight so fast is because jokes". Fighting legit threatening enemies in fights that arent over in five seconds. So they can contain... SEVERAL joke..!!! And also some actual fighting for once!!
* hhh i dunno i am very tired im probably not explaining this well
* oh and i think possibly she has a bit of a complex of feeling she's nothing without her yokai watch? Like the yokai are her first friends who never abandoned her. And she always felt like she was useless and it was her own fault that she didnt have any friends. She first started off being all irreverent and goofy when she got the yokai watch cos she was well into her "i dont care anymore" phase of depression and felt certain these new friends would all realise she was awful eventually and leave, so like.. Why get attatched? Just have fun while it lasts. So maybe actually she shows early signs of her depression by trying harder to be normal whenever anyone shows her friendship. Maybe something where she starts straigjtening her hair or dressing more feminine and then you just see this look on her face like her heart has shattered when someone agrees that she does look better now. (Maybe a new yokai she recently caught who was like super cool and she wanted to impress them?) And she gets compulsively obsessed with it, exaggerating it to a ridiculous degree and starting to change other parts of her appearance and everyone goes from giggling about this weird circumstance to getting REALLY DAMN CONCERNED! And in the end something something the yokai who was an asshole abput her needing to be more feminine slips up and shows his true assy colours to the other yokai and theyre like IT WAS YOU and he's like "what? You should be thanking me for fixing your shitty trainer!" And Then Everyone Beats Him Up Forever. Etc etc moral that real friends accept you for who you are and anyone who tells you you have to change to impress them is not worth impressing. Also maybe some aspect where the yokai dude thinks that mallory is trying to impress him cos she has a crush on him, and thats the moment that manages to snap her out of her depressive funk. Self hate overrided by sheer EWW NO IM A LESBIAN, DUDE i just liked ur cool hat, geez. (Wait was that entire plot idea just an excuse to find a way to foreshadow her getting a crush on hailey in yw3...?)
* and maybe i dunno some sort of dramatic episode where she loses the ability to use the yokai watch and is faced with her self worth issues all at once and its super fuckin sad and we all know eventually she will get to see all her yokai friends again cos the plots not gonna end before finishing all the games but still MEGA SUPER SAD MOMENT ANYWAY (also tearful reunions!)
* also i just heard theres a yokai called furgus thats a big adorable hairball that gives people big hair. So maybe that could be one of the comically easy victory episodes? He uses his power on mallory but her hair is already too fluffy to be floofed! Maybe it backfires and turns his own hair into a boring bowl cut, lol? And then maybe a sequel where he returns for revenge a million episodes later but it just so happens to be during the maddiman boss fight and he accidentally cures his balding. "Noooo dont thank me nooooo" *is forced against his will to become a popular advertosing mascot for hair cream* *like straight up just gets sucked into the nearest bottle and sealed like a genie* *cursed forever to fame and fortune and a million dollar salary*
* lol i dont think im as funny as the actual yokai watch writers but i have a few ideas at least. This will be fun to draw!
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exoticcal · 6 years
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1-150 on the get to know you ask......I DARE YOU
Challenge accepted. 1. Who was the last person you held hands with? My friend, whos a dude, only cause we was crying together lol2. Are you outgoing or shy? Even though it seems like I'm 'outgoing', I'm really shy.3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? I don't really have many friends so... no one?4. Are you easy to get along with? If you're an asshole, no I'm the worst to get along with. If you're just kind and respond to me, I'm pretty easy to get along with lol.5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? Since I really don't have a crush on anyone atm, no?6. What kind of people are you attracted to? Nice people who arent cocky and aren't mean to family (depends lol), animals or kids lol?7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? Probably not, knowing myself.8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? Ben Cook9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? Depends. I can talk about it online easily, in person I can talk about it but it overwhelms me quicker 10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? My dude friend from the first question 11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? "Dont lol itll be fine"12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? I cant pick aaaahhhh13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? YES OH MY GOSH14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? Kinda?15. What good thing happened this summer? I lived in Hawaii for a month!!16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? I've never been kissed soooo17. Do you think there is life on other planets? YES.18. Do you still talk to your first crush? My first crush dates back to 1st grade, I've moved away since then so no.19. Do you like bubble baths? L O V E20. Do you like your neighbors? In my dorm, HELL NAH. In my home home? Eh. I love my neighbors across the street cause they're too nice to us and bring us tamales and blueberries because we lend them our lawn mower 21. What are you bad habits? I chew the insides of my cheeks and my lips, I ruin the cuffs of crewnecks, I tap my foot often22. Where would you like to travel? I'd love to go back to Hawaii tbh23. Do you have trust issues? Yes.24. Favorite part of your daily routine? Sleeping25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? My body26. What do you do when you wake up? Go on my phone27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? lighter so my expensive foundation will match28. Who are you most comfortable around? I don't even know anymore29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? I've never been in a relationship.30. Do you ever want to get married? Yess31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail? hahahaha no32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? No comment.33. Spell your name with your chin. ashlynn ----- oh shit whaddup boi i got skilll34. Do you play sports? What sports? Played sports. Basketbacl for 6 years and volleyball for 3.35. Would you rather live without TV or music? TV.36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? ALL. THE. TIME.37. What do you say during awkward silences? "weeeelll then," or "anyyywayyy"38. Describe your dream girl/guy? Don't really have one tbh39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? Forever 21, Charlotte Russe, Rue 21, H&M 40. What do you want to do after high school? I'm in college lol,,,, Act.41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? Depends tbh42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? I'm usually quiet, but extremely? I'm sad, mentally beating myself up or something43. Do you smile at strangers? Yes!!!44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? Bottom of ocean 45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? Hunger46. What are you paranoid about? Every. Thing. (((Hi im constantly paranoid about anything and everything!!1!)47. Have you ever been high? Yes.48. Have you ever been drunk? Tipsy.49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? No?50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? Black51. Ever wished you were someone else? All the time.52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? Everytime.53. Favourite makeup brand? Benefit or ABH orrrr NYX54. Favourite store? Target55. Favourite blog? I love all the blogs I follow.56. Favourite colour? Lavender 57. Favourite food? Sushi58. Last thing you ate? KitKat59. First thing you ate this morning? A chocolate peppermint muffin top from DB60. Ever won a competition? For what? Nooope61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? I'm a child of god62. Been arrested? For what? Nooo63. Ever been in love? Noope64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? Never been kissed65. Are you hungry right now? Of course66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? I love them all equally.67. Facebook or Twitter? Twitter68. Twitter or Tumblr? Tumblr69. Are you watching tv right now? Nope,,, I'm watching youtube?70. Names of your bestfriends? Court, Vero and Mads (alll nicknames lol)71. Craving something? What? That sweet sweet NUT(ty buddy)72. What colour are your towels? They're all different colors72. How many pillows do you sleep with? A big body pillow and then one normal pillow73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? A little hedgehog named Douglas74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? Over 5 (packed away)75. Favourite animal? Panda or fox76. What colour is your underwear? baby blue, coral and white77. Chocolate or Vanilla? Vanilla78. Favourite ice cream flavour? Cookie Dough or strawberry cheesecake79. What colour shirt are you wearing? White long sleeved turtleneck with mistletoes scattered all over. 80. What colour pants? blue jean81. Favourite tv show? Don't have any82. Favourite movie? Pitch Perfect movies83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? OG Mean Girls84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? 21JS85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? Janis86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? The one who screams bubbles87. First person you talked to today? My brother88. Last person you talked to today? Probs my dad89. Name a person you hate? I don't hate anyone----- DONALD TRUMP90. Name a person you love? My momma91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? DONALD TRUMP92. In a fight with someone? No?93. How many sweatpants do you have? 2.94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? too many95. Last movie you watched? Newsies96. Favourite actress? Oh fuk,,, I really like A.J Cook for TV. Then for theatre I genuinely love Rachel Bay Jones 97. Favourite actor? Soft spot for Tom Holland and all the ST boys98. Do you tan a lot? Rarely.99. Have any pets? yes, 3. All dogs.100. How are you feeling? Eh.101. Do you type fast? I guess.102. Do you regret anything from your past? Yes. Everything103. Can you spell well? Sometimes104. Do you miss anyone from your past? Yes.105. Ever been to a bonfire party? I wish106. Ever broken someone’s heart? Don't know107. Have you ever been on a horse? No.108. What should you be doing? Sleeping maybe lol109. Is something irritating you right now? My hip.110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? Fuck,,,, yeah111. Do you have trust issues? this was already asked, but yes.112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? The dude from question number 1 113. What was your childhood nickname? Ash or ashiipooh114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? Yes.115. Do you play the Wii? Nope.116. Are you listening to music right now? Nah,,117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? I don't eat meat.118. Do you like Chinese food? I'm a pescatarian so the seafood option chinese food i love119. Favourite book? Milk and Honey120. Are you afraid of the dark? No.121. Are you mean? Sometimes122. Is cheating ever okay? Hell. No.123. Can you keep white shoes clean? hahaha no124. Do you believe in love at first sight? no idea tbh125. Do you believe in true love? I'd like to.126. Are you currently bored? Yeah.127. What makes you happy? Acting128. Would you change your name? No.129. What your zodiac sign? Aries130. Do you like subway? Use to.131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? Yikes lol stay friends132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? Same dude from #1133. Favourite lyrics right now? Dont have any134. Can you count to one million? Yeah?135. Dumbest lie you ever told? i don't remember136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? Closed137. How tall are you? 5'4''138. Curly or Straight hair? Wavey139. Brunette or Blonde? Blonde140. Summer or Winter? Winter141. Night or Day? Night142. Favourite month? April143. Are you a vegetarian? Technically yeah cause fish options arent always avaliable.144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? Dark145. Tea or Coffee? Sweeet coffee146. Was today a good day? I guess147. Mars or Snickers? Snickers148. What’s your favourite quote? Don't have any149. Do you believe in ghosts? Eh.150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? Literally no books are in site.
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thatlittledandere · 7 years
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Of Course I Dare!
Pairing: Naruko Io/Zaou Ryuu
Summary: “They do say that kisses given in a game of Spin the Bottle don’t count, but I understand if he still doesn’t dare do it–“
Ryuu slammed his hands on the table and loudly exclaimed: “Of course I dare!” No way would the notorious playboy Ryuu Zaou ever let anyone imply he would chicken out of a kiss! He turned to Io with a determined expression, trying to keep up his confidence.
"Let's do it, then!"
Words: 2354
ao3
Kinugawa-senpai’s words from the training camp echoed in Ryuu’s mind (again) as he was getting ready for school. How could he have been so observant!? Okay, so maybe Ryuu did like Io a little more than as a friend. Oh, to hell with it, who was he kidding? Of course he did. Ryuu Zaou, the master of romance, knew a crush when he had one. Which was often.
But he thought he’d gotten pretty good at hiding his feelings for boys. No better teacher than past experiences. (Ryuu remembered all too well the consequences of confessing to Seito-kun in sixth grade and how they had affected his self-esteem, and was glad he was getting over it.) So how in the world had his senpai (or, judging from Yufuin-senpai’s shameless accusations, senpais) noticed? Sure, he and Io hung out a lot and Ryuu was rather open about the appreciation he had for Io and yeah, he got a little touchy every now and again, but the other members of the club didn’t even know he was bi! There should have been no way!
Ryuu shivered at the word “bi” he had used in his head. He was still getting used to this whole “maybe gays are not that gross after all” thing. Unlearning attitudes was hard, even if learning about bisexuality on the internet probably saved his life. Or his emotional well-being at least. After years of intense self-doubt, denial and even loathing he sort of accepted that side of himself now but…
Io was Io! Ryuu’s best friend! Ryuu was used to falling for people quickly, on public transport, or during group projects in school, or festivals, or whatever, but he’d been close to Io for quite some time, so why now? Why somebody he saw every day and had to act platonic with? He was an open person with his heart on his sleeve, dammit! It wasn’t fair!
… Shit. At this rate he’d soon be late again.
Despite the morning’s distracting thoughts, Ryuu’s day went by completely normally. Nobody suspected a thing. He really was good at this. No wonder, having had months of practice. After settling on a seat in their clubroom, Ryuu flipped out his phone to see a received message from his latest conquest.
Yoshiko: Had fun on our date! Let’s meet up again sometime? You COULD even get a kiss ;) maybe
But how would kissing Io feel like? Ryuu looked back to the kisses he had shared with girls before: the tender brushes of lips, the pecks and bites, the play fights with tongues and licking the insides of each other’s mouths. Hands caressing backs and shoulders, light touches on cheeks and playing with the other’s hair.
Ryuu: oh, arent you eager ;)
Awkwardness after failing to read the mood. The occasional teeth clattering, bleeding after a little too forceful biting and unwanted giggles at inappropriate times due to being too damn ticklish. Can’t have the good without the bad or not-so-good.
Yoshiko: Stop teasing. I know you’re even more impatient than I am.
Kissing, especially on the lips, was something Ryuu considered almost sacred. A way to stop them from being scared, sad or annoying, a way to confirm whether there were deeper feelings involved or not, a way to find surprising sides of people. Almost always a pleasant experience. Always different.
Ryuu: got me there :P hbu next saturday? coffee sound good?
But Io was Io. Not only was he a boy, he was also someone Ryuu had known for a long time, who he knew better than anyone else, who he could do anything – or nothing at all – with, and would always have a good time.
Yoshiko: Gotcha! You know where I live, meet me at 7!
Ryuu knew where Yoshiko lived, yes, but he didn’t know how. He didn’t know how she behaved when she first woke up in the morning and and what was the last thing she did before going to bed. He didn’t know what her parents or siblings were like. He didn’t know what type of shampoo she used, if she brushed her teeth before or after breakfast and if she preferred hot or cold water in the shower.
Ryuu didn’t know any of those things about any of the girls he had dated. He didn’t even know those things about his friends. He had never asked.
But if anyone were to ask those mundane, seemingly meaningless details about Io’s life, Ryuu could answer in his sleep. Io was different.
Breaking out of his own world, Ryuu heard his friends discuss meeting at Kurotama bath the next weekend for a slumber party. (Ryuu missed the start of the conversation, but had a strong hunch it was Yufuin-senpai’s idea.) No specific reason needed; just friends hanging out, chilling, maybe playing some games.
“I have a date on Saturday, but if it’s on Friday, I can make it!”
Ryuu: cant wait!
Friday came and Ryuu made his way to Kurotama, where Yumoto somehow managed to convince everyone to gather around the table to play Truth Or Dare. Something about a chance to learn more about each other, Ryuu thought he had said; the room they were in was kind of hot, Io had opened two top buttons on his pajama top and Ryuu was preoccupied with his collar bones and a hint of the chest he already knew was well toned but damn–
“Ryuu?” Io’s voice broke through Ryuu’s thoughts and he really hoped Io hadn’t seen him staring. Ryuu hadn’t even noticed he’d been zoning out. Damn it, this was becoming a bad habit.
“The bottle is already spinning,” Io kindly pointed out. Ryuu turned his head on the bottle, which stopped at Yumoto.
“Yay!” he squealed. “I choose dare!”
“Damn, what can you even ask someone like Yumoto do?” asked Yufuin-senpai and leaned on his arms. “There’s nothing fun in bossing around someone who doesn’t have a sense of shame to begin with.”
Kinugawa-senpai looked at Yumoto seemingly in thought, his hand cupping his chin. “En-chan has a point, Yumoto is a bit of an unexplored territory...”
“Get a passing grade on your next Japanese test,” suggested Io with a completely straight face. Even Ryuu couldn’t tell if he was being serious or not; it was a ridiculous dare but, knowing Io… He might even mean it.
Yumoto huffed in exasperation. “Aah, Io-senpai, that’s so boring!”
“And aren’t dares supposed to be acted out immediately?” asked Kinugawa-senpai. “Plus, we’ll have no way of making sure he actually does it.”
“True. Hey Yumoto, I dare you to make up a believable excuse for me to ditch this chick next Monday!” was Ryuu’s input.
Yumoto smiled cheerfully and answered without blinking: “Tell her you have a family emergency! She can’t say no to that!”
“Sweet, thanks! Let’s hope she won’t ask for details”. Ryuu didn’t like standing girls up and he liked lying even less, but he had two dates on Monday and had to prioritize. This one was kind of annoying and draining company anyway.
Ryuu didn’t see Yufuin-senpai’s face, he was typing a message, but senpai sounded taken aback. “Eh, you’d think Yumoto had done this before.”
“… I don’t think I want to know,” said Io. With the voice Ryuu knew well, the one that told he really didn’t want to know. Strange how even that sort of voice could sound so endearing coming from Io.
“Me neither,” said Kinugawa-senpai. “Let’s just spin the bottle again.”
Yumoto spun the bottle, and the whole club kept their eyes on it intently until it eventually stopped.
“It’s Io-senpai!”
“I choose truth. I don’t want to embarrass myself,” said Io. Ryuu, who knew what a private person Io was, felt a rush of pride for his best friend for finally trusting their other friends enough to be willing to reveal something – and maybe a little jealousy that he wasn’t the only one he trusted anymore. But then again, none of others could ever have such a strong bond with him, and Ryuu was happy about that. He knew it was selfish, but wasn’t liking someone a little selfish in the first place?
“Right, is there something in your life you especially regret?” asked Yufuin-senpai.
Io averted his eyes from him and – did he just shot the quickest glance at Ryuu? In any case, he suddenly looked a lot more self-conscious.
“My preteen years were… not the proudest.” He spoke, now apparently making a point of not meeting anyone’s eyes. “I tried really hard to blend in with the adults and make them take me seriously by using expressions and vocabulary uncharacteristic to someone my age and by being overly serious and assertive about everything, even when I didn't really know what I was talking about. In retrospect, I was only making a fool out of myself.”
“Is that the eighth grade syndrome…?” commented Atsushi.
“People do call it that, yes.”
Ryuu snorted, and immediately felt bad after seeing Io flinch the tiniest bit. Oh no. Now he hurt him. Io confided in them all and told something he was embarrassed about and his best friend laughed at him. When would Ryuu ever learn to control himself…
“Okay, I get why you would think that’s sort of uncool,” he started quickly, aiming to relieve the tension, “But you knew all those fancy words when you were real young! It’s just one more proof of your intelligence!” He was glad to see Io untense a little.
After that, the game continued like a game of Truth and Dare usually goes, everyone making up equally stupid dares (Kinugawa-senpai had to stuff ten marshmallows into his mouth and say all their names) and learning more truths about each other (Yufuin-senpai admitted to sometimes singing on his free time but wouldn’t give a sample).
Then the moment Ryuu had been waiting for with both fear and excitement came and the bottle stopped at him. He immediately announced he’d be choosing dare, and shot the others a wide, confident grin, daring them to bring it on. God, he had been waiting to show what he was made of!
His grin melted when he saw the way Kinugawa-senpai was looking at him like he had an evil masterplan. Yufuin-senpai shot Kinugawa-senpai a look that clearly conveyed the message “don’t”, but he pointedly ignored it. How characteristic, his “dark side” was emerging…
“Very well. I dare you to kiss Io.” The devious grin from the training camp made a reappearance, much to Ryuu’s dismay. "On the lips."
“What!” Ryuu yelped. He felt his face heat up and turned to look at Io, who looked positively scandalized. They just wouldn’t catch a break tonight, would they…
“Ki… Kinugawa-senpai, it would be too improper to force Ryuu to do something this… intimate against his free will! This is a game where he is in no position to refuse, it’s unfair!”
“Maybe,” admitted Kinugawa-senpai, sounding to Ryuu like he was trying to sound like he might have regretted it. Which he obviously didn’t. “They do say that kisses given in a game of Spin the Bottle don’t count, but I understand if he still doesn’t dare do it–“
It sounded like Kinugawa-senpai was about to continue, but he didn’t get a chance to do so. Ryuu slammed his hands on the table and loudly exclaimed: “Of course I dare!” No way would the notorious playboy Ryuu Zaou ever let anyone imply he would chicken out of a kiss! He turned to Io with a determined expression.
“Well…” Ryuu chuckled, trying to keep up his confidence, and gulped. “Let’s do it, then!”
It… Wasn’t what he was expecting. Not at all, and Ryuu wasn’t sure how to feel about it. There were no fireworks, no explosions in his heart or brain, it didn’t feel like the world around them disappeared or like they were floating through time and space. Nothing like the big getting together in a romance movie or manga.
Ryuu had just done what he usually did: approached slowly, making sure what he was doing was alright; looked at Io’s eyes and lips in turns under his own gradually closing eyelids; noted what Io seemed to be feeling about all of this (he read Io well and was quite confused about what he found; he thought Io had looked somehow… Expecting? Maybe even excited? Hopeful? Unbelieving?? Why?) and finally closed his lips around Io’s lower one, closing his eyes entirely and moving his lips. (For his great relief, Io returned the kiss.) Nothing unusual. Yet this wasn’t like the other times - not only because his partner was of the same gender and Ryuu’s very favorite person.
It was not magical or phenomenal, just natural. Like this was how things were supposed to be, like this was something they had been supposed to be doing for so long. The surrounding world or their friends didn’t disappear: Ryuu was still aware of their presence, he just found himself not caring. He didn’t feel like he was ascending to the Heavens; actually, he felt even more in touch with everything and more present in the moment. This was, on some fucked-up level, his natural habitat. He belonged there, and didn’t want to let go.
But in order to not blow his cover, he had to. Keeping this up any longer could be weird. So, trying his hardest to act natural and nonchalant and not show his reluctance, Ryuu ended the kiss. Only centimeters away from his face, Io opened his eyes slowly and stared at Ryuu blankly, his gaze hazed and unfocused. Ryuu had never seen Io this out of it, and although his own mind wasn’t at its sharpest either and his emotions flew all over the place, he felt a strange sense of pride for being responsible for it.
It was even better when Io’s face broke into a wide, content smile. And if Ryuu’s ability to read Io was still there, several of the emotions the kiss had made him feel were mutual.
Maybe he would have to do some inventory on his calendar app.
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traumabrained · 7 years
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Tw for abuse So my parents abuse me, mostly physical from my mother, mostly verbal from my father. I've always coped with the abuse by acting calm and taking it, hiding, or attempting to descalate it and hoping I don't piss them off further. But recently I've started to act out with anger. Not just with them, with my little sister who yells as much as my father, and with animals. Not the ones I own, though. I'm afraid. What's happening to me? I shouldn't be angry. Being angry gets you killed.
while its certainly frightening, its also (as far as i can tell, with my own experiences and the experiences of others i’ve talked to) a normal response. essentially, either your brain thinks it’s safer and is deciding to start processing trauma (which doesn’t seem likely), or else you and your brain are both fed up. there’s really always a limit to how much someone can take, and it looks like you’ve reached that limit. since that can get you in trouble and also cause collateral damage (to the animals, or to your little sister, though “collateral damage” doesnt include self defense), i’m going to give you a few tips that might help you deal with the anger in a way that won’t make your parents abuse even worse.
 (please note that since i dont know your exact situation, some or all of these might not be feasible; if that’s the case, you can message me again with more details if you want? and i’ll look for some different things)
exercise: i know this sounds like everyone’s irritating neurotypical relative but i promise you that if you can do it, it will help. exercise:
  decreases stress and anger
 helps you feel in control (even if you’re not. but it gives you hope, which is very valuable in abusive situations, right?) and 
prepares you for physical attacks, if they get so bad that your options are fight back, run, or die.
im going to assume that you don’t have equipment that you can use, but if you do, use it. if not:
running--can be done anywhere, and it costs no money. if you think you will need to hide it from your parents, then go out very early in the morning, if possible (or late at night, but the morning is usually a lot safer, and no-one will be paying attention to you. literally anyone you pass will be pre-ocupied with going to work or school, and they will usually be too tired to even look up from their coffee). also try to use a specific pair of clothes--t-shirt, shorts if you have them, one sports bra if you use those, to minimize the amount of sweaty clothes you’ll be putting in the wash. during exercise is a good time to maybe think about your abusers--let yourself get mad. let yourself get pissed, if you can, and use the anger to run even harder. i did this a lot when i still lived with my parents, and it probably saved my life.
weights--you can often buy them pretty cheap on amazon or in a store, but if your parents are monitoring your purchases then you can use gallon jugs of water/milk (if they dont buy galons of water/milk then u can buy 1 gallon of water for around 1USD in most stores, which would be easier to hide and explain than any purchase of exercise equipment). fill the gallons with water, and lift them--you can google “dumbbell exercises” for some exercise routines. do this in the early morning if possible.
push-ups/sit-ups--these are probably the least satisfying to do, at least for me? but also the easiest if you aren’t able to get outside early morning, or if you’re absolutely not going to be able to buy any kind of weights. if you can’t do a full push-up, try working up to it by putting your weight on your knees, instead of your toes.
i recommend that you look into proper technique before you do any of these--im just trying to give you ideas.
if exercise isn’t feasible for any reason, then art is the next way to go. a lot of trauma survivors (especially child abuse survivors) write poetry. visual art is also a good outlet but i’ve found that it’s usually a bit less cathartic. if your parents go through your things regularly, then either make a new tumblr account and tell nobody about it, and write your stuff there, or (if tumblr isnt safe) write only on single sheets of printer/notebook paper and burn or shred them immediately after you’re done. 
if you think you’re not a good enough writer to do this, then listen: you’re not writing this for it to be good. you’re not. it doesn’t matter at all. no-one else will ever read it. you don’t even have to read it again. it doesnt have to look or sound good. the only objective is to process your trauma and anger. the plus side is that no matter what, you will improve your writing by doing this, so if you are interested in being a poet, or already are, then writing trauma poetry will only help you. i recommend poetry instead of prose (prose is anything that isn’t poetry) because you don’t have to worry about structure, or about it making sense/having a plot. it can be really hard at first, especially if you don’t usually write a lot. if you need to, you can try using these prompts (they probably arent all applicable but if you can finish any of these sentences in your head, then you can write a poem about it) (possible trigger warning, skip the bullet points if you need to)(i’m just going to use “they” because any gender of person could do this and i don’t want to make assumptions but you can swap out the pronouns if necessary)
they wouldn’t stop ...
i don’t feel safe ...
they hit me when ...
i feel like i stopped existing at [age]...
i don’t want to be here ...
when you are writing, let yourself get mad, if possible. nothing you write will have any consequences if you burn the page, right? nothing is out of bounds. write anything and everything. write about how they’ll burn in hell. about how you hope they get murdered gruesomely. about how you’ll rip them into pieces the next time they touch you. anything. if you can’t summon anger, that’s okay. you can also write about how you feel like you’re rotting. you can write about how you miss when they were good to you. or how they were never good to you, but you miss it anyway. about how when you get out, you’ll have a nice apartment with someone you love (platonically or romantically, it doesnt matter), and maybe a pet, and how you’ll go to the bakery down the street sometimes and get croissants and sit in the sun and how it will be okay. how you’ll never have to see them again. how safe you’ll be. how happy you’ll be.
any of that will be cathartic, i promise you. i started writing poetry at the age of 12, and all of it was about my abuse. it was bad--i went back and read it a few months ago, and i’ve improved a hell of a lot since then. i’ve worked through a lot of my trauma, partially with a therapist, but mostly with my writing. it’s easier than therapy for me, because no-one else can see me while i do it. it’s easier to break down every part of the abuse, to analyze it. and after writing a poem, i always feel drained, like i just lanced an infection or something. i dont know. but writing works. i promise.
therapy is the last thing thing on my list here because its very inaccessable to a lot of people. minors, anyone without insurance, or anyone in a rural area is going to have a hell of a time getting therapy, you know? so that’s why its last. if you have a good therapist, it’ll probably be the most helpful of all of these, but even that is a hit and miss (i’ve seen at least a dozen therapists, psychiatrists, psychologists, and mixtures of both, and i always seem to get the people who don’t believe me, who think that yelling at me will fix problems, who report everything to my parents. but not everyone’s like that--i just have some incredibly shit luck).
if you can get a therapist, do. they can help immensely. if you can’t, then try the other things until you can get to a position where therapy is accessable for you.
i hope this helped, im sorry its so long? and im sorry it took like a week gah
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bma-2020 · 5 years
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POST-SERIES THINGS, HOW MALLY GOT TO THE OYSTER WORLD.
(Notice for spoilers to Sy/fy Alic/e if you haven’t watched it and care abt spoilers or smthn)
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     WHICHEVER method of Mally during the miniseries we go with (Method one: She joins Hatter and Alice on their endeavors when Hatter goes to find her in the forest. Method two: She’s been trapped in the Casino for awhile, after Jack Heart finds out where she is, goes to interrogate Hatter, and she turns herself in to ensure he doesn’t get in trouble for it.) This is how it ends up.
As Bean pointed out in this one post from probably 2014 or so since I was already following bean by that point, that I will forever be linking to even tho Bean doesn’t write Hatter anymore n tries to hide the fact that Bean can do math better than basically everyone or at least me, before Hatter goes through the looking glass to find Alice, it’s at least three months in Wonderland time. That’s why he’s all healed up, has nicer hair, changed his hat, god better clothes, all that. 
Whatever happened, I do have it where Mally was with him during that time. Whether it’s the healing period from being trapped for so long, or just her trying to fix him up because he’s a wreck and in denial of being a wreck, either way, she’s not the kind to ditch her friend. Especially when the new king is the same dude who she was forcibly engaged to before she ran away, gaslit her, tried to convince her to ‘work with him’ and he could ‘convince his mother to let her go’ before she was sent down to the asylum, she’s not happy about the current royalty. That, on top of how he’s treated hatter in the past (I know the series doesn’t go into it but I highly highly highly doubt Hatter was that antagonistic towards Jack just out of jealousy and because he was the Queen’s son, it seemed a bit more personal than that. ) she ain’t about that.
But, she notices just about everything about Hatter. Now, of course, as much as I don’t say anything bc I don’t want ppl to be all ‘oh you’re trying to force ship’ when a: i’m not. b: unrequited shit. c: this was canon for her when I wrote w other hatters throughout 2013 or so through 2015, I didn’t say anything, I avoided saying anything, but Mally definitely has always had some kind of love for him. It’s in her nature, she is in love with Hatter, and she won’t say anything, so I don’t either. We all know how I am, I don’t even tell people when I do ship the muses and would wanna write it out cause yknow, I have massive anxiety about that and scaring people away so if I let them come to me abt it instead its not my idea first and I can’t be ‘awful or terrible’ for being a person yknow how it is. 
Anyways, she definitely would have noticed that he was missing Alice. And, while from how we know my writing goes, she has those reflections of the original wonderland, she has vague memories of the original alice ( which, in the version where she was taken by Jack and put back in the asylum, those memories expand a lot. Thus meaning, she remembers a whole lot more about the original wonderland because she can’t avoid it in that situation.) she liked Alice H, but she didn’t view her as the ‘legend’, she didn’t see her as an ideal, she honestly would have preferred if he wanted to go find the OG Alice, but long and behold.
She’d convince him to do what was best for him.
Even in the situation where he’d be trying to help her out of that trauma, she’d still tell him not to worry about her, because she only wants what would make. him. happy. 
And yeah, that fucks her up when he actually goes.
I don’t think she said that with the belief he’d actually go, so him actually going definitely wasn’t expected. She wouldn’t have wanted him to go, she wanted him happy, but I think inside she actually thought he’d just choose her over someone he knew for three days. That’s her headspace, don’t twist my thought process on this bc I actually ship this specific version of h/attice but mally would still be like ‘you knew her for three frickan days dude’
so she’s extremely not okay during the first few weeks after he left. Jack tried to contact her during that time, he’s still trying to get her to work with/for him, she’s not about that. Even in a completely damaged state of mind, she ain’t gonna go with Jack Heart for anything.
But, during that damaged period, is when the Cheshire Cat comes back. She’s talked to him before, he’s the only one with complete memories of the prior world and the current world, he doesn’t actually tell anyone anything. He talks to her about the Wonders. She does wander off to try and find the Vorpal Blade, and she does. In the process, she comes across Necros.
Necros spoke to her for a few moments, and ultimately when she said she didn’t want to be around him, he left her alone. One of the first people since Hatter to show her any ounce of respect like that, tbh. She does have a moment of time where she ends up in the Court of Swords, learns her mom is a Queen, all that jazz, realizes her own mother wants to use her for something, nothing pretty comes of that. 
But, within a few weeks, she ends up having a breakdown in the forest, she’s alone, she’s abandoned, nobody wants to help her, everyone she meets wants to use her, the one person she thought wouldn’t hurt her left her for a girl he knew for three days. and then Necros finds her, alone in the forest of Wabe, he doesn’t say anything to her, but he does offer her a hand, and she ends up going with him. That’s how she ends up coming to the underground.
Necros, Celeste, the underground just treats her nicely. She’s not used to it, she sees that nice treatment as a huge ‘what the fuck’ tbh, she’s just like ‘idk what’s happening rn but they arent hurting me so’ Necros has Monstrous Crow train Mally further, as Monstrous Crow can replicate others powers and helps them to fully achieve their ‘perfect’ status. From what she understood, they weren’t helping her to ‘use’ them, they were trying to help her not have to isolate herself anymore. With Monstrous Crow’s powers, they were able to develop a stronger version of her brother’s injectables that allowed others to touch her (as, March and Hatter were the only two that weren’t affected by her extremely cold temperature). 
This was a lot stronger than the one her brother developed. They made one that she could take instead. Granted, if she takes it, it weakens her excessively for days at a time, so Necros doesn’t recommend she take it over convincing whoever else to do it, cause they only need one injection and they’re done, never have to worry about it again. She’d have to do it every few days and it hurts her, they tried finding a way outside of that, because she could get to the point of her own power where she can stop it, but she’s not there yet. She might never get there. 
And, she chose to stay with them because the idea of completely getting rid of the Hearts family and bringing the true royalty back to Wonderland (the High Arcana, since the White and Red families weren’t around anymore, either finding a surviving relative fit to rule or convincing the court of fools to stop keeping away from it) and Mally actually made it go beyond that. She wanted Alice to come back and rule because nobody would be more fit to rule than her and Necros agreed, thus it seemed fitting to put her in charge of their operations in the Oyster land. 
Now, a lot of the underground are magical and they’re scientists. They learned methods to transfer back and forth from the oyster world without the time shenanigans that happen with others. This basically means that they can use the looking glasses they made to traverse back and forth and the time they spend in oyster land, when they go back to wonderland the same amount of time still passed. They went beyond the study of realm travel to ensure they didn’t lose anything. 
Monstrous Crow went with her, and the original idea was ‘saving’ oysters that... were better than average humans, and who were suffering in their realm and needed to be accepted, needed people to help them feel better about themselves, honestly because who better to convince to be on your side than someone longing for positive attention. Mally still helps with that, but she’s also going beyond that, and she’s trying to find out where Alice Liddell went. What happened to her. 
She knows that after 150 years of their time, it could have been more for the oysters, and she knows oysters dont live that long. But she also knows Alice wasn’t all human, that there was something supernatural about her that gave her the ability to control aspects of Wonderland. Therefore, she believes that she can’t be entirely gone. Part of her had to be reborn into someone or something else and that’s who Mally’s trying to find, particularly hoping that she’ll be like Mally is and have recollections of the past. That’s her main goal. 
But, there’s another goal she has too. She is actually trying to find Hatter. I think it’s more for closure on her end, to learn if he’s happy, see if his ‘ditching her’ made life better for him. That would lead to a lot more emotional spikes on her end cause, lbr, she’s gonna think abt the fact that he was only happy after leaving her behind, she acts extremely self confident but internally she’s a mess. 
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tumblunni · 7 years
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aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa tfw u have another game idea AGAIN i think my brain hollowed itself out for more idea space at the expense of everything else like ability to actually create my ideas or ability to remember to eat :P
this kinda isnt a NEW idea, its just something floating around in my brain that ive now got more of a concrete idea for, i guess? playing Oxygen Not Included reminded me of it and made me feel maybe people would actually be interested in it, yknow? and its probably not something i could ACTUALLY make, cos it’d require like.. a lot of my own programming. not really easy to just make in a helpful gamemaker enginey thing like rpgmaker. tho it is an rpg... kinda...?? ehhhh im not feeling very good today, sorry my writing is... bad
ANYWAY WHAT WAS I SAYING
Well the idea I has was for kind of a roguelike tower climbing rpg, like Azure Dreams or Persona 3 The premise would be that there’s a mysterious underground civilization, trapped for generations with no memory of the surface world. Between them and sunlight is this potentially-infinate magical labyrinth that nobody has managed to make it through. (At least as far as anyone knows. Everyone wants to believe that friends who dissappeared in the labyrinth actually made it to the other side, rather than.. well.. the other side.) So the game would be about tackling this labyrinth in multiple short sessions. My favourite genre: roguelikes that actually have some form of progression in them! Even though you’re dying a lot, you retain a small amount of what you gathered each time in the form of townbuilding progressyness and ~friendship routes~ and ~ETCETERA~!
But then after playing Oxygen Not Included I kinda have a burning desire to see a game that has the good bits of that and not the... Frustration. To say its a roguelike without progression is understating it, gahhhhhhhhhh! Roguelike sim game of 8 hour game sessions that get destroyed cos of one stupid mistake and you have to be all perfect and lucky and YOURE ALWAYS STARVING and gahhhhhhhhh THIS IS MEANT TO BE MY GAME IDEA NOT VENTING ABOUT THAT GAME Anyway I was thinking how it’d be really cool if a game like that actually DID have a sense of progression. And an actual end goal. Like.. if you were actually digging towards the surface! With periodic savepoints and characters that dont die so easily and have more personality to them and you get all attatched! I already got all attatched to my dumb sim characters and then just got really upset how they kept dying and the game seemed to not give a shit :P
But yeah its not like I can just completely copy that game, lol. Even if I wanted to, I dunno how to program a simulation type engine thing from scratch! So i was thinking like.. a regular roguelike randomized dungeon generator actually IS possible in Rpgmaker, so I dunno.. I could find a way to make that work with some kind of ‘you are actually creating the dungeon’ type thing. i really like the idea of being able to dig your own path through the thing and have it permenantly etched there forever. I was thinking it could be an awesome idea if in the postgame you could come back to the now-empty labyrinth after everyone’s escaped to the surface, and be able to walk through it and have a big ol nostalgia trip. One that’d be unique to every player! And like.. maybe even be able to see changes, like it being reclaimed by nature and flowers? And you could upload a dungeon seed for your own personal dungeon, so that other players could play it, and that could be the postgame replay value~!
game name ideas i guess Catacomb Crawl Boundless Down
and I was thinking the protagonists could be two kids and be a grumpy older sibling who’s a jerk to their well-meaning-but-immature lil sib, but loves them deep down, and has to learn a lesson about becoming a more responsible sib, and etc like.. yeah.. basically inspired by over the garden wall i didnt really like that show, and i felt bad about it cos everyone was telling me it was a masterpiece. alas! :P aaanyhoo they’re not very developed yet, except older sib being a bit of a comical greedy coward type of person and lil sib actually being quite wise but always underestimated. Like, they have more common sense than their big sib even though they are a lil naive sometimes cos theyre so optimistic. Both sibs get each other into trouble pretty often, but they balance out perfectly to save each other each time! And lil sib is kind of a pushover who just obeys big sib unquestionably and can never stick up for themself when big sib is being all ‘ugh ur so immature im totally better'. They’re just like... the sort of person who’s so scared of their friends leaving them that they let anyone hurt them as much as they want as long as they stay. Very relateable to Bunni! Also they sorta try and pretend to be the dumb sidekick and class clown. Cos again theyre worried if they disagree or try and stand out too much then their sibling will hate them. Quite often their ‘dumb mistakes’ are actually the older sib’s fault, and they’re stuck like ‘AAAA I CANT TELL THEM TO STOP COS ITD BE OUT OF CHARACTER. I NEED TO BE THE CUTE BABY.’ And its all super complicated cos older sib acts like they resent them for never growing up too, its like.. cant ever win. This whole thing has kinda turned them into an anxious mess deep down. part of big sib’s whole redemption arc would involve them having to realise that their actions arent harmless, and treating such a young child this way actually has a permenant effect. And like... big sib doesnt know how to take care of little sib on their own because they’re immature themself! Being able to admit that instead of trying so hard to be all fake ultra mature and infallible, thats another big character arc. As well as aknowledging that lil sib is indeed growing up and becoming someone intelligent and independant. And realizing that the reason they keep putting them down is so they can try and deny that, and the reason they’re denying it because theyre JEALOUS! Jealous that little sib might have their emotions more alltogether than them, scared that their emotionless facade of perfect big sibness will be broken, and scared that without that they’ll have nothing left. Need to become more comfortable with trusting and relying on your lil sib, need to actually talk to them about this stuff, yo! Ideally I’m gonna try and write it in a way that doesnt make big sib seem like a completely hateable villain. Their backstory is gonna involve being from not exactly the nicest family, and both struggling to escape what they’ve been shaped into. And trying to learn how to take care of each other as a real family, when they have no real frame of reference for what real love looks like. And also climbing a bigass tower to save humanity from being entombed underground, but that’s comparatively easy, lol! But yeah the idea is that big sib kinda absorbed more of their bad parents’s ideals, and like... they love their sibling so utterly and deeply because they just did not know what family love felt like until they came along. And it really REALLY hurts them whenever they realise they’ve been subconciously being neglectful or hateful towards the lil fella, but theyre so distracted by like.. the greed of being free now. And doing anything and everything, drunk on that freedom! And not really being capable yet of caring about other people when they havent even learned how to care about themself. They keep being all decadent and delinquent and it seems like theyre egotistical but still deep down they HATE themself and this is all just like a ‘fake it til you make it’. And its so easy to get caught up and go too far to try and put on this facade, and they feel they cant really vent their real feelings to anyone. Cos they’re super cynical dont trust anyone except sibling loyalty like. Only way to survive! And like... cant talk about it with the sib either, because little kid wouldnt understand, and if they do then that means theyre not little anymore. They dont wanna ruin lil sib’s childish innocence cos like.. that innocence is their only reason to live. Innocent stupid bastion of family love, came into their life and gave them the courage to deal with those shitty parents gahhh! And part of them ‘knows’ that the only way to love anyone is to be deluded and innocent. You have to be too stupid to realise that the world is awful and everyone sucks and loving people just gets you hurt! And big sib is toooootally smart cos they know that life is meaningless. But they’re entertained by seeing a stupid person stupidly believe in optimism. Totally. Thats the only reason they wanna protect that innocence. Totally. sooooo basically imagine a very mentally ill mess of a preteen that’s curled up in the corner crying perpetually within their own mind, while on the outside they’re all HA HA I’M AMAZING, BITCHES And also imagine that bunni is able to write good enough to explain these damn characters aaaa im very tired im sorry
anyway summary: protagonist is a jerk, Character Development: The Game, you will cry for little sib whom is basically like penny from inspector gadget also I was thinking maybe this could be the one and only time I do the Amnesiac Protagonist Cliche Setup. eeeexcept not really?? well i mean I think it’d work cool if these characters were new to this setting, but I wouldnt actually do 100% amnesia thing I was thinking more like... they are the only two people who came from the outside world. And they just can’t remember how they got here, they wake up trapped in this place and everyone thinks theyre crazy for talking about being from somewhere aboveground. So you have an even more desperate motivation to escape compared to everyone else! I mean of course everyone wants to return to the surface, but its been so long that no-one remembers what it’s like, and so many attempts have failed that they’ve all given up. So you can act like a beacon of hope and lead the people even though you’re just a child. Like, this is about a morally bankrupt trash protagonist being dragged kicking and screaming into heroism, lol And of course we can have some good ‘ol mystery amnesia reveal type plot thingies! But without having to have a protagonist who’s COMPLETELY clueless, and a game beginning with no direction whatsoever. Its more like a ‘trapped in another world’ story except its the same world just a few thousand miles underground, lol. And revealing how exactly they got there and what they’ve forgotten is gonna be a plot, yes, but also there’s the bigger mystery of what on earth this doom labyrinth is and what caused these poor people to be trapped in it! And what they’ll even find when they finally reach the surface again, will it really be the sort of paradise they’re all hoping for? also many tears for sad dysfunctional tiny family of awkward childrens, ye also (hopefully) fun dungeon gameplays
so yeah bunni is tired and delirious and rambling Thoughts at you dunno if anyone was interested in any of this, but there you go!
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