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#you should probably sit this one out ludus
missusk · 3 years
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Your face is a bit pink too, actually.
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storysofmyown · 3 years
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Seven stages of love Chapter 3: Ludus
Summary: Ever since the Celestial War, since they all fell, Asmodeus has  dedicated himself to his sin. Not caring about anything else, but  drowning himself in the pleasure and ecstasy of it all. But not anymore,  now he cant even handle the idea of it. But, what else is there to want? After so long of having indulged in his sin, what is there than  Asmodeus is looking for, something that will fill him, and that wont  drive him to destruction? Perhaps his brothers can help him with that. Warnings will appear in each chapter.
Trigger Warnings: Self depricatement (?), anger, mentions of exhaustion. Please tell me if I forgot to add one.
Word Count: 3278
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It had been at the very least an hour, and Asmodeus eyes had yet to focus on the damn page in front of him. His eyes were looking at the words. He was reading and he knew what each word meant, but it all felt like his brain refused to understand what was in front of him. He read the same word over and over again but in his mind all he could think about was Leviathans words and what it all meant to him. His heart rate had been calmer than ever before, but that didn’t mean it was good. That only meant that he was in such a state of confusion he had to look up from the book to realize he was in Satan’s room. A faint memory came to mind of him waking up in the middle of the day and making his way here. But…it was all fuzzy. Perhaps the best way to describe it would be to say it felt like his memories were submerged underwater. There was a faint recognition of things, words, and moments, a faint recognition of his own feelings…of the things that had presented themselves, and how distant they felt to him.
But, it all just felt so out of place. He knew his body was somewhere in the House of Lamentation, but his mind was everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Almost as if it was traveling through a cosmic place with all the answers he could ever need; to all the questions he could ever ask. But instead of looking at the answers, he was in the middle. Just starring at the everything of the world through the eyes of an spectator, and not through the eyes of someone that had his own live. Perhaps, if he just reached out into the overwhelming darkness of the water that submerged his entire being, he would feel better. But how to reach out to the unknown? What if what laid on the other end was worse than what he knew now? In the end he let out an audible groan and set the book back on the stand, a pout on his lips.
“This is impossible!” He was incredibly tired. His eyes heavy and mind completely gone as he yawned and turned to Satan who was smiling foolishly at his book. That’s right, Satan had stayed in the room as well, but it’s not like either of them had registered each other’s presence. He had tuned out of the world entirely, and he was sure Satan had done the same. Speaking of which, the blond demon had muttered something under his breath, before proceeding to chuckle.
How in the world did he manage to pay attention to something for so long, Asmodeus wondered, before a sigh escaped his lips as he decided he should just give up this meaningless search that had become his life. Maybe it was time he finally accepted that there was no way he would ever understand the yearning that had kept him awake for so many years in the house. The aching to be simply hugged by someone who wanted to hug him. Perhaps that’s how he was meant to be for eternity. Had his father made it so he would end up as the Avatar of Lust as a punishment so that Asmodeus never felt that?
“Please, you don’t believe him, right?”
Satan spoke once again. Making Asmodeus raise an eyebrow at him as he decided it was enough self-deprecating for a day. Leviathan had made him question his existence enough the other day. And so, he proceeded to approach Satan, standing behind the demons couch and looking over his shoulder at the pages of the book.
“What are you reading?” Satan jumped, hitting Asmodeus in the face with his book, making the lustful demon groan a little as his hand flew to his face, tears burning on the corner of his eyes as he glared at Satan.  “What was that for?!” His comment effectively making the wrathful demon glare.
“Why were you reading over my shoulder?!” He snapped, glaring harder at Asmodeus which only made him scoff.
“I just wanted to know what you were reading, you jerk!” Satan stared at his brothers in confusion for a moment.
“…I thought you had gone back to your room already.” Satan’s sighs as he calms down, sitting in his original position.
“Well,” Asmodeus walked around the couch before propping himself on the other end of it. “you can be quite scary when we barrow your books. Hence why I was going to read it here and then go but…”
“But?”
“…I don’t know. I guess I just don’t have the attention span to spend hours reading.” Asmodeus shrugged, sitting on the couch before resting his back against the armrest, letting his head fall back as he stared at the ceiling. Breathing slower with each passing second, eyes drifting closed.
He was exhausted.
His eyes were heavy. He wasn’t hungry at all even if he had yet to eat anything since waking up. He was so incredibly tired, but during the night he couldn’t sleep. Part of him felt like it had been carrying with the same weight as Beel carried for hours on end, simultaneously feeling  like his legs wouldn’t be able to take him anywhere. It didn’t help that his brothers had been acting so strange with all the space…but perhaps it was his fault for worrying them. After all, Belphie and Levi probably already had told the rest of their findings. Satan was the only one that still treated him with some degree of normality. And even so he knew he was trying to act…gentler with him.
“…you wanted to know to what the book was about?”
Heh, another confirmation of his suspicions. Satan’s voice made Asmo sit up, looking at his brother with a raised eyebrow before nodding. He might as well try to act like his whole world had not fallen apart a few nights ago and unlike each passing day was eating him alive to the point where even the simplest task would make him go into a frenetic state. Oh well, might as well try to keep up the act. He looked at Satan before nodding, the demon not letting go unnoticed the lack of usual spark his younger brother had.
“Yes!”
“Well, in that case” Satan sighed, closing the book and looking at the back, examining it for a few seconds before nodding once more. “Very well, the story is about those two strangers.” He starts, looking at Asmodeus. “Two strangers that become the most important thing the other has.”
“Eh?” Asmodeus answered involuntarily. Shifting in his sit as he looked at Satan properly now. It was a…interesting concept.
Two strangers. They meet in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by everyone yet no one at all. The voices are echoed by how confused and lonely they are. But then…then they see each other. Satan said that they didn’t necessarily feel the sentiments that that word imply. That word...the one that kept coming back to him and placing itself against everything Asmodeus knew. That same word was plastered all over the book, in each page, and even in the cover. But even so, Satan stated the book claimed to not be that. He said…it was about some kind of…superficial sentiment. Some kind of crush they had. A brief moment of passion the two shared for one another after just that one moment.
Satan went on to describe their journey. And how as they slowly got to know each other they started to actually fall into a more intense feeling. But, to be fair, Asmodeus had stopped listening the moment Satan had said the first few sentences. Two strangers. Two complete unknown persons, and yet they managed to feel a certain type of affection towards one another. From all the people he had met, to all those he had merely shared a bed with. No names exchanged, no number, no way to see each other again, to those recurring visitors whom he had even their birthmarks memorized…he didn’t feel like that with any of them.
Were there people that could actually experience that type of devotion? Perhaps it was all just made up. Yeah, there was no way that existed. Have a sudden romantic infatuation for one another? Just like that?! No, Asmodeus refused to believe something like that could happen. It didn’t make sense at all!
“…are you even listening?” Satan’s voice finally registered as he sighed, closing the book and setting it down. “You are free to leave if you are that bored-“
“I don’t understand.”
“You weren’t listening to me. Of course you wont understand.”
“What? No, that’s not what I mean!” Asmodeus protested, half glaring at Satan now. Damn it, he was so damn confused. First Leviathan told him there was an entirely different kind section of that word, which was reserved for friendship, and platonic relationships. And now Satan told him that it was possible for two people to fall in adoration with one another although they were complete strangers?! He could have sworn that each time he learned something new it just helped to…to make him despise his sin even more.
Asmodeus took the book from Satan’s hand, the bookmark he had placed neatly between the pages falling, the page being lost as Asmodeus opened the book and scanned the first page, almost immediately devouring the content of the book like Beel would do with a restaurant if not stopped.
“…I was reading that” Satan protested, glaring at Asmodeus as he got to take the bookmark from the floor. The demon turned to place it on a table, before looking at Asmodeus. He had bag under his eyes. Something his brother would have never let be shown in the past, or let it be seen by anyone at the very least. Be it by an extensive amount of makeup or by his hour-long beauty regimen, it was strange for Asmodeus to let show anything that he deemed a “flaw” in his skin. And the way he was reading the book…he was desperate. A desperation Satan had certainly never seen in any of his family members to this day. “…you can give it back once you are done.”
“Mhm, yeah” Asmodeus answered briefly as he got up and walked over to the door, hitting the wall on his way out as his eyes refused to leave the page.
For the next 4 days, Asmodeus did nothing but be enthralled on the pages of the book. To be fair, he had finished it on the second day, but he had been rereading it. Over, and over again. Each time more vigorously than the last, his eyes jumped entire paragraphs he knew gave no useful information to the questions he needed answers to. How could two strangers fall in such a way for one another? How could it be that two complete strangers could experience more feelings on their first meeting than he had on his long life?! From the celestial realm to this very moment, the only feeling he could remember was that of lust and perhaps pity…sadness. No other feeling had ever made its way to him in the nights before, but now, now it was different. He felt something, and he wanted a certain feeling.
To him it was almost a lie. From all his experiences, never had any of the demons or demoness he had been with looked at him with something other than lust. They never sought to make a conversation that went past the names and the “where are we doing this?” In his mind it was impossible that a feeling so deep be felt so easily. Because if it did…then what would that say about him?
On the fifth night, as the dusk hit the Devildom, under what was the bleak light of the stars coming through the window, Asmodeus finished the book for the third time. His eyes focusing on the very last line. Those words. Those three simple words being muttered from one person to another. And no more words. Not an explanation, not a reason, not even a damn hint of why they felt like that on that very night. Asmodeus could feel some tears burning on his eyes as he glared at the book and threw it on the nightstand beside his bed. The stupid book had only left him with the same exact question that had been plaguing his mind from the night of his revelation. He hid under his covers, ignoring the ache of his heart, and went to sleep, only to dream of his inner broken, soul, and the void.
The next day, he went to Satan’s room to give him his book back. Praying to the father that had hurt them for the demon to not be on his room and he wouldn’t need to even mutter a word. But of course, that wasn’t the case.
“Ah, Asmodeus, I’m guessing you finished the book?” Satan’s voice was heard, prompting a sigh from Asmodeus as he fully stepped onto the room. The demon was on the high end of a stepladder, reaching for one of the top shelves.
“…yeah.” He spoke on a defeated tone.
“Did you enjoy it?” Satan asked, looking at one of the books, taking it out of the shelve and dusting it off. Asmodeus thought for a second. Had he enjoyed it? Well, its not like he was all that invested in the story. His focus was more on finding answers than it was on indulging into the story. And so, he couldn’t even recall the name of the characters, or the name of the book. Much less if he had enjoyed its content. But if he had to give an answer… “Asmo-?”
“No” They spoke at the same time. Setting the book down on the table, just as Satan looked down at Asmo, raising an eyebrow. He was about to ask why, but it would seem Asmo beat him to it. “How can two complete strangers feel something like that?!” He spoke, not even having given his brother another look, passing around the restlessly . Asmodeus tone increased slightly as he walked around the couch, hands moving and gesturing to the book. “Isn’t that sentiment supposed to be worked and developed with time as you get to know the person?! Isn’t it supposed to take years for people to finally realize the extent of their true feelings for another person?! It can’t be that simple! It can’t be as simple as walking into some place and making eye contact and just…and feeling it!”
“You don’t have to shout!” Satan spoke louder as well, before sighing as he watched Asmodeus shoulders drop and look away. For a moment Satan stayed silent as he analyzed Asmodeus words, thinking back to what he had read of the book before finally speaking. “…they didn’t fall for each other. At least not at first.” He states, starting to go down the steps of the ladder.
“Eh?!” Well that was a lie, Asmodeus thought. “Yes they did. The book describes it the first time they meet! They-”
“And upon their eyes meeting it was like the music faded. The bodies dancing around became shadows, all surrounded in black like the rest of their lives, only for the still barely noticeable grayish color the other made them see. With each step they took towards the other, the color became more vibrant, bright. They were like fire on a pitch black room for the other, and they smiled. For the first time, it wasn’t a calm or sweet smile. It was a nervous awkward smile, as they barely managed to announce their names. As they barely managed to exist close to the other.”
Satan finished quoting the book, making Asmodeus stare blankly at the demon as he frowned.
“Show off...” he remarked under his breath, just as Satan reached the last step, sighing. Instead of hopping onto the ground and walking over to Asmodeus he sat down, giving Asmo a look that made him step closer.
“The way it was described, the nervousness and awkwardness…I don't think they fell for each other, at least not in that very moment. Sure, they wanted to meet and get to know the other. And they found the other interesting, and upon that conversation is that they became important to one another…but I don’t think it was as intense as you think it was. It felt more…innocent.”
Innocence…that was something Asmodeus used to be familiar with. But he had lost touch with it the moment his body hit the grounds of the Devildom. Once he discovered this new world and all the things his body was capable of…the things his body wanted, he become detached from that part. Never did he imagine he would be missing that side of him. The side that didn’t need to be touched to be validated, and simply spending time laughing and talking would be enough to make him feel important. He wished he could go back to the moments where he wasn’t aware of anything at all. He missed not being himself. How cruel of the universe. To put right in front of him the description of what he had felt during those first encounters…the feeling he no longer experienced. The feeling of being alive as his skin was set ablaze by the wonderful sensations now he would hid from.
“…how cruel.” Asmodeus whispered, as he proceeded to sit beside Satan on the same step, resting his head on his brothers’ shoulder without thinking, their shoulders bumped together as Satan looked carefully at his brother.
“Cruel?” He raises an eyebrow.
“So…at first…they really didn’t feel anything for each other?”
“…I wouldn’t say that. They certainly felt something…but it isn’t the type of sentiment you thought it was. Truth be told…I think those two were so desperate to feel happiness and desired…that they fell in **** with the idea of a relationship and being wanted…and then it slowly morphed into what they had at the end. True, absolute devotion.”
Asmodeus stayed quiet at the mention of the word. But on his mind, there was such a turmoil that only grew with each passing moment. He didn’t know what he was missing. But he knew that when he found it, he would feel…whole. But each time he went to try and find it, he only came back with a bigger puzzle to resolve and with barely any pieces to put it together. With barely any grasping understanding of the subject that was torturing him night after night.
“…I still don’t understand.” He pouted, making Satan chuckle as he leaned back, resting his weight on his elbows as he tilted his head back, looking at the ceiling.
“Yeah, I think that’s the point. It isn’t something that we are ever going to understand. Not fully, at the very least, it’s just…it’s just something that is.” Satan sighed, before looking back at Asmo who still had the same expression. A lost one. “…but that’s better. In my opinion, at least. What fun is there to have in a question that is so easily answered?” Satan merely got a hum out of Asmo this time.
But the demon was listening. And he was wondering. Perhaps his brother was right…but he was not about to give up finding a concrete answer. After all, it was the only thing driving him at this point.
Ludus: Flirtation, playful, lively. The discovery of a crush, its rooted on having fun.
****
Hello~, I hope you all had enjoyed this chapter. This chapter was so hard to write, honestly. Mainly because I didnt know how to have Satan make the connection and explain it to Asmo, but here it is, and I really hope you all enjoyed it! next chapter will be published on Saturday like usual, until then!
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sery-chan-13 · 3 years
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[Ludus]
Niragi Suguru × Reader
So... here we go!!! I'm so exciteddd!! Because Y/N does get to slap him this time-
Warnings: swearing, mentions of past abuse/trauma. I think that's about it.
Eros, sexual or erotic love. Can be the love you share with a partner. Lust.
Philia, platonic love. The love you share with friends.
Storge, natural love. The love you share with your family.
Philautia, love of self.
Pragma, long standing love. The love of a married couple.
Agápe, unconditional or Devine love.
Ludus, childish or playful love/flirting.
You were the cupid of Ludus. Anytime a young person needed your help in finding a love that was playful, you helped. The person could be young, or just young at heart. Whatever it was, you helped fulfil their love lives.
"(Y/N)! Someone's saying something about love next to candy, it might be a job for you!" You heard Stroge's voice call for you. Your eyes lit up. You hadn't had a job in so long. You rushed over, holding the edges of your pink dress so you didn't trip over the wisps of clouds.
The clouds in front of all of you transformed into a screen. There was a boy with dark raven colored hair, glasses, and dark eyes. Blood covered his hands and face, as well as a few bruises. "Oh my! Why, this is new..." Philia exclaimed. ''This is probably... the w-weirdest thing I've done... but I r-really wish she loved me," you heard him say. "He's sad! I wanna go, please? I haven't had one in 2,000 years, pleaseeee?" You begged, clasping your hands together. They all looked at each other before looking back. "Lady Aphrodite, what do you think?" Eros asked with a smile. The woman in question smiled gracefully, before nodding her head. "Yes! I promise I'll do my best!" You giggled, before touching the scene in the cloud. Warmth spread throughout your body, the heat being pleasant as if you were walking under the sun, and then, you felt cold. The sudden difference made you shiver. Where was this kid anyways?
"W-what the hell!" The boy exclaimed, backing away. His back hit the wall, and you pouted. "Come on now! You summoned me," you said. "Y-youre... you... I did what?" He stuttered. "You said you wished she loved you back and there's candy somewhere, so I got sent down here,'' you chirped, lifting the edges of your white dress, getting close to him. "I died didn't I? They finally killed me?" He said, slapping the side of his face. He began to pinch at his skin, wincing when he pinched at one of the bruises. "Am I dreaming? I've got to be. They knocked me out, I'm dreaming. No way. There's no way this is real," he muttered to himself. Then you grabbed his hands to stop his actions. The way your hands felt, warm and soft, couldn't have been something out of a dream. This was real. "Oh my god oh no... what did grandma always say? Don't mess with the spirits and devines. Don't do it. And what did I do? I messed with the devines, and here I am," he whispered. His eyes were wide, looking you up and down quickly. "I'm not gonna hurt you, you know. I'm here here to help!" You said, placing a hand on his cheek. You used your magic to heal up the bruises, cuts, and other things. He felt a slight warming sensation spread lightly. "There. All fixed up," you said, patting his head.
"So... let's start over. Hiya, my names (Y/N), cupid of Ludus!" You introduced. It was about an hour later, and he had finally come to terms with it. "Niragi Suguru... um, explain what the cupid thing is?" He questioned. You nodded. "There's seven of us in total! Each represents one of the words the Greeks used for love. Ludus is childish or playful love and flirting," you explained. You looked towards his clothes, a school uniform covered in dust, blood and dirt, and back down to your clothes, a long, white, flowy dress with loose sleeves. It was the kind that reminded you of your home in your past life.. You frowned, snapping your fingers. "Much better," you sighed. You had changed into a pink hoodie with a white pleated skirt. A pair of white platform boots with silver buckles completed the outfit. You had also cleaned up his clothes, and he looked shocked yet again. "Oh, and my lucky charm! Niragi, meet Squishy! He's my bun bun!" You giggled, waving around the white stuffed bunny. He cracked a smile, and pet it. "So... how old are you?" He asked, quickly adding, "If you don't mind me asking, of course."
You thought for a moment on how you should answer. "Well... I look around your age. I can make myself look whatever age I want, but technically speaking... I'm as old as Aphrodite. About a 500 years younger then her... so... about 5,000 years old? Does that answer it?" You responded. He nodded. "So... you're immortal? What like lead... to you being created?" He asked. You snuggled into him, being cold. He jumped at the contact. "It's cold... and if you wanna know, I'm gonna stay here," you said, holding onto him even him more. "O-okay..." he stuttered. "All of us cupids were mortals once. All of us died in ways that were... horrific for some, and also trauma. The gods took pitty or interest in us, and decided to save us," you explained, playing with the buttons on his uniform, unbuttoning and buttoning them back up.
"What a-are you doing?" He asked, grabbing your hands. You smiled, "Need to fidget with something." He was confused, but let you be. "Alright. Can you tell me a bit more about the cupids? Or just... yourself?" He questioned.
"Well there's 7 of us. Each of us has a lucky item, a color and food that can be used to summon us, we work with the gods and goddesses of love from every religion... hmmm, what else? Oh, my past is kinda dark. I was a princess! So, with that, my parents wanted me to be perfect. But, I couldn't, so punishments were required if I messed up. The man I was betrothed to was disgusting... Oh, and if you're wondering, my parents killed me. You know how royal families are. Crazy. So, now I'm here. Does that answer your question?" You responded. He blinked while nodding. "That was a lot. I'm sorry you went through that," he said, sympathy evident in his tone. You frowned, your hands playing with his hair. He leaned into your touch, a content sigh leaving his lips. "Yay! I made you happy! Right? Did I?" You questioned, sitting on his lap. He nodded, looking up at you. "You're cute. I'm not sure why you need my help getting a girl," you pouted, fingers weaving into his dark hair. He blushed slightly at your words. Cute? No one called him cute. He never assumed he was cute. Why did you think that?
"I didn't know I summoned you, so... yeah," he answered. "Well, now I'm here until she falls in love with you, with my help of course," you said. He cracked a smile, nodding. "I have to get home, so... let's go," he said, trying to push you off him softly. You shook your head, nuzzling into his chest. 'I thought she was supposed to help her fall in love with me, not make me fall for her!' He was having an internal panic at the moment. You finally got off of him, and floated besides him. "Let's go then."
"So no one else can see or hear you?" He questioned. You two were currently in his room. You nodded, before looking out the window into the street below. "We're so high up! Wow!" You exclaimed. He laughed, "Don't you live in the sky?" You pouted at his laughter. "And? I think it looks pretty outside right now," you said. It was raining outside, the droplets hitting the glass with a satisfying sound. "I prefer rain to sun. I don't get rain or cloudy days up there," you said, floating over to his bed. He was laying back, looking up at the ceiling, so you decided to float right above him. "So, what's this girl's name?" You asked. He blushed. "Asami Anzu," he responded. "Pretty! I bet she's pretty too! Is she pretty? Tell me about her," you rambled, giggling in excitement. He had never had anyone to talk to about anything, and here you were. So, of course he spent the next few hours talking to you about her.
"Aww! I wish someone would talk about me like that!" You said. He was so obviously in love with this girl, and it made your heart melt. He was so pure with his feelings. "Other guys that I've helped usually only want the girl to be childish so they can take care of her. I'm so glad you have genuine affection towards her," you said, sitting on the edge of his bed. He blushed, looking away. "What? Is there something wrong?" You questioned. "U-um, your s-ski- your skirt," he stuttered. You were confused, looking down, seeing it had risen up, and you laughed, smoothing it down. "You're silly. It's just skin," you said, crawling up to him. "Well I- I just... I assumed it was... improper for me to see that," he said. "Oh, you wouldn't survive a day up there... you would constantly be apologizing," you giggled, patting his head. You could feel him relax, and smiled. "You remind me of a dog! You like head pats, and are easily excited," you teased. "A-am not!" He defended, grabbing your hands. You pushed against him, trying to get your hands away. You laughed as he pushed back. It turned into both of you trying to push each other over. The once quiet room was filled with laughter and random bouts of banter.
You finally pushed him over, pining his hands above him. "I win~!" You bragged with a smile. He laughed, letting you celebrate your small victory. You looked down at him. "Is this what Eros talked about?" You questioned out loud to yourself. You weren't completely innocent, and would use minor curse words, or understood certain things, but never really understood it. You knew what it was, it just didn't interest you, or you didn't care about it. "What did she talk about?" He questioned. You stayed the same, looking down at him, keeping his hands in yours. "Well... I think you look pretty where you are," you stated confused. He blushed at your words, finally taking notice of the not - so - innocent position you were in. "You mean like... under you?" He questioned, his wrists squirming to get away from your grip. You let him go, nodding. "That's um... that's nice," he said, looking away. Although you didn't understand his reaction, you blushed at how he phrased it. "See! You're blushing too!" He said. You wanted to tease him? He'd find something to tease you back.
"Suguru, why is there a cupid in your room?"
You turned slowly to the door, noticing an elderly woman standing at the door frame. He stuttered, sitting up. "And moreover, why were you to like... that," she said, gesturing to the two of you.
"He summoned me."
"He did what?!"
"I-i didn't do it on purpose! It was an accident I swear!"
"It was an accident. But I'm stuck here now."
The woman sighed. Then it hit you. "Wait, how can you see me?!" You shouted, floating behind Niragi and grabbing his shoulders. You hid behind him, peeking out slightly. ''I've been around for a while. And I've dealt with cupids before. Say, how's Pragma?" The lady questioned. Your eyes lit up. "You know Pragma?" You questioned. She nodded. "She's doing well," you answered. The lady stayed talking with both of you for a bit longer, before saying she was off.
"Who was that?" You asked. You hadn't asked her who she was, just enjoyed her stories. "My grandmother... I forgot she was going to come over and drop something off while mom was at work, " he answered. You hummed, floating around his room. You heard his bed shift, and the clicking of buttons. "What's that?" You asked, pointing at what he was holding in his hands. "It's a game system. Haven't you... oh. Sky, right," he responded. You sat besides him, watching him expertly click away at the buttons. "You're so good at that!" You complimented after he was done with the level. "Do you want to learn how?"
"Ah! Nonono!" You giggled, seeing as Niragi was passing you. He was still better than you, but you had learned a bit. "Ah, shit!" He cursed, clicking harder at buttons. Another thing you'd noticed about him was when he got  mad at the game, he'd curse a lot. Your character passed the finish line, finishing in first. "Yay! I finally beat you!" You cheered, jumping up and down. "I let you win anyways. I didn't want you to be sad," he joked. "Noooo, I beat you fair and square~!" You chirped, sitting back down. "Did I make you happy again?" "Yeah. You did, (Y/N). You did."
Over the course of the next few weeks, you helped him talk to the girl. Your magic was there to get her interested, and let her fall in love on her own. Not to make her fall in love. Of course, Niragi asked about it.
"Ok, listen here! You need to man up and go talk to her! I did my thing, worked my magic, now all you have to do is talk to her!" You repremanded. "Can't you just make her fall in love with your magic, I don't want to embarrass myself," he muttered. You shook your head. "No! If I do, it can become obsessive and I- I can't let that happen again..." you whispered. "Again?''
"Forget I said that! Go talk to her!"
Usually you floated around, watching her to see her interests and watching over Niragi, making sure to heal him after he mysteriously got hurt. He would never tell you how, and it made you mad, seeing it was the same excuse every time. "I tripped down the stairs, I'm fine," he said. "Mhm. I know your eyesight is bad, but not that bad. You can't expect me to believe all your bullshit can you?" You asked, wiping away the blood. His eyes widened, staring in shock. "What?" You questioned. "You just... you cursed. That's the first time I've heard you swear," he said. You smiled sheepishly. It was a learned behavior from him, hearing him swear at his games, or under his breath. "I-is it ok if I do?" You asked, suddenly worried you'd made him mad. He nodded, "Of course it's ok. I mean, I do it, it would be kinda rude of me to say you can't."
One day, while floating around, listening to the girl, you heard her say something about Niragi. "I mean, don't you think it's weird that he's always by himself? If no one ever talks to him, what's wrong with him?" She said. Her friends nodded. "And next, Sheji told me that all he does is stand as a target when they push him around. Who wants a guy that can't even defend himself?" She added. You huffed. How could she sound like an angel while acting like a devil? This wasn't fair to Niragi, she didn't even know him that well. You floated around her, watching to see if anything would happen. Nothing, as expected. Well, until you touched her. You knew her friends couldn't see you, but now she could. "You're kind of a bitch, you know. You're going to be one of the girls that regrets not dating him when he's older. Did you know Niragi is super smart? Like, top of his class smart. You should get to know people before going off what you think because honestly it's a shitty thing to do, and it doesn't make you pretty at all. I can't believe a guy as cute as him likes you," you spat, defending him. It didn't even cross your mind that calling him cute might be wrong, because in your eyes, it wasn't. Her eyes widened as she stared at you. You were floating, your legs crossed in midair as you held on to your bunny stuffie. "Y-youre floating," she stuttered. You smirked as her friends stared at her like she was crazy. No one else could see you. "Yeah, and? Stop acting so dumb," you insulted. Of course, you wanted Niragi to end up with the girl he liked, but she was too rude. "Anzu, what are you talking about?" One of her friends questioned. "Can't you see her? She's floating, right there!" She exclaimed. You got closer, your eyes gleaming with mischief. "Play nice Anzu. I'm always around to protect those I love," you said, smiling, before skipping away. You heard her talking rapidly about you to her friends, but it was no use because they couldn't see you.
"(Y/N), what happened with Anzu-San? Why did you say those things to her? I thought no one else could see you?" He questioned. "Well first, she's a bitch, and was being rude and talking about you. I said those things cause it was only fair. And It's my special item's magic. I told you Bun-Bun was necessary," you explained, holding onto Niragi's sleeve. He sighed, "Well, now you're stuck with me for a while aren't you?" "Yep. Until you find another person you love that will love you back," you stated. He nodded, not really being as hurt as he thought he would be. In fact, he was relieved. You sensed this, and smiled brightly towards him. "Before you ask, yes, this made me happy. Thank you for helping me, and making sure I'm happy (Y/N)."
That was basically how you got stuck on Earth with him for the next 9 years. He had never found anyone he liked, so you stayed.
"Do you have to work late every day?" You whined. He thought you looked like a kicked puppy all sad and mopey that he had to leave. "I'm sorry?" He questioned, grabbing his keys. "Can I go with you then?" You asked. He sighed, "Only if you promise to not get bored and start bothering me." You nodded excitedly, following him out.
His office was rather messy, not like his room. "Why is your office messy and your room isn't?" You questioned. "I spend countless hours in my office, and like...3-5 hours in my room?" He responded, signing into his computers, looking through a folder on his desk. You pouted, sitting in the corner. You did like the small space, however. You could curl up into a tiny ball, so you did, falling asleep rather quickly
"Niragi? Is it okay if I float around your office and stuff?" You asked a while later after you woke up, being a bit bored. "I told you like... forever ago that you can call me by my first name. You're stuck with me for a while," he said. You shook your head. "It's just... then I would... nevermind," you answered. He chuckled, watching you float around, picking up papers. "You don't have to clean my office for me, you know?" He stated. You nodded, still picking things up. "I'm aware. But, it's for me, not you. If your office is clean, then I don't have to deal with mess when I come with you," you said. "Ok, that's an insult," he joked. He stood up from his chair, walking to one of his shelves, pulling another file down. "It's what I like to call organized chaos. My files may not be in alphabetical order, but I do know where each one is. For example, the left shelf on that wall, second row, 3 files down is the file for a client's idea. The one next to it has to do with the business side of things of that same client," he said, pointing to the shelves while reading through another one. You floated over, going exactly where he said. He was right. "Wowww! You're so smart!" You giggled, putting the folders back exactly as they were. "I'm well aware sweetheart," he sighed.
He walked back to his desk, watching as you floated towards him. Your face was right in front of his, smiling. He really loved that. You'd been with him for the past nine years, of course he'd grown attached to you. There was never anyone he found as attractive as you, but he'd never said anything. One time, he had asked, and you told him that cupids weren't allowed to fall in love, or else they'd die a devine death. So, as selfish as it might have been, he told himself he'd never fall in love, and that he'd keep you with him. You never seemed to mind, seeing as you hadn't had a job in years before him. A small part of you had also grown attached to him. You didn't want to admit it either, but the feelings you got around him were different than the feelings you felt around the other cupids.
You two were broken from your staring contest by the sounds of fireworks outside the window. He was confused, going over to the window, raising the blind. "It's nighttime already? Niragi, is there a celebration today I didn't remember?" You asked holding onto his arm. "No... not that I know of. It was probably some idio-" he started, before the lights turned off. You shrieked, letting go of him, seeing as it was completely dark. Not even the lights from the city of Tokyo shined in through the window.
"Niragi? Where are you? I can't see a damn thing! Niragi?" You called out, your hands groping for something in the dark. "Niragi? Hey, this isn't funny! Niragi! Suguru, please answer I don't like the dark!" You cried, desperate to find him, even if it meant using his first name. Gods how you hated the dark. It reminded you of your past. Having to be locked up in the darkest part of the dungeons, no light as random noises echoed through the halls. The rats and bugs crawling on you. You hated it so much. "Suguru! W-where are you!" You called out once more. You heard the door open, and a light flash through.
"Hey, sorry, I left to go find a flashlight. I didn't see anyone in the building though. Whole city is blacked out though," he said. You rushed over to him, hugging him tightly. "D-dont leave me alone in the dark again! You stupid jerk!" You whimpered against him, your hand gripping onto his shirt tightly. He cursed himself, remembering you didn't like the dark. A fitting fear, considering what you were. "I'm sorry, it slipped my mind. Let's go see if we can find anyone, or any clues as to what's happening."
That turned into finding the beach. Of course, after multiple games, you were more than happy he was finally somewhere safe. After so much, you were happy he was ok.
You lay in his bed, waiting for him to come back. "I wonder... no one's ever... none of the cupids have tried falling in love... so... how do we know we can't do that?" You questioned out loud, holding the sleeves of his shirt. You liked wearing it, seeing as it had a pretty pattern. Most of the times you'd switch the color though. Instead, you'd always make the intersecting lines pink while the rest stayed black, or vice versa. That, or you'd make it black and red. It was fun.
"I'm back, and alive surprisingly," you heard a vouch snap you out of your thoughts. You sat up, tripping out of bed to say hello. "I'm so glad you're ok! I was worried you know," you said, checking him over for any wounds he might have recieved. There was none. "Diamonds game?" You questioned. He nodded, laying back on his bed. You crawled besides him, slapping the side of his face. "Ow! What the hell was that for!?" He yelled, looking at you like you just murdered his family. You smiled sweetly, "That was for what you said to that girl yesterday. We respect women you asshat." He rubbed his face, a red mark appearing where you hit him. He looked down, nodding. "That was a solid slap though," he whispered. "I'm not hugging you till you apologize to that girl," you said. He nodded, walking off. He didn't know why he listened to you. Frankly, he could do whatever he wanted to, but somehow the thought of you not holding him again mad him sick.
When he came back after a while, you smiled. "Good job!" You praised. He lay next to you, as you curled up besides him. "Hey... (Y/N)... have you ever wanted to date one of the people you've been helping?" He asked, looking away. You blushed, looking away. "Maybe... why?" You answered. "Because... isn't it dumb that the gods can date and fuck around with humans, but you can't?" He said. You thought for a second before nodding. "Then do you want to be the first to test out your mortality?" He questioned, turning to you. Your eyes widened with fear. This was something that you thought about, of course, but never had the guts to do. "B-but what if it's true? Then I die forever!" You exclaimed, hiding under the blankets.
"(Y/N), who in the heavens told you that?" A voice asked. You recognized that voice. It was the voice of Venus. You quickly took the blanket off your head, kneeling down to her on the bed. Niragi stared between the two of you, not sure what to do. You smiled at Venus quickly, before pushing him down besides you. "L-lady Venus. It's an honor to see you again," you said. "Silly girl. You don't have to bow to me. Now, back to what I was saying. Who told you ladies that?" She asked again, fixing her hair. "Z-zues did my lady," you answered. She tutted, "That Zues. Always messing with my cupids. It is allowed, but you have two options. Either you become a mortal being with him, or he become an immortal being with you. Your choice," she said, giving you a smile. You glanced over at Niragi. He still had these games to complete. You could have him forever. And you'd never have to worry about him finding someone and you having to leave. He leaned into you, whispering in your ear, "Do what makes you happy. Not me. You've always helped me, pick yourself for once."
It was so uncharacteristically sweet of him to say something like that. In the borderlands, at least. "Wanna have him forever and ever and ever!" You giggled childishly, throwing your arms around his neck. Venus laughed, "Oh my sweet child. I'll do so after you leave this place. My magic isn't working here, it was a struggle to see you. So live. Live for as long as you can," were her final words before leaving, rose petals left behind. You laughed, holding his face in your hands, your forehead resting on his.
"Did I make you happy?"
"You always do (Y/N), you always do."
Ok, that took a while. Especially when I wanted to get the Last Boss chapter done before Niragi's, but I finished this one first, so this one is getting published first. I was writing both at the same time, and this one just got done faster
And I forgot to this last night, I'm so sorry!
Tag list
@brainwashedkittenstuff
@celestiacq
Ok, we're good now
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thefloorisbalaclava · 4 years
Text
ludus [pre-pragma]
ludus - playful love
pairing: frankie ‘catfish’ morales x f!reader
warnings: none
a/n: so in my mind frankie is 40-ish in triple frontier and in pragma so each of these little one shots will be either fifteen, ten, or five years prior to the events in pragma/the movie. most of them will also be from frankie’s pov.
summary: frankie hates parties so he’ll find any reason to get away from one and in this case the reason is you.
pragma masterlist
FIFTEEN YEARS AGO
Frankie stood in the corner of the room, away from all the riff raff of the party going on around him. Santiago dragged him along although he had said no about twenty times. He kept telling him that this would be their last party with people they knew for a long time, but what finally convinced him? She was going to be there—the girl he’d been crazy about since high school. She wasn’t one for parties either if he remembered correctly. Even on the night of the senior prom he found her outside looking up at the stars instead of sneaking drinks and dancing with everyone else.
He loved her then. Hell, he had loved her forever.
He took a sip of the beer he’d been nursing as Santiago walked over to him.
“You just gonna stand here all night, hermano?” Santiago asked, standing beside him and nudging him.
“Yup.” Frankie took another sip of beer. “Told you I didn’t wanna come.”
“You’ll feel better once your girl shows up, I bet.”
“She’s not…my girl.” Frankie could feel himself getting hot under the collar. She would be if he had the guts to confess.
“She could be. I keep telling you what you have to do.” Santiago waved at a woman that walked by then looked over at the door. “Ah, there she is.” Frankie immediately stood up straighter and wondered if his outfit was okay. Santiago called her over and she floated over with a beaming smile.
“Hey boys! I’m so happy to see some familiar faces.” She hugged Santiago then Frankie. He awkwardly patted her back, trying not to make it obvious that he turned into a mess around her.
“Good to see you. Beer?” Santiago offered and she nodded. He went off to get a beer, leaving her and Frankie alone.
“How you been, Francisco? You’re looking good.”
He silently thanked God that he decided to wear what he was wearing tonight. “Thanks. You too. You look…nice,” he said awkwardly.
“Aww Frankie, you’re such a sweetheart. Thank you.”
“Uh…you wanna—” he started.
“A beer for the lady,” Santiago said, handing her a bottle.
“Thanks Tiago.” She giggled when he made a face at the nickname.
“I’m gonna leave you crazy kids to it. I…got a few things to take care of.” Santiago lifted his bottle of beer towards them before walking off.
She leaned in closer to Frankie. “I hate it here.”
“Yeah, me too. Wanna get outta here?” he asked.
“Please.” She put her beer on a window ledge and headed for the door with Frankie not far behind. “Ahhh, that’s better. I can hear myself think out here.”
“Yeah.”
“So…are we going for a drive or just hanging out here?” She tugged on the bill of his cap—something that he had come to love.
“Whatever you want,” he said, shrugging.
“Let’s go for a drive.” She got into his truck.
“You got it.” He got in and started the car, looking over at her only to get caught.
“You’re always looking at me like that, Francisco.” She grabbed his face and laughed.
“Sorry.” He was happy for the darkness inside the truck because she couldn’t see him blushing.
“Don’t be sorry. I like when you look at me.” She let go of his face and he started to drive. He had no idea where they were going but he was just happy to be with her.
“I like when you look at me too,” he said after some time.
“You’re fun to look at.”
“I…am?” he asked.
“Yup. And I like being around you,” she said. “You make me feel…safe. Safe and calm.”
“You make me feel seen. That probably sounds stupid but…”
“It’s not stupid, Frankie. I get it.” He turned in the direction of the lake and she sat up straight. “The lake?”
“Yeah. That okay?” he asked and she nodded happily. As soon as he parked the car, she hopped out and ran to the edge of the water. The sun hadn’t fully set yet but the moon was already bold in the sky.
“I love it here.” She pointed across the lake. “I’m gonna have a house right on the other side of the lake. I’ll be able to walk a few feet from my house and be at the lake.”
“Oh really?” Frankie stood beside her.
“Yup. And I’ll invite you and Santiago. We’ll have barbecues and go on hikes. Everything!” She was so animated and Frankie fell even more in love. “Do you think the water is cold?”
“Hm…I dunno, why?” She looked at him then kicked off her shoes. He watched her, confused, until she began taking other articles of clothing off. “Whoa…what the hell are you doing?” Frankie turned away quickly.
“Going for a swim.” She stepped closer, letting the small waves lap at her feet. “You can look. It’s not like I’m naked.”
Frankie hesitated more for his sake than hers. He could barely handle looking at her fully dressed and knowing that she had even less on already had him feeling things he’d be embarrassed to talk about even at his age. When he finally looked, she was looking back at him. He was entranced—not by her body but by the way she looked at him. A small smile graced her lips and the setting sun seemed to make her glow, enveloping her in an ethereal light. Soon he was standing beside her in just his underwear as well, ready and willing to do anything she asked of him. The water hit his feet and he hissed.
“It’s freezing.”
“We gotta run in,” she said backing up.
“What?” He followed her.
“The quicker we get in there the faster our bodies will adjust to the temperature.” She grabbed his hand and squeezed. “Ready?” He nodded. “Count of three. One…two…three!”
And they ran as fast as their feet could carry them, shouting and gasping as the water hit them.
“Holy shit!” Frankie yelled before laughing wildly. She went under and came back up, gasping.
“Okay. It’s colder than I thought.” She laughed then floated on her back. “Francisco?”
“Yeah?”
“How much longer are you home for?” she asked. He and Santiago were planning on joining the army together and just about everyone knew by now.
“A few more weeks. Gotta finish up getting my pilot’s license. Why?” He watched as she floated then came to a stop to look at him.
“I’m…gonna miss you.” Her face fell and though the light from the sunset still shone on her, she no longer glowed. The only thing that he saw from her now was sadness.
“I’m gonna miss you too but me and Santiago will be back. And we’ll get to do some swimming and camping and whatever else you like, okay?” He moved closer to her, trying to see if he had cheered her up a little at least.
“Is it selfish to say that I don’t want you to go?”
“No. It’s nice to hear someone say that. It’s nice to hear you say it especially.”
“Can I do something?”
“Like what?” he asked as she moved even closer. They hadn’t gone out too far so they were still able to stand and have their heads above the water.
“Kiss you…maybe it’ll give you something to remember me by.”
“I’ll remember you no matter what but…okay.” Truthfully, he wanted nothing more than to kiss her and now that it was about to happen, he tried his best to keep calm. She put her arms around him and closed her eyes as she moved in for the kiss. Frankie knew he should close his eyes but he wanted to remember her face at that moment—her perfectly puckered lips, the small shy smile that played across her lips.
Then it happened and his eyes fell closed all on their own. Her fingers tickled the hair at the nape of his neck as she pressed her lips to his. It was a gentle kiss but it lingered on his lips so much so that he wanted more and luckily, she did too. This time, he kissed her and she made a beautiful sound against his lips. Her fingers tangled in his hair now and he vowed to never cut it too short if only to feel her fingers tug and play with his hair this way again. His tongue played at her lip until she let it slip into her mouth. She made another lovely sound, one that affected him in a way he prayed she couldn’t feel.
When they finally pulled away from each other, they were out of breath and both craving more.
“That was the most amazing kiss I’ve ever experienced,” she said.
“Yeah,” was the only thing Frankie could muster.
“Frankie, I…I think I…” She lowered her eyes then laughed it off. “I think we should go get dressed now.” She swam toward the shore. He lingered for a moment but soon followed.
“Are you okay?” he asked her, shivering against the air.
“Yeah, I’m okay.” She dressed quickly and walked back to his truck, seemingly avoiding eye contact.
“You wanna go home?” he asked as he walked over, pulling his shirt over his head.
“Can we just sit here for a bit?” She hugged herself.
“Here.” Frankie put the jacket he hadn’t put back on yet around her shoulders. “I thought you said I was fun to look at but you’ve been trying your best not to look at me ever since we got out of the water.”
“Frankie, I…I don’t know how to deal with how I feel right now…”
“How do you feel?”
“I’m happy. I’m sad. I’m confused.” She finally looked at him and smiled sadly. “I don’t want this night to end.”
“I don’t either.” Frankie put his hands in his pockets.
“We need to get you a new cap.”
“If you can find me a cap you think I’d wear I’ll switch this one out for it and never take it off. How’s that sound?”
“You promise?”
“Promise.”
Then she hugged him. She let out a sigh as she did. He kissed her forehead and held her. This was all he ever wanted. The feeling of her in his arms, her embrace, would stay with him forever.
“Let’s get you home.”
“Okay.” She let go and got into the truck. Once he got in and started the car, she played around with the radio. “You know, I can’t wait to get out of that shitty apartment.”
“Just keep dreaming of that big house by the lake and it’ll come true,” he said.
“I hope so.” Livin’ On A Prayer by Bon Jovi started playing on the radio and she sat back before turning to him and grinning.
“No…” He shook his head. “Not this time.”
“Tommy used to work on the docks, union’s been on strike. He’s down on his luck, it’s tough, so tough…” she sang. “Come on, Francisco!”
“Gina works the diner all day working for her man, she brings home her pay, for love, for love…” he mumbled unenthusiastically.
She sung louder now. “She says we gotta hold on to what we’ve got. It doesn’t make a difference if we make it or not. We’ve got each other and that’s a lot for love. We’ll give it a shot!”
And Frankie finally joined her for the chorus, both of them singing at the top of their lungs.
“Whoa! We’re halfway there! Whoa! Livin' on a prayer! Take my hand, we’ll make it I swear! Whoa, livin’ on a prayer!”
They laughed and sang whatever they could when they finally caught their breath. He pulled up to the front of her apartment building and turned the car off.
“Promise me we’ll hang out before you go,” she said, turning in her seat to face him.
“Of course we will. Promise me you’ll kiss me again?”
“Now or…”
“Yeah.”
She leaned over the center console and kissed him before he could say another word. He pulled her across a little more completely so that she was sitting in his lap now while her feet still rested on the passenger seat. His cap was knocked off at some point during the kiss but he didn’t care. All he felt were her hands, her body, her lips and the rest of the world faded away. They kissed each other as if this would be the last time they ever did. He craved more—so much more, but he stopped himself, pulling away to catch his breath.
“Your…your hat,” she breathed.
“Don’t care.” His forehead rested against hers. “I wanna kiss you every day for the rest of my sorry life.”
“Why can’t you?” she asked. He wasn’t sure how to answer.
No. He did actually but he couldn’t get himself to say the words. They were right on the tip of his tongue but…he couldn’t. He didn’t want to scare her away.
“What’s wrong, Frankie?”
“Nothing…and everything,” he said. She moved off his lap and sat back in the passenger seat. He was so in love with her and she didn’t even know it.
“Do you…wanna come upstairs?” she asked.
Hell yeah I do. “I can’t,” he said. “Not tonight.”
“Oh.” She sounded so disappointed, so let down, but he couldn’t do that with her yet. He couldn’t let her give herself to him fully without telling her those words that he was so afraid to say.
“I don’t want you to think I don’t want to. God knows I do, but…there’s something I gotta do first, okay?” He touched the hand she had rested on the center console.
“Okay, Frankie.”
He took her hand and kissed it then pressed it to his cheek. Say it. Just. Say. It.
“I’ll see you soon,” he said. “Don’t forget about that new hat.”
“You got it.” She smiled and got out of the truck. “See you soon.” She walked away but stopped before she went into the building to blow him a kiss. He pretended to catch it and put it in his pocket.
“I love you,” he said quietly as she turned away. “So fucking much.”
Tags: @cable-kenobi @saltywintersoldat @ahopelessromanticwritersworld @pedrosdoll @psychobillybunny @behindmyeyes-insidemyhead @keeper0fthestars @mrsparknuts @thinemineours @huliabitch @synystersilenceinblacknwhite @lavenderl3mons @mrscrain-x7 @fioccodineveautunnale @gooddaykate @themilkface @tiffdawg @ms-dont-care @mus1caln0tes @awesomefandomsunited @seawhisperer @virtualxjournality @badassbaker @demigod-dragonrider-schoolidol​ @lokiaddicted @forever-rogue @sloantravels @javier-djarin @jawabear @longitud-de-onda
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silenthillmutual · 3 years
Text
Writer’s Tag
tagged by @stvlti!!
Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all!). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening line. Then tag some of your favorite authors! 
i’ll go ahead and do this in order from least to most recent. god why are so many of these nsfw?? how much do i write while hypomanic?! (endy please don’t answer that). all but one of them are for pathologic<3
Lines
20. when you want to escape, say the word
Out where they are, in the midst of the steppe, Daniil can smell the flowers and nothing else.
19. white whip *
If he could see his own hands, maybe he would have a solid answer.
* this is a collection of prompts from tumblr, not one singular story, and as such i picked the first line of the most recent chapter
18. disclosure
This bar doesn’t feel right on Dankovsky’s skin.
17. i won’t be satisfied ‘til i’m under your skin
He knows it’s a dream from the tight hold on his hips, the lips pressed to his shoulder so the other man’s nose can rest in the crook of his neck.
16. alarms are struck and shore is shook
He can’t recall if he’s ever been this far out in the Town.
15. what it means to be a family
For what very little it’s worth, the school is not a far walk from his lab.
14. closer
The breeze that comes in through the window isn’t really enough to cool Daniil off.
13. with love from me to you
My dearest Katerina,
I dreamt of you once more, an intimate scene from what will soon be our bedroom.
12. lurasidone
Usually when you conjure up to mind the image of a man who is truly free, you see yourself.
11. i’d suffer hell if you’d tell me what you’d do to me tonight
Artemy looks at him as though dividing him into sections for easier disassembly.
10. the sun goes up and the sun goes down, i drag myself into the town *
His first instinct is to hunch his shoulders up to his ears, arms trembling under the weight of what it is he’s holding.  
* this is a collection of prompts from tumblr, not a singular story itself, so i picked from the most recent story in it
9. simply having a wonderful Christmastime
The idea comes to them later than they’d have liked, staring at Daniil’s tensed shoulders, curled as he is over his desk.
8. in theatro ludus
“Tell me what you see.”
7. to have a home
The sunlight filters in through the windows hazily, and Daniil wakes up with a sudden start in his chest.
6. how do i get you alone?
By the time he makes his way back to the Lair, he's exhausted.
5. What happens in the closet...
It’s almost laughably obvious he doesn’t have much experience in this area. 
4. honey, there is no ‘right way’
Artemy doesn’t stop to think about the consequences of his actions, he just does them.
3. volenti non fit injuria
It starts off because Andrey says, “You’d be cuter if you shut your mouth.” 
2. take a bite, help yourself
There are two different modes of hunger warring for dominance in Daniil’s stomach, sitting with his back a little too straight against the chair, grip a little too tight around his pen.
1. honey & venom
In retrospect, Daniil can trace his understanding of relationships to one man – not his first love, but his second.
Patterns
i have a tendency to start in the middle of a scene instead of having all the actors come on stage (so to speak) one at a time. in general i think my opening lines are kind of clunky, it’s something i think i should work on. some of these opening lines sound better in the context of the line that follows (5 and 1). a lot of these set up a sensory experience - 20 (smell), 19 (sight), 18 (touch), 17 (touch), 14 (touch), 11 (sight), 10 (touch), 8 (sight), 7 (sight/touch), 2 (touch). i hadn’t really thought of that before but maybe i should play around more with smell and hearing... food for thought.
Favorite
19 is sort of cheating because i used the prompt as the actual first line, but as it wasn’t original i went with the second line. divorced from its context i think 8 is the strongest, but 12 in its full paragraph context is my favorite:
Usually when you conjure up to mind the image of a man who is truly free, you see yourself. You are, after all, a remarkable person, someone who has accomplished many things in your life. They haven't all been easy - oh, far from it. There are those who questioned why someone such as yourself would even bother finishing high school. You were, to quote, "such a pretty young thing" and sending you to university would be "such a waste" when you could be doing more important things, like birthing children and mending clothes and other chores you repeatedly denied an interest in. And when you cut your hair off for the first time at age fourteen, your mother cried and asked what happened to her baby girl. You didn't have an answer to give her, because at the time you didn't have the words to articulate that you'd achieved the greatest freedom imaginable: revoking your assigned gender at birth. Your parents are the sort of folk who believe in predestination, and you were indoctrinated with the idea that fate was immutable.
Well. So much for that.
it’s not my most well-loved fic but i am proud of it, probably in part because i wrote about my experience w bipolar disorder before i was officially diagnosed with it. so it means a lot to me!
oh boy uhhh i am tagging.... @lawliyeeeet, @kunoiichi, @darkpaladin, @qawerian, uh.... i am drawing a blank right now but if u see this and u write. u are tagged.
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elegantshapeshifter · 6 years
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.:: Historically Attested Offerings for the Major Spirits (i.e. the Gods) in Traditional Witchcraft ::.
Let’s try to go back with our mind to the IX-X centuries. In 906 CE a legend starts circulating, initially in the Franco-Germanic area, and then in all Europe. It’s the legend of a procession of Spirits, led by a female character, a Lady of the Night, a “Domina Nocturna”. This Domina and her procession passed from house to house during particular days. For this occasion, people cleaned and ordered their house, in order not to let her find it untidy or dirty. These people also left at night something to eat and drink on the table of their kitchen, knowing that the procession would have come. According to this ancient belief, the spirits would have appreciated the banquet, spiritually savoring it and filling its material remnants with blessings. Then all the procession would have danced and finally the Domina would have taken her wand and blessed the whole house and its inhabitants to thank them for the hospitality received. The heart of the Historical Traditional Witchcraft is this. The witch was the human who had the privilege to go with this procession still being alive. This same procession, in later centuries, would have become the “Ludus Bonae Societatis”, i.e. the “Game of the Good Society” (the “Good Society” was the set of all the witches in the world) or Sabbath. So the Offering was not just a simple act, was the complementary of the Flying with her spirit along with the procession. With the Offering you gave the food for the Domina and her retinue, with the Flying you took the food that others gave.
The Theory:
From Carlo Ginzburg's "Night Battles":
"The Thesaurus pauperum of 1468 condemned “the idolatrous superstition of those who left food and drink at night in open view for Abundia and Satia, or, as the people said, Fraw Percht and her retinue, hoping thereby to gain abundance and riches.” The same practice of offering drink, salt, and food to Perchta, “alias domine Habundie,” on certain days had been taken note of and subsequently condemned in 1439 by Thomas Ebendorfer von Haselbach in De decem praeceptis."
"There is a reference to these nocturnal hordes guided by a female figure in a work by William of Auvergne (d. 1249). According to the common people, a mysterious divinity (but in reality a devil, William explained) called Abundia or Satia, wandered at night through houses and cellars, accompanied by her followers, eating and drinking whatever they could find: if she came upon food and bread left as offerings, she bestowed prosperity on the house and its inhabitants; otherwise she withdrew and refused her protection."
From Claude Lecouteux's "Phantom Armies of the Night":
"This custom was observed throughout the entire Middle Ages, as the clerical literature testifies. It is mentioned by Césaire of Arles (died 542), St. Boniface (675–754), the pseudo- Augustine (eighth century), Atto de Vercelli (died 960), Yves de Chartres (d. 1040), and Gratien (d. before 1179), and others. The canonists and clerics note that offerings or gifts are placed on the set table (mensas cum dapibus vel epulis in domibus preparare). Sometimes the rite is referred to by two words: mensas ornare. A Munich manuscript from the Alderspach Monastery alludes to those who “garnish their table for Percht.”"
From Jeffrey Burton Russell's "Witchcraft in the Middle Ages":
"Another popular story relating to witchcraft has to do with the wild ride and the bonae. A typical version from about 1254 is told by Jacques de Vitry in his Golden Legend. One evening, St. Germain of Auxerre was dining at the home of a friend. After they had risen from the table, the hosts began, to Germain's astonishment, to set the table again. When asked why, they said that they were preparing for the good ladies who ride out at night".
The Practice:
- How to understand which Major Spirit to worship?
First of all, let’s state that this choice must be a considered choice; it is a matter of building a link with a Spirit, a bond that will probably last for your lifetime. Therefore it absolutely cannot be taken lightly.
After we understand this, the first thing to do is to see if there have been trials for witchcraft in our area (or the area our Ancestors came from, if we are Americans or Australians). Usually the most useful trials are those before the mid-1500s, because roughly on this date the Church begins to associate witchcraft with devil and therefore we risk finding trials where there is Satan at the head of witches and no more, for example, Diana, Herodias, the Lady of the Game or other characters. The later trials are therefore completely useless for our purposes.
By analyzing these trials if they are any and/or local folklore (for example, by reading books of local popular legends, especially legends related to witches), we must pay attention to: - the names of the characters who lead the witches; - the names of the characters who lead the fairies; - the names of the characters who lead the the Wild Hunt/Procession of the Dead; - the names of characters who are present in folklore which come from pre-Christian Deities.
Once we obtained the names that are linked to the region we choose as a reference point, we have to choose one of these names, the one of the Spirit that we feel closer to us. The Major Spirit we would have chosen will become our Patron Major Spirit.
- How to perform the “Offerings Table” for our Patron Major Spirit?
The Offerings Table for our Patron Major Spirit is very simple, it’s nothing else but a table laden with food and drinks for our Patron Major Spirit and his/her retinue (of which we have just spoken). Here's how to do it:
1) We start by carefully cleaning and ordering our entire house (or at least the room in which we will perform this ritual, usually the kitchen).
2) We set the kitchen table (or alternatively an altar, if we cannot use the kitchen and we are forced to work in other rooms), putting a clean tablecloth, napkins, cutlery, plates, glasses, a bottle of wine or other drinks and a banquet worthy of a king (we're talking about important spirit, after all!). We will dispose, then, a first course, a second course, a side dish and a dessert or fruit. They will also need one or more chairs, in order not to make our guests stand up.
3) Let's affirm our will to leave these offerings for our Patron Major Spirit and his/her following, by saying something like this: "[Name of the Major Spirit], I offer you this banquet. May this night you, together with your retinue, enter my humble abode that I have set up for you, clean and tidy. May you eat the food and drink the wine [or the drink of your choice] that I prepared for you, dance in my home and bestow your blessings on me, on this house and on all those who live here! I also entreat you, [name], after having consumed the spiritual qualities of this food and this wine, may you and your procession fill them with prosperity, so that tomorrow, when I will wake up, may I eat their material remains and assimilate in me every good that you have instilled in it! So mote it be!"
4) We can light incense (and saying something like "I offer you this perfume to cheer you up, [Name of the Major Spirit], may you appreciate it and give your blessings to me, to my house and to those who live here!") and leave one or more musical instruments on the table (saying something like "I leave these instruments for your joy, [Name], and for that of your procession. May you use them to cheer your banquet and revive even more your already magnificent party while you stay as honored guests in my house!"). These additions were made by Women from Outside (Sicilian practitioners) but are not found everywhere, so it is a licit - but not mandatory - variation.
5) We can customize even more by adding candles to illuminate the working area, representative candles of our Patron Major Spirit, representations or images of him/her, flowers, and so on. These are modernizations (perhaps except for candles to illuminate the working area), but if you feel you want to insert them you are free to do so, as long as you are aware that it is just modernization, and that the basic practice is the offering of the banquet.
6) When we wake up (or at lunchtime), we will approach the prepared table, thank the Major Spirit, we will sit down and eat. An example of a sentence to say as a thanksgiving is the following: "[Name of the Major Spirit], I thank you for having entered my home tonight, together with your retinue! Thank you for having consumed the spiritual qualities of this food and this wine [or the chosen beverage] that I prepared for you! Thank you for having celebrated inside my house and, above all, thank you for having bestowed your blessings on me, on my home and on all those who live here! Thank you for having filled this food and this wine, after having eaten and drank, with prosperity and abundance! May I assimilate your blessings by eating the material remnants of the banquet that I offered you! May I absorb in me all the good that you have instilled in it! So mote it be! Thank you, [Name], thanks to you and your retinue!"
7) So we will eat, will drink and when completed, we’ll thank again our Patron Major Spirit and his procession, greet him/her and move away from the room after putting everything back into place.
- When will we perform the “Offerings Table”? 
The Major Spirit is the main Familiar Spirit of the witch. So, as for every Familiar Spirit, the witch has the duty to nourish him/her, to feed him/her. Not because he/she needs offerings to survive (Spirits are immortal!) but because in this way we can feed the bonding, the relationship between us and the spirit. For this reason, we should treat the offering and its frequency as we should treat our relationship with food. Would we eat once in a month? I don’t believe so. In the past the witch fed her Familiar Spirit, it was said that s/he offered him/her something to eat at least once a day to nourish him/her. Today some people can decide to make an offering every day, others several times a week, others only once a week, but in my opinion we should not fall below this frequency.
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agron-rebel-general · 6 years
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I get so happy when I see you come online. I have a question. At Crixus memorial, everyone was shouting Crixus name but Nasir and Agron and I always wanted to know why. I know Agron had problems with him, but they actually gave each other respect, and didn't hate each other in WOD. And Nasir never really had any problems with him at all and probably got along with him more than Agron. Any thoughts?
UMMM PRETTY SURE I SQUEEEDDD when I saw you send me this!!!! AFJAD:JFJAKFDJK!!!! I AM SO HAPPY THAT YOU GET HAPPY ABOUT THAT!!! The feeling is TOTALLLYY MUTUAL!!!!!! I absolutely LOOOOVE seeing you on my dash AND in my inbox!!!!! GET READY FOR ANOTHER DEEJAMBLE!!! [Deej + Ramble = DEEJAMBLE!!!] 
OK SO FIRSTLY, THANK YOUUU for asking this question!!! I actually have a LOT of thoughts and headcanons when it comes to Agron and Crixus’ dynamic!! I am going to start at the beginning though! Because I do believe that Agron’s dislike for Crixus went far deeper than mere fact that he was a Gaul!
One of Agron’s first impressions of Crixus at the ludus, involved Crixus knocking food out of the new recruits hands. That in itself would have raised a red flag for Aggie. BUT, there was something else that had more of an impact. And that was, Crixus sparring with Duro. Now, Crixus was at a point in his life where he had to basically start at the bottom. He had everything to prove to the others AND to Batiatus because the title of Champion was no longer his. That bitter resentment also came out in the way he fought, going EXTRA hard at Duro and overly aggressive. Agron obviously noticed this, which was why he punched Crixus. He knew that the Gaul was being over the top with his brother and he couldn’t stand it. THAT is where Agron’s dislike for Crixus began and how it grew. I know that there are some background shots where Crixus is trying to offer tips to Duro, but I don’t think Crixus genuinely cared about him. And I think Agron was already too fargone in his dislike for Crixus that his anger and the tensions between them continued to grow. 
So when they were looking for Naevia when out of the ludus, I think Agron thought it best to focus elsewhere. That, coupled with the fact that he could not be the one to take the life of the man who sold Duro and him into slavery, just added to Agron’s resentment -- since the guy had to stay alive long enough for Crixus to question him. I know Aggie didn’t do the morally right thing when it came to lying about Naevia, but I don’t think it was just his resentment at Crixus that fueled his actions. I think he really thought he was doing it for the greater good. 
NEXT, we have Nasir. So when they first apprehend him for attempting to kill Spartacus, Agron and Crixus are both in agreement about what should happen to Nasir, but Crixus strikes Nasir. Agron didn’t overly react to it, HOWEVER, after he had a chat with Nasir and you could tell he was warming up to the Syrian, Crixus grabbed him accusingly when Nasir had the Roman soldier stay due to suspicion. So I think Agron did not like the way that Crixus treated Nasir, albeit, still early in the relationship between Nasir and Agron, I think it just did not sit well with Agron, continuing the pattern of Crixus being aggressive towards the ones that Agron cares about. And then of course, later on Crixus tells Agron to stop defending Nasir etc etc so that obviously sparks anger within Agron, for Crixus knows how to provoke him and vice versa. 
NOW, comes my major next big headcanon, and that is, Agron approaching Crixus with apology. That scene where Spartacus is giving his speech and Agron starts to walk towards Crixus. He looks at Nasir, at which Nasir looks at Agron, locks eyes, and Agron has this sort of smile on his face. I have always headcanoned that its Nasir who had previously had a chat with Agron to convince him to try and make amends with Crixus. Agron attempted to do so for Nasir’s sake, knowing that he and Naevia were close. Obviously, it all backfired. I think in some ways, Agron and Crixus are similar and that’s why they clash so much. Which is also why when they realized how similar they could be (in the match against Gannicus and Oenomaus, they bonded and came to a mutual understanding)
So in War of the Damned, they both had this continued . . . understanding. Why? Because they both had the same priority. They were on common ground, happy with their lovers, and focused on battle. Its why there were SO MANY moments where they’re like “Agron is right” or “Crixus is not wrong” etc etc. It wasn’t until Crixus’ direct defiance of Spartacus by killing the Romans that Agron and him had such a strong difference of standings. But that’s something about Agron: he is arguably the MOST loyal one to Spartacus. Agron hardly needed convincing to join Spartacus’ cause at the ludus, and is unwavering in his loyalty to the man. But, that is a whole other situation because I sort of feel bad for Agron in that his loyalty is not appreciated enough -- will save that analysis for another day or unless asked about it ;)!!  
NOOW when the time came to part ways, Agron went because of all the Nagron head canons I rambled on about before. It wasn’t out of loyalty to Crixus or disloyalty to Spatacus. When Crixus died, Agron was definitely saddened. I think he did consider Crixus a brother in arms, fighting for the same cause and it was a heavy blow. Now, it brings me to your initial question about the memorial. 
I think, the fact that the didn’t say anything was more powerful than joining in the chant. I think they were overwhelmed. Agron was traumatized I would say, suffering aspects of PTSD where he was tortured, disabled, and so many other things. I think he was just processing everything. And Nasir was just standing strong by his side. I TOTALLYYY agree with EVERYTHING you said @tays-role-plays !! Nasir absolutely got along with Crixus better than Agron did. I honestly think the reason was simple fact of the two of them just processing everything and trying to come to terms with what had happened. Losing someone so strong and being reunited, they were taking it all in and . . . maybe I’m not interpreting it correctly, but I definitely don’t think it was lacking respect that had them silent. As you said, they did get along -- for the most part. I just feel that for them, silence is stronger than words. 
HOPE THAT ANSWERS IT FROM MY POV!! I know I went into WAY more detail than necessary!!!! BUT UGHH!! Your questions are ALWAYS SOOOOOOOO AMAZINGG and helps me go into my headcanons and a deep analysis about the show!!!!!! THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME THE OPPORTUNITIES TO DO SO!!!!!! NEVER HESITATE TO FLOOD MY INBOX WITH YOUR BRILLIANT, INSIGHTFUL QUESTIONS!!! (AND THIS GOES FOR EVERYONE!!!) I LOVE YOU SOOO MUCH!!! *TACKLES YOU TO THE GROUND!!!* 
Talk Sparty With Me | Always Accepting |
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pocket-luv101 · 7 years
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Seven Kinds of Love
Characters: Mikuni, Tsurugi Ship: MikuTsuru Summary: Out of the seven kinds of love, Mikuni only believed in an handful of them. But Tsurugi came into his life and showed him love he never thought existed. 
Notes: This was supposed to have a drabble for each type of love. I started this a while ago but I lost all inspiration to finish this. I didn’t want to just throw this idea away so I’m posting this incomplete work.
The Greeks listed seven kinds of love a person could experience. They were Eros, Philia, Ludus, Pragma, Agape, Philautia and Storage. Mikuni only believed in three of them: Eros, the deadly lust that destroyed relationships; Philia, the platonic love you have for a person; and Storage, the natural love you can have for a child. The rest were nothing more than a farce to Mikuni.
Mikuni believed that until him.
“What are you doing sitting here, kid? You’re in the way.” He looked up to see a dark haired boy standing above him. Mikuni was huddled against a vending machine, using it to protect himself from the cold wind. JeJe hung around his neck and hissed at the boy but he didn’t appear to be frightened by his venomous glare. He only nudged Mikuni aside.
Mikuni held his lips in a stubborn line but stepped aside. The boy began to knock on the machine and Mikuni raised a brow at him. “You should go running home. Vampires comes out at night. Even if you offer me money to protect you, I don’t have time to save you. My night’s already booked with assignments.”
“Vampires don’t exist,” Mikuni said even though he knew the truth. He kept a watchful eye on the boy who continued to knock on the machine. His behaviour and how he casually spoke about vampires instantly made Mikuni cautious. “And I don’t need you to help me.”
“Where are your parents?” He asked but Mikuni refused to answer him. The boy gave him a glance before turning back to the vending machine. “Well, you look like a wet rat and smell worse so I’m guessing you ran away from home or something. I’m sure your parents must be worried about you. How much money do you think they’ll pay me if I return you to them?”
“Nothing.” Mikuni mumbled, hoping the boy would leave.
“So, you’re worthless too?” He said and Mikuni fists clenched. Was the man trying to start a fight with him? He turned a glare at him and the boy smiled. “You don’t like being called that?”
His stance shifted and Mikuni knew that he was about to attack him. Mikuni began to summon his Lead with the intention of restraining him. But he only turned and kicked the vending machine. The snacks inside shook and fell to the bottom. He took one and threw it towards Mikuni. 
“How did you?” Mikuni looked down at the simple snack and his stomach growled.
“That’s my little secret. It took me years to perfect my technique so I can’t just give it away.” He answered with a sly smile and Mikuni’s eyes narrowed because it was a transparent fake. Mikuni watched him gather the snacks into a bag before turning to him. He held out a hand to him, “Name’s Tsurugi Kamiya.”
“Mikuni,” he answered but didn’t trust him enough to give his full name. Mikuni took his hand, only intending to shake it. But he tightened his grip and pulled Mikuni forward. He was so shocked that he couldn’t react for a moment. “Wait, what are you doing?”
“Did you get the impression I was a nice guy?” Tsurugi looked over his shoulder at Mikuni. “I don’t do anything for free or out of kindness. But a kid like you probably won’t have any money so you’re going to help me with my assignments to pay me back. Even if you’re worthless, you can do something.”
“That doesn’t answer my question!” Mikuni dug his feet into the ground and forced Tsurugi to stop. His instincts told him not to trust Tsurugi and his actions were only reinforcing that. “Where are you taking me? I doubt you’re talking about a school assignment.”
“Very perceptive, Kuni-chan. You’re going to help me hunt down vampires. You see, I work for this organization called the C3.” Tsurugi explained the organization to him. Mikuni knew that vampires existed but didn’t know an organization like the C3 existed. “This shouldn’t sound too crazy to someone that carries around a Servamp like it’s a pet.”
Instinctively, Mikuni shook off his hand and summoned his Lead. Tsurugi’s expression didn’t change as he held up his hands. “Aren’t we a little kinky? But you should treat me to dinner before you try to tie me up with that thing. Now, don’t glare at me like that. The C3 are the good guys. We only want to protect humans.”
“Vampires and humans can live together—” Mikuni started to argue but the memory of his mother silenced him. He had grown up with vampires and knew how kind they were but his mother overwhelmed those memories now. Even if Lily’s subclasses were kind, not all vampires were.
“Why don’t you help me out tonight and see what we’re like for yourself?” Tsurugi suggested. “If you’re good enough to get a job, the C3 will pay for your room and meals.”
Mikuni thought over his offer for a moment. There was no doubt in his mind that Misono would eventually be drag into the world of vampires. If he could make that world a little better, he would know his brother was safe even if he could never see him again. With that thought, he turned back to Tsurugi. “I won’t agree to anything until I talk to whoever’s in charge and I doubt that’s you.”
“Of course I’m not. I get a lot more money of doing grunt work like killing vampires. But I can ask Tai-chan to get you a meeting with one of those higher ups. I’m sure a guy with a Servamp will be valuable.” Tsurugi walked ahead of him and Mikuni followed him.
I have this bad habit of posting work that I can’t finish. I just don’t like thinking I put some effort into a project and didn’t post anything to show for it.
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HG prompt- Neal shares his fear of loosing his dad (bonus points if Neal and Rumple share heart felt "love yous")
The House Guest Chapter 71: Read it on A03
Sunday December 18th, 2016
Lacey had kicked him out of the apartment.
“I did not kick you out,” she said beside him as she shoved her bare hands into her coat pockets. “It’s too nice outside to sit inside all day.”
It was not nice outside. It was above freezing, that did not make it nice.
“We’re going to Tahiti as soon as this nonsense is over,” he grumbled as they trudged past Sprat’s.
Lacey snorted. “The cold doesn’t even bother you,” she reminded him. Her own warming spell had flushed her cheeks but Jack Frost still nipped at her extremities. He tried to get a better look down her pea coat but she was walking too fast for him to get a decent peek. “I want to go to Scotland first,” she said abruptly.
“Scotland?”
She nodded. “To tell Mal all about how we decimated Bozo and to see where you lived once upon a time.”
It was his turn to snort. “Last time I stopped by, that old village was some heinous tourist trap,” he told her. “Besides, in Tahiti, you could wear those little skirts you’re so fond of…maybe go on a hike in the jungle…explore old ruins…’
Lacey’s pleased smile was well worth all his time perusing those old travel books she had shoved under the bed. She nodded and made a small humming noise that he took for agreement as they started down the street toward Granny’s. He frowned. They had eaten before they had left the apartment and there was nothing interesting down this way except-
“Neal!”
While father and son did not look much alike, after all centuries of living does have it’s way with people, his son’s face probably mirrored his own. A rueful look mixed with a slight tinge of surprise that they had not seen this coming.
Lacey was as subtle as a bulldozer. She wore a smug grin as she marched straight towards Neal. “Fancy seeing you here!”
“You called and invited me to coffee,” Neal pointed out. “You said and I quote ‘we need to catch up!’”
Lacey shrugged. “Did I?”
“Lacey, my son and I are perfectly able to schedule time to spend together,” Rumpelstiltskin grumbled. “You didn’t need to set up an ambush.”
“An ambush would have involved magic, the werewolf room and no bathroom breaks,” Lacey said archly. “This is simply a strongly suggested tete a tete.” Across the street at the Inn, Jefferson poked his head out the door and waved. “I do actually have plans this afternoon,” Lacey said as she pressed a quick kiss to his cheek. “I’ll see you two later.”
With that, she hurried across the street to disappear into the Inn, leaving Rumpelstiltskin and Baelfire standing on the street awkwardly.
“Come on, then,” Rumpelstiltskin sighed. “You hungry?”
“Not really,” Baelfire replied. “You want to…I don’t know…go for a walk?”
Rumpelstiltskin did a quick mental calculation of the last time he had gone for a walk with no destination, plan, or objective. He came up short.
“I suppose,” he said after a moment. After all, the Old One was still hiding out in the other realm and he had a witch’s magic at his fingertips. With that mental reminder, he shot a quick warming spell at his son whose muscles instantly relaxed as the magic took effect.
Baelfire tugged his woolen scarf loose. “Thanks, Papa,” he said. “Where to?”
“The docks,” Rumpelstiltskin answered vaguely. There was something restless about the sea and the sky today. “How are…things?”
Baelfire pulled an amused face but recovered quickly enough to respond. “Not much to do now that Auntie left town. It’s more of a wait and see at this point.”
There was no guarantee that anything would be resolved come the Winter Solstice but every bone in Rumpelstiltskin’s ancient body seemed to know it was coming. The witches were as restless. Lacey had tossed and turned all evening. She had woken up only long enough to grind against him in the darkness until he had buried himself inside her and brought her to the brink again and again until she had collapsed back into the pillows too tired to think straight.
The halfbreeds felt it too, judging by Baelfire’s jerky motions. Anything that moved caught the immortal’s attention, his eyes searching the shadows and tracing the alleyways as they passed through the quiet part of the town.
“Don’t worry,” Rumpelstiltskin said and reached out to grip his son’s shoulder in what he hoped was a reassuring touch. “He’s overextended his hand. After centuries, he’s finally made a mistake.”
Baelfire stared down at where his hand rested but did not shrug him off. “You’ve changed,” he said finally as he slowed to a stop.
“Changed?” Rumpelstiltskin snorted. “Unlikely.”
“No, I mean it,” Baelfire said. He shook his head as if trying to clear it of cobwebs. “I noticed it this summer….after Maleficent’s death but lately….”
There was a weird prickling in his stomach but Rumpelstiltskin ignored it. “People don’t change,” he reminded his son. “You’ve lived through enough lifetimes to know that.”
Baelfire did not flinch. “Exactly,” he said and folded his arms over his chest. “But you have. I guess falling in love does that to people.”
It did not need to be said that demons were not people. Still, there was no denying he was very much in love. There was concrete proof of it in the fact that the two of them stood in the Maine cold and were as warm if they were on deck in the Caribbean.
Lacey’s magic was in Rumpelstiltskin’s veins. They shared a love that was was uncharted as the stars above and was as fathomless. It defied explanation, expectations, and experience. It simply was.
He had played a role for so long, it had become part of him. Yet, he had not even noticed when he had stopped playing it.
“I like you like this,” Baelfire said quietly. “Love suits you.”
His son’s voice was steady, but there was a vulnerability in the first few syllables that betrayed his stoic face.
“Bae,” Rumpelstiltskin said firmly. “I know you may not believe this, but I have always loved you.”
His son chuckled and looked down to toe the ground with his boot. “Come on, Papa,” he said. “It’s different and you know it.”
“It’s not.”
They had spent centuries misunderstanding each other. Rumpelstiltskin had let it go on, angry at his son for his prejudices, angry at himself for his own choices, content to let the relationship linger in some limbo of familial begrudging acceptance.
“You were my son the moment you quickened in your mother’s womb,” he continued and if his voice shook slightly, his son did not mention it. “You were my flesh, my blood, and my legacy but you were my child first and foremost.”
Rumplestiltskin had never asked Lacey what loving a demon was like. He assumed it was rather like loving a witch, full of contradictions, powerful and volatile, vulnerable in their own ways, prideful and vengeful, possessive and controlling and desperately, utterly, insanely passionate.
He let the facade of Gold drop away. They were close to the docks and his coat’s collar flipped up high enough to mask his face. Baelfire’s eyes did not show any disgust or annoyance, but a simple wariness, a tightness around the lips that spoke volumes.
“I love you,” Rumplestiltskin said firmly. “I may not always agree with you and I may be frustrated by your choices but I have loved you since the moment I learned of you, and it has never faded, wavered or flickered in the years you have walked this earth. Whether it be Baelfire, or Neal, or whatever name you chose for yourself in the near future, you are and always will be my beloved son.”
Bae swallowed and looked away. His jaw was tense and his throat was working as if he was trying to swallow back some emotion. Rumpelstiltskin, familiar with Lacey and mortals now, simply stood there and let him. His son was not a typical halfbreed, no true demon spawn, but a man cut from his own cloth.
“In the futures I saw,” Neal started roughly before clearing his throat and trying again. “In the futures I saw, I thought…”
“You thought the one where the world was ending was the most likely scenario,” Rumpelstiltskin finished for him. “You have, after all, known me as long as anyone.”
“But that’s just it,” Neal said softly. “I didn’t. I believed the one with the church and the wedding and the happy ever afters because you…you’ve grown up. I didn’t doubt it for a second, well, I mean I doubted the whole me getting married to Emma Nolan of all people thing, but not that you and Lacey were happy. Or that you were there for my big day, or that there was so much love in that one building thirty years for now. It felt real. Jefferson said that’s just because of some hormones from the jump but- what I’m trying to say is…I’m proud of you and… I love you too.”
There are different types of love. Eros, Philia, Storge, Ludus, Mania, Pragma, and Philautia to name a few. All of which Rumpelstiltskin had used in the past to get what he wanted. He had always been particularly fond of Agape…for mortals would stop at nothing to when they loved selflessly.
Lacey whispered her love to him in her sleep, she moaned it aloud in his arms, giggled it into his chest, and traced it into his skin. Her love was heady and consuming and intoxicating without the magic that accompanied it.
However, his son’s quiet confession of love was something wholly different but just as powerful. If he had been without magic, it would have warmed him as well as any enchantment or any jacket but as it was he had both and so the feeling was slightly overwhelming. There was still plenty of years of misunderstandings, decades of lies and deceit, and some issues that he knew would take another hundred years to fully resolve, but it was a start.
“I love you too son,” he said gruffly before jutting his chin towards the docks. “Should we go scare some fishes?”
Baelfire shook his head before pulling his knit cap free to pull it down low on his father’s curly hair. “If you insist on walking around in demon form, at least tell Lacey I tried to talk you out of it.”
“Your secret is safe with me,” Rumpelstiltskin said with a wink.
His son’s laugh echoed in his ears long after they rejoined Lacey back at Granny’s for dinner. While the rest of their time together was spent discussing old memories, hopes for the future and his attempts to convince Neal to try some Snapchat filters selfies, there was a quiet understanding between them.
As they walked back to the apartment, Lacey put her head on his shoulder and sighed happily.
“I’m glad you two talked,” she said quietly. It was her quiet way of apologizing for not apologizing for her interference. He put his arm around her, his hand resting on her hip as he pulled her closer to him as they neared Archie’s fence.
“Me too,” he whispered into her curls.
Overhead, the moon grew brighter and the stars twinkled as if just for them.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE’S ONLY FOUR MORE CHAPTERS!
Oh oh oh.
First of all, again hello and hi to everyone reading this. So happy to get so many wonderful reviews on this story as it comes to a close and I can’t believe next chapter is the beginning of the end.
But what end will it be?
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xoeminx · 6 years
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Brianna’s Philosophy
       Love is not healthy for the mind in that the very act of loving requires one to engage deeply in affirming their love for the other than it causes the mind to focus more on loving the other than on self-preservation. Loving another person can hurt you in many ways, however I don’t believe we should fear love. Misunderstandings of love which lead to folly might include mutual understandings with your loved ones at all times, that there will be no conflicts in the relationship, the “newlywed” stage will be never ending, and you have to be around your loved one constantly to prove that you love them. Life can be folly, but the meaning of life is relative; many people are living for all the wrong reasons while others are just existing. Life is pointless if it doesn’t have meaning, purpose, and reason. Socrates said, “an unexamined life isn’t worth living,” life doesn’t have a meaning until you define it yourself for yourself. Your life is your legacy.
            But let’s start off slow, let’s get back to the start of it all: can love be healthy? Yes, love can be healthy, but you must feel great pain to love greatly, but loving unconditionally can cause you to act irrationally or “unreasonably.”  The idea that love is static is an unreasonable belief as love is a continually varying emotion. Some adults who have not had love in their lives may have the belief that they are able to give love while lacking the experience of having been in it, the art of loving another is an ongoing practice. Chris Brown stalked and threatened Karreuche because she didn’t want to be with him any longer after he got someone else pregnant. I’m sure Chris believed he was acting reasonably in the sense that he would do anything to get her back but Karreuche filed a restraining order instead.
            Love and sanity will always be perpendicular. The concept of “love” has been questioned for many years. No one really knows what love is because love doesn’t have one true definition. I like to look at love like a rollercoaster; there are ups and downs and twists and turns but the whole point is to enjoy the thrill-seeking fun, however people can get thrown off of rollercoasters and at some point, it reaches its end. Remember when I said that one misconception of love is that it never dies? Well, love can die, but love can also transcend lifetimes.
            How does love die? Well, temporary love dies all the time. That’s what separates unconditional and conditional love. The Greeks believe that there are 7 stages of love: storge, philia, eros, agape, ludus, pragma and philautia. Agape is unconditional or divine love and ludus is a playful flirty love. I like to view these as unconditional & conditional loves. If you unconditionally love someone who only conditionally loves you, you may become so enraged & frustrated with that person you may commit a “crime of passion”. 
           Let me explain: when you love unconditionally, you’re generally willing to give up things for the other person. There are sacrifices you are willing to take to love them the way you see fit. Love is being able to be transparent in a way that the other can be transparent as well. When you’re the only one giving, that may drive you crazy. This is an example of where acting “reasonably” is also relative; someone can get your order wrong and you decide to throw it in the waiter’s face and you can consider that to be acting “reasonably” whereas to others that may be a little extreme.
          The one who loved conditionally will move on to someone new, whereas the person who loved unconditionally may feel regret or guilt or immense pain. This may cause them to never love again. That could then lead to an unfulfilling life. For example, I know a married couple that haven’t shared the same room for years, haven’t engaged in acts of intimacy, they do not go out or have friends, and they lack any deep communication. For years they said they stayed married for their child but he’s now 24, so what’s the excuse now? The wife’s excuse is that she just wants to live out her life in “god’s will” and the husband can’t discuss his personal matters without getting extremely enraged, according to the child. The couple are collectively and individually afraid of change and are actively stunting their growth to be happier.
        The philosopher Heraclitus, believed that change should be embraced, no matter how wild it might be, comparing life to a river; growing complacent in life may represent a lack of passion in one’s life. Would it be safe to say that due to this seemingly complacent marriage they lost sight of themselves? Did they lose love for themselves? You’re probably wondering where’s the link between love’s death, conditional/unconditional love and the ability to have the capacity of being “reasonable”? This marriage has died, this love was likely conditional to an extent and they probably lost love for themselves. This represents two other stages of life: pragma and philautia. Pragma is an everlasting love between a married couple and philautia is the love of self.
       Because they lost love for themselves they lost passion for life, they fear divorcing or separating because they have grown complacent because of losing love for each other romantically and platonically and think its “reasonable” to stay together because they’ve been doing so for years. This love died a long time ago and instead of admitting it, they would rather suffer through it. Socrates told the people of Athens to avoid complacency and to be critical of your own life, don’t wait for someone to come save you, save yourself. However, could you say that this is a form of unconditional love? Perhaps they are giving up their wants in life for each other because of the love they once had.
       On the contrary, as stated previously, unconditional love is the ability to be vulnerable individually thus causing the other person to do the same, in this case neither one of the participants in this marriage are being transparent or vulnerable with one another or themselves. They are unable to examine their life thoroughly to realize that their wants may have changed and that’s okay, if you regret change you will start to resent it as well. This can result in an unhealthy love which would lead to an unfulfilling life. It’s safe to suggest that unconditional love must consist of pragma and philautia. However, philautia is a tricky stage because there are two separate meanings to this stage.
       The ancient Greeks divided this stage into two subdivisions: selfish philautia and a healthy self-love that allows you to give love and keep some love for yourself. Selfish philautia is a love that only takes for itself and never gives back and only seeks pleasure and greed, but pleasure doesn’t equal a purpose in life. Hedonists believe that obtaining a high level of pleasure is the ultimate good you can receive out of life. Philosopher Robert Nozick created a thought experiment that refuted this notion called the experience machine. Say you were given the option of entering a virtual reality machine that allowed gave you all the pleasure you desire for as long as you want it, but you can never leave the machine and you won’t have any knowledge of what’s going on in the real world. If you agree with hedonists then you would choose it, but if that sits uncomfortably with you, it’s probably because you believe life has a different purpose.
For instance, pretend that you have a boyfriend who you love dearly and have been dating him for years, but your boyfriend has another girlfriend that he’s been dating since you two have been dating. Would you want to know the truth or stay ignorant to that fact? Choosing the latter shows that you agree with hedonism and would rather live in a false reality and choosing the former, although it means you are choosing to be temporarily hurt, can show that you have a greater intrinsic value for life and gain pleasure from having authentic experiences with other people. You may want to seek eudaimonia; eudaimonia is a life of growth where the person is always striving for self-improvement, be more virtuous and thoughtful. Eudaimonia can also be relative to unconditional love for yourself and this can lead to you giving more love to people; being able to practice love.
       The person that wants to examine life, can gain more from life because you can fulfill the human essence. Aristotle believes that the essence of a person is dedication to doing things for the greater good because you want to, and you should. Someone who wants to fulfill this will most likely like to leave a good legacy behind. How would you want to be remembered? Would you rather be remembered as someone who lived justly or someone who just stayed complacent at a job or marriage and died unhappy? This goes back to the point that the meaning of life can vary from person to person. I may die tomorrow, and my mom may say I lived a good life because I was in school and I had a job and I was working to achieve my goals and aspirations, but I may feel like I died prematurely because I didn’t get to experience anything outside of those roles.  Emily Dickinson was a famous poet who wrote about life and love and dreams however she suffered from depression and never left the house because of her fears. Even though she was writing beautiful pieces of work, she probably didn’t experience half of those things because of her depression; people who only read her poems and didn’t find out more about her life may think that she lived a great life whereas people who were close to her may feel like it was better that she was dead because she was miserable alive and didn’t live an entirely fulfilling life.
       This proves that there are many different perspectives one can have on fulfilling lives. But which perspective matters most? Well, if you care about popularity and being accepted and loved everywhere, other people’s perspectives of you would matter more than the outlook you have on yourself. This may mean that you determine the love for yourself based on the opinions of others and living to please everyone but yourself can be very unreasonable and unfulfilling. True love of self is not based on the acceptance of others or on the views that people have of you. Even if you’re doing everything correctly, someone somewhere is still going to disapprove of you. I believe it takes great capacity of the mind to love people regardless of what they do to you. Unconditional love for yourself may result in the unconditional love of others because no matter what goes against you, you will wish the best for the person who wished you the most because you would be in a greater state mentally, understanding that people who are negative need love too.
         Building your self-love based on how much others love you can be detrimental because if the person takes their love from you, you may lose the love that you built for yourself on a love that wasn’t everlasting which can result in self-loathing or deep regret/guilt/depression. You will not be able to love anyone else unless you have a healthy love for yourself as foundation, it is better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all. It’s okay if you love someone and they don’t love you in return, no one is obligated to liking or loving you, love should be an experience and it should be expected to feel pain at some point. Just because you feel pain doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world and it doesn’t mean that the person who hurt you doesn’t love you or did it on purpose.
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