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#you know i had a point i was gonna make where was i going with all this hajdhakfjskdj
probablybadrpgideas · 22 hours
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Number of Goblins, ranked
One Goblin - That's just a goblin. He's probably just getting his groceries or something. Leave him alone, you asshole.
Ten Goblins -- That's a fairly normal amount of goblins. There's generally around ten goblins in any given situations. They're just here for aesthetic, so you know it's a fantasy world. Remember to tip them when you leave.
One Hundred Goblins -- Ok this is too many goblins, but this is a reasonable amount of too many goblins. Like, this is maybe an army of goblins or something? My point is that they're probably here for a good reason. Best not to mess with them, they're likely load-bearing in some way.
One Thousand Goblins -- This is probably a goblin town, in which case this is really more a case of One Human, which is a completely different list only available on goblintube. If not, all these goblins are lost. Return them to the goblin town. The orcs are worried.
One Million Goblins -- A million goblins? I'm not sure I've even seen a million things in my life , and now there's a million goblins? That's, like, all the goblins. Why are you at a convention of all the goblins? Are you a goblin? Actually, no, that would make sense. Yeah, that's probably what's going on here. Sorry you had to find out this way.
One Billion Goblins -- Ok, look, at this point you have clearly been sent to a future time where humanity is extinct and goblins have inherited the earth. I can think of no other explanation for a billion goblins. This sadly means that you're the weirdo, and you have to go be a cryptid now. At least you can find a phone and read the goblin creepypastas about you.
One Trillion Goblins -- How? What is happening? This is more goblins then there are birds, and they'll all in your house? How is your house this big? Wait, forget the goblins, how is your house this big? Are the goblins here to guillotine you? Probably! Move out of your stupid mansion and let the goblins have it, you weird rich bird-hoarding freak.
One Quadrillion Goblins -- One quadrillion? I'm only like 80% sure that's even a real number! Luckily, you won't have to deal with a quadrillion goblins for long, because soon they'll collapse together under their gravity, forming a far more manageable single planet-sized goblin. Picard's not gonna be happy about this one!
More Goblins -- Fuck off, you do not have more then a quadrillion goblins. Why are you lying? Are you worried I won't like you if you don't claim to have an implausible number of goblins? Don't worry. Your worth is not dependent on your goblin numbers. Go back to the actual number of goblins secure in the fact I love you, no matter how few goblins you have <3
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seumyo · 2 days
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BAKUGOU KATSUKI ✰ 10:32
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You tell Bakugou once that you don’t know how to take the train home, and he almost blasted your ears off with semi-yelling (or full-on yelling at some point) insults. 
“Hah?” He scoffs, eyes narrowing. This information is new to him, and a surprising one at that. 
You? The nerd that always bested him when it came to academics, which pissed him off the first few months in U.A.? The person who was not only book smart but was street and people smart as well? 
The whole goddamn package doesn’t know how to take the train?
Really?
He’s calling bull.
“What do you mean you don’t know how to take the train home? What kind of idiot doesn’t know that?”
“I just—“ you’re abashed and really don’t know what to say, “I didn’t really— I’ve never had the chance to take one until now!” For a consistent honors student, you can’t really have everything, can you?
“How’ve you been getting to school and back, then?”
“We had a driver—“
“Fuckin’ course—“
“But hey! Listen—in my defense—my schools were usually a walking distance from our house.”
“And now what? Gonna stand here and wait for a miracle to happen?”
You nudge his side with a frustrated frown (more like a pout, Bakugou thinks.) “Quit it, asshole.”
He backtracks briefly, though you could barely tell at this point. And it’s clear enough that he takes your words into consideration. It could be the fact that you actually look scared shitless right now, something foreign to your typical lax and carefree persona.
“C’mon.” Bakugou grabs you by the arm.
“Ow— hey! Where are we going?”
“You have to learn somehow, or else you’ll look fuckin’ clueless and dumb, nerd.”
You don’t argue because you really just wanted to get home, and while you could just call in your driver, you considered that this was important information that would help you in the long run. Besides, you do agree with Bakugou that not knowing how to commute like this is embarrassing, especially at your age.
“What’s this?” 
Bakugou hands you a card. It’s decorated with a minimalist logo of Musutafu’s native flower, whose color is your favorite.
“An IC card,” he simply answers.
It’s cute, you thought. You noticed how the other commuters had the standard design, so Bakugou must've gotten it personalized to your preference. How thoughtful.
“You could’ve just helped me get a ticket, though,” you murmur. You fiddle with the card in your hand, glancing at him with a puzzled expression. “I don’t think I’ll be using this card that often. It’ll be a waste.”
“Then try and use it as often as you can, nerd.”
“I’ll pay you back for this—how much was it?”
“Forget it.”
“Really, Bak—“
“Forget it,” he barks. “Keep up, you shitty extra. Or else you’d miss the last train to your station.” Bakugou starts walking, and you follow suit.
You can load your IC card at the ticket machines or the nearest ATMs. Different stations call for different ticket gates that obviously have different fares. The expiration of cards usually depends on what provider you got them from—
“What do I do now?”
You’re hesitantly in front of the ticket gate, with Bakugou on the other side. You’re like a kid who’s lost their mother in the mall.
“Just—“ Bakugou had to take a deep breath and not make a scene in the train station. He pinched the bridge of his nose, calling for all his ancestors to give him the strength to remain patient.
“Place your shitty card on the card reader. That’s it.”
You do as you’re taught, and you awed when the gates opened and let yourself walk through with a stupidly big smile on your face. “I did it!”
Bakugou thinks it’s fucking stupid of him to think that your enthusiasm for mundane things was cute. But fuck, something must be wrong with him because suddenly he feels a flurry of butterflies lodged in his throat, his heart beating ridiculously fast. 
“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” 
He gives you directions, how to navigate through Musutafu without getting lost, and the basic stations you’ll be passing by to get to your station. He sees you type most of the things he says on your phone, and the way you were so eager to learn was a sight to see, really.
Boarding the metro, people were just as eager to get home as you two. So you two stood, not that there was much room to do anything about it.
“Hold onto the handle unless you want to fall on your ass,” Bakugou says. His tone is hushed to not disturb the other passengers. At least he followed basic commuting etiquette. 
“It’s so beautiful,” you breathe out. The passing buildings were as huge as those of U.A.’s, if not bigger. With the golden hue of the apparent descent of the sun below the horizon, Musutafu just became more beautiful in your eyes.
He scoffs.
“What’s so interestin’ about a buncha tacky buildings? Never seen one before you came here?”
“Of course I have; they’re just not like this.”
Bakugou follows your line of sight, and he thinks about it carefully. He couldn’t see what you saw, but maybe it’s because he grew up looking at this scenery. It doesn’t amaze him as much as it did when he was younger, he concludes. To you, this was a first. 
An experience that could become a core memory in this city. And he’s with you as you live through it. The thought causes a familiar feeling of pride to exude from his chest.
Maybe he’ll learn to appreciate more mundane things with you too in the future.
The train stops at another station, and the people scurry out. Once in motion, you were surprised by the speed when it took off, and the motion had you stumbling back. You stumble against Bakugou.
“What did I say about keeping a firm hold on the handles, you shitty extra? That’s what those are for.” Whether it’s by instinct or unintentional, Bakugou guides your hand to hold onto the support pole. He doesn’t let go, and you didn’t make a comment about it.
“Sorry! Still getting used to it,” you quietly laugh. “I hope the people here don’t think I’m really that inexperienced when it comes to taking the metro home,” you told him. “It’s embarrassing to think that I haven’t taken one until now.”
Bakugou thinks it’s alright because you were actually on set to learn. No matter what those other extras say or comment, no matter if they give you unimpressed glances, he’s there to grant them one of his own spine-chilling glares if they had the balls to do so. 
A passenger who appeared to be around your age stood up from his seat. “Excuse me, you can take my seat. I get off at the next stop,” he says. You’re a bit hesitant to take the offer, but he reassures you that it’s fine. It’ll be an awkward death for you if you don’t accept it, because now he’s standing. “Please, I insist.”
Unknown to you, Bakugou had an obvious scowl on his face until the stranger left.
“You look like you’re about to shit yourself.”
“Shut up, I’m not.”
“Jealous?”
“Hah? Why would I be—”
“Shh!” you kicked his shoe with yours.
“Quiet, remember?”
Bakugou rolls his eyes, still frowning. You hold his free hand, cheekily smiling when he tries to free it from your hold. And in the end, he lets you do whatever the fuck it is that you want, but he would never ever admit that he was jealous of some nameless extra. He’s too far into liking you to help you board a train, get you a personalized IC card, miss his stop two stations ago because yours was still three stations after his, but he doesn’t think he’d be vocal about it anytime soon.
He’ll leave it to you to confess.
Then again, you already knew.
Bakugou Katsuki would not go above and beyond like this for anyone else, but he unknowingly does for you.
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barbiiecams · 2 days
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need to know
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drew starkey x reader, smut!, reader is younger and also JD’s little sister, she’s also tipsy but not drunk, kinda trash but hear me outtt 😭! & absolutely no hate to odessa i just needed a plot lolz, *not proof read*
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when you walked into the house party, the first person you were looking for was drew.
your brother, JD, was very close to him, so it made your life even better. if they hung out, you were hanging out too. and they were going to a party, you begged your brother to take you. even though you were an adult, some clubs (and some hosts of the parties) would only let a certain age in.
but now you had just turned 21, past the point of just being legal.
and now you just had to have your crush of basically 4 years.
when JD first got casted, you were so excited for him. you really did look up to your brother and admired him. because of the distance, he’d facetime you and tell you about all of the fun things he did, his fun scenes and etc.
it seemed genuinely fun, so when he asked you to meet the cast while they filmed season 2, there’s no way you would’ve turned that down.
he flew you out, helped you sort of “move in” to where he was staying at, and had you help him practice all of his lines. stepping onto the set was really nice, and so were all of the people.
everyone was so welcoming. the girls became your new besties and the boys saw you as their own baby sister as well.
but when it came to drew, being seen as a baby sister was something that almost… deflated you.
“and this is drew,” JD says as he finishes introducing you to the actors scattered all over the place.
when you locked eyes on him, you just felt your panties being soaked.
“nice to meet you,” drew smiles. blue eyes covered by his hair looking into yours and a hand sticking out. “what’s your name?”
you shook his hand, “y/n.” he nods at this before being called by one of the producers.
your shocked state might’ve been obvious, because your brother had to nudge you in the shoulder to get your attention back.
“you just turned 18, he’s 26 turning 27. don’t even think about it.” he gives you a stern look.
“think about what?” you feigned innocence. “you’re a weirdo.”
JD rolls his eyes, “yeah yeah whatever. come help me practice.”
you followed your brother over to wear his character chair was, but you couldn’t seem to get drew out of your head.
and now here you were. fast forward three years later and you were making the move. you just hoped he was actually interested and you wouldn’t embarrass yourself.
“don’t drink too much,” JD raised his voice over the music, “i wanna get wasted too.”
you rolled your eyes at him as he walked away and made it to the group of boys. you’re glad you actually watched him walk, seeing drew right there laughing and drinking.
as if he couldn’t get any more sexier, his hair was buzzed. usually, you weren’t attracted to the buzz cut. only some people could truly pull it off.
but it was drew, he could pull anything off. and when you saw him, you thought your legs were about to give out on you.
you had to really pull yourself out of thought. madelyn had spotted you and embraced you in a hug.
“hey girl! you’re finally of age!” she teased.
“i know,” you giggle. “where the drinks at?”
she laughs at you then brings you to a table where the rest of the girls are. they’re cheering, hugging you, and happy to finally see you and actually party, no rules pushed onto you.
“what’s gonna be your first drink?” laci asks with a smile.
“i want the hardest shit available.” you said, half joking yet half serious.
now all of you guys are really laughing. “getting bold i see.” madison jokes.
but that’s exactly what you get served. a gin and juice given to you all pretty and colorful, but when you took a sip, your face immediately scrunched up.
madelyn giggles, “drink it!”
“i didn’t know it was that strong!” you defend.
they’re laughing at your face while also trying to down their own hard liquor. you’re having such a good time, the headache you’ll have tomorrow morning is least of your worries.
you guys are all drinking and dancing, the time passing being the least of your worries. you’re on your second drink, and third shot of the night, and that’s when you realize you still haven’t said hi to any of the boys.
“i’m gonna go say hi to everyone else,” you tell the girls as you guys are settling back down from dancing. they all nod and watch you walk to the other side of the room, where austin is now chugging a beer while the rest of them yell “chug, chug, chug!”
as you’re walking over there, you seem to notice a girl with curly hair, standing next to drew.
‘interesting.’ you thought.
austin finishes and they’re all yelling for him. he turns around to your face and smiles. “baby sis!” he yells.
everyone turns to see you, and the screaming is now directed towards you. you were definitely walking out of here with a headache and hearing loss.
you gave them all individual hugs, saving the best one for last. (drew of course.)
“how are you?” chase gives you a pat on the back.
“more than good, i can see you are too.” you chuckle as you point out the spilled drink in his shirt.
he lets out a drunken huff, “yea blame your brother for that one.”
JD raises his head from a plate of wings he’s devouring. “you were in the way!”
you realize you’re still hugging drew, and he’s still got his arms around your shoulders. the thought ran through your mind that you looked like a little fangirl, but you didn’t care. hopefully when the night was over, you’d be doing more than just holding onto him.
he lets go of you, and you internally sigh. “you’ve been drinking?” he asks.
you nod, “not enough tho.”
he laughs at your response then turns to the girl you saw earlier, “odessa, this is y/n.”
odessa.
“nice to meet you!” she waves. she’s pretty, but what was she doing around drew?
you didn’t have the guts to ask, and it would be a weird look if you did, so you left it alone and just mimicked her smile and wave.
“alright i just came to say hi, ill talk to you guys in a few!” you said, wanting to get away from them in a heartbeat as long as she was still around.
you walked away from them while they all were saying ‘see you in a few.’ getting back to the table with the girls, you immediately had to ask them.
“whos that girl with drew?” you said as you sipped your almost empty glass.
“odessa?” madelyn starts, “that’s his friend. they shot a movie together and have been close ever since. they look like a couple tho, right?” she says as she downs a piece of pizza.
hearing that made you feel good yet bad at the same time. they were only friends, yet people seemed to peep at the fact that they looked like more than just friends.
and you weren’t having any of that.
not wanting to speak any more of it, you just let out a ‘hm’ which seemed to go unnoticed.
“how come?” madison asks.
“no reason,” you lie. “they just looked really close.”
over the next two hours, you went from drinking, dancing, eating, then repeating then same process. it started to catch up with you, but that wasn’t stopping you. surprisingly, you weren’t that much of a lightweight.
walking and sort of tripping in between people over to the counter with drinks, drew’s there by himself filling up his glass. you weren’t sure were that girl odessa was, but you most certainly didn’t care to find out.
as you slightly stumble, he holds your arm as you get closer so you wouldn’t have to struggle.
“somebody’s having fun,” he laughs.
“i am, i’m not drunk just yet tho dont worry.” you giggle. you started to think your legs were actually giving out on you to the sight of him, and his hand on your arm wasn’t helping your case.
“take it easy,” he says, “JD isn’t the most sober either.”
he motioned his head over to where he was. you turned your head to see your brother doing a line of shots with everyone surrounding him, cheering and yelling some more.
“of course,” you mutter.
drew chuckles, “i got you, don’t worry.”
your stomach was doing flips at this point. his words affected you, even if they weren’t meant to be flirtatious. that’s how bad this attraction was.
it’s silent between the two of you for a second, until you decide it’s time to speak up. ‘now or never’ you thought.
“can i ask you something?” you turned back to him. he replies with a quick ‘sure’ as he put his phone down.
“are you and odessa together or something?” you blurted. maybe you should’ve reworded the statement, but the drinks had gotten your boldness up.
he seemed taken aback, “no, not at all. why?”
you didn’t have a lie for this one, “just wondering.”
he wasn’t moving on from that quickly at all. “i can tell that’s not full truth.”
that little thought came back into your head again. ‘now or never.’
“it’s just… i feel like i want you to see me more than just as a little sis.” you said. when you said this, you didn’t feel bad either. you’ve been wanting him for a good 3 years now, and you’d be damned if you let someone else get him before you did.
he’s not speaking for a good moment which makes you worried, then he finally says something.
“you’re gorgeous y/n, you know that?” he starts. you nod, but you were kind of freaking out at the same time, not really knowing where he would take it from here.
“but i’d think it be wrong if i saw you as anything else other than a little sister. you’re a lot younger, and literally the little sister of a close friend. i just don’t think it would work.” he explains.
fuck no. you were not giving up that easily.
you started to stand a little closer to him. “i’m 21! that’s enough past 18 if i can legally drink. and who cares about JD?”
“i know, i know. but JD most definitely wouldn’t like seeing his sister with his best friend.” drew tries to reason.
“i don’t care,” you drag out the word. “i’ve been crushing on you since i met you. i waited so long to finally tell you.”
you can see the light red start to form at his cheeks and the smirk come to his lips, “i’m flattered, really. but i’d rather not get my ass beat by your big brother.”
“please?” now you were really getting close by wrapping your arms around his neck. “it can be our little secret. no one has to find out. but i just need to know.”
drew’s starting to cave. he rests his hands on the sides of your hip. “need to know what?”
the smirk is starting to become more evident, and his voice starts to drop.
“how you feel, how you taste. i want you so bad.”
“you’re gonna get me in trouble, y’know.”
you don’t notice up until now how close your faces are. he lets out a sigh that sounds like he’s not going to let is guard down, but little do you know he’s been wanting to take you there just as long as you’ve wanted it.
“i’d be lying if i said i didn’t want to bend you over the minute we shook hands.” he said seductively.
“then do it now.” you tell him.
something you’ve been waiting on forever, he gives you a short kiss on the lips. he pulls back quick and make sure no one’s watching, but everyone is too busy drinking and dancing currently.
he rubs his hands up and down on your sides. “let’s go upstairs.”
it’s like a weight lifted off your shoulders. all these years of plotting finally paid off. you were so ready to give him whatever he wanted and have him take you however he pleased.
he held your hand as the two of you walked upstairs, getting to the most closest and available room, he opened the door for you and walked in behind you, locking the door.
he wasted no time either. as soon as the two of you were closed off, he started kissing you deep. forcing his tongue into your mouth, teeth clashing, and his hands working to get your pants off.
you definitely weren’t trying to waste a moment either. your hands immediately went under his shirt to feel his abs, and to take it off.
his hands worked fast. he got your pants off after pushing you down to the bed, and now your top was gone as he started to feel you through your bra. you were still trying to get his belt off.
he’s groaning into your mouth and it’s the hottest thing you could possible experience. “shit, i need to taste you. let me taste it baby.”
as he’s working to get your bra off, you finally managed taking off his belt and unzipping his jeans. he took down his own pants, then went straight to dipping his head down there and took of your panties, quite literally discarding them. he pushes your legs open and gets to work.
he opened your folds with his hands then put his tongue on you, which had you moaning in seconds.
drew knew exactly what to do with his tongue. you were already so worked up on him, and now he was eating you out like it was the first meal he’s ever had.
he brought a thumb up to your clit. “like fuckin candy, mama. so sweet.”
“drew!” you practically screamed out.
he moans against your clit, which really does it for you. “be as loud as you want, baby, nobody can hear us.”
and that’s exactly what you do. you don’t hold back your moans for a second.
he puts a finger in you and starts moving it quick, curling it while still using his tongue. he was a fuckin pro.
the release was coming quick, but he stops. he hears the sound of disappointment and sees it on your face.
he pulls down his boxers, “it’s okay. gonna make you cum around me as many times as this pussy can.”
that’s all he has to say for you to practically push yourself even closer to him.
and he was real big. you were almost afraid he wouldn’t fit. but right now, you had to have him in every way. you’ve craved him for too long and you didn’t care if it hurt.
he lines up with your entrance and rubs the tip along it. “you ready?”
“give it to me.” you say. he takes this as his cue to push his length inside you.
both of you let out a sigh when he goes in. he makes sure you feel every inch of him, moving in slowly then bottoming out completely.
“you feel too good, princess.” he groans. all you can do is whimper at how full you felt with him inside.
after a few moments of letting the feeling sink in, he starts moving. your breathing starts to heavy, and it feels like you’re on cloud nine.
“mhm, that’s right. feel me baby.” he says as the pace speeds up. he throws his head back and his hands squeeze your hips, holding you down and making sure you take it all.
he then plants a leg on the bed, fixing his position so he can hit it even deeper. you can’t even form words at this point. it’s just all moans and “ah ah ah” sounds.
you can feel him all the way in your guts. he’s in there so deep, going completely ham on your tight hole. it was so much that you reached your arms out to try and block his hips a bit.
drew wasn’t taking that. “uh uh baby. you wanted this right? you wanted to know. you wanted to be a big girl and take it, so that’s what you’re gonna do.”
“it’s so deep!” you’re able to blabber out. he puts his leg down and leans back on his knees, bringing you to sit up with him. now his hands are supporting your waist as your hands find his shoulders, holding on for dear life.
“i know it is baby i feel it,” he says against your mouth. “i knew you’d be a good girl for me tho, shit. taking this cock like a damn pro.”
as he thrusts up into you, he starts grinding your waist into him. this is a whole new feeling that has you really screaming out now.
“you like that, pretty?” he says into your ear.
“so much!” you mewl. he chuckles at the state your in. fucked out and filled with his cock.
“yea i know you do baby.” he says. “you just needed a real man to come and work you huh?”
he lets out a breath before continuing, “yea, you like your men with some experience. don’t you baby?”
you just let out more moans at his words, he knew what he was doing and he was proud.
you felt the orgasm approaching, and he could tell too. “you gonna cum?”
“yes!” you yelp.
“go ahead sweet girl. let me feel this pussy gush around me.”
when he gave you the ok, you let go. you were cumming and crying at the same time, everyone downstairs probably wondering where the two of you went. but did either of you care?
absolutely not!
“that’s it, good job baby. i knew you’d be a good girl f’me.” he says, thrusts slowing down to soak in all of your orgasm.
he laid you back down to get a few more thrusts in. now he’s chasing his own release.
“i’m gonna cum, sweetheart. you want it on your stomach?”
“anywhere,” you respond.
he looked shocked. “oh yea? what if i knock you up? then what are we gonna do?”
“i’m on the pill! promise.” you tell him.
his eyes squeeze shut. he was real close. “okay baby, here it comes.”
you feel the hot liquid squirt inside you and fill you up. you could almost cry again from how good it felt.
when he was done, he stayed inside for a little just to calm down. after that, he pulled out and laid down next to you.
“i’m glad you convinced me, best sex i’ve had in a while.” he’s still catching his breath but smiling.
you giggle, “it’s about time i got my hands on you.”
he laughs as well, holding you close and letting both of your bodies relax. “guess you’re all mine now.”
him saying that made your heart burst. it’s the only words you’ve been wanting to hear for so long. “i guess you’re all mine too.”
he smiles, but then you suddenly remember you’re at a party. “we better go back down before they start a watch party for us.” you said while getting up, trying to find where he even threw your underwear.
“right. we’re getting you a plan b tomorrow too.” he says, and you definitely have to agree.
but finally, that was your man.
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erwinsvow · 21 hours
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Ok but what about shy girl reader being really frightened by something to the point of tears and calling rafe but struggling to explain why shes upset only that she needs him while he’s going batshit on the other line worried about her
this was lovely ! rafe certainly has his own methods of calming down shy reader when she's scared ... hehe <3
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of course it happens on a night where rafe's out of town, one of the first that he's not around since the two of you have started dating. you had become awfully accustomed to having rafe sleeping right next to you, ever since your third or fourth date, that had been the norm. if not, he was always down the street or a phone call away.
and really, you tried to keep it together. it was just one of those nights—kickstarted by the time you'd spent with your friends morning. you were only trying to keep yourself occupied while rafe was away, thinking they'd help pass the hours, but you'd all headed to the movies, and of course, it was a horror showing.
even in the broad daylight, you felt scared throughout the day the demon from the movie was going to get you. heading back home for the day, it didn't help that the only thing on tv was true crime documentaries playing back to back. the cherry on top was your parents heading out for dinner with their friends on the mainland, saying they'd be back tomorrow morning.
you tossed and turned for what seemed like hours. not even the gentle lull of your records and thirty pages of war and peace could get your mind to settle and put you to sleep.
what you really needed was your boyfriend. he could fix anything, make everything seem better. your fears needed his protectiveness near by to keep them at bay, otherwise they'd spill over and conquer like they were right now.
but you were trying to be good—trying to show rafe you weren't always so clingy, that he could have space when and if he needed it. besides for your replies to his periodic check-ins you hadn't much texted him today, knowing he was busy.
the final crack of a branch outside, cutting through the eerie whistling of the wind against your house and the sound of the waves far away had you scrambling up. you flicked on the lamp and checked that your door was locked for the tenth time that night.
deep breaths, you tried to remind yourself, like rafe would always tell you. you tried to head to the window to see what the noise was from but fear overtook, dialing rafe's number and listening to the rings while crawling back into bed, pulling your knees to your chest.
like always, he answers before it gets to three rings.
"hey. what'd you still doin' up? s'late."
"rafe-" and you can't stop the ramble that spills out, all in one breath. "um, we saw this scary movie today and the demon was outside the house and then it was in the house and then it possessed the girl when she was alone and now i'm home alone because mom and daddy left and there was this serial killer show on tv and i wasn't even watching but he killed girls home alone too and i just heard something outside and m'scared-"
"woah, woah. slow down. you saw a scary movie?" you try to catch your breath, but it's hard, picturing rafe wherever he was pacing around listening to you, instead of being next to you like he should be.
"i-um, i'm scared, rafe-" you finally get out slowly, and you sniffle, feeling hot tears run down. really, you shouldn't have gone to see that movie.
"hey, hey. s'fine. gonna be okay, just need to relax. can you do that for me?" you nod, forgetting he can't see you. "good girl. is everything locked? downstairs too?"
"y-yes..think so. i checked when i got home."
"even the back door? and the guest window, the one i come in through?" you flush at the memory of rafe sneaking in through that window.
"yes. mm-hm."
"alright, kid. no one's comin' in then. and those movies are crap anyways. y'need to learn how to say no to those friends."
"i know. it seemed like a good idea then-"
"yeah, i know. you got a light on?"
"my lamp."
"good. now get into bed. y'need to relax or you'll never fall asleep. jesus."
"okay," you mumble, sliding in and getting comfortable. "how do i relax?"
"how do you usually relax?" he questions, though your face flushes at the answer you want to give. there's only one surefire method of getting you to calm down when you're like this, something rafe is well aware of.
"um.. i don't know." your bedroom was cold a second ago, now everything felt warm and tingly.
"yeah. sure you don't. c'mon, get your clothes off. i'll help you relax."
"oh." it comes out like a little moan, soft. you comply with his instructions. "thanks rafey."
you hear him laugh, though he still sounds rough on the phone.
"yeah, y'welcome. gotta do everything, don't i? clothes off yet? good. now start touching y'self for me.."
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callipraxia · 2 days
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Further Interview Analysis: the "Ford Plan," and Bill's Blind Spot
I didn’t sleep again the night after the “musical Weirdmageddon” post, and wrote a lot of loopy stuff the next day, and posted none of it. But then I slept, so yay, time for an attempt at some actual analysis! Original interview is, as before, here, with credit and thanks to @fordtato and @hkthatgffan.
"I think that Bill was trying to find Ford, but I think- I always think of Bill as like, this guy who has, like - you know, he’s stirring the pot of soup that is the Ford plan, and he’s got like 900 pots of soup across the universe of different things he’s working on, and at any given moment, he’s so cocksure that it’s all gonna work his way eventually."
Bill’s a trillion years old, so it’s like, Ford disappearing for thirty years is like- [snaps fingers] is like somebody saying they’re ghosting you and then texting you the next weekend, you know what I mean? He’s like- he’s like [handwave] “Ford’s gonna- Ford’s gonna be back. Ohh, [air quotes] we had such a big fight, Ford’s sooo mad at me,” oh, you know, “our will-they-won’t-they-take-over-the-universe relationship, like, he’s gonna- he’s gonna march off in a huff, and he’ll be back, ‘cause we’re- is Ford gonna find anyone else in the multiverse that strokes his ego as well as me?” Is there anybody else in the universe that’s gonna make Ford feel as important as Bill? No, of course not, Ford needs validation, and so Bill knows Ford’s gonna be back eventually. 
...so, Bill still had a "Ford plan," did he? Like, some active plan that involved using Ford in some way to escape the Nightmare Dimension? Interesting.
I always interpreted his cliche-villain-gloating routine when Ford confronts him about being a liar as the point where Bill was ready to discard Ford altogether. If he had wanted to - if he could have been bothered - after all, he probably would have had a very high chance of somehow manipulating Ford out of the realization that he'd been played: Ford had been literally worshiping Bill a few days earlier. He was basically a cultist, and he was not only someone who'd spent way too long talking to Bill, he was also someone who could only confront Bill on Bill's turf, so to speak. But Bill didn't even try to turn it all around, because (ran my reasoning) he'd gotten what he really needed: the Portal existed, and you can't close Pandora's box. The technology was there. It would not, from Bill's trillions-of-years perspective, have taken very long to find some way to manipulate someone else into rebuilding the Portal once it existed even given Ford's attempts to hide the plans. Bill was scribbling on the Journal in invisible ink after Ford's last entry, before he buried it but after he wrote all about his plans in some detail, even drawing a map to J2. The Journal separation plan would have been laughably easy for Bill to work around. So at that point, I assumed that the only reason Bill didn't arrange for Ford to - if I may be blunt - kill himself the first time he blacked out was because Bill was basically getting off on the psychological torture and wanted to see how long he could keep it going/enjoy himself until Ford literally died of exhaustion. Ford certainly seems to think he'd have been killed if he had lost the game of 'hide and seek' in the asteroid field. I thought the idea that "Bill used Ford until he used him up, and now he was done with him" was basically canon, and that Bill paid no more attention to him from that point onward than you would pay to a broken Solo cup in the trash until Ford did something unexpected - ie, survived the Multiverse, came back with a death ray, apparently took out a few Henchmaniacs, almost shot Bill himself, and then survived the experience.
But here we have what I suppose amounts of authorial commentary which seems to directly contradict the idea that Bill didn't even regard Ford was worth finding and/or killing. Bill was looking for Ford, all those years - not all that intently, apparently, or really very long from Bill's point of view, of course, but still - and Bill still had a plan for Ford. Bill also, if I'm reading that right, seems to have really just expected Ford to come back, of his own free will, to join him eventually, not to kill him.
Of course, it's possible I'm reading that wrong, and Bill just knew that killing him would also give Ford a massive ego boost and that Ford would have to eventually reenter his orbit in order to attempt to do so. It's also true that Bill just not being able to accept rejection in no way, by itself, implies he wasn't planning to go "hahahaha, no" and kill Ford fifteen seconds after he finished begging Bill for forgiveness. But the 'Ford plan' bit seems to undermine that. Let's assume the hesitations and half-sentences are Hirsch improvising, not Bill actually cutting off a thought he might not like the end of. So was Bill genuinely never planning to kill Ford after he bumbled into the Nightmare Realm back in '82? And if not - what in the world was he planning to do to him once one of the Henchmaniacs caught him, then? And why do I have the feeling that whatever it was would have made murder seem both a) kind and b) not at all disturbing by comparison?
Also gives us, in a way, some insight into Bill. Kinda. We've always known that there's this...level, this very deep, seldom-relevant but very important level, on which Bill doesn't quite understand how people work. We see it primarily in the mistakes that Bill makes with Stan and Mabel. Maybe there was nothing he could have said or done in the situation with Stan to save himself, Stan had reached the point of literally suicidal determination and there's really not much you can do to budge someone at that point and especially not once their consciousness has already caught fire, but with Mabel - in Sock Opera, all Bill needed to do to win was keep his mouth shut for three more seconds. He was clever enough to see how Dipper and Mabel's relationship could be exploited to get Dipper to do what he wanted, but he did the exact opposite of what he should have done to get Mabel to do what he wanted, because for one thing he underestimates Mabel and for another...it comes back to that elusive Thing that Bill can't or won't understand about the deeper levels of humans. Or maybe it's Things, plural, and a distinct one for each person, but there's something there at the bottom of the personality that Bill apparently can't jive with.
With Ford, for instance, he clearly underestimates the power of genuine self-hatred and remorse. Bill may feel bad in some way about what he did to his homeworld, but look at the actual words of the Axolotl's prophecy: he feels that way not because he has realized at some point that what he did was fundamentally wrong, but because he wants to go home and can't. Essentially, his regret is for his own inconvenience. And in a lot of ways, I can see how that could have translated into him feeling he did, in fact, know all he needed to know to push Ford's buttons, because while it's never spelled out for us, it seems, based on his habit of carrying around family photographs on his person apparently since college despite not getting on well at all with his family, that there was maybe some tiny part of Ford that also wanted to "go home," and not just to flip off the town. Ford was also someone who deeply feared the consequences of his actions, if you read between the lines in the Journal - his worries about a 'Close Encounter' with the government, his scrawling that he must not lose his nerve on some early Portal notes, his talking more and more about Fiddleford losing his nerve in a way that starts seeming kind of projection-y - and Bill could certainly understand that fear perfectly well: we see Bill panic outright in the finale when he realizes he's out of options he's going to remotely like. In the unlikely event Stan would or even could save him, Stan obviously wouldn’t have done so so on Bill's own terms: Bill would have been stuck making an honest deal for once, or else left with the options of "die" and "take a one-in-a-million shot and do his invocation of the 'Ancient Power,' possibly putting himself squarely into the hands of an enemy whose full aims he probably does not know." But then, that's Bill's flaw - the things that drove him to become what he did were revenge and the fear of Death, of the ultimate loss of control. His arrogance makes him think he can take most any situation, no matter how disadvantageous it might seem, and twist it around sooner or later, but Death - well, that's it, ain't it? Or, as Horace might say in a really old translation:
When life is o'er, and Minos has rehearsed The grand last doom, Not birth, nor eloquence, nor worth, shall burst Torquatus' tomb.
(Horace, Ode 4.7. The Odes and Carmen Saeculare of Horace. John Conington. trans. London. George Bell and Sons. 1882.)
Bit different from most translations I've read, but close enough and in the public domain I believe, so we'll go with that. It's possible that Bill's...unique...state of existence may actually make dying an even more terrifying prospect for him than it for the rest of us. He became what he was to escape limitations, including mortality - but after all that killing and burning and transformation, he found out that he might not ever die, but that he could still be destroyed. And even when he found his own 'territory', it started decaying around him, which proved that dimensions, too, can die even if nobody is apparently actively trying to destroy them. What happens to him then? That's what he's afraid of, and he cannot quite grasp that others might be able to overcome that fear in service of either another principle or another fear. That's where he keeps running into trouble in the series timeline, too. It never occurred to him that Gideon might have enough humanity to want Mabel to actually care about him, instead of just about possessing her - much less that Gideon could want that enough to risk death for it. It was inconceivable to him that Dipper and Mabel could voluntarily turn their backs on even a blatantly false paradise to willingly walk into a living hell, just because it was the right thing to do. And as for Ford and Stan....
Well, on one level, he's right about Ford. When he met Ford, they did have certain things in common: frustration, ambition, deep and secret regrets, loneliness, and fear of facing the consequences. Ford's desire for respectability and honor from those who had rejected him his whole life may have extended this even further for him than it went for Bill in some ways: he couldn't even admit to himself that what he was doing was totally self-interested, whereas Bill, like Stan, has long since come to terms with his own selfishness. And like Bill, Ford probably didn't even have the ability to see that no matter what he did, it would never be enough, and would never really satisfy him. But death? Ford doesn't fear death. Never really has, as far as I can tell, but he certainly doesn't now. The way he lives his life, the man might as well be courting death - sending it roses every week and buying all its drinks at the bar, so to speak. He and Bill both fear the consequences of their actions, but 'consequences' are a category, and it's just as possible to be afraid to live as it is to be afraid to die. And Stan...Stan is harder to be sure of. Certainly Stan's priority is always for self-preservation. He's probably depressed to some degree, and he will risk life and limb without hesitation when he perceives a threat to that which he loves, but that's something that usually happens in a crisis. He doesn't hesitate because he doesn't think about what he's doing, which is what makes the Final Deal such an incredible gesture for me - he not only had plenty of time to think about what was going to happen, but he had to actively take steps himself to enable it to happen. To me, at least, that seems the hardest thing...but then, the whole situation in the Fearamid is one that brings to mind some of my worst fears, to the point that I find the scene difficult to watch and I almost scrapped an entire 22,000-word story once just because it required me to write about a small part of it. I'm sure Bill risked death, in some fashion, to become what he is, and I'm sure he was afraid of failure every time - but he was less afraid of a bad outcome that might come from leaping at the chance for some semblance of life, any semblance of life, no matter what that might look like or how long the odds might be, than he was of doing what he knew would lead to...wherever even destructible gods go, when they go. This is why the Stans were the thing he couldn't account for, really. He couldn't conceive of having a priority higher than self-preservation, of overcoming his worst fear - and that was what destroyed him. Maybe, anyway.
It's sort of funny, actually - I started writing a completely different post yesterday about how to develop a new character based on some of Hirsch's remarks, and in the course of it, I made the remark that I found it hard to fathom how you could write any of Gravity Falls, at all, without knowing ahead of time that it is the story of (if I can make so bold as to quote my own story's dialogue) "the Faustus of New Jersey and His Knucklehead Brother and the Hazard Sign From Hell," and without at least a fairly good understanding of who those three people are and how they got there. If one looks at the story that way, I suppose you could say the events after their starting situation are also the story of these three being thrown up against the places where their real deepest fears lie, and seeing who has something he really, really will not compromise on...or at least, it did at the start of this paragraph. But did any of them, really? Bill blatantly fails that test, of course - Bill runs, just like he's been, in a way, running for his entire miserable existence. Ford comes close to what might have been a couple of breaking experiences for him - either surrendering to Bill or, had the memory wipe worked the way he thought it would, with living with whatever the fallout of essentially killing his brother would have been - but the universe was kind and stacked the deck just enough to let him cheat his way out of that one, at least for the most part. But what about Stan? He didn't want to die, but we already knew that he'd risk it for the kids, because we've seen him do that before. The way he went about it this time arguably took more courage than the others, when he just went in swinging at an immediate and obvious threat, but it was still an escalation on an established thing. Stan's real worst fear isn’t death - it’s of being alone again, of losing his family. That's the principle that overrides self-preservation for him. What would have happened if he'd been in Ford's shoes - required to take up the role not of the sacrifice, but of the one who performed it, giving up one member of the family to save the others? Could he have done that?
...though that is wandering from the topic I was originally talking about, isn't it. Which was that yeah, Bill is, in his way, as fallible as anyone else despite his immense resources - which is gonna be a fun topic to get into when I get around to the post in this series about writing higher intelligences, but that's also not the point, which was that Ford was never going to go back to Bill the way Bill thought he was, because Bill's inability to understand other people's ability to do things that he can't is a serious blind spot for him. It's the thoughts he can't have that doom him (probably...hopefully, anyway...), fortunately for the rest of us.
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wesawbears · 2 days
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Sunshine Court broke something in my brain, so here's some protective Jean because my boy is not gonna tolerate whatever is going on with Jeremy's family.
Tagging @bienmoreau @faintlyglow and @betterbekind
--
Jeremy's hands shake as he's getting ready for dinner with his family.
Jean doesn't mean to notice, perched as he is on the bed, watching the other man straightening his shirt in front of the dresser. Jeremy's very good at hiding it, with his easy smiles and easier deflections. By now, he knows it's an open secret that Jeremy avoids his family as best he can, and that Cat and Laila allow him his choice.
But Jean has spent his whole life reading into the slant of someone's posture to survive, and he knows the tremor in Jeremy's hands as if it was his own.
“You're afraid,” he says, the words arriving unbidden. But it's such a shock to see him like this– the man who stood in front of Jean at the darkest points of his life and refused to look away, cowed by the people who were supposed to love him. 
This was Jean's friend, his partner, and he was feeling unsafe.
Jeremy jumps at the sound, either lost in his own thoughts or used to the quietness of Jean for the last few minutes. “What?”
Jean weighs what he wants to say. He knows he's had his fair share of truths he's asked to keep to himself, and that Jeremy has never pushed when it mattered. But he also thinks about “for now”, and how hard truths can only be avoided for so long. “Is it your parents?”
Jeremy's eyes widen, a nervous fidget in the set of his hands. If he wants to lie, Jean's already decided to allow it. But Jeremy finally says a quiet, “Yes and no.”
Jean nods. “Do they- are you safe?” He doesn't think he's seen bruises, and he remembers the horror in Jeremy's voice as he told Jean that his parents should have protected him. But maybe he was projecting?
Jeremy's shoulders deflate. “Jean, no. It's nothing like that. I promise, they've never laid a hand on me.” He smiles, a crooked thing that has Jean following the curve of his lips. 
Still, Jean knows the way he's curled into himself, the way he's glancing at his phone as though it's about to jump at him. “But it's something.”
“It's just dinner. I can handle it. I know how to play the game and get out of there.” It's a perfectly neutral answer, but it's also more than he's said in months about what waits for him when he disappears to his family's home. Despite his living there most of the year, Jean refuses to call it Jeremy's home. His home is here, cleaning up with Laila and arguing with Cat, and where Jean can see him when his nightmares rattle him awake to count the rise and fall of Jeremy's breath from the next bed over.
“Do you want company?” It's a strange request, and Jean knows it as he says it. Jean still hates being around people, and speaking to a bunch of strangers even Jeremy is nervous around makes his stomach swim. But this is his partner, and if he needs him, he can be there for him. It is only fair.
Jeremy's face becomes unbearably gentle and Jean isn't ready to read into the fondness he sees there. “I will be okay. Like I said, I know how to do this.”
One part of Jean knows he should leave it at that. But the other part has cataloged the heaviness in Jeremy's countenance when he returns home– the rehearsed smile, the way he goes to bed early. The part that wins says, “I will walk home with you. When dinner is over.”
“You don't have to do that-”
“I want to,” he says, and he finds that he means it. The idea of Jeremy walking home by himself after spending an hour alone in a room of people is too much to bear. “Text me the address and I will be there.” He wanted to visit the grocery store anyway– he could do that while he waited. Cat would be happy to see the spice cabinet restocked.
“Alright,” Jeremy says, swallowing whatever protest sat on his lips. “Yeah, I'll- I'll text you.”
Jean nods, letting the matter drop while Jeremy finishes getting ready in amicable silence. When he leaves, it's with a nod that Jean recognizes, of someone who is resigning themselves to the inevitable. 
He doesn't know how to keep him from hurting, but he is at least well versed in the aftermath.
Jean arrives at the intended address at the appointed time, not wanting to be there too early and seem suspicious. Jeremy is not forthcoming about his familial circumstances, but he knows there is money involved, and in Jean's experience, outsiders were not tolerated. 
True to his word, Jeremy emerges after only a minute or two and his face lights up in a way that makes Jean's stomach twist when he spots him. He hurries toward Jean, and immediately begins walking once they reach each other.
It's easy to keep pace with him, but as Jeremy is about to breach the silence, a voice behind them brings him up short. 
“I thought you knew better than to bring people like that to the house?”
Jean bristles at the implication, but he's more concerned with the way Jeremy stills at his side. When Jeremy doesn't reply, Jean tries to ignore it as well and continue forward, but the voice continues.
“Flaunting it in front of us like you don't even care what you did to the family? You deserve whatever happens, you-”
“You will not speak to him that way.”
Jeremy draws back in surprise, but Jean keeps his expression cool as he turns to face Jeremy's brother.
“What did you say to me?”
Jean glances at Jeremy, sure he's crossing a line but unable to stop himself. “I said, you will not speak to him like that.”
A snort. “He's my brother. I can say whatever I like. Besides, how exactly are you going to stop me?”
“Jean,” Jeremy's voice is small beside him and Jean does not rise to the bait. 
He fixes the unfamiliar man with a cool glance. “Nothing. I know a great deal of small men exactly like you, and they always seem to get what they deserve in the end. I do not need to do anything to stop you. But no one has to listen to you either.”
With one last flat look, he walks, Jeremy matching his purposeful strides. As the silence grew longer between them, Jean wonders if he read this wrong, if Jeremy had not wanted him to say anything. Had he crossed a line? Had he made Jeremy feel unsafe?
“Thank you.”
Jean turns to look at him in surprise. “I did not mean to force you to face them before you were ready-”
“I'm not ready,” Jeremy admits. “And yeah, things will probably be pretty tense next time.” He rubs the back of his neck. “But- it means something to me that you were there. I– it made it easier, knowing you were there.”
Jean nods slowly, not trusting himself to be able to say anything. He had said it not because of anything owed between them, but because he could not bear to see Jeremy's light dimmed by those who were supposed to cherish him.
At last, he finds his voice to say, “I will not let you leave me behind.”
The smile Jeremy sends is a little tired, but it's also slow and soft and the first real one he's seen all night, so Jean counts it as a win.
Rainbows. Open roads. Friends. Jeremy's smile.
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cowpokeomens · 2 days
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Can you imagine Noah being nervous the thirst time he meets ✨Her✨?
Hi this has been sitting in my asks for awhile but today it is heavy on my spirit so let’s go!
Because Noah, my sweet baby boy, is a DUMMY. He’s a DUMBASS. So when he sees ✨Her✨ for the first time, he doesn’t even register that it’s any kind of love-at-first-sight situation, just thinks “oh yeah she’s really hot and I wanna sleep with her that’s what this feeling is” even though someone (jolly) points out that Noah has slept with more than a few hot women before and has never had this visceral of a reaction, okay, whatever! In my little pea brain I looooooove an opposites attract kinda situation, so I think it would be really sweet if Noah didn’t end up with an all-black-and-chains metalcore girly, but someone who presented themselves in cozy sweaters and keeps their nose in a book or someone who always checks to see if <clothing item> comes in pink and uses glitter on the daily (I’m not projecting you’re projecting it’s my post!!!) or even someone who’s very tradgoth versus just alt yknow? Like obviously hotness transcends aesthetics but there’s something visibly different about ✨Her✨and I think that’s why Noah does a double-take and shrugs it off as good ole fashioned lust. But then :-/ things escalate right :-/ because Noah goes in with intentions of seduction! But you won’t be fooled by hot band boys! You are grown! You know ur worth and you refuse to be another notch in this boy’s belt and I think that would be the nail in the coffin for our guy Noah. Bc he goes back to someone in the band (Nicky <3) and is like “she… said no?” And he’s VERY confused you see because He’s Noah Sebastian and he doesn’t do well with rejection and you were very kind but refused him and so Nick is like “did you try asking her to lunch before propositioning her with sex?” And Noah is like hmmmmm…… a concept, Nicholas……. So he returns to you, asks you to lunch, you say yes because you know you’ll be able to resist the call of him bending you over a table in a public cafe at noon (stronger than me tbh), and Noah is so PLEASED. He is giddy. He realizes he’s more excited about your lunch (baby does not know it’s a date) than the possibility of getting to have sex with you bc he desperately wants to know more about you, stalks your Instagram on his burner, finds your headshot for your work on their website and proceeds to tell anyone who will listen (Folio) about how photogenic you are. Anyways! So yeah you go on a date lunch outing and it’s in your neighborhood so you show him the cute shops up the road and he buys you a book you’ve been wanting but haven’t invested in because you have no room on your shelves (“do you want to go to IKEA?” “For what?” “For a bookshelf, I can build it for you-“ “Noah.”) and he thinks he’s never gonna be happy again until he sees that sparkle in your eye when he handed you the flimsy sack containing the tome you so desired! And maybe he gets brave enough to hold your hand as he walks you back to your car! And maybe you’re not just another notch on his belt so you invite him back to your place for coffee! And maybe! Maybe he shyly asks if he can kiss you in your kitchen and you say yes and he tastes like cream and sugar and his hands are on your hips but not your ass and he’s smiling into the kiss and it’s making you giggle and maybe I’ll light myself on fire from where I’m watching outside the kitchen window! The end good morning everyone.
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sixx-sixx-sixx · 17 hours
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THE TRADER’S DAUGHTER — cooper “the ghoul” howard x female!oc
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warnings(?): dbf!cooper, female!oc, oc is described as brown eyed (but feel free to picture whatever you want), proofread to the best of my ability (correcting capitalization is not my priority on my phone, this is hard enough to format as is), this series will have smut at some point but let me work up to writing that (meaning, let me smoke this joint and see where the wind takes me), there’s allusion to smut in this towards the end but it’s nothing wild
(this is part one of some)
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Daisy hadn’t seen Cooper for a very, very long time. She’d never forgotten the charismatic cowboy that told her stories of the old world and of his encounters with creatures in the wasteland. The ghoul that would bring her little trinkets from his travels, gifting her a pearl necklace for her 10th birthday. A single pearl on a dainty silver chain that she would wear every day until it wore out. She was 13 when that happened, and was utterly devastated. Thankfully, she had charmed a local boy for a new chain, sneaking behind her dad’s back to go on a few dates with the kid. She’s continue to flirt with men and make empty promises to them to replace the chain each time it broke.
Cooper had gotten himself into some thick shit, spending a good time locked up by some raiders and other bullshit that got him sidetracked. On the other side of the goddamn wasteland, on the fucking east coast. How did he even get to the fucking east coast? By the time he made it back to the trading post, over a decade had passed, and it showed in the size of the once-familiar settlement. More gambling, more fighting in the streets, whole lotta bad shit that he didn’t have time to get involved with. He made his way through the town, his gaze trained on the old trading post at the center of town. He took careful notice of how men sneered at him as he passed by them, mumbling some racist bullshit about his ghoulishness.
Fuck them, he thought as he stepped up to the door of the trading post. He opened the door to hear the old bell jingle to alert his presence, watching as a young woman walked out from the back room with a routine “Welcome to Jo’s Shack, what can I get you?” leaving her pretty pink lips.
Daisy was almost in shock, seeing the ghoul standing in her doorway. She had assumed the worst over the years, as his visits had become less and less until they were not at all. She figured he was dead, shriveled up and baking in the sun. Or worse, she worried he had gone feral, which was always going to be inevitable in his case. Either way, she would keep extra chems stocked for the day he returned.
Cooper strolled towards the counter and looked at the girl, recognizing those big brown eyes from a mile away. “Hey, little flower. Your daddy around?” He asked her, his eyes flickering down to look at the pearl around her neck. Huh, he didn’t know she’d have kept it all those years. Pretty things were hard to keep around these parts.
Daisy’s face broke out into a grin and she gave him a little nod, leaning forward to get a good look at him. “Sure is, I’ll go get him for you. he’s not gonna believe this.” She had to fight to maintain her composure and keep her excitement at bay, going through the back room and up the stairs to the second floor of the shack to where her father was sleeping. In the ghoul’s absence, Daisy had grown to be a respectable trader, taking over the face of her father’s shop after growing up learning from the best. Although the population was tougher, she was just as tough, and nobody dared to fuck with Jo’s Shack or the woman running the place.
She stepped back out to the main room and leaned against the newly-reinforced counter, a bright smile on her face as she gazed up at him. He was just as handsome as she remembered, though she was never truly able to capture how his eyes lit up at the sight of her.
“Flower, you are just as pretty as a peach.” Cooper flashed her a wide grin, unashamedly flirting with the girl who he had essentially watched grow up. And whew, did she grow up good. He couldn’t help himself as he let his sunken eyes roam over the smooth, exposed skin of her chest, the tank top she wore under her unzipped jacket left little to the imagination.
Daisy thought his southern drawl was absolutely intoxicating as she slid a little box of chem vials across the counter to him, “Thank you, Coop. Don’t tell dad I gave these to you.” She winked and leaned back as her dad came out to greet his old friend, letting the two men greet each other like they hadn’t spent any time apart.
“Cooper Howard, you son of a bitch! I hope you brought me that Brahmin you still owe me.” Josiah grinned as he pulled the ghoul in for a hug, giving him shit over some long-forgotten wager on a card game. Coop patted him on the back with a shit-eating grin, “Yessir, why, yo’ momma’s waitin’ outside!”
Daisy watched Cooper closely as she stood beside her dad, taking in the way his skin had started to redden in places she didn’t remember being scarred over before. She had spent her whole adolescence infatuated with him, playing it off as a silly little girl crush on a big strong man (who had killed for her, but that’s a story for another day.) Her pulse quickened as she overhead her father invite the ghoul inside for a drink and to rest, watching him come around the counter to push through the curtains leading to the back.
It was fucked up, Cooper knew that. He knew it was fucked up to already be thinking about the woman behind him. Thinking about how sweet she sounded when she said his name, thinking about that little pearl necklace dangling in his face as she skillfully sat atop his—
He really needed that drink, and maybe a puff of his inhaler before he went feral at the thought of something as soft and pretty as his Daisy having anything to do with something as scarred and distorted as him.
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a/n: okay yall what do we think about part one? I got to the app to post it and immediately rewrote the ending because I hated the original, so I hope this was good!
taglist: @savanahc @one-of-thewalkingdead @silverose365 @neverendingdumptser
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gh0vtzb1og · 2 days
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Poppin your cherry. STALKER AU / SIMON RILEY X FEM READER
Notes; NON CON, head locks, masks. Held at gun point, murder threats. Stalking, religious references, bleeding.
Real excited for this one boys and girls and non binaries
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You walk out into the alleyway you always do while leaving work. Completely unknowing of the danger that lurks ahead. A skip was casually making its way into your walk, a smile on your face as you held your phone in your hands.
You’d walked this alley every day, at the same time, how could tonight be any different? What would change? You were completely calm, not expecting some psycho killer to just jump out and start stabbing you.
He watched you from a dark corner, watching the way your shirt clung to your body. It excited him, his hand moved down into his holster, cocking his pistol and stepping out behind you. A grunt left his lips as he moved up right behind you, watching as you tensed up, trying to continue on your walk home before a pistol was shoved into your face.
He covered your mouth before you even had time to scream. The masked attacker grunted, waiting for you to stop panicking, trying to hit and pull his hand away, definitely wasn’t working. The stranger leaned into your ear. A menacing gravely voice leaving him.
“Scream and I’ll shoot you. You don’t want that do you hm? Love? I know everything bout you. I could kill everyone you fucking love if you tell anyone about this.” He wrapped your head into a headlock. His bicep crushing your throat under the pressure it was causing.
“You walk this path every day, completely unworried some guy will kidnap you and rape you. Suppose you feel dumb now don’t you? Leaving your apartment windows unlocked. Never telling anyone when your leaving or where your going. Never keeping anything to defend yourself with on you. You’re just a pathetic little girl.” His hands move to your skirt, slipping one underneath it and rubbing your panties, feeling how easily wet you got in your panicked state.
“Gettin wet for me already? Were you just dreaming of this you dumb fucking freak? This isn’t even rape. You know you want this.” He sneered into your ear. Rubbing his large fingers against your soaked slit, teasing your clit with a pinch every minute or so.
Watching the way you cried and squirmed, knowing this man had full intentions of using you, there was nothing you could do.
He undid his pants and boxers, letting them fall to his ankles as he pulled your panties aside. Rubbing his hard cock against your cunnie. Oh how much pleasure he got from seeing your terrified face as he rubbed his massive cock against your virgin slit.
“Gonna pop your cherry, and you’re gonna like it aren’t you.” He slammed his tip up into you, a muffed screamish cry left you as you squirmed, trying to get away from the fact you were being raped of your virginity, a perfect little lamb becoming soaked in the blood of sin. His sin. Your blood soaked his cock. Mixing with the wetness of your cunt.
You slumped against his large body, his headlock keeping you in place as he rams in and out of your cunt, every painful thrust robbing you of something you wanted to save for marriage. You stared up at him, tears flooding your face as his gun stayed against your skin; the muzzle coldly kissing your skin. The cold metal leaving a feeling you wouldn’t ever forget.
You could feel every vein making its print on your velvety walls. You wanted to cry to the heavens above for sanctuary. For forgiveness, for strength. Now you were just staring at this brute of a man who was stealing everything you worked so hard to protect, he loved the way you cried. The way you were gonna scream for help but a sound couldn’t leave your throat except for cries and moans.
“Quit actin like you hate this; I know you want this, lamb.” He spat into your ear. Grabbing your thigh and lifting it up so he could get deeper; a groan leaving his mouth as he continued to pound into you. The knot in your stomach and his loosening, he began to pant. Getting ready to cum into your virgin cervix. Leaving his long lasting imprint on you.
You came around his cock, it mixing with your blood. He loved the way the mixed liquids dripped from his cock onto the alleyway ground, how this was gonna be in his mind forever. He could loose his place in the military for this, but you were so worth it.
He slammed into your cunt one final time. Spearing you wide open and cummin into your cunt. Watching as it dripped out, you wouldn’t forget this. Neither would he.
“I’ll see you again lamb.” He pulled his pants and boxers up, letting you hit the ground and walking away. Watching your innocent face, the way it broke when he walked away. You were full of his semen. You needed to clean this out, you couldn’t get pregnant with his baby.
-
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Language Barriers
same anon as like 5 minutes ago, I remembered the fluffy prompt! Could you write a Sanders Sides DLAMPR fic (before they get together) where all of the Sides have different love languages? And they’re all trying to flirt in their own way, but the others keep misinterpreting it? A lot of TSS fic features the Sides having different love languages (and I’d like to think they do, in canon), but I’ve yet to see a fic that specifically focuses on that fact and describes the differences between love languages. Feel free to ignore, and remember to take care of yourself! – anon
hey I love love love love LOVE your writing! If you’re open to prompts rn, I’ve just reread your story "Idiots, Idiots, Everywhere" and it’s awesome, thanks very much, BUT. Are you willing to write a Sanders Sides fic where it focuses more specifically on all the Sides having different love languages? Bonus points if it’s DLAMPR (but platonic PR, this is an incest-free household) and all the Sides are like “…but he’s like this with everyone”. No pressure at ALL, but it’d be cool to see how you approach that. – anon
Read on Ao3
Warnings: none
Pairings: dlampr
Word Count: 3431
Or, five times the Sides misunderstood each other's love languages, and one time Thomas got fed up with it and decided to just...explain it to them with the efficiency they have when they're trying to explain something to him. Which is to say: it takes them a second to get it. The Imagination helps.
Physical Touch
If you were to ask anyone, they would tell you that Patton loves giving people hugs.
It’s the bane of some of their existences, they’d try to claim, and the others might just shrug and say that’s Patton for you. He knows his kiddos love it, at least a little bit. But he won’t lie, he does love a good hug. There’s just something so magical about how, out of all the shapes humans could have possibly been, they’re just perfectly designed to hold one another. Isn’t that just perfect?
Logan would probably say something about evolution and adaptation to the needs of their environment, or something, but he’s not gonna rain on Patton’s parade. Humans are hug-shaped, so they’re gonna hug. Besides, he’s not complaining when he’s working downstairs in the winter and he’s gotten too absorbed in his work and then a Patton-shaped heating pad just comes along and hugs him.
Patton loves hugging all of the Sides. Logan because he’s always so surprised by it, in a good way! He gets this soft little look that is almost on the edge of a smile, like he wasn’t expecting it but it’s the best possible outcome he never could have predicted. Or when he’s trying to comfort Patton and he hugs with undeniable certainty.
Virgil is also fun to hug, because he’s such a pouty-face about it. He snuggles up as much as any of them but he has to put on his mopey show first, just in case anyone’s watching. Virgil also gives the mopey hugs too, but then he makes himself just a bit bigger so he can wrap all the way around Patton. Which is the best.
Speaking of wrapping all the way around, Janus has six arms and he uses every single one of them. They get into competitions sometimes—not serious! It’s all for fun!—about who can surprise-hug each other the worst. Or best. Janus is currently winning from the time he managed to make himself look like the chair in the living room with a blanket over it; Patton sat down and boo!
Remus isn’t allowed to do surprise hugs, not after he accidentally tackled Patton into his Kraken’s pond and they had to spend the rest of the afternoon trying to get out of the pond. But Remus’s hugs are the kind that squish his soul right back into his body and ugh, there’s nothing better than that after a long day. Besides, it’s not like expecting Remus’s hugs takes anything away, he’s still going to squeeze him so hard he might not be able to breathe for a few seconds, but that’s Remus!
And then with Roman—Roman hugs the way every single knight from a fairytale should hug. He just makes you feel safe and precious and like nothing in the world could hurt you. It’s why Patton always sits next to Roman during scary movie nights, after all, even if he gets teased about it a little. Roman doesn’t mind.
So yes, Patton does love hugging all of them. But it doesn’t have to be hugging! It can be holding hands, or just leaning against each other, just as long as he can feel them and tell himself yes, they’re okay, they’re right here, I love them.
Because he does. He loves them terribly. Even if they think he’s just a big fan of hugs.
***
2. Quality Time
Virgil has the reputation of being the cat of the Mindscape for good reason. Not because he hisses at things that don’t cooperate—the other Sides are not excluded from this—and not because he spits up hairballs—it was one time, Remus, and it was entirely your fault—but because he has a habit of just appearing in the same room and hanging out for a while.
…alright, it’s not a habit, he does it on purpose.
Companionable silence really is the best way to go about things. You’re both close enough to talk if you want to, but each of them is allowed to do their own thing and hey, there’s another person doing their own thing too. Which is why it’s his favorite way of hanging out with Logan, especially when he needs to make sure that something gets done. He’s always down to affectionately bully Logan into whatever he asks him to make sure he does.
He does that with Remus too, but it’s not exactly the same: Remus needs someone to make sure he doesn’t actually destroy anything, and he’s more than happy to oblige. Especially since he likes to get a bit of a heads-up before a rampaging beast goes barreling through the kitchen at some ungodly hour of the morning.
If he’s never beating the cat allegations, Janus sure as hell isn’t helping. There’s a big window in the Dark Sides’ half of the Mindscape that is perfect for lying in for, oh, a few hours on end. Remus has many—too many, if you ask Virgil—pictures of the two of them just basking in the sun, dozing like they haven’t got a care in the world.
Virgil’s actual favorite place to sleep is with his head in Patton’s lap. Especially after he’s just finished baking, when he’s all warm from the oven and he smells like sugar and spice…Virgil will sit on the counter or the floor and listen to Patton talk about whatever he wants and then while the oven bakes, he’ll fall asleep right in Patton’s lap. He even gets first dibs on whatever just got made.
Roman makes a game of it. He’s the Prince, every good Prince needs a rogue to work with. They trek all over the Imagination, having adventures, defeating monsters, it’s the perfect mix of Roman’s quests and Virgil’s need to be a creepy little shit in every dark corner he can find. Being with Roman even makes boring council meetings fun, because he gets to terrify the idiots that they’re just gonna fight later anyway and he gets to spend time with Roman.
He doesn’t care what he’s doing, not really, just as long as he can spend time with them. He just…wishes they would understand that sometimes.
***
3. Words of Affirmation
Logan is no stranger to impostor syndrome, but that doesn’t mean he has to allow it to plague those he cares for. Understanding something to be true on an intellectual level and feeling the validation that comes from hearing someone else voice it are two very different things. The other Sides are each remarkable in their own right. They deserve to hear it.
Patton is kind. He does not say that lightly: kind people who choose to be kind because they know how difficult it is are not individuals to be trifled with. Patton makes the conscious choice to try and be better every single day. He is earnest and sincere, sometimes painfully so, but he does not allow himself to be dissuaded by obstacles. How could Logan not want to express his admiration?
And Roman…oh, Roman is a wonder. There is so much that goes into his work that often goes unnoticed, or underappreciated, and it is a crime that Logan too often finds himself on the wrong side of that line. Roman is clever and funny and has a work ethic that, truly, rivals Logan’s own. For every slight he makes, however unintentional, he tries his best to make up for it by telling Roman in no uncertain terms how honored Logan is to be part of his creative process.
Remus is an entirely different story, no pun intended. Remus is unabashedly and unapologetically himself, and as such is a marvel to behold. He cares not for the sanitization or reduction of anything in his work, and so Logan does his best to follow suit. Remus is who he is, and it is beautiful.
He tells Janus he’s beautiful too. And not once is he lying. The first time he did it, Janus laughed in his face, at least until he realized Logan was telling the truth. He then didn’t see Janus for an entire week. It ended when a little snake plushie appeared outside of his door in the middle of the night with a tiny note that just said thank you. He tells Janus he’s beautiful every chance he gets now.
Virgil is his little alley cat. Perfectly fine to approach on his terms, but will let him know with no uncertainties when he’s getting a little too close. It doesn’t help that Virgil is quite fun to tease, even if all he’s doing is giving him compliments—true compliments, mind you—and watching in amusement as Virgil curls up into a ball with his hood pulled down over his ears as if that could hide how red they are. He’s not cruel about it, of course; he stops the moment Virgil appears genuinely uncomfortable and there are certain topics he doesn’t go near. But Virgil can’t always hide his little grin and so on it goes.
He’s quite happy to shower them with his words, he just…doesn’t know if they’d believe him if he said I love you.
***
4. Acts of Service
Words are difficult. There is so much ambiguity to be found in even the most basic of sentences, and when it comes to matters like this, Janus prefers to take as few chances as possible. Whoever coined the phrase ‘actions speak louder than words,’ Janus definitely owes a drink for how spot-on it is.
Whenever Patton needs a hand in the kitchen, he’s always the first to volunteer. He can do up to three things in the time it would take another Side to do just one, after all, and he’s had enough experience cooking for the troublemakers (Virgil and Remus) to know how to get around most of their pranks. And how to get them back.
Logan, bless him, has a tendency to overwork himself at the best of times. And in doing so, he gets these terrible knots and cramps in his neck and shoulders from hunching over his desk for hours on end. It might not be the most polite of things to practically blackmail his way into giving Logan a massage, but the poor dear always falls right to sleep so he mustn’t mind too much.
Remus and his delightful menagerie of creatures often need more than their fair share of attention. He had to pester Remus into getting him a raincoat and muck boots that could withstand the acidic slime, but weekend mornings found them strolling cheerfully through pens and cages and paddocks, tending to the bizarre flock. Anything to make the chore more of a fun activity and less of, well, a chore, when Remus really doesn’t suit stressed-out frowns as well as manic grins.
Virgil has a terrible habit of not asking for reassurance when he needs it. Janus regrets the part he played in making it that way. So, no matter how small and stupid Virgil may think it is, whenever he asks for help, Janus gives it. A tug on his cloak or a soft please will have him do anything from turn the light in the hallway on to checking the poor thing over for wounds after a brutal nightmare. It took long enough for Janus to re-earn that trust, he’s not going to lose it if he can damn well help it.
Out of everyone in the Mindscape, only Roman truly appreciates his love of theater. Sure, the others are game to help out here and there, but when it comes to the art of make-believe, Roman is the proud owner of Janus’s ‘yes-and’ partnership. The two of them make all sorts of stories together, from villains and heroes to morally grey adventurers, to simple fairytales and old plays. Roman needs someone else to help him play the roles and Janus is more than happy to play with him.
Perhaps one day, he might be able to reveal that everything he does for them, he does because it’s them, but for now, he’ll happily play the role they expect of him.
***
5. Gifts
Roman and Remus do not, in fact, fight over who gets to give the most presents to the other Sides.
Instead, they fight over whose idea they work on first.
For Logan, Remus’s self-writing pen narrowly won out over Roman’s proposal for a never-ending notebook, if only because said pen squirted ink into Roman’s mouth before he could finish his argument. They ended up giving both to Logan at the same time, but the pen was decidedly on top and did its own little celebratory wriggle when Logan used it for the first time.
Remus nearly challenged Roman to a formal duel when it came to designing a heat lamp for Janus that wouldn’t run the same risk of burning out the electricity in their section of the Mindscape. They managed to agree on everything up to the design on the lampshade. Roman said it should be a yellow snake, curled up and sleeping, and Remus wanted it to be a big leaf that Janus could lay under like he was actually outside. The compromise was eventually reached over many hours of almost bloodshed and now the sleeping snake under a leaf is a staple in the corner of Janus’s room.
Roman cleverly proposed Virgil’s weighted blanket while Remus was being crushed under said blanket, leaving not a lot of wiggle room until he had to agree. Of course, he promptly fell asleep and cuddled Roman into a pile of goo, so technically they made both the blanket and the plushie at around the same time. Virgil still brings the little skeleton to movie nights.
Patton gets their presents one after the other, because you need one to understand the other’s context. A rebreather designed to slip on over the person’s face just like any other face mask, to filter out particulates and allergens. Something that could be worn for up to two consecutive hours before it needed to be recharged.
The other present was a box full of kittens.
”Ro?”
“Yeah?”
Remus pushes his goggles to the top of his head and looks over the desk. “Do you think they’ll ever get it?”
Roman sighs, closing his notebook and leaning back to stretch. “I don’t know, Re. I love them, really, they just…”
”Don’t realize.”
“Yeah. It’s okay, though. We’ll get there eventually.”
“Of course we will. Hand me that wrench, would you?”
“The one that’s covered in guts, or the one that’s made out of foam?”
“The foam one. I need to whack this thing but I don’t wanna hit it too hard.”
“I’m not gonna ask any more questions.”
***
+1: I Love You
”Hey!” Patton rises up first, clapping his hands. “Oh. I’m the only one here.”
“Only by a moment,” Logan says as he joins him. “Is Thomas here?”
“No, I just got summoned by—well, I thought it was Thomas but he’s not here.”
“Whoa, hey!” Virgil appears on the staircase. “What’s going on? I was in the middle of watching someone.”
“Don’t you mean ‘something?’” Remus appears, covered in slime and cackling. “Ah. I see.”
“I’ve got it,” Roman says, rising up and spraying his brother with something that somehow manages to dissolve all the goo without staining or spraying anything else. “There. Now maybe you’ll think twice about surprising Uma when she’s feeding?”
“Oh, I’m gonna do this so many more times!”
”I felt the exasperation from my room,” Janus sighs, appearing, “what’s Remus done now?”
“Why did you assume it was Remus?” Janus just looks at Logan. “Fair enough.”
”Now that we’re all here, what is this about?” He looks around, frowning. “Where’s Thomas?”
“That’s weird, is he not the one who called for a meeting?”
“What’s that?” Virgil reaches out and picks up a piece of paper from the coffee table. “‘Each one of you needs a card, find the matches.’ What cards?”
“Here.” Logan picks up something that fell when Virgil picked up the paper. “There are only five of them, though, and six of us.”
“What do they say?”
“Let me see…one says ‘Physical Touch,’ one says ‘Acts of Service,’ one says…oh, I see.”
“I don’t,” Patton says, “can you share with the class?”
“Wait, wait, I think I know what this is, is one of them ‘Quality Company’ or something?”
“‘Quality Time,’ yes.”
Roman nods. “It’s the Five Love Languages.”
“Thomas doesn’t even speak Spanish!”
“No, no, Padre, not literal languages, it’s…it’s the ways you express your affection for someone. How you tell them you love them. There’s five: physical touch, acts of service, quality time…”
“‘Words of Affirmation,’” Logan continues, reading off the other cards, “and ‘Gifts.’”
Virgil hunches his shoulders. “So what, are we supposed to pick one?”
“I believe the intention of the exercise is to…select which one is our love language.”
Janus huffs. “Why? What does Thomas have to gain from doing something like this? And where is he?”
“Maybe he’s not the one who summoned us.”
“Well then who did?”
“Maybe if we do the thing we can find out.”
Janus sighs, peering over Logan’s shoulder and squinting. “I guess this one’s mine, then.”
“‘Acts of Service?’ Very well. I suppose I’ll take ‘Words of Affirmation.’”
“Can I have the touch one?”
“Certainly.”
“Twins get ‘Gifts,’ obviously,” Virgil mutters, “which means I get the…time one, or whatever.”
Logan hands out the last two cards and they stand there for a moment, waiting for something to happen.
Nothing does.
Patton looks back down at his card. “Wait, did you say these are how we tell people we love them?”
“That is a simple definition of this, why?”
“Because you guys do these with everyone!”
There’s a pause. Logan adjusts his glasses. “Well, I can’t speak for everyone, but…yes, I do indeed give you all words of affirmation, because, well…”
“Aww,” Virgil says, “do you love us, Logan?”
Logan coughs, blushes, and adjusts his tie. “I believe that is a logical conclusion, yes.”
“Aww!” Patton squeals. “I love you guys too!”
”So whoever set this up knew that we were all trying to tell each other that—“ Roman starts.
“—and needed to hammer it into our heads what was happening,” Remus finishes.
“Well,” Janus sniffs, even as a smile threatens the corners of his mouth, “how dramatic.”
Virgil tugs on the strings of his hoodie. “Yeah. How dramatic.”
There’s another pause.
Roman coughs. “Uh, this seems like a good a time as any, um…Remus and I put together a festival thing in the Imagination for everyone, if you want to…if you want to come and see it.”
“It has everyone’s favorite state fair stuff,” Remus sands, “and there’s supposed to be a northern-lights kind of thing after it gets dark.”
“Can we cuddle?”
“Of course.”
“Will there be food?”
“Your favorite, shadow-ling.”
“You two are so thoughtful,” Logan says softly, “I would love to come.”
“I can get the good blankets from the closet,” Janus offers, and everyone grins, “should we meet there in ten?”
“Oh, this is going to be so much fun!”
The Imagination is just happy they finally sorted it out. Now, to give the six of them a group date they’ll never forget…
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Splatoon 3 Version 7.2 patch notes breakdown
The patch notes for version 7.2, which is going live tomorrow, dropped earlier today, and this is a fairly beefy patch balance-wise, so let's take a look together, shall we?
First of all, the patch includes the renovated Undertow Spillway, but we won't know how it's been changed until it goes live, so let's jump right into the main weapons:
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Sploosh's bullets have had their hitbox size increase, and while they don't specify by how much this should in theory make Sploosh's damage more consistent.
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Splattershot Pro and H-3 now do 3 more damage, which doesn't change much about them directly but if you've been even lightly chipped by anything they're now gonna 2-shot you and that can be pretty scary. Watch out!
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Nova is now 8% more accurate when its feet are on the ground, which means it might actually hit what it's aiming at every once in a while!
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Luna Blaster's explosion ink is now 20% bigger, which means it paints more and can trap people in its paint more reliably, though I can't see that changing much with how fast it fires.
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S-Blast's long-range mode will now do 50+ damage more reliably. Note that this is not a splash radius buff, it just makes it deal damage more reliably within the radius it already has.
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Painbrush now paints more when rolling and starts recovering ink faster after rolling. This seems like a very meh buff to me, but it does speed up the weapon a bit, and it definitively needs that.
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And the final main weapon change of the patch, Dapples now move faster when walking and shooting. It's a bit quicker on its feet now, and that only makes sense for the lightest dualies, doesn't it?
Now, moving on Specials:
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Big Bubbler receives a chunky durability buff on its weak spot. This thing's gonna take a lot of effort to take down now.
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Splattercolor Screen now does 10 more damage. This makes it combo with a couple of more damage sources, but did you know that you can squid roll through a Screen to take no damage from it? Now you know.
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Triple Splashdown is getting a buff and a nerf. You now spend about ten frames less time in the air, but the splash radius was reduced to compensate. My gut feeling is that this is an overall buff, as it makes it less risky to use, but we'll have to see how things pan out.
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And finally, and this is actually a big deal, when you Super Jump to a teammate using Kraken Royale you'll no longer jump to their location, but instead to the place where they activated their Kraken. This is huge because it deals a massive blow to the popular Clam Blitz cheese strats that the special had become known for where you use it to swim up to the basket and let your team jump super clams to it with no effort required. It was a huge sore spot in the mode for a lot of people, and this change pretty much kills the entire strategy. Very nice!
And with there being no Sub Weapon changes, let's move onto the final section, the points for Special changes:
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Neo Splash and N-Zap '89 are the winners of this patch's "random shooter buff" lottery, and I expect the '89 to be incredibly common and incredibly annoying in turf wars after this. Carbon Roller becomes the first weapon in Splatoon 3 to hit 160p, and considering how poorly it paints that's only fair. Splat Charger and Dapples get 10p taken off their special charge as well, and in the case of the latter it's a buff that works pretty well with its mobility buff from earlier. In the nerfs department they hit a bunch of the most popular meta weapons with 10 extra points for Special, with Squeezer becoming the second ever weapon to get 220p after Sloshing Machine (and unlike it, squeezer kind of deserves it).
Overall, I think this is a good patch. The biggest pain points for competitive play going into this patch was Trizooka spam and the utter dominance of Snipewriter, and this patch does address both of them, albeit indirectly. Trizooka still probably needs a nerf, and nintendo remain as hesitant as ever to address any problem directly, but it's still a step in the right direction.
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catboygretzky · 2 days
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Exyblr Dashboard Simulator based on what I personally see on sportsblr:
7/?
😇 daddywymack
oh so when YOU say someone's attractive it's FINE but when *i* say it, it's NOT? misogyny
🌞 blonde-jeremy-knox
it's probably bc you said jeremy knox looked so slurpable that you'd let him waterboard u with his sweat
😇 daddywymack
i'm just being honest!!! lying is a sin!!
🌞 blonde-jeremy-knox
you're going to hell either way so like?? maybe lie a little ajdsfh
#i don't mean that baby u r sooo right and you should speak the truth
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🌸 a-softer-exy
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jeremy knox/jean moreau - an unspoken prayer
#usc #university of southern california #usc trojans #jeremy knox #jean moreau #1129 #jerejean #trojans #exy #web weave #poetry
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♛ queen-of-exy
'you just want to date a player' absolutely not. i don't even want to MEET a player, they should stay on the court and in my fanfiction where they belong.
#would probably make an exception for kevin day but only bc he probably has a praise kink
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🧸 mreow-bearcats-mreow
neutral party here but are the trojans only playing NINE PLAYERS?
🧸 mreow-bearcats-mreow
update: they lost but like. they didn't look as bad as i was expecting, and uh...post game interview um hellloooo jeremy 👀 . was pretty neutral but next seaassooon ........... any usc fans wanna help
🗣️ jeremyknoxes follow
oh baby i'll send you my usc primer STAT i've been waiting for this day
#gonna make you a trojans fan if it's the last thing i do
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🦁 pennst-ate-me-up
neil josten when asked about the ravens on live tv:
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#psu #neil josten
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💃fox-me-up follow
wish i could be surprised that exyblr's reaction to neil being a gangster's son was more 'kinda hot ngl' than anything ya know. normal. but i've been here long enough to know better
#i mean it IS kinda hot ngl #but that's not the point #neil tag
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✍️ exy-fic-rec
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i'll crawl home to her by exystarlightning
Fandom: Exy RPF
Pairing: Kevin Day/Neil Josten
Rating: E
Tags: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha!Neil, Omega!Kevin, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Knotting, Soulmates, Miscommunication, Purring
Word count: 84k
Summary: Kevin wasn't looking for an alpha; unfortunately, the universe had other plans.
#kevin day #neil josten #kevneil #kdnj #njkd #0210 #psu #palmetto #psu foxes #omegaverse #soulmates #explicit #exy rpf #fic rec
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clanwarrior-tumbly · 3 days
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Could you do a lethal company fic where the reader has a pet hoarding bug dressed up to the nines with a little bow tie. Because we got to pick him out from the crowd right. The team is wary of the bug and wants it gone but the reader is like “No that’s my buddy, my little guy :(”.
When the team lands on a planet the little man searches the facility to find items and returns them to the front. To reinforce good behavior the reader gives them some shiny coins like pennies.
Everyone is happy the crew meets quota and the bug gets a nice hoard of shiny things.
"There you go, welcome to your first day on the job!"
Taking your hands away, you stepped back to admire your work on the hoarding bug you just brought aboard the ship, having dressed it in a simple orange vest with a bowtie and its own employee nametag.
You picked up this guy on Experimentation, and it seemed to become quite attached to you (and not because of the scrap you were carrying). Considering how docile it behaved while helping you transport items to the facility's entrance, you got an idea.
It's a crazy one, for sure..but you believed it could help your crew make the next quota.
You intended to surprise them after they came back just after sundown--yet when you opened the doors, one intern already had their shovel-in hand, ready to swing.
So to see you then stand in front of the alien had them all bewildered.
"Boss?! What are you doing?! That's-!"
"It's okay! He's friendly. Just...relax, everyone." You put your hands up, refusing to let any of them get one step closer. "He's not gonna attack us. So please, put the shovel away. You're scaring him."
The hoarding bug chittered nervously, creeping up to hug your leg as it shyly stared at the three other humans in suits just like you.
But unlike them, you didn't wear a helmet. All it could see was your stern expression, your eyes sharp and focused, and your forehead only slightly damp with sweat.
It knew you were only trying to protect it..yet it couldn't tell what the others were thinking, making it all the more anxious.
"Scaring him?!" The shovel-wielding employee scoffed loudly, not loosening their grip on their weapon for a moment. "It's us who should be scared, if anything.."
"C-Can we ask why you brought a hoarding bug onboard, boss?" An intern meekly interrupted.
Your eyes lit up as you smiled, patting the spot between the Hoarding Bug's antennae. "From what I observed..he wants to help us transport scrap. And he hasn't attacked me once, nor has he tried ripping anything out of my hands. So I deem him to be our fifth crew member. And his name will be....Buddy."
He perked up at the name, and you laughed. "I take it you like that name, huh?"
"...seriously?" The employee grumbled. "No offense, but I'd like to remember "Buddy" as my dog's name, not the name of this...pest. Is it even legal to domesticate these things?"
"Well..we have Trent." You pointed to the fishbowl resting on the filing cabinet. "And I don't see you complaining about-"
"It's a damn goldfish! A common pet back on Earth. We know next to nothing about hoarding bugs!" They snapped, frustrated. "How can you be so sure it's not gonna just steal our stuff and....and...."
However, they trailed off as they noticed your gaze become harsher. And the others in the crew knew that you meant serious business.
"I'm just saying..you're putting us at-"
"We may not know much about hoarding bugs, but we can learn from this one if we allow him to stay. I have a way to keep him in line and help maximize our quota. So have a little trust in me, okay?" You huffed. "If it's gonna be a problem..then I'll have to reassign you."
"What?! But I-"
"You're great with keeping spiders and snare fleas off our backs, Employee..I would like to keep you onboard. Just..let me prove Buddy to you. Don't make me the bad guy."
All you got was silence and a small nod from the disgruntled employee, who finally decided to put their shovel away in the cupboard.
Only then did your bright smile return. "Thank you." You clapped your hands with glee.
"So um..how will you train it--I mean him?" The other intern inquired, tilting their head.
"Two words...positive reinforcement." Deciding to demonstrate, you dug a quarter out of your pocket and knelt down beside Buddy, tapping him on the shoulder. "Hey. I got something for you as thanks for getting that rubber duck safely to our ship."
His red eyes seemed to shimmer at the little trinket you were bestowing to him, as he took it right away and stared for a few good seconds...before scuttling over to his corner of the ship. Then he placed the coin on the floor and sat there, content.
"Ohh..so you'll let him keep some things? Like he'll get his own nest?"
"I've conditioned him to admire currency more than weddings rings." You chuckled, standing back up before you headed to the terminal. "And they're intelligent enough to understand trading, so..if he does get ahold of one, we can easily negotiate."
"And I guess the clothes are self-explanatory."
"Right, gotta pick him out from the crowd." You booted up the system, checking to see which moons had clear weather for your final day for this quota.
Then you noticed one that was never there before.
"Huh..Adamance. That's a new one. It's grouped with March and Vow, so I guess it's a forest moon."
"Wouldn't hurt to venture there." The Employee remarked. "Is it free?"
"Yep. Let's go." You launched the ship and set course for Adamance, smiling back at the group--plus Buddy, who seemed startled by the suddenly jolting of the ship as its autopilot took over.
..........
"A register?! How did he manage to find that?!"
"What can I say? Hoarding bugs have their ways." With a proud smile, you patted Buddy on the head for yet another successful scrap hunt on Adamance.
He looked down at the heavy cash register in his arms, pulling the lever. He was surprised at first, but a moment later chittered with apparent delight at the dinging noise it made.
You could only grin. "See? I taught him to do that, too! Now he's officially just like us. Go put it with your collection, Buddy."
Nodding obediently, he scurried over to his "nest", dropping the register alongside some other shiny trinkets it found within the facility: a brass bell, some bolts, a cookie pan, and even a golden cup.
It seems visiting Adamance was the right decision, although the absurd amount off baboon hawks outside spelled trouble for you and your crew despite being outnumbered. During one transport trip, a few tried to wrangle a piece of scrap away from Buddy, who fought fiercely to keep it safe.
Suddenly, it dawned on you that hoarding bugs and baboon hawks never had any reported encounters with each other...so you feared the worst when you realized Buddy would be seeing them for the first time and not know what to do-
Until he managed to make himself look big by simply hovering in the air and buzzing angrily--which apparently scared off the entire horde.
The tulip snakes were another nuisance, but luckily none made him nor you (or anyone in the crew) get any airtime.
On the final trip back to the ship, you noticed he was distracted by the large inactive robot that stood by the cabin, and you had to whistle to help him regain focus..to which you rewarded him with a dime for a good job.
One of your interns opted to investigate the structure, and on the inside they discovered writing on the wall that spelled "68-ART".
As it turns out, that's a route to the moon called Artifice, with a description mentioning active "machinery", which you can only assume meant the big robot standing outside.
At the moment it was too expensive to visit, but you kept the name in your notes and praised your intern for finding it--alongside Buddy, who drew your attention to the cabin to begin with.
For now, though, you were ready to lift off from Adamance before any earth worms or eyeless dogs woke up. You definitely didn't wanna run into any of those when you collected so much scrap already.
Now all you had to do was head to the Company Building and drop off how ever much was necessary to meet this quota.
And thanks to the help of your fifth crew member, you were able to make it without losing a limb..or a life, for that matter.
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moonshynecybin · 10 hours
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In the video of Vale in the silver stone post race press conference what did he mean Marc had special treatment was he referencing something. And what did you mean in the tags about Marc with journalists? I’m kinda new to this whole rosquez motogp thing and I’m very behind so I don’t know what vale’s referring to.
because vale thinks marc hates him. which is cwazy considering marc spent years throwing rocks at vale’s window but my girl IS in fact crazy. hitchcock blonde norman bates mommy dearest etc. like the underpinning of sepang here from VALE’S point of view is okay. marc is mad he’s not going to win the title this year as a result of crashing so much and he blames MEEE (because several of those key early season crashes resulted from a clash with vale AND because vale thinks marc is getting malicious in challenging his goat status) so as a reaction to this marc has decided jorge lorenzo should win the world title and as such BETRAYEDDDD MEEEE
and if you’re like hey. isn’t that awful similar to what MARC thinks about vale in this situation. getting mad about losing and lashing out. then you would be CORRECT ! vale is projecting here to an. insane degree. like baby girl that’s YOU who thinks like that, marc would have be your baby tomorrow if you asked…. like he thinks marc hates him! and is sabotaging him! and this hurts his feelings lmao. so you add this to all of the paranoid ego factors feeding into sepang and you get what vale feels is an actual really PERSONAL betrayal. like it’s one thing for a sporting rival to say fuck you im gonna make sure you lose at all costs, it’s another for a FRIEND you invited to your HOUSE to do all that. and vale has basically admitted as much in terms of like. getting over his rivalries with sete and biaggi— he COULD move on and make peace with them because they WERENT friends first (and because he won. lmao). but its different with marc.... now did marc actually do that. no. oh my god no. but vale THINKS he did and he got his feelings VERY hurt about it. to the point where he’s still fucking thinking about it every day ummm EIGHT YEARS LATER
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explosionshark · 2 days
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Thoughts on Faith and Dawn? They’re dynamic is so interesting to me
Talked a little bit about this one time (with input from @coraniaid)
It IS a really potentially interesting dynamic! There's so little of it on screen, which is a shame. What we do know:
-by s7 Dawn still (understandably!) resents Faith for trying to kill Buffy. She makes some protective comments about it. Actually I watched "Dirty Girls" last week and iirc she's the only one to call Faith out directly in that episode over that
-I think it's fair to extrapolate from what Dawn chooses to call out in that moment, that Faith's violence was never turned directly on her
-Despite this, Dawn does seem to warm up to Faith fairly quickly after she's back. They seem to be getting along in "Empty Spaces" and Dawn and the Potentials leap to Faith's defense when those crooked cops go after her at The Bronze. She essentially goes along with overthrowing Buffy and making Faith the leader in the confrontation that ensues (let's put aside the characterization choices for now and just focus on the fact that she is willing to allow Faith that level of authority)
-In early s3, all of Buffy's friends respond really positively to Faith showing up. I'm sure Dawn (young and impressionable) would be no exception. I talk a little about it in the post I link up there but it's really easy to imagine a situation where Dawn is really impressed by Faith in a way that her Baby Sisterness prevents her from manifesting towards Buffy. Especially since part of Faith's narrative role is to threaten Buffy's relationships in some way, I'm sure there was a bit of hero-worship to get Buffy feeling unexpectedly jealous.
So, there's tension between Buffy and Dawn in late season 7. Despite the initial shot Dawn takes at Faith over rejoining the team ("hotels that take Tried-to-kill-your-sister-types") she doesn't put up too much protest. Buffy at this point is being harsh and withdrawn from the team and her friends. Faith, meanwhile, is showing an interest in people, putting an effort into connecting to the girls, and generally being pretty mellow and non-judgemental. Aka, she's doing stuff that's pretty close to the classic big sister shit Dawn is no doubt missing.
Treating the girls (Dawn included) like people, learning things about them, crucially NOT being the woman cracking the whip that they're all pretty sick of, generally being more relaxed and less uptight, taking them to the Bronze and letting them underage drink instead of locking them in her busted ass living room and giving them speeches about how they're gonna die soon - yeah! Okay! You can really see how Faith becomes super popular just by being a little more chilled out and not being Buffy.
Given Dawn's comments earlier in the season (teasing but still) about feeling smothered by Buffy sometimes, I think there's something interesting in how Dawn seems to respond so much from being treated like someone mature, a little more hands off, but still with positive attention - it's easy to work back from there and imagine what kind of relationship she had with Faith in earlier seasons, why it worked, and why it hurt so bad when Faith betrayed them anyway.
Dawn and Faith have an interesting overlap in being used at various times to thematically represent different sides of Buffy. They're almost polar opposites that way - Dawn being Buffy's childhood, her innocence, Faith being her dark side - so to me there's always going to be something inherently interesting in the ways they relate to each other.
In conclusion: damn dude I really wish they had more scenes together idk
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Aroace Alastor
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Hoo boy here we go- This one might make some people mad at me, so I'll preface by saying I do not want to start a fight and as long as you respect my business, I'll respect yours. But let's get this over with-
First off, I genuinely don't understand how some people can see the Ace-In-The-Hole quote and still believe that Alastor is only intended to be asexual and not also aromantic. Yes, the term Rosie used for purpose of the pun was 'ace', but can we look at the context of that moment before jumping to conclusions?
Rosie, motioning to Charlie: "Oh, who's this you brought with you? Come now, Alastor, she's much too young for you! Oh, I'm just kidding. I know you're an ace in the hole!"
Her original statement implies nothing sexual, only that he's involved in a relationship with Charlie, and she follows it up with why she knows that couldn't be because he's an 'ace in the hole'. I don't think you have to read too far between the lines to see that.
I would also like to say that when Vivienne has spoken about his orientation before, I recall her saying that she didn't want to confirm him being aromantic so that she wouldn't 'ruin anyone's fun', which I just feel like is an odd thing to say if she wasn't already explicitly picturing him as aroace. If she thought he had romantic attraction, why wouldn't she just say that? What fun would that ruin? I also feel like keeping things like this ambiguous just to appease the shippers is a little weird, but I digress-
And to those of you who I know are saying "But aromantic people can be in relationships too!!" *deep inhale* yeah I know. I'm not gonna pretend you're not right about that, but there are also aroace people who have exactly 0 interest in romance or sex at all. This is the part of the post that really is based on how I interpret certain moments, but to me he is absolutely one of those people. I don't really know where people get any vibes of him being interested in that stuff. I have never once looked at him and thought "Yeah I could see him in a romantic relationship with *insert character here*". Even aside from attraction in general, since that's what we'd be talking about at this point anyway, he just seems like the kind of guy who'd rather work and live independently instead of relying on anyone, whether practically or emotionally (which is also probably part of the reason he never joined the Vees, but that's another topic entirely). Hell, I'm pretty sure he's in heavy denial about even developing any kind of care or friendship with the people at the hotel (ie. the episode 8 scene with him and Niffty).
The only ships I see him involved in with people he doesn't hate (so ignoring RadioApple, RadioHusk, and StaticRadio. But to be real, maybe the fact all his main ships are enemies to lovers coded says something about the whole situation, but that's just me-) are Charlastor - which I will not even try to discuss here, people aren't gonna like this post as it is - and RadioRose. Rosie and him would at least be fair, if it weren't for one thing (which is also personal opinion on my end), and I don't know exactly how to word it. I'm tempted to say she has wingwoman vibes? But she knows he's aro, so that's not the right word, but there's vibes of like, she probably did act as a wingwoman before she realized that about him or something.. There's also something about her joking around like "Oh this is the girl? You have a girlfriend and I'm only now meeting her?" is almost giving motherly behavior. Idk man they're just besties to me, I could see them in a QPR though (not that they'd probably label it that way, considering the word queerplatonic is likely just complete gibberish to Alastor lmao).
So to summarize: It feels incredibly likely, if not practically canon, that Alastor was written with aromanticism in mind, even if Vivienne refuses to explicitly state it. Subtext and not-that-subtle implications can say just as much about a character as word of God, especially when that God has explicitly told us why she won't confirm or deny this information. Do I think any of this will stop people from shipping him romantically with literally any other character? No ofc it won't, and that's okay, that's just what fandoms do. I do think there's something to say for the fact the one aroace (or even at the very least asexual) character gets constantly shipped with everyone else in the cast, but this post is long enough I think. The only point of posting this is that I wanted to get information out there in one post to say "Hey, let's look a little bit past the surface for a second before saying there's no proof of him being aromantic"
Anyway, thanks for reading, I hope you at least took something away from this
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