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#you know I wanna be like The People Have Spoken about Punch Meta
matan4il · 2 years
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Hi I dont know what to do with this info so sorry to dump this on you, but. Anita Mills “shot herself last August” at the same time that the Taliban took over much of Afghanistan in 2021, including Bagram which is where Eddie served at least part of one of his tours.
And maybe it’s just bc I’ve worked with so many 20somthing yo disillusioned army vets but I’m having so many thoughts re: Eddie’s breakdown triggering specifically from reaching out to his old unit, because he spent years in the desert with these people and probably transported injured personnel in and out of the Valley of Death for years and he saw so much as a medic and they all were shot down in the Valley of Death and even though he saved them, they’re all dead now and his “Do you ever think maybe it’s not worth it” as a firefighter yeah, but also as a former soldier seeing the pointlessness of so much suffering, is just punching me rights in the feels and I don’t know if this is coherent at all but I’ve certainly thought about Eddie Breakdown for like 36hrs straight at this point sooo
This is a wonderful submission by @hearteyesdiaz! Thank you so much for sending this in, my darling. It hits especially close to home because I too served (as I mentioned, service is mandatory here) and I don’t even wanna talk about how much survivor’s guilt is a real thing. So before anything else, I just wanna take a second and thank you for your work and what you do for veterans. You’re a real hero too, I hope you know that! *HUGS*
And yes, it’s clear Eddie went into firefighting as a continuation of his mission to save lives even after returning to civilian life, so whatever influences his perception of one thing, impacts the other as well. I said in my meta posts for 513 and 514 that I believe saving lives matters even if people then pass away after a shorter period of time than we would have hoped for. In fact, even if you keep them alive for just 5 minutes more, I think it matters. For families to know that someone did everything in their power to save their loved one, even if those attempts were ultimately unsuccessful, I’ve seen how it makes a difference. But survivor’s guilt isn’t about those things, is it? It’s not about anything logical, and Frank kind of scraped the surface on that one when he managed to show Eddie that he was doing his job, saving Greggs, when they were ambushed. Survivor’s guilt isn’t about what you reasonably could or could not do, it’s about the knowledge that you knew such incredibly good people, and they’re gone and you’re not, and it just doesn’t make sense either.
I could also talk about my Holocaust survivor grandparents and their survivor’s guilt. They were so young and defenseless when the Nazis and their collaborators came for their families and communities, there really was nothing they could have done. And I’m sure my grandma, for example, could have spoken to her brother who was murdered, he would have told her he’s so happy she survived, that anyone from their family did, ‘coz so many families, entire Jewish communities, were wiped out in the Holocaust. But I don’t think that mattered. On some level, she just loved him so much and he was the best person she knew, she looked up to him, and she was simply never over his murder or could process how the world could go on after that as if nothing had fundamentally broken in the universe. I’ll never forget the moments I would see her crying at a family birthday or wedding for our family members who should have been there to celebrate with us and didn’t get to, or the nights when I stumbled across her sitting silent in our darkened living room, staring at nothing, quietly dwelling amongst her ghosts.
We can’t change that, but we can try and bring good out of that. My great uncle might have been murdered, but I tell my family’s story as a part of my job at our museum, meant to help educate people against hatred, violence and intolerance towards people just because they’re different. And one group that happened to come and hear me? It resulted in his name being read at a ceremony in our parliament on that year’s Holocaust Memorial Day. IDK, it’s not a universal answer to survivor’s guilt, but it’s mine.
Thank you for sharing and for allowing me to babble on! I’m glad that if we can’t stop thinking about this, we can at least do it together. Lots of love to you, hon! xoxox
(I got an influx of asks, I WILL answer all of them, but it might take a sec. If anyone wants to check whether I've already answered theirs or to read my replies, here's my ask tag. Thank you! xoxox)
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soulmate-game · 3 years
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Daughter of wonderwoman au where marinette finds out her mother is actually Diana and somehow it ends up with her meeting/being introduced to the batfam maybe because she has super strength and is seen yeeting some bad guys who tried to mug her... Or something.
“... you are running from your problems, Mari,” Adrien’s exasperated voice reminded his best friend. Again. She ignored him, and he threw his hands up in exasperation. “Look, you don’t have to do anything about it! Nobody would hold it against you if you decided to just, ignore that you found anything out at all. But you need to actually think about what we just found out and decide whether or not you’re gonna do anything—“ he side-stepped a piece of trash that went flying in his direction. “—or if you’re gonna move on and pretend nothing happened.”
“Isn’t that what I’m doing?” Marinette shot back, pushing her bangs out of her face and tying her hair back with one hand.
“No, you’re currently hiding away in Gotham to avoid your parents while you beat up every random group of idiots who thinks you’re an easy mark,” he retorted. Another wannabe kidnapper went flying in his direction, making him sigh and side step again. She had thrown that one with only her one free hand, showing just how upset she was. “You’re ignoring everything in your life, which is not what we meant we said you should get a little space.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Marinette dropkicked the last criminal into unconsciousness before stepping back and putting her hands on her hips. She looked over at the now seven passed out men in the alleyway, and the one very frustrated ex-model pinching the bride of his nose. “I think I’m coping just fine.”
“It’s better than being forced to suppress all of your emotions, sure,” Adrien reluctantly agreed. “But not by much. Your angry rampage through Gotham has already attracted more attention,” he raised his hand to point at a nearby rooftop. Several shadows lurked there, looming over the building’s edge. “Which, might I add, is exactly why I told you not to come to Gotham.”
“You’re the one who followed me here,” she shot back before turning to the shadowy figures above them. “Go ahead and come down! But it was self defense, and you can’t arrest or beat me up for defending myself!”
The first figure to drop down straightened your just as quickly, revealing the imposing figure of none other than Batman himself. The little white eyes on his cowl seemed to narrow on their own as he looked down at her.
“That might be true, but I’m sure you know my policy on metas in my city,” he grumbled back at her. He wasn’t necessarily threatening, but he definitely wasn’t welcoming either. With all of his limbs hidden behind the cocoon that was his cape, Marinette would never be able to predict his next move if he did decide to fight. Not that she seemed particularly worried about that as she crossed her arms over her chest and met his glare evenly.
“Oh, do you own this city now? I wasn’t given the memo,” she retorted. “And considering I didn’t even know I was a meta until last week? I think I deserve a little slack. I’m angry and if people think the tiny little girl in pink is an easy kidnapping target, then it’s their fault for making themselves into the perfect practice dummies for me to try out my newly discovered strength on.”
Adrien saw the eyes on Batman’s mask narrow even further. Marinette wasn’t exactly at her most charismatic at the moment, and Adrien didn’t wanna get the both of them into a bad relationship with the experienced superhero who always seemed to know things he shouldn’t know. So he stepped up quickly, getting in between Marinette and the Bat and holding his hands up in a placating gesture.
“Okay, Monsieur Batman,” Adrien started slowly, making sure his posture was impeccable and his smile bright. “She’s telling the truth, even if she’s not... the most tactful about it right now. She just found out some very concerning things about her origin and Gotham is the best place for her to hide from her problems and let loose a little pent up aggression. But— well,” he grimaced. “We didn’t intend to run into you guys, but maybe it’s a good thing we did.”
“How so?” Batman was clearly still incredibly suspicious of the both of them and wasn’t giving an inch. So Marinette rolled her eyes (she was still very moody) and leaned around Adrien so she could get a good look at the monochromatic hero.
“I thank my lucky spots that we ran into you, Batman!” She said monotonously. “Me and Adrien are paw-sitively excited at this opportunity.”
Batman. Froze.
Not only were those two lines the very first lines ever spoken to him by two foreign heroes a few years ago (with a few key words changed to protect identities), but they had become their code phrase for whenever they made calls to one another outside of their costumes. All at once it seemed to hit him— the golden hair and bright green eyes on the boy, the blue-black hair and normally super-focused bluebell eyes on the girl that were currently sporting very uncharacteristic frustration. Their heights. Their builds. All of this info flowed through his mind and compared to the information stored in his memory, and it only took the span of two seconds for everything to click.
Suddenly Batman was at full attention, back straight instead of looming over them and eyebrows clearly raised high under his cowl.
He knew Chat Noir and Ladybug would never take a random vacation to Gotham. Ladybug herself had nearly waxed poetic about how much the city depressed her just from the pictures she saw online. If she had willingly come to visit, it was more than to just blow off some steam.
“Batcave?” He asked, earning a relieved look from Adrien and a moody silence from Marinette.
“Please,” Adrien agreed. “You can probably help us, actually.”
—*—*—*—*—*
Marinette leaned back in the metal debriefing chair, legs up on the table and looking for all the world as the picture of pure teenage rebellion and angst. Coincidentally, Red Hood was in the exact same position in the chair next to her.
Batman and all of his other bats and birds were in the cave with the two off-duty Parisian heroes. Everyone except Adrien and Marinette still had their masks on, since the two Parisians were still not privy to their identities. Yet.
To be fair, the bats hadn’t known the identities of the two miraculous users either before today.
“Cha Noir,” Batman started, only to get a head shake from the blond boy.
“Just call me Adrien. Chat’s out of the bag—“ he ignored the groans at the pun and soldiered on, “—so might as well use my real name.”
Batman nodded. “Adrien, then,” he amended. “Why are you and Ladybug really in Gotham?”
Adrien sighed. “I wasn’t lying, before. Marinette,” he gestured to his hero partner. “Just found out some distressing family news. Since HawkMoth is gone, she doesn’t need to repress her negative emotions anymore. But she also didn’t want to be around her parents while she processed everything. I told her to choose any other city— really, I begged— but she insisted on coming to Gotham.”
“The never ending cloud cover and constant rain seem thematic,” she finally spoke up, reaching into her big over-the-shoulder bag and pulling out a large envelope. She threw it to Batman, making the thin package slice through the air like a knife. To nobody’s surprise the seasoned hero easily caught the projectile between two fingers. He looked at the envelope and back to Marinette, silent questions floating in the air between them. Marinette decided to answer at her own pace.
“That’s what we found out. You see, one of my friends is a huge science nerd. A genius. And he wanted to compare DNA samples between us to see if there were any genetic components that determined a person’s suitability towards certain Miraculous or other magical artifacts over others. It was supposed to just be a fun side project that he didn’t expect any breakthroughs on. He mostly just wanted to satisfy his own curiosity. But instead of finding out if our DNA was linked to the miraculous, he found out that my parents are not biologically my parents.”
“Hence the whole just finding out that you’re a meta thing, right?” Nightwing spoke up, fully invested in the story. “Did they never say you were adopted before?”
“It’s not in the system,” she replied easily. “My parents have all the documentation to prove that I’m their biological child, except I’m not. When I confronted them about it, they caved and admitted that they had adopted me in secret and covered it up. Apparently a friend of theirs was involved in something illegal, and,” she waved at the envelope that Batman was now opening. “The details of what we were able to dig up are in there. The summary is this; their friend was part of a secret, illegal experimentation to create clones that could defeat the Justice League—“ the air seemed to get sucked out of the room as soon as those words left Marinette’s mouth. Everyone seemed to know exactly what she was talking about. “—a group called CADMUS. They made me, as apparently one of their early attempts. But I didn’t exhibit any of the powers they were looking for, or any meta traits at all, and my body refused to mature at the rate they wanted. They had no use for a seemingly normal human baby that they managed to clone, so they were preparing to kill me and start over. That’s when my parent’s friend stole me, not wanting to kill an infant, and begged my parents to take me in and pretend I was theirs. Low and behold, it turns out that my DNA just needed a very specific series of emotions to unlock it’s latent abilities.”
“Those emotions being..?” Red hood trailed off, earning a wolfish smile from Marinette.
“Intense anger, betrayal, and confused frustration closely followed by the desire to punch other people’s faces in.”
“That last one is just an assumption,” Adrien chimed in. “And maybe not accurate. But the first three, our scientist friend was able to confirm. The rapid experience of a lot of negative but action-oriented emotions released whatever had been holding back the powers in her DNA from expressing themselves,” he had switched to French so that he could explain everything exactly as Max had told it to them, but he knew all of them were fluent anyway so it was fine. They nodded along, processing the information.
The crinkling of paper drew everyone’s attention back to Batman, who had been flipping through the detailed break down of everything they had found about Marinette’s situation and how she was made by CADMUS.
“Uh,” Red Robin nervously spoke up. “What’s up, Batman?”
“Your genetic donors...” Batman breathed, getting a wink and finger guns from Marinette.
“Yup. Isn’t that just the most fucked up thing you’ve ever seen? They were clearly trying to make someone who could destroy the world.”
“That makes me nervous,” Nightwing admitted, getting up and going to get a look at the papers himself. “It can’t be that ba—“
When even Nightwing was left agape, everyone else who wasn’t in on it found themselves squirming.
“Just tell the rest of us, already!” Robin demanded after the silence stretched just a bit too long.
“The unknowing genetic donors that CADMUS used to make me,” Marinette spoke up, still with her legs up on the table. “Are a very mad-scientist’s-wet-dream combination of Lex Luthor, Bruce Wayne, and Wonder Woman.”
“We don’t even know why they added Bruce Wayne’s DNA,” Adrien admitted. “Although our scientist friend thinks it’s because of physique. His hypothesis is that, in order to support the genes of Wonder Woman, they had to add male genetics that could support the production of a very high muscle mass and would lean towards easy development of a very athletic body. Lex might be evil-scientist smart, but he’s a string bean. But if he added the DNA of another multi millionaire who just so happens to maintain a ridiculously fit body without putting any obvious work into it,” Adrien shrugged. “Then maybe the clone would be able to support Wonder Woman’s genetics and that of two human donors without falling apart.”
“So I’m ‘the clone’ now, huh?” Marinette snarked, earning an exasperated eye roll from her friend.
Batman just stared at the both of them for a moment. He walked away without a word, and came back with a fresh needle and a box. He placed it on the debriefing table.
“Can I do a paternity test myself?” He asked, his voice suspiciously less gruff than normal. “I trust the both of you, but I rather be safe than sorry with something like this.”
The both of them just stared at him in confusion. They traded a glance, and finally Marinette shrugged and moved to sit in her chair properly. Her shirt was already short sleeved, so she just held her arm out so Batman could easily get a blood sample.
“Sure, why not. But do you just have Lex Luthor or Bruce Wayne’s DNA sitting around to compare, or—“ she shut up when she watched Batman take off his glove and roll his own sleeve up. Realization slowly sunk in as he asked Nightwing to take a blood sample from him.
“Holy shit,” she breathed, eyes wide. “You’re— and Luthor doesn’t know— holy shit this is even worse than I thought,” Marinette rambled, not even noticing as Red Hood moved forward and took a small blood sample from her.
Adrien put a hand over his face and just laughed for a moment hysterically. “Oh my god,” he looked over at Marinette. “You could take over the world.”
“I have the blood of Batman AND Wonder Woman on MY side,” Marinette joked back, also hysterical.
When the bat’s high tech equipment was able to come back with a positive result only a few minutes later, Marinette and Adrien had to sit on the floor and just let it all sink in. Which Batman did not at all help by immediately unmasking himself and trying to make a proper introduction.
“I wanna go beat up random thugs again,” Marinette whined, pulling at her hair. “I’ll put on a mask, whatever, but just please let me punch people. I need to punch people right now.”
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himbo-buckley · 4 years
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Intimacy, Sex and Buddie (better known as I have a lot of feelings about this show, some of which are related to the before mentioned topics) - Part 2
G’day friends, family and lost travelers! Welcome back to another instance of: I read too much into things!
This is where we really dive into the Character analysis and it’s gonna be a fun ride!!! (well, maybe. For me at least because thanks to 3.16 I am living! That episode validated me so much and now I truly believe I am right)
This is part two of a three part Meta / Character Analysis, and while you probably don’t need to read part 1, I would recommend it, so here is the link:
part 1
Also:
I should preface this by saying this meta was supposed to be a lot shorter and only talk about how both Buck and Eddie use sex to distract their respective partners from whatever topic they actually wanted to talk about but since I decided to rewatch the show to make sure I don’t miss any such scenes, it has exploded a bit and taken on more topics.
I should also mention that I am a Buddie shipper and while I tried, you will find several references and arguments for the ship in this Meta, not all of which necessarily call for a romantic pairing but just: These two are deeply connected and you cannot look at one without discussing the other and they are each other’s strongest emotional connection.
I should also preface this by saying that the whole of the 118 has some obvious intimacy / commitment issues except Bobby (which is sort of surprising) but *John Mulaney* voice we don’t have time to unpack all of that!
On another note I cuss a little in this Meta because my parents let me listen to TicTacToe as a small child and after that it never stuck that cussing is wrong so, uhm, parental supervision is advised or something?
This Meta will so far have three parts (this is part two), one for each season and is organised by episode so you could technically follow along
So here goes nothing, Season 2: (Also called „Why is Ryan naked so much?“)
Episode 2.01:
I’m not gonna talk a lot about this episode, because I feel like it’s been analysed to death already. Important to know is that Buck hasn’t yet given up on Abby coming back (see the shower scene), he is very lonely and there is a lot of homo- erotic tension.
Basically this episode goes like this:
Buck *after meeting Eddie*: nooooo, Dad, I don’t want a brother! He’s better than me! Put him back where he came from!
Eddie *takes one look at Buck*: Ui, you guys lied, he’s an ass - I like it! This is way better! We’re gonna be friends!
And then Buddie decides to something stupid to prove themselves (to each other) and they end up saving the day and bonding.
Also Eddie saying: „You guys hungry?“ after the Ambulance blows up? Iconic! He is such a little shit.
Episode 2.02 / 2.03:
(I’m putting them together because two-parter)
This episodes truly proves how hard they’ve already bonded, despite Buck not even knowing Eddie has a kid yet, especially from Eddie’s point of view: I actually think he started seeing Buck as his partner first. 
I love how he always takes charge, even in his first episode and expects Buck to go along with it - which Buck does (after some initial reluctance), because Buck is good at following orders and trusts Eddie. It might be an army thing, probably is an Eddie likes control thing. What is truly unique about Buddie, is the fact that Eddie defers to Buck’s judgement as needed, something he doesn’t do with anyone else, I think, unless the chain of command tells him to. Just look at how annoyed he is by Ali and her interfering.
That being said it really isn’t all to relevant for this meta, except to say: Interest- ing how fast they trusted each other and became a unit - I guess it’s true what they say: birds of a feather flock together.
Episode 2.04:
Here we get our first real insights into Eddie’s character (aside from that he is a little shit and likes to take charge) as well as some very nice shots of the man’s body, proving my theory that someone in charge really wants to get busy with Ryan Guzman. Which I am not exactly complaining about.
I do think however it’s a very noticable shift from the way they treat the other young, attractive guy in the cast. I talked about this a little in the first part of this Meta, how they went out of their way to hold Buck accountable and make him relatable, but refused to bank on his sex appeal, aside from a few scenes which mostly were about explaining why Abby reached out to him (and uh, we do not need to talk about how creepy that really was, do we?). Eddie though really gets sexualised from the get go. Or maybe that’s just me and I missed something? (Someone with more insight on such topics take the wheel? Because that really isn’t my area of expertice and I don’t wanna say anything false)
A main difference between Buck and Eddie at this point (or in general) is that Buck is always looking for connection. He craves emotional intimacy but it scares him because he cares too much and people keep leaving so he searches out physical intimacy - or he used to. Actually by Season 2 Buck is actively looking to connect emotionally with another person.
Eddie on the other hand isn’t even on the same level as Pilot!Buck, because he avoids both physical and emotional intimacy (except with Buck because, you know, steam engine). The episode implies that it might be caused by Shannon leaving, but the rest of Season 2 and specifically Season 3 show us that it’s an Eddie thing (likely caused by his upbringing if you fast forward to 3.15). And it really makes me want to know how Shannon and Eddie met and how long they had been dating before she got pregnant. Probably not that long tbh.
One thing to notice about the episode is that it parallels Eddie both with Buck (neither wants to date one of those girls, both deflect about their reasons) and with Abby - watch 1.03 and 2.04 back to back, both are about a character taking care of a special needs family member, both have another family member consider them stuck when they themselves do not and both feature Buck trying to help (passively by talking to Abby on the phone vs. actively by having Eddie and Carla meet)
Also as I pointed out in another post the conversation about dating is kind of similar to the car conversation, and I really am clowning now - which is why I will not try and parallel the conversation between Maddie and Buck with the one between Bobby and Buck in 1.09!
I still don’t fully understand the need for that scene (you know which one) aside from being another instance where the boys get sexualised and giving us our first insight into Eddie romantically and also the first time he uses Christopher as a shield (also not the last).
The general take away from the episode is that Eddie is bad at asking for help and Buck is bad at asking for permission which means they fit really well - because Eddie doesn’t have to voice his needs and Buck doesn’t have to feel bad about steamrolling him.
In terms of the overall theme of this meta your main takeaway from this episode should be:
Buck - no longer substituting physical intimacy for emotional intimacy but also not seeking out emotional intimacy, both because he has a connection through Maddie and is building one with Eddie but also because he still considers himself spoken for, though the episode ends with him realicing he might not be (and then he keeps realising, because he is one stubborn mf).
Eddie - avoiding both physical and emotional intimacy and using Christopher to deflect, mainly because he doesn’t have the time for either (but still getting a connection through Buck, thanks to someone just punching right through his boundaries)
Episode 2.05:
no relevance, our boys are barely in it
Episode 2.06:
Well, if you want to write about Buddie crumbs than yeah, definitely important. Also, you can draw a definite parallel between Abby and Taylor, because Buck knew both their voices before he saw their faces and built an emotional connection to those voices. This fits because, well, Buck is afraid of emotional intimacy, but when it’s just a voice it’s easier for him to let himself be vulnerable cause it’s not an actual person.
Plus, considering the thing with Taylor is one sided prior to their meeting, he isn’t actually cheating on Abby. Or so Buck thinks. (Also Taylor doesn’t have a chance to hurt Buck and leave him because you know, she is not aware he exists?)
Also Eddie talks about becoming a firefighter because he missed the camaraderie of the army - aka the emotional connection he had with his squadron (is that the right term?). So technically he did actively try and seek it out - to a point at least. Because, as I will discuss in Part 3, Eddie may consider the 118 his family but his relationship with the other three firefighters in not on the same level than the one he has with Buck.
Episode 2.07:
Let’s all give a warm welcome to Shannon Diaz! I like Shannon, I think she is great (I also think she and Eddie are similar because they both run away from problems which is why they would never work out - unlike another possible relationship mentioned sporadically in this Meta, hint hint ;) ... okay, moving on)
We learn that „not in the picture“ means Eddie is still married, which begs the question how much Eddie has told Carla and the 118 about Shannon up to this point (as little as possible), what they assume about her (probably the worst) and if Eddie ever sets the record straight (I’m assuming yes, because while Eddie doesn’t share - Eddie is also protective of his family and Shannon is his family for better or worse - I really wish they didn’t kill her off and instead played out the divorce storyline because there was so much chance for growth! Although that was probably too similar to Athena and Michael, which is why they didn’t do it. So they fridged her. Damn, and I am still salty about it.)
I really love when she comes to the house, because we learn so much about them as a couple. Like how her eyes grow warm when he opens the door but Eddie’s don’t but then he goes in to hug her (and you can really tell that Ryan Guzman is an athlete in the way that he always acts with his whole body and conveys so much through movement). And the fact that Shannon immediately pushes to meet Christopher (probably because with Eddie you need to push, because he is very stubborn and also in need of control), and her saying she never thought Eddie would be into something so fancy? Yet another insight into Eddie’s character and into his upbringing, which while probably not poor seems to have been fairly modest.
Also love how they fight almost right from the get go, implying that it is their normal (as proven in 3.15). They really never stood a chance!
There is a lot of backstory we get through their fighting, both at the house and at the school, most notably that even in marriage Eddie was never able to fully open up to Shannon - aka be emotionally intimate with her. Which made her feel very alone.
And I don’t wanna defend Shannon and her actions because other people have said it before and this is not what this Meta is about but I can see her point of view. With Eddie and the way he just always needs to be in control and make the decisions she probably thought she had to do something drastic to get him to notice her and her struggles.
Interestingly enough Eddie is emotionally vulnerable with Shannon at the end when he tells her that he understands why she left and that he misses her, but then he immediately kisses her and look, we don’t know what happens next  but we can guess from the latter episodes.
And look, tbh with Eddie it’s a little bit harder to draw the line between physical and emotional intimacy than with Buck because Eddie’s love language is touch and actions, so technically in a way he is always emotionally intimate when he is physically intimate (probably why he didn’t wanna go out with any of the girls in 2.04 - Eddie, different to Buck, can not just separate feelings from sex, while Buck has a hard time reconciling the two)
On Buck’s side of this Meta he finally comes to terms with Abby leaving, which doesn’t have too much relevance for this meta except there are a lot of parallels between Buddie in terms of: how long is too long to wait - because while Eddie pretends to have given up on Shannon, he actually hasn’t, whereas Buck outwardly is still waiting for Abby but on the inside has given up hope - something they both come to terms with in this episode
Episode 2.08:
Fun fact: The german title of this Episode is Lovestorys. Can you guess if there is anything of relevance in it?
Okay, first off for the millionth time, in case you haven’t read part 1 or you aren’t convinced yet or maybe you just forgot: Evan „Buck“ Buckley was never a sex addict. Kay? Good.
Also, remember when I said the show doesn’t sexualise Oliver the way it does Ryan? Yeah, this episode exactly. Buck has sex twice and we see less of his body than of Eddie just getting out of bed. Is it a contract thing? Was Ryan always running around naked on set? Did Oliver refuse to take his shirt off? Is he always cold because he’s vegan? Should I figure out Twitter just to ask the cast these questions?
(Also, remember when I said with Buck it’s mostly Girl on top, yay, it stays true)
In terms of actual relevant story, there’s that woman on the freeway (highway? Idk guys, I’m not from the US) reinforcing that Buck has finally accepted that Abby and him are over and then there’s the Taylor Kenny - story, which is sort of just beating the bush of sexual vs emotional intimacy with Buck trying for the latter and only finding the former (remember the Brunette from the Pilot? Yeah, that’s why I’m reminding you).
What I like is the fact that, after spending so much time calling out Buck 1.0 (and they should, because stealing a fire truck? Twice? Babe, for realsies?), this episode went: look, maybe girls like meaningless sex, too? Although, technically they have been telling us from the the beginning, that those girl were using Buck in the same way he was using them (again with the Brunette) - Buck just never understood that until Taylor.
We also get the soulmate scene with the very sweet couple, once again, rein- forcing how lonely Buck is and how much he is craving love and a connection and stability. That really is what his character boils down to at the end of the day: a lost kid trying to find his place in the world. And now I’m sad.
As for the Ali storyline, oh man, I’d really rather ignore it? Not because I have anything against the character per sey it’s just - we get to see their first meeting and then 5 episodes later their first date and by the end of the season they are in love love except by Season 3 she is gone? And in between she is hardly ever mentioned? So I really don’t know how to comment on their relationship in terms of this meta and what it means for Buck except: I think it was one of those right times right moment kind of things and Buck is sort of transfering a lot of his wishes and needs and feelings onto her, but their relationship has a weak foundation, which is why it ended so fast (except we don’t know how fast it ended because there is a 5 month gap between Season 2 and 3 and the breakup gets mentioned one (1) time. Soooooo...)
And Eddie, well, he was in the episode.
Episode 2.09:
I like this episode a lot and it tells us so much about Hen’s issues, but in terms of this meta: no relevance!
Sidenote: I do always forget they did Hen before they did Chim. Then again this episode in general feels very disconnected because there was no prompting, no connection to the present.
Episode 2.10:
Ah, yes, that one! The gift that keeps on giving in terms of Eddie and this meta (and also Buddie, but I’m trying not to be ship-y around here)
(One tiny sidenote though, I do think we see Eddie roll of off Shannon, and, while I don’t want to reinforce some stereotype about Top and Bottom, because I am not a gay man and therefore not qualified to comment, with Buck it’s generally girl on top? So Buck usually lets his partner set the pace while Eddie prefers to be the one in control? Okay, you know what, let’s just say it fits with their characters and maybe they match and leave it at that?)
(also, again with the Ryan shirtless, I mean, not that I am complaining, it’s just ... yeah, please, someone who knows this stuff come talk to me about it and explain because I don’t know and maybe I am seeing things?)
(sidenote #3 with actual relevance: They did not mention Buck’s girlfriend even once. They never do until the final.)
First of, this episode proofs what I said before: With Eddie there is no separating Sex and feelings. It is interconnected („We are working things out.“).
Also there is a point to be made about Eddie and control. So far we have always seen Eddie be the one in control and make decisions and this is our first real indicator that it actually bothers him, that maybe he wants someone else to tell him what’s right or wrong, too.
I’m gonna fast forward a bit, because we are nearly at the end of Season 3 irl and so far we have seen Eddie ask for help several times but only with two people - Buck and Lena - he actually takes the advice. I don’t want to say too much because it really fits better in Season 3, but wether you ship them or not, it is noticeable that out of everyone Buck is the one Eddie let’s help the most. The one he trusts the most.
(Man, they are both just two lost boys looking for their home, aren’t they? (and now I am sad again.))
There is also the topic of trust brought up, which you know, we hear about a few times from Eddie, and it really is such a big thing for him, isn’t it?
To fast forward again, that is one big difference between Eddie and Buck. Both struggle with self worth and trust but while Buck’s biggest problem is that he doesn’t trust people to like him, if they actually get to know him (or if they even want to get to know him), Eddie just plain old does not trust people? Because Eddie is a pessimist, so he doesn’t even try to connect, while Buckeroo trusts way too much and too easily and he is such an optimist and gives away everything and then he still isn’t enough - and then and only then does he give up hope (which is something we see happen in canon maybe twice? With Abby, maybe with Ali, and with Christopher, but again, Season 3 you guys!)
These two really are the different sides of the same coin, huh?
In relevance to this Meta, Eddie is trying very much this whole episode to be open and vulnerable and he struggles so much because he is very scared. The main issue with Eddie is always (and specifically with Shannon) by making himself vulnerable, he opens Christopher up to getting hurt as well (and vice versa because he can’t let Shannon into his son’s life without letting her into his own life) and this is what we see him struggle with in this episode and also what intensifies his already existing issues with intimacy throughout the show in general, his need to protect his son. 
It should be noted that in the end Eddie puts Christopher’s wishes above his own well-being which is in fact what he will always do because Christopher is the most important person in his life.
As for Buck in this episode, well, after having so much development in his last episode, he really was there more as a sounding board for other characters. However I will mention that, after the show points out the whole thing is none of his business twice, Eddie then turns around and makes the Shannon thing Buck’s business, because well, connected and all that. Trusting and giving up control. Emotional intimacy. Just repeating myself now.
Episode 2.11: No relevance.
Episode 2.12: No relevance.
Episode 2.13: No real relevance.
There is the scene in the hospital between Buck and Eddie that reinforces the peas in a pot thing they got going on and a reverse from the Christmas Episode when Eddie asked Buck about what he should do. Here Eddie acts as the sounding board (even though Buck has already done the thing but then so has Eddie by hiding Shannon).
This is also yet another instance of Buck trying to help another person with no regard for his own safety but I’m with Eddie here: I have sisters as well. I too would do countless stupid things to save them with no regard to my own safety and I’m a girl - I was not raised on the believe that is was my job to protect them from harm like both Buck and Eddie probably were (because gender rolls).
Also Buck thinks it’s his fault that Doug even found Maddie and Eddie explains to him why its bull. To reinforce the whole connection thing, it is very noticeable that these two always give each other exactly what the other needs - with Eddie from the get go always working on building up Buck’s self worth and Buck always lending a hand to Eddie and taking control when needed (remember Carla? That was Buck taking control for Eddie because Eddie didn’t know what to do).
There is also the short scene when Shannon comes to the hospital and it prob- ably did a lot to help rebuild Eddies trust in his wife.
Episode 2.14:
STOP MAKING EVAN BUCKLEY WORRY ABOUT HIS FAMILY 2k21 (because it’s too late for anything before that)
It’s also our first real: Eddie can be a dumbass, too sighting and there is that one scene (you know which one) which in text is not shippy at all, but ended up in every gifset because Oliver is looking at Ryan like he wants to eat him alive.
Aside from that, this episode really isn’t about them and that’s okay.
Episode 2.15: Crime is hard. That is all.
Episode 2.16: No relevance.
Episode 2.17:
First of all, Eddie is not shirtless? At the beach? Damn, what’s wrong, 911? Is it because Gavin was there? Have you used up all your contracted shirtless scenes by now? Did Ryan find out he was the only one running around set half naked?
Also poor Eddie, you know, you’d think getting married your done having those: what are we - conversations and then bam: there it is again. He really can’t catch a break, can he?
Also I know it’s been said before, but I’ll say it again: Eddie Diaz is not in love with Shannon. Maybe he has never been or maybe he just stopped at some point, but right then and there he isn’t in love with her. He does however love her deeply (she is after all the mother of his son) and she is his family which is sort of where the problem in their relationship lies. Because Eddie, who has problems with trust and intimacy, frankly doesn’t care enough about Shannon (and also doesn’t trust her enough) to try and be open and vulnerable with her, which is what he needs to be in order for them to work, a fact that Shannon seems to be aware of and have accepted.
(Because if you have to wait for a sign on what to do in your relationship, yeah, you already know - you’re just not accepting it.)
And this episode is so heartbreaking and I just had to stop myself from ugly crying because Shannon loves Christopher so very much. And I just hate that they killed her off, so in my mind I have already half plotted a fix it fic in which she survives because that was just unnecessary angst.
Though that’s the topic of another post.
In terms of the relationship-story I am similarly floored as I am by the „Help!“ scene because (at least for me) this is the first time I have seen media really address that yes, you can be a good parent and still not be ready for a serious relationship because those two things are very different. Sure, you sometimes see examples of it through subtext but never before has it been so outright stated.
And I like that both Shannon and Eddie ask themselves that question, but come to a different conclusion - or actually they don’t. Like I said above, for Eddie this relationship fits because it’s easy and he doesn’t have to change or better adapt. He can just keep avoiding the hard stuff (being vulnerable) and still have the good stuff (sex). And then Shannon might be pregnant again and look at his speech at the restaurant: He is basically saying our child is awesome, so we should get back together because if we make such awesome children than we can’t be that bad together. And that is so very wrong, which Shannon understands.
The problem is, that Eddie doesn’t fully understand why their marriage hasn’t worked in the first place. If you tie it into 3.15 Eddie Begins, I think for Eddie, the reason why Shannon left him was a little to get back at him for leaving her and a lot about feeling left alone and being unable to cope with raising their child alone, but all of that is gonna be different now because he will be there for her physically and emotionally as he is no longer in the army! So the issue is solved. They should be a family again. Even without a new kid. After all: they love each other.
And look, those are all fair reasons and true but the thing Eddie doesn’t understand about relationships in general and his marriage to Shannon in particular is that she also needs him to be emotionally vulnerable with her. Shannon needs Eddie to let her be there for him, just like he is trying to be there for her. Because relationships are always a two way street.
SO obviously this is where the episode ended. There were no more scenes af- ter that. Nope. Bit weird how it was so short but you do you, 911, you do you!
And well, Buck was there too.
Episode 2.18:
I’m just gonna come out and say it: Ramon and Helena are bad parents. Flying to your daughter-in-law’s funeral only to bad mouth her and then try to take your son’s son away again? Yeah, I do not like your style. I wonder how much of Eddie Begins was already planned at this point or if they built that plot about his family for 3.15 based on this episode. Huh. We might never know. (except Twitter)
Also me thinks Eddie choose LA because of Pepa and Abuela, not because of Shannon. She was probably just a bonus.
As for Buck (and Ali): the actors seem to have had fun doing those scenes? I guess? Other than that it’s a little cringy and very out of nowhere and probably more caused by the show having money left over and deciding to built a new set. ANd damn what a set. I wonder how Buck is supposed to be able to afford that because that apartment has probably about 50-75m2 considering there is a kitchen and a living room as well as a room behind the living room and probably an extra room in the upper floor as well (someone do a floorplan and also tell me why Buck needs so much space and wether they think I could move in with him. My apartment is not this nice and LA isn’t that long a commute).
Point being I don’t know why they brought Ali back in the first place, especially in this episode. She was never mentioned after their first date, so why? Just to give people something to discuss during hiatus?
There was no point to have those two incredibly lovey dovey scenes only to have that scenes about what he wants to do next because all those scenes? Would have worked just fine with, you know, his sister (except a little different because incest). Who actually has the what if you can’t go back to being a firefighter - scene with him. So why have a girlfriend you barely introduced and never used before? I’m not mad, 911, just confused! (Fuck me, I really am getting twitter)
As for the topic of this meta, there really isn’t much too tell. Ali honestly doesn’t figure into things except to create more abandonment issues.
I should point out that this episode reinforced the whole Buddie connection thing - from Eddie holding Buck’s hand the whole while he’s pinned to saying „Almost (back to normal)“ to Buck going to Eddie’s ceremony despite probably still being on somewhat of a bed rest.
Other than that, that’s it for Season 2. Whew!
Before I let ya’ll off the hook, though (look, you’ve read it this far, you can now just bear it a bit longer) I wanna comment real quick:
Compared to Season 1 Buck barely had any character development (mainly because he had so much in Season 1 and sometimes stuff like that needs to settle - real life would be the same way)
Eddie however has nearly no development at all and in fact as of Season 3, not a lot has changed in that regard. His issues just became more obvious. Which is something I actually like a lot, because one: he went through a lot of shit in a fairly short amount of time and two: he is such a stubborn and reserved character, anything else wouldn’t be in character and ultimately feel rushed. Plus, because this is his personality it’s feels like we’re actually getting to know him like you would a person in real life? Piece by piece, no unnecessary exposition. Or maybe that’s just me, I don’t really know anything about storytelling.
I also want to comment on Buddie real quick because it would be dishonest if I didn’t and also it’s just glaring me in the face:
The thing is, while I do not necessarily believe they have any intention of making them romantic (because I have been burned too often and just recently by a show that liked to praise itself for its diversity (so a heartfelt fuck you to Sera Gamble and who ever decided to kill off Quentin Coldwater, because that character mattered so much and you destroyed it)), I do think we are right when we talk about connection and parallels and being each others person and just generally being each others closest relationship. Because they parallel their stories so much and they connect them so often and they did do it from the get go like as early as Episode 4 - which was already written and probably already shot by the time Episode 1 aired. So there. I said it. Buddie is real, wether it’s platonic or romantic, it is real. And that also matters!
(although of course if they went with romantic? That would matter a bit more! Tim Minear, listen to me, you could make TV history! This would be bigger than Supergirl making the sister gay in the second season! Ya’ll would be legends, revered by fans for years to come! Also I’d bake you a cake?)
And there you have it! Season 2! We made it! And only like 2000 words more than Season 1.
Can you believe at this point I have written nearly 10.000 words on these two exceptional characters and their issues? And it’s technically only one issue, like I’m ignoring so much stuff just glaring at me right now!
(also on a side note, this is where I tag @angelcamael , who asked me to do so and @greyhello because she inspired me to write this meta in the first place and while it is now ... no longer about that original topic, I’m still gonna tag her)
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quicktelling-blog · 5 years
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Amira’s Vanished Hustle, Perceptions of Missed Opportunities, and What Everyone Should Consider About the Story So Far
[deep dive under the cut]
Some messages I got over the weekend were along the lines of: “No Damira again on Friday whew you must be heartbroken huh?” But, y’all, I wasn’t surprised. And to be completely honest, my reaction on Friday was very different from the ones I saw in the tag. Yeah, I was super happy for the adorable Amira and I was also side-eying the glaring absence of Carlos’s besties at his own housewarming -- but my main thought after the clip was: “LOL OH SHIT HERE WE GO.” Because in my mind Friday was an ENORMOUS RED FLAG that the only substantial thing left to do in Amira’s story arc is the cute Bon Voyage party to send her off on her dream trip. Even before this big POV shift happened, Druck hadn’t given us any reason to expect much more than that in her remaining plot, and I’ll elaborate on that here.
I don’t wanna jump to the conclusion that Druck can’t possibly stick the landing, because hey, they might! We have no clear idea what will happen between now and the final goodbye party, so maybe good things are coming that will subvert all of our worst imaginings! But I feel like this is a hinge point in the season to do a little reassessing of expectations... and to come clean about one big reason why I’ve mostly spoken superficially about this season up until now.
The very first red flag, for me, was when I realized Druck was planning to basically pretend Amira never had a job. That oversight might not seem like a big deal to most, and it’s not like her job was the first thing Druck ever made disappear unceremoniously (remember when Leonie and Sara had other close girl friends? lol) but to me it was a signal that my expectations for Amira’s story (based on her previous strong characterization) had maybe been too high. And I immediately felt a bit cheated.
Amira was already so fleshed out coming into her season. She was demanding, quick-witted, and nurturing. She was fiercely protective of her friends, and even more fiercely ambitious, with a willingness to work harder than anyone to get ahead in life. She was sunny but tough-shelled, with a well-established resistance to trusting any men. And, loving her as much as I do, I felt strongly that she deserved to have plenty of brand new story elements that reflected all those things. To have her own story shaped around her, rather than she herself being reshaped to fit Sana’s story.
But then it was finally her turn to shine, in a Summer season, when it would make perfect sense for her to be on a job grind to earn cash for her trip, and... she’s not working? Huh? She managed to work all through a tough school year, but not her free summer vacation? Why? Because of Druck’s low budget? Because they lacked cohesion in the writing process? Some combination of the two? Yikes. Who knows. But suddenly, nonsensically, they had flushed away the perfect framing to showcase her work ethic, her daily perseverance, and her varied interactions (good and bad) with lots of strange customers around Berlin.
It felt like a bad omen to me somehow. Which wasn’t a great mindset to start the season with. And that was the beginning of me trying very, very hard not to be confused and salty about every little thing I began to perceive as missed opportunities to give Amira a new kind of substance in her story.
For example: While David, Matteo, and Sam began having fun off-screen, working on an bold alien movie, Amira inexplicably had no involvement. She kinda scoffed at the idea when it came up on-screen, then immediately lost interest in the conversation because her man was texting. Fair enough, right? That scene was moving her story forward while generously giving a little shoutout to the meta insta storyline, right? The problem is: the off-screen story ended up seeming much more interesting than watching Amira chilling on her own texting a bunch, and we weren’t even given a reason for her to not be part of it after the whole crew was invited to join in. Imagine if we had followed her onto a shitty little makeshift movie set and seen her reacting to the chaos and strangeness of it. Imagine her finding a resourceful solution to a production hiccup or mediating a creative disagreement while trying to hide her own inner turmoil from her friends. And imagine her having an extremely important conversation with David (and/or Matteo and/or Sam) about the film’s deeper themes of alienation and otherness that they can both sadly relate to.
That’s just one weirdly specific scenario, but there are sooo many other ways I fantasized about Amira bonding with her friends (particularly the ones who aren’t cishet white kids or brand new characters). Talking with one or more of them about what it means to be dangerously marginalized, or to be afraid of letting someone get close to you, or to feel torn in two different directions in life. Maybe something like that could still happen before the season ends, but I’m not counting on it. And I think the time has passed for it to have the biggest impact. It could’ve been amazing (and really narratively useful!) if it happened before the resolution of Amira’s brief conflicts with Kiki, Erva, and Mohammed. We saw a lot of scenes with her looking angry and sad, but we weren’t really privy to much of her thought process during all that reflection, so it felt uncomfortably unearned when problems she once saw as insurmountable were shortly waved aside. I would’ve really appreciated even a short conversation with some good change-of-heart exposition.
And while other people were cheering about all the controversial Sana season conflicts being blessedly truncated or completely stripped away, the whole time I couldn’t stop thinking: “Okay, awesome, but what are they gonna replace that storyline with? Nothing?” And, for the most part, that seemed to be true.
But the problem clearly wasn’t limited to a shortage of well-integrated story threads with Amira at their center. It was arguably also a failure to capitalize on the stories they did use. Instead of getting to watch the emotional fight with her mother about punching someone, and witnessing Amira faced with the threat of losing Australia, we only heard about the drama afterward. Just like we only heard about her family’s religious holiday together. Just like we only got a few texts between Amira and Jonas about the refugee event. And just like how, as I sat typing this, Amira’s mother re-blessed the trip off-screen. On and on goes the list of examples of this unfortunate tell-don’t-show approach, and I’m sure a lot of it can be attributed to low budget and tricky cast scheduling, but the time limit excuse probably doesn’t apply if Amira’s main plot really has been efficiently pared down to 7 episodes.
Don’t get me wrong, I want to reserve final judgment on the season until the credits roll, and there are plenty of good things to say about it in the meantime. Yes, it’s been lovely to see so many gorgeous shots of Tua praying, and boxing, and expressing everything from attraction to anguish to helpless rage. Yes, she and Hassan both did some really strong work selling the magnetic pull between their characters, even in the face of (what I consider to be) an underdeveloped narrative that didn’t totally sell me on the relationship overall. Yes, it was wonderful to have some aesthetically pleasing scenes of the girl squad loving and supporting each other, even if they mostly talked about boys the way Amira hoped they wouldn’t. And obviously just having a story about a strong, kind, devoted hijabi girl is vitally important visibility. So I really haven’t wanted to say anything negative in the face of all that...
... but now I have to say: if you’re feeling cheated and mad about the POV shift, then take some time to consider what else specifically you think should’ve happened to Amira before we entered this resolution phase of her story. It seemed like most people were perfectly happy for her to not face any complex conflict, and not have any lingering hardship to dramatically and triumphantly overcome. Every obstacle getting a relatively swift and easy solution felt underbaked to me, but it was a big relief and source of praise for most people in the tags right up until Amira disappeared from clips. So: in hindsight, how would you have added not just length, but also more compelling drama and greater social impact to her story, so that the extra length felt well-used? It’s really worth thinking and talking about that, even if you’re hesitant to voice any criticism of Amira’s part of the story (even after the season ends, and even if it’s totally constructive) -- because thinking and talking about it is how we’ll get that kind of richer, fuller story in the future.
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whileyoursleeping · 7 years
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SOLS - Liam’s POV
I wrote a little something that will never become its own thing because writing fanfic of your own fanfic of a show is so meta I don’t wanna go there, so here you are - salty little Liam’s first encounter with Brett, from his point of view. Enjoy ^_^
Liam's nineteen and some spare change when he first meets Brett.
He's also a lot of things that have absolutely nothing to do with his age: he's broke, resolutely ignoring near-debilitating mental health issues, steadfastly refusing to acknowledge his parents, and working a job that has him under the thumb of quite possibly the worst boss imaginable.
He's also, as Hayden would put it, a great foster-dad to a range of different animals, most notably a stupidly fat tabby cat with a penchant for eating things that aren't strictly food. Like shoelaces and tissues.
Said cat has gnawed his shoelaces into almost nothingness the morning Liam sees Brett for the first time, and Liam's pretty pissy over it. That's what he gets for letting it sleep on his fucking face and use him as a living pincushion; the cat clearly doesn't know boundaries.
"Customer," Hayden hisses to Liam, just past opening. "Try and smile."
Liam rolls his eyes, flips her the bird, and hides behind his coffee machine to avoid having to talk to or look at anyone.
Liam goes about his business, making coffees and calling names. He notices when he gets to Brett's mostly because he's the only person who hasn't ordered a fucking soy chai half-sugar latte with a splash of fuck-knows what; he's just ordered a nice, simple mocha. That's it. Liam can respect that, a guy who doesn't overcomplicate shit.
"Order for Brett?" he calls tiredly, loading a croissant up onto a plate. He's half-expecting the middle-aged dude in the corner to come over and he's ready to fight the guy - dude's been drooling over Hayden all morning and Liam can probably find it in himself to break some limbs today - but instead, the guy sitting closest to the counter unfolds himself.
Liam spares him a brief glance, mostly just noticing how stupidly fucking tall the guy is - like, modelesque, really. He pushes the tray over and goes back to his machine.
"Darth Vader?"
Liam looks up, surprised. The guy's got bright blue eyes, large, almond-shaped, with long lashes. "You didn't seem like a panda kind of guy," Liam says blankly. He's kind of bewildered at being spoken to, because - well, he's the barista, which means he doesn't have to talk to people, which is why he likes this job and refuses to learn how to operate the till.
The guy smiles. Thousands of stupidly white teeth. Little crows' feet at the corner of his eyes. Pretty. Stupidly pretty. Stupidly everything. Liam would probably try to fuck him if it weren't for the fact that the guy is almost definitely straight - Liam's getting no vibes there - and his own general level of saltiness on this particular day.
"Nothing wrong with pandas," the guy says - he's got a weird accent. Midwest? Maybe Michigan or Ohio - Liam supposes he could ask the dude whether he uses the word soda or pop, not that he's gonna, because that would be fucking weird.
He shrugs. "Pandas are cute I guess," he agrees. "But Darth Vader has the force."
He kinda figures the guy'll move away in a moment, but he doesn't. He looks down at his mocha, wraps his hands around it, and leans his hips subtly into the counter between them. Liam continues to clean the machine; he's done his part in keeping up the conversation.
"So why one or the other?"
So we're gonna keep doing this. Okay. Liam's resigned himself to the fact that cute guy with the weird accent and beaten-up attitude is about to find out that he's fucking weird; he gestures at Hayden. "She keeps telling me it'll improve business if we have "flair" or something," Liam mutters, not going to any effort to hide his disdain for the idea. "I mean I'm not really an artist but business means I have a job."
"You don't like it?" the guy asks.
"You know how many fucking pandas I draw a day, dude?" Liam asks dryly.
He's not sure if he's pleased or pissed off when the guy laughs; he didn't mean it as a joke, but the guy kinda looks like he hasn't laughed in a while, so it might be good for him. "Well," the guy says, smiling. "Thanks for the effort."
Liam shrugs nonchalantly, even though the mild praise has him softening considerably. "Kids like it."
"I bet." The guy's watching him closely, and as Liam turns to wipe the counter down, he leans forward a little; Liam steps back to compensate, feeling a little nervous at the close proximity.
"McGrumpy?" the guy asks, voice measured.
Liam checks his nametag. "Oh. Yeah. Apparently I have an attitude problem." He rolls his eyes a little at the thought, and at Hayden's vaguely exasperated, but fond scolding ringing in his head. "But that depends on who you're asking."
"Do you have an attitude problem?" Stupidly Pretty guy is smiling with his stupidly white teeth.
"Yeah," Liam admits reluctantly. He knows that, he just doesn't think it's enough of a problem to warrant effort into fixing it.
"So what's your real name?"
"Liam," he says, surprised at how willfully forthcoming he is. "That's Hayden, and I'd introduce you to our manager but once again, he's shot through and left us with twenty million bloody customers and one less pair of hands."
Pretty Boy - Brett, Liam remembers suddenly - leans across the counter, seemingly mindless of the way Liam steps back again. "Sounds bad," he says, and his voice is so genuinely sincere Liam's almost disgusted. He overcompensates for the niceness in his usual way - by acting like an abrasive prick.
"And he won't hire anyone else because he's fucking stingy, and doesn't want to actually have to declare employees on his tax, which is flouting about a million different laws. Probably."
His roughness apparently goes unnoticed, much like his shifty body language, because Brett replies with a simple, "You know much about law?"
"Only how to break it," Liam mutters moodily. "Which he is."
"You an expert in breaking the law?" Brett asks, only now seeming mildly concerned.
"Don't have to be," Liam says shortly. "You wanna break the law? Smash a window or snort some cocaine. It's easy."
Why the fuck, Liam? He asks himself, watching Brett open his mouth, then close it. Why? Of all the illegal shit you could've named, you picked fucking drugs. Good one.
"... Are you speaking from experience?" Brett asks, almost timidly, and Liam's so honest to God surprised the guy hasn't fucked off and left Liam to his weirdness he feels something that might vaguely resemble gratitude. If he could feel that, which, after the life he's had, he's fairly sure he can't.
"No," he says, almost quickly. "Just hypothetically. If you wanted to break the law, that's how you could do it. Or you could punch someone."
Drugs as a first example, violence as a second. If he ever had a shot getting laid with this guy, it just flew out the window. Probably broke the damn thing on the way out, too.
He's saved by his own mildly psychotic rambling in the form of Hayden pinning a new order to his machine; he sighs as he turns to it, watching out of the corner of his eye as Brett leaves to return to his table.
For a moment, Liam's focussed on his task - making the coffee perfectly, because it's fucking Mrs. Dowdle, and she's nitpicky as shit when she's in a good mood. Today, her wrinkled face is set in a disapproving scowl. She hates Liam. She's never spoken to him, but Liam's got double-pierced ears and half-purple hair, and Mrs. Dowdle wears a cross the size of his palm around her neck. The only thing he could do to make things worse for himself is get a sleeve of tattoos, and honestly, the only thing stopping him is the money involved.
"Etta Dowdle?" he calls, passing the coffee over.
He knows what her next moves will be. She takes it from him, stiffly, trying not to touch him - judgmental old witch - and sets it down gently. Takes the top off, lifts the lid gingerly, sniffs. Inspects the foam. Looks up at Liam. She hates it when he messes it up - and she hates him even more when he gets it right, because then she has nothing to bitch about.
"Double frothed?"
"Yup."
"Three sugars?"
"You know me, Mrs. Dowdle," Liam says boredly. "I lack the strength of spirit to deliberately mess up your coffee."
She sniffs. "Good."
"You're welcome," he calls as she leaves, and Hayden whacks his ass with a rolled-up magazine. "Ow, Jesus, what?"
"Be nice! She's old!"
"She's a fucking bitch!" Liam hisses. "Give her a chance and she'll be back here with an altar, bible, and holy water, trying to exorcise me."
"Look, I'm not arguing against that, because I think you might be right," Hayden says, "but you could get fired."
"God, okay, okay, I'll be nice or whatever."
"I'm not asking you to be nice. It's Monday morning and I know you're not safe for the general population until at least Wednesday." Liam has to smile here, reluctantly, because really, Hayden knows him way too well. "Just... be civil?"
"Alright, okay. Civil. You got it. Just don't hit me with the magazine again."
"Why?" She gets that stricken expression of alarm that usually coincides with her thinking she's somehow hurt him. "Did I hurt you?"
He rolls his eyes. If Hayden had her way, she'd wrap him in bubblewrap and never let him leave their apartment. "No, look," he says, "I like it, okay, you just - it embarrasses me when you do it in public, Hayds, we agreed to keep that shit in the bedroom."
Her face cracks open into a genuine grin, and she laughs loudly enough to get the attention of a few of the customers. "Okay, I'm sorry," she giggles. "I'll save it next time."
"Good, thank you," Liam mutters, and Hayden leaves him with an affectionate swat on the thigh.
The room gets busy again, then wanes; by the time Liam looks up again, he's surprised to find that Brett's still at his table. The plate that held his croissant is devoid even of crumbs, but his coffee has barely been touched.
Liam narrows his eyes. His coffee is good, and he knows that. His desire to confront Brett and demand what's wrong with his fucking mocha is exactly the reason he isn't suited to customer service, either.
Still, as he watches, Brett takes a careful sip of the coffee, then puts it back. And that's when Liam notices - Brett's got a duffel bag and backpack on the bench beside him, as well as his laptop bag. And his hands are shaking - Liam's hearing has been honed to near-perfection after years of listening for his alcoholic dad coming home from the bar, and he can hear Brett's coffee cup rattling against the saucer as he puts it down.
Damn, Liam realises. Is he homeless?
Curiosity killed the cat, but Liam slides out from behind the counter and collects Brett's plate and cutlery slowly. Brett looks at him - almost timidly, like he's afraid of Liam or something.
Stalling? Liam wonders. So we don't kick him out maybe?
They're supposed to kick people out when they're done so that non-paying customers don't leech their power and internet. But Liam doesn't have the heart to do it, so he just collects Brett's dishes and retreats behind the counter. Hayden's standing there, looking bored now that the morning rush is over.
"Is he still drinking that?" Hayden asks.
Liam nods. "I could be totally off-base," he admits, "but I uh, I think he might be homeless. See all the bags?"
Hayden looks, and her expression crumbles sympathetically. "Yeah," she murmurs. "I think you might be right."
"Reckon he's stalling?"
"Probably." She bites her lip. "Let's not kick him out," she says. "I don't know how we're gonna manage, Richard is meant to be back in an hour."
Liam thinks for a moment. "I'll just start making a coffee or something, I dunno," he says. "Say it's for him. That he ordered and shit."
She looks surprised. "You care?"
He narrows his eyes at her. "I do have a heart, you know," he mutters. "Just because it's covered in layers of ice and stone doesn't mean it isn't there."
She smiles. "I know," she says. "I've seen it."
He scowls at her, but she must know it's a front, because that gentle, loving expression stays on her face. It's still there when she goes back to the counter.
Brett finishes his coffee; Liam collects the mug and saucer, resolutely avoiding Brett's eyes. And when their boss comes in, Liam's fucking ready - the "He ordered," slips lazily off his tongue like it couldn't be anything but the truth, and his boss believes him.
Brett looks panicked when Liam brings the coffee - complete with a stupidly cheerful-looking gingerbread man - over. "Tall caramel macchiato for Brett," he says, voice almost sickly sweet with his desire to have Brett play along with him.
Brett looks up - dude looks like a bunny in the headlights. "I-"
He's not gonna get it. Because he's probably stupid but also probably scared. Liam narrows his eyes and wait until comprehension begins to bloom across Brett's face to say, "You are Brett, right?"
"Yeah," Brett says, stumbling over the word. "Yeah, sorry. Listening to music."
"Enjoy," Liam says sweetly, and takes his leave. Seriously. He's gonna need his heart to go back to being icy, because caring about people's welfare is too much fucking work.
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