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#you don't understand how upset ill be
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Oh hello 3am existential crisis. Haven't seen you around in a while...can't say I missed you.
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cassandrattpd · 4 months
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yesterday i had a panic attack at work and sobbed for over an hour at my desk in front of all of my coworkers bc i was frozen to the spot and couldn't like...move myself to a different area at the very least. and i embarrassed the fuck out of myself and now i'm afraid of the new job that i loved 🙃
#i just want to have all the answers and i don't and the more people try to reassure me i'm still just learning the more upset i get!!!!#then i couldnt even come home bc HE was trying to comfort me and tell me the same shit#and its like it doesmt matter that ill eventually get it!!!!!!!! i dont get it RIGHT NOW and right now is what matters if you want me to#start taking incoming calls from clients who want me to explain it TO THEM!!!!#like i understand the basics of our software but i dont understand basic accounting math AT. ALL. which is part of what our software does so#if i get a call about that even if i understand what the software is supposed to do in theory i dont understand the fucking math!!!!!!!#i just look at it and it means NOTHING to me it might as well just be scribbles on a wall#and it doesnt matter to a client if im new and their books are messed up all that matters is that im stupid and cant help them and then i#freeze and therein lies the problem#the expectation is that i 'learn' using real people's real problems as examples and emotionally i cant handle the weight of NOT FIXING#A PROBLEM I'M EXPECTED TO FIX#my trauma response relies heavily on 'if i just fix the problem ill be safe' so when i cant fix it i literally revert to fucking infancy#which makes me great at customer service bc I'll go to any lengths to help you!!!!!!! but i dont feel like i have the tools to do that yet#amd i dont know how to explain that to my boss without making me sound even more useless than he is probably already perceiving me after#what happened yesterday
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c0rpseductor · 2 years
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the fact that every time i make an even remotely negative post and forget to make it unrebloggable someone reblogs it is so like. You people have problems and i kind of want you to die.
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apple-os · 3 days
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if one more thing goes wrong im fucking gone this is not a joke anymore
this is mostly a joke for the record
ive been having so many problems it's literally unfair why can I not just be HAPPY
every effort I make means nothing
every effort towards mine or others happiness literally means jack fucking shit like it's literally just pointless I don't even know why I try
i always end up feeling like
nobody loves me and I'm gonna end up alone or in an early grave or both
and that maybe that's for the best
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a-hazbin-reader · 2 months
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Hey did you get my ask/request of Alastor and Wife!reader having an argument and Alastor says something horrible to her leaving him to have to make up for it?
I did, I just have a lot of stuff in my inbox
Alastor X Reader Headcanons
✅️Romantic
❌️Platonic
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TW: Alastor being in the DOGHOUSE
Description: ☝️⬆️
Alastor doesn't mind fighting, likes to bicker with and irritate those around him as some strange show of dominance
But his wife is an exception, he hates fighting with his wife and goes to great lengths to avoid it
Despite his efforts, you two do still fight from time to time and he hates it, he tries so hard to reign in that cruel part of him
He doesn't really even remember what started the fight, probably something dangerous he did that upset you
Something like the Adam stunt
And he probably tried to brush it off, his pride not letting him admit that your fears were warranted
You were understandably getting worked up over his dismissal, and he was getting irritated that you wouldn't just drop it
Everyone else in the hotel had scattered and hidden the moment you two started to uncharacteristically raise your voices at each other
Angel had to grab Niffy to stop her from watching the entire argument play out
He just doesn't want to scare you with the idea of losing him, he wants to be your strong, invincible husband
It makes him uncomfortable that you see beyond the powerful overlord demon and instead zero in on the man beneath it all
"Darling, I would understand your fears if I hadn't come back to you in one piece, but I'm here. With you. Perfectly fine."
You could rip your hair out due to frustration, almost in tears, how could he not understand how you felt?
"Alastor! That's not the point! You can't be so reckless! It's not just you that you have to worry about anymore! You have a wife! You have to live and be safe for me!"
He fears a pang of anger over being told what to do, rage and irritation over the unintentional reminder of his failure to win
Which makes his mind wander to his deal, his fucking leash
The words are out of his mouth before he even realizes what he's saying
"If I knew that everything I do had to be approved by you then, I would've rethought this whole marriage ordeal."
Alastor regrets the words as soon as they leave his mouth, his ears folding back at the sight of your hurt expression
Your eyes have tears in them but you're doing your best to hold them in, turning on your heel to leave the room
"Wait-Darling, I didn't-"
"Just...give me some space, Alastor."
He regrets it so much, watching you walk away from him when he should be begging for forgiveness
He hates seeing you so upset but he hates being the reason for it even more
Alastor tries to give you the space you asked for, but it's difficult when all he wants to do is make up with you already
But he also doesn't want to actually talk about what happened
So he breaks fairly easily when he sees you again, coming up behind you and hugging you
Only to be shrugged off when he goes for a small kiss, left with a sinking feeling in his stomach
"I said to give me space, I'm not ready to talk to you yet."
Normally, Alastor loves it when you're cruel and cold, finds it a little hot, but when it's aimed at him? He hates it so fucking much
Literally looks like a kicked puppy when you walk away from him again, Charlie and Vaggie looking at anything but him
"You know what, Charlie? I do see that crack in the wall!"
He tries again later, sitting next to you and trying to wrap an arm around your shoulders while the radio bursts to life with a love song
Only to be rewarded with an ill hidden sniffle and you immediately getting up to walk away from him
"If you're not going to apologize and have a genuine conversation with me then don't even bother."
It's driving Alastor crazy not being able to be with you, to not be able to properly make up with you
But he still doesn't want to admit he messed up or have that uncomfortable conversation with you
So he tries lavish gifts and other romantic gestures that all get rejected or given to Niffty to do whatever she wants with them
"Yay!! I'm going to poison these and give them to the mother bugs!!"
Okay...maybe Angel should have these...
Alastor is starting to understand that he can't just gloss over this one
He understands it a little more later that night when you go to bed without him, and he's left too nervous to follow after you
Several hours into the night, the guilt eats at him and he breaks, sneaking into the bedroom
You're awake, your eyes red rimmed from crying but you manage to give him a glare before turning your back to him
"Darling, I believe I owe you an apology..."
The way your tense body relaxes is all he needs, crawling into bed with you and pulling you to his chest
It's a difficult pill for him to swallow, so it's easier for him to have these conversations with you like this
He doesn't want you to see his weakness even when he's laying it out for you
Luckily, Alastor is good with his words and you're willing to listen now that an apology is on the table
It's a long conversation that leaves you both sleepless and emotional in each other's arms
But things are settled and Alastor is forgiven, happy to be back in your good graces
He tried to be strong and hold himself back, he really did... but being without the warmth of your love was torture for him
It was a rough couple of hours for him
HA WHIPPED
"Angel, shut the fuck up before you get yourself killed!"
He's extra clingy and romantic with you for DAYS afterwards, making everyone else at the hotel practically nauseous
Except for Charlie, of course, she loves it
He's just so relieved that you've forgiven him, still disgusted with himself for even saying what he said
Asks you for yet another kiss that morning before Husk finally walks away, annoyed by Alastor's neediness
You don't mind your husband's clingy antics, enjoying the extra attention he's giving you
You should get mad at him more often
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soulemissary · 2 years
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did the dishes and cleaned the whole kitchen and my roommate said 'let me take care of the kitchen it's my space' uhm....no <3
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prettyoatmeal · 1 year
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Simon 'Ghost' Riley Headcanons While You're Dating
I figured this would be kinda cute since I've only written for König. Switching it up just a little bit since I think the 141 boys are cuties <3
I know this is quite long too, I'm sorry I had a lot of thoughts I wanted to get out!!!!!
There will be both SFW and NSFW with a GN reader (they/them pronouns) ^^ Enjoy!
GENRE: Fluff, smut after NSFW cut
WARNINGS: Mentions of Ghost's childhood
Masterlist here!
***************
You'd needed to be the one to tell him how you'd felt first. Simon wasn't one to open up about his emotions and mostly tried to ignore and bottle up his feelings, so he never would've been able to gain that courage to tell you first.
When you did tell him, he became super flustered behind that mask of his. You normally called him by his alias and never really used his actual name, so he knew what you were going to say would've been serious.
"Hey, Simon? I think I like you. And I understand if you don't feel the same way, I just figured I should tell you sooner than later."
...
"Simon..?"
He would let out a flustered grumble of "Yeah yeah,, I like you too." and you two would slowly, but surely, warm up to each other more.
He'd be a very gentle lover. Just the thought of him hurting you, even by accident, made him violently ill.
Ghost wouldn't be one to be touchy very early on in you guys' relationship, he kept a lot to himself and you respected that. At times you would hold back from trying to hug him, or hold his hand, or anything, but you didn't mind. You wanted to make sure he was comfortable.
He'd soon realised you were the cuddly, touchy type, so he'd begin making moves like wrapping his arm around your waist or linking his pinkie with yours while you were walking. Just those small touches alone would make your knees weak.
Simon faced a lot of trauma in his childhood so he had trouble opening up to you at first. Once he did start opening up to you, he realised he didn't need to ignore his feelings for once. You made him feel safe.
>:'(( he loves you so much.
He'd call you all the usual pet names such as 'my love', 'darling', 'sweetheart', etc.
You'd often be the only thing on his mind when he'd be on missions or back in the barracks.
He'd always keep a printed photograph of you in a pocket somewhere so he could remember who he was fighting for.
When he'd be upset, he'd always pull that photo out just to look at it. Just seeing your face brought him immense comfort.
His love language would definitely be acts of service. He'll gladly cook a nice meal for you, or tell you to sit down and relax so he could take care of the cleaning.
However, it goes both ways. You'll pack him a lunch for the day He'd be on his knees. Make his bed for him if he were to be too busy? He'll completely melt. It's those little things.
His father didn't care all that much for him as a child coming from an abusive household, essentially needing to take care of himself. Having that someone to pack him a lunch and look after him in such a way made him feel loved and safe.
Of course he'd never take his mask off in front of you. He never took it off for anyone, there were no hard feelings. He preferred his anonymity and you are completely okay with it.
You never asked to see him without the mask because
well,
you just didn't. That was his privacy and you weren't one to invade it unless he would offer or if he were to be ready.
You two were both very patient with each other and that helped build a healthy and trustful relationship.
You also didn't mind not knowing what he really looked like. You first fell in love with who he was as a person, not his physical attributes.
When he did show you what he looked like unmasked, it was ironically during a make-out session.
(He low-key planned it out)
"Bloody hell, this thing is getting in the way." He'd say as the balaclava kept slipping down and shielding his lips from yours.
Thats when he finally pulled the felt which covered his features off, taking you by surprise.
The face-paint was still there, but his beautiful features were completely exposed to you.
He definitely got flustered at just how much you were examining his face.
"You look like you've seen a Ghost, darling."
That snapped you out of it, earning a chuckle from you before you two were sucking each others faces off again without that irritation from the fabric.
While nothing was said in the moment, by the time you two were done, you'd already begun to gush about how handsome he looked. You'd cup his face in your hands like he would to you and place kisses on his nose, forehead, cheeks, everywhere. He'd just look away in embarrassment.
"Yeah, yeah, take a picture, it'll last longer... PLEASE DON'T-"
The hard, confident Simon you knew became a blushy idiot and you loved it.
He was your Simon
__________________
NSFW
Before you two had any 'alone time' together, he'd always make sure there's a large water bottle or an electrolyte drink on the bedside table because, man, his guy has a lot of stamina and a high sex drive.
He could easily shoot a some loads into you over the course of a couple of hours.
You couldn't count how many times he'd make you cum over those few hours as you'd be a babbling mess by the end of it. No thoughts, just getting dicked down.
He wasn't exactly rough, but definitely not gentle. He'll be pounding into you like it was your last nights together for a while. And yeah, sometimes it was, so you two would need to make the most of it.
He wasn't one to inflict physical pain to you either unless it was the occasional slap on the ass or thighs.
He was one to grab onto you though. He'll grab onto any piece of your body he can.
Doggy? Bent over a table? Riding? He'll be digging his fingers into your fleshy hips.
Steamy make-out session? Or just feeling possessive? He'll gladly grab onto your thighs or wrap his arms around your waist.
The boy loves holding onto you, especially when he's in heat, leaving maybe just a few red marks from him gripping onto you so tightly. Maybe even a few scratch marks.
Missionary would definitely be his favourite position.
He'd be able to stare into that pretty face of yours for eternity if his life depended on it.
Missionary also lets him hold your hand as he pounds you into the mattress. The feeling of you squeezing his hand as tightly as you can while you cum makes him go absolutely feral.
Simon wouldn't make all that much noise in bed. Though when he's feeling desperate, he can't shut himself up. He'll let out soft moans and groans and growls into your ear just to let you know how good you're making him feel.
He also would love seeing your mouth full of his cock. The faces you'd make up at him as it slides down you throat could make him cum instantly.
Moan his name and he will also cum instantly.
"Oh, fuck- Simon~!"
He'll start pounding into you like never before, chasing both of your orgasms.
He’ll always make sure that you’re left satisfied. No point in pounding into you if you’re not going to be enjoying it the entire time.
He'd probably cum a lot too. Thick strands would shoot inside you or into your mouth, struggling to stay inside. He'd probably have a thing for pushing his fingers inside your hole to make sure his cum stays inside you.
He's a top and a soft dom so he'd have a bit of trouble getting used to bottoming and/or subbing. He wouldn't turn it away, not for you. But it would need some getting used to for him.
If he's subbing, you could very easily get him to start begging once he gets lost in the pleasure. Though he'd definitely feel embarrassed after. He's a grown, dominant, military man who engages in the most brutal and gore-y activities. He wouldn't have ever believed himself a couple of years back if the future Simon had told him he'll be begging his partner to let him cum as they jerked him off in the slowest, most torturous way.
If you two hadn't seen each other in a while, he'd be pushing you against the wall in an instant with your thighs on either side of him. He'd be practically begging you again to let him fuck you, and you'd of course let him.
Breeding kink? For sure. He LOVES to cum inside you and fill you up.
"F-Fucking hell, look at you, doll, completely stuffed." He'll say as he cums into you for the third or fourth time that night. Your entire body would for sure be shaking at that point.
Of course he’d be affected by the overstimulation as some point as well, he’d begin stuttering every now and again each time his cock would throb inside you.
He'd slam into you with such force, you'll be sobbing tears of pleasure by the time you two were done.
You'll often become extremely tired from sex from the sheer amount of stamina this man has, it can't be said enough.
This man will gladly take you to your limit, but the moment you show signs of passing out or feeling unwell, he'll stop and make sure you're okay, giving you some water and something to boost your blood sugar so you’re not passing out on him. He's not one to take such advantage of you while you're unconscious, and you respect him a lot for that.
Post-sex includes so much cuddling. He'll apologise for accidentally hurting you or if he was too rough and make sure you're all cleaned up and had water before you two head to bed or for a nap.
Post-morning-sex would include him bringing breakfast to you in bed which you thought was the most adorable thing ever.
Your legs would be jelly by the time you two were done, so just trying to make it to the bathroom would be a whole challenge.
Simon would always either carry you or provide you will that stability, it was sweet. He'd hold onto your waist as tightly as he could to make sure you wouldn't fall while your knees would give in.
He was very buff so it would be pretty easy to keep you from falling to the ground.
He'll make sure you're all squeaky clean, hydrated, and fed before anything else.
He truely was the best boyfriend you could ask for.
***************
I loved writing this so much, I'm about to go scream into my pillow. Goodnight, everyone <3
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puzzled-pegasus · 2 months
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Here's some silly little metaphors that I think the dragon tribes would use
SkyWings
“Don’t count your clutch before they hatch.” (Don't plan too much too soon)
“Gold is better than silver, but silver is better than nothing.” (If you can't do it perfectly, still try your best. Most dragons forget the second part.)
“‘Sorry’ can't suck the fire back in.” (The damage is done and now you're dead to me.)
“You been eating too much burnt meat or something?” (Are you nuts?)
“Stop all this smoke and use your fire.” (Stop rambling and get to the point already; or stop complaining and do something)
“Doesn't know his tail from his wings.” (Stupid or clumsy)
“You fly like a depressed pigeon.” (Slow flier)
“There's no fire in a rainstorm.” (Stop feeling sorry for yourself and get to work.)
“Nighttime is for the NightWings.” (What are you doing up? Go to sleep.)
SandWings
“She’s all rattle, and no strike.” (Like all bark no bite)
“A diamond in a pile of quartz.” (Like a needle in a haystack)
“You’re watering the cactus and ignoring the sapling.” (You’re focusing on the wrong thing; barking up the wrong tree)
“Everyone thinks the camel looks silly until the dry season comes.” (Don't listen to them, they don't know how unique and strong you are)
MudWings
“Crocodile tears.” (Fake crying in order to gain sympathy)
“You can only catch a trout if your mouth is open.” (Be open to new experiences)
“If the tree gives away too much, it ends up as a stump.” (Don't let people take advantage of your generosity)
SeaWings
“Happy as a clam in high water.” (Very happy)
“The flying fish feels like a fool when it sees an osprey.” (Don't compare yourself to others, run your own race.)
“Plenty of fish in the sea.” (Plenty more opportunities to come.)
“You’ve got ink in your eyes.” (You're blind to something important)
“Lobsters only die when they don't leave their shell.” (Keep yourself busy with new experiences and you'll life a long life)
NightWings
“Sleep is for the dead.” (Why waste your time sleeping when you could be productive)
“SeaWings know their fish and SandWings know their cactuses, but we NightWings know everything else.”(NightWing supremacy propaganda)
“Being nice to a deer never got one in my mouth.” (Other dragons don't matter, only your goals.)
“A prophecy always comes true.” (I told you so but more cryptic)
"You're counting the stars." (You're doing something tedious towards an unachievable goal)
RainWings
“Gray’s her favorite color.” (She's a huge bummer)
“A lemon is yellow on the outside, doesn't mean they're not sour.” (Referring to someone who is two faced or fake)
“I love honey, but I’d rather not get stung by the bees.” (I could do this, but it requires effort so I don't wanna)
“Nobody likes a rotten banana.” (Nobody likes a bummer/downer)
“Don't tie your tail in a knot” (don't get all upset)
“I have all my berries in a basket” (I have everything sorted out)
“You couldn't sneak up on a pineapple” (insult to one's camouflage skills, popular among children)
IceWings
“The seal who asks why the orca is chasing him is the first to get eaten.” (A favorite of parents telling their kids to shut up)
“Not the sharpest icicle on the roof” (kinda stupid or slow)
“Clear as polished ice” (i understand or see it very well)
“You're looking a little pink in the face” (you look sickly. IceWings can turn pink from eating too much krill; a symptom of malnutrition. This line can be applied to any illness.)
“Blue blood kills, red blood spills.” (Patriotic propaganda implying that IceWings win every fight
“The SkyWings toss their blue eyed hatchlings because they're worried they'll be as strong as an IceWing.” (More propaganda)
HiveWings
“Pretty is for the SilkWings.” (Vanity is stupid and impractical)
“If it buzzes like a bug and bites like a bug, it's a bug.” (Don't ignore the obvious)
“Clearsight works in mysterious ways.” (I don't know the answer to your question, now go away)
SilkWings
“It's not always good to know how the honey gets made.” (Don't stick your snout where it doesn't belong)
“She's got a couple of threads loose.” (Calling someone a little crazy, threads refers to weaving)
“The bee minds its flowers and the spider minds her silk, it's when they mix that bad things happen.” (Mind ya business)
LeafWings
“Flytraps only trap because the soil doesn't feed them.” (Dragons don't get angry out of nowhere)
“Looking like a leaf only hides you in the forest.” (Time and place)
“If a branch doesn't bend, it breaks.” (Be flexible)
“Even the corpse flower attracts the flies.” (Even someone who seems ugly to one dragon they can seem irresistible to another)
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xan-izme · 11 months
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Crybaby (Sully fam X daughter!reader)
Summary: Reader has always been a crybaby. Sensitive and had a soft spot for all living life. Jake disliked how sensitive you always were, he sent you out on your own for a month and came back a cold-blooded killer.
Warnings: Death, gore, mentions of death, mentally unstable reader, violence, Trauma
You were kind, sweet. Always looked on the bright side, you were on the same path as Kiri, training to become Tsahik. But it was clear you weren't as good as Kiri, which you were quick to admit.
That lead to Jake placing you with your brothers, training to become warriors. He wanted to tough you up, Jake loves how much you cherished love, he loved seeing the world through your optimistic eyes.
But ever since the sky people came back, he just needed his eldest daughter to be strong. Be there just in case he would leave this world a little too early.
"How many times do I have to tell you? Y/n, I need you to keep your balance! keep tripping like that you'll get killed." Jake's words hurt you, but you remember how upset he was the last time you nearly cried.
You inhaled sharply "Yes father." You stood up from the ground and faced your twin, Neteyam. He gave you a knowing look that wanted to know if they should stop, you shook your head lightly, not wanting to seem more of a wimp to your father then you already are.
You were an average hunter, your skills in fighting weren't that bad either.
But that wasn't enough for Jake. He needed to know that you were as skilled as Neteyam, as skilled as your mother was. So, it was always.
"Be faster"
"Hit stronger"
"Not good enough, try again!"
You would push your limit. Till you couldn't keep your eyes open. Your father would say words of gratitude here and there. Like small nods and a "Good work"
Your brothers sometimes feel like that's not enough for how much he makes you do. But just the smallest amount of approval from Jake made you feel like you were on cloud nine, causing you to do more, work harder.
Then one day, you were having a hard week, you were getting frustrated at the simplest things. Even your fathers nagging was annoying you.
When it came to training, you slipped up and made multiple mistakes that Jake just could not take it.
"Y/n, come now." Jake spoke calmly. You and your twin glanced at each other. You stood up with the help of Neteyam and followed your father.
The two of you walked through the woods.
"Baby, you know why I push you and your siblings so much, right?"
You nod your head, feeling a little nervous even if Jake was using his usual soft tone. "Then you understand--" Jake held you by your shoulders "--That this family, this clan is our fortress. And protecting this family is everything"
His words were deep to you, it was clear this was important to him. "And I need you to be strong. And training here hasn't been helping. So, Im sending you off. Away from here, so you can improve more on your own" Jake saw how your expression dropped "don't worry! It'll only be for a month. Ill check in every few weeks." He tried to reassure you. It didn't really calm your nerves down, but seeing how desperate he was to make sure you and the family was safe?
there was no way you could say no.
So, you left, you were on your own. The first few days were hard. And there were multiple times when you got seriously hurt and cried. God, you cried so much. All that crying made you hate yourself.
Hate every flaw you had. You even hated the soft part of you. Scolding yourself, knowing that kindness and your crying will not protect the clan, your family.
Jake did try to visit you. But you never stayed in one place. The two of you talked a little over the inner coms when you two would be miles apart. But those convocations didn't last.
You were training harder than ever. Perfecting every little thing down to the bone. In all honesty, you did go a little off from the safe zone, where you ran into a few sky people. You made it our alive, as for those sky people?
Well, you only let one live, still having that small kindness and mercy in you. Which was a big mistake.
You received a message from Norm and Max when they wanted to check on you, that a sky person bombed up a small part of the safe zone close to the high camp. No one was killed, but a lot were majorly injured.
Gaining all the details of the incident, you realize that it was the sky person you let live.
Cursing yourself and beating yourself for being so foolish, so naive for thinking nothing of what that sky demon after setting it free. So, you vowed to not give your enemy's any type of mercy, to kill all those evil demons, to protect you clan, your family.
Because this family was your fortress. And you were determined to be theirs.
Your month was over, and you were just so excited to go home. To hug and smother your siblings with kisses. To show your dear parents how strong and skilled you've become. To make your father proud of you. To officially be seen as enough to help protect everyone.
Norm gave you an inner com that was connected to your family, being told that your parents and dear twin brother were on patrol at the moment.
You decided to fly your Ikran to where you were told you parents and twin would be at. But when you were a few clicks away from them, you heard Lo'ak's voice. Saying he has gained sight of intruders. Ones who were carrying guns.
Dreamwalkers
You spoke into your inner coms.
"I'm closest to their location. I'll engage."
"Y/n-- wait, no! Y/n you better not!" Jake shouted.
"Y/n te i'tri Mo'ata Sully. Stay down! that's an--"
You turned your intercoms off. The safety of your baby siblings was the only thing you had in mind. It was almost eclipse, and telling by how the winds picks up and the clouds, it was to rain soon.
Your Ikran felt the panic and determination you were feeling and speed up to get to the location faster.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
You made it before your parents and twin could. You killed off every single dreamwalker. And that demon who took your mother's home away, who took Kiri's mother away.
The demon who caused so much harm to your clan.
"Any last words Demon?" you say, tilting your head as you held the sharp dagger to Quritche's throat. The Demon growled and spat in your face.
You weren't very pleased with that; you turned your head towards your siblings who were huddled against a tree.
"Spider"
The small human boy flinched by the way your voice sounded.
"Close your eyes." You said with a small fond smile. But it felt nothing like that. Kiri quickly brought Spider close to her and covered his eyes.
You looked back at Quaritche. The moment you slit his throat and began to detach his head from his body, was the moment Jake and Neytiri entered the scene.
Neytiri was quick to go by her younger children's side. Your ears perk and notice Jake. Once you laid eyes on him. Your face lit up.
"Father!" Youran to him and hugged him. Jake was in utter shock at the scene in front of him. He slowly hugged you tight. You pulled away, smiling, unphased by the amount of blood that was on you.
"I did it. I saved them. Look!" you pulled Jake to where Quaritche's dead body was and grabbed the head of the demon.
"I have killed him. I did it!"
Neteyam slowly entered and looked over what you had done.
"Mommy!" Tuk whined and was quickly embraced by Neytiri.
You were smiling, happy that you've finally rid your father of the nightmare that had burdened your family.
But when you began to see the look Jake had. You started to notice that was not the look of approval you hoped for.
"Y/n . . .What have you done?"
Your smile dropped, being replaced with confution
"Wha-. . .what? what's wrong? what did I do wrong!?" You didn't understand. Did you not put them down fast enough? Should you have taken out the leader before the others? What was it that was wrong??
"Y/n, baby. This--" He was pointing out to the bloody battle around them "--Is wrong. You tampered with their body's. Some of them are still bleeding out!"
"N-no! it's okay you see! I made it for them to not move at all and suffer their punishment." You tried to defend yourself. Tried to make your dear father know that it was okay. And that you did a good job.
Neytiri hurried the children to exit this part of the forest fast, including Spider. Neytiri didn't like Spider, but the boy didn't deserve to see all of this. None of her children did.
"That is not our way!" Jake yelled. Frustrated, worried and scared for his daughter in front of them.
Your ears pinned back. Feelings of sadness, betrayal and anger infecting your heart.
"Well, your way didn't work for me. You said so yourself! Why can't you just be happy!?" Your nose scrunched up in anger.
"I did this for the clan, for our family-- For you!" You were getting upset. All you wanted was the feeling of being called a Sully, worthy of the tittle as Toruk Makto's daughter.
"You can't do this. Your way will bring unbalance to the clan. And if you can't do that. . . then I'll have to strip your tittle as a warrior of this clan." Jake's words caused everyone to stop.
"Ma jake." Neytiri spoke, her eyes glancing between her mate and child.
You felt your bottom lip quivering. But your eyes refused to release the tears. You slowly backed away from Jake, nodding your head a little. Your eyes found its way to Spider who kept tripping, his legs still shaking from what he witnessed.
"Spider." You spoke up. The boy forced himself to look at you.
"Keep tripping like that. . . . . and you'll get killed."
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lesbienyu · 4 months
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imo one mistake progressives in the US has made is obfuscating language. I'm not gonna hit the usual points people usually do, because others have spoken on it.
I don't believe "uterus havers" or "people who menstruate" or even "reproductive healthcare" is remotely inclusive. it's bulky, and many people don't have a clear idea on what those terms mean. I do political shit for a living, and like. at least 80% of the voters I talk to are confused as all get out by that language. they're not dumb for it, but I get frustrated that people rail off about how bad sex ed is in this country then turn around and be upset that people don't know what an "AFAB person" means.
I grew up in a community with bad education and poor literacy rates. like I have friends who cannot read beyond a second grade level. if information about their healthcare, politics, and human rights are illegible to them, they will have a harder time understanding it. again, they are not dumb- I know a lot of deeply intelligent people who can pretty much only read road signs and recipes. complicating language does nothing to include them and makes it harder for them to access really vital information.
added to that, people who don't speak english as a first language grapple with it, especially when they're new to learning the language. again, they're not dumb, but the phrasing uses in informational packets at the gyno going through gymnastics to be "inclusive" makes it a lot harder to read and comprehend.
the other thing I wanted to touch on is people who do have brain issues. again, not necessarily dumb, but I couldn't understand shit for months after my brain injury- the paperwork the ER gave me was simplified, really pared down because I just had trouble understanding things. I'm mostly back to where I was at before, but there's millions of girls and women who have worse TBIs, or have developmental disabilities, or other disorders or illnesses that make verbal comprehension really difficult. it's unbelievably frustrating to deal with.
you're just straight up not going to get the information if it's not comprehensible to you. and like, I'm sorry, but people can and will get confused if you don't understand how to communicate with them in an accessible way and will just drop the topic, be it wrt voting on abortion rights, talking about misogyny and sexism, etc. and, in my five years of talking to voters and campaigning, the vast majority of american adults will not understand what you're talking about, they won't care or engage, and they could miss out on really, really important information. and most people do not have the obstacles I mentioned.
it's ineffective, and just virtue signals while cutting people off from important information.
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rafeandonlyrafe · 4 months
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bad dream
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words: 400
taglist: @drewstarkeyslut @thelomlisrafecameron @f4ll-for-you @dilvcv @winterrrnight @drudyslut @drewsbabygirll @jjmaybankswifes-blog @rafescokenostril @jjsmarijuana @jjmaybankisbae @seeingstarks @angelofcigs @cece45450 @babygorewhore @vanessa-rafesgirl @michelleisheres-blog
rafe knows something is wrong the minute he enters the house and you don't come running up to greet him with a big kiss, instead having to search through the house until he finds you, curled up on the bed, covered in blankets.
rafe things you're sleeping at first, but when he eased himself down to sit on the mattress, you turn your head towards him, a sad look in your eyes.
“hey baby, are you feeling okay?” rafe questions. you're usually so bubbly and happy that the only thing that can get you down is some sort of illness, but when he left you for work this morning you were more than fine, and you don't seem to be snuffling or coughing.
“yeah, just tired.” you shrug, barely moving the mass of blankets on top of you.
“wanna nap? let me just get changed and we can cuddle.” rafe says, standing up off the bed and working his clothes off while you blink sleepily at him, not gaining the usual hungry look in your eye when he undresses.
“no, i already napped.” you sigh, watching as rafe disappears into the walk-in closet briefly, returning with a comfy pair of sweats and tshirt that he dresses in.
“if you're still tired, you can nap again.” rafe says, picking up the corner of some of the blankets so he's able to lay down in bed next to you, immediately concerned that you don't roll immediately to his side.
“i had a bad dream. don't wanna sleep again.” you sniffle, eyes brimming with tears, making rafe realize how truly down you are.
“hey, hey, baby, shh.” rafe reaches out for you, trying to console you, but the second his arms wrap around your shoulders, you flinch, and it doesn't go unnoticed by rafe.
“darling…” rafe sighs. “talk to me.”
“it's stupid.” you hum, finally turning to rafe and burying your face in his chest. 
“it's not, i promise. something is upsetting you. tell me, honey.” rafe says softly, stroking his hand over your back.
“i had a dream and in it you told me that you don't love me anymore.” you sigh, keeping your head buried, not wanting to see rafes reaction.
“that is a bad dream, sweetie.” rafe affirms your feelings. “but it will also never happen, so while i understand that you're upset, just know that i love you very much and i always will.”
you pick your head up to look at rafe, a few rogue tears slipping down your cheeks. “promise?”
“yes, my sweet girl. i promise.”
“i love you too.” you say, the corner of your lips turning upwards for the first time since rafe got home.
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lenaellsi · 8 months
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I'm wondering how much of the fandom reaction of "Aziraphale doesn't ACTUALLY want Crowley to be an angel, he just wants to keep him safe/happy!" is because we spent four years between seasons assuming that Aziraphale had already accepted that Heaven and Hell aren't all that different, and that demons and angels aren't inherently good or bad. And it's difficult to let go of that idea in the same way that it's difficult to let go of the idea that they talked their shit out That Night At Crowley's Flat and have been happy ever since. But to actually understand Aziraphale's choice without hiding it behind coffee or lies or secret plans or body swaps or magic tricks or purely romantic intentions, we have to to understand that Aziraphale is still working under an incorrect framework of the world as divided into Cosmic Good and Cosmic Evil.
Because the thing is. Aziraphale does not like that Crowley is a demon. He just doesn't. We can talk about his reasons, but I really don't think that it's a disputable fact at this point. Aziraphale CONSTANTLY talks down to Crowley about the differences between them, and disparages demons in general and Crowley in particular over and over again. I mean, he's obviously just spewing the party line at this point, but he even describes the ultimate triumph of Heaven over Hell as "rather lovely." To Crowley. Where does he think Crowley fits, in that scenario? Is he thinking about it? (He is, surely, given how distressed he is over the danger Crowley is in due to the Arrangement?)
Crowley, to be fair, often says similar things about himself, and hates when Aziraphale calls him things like 'nice.' But as I've mentioned in another post, I think 2.03 makes it all but canon that a lot of that is self-preservation. Hell can't know that he's running around saving children and rescuing people from suicide and poverty, or he'll get dragged down there for decades. Crowley doesn't really think of himself as evil--he's visibly upset during their argument when Aziraphale hits him with "you're the bad guys!" because he thinks Aziraphale knows him better than that.
But instead, Aziraphale makes knee-jerk assumptions about Crowley and his intentions over and over again, including that he's behind the Reign of Terror in Paris and, about two minutes before realizing he's in love with him, that he's working with Nazis. Crowley seems annoyed and hurt both times, and denies it. There's no demonic posturing from him then.
Which makes the Job ep really interesting, right? Because Crowley actively lies and says that he is doing the properly demonic thing, but Aziraphale doesn't buy it. And why doesn't he buy it?
"I know the angel you were."
To Aziraphale, Crowley's kindness stems from the traces of that angel he knew. He thinks Crowley does good in spite of his nature, and not because of who he is as a person, life experiences as a demon very much included. This is because to Aziraphale, Heaven is Good, and all goodness must stem from it.
I've seen people get accused, when making this point, of attacking Aziraphale, or saying that he doesn't love Crowley, which is a ridiculous takeaway from S2. I've never seen a person more obviously in love, or a person more obviously trying to do good in the world. But so much of Aziraphale is tied up in his ability to believe multiple contradictory things at once. (See: the 80 years between "maybe there is something to be said for shades of gray" and "Heaven is the side of truth, of light, of good.") That doesn't make him stupid or ill-intentioned (in fact, he wouldn't need to do the kind of mental gymnastics we see from him if he wasn't clever enough to see through at least some of the bullshit) but it does mean that he's fully capable of loving Crowley while at the same time believing that demons are 'the bad guys.' Solution? Make Crowley an angel. Fix him, fix the bad apples in Heaven, be happy together, eliminate human suffering. Vavoom. Sorted.
Idk man. I'm constantly seeing takes that just...completely discount that Aziraphale really, genuinely, has misunderstood Crowley and the way the world works in his choice to return to Heaven. We can't blame it all on miscommunication. The most honest conversation in the world wouldn't fix this. Aziraphale has to go up there, without Crowley, and learn for the last time that Heaven is not Good, and will never be Good, because there is no Good. Good doesn't come from Heaven, or God, or even Crowley (and I see y'all, putting Crowley on a pedestal, saying Aziraphale wants to remake Heaven in his image--stop it.) Good comes from making the choice, in a very complicated world, to help as best you can, and it comes from love. And that's what Aziraphale will learn in season 3.
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thegoldencontracts · 24 days
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I can make a request for Azul x Reader who confesses to him, but asks him to reject their feelings because they thinks he doesn't return their feelings and thinks he wouldn't date someone like them? Make it have a fluffy ending please!!!
Of course! Thank you for requestingg <3
Irrationality, Love
Summary: Azul never could help the irrational way he acted around you. An unexpected confession helps him sort himself out.
Notes: A dash of angst(?), I'm soo sorry to you anon I think I got a bit too self-indulgent with the prompt
You were an odd person. You weren't meant to be, that was the problem. You were average. No particularly remarkable talents or privileges to set you apart- at least, not when compared to the highly eccentric students of Night Raven.
And yet, you made Azul act in an infuriatingly irrational way. His heart raced, his face flushed, his head rushed. Seeing you in the hallways, he couldn't help but stare.
Your eyes, your hair, your lips- they were all tantalizing. Were they really, though? Or was that merely a part of the odd curse you'd set upon him, for him to be doomed to admire you no matter what?
It was an odd, addicting feeling. Why was it addicting? Why did he so crave the sight of your visage? He didn't even know.
He still remembered the first time he'd met you. Well, 'met' was a generous way to put it.
You'd been dining at the Lounge one day, and he'd been observing to make sure things were running smoothly.
But the moment he saw you, that turned into observing your face.
For quite a while. You seemed to sparkle, to shine. He couldn't look away.
Then, you met his gaze.
"Uh- is something the matter?" You asked, tilting your head in a confused manner that looked positively adorable. Wait, no, he wasn't supposed to think that.
"I don't understand what you're asking," Azul said, plastering his face with a condescending grin, before feigning a look of shock. "Oh, did you believe I was looking at you? Odd. I assure you, that wasn't the case. Apologies for souring your experience."
He had to save face. He was Azul Ashengrotto, the mercantile housewarden of Octavinelle. His ruthless yet elegant demeanor had garnered him fear and reverence alike throughout the school. He couldn't just throw that away over- this!
You seemed to accept that answer. Azul hastily left, only letting himself let out his long suppressed sigh of frustration after entering his room.
From next to him, Jade grinned.
"You seem out of sorts," he said, with the look of a predator analysing every weakness in their prey. Azul loathed having that look directed at him; he'd much rather Jade save it fort the clients.
"Shut it."
Jade merely laughed.
"I'm going to handle this- illness of mine, I assure you," Azul said, and Jade actually seemed confused at that. No matter. Azul wouldn't let himself be made a fool of. He couldn't.
Since then, he'd attempted to avoid you, though he'd failed quite a few times. More than quite a few times, in fact. Against his wishes and yet in compliance with them at the same time, you two'd grown closer, and the pounding of his heart around you only seemed to increase.
"Can't believe you're doing this for free, Azul," you said during one of your joint study-sessions, an impish grin on your face. "Is big bad Azul trying to make friends with someone? How shocking!"
Azul didn't know why, but the thought of you two being friends made him upset in a way that signalled that he wanted something more. What more could he possibly want? And why were you implying he was acting out of sentiment?
"P-Preposterous," he said, though his face was flushed. "I don't have friends, only business partners. A-and this is a mutually beneficial business exchange."
You just laughed.
"I never knew you could be so cute, Azul."
What was that supposed to mean? He wasn't cute, he was a businessman! A highly intimidating, refined businessman!
"F-Focus," he said. Why did he keep stuttering? This was all so odd. He only did this around you. He'd tried to get away, and yet he couldn't bring himself to? Why?
"Of course," you said, and that was it for your teasing. Well, for that study session, at least. It seemed like you'd never stop teasing him.
One day, however, you approached him in private, an uncharacteristically somber expression on your face. He wanted to wipe it off, to bring that impish grin back.
"I, uh, have something to tell you," you said, gaze downcast.
"What is it?"
"I love you," you said, as if it was nothing, as if you hadn't just brought a thousand questions to the forefront of his mind. You spoke once more after a few seconds. "...You can reject me now."
You'd been expecting rejection? Could he even reject you, when your confession had brought an answer to the question he'd had for ages?
Love. Was that the odd emotion you'd made him feel all along? It made sense.
"I assure you, you mustn't -"
"Don't try that customer service crap on me. I know you too well." A laugh and a choked sob, all at once. "I know that you're smart, hard-working, adorable and handsome at the same time, ambitious, strong, and just about a hundred other positive adjectives. And look-"
A tear fell from your right eye. It wasn't dramatic or even noticeable at a glance, but it was more heartbreaking than any cinematic breakdown.
"Look at me." Your words were naught but a cracked whisper. "I never stood a chance."
You'd expected rejection, but that wasn't what he was going to give. Azul had repressed his emotions, and that had hurt you. He couldn't let that happen. Not anymore.
Azul steeled himself.
"You're being much too hard on yourself," he chided. "And much too kind about me. If you think I don't return your feelings, then you're mistaken."
You looked at him, eyes wide with shock.
"You're joking, you've gotta be-"
In a fit of what he could only give the shameful label of primal instinct, Azul pulled you in by the tie of your uniform for a kiss.
Long, passionate, and greedy - though he was disappointed at the lack of internal fireworks that Idia's visual novels had promised him, it was lovely.
Azul pulled back after a while, leaving both of you breathless.
"Does that make my stance on the matter clear?" He said, and you nodded shakily. He was thankful for that, because he couldn't imagine having to say the words 'I love you' aloud.
"We're dating, then?" You said, a hopeful shine in your eyes.
He grinned.
"I'd love that."
Bonus:
"You've finally managed to overcome your emotional waterlogging, Azul? I couldn't be more proud."
"Yeah, little Azul's all~ grown up!"
"Hush, you," Azul said, before he realized.
"How long have you known?"
"Since you two first met," Jade said as if they were nothing.
Eh?
They'd known for- for that long? He'd been that obvious? How had he not noticed earlier? This was insane! He was slipping, and-
"Is something the matter, Azul?"
"I think you broke him."
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highdefhoetry · 1 month
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how he cares for his mentally ill partner
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cw: discussion of mental illness and symptoms, gender neutral reader, fluff
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zayne immediately goes into doctor mode as soon as you tell him about your "condition". he researches your diagnosis in depth to better understand your brain and state of mind, as well as the best ways to support you. he diligently checks in on you, always asking how you're feeling and encouraging you to express what's on your mind so you don't get in the habit of bottling things up. nothing you share will ever scare him, even the more "frightening" thoughts you experience. when something's wrong, he does everything in his power to make it right, whether that's hounding your pharmacy to make sure your refills are ready or reminding you when it was time to take your medication. when you have bad mood swings or depressive episodes, he listens to you without judgment, gazing softly into your eyes with nothing but kindness in his own. if you ever lash out at him, he doesn't take it personally. he reassures you as many times as you need, even if it gets repetitive. you will always have your doctor in your corner.
rafayel is a bit confused when you first tell him about your mental illness. he doesn't understand when you say "something is wrong with your brain", because to him, your mind is perfect. he acknowledges your unique struggles, but insists that you are much more than a medical diagnosis or symptoms of an illness. you aren't broken, you aren't too much. you're his beloved, and he is determined to love every part of you, even this so-called "dark" side. he wants to know everything about the way your mind works so that he can be a better partner, whether that's learning your triggers to prevent you from having episodes or figuring out what kind of reassurance you need to feel safe with him. he may get upset sometimes when you lash out at him, but when that happens, he'll remind you that no amount of depression, anxiety, or psychosis will stop him from loving you. you will never have to fear being abandoned again.
xavier doesn't fully understand your condition, but he can relate to your feelings of anxiety and depression. having struggled with those emotions himself, he empathizes with you deeply in a way most other people can't. he never judges or blames you for lashing out; his laid back personality and gentle demeanor help ground you when you feel like you're falling apart. however, he does get upset when you hide your struggles and aren't honest with him about how you feel. you can trust him; you no longer have to bear such heavy burdens on your own. when he can't be there physically, he'll encourage you to self soothe by buying you bubble bath soap or sleepytime tea to relax your nervous system. when he is around and you happen to have an episode, he holds you until the tears subside, wiping them from your cheeks after you've finished crying against his chest. he hates seeing you this way, so he'll do anything to ease some of your pain.
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squirrelbee · 2 months
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Things I wish people understood as a disabled & chronically ill person
I wish...
people asked me about my abilities rather than assuming what I'm able and not able to do.
more people would understand that just because I did something once doesn't mean I can do it whenever. My enegery- & painlevels heavily fluctuate which makes my abilities fluctuate, too.
people understood that my body is just as big of an inconvenience to me as it is to you. I understand that people get upset when I have to cancel plans a lot- but please consider how annoying it is for me to deal with that all the time. I'm not doing this to annoy others.
people knew that just because I look fine to you doesn't mean I am. When you have chronic pain, you still have to keep going somehow- so you learn how to hide it and keep going somehow. Pain is real even if we don't talk about it non-stop.
people understood that they don't have to fix me. I appreciate nice messages, funny memes or friends just being there for me way more than unsolicited advice, because- trust me- I probably tried it already. Cheering me up or just keeping me company when I'm not doing well is way more helpful to me.
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fruity-fruition · 8 days
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My thoughts on Tenma Parents!
I am the Tenma parents' number #1 defender in a way. I still think they fucked up Tsukasa, but not intentionally.
(fyi, Tsukasa is definitely a mama's boy and I don't accept criticism. Saki's on the contrary)
I think Tsukasa's parents loved both him and Saki equally, unlimitedly, and wholeheartedly. The sad reality is that life handed the entire family a shitty deck of cards. And while love is unlimited, time and attention isn't.
They try their best, they genuinely do, but it's difficult juggling their job AND an ill child AND another child.
Due to Saki's (uncontrollable!! Remember!!) condition, one of the parents has to be with her nearly at all times and the other one has to work for the additional hospital bills (since the government can't cover some surgeries or procedures. Idk how it works in Japan but)
They try to be there for Saki and Tsukasa a lot but they do notice growing concerns abt both of them.
Saki's getting quiet, nearly bursting into tears every time Tsukasa or any of them leaves the hospital room. She clings on to people a lot to the point of where it hurts.
Tsukasa's getting quiet too. He thinks they don't notice, since he's trying to act upbeat and cheery in front of Saki to cheer her up, but they can't ignore... that. Whatever is happening to him.
They both don't know what to do.
Despite their best efforts, Tsukasa was still left home alone most of his late childhood and early teens.
They don't have favourites, but after a while, they can't say they know their son anymore. They saw him grow up without them, and it's the most heartbreaking thing to not be there.
--
They had to miss his middle school graduation. They tried to take time off work, but neither of them got off fast enough to reach the ceremony. Both only saw him that day at the hospital.
But Tsukasa lied. Lied to Saki's face, because he didn't want to upset her.
Tsukasa's mom: "Sweetheart, we're so sorry-"
Tsukasa: "-that you had to leave the ceremony early? It's okay!"
Their parents look at him confused because the issue is that they weren't even there. But Tsukasa gave them eyes, begging them to play along.
Tsukasa's mom: "...yeah. y-yeah, work called in and we really couldn't avoid it much longer"
Tsukasa lets out a sigh of relief before nodding and smiling "really! It's okay!"
When leaving Saki's ward, his mom asked him why he lied, and he just looked at her and shook his head.
Tsukasa: "...Saki does this thing, where she blames herself for stuff she can't control. I-I don't know how I know it, but I'm sure she'll do the same if she found out you weren't there. I don't want to see her doing that."
Outside, his mom pulls him into a hug, whispering apology after apology as she holds him. He kept insisting, it's fine! Really! He's a future star, with loads of celebration to come! Who cares if they missed one?
His mom looks at him, with genuine sadness, and asks him to be honest with her. Is he upset?
She noticed him froze, before shaking his head.
Tsukasa: "Not at all, mom! I understand why you both couldn't make it"
Tsukasa's mom: "...You can understand and still be upset. You're allowed to be"
But despite her best efforts to make her son open up, he still shakes his head and tells her it's alright.
She thinks he doesn't know that she knows. She knows that he wants them to worry less about him, which made them worry more.
--
She learned from Saki that Tsukasa doesn't have a lot of friends. He never mentions it a lot to Saki, but every time Saki asks him if he'd be hanging out with people, he just looks at her confused.
Tsukasa: "Why would I hang out with other people when I have the most incredible sister in the world!"
When he started to open up to her again, later in the future, when everything had settled down and life was beginning to move steady, she'll learn that his classmates think he's overbearing.
He wasn't getting bullied, nor was he actually disliked. But in terms of friends? They think he's a bit too loud, too tiring to deal with. Some even think he's a bit too selfish.
She would argue about that final point with her life. Because if anything, she wishes Tsukasa thought of himself more.
--
They learned more about him when he was 17. They learned about his friends, his troupe, his work, and how close he's gotten towards achieving his dreams. They're so unbelievably proud of him. He's grown into such an incredible person.
They just wished they could've taken the credit.
--
They loved their children equally. Even when Toya was pulled into the frame and they unknowingly gained a third, they loved him all the same.
But there's a difference in loving and knowing, because their son felt far more distant to them than their daughter. And they're trying their absolute best to fix that rift before it's too late
--
Both Tsukasa and Saki suffered majorly in their life, both in vastly different ways. But in terms of parents, I think Tsukasa got the short end. But not intentionally, y'know? It's like. Accidental child neglect.
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