#you don’t understand i am OBSESSED with this quote | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lotusmi · 1 year

Text

occupying the state leads you to the void

໒ "The outer world merely reflects that which a man is in his own consciousness." - Neville.

꒱Before we start, I want to remember that I am not a void blogger, but I have a deep understanding of the law when it comes to states and the teachings of Neville and Edward. My main goal here is to sprend the law using their teachings as source.

"How do I use states to enter the void?" This is probably, the question I receive the most. This post was in my mind for months, It's going to be a long post but I promise that you never read nothing like this, and I am sure this will help you like nothing did before. I will try to answer all the most common void asks that I get here.

𝑰 Introduction.

"How do I 'use states' to tap into the void?". My first problem with this question is firstly, that most of people don't understand what "States" are, so they think 'it is only one more method', which is not.

My very second problem is, obviously, the obsession with the void and how it affect our community and how it contradicts the principle of the Law of Assumption.

There are, of course, other things that we have to clarify. So I will breakdown into those topics first.

𝑰𝑰 Changing Self.

"You are already that which you seek and you have no one to change but Self in order to express it" - NG

"You are already" "Nothing to change but SELF" Some people don't really understand the importance of this quote. Why you are already? Because creation is finished. There's nothing to add, nothing to change. All you have to change is Self by changing what you identify being or having, and this is a state.

The great importance of knowing all you need to tap into the void is SELF is that you will stop checking new subliminals, new methods, seeking for information or trying to wonder what you are doing 'wrong'. You have to go straight to the wish fulfilled feeling, you change SELF. All you are searching for is Self. All you need is already within you, within your imagination. You think you need new information, I am sorry, this is not what you need, this not even what you want.

"What you are really seeking is something within yourself which is a change of the story of yourself and you can change yourself to how you want in imagination" - Ed

A change of SELF. You want to feel different. You want to feel fulfilled.

"feeling the wish fulfilled one time is greater than listening to 8 hour subliminal messages or trying to impress your subconscious mind or repeating ten thousand affirmations a day" - Edwart

"You are finding the creative power of the universe, and when you find him, he is your own wonderful human imagination." (...) "If this power is within us then we are the operant power. We do not seek anyone on the outside, it is simply within us." - NG

So if we want to change our life, we have to understand that what happens outside is our creation, and even what is happening in your mind, is your creation too.

𝑰𝑰𝑰 What are States?

"A state is simply an attitude of mind, a body of belief, a phase of experience." "Don’t condemn the occupant of the state. The state is the thing, but the occupant is God." - Neville.

States are assumptions we hold about ourselves. A state is what you identify as being or having within yourself. You are now occupying several states, there are infinite states. But we are not those states, we are I AM [God] and I AM is not a state, a state is whatever you claim to be or have. You don't have to stress if you are not in a good state, you can always change your state.

"I don’t care what brought you to that state. I’m here to simply get you out of the state." NG

✧ So now we understand that the state you are right now, is being reflected by your outer-world. What you are claiming, accepting, to be or have, is what you will see in your 3d. "Since creation is finished, every possible state already exists." - NG

+ posts about States that I love: define: states, how to get into a state, states faq, a simple guide to states

𝑰𝑽 Changing States + the state to enter the void?

"What do you want now? Well then you go into the state of the wish fulfilled. What state? The state you decide, you determine what you want in this world, and you go right into that state. And then ignore the facts. Suppose the facts now still deny what you did…it doesn’t matter, let the facts remain, they’ll dissolve." - NG

I know what you want now is to enter the state that will lead you to the void. So I'll first start telling you that this state already exists within you. The you who can tap into the void in seconds is already here, you just have to decide to enter this state by accepting it. Maybe you are not holding the best assumptions about the void right now, but I assure you that this does not matter, since you can change it instantly, just by accepting a new state! "he who makes the evil makes the good"

✧ Here it comes the point where people will ask me "ok but, i did not had entered yet, how can enter this state then? idk how it feels like". ♡ !! TIP: To enter a state you don't have to specify exactly the feeling of the desired thing. "feel like I have mastered the void" sounds weird, right? the feeling one may feel when they master the void can be different of the feeling another feel. This is not like 'feeling happy', everyone feel happy in the same way. The TIP here is:

໒ Let's SIMPLIFY this: We pick the state we want, which is "I have mastered the void", we will REDUCE it to emotions we already know, emotions that would imply your wish fulfilled feeling [knowing], which here is I 'ENTER IN THE VOID EASILY' How would you feel? Pround of yourself , relieved, happy, relaxed, calm, ease, lighten, victorious? Okay, then pick the emotions you will use to make entering this state easier! REALLY FEEL THAT! FEEL [KNOW] [ACCEPT] [ALLOW] The REALITY of it, the imagination is your real reality, I WANT YOU TO UNDERSTAND THIS > what you feel in imagination is real, is what you truly are, what you determine you are within is REAL. Then does not matter what happened in the world, remove the world. Remove little limitant beliefs NOW! ps: The feeling we seek is the feeling we are/have what we want. It's KNOWING we have. Inducing the feeling with emotion is a method to enter a state, if you don't want to do it, it is okay. If you want to only 'decide' then it is completely alright.

𝑽 The little assumptions.

"his own wonderful human imagination is producing the phenomena of life." - NG ⟡ "I have a good void concept, I really do, but the thing is....." then it comes something like "I AM NEVER AWARE", this is an ASSUMPTION!! Remove this assumption, erase it, burn it! "The whole vast drama is all about the individual" ALL the little assumptions manifest just as the 'big assumptions' you hold. "I almost tap but then I start feeling itchy always" "I lay for like 3 hours and don't tap" bla bla bla DON'T ACCEPT IT. Change this assumption. If there's something you don't want to bother you anymore then don't even unknowlege it! Things die through INDIFFERENCE. You can also affirm against it if you like to > 'I am ALWAYS aware' 'I feel super comfortable ALWAYS' 'I enter in like 2 minutes I don't have to wait'. "These illusions exist only so long as man focuses his attention upon them and gives them life." - NG

"We have created our personal world through thought [state]. If you are experiencing lack, limitation, illness, disharmony or any other unwanted condition, you have either consciously or unconsciously brought these conditions into your experience." - NG "The principle you have unconsciously used to bring about the undesirable conditions in your life can be consciously applied to make your every dream come true." - Neville

this is from my 'Your assumptions about the void' post: If you are accepting, believing, unknowledging, circumstances or fails. Then you are creating all of this failure cycle. Why?

☆ Because you are at the state of letting outside world let you down. You are giving power to circumstances instead of ignoring them and reapeating the new story. "Things die with indifference" ⚠️Outside world is always reflecting, always. As you assume fail and accept it, outside world reflects your state. What state? State of failure, victim, of a loser. This is not world fault, don't blame it, it is your fault.

"Don't blame. Only resolve." - Neville goddard

+ "Ok but I 'can't' feel this, I don't feel like being, Lotus"... Other assumption. We assume we cannot change our inner reality, we start reasoning 'I am even doing this right?' 'Is it enough?' 'This is really going to work?' ... Let's be honest, would God even have those questions? Well, and if He did, would he entertain it? OFC NO! Then if doubts or reasoning come, IGNORE, totally IGNORE! Remove reasoning, let go of it. Know your assumptions are real anyway, I like to use this affirmation when i feel like wavering 'no matter how I feel or what I think, I have my desire, it's done' I don't affirm this to change the world, I affirm this to remember MY WORLD IS CHANGED. "Consciousness is reality and that which is perceived by our senses and appears so real is but the shadow of that which we believe ourselves and the world to be."

Have FAITH. I used to think that faith was not 'having doubts', I was wrong. Having faith is accepting your belief as real EVEN if you doubt. Thoughts don't manifest, so you just ignore 'negative thoughts' 'intrusive thoughts', I mean, this not even a thing. Thoughts don't manifest, what you decided you are or have DOES. So calm down baby, you are in control in your mind too. + "May I tell you, you are focusing in the problem instead at the wish fulfilled." This changed my whole view of the Law. I used to try to find out why I felt certain way about the void, about me, about my life. Tryin to fix things, trying to find the cause. I AM the cause. I fighted those thoughts for more than 5 months till I was tired and gave up. This is was when I understood how I felt. I felt like that because I used to accept I felt like that. We manifest in our mind too. So DONT FOCUS IN THE PROBLEM, focus in the END, that it is RESOLVED.

𝑽𝑰 Even though reason denies it

"do not let your reason and your senses dictate what is possible." -NG

Nothing is real unless you accept. So don't think this or that that happened can ''stop you''. Those little annoying 'limitant beliefs', for mother's sake, understand: circumstances you deal with in the mind are just circumstances too. And circumstances does not matter, they will disolve. So if you still feel fear of something or still think something can make you fail or that you cannot do this or change Self, remove this. Remove rules from your mind. Thinking you have 'blocks', like, no! If you don't want to have blocks then you DONT HAVE IT, remove rules from the mind, those little barriers we create for ourselves, they are a illusion. "you can obtain anything you desire because nothing is impossible to the creative power that resides within you."

"Now do not let your reason and your senses dictate what is possible. All things are possible to God. So, suspend for a moment, your reason, suspend the senses that are dictating what you must accept, for they’re demanding of you, ‘accept the facts of life.’ All right, if you’re going to accept the facts of life, and that reason dictates it, you’ll never go beyond where you are. So suspend them, just for a moment." - NG

"feel the end, and then, dwell in that end even though reason denies it" - NG

"Consciousness is the only reality." + "The outer world merely reflects that which a man is in his own consciousness." + "That which you want to do or be has already been created. Therefore, it actually does exist." + "It is possible to bring into your world anything in creation by your belief that you already have it."

BELIEVE YOUR IMAGINATION IS REAL, YOU DECIDED YOU HAVE MASTERED THE VOID? YOU DID. Surrender, allow it, it is done. So abandon doubts.

♡ TIP: do you doubt the existence of void? read this, by @gorgeouslypink

𝑽𝑰𝑰 New assumptions you should hold with you.

"Persistence in assuming that you are the person you wish to be, despite your present circumstances, is the only condition imposed upon you to embody that ideal.'' - NG

♡ I will try to list some assumptions I think would help you:

You enter in the void effortlessly, you are always aware, you know symptoms does not matter, you are always calm, you are happy that you always wake up in the void, all methods works for you, you are pround of yourself, you are relieved right now, you know your power has no limits, you know entering in the void is easy, you always wake up in the void, you are happy that you know you will enter in the void always, you know you never fail, you know nothing can stop you, you know all the answers are within you, you are already living your dream life, you know you can feel what you want, you removed all the rules in your mind, you are no longer a victim, you are in control, you never blame, you always resolve, your mind is always quiet, you know how to enter the void easily, you deeply understand yourself, you trust yourself, you know you are save, you know everything works in your favor. 'Just try it, and persist' - Edwart

Persist with faith and acceptence. Know you are in control. Don't accept 3d as final.

"While in a particular state, you believe certain things are true and would find it difficult to understand another point of view." - NG

Make assumptions that make things easier for you, no more asking 'how', just try it and persist, no more fighting thoughts, you know thoughts don't manifest and that fight thoughts = fighting self. No more believing a doubt can ruin your desire, doubts have no power. No more trying to fix Self, you just move to the Self you want to be. No more thinking you are doing things in the wrong way, you are doing perfect. No more waiting to have a better Self concept or void concept, you already have it. No more blamin outside causes, you already know you can remove them by not paying attention. No more giving up in the morning because you thought that you 'failed', failure does not exist, you entered in the void just like you always do. No more asking bloggers, you know all the answers. No more overthinking, no more overconsuming, no more searching for things outside, no more seeking for new methods or subliminals. No more unknowledging 'failure'. No more asking how, no more asking if it is ''enough''. It's enough. Enough is enough.

"Be still and know that you are that which you desire to be, and you will never have to search for it." - NG

💌 I feel like there's so much more to write about, there's so much I wanted to explain more. But I will post this and If you like it, I will try making a part 2... So, if there's anything you think I should explain better, please comment here. I am probably going to breakdown into explaining how to manifest something to occur in future, it's a technique that Neville taught. You can use it to enter the void. Well, I will wait for your feedback, and I hope I can bring a next better post soon :)

2K notes · View notes

queens-of-spirits · 1 year

Text

Why the svsss papapa scenes are literary genius actually, Part 1:

So, fun fact, I originally wanted to do a funny little post where I ranked the four papapa scenes in svsss (with special mention to the start of the return to childhood extra and LMY’s writing) but my deranged ass decided to go full quirky English prof and turn this shit into a proper analysis.

So, believe it or not, the svsss papapa scenes are actually really important for understanding a lot of the characters and themes of the story. So yes. I am going to go through them all and explain why. Starting with…

Maigu Ridge (spoilers, obviously):

If this were actually my silly rankings post (which I still may make), Maigu ridge would rank dead last in any category related to actually being an enjoyable smut scene to read. That’s fine, because, to put it bluntly, that wasn’t the point.

It’s a subversion of the pressure and idea of the perfect first time or instinctive sexual skill seen in both power fantasy and romance/bl novels. That subversion and the shock of what happens is meant to take us out of the scene and make us think about the characters, the situation, and the tropes we take for granted. Remember, svsss is genre savvy twice over, both in Danmei/bl and power fantasy fiction. It explores both those worlds and the complicated aspects of both (I.e the obsession with revenge). It’s not trying to be a good smut scene, it’s setting up the characterization of the couple and the character arc seen throughout the rest of the papapa moments in the extras (more on that in future posts, but it’s about SQQ learning to be more open with his desire and pleasure) and exemplifying the main themes of the book (forgiveness and intention)

So without further ado, here is my analysis on this scene.

The notes about SQQ’s character in the Maigu Ridge scene should be obvious and understood by looking at the broad context of the scene. Like the Without a Cure moment, it shows how much he cares for LBH and his willingness to put his own life and body on the line to save him. It is devotion, pure and simple. However, more depth is revealed when examining specific passages (note all quotes are from the English publications because I don’t speak Chinese, so I’m sorry if the translation muddled the meaning).

The most vital part to me for Binghe’s character is this line:

“he’d done this out of consideration for Luo Binghe’s convenience, but unexpectedly he was flipped back around. Luo Binghe jammed himself between Shen Qingqiu’s legs, his entire attention rapt on Shen Qingqiu’s face.”

This refers to how SQQ tries to turn around so that LBH would not see his face during what is about to happen and LBH flipping him over again.

This, I believe is symbolic. SQQ turns around because he thinks that anyone will do and he is the only one willing, but that’s not true LBH wants SQH specifically. He needs to relieve the energy from the sword’s influence, yes, but despite that pain, he is focused solely on SQQ’s face.

The transformation from the stallion protagonist Bingge to our Bingmei is exemplified here better than any scene before it (I would argue it is later topped by the Bingge vs Bingmei extra). Unlike Binghe, Bingmei is not looking for mindless pleasure to escape his lonely life (represented here by the corrupting energy of the sword) he is seeking the one he adores above all, the one who he cares for more than anything. He has found true connection and THAT is what drives him to madness (remember, he’s trying to destroy everything to be the only one in SQQ’s world so he can’t be abandoned). That’s why, even when supposedly in a mad state, he seeks to look at SQQ’s face, because it isn’t about the sex, it’s about them, the two of them together.

The other vital part is the aftermath, before even the jade pendant. Specifically, this exchange:

“Shizun don’t hate me…I didn’t know…I never wanted to hurt you…why didn’t you push me away? Why didn’t you kill me?”

“This master knows. This master was willing”

Again, this was an act not born out of lust, like with Bingge and his wives, but something different. Bingge takes what he wants and feels no guilt because nothing was ever given to him, but Bingmei was given the world by one person and struggles with not feeling like, with not BEING the animal or monster that the rest of the world sees him as’

LBH had no intention to hurt SQQ

Just like how SQQ had no intention to hurt him by avoiding him

It’s symbolic of their relationship as a whole. Unintentional hurt and the forgiveness that follows. THATS why the remaining papapa scenes are so important. It’s about them learning to not hurt each other. Every single papapa scene that follows builds on this idea of them learning the right way to love each other (remember, their story together is just beginning after the last page of the book) and learning how to not hurt each other unintentionally, LBH physically, SQQ emotionally.

Again, clear themes of forgiveness and intention. The reasons behind why people do bad things (hence the focus on SJ and TLJ as complex characters) and the act of forgiveness and learning from mistakes, which I argue are the two main themes of SVSSS

So while Maigu ridge is terrible in terms of being an enjoyable scene to read, that was not it’s purpose. It’s purpose was to utilize the tropes of both Danmei and male fantasy to take us out of those genres (where first times always go well) and get us to THINK about the characters and why they do what they do, their intentions.

#bingqiu #svsss #shen qingqiu #luo binghe #luo bingge #luo bingmei #maigu ridge #scum villains self saving system #scum villian self saving system #papapa #SQQ #LBH #analysis #of things that maybe should not be #would my English teacher be proud or horrified?#you decide

603 notes · View notes

cypionate60mg · 3 months

Note

I just wanted to say I love what you’re doing omg… apologies if im totally missing the point by the way, I have only read some of ur responses to other asks and I’m not well read at all in the philosophy you talk about. Still I feel really seen by your posts or more accurately your posts feel exactly like my state of mind before committing to transitioning…. The repetitive and often kind of fleeting quality of the images you use reminds me of the obsessiveness I used to have over my (purposely unattainable) wishes of what I could be, the sort of wishes that don’t expect to be fulfilled unless pushed to the forefront by someone else, which the forcemasc does…. The captions are so raw and definitive that they feel half like someone else talking to me and half like my own repressed consciousness speaking what it can’t respectably say through someone else. most of the men being guys who I absolutely will not look like (I’m Asian and really short) adds to this because ur posts feel like the expression of an ideal fantasy, with all the caveats and problematic implications of creating an ideal fantasy of what being a man is based on your half-formed understanding of manhood through tv and the movies and whatnot… it rlly feels like trying to formulate an idea of what being a man would be like, without understanding or rlly comprehending the realities of life as the sort of man you will be. And in this way it’s like being on the precipice of taking the steps to actually realize the person you want to be, which you have some image of, but you really don’t know… the thing about transition (ime anyways) is that it highlights how who you are and who you want and what you value are all more intertwined and codeterminate than ppl think. I think many trans men eventually reach this point where they have to grapple with the question of what makes a man, anyways, besides a desire to be one? These posts feel like the state before unraveling any of that but you can see the strings so visibly there, waiting to be pulled on… Also one particular image you used a bit ago the one of the man and woman on the bicycle oh my god idk what it’s actually from but it felt so precisely like something I’d see while closeted and fixate on for weeks and weeks, creating a whole new image of it in my mind as a symbol of what could ideally be, stripping it of what it actually was while making it something more. Also your blog has felt very validating to me in my desire to turn away from wanting to be pretty, even as a man, which I feel is a box transmascs often get placed in against our will. Sorry this became an essay …. All of this is to say that I really appreciate your work and I’m excited to see where u go with it next !

Miss the point? I'd say quite the opposite. And no philosophy primer needed. If I were to go through, line by line, and find quotes of yours that I found incredibly salient and accurate to my own feelings, then I'd probably be copy-pasting your entire message. Very well-said.

There's also something to be said about being Asian and transmasculine. How it is burdened with uniquely specific assumptions about motivations for transition and rampant intracommunity fetishization. I try not to let it overwhelm me. Biting my tongue for now, but I have a lot to say about this. It's part of why I am painfully careful about whose photos I use, and with what text.

I'm relieved that you are able to pick out the intentional shortcomings of this project. The images show us fantasies of masculinity, and the captions do represent (to some degree) the frustration and neediness that comes from wanting to attain those ideals. They're that "repressed consciousness speaking what it can't respectably say", and I am that "someone else" for you, the viewer. I'll always be here to remind you that you should do it, you should chase after it anyway, because pursuing the impossible still changes you in a very real, palpable way.

"If you can't do it good, do it hard."

Thanks, anon. I hope I hear from you again.

Much love, CYP60MG

P.S. That movie is Rebels of the Neon God by Ming-liang Tsai. You should watch it.

youtube

#ask cyp60mg #director's commentary #behind the scenes

59 notes · View notes

alexglitches · 2 months

Text

Incorrect Quote Time (Lightning Round Edition)

~Twisted Wonderland~

Deuce: Hey, no, you stay out of this, this is between me and Ace! Yuu: So Ace knows about this? Deuce, walking away: No, this is between me and me!

~~~ Yuu: Sometimes I like to call people by the wrong name to show them I don’t care about them. Ace: That’s brilliant. Yuu: Thank you, Deuce.

~~~

Deuce: Why is everyone so obsessed with top or bottom? Honestly, I’d just be excited to have a bunk bed. Yuu: Yuu: I'm gonna tell them. Ace: Don't you dare.

~~~

Hyuu: People are always asking me if I'm a morning person or a night person. Hyuu: And I'm just like, 'Buddy! I'm barely even a PERSON!'

~~~ Coralia: You wanna see how hardcore I am? Coralia: *punches wall* Coralia: Coralia: Take me to the hospital.

~~~ Yui: You can de-escalate any situation by simply saying, 'Are we about to kiss?' Yui: Doesn't work for getting out of speeding tickets, by the way.

~~~ Yuu: *holding a bottle* Is this whiskey or perfume? Malleus: *chugs entire bottle* Malleus: It’s perfume.

~~~

Riddle: Oh, fiddlesticks. Yuu: Look, I understand this is a tense situation, but let's watch the fucking language.

~~~ Yuu: The results are in, I’m afraid you have updog… Yuno: What’s updog? Yuu: Yui! Get in here, I told you I could do it!

~~~ Coralia: Wait, what's going on? Are we all talking about how hot Yui is? Because Yui is a straight up sexual fox riding a red-hot nuclear bombshell right toward the yowza plaza in the heart of Babe City, Assachusetts, U S A. The last A just stands for more ass.

~~~

Hyuu: I would never say that my partner is a bitch and I don’t don’t like them. That’s not true… My partner is a bitch and I like them so much!

~~~ Hyuu: You have to apologize to them Idia. Idia: Fine! But I must warn you that this might make me a better, nicer person and that is NOT the person you fell in love with!

~~~ Idia: Date a girl who teleports around the room erratically when she gets anxious. Hyuu: Bitch, that's an enderman. Idia: Date an enderman, then.

~~~

Vil: Relationships should be 50/50. Enderman cooks us dinner while I sit on the kitchen counter looking pretty.

~~~

Malleus: Sorry I’m late, I was doing things. Ender Dragon: Hi, I’m ‘things’.

~~~

Ender Dragon: This food is too hot... I cant eat it. Malleus: You’re very hot, and I still eat you. Everyone at the table: *silence* Enderman: YOU GUYS ARE DISGUSTING! Yuu: One dinner... I just want ONE DINNER!

~~~

53 notes · View notes

bjtch-craft · 7 months

Text

"Can I make it up to you, please?"

Peter Parker x Black! Male reader

✩ Summary: Peter gets into an argument with the reader but makes it up to him...

✩ Word count: 2k

✩ Genre: Angst to Smut

✩ Request: Yes or No

✩ Warnings: Smut, crying, over stimulation (if you squint you'll see it), and (LIGHT) choking!!

✩Authors note: Sorry for disappearing for a while. School started again, and I wanna d!e already!!! Anyways this is my first attempt at writing smut, and it's so totally not proofread! So if there's any mistakes, please comment them so I can correct them.

"I don’t understand why you’re so mad at me!"

"Peter, I’m not fucking mad at you!"

Peter takes a deep breath and rubs his eyes with his wrist before placing them on either side of him, softly gripping at the sheets.

"Then why are you yelling at me?"

"I’m not-!" [Name] cuts himself off after hearing his tone. "I’m not yelling at you; I'm just... worried. Okay? Worried that one day you’ll meet your match or run into some crazy obsessed fan." He finishes his sentence with a softer tone.

"Well, you don’t have to be! Okay?"

"I know, but..."

"Is this about MJ?:

[Name’s] worried look is wiped away by Peter’s accusation and a look of shock forms.

"W-what? No!"

"Because it feels like it is! Is that why you meant by an obsessed fan?" Peter says, putting up air quotes while saying "obsessed fan. "

"That’s not what I meant!"

"Then what did you mean? Because to me, it seems like you’re upset; I’ve been hanging out with her more often. Jealous even."

"Oh my God, Peter, you’re un-fucking-believable! This isn’t about her or anything else; this is about me! And my concerns! You don’t even know how many times I’ve seen you go up against some big and how terrified I've been! Terrified that you’ll get seriously hurt or worse."

Peter lets out a scoff.

"So you’re just being overprotective now?"

[Name's] jaw dropped at the sentence that left Peter’s lips. He wasn’t sure how to react.

Peter and [Name] never argued, and even if they did, they’d get over it within a minute or two, but for some god-forsaken reason, Peter was being an absolute dick.

The energy in the room increased by ten as both of them (mostly [Name], of course) could feel the anger begin to sink in even deeper.

"Peter. What. The. Fuck! Is wrong with you today? I don’t know why you’re being like this!"

"Like what?"

"Like a dick! I don’t even know why you’re arguing with me; I’m just telling you my fucking concerns, and you have the fucking gall to call me jealous and overprotective."[Name] says, dragging out the word "Gall".

"And I’m just telling you how I feel too!"

[Name] didn’t know how to react; he felt hurt and could feel a sob begin to make its way up his throat. He gulped it down (that didn’t work; he ended up still crying later, but that’s later) he began to pull at the bottom of his shirt while looking at the floor.

"Peter… Can you leave?" [Name] said quietly.

"W-what?"

"I said," Can you leave," please?"

"Okay. Fine."

And with that, Peter stood up and made his way out the door, leaving [Name] standing there in silence, a tear threatening to fall from his eye. It wasn't an empty threat, and the tear fell. And fell. And fell. And fell.

Soon the sun set behind the tall buildings of New York, and the moon rose, casting a small bit of light into [Name's] room. [Name] sunk into his bed as he stared up at the ceiling, a million thoughts rushing through his brain.

Are we over?

Why was he mad at me?

Should I say sorry?

Should he say sorry?

Is it my fault?

No, it's his fault.

For sure.

Tap tap tap. [Name] sat up softly and looked towards his window, expecting to see the source of the sound. But there was nothing…

"Am I hallucinating? Can you even hallucinate sounds?" [Name] thought aloud.

Now, you can actually hallucinate sounds, but this wasn't a hallucination. Tap. Tap. Tap. [Name] got up from his bed, crept towards the window, and slid it open.

"Hello…? Why'd I say hello? That's basically a death wish if this was a horror movie. "

"Hi!"

[Name] jumped back from the window with a yelp. Before creeping back towards it and looking out it once again, but this time staring down to see a familiar blue and red suit.

Peter stood on the building's brick wall, looking up at [name], his arms crossed around.

"Can I come in?"

"Yeah…"

[Name] backed up from the wall as Peter climbed inside with a smile on his face.

"Do you have anything I can change into, babe?"

[Name] let out a scoff.

"Babe! Don't babe me, dude. Are you seriously going to pretend that our argument didn't happen?

"Sorry! I thought you'd be a little calmer. But do you?"

[Name] walked to his closet, pulled out a sweater, made his way toward his dresser, grabbed a pair of sweats, and threw them at Peter.

Peter changed and threw the suit in a corner before sitting down on the mattress. And a somewhat awkward energy filled the room.

"I'm sorry… I am. I don't know why I was being such a dick! But I'm sorry for what I said." Peter looked down at the floor, unable to look at his boyfriend.

"Peter…"

[Name] wasn't sure what to say, and in situations like this (awkward, scared, and nervous), he often coiled his already-curled hair around his finger.

"I feel like such a shitty boyfriend."

[Name] placed his hand on Peter's cheek. "You're not a shitty boyfriend, though... You admit when you're wrong and understand why 6 wrong. That's legit one of the many reasons why I love you!"

Peter looked up at [name], nuzzled his face into his palm, and planted a soft kiss on his palm. [Name] ran his thumb over his pale cheek. It was a sweet moment that didn't last very long.

[Name] softly ran his thumb over the corner of Peter's soft lips. Peter adjusted his head and planted a kiss on the darker-skinned boy's thumb. [Name] smiled down at Peter.

"I love you, Peter..."

"I love you too."

[Name] pressed his finger against Peter's lip. He got the hint and opened his mouth, letting his boyfriend's thumb in. He looked up at [name] with innocent eyes as he bobbed his head up and down on his thumb.

"Jesus..." [Name] whispered out.

Peter came off his finger with a pop, his face turning a light pink.

"Can I make it up to you, please?"

[Name] nodded his head softly and backed up as Peter got up off the bed and kneeled in front of him.

"You can say no at any time, and I'll stop," Peter said with a smile.

"Same to you."

Peter reached up and pulled down [Name's] basketball shorts, dropping them to his ankles. Peter reached up and gently groped at the bulge in the other boy's boxers. Peter pulled them down with ease.

Peter stroked it gently, causing a soft whimper to release from [Name's] mouth as Peter's soft hands glided over his cock. Peter grabbed the base of [Name's] cock and gently licked the tip before taking it into his mouth. Peter looked up at [Name] as he slowly took more into his mouth, gagging a bit as he made his way towards the base.

[Name] reached down and placed his hand in Peter's hair, holding his head in place, making Peter gag as drool pooled out of the corner of his lips.

"Fuckkk! Peter, your mouth feels so good."[Name] moaned out.

Peter let out another gagging sound and tapped the side of [Name's] thigh, signaling for him to let go. And [Name] did Peter come off his cock with a pop and look up at him with a smile, a rope of drool connecting [Name's] tip to his lips.

"Are you okay, Peter?"

"Yeah. Fine." Peter said as he began to slowly stroke [Name's] dick.

He placed it back in his mouth and began to go back down on it. He bobbed his head up and down in a repeating motion as he reached into his sweats and pulled out his own cock and began jerking himself off.

Peter came off his dick and kitten, licked the tip, and placed it back into his mouth, swirling his tongue around it.

"Agh, Jesus Peter" [name] whimpered out.

[Name] placed his hands on either side of his head and slowly began pulling his head further down on his shaft.

"I'm going to go a little rough. Is that okay with you?"

"Mmmm," Peter hummed in response, causing a soft vibration on [Names] dick, making him let out another moan.

[Name] gripped a handful of Peter's hair and began to pull his cock out of his mouth before slamming it back down his throat. Peter, still stroking his own cock, reached out and grabbed at [names] thighs for support.

[Name] strengthened his grip on Peter's head and began slamming his cock down Peter's throat harshly, causing drool to pool out of the corners of his lips.

"Ohhh God! F-fuck!"

Peter whimpered and whined around the length as tears filled his eyes, threatening to spill.

"MM~ MMM~" Peter whined out.

Peter jerked himself off at an even faster rate, chasing his climax. And he chased it, cumming all over his hands and floor.

"Aww, Pete...."

[Name] pulled his dick out of Peter's mouth, leaving him gasping for air.

"F-fuck~" Peter said in between breaths.

"Are you okay, Pete?"

"Mhm."

"You came... kind of fast."

Peter's pale face turned a soft pink as he ran a hand through his hair, looking down at the floor.

"Do you want to, like, you know, go all the way? You don't have to say yes." [Name] said, reaching down and lifting Peter's chin up to look at him.

"Yes, I want to do it."

[Name] reached down and pulled Peter up by his arm, smashing his lips against his. [Name] kicked off his shorts and boxers and began walking them toward the bed, lightly pushing Peter down. Peter reached out and gripped the collar of [Names] shirt, pulling him down with his lips, never breaking contact.

[Name] broke the kiss, placed a soft kiss on Peter's cheek, and started making his way towards his neck. Kissing down his jawline before softly biting his neck.

"Fuck~" Peter moaned out.

[Name] began sucking on the flesh and biting at it before licking over the bite. The warmth of [Names] tongue made Peter blush even more, making his already pink skin turn a deep scarlet. [Name's] hands traveled down Peter's body, slipping them up his shirt and feeling him up.

[Name] reaches out from under Peter's shirt and takes his cock in his hand, gently tugging at it. Peter let out a soft whimper at the feeling of [name's] warm hand.

"Is this okay?" [Name] says speeding up the pace.

Peter bites down on his bottom lip and nods his head.

With his other hand, [Name] begins to pull Peter's shirt up and begins placing soft kisses on his torso, making his way toward Peter's cock. Peter pulled his shirt off, making [Name] let go of his cock.

[Name] delicately kissed Peter's tip, spat in his hand, and began jerking him off once more. The sound of wet noses and whimpers filled the room.

"Does that feel good, Peter?"

"Mhm-ahh~ Fuck~!" Was all he could whine out as [Name] ran his thumb over his tip in a particularly hard motion.

[Name] let's go of Peter's cock and steadied himself on his knees, grabs the bottom of his shirt and pulls it off.

"Let me know if it hurts or if I'm going to be rough, okay?"

"Okay."

[Name] placed Peter's legs on his shoulders and steadied himself on the mattress before lining himself up with Peter's hole. Peter reached out and felt around on his boyfriend's bedside table until he felt a familiar wrapping.

"Here."

Peter handed him a condom. [Name] opened it and slid it over his dick and pushed into Peter slowly, wanting him to adjust to his size before moving.

Peter gripped the sheets and twisted them in his hands as he let out a soft moan.

"F-fuck~"

[Name] reached out and grabbed Peter by the waist and pulled him down on his cock. [Name] bottoming inside of Peter as he looked down at him to see his arm covering his face, his face somehow even pinker.

"Does this feel okay?"

"Mhm."

"Can you uncover your face? I want to see all the pretty little faces you make, Pete."

Peter's cock twitched at this, and a drip of precum made its way down his cock. Peter did as he was told, took his arm off, and looked up at the curly-haired boy.

"I'm going to start moving, okay? Let me know if it's too much or if you want to stop. I won't be mad, I promise!"

"Okay, I will."

[Name] began to roll his hips in and out of the pale boy, starting off with a slow pace to ensure he didn't hurt him. [Name] decided to test the limits and pulled out of Peter, making him let out a breathy gasp at the loss of friction before slamming back into him and producing another loud moan from him.

His face contorted into a mixture of pleasure and pain as his hands shot out and grabbed at [Names] shoulders as he rocked his hips into Peter.

"Aghh~ C- Can you go a little harder?'

[Name] listened to his question and sped up the pace, filling the room with the sound of a headboard banging and the sound of skin against skin. [Names] hands roamed down Peter's thighs until they reached his cock, took it in his hand, and began once again jerking him off at an irritatingly slow pace.

[Name] placed his other hand on the back of Peter's head and leaned in their lips inches apart. [Names] thrust slowed for a second before stopping all together.

"Why did you stop?" Peter said, his voice barely above a whisper.

[Name] closed the gap between them. Peter kissed back almost instantly and placed his hand on the back of [Names] head, tangling his fingers in his curls. [Name] began to thrust into him slowly and more gentle as the kiss deepened.

[Name] grabbed Peter's hands and placed them above his head, holding them in place and breaking the kiss in the process. His thrust quickened, and once again, the sound of skin against skin filled the room.

"Fu-fuck~ ugh!" [Name] moaned out.

His thurst became even harder as he chased his high. Peter could feel tears starting to fall from his eyes, not from pain but from pleasure. It was all too much. His ccok standing up straight twitched and shot ropes of cum all over his abdomen, painting that area of his body glossy white.

"I'm not too far behind," [Name] grunted out.

His thrust became sloppy, losing the rhythm as he tightened his grip on Peter's wrist.

"F-fuuck~"!

He let go of Peter's wrist, pulled out of him, and made his way to the floor. Peter got the idea quickly and knelt before sticking his tongue out as [Name] jerked himself off.

After one or two strokes, he came, shooting his load over Peter's face. Blotches of white landed on his lashes, chin, nose, forehead, tongue, and hair.

Peter swallowed the cum that had landed in his mouth and smiled looking up at [name] innocently.

"Jesus Christ, Peter, you're so pretty."

Authors note part 2!!!:

Okay so y'all I'm thinking of doing an Olivia Rodrigo type of story with Bad Idea, right? Should I do this???

Link to the song in case y'all haven't heard it yet!!!

#lgbtq #gay #peter parker x male reader #spiderman x male reader #tom holland x you #tom holland x male reader #smut #peter parker smut #peter parker x black!reader #Peter parker x Black male reader #idk man #Is this even good #Spotify

129 notes · View notes

rrcenic · 8 months

Text

in the honor of my marvel obsession creeping back to me + my family being in disneyland and exploring avengers campus, have some ✨avengers incorrect quotes✨ as things my friends and family have said

a shit ton of these were conversations between @cissyenthusiast010155 and i lmao

peter: indulge in my child-like whimsy. buy me a web slinger

steve: is that an igloo over there??

peter: …it’s a hippie house?

tony: did you hear about the hippie states wife?

steve: why on earth is there a hippie house in the cars theme park?!

tony: babe. did you hear about the hippie states wi-

peter: what’s the hippie state?

tony: the hippie states wife is mississippi!

steve: what on earth are you talking abou-

tony: like,,, mrs. hippie?? mississippi?

steve: …

peter: …

tony: …

tony: i thought it was funny

tony: “i can do this all day”? that’s what she said

steve: SHHHHHH!!!

natasha: ooh, you’ve finally been shushed

loki: a kid ran in front of me and my reaction was “broken child!”

steve: wHAT?!

loki: i didn’t say it out loud!!!

scott: please sir, you don’t understand, if i don’t get my 20 dollar sunglasses back, my children will die

peggy: i support neil patrick harris being gay

natasha: peg, you’re a lesbian

peggy: yes, but i am an ally to his gayness

natasha: you are gay

peter: they should let me stay up late. because. if they don’t it would be…

ned: transphobic?

peter: YES

bucky: i smelled grass! and now i want some!

steve: you want to eat grass?!

bucky: absolutely

peter: and they were LAB PARTNERS

harley: oh my gawd they were lab partners

tony: i want shawarma

steve: i want to go to sleep

tony: it’s only 4 pm

steve: and?

steve: oh, this boba pearl is stuck in the ice…

bucky: just like captain america!

tony: aaaah, good one

mj: “what kind of girl do you want” a red one

peter: …

peter: are we talking about cars????

thor: i don’t understand the scientific physics

bruce: the what

peter: please bring back the cheese man

tony: that could really mean any of us

*at their first meet up in a while*

natasha: yknow, i’m just now being reminded of the fact that i hate half the people here

bucky: i hate will ferrell

sam: how can anyone hate will ferrell?!

bucky: well, i liked him in barbie

sam: and he was funny in the lego movie!

bucky: true, he was awesome in that

sam: oh, he was also megamind!

bucky: yes! i loved him with that

sam: you don’t actually hate will ferrell, do you?

bucky: …

sam: you just hate elf

bucky: …i just hate elf

steve: “rogers: the musical” can only be described as feeling like bad fanfiction

tony: isn’t it amazing

*playing heads up, prompt “avengers: civil war”*

peter: when! when the divorce!

scott: ant man’s first fight!

natasha: when everyone decided they didn’t like each other anymore!

harley: oh, c3p0 and r2d2 are a gay couple!

peter: duh??? did you just realize that???

130 notes · View notes

thesoftboiledegg · 7 months

Text

This whole Dan Harmon interview is worth reading, but here's a few essential quotes:

When the show scored its second season, Harmon was eager to staff up, filling out their ragtag cable team with Harvard-educated Community writers. If they were going to make a play for network primetime audiences, he reasoned, they’d need network primetime writers. “If I had felt like I was imposing something, I would have never done it,” he says, having played the whole thing back in his head countless times over the past decade. He can see now how Roiland must have felt that that transition was about making the show more Harmon’s than his, but he insists that was not his intent.

“If anything, what I wanted was for Justin and I both to be able to be increasingly lazy and not show up for work. That was the dream,” says Harmon. “We’d be these rich idea men. He could roll around and go, like, ‘What if a genie had a butt instead of a dick?’ And I could be like, ‘Yeah, and plus, we’re going to make people cry about it, and that’s going to make them freak out. It’s a story about a genie butt dick, but then we’d win an Emmy, and it’d be more ironic than ever.’ And then I’d come to find out later that it was like, ‘Oh, Harmon brought in his Harmon writers,’ and, man, that is not how I saw it.”

[...]

The last time he and Roiland spoke was over text in 2019, a conversation that left Harmon in tears. “He said things that he’d never said before about being unhappy, and I remember saying to him the last time we spoke in person, like, ‘I am worried about you, and I don’t know what to do about that except to give you all the string and also just say I’m scared that you’re not going to come back.’ But then this conversation became unprecedentedly confrontational.” Harmon stops himself there. “I think that’s as far as I get to take the story. At that point, we’re no longer both there for it, and it starts to become not only unfair for me to continue but totally uncomfortable because, from there, a friendship goes away, and I still don’t fully understand why.”

[...]

“The easiest thing for me to say about Justin has been nothing. Easy because he isolated so well and easy because I’m nobody’s first choice as a judge of anything or anyone. This is where I’d love to change the subject to myself, to what a piece of crap I’ve been my whole public life,” he says. “I would feel so safe and comfortable making this about me, but that trick is worthless here and dangerous to others. It’s other people’s safety and comfort that got damaged while I obsessed over a cartoon’s quality. Trust has now been violated between countless people and a show designed to please them. I’m frustrated, ashamed and heartbroken that a lot of hard work, joy and passion can be leveraged to exploit and harm strangers.”

---

I suggest reading the full article because it goes pretty in-depth into Dan Harmon and Justin Roiland's relationship and how their collaboration fell apart. The article also has some intriguing details about how the show operates behind the scenes.

#rick and morty #dan harmon #justin roiland

73 notes · View notes

dracowars · 2 years

Note

hiii, do you take requests for luke skywalker? if you do, could i get a luke and reader fic where shes a jedi too and his close friend? she gets jealous and insecure when he starts to show interest in someone else (can be leia or someone else idm) and slowly starts distancing herself away and one day she gets hurt saving him and she thinks shes gna die so she confesses? when she wakes up she apologises and happy ending please??? Thanks!!

i'm not her | luke skywalker

pairing: luke x jedi!reader

word count: 2,1k

summary: where y/n thinks that luke is in love with someone else

a/n: i’m literally so clueless about legends, but i kind of know who mara jade is? i think? that’s why i thought it would be a nice idea to add her?? idk, don’t quote me on this lmao all i know is she has a cool purple lightsaber! thank you so much for this request, it's my first for luke <3

warnings: angst, violence, attempted murder, mentions of blood, mentions of injuries, mentions of death

universe: star wars

„You have been talking about her a lot lately, kid”, Han suddenly says out loud what everyone in the room was already thinking. A new day, a new plan to overthrow the Empire. You are in the process of developing a new tactic – in this case, you consists of General Organa, notorious pilot Han Solo and his faithful companion Chewbacca, as well as Luke Skywalker and yourself – when Luke cannot resist to bring Mara Jade into play again.

Mara Jade, the Emperor’s hand, who unscrupulously completes even the most brutal of orders from her master, is by no means to be underestimated and definitely has to be seen as a threat to the rebellion. However, she is not worth having a certain someone obsess over her that much. Ever since you have known of her existence, and by the way have crossed her path and fought her several times – Luke and you, side by side – he just cannot seem to stop mentioning her at every opportunity. He is almost enthusiastic about her and her abilities. That this unnatural obsession even catches Han’s attention has to mean something.

And the fact that Luke’s cheeks take on a light shade of red as he apparently feels caught by Han’s words only confirms all of this. The certainty you now have hurts.

The last few Jedi that still roam this galaxy are rarely encountered, and you still cannot quite understand how lucky you were to accidentally meet one of them, if not the best of them. There were times where you had to fend for yourself, you were not allowed to make any mistakes, or they would have caught on to you immediately. But suddenly you had a family, you were part of something much bigger.

Nobody can understand and relate to you better than Luke. Even though he did not know what he was destined to do from birth, you two have gone through similarly difficult times and it is nice to know that you no longer have to face the critical times ahead alone. The bond you built is based on mutual trust and respect. But the more you trained together, the more you got to know the many facets of the Force together, the more this bond of friendship became something else, something deeper.

Apparently, this feeling was only one-sided.

“I am just saying we need to keep an eye on her. She is a threat to-”

“So am I”, Han replies knowingly, arms crossed in front of his chest to underline his statement while starting a staring contest with Luke.

“Listen, we are doing it exactly the way we planned. If Jade crosses your path, well, it wouldn’t be the first time”, Leia intervenes softly, preventing the conversation from escalating any further. Neither Luke nor Han object to this suggestion, so Leia presents a short version of the plan as a wrap-up. The slight pain you feel in your heart is not noticed by anyone.

════════════

Actually, the plan was quite simple: get into the Imperial outpost unnoticed and get the information that a contact, a spy in the ranks of the Empire, hands you over. Unfortunately, the plan did not go as planned and you may not have gone quite as unnoticed as you would have liked. That violet lightsaber just appeared right in front of you, nobody could have really expected that.

Without hesitation, Luke and you draw your lightsabers, which flash green and blue in front of you as you position yourself in a suitable fighting stance, facing her. Your opponent nonchalantly twirls a strand of her red hair around her finger as she waits for the both of you to get ready. A satisfying grin curls her lips as her gaze shifts from you to Luke and lingers there.

“It has been a while”, Mara smiles, and if you did not know how ruthless this woman really is, you could almost have believed that she smiled genuinely friendly. But who are you trying to fool, this woman is the personified evil and finally must be defeated once and for all. Luke and you have already failed once, you are not going to let that happen a second time.

“It’s always nice to meet you”, Luke greets her, also giving her a smile, although you are pretty sure his is truly genuine. Another stab to your poor heart, but you try to focus on the battle ahead, tightening your grip on your lightsaber hilt which feels extremely heavy this time. She certainly will not win this time.

“I just wish our paths wouldn’t only cross when you’re about to rob the Empire”, Mara mentions amused, but at the same time her voice suddenly does not sound as friendly anymore as it did only mere seconds ago. However, the wink she gives Luke at the end of her sentence strongly suggests that she is actually flirting with him. Here. In the middle of an Imperial outpost. In front of you.

“When you two are done, I would really like to leave”, you interject now with a roll of your eyes, and even though you see Luke move his hand ever so slightly in the corner of your eye, holding it in front of you unnoticedly as if he wants to indicate that you should wait, you plainly ignore it. With quick steps you are right in front of Mara Jade and your lightsabers blaze with a bright white light as they meet. Luke, now forced to attack as well because of your attack, appears next to you and Mara uses the Force to knock you back a few meters through the air so that she only has to deal with Luke, at least for one moment.

“I should coach you soon, your tactics are ridiculous”, she mentions between movements, before you manage to get to your feet again and rejoin the fight. You are two against one and yet she has the audacity to make fun of your fighting style.

“No, but no thank you”, you answer promptly and although you are now fighting her at the same time, she does not seem to mind at all. The dark side of the Force that completely surrounds her seems to give her so much power that she can easily take on both of you. Every time you think you are about to wound her with your glowing blade, she finds another way to prevent you from actually doing so. Luke’s green lightsaber spins around and meets her purple blade at the same instant as yours. Together you try to bring her down, but she suddenly lets herself sink on one knee and pulls Luke’s legs away with her other leg, causing him to fall to the ground with a loud thud. With a quick flick of her wrist, her lightsaber is dangerously close to you all of a sudden, forcing you to take a few steps back.

Mara uses this to her advantage, getting you into trouble when your back hits the wall behind you, disarming you with one deft move, your lightsaber falling to the ground, the blue light disappearing. Holding the violet blade directly in front of your face, you only now realize how difficult it is to breathe. However, you do not have much time to think about your rapid breathing when she raises her other arm, lifting Luke, who was just about to rush to your aid, off the ground. Groaning and gasping for air, his saber falls to the ground as well, and he instinctively grabs his throat with his hands, as if by doing so he could keep her from fully blocking his airpipe.

Watching Luke’s skin grow pale, your gaze wanders, frantically searching for a way out. With a deadly blade at your own throat, it is not easy to focus properly, but you understand that the only way out is to take risks. If you do not risk it, she will kill him for sure.

Without thinking about it another second, scared that you might regret your decision, you reach into the air and use the Force to pull Luke’s lightsaber towards you, immediately igniting it and catching Mara Jade off guard. In distress, she lets go of Luke to put her saber between you in the last moment, preventing you from piercing her with the green blade. Breathing heavily, you push against her strength while keeping an eye on Luke, who is desperately gasping for air on the floor. His miserable state gives you the power to disarm Mara Jade with one swift movement, her lightsaber rolling over the floor to Luke’s side.

However, when blaster shots suddenly echo around the walls the next moment, distracting your attention for the split of a second, and you see Han and Chewbacca escaping with the needed information, you only feel the excruciating pain as a vibroblade disappears into your abdomen. Immediately, you fall over, screaming in pain. Tears uncontrollably stream down your cheeks, and you put one trembling hand over your bleeding wound while you reach for the lightsaber with the other, but to no avail. You cannot reach the Force, it is as if nothing is left of it around you.

Looking up at Mara Jade, her evil glittering eyes are fixed on only you, a murderous lust in her eyes that makes you shudder.

Before she can severely hurt you even more, however, she is suddenly pushed away from you and against the wall, the impact jerking through her entire body. Trying to control your rapid breath, you watch as Luke approaches her with your blue lightsaber after she regained her balance, now clearly enraged. Luke, on the other hand, now has an aura around him that you cannot quite grasp and maybe you are just imagining it, the pain clouding your senses, but he suddenly seems different, more dangerous than ever. He dodges Mara’s attacks with ease and throws her through the air like she is nothing, the vein in his neck throbbing with anger.

The pain that keeps spreading from your wound through your whole body makes it extremely difficult for you to follow the fight as you try to somehow stop the excessive bleeding. That is why you do not understand why Luke suddenly bends over your trembling figure, carefully placing your head on his thigh.

“Luke, watch out, J-Jade-”, you stutter out, tears blocking your vision and pain clouding your mind.

“Sshh.. She can’t hurt you anymore”, Luke whispers to you, one of his hands on your cheek while the other lifts your own from your wound, before placing his own on top of it. He maintains eye contact with you and orders you to keep your eyes open, but he keeps looking down for a short amount of time, presumably assessing how bad your injury is. The pain you endure during this is unbearable and it feels like she severed your entire lower body. Your pupils no longer focus properly on your surroundings and all you feel is pain.

“I’ll pick you up carefully, alright? I’ll be very careful-”

“L-Luke, wait”, you stop him and grab his hand with your remaining strength so he cannot get on his feet to pick you up. If this is the end, then you cannot leave this galaxy until he knows how you truly feel. You would never forgive yourself. Just for once you want to know how it feels to say the words out loud.

“I love you”, you choke out, the words somehow rolling off your tongue, and for that brief moment when you look him straight in the eyes, you see clearly, and the pain goes away.

“You idiot! Stop saying stuff like that!? Save your strength and-”

“B-But-”

“I want you to tell me that again when you’re feeling well, are you listening?!”, Luke calls out to you from afar, his words ringing in your head as you feel a gentle shake on your body. “I love you too, Y/N. Promise me you’ll hold out long enough so I can tell you a lot more how much I actually love you.”

Closing your eyes with a soft smile on your lips, his words fade from your mind and the world around you darkens. The next time you open them, your head is pounding and the constant annoying beeping of one of the medical devices does not help at all. Just as you are about to get upset, you feel a weight on your right hand and your heart melts as you look over.

Luke’s head is on your hospital bed, his eyes closed, his breath low and his hair tousled in all directions, but his hand is inseparable intertwined with yours.

He has been here the whole time, waiting for the moment he can tell you how deeply he is in love with you, how he has always been and always will be.

540 notes · View notes

cry-ptidd · 2 months

Note

I want Laura in love maaaaaannn I don’t care what she’s done, what would see really be like in love?like her actions, words, will sex be something nice for her instead of just corrupting some nun?like she actually enjoys the act with someone she cares for?

Laura's highly traumatized and unstable, so her view on that topic is very unhealthy. She views sex as a power play, something to satiate boredom, but being in love? That's not something she's used to. Her mind is all over the place, she's confused. Childish even.

She believes love is something that's unattainable for something like her. She doesn't need it, she doesn't deserve it. She's fucked up beyond repair and doesn't get to demand that luxury.

I mean, yes she's pining from afar, but how can she expect the subject of her affection to like her back? Impossible. She waits for them to harm her to regain that unhealthy sense of familiarity, and when it doesn't happen she gets scared and unnerved.

As to how she would act in love, it'd pretty much be how she acts with Integra.

She becomes more meek, quiet, she's fascinated and serviable. Like how wolves show submissive body language to indicate they like you.

But there's also an underlying defensive hatred because, well something must be wrong with this person to make her feel like this.

She wants to "corrupt" them, because it's familiar, because she views reciprocity of her feelings as the person debasing themselves.

Her love language is acts of service. Most of the time those services include bringing you the head of your enemies and ending anyone who made you uncomfortable because how dare they, or offering her body to entertain you for however long. I mean people are happy when they get laid right? The satisfaction feels nice, she wants her favored person to feel nice.

She sees them as a savior or a saint, puts them on a pedestal and shows her throat in submission.

She pines from afar and denies anything about it to the person but doesn't care to hide it to anyone else. She tries to scoot closer and invade their space when they're not looking or finds any excuse to be closer to them in whatever way, cleaning their room, being physically close when she can (outside of sex of course, she doesn't understand why but it feels nice to be close to someone even when they're not using your body). She denies it all in front of the person but openly says it to anyone else.

It's obsession, devotion, willful submission and fascination because control is a privilege and she's giving it to the person, jealousy of everything but not saying anything because she doesn't get to demand anything, so she gives them her everything and hope they're satisfied. She doesn't want them to leave like how she left her previous partners. The fact that Integra can't exactly leave her without killing her (which is a whole other can of worms) reassures her a bit as well.

Also, actual intimacy is something foreign to her so throw in a hefty amount of cannibalism metaphors.

Maybe it's all an idea of taming oneself out of love. It's bittersweet.

All in all, this is the quote that probably sums it up the best.

Also, I am currently writing a smut fic of Laura x Integra from Laura's pov exploring their relationship and the intimacy they share.

#tfw ptsd annihilates your rizz #is she a complex character?#laura 'what the fuck is a healthy state of mind' chastel #she's such a beaten dog #hellsing oc #my oc #laura chastel #ask response #cw past abuse #long post #i love making her a monster wearing a human face #she doesn't know how humans work anymore (she never really understood them anyway)#how tf is she supposed to act now #(lovingly) i will eat your organs

29 notes · View notes

chippedcupwrites · 8 months

Text

youtube

"There’s really a sense that the gods brought them together so he could be her most loyal retainer someday without Lady to protect her, and so he could serve someone who will treat him like an actual human being and won’t ask anything dishonorable of him." - @maidenvault

"Shrike" │ a Sandor Clegane & Sansa Stark fanvid

Note #1.

I just want to leave a little love note here for all SanSan meta writers. In the interest of transparency, I’d like to clarify that I don’t ship Sandor and Sansa romantically. I think they are kindred spirits, but I don’t interpret their love as having a romantic element.

That being said, I am obsessed with SanSan metas. Truly some of the most well-articulated, insightful pieces I have ever read. Especially when it comes to the depth of understanding of Sandor’s character, internal dialogue, and motivations. Just reading them through the lens of a ‘Sandor Clegane Character Study’ is an absolute treat.

But I also think the reason I can enjoy them so immensely (despite not viewing the relationship as romantic) is that – at its core – we’re still all on the same page here. Said page being that their dynamic is just bursting at the seams with utter devotion. That their truest happy endings are wrapped up in each other; protector and protectee.

And I thought @maidenvault little mini meta [HERE] captured my feelings on the subject so perfectly, to the extent that I very much had her above quote reverberating in my head while I worked on this video.

Note #2.

The non-show footage in this video is from the astoundingly beautiful short film “Bird Song” by @kateofthecanals. If by some sheer insane possibility you have never watched it, HERE it is for your viewing pleasure.

The non-show audio is from the ASOIAF audiobooks (read by Roy Dotrice) and from my attempt to clean-up the audio from Rory McCann’s audition tape.

80 notes · View notes

fancifulplaguerat · 11 months

Text

“Any choice is right as long as it’s willed” may be one of my favorite lines in the entirety of Patho Classic and I’m obsessed with looking at how Artemy perceives his autonomy within the framing of that quote

Replaying Artemy’s route I noticed that he has fewer dialogue options than Daniil or Clara, and overall seems to have the most conversations where the player is only afforded one dialogue option. Admittedly I was bothered by this because having returned from the Changeling route I was cracking my knuckles to analyze how Artemy feels like an outsider in town, how he could foreseeably reject his path just as Daniil or Clara—in the Changeling Route, Artemy is often likened to Daniil as an outsider, but that sentiment is far weaker in his own story than in Clara’s. I was vexed about it because that would’ve been interesting to explore, but I think it’s because in the Haruspex route we play as Artemy ascending to his role, that is the plot for us and for him. Everything the player does in his route to progress the game necessitates that we choose this “claiming my father’s duty” path, so that it feels strange to me from a character perspective to get to those final days and say “actually I want nothing to do with this” because while there are occasional dialogue options where Artemy expresses his hesitancy, he doesn’t have the same option to oppose his path like Daniil or Clara; he doesn’t get to have any vehement “actually fuck this town I don’t belong here or want to be here” options until the final days, which feels wildly dissonant considering it comes post-hole excursion and killing Oyun. It feels like the only way to leave Artemy’s beaten path is just not to play, which is why I see his route and way he perceives his autonomy as deeply linked to “When every step you take has been predicted, you are still free to either take it or not.”

I also feel that Artemy has the most concrete “sense of self” in comparison to Daniil and Clara, though of course he can assume different characterizations depending on how one roleplays as him. I think that feeling partly lies in the fact that Artemy’s route has a separate objective to ending the plague. Though Daniil and Clara likewise have motivations besides the plague (saving Thanatica/defining her identity) the resolution to their conflicts becomes linked to the plague: Daniil must stop it to save his research, and Clara likewise claims her identity through how she combats it, but Artemy has two conflicts which overlap but can still remain separate.

All of this particularly interests me in the context of Artemy’s reaction towards the Powers That Be reveal (I’m using his reaction in the Bachelor and Changeling routes, since his own is nearly identical to Daniil’s). When Daniil tells him, Artemy says “Like I said, I don’t care all that much. Aglaya told me about this too, you know... She expected to stun me with the news, but I wasn't sad at all. Although I didn’t take her words that literally. But I'm honest with myself—so does it really matter what I'm made of?”

Similarly in the Changeling Route:

Haruspex: I'm not a toy, Changeling. I am Artemy Burakh, a Haruspex who knows the lines, a Warden who has fulfilled his mission and reconciled his father's spirit with the Earth, and has made the correct choice. That's who I am. Do you understand?

> So you're a believer in salvation through ignorance?

Haruspex: I must admit I'm a bit confused—but it was for the better. It allowed me to escape the iron grip of my preordainment. I'm content with being able to choose with my heart.

This line of thinking follows what Artemy has said throughout his route, such as “They may say I am predictable, but no one would ever say I am easily controlled” or “I will do as my conscience tells me to. If this aligns with someone else’s schemes, so be it.” All of Artemy’s route he speaks about acting according to his conscience, that is what matters to him, no matter what else, hence “any choice is right as long as it’s willed.” What I especially want to focus on is “I’m honest with myself—so does it really matter what I'm made of?”

To me it reads as Artemy claiming his autonomy through “I act according to my conscience and because of that I am the person I perceive myself to be” which I very much enjoy. As tragically entertaining as a character trapped in a narrative is, it’s still interesting to me to see how Artemy asserts his autonomy via asserting his identity; he’s a little like Clara in that sense. I just love that line sm it’s so delicious to me <3 Like an old friend of sorts

#also artemy canonically doesn't know what a brontosaurus is #pathologic #artemy burakh #patho.txt

101 notes · View notes

byrdtrolls · 2 months

Text

Three Things Rollyn Firlyn Does Not Remember

(teehee, if you want to read the drabble preceding this one, it is here)

Two months into their relationship, Rollyn Firlyn and Sunset Blinks are on a video call in Rollyn’s seemingly endless closet. She holds up a dress so he can see in the camera.

“Yay or nay” She says.

“Hmm” He thinks. “Maybe if you swap back to the other bodysuit with it?” He says.

“It’s coldddd” She complains. “I’m not wearing that.”

“Not the sleeveless one” he corrects. “The one with the sequins.”

“Oh” She says, going back to look for the offending bodysuit, and accidentally knocking over her phone.

“Ow- dammit” She curses, picking it up.

“Did you drop me?” Sunset jokes. “I broke all my bones.”

“Sunset, why can’t you just BE here” She voices, gesturing frustratedly.

“I have work,” he says.

“This party is kind of important to me” She sighs.

“So is my work” He replies.

“Yeah yeah, I know.” She complains. “But we’re doing something important here, the fundraisers for a really good cause”

“I know” he sighs, “And I am so proud of you, and I wish I could be there, but I can’t. I told you, I would-”

“Yeah, I heard your whole stupid monologue” She complains. “‘I will compromise with you on every single front but one’” She quotes her lover, in a mockery of Sunset’s voice. Sunset is silent for a long moment, and the quiet goes on so long even the video call cannot disguise the hurt in his eyes.

“Don’t look like a kicked puppy” She pleads. “Our second date, you told me you were always going to put your mafia bullshit above all else '' She says, stepping out of the view to change her clothes. “Do you not hear how you sound?” She says, dejected. “You’re difficult to understand, Sunset. You are so loving and reasonable so much of the time, but. So obsessed with whatever stupid highblood criminal powergrab that constantly occupies your waking mind. You walk and talk like you’re so much better than that. And I wish you could be.” She rambles, hurt. She is well used to being disappointed by highbloods, and she does not think him any different.

“That’s- not what’s happening here” He says, finally. “I’m not looking for power.” He says.

“Are you?” She retorts. “Or do you just have a more convenient excuse than other clowns?”

“Rollyn,” He pleads.

“Prove me wrong,” She says. “Prove me wrong, Sunset, I beg of you. You’re better than this.”

She is once again answered by silence.

“Well?” She insists.

“I can’t tell you why,” He says. “But you have deeply misunderstood the situation.”

“Why can’t you tell me!” She snaps. “I tell you everything Sunset! I’m an open book! I put so much trust in you! You won’t put any in me?” She says, frustrated, pulling on her dress.

“Rollyn, I…” He starts but can’t finish.

“I took a leap of faith,” She says. “I took the leap of faith, as a mutant, into the arms of a rich highblood in a gang. I hoped so much you would prove my assumptions wrong.”

“Can we wait?” He says, “To have this conversation in person?”

“No,” She says.

“On another night?” he tries.

“No.” She retorts.

“In a few hours?” He says quietly.

“It can’t wait” She huffs.

“If I told you” He says carefully. “You’d understand.”

“Then TELL ME!” She says, holding the phone close.

He opens his mouth, and then closes it.

“You can always wipe my memory if it goes wrong” She jokes, bitterly.

“I would never do that to you unless you asked,” He says. “I promise.”

“What are you afraid of?” She says.

“A lot of things” he says, trying to dig up the words to explain, trying to drag a well kept secret out of an iron box. He had buried this so deep for his safety. It’s easy to say. It should be easy to say. Throw a couple words in a sentence, Sunset, you can do it.

“I…” He starts. “You know my tattoos, on my chest?” He says.

“The lines, and the arms?” She says, confused.

“I got them to cover up surgical scars.” He admits. “I- was born a mutant. I had an extra pair of arms and pectorals, until a sweep ago, when I got them removed” He says. “So I could infiltrate the mafia, and take it down from the inside. I wiped the memory of how I used to be from everyone's mind. I- was not treated well… growing up on the streets, as a mutant. I was in a circus. I had a lot of hard jobs. It’s why I’m doing what I’m doing. It’s not just, stupid power bullshit, I promise. When I say ‘I get it’ I mean it, I really mean it Rollyn I do. But if I let my guard down about this Mafia thing for a second- if I missed a single spot in erasing everything I could of my past- I could be in real danger.”

And now it is Rollyns turn to stand there in stunned silence, trying to process what she’s just heard.

“You’re serious?” She says, running her hand through her hair.

“Yes, and I have proof if you need it- but also Rollyn- you just did that” He says, as she messes up the hair she had just spent a while styling. “Don’t touch it, you have the party, remember? I’m sorry. This was probably a bad time for this conversation. But in my defense, I tried to tell you that.”

Rollyn’s wings droop a little, shamefully.

“I’m sorry-” She says. “I didn’t think- I. Shit. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” He says. “I would have done the same in your situation.”

“Shit” The supermodel says, her wings fluttering nervously as she tries to fix her hair. “Go to work! If you have to. Hang up. Stay safe. I love you.” She stutters. “I’m sorry”

“I love you too,” He says. “It’s okay- I’m gonna be okay.” He reassures. “Look at me Rollyn. You’re gonna nail it” He says.

“Yeah?” She replies.

“Yeah. Goodbye” He says. “I love you” He repeats, and hangs up the phone.

“Really” She says, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “No fancy restaurant?”

“Aren’t you drowning in suitors who would treat you to fancy restaurants?” He teases.

“That doesn’t mean I’m tired of it” She says, squeezing his hand, glancing down the street they’re walking down with trepidation. It feels so civilian, so exposed. Fears for her own safety turn restlessly in her pan, the mutant’s wings held close to their body.

He seems to pick up on the tension in her stance, giving Rollyn’s hand a squeeze.

“You’re safe” he says, leaning over to kiss the woman’s forehead. “I promise.” And its a mark of the trust that had continued to grow between them since his confession, that Rollyn believes him.

“I don’t think I’ve walked” She says, “More than like, a couple blocks, in ages”

“Aren’t you glad I made you change out of those heels?” He jokes, and she shoulder checks him.

“You have Rollyn Firlyn on your doorstep” She says. “I came all the way across town to see you- trolls would kill to take your place- and you took me grocery shopping?”

“I told you” He grins. “I have errands today. You can come over but we’re not doing anything fancy” He says, stepping into the laundromat.

“Sunset,” She says. “Aren't we both rich?” She continues. “I appreciate your down to alternia attitude but you can’t expect me to believe you can’t pay someone to do your laundry.”

“You are just as beautiful to me in a laundromat,” He says. “As you are on the red carpet.”

She crosses her arms.

“This is just starting to feel like some kind of strange performance art” They say, “To domesticate me. Or prove I’m stuck up. Which is rich coming from you.”

“I would be here” he says, “Whether you came over or not. I said I have errands tonight, and I meant it.”

“You own over ten casinos” She says, Sunsets power in the mafia having grown exponentially since that fateful night Nycisn entrusted him with the pier. “And none of them have a laundry machine?”

“That hard to believe I just like doing laundry?”He says, the tiniest bit of his tongue sticking out as it was prone to do. “You know- recreationally.”

“Who does laundry recreationally?” She teases. “That’s like taking aspirin for the thrill. Yes, darling, I find that hard to believe.”

The man behind the laundromat counter is glancing at the couple in disbelief, as if he cannot believe a supermodel is just standing in his dime a dozen shop as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

“‘’xcuse me, m’am,” he says, “Are you the lady from that skincare commercial?”

She turns, flashing him a smile, maybe relishing a bit in his surprise.

“The one and only” She says.

“Gosh” He says, sheepishly. “You’d think you’d have maids doing your laundry.”

The woman lets out a loud bark of a laugh.

“Ha! You’d think” She says, making eyes at her kismesis.

“I brought her here” Sunset replies, rolling his eyes in answer, the ghost of a smile on his face.

“Hey,” Says Rasley, the laundromat operator. “Are you famous too? You look familiar.” He says.

“Only in some circles,” Sunset replies, looking away, rubbing his arm.

“Don’t be so ominous,” Rollyn says, glancing between the two of them, trying to figure out what’s happening here. The machine finishes, and Sunset pulls his clothes from it.

“Dunno what that’s s’pposed to mean” Rasley shrugs. “But I swear I’ve seen you before.”

“I’ve come here before,” Sunset admits. “Sans Rollyn. To do laundry.”

“Yeah, he’s a real laundry head,” Rollyn jokes. “Laundries recreationally.”

“Never heard of somebody doin’ that before” Rasley says, fascinated.

“I invented it” Sunset says, taking Rollyn’s hand in the one not currently holding his bag. “See you around” He promises, flashing a smile, before turning to exit.

“Wait,” Rasley says, “I never got your name” He mutters, but the purpleblood does not answer.

Rollyn walks in silence for a moment, before turning back to him.

“So what was all that?” She says.

“Hmm?” he replies, swinging the hand she’s holding.

“You and the laundromat guy! What’s the deal” She teases.

“There is no deal,” Sunset says.

“You have a crush on him” She guesses, grinning, thinking she has it all figured out. “That’s why you do your laundry there!”

Sunset's hand goes to his face.

“AH!” Rollyn squeals girlishly, believing she’s hit the money. “Are you flustered? That’s so cute,"she says, charmed.

“I do not,” Sunset says.

“Yeah right” Rollyn grins, glancing back at the shop. “Big old country guy. He is cute, "she teases. “Want me to play wingwan???? I’m very good at it, "she says, flapping her wings jokingly.

Three months later, Rollyn lovingly dabs a small, stitched up wound on her kismesis’s shoulder.

“Should we change the bandage color to match the dress” Sunset jokes.

“Sunset!” Rollyn chides.

“What! I want you to look good” He smiles, sticking out his tongue.

“I don’t think they make medical gauze in different colors.” She dismisses.

“They should,” He says. “For the stylishly injured” He jokes, wincing as she wraps the wound.

“I just-” She sighs. “Sometimes disturbs me how flippant you are about this sort of thing.”

“Babe,” he says. “It’s a couple inch wound. Barely five stitches.”

“You got stabbed,” She says.

“On the arm” he retorts.

“I worry about you” She says, her brows furrowed as she seals the wrapping with medical tape.

“I’m fine,” He says. “Sometimes you’ve got to lose a little to win a little,” He says.

“Oh, so getting stabbed was part of the plan? That’s not better, "she sighs.

“Gimme a month, I’ll be good as new” He says. “I’m sure no one at the premiere will even notice.”

Rollyn looks over her work once, twice, and then sighs.

“What is the plan, Sunset?” They say.

“For… the premiere?” He says. “I dunno, I figured we’d smooze around enough for the press to get photos, and then dip and go get sushi or something.”

“Not for the premiere,” She says. “I mean. The plan plan. The mother of all plans. The, I’m going to infiltrate the mafia and take it down from the inside plan," she says.

“You’re really good at asking easy questions,” He says. “Right before parties.”

“Sorry,” She says. “I know it’s- sensitive information. And can’t go into the wrong hands. And all I ever get to hear about it is vague asides and talk about Kokoro faking his death and Midas’s mirror demon and all the nonsense. But, can you just tell me one thing?” She says.

He is silent for a moment.

“Depends what thing” he says.

“You know I love you, Sunset?” She says. “You mean the universe to me. I could live a thousand lifetimes and I’d want to fall in love with you everytime.” She says. “Can you promise me one thing?”

“No fair” He jokes, his left arm gently touching his left arm in trepidation. “You can’t lead with that. What thing?”

“Promise me,” She says. “You don’t lose more than you win on this one. Promise me- at the end of all of this- When, if, Midas dies- you’ll be okay.” She says. “Can you promise me you’ll be fine?”

He does not meet her gaze.

“There are a lot of variables at play here” He says, an answer that sounds as weak and pedantic in his mouth as it did in his head.

“It’s your plan.” She says, reaching over and tucking a strand of his hair behind his ear. “Can’t you pick where it ends?”

“There is always an element of risk,” He sighs. “That is out of my control.”

“Promise me,” She says. “That sacrificing yourself somehow is not part of the plan.”

“I…” he trails off. “There's no way to do this without risk.” He repeats himself, lamely.

“Promise me” She pleads. “You got stabbed, Sunset! You were lucky to get away with five stitches and you’re laughing like it's nothing!” They say, their voice cracking. “It hurts,” She says. “To see you care about yourself so little. Do you have any idea, how many sleepless days I’ve had, wondering if you’re out there getting shot or killed or discovered- promise me there's a light at the end of it all, promise me you’ll be okay” She pleads, covering her face.

Sunset is silent for a moment, before sitting down, staring at the wall, and then back at her, and then back at the wall.

“I can’t promise you that” He says.

Rollyn struggles to ease her breathing.

“You are in” She says. “Over your head.”

“No, I’m not.” He says. “I know what I’m-”

“It’s not too late to back out, Sunset!” She pleads. “Whatever he did to you. It’s not too late to change your mind and run”

He stares at her, unable to answer.

“It is too late,” Sunset says, finally.

“We could go to Gihyun,” Rollyn says. “We could ask her for help”

“Rollyn,” He pleads.

“We could run away together” She begs. “Take the biggest pile of mafia money they have- and run. Find a new city. Find a new life.”

“I can't,” he says.

“Why not!”

“Tes Roven is my home,” He says. “I promised someone. I would see this through to the end. I would go down fighting.”

“I don’t want to lose you” Rollyn chokes. Finally losing her battle to not cry. “This isn't fair.” She says. “You can’t make me care about you so much, and then care about yourself so little.” She sobs, “I know you have a friend who died” She says.

Sunset freezes, suddenly, like a deer in the headlights, never having deliberately shared that information with her.

She sighs. “That night you sent me your old private instagram post, to make fun of how you used to do your hair” She says, wiping her face. “I looked at the other photos on it. It’s full of photos of you and a girl. And then she just stops showing up in the photos. I noticed it was the same girl you have a picture of in your wallet. You’re not the only one who can play detective” She says.

He is still staring at the wall, as if barely hearing what she’s saying at all.

“Whoever she was. Is this really what she would have wanted?” She pleads.

“Don’t talk about things you don’t know anything about” He warns, softly, gently.

“You’re alive,” Rollyn says. “I’m alive. Can’t we both just be alive and in love and be fine, Sunset. I know you’re hurt. I’m sure she meant the world to you and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. But I can’t keep watching you put yourself in danger.”

He does not answer.

“We could run,” She says, taking his hand. “We could both run.”

“I can't,” he says. She knew he would say it. She keeps asking questions she already knows the answers too. She wanted so badly to believe she was wrong.

“I can’t watch you get yourself killed” She says.

“Then don’t” He says, and flinches as he hears the bitterness in his own voice. “I love you” he corrects. “But I said on our second date, and I meant it. I will compromise on every front. Every front. But one.”

Rollyn stands up, wiping her face again, getting makeup on her hands. She fishes through a drawer in her closet for a cigarette, and lights it, like a woman about to dig her own grave.

“You shouldn’t” Sunset says softly to his asthmatic kismesis.

“Fuck you” she says, and inhales shakily. “You remember that first fight we had? Three months ago? On a phone call in this closet?” She says, sitting down in front of him.

“Yeah?” He says, carefully.

“When you told me you were a mutant for the first time” She says, wiping at her ruined mascara. She looks him dead in the eyes.

“Wipe my memory of you” She orders. “Back to then”

“What?” He stutters.

“You said you wouldn’t do it unless I asked. Well I’m asking.” She says.

“Rollyn,” he pleads.

“I could not stand,” She says, her voice trembling. “To love you, and then lose you, Sunset Blinks.” She says, her voice layered over with rage and care and hurt and despair. “So make it so I never loved you at all. Back when you were an ordinary purpleblood, and this was a silly fling. Give us some silly reason to break up.”

He opens his mouth, and then closes it. His shoulders sinking.

“Okay” he says gently, taking her hands in his. “Are you sure there's nothing you want to keep?” He says. And she exhales, closing her eyes.

“Remember that day we went to the aquarium?” She says, the ghost of a smile on her face.

“Yeah?” He says, trying to keep steady.

“And they had the wading pool with the stingrays, and-” She makes a noise half sob, half laugh. “And you walked right up to the edge- and one of them splashed you? Soaked your whole outfit.” She grins, and then it fades. She could list more things. She could list a thousand things. But she must not start now or she won't be able to stop. Or she’ll want to keep it all.

He touches a hand to cup the side of her face, looking at Rollyn like he always does. Like she were a waterfall, or an open sky, or a range of mountains turning blue and purple as it fades into the horizon- like she is unfathomably beautiful and just out of reach.

“I guess I could keep that” She sighs, leaning into his touch.

“Okay” He says, his gaze lighting up a gentle, purple glow. “Open your eyes”

She pauses, just a second.

“I love you,” She says, opening them.

“I love you too,” He says, “And I’m sorry”

#kicks off this arc for real #SIGHSS #im so normal about these two #rollyn writing #sunset writing #suicidal ideation tw #<---vague and implied but still #smoking tw #fantroll #fantroll rp #homestuck #homestuck oc #homestuck rp #hiveswap #friendsim #pesterquest

24 notes · View notes

lains-reality · 9 months

Note

hi love, this is directed towards the anon with difficult circumstances (or maybe you as well, if you can help)

https://www.tumblr.com/lains-reality/724561014842114048/hi-im-this-anon

I realise that your blog isn’t void focused or loa focused. I apologise for sending this ask anyway. I really don’t mean to trouble you with further questions, this one will be it.

I understand non dualism and it temporarily gives me peace, gives me temporary solutions to problems that i have created (myself) over time (that seem permanent like the anon mentioned about her uni)

After i read the post, i would let my thoughts pass by and just focus on “I AM” nothing else and i would feel instant pressure around my third eye, i feel like i’m in a trance. I have done this before too because i follow infinite.ko on instagram and that page is really good if anyone wants to understand or be in the loop of non dualism on ig.

My question to the anon and i’d throw it over to you too lain, if you feel like you have any advice. I want to enter the void, i observe my thoughts pass by and i get the trance like feeling and stay there. To the anon, how did you exactly enter the void? If you don’t mind talking about in more detail as to how you did it? (or anyone reading who has tapped in before in a similar manner)

i won’t be going into my circumstances but i’ll just say every second counts and as much as i detach myself from the situation cause i know that we are all one, it only gives me a temporary solution like i mentioned earlier. I realise there’s nothing to get or desire cause we are all one but i know in my heart that i’d be at so much peace if i would enter the void and fix my problems first. I feel like i can already hear “if you’d truly understand non dualism, you wouldn’t care for the void” and i see it, i promise you i can see how it looks for anyone reading this but any help would be so greatly appreciated.

I’d like to apologise again if this was out of line in any sense.

"I want to enter the void"

what is the void to you? a magical place? its just I AM. alone, with no conditions or labels. you are already that. you just want to realise it. so you want Self, not the void.

"I feel like i can already hear “if you’d truly understand non dualism, you wouldn’t care for the void”"

it sounds like you already understand... if you've read this much then you get that we drop desires here right?

read this and this (this one is loa).

quick quotes from the posts:

However, people treat it as something they have to acquire on the outside, the same as they do with their desires. And that's how the desperation starts. Changing consciousness means changing your state of being. To "reach" the void you don't become desperate in trying to get somewhere, you practice being it! What people do is struggle and expect that by some miracle they'll wake up there. Did I do it right? Was I there??? Where do you expect you're going?

It's still trying from ego so instead of dissolving it, you are seeking for something to happen (like have the mind engulfed by darkness) I don't recommend imagining to be anything, not even emptiness, but instead just disbelieve in the things you see or take yourself to be. 1

the reason you're trying to get into the void is because you don't like your current life and because there are so many aspects you want to change, you're carrying the burden of changing the 3d on your shoulders. you're viewing the void state as something that will magically change and solve everything. so you're trying to get into the void so you can finally change the 3d.

the void obsession is anti-neville, anti-law, anti-mental health, anti-well being, anti-manifesting, anti-everything.

ngl i really hate the void, people are so obsessive over it and it focuses on the wrong thing.

also

"but i know in my heart that i’d be at so much peace if i would enter the void and fix my problems first"

why can't you be happy now? why can't you see whats okay now? why can't you allow yourself some peace through the day now? why are you postponing your own life, happiness and peace for something you may or may not get? you already don't see yourself as the void already so.. you're not losing anything if you stopped striving for the void.

theres ONLY NOW. not later. you can only experience now. why stop yourself feeling a little better NOW?

the desire is not gonna do anything. you can absolutely get everything and then still end up depressed later. you get a high with the desire, and then when everything settles, you go back to being yourself (an ego, if you don't id as Self) and then there'll be more problems to fix. because the ego only wants to fix, consume, try, do etc even to the detriment of itself. all the non-dual bloggers are telling you 'be free of that!'

i've asked before.. do you want to be free or do you want the desire? do you want the truth, or do you want the desires?

things come into the "3d" to die.

#lainsmail

41 notes · View notes

gogandmagog · 5 months

Note

so what are your favorite books/authors besides lm montgomery...I maybe just maybe am tailoring my goodreads tbr for next year 👀

“I love a book that makes me cry.”

– Anne Shirley, Anne of Green Gables

And apparently me too??? I’m just over here adding this grossly popular quote right at the top of this list after having wrote it up, because when I look back over these all-star books that rushed to be highlighted, I realise that… every last one of these moved me to tears.

But I’ve read them all half-a-dozen of times, at least! 🥺 So, here we go, here we go!

Beloved by Toni Morrison. This one knocked me out, good and proper. It’s such a masterpiece. It starts in the 1870’s of Ohio and follows a former slave and her daughter. It’s got a strong Haunted House vibe (there is a ghost), and it opens up with both something quite Maud-would-appreciate-this-ish and quite chilling; "124 WAS SPITEFUL. Full of a baby's venom. The women in the house knew it and so did the children. For years each put up with the spite in his own way, but by 1873 Sethe and her daughter Denver were its only victims." Mind, some people haaate this book, and feel quite strongly about it — but I like prosey books (this is the top complaint as far as I can tell), and this one is certainly that. Some very harrowing descriptions of the abuse of slaves, to be sure, but I personally have never been one to turn away from that ugliness, because remembering and understanding its weight feels important.

Stoner by John Williams. This is a little bit like ‘life sucks, and then you die’ — hyper precise about mundanities and is frankly a huge red flag to see sitting on a dudes bookshelf but… I loved it so much. 😅 It’s quiet, but poignant, and in its simplest rendering is about a very bored English Professor falling greatly in love with someone who is not his wife. Keep in mind, I’m hardly a girl who thinks infidelity is either cute or excusable… but this book firmly lodged itself in my heart, anyway.

Giovanni’s Room by James Baldwin. I’m a HUGE BIG HUGE BIG HUGE Baldwin fan. And this is the book that started it, for me. Like, this novel will fully pull you apart, and give you a wallowing. I’d say it's even a great atmospheric read for winter, and I also even want to go ahead and say this book is considered a classic, but I could be making that up; maybe it’s just a classic to me. The plot surrounds the struggles of a bisexual man in late 1950’s Paris; he’s just proposed to his girlfriend, but he goes on and has a relationship with a male bartender. There’s race, misogyny, and class issues here too, but this book isn’t so heavy that it becomes cumbersome to read. It’s actually quite beautiful.

The God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy. Another prosey book. Maybe the most prosey book I’ve ever read… you don’t really get a break from it. But it’s so lush, and visceral, and the word play is sometimes so genius that you don’t mind getting fully lost in it (at least, I didn't!). This book could be labeled “tragedy” because it’s sometimes rather bleak – it's about fraternal Indian twins, Kerala history, and the lasting impact of childhood traumas, as well as the exploitation of the weak, really. But, there’s high points too!

Elsewhere if you haven’t read Peter Pan as an adult, I urge and beg of you to. J.M. Barrie (that’s James Matthew Barrie, and I will never stop conspiring that this is intentional of Montgomery and James Matthew Blythe) is right up there with Lucy Maud in the realm of exquisite and sweet storytelling that transcends age.

Of course Shirley Jackson, but you’re already a reader there! Fanny Howe has been an obsession of mine lately, too — I think I’ve posted her twice here and here — despite her being a poet, which is something of a fault that I’m being very charitable about overlooking (only half-joking, I really usually don’t care for poetry [except you Mary Oliver], not even LMM’s or by extension Anne or Walter’s either). Eve Babitz and Joan Didion are close personal friends (okay, it’s one-sided).

Anyone else that I read over and over are so classic that it’s almost white noise/nonsense to list them. I think the Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde is my all-time never-to-be-defeated, and Lolita (despite its very uncomfortable content) by Vladimir Nabokov is a close second (I once saw Lolita cited as being ‘a love letter to the English language’ and I frankly agreed with my whole chest), and Down and Out in Paris and London by George Orwell (his essays are things of brilliance too) takes bronze. I also obviously throw myself at the feet of the likes of C.S. Lewis and Lewis Carroll and Fyodor Dostoevsky and Virginia Woolf and Kafka and Sylvia Plath and Charles Dickens and James Joyce, and all of Those Guys too. Genuinely. I also wholly stan Washington Irving. He’s most famous for Sleepy Hallow, which I’ll link right here because if you tap on it and read even a single line, I think you’ll be like, ‘oh right, he is sensational.’ And this quality continues throughout his catalogue!

Signing off with a true and sincere hope that you’ll consider sharing your TBR list with everyone, and maybe some recommendations of your own, too!!! Your opinion means worlds!!!

#this is very late and wordy #apologies 🥹

26 notes · View notes