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#you can't actually socialise people to be evil
spankingtheatre · 1 year
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We Hide What Makes Us Interesting
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A treacherous trap lurks whenever I socialise. In that strange period of awkwardness when the bubbles of two strangers collide, when our sophisticated social survival instincts begin to speed-read each other.
Them: ”What do you like to do?”
Me, proudly: "Oh, I love to write!"
Them: "That's awesome! What do you write?"
Me: 👀
I'm reticent because erotic writing still seems like such a taboo activity. Whilst a reader can choose their author, a writer can't choose their readers. Hence those of us who write kinky stories are effectively broadcasting our most intimate fantasies to strangers. Some may love us, but still more may think us super-weird. 
So if I do accidentally reveal that I write to a stranger, I might defensively murmur something about spaceships, or robots, or mediaeval fantasy battles between the forces of good and evil. Anything to avoid revealing that what I really write about is folks getting their bottoms enjoyably smacked.
But why is that? Why is sex such a taboo subject? Why are kinks like spanking, which so many enjoy, more likely to provoke scorn or ridicule if we ever dared raise them in conversation, rather than admiration for being so liberated? Why is it considered more socially acceptable to write about magic or murder than masturbation or masochism?
Part of it might be that sex can come across as rather uncanny when put into words. Written sex can feel like an audio-described symphony, something that was intended to be performed, rather than narrated. But I suspect the explanation is more to do with the subtle conventions we human beings have created around intimacy.
In the 2002 Chinese film "Hero" (which is actually pretty good), a central part of the plot is that to protect himself from assassination, the reclusive King forbids anyone from approaching within a hundred paces. Then, a stranger arrives, offering proof that he's foiled a plot and killed several assassins. He wins the King’s trust, and is allowed to approach closer to tell his story more privately. And I think that's a pretty good analogy for revealing our intimate desires too.
If a stranger was to approach me in real life and say, "Hi! I love tying people up!", my initial reaction would be to think: Whoa Mate! Not that tying up is itself weird, I actually quite enjoy it, but having a stranger boldly announce their sexual fantasies out-of-the-blue feels impolite and undignified, bordering on the transgressive. 
If someone we barely knew was to suddenly announce: “I love sex!”, our instinctive reaction would be to consider them braggy and rather vulgar, despite the fact most adults do indeed think sex is a Very Good Thing Indeed. The permission to speak intimately is a special privilege, one we grant sparingly, to our closest friends, and online sources we follow and trust. 
The social conventions we've collectively agreed mean prematurely projecting one's sexual intent onto strangers is regarded as rather creepy. Some will find it quite intimidating, that’s why sexual boundaries exist. Sex is an act of vulnerability, with an inherent physical threat, the risk of being overwhelmed and assaulted. That’s why consent is protected by law in every civilised society. As social animals we’ve all agreed we can’t just do whatever we want when it comes to intimacy, proceeding further requires the continued assent of others.
Sexual revelations feel creepy when trust has not yet been earned, which is likely the basis of our society-wide taboo on sexual disclosure. It exists because most people in the world are indeed strangers to us, we haven't earned their trust yet, so they’re naturally unsure of our intentions. But once we allow others to get closer, that taboo begins to disappear. Once we know them well, we can’t wait to see them naked, and get to know their filthiest thoughts.
How much we reveal depends on how much we trust. Hence when we bump into strangers at parties, we are sounding each other out, analysing our conversations for permission to reveal more of ourselves.
I've been writing for as long as I've been spanking. Whilst other interests in my life have come and gone, these two have persisted. Their longevity has convinced me they're far more than pastimes, they're intrinsic parts of my identity. 
So it feels like such a shame to have to hide such an important part of me, but social acceptance does matter, and I’m mindful I’ve a mask of professional respectability to maintain too. Absolute candour would be great, but only if everyone committed to it. Until then, wearing a mask allows me to write candidly, and walk into rooms without attracting stares. 
Even if you don't write, we all learn early on in our lives that we exist in a judgemental world, and opening up about ourselves can be hazardous. When I first started writing, I quickly discovered if I wanted to write anything remotely interesting, I’d have to make myself vulnerable first. That was scary.
Yet we also discover a kind of generosity when we write, because words are meaningless unless others read them. In writing, we give of ourselves, sharing ideas, and helping others make sense of the world. Through words we confess who we really are, and confront our greatest fear: that we won’t be loved.
Writing expands the horizons of the possible for whoever happens to read it. It permits us to step into the shoes of another life, not just so we can vicariously experience the joys and sorrows of being human, but every complex manifestation of human sexuality too. Stories help us think, they describe desires, and what might happen if we pursued them. We witness how characters change as their wants are satisfied, and find ourselves wondering.
A rich culture needs writers to dare to record unsayable thoughts. We all benefit when messy feelings and confusing emotions are put into words for others to discover, when we can learn about the joys of sensual pleasure in the privacy of our own heads. But we don’t need to tell others we write, not unless we want to.
I often think of that movie’s scene in the throne room, with the mysterious stranger kept a hundred paces distant.
Do we keep others at a safe distance out of fear of offending them, or because they might discover how imperfect and filthy we really are behind our impeccably curated public faces? Are we wary of others because we fear they’ll damage us, or discover us?
Yet once a secret is revealed, its power over us is broken. When the bitter awkwardness of feeling unmasked fades, it becomes just another fact in our ongoing life story. The revelation may even open up new paths, and unlock new life opportunities. Years later we may look back and wonder why we ever wasted so much mental energy keeping it secret at all.
Remember when we used to play Hide and Seek? It was highly embarrassing to be discovered too easily, so all players tried to avoid that terrible shame. But the real thrill was hiding skillfully, being almost discovered, able to hear the panting breath of the seeker so close, but remaining hidden through your own ingenuity. 
But it was also possible to hide too well. To dash so far away that we no longer heard the scuffling footsteps of the searcher, or the excited shrieks of our playmates. This kind of hiding wasn’t fun at all, there was no satisfaction in running away. It just made us feel isolated, waiting alone, worrying our friends might have forgotten all about us. Afraid of losing, we could end up ostracising ourselves.
Perhaps our childhood games intended to teach us an important lesson. That the fun of the game is not in hiding and being forgotten, but in the jeopardy of possible discovery, the thrill being sought, the catharsis of revealing where we were hiding all along.
I have a better understanding of the social waltz we dance with taciturn strangers now. I can see it as a grown-up game of Hide and Seek. Acutely aware of our own imperfections, we hide away, concealing what makes us uniquely special.
We hide the awkward truths that make us interesting, but deep inside, we yearn to be found.
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kalcifers-blog · 10 months
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MAG 114209: The IRIS of The Eye
A JSE Ego x TMA Crossover fanfic
Content Warning!! Discussions of violence, self inflicted injury and insinuation of suicidal behaviour. Nothing is in graphic detail, but please stay safe while reading!!
[Tape Recorder clicks]
The Archivist: (sighs) Alright, let's try this again shall we-
Chase Brody: oh for fu- is that really necessary? Why do you people all insist on recording people??
The Archivist: oh- sorry this is just- procedure. It's kind of my job to make sure statements are recorded properly- unless you don't- want- to make a statement?
Chase: (interrupted the last sentence) No- no. I'm sorry- I just- I need to do this I think. I'm not exactly sure what this place is but... I think- somethin' tells me that this is the place to get this out there somehow
The Archivist: I see.. well. Whenever you're ready, we can begin
Chase: (deep breath) okay. Yeah I'm ready.
The Archivist: Alright. Statement of Chase Brody regarding the entity referred to as ALTR 114209. Statement taken directly from sub- from Mr. Brody himself. Statement overseen and recorded by Jonathan Sims. The Archivist. Statement begins:
Chase: [statement]
I feel like I can't really talk about this without some context first? I grew up in Ireland- you- you probably already guessed that because of the accent- but yeah. I'm from Ireland. My life there was miserable. I grew up in a small town. One of those classic "everyone knows everyone" schticks. Mostly because my Ma insisted on going to the local church to do all her socialising- I went there too consistently 'til she passed. I was 15 at the time.
Before she did I was convinced I wanted her out of my life, we never got along- I'm not saying that I completely change my mind now it's just- when someone like that leaves your life forever you start thinking about "what could have been" far more often. When she did pass I knew I wanted out- I needed to get away so I saved up my scraps of money to go to college in Britain. Maybe I wanted to get away or run from my feelings- I just. The way everyone would look at me, knowing what I was going through, giving me these- disgusting looks of pity- I needed out. I needed a get away.
So I moved. My Father didn't care too much, the man was out half the time for work and when he wasn't his hand was glued to his ale. I told myself I wouldn't end up like that- miserable sack of shit but- (chuckles sadly) I- I guess things don't always go to plan, huh?
Anyway- My life did start turnin' around when I got to the UK. The college I went too was pretty mediocre but the people I met were some of the most incredible- the person who changed my life forever in ways I couldn't have ever imagined was Jack.
Jack was my first friend- after realising we where both Irish and kinda had a really uncanny similarity to us, everyone always joked that we had to be twins because of how similar we looked. Despite the fact I'm nearly four years older than him- anyway uh- he got me into gaming.
I'd played games before of course but, this was the first time I played proper video games, especially the horror games, my Ma tried convincin me anything to do with horror was born out of evil and well- actually playing them for the first time was really eye opening as to how stupid that idea was.
I know this all sounds like useless information but I promise it's important- what you need to know is that Jack was my best friend. He introduced me to things that would be some of my favourite things ever, he was there when I got with and broke up with my first boyfriend and through everything, all of those disgusting sides of how bad my mental health got, Jack was one of the only ones who stuck by my side. So when he asked me to be his editor when his YouTube career took off I didn't think twice about saying yes.
I don't think I need to tell you about the successful YouTuber Jacksepticeye- and how he's the largest ever YouTuber from Ireland- how he managed to accumulate millions of subscribers before his disappearance on Halloween of 2016.
Of course, now I know that video that was put up on his channel that wasn't uploaded by me or him and definitely wasn't edited by myself wasn't actually a fake.
No one knew what to make of "Say Goodbye" when it first released. For me I was confused- Jack obviously can edit videos on his own, in fact its pretty common for him to do so- but he always lets me know if he does. There's never been an occasion in which he didn't in the entire time I was working for him. So when that video dropped with no warning I immediately felt off about it.
I won't tell you what happened in that video. You don't need to hear the details of Jack seemingly hurting himself to the point that he was placed in a medically induced coma- I was watching the video itself when I got the call- his doctor- German if I had to guess from his accent, calling me to let me know and to ask me some questions, due to the nature of his injury.
I don't care who comes in to tell you. Jack did not try to kill himself. I refuse to believe he ever would. Jack like I mentioned, was more than my boss, he was my closest friend and we told each other everything. There was just. Nothing. Not a single thing to indicate in his life that he would ever want to hurt himself like that.
I ended up staying in contact with the German doctor, his name's Henrik Schneeplestien- really nice actually. And it was talking to him that I got an email from Jack's account. Not his business "Jacksepticeye" account- his personal one, the one I knew he used exclusively for things that where for his personal life.
When I got that email my blood froze over. It was a video. It was that video. But it was longer. There was more to it. Instead of Jack's body lying there- lifeless and bleeding out. It jerked. It jerked upwards- like his muscles and joints where all connected to strings and being hoisted up against his will, like a fucking puppet.
The thing wearing Jacks dying body laughed. It laughed tormenting us- Henrik started believeing me after watching it with me the first time.
I'll spare you the details of how my life derailed after that. The months of waiting for Jack to wake up. Of Henrik losing his mind trying to understand what's going on. The disappearance of both Jack's body and Henrik himself. Me finding the most beautiful woman on the planet and finally feeling like a person again with her. Only for her and our child to be ripped away from me by that fucking thing that insisted on destroying everything in my life that gave living meaning.
Every time something bad happened it was there, still wearing Jack's face. Puppeting him around with this wicked smirk it had some crude inside joke I wasn't apart of.
I lost everything. My friend was gone, my wife and child where dead, the only person who ever cared to hear me out was missing and to top it all off I had some demon wannabe kicking my skull into rock bottom. Just so I knew that my misery wasn't over.
I had enough. I drove myself to a forest, it was our favourite place to go to as a family in the short 3 years we got to be a family. I wasn't planning on leaving that day. I decided then and there that I wasn't having it anymore. I was done. That thing won. I gave in and I just wanted it to be over.
I still can't tell you what happened to me. But I was in the forest one second and the next I was on top of a parking garage miles away. Whatever happened to me, I knew it was the only weird thing that wasn't brought to me because of that fucking monster. I still don't know what- but I just. I just KNOW alright. I just. Know.
Anyway, not long after that I'm detained by IRIS. Your institute already have all the information you need on that fucking place. I was there for questioning about what happened to me that day. And my experiences with the thing thats been destroying my life. There wasn't anything more to say other than what I've already told you.
They where about to put me under "special containment" dragging me against my will further in the building. The whole building felt like it was screaming at me to leave- that something bad was going to happen- I wished I was wrong.
That thing came back. It was still wearing my friends face and it killed any and all workers that came close to it. All it said to me was "hello, Chase" before I blacked out. I don't remember how I somehow managed to wake up in London- or how this nagging voice in my brain told me to come here. I don't know what "ALTR 114209" is, why it decided I was going to be it's plaything or what it even is. I just....
I just need someone to know that this thing is out there and more people will die if IRIS continues the way it has done for years now.
[Statement Ends]
Chase: (deep sigh) Jesus- I- How'd you- how did you get me to do that-
The Archivist: trust me, that's a long story- I just. I'm sorry are you insinuating that IRIS is somehow- responsible? For the actions of this entity?
Chase: yeah I thought I made that pretty fucking obvious man. IRIS has done nothing but hide the truth from me, borderline torture me and do absolute jack shit when something bad happens to anyone- including their own workers mind you.
The Archivist: Okay well... Fair enough. But please be cautious, if IRIS is behind all of this. You don't want to talk about it here, not in a place like this
Chase: oh just because your boss is watching doesn't mean I have to worry about him snitching to the SCP ripoff
The Archivist: wait- what did you jus- how did you- do you. (Whispering) Do you know that Elias Bouchard is listening and can see everyone in the building- there's no way for you to of....
The Archivist: Oh..... I see.. Chase I- I think I know why you might be a target-
Chase: (quietly) wh.. what- what do you mean by that..?
The Archivist: let me get you a drink. This will take a long time to explain.
[Tape Recorder clicks off]
That's all!! Thank you SM if you read through this, I'm very new to writing fanfic so I hope that this is alright!! A lot of people really liked the idea of a crossover between JSE lore and TMA so of course I had to write up how I imagine Chase Brody's Statement.
Again thank you SM for all the support and I hope to get some more drawing/writing done soon!! <333
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starbright-cobweb · 2 years
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like, around consumerism:
i had this weirdly radicalising flash-of-light moment as a Doctor Who fan, who collected a lot of memorabilia. I can't remember what caused it. but there it was! Abrupt, and unseeable. This shift from "oh I am happy collecting these things as part of my Doctor Who hobby, and they bring me joy and are a way to extend my hobby time"
to "wow i feel disgust that someone is...manipulating? the intensity and sincerity with which i connect to this set of stories. The happiness I feel is real, and that's not a bad thing; but that someone would take advantage of my delight and connection to - sell products?"
I don't really know what caused it, but I've not been able to unsee it, and it's gone on to shape a Lot of feelings I have around fandom as a non-commercial space, a hobby space based on friendship and crafts, gifting, socialising, storytelling and passion, & feeling like these are human gifts and delights that don't need an intermediary of someone in a corporate marketing department going "excellent! autistic people are such an easy target demographic"; that something actually quite important and significant occurs when this parasitic external system attaches itself to your deepest-felt joys. it does feel sordid and manipulative.
(Like, a standard example would be the Disney nostalgia industry; and how there's nothing wrong with loving gorgeously made animated films and great music, and going on holiday with your family, and being a nerd for anamatronics and monorails; but there's something sinister in a corporate entity inserting itself into your life as a provider of those things, so that some of those emotions brush off on the entity; almost like a binding ritual where something has attached itself to you, unseen)
(so yeah, it's less that boycotting Disney will bring down the company directly; but it can be powerful to do as a practice, even temporarily, to draw attention to how a company functions in your life and to ask yourself, how could I get - or envisage getting - the same beautiful things that I love, but without an evil business participating? And you might not always find a complete answer that you have the power to put into effect, but you may do partially. Experimentation; feeling for the cracks. "if I didn't have a Netflix account, then how would I get enjoyment from stories?", you know?)
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Come Into My Life
This is my entry for @nekoannie-chan​‘s writing challenge. Congratulations on 500followers :D! Thank you so much for letting me participate!
This is a series. The remaining parts will be posted throughout the day. It is a Thor fanfic with a song prompt “Entra en mi Vida” (its a beautiful song, i highly recommend).
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Song Prompt: Entra en mi Vida by Sin Bandera 
Warnings: swearing, like a lot of it. Mentions of human experimentation. that’s it?? Also, people are idiots here, folks. bare with me.
Summary: You live in a world where soulmates don’t exist. Like, at all. All that meant to be, fate has chosen nonsense? Not real. Literal, actual, from-the-TV-screen fairytale. So... why is the God of Thunder convinced that you’re his?
Part One: Entra en mi vida, te abro la puerta
"So—" You clear your throat, throwing yourself onto the only empty seat, "—all jokes aside, guys. What the fuck!"
Everyone blinks at you, drinks in their hands and confusion all over their faces.
You stare back at them, completely dismissing the new sets of eyes staring at you. "No, seriously, like what the fuck?" You reiterate. "Like, no guys, this fuck needs an answer. What the fuck."
"Are we supposed to know what this fuck is?" Ghost asks, the first among the group of five to surpass her confusion. "Because I have a what the fuck for that what the fuck."
You reach over to grab her drink and she – having been used to your antics after three years of friendship – moves it closer for you to grab. You take a sip, let the taste of her chamomile tea settle on your tongue, blanch and give it back.
"So, you know how the Avengers got their asses whipped after they pulled a deadbeat dad, right?" You make grabby hands towards Hope's drink, and she – just like Ghost – pushes it over to you.
"Careful," she grimaces, "it has a kick to it."
"So did Thanos," You mumble as you take a sip of her drink. The espresso sits heavily on your tongue and you swear you can feel it stain your teeth. "What the actual fuck, Hope? What is this? And why does it not have sugar?"
She chooses to roll her eyes at you and mimic the remaining two new faces by staying quiet. Her eyes narrow at you in warning.
"Don't get a tude with me, missy—" You wag your finger at her, “—you're the one that MIA'd for five years without a return address and pissed off the Feds. Like, seriously, what the fuck guys? We had plans and everything! Why the fuck would you leave me alone for that long? You know how I get when I'm not forced to socialise!"
Ghost snorts. "Don't be a baby."
Pouting, because you’re very mature, you feign a sniffle and stick your tongue out at her. "Weeeeeh."
The dude with the annoyingly short blond hair snorts, consequently gaining your attention, and tries to hide his smile with his cup.
"You're new," you narrow your eyes at him. "Why are you new? And why do you look like the dude that owes me 12K for wrecking my car?"
"Oh my god—" Ghost grumbles in the background, "—not this again."
"I have bills and crippling debts and things that need to be paid for, Ghost!"
"You're a trust fund baby, you shithead!" She argues. "You don't know what crippling debt looks like!"
"You don't know that! My investment portfolio has been crumbling since the stock market crashed last year due to the recession."
Sam grins cheekily at you. "You have no idea what you just said, do you?"
Huffing and puffing, all you can say is. "Let's go back to the what the fuck that needs to be discussed." You glare at him pointedly, "then maybe, we can discuss why you're still here and why you came back from ashes."
"I know you missed me, cupcake." The evil bastard reaches over and pinches your cheek.
"I miss dancing on your grave," You try to swat his hand away, "now, thanks to your selfishness, I need a new dance floor. Very rude of you to not stay dead."
"You're adorable."
"As I was whatting the fucks," You turn back to Hope and Ghost, "when the fuck did my life become Thor versus Thanos, and why am I the Thor without the hammer to fight Thanos?"
"Is that your what the fuck?"  Ghost frowns.
It's her turn to get glared at. "Don't act like you haven't seen the footage. You know exactly how badly Thor got yeeted off his high horse. I'm only regretful that Captain Wrecking Ball wasn't knocked off his."
"You know he's over here, right?" Hope, ever the oblivious one to your obvious jabs, points at the dude that wrecked your car.
"Yeah, unlike my car and the check he has yet to hand over but hey—" lifting up the cup of espresso, you grin at her "—when life gives you lemons."
"I'm still confused and offended about the Thanos reference." Sam, the gift from the bad side of Pandora's box, begins. "What do we have to do with your life?"
"What does pulling a deadbeat dad mean?" The other new dude asks, his face is both the definition of confused and annoyed. "And what does it have to do with the Avengers?"
You frown. "Now I'm confused—"
"Oh no—" Ghost grimaces.
"—Why do you look like the dude from Gossip Girl but also like the dude on the UN's wanted poster of 20something?" You turn to Sam for assistance. "Doesn't he look like that old geezer from the museum?"
Sam grins, leans back in his seat to take a proper look at the manbun dude. Your table is the round one placed at the corner – the irony – and, until recently, it has always been occupied by the four of you. That was before they decided to ghost you for half a decade.
 "Now that you mention it—"
"Oh, fuck off." Manbun snaps at Sam, and you swear you've never fallen in love faster in your entire life than you have in that moment.
Your grin is wide and shit-eating as you put the cup down. You extend your hand to Manbun and wiggle your freshly painted — somehow chapped – fingers.
"I'd tell you my name but it's better if you just called me sweetheart," You’re still grinning. "What's your sign and what time can you pick me up?"
He blinks at you, still confused, and frowns at your hand. Slowly, because you’re a patient girl, you lean over and pry his left hand away from his cup. You place your palm in his and wrap your fingers around each other.
"I'd ask for your name but I think I'll settle for calling you babe," You shake his hand, and then place it back on the cup. "Or hun. I'd call you handsome, but that's too tacky and we—” You point between the both of you, " – don't do tacky."
You sit back in your seat and glance at Sam. "Well... Most of the time anyway."
At this, the rest of your life flashes you a grin. "How does eight o'clock sound?"
"It sounds like a recipe for disaster." Ghost cuts in, narrowing her eyes at you. "Back off, shithead. You've hurt enough of my coworkers"
Jaw dropping and shock feigning, you gasp. "How is that my fault?"
"Is that joke?" Ghost frowns, "because I feel like it's a joke. Three incidences with the analysts and five tech support team make it look like a joke."
You scoff at that. "Look, if your little back up boys can't handle the essence of a real woman, then that's not my fault." Confidently – and silently annoyed – you also add. "Plus, I actually did SHIELD, or whatever ridiculous name you're calling the remake of a failed organisation, a favour. If your boys behind the boys in spandex can't handle being told off by a 'mouse' as they call us, then they shouldn't be behind the dude that wrecked my car.
 "But now that I've said that out loud—" You pause, "—I finally understand why the Avengers are so bad at their job. I mean, with such poor support systems, it's no wonder boy blue and red uses cars as a landing mechanism. It's almost as if he's never heard of a parachute."
There's a pregnant pause as you pretend to ponder the situation. The new dude with the blond hair has visibly turned red and is shifting uncomfortably in his seat. Manbun has a very permanent looking frown smeared all over his face and you’re pretty sure you've just ruined whatever chances you had of giving him children. And Sam, because he's Sam and is patiently waiting his turn to roast you, has the biggest shit-eating grin on his face.
Ghost pretends to scowl at you, even though you’re pretty sure she's already drawing up the schematics for the pedestal she's about to build for you. Hope, because she's Hope and has first-hand experience of dealing with spoilt little brats that use creative antics to slowly drive people away, decides to use that exact moment to sigh and expose you.
"Hey sweetheart," she begins in that voice of betrayal. "Can you, like, not be an antisocial, territorial pain in the ass for five minutes and be nice? Stop trying to get our guests to leave with your little mind games, yeah?"
You blink at her. Once, twice. Because the betrayal always takes a few moments to sink in.
"They're not mind games." You retort. "Boy Blue over there did wreck my car. He used it to cushion his fall, because apparently the super-secret organisation that harbours entitled idiots doesn't invest in parachutes."
"But you don't even need that 12K—"
"I didn't ask for the 12k. I just simply pointed out that his reckless behaviour is very costly for those who suffer for it."
"Okay, guys—" Ghost tries to interject, but it's too late. The fire has already started, and Hope and you have never been on the same page when it comes to anything involving the Avengers.
"You're being unreasonable now. You, of all people, should understand that some things are out of our control."
"That doesn't excuse or make the damage done alright. The ruining of people’s livelihoods isn’t a necessary evil for your super heroe'ing righteousness." You point out, eyes narrowed, and teeth bared. "I, of all people, don't understand your defence. Because I don't use the lab that made me as an excuse to get away with the bad shit I do to people. Whether intentionally or not."
"Really? Because you weren't singing that same song when you cashed in on all that HYDRA inheritance."
"I am not the people that made me and it's not like I'm vacationing the money away. Or have you forgotten about that harbour I had to fix because your boyfriend decided to grow a few sizes?"
"Oh, how could I forget? It's not like you rub it in his face every time he tries to so much as even say hi to you."
"People should be held accountable for their actions. Excuse me for exercising my fifth amendment because I don't think communicating with the guy that turned your dad into a fugitive by siding with the anti-accords gang is cool!"
"That accords was messed and you know it!"
“Yeah, but I didn’t go around trying to be a vigilante about it!”
"Just admit that your stance for the accords is only because you need the government's protection against ex-Hydra agents."
She hit a cord and she knows it. "You're treading on very thin ice, Hope."
 "Scared they might come back and finish what they started? Now that Pierce and Rumlow are gone, there's nothing stopping them from finishing what they started, is there?"
"You know," You sigh, reaching for Ghost's drink and taking a sip. "At least, I don't have to abduct a man from his home, nearly ruin his chances at freedom, risk his life numerous times for my personal gain, just cause I have a theory about my mom's whereabouts. And then—" You let out a condescending laugh at the thought, "—have the audacity to look him in the eye and call it love. Because, ya know, turning a guy into a science experiment and berating him for doing what he thought was right is so romantic."
She's turning red. You can see it before it actually happens and there is a sick sense of pleasure coursing through your veins at the thought. At the fact that you’re the one pressing all the buttons.
Boy, are you fucked up.
"Damn." Sam mumbles, then chortles, then belts out a laugh. "Shit. Who pissed in your gourmet breakfast?"
"People," You scowl at him. “Fucking people. Because, now call me a bitch if you insist, I don't remember telling management to sign a deal with SHIELD."
"What the fuck?" Ghost, ever so caring, contributes to your bewilderment and pissy mood.
You nod frantically at her. "Exactly! What the fuck! Do you see why I needed you guys so bad? Like, it's like the creation of the Strike Force all over again!"
"Hold on—" Captain Damage Ball cuts in. "—I'm confused. What exactly is going on and what does SHIELD have to do with it?"
"Oh boy. Germany, here we go again—"
"Don't be an asshole, shithead."
 --
 When SHIELD fell and Black Widow released all those classified documents to the public, your existence was made known to the public. It turned out that running a terrorist cell inside a super-secret organisation wasn't the only thing Pierce had hidden from the world. You were.
You were supposed to be an experiment. Another volunteer, like the Twins, for Hydra's ultimate plan. Another Bucky Barnes, but without the constant torture to keep you mindless and loyal.
 You were supposed to be the next generation. The Rumlow that wouldn't need force and violence to get the job done. That was the requirement. Those were the orders. That's what you were supposed to be.
Instead, somewhere deep in the dark, cold corners of an abandoned Hydra lab, the inhumane attempt of creating Winter Soldiers through 'natural means' had taken place.
The surrogates were all volunteers, the scientist claimed.
The procedure was necessary for the mission, the doctor explained.
This is the only way forward, the master mind behind that plan argued.
Rumlow took care of the agents himself. Pierce burned down that lab himself. And, out of all the children born, you were the only one that lived longer than the rest. The others were unfortunate enough to be experimented on, before Rumlow found out.
Not knowing who to trust, Pierce kept you hidden from the world and Hydra. He never hid the truth from you, nor did Rumlow. They knew that, at some point, those that knew about the lab would eventually find you, and you needed to be prepared for when they did.
When SHIELD fell, the paper trail that led to your existence was small – miniscule, even – but it was there. Sam found it, but he kept you a secret as well until you were ready for the whole world to know.
But the world wasn't waiting for you to be ready. It wasn't that patient, nor kind. Because, with everything out in the open, chaos ensued, and you were still – at the end of the day – the next generation. All those assets couldn't remain frozen forever and all those lives that were ruined by Hydra couldn't remain unaided.
So, you had to step out and – begrudgingly – announce your existence to the world. Put a huge target on your back and claim the inheritance that Pierce had unwittingly left you.
"I'm gonna go piss off alot of bad people—" You had said to Sam over the phone, right before your News Interview. "What do you think I should start with?"
He wasn't having any of it. "Did you just wait for me to leave the country so you could do something stupid?"
"Of course not, I'm not you—" You scoffed, checking your outfit again. "—I hired a hacker to fake a series of cyber-attacks. Then I asked that girl, you know – the one that could walk through walls, to freak a bunch of people out. So, you know, it could be an Avenger level threat, but not the kind that needed Captain Spandex, so they'd send you. Then I scheduled the interview for the night of the supposed attack, because I knew you'd be gone—"
"Are you kidding me, Y/N— Clint, turn this thing around now!"
"—So, I was thinking I show up on stage and say 'the law says I can take all those assets and I'm gonna use them to do the exact opposite of what my ex-bosses would've wanted'. How does that sound?"
"Do me a favour. Don't move. I wanna kill you myself."
You grinned. "I knew you'd love it."
--
Next Part
TAGS: @nekoannie-chan​ , @thorfanficwriter​
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derireo · 4 years
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I've had this in my head for a while, so I'm just gonna ask, from the winter troupe, who do you think are ummmm v i r g i n s (oh God I can't believe I am even asking this sorry omg) if you would like, you can also do the other troupes, i dunno why but I find it interesting in a way (obviously not muku or yuki if you decide to, and also, if you feel uncomfortable with this ask feel free to ignore it! you are the writer after all! take care!❤️❤️
np, anon! to those wondering, very strictly i will not include members who are 17 and under in the game here so please be mindful of that if you do not see a member you like in this post
All Troupes (no members 17 & under): Virgins?
SPRING
Sakuya
Definitely a virgin
You think he's ever held hands with someone in a romantic way??? He can't even ask someone out without quickly changing his mind before going back to ask again. Maybe when he's older and gets out of his cute baby thing, he'll get to bone, but not now. Maybe not ever? Keep him celibate.
Itaru
Definitely not a virgin.
He probably got tired of rejecting people's advances at some point and just cooly agreed to spend the night a few times. Very likely that he barely did any of the work, but still got them to orgasm; he's crazy good for no reason. Definitely really likes being the one receiving, but he's different around you though, and actually makes an effort lol
Tsuzuru
50/50. I have no idea. Most likely a virgin though.
He literally has like 3 younger brothers and juggled a lot of part time jobs along with school; I don't think he has ever had the time of day to pop a boner. His mind is so preoccupied with getting tasks done and finishing upcoming assignments that he's gonna be a virgin for a long while.
Citron
Literally no clue. Maybe not a virgin?
He's 22, and a lot of people tend to lose their virginity in their twenties so who knows with Citron?? He's awfully good at flirting with others and knows how to fluster people, but does he know how to Get Down & Dirty????? Again, no clue. Maybe he bones so well that his victims can't even say anything about it.
SUMMER
Kazunari
Not a virgin probs
Despite how well he socialises with other people, he's not one to just casually have a fling. He does think of other's feelings and how they feel about him, but it's rare for him to take initiative with someone he's interested in. Otherwise if it's the other way around, but he isn't attracted to the person that's coming onto him, he'll refuse and scurry off.
Misumi
Definitely a virgin!
He literally only thinks about triangles and food, there is no chance that he's had sex yet. Maybe if he had a character in the play that required him to be a playboy or something' he'll absolutely fool people into thinking he's been around, but his sunshine personality and tunnel vision towards certain things prevents him from having fun. Don't think he's interested in sex, really.
AUTUMN
Banri
VIRGIN
Mr. Tough Guy over here tries hard to let people know he's been around. Totally, not true. He always brags about having more girls liking him than Juza, and it may be true (since he doesn't seem as terrifying as him), but he has never gone that far with a girl. Sure, he has dated A LOT, has had plenty of girls sit in his lap and has definitely had his fair share of kisses, but he's a virgin. He dumps a girl before he even has the thought of boning.
Juza
VIRGIN
Absolutely no way could he have ever had sex. He's so self-deprecating sometimes, so that's one reason why he hasn't gotten that far with girls, plus he really loves sweets and food so that's probably the only thing occupying his mind. He hasn't even been in a relationship yet because he gets nervous around the people he likes and probably thinks he's not even worth dating anyway. He's probably a good boy though and will wait after marriage.
Omi
Surprisingly not a virgin
Shocking? Not to me, honestly, lol. Again, Omi is a people pleaser, and remember that phase in his life where he was a super tough guy ass kicker??? And rode motorcycles (from what I can remember)??? Of course this man is gonna be a chick magnet, and Of Course I am willing to let him choke me. So, yeah, he's probably fucked once or twice during that time in his life, but once he got into Mankai, abstinate.
Sakyo
Not a virgin, but he'll definitely fool you into thinking he is.
What do I mean? Why, I'll tell ya. He's got a stick so far up his ass sometimes that you can't help but wonder if he's sexually deprived. Like 31 years without getting your dick wet? Absolutely tragic. Anyways, nah, he definitely has a body count higher than 3. May have been quick flings considering he used to work a shady job and got high off the thrill, but he only focuses on Mankai now.
WINTER
Homare
Maybe
He did have a girlfriend at some point, but I don't know how far he would have gotten with her. It seemed like she was so annoyed with him and his lack of emotion that they probably didn't get too far. He is quite the notorious poet though, so maybe he used to have a few groupies??? Is that possible??? Do u think Rupi Kaur has groupies???
Hisoka
. . . Maybe
With his vague storyline about being a spy prior to his amnesia, the only reason I can give for him not being a virgin is solely because he had to have sex for a mission. Like how James Bond has sex with the enemy or something and then gets all the intel of the evil organisation he has to go against (never watched any of the movies). Otherwise, he's a virgin in his life as Hisoka.
Tasuku
VIRGIN
Doesn't care about men or women; too preoccupied with working out and acting that his dick never gets pulled out by someone else. Sure, maybe he'll tug one out because his body demands him to, but he never really was interested in relationships nor does he seem to be someone who finds physical attraction important.
Tsumugi
VIRGIN
Also focuses way too much on acting and working that he doesn't get the chance to. He was in a relationship before if I recall correctly, but he probably didn't have enough time for them considering he was so busy. He has also probably tugged a few out, but only because his body required him to do so. I'm not sure how he feels about sex tbh?
Azuma
NOPE
You can't tell me he's a virgin, it's just not possible. We don't even know this man's age!!!! He's probably a vampire!!!! He's probably been fucking for centuries!!!! And have you seen how well he can flirt? Super crazy. Pretty sure he's a sadist as well with how he always says he likes to be the one playing, plus he always manages to lure out the worst of the boys just for his amusement. Body Count: Out the Roof
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