#you can have a young author

[jamiesfootball]

Always lowkey simmering a Leverage AU in the back of my head hear me out:

Ted is an ex-insurance investigator who was able to get his son life-saving medical treatment because his first, original Crime Pal Beard was like ‘Ted if your company doesn’t come through with the coverage, we’re doing things my way.’

The company did not come through. The company did let him go due to suspicion of Ted’s involvement in the incident, but Ted will happily remind folks that no charges were formally pressed. Henry is alive and healthy and living with Michelle, who divorced Ted shortly thereafter (not just because of pre-existing marital problems, but because Ted wouldn’t tell her anything about why the doctors “””suddenly decided to do the procedure for free”””). Shortly thereafter, Ted fled the country.

What Ted learned from the whole experience is that there’s a lot of people out there, good people just trying to live by the rules, but sometimes things happen that are just out of their control. And well- if we’ve got the means to help the good people out when no one else will, then shouldn’t we try?

“We’ve got means,” Beard agrees. “And motives.”

They do things Beard’s way now.

#also Rebecca is a grifter who gave it up when she married into money and her name(s) echo mysteriously through the back alleys of London #“did you hear about this Secret Princess Lydia who went missing in the 90s?’ ‘yes Ted that was me’ #the woman is constantly dodging every half-told lie she made on a lark twenty years ago but she is amazing at keeping them straight #and Roy- Roy long ago took an injury that ended his career as a footballer before it started #and he fell into a bad spot as a hitter #and then he fell into a worse spot #and then he dug himself out for his neice that no one knows about (see: everyone knows about think mafia kid no one is allowed to touch her) #the problem now is he’s getting old #the hits hit harder and his speed isn’t what it used to be #(Roy Kent’s slow is still leagues beyond what these young wannabe punks can do these days) #keeley! she is a sneak thief. very charming. tiny. great with repelling down sides of buildings #loves money and shiny rocks and thinks Rebecca is the bee’s knees #and then there’s Jamie who is a 24 year old hacker with gaudy taste no knack for accents and a problem with authority #in this au him and ted have basically split Nate’s backstory #Ted’s dad took him to bars and taught him little tricks and mind games- nothing fancy just stuff an HR person might know #meanwhile Jamie’s dad took him to shady deals in bars because his dad was a fixer who’d put bad guys in touch with each other #jamie keeps a tracker running on his laptop with his dad’s whereabouts at all times #unfortunately he didn’t think that anyone else would bother looking for him- he’s not exactly a big time crook #but Ted and his crew have pissed off Rupert Mannion who is big time and who wants to hit back at Rebecca for making a fool of him #and Mannion’s people have identified that the way in to breaking their little crew is through Jamie #who’s name sounds so ridiculous people have assumed it was fake this whole time #anyways #thanks for reading #I will likely never write this but boy I have ideas 💡 #leverage au #ted lasso #jamie tartt #roy kent #keeley jones #rebecca welton

[crengarrion]

few things are as touching as the appreciation hardworking, heartfelt, passionate, dedicated young people express when you support them. sometimes this appreciation is shown by those young people sending you unedited footage of their professional wrestling ambulance matches and it fucking rules.

#[ whispers ] #mango brought to my attention a ugandan pro wrestling promotion fundraising for their first wrestling ring and i decided to reach out #to them because i made a post raising awareness on my wrestling sideblog. they asked me to record a video saying hello to a young lady #wrestler of theirs i said i'm a fan of. so she can record a video saying hello back to me! and then sent me exclusive footage of a match! #i cannot stress this enough: reach out to dreamers. reach out to the people making their dreams reality. to artists and musicians and #writers and people blogging about their cultures' food and their daily lived experiences and dedicating their lives to community outreach #and harm reduction and activism and rescuing animals and raising awareness. tell the people making what you love that you love it and #admire their hard work. thank the person bagging your groceries and driving your bus with a big smile. tell the makeup artist standing with #palestine openly what that means to you. one of my favourite authors is on tumblr and i'm reaching out to her after i read her new book that #just published. one of my friends became a well known poet in pakistan because a group of us all sent CDs of our spoken word poetry to each #other and made all of our friends listen. i'm friends with youtubers because i've been vocally supporting their videos since pre-YT or early #into their channels and have met up with some of them to hang out and talk shop. don't just cheer people on silently! let them know! #long post #sorry. overcome by my simple love for humanity in the midst of unfathomably dark times. it will happen again

[donghuamuqing]

Just found a blog that has an anti fic rec post where they post titles of fics they personally find offensive and proceed to be scathing and horrible about it when its their own opinion??? Acting as if these fics are published works?? As if they arent something the author thought up and wrote and posted for free?? Get a LIFE complain about them to your friends theres no need to do all this under that guise that youre “warning” people or whatever. Youre just so fucking mean

#my post #obligatory obvs some fics r gonna be Bad but man youre doing literally analysis on some fucking fanfiction #that some random did for fun #god im pissed off YOURE JUST MEAN. YOURE MEAAAANNNN AND I HATE YOU #what gives you the right huh?? what makes you the arbiter #the king that proclaims what is good and what is bad #theres no reason to do all this you can so easily complain abt them in private where the authors dont have the chance to see that shit #‘the most soul less unrealistic drivel-‘ SHUT UP!!! #what if they just started writing what if their native language isnt english what if theyre young and dont know what theyre doing #the nerve of some people I Am Going To Punch You In The Mouth

[castiel-013]

Ouhhh thinking about the similarities between Bren as a Volstrucker and Kylo Ren :,,,,, I am seeing the parallells and I kind of want to make a CR starwars au now

#kylo ren is what bren could have become #critical role #starwars #I'm addicted to characters who are torn between the obeidence to an abusive authority / fascism and their humanity #OW #it's like. you want to be good so bad but you don't think you're allowed or supposed to be until someone comes in and shows you compassion #and leads you out of it #hhwhwgghwghwghgwhghwghwhgwgwhjhjwhjwghjwdhj #it's such an intriguing look into how grooming from a young age and conditioning can turn boys into fascists :( and how compassion #and friendship and meeting different people can help them out of it

[madamescarlette]

oh wise friend and mutual, how do you find inspiration again when you feel discouraged? despite having lovely friends and the distraction of a silly little crush, last semester of college is leaving me feeling beat up so I figured I'd ask for some advice <3

My dear, I've been turning this question over and over in my head this weekend because I want to be able to answer this as precisely as I'm able to.

First of all, I want to tell you that you are very much not alone in this feeling- my second-to-last semester was actually my hardest, in terms of work AND material, and I felt so pulled in all directions and told that I had to try my best in each class and work harder in each individual one than any of my others, all of them clamoring for my attention at once. I'm thankful for it in its own way, because I think I got the intended effect- my soul grew in leaps and bounds more in those five months than maybe any other semester of my life, but the growth was at the cost of a terrible aching and scathing of my soul, and that was very very hard to deal with.

I think primarily whenever I'm trying to deal with overexposure to being busy, I have to go back to the basics and ask myself- why do I want to do this? What is it that is so important to me that I have to accomplish this, even if it is at great cost to myself?

For a degree, that might be a really simple answer- you might want to finish it because you want to get employed, which is perfectly fine! It's a stepping stone for you. It might be to make someone proud of you, which is also completely worthy! For me, it was always important that I finish my degree as kind of a proof of life, for me in my teens who couldn't imagine it, but it was also just because I loved what I studied, and I was good at it, when I am so rarely good at most things. I wanted to be able to prove something tangible of the faith of the people who've believed in me so far, myself finally included in the end.

It might sound silly and simplistic, but just being able to put your finger on what your motivator is to cross the finish line has been extremely helpful to me in my own life, as just an initial way to get yourself off the ground floor and able to start feeling your way back to hope again. This is also less of a clean-cut opinion; usually when I've tried to approach this before, I'll make a list of my reasons out on paper, sleep on it, and read it again in the morning to see if I still feel the way that I did when I wrote it, and if not I revise it. But for me, usually I have a hidden realm of energy that I can tap back into once I understand my motivations and reasons for sticking to something with loyalty, and when I make them concrete and real, I can attack my work with renewed focus.

Another part of this, one that I found very rarely discussed in my realm of academics at least, was what I like to call the enrichment zone of our brains. Often when I go through a time that's beating me up, I end up more like a workaholic than anything else; something weird happens in my brain, and I figure that if I keep working and never stop, there's no possible way I can ever fail. This, while being the result of some silly fear-goblin in my brain, is usually what leads me to my shrimp pose crouched over my desk, blinking awake after five hours to my brother asking me if I want to eat something, or in a more concise way is what I call when my brain wins over my soul.

For whatever reason, there's something to do with my specific hyperfocus problem that makes it very easy for me to go haaard in one direction and try to prevent failure by ignoring everything about myself and diving into my work. While this can work for a very short amount of time, burning the candle at both ends shows a decline in quality of your health very quickly (trust me) and thus your work, and so one thing I have to adhere to is- I have to do things that tether me to the world, to tangible things.

This might look very different according to your tastes; but the bottom line is, you have to do things that tie you to something real and existent in your world, else you start scratching the sides of your enclosure and nobody's happy! Especially in our schooling nowadays that is almost entirely conducted via projectors and computer screens, you need things that are far away from mortal ambition and are just little things to scratch the itch of your brain.

For me, the things that tie me down are a huge grab-bag of different things because I have a million interests that I cycle through throughout the eras of my life. That thing for me right now is keeping a journal that I write in every day, even if it's a single sentence. Another thing is reading physical books, which when I really, really need to read I tend to put my phone on the other side of the room and listen to one of those library ambience videos so my brain has a bottom line of action going on to keep me engaged. But probably the thing that fulfills this part of my brain most when I'm busiest is cooking. I got very, very into cooking about four years ago as a way to bond with my brother, so for me it's filled with many good memories, but it's also a very tangible way for me to care for myself, to be able to go through the motions of something I know that will result in something good. Feeding just yourself is also sometimes hard to justify when you are busiest and most empty-feeling, so I would counsel you that even the act of going to get food with someone is something that always makes me feel more alive, more here, so I hope you can act on that whenever you need it too.

(It would be remiss of me to not also mention textile crafts, which are my mother's main way of dealing with her brain goblins, but as I kind of lost my textile abilities big time during the busiest years of my education, I'm not sure how applicable they are! But they are an excellent way to ground yourself also.)

But! Since you specifically asked about inspiration, I want to tackle that. I wouldn't say that there's any one good way to be able to inspire yourself to keep going forwards, and I myself am always failing at this (I am Very Cowardly at heart, let me tell you!) but since I am a writer foremost in my heart, let me go back to that. There's a post that goes around a lot that talks about how each poet has one emotion that they draw on for their body of work, and I think about that a great deal, because I think actually that often changes for a person across their life. For me in this particular iteration of myself in the past few years, I know that the emotion that drives what I create is wonder, and in response to that wonder, gratitude. I mention this because I believe that wonder is what is often missing from our lives once we get used to a place, and we've made a place for ourselves in them.

After getting over the threshold of something being new, we like to settle in, and then the things that used to scare and frighten become normal, and then they become plain and part of the scenery of the life you're living. But from what I can tell, wonder is able to transform the everyday things in our lives from what they are to what they mean, and when we do that we say thank you to those things for existing, for allowing us to be near them and to witness them.

The thing that makes me wonder, more than anything else, is always going to be music, and it's why I will always be counting the seasons of my life by what I listen to. To be able to claw my way through the hard parts of life, I have to decorate that time with something that helps me put some lyrics in my pocket to process all of it, and help it find its way to be enfolded into my life, my memory. More than anything, I think what helps me keep creating is learning to wonder, to be in awe of things as much as I possibly can, to try and create space for that in myself and try to treat it well when I do experience it. There's a trick to it, but once you try to pay attention to the things that make you wonder, they become very clear- walks around my campus while skipping to my music often made me wonder, as does listening to a symphony in person, or when I made my friends laugh all at the same time, or moments when I walked into a room and smiled at somebody, and they smiled in return.

More than anything, when you are going through something harsh, it's my belief that to make something unbearable bearable, you have to find a way to make something in that time that you'll miss. I have a perennial, sometimes unbearable habit of looking for moments of beauty in times that make me miserable, making it so that I miss them even when I was living it I was praying for it to be over, and while I think that goes too far in the wrong direction I still would say that if you try to record the good things about life as you're going through it, even if it's as simple as taking a picture of something you eat that you love, or the sun in the evening, that's what makes life bearable.

Hold onto your friends, they're what makes life survivable, and they make it survivable because they make it meaningful- other people are the biggest source of wonder in the world, plus I absolutely would not have finished my degree had I not had my friends to work with, the powers of parallel play are never to be underestimated. Even if you are only being near someone else who is as confused as you are as to what to do, in my experience that is a huge relief to know that they're at the same level as you. Friends are what make the little stupid pinprick pains of school bearable!

I also had a rule during my year of online school, which while it was an incredibly lonely time was very rarely full of solitude because eeeeveryone was constantly talking to one another, that I would have one hour every night to turn off my computer and my brain and do whatever I wanted. I used to have dance parties at 11PM before I went to bed, twirling and jumping around my room because that was what I needed to do to stay present! And I think that in itself is an incredibly useful tool is surviving something that seems to sap all your strength- make sure you are not ignoring yourself, but give yourself the time as often as you can to let your mind wander, let it dream. Like that one post says, you're your oldest childhood friend, so make sure you're phoning in to say hello!

Beyond all of that, keep your eyes peeled for the evidence that people believe in you, because it's everywhere- even if it's just your friends waving at you, or the cashiers that wish you good day, or the chit chat of people before and after test taking, I do believe we're all cheering for you to do this (and if they're not, I'll fist fight them). I believe in you! And I hope that you can find the force in your heart to be able to believe, too.

Sleep as much as you're able, eat well, make sure the tiger in your brain is kept happy, listen to some tunes and look at streetlights, eat dinner with a pal, and I know you'll get through this, my darling.

Best of luck, and much love <3

#long post #this got SO LONG but i am just. posting it so no regrets #i don't know if any of this is actual advice! but i hope you can treat it like a letter full of love and faith in you #i feel a little foolish saying these things like i have any authority! i don't! #don't take any of these too seriously because i'm very young and trying to learn how to live #but just know there is at least one person in the world who thinks of prays for and believes in you #and not just you but any of you reading this! i believe in you so much! #anyway. goes to hide my head under my wing like an embarrassed bird #ask #friends tag

[roboticutie]

You cannot resist the whole of the military industrial complex, especially the US American sector, without holding compassion and sympathy for veterans.

#sentences that would explode too many young left leaning but deeply conservative pilled people on the spot #ignoring and silencing the 'undesirable leftovers' of war is 100% in alignment with the military's recruitment goals #the majority of vets are anti war and are the ones who warn us of the dangers and militant tactics best #and those who are pro war still deserve to be heard and kept safe for themselves and others JUST AS MUCH as the anti war vets #bc honestly there's pieces of how military propaganda works that you will not learn from those who it didn't work on (drafted or family #pressures made them enlist moreso than the actual messaging) and those who broke free of it #why does it take hold of folks? how does it keep them entrenched and loyal to the military cause? you can only really #learn those intricacies by respectfully observing and listening. not silencing. #it's hard to help people you disagree with on such a serious issue live safely and in peace but you have to. and you have to understand #that they were made to suffer by someone given inordinate amounts of authority and the goal to train to kill. the training alone has been #enough to send more recruits home with PTSD than you think. they're all sick and have been taken advantage of. yes even the assholes. #it does not require forgiveness nor agreement to learn from and to respect veterans #they've gone through something horrific and that's just what the complex wants. to throw them away. do Not help make throwing human #life away any easier for them. #my text posts

[rahabs]

Every time I post a fic I lose subscribers these days, which is honestly vaguely depressing.

#By 'vaguely' I mean 'really truly terribly' of course. #I struggle to post as-is because of waning engagement so to post and lose five subscribers is like. Oof. #I get it part of it is my fault for clinging to dying fandoms #(And very small ones but in the case of the Terror/etc I'd say dying/in active decline) #But still. #Getting less and less engagement the more I post is just :c Ow. #I went from 79 to 74 almost immediately #And you always get people who scoff and say 'you should write for yourself' but funny how the people saying that #Are usually people who get a lot of engagement. #I do write for myself but I also write for others. If I only wrote for myself I'd never post anything. #Authors post it so others can see it too #And once it wouldn't have bothered me back when I was young and full of energy and zeal but I'm old now #And I spent a very long time writing things with lower engagement which was fine then but it's harder when I'm old and tired #And to have like. Less and less each time makes me wonder if I'm doing something Wrong you know. #Anyway. PMS removing my filter; I'm due any day now so. #text #chey.txt

[a-dotrivenitupontop]

ngl “this author has a bachelor in literature and taught high school english for ten years. their debut novel was first published at the age of 34. their second novel is expected sometime in the next fifteen years” is usually so much better than “this 14 year old wrote harry styles fanfic and changed the names for publication. let’s all congratulate them for doing that so young.”

#like not to put down teenage writers or fanfic writers (that would be hypocritical!) #but goddamn i would so much rather enter a library and find works by authors with experience and wisdom of their age #than live in a society where something is deemed worthy only because it was made quickly and by a young person #not even in a “ur only smart if you go to uni” way because that’s a stupid elitist and frankly wrong opinion #and im not saying having a published work as a teen isn’t an incredible feat (the dedication!! i am a little jealous..) #but can publishers maybe stop acting like this wattpad fic is going to revolutionise literature and must be an official book immediately #k thanks <3 #i feel like someone is going to misinterpret this post and tell me to kms on anon..

[hella1975]

Whats the most 'wtf' threat-message-comment thing you remember getting?

Maybe not a mean comment, but the most like 'why do you feel comfortable saying this to me' thing?

oh to be honest ive never received any actual AWFUL asks/comments but i have received a lot that toe a very fine line to the point i cant even remember all of them. like it's clear there was never any malicious intent but some people just reallyyyyy do not understand boundaries. most of the time i just wont answer but if im in a bad mood i tend to tell you guys off for it lmao so you've actually probably seen the worst ones.

i guess not threatening or mean, but one comment that has always stuck with me just bc of how 'wtf?!' i was about it is this one commenter i had on ao3. they were a reallyyy loyal commenter for MONTHS like every single chapter they'd leave at least a paragraph, and two thirds of the para would always be pure praise for my writing, which was why it was kinda complicated bc i KNEW the rest of the comment wasn't intended to be criticism, they were just the kind of person that clearly didn't have a filter. so what they'd do is they'd say all these compliments, but then they'd say what they DIDNT like about my writing. and my attitude with fanfiction is that unless the work is actively problematic, you just do not tell the author their shortcomings. idc if this isn't a widely held opinion; it's my opinion. ao3 authors are giving us this shit for FREE out of their own time more often than not while balancing jobs and a social life - it is their HOBBY and it's not your place to tell them you dont like their plot or the way they wrote something. write it yourself if it bothers you so much. and so for ages i just didnt respond to this person's comments even though MOST of the comment they'd leave would always be positive, bc the tagged on parts always felt passive aggressive. like they were clearly part of the Annoying atla fandom bc they'd always get annoyed when any of the characters held zuko accountable for anything. they openly admitted that they just wanted zuko to be babied and didn't like it when people were mean to him, a sentiment that REALLY pisses me off, and they were also SUCH a katara anti which, yk, red flag. but it was fine. it wasn't a big deal, i could handle the comments and i genuinely just forgot about them as soon as i read them.

BUT THEN one day they left me a comment being like 'im going to stop reading this fic' which that alone is such an odd thing to alert the author about, but then they proceeded to explain to me why they weren't going to read anymore. like they spent an entire para being like 'this is why i dont really like this fic anymore' LMAO?? and i distinctly remember them saying something about zi se and how they hated him partially because they hate kids but mostly because he was an OC which i just thought was such a fucking funny thing to say like the cheek?? i was flabbergasted and i was kind of sick of their shit at that point, so my response was (para-phrased): 'not to be rude but in future i think you should consider when commenting on fics if your comment is actually necessary.  it can be very discouraging as a writer to be told directly by a reader that they don't enjoy your story and don't like the direction you're taking it. i'm confident enough in taob and my own abilities that i can brush it off very easily, but i'm just worried that if you said this to a newer or smaller fic writer it could really impact their confidence. the decision to stop reading isn't the issue here, it's just that you felt the need to explicitly tell me about it' which i thought was very hot and mature of me. like i very rarely pull out the 'taob is one of the biggest fics in a very big fandom' card but when dealing with rude people i have no shame in being like 'i will not miss a single reader like you realise that right i will not notice if you stop reading' so yeah as an experience it was all just very odd JSKDGHKJDSH

#i remember replying to one of their comments bc they'd interpreted hakoda saying he loved sokka and katara more than some random firebender #in a really negative way and i replied REALLY nicely with my own interpretation #and idk maybe this is just me but if the actual AUTHOR OF A WORK replied to me with their interpretation #id kinda assume it held more weight than how i'd interpreted it. maybe #but do you know what this person said? 'we can agree to disagree' NO THE FUCK WE CANT LMAO IM RIGHT I WROTE IT #anyway pls dont go and find this person bc like i said there was never actually any malice i think they were either just young #or short-sighted and lacked a filter #ask #taob asks #also id like to be clear my 'i wont miss it if an individual reader stopped reading' is only applicable to the ones i dont like #i have favourites who i recognise in my inbox and if they stopped reading id be devastated

[nikoadari]

Voices, Alone

Trigger Warning: Horror, semi body horror

The last remnants of the storm were a soft pitter-patter against full leaves and blades of grass. It filled the air with a deep petrichor and softened the world until it became a blur. In these times, Keir would usually be crushing up the final ingredients for a tincture while she struggled to keep her mind quiet.

She could listen to the rain better if her thoughts weren’t so loud.

Instead, she sat on the couch, arms wrapped around her knees and forehead pressed hard against them. Her chest felt heavy, like a snake had wrapped itself around her, trying to squeeze out her last breath. She let her chest rise and fall naturally and felt it squeeze tighter.

Just keep breathing, she thought to herself. It’s there but you can breathe. Let’s count to four.

The counting of each breath barely distracted her from the non-pain, but a little distraction was better than none. Her eyes were shut, but they were peaceful, like she was sleeping. She refused to squeeze them tight to fight the things she felt swarming her.

Her ears and nose were under attack, too – some clawing, others gnawing, one or two simply beating her, trying their hardest break into her skull. A few could slide in without the battery and squirmed through her head and down her throat, deep into the pits of her intestines.

She tensed, wanting to retch, and mentally slammed every filthy creature that would never stop invading her body. It worked…somewhat.

A few left. Most stayed.

Her head was beginning to ache. She took another deep breath and tried to empty herself of thoughts, focusing instead on a scan of her body. She unclenched her teeth and unfurrowed her brow, allowing the illusion of peace to take over. Her fists loosened as her arms slid down her legs and came to rest on her bare feet. She would not show them what affect they had on her.

Another deep breath.

She lifted her head and resisted opening her mouth to take in more oxygen; if she did, more would stuff her mouth and throat and there were already so many there that she felt the instinct to chew them like food. She had tried that once as a child, desperate to kill the things sliding down her throat. It hadn’t worked.

1…2…3…4…breathe in. 1…2…3…4…now breathe out.

She sat there, body relaxed and mind nearly empty. Was it a relief that her constantly rushing thoughts had been forced to slow? She could not think long enough to decide. Her head, buzzing then pounding then calming then imploding, bled into the world as it bled into her. Her eyes, a near breeding ground, were half-lidded yet unseeing. Her ears, covered in poisoned kisses and saliva, filled with whispers. And shrieks. And static.

She could barely understand any of it, this strange language they spoke to her, and she had long since stopped trying. It wouldn’t change anything anyway.

Eventually, she found her legs moving. Or was she making them move? She could not tell. She went to the kitchen, undecided about if her body was numb or if her footfalls were sending quicks bouts of sharp pain up her legs.

If it wasn’t her legs that hurt, something else probably did. It was difficult to tell which thing it was, though. Some parts of her never stuck around long enough for her to feel them properly, like her tail, and the parts that did stick around, like her hands, often didn’t send reliable information back to her brain on what they felt.

The water boiler was already filled so all she had to do was flick the switch. As it heated, she took her time in finding a mug and filling it with tea leaves and honey. Maybe she would add lemon for her throat. Did she really want to cut lemon, though? She didn’t want to do anything. But she had to care for herself. No one else could do that anymore.

She decided not to use the lemon.

The sound of rain wasn’t very comforting when accompanied by screams, so she probably turned on a TV show or some video essay, but she didn’t know which and she barely listened. As long as it wasn’t static.

She took a sip from her mug. The tea did little to soothe her throat, but at least it tasted familiar. She wanted to do something. Go outside and gather herbs, perhaps. Or maybe write a letter. Or talk to the trees. Something that would feel like progress. But she didn’t move to do any of that. She wouldn’t get far in this useless state anyway.

Be kind to yourself, she thought, gently chastising her inner critic. You don’t deserve to be thought useless. After everything, you deserve kindness more than screams.

She gulped more tea as something raked its claws through her hair and down her back. There would have been blood if the claws were physical. Blood that would seep into her clothes and hair and would ruin the couch.

She decided not to clean it, though, or tend to her wounds. Being wrapped in bandages would stop her from meeting with her fox friends tomorrow. The pain was already fading, though it would stay throughout the day. A light sting, then a burning throb she would ignore.

The sight of blood on her couch would last only a moment each time she looked at it before disappearing. Eventually, she wouldn’t see it at all. She would not pretend she couldn’t feel or see it like before, but she would pretend she didn’t care.

“Moo ahhhhh,” she sang vaguely, hoping to loosen her throat. Her voice sounded only a little shakier than normal. Her eyes barely blinked away entities who wanted to take hold, and cause pain, and steal.

At least, that’s what she assumed they wanted. It’s what they did to her on a daily basis, after all. She blinked more firmly and felt some entities falling away, dripping from her sockets like black sludge. She knew better than to try brushing it away.

“Taiii yaaaaa,” she continued singing. The spike of panic she would have felt hours – or had it been only a few minutes? – ago from opening her mouth was gone. She could do whatever she wanted. Whenever she wanted. Fear of what these creatures would do to her if she chose to speak or sing is what made her throat hurt in the first place.

“Soy yooooo.” She closed her eyes and let her head throb. “Fee beeeer. Ley naaaaat.” She did not try to truncate or make words out of the gibberish. Nothing about her was quick or succinct right now. Why should her singing be? She wasn’t doing it for anyone but herself.

Venomous whispers filled her ears and the image of them poisoning and spitting in her tea was forced into her mind’s eye. She ignored it, continuing to sing, and took a leisurely sip from her cup when she so desired, every motion more languid than the last.

“Reeeen. Ti ha li’fat. Ben daowwww weeen.”

She dragged the mug to her couch-side table before she fell asleep. Or at least, into the semi-drugged state she so often found herself in after an attack. It felt good. Like a victory rewarded with a good rest.

She settled the nearby throw blanket over her and grinned toothily at the dark figure hovering at the edge of the couch. She could never see its face, and whether it stared at her with hatred or with curiosity she couldn’t tell.

“Get outta my house, bitch.”

She laughed at the outraged and confused cries around her. Destroying all senses of mystique and power for these entities was a nice treat before she fell asleep. What reverence did monsters deserve here?

“You aren’t welcome here.”

Knowing they had not obeyed, she still allowed herself to drift, her ghoulish grin slipping into a serene, soft smile as she fell into darkness.

#horror #voices #mental illness #haunting #nikoadariwrites #black woman writer #black authors #black writer #schizo spectrum #schizoaffective #schizophrenia #psychosis #writing mental illness #autistic writer #austism #autistic author #did you know that being neurodivergent and traumatized at a young age can make you more likely to have hallucinations? #I didn't until the doctor who tested me for autism said so #that was unexpected

[kaftan]

You know when you see a post and you’re like. Well. I do hold this opinion. So I guess in that sense I agree. But everything about how this take is being communicated is so repellent to me that I want to disagree on principle

#I think there is a certain humility you have to possess if you’re going to be a hater about other people’s art. and. well. #this person’s tone is utterly lacking it #also just as a matter of etiquette if you are going to have hot takes about poetry you should first have credentials (being good at poetry) #which. again. no poetry to be found on their blog. hashtag lol. sorry I’m being a little mean but REALLY! #lastly i AM a hater when it comes to lowest-common-denominator no-effort poetry being touted as So Amazing #but 1) that’s because I believe in making art the best it can be—because I deeply love art. 2) I possess a talent for poetry. #disclaimer for point 2 is that I’m quite young and still learning so of course I’m not amazing but I know my shit and I’m an eager learner #but I’ve had my poetry published and remarked on by more accomplished poets. ANYWAY. anyway. my point is. i have credentials #and even with that I still don’t assume I’m the authority on what makes poems good or anything like that! #and I certainly don’t Dunk on bad poetry just to Dunk #which is what that post feels like. tbh. that might be the crux of it #ok essay over I just want to finish by saying this take comes from the same person who thinks tlt is better than baru so. #i don’t need to elaborate. red flags 101. I take my leave now thank you

[mnikhowozu]

sometimes i think abt reblogging art from/following this one popular slasher artist again and then i remember the time they said that frankenstein would have been better if it was written by a gay man and then i don’t

#misc: personal text #i’m a chill guy until you fuck with frankenstein #FRANKENSTEIN WAS WRITTEN BY A 17 YEAR OLD GIRL #it effectively invented sci-fi as a popular genre!!! #a woman did that! a very young woman! #and her writing and perspective as a woman make the novel all the more interesting bc it’s essentially about motherhood #also there were dozens of gay male authors in and around her time. some she was even friends with #this one (very important) novel was written by a woman. can you just let her have this #also again. AGAIN. so much of it is a story about motherhood #i truly do not think that frankenstein would have been better if written by a gay man #i say this as someone who is both an MLM and WLW. no.

[woof-squiggles]

"Lick it."

[9/25/22]

#salem offers art #primal animals #julia lynn rubin #julia rubin #< i've never had a fandom so small ive had to tag the author #>> this book is literally so good. if you like YA thriller/horror please please read it. #artwork #art #digital art #illustration #book #ya book #young adult book #thriller #horror #>> if ur wondering why it took me 3 months to posts this all i can say is that i was nervous 😭😭 #>> i have so many thoughts about this book SORRY IM DONE #// blood #// self harm #ask for tags

[moinsbienquekaworu]

Everyone go read Under the Aegis NOW go do it just GO

#it's a webcomic by vimeddie wich you can find on webtoon #author's summary: #'about the struggle for peace and the search for something precious that has been lost for over a thousand years. #six young people‚ with the help of the ancient weapons that chose them‚ must work together - #- to solve a millennial mystery before they too become lost.' #it's GOOD it's so so good #i don't know how to sell it to you #the story is well planned there's a nice mystery the characters' relationships are great #the art is absolutely incredible and every time i read it i want to draw buff men #the worldbuilding is crunchy #it's 85 chapters total so it's not exceedingly long to read #but the author uses every chapter super well #i need to draw fanart. it's not going to happen soon but one day. ONE DAY #this story has been with me for years!! like 5 i think? listen i'm young 5 years is a lot #the ending is satisfying it's sooooo good i wish more people talked about it!!!!!! #wow i have a ramble tag now

[angstdom]

ahhhhhh it makes me rly sad and annoyed that maggs was gonna write more for the TRC-verse after the dream thieves but isn't now bc of the fandom like on the one hand its like what is wrong with people being rude as fuck on another hand its like i get wanting to explore your creativity and leave certain concepts to rest but on a third hand its also like???????? why would you do that?????????? it feels a little spiteful??????????

#like when creators just like want to almost punish everyone for the actions of a few #but like obvs it was weighing on her hard #but ur also like a very popular author thats gonna happen thats how it works? #as an honours thesis student i can proclaim u gotta develop a thick skin #i am laughing these two things are not the same #but cmon mannnnn cmon cmon cmon #so many authors wont leave things be that should be put to rest let me show you cassandra clare #but i think there would be so many more things to explore in the TRC universe and shes just like nah because a section of people have been #dicks to me about inconsequential things #not everyone is gonna be cool ur fandom is a bunch of teenagers and teenagers are insane #love ya we all were there and we're nuts when we're young and think we own the things we like #anyway thought dump #dont hate me #the raven cycle #trc #mine