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#you broke me first
dumblr · 2 months
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Yeah, you could say you miss all that we had, but I don't really care how bad it hurts.
When you broke me first.
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phosphenes-xo · 2 years
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Maybe one day you’ll realize that I was the love of your life. But by that time I will have found someone who realized what they had the first time.
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stephstars08 · 1 month
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I want to write a story based off the song “You Broke Me First” by Tate McRae but I don’t know who to write it with so I’m going to let you all pick!
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heecase · 1 year
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You Broke Me First
Synopsis: Things with Sunghoon have been rocky to say the least. But you love each other so it's worth it to pretend everything is okay, right? But if everything was fine why would he seek comfort in someone else? Why was he doing this to you? Pairing: Sunghoon x Fem! Reader Word Count: 2.5k Genre: Angst
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“Y/n, stop running away from me!” Sunghoon grabbed your wrist, turning you around to face him.
“Let go of me you asshole!” You yelled back, trying to free your wrist from his grasp but his grip was too tight. 
You both were currently standing in the middle of a busy street. What was supposed to be a cute date, turned into whatever this that’s currently going on. Everything was going well, until Sunghoon left his phone on the table as he went to grab your food order and you saw the messages from a girl flooding in. You’re usually not one to snoop through your boyfriend’s phone but the constant vibration was getting on your nerves. Grabbing his phone, you started scrolling through their messages, the further you scrolled the more your blood boiled. He was cheating on you. With whoever this bitch was. You felt your eyes start to sting but you knew you couldn’t confront him about it here. You were not going to embarrass yourself over this. So you slammed his phone down on the table and left the establishment. It didn’t take long before Sunghoon’s long legs caught up to you.
“What’s wrong now? Why are you acting like this?” He sighed, clearly frustrated. 
“What’s wrong? You really have the audacity to ask me what’s wrong?! Why don’t you ask yourself that question?” You scoffed, shooting death glares his way.
“Whatever it is, I didn’t mean-” 
“Whatever it is?? Are you telling me you really don’t know?” You asked, narrowing your eyes at him.
“If I knew, then I wouldn’t be ask-”
“Why are you so stupid?! You know what I can’t do this with you right now! Now, fucking let me go!” You tried again to pull your arm away just for him to yank your arm back with more force.
“No! Why won’t you ever listen to me?!” He yelled, tightening his grip to the point where you feel circulation leaving your hand.
“What is there to listen to?! If you don’t know what’s wrong then what’s the point?! You’re always fucking like this and I’m sick and tired of all your bullshit!” You spat, hoping the harsh words will make him tell the truth.
“Me?! You think I’m the problem?! Have you looked at yourself recently?! Because from my point of view, you’re just as bad!” He responded, loosening his grip when he felt your hand go cold.
“What’s wrong with me?! I’ve been nothing but nice and accommodating towards you and your needs! You’re always fucking calling me when you’re drunk or when the littlest inconvenience happens to you and you expecting me to drop everything and come to you and I’m sick of it. I’m sick of always running to you everytime you call and following you around like some love sick puppy. I’m sick of you constantly not acknowledging my feelings and doing whatever the hell you want. But worst of all, I hate feeling like I love you more than you will ever love me!” You felt your tears betray you as they fell down your cheeks. All of these things that you have put up with just to make him happy and he’s the one calling you bad guy?
“What are you saying?! You know I fucking love you more than anything in this world. I’ve done everything I could to make you happy. Even if it made me miserable in the process. Do you understand how hard it is to make you happy?” Sunghoon responded. He quickly regretted his words when he saw the look of shock on your face. “Wait, that’s not what I meant.”
“You were miserable in our relationship? Then why are you still here?” You choked back a sob.
“Because I fucking love you!” He yelled, scaring you. He noticed and reached up to cup your face, gently wipe your tears away.
“Then why the fuck are you texting someone else?! If you loved me so much, why are you cheating on me?!” You screamed, pulling his hands away from you. Sunghoon froze. You weren’t supposed to know about her. How could he be so careless and let you find out? He had to do something to save this relationship.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He said, eyes looking anywhere but at you. He mentally slapped himself for lying, but he couldn’t tell you the truth. Not when you’re this angry.
“Stop lying to me.” You said, voice barely above a whisper. “I saw everything already. You don’t have to lie anymore. Just for once in your life, be honest with me”
“No, let me explain, you don’t understand-” 
“What am I not understanding? That I’m not good enough for you anymore? That our relationship is making you miserable and you were already one foot out the door with someone else? If you hate me this much you should’ve just said something. I’m not stupid enough to chase after you and beg for you to stay if you’re not happy in our relationship. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy and I can see that being with me isn’t cutting it for you anymore. I’m tired of all this and I’m not playing this game with you anymore.” You said, angrily wiping the tears away.
“No, no, no, what game?! There is no game! There has never been anyone else, I’ve only ever loved you. She doesn’t mean shit to me! Baby, please believe me.” Sunghoon said, desperation in his eyes as they met yours again.
“Sunghoon, please. You wouldn’t do what you did to the people you love. You wouldn’t betray me or cheat on me. Are you sure you ever even loved me?” You said, voice breaking towards the end. A sob involuntarily left your lips and you turned around, running away from him before he could see you break down. Your words hit Sunghoon harder than he realizes as his vision got blurry and your retreating back goes more out of focus.
You laid in bed, dried tears all over your face, as you thought about your relationship with Sunghoon. You were a fool to believe that he loved you for the entire two years that you’ve been together. Maybe in the beginning, he did love you but as the days, months, and years went on, he started changing. You could see him slowly starting to get distant and only seeing you when it was for his benefit. It was as if he was confident you would never leave him, so he just did whatever the fuck he wanted with your heart. However, you couldn’t wrap your head around why he would resort to cheating if he was truly as in love with you as he claimed to be. If he really loved you he wouldn’t seek comfort in someone else. Right? Sure you had your issues but doesn’t everyone? Isn’t a partner supposed to help you resolve these issues and not add more to the list? 
A sigh left your lips, as your phone vibrated. You pick up the device to see Sunghoon’s name on the screen again. He’s been calling you nonstop for the past few days. Only stopping when you think he has fallen asleep. You should just turn off the device, block his number, or do something to stop the constant vibration of your phone, but his never ending calls give you a false sense of comfort. Knowing that he was trying so hard to reach you, made you feel like maybe he does still love you. Maybe you’re thinking too much into things and he was right. But you were too broken to try and fix this relationship. Maybe if he’s persistent enough, you’ll eventually give in, but you’re not ready for that yet.
A few months have past and you are starting to feel better. The thought of Sunghoon didn’t make you break down and cry anymore. You were hanging out with your friends again and Sunghoon stopped calling you. You figured he just gave up because you were ignoring all of his advances. You would still unconsciously look at your phone every now and then, expecting his name to pop up but it never did. Maybe Sunghoon accepted reality and stopped trying. The thought made you sad. You wanted him to try more. You wanted him to keep trying until you accepted him back. Maybe you were naive to think that your high school sweetheart was going to be your end game.  Eventually you should accept that your high school sweetheart will stay just that. A sweet memory. You smiled at the fond memories you two shared during the honeymoon phase of your relationship. 
You figured this was you realizing that you had finally moved on. That was until you saw him again. He was leaning against a wall, talking to a girl who you recognized as the person he was texting prior to your break up. You couldn’t make out the expression on his face as he talked to her, but just seeing him okay made you sick to your stomach. Did he actually move on? How could he? And with her? How was he not hurt like you were? The questions made you realize that you hadn’t moved on from him at all. But you still have to try. So you turned around and left. Determined to leave him behind for good.
The plan would’ve worked had he not seen you from the corner of his eye and ran after you. He didn’t believe that it was actually you at first, but he felt like he would recognize you anywhere. He didn’t know what to say if he were to confront you right now so he just followed you. Eventually, he realized that you were standing in front of your apartment. Panic set in and he felt his body move before his mind could process what was going on. As you opened the door to your apartment, he came up behind and pushed you in, closing the door behind him.
“What the fuck?!” You screamed, thinking you were being robbed. When you turned around to see Sunghoon, you froze. How did he get here? Did he follow you? Why was he here? Many thoughts were running through your head as you stared at him.
“Hi, it’s been a while.” He mentally smacked himself. What the fuck was that? Why did he say that?
“Get out.” You said, firmly crossing your arms.
“Y/n, please hear me out.” Sunghoon pleaded, staring straight into your eyes.
“No, there’s nothing more to say. Now get out.” You emphasize the last words. Anger boiling in your stomach.
“Y/n, please! I can change. I’ll do anything you want. Please, we can fix this.” Sunghoon begged, tearing up. He reached out to you but stopped when you flinched away from him.
“What makes you think I want anything to do with you anymore? I fucking saw you talking to that bitch, so why don’t you just go back to her and I’ll forget this ever happened.” You sighed, running a hand harshly through your hair, trying to compose yourself.
“What? I wasn’t talking to her! She came onto me! She won’t fucking leave me alone! I fucking hate her for ruining our relationship!” He said, moving closer to you again.
“She didn’t fucking ruining this relationship! You did! The moment you decided to text her back and pour your heart out to her was the moment you decided this relationship wasn’t worth fixing anymore.” You spat, making him stop his advances. Tears started falling from your eyes as you stared at him.
“No, that’s not what happened. She approached me, telling me she’s my friend and letting me dump all of my problems on to her. I never meant for it to go this far.” He said, reaching out to you but retreated when you moved out of his reach.
“Never meant for it to go this far? What the hell were you expecting to happen?” You questioned.
“I-I don’t know.” You saw his shoulders physically drop as he thought about his decisions. “Please, Y/n. I can’t live with you. I don’t know how to anymore. We can fix this, I know we can because I love you so much and I know you love me too but being apart from you for the past few months have been the toughest months of my life. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I feel like I can barely breathe without you. I don’t know what to do with myself anymore. I don’t know how to be just Sunghoon without you.” 
“Sunghoon, you know that you’re no good for me and I’m no good for you. We’re only going to end up hurting each other if this continues.” More tears fall from your eyes as you pulled him into a hug. Probably the last one that you two will ever exchange.
“But, I love you.” He said, hugging you back.
“And I love you too, but I don’t think it’s enough to fix us. The trust issues, the insecurities, they’ll still be there and if I want to heal, from you, from us, then I have to let you go. We have to let us go.” You pleaded into his shoulder. You felt his arms tighten around you as his body shook from his tears. It has to end. You know it does, but it doesn’t mean it hurts any less. Maybe one day down the road you two can be friends again but right now this is the best you can do for him.
“Is there really nothing more I can do?” He asked, pulling away slightly to look at your face. You shook your head, reaching up to wipe away the tears still running down his face.
“We can apologize to each other, get our closure, and move on.” You said, trying to smile up at him.
“I’m so sorry y/n” He said, voice breaking as he held back another sob.
“I’m sorry too Hoonie.” You let your body do what it desperately needs. Getting on your tiptoes, you placed a kiss on his cheek and let yourself linger for a split second. As you pull away, you let go of him and backed up a bit to put distance between you two. He understood the action and got ready to leave. With his hand on the doorknob, he turned to look at you one more time.
“You know I’ll always love you.” He said, voice barely above a whisper.
“And I’ll always love you but sometimes loving each other just isn’t enough.” He nodded at your response. He opened the door and stepped outside, closing it behind him as he slid to the floor and letting his sobs consume him.
You stood in your apartment and watched him leave for the last time. Hugging yourself, you fell to the floor, breaking into violent sobs.You might’ve broken him by not accepting him back but he broke you first. He ruined this relationship first. You made the right decision. At least that’s what you’ll keep telling yourself as the pain in your chest gradually gets worse.
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iconsfinder · 2 months
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shesuntitledx3 · 6 months
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mynameisdabi · 1 year
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Lyrics
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y7jins · 1 year
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sadghostgirl14 · 8 months
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I want someone to look at me
Look at my scars,
And tell me
They look like stars
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manysmallhands · 2 months
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The Deep Tate
This is a piece that I was going to do for another website, a kind of “ten songs to know her by’”, but it’s gotten away from that a bit so I thought I’d just put it up here and then if no one reads it then that’s pretty standard anyway. I've done a playlist which i've placed at the end, featuring all the songs i that mentioned along the way (a few too many than i was supposed to talk about).
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Canadian pop star Tate Mcrae is a precocious talent, a viral sensation who’d managed to catapult herself to fame before she’d even left her teens. I’ve only known about her for a few months now but she’s already captured me as a fan, with her second album “Think Later” quickly becoming one of my favourites of last year. Mcrae started out in her (even younger) youth as a professional dancer, uploading her self penned songs to YouTube alongside videos of her routines. She first broke into the charts in 2020 - aged just 17 - with the moody revenge ballad You Broke Me First, a massive international hit during lockdown that clocked up over a billion streams on Spotify.
From there, she began to navigate the trickier dance of establishing herself as a regular chart fixture, reaching the UK Top 10 with her increasingly pop/rock focused debut LP, “I Used To Think I Could Fly” in 2022. But the real story is what she’s done since then: 2023 was a huge year for her as she collaborated with OneRepublic star and Taylor Swift associate Ryan Tedder, adopting a more straightforward pop sound and taking the charts by storm. Much of this was down to "Greedy", one of the biggest songs of last year, which took an entertaining swipe at sleazy older men and went top three in every country you might feasibly shake a stick at. Added to that, the release of the excellent ‘Think Later’ album helped to cement her reputation as one of pop’s megastars in waiting.
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Though there’s plenty of earlier material (her first viral hit, the characteristically accomplished “One Day”, was written and recorded when she was just 14 years old), it’s probably best to start with "You Broke Me First". Tate’s first big hit was something that she struggled to outgrow for a while but its uncomfortable intensity still feels striking. Built around a narrative of betrayal, its heroine recounts the hurt of being dumped and her understandable refusal to take the repentant boyfriend back: so far so standard. But what sticks out about it is the low-key vicious tone that underpins the song: the title is a big hint that this is her moment of vengeance and she intends to milk it for all it’s worth. The doomy synthetic backing plays up all of this heavily and the distorted autotune on her slightly husky, cute but tough vocal style only adds to the unnerving vibe of it all. Is this “serious” music? I’m going to say it sounds a lot like it.
But for a while afterwards, whilst not really dropping out of sight, Mcrae did appear to get stuck in the mode of moody trap ballad girl, marketed as a kind of junior Billie Eilish (with whom she’d collaborated previously on the track “Tear Myself Apart”) and seeming to lack a clear-cut identity of her own. 2021’s “Too Young To Be Sad” EP was actually pretty good, with the softer styled “r u ok” (as much as it’s a Billie clone, it is at least a good one) and the warm acoustic closer “Wish I Loved You In The 90s” being particular highlights. But a distinct fault was that it tended to get caught up pursuing lesser versions of her big single to slightly diminishing returns, something that was made all the more obvious by its inclusion. There’s a pattern after a little known singer has a huge hit that looks a lot like ‘bloody hell, what do we do now?’, with talented kids often finding out that they’ve not got much else in the locker. While the quality didn’t drop all that much, the hits were not forthcoming and it looked like Mcrae was starting to tread water a bit.
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But by the time of her first full length album, 2022’s “I Used To Think I Could Fly”, she was beginning to find her way somewhat more purposefully, albeit still in a slightly haphazard manner. Some of its best songs come from a turn to breezy pop rock, with “She’s All I Wanna Be” in particular providing her with both a standout track and a welcome hit single. Centred around comparing herself to the hot girl who threatens her relationship, Mcrae is still working thru her adolescent anxieties but the tone is lighter, the guitars let rip a bit and, combined with her ever keen sense of melody (the characteristic through-line that connects all of her best songs) the whole feels a lot more fun than she’d hitherto managed to project.
That’s not to say that her sad girl tunes were in any sense gone but neither were they all a wash out: indeed much of the strength of her songwriting at this point comes down to the touching believability of her teenager set pieces. The defiant “I’m So Gone” combines a break-up narrative with a punchier trap pop sound, and while there are still a few straightforward YBMF reruns, they were often pretty good once you got used to her patter (the piano led “Chaotic” is a particular highlight). It was clearly a good idea for her to start mixing up her sound though and songs like the wonderfully trashy rocker “What Would You Do?” are an entertaining diversion from all the misery, mining some attitude to clap back at a neglectful boyfriend in a lyrical style that would in time become a lot more familiar. The album still has the odd duffer here and there but the message was clear: Tate was on her way!
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While “I Used To Think I Could Fly” feels like a pretty good debut, it’s not without its flaws. Some of the songs come off as a bit flimsy and there’s also a sense in which it feels more like a grab bag than a fully coherent project. The production roll includes Adele collaborator Greg Kurstin alongside other star names like Charlie Puth and Finneas O’Connell and while there’s certainly a lot of talent on show, it also sounds like a great many cooks are gathered around the pot. But since she released her excellent second album, Tate has entered something approaching a state of grace for me (A Tate Of Grace? A State Of Tate?) and i’ve found it generally easier to get along with her earlier stuff too.
Her shift to a higher level began in late 2022, firstly on the twinkly, bass driven “Uh-Oh” and then more powerfully with“10.35”, a banging DJ/pop girl collaboration with Tiësto that finally managed to push her back into the UK Top 10. Playing to her melodic strengths, it takes the moodiness of You Broke Me First but allies it to a beat that goes enjoyably hard, with her knack for a tune sweetening its combination of dancefloor darkness and pop bounce. This was followed last autumn by a second full-on megahit, "Greedy", the first Tate Mcrae song I heard and one that seems likely to be her signature tune for a while to come. Built around a 00s era Timberland-style beat, Tate recounts a nightclub discussion with an older guy who comes onto her, only to be told “I’ll put you thru hell just to know me yeah yeah!” during its swooping, almost bombastic chorus. Greedy was a mass of insistent hooks, rolling rhythms and snappy hot girl catchphrases that became an instant hit, camping out in the UK Top 5 for weeks on end and hitting #1 on a dozen charts around the world, including her native Canada and the Billboard Global 200.
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Aside from the stylistic changes she’d made since her last round in the spotlight, perhaps the most significant difference from "You Broke Me First" was that this time Mcrae had come prepared with some solid follow ups. Her next single "Exes" kept up the high standard and closed out the year with another top 20 hit. Propelled by a harder trap rhythm than previous efforts, the song is built around an almost childishly gleeful vocal that plays on her new, edgier image, calling out her old boyfriends in a kind of Canadian version of the “Am I bovvered?” routine whilst singing in a fast paced, almost hip hop-style which engagingly breaks through the rhythm of the song. Tate says that she “steps into a different body sometimes when I’m doing songs like Greedy and Exes” and certainly the change here from her previous mopery feels both bracing and wickedly enjoyable.
The album, “Think Later”, followed at the end of the year and was to my mind a much better record that its predecessor. Whereas that LP had at times felt a bit ponderous, producer Ryan Tedder’s rattling beats and snappy arrangements gave "Think Later" a new level of firepower, creating a much more energetic backdrop for Tate’s various romantic misadventures. And this time, rather than simply bemoaning her situation, she seemed far more likely to be putting herself in the driving seat: whether it was her dreams of snaring someone else’s boyfriend amidst the catchy synth attack of "Hurt My Feelings" or the bad girl adventures of the thumping title track, Tate often plays an intriguing central character, one who’s far more liable to be causing mischief than weeping away in private. The more forceful propulsion also keeps the ballads from becoming too gloomy and, just occasionally, as on the excellent messy relationship confessional "Stay Done", Mcrae and her team manage to create something genuinely beautiful, as she calls on all of her melodic gifts and sweet natured charm to turn in a gorgeous acoustic tearjerker.
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“Think Later” has only been out for a couple of months but it already looks set to be a bigger album than its predecessor and her sustained success has led some to speculate whether Tate might be pop’s Next Big Thing, a role seemingly now vacant in this more ephemeral era of Tik Tok hits and viral sensations (a landscape that, as a Youtube native, she appears more confident in than many of her peers). My own feeling is that, while I love her records dearly, I’m unsure whether she’s up to making that transition. Certainly, Mcrae seems to me not quite the finished article. She still needs to take more quality control over the sad girl stuff - whilst it generally works much better on "Think Later", the album closes with two underwhelming ballads, at least one of which should have been left off the record. And while she's perfectly attuned to the swirl of youthful romantic concerns that underpin many of her best songs, attempts to go deeper seem to stumble just a little, with a song like "Calgary" being a case in point - a serious acoustic number which works well aside from a slight clumsiness in the lyrics.
But there's still plenty of time for her to reach perfection. Despite having been around for a while now, it’s useful to remember that she’s only 20 years old: even Taylor Swift wasn’t on her best game for another couple of albums yet. And maybe it doesn't matter that much anyway. I don’t claim anything very sophisticated for Tate Mcrae - no trails are being blazed here - but in terms of my own experience, the most important questions are: would I rather be listening to her than some more acclaimed act who offers far less fun, energy and/or melodramatic weight? Absolutely! Do I often find myself singing along inappropriately to "Greedy", despite not in fact being a 20 year old hot girl superstar? Guilty as charged! The bottom line here is all that she’s already achieved: she’s a talented artist creating consistently thrilling music, the creator of both a songworld that feels increasingly immersive and a style that’s evolved intelligently under huge pressure and, perhaps most importantly, someone who is starting to up the stakes with each successive release. More than anything, she’s a young woman who’s navigated the challenge of moving on from uploading YouTube videos of herself singing into a webcam to taking on the international charts, not just once but several times over. Given that form, I wouldn’t bet against her. As she says on "Think Later", “I do it so well”.
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wherethesunsetsblog · 9 months
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dumblr · 2 months
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Now suddenly you're asking for it back, could you tell me where'd you get the nerve?
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superspookyjanelle · 1 year
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OC AESTHETIC: Hecate | coven head | magic and history teacher at Nevermore Academy
❝ And remember, if I get harsh with you it is only because you’re doing it all wrong. ❞
TAGGING: @witchofinterest @fiercefray @sweetenemyfire @eddysocs @nikolai-lantsv @arrthurpendragon @waterloou @villanele @bookstorebunny @roseygirl203 @valdrinors
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hopeurokays · 2 years
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Tate McRae
like/reblog if using
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phosphenes-xo · 2 years
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I always chose you, but you would always choose everyone else. Although that was an undescribable pain it taught me to choose myself, always.
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semper--fi · 7 months
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youtube
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