#you arent respected from me or anybody at this point for what you did to your brother

[problematic-alters-unsilenced]

tw for being locked up, isolation for no reason, shitty ex of ours, dormancy/sui mentions

im the host and had the misfortune of one of my alters meeting this girl.

originally, i would be locked in my headspace room if the caretakers/protectors/headspace leaders didn’t deem me safe for myself.

it was always because i apparently threw a tantrum.

but it didnt happen much before we met this girl.

long story short, she was mainly using us to play whatever fantasies she had with two alters that were fictives from her favorite animes.

I have hundreds of alters at this point and she asks for and demands for only two at all times. the alter that met her and told her we were a sys is not one of them.

he really had feelings for her and it just feels like she used it to get him to convince me to not be with anyone else.

the story gets very complicated but basically i ended up wanting to be with someone else. and as the host, i feel like it was my choice. the body is mine, and i felt lots of love for this other person.

she didn’t like this person, they knew each other, and didn’t like that i wanted to be with someone else.

when i was ignored always?

anyways when i tried to be with this person, she didn’t like it. and the two alters she always talked to liked her too and basically always did what she wanted.

and because i wasnt doing what she wanted and was apparently acting like a child and throwing tantrums, i was put in my room for weeks.

whenever i did front, i would try to talk to her and only felt ignored. so i went back to talking to the person i did like.

eventually they got annoyed because apparently i wasnt learning my lesson and started being put in this empty room. completely bare, no decor no bed no nothing just empty and dark and alone.

i think i remember trying to die multiple times, hoping to stay dormant permanently and just not have to deal with any of it.

we arent with that person anymore, we have a partner system now (i think you can call it that?) and i have someone that tells me they care for me now

i just wanted to talk about this because its something thats been on my mind for a few days now and it’s been upsetting me.

it still happens occasionally now, but my alters reasoning now is that i get hysterical and wont calm down. empty rooms scare me though

- 💖

Not putting on anon cause i don’t care pft

that is absolutely horrible D: you deserve to be listened to and understood and respected just like anybody else. That is just.. horrible. I hope you're doing better now and that it gets better in the future <3

#anti endo #actually did #anti endogenic #did #did osdd #did system #dissociative identity disorder #hc did #osdd system #actually osdd #ramcoa #tw dormancy #tw isolation #Tw locking up #tw manipulation #tw sui talk #tw sui implied #tw sui attempt #Tw suicide #Tw suicide talk #Tw suicide attempt #Low spoons

[pesterloglog]

Karkat Vantas, Jade Harley, Kanaya Maryam

Act 5, page 3975-3985

PAST carcinoGeneticist [PCG] 03:14 HOURS AGO responded to memo.

PCG: OH GOD, HE'S STILL FOLLOWING YOU?

PCG: THAT IS SO MESSED UP.

?GG: yeah...

?GG: its ok though. as long as he is tailing me like a lost puppy, at least hes not killing anybody

PCG: DON'T TRUST HIM JADE, I'M TELLING YOU. HE IS A STAB HAPPY PLANET EXPLODING ASSHOLE.

PCG: REMEMBER WHAT HE DID TO DAVE? IT WAS LIKE THIS WHOLE EPISODE, YOU HAD A HYSTERICAL EPISODE ABOUT IT, REMEMBER?

?GG: i remember the episode!!!

?GG: but hes ok now

?GG: and im kind of starting to think that was just his way of saying hi

?GG: my dog used to fetch my bullets too!

?GG: i really think he believes he is my dog, on some level

PCG: JUST DON'T TURN YOUR BACK ON HIM, JADE.

PCG: DON'T TURN YOUR BACK ON THE PUPPY.

?GG: dont worry, im keeping my eye on him

?GG: aaaaaa no no no, bad jack, bad!!!!!!

PCG: HE REALLY SEEMS TO HATE FROGS.

?GG: yeah...

?GG: the poor froggies :(

PCG: MY JACK HAD THIS IRRATIONAL THING AGAINST FROGS TOO.

PCG: I MEAN MY NORMAL JACK. NOT PSYCHOPATH OMNIPOJACK.

FGA: Derse Agents Are Heavily Predisposed Toward The Murder And Desecration Of Amphibious Lifeforms And Their Iconography Respectively

FGA: Frequently I Had To Thwart Assassination Attempts From Their Kingdom

FGA: Or Extermination Attempts Is Probably Better To Say

?GG: youre probably right, they really seem to drive him crazy

?GG: this is not the first time i have had to reprimand him

PCG: WAIT, DID HE FOLLOW YOU INTO THE PALACE TOO JUST NOW?

PCG: IS THAT WHO YOU WERE YELLING AT?

?GG: he was growling at echidna and i had to tell him he was being very bad

?GG: he destroyed some of her really nice statues too

?GG: keeping him in line really makes me miss bec, he was such a good dog

?GG: not to mention a best friend

?GG: jack is just...

FGA: Bad Dog

FGA: Worst Enemy

?GG: exactly

PCG: I DON'T LIKE THIS A FUCKING BIT, IT MAKES ME REALLY NERVOUS.

PCG: YOU JUST CHILLING WITH AN UNSPEAKABLY POWERFUL MASS MURDERER WITH THE BRAIN OF A WILD ANIMAL WHO'S ABOUT TO HOP SESSIONS AND TRY TO KILL ALL OF US IN A FEW HOURS.

PCG: AND WHAT WERE YOU EVEN DOING THERE AGAIN, YOU STILL HAVEN'T TOLD ME.

?GG: huh?

PCG: THE PALACE.

FGA: I Recommended She Return To Her Denizen For Advice

PCG: ABOUT WHAT

FGA: The Location Of The Final Frog Required To Complete The Gene Sequence

FGA: One Whose Song Should Remove The Last Traces Of Dissonance From The Waveform

FGA: The Creature Is Quite Elusive Remember

PCG: OH YEAH

PCG: YOU WERE SEARCHING FOR WEEKS

FGA: Yes

PCG: AND YOU NEVER FOUND IT

FGA: I Had A Good Lead

FGA: But You Decided There Was Not Enough Time Left To Bother With It

PCG: THE RECKONING HAD STARTED.

PCG: WE HAD TO KILL THE KING.

FGA: Understood But This Was A Matter That Really Did Require Your Attention

PCG: YEAH I KNOW, BUT MAYBE I WAS SICK TO FUCKING DEATH OF MUDDLING AROUND WITH FROGS AND THEIR CACOPHONOUS GODDAMN RIBBITS AND MIXING THEIR SLIME AND SHIT.

PCG: I'M NOT AN ECTO SCIENTIST NO MATTER HOW MANY GRUBS WHO TURNED OUT TO BE US THE GAME MADE ME ACCIDENTALLY MAKE.

?GG: but you are a programmer arent you? that is at least kind of like being a scientist, having some technical savvy...

PCG: I WAS A SHITTY PROGRAMMER. AND ANYWAY I ONLY PROGRAMMED VIRUSES.

PCG: SHITTY VIRUSES.

PCG: I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO BE A SLIME TECHNICIAN OR A FROG FARMER OR A MYSTICAL FUCKING CROAK DECODER. I'M A WARRIOR AND A LEADER AND A COLD BLOODED KILLER.

?GG: we know! you are clearly very good at being all of those things

?GG: but now we need your help with frog science. can you help us?

PCG: HOW LONG WILL THIS TAKE

PCG: I DON'T MIND HELPING BUT I HAVE MAJOR LEADERSHIP DUTIES TO ATTEND TO HERE.

FGA: Yes I Know The Team Is Falling Apart And Everything

FGA: But Doing This Was Your Duty Too

FGA: And After A Point Of Critical Complication There Is Only So Much Responsibility You Can Take For The Actions Of Your Team

PCG: KANAYA, WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?

PCG: WHAT HAPPENS IN THE FUTURE, ARE YOU GIVING ME SOME ASSURANCE THAT THINGS WILL WORK OUT?

PCG: BECAUSE RIGHT NOW I DON'T KNOW WHERE THE HELL ANYBODY IS.

FGA: The Future

FGA: Um

FGA: Okay Im A Vampire Now Apparently If That Helps

PCG: WHAT THE FUCK IS A VAMPIRE

?GG: shhhhhhhshhhshhshshsh.....

?GG: SHOOSH

?GG: no future talk!!! lets stay on topic

PCG: OH MY GOD WHY CAN'T I GET A STRAIGHT FUCKING ANSWER TO A THING, IT'S A SIMPLE QUESTION

?GG: kanaya means she is a very pretty girl with pointy fangs who has a bright sunny complexion and wears fancy dresses

PCG: THANKS, THAT CLEARED EVERYTHING JUST RIGHT THE HELL UP!

?GG: and...

?GG: she drinks blood >_>

PCG: OH

PCG: YOU MEAN A RAINBOW DRINKER

PCG: YEAH, I ALREADY KNOW ABOUT HER TRASHY NOVEL FANTASIES.

PCG: ARE WE DONE SHITTING AROUND

FGA: They Arent Trashy

?GG: hee hee

PCG: YES, HILARIOUS.

PCG: I GUESS I HAVE NO CHOICE TO BELIEVE YOU BECAUSE SKEPTICISM IN THIS SITUATION IS FOR IDIOTS RIGHT?

PCG: IF I SAID "YEAH RIGHT! IF THERE'S A DRINKER IN THIS HIVE I'LL EAT MY COCOON!" I'D BE LIKE THE DUMB LUSUS IN THE MOVIE WHO DOESN'T BELIEVE THE KID WHEN HE TELLS IT THERE'S A RAINBOW DRINKER IN THE CLOSET.

PCG: SO I GUESS BY REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY I SHOULD NOT BE THAT DUMBASS, YELL "OH FUCK", AND TELL EVERYONE TO GET IN THE SCUTTLEBUGGY BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.

PCG: WELL FAT CHANCE, I'M NOT FALLING FOR IT.

FGA: That Sounds Like A Stupid Movie

PCG: HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT SHE LOOKS LIKE ANYWAY, DID YOU SEE HER IN ONE OF YOUR AFTERLIFE BUBBLES?

?GG: yup :)

PCG: WHY? WHEN??

?GG: karkat...

?GG: that information qualifies as..........

?GG: FUTURE STUFF!

PCG: JUST

PCG: I DON'T KNOW ANYMORE, SHIT IS GETTING AWAY FROM ME

PCG: THE MORE TIME GOES BY WITHOUT WORD FROM GAMZEE THE MORE I WORRY

PCG: AND THE MORE I FEEL LIKE SOMETHING TERRIBLE HAS HAPPENED

PCG: OR WILL HAPPEN

PCG: I SHOULD GO.

?GG: no wait! just please listen a little longer?

FGA: Yes Staying Would Be Better

FGA: Trust Me That This Was And Still Is A Very Important Thing For You To Have Done And Still Do

FGA: Maybe Even The Most Important

PCG: FINE.

PCG: BUT LET'S MOVE IT ALONG.

PCG: DID ECHIDNA TELL YOU WHERE TO FIND THIS FROG?

?GG: not exactly...

?GG: she just helped me remember

PCG: REMEMBER WHAT?

?GG: something from my past

?GG: if i accepted her terms

FGA: What Were Her Terms You Never Did Tell Me

?GG: yeah because you never told me yours!!!

FGA: Oh

FGA: I Just Thought It Wasnt That Important Or Interesting

FGA: Since Karkat Thought The Battle Was More Pressing Than To Wait For Me To Locate Another Frog

FGA: Also

FGA: What She Asked Me To Do Was Impossible

FGA: So

FGA: Yeah

?GG: hmm

?GG: yeah she made me promise to do something that sounds impossible too

?GG: except......

?GG: i actually agreed :o

?GG: i have no idea how im going to keep my side of the bargain, now that i think about it

PCG: EXCUSE ME.

PCG: REMEMBER

PCG: FUCKING

PCG: WHAT.

?GG: oh right

?GG: where the last frog is!

?GG: or was...

?GG: the thing is

?GG: the frog we need is nowhere to be found in the medium

?GG: it was on earth!

?GG: but only very briefly

?GG: it was when i was young

?GG: before i woke up on prospit

?GG: i had begun sleep walking

?GG: both on the island and on the moon

?GG: and in my dream it was very bright

?GG: i saw something in the light

?GG: i couldnt tell what it was so i got closer

?GG: but before i got there i woke up

?GG: and found myself by the lagoon surrounding the ruins

?GG: i was about to walk home

?GG: when i saw something appear on a lily pad

?GG: it was a frog!

?GG: an amazing shiny frog, not like any other ive seen in the lagoon

?GG: it hopped over to me and i picked it up

?GG: but then, just like that...

?GG: it died

?GG: later my grandpa made a robot for me to help me with my sleep walking

?GG: it could do all the walking while i stayed safe in bed!

?GG: it could also record my dreams

?GG: i am sure he always knew my dreams were going to be special

?GG: i suspect he knew it before i was even born

PCG: OK GREAT, SO IT'S THERE ON THE MONITOR, PROBLEM SOLVED

PCG: YOU JUST APPEARIFY ITS GHOST IMPRINT, MIX IT WITH YOUR CURRENT EVOLUTION'S PARADOX SLIME, SMOOTH OUT THE GENETIC WAVEFORM, TADPOLIFY BILIOUS SLICK, AND YOU'RE DONE.

?GG: hopefully!

PCG: SO YOU DIDN'T REMEMBER SEEING THIS FROG WHEN YOU WERE A KID AT ALL?

?GG: no, it completely slipped my mind

PCG: HOW DID SHE GET YOU TO REMEMBER?

PCG: I MEAN, WHAT DID SHE MAKE YOU AGREE TO?

?GG: well, like it was before

?GG: the choices she gives you seem to have to do with facing mortality

?GG: and making it clear if you choose one path over another it will lead to your death

?GG: and that your death may even be necessary to accomplish a goal

FGA: Yes Ive Inferred Their Ultimata Are All Personalized Variations On The Presentation Of Such Dilemmas

?GG: yeah

?GG: but

?GG: that is not really what made this hard

?GG: i mean

?GG: nobody wants to die of course

?GG: but at least...

?GG: that is a clear thing

?GG: you either do you you dont

?GG: you know?

PCG: YOU SAID WHAT SHE ASKED WAS IMPOSSIBLE.

?GG: it might be

FGA: What Were Her Demands

?GG: she said

?GG: that if i accepted her help

?GG: that i would have to make a promise

?GG: that whenever we left this place

?GG: and wherever we end up going

?GG: she had to come

PCG: HUH?

?GG: not just echidna but all the denizens

?GG: their palaces their consorts their lands...

?GG: everything

?GG: i have to bring them all with us

#homestuck #karkat vantas #jade harley #kanaya maryam #homestuck act 5 #page 3975 #page 3976 #page 3977 #page 3978 #page 3979 #page 3980 #page 3981 #page 3982 #page 3983 #page 3984 #page 3985 #homestuck act 5 act 2

[tomdiddlyumptious]

Fuck you jake paul🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😐

#your brother was there for you for your fight and you dont wanna be there for him??? fuck you. #no seriously #i hope you fuckin get knocked out and your brothet laughs at you #because thats what you deserve after what you did. #i feel terribly bad for people like you #your really fuckin selfish. #you’re always acting like someone you arent and i hope you know nobody else likes you other then 12 year olds #your not funny or talented #i dont know who you think you are but you aint shit #i hope your ego is smashed #you havent changed at all #you look musty #you arent respected from me or anybody at this point for what you did to your brother #he literally said that he loves you and then when he tries to get you to his fight you say you dont give a fuck? #how worthless

[antiloreolympus]

10 Anti LO Asks

1. im pretty sure the exact reason persephone now randomly has long hair in episodes and merch despite the short hair being her one unique trait for so long is because rachel knows even her fans can connect the dots persephone is supposed to be and look exactly like rachel's idealized version of herself and its not very subtle about it. lets play is obvs a self insert fantasy too but even mongie had the good sense to make sure sam didnt look like her.

2. do you think lo is ever going to cover herakles? bc i want to know how rachel will try and hashtag girlboss her way out of hera trying to kill his mom during childbirth, try to murder him as a baby, and then driving him mad so he murders his wife and children. like she already is trying (and failing) to girlboss persephone being a selfish mass murderer, why not hera too

3. I hate that the trial literally mentions NOTHING about the humans Persephone killed. I get that it's centered around clearing her name, but this whole thing barely even mentions them or what happened! It's just the gods airing out each other's dirty laundry. We get little to no input from the mortals side nor do we get anybody advocating for them. Did no one think maybe we should maybe get a relative of one of the mortals she murdered to testify? Get a nymph who lived in the area maybe? No? Why not!? This involves them doesn't it!?!?! I'm not saying that Persephone shouldn't get to share her side of the story, I'm just saying that that's all we've seen. We haven't heard about the damage she did.

4. ok first off the fact we didnt even know if persephone was over 18 when she stumbled nearly naked onto a drunk hades is already bad enough and points clearly why her being so borderline young is a bad idea, but if persephone was 19 when they met ?? how bad is her memory?? she only met him months before but completely forgot by the time of the first few episodes?? is she just playing dumb or is she just stupid? like these retcons only make everything more confusing??

5. i hate how hades and persephone's relationship is justified by lo fans because it's "legal". like legality is not morality, and hades is still a massive creep.....and demeter is right for trying to keep the two apart

6. did you make the post saying "hades and persephone isnt a love story, it's a story about a mother losing her daughter"? it stuck with me and it's something i wish LO fans would acknowledge

From OP: No, I tried to find it but I can’t remember who made it. I’ll reblog if I do find it or if someone else does.

7. the reason the male characters in lo arent as talked about is because theres nothing to them? like hades easily gets critiqued a lot bc wow he sucks, but apollo is nothing? zeus is nothing, poseidon, hermes, ares, hephaestus, thanatos, etc etc are just not characters. they just exist and are boring.

From OP: Exactly! If I could talk about the other male characters, I would but there honestly isn’t much to them.

8. tbh i just cant even buy these characters as gods? like how as goofy or more human as they can be in disney or percy jackson you can still sense theyre otherworldy and powerful, but these lo versions are just weird colored people who get away with murder and think its normal to enslave people and who randomly fly. i dont fear them or view them in awe, they just seem like another gossip girl knock off with simpson coloring.

9. im sorry but demeter is so justified in why she doesnt trust hades or olympus as a whole, but hades especially. shes known him far longer than persephone has and knows what a cruel, entitled prick he is and how hes treated other women, and yet because hades shows bare minimum of "respect" to her persephone thinks hes perfect and demeter doesnt know what shes talking about? take the names off and everyone would call persephone is an entitled brat, but demeter is supposed to be in the wrong here.

10. i feel like at the very least characters like zeus and apollo or w/e need some OP power over hxp and/or a large group of supporters (maybe theyre the muscle instead) bc like?? theyre so unliked and weak compared to hxp that its like what stakes are there? according to rachel persephone could just grow big and murder all of them because shes that OP and got too horny looking at hades' can opener nose and wouldnt get a scratch on her, so what tension is there? what conflict? theres nothing there.

#anti lo #anti lore olympus #lore olympus critical #lo critical

[topconfessions]

Oh heyyyy, I did the website thing with Top and we came at 80%. 😀

Just another perspective on this one :

"When I date, I don't want to get close to the other person," he said. "When I look back, I like the moments when we were not close. I like her to be always be there for me. I like it when she doesn't get in my business too much. I like speaking formally to her and not becoming too close"

Why do I understand this all too much? 😂 When I read this particular interview before, I understood that he was just answering it as his shallow self. He wasnt letting the interviewer get into his private life. He probably doesnt like being too close because he likes the chase. If he knows he got you in the bag, the thrill of it is gone so he would also lose interest, which actually also shows the fact that he doesnt love the person. Which in turn shows us Top is a guy that doesnt easily fall in love. Its the way I see him anyway, since tbh I am the same way. All my life Ive always loved the chase. My relationships usually lasted just 1 month when I was growing up because I became bored easily, right when I knew they were invested in me. Ive only fallen in love once, and I will know within meeting a guy a couple of times if its love or not. I would think if I were a guy, my relationships wouldve lasted more than a month because I probably would also be after the sex? So maybe that has so far been what he has done. He's bored with his love life, he cant find anybody to fall in love with, and so he plays around... which a lot of guys are apt to do. Anyway just putting this other side out there if you guys arent aware about these kinds of people. (Or, of people like me.😂) Please dont hate us too much, I promise we mature in time. (As I did.) Tbh too I like guys with this kind of facet in their personality. Theyre the "one time big time" people. I like the thought that they have only fallen in love once or twice in their lives and if I were the girl they fell in love with, it makes me feel really special and secure in his feelings (granted I fell in love with them too) and that we would last a long time. This isnt to say too that he hasnt made bad choices, because he has. He shouldn't be playing around. He maybe is still unevolved and I seriously hope with the trials he had in his life the past few years, I hope he has matured enough to live a better life from now on.

All I can say to this is in a strange way I can put myself in a male’s mindset and perspective with dating despite being a straight female  so I can see where he was coming from and what he meant. let’s cut the bullshit: the instant you create a normal attached and traditionally loving relationship it’s only either UP or downhill from there cause the dynamic changes and personalities like TOP aren’t fit for such relationships unless there is a solid groundwork of a mutual understanding and an aspect him & the girl share that is effortless without much chomping over. I don’t believe it’s the chase thing but it could be as he has sag placements in his chart. When the “chase” is over, there needs to be something to ground both people and he usually talks to women who aren’t possessing anything new or stability wise for him to stay it seems. I’m not trying to play dr.phil here but the chase shit to me shows people aren’t dating for the real intention and geniune aspect of really loving someone through and through, each person is replaceable and like a thing that comes and go, never scratching below the surface level. unrelated but that’s just my take although I have that in me too. I don’t chase but I cut people off ALL the time and do it a lot cause if the person isn’t well rounded to me or someone I can respect I’m gone.

he’s a celebrity, he’s trapped in a messy dating field with no mind of his own.

Hope Lynn enjoys him.....while it lasts. I’m over TOP at this point. I find his aesthetic back in the day sexy as hell but thats it. I’m about to unfollow him as well..maybe    

[adam-is-suffering]

Homestuck Day 11 ------ part 2

Dialogues are so long you can tell theres a big difference in length between this post and the one before it jesus christ

Anyways

Its Dave. Missed you, my guy.

Even if its been like idk, 15 pages, I still missed my homie.

Indulge him, John. This happens every single time. You always ignore his attempts at getting your attention 😔

John you literally joked about ending the world and there being a meteor named after you before you knew it was literally going to happen, so I don’t exactly expect Dave to believe you

John: Dude you don’t even believe me about my current situation and you don’t even care that Im in trouble smh fake friend

Also John: Im not actually going to talk to you about it, and I will evade every conversations with you whenever the topic finally gets discussed because Im busy, so technically you have no idea whats going on currently and I havent explained it so I just expect you to believe my one sentence of “Im getting blown up” even after joking about it ok bye

John is getting blown up and Dave is like, huh perfect time to rap about this

Which is the obvious response. What friend would you be if you didn’t do this?

Oh god oh fuck, he’s going off, he really did it, he’s really rapping about the end of the world and there’s no stopping this kid shit ah shit its the end for us oh god oh fuck

Is this what its like to be friends with a soundcloud rapper?

Dave what?

Dave, thats gay

Thats not how typos work dave, because since youre writing it still, you can.. Fix it...

Wait, is... he comparing them to Jesus?

Im not even sure this is english

Huh

Ok

Can I just say something?

Dave knows the cast of Armageddon and their roles a little too well in this rap. Because I kinda don’t remember the plot of Armageddon even having watched it, and I honestly completely forgot that Steve Buscemi was in the fucking thing in the first place, so honestly. I’m not saying Dave watched it but I want to believe he did. Either John made him, John talked about it so much to the point where Dave had to know what the hell he was talking about with the references (which also brings in the point that perhaps John talked about it so much that Dave knows the whole plot already from just that - more likely) OR he watched it ironically bc it was “bad”. But no matter the reason, I’m pretty sure after knowing John and his interests, Dave probably watched it at SOME point in time and then continued to talk about it bc he knows John likes it despite saying its for “irony”.

Aight lit, thats my hot take. Thats my headcanon. And with that, I’m out.

I stand with what I previously said.

I hope this is still part of the rap, or he’s just doing a rapping monologue. 

You know, Dave’s kind of great ngl

Dave’s not even subtle in his desire to talk with John

Also IM RIGHT, you see. Dave doesn’t even know wtf is going on because John Doesnt Fucking Talk To Him Unless Its About His Movies

No wonder hes whipped, and rapping about said movies

Soulless fucking John Im telling you

They’re really doing Dave dirty in the first acts of Homestuck, huh

Kid can’t even defend himself

Rose highjacked a car before, I’m like 100% certain of this

IM LAUGHING MY FUCKING ASS OFF

Rip the car

Another retcon. Ill figure it out one day, Hussie. I fucking will. Watch me.

Im real sus

Im starting to feel so fucking bad for Dave, this kid is just getting shitted on left and right lmfao

AHA

I was getting bored of the red, purple and blue

Johns not gonna explain one bit of it, is he?

What did I FUCKING say

Wait. Does the dog fucking TALK???????????

She’s taking this rather smoothly for someone who just said they lost their car in a bottomless pit

“I can’t talk right now, Dave, I’m busy. I can’t explain jackshit to you bc itll take too long and I already gave u the basis. Oh? Whats this? Jade? Lol here lemme give you my whole life story”

Why does everyone fucking hate Dave?

I DONT GET IT???

I get he raps, but like.. we all have that one friend doesnt mean u gotta ignore :/

Im surprised John hasnt snapped yet from all this stress, I wonder how much he’s bottling in.

Oh. Okay. Okaokaok. So Jade is one of those Im so cute personality types but actually likes heavy metal and listening to murder podcasts on the down low, isnt she?

Honestly ngl, the cute but will murder you type characters are usually the most interesting to me. 

I mean. thats just me being a slut for character tropes 😔

Jesus, John, just ask him, I’m pretty sure he’d do anything if you just said smth about it

I can’t wait for someone to respect Dave Strider and his pining smh, but honestly itll only happen with one person and that person will most likely be Jade Harley bc she doesnt see the worst in anybody and thats why Im liking her rn

Rose will call bullshit and John just doesnt give a fuck

N e ways. When are we getting dialogues that arent exclusively with John?

#I basically chucked like two whole pages of dialogue in one fucking post and its so long #homestuck #homestuck liveblog #day 11

[apriorisea]

BTS Imagine: Insecure - Hoseok

You exhale in relief as you kick off your heels inside the door of the apartment: work had been kicking your butt lately and you were excited for the weekend. A whole 2 days of absolutely nothing except hanging out with your boyfriend and NOT thinking about work. You rub the back of your neck. “Hobi?”    “In here,” he calls from the bedroom.    You smile automatically as you pull off your least-favorite work blazer; you hadn’t realized until just this moment how much you’ve missed him. Your schedules seemed so out of sync lately, to the point where you’d had to turn down his dinner invitation a few times; you’d even missed accompanying him to a music-show taping. In the 7 months the two of you had been together, you hadn’t ever missed even one.    He’s sitting cross-legged on the bed, his computer in front of him, in comfy joggers and his favorite hole-y hoodie. He smiles up at you. “Hi angel,” he says brightly. “How are you?”    “So tired,” you groaned, flopping onto the bed. He immediately adjusts so you can rest your head against his thigh, one of his hands going to stroke your hair automatically. “Why do I keep going back to that place??”    He makes a soft, pitying clucking sound. “Because you love it. Usually.”    You sigh at his reminder and curl into a ball, closing your eyes tight as if that can make his rational statement evaporate. “I guess. But now I have the whole weekend off—-2 whole days without having to worry about deadlines or anything else!”     “That’s good. What do you want to do with all your time off?”     “Sleep and eat and watch dumb TV shows and sleep some more!” You open your eyes when he only makes a quiet ‘hmm’ in response. You roll over to look up at him. “What about you? How was your day?”     He shrugs and looks away from you for the first time. “It was fine. Nothing special.”     You trace the pattern of the logo on his joggers. “Well how about your week? I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever. How was the taping?”    “Good! You know how much we like going on that show—always an experience.”    “Oh yeah?” you ask, hungry for information. “What happened this time?”    He lifts one shoulder in another half-shrug. “Oh, you know, we made our way through it. I only had to yell at Jin-hyung once.”    You hesitate. It was an answer, but not a real one: you both knew that Hoseok didn’t have to yell at Jin very much anymore. It was clearly a joke, an old one that you hadn’t heard for a long time. “Oh…” you say more slowly. “Nothing else? That host was so rude to you guys last time!”    “Yeah, that was crazy,” he says. “But, you know, it was good. Nothing we can’t handle!”    This makes you frown. “So you’re saying he suddenly got a million times more respectful? Because—”    “It really was fine, angel,” he interrupts you. “What do you want for dinner? Are you hungry? I think some of the guys might be doing pizza night at Jimin’s, if you want?”     You sat up abruptly, knocking his hand away from your hair as you did. “Pizza night with the guys?” you repeat. Something is wrong. The two of you hadn’t been able to hang out alone for the last week, and he’s offering up pizza night with the guys? You look at him carefully.    “Sweetie? Everything okay?”    He doesn’t lose his pleasant expression and that’s when it hits you in the gut: this was the old Hoseok, the one from your first and second and third dates, the one who wasn’t sure how much to trust you, the one who held back from revealing too much, who kept it light and shied away from anything too real. This wasn’t your Hoseok, this was J-Hope, noted sunshine and happy virus from the most popular boy band in the world. The realization stings. “Hoseok…” you say slowly. “I’m really sorry I missed the taping. I wanted to be there, you know I did, I just…my stupid partner at work made another dumb mistake and so I had to fix his mess. I really am sorry.”    He smiles (again) and shrugs (again). “It’s really okay.” He reaches out to close his laptop. “So, what do you think about dinner? We could also go to the ramen place on the corner.”    The busiest and loudest restaurant in the neighborhood. You swallow down your hurt, trying to figure out what could have happened to make him react like this. “Do you not want to be alone with me?” The blunt question rushes out of your mouth in one breath, the words slurring together.    “What??” he blinks in astonishment, but unfortunately for him, you’ve grown too accustomed to his for-the-camera reactions. “Why would you say that? I’m just feeling like some tasty ramen, that’s all.”    You stare him down, waiting for him to break. When he doesn’t, you say, “You guys are filming the new dance practice video on Sunday, aren’t you? How is it going?”    “Oh.” He can’t maintain eye contact. “It’s fine. Great, I mean, you should see the outfit Tae is planning to wear!”    “So you’re not worried about how sloppy the bridge looks anymore?”     “Nah.” He brushes it off with a grin. “We’ll make it work—we always do!”    Another idol-ism. You grind your back teeth in frustration, then go in for the kill. “I was talking to Yoongi yesterday: he said you strained your shoulder during the taping. Is it okay?”     “Of c—”     “Knock it off.” You couldn’t take it anymore. “What is the matter??”     He shifts uncomfortably; you notice that he doesn’t move the strained shoulder very much. “Nothing, angel, I—”     “You’re lying to me,” you accuse. “You haven’t answered any of my questions. This isn’t a real conversation, this is–this is—” You can’t find the right words, so you go for the easiest ones. “This is you being an Idol instead of a boyfriend.”    He looks hurt, but can’t actually deny it. “I—” The edges of his mask start to crack, and in-between the lines you see the real him.    You feel some of your frustration disappear when you see the hurt in his face. You duck your head to catch his eyes, and reach out for him; when your hand lands gently on his shoulder, he winces, and you lean forward automatically. “Hobi,” you say softly. “What is going on?” You move your hand to touch the side of his face and feel him break.    His face crumples. “You don’t love me anymore,” he breathes.    “Excuse me?” You feel your jaw drop slightly. “How exactly did you come up with that?”    He shrugs—you notice that it’s the uninjured shoulder that moves—and the first little tear escapes. “I don’t–I don’t know. You’ve just been gone so much, and I-I know how nice you are, angel, you’d never want to hurt anybody, so I figured…I figured you were just letting me down easy, slowly distancing yourself because you don’t love me anymore, and I just, I didn’t know what to do.”    You take this in slowly: this week must have been even harder for him that you had realized. Between the shoulder injury, the uncomfortable taping, the time spent apart, and the pressures of the job, he had obviously been running himself down and was now at the end of his energy. You felt bad that you hadn’t seen it sooner. Taking a small breath, you lean in and press your lips gently, but firmly, against his cheek. “Okay,” you say as you straighten. “Lay down, sweetheart.”   He looks over at you in surprise.    “Go on,” you encourage, scooting off the bed and putting his computer away for him. “Make sure your shoulder is comfortable.” You give him a look until he follows your instructions, then hurry down the hall to get a heating pad. You wait impatiently while the microwave does its job, every part of you itching to go back to him. When it’s finally done, you go back to the room to find him sitting back against a mountain of pillows, his shoulder supported carefully. You climb onto the bed next to him and set the heating pad gently against his shoulder, wincing with him empathetically. “So,” you say softly, brushing his hair out of his face. “You’ve had a rough week, huh?”    He doesn’t answer, still trying to pull himself together.    You sigh and lean in to kiss him. His eyes close slowly. You smile as you feel his arm wrap around you to hold you in place. After a long moment, you pull away and brush through his hair again. “You really think I don’t love you?” Before he can answer, you add, “I’m really sorry I haven’t been around lately. It killed me not to be at the taping, and I’m so sorry you hurt your shoulder.” You readjust the heating pad.    “I love you, angel,” he says quietly, his hand still resting on your lower back. “I don’t know why I got so crazy, I just….”    “I think you’ve had a long week,” you reassure him. “And…this is the first week we’ve spent completely apart, so maybe this was good.” He scoffs under his breath and you smile. “Okay, not good, but we survived it, right?”    He tugs you down next to him, curling his arm around you. “Barely,” he admits, turning to kiss the side of your head. You feel him wince again as the movement hurts his shoulder.    “For the record,” you say after a second, “One of the best moments of my life so far was when you started opening up to me, when I became your best friend, when I fell in love with you. So when you shut down like that….”    “I’m sorry,” he says immediately. “You are my very best friend,” he adds earnestly. “And I love you more than anything. I’ll be better from here on out.”    You shake your head. “You don’t have to be “better”–just be you.”    He rests his head against yours, content and relaxed again. “Promise.”

#BTS imagines #bts scenarios #bts clean imagines #non-smut #BTS #bts fluffy imagines #fluffy #angst? #bts imagine hoseok #hoseok #hobi #jhope

[siredtofictionalmen]

Insecurity 1: Being Overweight

Disclaimer: Everyone has gone through different experiences and this is my expierence. This falls into my number one insecurity and I need to let it out.

Warnings: fat shaming

Growing up I was thin, I ate whatever I wanted; chips, soda, junk food, fast food and never gain weight. Until I entered middle school I hit puberty and thats when I began to gain weight. Middle school was when I began to be more weight conscious. It was when I learn what the doctor would measure on the scale. How junk food made you gain weight. Learn how to starve myself and went through emotional suffering for something so insignificant; my weight.

For the years to come, I believe the numbers on a scale determine my worth and that I wasn’t “good enough, beautiful enough” because of the number on the scales, the shape of my body.

I wasn’t obese but I wasn’t model skinny nor was I thin. I was chubby. I had stomach rolls and I could never get rid of them. Wherever I was, I felt utter shame. I dont remeber a day in middle school were I felt confident, not even one. Sadly my family was there everyday to remind that I wasn’t thin, and that if I ever wanted to be I wouldn’t achieve it by eating like that, as my grandma would love to point out.

It all starts one day it was the first month of school. I had gotten my period for the fourth time and I remeber coming back from school. My grandma had gotten us McDonald’s to eat and I remeber there being chicken sandwhiches. The joy on my face when I saw McDonald’s soon would be let down by my grandma who passed me a salad. I frowned confused, I look at her and she told me it was for me. I told her its not what I like and she said I know but it’s healthy you need to change your habits the pounds you are putting on your getting fat. I quietly ate my salad quickly and went to the restroom. My grandma lived in a studio so the only room for privacy was the bathroom. I look at myself, pinch my chubby stomach and cried. Tears flowed down my cheek and I remeber tasting them when they came to lips how they tasted much better than the salad I just ate. Ashamed of my fatness I just sat on the toilet. I was 11 at the time and when my mom came home to pick me up my grandma made some more comments about my weight to my mother. I love my grandma and I know she did it because she cared for me but the way she made me feel that day and the rest of the years to come could have been avoided. I never enjoyed my middle school life because of my “guilt” of being fat.

The middle school I went to was so much worse. It was by a rich area and all the girls there were already wearing crop tops and short shorts. Like COME ON YOUR 12!!! Like how can the parents let them dress like that. Anyway I remeber most of the girls being skinny. I remember envying them and thier looks. I beat myself up everyday because I didn’t have the ideal body, skinny. I felt ugly because of it and I was depressed and because of it I never enjoyed my middle school.

The people who fat shamed me the most was my family. I have mentioned my grandma but lets talk about my mother. I love my mom and I know she loves me but I think some comments could have been avoided. I remeber once I was in 8th grade I was with my mother and she was talking to my aunt and my girl cousin about losing weight and then she said oh yes she needs to lose weight too, look at her hippo legs. She began to laugh, i chuckled looking at my legs so did my aunt and my cousin awkwardly laughed. I remeber that night I went to bed and I couldn’t stop staring at my legs I would squeeze them and the thought about cutting some of my flesh with a knife occured to me. I knew that wouldn’t help and I remeber thinking whats wrong with me. Who have I become. I never felt happy anymore I always wanted to be alone. I never wanted anybody to see me. I was ashamed, embarrassed of my chubbiness. My mom would take me to a restaurant and she would see an omd guy friend. I remeber him saying wow she getting taller. My mom would laugh and say yes she getting bigger and from the sides also. I would smile I hated that so much like she fat shames me enogh I dont need other peoples opinions on my weight. He never commented on it though and he was respectful when it came to me.

I started starving myself after new years. I was in the second semester of the 8th grade. I starved myself for two weeks and you could see change. I was becoming thinner, I was getting closer to what I always wanted to be skinny and beautiful. I remeber my grandma congratulated me but on the third week I couldn’t keep it up I began to eat much more than before and before I knew it I had gained weight and probably more than I was before. My grandma said it was such a shame. I remeber her frowning and nodding her head.

Highschool was so much better. I couldn’t believe it people were nice and it wasn’t like mean girls. Majority of girls at my school were chubby, thicc, overweight. I saw some thin but I felt like I fit in. I began to feel confident, comfortable in my own skin. My best friend was thin and I remeber her complaining because some girl called her skinny. I remebering wishing that’s something I could complain about and instantly I becam insecure again. I shrugged it off the next day. I felt ridiculous.

My best friend could eat whatever she wants and she couldn’t gain weight. I was jealous, envious I wish for her metabolism. I remeber telling her as a compliment that her fingers were long and she must of took it as offensive because the next thing she said was look at yours there fat. I remeber telling her that I meant it as a compliment and that I wish I had skinny fingers like her. She said my fingers were cute that they were tiny and that guys like tiny fingers.

I remeber my friend would call herself flat and I would always tell her shut up she has good body proportions. I told her she may not have big boobs but she has decent ones. I remeber telling her that at least her stomach wasn’t bigger than her boobs. At least she didn’t look deformed like me. She told me I wasn’t deformed and that I had a big ass. I would smile pretending that I was comforted when in fact I felt sick because I also had a big stomach.

My confidence really went up in highschool during freshman year when guys were lining up for me. FOR MEEE!!! I was surprise my mom once told me only fat ugly guys would be attracted to me if I continued at the weight I was. I was fed up and told her so what fat guys arent always ugly and they might actually have manners. Just because someones fat doesn’t mean they are ugly. At least I wouldn’t attract abusive alcoholics. I told her that and then I felt really bad. My dad was an alcoholic and so was her new boyfriend. It didn’t stop her from fat shaming me. I remeber she told me I can’t see move your fat ass legs. I cried that night. I remeber three different guys asked me to homecoming and they were fine as hell. I was surprise they liked me and even if a guy wasn’t that attractive and ask me out I still would have given him a chance being an expert with feeling ugly.

My friend constantly nagged about how no one had asked her to homecoming and how three guys already asked me. She called herself fat a couple of times saying she wasn’t pretty enough because she had been getting fat. I reminded her that she was beautiful and that she wasn’t fat and even if she was she would still be beautiful. She continued to call herself fat. During 6th peiriod she called herself fat a couple of times when let me remind you she was model thinnnnn. Skinny af!! I didn’t say anything because I felt like she could complain. I remeber a guy who sat in front of her and next to me would taalk to us. She went up to him and said I feel fat. He said you aren’t fat and hugged her. After she stop complaining. This just reminds me how most girls define thier worth from guys when we shouldn’t. Guys shouldn’t build our confidence but we should ourselves. I remeber making a vow whether I had guys lining up for me or not I would never let myslef down.

Now I barely finished my tenth grade and Im still overweight. Now that I dont let my mothers comments get to me and feel more confident I have more energy. I started exercising and still struggling with my eating habbits. What I learned and continue learning is that your weight does not define your worth. And fat shaming does not work. I read stuff online about how fat shaming motivates people to lose weight. As someone who has been fat shamed it just makes people hate themselves more and in my case I felt depressed. Depression only gave me less energy and no motivation whatsoever. Fat shaming is not the answer. First accept your body for what it is then if you want to make minor changes go for. Lose weight gain weigh whatever makes you happy but never let yourself down in order to achieve it. Remember weight does not equal worth or beauty. Your beautiful whatever shape you are. This is my experience and it still continues today. Also anyone can feel worthless even skinny ppl. If ur skinny friend cals herself fat remind her that she is not and that fat does not equal beauty. Never respond with look at me Im a cow. Never put yourself down to make someone else feel better and never put someone else down to mane ur self feel better.

#fat shame #shaming #overweight girl #skinny girl #skinny shame #fat girl #fatt #fat #skinny #fat shaminh #fat shaming #girl problems #weight insecurity #insecure #insecurities #day 1 overweight #being overweight

[astratic]

2 jongeorgie and/or 3 martin ?

hello i had a bunch of dumb shit happen last night and then when i got home i literally passed out in the middle of typing this anyway jongeorgie:

When I started shipping them: uhhh i dont really remember.... i know it was after she got upset and Left Dramatically from the hospital which is pretty funny in retrospect. i just got to thinking about them and how much stuff georgie put up with and how she kept coming to see him in the hospital for Six Months and god she really cares about him.... oh no...... they care so much for each other............. now this ship owns my ass

My thoughts: well i just did this one basically cuz i cant read but like. god the way they talk to each other is so comfortable like georgie lets jon have it when hes being a dick the way i always WISH martin would but shes also. so concerned. she loves him????? thats why she tells him like it is like that. theres not any room for beating around the bush when youve already dated and broken up and then he shows up on your doorstep on the run from a murder charge and you cover for him with the police while hes sleeping

What makes me happy about them: the scene where jon makes fun of the guy she has a date with..... its so fucking cute. also the headcanons that they adopted the admiral together when they were dating.... also just. the fact that jon has a hard time getting along with literally everybody???? but with georgie it is so effortless. like they hadnt talked in years apparently and he just showed up at her house and asked to stay with her and they fell back into that easy friendship just like that.

What makes me sad about them: I Miss Georgie....... bring her back. also when jon wakes up and shes kind of horrified at how immediately ok he is and he gets???? upset?????? georgie why arent you happy im ok???????? sadjfhkasjhdfhasjd

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: WHAT FANFIC LMAO. man i guess this would be the fact that almost all of them in the ao3 tag are like “this is a jm fic with passing mentions of past jongeorgie but im gonna tag it for some reason” like. dude. you dont have to put that in the tag

Things I look for in fanfic: honestly. i want endless soft domestic shit. also processing trauma and mental illness. i have a ton of feelings about georgie and mental illness and i feel like theres no fan content that like delves into that even tho its a huge part of her backstory. georgie is a recovery icon!!! i also love references to College Shenanigans..... i LOVE the dynamic of these 2 characters were close when they were younger and have recently reconnected...... i havent actually tried to write college era fic cuz i feel like jon is so shaped by being the archivist that i wouldnt even know what he would be like without that aspect. i mean obv part of the point is that it was always inside him but. hm

My wishlist: not totally sure what this means... is it things i want them to do? i want them to meet up and talk out their shit. also kiss

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: lol i dont think anyone is gonna “end up with” anyone in tma if im being totally honest. like atm my money is on jon dying in the conclusion of season 5 actually SO LIKE. take it with a grain of salt i guess! georgie/melanie is cute..... thats kind of the only other option cuz she does not know anybody else. i have this weird dream of georgie and gerry becoming friends tho..... i think theyd like each other. id be cool with jon and martin getting together but ONLY if they worked out their shit first and built a friendship based on respect. we have Been over my jm issues lmao

My happily ever after for them: this is a cursed question when applied to tma............. in my head i have this fantasy where jon goes to therapy and moves back in with her and they get back together after handwaving about it for Many Months...... because evidently the only thing between them that bears beating around the bush is their actual relationship

martin!!!!! my boy

How I feel about this character: I LOVE HIM also i identify with him very heavily. i think martin is gay and trans and probably has a tumblr where he reblogs like, pics of cute spiders and crochet stuff and trans resource posts.

Any/all the people I ship romantically with this character: mostly tim, but i could get behind jm, like i said, if they worked out some stuff. honestly theres not rly a plausible ship that i think is truly good enough for him kgydytfouygutfyrf

My favorite non-romantic relationship for this character: gonna say sasha cuz i miss her and also that line she has saying she didnt think jane prentiss could be all that dangerous cuz martin survived and martins a reckless idiot always sticks in my head. what did martin do to give her this impression???? at that point the archive was still basically an office job.

My unpopular opinion about this character: the way fandom characterizes him as like a soft babey who just makes tea and pines after jon is sooooo annoying to me and i honestly feel like martin would find it annoying too. martins like? a badass??? and rude. hes like, pretty mean sometimes. and brave. martin is SO BRAVE despite being so nervous and despite the way the other characters treat him as a wimp like. this man has a will of iron when you get down to it. he faced down elias and came out on top. he jumped headfirst into the lonely because he needed to protect his friends.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: i want him to be ANGRY at jon. jon treats him so badly and seems to be finally ready to rectify this but martin is too busy being a fucking hero for them to have the chance to work out their shit. i REALLY want martin to knock jon down off the pedestal hes put him on and then finally look him in the eyes from even footing.

Favorite friendship for this character: this is not like canon but i really want martin and georgie to be friends lmao i think it would be so cute. martin would be determined to hate her at first but would come around because georgie is wonderful and hes not unreasonable... 

My crossover ship: martin blackwood x happiness

#THANKS #tma #asks #martin #jongeorgie #taniushka12

[fuckdavestriderheistheworst-blog]

you too buddy all the SO questions

ugh why damn it i did not ask to be punished by means of talkin about vantas until my fingertips bleed

but fine

Significant Other Asks

1. Tell the story about how you met.

it was over the summer about three years ago and tumblr kept pushing a certain blog at me and upon checking it out i decided to give him some troll asks (which looking back upon now were lame as fuck? what was i thinking honestly)

anyway that became me revealing my blog over tumblr and then lo and behold we had a college class together and we realized we were sitting beside each other and i told him that his major was an “easy major” or something and basically he hated me for a while there 

2. Was it a gradual increase of trust and love, or was there a specific moment where you knew “I want to be with this person for a long time”?

it was gradual for sure i went from picking on him to agreein to let him tutor me in english to craving his friendship and then falling in love with him without even realizing

before i knew it i was head over heels and here i am, happy as fuck that im dating my best friend

3. Describe their eyes. Describe their hands. Describe their laugh.

his eyes go from being like cinnamon to being like hot chocolate, in color accordin to lighting and in mood, his hands are warm and comforting to hold and are quick as all hell on a keyboard, and his laugh is rare but memorable, like its dusty from misuse and drizzled over with the annoyance i usually provide him

4. What’s your zodiac sign and mbti type? What about your partner’s? Do things like that reflect your actual compatibility or is it just bunch of bunk?

i had to google what my zodiac was because i think both of those things are bullshit but im a saggitarius and an isfp (or was it istp i dont remember its been years)

vantas is a gemini and...

i dont think he ever tested for it because he isnt internet quiz garbage but hey what does it matter without knowing his results i know that we are a fine match

5. Are you long distance? Have you met in person before? When do you get to see them again?

no, yes, and probably this evening when i bring back dinner

6. Tell me a story about a happy experience you two shared. Something that makes your heart warm whenever you think about it.

something that makes me feel really happy to remember is the new years eve after he got those color correcting glasses and i took him to watch the fireworks and he was so happy and amazed at the color and the show and i was so proud that i could do that for him

7. Tell me a funny story. Did they do something silly? Did you do something silly? Talk about your inside jokes.

one time i groaned into his ear and called him daddy to test and see if he had a daddy kink or not and he was SO into it so now im waiting to call him daddy again when he least expects it

8. Are your families supportive? Does it matter if they’re not?

yeah as far as i know both sides are

9. Would you ever have a pet together? Do you already have one?

we sort of have pets together but theyre also just kinda our own pets but with shared care 

10. Do you have children together? If not, are you both interested in raising children some day?

i dont really want kids and i dont think vantas does either like ever we arent even married and also having kids would be a hassle

11. If they’re having a bad day, what do you do to help?

i usually just sit and talk to him and support him like a friend and boyfriend should do its not really anything special but it works every time

sometimes i surprise him with relatively cheap gifts or food too but he doesnt like me splurgin so i try not to make him uncomfortable

12. If you’re having a bad day, what do they do to help?

same thing really hes always there for me to make me feel better and talk things through 

13. What’s something that your partner does that would be annoying if anyone else did it, but it’s cute when they do it?

scolding me like he is a third parent, somehow its endearing when he does it

14. Have you ever went on a vacation or adventure together? Tell me about it. If not, do you have plans to do something fun in the future?

yeah weve gone on a few sort of technically 

that one road trip to texas we took and spent a while on

the trip to malibu

were planning (or i am) for a trip to europe this summer if its at all possible with our schedules

15. What’s something that you learned about yourself because of being with your partner?

that im enough just being who i am and that i can have a relationship without cash at the forefront

16. What’s a piece of advice that your partner gave you that has resonated with you?

you dont have to bend over backwards for somebody to please them or make them like you just be yourself

not the exact wording but that is the moral

17. Which one of you kills the bugs (or captures the bugs and places them safely outside)?

we take turns but i dont like to kill them unless theyre wasps or venomous spiders id prefer to catch and release

19. Do you prepare meals together? Does one person enjoy cooking more than the other?

neither of us can cook for shit so other people prepare our meals for us always

20. What are the best restaurants to go to? Do you see movies at the theater? Do you do things like golf or bowling, just to bond more?

i like taco bell and pizza hut, yes, and i dont think weve ever done either

21. Tell me about a time that you got into an argument over something silly.

we used to get aggressive over gay chicken sometimes early on in our friendship that was always fucking ridiculous

22. Tell me about a time that you got into an argument over something serious. How did you compromise? What did you learn?

one time vantas said he was disappointed in me and i took it hard and im pretty sure it ended with him leaving but i dont remember what brought it on or how serious vantas had been or how sensitive i had been

we got over it. not sure i learned any super moral from that but it did help me learn about him better in the long run and vice versa

23. Is there a famous couple, fictional or otherwise, that reminds you (or other people) of you and your partner?

will and jada pickett smith

24. Do you have a shipname?

vantder i dont know 

maybe film boyfriends because he writes and i sort of direct

27. Do you have extremely similar personalities and interests? Or extremely opposite? Or is it a balance that just makes sense? How do you try to better understand each other? Do you ever have to experience things you’re not interested in, or vice versa?

we sort of click here and there but mostly our interests are different 

i know he isnt super into art but he shows up to support me like he went to the award event with me and said he was proud of me and i like to offer up romcoms and movies akin to his interests when we settle in for date nights

he is supportive as hell but i dont think either of us have ever made a point of saying we arent interested in the other’s interests

28. Has your partner ever changed one of your opinions on morals, politics, society, etc?

he helped me to be better about takin school seriously so id say yes 

he has also changed my opinion about myself almost completely

29. Tell me about a time that you were really proud of them.

when he got that book deal i was so happy i felt like huggin on him for days

i knew he could do it and it made me real proud to know that he did it and i am STILL proud of him

30. Does physical affection and/or sexuality have a role in your relationship? Are both of your needs being respected and fulfilled?

yeah both are heavily involved and fuck i hope so im not sure how much more i can step up my game

31. How often do you talk? On the phone, Skype, in person? Are you two the type that stays up too late because the conversation is too good to end?

we talk all the goddamn time and basically never leave each others side

i know i regularly stay up hells of late talking to him because i like it so much

talks get so much deeper at night when youre curled up next to somebody you love

32. Talk about your sense of humor, and your partner’s. Do you laugh a lot together? Which one of you is funnier?

were both assholes with sarcasm as our main crutch and im pretty sure we have both laughed at the others expense at one point or another but i would have to say that we are damn near a tie because both of us have a pretty deplorable sense of humor stand up comedy will not be in our futures any time soon

33. Is there anyone who doesn’t like the idea of your relationship? What’s the reason? How do you and your partner overcome disapproval from others?

no i cant think of anybody who is against our relationship

nobody that matters anyway

34. Have there been any hardships that have ultimately brought you closer than before?

i mean i hit my head and got retrograde amnesia and still had feelings for him so i think that eliminated any doubt i developed feelings just because of sex

i didnt remember it and i still loved him

35. What’s their contact name in your phone?

vantas

36. Tell me about what your partner is good at. Are they an artist, are they good at math, do they play a sport, etc?

vantas has stamina when it comes to running and shit for DAYS i thought id die the first time i went running with him

hes also a really great writer and im not just saying that to be supportive i think if he sat down and wrote a book itd get a film adaptation nigh instantaneously

steven spielberg would shit himself

37. Get really sappy and gross for a moment. Be so gushy that your friends would groan in mock annoyance if you told them. What’s adorable about your partner? What makes your heart melt? What’s something cute that they did that you’ll always remember no matter what?

god i just fucking love his eyes and his lips and his hair and the way that he scoffs over dumb “rich guy” things and how good his coffee is when he makes it and how i can NEVER replicate it that good even when he guides me through makin it. i love the sound of his voice in the mornings and late at night when i should be asleep but am clinging onto him and talkin about nothing in particular. i love how he says my name and i especially love that hes the only one who really calls me by my last name so affectionately. i love the way he reads and i love the way he still looks a little too long at colorful things sometimes when we are outside and walking. i love the way his hand fits with mine and i love that we can reassure each other through anything, that we will be there for each other through anything. i can easily see myself spendin the rest of my life with him and if not as a boyfriend then as a best friend 

38. Let’s talk about life goals and hopes. Do you two have a similar idea for the future (regarding careers, getting a home, family, finding meaning)? Do you two make a good team? Can you imagine spending the rest of your life with them?

weve talked about moving in together or gettin a house but our careers are pretty up in the air right now except for vantas’ teaching job. i think we make a fuckin great team and id love to spend the rest of my life with him in any way shape or form

39. Reflecting on all of your experiences, what advice would you give to a young couple?

pick your best friend to fall in love with because youll never have a better love than that

40. Is your partner on tumblr? Tag them here and write them a small message, it can be anything.

@crimsongenetics hey vantas sorry for gettin all gushy here i hope i dont make you throw up at school i love you

#ask meme #literalillbeats #((m i s E R Y but THANK U

[forethan21]

18/12/2020

To me love isnt about staying in a relationship or dwelling on a feeling. Love to me is bending but not breaking to compromise. It is the kind where you know when to let go in hopes to trust for the best to come, the kind where you empathise, showing vulnerability and completely surrender. (Remember when Jesus died for us in the cross? Diba he gave his all, his everything just so we can live. That should be a standard in our lives. To choose someone who would do anything to just be with us without questioning our worth. Never settle for someone who gives half of their heart. Its all or nothing.) The kind that is mature. Love is what you do despite of what you feel. The kind that fights for the good of someone else even if they never see the value or sacrifice that you did. (Thats what Jesus did. He never complained when he was on the cross. All the pain and burden he endured bc he loves us. And look at us now not even recognising how amazing he is. We took it this life for granted- some of us are wasting it, choosing people for our own accord and pleasure. Im saying this in general im not hinting it on anyone, but if the shoes fits then..) The kind that demands temporary surrender of security, giving up familiar bad habits and patterns, giving unrewarded works and efforts. The kind that challenges you in so many ways. Love wasnt made to be comfortable. It was made to show change and growth.

Not gonna lie tho i loved you for you and everything youve done. Those memories are dear to me bc i knew you tried no matter how difficult it was to love me in some days. Kaya gusto ko lng magpasalamat dun. Likewise, something i learned recently was that we should never question someone elses love for us regardless if it was inadequate. Bc i realised we should be thankful for the amount of love and care we receive from any person out there. Family, friends, lovers. That itself should be enough. Its not up to us how much love they should give to make us feel satisfied. That wouldn’t be love. The greatest love you could ever receive should come from you and the Lord not from anybody else. So i just wanna tell you that i take back those times i questioned your love. Bc what you gave was already enough.

Im sorry i couldnt wait for you to change. Bc i realised if you knew how to love me the very first time I wouldnt need to tell you anything. I wouldnt feel hurt bc im rest assured that you love me enough to know what to do. It didnt feel mutual to me.

When u came bck with your letter idk it seemed like there was something missing. Committment and plans. Maybe i was hoping that youd take me back but i guess it was the opposite. And maybe that was your answer after all. To tell me that you arent staying. I hope next time you go into a relationship po, you dont assume the worst. You dont jump into conclusions when it gets tough. Bc like anything can change if youre willing to do it. You need to trust the the other side will stay. It was the way your mindset was so fixed on the idea that I will leave. That i was making excuses. Ndi pow. I jst have standards. Oo tao ka lng, you make mistakes but how do i know tht youre not gonna make the same mistake again? Im jst protecting my heart po. I guess i dont wanna experience the same trauma again.

I hope someday na you will learn to see the good in people regardless if they did u wrong pow. (idk lng ha pero I dont think youve moved on sa ex mo pow. I feel like you havent fully forgiven her and accepted what has happened. I know it hurts to know that they betrayed you like that but your worth is not defined by them po. You did your best po and if she did not recognised that then thats her loss. This is partly what keeps u holding bck. Bc u didnt get closure. I hope you reflect on that and find the closure that you need po. Dont tell me you dont need one bc i know deep in your heart that it still hurts. Like bruh the fact na sure na sure ka na sa kanya u were ready to put a ring on her finger. You were hopeful and certain. I think it was meant to happen to test you both in your worst. You had your mistakes. She had hers. Dont you think you should close tht chapter of your life before starting a new one? Or more importantly, dont you think you deserve peace? Ill leave you to think bout tht). I wasnt trying to find something wrong jst to let you go. If i did i wouldnt put myself in a situation where I will lose my friends po.

Ethan i understand you. I understand your fear of giving too much to someone who youre unsure of and thats fine. But you need to accept the consequences of your mistakes. You need to take responsibility of it and what you couldve done to fix it. (Reflection is very important.) Youre not wrong for not knowing that but again you need to reflect in every situation in your life. It doesnt matter if you were right or wrong. Its important to do this bc the next time it will happen to you, you will know what to do. reflecting really helps you to step back and understand yourself, other people and the surroundings. It helps with analysing your own feelings, emotions and as well as understanding the depth of your own thinking. You need to consider other people’s feelings too. Understand their point of view and why they did things that way. 

I told you yesterday that what happened in the past does not define you. You may have done them so wrong but i hope your realise youre not in debt to them. I remember your story about what you did to the girl. Yung trauma mo sa kanya you gotta let it go pow. You dont need to blame yourself every day for something that youve no control of. You did it out of anger. and she threatened you bc she has her personal issues as well. She was showing wat kind of person she was. It does not put a label on u. So far as I know you havent apologised to urself for what had happened and u havent forgiven her for what shes done. Whenever youre mad po dont let your emotions get the best of you. Give space and time. Step back from the situation and reflect. count to ten and reorganise your thoughts and feelings. What happened? what made me feel that way? what can i do to fix this? 

The way i see it lng ha pero it felt like youre pitying yourself. And i want o reassure you that i recognised all you did to keep this relationship. The fights where you communicated with me, the times where you waited for me to explain, the support you give, and how you made me happy each single day. What youve done until this day is enough. I cant emphasise it enough. Ndi ko yun binalewala lahat. I saw your effort. Thats why i fought for u. Bc alam ko ndi ka ganun na tao. Kc alam ko na they have perceived you wrong. I saw the good in you. I saw that youre worthy of change. Everyone does pow. That was the purpose of it all.

But ldr is frickin hard. Being in a relationship is difficult enough let along ldr. Jst thinking about the amount of trust u hav for ur partner dang.. you need to fully invest on trust yo. How to overcome and resolve issues esp if theyre like me haha. Its hard for sure to do tht kc even ako may trust issues but it is possible. But as of now theres many areas in your life that you need to fix alone. Im not saying that im right ha. I could be wrong in so many areas about you that idk of but this is based on knowing you for months. im not saying you have a problem internally cuz we all have problems po What im saying is that there are some things we need to learn from others as well. Its a matter of listening and comprehending what theyre tryna relay and teach u.

Also asking for help isnt a weakness. (Idk but i cud feel you were mad that I reached out to your mother. Bro i know na kaya mo nman maging independent and i know na ayaw mo lng maburden yung parents mo with your problems on top of theirs but its gud that alam din nla ang anak nla is struggling and needs emotional support.) Its realising that we are deserving to feel and be emotionally supported. so dont ever feel bad for reaching out and admitting that youre struggling. after all were only human.

Though i never said anything i lowkey promised that I would not give up on you (sinsabi ko sa sarili ko to) bc i wanted to show you what its like for someone to stay. You told me about your past and struggles and i did everything i can for that not to happen again. You told me what broke your heart and I nver wanted you to feel anything like that in the relationship. More like i ensured that my intentions for you are pure. But somewhere along the way i came to realise that we both need to grow seperately. Not bc i gave up on you but bc i decided to think about myself and what i needed. I dont wanna text you and talk to u bc i respect you that much to know that this isnt the right time for both of us.

Being the way i am right now is for the best. Were both healing and getting the peace we need. God knows what Hes doing with us and i keep you in my prayers at night. Maybe someday down the line well meet again, at the right time. God will decide tht for us but for now ill be supportive of you in the silence. I dont wanna be civil cuz i know itll jst hurt you more esp since you have strong feelings for me. Dont worry my love for you will remain unconditional. But one thing i cant promise tho is that idk if my love for u will stay. We dont know what the future will bring. We may find our happiness in diff places. We may find it together. But all i know is i trust God to dictate my life. Thank you Ethan. Kahit paano i felt your unconditional love din. You can text me anytime if you need anything. Ill be here nman pow.

[thelifetimechannel]

====>

#tlc upd8 #tlc a6a6a6 #end of update 144 #i see ur metal gear joke gill #sidenote: this time i did have the appropriate equius quirk #but it appears the computer just automatically converted the double dash into an n dash #oh well

[turntechhex]

all of them B)

Significant Other Asks.

okay its under the cut you shit

1. Tell the story about how you met.

the first time avi and i actually spoke was in a stream i was holding and i was just about to close it off because nobody popped in but then he did and then that lead to punk rock points 

2. Was it a gradual increase of trust and love, or was there a specific moment where you knew “I want to be with this person for a long time”?

it was gradual for me but it hit me that i wanted to love him

3. Describe their eyes. Describe their hands. Describe their laugh.

his eyes are really sensitive to the light so he wears his shades a lot but god when he takes them off i get to see his eyes

theyre red and kind of like mine but not in the freaky albino way like mine

his are a beautiful deep red and when i look close enough i can see the little flecks of whatever mixed in

his hands arent scarred and scabbed like mine theyre soft but with a slight toughness to them and when we intertwine our fingers i can really feel that and i love kissing his fingertips just to show him that

and his laugh

god his laugh

i never want to hear anything else

the way it bubbles up and his head falls and his smile is so wide its beautiful 

4. What’s your zodiac sign and mbti type? What about your partner’s? Do things like that reflect your actual compatibility or is it just bunch of bunk?

we are both the same sign and i dunno about that mbti stuff and i dont think any of it works for compatibility its kinda dumb

5. Are you long distance? Have you met in person before? When do you get to see them again?

we live together

6. Tell me a story about a happy experience you two shared. Something that makes your heart warm whenever you think about it.

i had lit a bunch of fancy rose candles and turned out the lights and we just showered each other with so many kisses and then fell asleep together smiling stupidly it was nice 

7. Tell me a funny story. Did they do something silly? Did you do something silly? Talk about your inside jokes.

he always does something silly

he has this silly smile when he falls asleep and apparently when i sleep i look “angry or apathetic as fuck”

sometimes he walks in when im shaving my legs early in the morning with my hair in a bunch of mini pony tails so i can see and he knows hes seen a demon

8. Are your families supportive? Does it matter if they’re not?

avi doesnt have much of a family other than his sister and i havent met her

and dirk and hal are all ive got and dirk is pretty supportive and i think hal is too 

if they werent it would hurt but i couldnt stop loving him yknow

9. Would you ever have a pet together? Do you already have one?

he has four cats and i have an owl

10. Do you have children together? If not, are you both interested in raising children some day?

we do not but maybe someday i havent really thought about it all too much

11. If they’re having a bad day, what do you do to help?

listen the best i can and do whatever i can

give him space if he needs it

hold him if he needs it

12. If you’re having a bad day, what do they do to help?

he listens 

fuck he listens

he lets me cry and yell or whatever i need to do and he helps me

he lets me talk to him

he is everything to me when im having a hard time 

he knows when to hold me and rub my back and hush me

he knows when to give me space and let me yell

he knows me so well

13. What’s something that your partner does that would be annoying if anyone else did it, but it’s cute when they do it?

he moves a lot in his sleep

he has grabbed my ass on more than one occasion

14. Have you ever went on a vacation or adventure together? Tell me about it. If not, do you have plans to do something fun in the future?

we drive out to the coast sometimes its fun just driving away so yes

15. What’s something that you learned about yourself because of being with your partner?

i learned that im allowed to be confident with my body and im beautiful and nothing anybody can say will crush that

i really started to stop wearing makeup to cover my spots because of him

16. What’s a piece of advice that your partner gave you that has resonated with you? 

“please dont ever talk about corpses in public again”

17. Which one of you kills the bugs (or captures the bugs and places them safely outside)?

me

18. Describe the perfect day with your partner. It can be something that’s already happened, or something that you plan to do.

like i mentioned before just driving out to the coast

both of us laughing the whole way there

his smile as he watches the road that reflects in his eyes

watching the sun set when we finally get there and we just leave the car by the road and nobodys on the beach anymore and i run out to the water with him and it was cold as fuck so we just sat in the sand and held each other and looked up at the moon and he was so beautiful like he is everyday

and then we reluctantly got into the car and drove home mostly in silence expect the whispers of i love you 

and we got back home and fell asleep with smiles on our faces it was perfect 

19. Do you prepare meals together? Does one person enjoy cooking more than the other?

i usually cook when we arent just having eggs

avi isnt the best cook >BP

20. What are the best restaurants to go to? Do you see movies at the theater? Do you do things like golf or bowling, just to bond more?

theres a really not too fancy nice one downtown that we like

we watch movies at home and dont do much of that stuff

21. Tell me about a time that you got into an argument over something silly. 

the ghost in the kitchen that insulted his butter spreading skills was being annoying 

22. Tell me about a time that you got into an argument over something serious. How did you compromise? What did you learn?

it was just about family shit it was dumb

we just ended talking

i learned that we both need to talk more and we do now

23. Is there a famous couple, fictional or otherwise, that reminds you (or other people) of you and your partner? 

not really

24. Do you have a shipname?

not that i know of

25. Do you two have a “song”? What is it and how did it become your song?

do we have a song 

26. Has your partner ever inspired something creative like your art, writing, etc?

ive painted him a few times and he helps me with colours and stuff when im stuck

27. Do you have extremely similar personalities and interests? Or extremely opposite? Or is it a balance that just makes sense? How do you try to better understand each other? Do you ever have to experience things you’re not interested in, or vice versa? 

we are pretty similar but other than that its just a good balance

we talk to each other

sometimes i suppose 

28. Has your partner ever changed one of your opinions on morals, politics, society, etc?

i dunno

29. Tell me about a time that you were really proud of them. 

his dance performance in january he worked so hard for that and i brought him roses afterwards and he did so good

30. Does physical affection and/or sexuality have a role in your relationship? Are both of your needs being respected and fulfilled? 

yes we both love physical shit and we make sure that its fulfilled and respected too

31. How often do you talk? On the phone, Skype, in person? Are you two the type that stays up too late because the conversation is too good to end?

we talk and text everyday

32. Talk about your sense of humor, and your partner’s. Do you laugh a lot together? Which one of you is funnier?

we laugh a lot of course

i dont know whos funnier

33. Is there anyone who doesn’t like the idea of your relationship? What’s the reason? How do you and your partner overcome disapproval from others?

not that i can think of

34. Have there been any hardships that have ultimately brought you closer than before?

yeah

there have

35. What’s their contact name in your phone?

my love 💕💕

36. Tell me about what your partner is good at. Are they an artist, are they good at math, do they play a sport, etc?

he is an amazing dancer

37. Get really sappy and gross for a moment. Be so gushy that your friends would groan in mock annoyance if you told them. What’s adorable about your partner? What makes your heart melt? What’s something cute that they did that you’ll always remember no matter what?

david rae strider

he is everything to me

he is my present and my future

he is the rest of my life

falling asleep next to him and waking up next to him is such a privilege and i feel like the luckiest goddamn man in the world to be able to love him

he makes me feel like the happiest man on earth to be able to love him

hes so understanding and patient and he listens to me

his movements are soft and not quick

he comforts me 

he cries and i feel like im bleeding from tha inside out and i want to make sure he never has any reason to sad cry

he cries with a smile and i know that i am so in love with him

he kisses my nose and holds me

he kisses every single one of my spots and tells me im beautiful

he traces my scars on my back my arms my face my legs everywhere and kisses my neck still

he holds my hand in public and does fake proposals for free dessert

he knows all the words to every single grease song and so do i

his voice is so nice to hear and his smile is all ive ever wanted to see

his hair is soft and i like to kiss his stubble cheeks when he doesnt shave for a while

hes cute

hes beautiful

he realizes his mistakes

he bought me roses once and put a note inside that he wanted to have roses like that at our wedding someday

he kisses me without regret

he says that he loves me and i believe him

when he got down on his knees and asked me to marry him with tears in his beautiful eyes and held out a shaky beautiful hand with an earring in it

i knew that i loved this man with my entire being

and i said yes

god i said yes

38. Let’s talk about life goals and hopes. Do you two have a similar idea for the future (regarding careers, getting a home, family, finding meaning)? Do you two make a good team? Can you imagine spending the rest of your life with them?

we are moving into his sisters old place once hes done with school and we are getting married in the summer

we just know we want the rest of our lives to be together

39. Reflecting on all of your experiences, what advice would you give to a young couple? 

talk to each other and dont try and hide important things and your feelings 

dont be stupid but also do stupid things

40. Is your partner on tumblr? Tag them here and write them a small message, it can be anything.

@bromosapiens

ur gross

[queencanaries]

I don’t know how to feel, they’re making it sound like black siren will have a redemption arc but is that even possible after all the people she killed in cold blood for no reason? She’s always being used as a plot device, they depowered her way too much compared to the flash. Are we really supposed to believe that black ´brought a building down with her cry’ siren couldn’t get away from prometheus or cayden? Are we really supposed to believe that after everything they actually arent mocking us-

-by giving us yet another chance at her redemption and then crushing it again, they did that last season, they still haven’t delivered, they don’t respect us, they don’t respect the black canary, they have never ever given us anything to work with here, they’ve always let us down so why should we trust them?

I have kind of a long response, so I’ll put it under the cut--

Is it possible for Black Siren to redeem after all the people she killed? 

Yes. That’s literally what redemption is for — to change, and become better than what they were before. I think it’s a silly argument from any side of the conversation, whether you’re a fan of Black Siren or not, to think that on this show, and in this universe, killing is something that makes you irredeemable. She could honestly spend this whole season murdering half the population of the city, and you could still always offer a redemption arc. It’s all in the execution once that’s locked in and a part of the story, as I’ve said since day one. 

She’s always being used as a plot device.

It does suck that we haven’t gotten much of Siren on her own, but I think it’s clear they’re building towards an isolation from this crew of villains she’s partnered up with this season. Her storyline with Quentin, which was set up in the season premiere, is probably the specific through-line for her that’s going to affect any sort of change and growth while she fills that role as an antagonist in the meantime. But I think her role as an antagonist is limited, as are the rest of the villains this season, because there’s so many of them. What makes Black Siren interesting, and what feels more character specific to her, is the fact that she’s an Earth-2 doppelganger of someone these characters loved and lost, and that she seems to be affected by Quentin (and Oliver) in a way that shows a vulnerable side to her. That’s where questions of redemption starts to surface. 

They depowered her way too much compared to THE FLASH.

I respectfully disagree. ARROW has given us so many badass moments for her, especially in regards to her fighting / combat skills. There’s been some great canary cry moments — like when she disintegrated that arrow — and other than a few mediocre take downs of her in Season 5, she’s come out of almost every fight the victor. I understand she took a building down on THE FLASH, but I don’t see why that’s always brought up as a way to knock her appearances and how she’s been handled on ARROW. She was tasked with that job. It wasn’t like it was trying to show us the peak of her ability. It was just something she could do. I’m sure if ARROW called for her to knock a building down, she’d do it on this show, too. 

She couldn’t get away from Prometheus or Cayden. 

Those are character traits, though. You might not like that about her, but it’s still a trait. She feels indebted to those that save / protect her. Prometheus broke her out of imprisonment. Cayden saved her life. She’s also in a parallel world where she doesn’t know anybody, and her Earth-1 counterpart is dead, so she doesn’t really have anyone to turn to, so when someone saves her or does something that keeps her alive and keeps her free, she’s going to lean on them. 

Are we meant to believe they’re not giving us another chance at her redemption and then crushing it again? 

Where was the first chance? Y’all, they haven’t done any redemption for her yet. All we’ve had in regards to redemption are hints that its a possible storyline for her in the future. We’re seeing glimpses of the character that is different to the one portrayed 99% of the time which point to a possible direction for her. 

They still haven’t delivered. 

It’s been four episodes. Maybe stop expecting a redemption story to happen in the span of one episode, let alone four. It’s a journey, if that’s even a journey the show is looking to go down. It’s still a question mark — that question being “can Black Siren redeem” — and one that’s been hinted at and, in no other way, suggested as an eventuality. It could very well be answered with a “no” as it could be “yes.” 

They've never given us anything to work with here. 

I’ve never had this perception with Arrow. I was never the Laurel Lance fan that hated everything they did, and was disappointed with everything. If that was the case, I’d have been able to get rid of this show a long time ago. I loved her journey, and her story. The biggest problem I had with it was that they killed her off. So I don’t subscribe to the writers treating us like dirt, and not giving Laurel anything good, and not giving us, as fans, anything to work with. Again, if I was that bitter about everything from the beginning, I wouldn’t be here. 

Why should we trust them? 

No one’s telling you to trust them. I’m not going to tell you to trust them. I don’t trust the writers either. But I’m not a Black Siren fan that thinks she HAS to be redeemed or I can’t enjoy the character anymore. I love evil Black Siren. I think the best story for her would be a redemption one, and the best legacy for Dinah Laurel Lance of Earth-1 would be to have her doppelganger redeem and try to live up to her standard as Black Canary. But that’s me inserting my hopes into the character and into the show. 

Not to analyse you, but you seem really, really bitter about everything. I’ve certainly gotten to that point with the show at times, too, so I’m in no way judging you for that. But I’ve had a few messages similar to this, and I just wanted to say that if people are still excited and hopeful and optimistic and want to believe great things are happening for ANY aspect of the show, then I don’t think they should have to explain or justify themselves to those that feel the opposite way. Let people be excited if they’re still excited. I kind of had to learn that lesson too from this show because the LL fandom is diverse in what they want and always have been. Some want Lauriver. Some hate Lauriver. Some want Black Siren to redeem and be Black Canary. Others don’t want her anywhere near the LL legacy. Some accept Tina as Black Canary, others don’t. It’s a mix. For me, and my blog, as much as I shit talk and get pissed off at things, I try to remain optimistic, and I really do love Black Siren’s character (good or evil) and am excited to see where it goes, whether it ends with her redeeming or ends with her becoming even more of a threat to the team.

#reply #arrow talk #Anonymous

[blatherkatt]

Title: The Calm Is Terrifying When The Storm Is All You Know [Homestuck]

Intermission 1 

Summary: There were two kinds of trolls who went to Earth: rich shitheads with too much money and free time, and desperate assholes who couldn’t survive on Alternia, even with the best efforts of the young Condesce. Karkat hated the planet almost immediately, but with his home planet too dangerous for mutants, he really didn’t have any choice but to hide out on this weird little diurnal planet. At least he’d be safe. Or so he thought, right before blundering his way into an accidental friendship with the son of an anti-troll terrorist.

Rating: M

Chapter Warnings: Mentioned/implied abuse; Pesterlogs, No seriously this entire chapter is just logs, swear the next chapters at least a third finished but in the meantime this bit got way out of hand so here 

FIRST | PREVIOUS | NEXT

— excerpt of chatlog from group chat “assholes anonymous” 6/13/2015 —

GG: And I’m afraid that’s all Roxy and I know. She got a call from Terezi yesterday saying that she would need to wait a few days before coming down to visit again.

GT: Holy toledo! Christ on a cracker i really picked a bad time to study abroad didnt i. So much happened while i was gone!

— timaeusTestified [TT] is online! —

GT: I feel like a right fool for not checking my messages from anyone while i was away but i was just so overwhelmed by how many there were and so tired out from being in another country and all.

GT: Oh!

TG: DIRK

TG: motherfucker tell me whats goin on!!!!

GG: There you are! Is everything alright?

TT: Yeah, yeah, everything’s fine, give me a minute.

TT: Well. No. That’s wrong.

TT: Everything’s pretty much gone to shit, but everyone’s alive, somehow, and for the time being things have cooled the fuck off.

TG: aaaaaah now im even more scared what happened?!!

GT: Er its good to be back but the girls have been filling me in on whats played out in my absence and im afraid im on roxys side here what in the devilfucking dickens is going on exactly?

GG: Thirded!

TT: I take it you didn’t get around to reading the messages I sent you then, Jake?

TT: Which is fine. I kind of figured. Whatever.

TT: Short version: There was an attempt to reclaim Dave by some of the old man’s lackeys.

TT: An attempt which Dave knew about well in advance.

TG: oh shit

TG: oh shit dave nooooo D:

GG: Oh, goodness.

TT: I caught him having a panic attack in the kitchen, during the middle of the night on the twelfth. He managed to tell me essentially that we had four hours to prepare, and then we’d be under attack.

TT: He was planning on going with the quietly, apparently, but changed his mind at the last minute, I guess.

TT: Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad he told us, but…Ugh.

TT: It seemed like he was starting to get a little better, finally, and then this huge fucking setback hits.

TT: It’s frustrating.

GT: I’ll say it is! Gosh dirk im so sorry i missed so much of the leadup to this.

GT: Getting the poor boy back after ten years only for him to be such a mess and to finally get somewhere only to lose so much progress…

TG: aaaaaaaugh

TG: i mean is it really a setback though? he still told you!

TG: ive been having the hardest time getting him to talk about anything that happened to him and i think he n i get on pretty well

TG: he still chose to stay with us!

TT: Yeah, and it only took him two fucking months to do so. I don’t even know if he made that choice because he actually wants to be here.

TT: It’s more like he just decided we’re the lesser of two evils.

GG: Well, that’s better than nothing, right?

TT: Ha.

TT: Sure, I guess. Pardon me if I’m not thrilled, though.

TG: diiiiiirk

TG: dirk chill out a little like i get it but seriously!

TG: trust me dave doesnt want to be mean to anybody

TT: Of course he doesn’t.

TT: I’m not mad at Dave at all, don’t get me wrong.

TT: This is my fault.

GT: Now wait just a moment there strider!

GG: How on Earth is any of this your fault? It sounds to me like you made the best of a bad situation! Dave’s the only one who knew about this!

TT: It all goes back to that first meeting at the police station.

TT: I set the precedent. Made everything a him-versus-us, with Karkat his only ally.

TT: He doesn’t trust us because I somehow said exactly the wrong thing to him back in that interrogation room.

TG: im sure thats not it

TG: dirk hes not one to hold a grudge like you and rose are theres gotta be another reason

TT: I’d be happy to hear it, then, because I’m fucking clueless.

TT: Of all the problems I’ve tried to solve, my own fucking brother is proving the most enigmatic.

TT: He’s the fucking labyrinth at Crete, and I don’t have nearly enough fucking yarn to get through this.

TT: And apparently I’m a fucking outlier in that respect. Roxy’s figured Dave out, the fucking aliens get along with him fine, and apparently even Rose made up with him while my back was turned, because he’s been following her around all day, even though she ripped into him yesterday over Kanaya.

TT: Who, by the way, is a fucking vampire now. I feel like I’m losing brain cells just writing that, but there it is.

TT: I’m sharing the house with a literal alien vampire. I’m officially one of the side characters in my aunt’s trashy books.

TG: dirk dude im telling you dave isnt as complicated as you keep making him out to be!

TG: hes not a puzzle that needs to be solved hes just a scared kid!

TT: Why is he still scared, then? Why?

TT: I believe you, but how do I make him be not scared?

TT: Why the fuck can’t I understand my own brother!

— timaeusTestified [TT] is offline —

GG: Oh no.

GT: Jesus jumping jehosaphat!

— timaeusTestified [TT] is online —

TT: Sorry.

TT: Got a little too worked up, hit my desk hard enough that something came unplugged.

TG: dirk

TG: dirk.

TG: holy shit.

TT: I’m, uh, also sorry that I actually hit enter on those last few posts. That was kind of shitty. I’ll get a lid on it.

GT: You gave us all quite a fright there!

GG: I’ll say.

GG: You shouldn’t feel bad, though! I for one am glad you were honest!

GG: Maybe we can all figure out something! If Rose got things sorted out after the rocky start you mentioned, then I’m sure you can, too!

TG: have you tried talkin to him yet

TT: Oh, yeah, because talking to him went so well last time.

TT: Look, I appreciate the advice. But at this point,

TT: I’m pretty much prepared to just accept that he wants nothing to do with me.

TT: Can’t really blame him. I look like the old man. Probably set off enough bad memories that I’m just going to scare him worse.

TT: I’ll just stay out of his way as best I can.

TG: dirk that is literally the exact opposite of what you should be doing

GT: Well i dont know roxy it might work out better that way.

GT: Give the lad his space and let him settle in on his own time!

GT: Let the air clear a bit before trying anything you know?

TG: jake trust me dave needs a lot of really explicit verbal reassurance

TG: he is the scaredest fucking kid you can imagine okay

TG: he apologizes for things that arent even things that should be apologized for

TG: and says hes sorry again even after you tell him hes done nothing wrong just to be extra sure

TG: and he wont do anything unless you specifically tell him hes allowed

TG: and even then hes super cautious about it

GG: Gosh…

TT: Exactly.

TT: If he’s that scared, me forcing him into a conversation is only going to make things worse. It’s not going to be a productive talk if he’s completely shut down.

TT: I’ll figure it out, alright? Just.

TT: I need to rethink things, maybe. Slow down a little.

TT: It’s just a setback. We’ll recover.

TG: uuuuugh

TG: this whole things such a mess :(

TG: let me know when im allowed to come over and hug on him again will you?

TT: Sure thing.

TG: hug him yourself in the meantime!

TT: Probably not a great idea, Rox.

TG: >:(

— excerpt of chatlog from group chat “who you gonna call” 6/13/2015 —

EB: geez. thats pretty crazy.

EB: i cant believe dave would put you guys all in danger like that.

GG: im sure he didnt mean to!

TT: I agree, actually, Jade.

GG: :0 !!!

EB: really?

TT: I spoke to Dave after all the carnage ended, and I’ve come to realize that I’ve been completely misinterpreting his behavior.

TT: I’ve been viewing everything he does through the lens of my own behavior and Dirk’s, and assuming that everything he did which irritated me was done out of some form of antagonism.

TT: Yesterday, I learned exactly how far off I’ve been, and I’d like to apologize for sharing that mistaken impression with you two.

TT: The problem hasn’t been that Dave is holding some petty grudge. It’s that he’s been scared.

GG: :(

GG: :( :( :(

EB: scared? dave?

TT: Terrified, even.

TT: He was literally so frightened when I confronted him that he could barely move.

GG: oh no! rose!

TT: I apologized, I promise, and I’ve been trying to reign myself in around him now that I know there is fear at foot.

TT: I’m a little horrified myself, frankly, at how bad things must be for him.

EB: but if hes so scared why didn’t he just tell you guys sooner?

TT: He’s scared both ways, essentially. Terrified of what we’ll do to him if he breaks some rule here, terrified of what our father will do to him.

TT: I had expected trauma from the beginning, but when it didn’t present in the ways I expected, I assumed he was just fine.

TT: But this is…

TT: It’s as if his fear responses, even his fight or flight reflex, are just…broken.

TT: Like I said, when I confronted him, his eyes were huge and terrified, but he made no move to defend himself, nor did he try to escape. He just…braced himself. Readying himself for a blow that I had no intention of ever delivering, but which he dreaded more with every second it didn’t come.

TT: Ever since, I’ve been paying attention to his body language, since it’s so hard to read his expressions when he’s got those sunglasses on, and I’ve noticed so many times where he tenses up, so suddenly and to such an extreme that I’m surprised it doesn’t physically hurt him.

TT: And it’s not just for legitimate potential threats, like someone looking angry. He does it for the slightest sounds, for random movements, sometimes seemingly for no reason at all.

TT: Hes like some feral animal, constantly thinking he’s going to be hunted, and yet, he can’t run. He just sits there and waits for the blow to land, hoping that if he simply takes whatever punishment is thrown on him, it will end sooner.

TT: And all I can think is just…

TT: What kind of hell has he been through for these past ten years that he reacts to things as simple as a creaking floorboard or a waving hand makes him think he’s going to be attacked?

TT: What did that son of a bitch do to my brother?

EB: jesus.

GG: D:

EB: i always knew that things were bad for dave but i didnt think it was any where near that bad!

GG: hes not in too much trouble is he??

TT: Not at all.

TT: Terezi let him off with a warning, and there’s not much else we can do to him, besides. He’s already under house arrest.

TT: He knows what he did wrong.

GG: thats good! i wonder why he waited so long to tell the truth though?

TT: I’m pretty sure at this point that he was never intending on telling us.

EB: what! why not!

TT: I don’t think he believes he has a choice. He did tell Dirk what happened while having a panic attack, after all. I suspect it may have been something similar to the sort of terror that strikes when you realize it’s the end of a vacation period from school, and you’re not ready to go back yet.

TT: Except, you know, way worse, on account of it being abuse at the hands of a literal terrorist he would have to return to.

TT: He said something that stuck with me, when I asked, and he seemed very genuinely sad when he said it.

TT: “It doesn’t matter what I want. He’s going to come back for me again.”

TT: He’s so resigned to a fate that he is not actually doomed to.

EB: wow :(

TT: But on the bright side,

TT: I think he’s starting to realize that we really aren’t going to hurt him.

GG: yeah?

TT: He’s been following me around like a lost puppy all day. He jumps whenever I move too quickly, but he’s actually here in the room with Kanaya and I right now. The two of them have been chatting on and off for a while.

TT: I suspect it may be just that he hasn’t worked up the courage to talk to Karkat yet, but even so, he seems like he’s testing a boundary.

TT: Pushing to see if I really am no longer angry with him. It’s certainly a welcome change from his usual habit of hiding in his own bedroom.

GG: oh gosh!! can you tell him i said hi?

EB: holy shit hes right with you? get him online!

TT: John, he’s not allowed to use a computer, remember?

EB: fuck!

EB: tell him i said hi too, then!

GG: looool

TT: Done.

TT: He lit up a little, and mumbled a “Hi” right back.

GG: :D

EB: lol, dork.

TT: He says “This coming from John ‘unironically likes Nick fucking Cage’ Egderp.”

EB: >:B !!!!

— golgothasTerror [GT] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] —

GT: Hey, um.

GT: I know this is probably not something you really want to hear just now, but i really do want to apologize.

GT: I just got so distracted and worn out while abroad, and you always send so damned many messages, i didnt have the energy to read them all.

TT: It’s fine.

GT: No it isnt! Dirk i know how hugely important getting dave home has been to you ive known for ages!

GT: And whatever tumultuous relationship status we may currently be sharing youre still my best bro and i feel like a right horse’s arse for not being here for you during such a rollercoaster of a rough time!

TT: It’s alright, really. I appreciate the sentiment, but it’s wholly unnecessary.

GT: I promise ill at least try and check my messages more and keep more up to date on the situation.

GT: Let me know if theres any way i can help alright?

TT: Sure.

TT: Welcome home, by the way. It’s nice to talk to you again.

GT: Likewise!

— twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling grimAuxilitrix [GA] —

TA: TZ told me two me22age you, and by that ii mean 2he woke me up wiith a text 2aying ‘talk two kanaya a2ap a22hole 2hit2 gone down’.

TA: 2o what exactly ii2 goiing on.

GA: Um

GA: Well Im A Rainbow Drinker Now

TA: oh.

TA: you know what actually fuck thii2 iim goiing back two 2leep.

— twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling grimAuxilitrix [GA] —

#dirk strider #rose lalonde #roxy lalonde #jake english #jade harley #longpost// #john egbert #jane crocker #kanaya maryam #sollux captor #dave is mentioned in this one but not actually in it so. #fanfic #fanfiction #katt does a writing #calmvsstormfic #calmvsstormchapter #now for the really fun part: formatting all this on ao3 #and by fun i mean deeply tedious

[iwillretitlethisatalaterdate]

feb 20

It’s funny how I was saying to Dyllan and this blog just the other day how I had been feeling faint at work on my four hour shifts, and how I was dreading my full day shift today, since I was there for an hour and fainted. I was reading some numbers to my boss and I remember suddenly feeling funny like I should sit down but before I could move I must have had some sort of episode, and the next thing I remember was hearing her say what’s wrong, are you okay?? And I was being held up by her and answering no. She laid me on the ground with some pillows (perfect workplace) and I came to and was kind of thinking like what the hell just happened???? And she was like “that was not okay you aren’t okay I will call an ambulance” to which I replied helllll nawwww (not verbatim) and she realised I was responsive. She sat me in a chair and kind of demonstrated to me what had happened, my leg started collapsing and I fell forward onto the counter and (again, great workplace) into a basket of tea towels, and she said my head was kind of lifting back up but falling again so she grabbed me. The whole incident only lasted ten seconds if that but it was enough to scare her and make her suggest things like stroke and epileptic fit which kind of scared me. Anyhow fortunately she was kind enough to let me go, closed the shop and called matt for me and demanded he take me to emergency. I really was grateful to be in her presence over anyone else’s as much as I enjoy working with most of the others. Mums are generally quite reliable in such situations. Anyhow Matt came and off we went to emergency and he truly melted my heart all day (and indeed we were there all day [from pre 11 to post 4]). Of course we presumed it’d be something to do with the baby but my boss’ mention of strokes and fits had me wondering. We finally saw a nurse and another nurse then a doctor and the doctor twice more and in between the short visits were long periods of waiting and laughing and spending quality time together and I honestly had such a nice day with Matt albeit not the most fantastic of venues or situations. The greatest part was when I was taken to have an ULTRASOUND meaning I got to SEE MY LITTLE BABY and I can’t lie that moment really changed everything. I’ve decided by now that it’s what I want and as I’ve mentiond we’ve had some in depth conversations that have led me to this point although I must admit from the first positive test I think I was subconsciously set on my decision to be a mum. But seeing it wriggle around and really be in the shape of a tiny little person (it’s seriously like the size of a pecan - it’s a wonder how amazing those ultrasound machine thingys truly are) just honestly overwhelmed me and I couldn’t stop smiling and being overwhelmed by the fact that my baby is INSIDE ME (wtf that is honestly so bizarre). Looonnng (literally hours) story short I left the hospital being told to drink more water basically, and probably to eat little more frequently. Nothing I couldn’t have assumed for a full day at the hospital, and I was kind of expecting like “your xy and or z levels are low so you need to do 12 or 3” but no. And I clarified several times that their conclusion was to hydrate. They also suggested if it happens again that I should go. Back. And. See. Them. Wow. This kind of just reenforces my belief that the whole medical profession is yet another government based money making scheme which is sometimes helpful but mostly financially beneficial for financially well off people. Both our mums also mentioned pregnancy when we were conversing with them about the situation. I don’t know if I’ll ever “publish” this blog but if I do and if they read this I hope this can help them, and anyone else, understand. I really didn’t want our announcement to anyone to be off the back of a medical emergency. I didn’t want it to HAVE to have been told BECAUSE I went to the hospital, as opposed to BECAUSE we were ready to tell them in whatever way we eventually choose to. I’m already nervous and scared as hell as I know they both “disapprove” to varying degrees which I understand, but am also somewhat saddened by, particularly as time goes on and we get more excited about it. At the end of the day, we discussed the pros and cons of keeping and.. not keeping the baby, and together decided that we choose the next step in our lives. And I hate that I even have to justify that, and I kind of don’t even want to at all. But all my life I’ve felt like I have to explain myself to others to try minimise disappointment. Not that anyone’s ever treated me with that “respect”; I’ve no idea where I’ve learnt such a self depreciating habit. My life is my choice and although I’ve not necessarily made all the right ones, they’re mine. And this is ours. I’ve never been with someone the way I am with Matt and I don’t need to divulge our relationship and deepest feelings to anybody and I refuse to. People see the fights we have but they don’t see the love we share because we are private people in that sense and it’s for us. And as much as I HATE having to say this, believe me, it’s there. And it means a lot to me that it’s mostly kept between us and that we know how we feel and what we want and how secure we are. And maybe someday one or two kids in or MAYBE even before that, something will happen that results in the feelings fading or being destroyed or whatever it may be but it won’t change how I’ve felt and what this relationship has shown me, or that I want to be a mum and have the capacity to do it on my own or shared. That was a bit of a tangent, but what I WAS trying to get at is that maybe when people find out about the baby they will think we lied about what happened today, but that’s not the case. Nor did we want to exclude or upset anybody. Until I saw the heartbeat today (which was unfuckingreal) I was honestly convinced it didn’t have one and it didnt survive and it wasn’t our time. This is also a bad habit of mine - I convince myself of the worst so as to never be disappointed or heartbroken. So i have been adamant in keeping it from anyone until we get a scan pic and confirmation of its health and reach the “safeish” point of at least 12 weeks, and Matt’s respectful of my decision. This post kind of feels long winded and indirect and mostly pointless but a lot has gone through my mind today, I was nervous for my own health and for my baby, I didn’t want to have to tell my boss or family what I wasn’t ready to, and I was kind of disappointed in the result although happy I seem to be healthy (just starved and dehydrated woops). My heart just feels really full and a little nervous but I love my sweet and caring boyfie and the little big headed baby that is actually living in my uterus (I know there’s billions of humans in existence due to this very phenomenon but it’s still tripping me out). I best go now bye 👋🏼