#yesterday I was missing my grandma like crazy | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

canirove · 3 months

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My neighbour Rúben | Chapter 4

Author's note: On this chapter there are some things that give away that this story was written a long time ago, like the fact that it says that he is City's captain... Or that he dresses well 😅 P.S. I'm joking, please no one get mad at me 😭

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Masterlist

"Did you sleep well, darling? You look tired" grandma asked me the morning after the game.

"It probably was all the excitement from yesterday. She was still buzzing like young people say" grandad laughed.

"I think it was a mix of not being on my own bed and getting out of my comfort zone. I'm not used to it."

Which was a lie. Mostly. I did miss my own bed, the one at my grandparents' house had the worst pillow ever. But if I looked dead and tired, it was because I had stayed up until 2 am reading about Rúben, watching his videos and looking at his photos.

Some would call it stalking. I call it doing research.

I read about his career, watched proper interviews and other videos where he was being silly, finding myself smiling like the idiot I am. I even watched some in Portuguese, the fact that I speak Spanish being very helpful to understand what he was saying. Or at least half of it.

I spent an hour just on his Instagram account, looking at everything he had posted, and especially the posts where he was topless. Like... He couldn't be real. He couldn't have a body like that, it had to be Photoshop. And it wasn't just the abs and the biceps. It also was his back. His legs. Everything. And judging by the photos where he was wearing clothes and the couple of times I had met him, he also knew how to dress and make the most out of that perfect body of his, which was unfair for the rest of the human population, both male and female.

I also spent a lot of time reading fanfic about him. There are so many talented people out there! And horny, which made me feel less alone. Because my dreams... Well. They were similar to the ones I had been having since meeting him for the first time, but now I knew what was under his clothes, and they weren't happening just on the lift or Lucy's house. Now that I knew that he was a freaking professional football player, there were so many new scenarios to explore... And I explored a few last night, like the changing room at the Emirates.

"Darling, are you sure you are alright? Should I take you to the doctor?" grandad said, bringing me back to reality.

"To the doctor? Why?"

"You look... I don't know. Off. And look at your cheeks."

"My cheeks?" I said, touching them. They were feeling very warm.

"Let me take your temperature" grandma said. "I don't want you traveling alone back to Manchester with a fever."

Oh, if only she knew.

I wasn't traveling back to Manchester with a fever. I was actually traveling back to Manchester to meet the cause of my fever. And just the thought of it was making my stomach do funny things, not sure if good or bad ones.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

"Oh, c'mon!" I said when the shopping bag slipped from my hand as I reached to call for the lift, all its contents slipping on the floor.

"Let me help you with that" a male voice said behind me. No. Not just a male voice. The male voice. Rúben.

"You don't need to, I can manage."

"And I want to help" he said, already picking some things from the floor. "Doesn't Lucy have someone to do the shopping for her?"

"Yes, but that's the weekly shopping. This is different."

"I can tell. I don't see Lucy letting Julia eat so much chocolate and sweets" he chuckled.

"Tonight we are having a movie night, that's why I bought all this. I'm not planning on feeding her just sugar for the whole weekend, I'm not crazy."

"Good to know" Rúben smiled. "What movie are you watching?" he asked while calling for the lift, the shopping bag on his hand.

"Not sure yet. Something from Disney I guess."

"What's your favourite Disney movie?"

"What?"

"Mine is "Aladdin". Love the songs" he said, walking into the lift once the doors had opened.

"I'm not sure about mine" I said, following him. "As a child I loved watching the "Swan Princess", but that isn't Disney."

"I think I've never heard of it before. Is it cartoons?"

"Yep. It is about a princess who is under a spell that turns her into a swan during the day, and at night she goes back into her human self but only if she is on a certain lake and when the moon is shining."

"Do they sing?"

"Oh, yes, they do. They have great songs."

"I'll have to check it out."

"What?" I laughed.

"Don't tell anyone, but I love watching kids' movies."

"Worried your teammates may bully you?" I chuckled as the lift's doors opened at our floor.

"Nah, they already know. By the way, the Emirates was the last place where I expected to see you" Rúben said, walking towards my door.

"Same."

"Lucy hadn't told you?"

"We've never talked about you." Which is true. But mainly because I knew my face would give away that I am very attracted to Rúben. Like, a lot.

"Now that you know... What do you think about it?"

"I don't know" I said, opening the apartment’s door. "It's just a job. A special one, but a job."

"Your opinion about me hasn't changed then?" he asked, following me inside and into the kitchen.

"Why would I change my mind?"

"You know what they say about football players. Just a bunch of idiots that kick a ball, who earn way too much money, who just party and cheat on their wives... Those things."

"I don't know enough about you to judge."

"Then we must do something about that" he said, leaving the shopping bag on the table. "Do you think Julia would mind if I joined you on your movie night?"

"I'm sorry, you want what?"

"It'll be a way to get to know each other a bit better. And I don't have plans tonight, so watching a Disney movie in good company sounds great."

I don't know what happened after that, what I said or did. Probably that yes, that he could come, because I remembered his smile and a "see you tonight." But my brain was stuck on his previous two last sentences.

For some reason, he wanted to get to know me better. Me. And I apparently was good company? He could have said it just about Julia, he clearly adored her. But he wasn't talking about her. We weren't talking about her. So... It was about me, right? I was good company. Did that mean that he was flirting with me? Rúben Dias, Manchester City captain and international player with Portugal, was flirting with me? The piano teacher turned into nanny?

It had been years since a guy had tried to flirt with me, I was very rusty. So maybe he was just being nice and I understood everything wrong. Or maybe not.

Whatever it was, I would be finding out in just a few hours...

#ruben dias #ruben dias fanfic #ruben dias imagine #football fanfic #football imagine

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greg-montgomery · 5 months

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guys i’ve missed you so bad 🥹

these days have been a LOT 😗 that’s why i’ve disappeared.

first of all yesterday was my last day at my old job. i was really emotional but i didn’t cry as much as i expected. i think it’s because it was the right thing to do. i needed to leave that job. and i know i’m not gonna lose these people so there was no need to be sad.

now. tmi <3 i’ve started doing things with that boy 🥹 and was anyone going to tell me that becoming something more with a close friend is this fun???? i feel so comfortable with him. completely myself. i just do or say whatever comes to mind. and he makes me feel…hot. like i’m the most beautiful and hot girl in the world. and we laugh so much…it’s so 🥹 idk. i feel so close to him now. and last night he tried to be inside me and i say tried bc he didn’t even go full in and i started bleeding like crazy. and it hurt a lot? he’s really big so that doesn’t help. but he was super sweet about it and said we’ll make it work so that i’m not in pain. guys i’m really falling for him and i can’t believe i ever thought i didn’t want him.

my grandma is stable! and!! i’m starting my new job on monday <3

things are finally well

ilysm and i miss you 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

#clownery tag

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nattinatalia · 2 years

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Jack Harlow x Reader x daughter Instagram AU

Anon requested their daughter all grown up and in the industry.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Liked by jackharlow, yourusername, urbanwyatt, cozane, claybornharlow, and 8,678,445 others

alizemiaharlow PLL : Original Sin streaming now on HBO Max 💜

View all 1,900 comments

shaymitchell You are your mamas twin, so crazy. Can’t wait to see you do your thing beautiful 💜

yourusername Isn’t it crazy? She used to be Jacks little twin when she was a baby 🥺

alizemiaharlow don’t let dad hear you! he’ll cry

jackharlow You’re still my little twin, love you and I’m so proud of you.

yourusername Sorry bubs, but she’s not 🙊 yesss Mia, we’re so proud of you little lady, you amaze me all the time 💘

alizemiaharlow Love you guys 💜

urbanwyatt Proud of you little one 💜

alizemiaharlow Thank you nino Urb 🥺

claybornharlow That’s my niece!!!!!! Out here taking over!!!!! Congratulations Mia.

alizemiaharlow Thank you uncle Clay-Clay 💜

mamamaggieharlow Proud of you baby girl.

alizemiaharlow Thank you grandma 💜

yourbestiename Mi niña hermosa, orgullosa de ti. The world isn’t ready for Mía Harlow 🤎

alizemiaharlow Gracias tia 🥺

cassiewyatt My baby, so proud of you best friend.

alizemiaharlow 🥺🫶🏻 love youuu Cass

🤎

Liked by urbanwyatt, neelamthadhani, djdrama, yourusername, jackharlow, and 7,689,445 others

alizemiaharlow My EP : TUYA💘 drops tonight!!!! 📸 @ urbanwyatt the only person I trust to take my pictures 💜

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djdrama You don’t waste time kid, reminds me of your father. Finishes one project, and goes for the next one right away.

alizemiaharlow Oh no, don’t say that, he’s been raving about him and the old days all morning.

jackharlow No I have not 😤

yourusername Yes you have 🤪

urbanwyatt Thank you for trusting me on this, proud of you little one.

alizemiaharlow Always, since the day I can remember you’ve been taking my pictures, no way in hell was I going to ask a stranger to shoot my album. It had to be you.

urbanwyatt 🥺🥺 love you

alizemiaharlow Ily2 💜

yourusername Words can’t describe how proud dad and I are of you. You continue to show us what a wonderful young lady you are. We’re lucky and blessed to be your parents.

alizemiaharlow Mom 🥺 you can’t do this to me, especially since you guys are not around right now 🥲 I love you mama 💘

jackharlow Proud of you little princess, always and forever 💜

alizemiaharlow 🥺😩 I love you pops 💘

🤎

Liked by yourusername, alizemiaharlow, urbanwyatt, and 9,678,345 others

jackharlow She’s been in LA for 4 months working on her new series that’s now streaming on HBO MAX, so give that a look. She’s also been working on her EP, that was released last week, so go have a listen, we’ve been missing her like crazy so had to come and visit her during rehearsals. Proud of you little princess 💜

View all 1,900 comments

champagnepapi That’s not Mía is it? 🤯

jackharlow It is 😩

yourusername My little lady 🥺💜 miss you, come home soon, both of you.

alizemiaharlow Te extraño mucho mom, see you soon 💜🥺

urbanwyatt Did you hurt any boys out there? Tell ‘em they can look but they definitely cannot touch.

jackharlow They were too scared to even get close to her and they have to dance together 💀😂😂😂

yourusername JACKMAN!!!!!!!

alizemiaharlow Get him mom!!!!

yourbestiename It was just yesterday when she would be running around “rescuing” all the animals she could get her hands on, and dumping rabbits on EZ 😂😩😩😩 little princess is all grown up, I can’t handle

yourusername Beba I know, I can’t believe my babies aren’t actual babies anymore 🥺🥺🥺

jackharlow We never did get those 8 daughters 😉 👀

yourusername JACKMAN NO, I’m good with the 4 kids we have 💜😂

ezharlow admit it that the twins were the ones who made you not want more, because I’m a total catch and I guess Mia was ok.

yourusername ANGEL EZEQUIEL HARLOW

alizemiaharlow 💀 You better run EZ

jackharlow 😂😂😂

ezharlow The twins are demons, when are you all going to see that. Also, proud of you Mia buggg, fly me out to LA I want to meet girls out there.

cassiewyatt Don’t you have enough girls in KY and ATL? your dick is going to fall off whore.

urbanwyatt CASSANDRA WYATT

yourbestiename 😂 that’s my girl, call him out baby. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, like father and uncle 💀

yourusername 🙄 🤦🏻‍♀️

twin1 EZ you’re annoying

twin2 Should we tell mom and dad what you, Mia, Cassie used to do to us so we could stop crying?

ezharlow I TAKE IT BACK.

alizemiaharlow NOOOOO

cassiewyatt IT WAS EZEQUIELS IDEA!

yourusername I’m afraid to ask

yourbestiename Oh I want to know 😂

jackharlow I think I know 🤔

urbanwyatt Oh we definitely know, y’all ain’t slick like you think you are.

yourusername Well share with the class

urbanwyatt They would wear a clown mask and lock them in the closet and tell them if they didn’t stop crying, the clown was going to get you and Jack 😂😂😂💀

ezharlow 🫣🫣🫣

alizemiaharlow Ezequiel, you still want to come to LA???? Let me fly you out here because I’m scared for you.

ezharlow Yes pls I’m scared too.

yourusername 🤦🏻‍♀️ Jack come get your kids

jackharlow Why are they my kids when they do something bad?

yourusername YOU KNEW! No wonder they don’t like Halloween, my poor babies were getting terrorized by their siblings.

ezharlow I mean they kept crying non stop what was I supposed to do?

alizemiaharlow Not helping dumb ass.

🤎

Liked by jackharlow, yourusername, urbanwyatt, yourbestiename, and 8,677,345 others

alizemiaharlow You were raised by karens, I was raised by ✨JACK AND YN HARLOW✨

View all 1,900 comments

jackharlow 😂💜

yourusername 🥰🥰🥰🥰

ezharlow Ehh they’re ok I guess

ezharlow Kidding!!!!!!! we lucked out with the best parents

alizemiaharlow That we did.

cassiewyatt Damn auntie y/n was and is still a baddie 🔥

yourusername 😝😝 thank you hermosa

jackharlow What about me?

alizemiaharlow I think mom says enough to you, you don’t need us to throw compliments for your ego 🙃🙃 but I love you 💘

yourusername 💀💀💀💀

#instagram au #jack harlow #jack harlow fic #baby harlow #alize mia harlow #ez harlow #cassie wyatt #jack harlow x y/n

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asshlyyyy · 2 years

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Secret Love Affair (Austin!Elvis x Reader)

Description: Reader has been in relation with Elvis for years now, and has finally had enough. They are tired of being left in the shadows and can’t take being away from him any longer.

Author’s Note: I know it’s only been a day since I posted but It feels like forever. I wanted to apologize for that. Though I know I have no reason to. I just had so much stress yesterday and today. Yesterday being my birthday and then my grandma’s birthday party today. I don’t know. I hope you enjoy this. I enjoyed writing it and I cried while writing it so...

Masterlist

Pairing: Austin!Elvis x fem!reader

Warnings: Swearing, somewhat proofread

Word Count: 3.4k

Requests are opened!

You folded the delicate cloth over your arm and let out a breath. You placed the folded piece of clothing into the suitcase and frowned. You were getting tired of these moments. Packing Elvis' bags early in the morning before he even awoke. He would stay for a week and be gone for several months until you would see him again.

You didn't blame him though. He was a superstar. Beloved by millions of fans. You were lucky you were able to spend a week with him. He was basically touring every day and then had to record new music. You missed him dearly during those times... but you weren't exactly alone. He was always around. From the music, you played of his, to the loose clothes he left here on 'accident'.

You didn't know why you still put yourself through this pain. You sighed and shook your head. You knew why you did it. You love him... so so much. Ever since the two of you met... you had fallen head over heels for him. It's been like that for years now. Elvis had his reasons but... you wanted to give up.

You picked up another one of Elvis' shirts and folded it up neatly. You wish you could go back to when you first met. Back to when he stayed with you for a month's time. You two would spend hours at the beach. You would listen to Elvis sing and figure out stuff for his future. You wanted to go back to those days. Not to say you weren't happy now. Every time you saw him, were able to kiss him, touch him, just everything... It made your heart flutter.

"Good morning, sweetheart," Elvis spoke from behind you. He wrapped his arms around you and kissed the side of your head.

"Morning, Elvis." You said with a soft smile. Elvis was quick to realize the sadness in your voice.

"Don' be sad now, I'll be back soon," Elvis said gently. You let out a sigh and turned to look at him. You could see the sad look on his face as well. It was killing him just as much as it did with you.

"I don't know how much longer I can do this, Elvis." You admitted. You thought about having this conversation with him many times, but you've never had the guts to do it.

"What do you mean? Can't do what much longer?" Elvis acted confused. He ran his hands up and down your arms in a comforting manner.

"This Elvis... I can't... I can't wait months just to see you anymore..." You started tearing up more.

"Well- I-" he seemed to be lost for words. He couldn't have felt that this was healthy right? "Well... what... what can I do?"

"I don't think there's anything you can do... I mean... You got married, Elvis... And I'm supposed to just wait for you to decide to visit me?" You whispered gently.

"I want to keep you out of the public eye, darlin'. I- this was workin' what happened?"

"Elvis Presley... I have been your secret girlfriend for years now, way before you met that wife of yours. I tried to understand your side of things but goddamn it Elvis... It seems like you're ashamed of me."

"I'm not ashamed of ya darlin' everything is just crazy. Marriage is good for the public eye-" You shook your head and started to back away from him. He'll get married for the public eye, but won't marry you?

"Elvis..." You turned and looked at him. "I wake up alone all the time. You don't... You have Priscilla at home, and then you have me. I wake up every day and cry. I lay awake at night and cry. I sit at the table and cry. I go to work and cry. And when people ask... Do you know what I say? I say... My boyfriend left me. Every single time. I'm almost thirty Elvis... You're thirty-three... I need to get married. I need to have kids... And.... and you can't give me that... You... You just can't..." You grabbed onto your shirt tightly.

"What- are you...?"

"Yes... I-" you felt your throat start to close up. You looked down at your feet planted on the floor. "I'm breaking up with you... It's... it's for our own good..." your voice cracked.

"Baby no... Baby please." Elvis tried to beg.

"Elvis please..." You shook your head. "Your bag is packed... Just leave..." You couldn’t look at him. You knew if you did, the threatening tears would fall.

You heard Elvis let out a shaky breath. He picked up his bag and slowly but surely… he left. You let out a sob and lowered yourself to the ground. You let your tears go. The tears ran down your face. Your hands gripped your shirt tightly.

All your loving memories that you had with Elvis. They seemed to rerun through your mind as they flushed out of your system. From when you guys talked about marriage… to hell even having a kid. The small dinners you two would have while listening to music. To the soon dance break outs on the living room floor… in the house he bought you.

When you first met Elvis you were living with your sister. Which you had no issue with, but Elvis figured… why not buy you a house? Now, he did it without your permission. He took you there one day on a date… and dropped the keys in your hands. You cried… and then told him you didn’t want it. Then Elvis used that line ‘It’s our house’ on you… and you broke out smiling.

Sure enough, you and Elvis did live there while he was visiting. Which was a lot before he went to serve. When he got back… you didn’t even know. From the colonel making him do stuff, to just being overwhelmed. He didn’t call you till a year afterward… When he mentioned Priscilla. Your heart broke. He swore that it was just to bring up his reputation but it still hurt.

So, he came down and stayed with you for a month. Where you two discussed everything. You trusted him and you went along with it. He promised a life for the two of you in a year or so… boy how wrong was he… he was so so wrong… You didn't know how long you were on the ground. Maybe an hour or so? You just felt so weak... so lonely... You had just broken up with your long-term boyfriend of eleven years. Yeah... Yeah... You were together s but before he hit off, then he went off to serve... Then he came back... then he started starring in movies... Now he wanted to get his music career back on.

When he started getting really into acting… that’s when you started to see him less. The calls were still there but it was nothing compared to being in his arms. You would go out to the cinemas once a new film of his came out. You wanted to still support him in every way possible.

You let out a sigh after awhile and forced yourself to get up off the ground. You walked over to the bedroom where Elvis and yourself had laid just awhile ago. You sat down on the bed and rubbed your eyes. You leaned your side towards the bed and felt your whole body just fall. You just wanted to lay in bed all day... and all night... you would never see Elvis again and it was really affecting you.

Everywhere you look there was a bit of Elvis. Rather it was pictures of the both of you... bits and pieces of left of his jewelry and clothing. Or even just furniture that he picked it for your shared home. It made things much worse for you. Frankly, you didn't know how you were going to move on... Elvis was everywhere in the world. Even when you would be over him... something would pop up with his name.

You stood back up after a while and figured it was best to start cleaning up. You picked up Elvis's loose belongings and put them into a box. You were able to make the bed as well, which was in disarray since you both woke up. You walked over to your windows and pulled the curtains open to reveal the ocean. You smiled gently feeling a bit of happiness, but it wasn't enough to fill your heart open.

Ring... Ring... Ring... Ring

You looked over at the phone that was on the dresser and walked over to it. You picked it up and pressed it up against your ear. Part of you feared that it was Elvis. The other part of you wanted it to be him.

"Hello?" You said in a questioning manner.

"Darlin', I need you to do me a favor," Elvis said from the other end. Of course, it was Elvis. Now... you didn't know how to act.

"Elvis... I told you I was done..." You sighed and felt your body just get lower. You felt all the sadness bottle back up, and you just wanted to curl back up into a ball.

"I need you to turn on the television. Can you do that for me? Chanel twelve okay?" You let out a sigh and just decided to go with it. What harm would it do anyway?

"Fine Elvis..." you mumbled.

"Thank ya, darlin', you... you won't regret it I promise you." Elvis said thankfully.

"Sure..." You mumbled and hung the phone up. You let out a sigh and made your way over to the living room. You went to the television and turned it on. You turned the dial to channel twelve and then plopped down on the couch. You brought your legs up onto the white couch and watched the channel. It was a talk show... of course, it was.

"Now folks, we got ourselves a mighty fine guest. Now, I just want to point out that this is just a surprise for myself as it is for you all. We got the call and of course, we couldn't say no... So, everyone please give a warm welcome to Elvis Presley!" Cheers erupted from the on-site audience as you just ran your finger through your hair. Of course, Elvis was going to be on this particular show. I mean, why else would he tell you to tune in?

“Not that it’s not an honor, Mr. Presley, but what do we owe the honor to... for this wonderful unexpected moment?” The host, Frank, asked Elvis.

“Well, Frank, I wanted to be honest. Come clean.” Elvis spoke as he looked over at Frank.

“Oh? What about?” Frank raised his eyebrow.

“Well, I met this girl back in 1956. I fell head over heels for her. Her name is y/n y/l/n. We’ve been together for eleven years now. Almost twelve… and well… I uh... I messed up. I fucked up… when I came back from serving… well… I was told it would be a heartwarming story if I met someone overseas and got married to them… that was a big mistake…” you looked at Elvis on the screen. It’s like he was feeling what you were feeling.

“There’s no one else that I want to have my last name than Y/n. I want to be her husband. I want to be the father to our children. I love Y/n y/m/n y/l/n. Call me a douche or a dick all ya want, but I’ve never been so sure about anything. Sometimes you just mess up in life... and I made that mistake years ago. I wish I could go back and never have married Priscilla... I should've married Y/n instead.” Elvis admitted. Your eyes had widened at what he was saying.

“What made you come out to say this?” Frank asked Elvis.

“I just got back from seein' her… well… I never left actually uh... I left when she told me to and I went out to get some food and do among other thangs. I was supposed to get on a plane and get back home to Memphis. She wanted to break up… and well… she technically did break... it... off… I’m doin' something… I’m doin' something I should’ve done years ago. I don’ wanna live my life without you Y/n… I’ve made so many fuck up decisions.. and I… I don’ think I would’ve been where I am now without you. God, I love you… I love you. I love you. I love you.” He looked towards you, well technically everyone who was watching, but it was for you.

You wiped the few tears that had fallen down your face and smiled softly. Elvis knew how to fix things. Elvis knew how to make you smile. You were extremely grateful to have him in your life, and yet... you just pushed him out of it. God, maybe you were the one who fucked up... You should've talked to him instead of breaking up with him.

“Baby, sweetheart… I know you can’t answer me… but is it okay if I come back? I mean… I’ll come back either way and hope that you’ll accept me back but… will you take me back?” Elvis asked you.

“Yes, Elvis,” you spoke softly. “I will,” you smiled gently.

“How come you’ve kept her a secret?” Frank then asked. The question everyone was probably wondering.

“Honestly… I thought I knew why… but now I just don’. I guess at first I wanted to keep her out of the public eye. I didn’t want the paparazzi or my fame just getting slapped at her. I wanted to protect her from that. But… it’s become my life and there’s nothing I can do to stop that. I think she figured that out way before I started to make it big... I think she knew what she was going to get into and... I just fucked up." Elvis admitted.

“Did you think she would be upset with it all? Having to be away from you for months, or having the paparazzi asking her questions, taking her pictures.” Frank asked him, just trying to get a better understanding.

“Y/n, is the sweetest gal ya could ever meet. She doesn' get upset much unless it's with me of course. She actually tends to push me to do big things. She’s the one who told me I should follow my heart and get back to music. Put the films behind me. She wants me to do what I love doing, and I want her by my side." Elvis explained as he rubbed his chin.

“You said you wanted to have kids? Right? How would that work with everything? Touring, press matters, being away from home?"

“Uh well… it’s going to be tough… but I want to be there for her. I don’ want to be away for too long... I want to be there for everything. Once the kids get old enough I want to take them with me. Show them what I can do on stage. I would want to be with them all the time."

“So, you like kids?” Frank then asked.

“Huhhuhhh..." he chuckle slightly and clicked his tongue, "I would like Y/n’s and I’s kids.”

“Throwing mix signs there, Elvis.” Frank chuckled lightly.

“Sometimes kids can be the worse thing on earth. I’m sure some parents can agree with that. They yell, they scream, they cry, they beg. The list just goes on and on. But when it comes to it being your own kid… you’ll love them no matter what.” Elvis tried his best to explain it.

“Ain’t that right, hate my son but absolutely love him. Bugger always asking for ice cream. Well Elvis, is there anything else you want to tell us?”

“Uh... well, I’m going to get married to the love of my life.” Elvis pointed out once more with a smile.

“You had it here first, folks. Elvis is in love and out to marry the love of his life. Until next time.” Frank signed off.

You let out a breath and whimpered lightly. You got up and turned off the tv before plopping back down on the couch. You broke out in a huge fit of smiles. You grabbed your pillow and held it close to your body. You knew where the studio was located. It was roughly only twenty to thirty minutes to where you lived. You wouldn't have to wake long... but every second felt like a year to you.

You felt yourself just staring at the clock. You watched the big and small hands move ever so slightly to their final destination around the clock. You were just touring yourself in the end. Watching the clock... For however long it would take Elvis to get here. But before you knew it...

There was a knock on the door and you let out a breath. He was here… he was back… he came back for you. He was finally here. You put the pillow down and rushed up and rushed towards the door. You briefly stopped yourself and fixed your appearance. You took a deep breath and opened the door.

“Hiya, darlin’…” Elvis smiled gently. You smiled back.

“Hi, Elvis,” you said gently. He let out a light sniffle, suggesting that he was teary-eyed, and took one step forward. He wrapped his arms around you and pulled you closer.

“I am so so so fuckin’ sorry, sweetheart,” he kissed the side of your head. You relaxed against him and let out a breath. It felt good being back in his arms. “I love you,” you said and looked up at him.

“I love you too. I love you so goddamn much,” he pressed his lips against yours.

You smiled against his lips and pushed yourself up on your toes. His kisses were always heaven to you. As the two of you pulled away you pulled him in and closed the door. You took his bag and put it off to the side.

“So, Mr. Presley. Is this finally going to become our house?” You asked him, a hopeful smile on your face.

“It was always our house, darlin'. Just took me a little longer to finally move in.” He smiled and pulled you back into his arms. He twirled you around so that your back was against his chest. His fingers lightly rubbed against your stomach gently.

“So… you want to have my kids?” You giggled lightly. You leaned your head against his chest.

“Oh ya know it, mama,” he kissed your cheek a bunch. You giggled a bit more and pushed away his face.

“I have a feeling you have to make a few phone calls first,” you commented and pulled yourself away. He let out a light groan and held onto your hand.

“Do I have to?” He asked with a pouted-out bottom lip.

“Well, after that whole tv show appearance… I would say so,” you handed the phone over to him. He let out a sigh and took the baby blue phone out of your hand.

“Fine, but after these calls, we’re getting married.” He said as he wiggled his finger between the two of you.

“You didn’t even propose?” You said with a confused look.

“Oh… but didn’t I?” He said and pulled a ring out of his pocket. You looked at it and gasped. It was a gorgeous ring, not too big and not too small. You were thankful that Elvis didn't go over the top when picking out a ring for yourself.

“When did you have time to get this?” You asked curiously.

“After you kicked me out, I didn’t go home... which you probably could've guessed. I got into my car and went to the store. Then I went to the station. I also got food at some point during that.” He explained.

“How long was I crying for?” You asked chuckling.

“All that matters... is that I’m finally making this right.” He smiled and kissed you quickly as he slid the ring on your finger.

“Mhm, right,” you smiled and pulled away from him. You picked up his bag and walked back over to your guy’s bedroom. You started to take apart his bag for the last time ever. No more waiting months just to see him. He was here for good. He was... he was going to make this right...

Want to join my Taglist?

Taglist: @mirandastuckinthe80s, @mommy-maia, @yagirlalexx, @slutforblueeyes, @alligator-person, @diorxmimi, @anangelwhodidntfall, @21bruhs, @pumkiinpasties

#austin butler elvis #elvis x reader #elvis imagine #elvis #elvis 2022 #austin butler #austin butler x reader

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shifting-lark · 2 years

Text

Lark's Shifting Experience 6/14/22

Hello shifting friends!!!

So.... I successfully shifted last night.

It was crazy!!! Here is the short version of my experience: (Under Keep Reading I'll be more detailed!!)

Which method?: Lucid Dreaming Method (you get into a lucid dream and create a portal into your DR)

How did you fall asleep? Did you meditate beforehand? See angel numbers? Drink a lot of water? : No!! I didn't do any of that!! I didn't have a huge sign or experience anything unique beforehand. The only thing was when I laid down I said to myself, "I'm gonna shift tonight." and laid in a somewhat starfish position. But I fell asleep so fast I didn't have time to meditate or do affirmations. And then it just happened!!

Which DR did you go to?: I went to my One Piece DR as Lark Normandy!!

How long were you there?: I was only in my DR for what felt like 10 mins and then I woke up.

What happened in your DR?: I was in a dream and realized I was dreaming so I quickly made a portal and jumped through it into my One Piece DR. I opened my eyes and was on a ship with my captain and crewmates and we landed and explored an island.

What happened when you woke up?: I felt totally normal. I didn't think much of my dream until a few moments after I fully woke up I was like "Holy shit. I shifted." Almost didn't believe it and it took me a bit to process!!! (I'm still processing)

Overall: it was a very short experience, but it was incredible!!!!!

Okay so much to tell ahhhh.... I guess I'll start from the beginning!

For starters, I do not actively practice shifting anymore!! I haven't tried to shift for like a month now. I still believe in it and everything it just hasn't been my focus for awhile. (which is totally okay, take shifting breaks, it's good for you /gen) I of course still stay hydrated, I sometimes still meditate to relax myself, and every now and then I see angel numbers, but I haven't been actively trying to shift or anything.

So yesterday (6/13) I binged watched One Piece episodes with my husband and we were talking about it all day and I was watching meme videos about the anime and overall, just did a lot of One Piece related things the whole day. (Ya'll obvi know by now how that anime has me in a fucking chokehold and I'm not even sorry lmao)

Then it was time to go to bed. I was a little high and super relaxed and in a good mood, so when I laid down I randomly had the thought of, "I'm going to shift to One Piece tonight." I laid in a loose/relaxed starfish position but before I could even do any affirmations I passed the fuck out lol

I start dreaming and it's pretty normal, until someone mentions my grandma and I stopped and was like "My grandma is dead. She passed away years ago. Why is she alive now?" And that's when I realized, "Holy shit this is a dream!!!" Without missing a beat, I snapped my fingers and made this glowing white and purple portal. I said, "Here we go!" And YEETED myself through the portal. (I've never jumped so quickly headfirst into something)

When I opened my eyes I was in a row boat with my captain, Luffy, and a few crewmates, Nami and Zoro.

{ I gotta take a pause and say..... ZO R O. Being able to see him. To hear him. To be next to him. I was there. I was RIGHT there. The love of my life was just as handsome in person as he is in the show. Just being next to him was incredible. }

We were sitting in this small row boat and the waves were rough and choppy. Luffy was telling us to hold on as we were heading straight for an island up ahead.

This moment is when it felt so real I can't even properly explain: As the ship was rocking and thunder was roaring, a wave came up and splashed me in the face. It splashed me. And I FELT it. It was real. I was real. The water was real. I remember vividly wiping the water from my face and I felt how cold and wet it was. I can't stress enough how real it was. If you took a glass of water right now and splashed it onto your face, that's what it felt like in that moment. That was when I knew I had successfully shifted. I knew it wasn't just a crazy dream... It. Was. Real.

Afterwards, we finally landed on the island. Zoro and I went to explore through a few caves and were hiding from some monsters/bad guys. It gets a little fuzzy because shortly after I woke up! Like I said, it was a pretty short experience but none-the-less so amazing.

One moment I was Lark exploring an island, and then I blinked and I was back in my normal bed with my cats and husband next to me. It didn't hit me all at once what actually happened. My brain was still processing and questioning it. Was that an actual shift? Was it just a super lucid dream? Did I just make the whole thing up? All these doubts swam through my mind but after about an hour of being awake I stopped and said "Holy shit. I shifted. I actually shifted."

That's really all there is to tell!!! I told Lily about it immediately and then came on here to share with y'all!! I'm definitely gonna be shifting more and practicing different methods again. I have SOO much motivation now it's insane, so I'll keep y'all updated with my journey and whenever I shift again, you'll be the first to know!

Thanks for reading and anyone who hasn't shifted yet, DO NOT GIVE UP!! I started shifting November 2020 and it took me until June 2022 to fully shift. Shifting is real!! It WILL happen to you!! I can't promise when, but it WILL. Don't lose hope!!

All the love ~Lark

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cherryc1nnam0n · 1 year

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Can I request a Loki x plus!size reader. Where Loki and the reader get into a big argument and Loki goes to Stark's party and gets drunk the reader gets dressed up and goes to Stark's party to apologize but when she finds him she sees him kissing some blond model Loki notices and tries to tell the reader that she came on to him but she won't listen so she starts hanging out with bucky and Loki is jealous of course he feels like he is dying inside watching them have fun together but the reader and Bucky are just friends Loki plans a romantic dinner and apologizes to the reader and tells her how much she means to him and proposes the reader says yes. "My gosh sorry this is so long"😑

Hi! Thanks for the request! This is just perfect! I love well prepared and long concepts so don't worry if it's too long!

I can explain! | Avenger!Loki x Plus Size!Reader

Summary: Loki made a mistake and you saw something out of context, but he can definitely explain what happened, right?

Cw: Angst, some humor, mild heartbreak, jealousy, cussing, verbal fighting, fluff and comfort

Loki and Y/n had been together for a long time now, almost 5 years! Ever since he moved to Midgard or well, Earth, he sparked your attention and he immediately fell in love with you, crazy right? A literal god falling in love with you? You're quite pretty, even if you were in the bigger side of body types but who cares? You got Loki and he never failed you, right?

Right?

"I can't believe you did that Loki!" You yelled at him as you two entered your apartment at the tower "You embarrassed me in front of everyone!"

A few minutes ago, Loki had pulled a stunt of his with your family, it was a family dinner and he had the great idea of "having fun" and "lighting up the mood" by making the roast chicken walk all along the table, scaring your family to death almost giving your grandma a heart attack

"Come on love, it was just some fun!" He tried to humor you

"Fun?! You almost kill granny Betty! Do you know how old is she?!"

He rolled his eyes "Darling, just calm down okay-"

"No! I won't forgive this one! I don't want to see you!" You stormed into your room while he plopped down on the sofa

"Damn it..."

The next day... Or well night-

Loki was getting ready for Tony's party, it was really important and big, lots of people would be there and he wanted you to go

"Honey? Are you going with me?" He asked knocking on your door

"No! Go away!" You yelled

"Fine... I'll miss you..."

With that he left, you stayed in bed, feeling anger bubble in you from yesterday, how dare he just leave? He's supossed to stay here and ask you if you're okay and you'll say yes but you're actually not okay, so he will then keep asking and you'll grow more angry and-

"Fuck it!" You said standing up and throwing on some random clothes, going to the bar and general area where Tony would have his party

You walked through the crowds of people, trying to find Loki, wanting to apologize for your tantrums and to have a great time with him

But why is his tongue down a blonde's throat?

Wait what?!

"LOKI!" You yelled, he ripped the girl off of him but before he could talk you ran away

So much for an apology...

"Honey wait! I can explain!"

"Yeah right! That's what they all say!"

"No really! She came on me! It was her I didn't want her to kiss me! Honey I love you!" He tries to reason but you just kept walking "Damn it!" He had a seidr outburst making the furniture fly away and the stereo break "Shit, sorry!" He teleported away before Tony could yell at him

Days later... Women am I right?

You had been distant from Loki, he had fucked up twice and you were done with it, not quite breaking up with him but almost, just keeping your distance

And on these days, you were getting closer with Bucky, who only wanted to be friends with you, nothing more, but to Loki it seemed like something else, you talking with that metal man was boiling his blood so he planned something mischievous

That night... Damn this is long just kiss already-

Loki of course, couldn't talk to you, you would immediately run off or smack him... And run off

So he sent himself, as a cat... Genius right? Nothing could go wrong with tha-

"Shoo!" You said chasing Lokitty with a water spray, he hissed running away

Okay maybe not as a cat? Maybe a bird?

"Awwwwe, aren't you so cute?" You said as a beautiful green bird came onto your balcony and sat on the railing "So cute..." You said petting it

He knew this would work, so he gave in, but suddenly he was locked in a cage

"Too cute not to keep, I always say that"

"Damnit!" He yelled, now he could not get out "Y/n!" He yelled

You quickly came into the room, the bird was yelling for you?!

"Loki! You damned god!"

"Okay listen before you throw me out, I'm sorry okay? I was trying to just, get to you, forgive me my darling, I just wish to get peace between us, allow me to invite you to a nice dinner tonight, please?"

You thought for a moment, before giving in "Fine... I'll go with you... I guess..." You walked away

"Thank you darling.... Darling?... I'm still locked in here... Y/n!"

After Loki somehow got out of the cage...

He was nervous, this night was too important to ruin, nothing could go wrong tonight

When he saw you though, he felt his knees go weak, your dress hugged your voluptuous figure so nicely, and you looked so well with your hair styles like that

"Darling... You look like a goddess..." He said admiring your beauty "Let's go in..."

The table was situated on a nice view of the city, Tony had gotten you guys this restaurant and the table

"So darling... I want to begin saying that, I am so sorry, first for the dinner with your family and then, the party, that girl, she came on me, kissed me out nowhere, I couldn't react on time..."

You just listened to him, nodding

"And I'm sorry... Will you forgive me darling? You know I'm hooked with you, how you say it here, and I'm so in love with you I couldn't picture myself without you..." He stood up, getting on one knee for you "So that's why..."

"Loki..."

"Please darling let me finish I-"

"No Loki you're stepping on my foot"

He quickly stood up, making the food on the table fall and the wine fall on your dress, he cussed and felt like crying

"Damn it! Nothing ever goes how I planned it!"

"Loki calm down..." You giggled "It's okay... Finish your speech honey..."

He got back on one knee, opening the little box to show you en emerald ring on a gold band, you gasped for air, it was gorgeous

"Loki..."

He double checked to see if he wasn't stepping on you again

"Will you marry me?"

You jumped up, tackling him down, kissing his face "YES YES YES!"

He laughed, while sitting back up, placing the ring on your finger, kissing it afterwards "Thank you darling..."

At the end... He could explain...

#loki imagine #loki marvel #loki odison x reader #loki x reader #loki laufeyson #loki x plus size reader #loki x female reader #loki x you #loki (marvel)#loki of asgard #loki x y/n #avenger loki

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biggestsimponhere · 1 year

Text

The requested part two to this :)

The letter part two - Steve Harrington x reader, Angst to fluff, sorry for part one :( it was pretty sad, yes this does have ‘Tis the damn season lyrics in it thank you for noticing.

It’s been two months since you left Hawkins. It’s December now and the kids want you home for Christmas. You let Steve continue to send you messages with the kids letters. You were never going to shut him out completely. You just needed time.

I miss you, please come home - Yours, Steve

I stopped talking to nance for a little, I know it won’t help anything but I know I’m over her - Stevie

I’m glad you’re letting me send these I think I’d go crazy if I couldn’t talk to you ever - Steve

The kids said you were coming home for Christmas? Will I see you? I want to see you, please - Love, Steve

I haven’t stopped thinking about you, I miss you so much, I love you - Steve

Our bed isn’t warm anymore, I can’t sleep either, I’ve slept on the couch most nights, I need you - Stevie

Dear steve,

Yes, I’m coming home for Christmas, as much as I hate to say it. I miss you too. I haven’t slept very well either. I’m sorry for leaving without saying goodbye. It broke my heart as much as it broke yours, to leave the warmest bed I’ve ever known… my grandma keeps asking about you. She said she wants to know about the boy I was with. I really hope you are over Nancy, steve. If you are, and I believe that it’s true, maybe we can be together. But I need you to know how bad you hurt me. I know you probably didn’t want to hurt me but hearing that stung.

I haven’t stopped thinking about you either. I miss you more than I thought I would. In case you haven’t noticed by now your yellow sweatshirt is with me. I would have left it if I was strong enough but I guess I’m not there yet. I probably won’t ever be there. I’ll see you at Christmas Steve. I love you.

- forever yours, y/n

You sent the letter yesterday and haven’t heard from the group since. But they’re probably just busy. You started packing up what you were taking back home. “Honey?” You heard your grandma call from the other room. “Coming grandma!, one second” you shouted back. You walked into the living room where your grandma was sat with cookies. “Tell me about Steve please, you’ve been avoiding it but now you’re going home and I won’t see you for a while” She said patting your hands. “Why don’t you come with me grandma?, you can meet the people who helped raise me, Joyce and hopper basically became my mom and dad after mom died and dad left.” You said grabbing a cookie. “Oh alright, but you have to tell me about him in the car alright?” She said leaving to go pack.

We both finished packing and then left for the drive back to Hawkins. About halfway through the drive your grandma turned back to you. “So tell me about Steve now” She said. “I don’t know what you want me to say” you said, looking over at her. “Tell me about your relationship, were you happy? Was he a good boyfriend? Why’re you staying at my house and not his?” She asked. “Yes I was happy, yes he was a good boyfriend, probably the best a girl could ask for. And I miss him, a lot but following your last question, I’m with you cause he broke my heart” you said as you started to cry again. “Well how’d he do that?” She said, rubbing my shoulder. “He told me I wasn’t his ex” you said through gritted teeth.

“Well I’m sure he doesn’t want his ex now, I saw the notes you hung on your board, they’re cute, he sounds like he really wants you back” She said smiling. “We’re here” you said, as you parked outside of your house. You took your bags and your grandmas bags in before driving over to the Byers. As soon as you knocked on the door and Joyce opened it the kids practically threw themselves on you.

You stumbled back a little. “I missed you all” you said into the hug. “Obviously we missed you too” The kids shout at you. “Can you all move, I missed my best friend” Robin says pushing through the kids. Once she gets to you she throws her arms around you. She then glanced over your shoulder finally registering your grandma. She quickly let you go and went to hug your grandma. “Mrs y/l/n, what are you doing here?” Robin asks as your grandma hugs her back. “Well Robin, y/n suggested I come back to Hawkins with her” Your grandma said laughing. “My turn for hugs now” You heard Eddie shout. “Ed’s!” You said as you wrapped him in a hug.

“I missed you y/n/n” he said as he kissed your forehead. “I missed you too Ed’s” you said holding him tighter. “Can I get a turn, I’m basically her mother” Joyce yelled pushing Eddie aside. Then she pulled you into a very tight bone crushing hug. “Oh I missed you, I missed you, I missed you” she said, kissing your forehead. “Good to see you kid” Hopper said as he wrapped him arms around you and Joyce.

“Missed you too Hop” you said leaning back into the hug. After everyone got there hugs in you pulled away and took in the room. “So where’s Steve?” You asked, finally looking for him. “Well… he hasn’t been coming to group hangouts much anymore” Dustin started, “Yeah, we mostly just send someone every couple days to make sure he’s okay” Robin said quietly. “He hasn’t been hanging out with you guys? Has he been eating? Is he alright?” You asked as you started to freak out. “No he hasn’t been, yes he’s been eating we made sure of that, and he still looks like hell” Eddie finished. “He’s at his house right?” You ask the group. “Yes, he should be, doesn’t really leave anymore” Will said quietly. “Oh god, I need to see him” You said, your heart pounding in your chest. “I told you we’ve been taking care of him” Max pipes up. “Yeah, but I haven’t been here” you said as you started to cry again. “I have to go, grandma please stay, talk to Joyce or something” you said, rushing out the door.

The fifteen minute drive to Steve’s only took ten minutes as you ran lights and stop signs. No one’s even on the road anyway. As soon as you got out of your car you practically ran to the door.

You knocked on it but only heard go away guys in response so you found the key and let yourself in. Steve was on the couch, curled up in a blanket. His eyes were shut so he couldn’t see you. You sighed and he looked up. He did look bad. “Y/n/n? Please tell me you’re real and not my imagination playing tricks on me again” He said, sitting up a little. “I’m real Steve” You said as you walked to crouch in front of him. He threw himself into your arms and started sobbing. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry” he sobbed into your neck. “It’s alright Steve, why haven’t you been taking care of yourself” you ask calmly. “I don’t know, just missed you” He said sniffling.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry I wasn’t here” You said stroking his hair. “S’not your fault, it’s mine, I drove you away, I didn’t mean to, I missed you so much, and I’m over Nancy I promise” he said looking into your eyes. You looked at him for a few minutes before deciding he wasn’t lying. He was looking at you how you always wanted him too. He’s looking at you like you hung the stars and the moon in the sky. He’s looking at you like he’s locked in a cage only you can unlock. You lean in and kiss him, trying to convey everything you’re thinking. “God I missed you” he mumbles against your lips. “I missed you too Stevie, the group misses you too. Will you come with me to the Byers?” You asked, standing up and pulling him with you.

“I’ll follow you wherever you want to go, but can we lay in bed together first, I- I need to hold you” he said, brushing the hair out of your face. “Yeah Stevie we can lay in bed” you said, taking his hand and leading him down the hallway. Everything in the room was a mess except the neatly made bed. You gave him a questioning look and he told you it was in case you came back. You both slid into bed and you let him wrap his arms around you. After a few minutes of listening to him breathing, you fell asleep. He fell asleep soon after. Two hours later you both woke up. That was the best sleep either of you had gotten in the past two months.

“Oh my god, I forgot” You said, darting up. “Forgot what honey?” Steve said, his voice still groggy from sleep. “I left my grandma at the Byers house” you said, grabbing your keys off the nightstand. “Come on Baby, we have to go to the Byers” you said pulling Steve’s hands. He quickly changed and headed out to the car with you. “This is nice, did you get a new car” he said as he got into the passenger seat. “Yeah the money my parents left in my account was unlocked a month after I left” you said, starting the car.

You drove to the Byers house with Steve’s hand in yours. When you got out and went to the door you just opened it. “So I’m assuming you two made up” your grandma said raising her eyebrows. “Yes we made up” you said as Steve wrapped his arms around you, resting his chin on your shoulder. “Good, cause I was getting real sick of taking care of Harrington in case you came back” Eddie said rolling his eyes. “I did tell you guys to leave me alone” Steve mumbled. “Yeah but if we left you alone y/n would have killed us” Dustin said also rolling his eyes. “Anyways, it’s time for a proper introduction, Grandma this is Steve, Steve this is my grandma” You said grabbing Steve’s hand and pulling him over to stop in front of your grandma.

“Hi Mrs y/l/n, it’s a pleasure to meet you” Steve said sticking out his hand. “You too Steve” your grandma said shaking his hand. As soon as Steve looked away from her your grandma mouthed at you ‘you picked a good one’ you just shook your head laughing. “I think we’ve been here long enough” Steve whispered into your ear. “Can I take my girl home please” Steve said a little louder. “Yeah go ahead Harrington, but if you break her heart again, I’ll have to break you” Hopper said glaring at him. “I don’t plan on breaking her heart again sir” Steve said pulling your hand, leading you out the door. “Yeah you better not!” Hopper shouted after you. As soon as the door was shut Steve pulled you in for another kiss. “Come on baby, let’s get home” he said practically dragging you to the car.

As soon as you were home, you two had the best night of your life.

#Steve Harrington #steve harrington fluff #angst to fluff #Steve Harrington angst #steve harrington x you #steve harrington x reader #jim hopper #joyce byers #Robin Buckley #Eddie Munson #dustin henderson #max mayfield #eleven hopper #mike wheeler #el hopper #lucas sinclair #will byers

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timeoverload · 2 months

Text

I didn't want to do anything over the weekend because I was tired. I'm sorry for not posting as much but I just wasn't in the mood to scroll through tumblr or spend hours writing. Honestly I just wanted to play video games because I don't get time to do stuff like that during the week usually. I wanted to continue watching the show I started last Sunday but I didn't end up doing that. I talked to my grandma on the phone for a while yesterday but that almost always makes me depressed because she is so unhappy and I wish I could do more for her. I wish I had the energy to clean but I felt like death but that's nothing new. I don't know if my room will ever be clean again at this rate. I have a hard time living my life mostly in one room. I'm starting to think I need a storage unit for all the shit I'm not using. I really miss having my own walk in closet. Eventually I will get my shit together.

I'm not a fan of Mondays and it was a long day as usual. I was supposed to only have 28 cases but then I had 3 add-ons throughout the day. I had 3 rooms going for a while so that wasn't super fun.

I was trying so hard to be in a good mood. Apparently I wasn't trying hard enough because I had multiple people ask why I was in a bad mood. That just made it worse.

The morning team lead asked me that shortly after he spent like 10 minutes giving me a lecture about training the lady that works at night. He was lecturing me while I was still setting up for the day and he can't keep it short whenever he has a conversation with anyone. I had a lot to do and I was scrambling before he even started to talk to me. He was trying to tell me I needed to come in later on Wednesday and Thursday so I could train but I know that's not going to be necessary because it's not going to take me very long to show her what I need her to do. That's not his decision to make and it will also make it more stressful for me in the morning. He has to repeat himself and talk to me like I don't know how to train people. I had to take a class to do that and I'm still a preceptor even though I don't do it that often anymore because I don't have a ton of patience left for that but it's justified. Unfortunately I had some very bad trainees in the past but that's a long story. I suppose there have been a lot of good ones too so I can't complain too much. Anyway, he and I have been getting along better recently but he still drives me crazy sometimes. I think he scared the 2 new people away with his antics. He loves to talk about how he is against everything being "politically correct". Whenever I hear people say that, it makes me think that they think it should be ok to be a disrespectful asshole without facing any consequences. It pisses me off and I have to bite my tongue a lot.

I was annoyed at lunch because I just wanted to eat and have 30 minutes by myself but that didn't happen. I wanted to sit and eat in the cafeteria because it's a lot easier than trying to eat in the locker room. It was great until that creepy guy showed up and sat down across from me. His shift didn't even start until noon so I don't understand why he showed up so early. He left me alone for a while but he has been trying to talk to me more again and flirt with me in an indirect way so he doesn't get in trouble. He can't seem to take a hint. He also bought me and a couple other single girls chocolate for valentines day. It was weird and of course he didn't get enough for everyone else. Unfortunately he still works up in my department sometimes even though he was supposed to start working in the basement full time in January. I made it a point to let management know that he makes me uncomfortable but nothing has changed. They aren't going to do anything about it unless he does something really bad I guess. I know he has a bad temper and I'm afraid he is going to snap sometime. It makes me uneasy and I need to try harder to stay away from him. I guess I have to start eating lunch in the locker room or in the stairwell again.

I didn't get to leave until 6:30 because I had to wait for the last 2 cases to get done and I had to train. I have a pile of stuff on my station that I'm going to have to sterilize in the morning because I didn't have time to do that. I'm not looking forward to that but I need to stop thinking about work now.

I didn't realize that my next appointment is on a Wednesday again. I'm lucky that I actually have enough PTO this time so I requested the 20th and the 21st off. Hopefully that will get approved.

I was looking forward to sleeping in a little bit Friday morning but that's not going to happen because I have a dentist appointment. I forgot about it. I don't know why I always make such early appointments but I guess it's nice to get it out of the way so I don't worry about it the whole day.

I don't want to do anything right now. It's hard to move. I have to get up and feed the cats soon. I don't think I want to eat dinner tonight because I had too much for lunch and it made me feel gross. I feel like I gained weight over the weekend but I was stress eating so that makes sense. I also didn't go grocery shopping so I don't have much food left. I need to try to relax now and hopefully I can fall asleep at a decent time.

Thanks to everyone that tried to cheer me up today. I hope you all have a great day tomorrow!!! :) 💖💖💖

#personal

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izbelross · 2 years

Text

THE SIGHTER

I'm nervous, this here is a, well is something I have been working on and very afraid to post.

It's my first time writing a ff and actually posting it. And what better starting than a Moonknight fanfic. Relying on my actual hyper-fixation. This is planned to be short and starting with Moonknight series so... be careful if you haven't watched it.

I really like writing, is a personal therapy of mine and after almost a year of learning about my fears I decided to front one... posting.

I would actually love to read what this made you think or feel or... just anything, it would be lovely.

English is not my first language, if I have typos, am sorry, tried to make reader gender neutral, if I missed again, I apologise :D

Words: 3.9 K –I really love writing jejeje–

Pairings: Steven Grant x GN!reader, Marc Spector x GN!reader, Jake Lockley x GN!reader, Arthur Harrow x Platonic!GN!reader, Khonshu x Platonic!GN!reader

Warnings: Spoilers for Moonknight series, angst, mention to mental illness, drama idk, some sparkle of fluff, mentions of death. Khonshu being my little shit of a pigeon.

You have always wondered if you weren't just some crazy ass. If your life wasn't really just an entire hallucination of what was supposed to be a normal person. You had family that loved you but never really understood the way you will look to an specific area because "Mommy, there is a creepy looking dog over there" or "Yesterday a flying snake told me that I'll have a pigeon" or that one that made them definitely scared "Ma fren said that when I die I'll be like him".

You had a very different way of seeing life. It wasn't the usual bland experience but a majestic and incredible surprise. You used to talk to your grandma, even when she had already passed, and she told you to not tell your parents, for they weren't very knowing of this kind of stuff. All your childhood you were surrounded with the colours of peoples feelings in the tip of your tongue. You bonded with animals that often than not had to be kept in the garden meanwhile your parents wondered why they were so attracted to this area. It was as if life was a rainbow which you could experience all on your own with the guidance of your deceased grandma.

But not everything was good. There were shadows as well, shadows that clouded your nights taking away the joy of the day and making you scream until the birds sleeping on the edge of your window started to fly around your house and the wolfs in the distance cried along side you.

Night terrors was what the doctors told your parents. And it was "common" in children. The problem started when you where no longer a child. Every night you had to endure the visits of ghostly shadows without faces that grabbed your arms leaving you thrashing against them with bruises covering your skin in the mornings.

Which brought another problem. Your parents believed that you were hurting yourself. Hallucinating, paranoid. They medicated you, which left you tired and sleepy all the time. They gave you pills after pills, each one with a higher rank until you had to pretend that you couldn't see them anymore, that you couldn't hear them. Only then would they stop giving you such strong pills that left you in a trance of numbness and heart hammering.

You didn't have many friends for those years. Many of them believed you were a freak and the ones that really wanted to hangout with you were never the kind of friendship that last a lifetime. As with your parents...

You preferred to relay in yourself and the counsel of your grandma.

She taught you about the mysticism of people like you both. The Sighters. You had an astral bond with the universe. And even if they didn't seem like magnificent powers like the ones that could cause destruction, it allowed you to help those who needed it. Like the lost souls that sometimes would roam the streets searching for closure from this world. Or for people that had ghosts lurking their backs, trying to have free access to this realm of the living but weren't allowed anymore.

It was all good until your grandmother had to pass to the "Other side" as well. You were wrenched between being selfish by keeping the only one that understood who exactly you were and giving her the peace you knew she deserved. The latter choice was the one that attracted the sight of certain someone to your life.

When you met Arthur Harrow, things in your life were complicated.

You were tired of having to pretend be someone else. After all, you were a Sighter and your power was consuming you every time a denial came out of your mouth for fear of what your friends would think of you, what your parents would make you take this time or how many days will you spend in a hospital now?

You had just escaped your home with nothing more but the hope of finding a new place you could live and be at peace. The bag at your back had only the essentials, money you kept, ID, few coupons for fast food and two sets of clothing.

Totally a mistake of you for having got out at night, the streets as lonely as they could be only echoed your footsteps and even with the narrow light of the lamp posts the dread of being alone started to climb deep in your bones. The heavy clouds announced the coming of rain and stoped the moon light to seep to the street.

When people was behind you their auras used to approach you, hugging your own and acknowledging each other for what you were. Humans. It was a weird sensation that helped you ground yourself on moments of panic, to remind you that after all, you were normal, in a sense, just with a little extra in you.

But these sensation, the coldness and unnatural stillness of it reaching out to you and claim you against your will was the peak of every nightmare.

And it reached out with those anti-natural fingers pressing tight against your leg until it bled. Your scream was agonising and it flew among the shadows of night until it reached Harrow –clothed in his avatar armour– and even Khonshu stoped bickering when the full force of your soul searching refuge reached his undying one.

"ARTHUR, REACH TO THEM. NOW!" He didn't understand the deep uncomfortable feeling that overcame him, memories flooding his mind of old times when priest, priestess searched for his aid and as only payment: unconditional devotion.

When the Ennead stoped caring, the humans were left alone asking them selfs and each other "Where were our gods? Why haven't they answered? Why have they left us?" He can still remember how his devoted were hunted and punished for praying, for waiting for them. For him.

And seeing a Sighter, seeing you without protection, without a guide.

With full speed his avatar jumped over the buildings until your silhouette came into view. The god could not hide the terror on his skin, for there was you, a Sighter, one of the rare who were born under the protection of a god. And your soul was being ripped away by a shadow clad in animal skin. "HURRY!"

You were fighting with all your will to suppress the darkness trying to creep into your eye sockets, your mouth, your nose. The power of fear overcame you and you begged for anyone, anything to help you.

You prayed to anyone who shall listen for help.

And then it happened. No one came to aid: no person, no spirit, no god.

Your power was ripped and your soul split in half.

You realised two things then and there. One, your grandma was right, the power you had was unaltered, raw, savage. It could flow without limit and burn everything on his way. Two, it could drain you to the point of dead.

Golden light enveloped you and the darkness gripping you was not fighting anymore to eat from you but to get away. His touch was cold but you were a constant fountain of warmth.

You carbonised the cutting ice clawing at you from the inside, your screams weren't of terror now but of fury and the air around you burned even when Harrow tried to coax you to stop.

Khonshu marvelled at the sight. As a god of the moon, coldness was his, it enveloped him, nurtured him. And he found himself craving the blinding warmth that for a few seconds surrounded the world.

Your breath became even, the claws not anymore near you, not even existing, and standing there, an astonished Arthur finding in your eyes the same look he once had when Khonshu found him. Horror, pain, confusion.

"SIGHTER." Looking up the god Khonshu was coming your way, empty sockets looking without eyes. He put one knee on the ground and carefully to not spook you anymore, a hand cladded in old wrappings touched your skin. "HELLO LITTLE SIGHTER. DO NOT FRET" His hand was cold and it covered then the top of your head, patting it like one would do a puppy. "WHAT IS YOUR NAME, SIGHTER?" You gave your name and behind him Arthur walked to you, finally showing his face.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, I'm Arthur Harrow." The blue eyes looked at you like you held the answers to the most impossible questions, and the firm shake he gave to your hand was accompanied by a soft smile. You were a shaking mess. "Come with me"

Not even questioning him you followed this man and his god, you didn't have anywhere else to go, no one else who to trust but the aura surrounding him, a beautiful almost imperceptible melon colour told you that he was in pain, he was grieving but the more outstanding shade of mustard yellow gave away the gentleness and caring and safety.

~~🌙~~

Khonshu was watching both of you, still holding hands like your life was depending on it. He followed to Harrow's apartment, he stood alongside you while you ate so fast you almost chocked on the chicken and Arthur had to pour more water on your glass after you drank in two gulps. "You will be safe here"

"Are you- are you like me?" You both were still sitting at the dinner table, heart rate was finally normal, your stomach full and after he talked about mundane things –like how interested he was on science and that he had being learning german for 5 years– you were able to almost feel safe. He was easy to talk to. "You can see Khonshu and you could see the shadow from before."

"It's different for me," you poured a little more coffee on your cup and offered more to Arthur who nodded, grateful. "I'm the avatar of Khonshu, which gives me certain abilities: strength, velocity, awareness, the Sight. You were born with these gifts, for what I see."

"My grandma used to be my guide, she passed away and even then I learned from her." Arthur got up inviting you to the large sofa, he gave you a blanket and sat next to you, hearing everything you wanted to share. "She used to tell me that I could have explosions of temper, powerful but draining,"

"Powerful indeed, it felt like I was touching the sun for a moment." You both let out a lazy laugh. "My condolences. I know how it feels to- to lose someone you love." There was a pause where both of you lingered in the memories of it. "I think your grandma would've been proud of what you did tonight."

A tiny smile was your answer and Arthur chuckled. "Thank you. For- for letting me stay here as well, I know Khonshu is making you and- and I'm really sorry for invading your space-"

"Hey, hey. Stop, please. It's not only him that wants you to stay here. I prefer that you don't go around looking for a place on a doubtful motel. If you need to stay for a while I wouldn't mind and if you wish to go, the door is open. Just- " he laughed lightly when a soft breeze passed by and you looked over to where Khonshu was suddenly perched, you couldn't see his expression but the stillness told you he didn't agree on the options Arthur gave you. "Just be sure to let us now. You can take the spare room, and, yeah... that's it. I should get ready, you go take a nap, it's gonna be daylight soon."

"Thank you again Arthur." You smiled at each other and parted ways.

The room was small and cozy, with a large window illuminated in moonlight. You didn't dare turn on the lights and for the appreciative hum behind you, Khonshu agreed.

"I WILL KEEP YOU SAFE, SIGHTER. THERE'S STILL SO MUCH FOR YOU TO LEARN ABOUT YOURSELF." The god sat in front of the large crystal panels, crosslegged, and the room seemed smaller at his presence, even from his place at the floor.

You were curious– tired but curious. There looking at the way his beak tilt to the side while you carried the sheets from the bed to the floor alongside him, searching comfort from a being so cold, so different from the burn that was still in your chest, you realised that you felt more at ease with this two strangers for the few hours you met them than all the long years with your family.

"I have a lot of questions, but I feel- I can't really- everything is just, this... and-" you sighed.

"THE ANSWERS WILL COME, SIGHTER. WITH TIME, WITH PATIENCE I SHALL ANSWER YOUR QUESTIONS." Khonshu watched as you laid under the comforter and gazed right to the moon. Your tired eyes shined with white light, resembling the way Arthur's would when he summoned the suit.

"I should be panicking," this need to talk overcame you, the need to say it, you were distracted by the chat with Arthur, it helped you get your head back in time, it stopped you from spiralling into an anxiety attack, but you still wanted to, you still needed to talk about it, to know you were not- you weren't- "I should be feeling scared or at least crying. It was the first time I was able to do, well, that I did back there. But I feel..." the tears stung, your throat was closing in a painful knot. "I feel numb, I don't feel my body, is like I am here but I am not here. I can see you, I could see Arthur and I am- I have so-" a sob wracked you body, curling into yourself.

In one night you got away from home, after years of feeling like a monster, of feeling the looks they gave you.

You were attacked and you were terrified. You unlocked an unknown power and saved yourself. You met Arthur, an avatar, with eyes that hide torturous emotions like your own. You met his god Khonshu– that proclaimed his protection over you. You got a place to sleep, you got to eat, to laugh with this man. And you had so much in you, inside, that the tears cascading with no end and the headache pulsing relentless weren't enough to make you feel.

"YOU DON'T HAVE TO OBLIGE YOURSELF TO FEEL EVERYTHING ALL AT ONCE. YOU HAVE LITTLE CAPACITY AS A HUMAN. YOUR BODY IS STILL CATCHING UP TO YOUR BRAIN AND YOUR BRAIN IS IN A RACE TO GET TO THE PRESENT FROM WHAT HAPPENED."

Now, Khonshu wasn't human, he didn't understand the reactions of his own avatar and he couldn't even comprehend for the life of him what was that deep ache that –if he needed air to live– would have constricted his lungs. But weirdly, his cold reasoning and truth tone at talking made wail with more force and without guilt, without telling yourself you shouldn't feel sorry because you already had a roof.

Crying helped you clean your mind, your body was lest stiffen after long minutes of gasping for hair between wrecking sobs and the added weight of Khonshu's hand patting your head while you slipped into unconsciousness took some of the anxiety that got you every night.

~~🌙~~

That first morning you woke up to the smell of bacon and coffee. To the sound of relaxing ambient music and chirping birds. Your soul was sad, still crying without the need to shred tears but by finding yourself on floor with the memories of last night, free of a broken family you smiled.

It was a little smile and more started to come when you found a message from Arthur on the fridge, wishing you good morning, "Guten apetit" and the first gift of many from Khonshu, a moon shaped stone, held in a little crystal ball that hang from a black leader necklace. A protection, for his Sighter.

Soon your live changed, quite literally from night to morning, and you couldn't be more grateful for that fate.

Khonshu helped you with the soul call of the universe, the shadows lurking your way, the night terrors. For five years he taught you the way of the Sighters, to protect, to defend, to attack. And Arthur, your new found friend, showed you how to fight without your Sight.

For five years you had Khonshu, an asshole that protected you and taught you how to protect. And you had Arthur, your confident, your friend, your family who taught you how to defend yourself without magic, without immortality, with the fear of dying that kept every human alive on impossible situations. You learned how to science as well.

Maybe that's why it hurt so much when Arthur betrayed Khonshu and by consequence, betrayed you.

You had everything you never had, for those five years you learned what having a family felt like, and you learned that even the most perfect ones could be the more hurting ones.

~~🌙~~

The pain of that betrayal didn't waver, it didn't only affect Arthur and Khonshu's relationship, but yours and Khonshu's as well.

You believed that something had happened, something that made him get a so radical change of mind.

"You have to help him Khonshu! He isn't himself, I know it!" By this time, you were sure Arthur's neighbours were wondering calling or not to the police. You couldn't care less anyways.

"HE HAS CHOSEN A PATH, HE MADE THAT CHOICE SO HE WILL SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES. AND YOU HAVE TO MAKE UP YOUR MIND WITH IT. I WILL NOT WASTE MY TIME ON HIM MY LITTLE SIGHTER, AND YOU SHALL NOT EITHER."

It had been like these since Arthur had gone out of that palace. It was so sudden, the way he talked, the way he walked. The simple job of justice was perfectly performed by him, as always and Khonshu was satisfied, or the most satisfied he could get. You were waiting at hotel room, after having done your own work. Helping the lost souls to find the path, helping the living ones to understand that same path. A group of extremists had got to you though, you had a few bruises and sore arm muscles but out of it, nothing a bubble bath and pain killers didn't heal.

At the hotel room he had a dry humour and the worst happened in the morning. Khonshu went away, he often left you both for short in the mornings and came back in middle afternoon, and so, Arthur got his chance. Started telling you about the justice, so passionately that his eyes looked maddening and when you started to joke he snapped.

One minute, breakfast in the balcony with a man you trusted, friend of years, the next you were in front of a stranger that held a cane from an old goddess, one that you recall, was the devourer of hearts. A chill swept your back when he asked for your hands, when you didn't give them willingly he took them with a harsh grip, forcing the cane on your wrists. To say that you kicked him, he kicked back and the fight finished with you running on a frenzy to the airport and him screaming your name on the crowded Egyptian streets.

"If you don't help him then I fucking will!" The desperation clouded your senses, you'll do anything for not letting go, you couldn't, why would someone give up something so beautiful? "He is my family, he needs me Khonshu and I'm not giving up on him," your voice was strained, between screaming and crying your vocal chords were suffering a great deal.

"HE IS NOT YOUR FAMILY." You stoped mid track packing your clothes. "YOUR FAMILY ABANDONED YOU, HE IS NOT BUT MY AVATAR AND YOU SHOULD UNDERSTAND THAT." Honestly, if he had just stabbed you with his centre the pain would have been less. Your heart clenched so painfully that the little mental awareness left in you wasn't enough to understand his next words. "YOU WILL NOT SEARCH FOR HIM, NOT IF I CAN HELP IT."

Yes, it hurt. Like a limb being sliced from you, suddenly the ground beneath you, your own gravity centre changed, your power changed. The utopia of a bubble of familial love fade away with the memory of Arthur Harrow at the same time that Khonshu prayed the god Dolos and put you to sleep.

~~🌙~~

"Ah, yes, Annubis, god of the embalming and the death, a very important and praised god until, well- heh, Osiris. Quite a family, 'innit?" You looked at the man that appeared out of nowhere, startling you a little. Now, you had the fucking Sight, but not even that was able to distract you from the soft, nervous smile under big brown eyes.

You might have seem like a fish out of water but who could blame you, this man just talked and it was like the lights around were brighter than ever, like the holes in your incomplete memories weren't important anymore. "I- yeah, yes. They should probably take a few holidays, can't imagine what thousands of years can do to someone relationships." He chuckled with your answer, his hand playing with the zipper of his jacket. Holy shit, he's cute.

"Although it was almost endearing, how he accepted his new position, Anubis, I mean... " you stared at him meanwhile he talked about the entire myth of Isis and Osiris love, Anubis and his supposed brother Horus and the why yes he might be, no, that might not be, but... a soothing voice he had, with a so heavy accent that had you wondering how could you have lived without it? "... which is a little funny 'cause he ended up embalming Osiris himself, don't ya think? Oh, I- I'm sorry I- I tend to ramble a lot, I- didn't-"

"Well thanks to the very renew Osiris and Horus, even Set myths now we have Anubis to take care of the embalming and those who are transitioning. Pretty funny as you say but in a way, like any belief, unstoppable."His mouth hanged open at your answer. You were listening, of course you were. You used to serve Khonshu, you used to... pray to him. And Egyptology was one of the most interesting subjects you could ever stood by, even before being catalog a former Sighter. And hearing someone like him, a pretty yet handsome man that was passionate about Egypt, that looked at you like you were a wonder and a full smile making his eyes shine Oh so bright, so fucking pretty.

You introduced yourself, shaking his clammy hand and with a smile as big as his. It was almost impossible to your heart not to flutter with his nervous chuckle.

"I'm Steven Grant, it's a really- real pleasure to meet you." By now you were only holding hands and you couldn't care less if it was awkward. His smile impossible to fade, your cheeks hurting of the same problem.

"Oh no, believe me, the pleasure is all mine."

If you were being honest, this was by far the best moment of your day. And you didn't know but, Steven with tired eyes and a hopeful gaze still in you couldn't agree more.

Again, I'm sorry for any mistakes 😅

I really liked writing this and finally making a move around my new Moonknight obsession 🌙✨🥰

#steven grant x reader #jake lockley x reader #marc spector x reader #moon knight #moonknight fic #arthur harrow #khonshu #khonshu x reader

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simplywrong · 10 months

Text

Tagged by the amazing @formula-red , THANK YOU JD <33333 Get to know your moots q&a

Are you named after anyone? Not that I know of, my name has meaning but I only learned about it in middleschool, i think my parents just liked the sound of it (and they did it kind of to annoy my grandmas who were pushing them to choose different name, so hey, I'm all for the pettines)

When was the last time you cried? yesterday? Yesterday? Or today? It was at night and I didn't check the time, what can I say, uni is killing me and it's winning

Do you have kids? No and probably won't ever

Do you use sarcasm a lot? Yes, it helps to survive here (my country is kind of know for dry humour so yeah, it's a plus)

What sports do you play/have you played? In school it was lots: volleyball, football, basketball, ball hockey and horse ridding (does that count?). Now I only do some jogging and horse ridding whenever I can.

What's the first thing you notice about other people? Eyes and the way they move when talking, it's weird but it helps me understand (though I hate eye contact and can't hold it for long)

Scary movies or happy ending? Neither, are bittersweet endings a thing?

Any special talents? I can roll my tongue and make my eyes a bit wider (as in pupils), oh and I can make some animal sounds (birds and stuff), nothing else, I'm pretty boring

Where were you born? Don't know if I want to say, I usually get judged by that so I'm just gonna say Europe

What are your hobbies? F1, volleyball, horse ridding, computer games (RDR2 and AC series are my favourites), history and reading <3

Do you have any pets? Yup! One crazy gremlin rat (a dog) called Ozzi <3 He's at home with my parents while I'm at uni and I miss him so much

How tall are you? I don't really know but I guess around 168/9 cm = 5.5 ft

Fave subject in school? In school that would be history, literature and PE, I always loved chemistry too, and now at uni it would be history and literature again (but about Japan) and probably english (or professor is hilarious)

Dream job? I honestly have no idea, maybe something to do with animals? I would like to try myself in the translator patch but I'm to awkward in talking to people. I would like to do something more than office job but I guess that's what i'll end up doing (not that there's anything wrong about working in office, it's just not my dream).

Eye colour? Okay, hear me out - weird. I have thin yellow rings around my pupils and dark (almost black) rings on the outer part of the iris, and in between I have a weird mix of blue/grey/green that changes acording to season (in summer it's mostly blue and it gets darker as the year goes by)

Don't know who to tag that wasn't tagged already so whoever feel like it can joing <333

#formula red/jd asks 🎸#thank you ❤️#tag game <3

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purplesong1028 · 2 years

Text

A Forest Tale

Chapter 2: Wine and Dine

Rating: General Audience

Paring: Chepe/Pacho

Words: 3,872

Fantasy, AU, !Fox Pacho, !Shapeshifter Pacho

The next day, Chepe wakes up in the morning when sunlight shines through the thin slit between his curtains. He takes a shower, brushes his teeth, and gets dressed as usual. As he walks out of his bedroom, he almost believes yesterday was nothing but a crazy dream. There’s no monster, no magic, life still makes sense, and he’ll see the fox lounging by the couch under the sunshine as usual.

But it wasn’t a dream.

He sees the fox, no, Pacho apparently, sitting by the dining table, slowly sipping a cup of coffee as the maid stands next to him with a confused expression.

Fuck, he better didn’t do anything too weird.

“Buenos Días Carmen!” Chepe greets her cheerfully, playing it casual. “I see you’ve met our guest?”

“Sí señor.” Carmen smiles apologetically, shaking her head a little. “I must have been tired recently. I don’t even remember when Mr. Herrera came.”

“Really? Shit, are you getting old or what, darling?” He laughs it off, giving her a hug from the side. Carmen is a very nice woman and she really doesn’t deserve this. “Well, how about you take today off and have some rest? We’re going out later anyway.”

“No señor, that’s not necessary…”

“Hey, I insist, hm?” Chepe gives her a friendly wink. On the back of his mind, he realizes he’ll also have to make up some cover story for the fox’s disappearance. He’ll just pretend it’s missing and tell the guys to look for it later. He pays them enough for an occasional useless task.

Carmen nods and walks away, obeying his order, but not before bringing plates of breakfast from the kitchen for both of them. Once they’re completely alone, Chepe finally addresses the huge problem in front of him.

“So, still human, huh?”

“As long as I want to be.” Pacho shrugs a little, looking down at the cup of coffee in his hands. “This tastes terrible. Do humans really like it?”

“Well, many of us don’t drink it for the taste. It helps us to stay awake.” Chepe smiles a little, amused by the innocence. “What do you like to eat then? Or do you eat at all?”

“I don’t need to. I get my energy in other ways, but I’d like to try what you eat.”

Honestly, Chepe is quite curious about how exactly they get their energy, but right now, he has an idea for something far more interesting. “So you’ve never eaten any human food before at all, yeah?”

“No.”

“Wait wait…” He moves the plate away as Pacho is about to cut the sunny side up eggs with a fork. “No, you’re not going to have your first human meal like that.”

“Why not? It’s what you’re having.”

“It’s good, but you can have it any day, alright?” He gets up and walks into the kitchen, grabbing an apron.

“Look, Gilberto and I have been trying to settle this shit for decades. His grandma had a recipe for huevos pericos, and my grandma had hers. Since you haven’t tried any food at all, you’ve got no preference, no bias! You’re telling me today, whose recipe is better, got it?”

“I guess?” Pacho follows him into the kitchen, curiously touching the wares. “Is that important?”

“Oh trust me, it’s very important.”

“I see. I do hear people are very particular with their food.”

It’s by no means a complicated dish, probably one of the first things Chepe learnt to cook, but as Pacho leans on the counter, watching him intensely as he takes out a few eggs and tomatoes from the fridge, he’s suddenly overtaken by a great urge to show off. Damn, now he wishes he had picked something more difficult to make.

He cracks the eggs, and dices the tomatoes more quickly than needed. But what really catches Pacho’s attention seems to be the stove.

“Humans invented fire, right? After that, they could eat cooked meat, which made them get sick less often.”

Chepe pours the tomato chunks into the frying pan, mixing them with the scrambled eggs. “Yeah! But where the hell did you learn all that?”

“As I said, I’ve been listening to humans talking for over 500 years. You people talk all the time about random stuff.” Pacho shrugs, moving closer. “Smells really good, whose recipe is this?”

“Well, this part is actually the same, seasoning is what makes all the difference.”

“Seasoning?”

“Yeah, like the stuff we put in our food, to make it more flavorful?” Chepe picks up the salt. “Ever heard of this? Salt? or sugar?”

“I know sugar is the sweet one.”

“That’s right! And salt is the…salty one, guess that doesn’t really help.” Chepe snorts, sliding the salt across the counter to Pacho’s direction. “Feel free to taste it, just a little though. It doesn’t taste that good on its own”

From his side vision, he watches Pacho lightly touch the salt with his fingertips, and then licks them. Chepe can’t help but notice how pink his tongue is.

“You’re right, this doesn’t taste good at all. You put it in your food?”

“Yup! That’s one of our magics, you know?” He grabs a plate from the cabinet. “Alright, this is Gilberto’s, but don’t try it yet. You need to wait for both to be ready.”

Pacho takes the finished plate of food from him. “Is there anything I can do?”

“No! You don’t even know what salt is!” Chepe laughs out. He hasn’t felt such pure joy in a long time. It’s not that he doesn’t enjoy his life, but there is something special about a completely naive person, not in a bad way, like a clean sheet of white paper, ready to be written however he wants.

Maybe that’s one of the reasons people want to have children? But then he remembers this motherfucker has lived for over 500 years, and that knowledge suddenly becomes more disturbing than ever. He quickly shakes it out of his mind, and goes back to his own recipe.

By the time Chepe pours the second huevos pericos onto the plate, Pacho’s already sitting by the dining table again, twirling a fork between his long fingers. The movements are visibly faster and more complicated than any regular human's. Maybe only a magician can compare.

“Are you always that fast with your hands?”

“I’m just faster than humans.” Pacho brings the fork to a prompt stop with his thumb and index finger. “Stronger too, I think.”

“Yeah yeah, we get it, Superman. What else? You can’t get hurt?”

“I can, just not easily. What’s Superman?”

“…Never mind,” Chepe places the second plate in front of him, really doesn’t want to get into American comics, which he doesn’t even know that much about, “just try the food.”

Pacho looks down at the two almost identical plates, and sticks his fork into one. He takes a sweet long time chewing the food before he swallows, and then does the same with the other one.

“So?” Chepe asks, actually getting a little bit nervous with all the expectation and suspense. Well, he’s not ashamed. This is about his abuela’s honor.

Pacho glaces at the plates again, and then looks back up at him with a smile. “I think yours is better.”

“I knew it!” Chepe laughs out wholeheartedly. “Fuck, I wish I could tell Gilberto right to his face, but then I’d have to tell him about you!”

“I’d prefer if you don’t? At least not for now.”

“I’m not.” Chepe waves him off. “No one’s going to believe it anyway. They’d think I’ve gone mad.”

“I saw Gilberto and Miguel, from your memories. I know you’re very close.” Pacho quickly eats up the food, clearly enjoying this new found activity, yet somehow his manners are still quite elegant. “Remember that time when you had a very nice dream on a couch?”

“Huh, so that was you.” The words came out a little harsher than he intended. But really, who can blame him? Hearing someone admitting literally going into your dreams is not a pleasant feeling at all.

“Yes, but I didn’t cause any harm, I just wanted to…”

“No, you need to get this.” Chepe interrupts him. “You didn’t cause any physical harm, but going into my brain without my permission? That’s a big no.”

“I won’t do it again if it bothers you.” Pacho shrugs, finishing up a plate. “I just wanted to know you.”

“Ok?” Chepe leans back into his chair, now feeling a little curious. “Then tell me, what did you find out? What do you think you know about me?”

“I only looked for good memories. They just seem like…” Pacho makes a vague gesture like he’s trying to find the right words, an incredibly vivid human behavior. “You are the happiest when you’re around a few people you really like.”

Chepe doesn’t know what changed on his face, but something must have betrayed him, because Pacho immediately adds more explanations.

“Or love, maybe. Whatever that means for humans.”

“Love?” Chepe snorts, “for God’s sake, your second day of being a human, and you’re talking about love.”

“I know it’s one of the most powerful human emotions.” Pacho stares into his eyes. It doesn’t have the overbearing power like yesterday, but the unmasked inquisiveness and enthusiasm almost carry magic on their own. “I wonder what it’s like.”

“Well, no one can help you with that.” Chepe takes a sip of coffee to hide the uneasiness in his chest. He feels dangerously exposed, and rightfully so, who wouldn’t in front of this brain-reading monster? But there’s also something else, something more unnerving that he can’t even identify.

“You can only find out about love on your own.”

To Chepe’s favor, that brief talk of love seems to get the new human into some deep thoughts, so they finish the rest of their breakfast more or less in silence.

“Yesterday you said you would use your magic to help me, when I need it, right?” He speaks again as Pacho finishes both huevos pericos.

“Yeah, what do you want me to do?” Pacho says that in such a casual manner, as if he would happily do anything he’s asked.

“Let’s take a little trip. You’ll see when you get there.” Chepe gets up, walking across the large dining room into the long corridor leading to the main living room, which is connected to the front entrance.

“Buenos días, patrón.” The two guards standing by the door greet him politely.

“Buenos días. I couldn’t find that fox earlier. We need to go take care of some business, can you guys look for it?”

“Sí, patrón. Claro.”

Pacho shoots him a confused glance at first, but it soon turns into a knowing smirk.

“That was clever.”

“Didn’t have a choice, did I?” Chepe unlocks one of his humble cars, a Chevrolet Blazer.

“I’ve seen those on the streets, but never been in one.” Pacho carefully runs his fingertips along the car, like appreciating an artwork. “They changed a lot over the years, right? At first you people used horses to drag it, and then it turned into a machine, and the machine became faster and faster.”

“Sure, that’s a nice way to sum it up.” Chepe chuckles, and gestures at the passenger seat. “Come, get in! I’ll show you how fast it can go.”

Pacho picks up a jacket from the seat before getting in. “Is this supposed to be here?”

“Oh, you can just throw that on the backseat.” Chepe turns the key, and then seeing his denim jacket, he suddenly realizes something that never crossed his mind before.

“Look, don’t take this the wrong way, but why do you have clothes on? You didn’t have any when you were a fox, so where the fuck did the clothes come from?”

“I don’t.” Pacho settles in comfortably, now studying the dashboard. “It’s an illusion.”

“It’s a…” Chepe’s stunned speechless, which at this point isn’t rare anymore, but still, this one fucking hits differently. “Let me get this straight. You’re sitting in my car naked?!”

“Yeah, technically.”

“And if someone touches you…” Chepe slightly leans backwards, physically distancing himself from the possibility. “What would they feel?”

“They’ll feel the clothes, not my skin. Illusion isn’t just about sight.” Pacho finally turns away from the dashboard and shifts his attention back to Chepe. “Is this a problem? I created the illusion because I thought being naked was rude for humans.”

“Yeah, keep it! Please!” Chepe puts a hand up, genuinely worried that this asshole will just drop the illusion. Then he lets out a long sigh, and runs the hand down his face. “Alright, change of plan. Let’s go get you some real fucking clothes first.”

At first, Chepe wanted to go straight to his regular store, just for some casual shirts and jeans, any clothes at all would do. But as they come to a red light, he looks at his new houseguest— really takes a serious look, and he can’t deny that Pacho’s human form is incredibly good-looking. Sunlight shines through the side window, emphasizing the nice angles of his well-defined facial bone structure. Even in a fake plain red shirt and black pants, this guy could easily be a model on the cover of a magazine.

The light turns green, and Chepe takes a U turn.

“Were we going the wrong way?”

“No, just changed my mind.”

This high-end designer tailor shop is really more of Gilberto’s thing. Chepe only comes here when he needs really nice clothes for special occasions. Well, what occasion could possibly be more special than buying clothes for a 500 year old shape-shifting, mind-reading monster?

“Don Chepe!” The owner comes out with the biggest smile, welcoming them into the office. What’s his name again? Ronaldo? No, Roberto. “Come on in, please! I didn’t know you were coming. I would have cleared the store.”

“No, that’s ok.” His first intention is to dismiss it, but then he looks over at Pacho, who’s obviously never been to a clothing store, or any store before. “Actually, yes, some privacy would be nice.”

“Of course, just give me a few minutes. I’ll be right back. Melissa will be happy to serve you a drink.” Roberto gestures to his pretty secretary.

“That’s alright, thank you. We can pour our own drinks.”

“Oh, ok um…we’ll be right back then.” Roberto taps Melissa on the shoulder and leads her out of the office.

“Don’t do anything too weird, alright?” Once they’re alone, he turns to Pacho, who’s feeling the leather on the armchair. “Gilberto would not be happy if I had to kill the owner of his favorite store.”

“Kill him? Why?”

Chepe simply stares at him with a blank expression.

“Oh, you meant if he finds out? You don’t need to kill him for that. He’s just one person. I can make him forget, or make him think he’s dreaming.”

“Yeah I get it, you can fucking do anything, but let’s try to avoid that, ok? Just…” Chepe takes a deep breath out of frustration. “Just don’t do or say anything that a human can’t.”

“Sure, no problem.” Pacho answers with ease, and Chepe can just tell that he’s distracted with the decanter on the table.

“Hey, I’m talking to you!” He snaps his fingers. “Seriously, don’t be weird, understand? Oh! And don’t get naked outside of fitting rooms!”

“Fitting rooms?”

Chepe covers his face with both hands. Fuck, he’s gonna have to kill Roberto later…

“Did I upset you?”

“Upset? No.” That’s not a lie. Upset really isn’t the right word, but he doesn’t know what the right word is, if there is even a right word to describe whatever he got himself into.

“When people say drink, they mean that, right?” Pacho points at the decanter. “Alcohol?”

“Not always.” Chepe answers with a flat tone, practically given up at this point. “But yeah, we meant alcohol earlier.”

“Can I try some?”

He’s not sure why Pacho’s asking him for permission, since the drink isn’t his. “I don’t know if this one’s good. If you want to try alcohol, I’ll let you have some of mine later.”

“Great! Looking forward to it.” With that, Pacho goes back to being curious about everything else in the room, and Chepe just hopes he won’t have to answer any precise questions about tailoring or fashion.

“Gentlemen, sorry for the wait.” Thank God Roberto comes back in time.

“Are we ready?”

“Yes!” Chepe gets up from the leather armchair, and walks out of the office faster than he once left the police station. “My friend here is just looking to grab a few things. We don’t need tailoring today.”

The quicker they get done, the less room for error.

“Oh, I can certainly find quite a few options for this handsome gentleman.” Roberto briefly eyes Pacho up and down, then leads him to an area of shirts. “We can start here if that’s alright with you? What are you looking for today? Formal? Casual?”

Chepe is about to cut in, but Pacho actually doesn’t seem to need any help. “I’m still deciding. Why don’t you show me what you have first?”

“Of course. So over here, these are our best dress shirts. Whichever ones you pick, we can tailor them for you, but you might not even need any adjustment.” Roberto gives Pacho’s upper body another long glance, professional yet appreciative. “Your measurements should fit right into the samples.”

“How about this one?” Pacho stops in front of a golden shirt with colorful patterns. “This feels very nice.”

“Ah yes! This is 100% silk imported straight from China, and made by our Italian designers.”

“Silk?”

“Si señor. I guarantee it’s pure, high-quality silk. It’s so smooth that it will barely feel like another layer on your skin.” Roberto gestures at the fitting room. “Here, would you like to try it on?”

“Fitting room, I see…” Pacho looks at Chepe with a subtle knowing look, and he returns it with a small nod. Great, as long as no one gets naked in public.

“Yeah, I can try it on. Do you have anything else similar?”

“Certainly! Please follow me this way.”

They walk together to another area, just like a regular business owner and a customer, not suspicious or weird at all to any random bystander. Chepe smiles and shakes his head. Well, maybe he worried a bit too much, and that’s funny, cause it’s not like him at all.

“Sir, would you like to come along?” Melissa’s gentle voice pulls him away from his thoughts.

From here, he can still vaguely hear Roberto passionately unloading all his fashion knowledge onto Pacho— probably the only client who cares enough to listen to all that.

“No, I’m good. Maybe you can bring me that drink now, hm?” He smiles at Melissa with a little wink, and enjoys her little blush as she nods and walks away.

Talking to a pretty girl over a drink is always nice, but it gets less nice when it lasts over 30 minutes. Usually something else would have happened within 30 minutes, for better or worse, but right now he can neither take her home or walk away. He’s stuck here while a magical creature is enjoying the first ever shopping spree.

Chepe is just about to go check on things when he sees Pacho walking over to him. The store has an expensive marble floor, and at this moment it looks like a runway, not that he’s ever been to a fashion show, but it can’t be better than this, at least not with male models.

Pacho’s shirt is a blatant neon pink, or hot pink, either way it’s a color that Chepe would never consider on clothes, but it goes inexplicably well with Pacho’s tanned skin, and the subtle patterns made with thin golden threads bring out his brown eyes. The blazer and pants are a lot simpler, both plain light beige, fitting perfectly on his shoulders and hip. All three pieces are silk, which would probably look silly or pretentious on anyone else, but right now, it shows nothing but elegance and charm.

“Wow, that is…” Melissa ends up speaking before he does. “Sir, you look absolutely incredible.”

Chepe looks at her, the woman who’s been flirting with him for half an hour, now staring at Pacho like a starstruck schoolgirl that just met her favorite rockstar. Normally, he would have felt somewhat frustrated, but in this case he honestly can’t even blame her.

“So? What do you think?” Pacho asks him, but not really asking, more like a way to fish for his compliments.

Chepe throws an arm into the air. “I think the lady just spoke for all of us.”

“Great! I’ll get these ones then.”

“Wait, just these?” Chepe says incredulously, almost feeling a little offended. “Man you’ve been in there forever, and this is all you’re getting?”

“What’s the problem? This is the best one.”

“If you’re planning to stay here for a long time, you’ll need more than one shirt, jacket and pants, right?”

Pacho gives him a confused look, and at this point, he knows this is when a question is coming, so he waves Roberto over, promptly ending the conversation before Pacho could say something like why would I need more than one shirt.

“We’ll just take everything he tried. Thanks.”

“Of course! We’ll get them ready for you right away.”

The employees offer to put the dozen bags in his car, but Chepe declines. Letting random people get inside his car is never a good idea, however harmless they might seem. Pacho also doesn’t want any help; in fact he seems to really enjoy carrying each bag himself.

“We’ve known each other for a long time, yeah? So you know how it is.” Chepe leaves a final comment to Roberto as he’s paying the multi thousand dollar bill. “No one else needs to know anything.”

Thinking back, that really wasn’t a smart move. But at the moment, he was too concerned about anyone finding out about what Pacho is, that he completely didn’t realize there was a whole other way to interpret the situation.

“Sí, claro.” Roberto slowly, carefully looks between him and Pacho. “tus secretos están seguros conmigo, Don Chepe.”

Pacho doesn’t stop touching his new clothes on their way back.

“This texture, silk? How is it so smooth?”

“Funny that you asked. It actually comes from an animal. We just call them silkworms.”

“Really? Humans just know all the ways to use us, right?”

He turns to look at Pacho, expecting to see some bitterness or anger, but there’s nothing besides simple curiosity.

“Just look at those.” Pacho stares at the skyscrapers in fascination, as they slowly fade into distance. “No magic would have built them. Only humans could.”

“We can come back another time if you want.” The words come out of his mouth on their own, as a strange rush of soft emotion fills his chest. “Check out the view from the top.”

Pacho looks at him like he’s worth more than all the skyscrapers combined. “Yeah, I’d really like that.”

@ashlingiswriting @yourlocalspacewitxch @kesskirata @mandaloria314 @cheesybadgers @cositapreciosa @criatividad-e @cherixrosa @alreadywritten @marrianena @amane-otaku @sikkui @narcolini @tinylittleobsessions @drabbles-mc

#pacho herrera #narcos #narcos fanfic #pacho herrera fanfic #chepe santacruz #Chepe/Pacho #Chepe x Pacho

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sillywilybilly · 1 year

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This is some art I made yesterday! It's nothing crazy, or heavily shadded like most of my works, it's just a picture of miss piggy in an outfit my hippie grandma used to wear minus her headband. Sadly I don't have a picture of my grandma's outfit, but it looked something like this! Enjoy, and if you like it maybe even check out some of my other art!

#art #fanart #miss piggy #the muppets #miss piggy the muppets #muppets #made in ibis paint #i like her #blorbo #im thinking of posting more art thats unrelated to welcome home #knowing how my red guy art went it probably wont get much attention #i dont care im drawing what i want #maybe ill post some ocs next #70s outfit #kinda i guess #idrk how to tag this

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khodorkovskaya · 1 year

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20.02.23

first day of uni today!

yesterday i went skating with my zurich friend and my oxford/france bestie and my student and his wife. it was lots of fun! then my zurich friend and my bestie and i went for a walk. to my surprise my zurich friend and the greek girl he's been going on and on about aren't like together together! i thought they were like officially a thing but "it's complicated". idk i like my zurich friend and he has potential but he's such an ugly duckling now lol. in the sense that in a couple of years time he's gonna be a beautiful swan like he's gonna be husband material bc he's not bad looking and he's well raised and he's like very intelligent. but right now he's so awkward! and the thing with the greek girl like come on... the man has no experience and it's sad. i mean no, it's not sad. it's just like oh you're young and awkward. anyway, im really excited to see the man he's gonna become in like five years.

anyway i really wanted more gossip on the greek girl bc im a libra rising. and i wanted to talk to my zurich friend like one on one and i felt bad about not staying with him for longer. but i felt so guilty about just like doing nothing the whole day and not working. it was driving me nuts.

my parents went to visit this old lady who lives in a beautiful mansion who has a bunch of vintage clothes. and her story is kinda sad bc her husband passed away not long ago and she has no family left, no kids, nothing. all she has is this huge mansion with a beautiful view on the lake and tonnes and tonnes and tonnes of clothes she doesn't know what to do with. she's a prisoner in her own home basically. bc she's so attached to all of her stuff but it has to go bc she sold the mansion and has to move out in four months. but where is she gonna put all this stuff? what even happens with your stuff once you die? where does it all go? my cousin and i were wondering what we're gonna do with our grandma's cat collection when she passes... what are we gonna do with all those cats? (precision: not actual cats!!! like figurines and stuff!)

my stepdad and i have been losing our minds over the last email we got. like it's pure délire. i can't tell you guys what it's about but we can't sleep because of it lol. it's crazy. one day im gonna write a book about everything that's been happening, it's insane.

anyway, i really miss B these days. more so sexually than anything. but then i think about our actual sex life and it was so awkward... there were good moments for sure but i was so like... not good with myself and my body. but then i can't imagine sex with anyone else. just the simple thought of like using a condom during sex with someone makes me so sad. im like shit, i should call him. but then i think about the potential consequences of caling him... like fuck. i don't love him anymore. what do i do now? how do i exist without love?

#february

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bergniil · 16 days

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3/4-2024

(Keep in mind my first language it’s English🎀)

Hi, this is my first post. I’m just doing this for my mental health btw bc I need to yap or else I will get depressed. I have Easter break right now and I feel so unproductive. It’s okay tho because I’m sick but I still need to study for a German test. I’ve been trying to do Duolingo every day to help me. I don’t think u understand how much it is for the test that I need to know. I recently switched from French class to German because I felt like it would be easier since German is alike both Swedish and English. So I have missed more than half the school year in German. And I’m very stressed bc I have NP this year (national tests in our country). I already done the Swedish ones and the ones where you speak. But I’m very nervous for the math writing. We took an old one just to exercise and it was very HARD. Also I’ve been down for a few days bc when I read to much about manifestation and laws of the universe I start questioning life to much. Also one thing that is kinda crazy (for me) is that a few days ago when I was taking a walk I looked at my house and starting thinking about on how my parents from the beginning wanted it to be red (bc it’s an basic Swedish farmhouse) but they didn’t paint it so it’s white instead. And when I was having breakfast this morning they talked about painting the house red. I have no feelings about it bc I don’t really care it just gave me a happy feeling and a reality check about my thoughts. I’m a little bit mad today bc the Weather felt a little goofy, ITS SNOWING. Like yesterday I could take my bike to my grandma without a jacket on. Like I was so happy that it was finally getting warmer.

Xoxo me 😽

#self development #girlblogging #im just a girl #just yappin #it gets better #it girl mentality

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icherishyou · 3 years

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sun, 3 jan 2021

Holy crap, it's 2021!

It feels like yesterday I celebrated 2020 new year by working so fucking hard in January, and then quarantine, and then the new year again! Where the hell are those days going? That damn quarantine makes the day shorter, I guess. Not gonna lie, 2020 was so damn hard and I'm glad to leave that year (let's act as if those shits left behind in 2020).

Oh god, I just wrote some words but my fingers couldn't stop swearing. I just want to be a good girl!

That's okay, let's move on! Life must go on! Even though 2020 was so rude to me, I wouldn't learn so many things if 2020 didn't happen. So, whether 2020 puts so much poison in my drink or my food, I can assure you that I am still alive and stronger!

I just want to write some lessons that I’ve learned in 2020 which may sound nonsense, but it does change my perspective of life.

1. Always be grateful for what you have, best or worst! As I said before, 2020 was a pandemic year, and we were in quarantine for almost a whole year. No activity outside, no physical meetings, no meet-up in your favorite restaurant, and no going outside for an unspecified reason. The point is to STAY HOME! Back in 2019 until January 2020 when I was so busy with my college and part-time, I always complained about my condition and situation which always made me so busy and tired. Wait, don't get me wrong! I like to be busy and tired. I like to come back to my room late at night, take a bath, and then have a deep sleep. I like it. BUT SOMETIMES, my college had an unspecified schedule about the assignments. Like suddenly we had to make a meeting with someone from a certain company, we had to go to another city to research about warehouses or something, etc. Let alone my part-time job. Before I took the part-time job, I had explained to them that I only can take the job at a certain time, but they suddenly called me to take the job outside of the time we had agreed before. Like dude, I have a social life as well. It was sad when sometimes my friend went to hangouts, but I had to do part-time, or I had to go home to meet my family, or I had been too tired to join them. Duh... And then the pandemic came. Me, who was an outsider, had to stay at home for the whole time, trust me, it drove me crazy. It made me feel so grateful for something I always complained about before. For the God's sake, I miss being busy and tired. I miss going everywhere with my friends doing great or shits. I miss sleeping when I'm physically tired. I miss everything. I even miss my irregular schedule which made me curse myself. Jeez.

2. Never wait for yourself to be ready, because you will never be! Besides the pandemic, I had other things that made my 2020 so stressful. I lost my grandma, my classmate, and my uncle (in terms of death, but not Covid19). My grandma (oh God, why did you do this to me?) was my support system. She would always say yes when the world said no. She was the one who backed me up when the world would like to beat me up. I have known my classmate since he came to Indonesia (he is an exchange student from Africa). We became so close because we had the same classes and group project lately. My uncle was my savior every time life got hard for me. He would calm me down when I had a fight with my mom or another family member. I lost them in a row and God... idk how was my feeling. I know this is fate. At the end of the day, we will lose someone we love the most whether we are ready or not. But seriously? 3 at once? I thought I was so sad because I wasn't ready to lose them at that time. And I thought, if only God took them away when I am a little bit mature, I would be ready. But until now, I realize that I will never be ready for losing someone I love the most. Whether I'm 18, 19, 20, or even 50 years old, I will never be ready. We have to agree on the way the universe works, whatever it takes. And that's the only way we can come to terms with the situation. This makes me understand the term sincere in life.

3. Love is not only having each other but also letting go Pandemic, losing people I love, and now heartbroken. How could life be so rude to me? Like, what I had done before which made the universe against me this cruel? But that's okay, let's see how far I will fight back! But don't listen to me seriously about this thing. I'm really bad at love. Two break-ups for less than a year dude, I can't make people stay. Tbh, I don't really know what to write in this section, because what I feel about this ‘thing’ is so complicated. I'm a too realistic person and feeling things like this makes me feel so confused to explain it in a word. Because that's what love should be, be felt and proven, not to be explained lol Okay. So, it sounds so bad for me to say that I can't make people stay while making them stay is not my responsibility. But indeed, I feel guilty every time people go. It makes me think "what mistake have I made this time?" I'm sure that I dated only good people in my life. I mean, they only needed nothing but time and love. And so did I. I only needed time and love from them. If you know what I mean, no parasite relationship here. So those are my responsibility, giving time and love (which can be in various ways). I have to do my best to spend time with him, listen to his story, laugh at his jokes, appreciate every simple love he gave, always be there for him, etc. Even though making him stay is not my responsibility, staying with him is my responsibility. And if he decides to go at the end of the day or the universe can’t make us both as one, at least I've tried to give my best. Well even though that "best" is only my opinion. Everything still can be so wrong although you have done everything so right. If he is happy and right for you, he will stay. So, if he is not staying, it means he is not happy enough to be with you even though you have given your best. Just let him go for his happiness. Don't waste your time and love to please him to stay while his heart is not for you anymore. You’ve done so well, and you deserve someone who will be happy with you, as happy as you with him. “I love you, but I let you go” I hear that clause everywhere and every time, but just at this age, I finally get the meaning.

4. It's okay not to be okay Maybe this was the simplest thing that I never noticed in my life. I also heard this clause so often, but I never knew the real meaning before. Or maybe because I just didn't have time to be not okay before. I was so busy with my life out there, chasing my ambitions, putting my emotions aside, and just focusing on my dreams. Because I thought, that’s the only thing that matters in my life. The only thing that people always want to see in me. If I felt sad, I would only spare a few hours to cry in my room. A few hours later, I went out of my room, and was facing a new day. Because I had so many things to do, and sadness would slow it down. Back in 2016 or 2017 (I forget the exact time), when one of my closest friends asked me about my ex, and I just told her that we had broken up a few days ago. And she was so surprised and said "WHAT? YOU JUST BROKE UP? AND NOW YOU JUST SIT DOWN IN FRONT OF ME AS IF NOTHING HAPPENS?". Indeed, I was so sad, who wasn't? But with those busy schedules, trust me, I looked so heartless. I had to be okay and no time to tear up my tears too much. But when this pandemic came, it felt like I had so much time to do nothing unless being sad because I had no busy schedules. With those many things in terms of death or break up, I cried a lot at night (sometimes without reason), I felt sad at day (sometimes without reason as well), sometimes I felt so desperate, and I wanted to give up. Jeez, I did feel sadness for real. I thought it was abnormal because I had never been that way before. Until I realized, I guess the universe just gave me time to mourn. I'm just a human, and it's normal to feel sad, crying, and okay not to be okay. I can cry as much as I can even if I have a lot of things to do. It's okay to stop some work just to heal my emotions. And I thought some people need to see me at my lowest point (but tbh this is not me lol I can't do this one, not to all people). So, whatever happens next in 2021, I guess I'm totally ready. Whether life will give me sugar or salt, I believe it happens for a reason. This life will give me only happiness or sadness. And from both, we need to be grateful.

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