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#yes i know this is probably a weird thing to apologize over maybe idk i have issues and a great need to please everybody or i will Die
xxxtoony-brosxxx · 4 months
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Tw grooming/unalive/self harm mentions
Anyways
Here to discuss two of my groomers from the past
Aka MiloIsHere on discord idk what their user is here on Tumblr and Unicornlilac
Yes these are old things
But still I'm going to talk abt
Yes I heard Unicornlilac had unalived themselves idk how long ago
Ppl also tend to forget nsfw rps with minors is low-key grooming if they didn't consent to it, or can lead the adult to bride the minor to do nsfw rps Abt themselves, which unicornlilac did at one point to me
Info under the cut
Idc if I get attacked by my currently alive groomer or his pals, either I'll argue with or ignore yall
Also if u want, y'all can reblog and share
But for unicornlilac:
They were in their 20s, I think like 22 maybe
I was 16, they sexualized my OCs, one basically a child, the ogs know my boy Strawco, yes, him and Gearshift did a ton of the deed bc it's what they pressured to do, especially Ezy when I first made him, Ezy was also sexualized by them, with several Bendy clones at once
There's also them asking me out, I was 15 just turned 16, they kept implying to date, low-key even mentioning having sex and meeting up irl
Ofc I turned that down, but they did make jokes abt how we would do it bc as most of u know, I'm trans, so they were trying to talk abt how we'd do it and pointing out how I didn't have a dick
They even mentioned to me how they dated someone who would have been my age at the time (16) but they broke up 2 years prior
Making that person 14 years old, idk their story tho or how long unicornlilac was with them, just might be before they turned 14 for all I know, I can't provide evidence for this bc unicorn deleted everything and I had blocked them prior to that
For Milo (who I have evidence for):
Tons of NSFW rp from them, didn't really talk much outside of the NSFW rp, they never asked if I was ok with the rp, just went ahead and did it, I only went with it bc I was a ppl pleasing traumatized wreck that broke my own boundaries for it, (y'all would know I wasnt fond of my characters being referred to suggestively if y'all remember when I was upset with ppl calling Ezy a man whore, stuff like "hot" or "handsome/pretty" was fine tho), remember ppl, if they don't say yes, that doesn't mean it's not a no, it's a no until they say yes, I was 16 at the time, they were 17 going to be 18, and continued when they turned 18, i believe Milo is abt 19/20 now
Sexualized Ezy (only time they rped was for sexual rps between him and Don), had a drowning kink, I only figure out bc they did a water demon rp with their bendy and mine on a non NSFW channels in a server, only stopping when I said my boy doesn't need to breathe and is Aroace so if that's a turn off so they stopped so fast, weird if that's just a reg rp
Plus I've heard they did this type of rp many ppl, not just me, even ones that included choking and cutting
Lied about their age in different servers and dms to do nsfw rp
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So if he claimed to be 18+ before/around the time of May, 2021
U were lied to
Many adults were lied to abt their age just to do nsfw rps
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Got upset when someone didn't include their bendy in a work with different Bendys and my Ezy, which was a surprise gift we didn't know abt
And got upset when they weren't in it and seem to take pride in being messed up in the image above, didn't feel guilty until I pointed out that's not something to be proud of
I know they contacted the artist abt it, idk how they did but for all I know it probably came off as pretty rude
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Only apologized to me to keep shipping, if I hadn't mentioned what I did, they probably would have continued abt the shipping rather than a really apology I low-key eventually pressured but still didn't seem sincere tbh and took a "I mess everything up" approach
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This was stuff on my old phone I got from Google photos, when they took a joke too seriously there and started to guilt me for it, yes I did spiral so I know I over apologized but they didn't say they forgave me until this last message and told me to not make it into a self blame thing on my own server that everyone knew was a joke, and when asked not to make that joke I apologize and we dropped it, the only one that escalated was Milo
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Doesn't ask if I'm up to rp, expects me to comply
When ignored
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Tries again
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The way they questioned the ban from my server seems pretty passive aggressive, probably nothing big but included anyways
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Also this is old from my old discord acc
He asked what bbc was, I made something up tbh I didn't know what it meant back then
Don't know why he turned it on me
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Um why???
When exposed for all this one someone else's server he started angrily (or so I'm told) questioning who did it and had threatened to self harm over it, I heard from ppl it was a way they guilted ppl to listen to them
I wasn't the only one he groomed but I'll leave it up to the ppl who were victims to step up if they see this post
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moon-alight · 1 year
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Hello! I have a request idea, but idk if you'd want to do it since it's a bit silly. 😂 But here it is anyway; &TEAM with a s/o who can't eat with chopsticks, how would they handle the situation and how would they discover this fact. (I'm sorry it's really weird, but I'm usually struggling eating with chopsticks so I came up with this to feel better lol)
Alright, this made me giggle when I first read this.
Masterlist
&Team reaction to you struggling with chopsticks
Warnings: fluff, crack
Word Count: 719
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-K
He watches you for a moment, observing how your fingers are in the wrong position and how you struggle to pick up the rice. There is an amused smile on his face until he feels like you've embarrassed yourself enough.
He puts his hand over yours and repositions your fingers the right way while he helps you pick up some rice. He won't laugh at you directly but later when he's alone, he will think about it and chuckle.
-Fuma
Doesn't notice right away but when he does he will snort. Tries to cover up his laugh with a cough but you know damn well he just made fun of you. He apologizes and offers to help you pick up your food.
Makes it his mission to teach you how to use them properly but he will laugh every time you mess up. Not because he makes actual fun of you but because he thinks you're adorable.
-Nicholas
Makes fun of you right to your face. (Also because he thinks it's cute how you keep trying) Every time he reaches out to help you, you swat his hand away because you're stubborn.
When some time has passed and you're still struggling, he gets a fork for you and laughs silently so you won't hear him but you can see his chest vibrate so you know he's still laughing at you.
-EJ
Coos at you. Suggests to switch to a fork immediately but you tell him that you at least want to try. He accepts your decision and shows you step for step how to correctly hold chopsticks.
Even reaches for your fingers to place them in the right position. Not because you can't do it but because he wants to touch you. He would never laugh at you for such thing but he will smile like a dork every time you use chopsticks in the future.
-Yuma
Be prepared for a lifetime of endless teasing from this guy. Watches you struggle and doesn't even try to help you out. Little shit. Has a big smirk on his face as he watches you, but he can't hide his lovesick puppy eyes.
When you give up and get a fork, he'll tease you even more. But when you ask him to stop being a tease and help you out, he will. No hesitation. But he would still continue to bully you with it.
-Jo
Sweetest little cinnamon roll ever! Almost immediately notices your discomfort and asks if you need any help. When you say 'yes' he will patiently explain it to you and show you how to use chopsticks.
If you get frustrated or annoyed because it won't work, no worries. Jo had a fork next to him because he had a feeling you would need it. Won't even mention it anymore afterwards. He's just happy you're comfortable while eating.
-Harua
A mix of Yuma and Fuma. He doesn't notice right away but when he does, he laughs. Sorry, he can't help it. But he laughs out of adoration not because he wants to make fun of you necessarily.
It will become an inside joke but that's a different story. He will make it his priority to teach you how to use them and sends videos of people messing up with chopsticks to make you feel better.
-Taki
If he wasn't Japanese, he would've probably struggled with them too, tbh. Has a confused look on his face when he watches you struggle. It takes a moment before he realizes you're from a different culture, one that doesn't use chopsticks.
He won't laugh. . . maybe chuckle but nothing to make fun of you. He laughs at himself for not realizing it sooner. If you ask for help, he will give it to you immediately but if you don't he'd just get you a fork.
-Maki
This is someone who grew up in Germany so he is used to both forks and chopsticks. He watches you struggle for a good minute and tells you he did too when he had to learn how to use them.
Sends you some tutorials from youtube so you can learn on your own accord. He wouldn't be mad if you just eat with a fork because it's just utensils. There's bigger problems than chopsticks to worry about.
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shinobusupremecy · 4 months
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Shinobu with an s/o or friend that sleep talks
Modern au
Can be seen as romantic or platonic (friends). Idk how to write it as a mix of both so I just wrote together/friends. 
A/N: Hiiii! Been a while hasn’t it? Anyways I do apologize, I have no idea what more to say but I hope you have all been doing well <3
I will probably not be changing my ”hiatus” status because who knows?
Thank you anon for requesting this was so much fun to write!
I guess this will be a mix of oneshot and headcannon 
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🦋- You and Shinobu have been together/friends for long, the only ironic thing is not once you had a sleepover. Mostly because you two have different schedule and hobbies so you really never got the time to. Except now
🦋- It was you two’s first sleepover and you were excited to say the least. You decided to sleep at her house
🦋- You guessed she felt more comfortable that way. Shinobu’s mom said Shinobu hasn’t been to a sleepover at someone else’s house often at all. Probably like 2 three times when she was in middle school. 
🦋- Anyways when night time came around you two watched a series before going to bed. 
“Alright, good night Shinobu!”
“Goodnight Y/N” She said and closed the lights. The room turned dark and you both fell asleep without problems. 
“The chicken can wear a dishwasher” Shinobu woke up to someone murmiring about something. She thought her mind was playing tricks on her so she ignored it and went to sleep. 
She’s sure she didn’t even get to sleep in 5 minutes before she heard you yell
“THE BUTTERFLIES DRIVE A BUS” She turned over and looked at you still sleeping. It was so dark so she didn’t know if you were awake or not, only that you were there. 
“Y/N, if you really think it’s funny to yell weird stuff at 3am then you got another thing coming” 
“Nooooooooooo” You replied.
“Yes, I mean it!” She said sternly, not having the energy for this shit at 3am. 
“Not my children. Anyone but my children. They just sprouted wiiiiingggsss” Now Shinobu was really creeped out. She quickly understood you were sleep talking. 
But then her smile turned devilsih and amused, what more can you say?
“My dog will alert the authorities....YOU SHALL BE DAMMNED”
She quickly grabbed her phone and started recording.
“And why should they be dammned?” Shinobu asked. 
“They taught my cat to play the tombone...”
“Ohh, is that so bad?”
“They made my roach deaf” Shinobu had to hold in her giggle, this was way too amusing not to mess around with.
”So uh, do you know sign language for your roach?”
”Noooo…the man in the corner does though” Shinobu’s smile faded and she quickly turned around only to see nothing there. She saw your cheeky smile and wondered if you really were asleep or not.
”Hm, cheeky bastard” Shinobu whispered before she continued on having conversation with your half-concioused self.
After 15 minutes she thought she had enough footatge and she went to sleep.
🦋- Next morning rolled around and she showed the footatge to you in the morning. Depending on if you were aware that you could sleep talk or not your reaction would be kinda different.
🦋- If you knew you just laughed it off and told Shinobu ”I forgot to tell you”
”Y/n. We have been friends for several years, how could you forget to tell me!?” Shinobu would say. She would still keep the footatge though, as blackmail material🥰
🦋- If you did NOT know then you would be in for quite the shocker
”I can sleeptalk?”
”Apperantly hahha! Didn’t you know?” Shinobu’s expression slightly frowned to confusion
”Nope”
Awkward silence ensues..slightly.
🦋- Shinobu would probably ask if you want to maybe get that treated some way and if you’re comfortable with her recording when you do sleep talk.
🦋- If you do wanna get help then obviosuly Shinobu tries to treat you. She looks up ways to treat it and what causes sleeptalking.
🦋- If you don’t however then Shinobu and her sisters will atleast know how to entertain themself when they can’t sleep or when you go asleep early. Shinobu just gathers her sisters to talk to you when you sleep talk, each taking their own turn to talk, one records and later show you the next morning.
Shinobu had been noticing you were laying still for many minutes. She schooched over and listened to your slow but ateady breathing.
”Pst! Hey, hey, are you awake?” No response from you. Shinobu smiled and sneaked away, knocking on each of her sisters rooms.
”Hm? Is Y/N asleep again?” Kanao asked, trailing behind Kanae.
”Mhm, they are. From what I know they should be start talking soon” Shinobu said as she sat down on her knees, Kanae and Kanao each took their own seat on the floor forming a circle almost of 3 people and well, you in the middle of it.
They sat their in silence for a little but before you began to murmur something and Shinobu smiled knowing she was right.
”Noo…noo…don’t go in there, the tuna is dancing” Shinobu nudged Kanao to say something while Kanae just quietly snickered.
”U-uhmm…what dance did the tuna-? Ahem, tuna dance”
”Chicken dance. I think. I can’t seee….” Your worlds trailed off. Kanae thought about what she was gonna say, she scooted closer to say it when she finally got something.
”Is the dance good?”
”Mmmm maybeeeee, I don’t- wanna be meaan” Kanae had to cover her mouth with her hand to prevent herself from laughing.
”It’s amazing how we can have a conversation with them asleep like this” Kanao commented which Kanae agreed to and nodded.
”Well this will certainly not be the end of it” Shinobu said, pulling out her phone.
🦋- We can all just say that the butterfly sisters will be having you over for more sleepovers <3
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bitter-sweet-coffee · 8 months
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ok this time there ARE barbie spoilers but it’s just the things i didn’t like so feel free to ignore this if you had fun and don’t want me ruining anything! like seriously, i do not want to make anyone upset here because of how positive the fandom vibes are. i just wanna y’know, air out some dirty laundry i have with what i just witnessed
as a disclaimer i’ve only seen it once and it ended like 40 minutes ago LMAO forgive me for any name mistakes i suck with those
- ken never got closure and i get what they were going for, just having a bunch of guys repeat “ken is me” over and over isn’t cutting it. felt this way with the “hi barbie” intro. like yes, i get what it aims to accomplish, but god does it get grating
- SOME of the fourth wall breaks were good. most were not. weird barbie and all the discontinued barbies were funny, and the drinking water gag was great. but the narrator stuff was WAY too prevalent and i get that it’s camp, but it was a tad too much at times. i’m torn on the margot line because it wasn’t necessarily bad, i just think it ruined the moment a little
- SO MANY UNFINISHED PLOTLINES OH MY GOD. you’re telling me the travel montage was all it took for gloria and sasha to bond and fix their issues? we saw their conflict through barbie’s memory link, it was never elaborated on. not once. suddenly by the end they’re getting along. the same could be about weird barbie? she always embraced the weirdness so the apology and “un-outcasting” felt off because a) it seemed like she was secluded by her own will and b) the barbies were never necessarily mean to her, they just acknowledged she’s different? which she knew and was okay with and self aware of? idk i guess an apology is fair, but the way it was delivered implied a deeper conflict we never saw
- mattel boardroom. enough said. i get will ferrell probably has a contracted screentime for funny gimmicks but it was so grating and a waste of time
- in a similar vein, all the travel montages combined probably take up as much time as the real-world scenes. for a movie that advertised barbie in the real world at a seeming first glance, that basically never happened LOL maybe that’s on me for having expectations though
- listen, LISTEN. i know there’s a lot of conflict right now with the “boo forced feminism” propaganda spreading around and i swear on god that isn’t me. HOWEVER. i do think that the way they went about resetting free will and that super long montage from gloria was not handled as well as it should have been. do i agree with everything said in the speech she gave? abso fuckin lutely. but remember, SHOW not TELL. they created this brainwashing plot device only to immediately dismantle it with one #girlboss speech which imo, undermines the very point the monologue was trying to make. i just wish they did more actual empowerment and not cheap exposition via a shenanigans montage and a third party speaker reciting a well constructed feminist rant which was just… INSERTED into a feel-good scene. i was hoping for something more organic but that’s just me. like, the barbie feeling self conscious was on the nose, but it did its thing. it’s camp i expected that. by this point in the film however, i expected more
- last thing for now: the plot was just a mess i’m sorry. the beginning was slow and expositional sure i get it, maybe it dragged a little too long when you consider everything else they tried to shove into the runtime, but for a typical film that would be a decent portion of establishing a plot. the real world segment? god, so many open doors, most of them were ignored. 99% of the real world was gimmicks and throwaway lines. the bench scene was the shining gem in that pacing dumpster. mattel plot we already know i don’t like, minus the ruth part. i have a lot of thoughts on ken patriarchy that i don’t have time or effort to unpack right now, but it was funny. and then it went on way too long and became annoying but not in the good way, in the “i get this is camp but it feels stupid” way. gosling killed that musical number but for a film about barbie, that was a hella long ken segment. like, this was a ken movie with barbie having existential dread in the background. then a bunch of magical fixits happen and suddenly all conflicts are resolved through magical means and cheap jokes and imaginary character development!!! oh but they gave barbie a pussy we unironically stan that for her (i’m serious lol like i think the joke was such a lame way to end the film but it’s funny enough to say that this whole film all barbie wanted was gender affirming surgery. i’ll allow it for sheer comedic purposes)
TLDR: i have many many complaints but i don’t think the movie is bad. it’s just fun, not particularly good all around. IT HAS GOOD MOMENTS!!! I AM NOT DENYING THERE IS SOME QUALITY HERE! i just think its hit or miss and while not every film has to be a feminist manifesto, i think all the hype and expectations definitely oversold the actual film i just witnessed because it was not particularly good. but it’s fun! and it’s okay to just enjoy that, this is my initial impression but maybe i’ll grow to like it more. just wanted to put this out here in case someone else feels the same way and doesn’t want to take the fall for finding it mid
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kaylawritesfics · 2 years
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Hey! Could you do some hc’s for the stranger things boys dating a british reader? (A little specific I know). I’m not exactly ‘posh’ british but I feel like they would dig an accent anyway 😅😊 (steve, eddie, jonathan and anyone else you want to add)
Thank you my dear!
+ Wait could I maybe request Steve Harrington with a Danish exchange student Reader? (Like maybe him falling for her, and they start talking idk? It could also be established relationship, you totally decide❤️❤️)
+ @annikin-im-panicin Hi yes hello birthday bitch here! Can I get a reader x Eddie where reader is an Aussie exchange student and they stumble across the hellfire club and they lose their shit over the ✨accent✨?
Being A Foreign Exchange Student and Dating The Stranger Things Boys
headcanons
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Steve Harrington:
From the moment you enter Mrs Clicks classroom, introduced solely as the “new foreign exchange student” Steve is immediately so intrigued by you. He wants to know everything about you !!
He thinks that Foreign Exchange programs are so cool and he’s definitely thought about applying before, but he always chickens out. He would ask you a million questions about where you’re from, listening intently to every word that comes out of your mouth.
He’s obsessed with your accent !! He loves listening to you talk just to hear it. He tries to mock it sometimes but he’s so awful at accents.
He would want to show you every part of Hawkins !! He says that you need to get “the full American experience” while handing you a cheeseburger and a milkshake from a local diner.
He loves hearing stories about your life back home !! He really enjoys hearing how different things are in your country compared to America.
He would be absolutely devastated when you finally had to return home, promising to call and write as many letters as he possibly can. He upholds his promise and you get weekly updates about the ongoings of Hawkins.
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Jonathan Byers:
Jonathan is obsessed with the accent !! He probably wouldn’t approach you right away, preferring to watch you from afar, but every time he hears you talk in class, he perks up a little.
Every time you talk to him, he gets flustered. A deep shade of red grows up his neck and face and he stumbles on his words.
He really likes taking pictures of you and he wishes desperately that he had his own video camera so he could capture your voice on film.
He would definitely buy you little mementos that you can take back home with you. Your favorite being a small, American flag keychain that he bought from some tacky souvenir cart on the Fourth of July.
He really likes talking about you to his mom and Will, who are both so excited to meet you. Joyce would gush over you and your accent while Will would ask as many questions about your country as humanly possible.
After you go back home, he frequently looks at the multiple pictures the two of you took together, wishing you could’ve stayed.
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Eddie Munson:
You had accidentally stumbled into the Hellfire Club during one of their prestigious meetings. After a few seconds of awkward eyes contact, you turned to leave, mumbling a quick “sorry”
Literally all hell breaks loose the second they hear your accent. The meeting is long forgotten as Eddie grabs your wrist, softly tugging you back into the room and offering you a seat. They proceed to spend the next hour asking you to say little random words or phrases they can think of.
After the meeting is over, Eddie walks you to your car, apologizing for the group bombarding you with questions. He even invites you back to the next meeting, promising that they won’t beg you to say anymore weird words or phrases and insisting that he can teach you how to play DnD, don’t worry about it. He really just wants an excuse to see you again.
Eddie just loves to hear you talk. He’ll do anything just to hear your accent one more time. He would definitely playfully make fun of the way you say certain things.
After you leave, he’ll call you all the time, finding random excuses just to talk to you. He’ll inform you of the current Hellfire ongoings, any kind of school drama he’s heard about, and just little random things that happened throughout his day. He really misses you.
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aether-friskets · 6 months
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Why I Headcanon Waylon Park as a Trans Guy?
it came to me in a dream.
ok but jokes aside (well not entirely it DID actually originate because of a dream i had getting interrupted by a nonexistent video essay on the topic... dreams are weird man), i do want to try talking about my reasoning for this (although it's totally legit to hc a character as trans purely because you want to!! thats totally based also lol), because maybe it'd be interesting to hear the lens through which i saw this game? idk lol but i'm doing it anyway... below the cut in case it gets long
Ok immediate prefaces, A: i doubt this was actually the intended at all and i'm not trying to say it's canon, just saying why i read it that way :3 and B: this will probably be a rambling mess and I apologize, I'll try to make it somewhat make sense.
I guess I'll start with: a whole major thing of Outlast, is fighting to tear down this large corporation, that is like. the embodiment of shitty systems that exploit people (this post by bry mentions that general topic, although more focused on miles' angle). It's worth noting because, to me at least, fighting these sorts of systems really aligns with a lot of queer folks (and basically any group that gets fucked over by the system, which is most of them loll). There's like, this whole thing of Waylon seemingly fitting that image of the ideal typical man, with the wife and kids and a job, but he has to risk all of that to do what he feels is the right thing.
(Oh yeah, I guess quick tangent on that note. Yes I know in canon we literally see his dick lmao and also we know he has kids, which you might think would deter my hc here. but A: i already said ik it's probably not canon, i can still read into it regardless. B: intersex ppl exist. C: phalloplasty and other similar procedures exist. D: ppl can have kids in non-traditional way. so im prob not gonna cover that element of it more)
My brain hasn't been able to help but interpret his whole journey in a queer way, because i played it as a teenager still in the throes of understanding my identity and place in the world, so in the end this might not even make sense to anyone else. But, I'm trying to explain, so I'll continue to regardless.
I kind of saw it as Waylon hiding in the protection of an "ideal" life. On the surface he looks like he's in that American ideal family, but it's a subversion. He's only one of them because they think he is. Because he doesn't step out of line. Unlike Miles, who's more outspoken about issues, who seemingly has no one around him. He's treated as part of this "ideal" world, while working in the background to try and stop the exploitation and immoral acts going on.
When he's caught, when he's seen as something more complicated than first imagined, he's cast out. Lumped in with the same people being exploited by Murkoff already. He isn't "human" to them anymore. He's something else. Something they don't like.
Although the violence brought upon him is by the variants, it is still in part Murkoff's doing, since they fucked these people up via these experiments to a point of heightened violence and just generally ruining their lives more than they already had been by whatever they had done prior. That being said, they are still responsible for their own actions.
the stuff with Eddie is definitely the part that most resonated with me through this lens. I remember first playing it, and he scared me the most, for a lot of reasons. One of which being what he represented. He's The Groom. He wants someone to be his Bride, and you're it, even if you don't want that. As someone who's aroace AND already knew at that point that i wasn't a girl, this guy felt like a human embodiment of the pressures to fit what was expected of you. That one day, you'll be married and have kids. If you don't, then you're worthless.
But it's interesting especially, because Waylon IS married. He has kids already. He has that family. The difference is, in this hypothetical trans lens, he's not "really" in a traditional family. He's "pretending", as some might see it, because he's not "really one of them". Being Eddie's Bride is the situation that would've been expected of him, but he said "fuck that", and did his own thing.
Plus, like, with Eddie in particular, you will NEVER be what he wants. He will try to make his perfect bride, but you'll never be it. Even before Mount Massive, no one was what he wanted, judging by all the people he killed. He's a broken man desiring something but never liking his options.
Also just fucking. these lines from eddie make me lose my mind.
That part of you the world sees, they think it's perfect. As God intended. Even these idiots and lunatics see it. There's something special about you. On the surface. But when they look deeper, when anybody with eyes to see looks at what you truly are. That's why they don't trust you. You're not what you're meant to be. Not yet. This place can see into your mind. And the things you've done. Oh, they're a sin, darling.
like HELLO??
I know it's probably just Eddie rambling but it felt like he reached through the screen and grabbed me by the throat like.
Anyway in actual relation to my point. uh. Remember the thing I said about Waylon being a "fake" typical family? This kind of relates to that. Like, on the surface, he seems like he's got this perfect typical American family, he's "as God intended" (which. bro. i swear that exact phrase has been used against trans people so many times). But if you look closer, you'll realize there's more to it than that. Also like, going from the "as God intended" line to the thing about the things he's done being a sin, like hmmm. Maybe I'm reading into that too much, considering we know Eddie wants to make you into his Bride, so of course he's gonna think stuff like that. But still. It's a bit interesting to me.
Plus, it's interesting how, despite having a wife and kids, he's still more... feminized, I guess, than any other characters in this game. Both in the game itself, and within the fandom. Like, not just Eddie literally calling him a woman and trying to make him his bride, but also stuff like a variant near the beginning calling him a "pretty flower" before threatening him, Andrew (one of the staff) licking his face at the beginning of the game... A lot of violence and sexual-ish acts that are often directed at women in media. Even Frank, who I don't have as much to say about here, has some weirdly sexual undertones to his whole cannibalism thing.
This isn't entirely related but one part of the game that still sticks with me but I don't see mentioned as much, is near the beginning. Those guys stabbing the dead staff member. One of them remarks that "there are no observers here" and "do you think you're different? Something special?", which I think helps cement the whole idea that he's treated the same as the rest of people being exploited by Murkoff now. There's no turning back to that "ideal" life you were hiding in before. Hell, that's definitely reinforced more at the end of the game, when you choose to publish your footage, knowing Murkoff will come after you for it, and probably ruin your life. Maybe there's more interesting things to glean from that, but i thought they were interesting lines nonetheless.
anyway, overall I know this is probably just the ramblings of a trans/generally queer person reading WAY too much into a character that I happened to resonate with when i played the game, but i thought maybe it would be interesting for others to understand what would lead me to this conclusion? Anyway, that's all i've got on the subject right now, so I hope it was at least a little interesting.
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Defiance | Resilience
I had an IdeaTM if you feel like writing (: So at the end of Defiance, right? Logan realizes what happened, he was being manipulated by Orange, yadda yadda. Afterwards, he refuses to talk about it. He's just overall very cold and closed off, because maybe if he grips his emotions tight enough and keeps a firm enough control over his mind then nobody will be able to take him over like that again. The others become pretty concerned for him, because they haven't seen him this detached since the early episodes. And they're probably also a bit annoyed that he's shwing such indifference. Eventually somebody snaps, and Logan figuratively grips the jar that is his emotions so tightly that it shatters in a messy explosion that cuts everyone and ends in him completely vulnerable, apologizing for everything he thinks he's done wrong. And then idk what happens, comfort :D – anon
Read on Ao3
Warnings: allusions to mind control/mind manipulation
Pairings: none
Word Count: 2292
    Logan's acting weird.
Now, Roman's the first to admit that he's a harsh judge of what Logan's doing, at least out loud, but that's their thing. Creativity vs. Logic and all that, Right Brain vs. Left Brain. They're used to getting on each other's nerves, egging each other on, getting into pointless arguments that don't mean anything and are just for fun and to make each other stop being stuck-up idiots all the time. Yes, Roman can admit he's a stuck-up idiot most of the time! Granted, he's putting it on, more likely than not, but that doesn't mean he doesn't know what he's doing! It's a role, it's his role, it's the one he and Logan have perfected in their banter back and forth.
At least…it used to be.
Now, though, when Roman tries to start one of their stupid inane debates, Logan just shuts him down immediately. Not even a moment to entertain whatever point Roman's trying to make, immediately just telling him that he's wrong very bluntly or ignoring the obvious joke setup he's trying to volley. Even when he makes a big deal out of not understanding something very simple, Logan doesn't even humor him anymore, he just tells Roman he's wrong and what the right answer is. Sometimes he does it without even looking at him. He's categorically refusing to commit to the bit and that is a cardinal sin.
And okay, maybe Roman could pick his moments a little better, and not right in the middle of a meeting or something where everyone else is trying really hard to be productive—okay, mostly everyone else, thank you, Remus—and Logan's got his hands full trying to help everyone else. But that's the point! Another thing those arguments help do is get the others to snap out of it! 'Cause they'll just get into little squabbles themselves that aren't productive and then if they watch Logan and Roman get into one, more often than not they realize that whatever they were on about isn't helping anyone either and they all get to have a laugh at themselves, calm down, and actually start talking like adults! It's a foolproof plan that works 87% of the time, according to Logan!
But lately, that percentage has taken such a steep nosedive that Roman's not sure the plane has any survivors left.
Now, he just gets shunted to the outside of the conversation. He'll get told off by not just Logan, but everyone else when they see how upset it makes Logan. Which he doesn't understand, they've talked about the jokes he's not supposed to make and the buttons Logan doesn't want him to push and he's not, he's staying away from those. He's picking literally the softest balls to throw, they're so plush and fluffy, and Logan's burning them out of the sky with a flamethrower. He's even tried to go up to Logan after the meetings or whenever these happen, trying to ask what he's doing wrong, Logan used to like these, what can he do better, but Logan just turns him away and says he doesn't have time for jokes.
Which is how Roman knows Logan's really acting weird.
Logan's favorite long-running bit is that he doesn't understand any sort of joke. That doesn't mean he finds them funny, but he gets why other people would find them funny. He loves playing the ironic straight man for the others because then he's included in the joke but he doesn't have to pretend to be something he's not. Other than the straight part. But Roman can remember how much he was trying to stop himself from smiling the first time they did the overexplain bit in front of the others, he used to love that bit—and he's not trying to say that Logan can't change! Tastes evolve, people grow, it's just a fact of life, but it's—he's getting worried.
He tried to go confront Logan—gently! He wasn't trying to corner him or anything!—and ask if he's genuinely okay, but Logan just thanked him for asking and changed the subject. Which is a lie of omission if Roman's ever heard one. Or not heard—you get it.
So he tried the sneakier route and he found out that Logan's not met up with Virgil or Remus for their watch parties where they analyze horror stuff, he's not been on his usual walk with Janus through the peaceful part of the Imagination. He's not even been downstairs on weekend mornings to help Patton with the baking. Then he realized that Logan's favorite mug isn't getting used anymore—he's not being a stalker, okay, one of his household chores is to clean the dishes that are hand-wash only and Logan's mug is hand-wash only—and instead he's using this plain white mug that isn't even big enough to hold a decent amount of coffee. And he called off working on his own projects with Roman, like, eight times now.
So, yeah. Logan's acting weird and Roman's worried.
Now, if only he could get Logan to stop glaring at him…
"Shit, Princey," Virgil mutters, "you've been using all one of your brain cells on this, huh?"
Roman doesn't take the bait. He just looks at Logan with what he hopes is the please understand how sincerely concerned I am as someone who cares about you face as Logan's jaw sets and he folds his arms.
"Perhaps this would explain why Thomas has been having such a hard time working on the finale," he says coldly, "his Creativity is clearly focused on the wrong thing."
"Hey, wait," Remus says, frowning, "why is being worried about you the wrong thing?"
"Roman's right," Patton adds, crossing his arms too, "that's—that's a worrying amount of things, kiddo."
"I believe I have asked you not to call me that."
"Right, right, sorry, Logan."
Logan sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. "If this is all this meeting is supposed to be about, I ask that you leave me out of them in future unless there is something pressing to discuss."
"This is pressing!" Roman takes a small step forward despite the way Logan's still glaring at him. "You're not alright, Logan, I know you aren't—"
"Oh, because you're always an excellent judge of me, aren't you?"
Okay, ouch, but fair. "Logan, I didn't mean it like that—"
"Then why don't you say what you do mean," Logan interrupts, before he stops himself and takes a deep breath. "I apologize, that was untoward."
Roman just waves him off. Logan looks for a moment like he might say something else before his expression hardens and he turns away.
"If that will be all—"
"Hold on, L," Virgil says, sitting up and reaching over the banister to touch Logan's shoulder, "we're not gonna leave it like this. As much as I hate to say it, Roman's right. You've been off since we had that whole weird thing with the orange mist, are you sure it isn't—"
"It's fine," Logan spits out, shrugging Virgil's hand off, "it is not affecting me anymore, any influence it had was eliminated when the switch was thrown."
A quiet hiss comes from his other side as Janus exchanges a look with Roman. Roman just shrugs helplessly—he's just brought the problem up, that doesn't mean he knows how to solve it, that's what he needs everyone else's help for. Janus nods in understanding and moves to get in front of Logan again.
"Logan," he says quietly, "if this is affecting Roman's ability to focus, then shouldn't that mandate that we reassure whatever irrational worry he's worked into his head so that we can all get back to work?"
"I think you somehow got both of us with that one," Virgil mutters, "irrational worries are my thing."
Roman doesn't even care because Logan's still trying to leave. Whatever hushed conversation he's having with Janus is getting louder and louder and out of sheer desperation, he moves forward to talk to Logan himself—
Suddenly he's flying across the room. His back hits the wall with a slam and he slides to the floor, dazed.
"Holy shit—"
"Roman!"
Remus appears in front of him as Roman blinks, dazed. He cups his hands around Roman's face and looks at him hard. Roman clumsily pats his wrist. "Hey, 'm all good."
"You sure?"
"Yeah, yeah, wasn't that bad."
"Janny?"
"He's telling the truth."
"See?" Roman swats lightly at Remus's shoulders. "Lemme up. I'm fine."
"You get hit in the head too much, Princey," Virgil mutters, still sounding slightly baffled that Roman just flew across the room and smacked into the wall.
"You get used to it."
"I'm pretty sure that's a bad thing. Back me up, Logan."
When no response comes, Roman shakes himself off and gets up, immediately letting out a soft noise of concern when he sees the tears streaming down Logan's face. Janus has two of his hands on Logan's shoulders, a third one gently around his wrist. Roman holds his hands up and cautiously approaches, stopping when Logan lets out a whimper.
"Hey, hey," he murmurs, "I'm okay, I'm not mad. I'm not even hurt, see?"
"He's not lying," Janus says, the hands softening as Logan starts to wobble, "come sit, sweetie, let Roman be a mother hen for a second."
"I think that's Patton's thing."
"No, he's Papa Cock!"
"Never say anything like that again, Remus."
Roman tunes them out in favor of crouching in front of Logan. After a moment, he reaches out and lays his hands palm up if Logan wants to take them. "I'm not mad, really, Logan. I'm just worried. You—are you okay?"
Logan looks down, tears still brimming fat and heavy in the corners of his eyes and he slowly shakes his head and sniffles. Roman holds his hands out a little more and Logan takes them, squeezing tentatively. "I'm sorr—sorry, Roman."
"It's okay, it's okay—"
"It's not," Logan interrupts, glaring as if on sheer willpower alone he could make himself stop crying long enough to speak, "it's not okay that I just did that, or that I—that I've been rude to you and—and that I'm not using my favorite mug anymore—"
"Shh, take a moment," Janus encourages, rubbing his back, "shh, shh, there you go…"
Logan sniffles again. "I just—I'm just—I—"
Over on the staircase, Virgil makes a quiet oh sound. "He's scared, Princey."
"Of me? Am I making it worse?"
"No, not of you—not directly, anyway." Virgil comes around and sits at the base of the stairs. "L, can I—is this helpful?"
Logan nods and Roman brings his hand up to kiss Logan's knuckles.
"He's—he's afraid of the orange thing coming back," Virgil continues, "given how easily it affected him last time, he's afraid—oh, L, it's okay."
"It will use me to hurt you again," Logan mumbles around hitching breaths, "and I—I don't—I don't want to hurt you, it's—but it's so much stronger than—than me when I'm—when I'm—like th-this, so—I'm—Roman, I'm sorry!"
"Shh, hey, hey, hey—" he kisses Logan's hand again— "I'm not mad, I promise, see? It's okay to be scared, that thing that happened was really scary, but the rest of us are here, you know? We'll help you."
The others make their noises of agreement as Logan starts to scoot toward the edge of the couch. Roman opens his arms and lets Logan crash into his lap, wrapping his arms around him and holding him closer.
"There, is that better? You just wanna hold onto me a bit?" Logan nods into the crook of his shoulder. "Hey, that's it. We can sit here. That's cool."
"You're sure you're—you're okay?"
"I'm a big dumb brick, remember? I'm a tank."
"Y're not dumb," Logan mumbles, "you f'gired out all—all of this, you're—y're smart."
"Here, here," Virgil echoes, "now, this looks like cuddle-puddle territory to me, am I right, Logan?"
"Mhm."
"You heard him," Roman hears Remus cackle, "everyone on the mattress!"
A massive fluffy thing poofs into existence beneath Roman and Logan and Roman immediately lies them down, chuckling as Janus takes one of the blankets and tucks them in. Logan snuggles a little deeper into his chest and he rests his cheek against the crown of Logan's head.
"We're here for you, okay?" He rubs Logan's back. "Whatever color you're feeling."
"Yeah?"
"I'll out-stubborn you on this too," he threatens playfully just to hear Logan's snuffling laugh in his ear.
"Okay, okay, I believe you."
"Good. Now—hey, Remus! Keep your elbows to yourself!"
"Shit, sorry."
"Language!"
"How come I get language and Emo over there didn't?"
"You snitch!"
Roman just cuddles Logan closer as their eyes drift closed. Out of the corner of his eye he thinks he glimpses something orange floating near the top of the stares and glares until it goes away.
You stay away from my Logan.
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0-r-a-y-0 · 5 months
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Hickeys— Romantic #1
In which: Max gives Nick a hickey and he has to try and hide it from his brothers (spoiler alert: they see it)
Idk why I’m counting I’m only writing about Nick but it’s whatever 🤷‍♀️
Like I said, I’m not writing smut so it’s nothing like that!!
Cheers to my first fic on here being done??
Also I feel like Max is such a common name in these Nick fics but I can’t think of any other name so oh well. It’ll probably be a different name each fix ngl. Also I imagine Max looking like the guy on the right. (Which is Trevor from shameless)
Also the aesthetic in the pic is weird my bad!!
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Max pulled away from Nick’s neck and looked at him with a heartwarming smile. He brushes some of his blonde hair behind his ear, taking a moment to admire the softness in his hair.
“You’re so beautiful, I don’t think I tell you that enough.” Max says.
“You don’t have to compliment me all the time!” Nick replies, rolling his eyes playfully, resting onto the headboard on his bed.
“Yes I do. I want you to know I love you. Also you compliment me like everyday so I just HAVE to do the same thing!” The brunette claims.
“There’s other ways to show that you love me. You don’t have to say something about my hair and eyes everyday.” He reassured.
“Oh yeah? Like what?” Max inquired.
“Hmm, I don’t know, maybe watching RuPaul’s Drag Race with me, maybe just doing something small.” Nick smiled. “We can just lay here all day and watch movies and I’d be happy.”
“Really? You don’t want me to take you out to fancy dinners or anything?” He wondered.
“Well, I wouldn’t mind going out. But I don’t expect you to take me out to dinner for a date every time. Just staying in bed with you is good enough for me.” The blonde responded, laying down in his bed. “But, if you want to go out, we can. I can’t make all the decisions.”
“I think I’m good for right now. It’s too early to get up anyways.” Max said, falling next to Nick.
They look at each other and smile for a moment, Max’s eyes trailing down to Nick’s neck. Immediately propping himself up with his elbow.
“Oh shit…” He muttered.
“What?” Nick asked, his smile slowly fading.
Max didn’t respond, only softly rubbing his fingers along the other’s neck. Nick sighs and grabs his phone, turning on his camera and looking at his neck. His jaw dropped. Purple spots, that almost looked like bruises, were along his neck. It wasn’t dark, and there wasn’t that many, but it was definitely noticeable.
“I’m sorry, Nick.” Max apologized, sitting back.
“It’s fine! I’ll just find something to cover it up with! The only problem is that Matt of Chris would never leave me alone about this if they saw it.” Nick replied, throwing his legs over his bed and getting up.
He walks to his bathroom, Max not too far behind. “Madi left some makeup here last time she was over, we can use some of that.”
“Does she just leave makeup here?” Max asked.
“Yeah, unexpected sleepovers happen way to often.” Nick shrugged, opening one of the drawers and pulling makeup out. “You’re good at art, right?”
“Yeah, painting! Not makeup!” The curly haired boy exclaimed.
“It’s pretty much the same thing, you know more than me.” He said.
“Okay, we’ll yellow cancels out purple.” Max muttered, finding a yellowish liquid makeup and pouring it onto a sponge and gently dabbing it onto the purple marks.
“Okay, now we just need to find some makeup close to your shade…” He trailed off, looking through the makeup and finding a light concealer. He places some onto his finger and onto one of the spots, a little lighter but it wouldn’t be extremely noticeable. “This shade works! Now I just need to blend it out and we should be good!”
“Hell yeah!” Nick cheers, trying to stay still so Max can finish. “Wait, how long until the hickeys will be gone?”
“Uhhh, I don’t know! Just keep doing this until it’s not noticeable?” Max suggested.
“Ehh, good enough for me. I don’t feel like googling that right now.” The blonde shrugged.
A little later, they continued laying in bed until Max’s phone went off. “Shit, I have to go. My little sister is getting into some crazy ass shit.”
“What does that mean anymore?” Nick asked, laughing a bit.
“I mean, she sent the code word in all caps. She doesn’t just send that for no reason. I’ll fill you in on everything once I find out what dumbass shit she’s gotten into this time.” Max smiles, giving a quick kiss to Nick. “And I’ll be sure to go easier on your neck, it’s clear that it’s sensitive.” He teased.
“Ha-ha!” Nick yelled sarcastically.
After Max left, Nick decided to go to the kitchen to see what his brothers are up to, he’s been hanging out with Max since last night and hadn’t really talked to them because of that. He walks out his room and just as he suspected, they were both in the kitchen on their phones.
“Oh hey, you’re boy toy finally left.” Chris comments.
“Okay, don’t call him that.” Nick says.
“Well, what did you guys do all last night?” Matt teases.
“We stayed up all night watching Tim Burton movies. You guys are weird.” The blonde replied, getting a Little Debbie snack out the cupboard.
“Mhmmm, sure.” Chris added.
“What it with you guys? You both always act weird after Max leaves.” Nick raised a brow.
“It’s nothing! You just seem kinda flustered.” He replied.
“Now what does that mean?” The eldest triplet asked, taking a bite out of the sweet treat he held.
Matt and Chris glance at each other for a moment. Matt tilts his head a bit, staring at Nick’s neck. “You got something on your neck.”
“What? I do?” Nick asked, gently rubbing around his neck.
“Yeah, you do. What is that?” He responds, getting up to look at it.
“It’s probably nothing, I’ll get it off.” The blonde claims, about to walk away before Chris bursts out in laughter.
“Wait! Is that what I think it is?” Chris asked.
“WHAT?! What is it?” Nick wondered.
“No way, it is! I didn’t know you and Max were fucking!” He exclaimed.
“WHAT?” The boy shouted. “No, no, no, no, no! We are NOT doing all that!”
“Then why do you have a hickey on your neck?” Matt questioned.
“I don’t know! We were just kissing! We didn’t have sex and even if we did, it would be none of your business.” Nick stated.
“You covered the rest with Madi’s makeup didn’t you?” He asked.
“Yeah, he did.” The blonde admitted.
“Oh HE did.” Chris added.
“Yeah, he’s good at art and stuff so I thought he’d be better at covering it up.” Nick explained.
“He obviously missed a spot.” Matt said.
“Thanks, I’m aware.” The blonde sassed back. “It’s just some hickeys, it’s not a big deal.”
“Nobody is making it a big deal.” The middle triplet shrugged.
“Yeah, I mean, good for you dude.” Chris commented.
“Yeahhhh.” Nick awkwardly nodded. “Well, I’m wiping this makeup off my neck, it feels weird.”
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lavaspark · 2 years
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As much as I totally get and love the whole “what if Will gets Vechna’d” theories flying around right now let me interject a new idea:
MIKE gets Vechna’d.
(Because yes my guy is overhated and DEFINITELY has enough trauma to qualify argue with the wall)
I imagine the vision would probably be his friends and family leaving him (because I firmly believe Mike has separation anxiety ok) and he apologizes to Not-Will for everything and maybe admit he doesn’t know if he even really loves El anymore and Not-Will just emotionlessly looks at him and says
“I wish you had never worked up the nerve to speak to me that day on the swings”
And of course in the real world assuming Mike is now back in Hawkins with the California gang are FREAKING OUT along with the rest of the Hawkins kids. Nancy would probably be panicking and trying to get him to wake up because that’s her little brother. She CAN’T lose her little brother, and of course Dustin Lucas and Max would be desperately trying to figure out what Mike’s favorite song is and they wouldn’t know because idk they just hadn’t listened to music together in a while.
But they would be running out of time and Eddie would be freaking out about losing another one of his adopted Hellfire kids, and realizing they’re running out of time Will would panic and grab onto Mike hoping to stop him from floating and refuse to let go even though Jonathan would be trying to pull him away and he would start crying hysterically because he never got to tell Mike anything about how he felt and now he was going to die.
And then Mike would start floating and Will wouldn’t let go and he would get pulled up into the air with him and in a last ditch effort Will would start quietly singing what he thought was Mikes favorite song because he would DEFINITELY know what Mikes favorite song was.
Mike would be about to be killed by Vechna when he would hear Will’s voice, and a window would open up because he was singing his favorite song, and Mike would remember they’d listened to it once before he left. Will had called it weird and rattling, nothing like his music. They’d laughed about it and it had felt nice, nicer than spending time with El ever felt.
The memories of him and Will on the swings, on Halloween, playing DnD, the first campaign Will had ever been Dungeon Master for (he’d knocked over a can of soda on the board, Mike had suggested that he play it off as a “Cola-Flood” caused by a booby trap. Dustin had laughed so hard he’d shot more soda out of his nose.
Those memories would flash through his head and he’d see his body floating through the portal, Nancy sobbing hysterically and reaching in vain for his legs, Lucas and Dustin silently shouting to him and each other. Arms wrapped firmly around his shoulder and head pressed against the side of his own was Will. Will’s voice the only thing he could hear, voice strained and shaking with sobs singing his, Mike’s, favorite song.
And then Mike would run, he would run faster then he’d ever run in his entire life. Towards Will, towards Nancy, towards Dustin and Lucas and Max, who he thought might finally be warming up to him. He wouldn’t make them cry, he couldn’t.
And then Mike Wheeler would wake up.
Him and Will would plummet out of the air and crash to the ground, the impact knocking the air out of both of their lungs. Will’s arms would still be wrapped around his neck and he’d be laughing and crying and hugging him and Nancy would run to him frantically hug him and tell him if he EVER did that again she’d ground him for the rest of his life. Lucas and Dustin and Max and Steve would crash into them and they’d all lay there for a moment laughing and crying equally and throughout all of it Will would STILL be holding on to Mike.
And maybe they’d kiss, or Will would finally tell him how he felt.
And somehow, I don’t think Mike would mind if that were the case.
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waywardxsouls · 1 year
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Idk if you wrote botw link or lu wild but I'm thinking of wild bc his hair is long and I high-key yearning rn.
Imagine sitting in a field after you finally destroy calamity Ganon (*) and running your fingers through Zelda's hair.
(*if Link and Zelda are now working together now there may not even be a need for you to fight Ganon anymore, like hell is Link or Zelda going to put you in that much danger, not while they can help it. You don't even show up to the castle, you just wake up sandwiched between them (they're awake btw, maximum weirdness) only to learn of their alliance)
Maybe Zelda would be vibrating in excitement because finally, after 100 years trapped in Hyrule Castle she can finally have you. No Ganon, No Kings, not even Link (yet), just you and her together.
Maybe a couple of years are shed the first time, from both you and her. Her after finally getting a break after 118 years of torture, being unable to reach her only light and being mocked for it. You after realizing that you have nothing, no friends, family, a home, and no longer do you have a job (for the past 2 years it has been your only purpose: to save Zelda and defeat calamity Ganon), what were you supposed to do after this? No words were exchanged, they didn't need to be, the two of you just got each other without the need. So, the two of you exchanged quiet affection (as you slowly accepted that this was going to be the rest of your life whether you wanted it to or not).
Then Link comes in, You finally trusting him to get close to you after Zelda vouches for his loyalty. The first time you run your fingers through his hair is.. awkward. The silence between you two is filled with tension, unlike the silence between you and Zelda. It's only when link sheds a tear, apologizing for nearly killing you and being the sole reason why you had to face Ganon, why you couldn't hang out around towns, why you suffered for two years.
(if we're going by botw, reader could have been shot after link was, or if we ignore your canon, link joined forces with Ganon before botw and reader was the one who took the shot for Zelda, meaning that this entire thing wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for him)
You didn't really think about what Link went through, even after Ganon was defeated, mainly due to the fact that you don't sympathize with people who want to kidnap you. But you can help but forgive/pity the man when he's damn near soaking your trousers with tears.
It gets better between the two of you, much to Zelda's displeasure, though I can't help but see him running his fingers through your hair (mainly due to his only knight status and taking care of others Zelda before himself). THOUGH, that does change once his hair starts getting longer. You even eventually start braiding it up to get it out of his face (before Zelda forces you to do her braids, and then the two fight over who touches your hair because you will not be left out)
The three of you probably live together. None of you have any friends or family, or jobs for that matter, and let's be real Stockholm/trauma bonding is one hell of a drug. The three of you most definitely get ready together in the mornings. Link makes breakfast while you braid Zelda's hair and get ready, you three eat and then you braid Link's hair (then the argument over who does yours "I don't want my hair braide-""-yes you do"":("). I'm almost positive if you did not set up proper boundaries those two will dress you (they still do in a way, they just buy your clothes instead) and even then you will frequently have to uphold that boundary or they will catch you slipping.
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I had the overwhelming urge to run my hand through Wilds hair. I know I wrote it kinda ambiguous but listen link is a link is a link and he is a pretty mf. I wanted to share it w you bc I don't want to type all of this in the tags, that's all I got bye.
~Times-bisoprolol
Bestie, let me start by saying that this IS AN ABSOLTUE MEAL, A FUCKING BUFFET OF ALL THE GOOD SHIT I LIKE I AM SO WELL FED GET BACK HERE I WANT TO HEAR MORE.
Yes, I also want to run my hands though Link’s hair and brush it for him and LMAO “A LINK IS A LINK IS A LINK” YOU’RE SO FUCKING RIGHT BESTIE.
I also really love reading your tags and memes they make me so happy and you’re so funny (and totally relatable about simping on main for FD bc bitch me too ef[ojpsghio)
You’re a really good writer and aepofhisgo I love hearing your thoughts qiewjgp
Also, I'm really sorry for how this took @times-bisoprolol I kinda just read and read it over and over again bc it's that fucking good and I thirsty for content, and also I got kinda overwhelmed for no reason lmao my brain is a bitch dw lol it's my fault [ejpgi
(I also googled what bisoprolol is and apparently it's heart pressure medication AND YES MY MANS TIME DEFFO NEEDS SOME)
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YO WHAT THE FUCK THAT WOULD BE SO WEIRD ER[OSGH THEY STRAIGHT UP NUKED GANON SO YOU WOULDN’T HAVE TO, JUST SO THE COULD ROMANCE YOU R[IEGH. Also, you know those speedruns where people get to Ganon ASAP by doing crazy and weird shit? That’s Zelda and Link meanwhile Y/N is the one who is super prepared with hundreds of meals, maxed out armour and the Master Sword like “omg what if I lose?” fsjopd
Yes – this would be ideal for Zelda because she gets to have you to herself, and while she’s got an alliance with Link, you don’t quite trust him yet and it’s only by her word that you’re even giving him a chance.
Oh…. Oh that’s so heart wrenching now that I think about it – maybe Zelda couldn’t really contact Y/N until they were well and recovered enough to handle the telepathy, and so Zelda could only wait for years on end for your return :(
The both of you kind of just latched onto each other because you’re each other’s safe space. Before the Calamity, Y/N deffo comforted Zelda when her father scolded her and from the whispers in the palace. You know bestie threw hands, legs and elbows on Zelda’s behalf when people talked shit – Y/N really be like talk shit, get hit motherfucker.
I think that Y/N wouldn’t necessarily mind being with Zelda, but the trauma from everything kind of makes them weird about people – she loves socialising with others and talking to people, but she’s worried about Yiga spies, or monsters popping up… Those habits are hard to shake after all these years… Yes, her house on the outskirts of Hateno that she bought from Bolson is far enough to keep the monsters away, but close enough to be near people – and she loves it. Zelda would love the house too because it’s comfortable, warm and inviting - it has charm and Y/N’s touch and influences all over it from the books in the self to the well-stocked kitchen, to the soft couches lined with blankets.
Plus, for Zelda, it’s kind of like going from sleeping on the cold, hard ground to sleeping on the softest bed imaginable – her time with the Calamity was painful and she’d rather push those memories away and finally rest somewhere safe with her beloved after 100 years of fighting.
Omg that’s so fucking tender you’re really making me so sof with this taojpsigh. Y/N is tense af because she can’t stop thinking about all those mosnters that were hounding her every step, but Zelda wouldn’t lie to her about Link’s loyalty…. So it’s easier to accept Link because of how genuine he is in his remorse and guilt – yes, you suffered needlessly, but there’s so much more to the story than what you understand…
(in my canon Y/N took the hit for Zelda – Link went full darkside after Ganon busted out and Y/N was tasked with keeping Zelda safe while they got to their Divine Beasts and… Anyway, Link was definitely on their trail for a while before going to aid the Calamity at the castle, so Link and Ganon sent the Guardians after Y/N and Zelda and Y/N got the eternal bonk from the laser and Zelda awakened her powers).
Y/N deffo didn’t think or care much about what Link went through because, like you said, she doesn’t sympathise with people trying to kidnap her, and Zelda silkily adds that the Link was so resolute that the Calamity must have done a number on him to make him finally fall – and that’s when you start to be warmer and forgive the man and his endless tears.
And YES Y/N BRAIDING LINK’S HAIR [WTEGHIP I LOVE THIS SO MUCH THIS IS SUCH A BIG BRAIN MOMENT ISTG WRGEJIPB. I think that Y/N would have helped with Zelda’s hair back before the Calamity, so being able to do her hair again brings them both so much comfort and happiness (and she’s so jealous because you braiding her hair was your thing). Often, Y/N just does their own hair to stop the fighting, and I think she would have issues with people touching her hair due to a few run-ins with the Yiga who were less than gentle in trying to kidnap her.
Oh yeah, Y/N, Link and Zelda move into Y/N’s house in Hateno because it’s safe and the only place they have left – they don’t have anyone else they can stay with or who understands what they went through (I deffo agree with the trauma-bonding and Stockholm syndrome [ewjgripdh). Y/N loves cooking and it’s a treat to cook for others especially those she cares so much about, so she and Link deffo swap recipes and cook together when possible, but I agree Link makes breakfast while Y/N and Zelda get ready.
I think Zelda would be understanding about the boundaries Y/N has about being touched and her hair, but will braid it on the occasions she can and YES they deffo buy Y/N clothes that they like and Y/N has to shut that down pretty quick because boundaries, besties! She doesn’t like being controlled and Link and Zelda don’t like seeing you upset, so they do lay off a bit, but they can’t help but buy you jewellery and spoil you when you do let them (or they catch you slipping [fsgidhp)
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bellaxgiornata · 8 months
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HI BELLALALALALA! My favorite comfort and cozy hooman. I'm sorry that you have to deal with me blurting out ideas that come to my silly brain at the most random hours 😂 But I really love sharing ideas with you AHHHHHHH! I was having a conversation with my friend today about having gf/ wife "zoomies" or like this thing that's like you're completely exhausted but at 11 p.m. you get the most energy you've ever had.
I read that hooman zoomies; "Zoomies might be a reaction to stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline, just as they are in dogs. "[These hormones] are produced in response to stress, excitement, or danger, and can temporarily boost energy and alertness," ON GOD FFTD READER HAS ZOOMIES. ESP WITH THAT ANXIETY. PLS SHE WOULD USE LIKE A FLUFF BLANKET TO BURRITO HERSELF IN AND THEN "ANNOY" MATT. Or like the thing where you pull the two strings on your hoodie to "disappear" into it?? Idk, like climbing him like a Koala, poking him and making the oddest, indescribable noises. Biting Matt?? (Like nom on him idk T^T) Get intrusive thoughts, and remember everything embarrassing you've ever said.
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ANYWAYS I LOVE U BELLA, AGAIN DRINK UR WATER, I KNOW WHEN U DON'T. I SEND HUGS!
Hi friend!! Please don't apologize because I genuinely always love seeing you in my asks! ❤
OMG I had no idea that was a thing in people and that it could be caused by stress!!! But also, you literally just described how I annoy my husband late at night and it all makes SO MUCH SENSE NOW 🤣 Because yes, I do wrap up in fluffy blanket burritos and poke him while making really weird ass noises. And then I ask like ten thousand random ass questions. And I am ALWAYS stressed.
ANYWAY this would make a super cute fic idea (if my brain remembers...I should make a note in my installment list) of some night Reader is stressed about work and then just is off the walls high energy and maybe Matt is like trying to stay in and get some work done. Maybe she's doing the dishes and some laundry and being extra clingy and interrupting him. Matt probably points out that her stress hormones are really high and that she should relax, so she tries to watch TV while he's working next to her to calm down, but she's just cringing over something that happened at work earlier that week and fidgeting a lot (pulls his blanket off the couch and puts it on and then takes it off and then puts it back on because she can't sit still). Eventually Matt gives up and is like "What is up with you tonight because you're stress hormones are CRAZY."
But you know what Matt's answer to calming her down would be? Sex. We all can see that coming from a mile away. Just a knowing look and a "Sweetheart, do you need me to get you off?" And at that point, how could the answer be no? 😆
You know, I'm drinking coffee right now, too. I am TERRIBLE at drinking water and I feel so called out 😭 But you're right, I need to. Thank you for this really entertaining scenario that is now running in my head like it also has the zoomies...I'm definitely thinking about it 😆 Because Reader would totally be high-energy nervous sometimes, you're right!!
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melancholycatastrophe · 7 months
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Jotting down some thoughts about Only Friends Episode 4:
spoilers, obviously
That first scene with Ray broke me, that feeling of worthlessness and how everyone must hate you hit a little too hard for me
I was right thinking that Ray is closer to Mew than the others (and maybe vice versa), possibly because Mew is his emergency contact and saved him when he was feeling suicidal; which reminds me of when Ray told Sand that it was his turn to save him after Sand took care of him while he was drunk
That one person's theory that Ray is using Sand as an emotional replacement for Mew, who he already holds on a pedestal and probably is attached to Mew more than he likes Mew, is probably true. Idk I'm not really analyzing but I genuinely feel that Ray uses people as an emotional crutch in order to get things from them that he never got from his own mom - love, compassion, someone to hold
Cheum is so me: "Ray, if I wasn't a lesbian I would love you"
Side note: I love scenes where all four of them are together and doing friend stuff even though they're all backstabbing each other (except Cheum, bless her)
The fact that Boston saw his two close friends kiss and recorded it, kept it for two years without saying anything is so???????? I want to crack open his head and figure out whats wrong with him
Ray saying Sand is not his type after he had his tongue down his throat not 30 minutes ago is??????????
Ray still being in love with Mew is so sad especially when Mew clearly only sees him as a friend (He's gotta be on the ace-aro spectrum is2g Mew is demisexual and probably aroflux or something along that line. Trust me, I'm also ace(-probably aro) and he's just like me)
Mew laying clear boundaries with others is hot. Actually, yes, kissing someone who is asleep without their consent is weird and you shouldn't do it, this isn't a kdrama Ray, you can't get away with it
I can't wait for Nick to rock Boston's shit I'll be honest, I really want him to try and blackmail Boston into a relationship, they can be red flag4red flag
Top really has the AUDACITY to call Mew his future boyfriend as if he didn't fuck Boston like he had something to prove just the other day, all men do is lie
That airplane with a B on it....the photobooth at the hotel.....Top I was really rooting for you but you're getting on my last nerve...
Ray is the kinda guy that doesn't know what the price of eggs are
"I do want money but friendship and love can't be bought" Sand I literally can't relate, would love someone to buy me things in exchange for my friendship
Raysand is so cute at the guitar shop I just know Ray is gonna leave Sand broken hearted, there's no way Sand is getting out of this unscathed
Ray is so lovely when he apologizes and looks up with those puppy dog eyes I would forgive him too, its okay Sand
Sand loves arctic monkeys and oasis 😭 move over Ray, I can treat him better
Every time Boston is in the same frame as Top, I let out the biggest sigh; I love Ton, I won't lie, but God I need him to leave topmew alone (on the other hand, I wanna see Mew rock both Top and Boston's shit)
I love that scene in the elevator when Top was reading Ton to filth but couldn't he had done it before he had sex with him???? Like Book, I too will bring up that car scene every single time
God I don't trust Top
Out of context BostonNick is really cute, I wanna see Neo and Mark together in another series where they get play boyfriends
also Nick relistens to that damn audio more times than I rewatch episode 12 of Mignon
Nick trying to blackmail Top instead of telling Mew is such a choice. "Can you stay away from Boston?" bruh he's trying to, Boston is the one that appears out of nowhere like that one mosquito
"Top stole my ex" OH MY GOD OHHHHH MY GOD I KNEW IT BUT IT STILL TOOK ME BY SURPRISE
Book is so fine, idk something about the glasses gets me in every scene he's in
unrequited love for your best friend is so rough, I feel for you Ray (but he has a point. Mew, do you really want Top as your boyfriend?)
"Who punched you? I want to give them a trophy?" You can suck his dick too, Ray, since it's Sand
For a second I forgot who Beam was 😭 I was so focused on Boston and Top that I forgot Top slept with the entire young adult male population of Thailand
"Beam is a drug dealer" hOW IS THAT ANY BETTER?????
"Are you okay with that?" WHY WOULD HE BE OKAY WITH HIS POTENTIAL BOYFRIEND DOING COCAINE?????
why do I have the oddest feeling that Mew has some kind of background with dealing with addicts cuz that "quit drugs" speech was a little too impassioned. like a previous family member or someone was an addict and now he no longer wants to take care of people who are addicts because of how emotionally exhausting it is. maybe this theory is coming out of my ass but it might explain why he keeps Ray strictly as a friend (since not only is he an alcohol addict he also does cocaine???? boy are you trying to kill yourself?) and he gets mad at top for also doing drugs
i thought mew would use sex as a way to prove that he and ray were strictly friends, not as a reward to get top to stop doing drugs. i'm so flabbergasted and also top is kinda weird for wanting sex as a reward for taking care of himself but whatever
now I'm distracted at the fact that Top brought a packet of cocaine with him to Mew's place like??? was he planning to sniff a line while Mew was sleeping or...?
Man I was wrong about that airplane....but my point still stands
out of context topmew is cute
ray just wants to feel important to someone but now that mew has top, he's gonna cling to sand....i'm sad i just want ray to love and be loved
sharing music is a love language
the next episode looks too happy, i dont trust it
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drippingviolets3 · 1 month
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Sooooo, a lot has been happening with me recently and since I might be sick (and desperately need my medication adjusted-) I’m going to do a part two to that one thing where I rated danganronpa characters based on how they would comfort me after that one instance where I got bullied for being 💅
Hajime: 6/10: His free time events low key make me want to strangle him sometimes for his attitude, and I’m STILL traumatized by that one nut scene, but he’d still do more then the bare minimum despite being awkward about it.
Chiaki: 6/10: I know she would never say this, but for some reason she’s giving me Zuko’s “Thats rough buddy” response from ATLA 😭. I don’t think I would be able to tell if she’s actually listening or caring, so I’d be discouraged, but Chiaki would definitely try to find some way to distract me.
Nagito: -10/10: Mf would deadass look me in the eye and tell me it was a necessary stepping stone to achieve the brightest hope or some shit he can gtfo.
Twogami: 8/10: For the sake of staying in character he would pat me on the back with a broom, but would definitely have some words of wisdom to share with me, maybe share his food, idk.
Teruteru: 7/10: Here me out, since Teru is canonically bisexual, coming from one queer to another, he’d know when to drop the pervert shit and actually help. His advice would be shit but hey at least he’d make me something to eat.
Mahiru: 3/10: I can’t stand this bitch I gotta be real with y’all 💀. While she would agree that it was bad and such, she’d still get onto me for how I reacted and tell me to stop crying. We know she doesn’t really do anything to stop bullying so she’ll just do slightly below the bare minimum and dip.
Peko: 12/10: MY. WIFE. Okay I might be biased but I do think she’d just slowly draw her sword out to kill the mfs but would retract it the moment someone said “Peko, no.” Would she know how to comfort me? Probably not. But will she make sure that karma is delivered and that it hurts like a bitch? 100% yes.
Ibuki: 5/10: I think she’d also canonically queer, but she’s obnoxious and is weird in a way that kinda feels forced to me tbh? Idk how else to describe it, but I do know that while she would do her best to help, she’s not the person I want to be around in that kind of mess.
Hiyoko: 4/10: It depends on if we’re friends or not. If we were she’d probably tear the bullies a new one before promptly getting curb stomped, or she’d just make fun of me and tell me to get over it 💀.
Mikan: 2/10: She’ll want to help but would probably make it worse by tripping, crying, and apologizing.
Nekomaru: 9/10: He’d be such a dad about it, give the bullies a firm talking to and maybe yell at them if they catch an attitude. Overall he’d be bodyguarding me around that bitch 24/7
Gundham: 7/10: He’d give me a hamster to hold and would go off on one of his tangents about being a demon lord and how he’s make them burn in hellfire and shower the underworld in brimstone, but I won’t be paying attention because I’m holding a hamster and that makes life better 💞
Akane: 5/10: Similar to “Peko, no” but instead it’s like swiper the fox where you gotta scream “AKANE NO!” Three times in a row to prevent her from going on a rampage.
Sonia: 6/10: The sweetest and gentlest thing omllll 💞💞💞. She’d make sure I’m in a safe mental space so I won’t hurt myself and brings me pillows and blankets and such. But if she gets really pissed, home girl will deadass threaten the group to leave me alone. If they catch an attitude they’re gonna have to throw hands with her whole fucking country (and it is mentioned that everyone in her country learn how to work army machinery in elementary school so 💀)
Kazuichi: 5/10: I don’t know if he knows what a bisexual is 😭. He’d try to support me but his confusion would be so evident that it somehow makes me laugh enough to where I’m less sad.
Fuyuhiko: 20/10: This man has access to an entire fucking yakuza and you think that bitch will get out unscathed? He isn’t good with words, but actions speak louder than words so he gets straight to work. By the next day that bitch would be in the hospital and get PTSD by looking at babies, knowing it was a baby gangster who knocked her teeth out
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vegapunk-aurora · 10 months
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Can someone please just say the Ask Tales blog is permanently closed? It honestly hurts to look back at it with even the slightest optimistic glimmer of hope.
Hi Anon,
I'll go ahead and field this, IDK if any of my fellow former ToA mods got this message as well or not but hey, I was kind of unofficially looked to as the Owner so it's on me either way.
The short answer is yes, it is safe for you and anyone else still wondering to consider Tales of Answers over. All of us mods, while we still keep in touch, have largely moved on to other projects and gotten much busier in our personal lives, to the point where even with all hands on deck maintaining the blog at the rate we did at its peak is unfeasible.
It's also a matter of loss of interest. I still love a lot of these characters and I had a blast getting into their heads while it lasted but my interest in the Tales series as a whole has waned significantly since those days, and I think I speak for the whole ToA moderation team when I say that. Part of it is we agree that there is/was an overall severe decline in the series' writing quality for a while, but it's also just that naturally people move in and out of interests as their lives go on. Our hearts aren't in it anymore to the extent that we could produce content for this fandom with any kind of consistency and quality, and it wouldn't be fair to us or anyone who remembers our work fondly if we tried to go back to it without the passion we had when the thing started. Or, worse, start using ChatGPT or some bullshit. Honestly, that had already faded pretty significantly by the time we put a pause on the project, which was most of why we did it in the first place.
On that note, there was also a lot of Fandom Drama and toxicity to deal with back then. I've been somewhat disconnected from the wider Tales Fandom for the past several years so I don't know if it's cooled off, but at the time it was pretty exhausting to be entrenched in. For what it's worth, I don't think we were completely devoid of fault in any fandom drama that ensued, and I apologize if we ever did anything particularly incensing to anyone reading this.
In any case, I will say that yes, Tales of Answers is considered closed by its former moderation team. We consider passing it on to new mods out of the question, as it was a personal project by a group of friends and we don't really want to pass it to someone we don't know and can't guarantee would operate it in line with our own views and wishes. However, the good news is that there's absolutely nothing stopping someone else from starting a new Tales mailbox blog and taking up our mantle themself! In fact, if anyone is interested in doing so, please feel free to make use of all our character animations, which you can find on the blog itself. Most of those weren't even made by us, it was kind of a free for all to begin with.
Will we ever return in ANY capacity? Hard to say and I wouldn't count on it. For my part, I've considered occasionally popping in to make little unprompted skits whenever the inspiration strikes, but as y'all can see, said inspiration hasn't struck significantly enough in the past eight years to actually do it. Maybe I will some day, if any of the other mods still attached to the blog want to they're invited to as well. We're probably not gonna open the mailbox back up, though. Sorry.
ANYWAY now that I've disappointed everyone, if for some reason you still want to keep an eye on whatever I'm doing, I'm pretty inactive here these days. You can find me on Twitter (for however long it takes for Muskrat to kill it) at @aceofplaces, or on CoHost at @vegapunk-aurora. I have a lot of little projects I don't talk much about in public brewing in the background, hopefully some day I'll have one congeal enough to actually be worth sharing.
Now go, be free. Thanks for holding a candle for us for so long and sorry for making you do it for nothing, it is sincerely pretty validating to know this weird little shitpost factory my friends and I made when I was in high school ended up meaning something to somebody even now. Take care of yourself.
-Aurora (formerly Mod Ace)
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spacepunksupreme · 2 years
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Apologies for weird ask but i really want to hear all your thoughts on Feyd’s ill-fated Hoe Squad—
Not weird! I do have "talk to me about Dune" in my bio for a reason haha.
But ah yes, Feyd's poor, poor ill-fated Hoe Squad ... I have so many thoughts on them. I will try to keep it organized beneath the cut
Okay going to start my thoughts on Feyd’s like feelings about it all to have in mind while I talk about the Hoe Squad. As sympathetic as my perception of Feyd is, I don't really think he was like actually sad about having to kill them, not in any kind of meaningful way at least. I just don't think he really has the emotional capacity to actually be sad. Like from the moment he decided he didn't have another option I think he probably just shut it all off, got it over with as quickly as killing an unspecified number of people with your bare hands could possibly take, and then like did a bunch of drugs, worked out until he fell unconscious, and depression-slept for an entire 24 hours until some house staff had to brave the task of waking him up. Maybe gave himself a new haircut and wardrobe (which is what I think he did to deal with losing Piter as a weird pseudo parental/ teacher figure in his life) lol. 
In the reverse, I don’t think he got any pleasure out of it either though. We know Feyd enjoys killing people. And that it's probably not the first time he's had to kill people that he didn't necessarily want to kill, because I imagine he didn't have much choice about going into the arena as a little kid. But I think the killing of these poor girls was probably different for him because it wasn't even like "ugh, Uncle's making me go to killing-people-sports practice" like he normally enjoys it because all just sport to him, like truly the same kind of enjoyment normal teen jock boys get out of football. But I really don't think Feyd had previously killed anyone in a context outside of entertainment. Like unlike Paul who has been forced to really fight and kill by the end of the book, Feyd's ridiculous cocky behavior in the final fight seals the deal for me that I think he has such little experience of killing outside of a thing of fun and games and conquest and having to kill these girls like that definitely hit him hard in a way he is simply not equipped to even address with himself. 
NOW To actually go into the Hoe Squad: I'm not certain whether they're supposed to be like proper slave-concubines belonging exclusively to Feyd— like women who at least like somewhat """enjoy""" like a glamorous lifestyle of being a part of a very wealthy major house, and think of their place there as just sort of a sometimes-unpleasant vocation because they've never really had a life beyond that, VS like spoils of war type slaves stolen away from regular lives and therefore making their whole existence in House Harkonnen more of a constant violence against them. The proper concubines one is like a little less horrible though, so I personally prefer to think of them that way. I also think the early chapter where Gurney talks about his murdered sister having been a part of "a trooper's pleasure house" lends some credence to that because we can assume all women enslaved via violent means end up there vs like women who are slaves via it being just their born societal station are more likely to be in the actual Harkonnen keep. idk, I digress.
The sad caveat of Hoe Squad living a life they consider somewhat decent is that I think they wouldn't really be expecting to meet such a violent death. Like I’m sure they’re prepared for a lot of shit because all Feyd knows is do drug, have sex, and do violence, which unfortunately can be combined into one single horrible hobby, but I really don’t think any of them conceived of having it end with him killing them. He doesn’t have a temper like the Rabban, and he’s not as flippant with people’s lives like the Baron, so it’s not something he ever would have done on his own imo.
Like I truly think Feyd was like—and I mean in this in the loosest possible definition of the word— “friends” with these girls. He likes them as genuinely as  he is capable of, and they don’t completely loathe his presence either. My girlfriend said once that she imagines Feyd would just go the pleasure wing to just like talk to them, and I’m so here for the idea. Like he seems, for the most part, to have been as isolated as a kid as Paul, so who else does he even have his age to talk to? They’re a free captive audience he just relax around. It makes it all sadder, but also less horrible in other ways so I like it. 
Because my mind works in visual sequences, I have this horrible little scene in my head where the girls like see Feyd come in and are just like "oh hi, Feyd. Lookin kinda pale, you okay? haha" and only upon seeing the Baron, who normally would not be anywhere near their rooms, just like silently all realize what's probably about to happen. Like this horrible silence followed by one single girl screaming and then all hell breaking loose .... awful awful awful.
The Baron is so evil for telling him “with your own hands”, which I assume means bare-handed, like to make it all so prolonged and personal, I don’t think there’s any way from him to avoid having to kill them all individually one-by-one. And I think it's especially fucked up that we are not told how many of them there are. Like, is Feyd murdering five girls with his bare hands? Ten? Twenty? Even with the smallest possible number I think it’s so horrible to imagine how long it must have gone on. And like it’s only natural that they would’ve tried to fight back, at least a little, which probably made it so much worse for any attempt Feyd made to make it quick for them. 
I also have horrible thoughts about whether or not he had favorites among them, like did he have to decide—in the time it takes to walk from the Baron’s rooms to the slave wing—if he was going to kill his favorite girl first so she wouldn’t have to watch, or if it was better to let her live last even if she has to witness the death of the other girls? awful.
woof ... okay. That’s all I got. And now to clear our minds of violence against women, I invite you to close your eyes and imagine a toddler-aged Feyd who loves animals playing with some cute, exotic alien big cat cub that the Baron made Piter illegally import for him.
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woobifiedvillain · 10 months
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Ok usually I'm very :/ about the idea that traumatic things cause growth or whatever bc. No they don't they just cause trauma and weirder coping mechanisms to deal with later, supportive relationships and stability allow healing and growth and that takes effort.
But also. Something something maybe it's a little true in the sense that sometimes the only way to change something for the better is to break it completely first bc it's. Sometimes the things that need to change are a load bearing neuroses, and those don't change easily, even when given the opportunity to do so. Like I still think it's better to get to change for positive reasons. and it would have happened eventually - but also - The sentiment of yeah the reason I had this realization is because shitty things happened, isn't, well, false.
Specifically thinking about. How coming out as trans basically stopped me from being a people pleaser *all at once*, to the point where I'm almost at the opposite end of things now. And maybe that's an issue in and of itself (.....it is...alas...) but I was self aware before but also completely unwilling to give up the idea that I could get the approval I wanted. Mostly because up until that point, the people pleasing had. Worked.
Not all the time obviously, not even most of the time. But. Being aggressively helpful and friendly and compromising was like the one method which consistently had a realistic chance of achieving. Safety I guess? If not necessarily approval. But sometimes, in specific contexts like school or measurable achievements, yes it did achieve praise/attention. So the whole "well maybe if I just ignore that my feelings are hurt and keep trying and keep doing what they want and keep hoping they'll understand me eventually, it'll work" never felt futile enough to stop. Because whenever I thought about giving up it would work one (1) time and I'd be like OOOOH I've gotten a good grade in existing, something both reasonable to want and possible to achieve- and it would start all over again 🙃
So in a weird way. Coming out as trans and having almost everyone I know just. Completely stop talking to me or stop giving a fuck or drop any appearance of being nice. All at once? Was like. Oh this is silly. This has been. Silly. I've been a hopeful idiot. Haha. They were never going to care about me anyway. They probably never did, because the few people that did were at least. Idk conflicted about it or something. Like they didn't react *well* but it wasn't just. Instant and complete rejection and refusal to speak to me unless I decided I was cis actually. You know. There's a difference.
And it felt very. Oh. I've done all this. For years. Literally tried to be perfect in every possible way you requested, even when it made me uncomfortable or I would rather have spent time on something else. I did all this and none of it made you hesitate for even a second when I did one thing (for. In most of these cases literally the first time ever) you disapproved of. One thing.
And is it arguably a big thing sure. But also so we're. A lot of the other stuff I did for approval so. Meh. Like if I was being generous maybe I'd say my dad cared about me at some point, but also, when all it takes is one instance of "hey I'm doing this for myself, against your wishes" for him to jump to overt violance, and when I wouldn't literally argue with him in public and "apologize for the disrespect", going "you're not my child" and complete radio silence since. Like. Ok then. (Actually it was "you're not my daughter" which is fucking hilarious in retrospect bc yeah, I'm not, that's the point).
And this all sounds very. Idk self pitying maybe and maybe it is but that's also not the point. Point is it's wild bc I really don't think I ever would have stopped trying to get my family to care about me if I wasn't trans. Or it would have taken *years* and been a lot slower and harder and somehow. More messy. Actually.
And by wild I mean this was relatively recent like I started 2020 thinking, as I had for the last decade or so before that, that I would simply stay in the closet along with all my other notes on things I'd like to do but was too scared to ask for. And #girlrot in there and then one day I'd die. But at least nobody would be mad at me! :D (That was genuinely the plan I resigned myself to at like age 12 and simply stuck with for years, which is absolutely unhinged and terrifying to think about now).
But I was going to do it because I wanted to be able to visit my family and see my cousins again and idk be liked by the people who raised me in some capacity. And I genuinely thought that my parents cared about me, underneath all the. Problems. And maybe my mom just needed space and maybe they'd go to therapy at some point and I could understand where they were both coming from, I understood they both had trauma of their own and-
MMMM sometimes I think about that and try to remember any small piece of that feeling. Like the idea of having any feeling towards that possible approval other than rage and "ha that's never going to happen and if it did I wouldn't trust it and would never accept it. Die :)" and it's weird because it hasn't even been 3 full years and it feels completely alien to me.
And I think it's been a good thing but also sometimes I interact with the members of my family that for whatever reason decided to keep talking to me (unfortunately. Overwhelmingly the ones I was not close to or on good terms with to begin with) and they clearly expect some version of me that no longer exists and I'm like. :) This is really fucking weird also oho I'd *forgotten* why you'd have these expectations. Damn well there's been an update no I will not be explaining. Goodbye.
And none of this is to say I don't still automatically default to seeming agreeable and helpful. That's still a thing, I think in large part because the automated social scripts I've used my whole life didn't change to match my genuine emotions because those two categories haven't been connected for. A while. And also I don't particularly mind this habit in contexts I'm less invested in, like, tbh I do want to work on not reflexively agreeing to requests, but also, being seen as helpful and competent™ at work or in formal social situations is hardly the worst. And I'm not sure how to navigate being seen as anything else so rn that's on a back burner.
So I do disagree with the idea that trauma causes growth also because like. My families (and. The closest thing I had to long term/childhood friend's) reaction to me coming out, only broke the hope that was driving me to keep trying to genuinely get approval. It didn't. Get rid of the habits. It doesn't mean that my response to feeling scared and trapped in intense situations isn't still to start being giggly and smiley and placate people so I can run away. Trauma didn't give me new things to replace the maladaptive behavior with that's still a work in progress and anything helpful has come from a more stable living situation and good friendships.
But I do think I never would have stopped telling myself I could get my birth family (it is genuinely broad but also specifically my dad mostly) to care about me as a person. If I hadn't happened to not just come out but also sort of be outed and have to panic-make-choices that led to coming out and having to immediately deal with the response to that, in a context where I couldn't backtrack/deny it easily. And it was a good thing that the reaction was so explicitly "I was never going to care about you if you dared to do anything but exactly what I want". Because I also think if it had been any less ambiguous I would have talked myself out of feeling angry or rationalized it and told myself he'd come around eventually. (Actually I know this bc I'd done it several times before. In situations that are again. In retrospect. Unhinged. "they'll come around" around to what? To what? ")
Also if my dad wasn't so connected to my access to the rest of my extended family bc immigration, so there isn't a good way to talk to them without risking him finding out/them basically telling on me to him. All shitty circumstances but all extremely specific and necessary for this to happen somehow?
Anyway I'm gonna go lay down but yeah. Being trans is sometimes. Really an experience huh. And not even in ways connected to gender per se. Just. It's like the test of telling people no to see how they'll react, on a first date or whatever. You kind of end up forced into having to choose your own happiness and bodily autonomy over other people's feelings or entitlement. In ways that don't typically happen in everyday life (especially if you're very good and practiced at getting out of direct confrontation and putting your own feelings aside). And that inevitably brings up shit that otherwise could have stayed buried.
I am glad this happened ultimately. In a weird way. Also full of rage sometimes! And. Mourning? Something. Not quite sadness but definitely something about loss. However. Glad. And sometimes like today. *Reeling* at the realizations. And then I go to work like nothing happened bc I still have ~to pay rent~ and maybe someday I'll get off the waiting list for therapy. And stop making posts processing my feelings on Tumblr. Perhaps.
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