#yes describes me well

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Happy Valentine's Day! (and this blog's first post anniversary!)

#poorly drawn mdzs #better drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #lan wangji #Woah...it's been a whole *year* since I took the leap and uploaded my 'first attempt' art. #It's outdated now but it holds a special place in my heart for the fact it started all of this off. #Calling this 'poorly-drawn' was always about accepting that my art was going to be imperfect and messy - and doing it anyways! #There has been a staggering number of times I have drawn something I almost didn't upload because I didn't think it was 'good enough' #only for someone to say they liked it - or that it made them laugh. And it has helped me realize - #-The worst critic for my work has always been myself. If I listened to it all the time...well we would not be here now B'*) #And now that I have dabbled in other fandoms I can truly see how lucky was to start out with the MXTX fans. #The supportive messages and tags have truly been a guiding force toward my artistic and self improvement. #I really can't describe how grateful I am. #Thank you for seeing something worth rooting for when I was just figuring things out. #Thank you for being sweeter than the candy I have strategically hidden in the nooks and crannies of this house. #But watch out! If you forget to find them we will get ants. #I remembered to not hide chocolate in the bed this year. Yes I know it melted last time. Yes it did stain. I'm still sorry. #Thank you for loving me regardless <3 Even if it looked like I shit the bed real bad.

[turtleblogatlast]

Something I’ve been thinking about lately is that small moment in “Air Turtle” where immediately after the Daves lose yet another game, Leo says how sorry he is and how he’s doing his best as the mascot. This moment is so short but it’s honestly jam-packed with a whole heap of characterization.

His need to apologize for things clearly not his fault - especially when it feels like he messes up the job he was given despite doing the best he can (the phrase “it’s not about you” takes a new meaning when this is one of the lessons to be learned from that - that he is not always solely responsible for things going wrong), his need to save face and make a connection with an older adult man in his life (something he consistently does throughout the series - he’s got a few daddy issues, always collecting potential father figures, it’s no wonder he jumps at the bit to keep rapport), and the way he sounds and looks and the words he chooses really pushes how he is just a kid (“Mr. the Dunk, I’m so sorry”).

Like I know it’s a one off moment that doesn’t truly mean much, but when put against the rest of the series it works really well with the rest of Leo’s established character and helps in solidifying later concepts as well.

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt leo #rise leo #rottmnt headcanons #am I looking too much into things? almost assuredly yes #I actually appreciate how tim immediately goes ‘it’s not your fault’ as well? like he could’ve just blamed this 15/16 year old but he didn’t #but yeah this moment got to me a little mainly because it made me realize that Leo…DOES take responsibility for things a lot #he messes up a ton yeah but he says sorry at a pretty consistent rate #and y’know thinking about it #THIS IS TINFOIL HAT TERRITORY BE WARNED #he’s mentioned being betrayed by his brothers before - I wonder if it was something as simple as taking the fall for like #breaking something of Splinters or whatever #point is it wouldn’t be out of the ordinary for him to get the full blame for something only partially his fault #or not his fault at all in some cases #like in bug busters where Raph gets mad at Leo for not getting captured with them #(I understand Raph’s mindset here a ton - Raph’s the leader and he’s likely lashing out so I don’t blame the poor kid) #but this plus the moment at the beginning of the movie #where only Leo is reprimanded despite Mikey and Donnie having full autonomy to join the fun pizza stacking #make no mistake this is not at all a diss on everyone else!!! it’s just something I noticed #I think that “it’s not about you” doesn’t just pertain to being arrogant and wanting the spotlight #I think it’s also about how responsibility is meant to be shared #and like #Leo DOES mess up a lot! so he’s honestly probably used to having the blame because it is often at least somewhat warranted #he’s specifically described as being good at apologizing after all #tldr: Leo messes up a lot of the time so he is very used to blame and attention both good and bad #even when the full blame should not be solely on his shoulders

[that-disabled-princess]

I remember seeing a post about how being aromantic is akin to being allergic to corn, and like... yeah. Being romance-repulsed, loveless, and aplatonic in addition to being aromantic is like being allergic to olives and corn. And also their common substitutes. Olive oil and cornstarch are used in everything. There is no escape.

You tell someone you can't have a food because olive oil was used, and it's "oh, but surely you aren't allergic to olive oil! That's not a real thing."

You can't have a food because there's cornstarch in it and it's, "oh, but it's such a small amount of corn, surely you'll be fine. I know you can't have corn, but a tiny amount of cornstarch?"

You tell someone that, actually, you are also allergic to a common substitute, and it's "so you just can't eat at all? that's so sad!" or "then what CAN you eat? it's so sad you have such a dislike for food."

"Surely, you aren't actually repulsed by romance! That's so sad! And also, you made that up!"

"I know you're aromantic, but you can't actually be uncomfortable with people using the word 'love' as a blanket for emotions, can you?"

"So you don't feel love for your friends AT ALL? You just don't feel AT ALL? How sad!"

It's exhausting.

#i'm so sick of being told my very self is depressing #like fuck off tIfFaNy *i don't care* #i am living my best life #like yes tiffany i AM repulsed by romance and uncomfortable with overly romantic things #i AM uncomfortable with people automatically using ''love'' as a blanket word to describe my emotions and the emotions of those around me #saw a post that was like ''your friends love you more than you know and love you just as much as you love them'' and now i'm venting #sigh #also i don't like the word ''friend'' being used for me unless... well i don't actually know the ''unless'' #all i know is there are a couple people i'm really close to who i'm comfortable with using the word ''friend'' with #and most others are friendly acquaintances /pos #aromantic #loveless aro #amatonormativity #romance repulsed #aplatonic

[cookinguptales]

Do me a favor, okay? Next time you have a chance, close your eyes for a minute and take a deep breath and imagine someone loving you.

Imagine someone who gets excited just thinking about you. Imagine someone who loves the things you say and do and who genuinely enjoys spending time with you. Imagine someone who feels lucky every moment they get to be around you.

It can be a real person or someone you just made up. You can imagine them praising you or laughing with you or touching you or whatever love means to you. It can be romantic or otherwise. Take your pick.

And if you had a hard time doing it?

Do it again. And again. And again.

I read once that it’s important for us to visualize being loved. That your brain needs to be trained like a muscle, and like a muscle, it can become weak from disuse. Your brain can only do the things that you practice doing, and if you never, ever visualize someone loving you, it becomes difficult to even imagine someone loving you. You get stuck in a rut. And once it’s impossible to imagine someone loving you, it becomes impossible to believe you will ever be loved.

I think… sometimes it can become easy to stop believing that we’re worthy of love. And I think sometimes we have this fantasy of someone making us believe that we’re worthy of it again. Or that somehow we’ll just — earn it, one day. Being worthy of love and desire, respect and affection.

But I think the truth is that we can only start believing that we’re worthy of love if we’re capable of imagining it. And it becomes much, much easier to imagine it if you practice doing so.

It may feel awkward at first. Embarrassing. Silly. Maybe even painful. But think about it like this, maybe: your first day in a dance class, you’ll fall. You’ll look ridiculous. It’ll feel like your body will never be able to do this fluidly. But by the end of the class, you’ll be able to move in a whole new way. Maybe not perfectly, but… better, y’know?

Learn to waltz with your own mind, and try not to cringe too hard at your first awkward movements. Start small and work your way up if you have to. Someone liking you, then someone liking your conversations, then someone liking your presence, then someone purposefully seeking you out. Someone putting time aside for you. Someone thinking about you when you’re not there. Someone being with you because there’s nowhere they’d rather be.

It may feel self-indulgent, but… I mean, we all deserve to be indulged sometimes. And we all deserve to feel worthy of love.

So… indulge yourself. Take a moment and have a silly little fantasy. Get into the habit of imagining love, and imagining it for the you that exists right now, not the you that you wish you were.

Learn to speak the language of love as it applies to you, even if you think that it doesn’t, and one day you’ll realize how to use those syllables to say your own name.

It’ll come one day. In the meantime, let’s learn to dance together, okay?

#personally... #I mean I am disabled and I am not conventionally attractive #I have PTSD now from the kind of childhood abuse that makes you feel... broken I guess #so I have spent an awful lot of my life finding it difficult to imagine truly being loved #when there are so many 'easier' choices in this world it is hard to imagine someone picking me #so believe me when I say I know it's hard #but I also know that I closed myself off to love once I stopped being able to imagine people doing it #I lost the vocabulary for people loving me so when people did it I could no longer describe it #I didn't notice or worse - it stressed me out #but... I have started doing this visualization exercise and it does help #sometimes I have a spark of... well yes this person in this fantasy does deserve to be loved #and I am that person #so there's a spark of hope to it #hope can be good and hope can be bad but... I guess it's necessary too isn't it? #so let's do our best to make our brains stfu when they're being mean and instead focus on self-love

[meikostan]

#made this lovingly because i love it when this happens. like in music videos where they have so many background characters and they gotta #include everyone like omg the gang is all here!! #weirdly inspired by me listening to popipo and then reflecting on when i still frequently read [specifically vocaloid] fanfiction #loved it when fics used someone as a background character and described them only with their hair color and prop and i would feel so smart #for guessing them right like yes the blue hair man with a scarf is kaito!! #as well as if they were based on a version of themself from a particular song #ok i will shut up now this is getting a little too 'back in my day' for me #vocaloid

[emieclat]

while rereading scarlet i started picturing sophia lillis as thorne for some reason. so here are some doodles of that vision

(this is the scene where cinder plugs iko into the rampion)

#emieclat #the lunar chronicles #linh cinder #carswell thorne #no sophia lillis has nothing in common with thorne #she is not blond or tall and she's never played in a cool suave role before #but some descriptions in this chapter just made me go huh #in particular there was a bit where it describes thorne as standing in the doorway stiff and uncomfortable like the ship was being haunted- #-by a poltergeist #and i mean. stiff and uncomfortable is basically sophia's whole deal in i am not okay with this #and yes. that was the only reason i got this vision #what would girl!thorne's first name be though #carswell is a boy's name and as far as i can tell there isn't a girl equivalent #i mean. personally i could still stick with carswell just cos it's fun #but it'll be interesting to dig into the etymology and think of other potential names #(for those who don't know: carswell means 'well where watercress grows') #(and watercress? cress? you know? and the original rapunzel was named after a similar lettuce to watercress?) #(and rampion is also a rapunzel? you see how it all ties together)

[wouteke]

Chat is this real

#(yes) #I actually did think it was rly interesting how they mentioned that the prevalence is likely higher in countries where cycling is less #popular… like it makes perfect sense but I didn’t think about it #and on that note here is my pogichan autistic thesis #jk rogla is where the real money is but whenever ppl start describing an individual as a special alien. Well #what do you want me to think

[alangdorf]

Sorryyyy for dropping off the face of the earth; got kinda shy after that last post but mostly I’ve just been writing though I cannot guarantee that any of that will ever be finished (also I’m very insecure about my writing AAAH). Figure I might as well post the valentines I had done (like two months late lol); interestingly this turned into more of a hand lettering exercise than I was expecting lol

#len’en #yabusame houlen #suzumi kuzu #tsubakura enraku #haiji senri #art #digital #there was one more but I’m not confident it’s like. funny? and I have stuff I’d eant to change abt it #and these four have pretty good comedic timing as a set so I’ll just leave well enough alone #also had plans for a Kuroji and uhhh Xeno a but those haven’t panned out #you’ll have to excuse me I’ve been going off the rails and also have not fixed the meds situation (I’m completely out atm) #started like four fics; yes they are all suzutsuba and there is. so much sex (not described/on screen but STILL) #didn’t manage to stay away from Hamal Cine Bad End either jfhshsjfb #too nervous abt talking yo pol rn to leave comments but zaranthropy if you’re reading this I owe you my life #also I think I said I was inspired on something by dissociation constant and then when chapter 2 came out I relized it was something I had #completely misinterpreted but I’m too embarrassed to actually go and check lol…… #*talking to ppl sorry I had to turn off my autocorrect cause it was being compeltely unreasonable #OH YEAH also this Haiji design was a little bit inspired by a redesign of them from uhhhhhhh who was it. idk most of their blog is gone but #I’ll go check my likes #anyway I like how they tuned out also that joke came to me several days after valentine’s and gave me the idea for this whole thing #edit: can’t find the post anymore for some reason but I think yhe name was like chiosu or something? #did somebody go delete their blog while I wasn’t looking

[sysig]

It started with a whisper ♥ (Patreon)

#Doodles #SCII #Helix #ZEX #Crackship #Xigbar #Of all the crackships that I didn't expect I probably wouldn't have expected these two the most lol #I super wasn't expecting to feel So strongly about them this is like multi-tier Big Feelings in varying directions #One - ZEX - obvious (lol) | Two - Xigbar (hehe II hehehe) - I think I mentioned it like maaaybe once over here but I was Huge into KH #Specifically Org XIII specifically-specifically 358/2 it is the only game in the Kingdom Hearts line that I've beaten and probably ever will #Oh no wait that's not true I did play through all of the DS release of Re:Coded but like......does that count lol I think no #I played the intro of Kingdom Hearts II and shut it off after the bit with Roxas and Sora like - the egg scene how do I non-spoilers this #I own it and I will never beat it I am too sad I want only my Nobodies lol <3 #Kingdom Hearts had a big influence on me - that and Magic Knight Rayearth are a big explanation as to Why I'm Like This lol #Cough cough casting away the dark parts of your heart only for it to come back and bite you later and also The Gay™ lol #But AnyWay lol - Xigbar! #He wasn't my favourite-favourite - aside from Main Characters that'd probably go to Marluxia - but I still hold him very fondly!! #Definitely doodled him a good bit he's very handsome ♪ #And just - ah ♥ An old fave and a new(er) fave interacting and making each other happy and feel nice and play well I just fsalkfdf #As well as that being Max's body! There's something heightening about all these different aspects that was just overwhelming to me haha <3 #If it's not already obvious - yes this was the happy cries lol this is the only explanation I have haha #I feel very strongly about Them and Interactions and Feeling Nice and fjdslafsdf #Anyway! This isn't Just them! Just a lot haha ♪ #I have started a playlist lol - so far it's just this song - Everybody Talks - but some of the others from SCII playlist fit well too :) #The rest is just ZEX being cute hehe <3 ZEX not understanding what crying is is very interesting to me :3c No VUX equivalent? #Seems like they don't have the same kinds of chemicals like adrenaline et al so I guess a flushing system isn't as necessary! Interesting :D #ZEX fumbliness leading to him being a bit on the back foot is so cute hehe <3 He wants so loudly and openly but actually accomplishing it- #I also really like how he holds himself - all the tension through him to fight against new muscles and bone everything too alien! #I imagine his hands as being very rigid and all the fingers pulled together straight but that could just be how he describes bones hehe #Alien in there <3 Plenty to read into :3c

[danothan]

I like to think of halbarry as two gay men who haven't come to terms with their sexuality and complete denial bc of their trauma and bullying

like what you said in flashpoint paradox where in that timeline he got the support system and no trauma I think

I think it makes sense to me them being gay than bi/pan. etc

oh this could not have come at a worse time, i’m drawing the most bisexual halbarryisms in the world rn 💔

#danswers #dc #halbarry #hal jordan #barry allen #green lantern #the flash #danbles #i never updated on this but i finally decided my ‘true canon’ is that they’re both bi! #and yes including hal’s pansexual ass. it doesn’t rly make a difference either way but EYE personally interpret him as bi too #and ik i said all that stuff abt fpp but i think the problem is that the hc dismisses barry’s current life #as if having trauma could negate newer experiences #i think it makes more narrative sense to combine the memories of both timelines to make him feel more complete rather than choose either or #rings some bisexual bells doesn’t it? #not to mention barry’s compartmentalization is not strictly gay in fact it works thematically with the bi angle #as for hal. well i want her to be bi^2 to put it simply. the bisexual bigender agenda. bigenda #i also think that the way hal views gender is deeply fascinating and makes it harder for me to view him as pan bc of it? #not that i think being bi or pan has any singular experience but ig it makes more sense to me as someone that has identified as both #idek if hal would use labels i just describe her with specific ones as a way to communicate my own interpretations. he’s just living life #so yeah they’re repressed for sure. but i also don’t think that makes them gay #the post you referenced was an oldie tho i’m glad it still resonated with someone! #none of this is canon anyway so hc whatever you’d like <3 #i’ll only fight someone if they say barry specifically is the token straight. targeting him just bc he’s boring smh…

[enlichened]

i will say i have some GRIPES with fallout (the tv show. and in general) but its really capturing some specific horrors VERY well. in particular im thinking 1. nuclear war/bombs. the first scene of the show really conveys just how terrifying and inescapable something like that is. and 2. learning the whole system you grew up in is false, specifically learning about a vault experiment while living in it.

#weve had vault dwellers before of Course. almost every game! but most of them came from benign vaults in terms of experiments #like yes of course the cryogenics. yes yes the mind games. but 31 32 and 33 are like something youd FIND in one of the games. not come from #and the fact that we're learning it along with the people living there is SOOO something to me #and with the nuclear bombs. well. do i have to describe how awful and gutwrenching and impossible-but-somehow-true that is? #i could post about my gripes too and i will <3 especially because some of them are. important. but im kinda enjoying myself too a little #shaking off that fallout rust! #personal / #fallout blogging #fallout show #fallout show spoilers

[uncanny-tranny]

Could you describe your gender using words that are not typically used to describe one's gender?

The wave of exhilaration I got when I finally thought of a story I want to write after being burnt out for over five years, or maybe novels from the romantic movement or the decadent movement, for the latter it would primarily be the manner in which people spoke with each other in The Picture of Dorian Gray

#ask #trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #mtf #nonbinary #actually y'all feel free to share your obscure gender descriptions #i still need to finish picture of dorian gray though.. #i just adore the stiffness of the character's speech and the overly formal address they have for each other #i find myself really wanting to imitate the style of the romantic/decadent movements because it's so nice to read #and the things they write that would be considered purple prose today maybe is just... i like it #like yes!!! describe to me in three pages what that grandfather clock looks like i am dying to know <3 #i do find myself writing more... horror i guess so it'd be me describing in three pages just the most grotesque things lol #my hot take is that you should use purple prose and flowery language. doing it well is a different matter though #and horror absolutely needs some level of purple prose i think. the things that horrify me most are the things left to rot in my heart.. #...and that'swhat makes it GOOD! i don't want to be hit again and again i want to SIT with it and let it grow and manifest and be UNBEARABLE #if i read/watch something horror-based or with horror elements and it doesn't do that then i tune it out frankly #that is my hot literature/film(ish) take #(part of the reason i barely watch horror movies anymore is the fact that so many of them tend to be 'hit them again and again' style) #(and filtering those movies out from the movies i'd be horrified by isn't fun or engaging lol)

[callisteios]

can't believe a redditor is literally trying to mansplain greek beauty standards to me WRONGLY to justify why a video game only has women with massive tits

#it's my fault for posting to reddit yes #it's my fault for engaging with the redditors #but like #me: #im a classicist #him: #ok well i will explain to you mythology: 'in the lore of religiions the goddesses were actually all described as being very beautiful' #what the fuck ill kill you #gnashing my teeth #showing him many breasted artemis and making him die #kal speaks

[elegyofthemoon]

ok but i'm just thinking about one of the memory logs for sakura and how mobius tells sakura that what happened to her after her mantis surgery is at least better than what happened to both mobius and kevin after theirs, but from then on, sakura is no longer human and no one else will look at her like a human like before

then you timeskip over to when sakura is trying to save rin from MOTH, and she's arguing with kevin about how the MANTIS soldiers will always be outsiders and a threat to MOTHs because of the surgery. and how this treatment is what makes sakura afraid for rin and inevitably leads to her doom i :(

#yes i was replaying ch 12 again (WELL IT WAS BC I WAS STREAMING FOR A FRIEND) #i think i replay ch 12 way too often somethings wrong with me lmao #idk how to describe the feeling #a drop of water that ripples out over time basically #that instilling of a fear that blows up later #sakura may not care how people think of her BUT FOR HER SISTER YEAH OF COURSE SHE WILL CARE SO MUCH ON RINS TREATMENT #and my god. poor rin. #listen i just really love sakura T _ T #like every rendition of sakura i adore lmao #ik yae sakura is different from sakura but narratively speaking its kinda juicy the repetition of an older sister who loves her younger #sister so deeply that it inevitably kills her #well not kill. she gets trapped in a box in the village arc but still asdfajdlkh #avil plays hi3 #IM REALLY THINKING ABOUT IT I WONDER IF SAKURA RANKS OVER FU HUA NOW FOR FAVE CHARACTER BC I THINK OF SAKURA SM LMAO #she actually might be aldkfalasjfh #anyways someday ! i wanna commission someone to draw sakura and lightning switch clothes #i start my job today so i will now be getting money :D #but i have to be very mindful on expenses alsdkjafh

[stealingyourbones]

The want and urge to animate an eldritch horror Danny Phantom is so strong and yet I don’t have the artistic skill or knowledge of particular types of animation to fully do the idea in my mind justice

#bones speaks #you know that one arg channel? _Boisvert #that one #the angel from that #that’s the best way to describe what’s going on in my head #I feel the need to animate and not draw it bc drawing it won’t show the extent of the *wrongness* ya know #angels say ‘be not afraid’ for a damn reason when first meeting people and I need Danny to have the same vibe #sorta holy or divine and visually goes beyond human comprehension so much so that we can only see what our brain can best process #which is to say: some creepy ass bullshit of an amalgam horror creature of colossal size and power #When I look at Eldritch Horror Danny it needs to be so much overstimulation of shit going on that I instantly start dissociating #it needs to be so much at the same time that it genuinely makes you mentally break #if you check out that ARG channel: be warned that it’s main theme is depression and hopelessness. it may send you into a depressive spiral. #it has frightening and VERY unnerving imagery along with religious themes and gore and a LOT of staring #just so y’all know and I don’t accidentally make y’all dissociate or anythin cause that shit nearly instantly makes me lose touch w reality #like I should enjoy watching it bc it genuinely makes me feel bad and yet the curiosity of such an interesting take of the medium an just- #it’s just so cool ya know? stuff Beyond Comprehension and exsistential dread is just FASCINATING. #like Everywhere at the End of Time #that shit? instantly makes me have an anxiety attack and makes me off the rest of the day. #do I find it incredibly intriguing and on the occasion listen to it again knowing damn well that I’m setting myself up for a shitty day? yes #it’s just sO COOL #audio format of dementia is beautifully haunting. I worked for a time volunteering helping dimentia patients. some of them… #they were hollow. empty shells of a person that when I saw them all I could visualize was that awful static from the album just going on and #on forever. there was nothing left. that shit and morality scares the SHIT out of me and equally entices me #tw dissociation #tw memory loss #tw dementia