#yeah im torturing myself

[actuallyitsstar]

does it count as a criminal record if his only crime is having way more fun than the navy allows? (insp).

#topgunmaverickedit #top gun maverick #pete maverick mitchell #top gun maverick gifs #top gun maverick edit #top gun #stars gifs #mine #stars tg edits #idek HOW to explain myself on this one babes i saw the insp post a couple days ago and it has been HAUNTING me #torturing me like those voices #its so. yeah. cant explain it but its him #being so normal about that old man is an olympic sport and baby im bringing home the gold #or whatever that famous text post says #i am paraphrasing #anyways these gifs are not perfect and coloring this movie was a real bitch but enjoy akdhfkffhgj #me trying to write my wips and my brain is just MAKE GIFS !!! MAKE GIFS !!! DO ITTTTT

[hejee]

(WIP) the voice in my head is telling me to add more plants so maybe i should

#solavellan #lavellan #solas #work in progress bc im an ass i wanna add so much more details but i have no idea if i can color them all lmao #why am i doing this? i have no idea really #but it does give me serotonin so yeah ig that’s a good reason to torture myself even further #modern au bc i can’t find a good medieval looking greenhouse on google to get references at so

[sillycathorrors]

WILL WOOD WILL WOOD WILL WOOD WILL WOOD WILL WOOD WILL WOOD WILL WOOD WILL WOOD WILL WOOD WILL WOOD WILL WOOD WILL WOOD WILL WOOD WILL WO

#im actually LOSING MY MIND /pos #so ive had a bit of a will wood hyperfixation lately #and i was on call with my friend and mentioned i listen to him (we were talking about my search history. dont ask) and it was casually and #then my friend starts calling me out for listening to him by (just gently) teasing me on my mental state for listening to him and how his #music is mostly just screaming (sorta true) #so then i go on a rant #40 mins later ive played I/Me/Myself (a beginner will wood staple) AND skeleton appreciation day (one of my faves) also done the dishes #and made a 1hr 28min playlist made of entirely will wood/will wood and the tapeworms for my friend #and info dumped A LOT #so uh yeah #autism moment #will wood #will wood and the tapeworms #wee woo #im literally lying against the kitchen floor #i’ve encountered a second hand vanity #im an autistic baby strapped to a ceiling fan #and ive learnt to torture house cats like vultures

[slutdge]

Not to get deep here or anything but i really think i dont want to have a relationship with my sister anymore and ive been reflecting on that a lot. like sure she didnt abuse me or really do anything to directly traumatize me, but she voted against me having human rights because im queer, as well as voting for a party that wants to harm first nations people despite both of us being first nations i just.... i dont think i can forgive her for that. weve had laughs and good times together but i find myself unable to forgive her for her politics. i wouldn't tolerate bigotry from anyone else, i shouldnt tolerate it from someone just cause theyre family.

#can anyone provide me guidance on this? ill bring it up with my therapist but i dont see her for another week #anyways im making myself cry late at night whats new lol ive been processing a lot this week #ok eta: and theyll always make you feel bad for this!!!!! #theyll be like ''ok so everyone has to bend to your commie regime to have a relationship with you 🙄'' #like yeah actually you do #if you really loved me like you claim to you wouldnt be FUCKING VOTING FOR THE PEOPLE WHO WANT TO TAKE MY RIGHTS AWAY #yes you do have to respect my rights if you want to have a relationship with me that is completely reasonable #whats ACTUALLY unreasonable is you asking me to ''just get over'' the fact that yall support people who think i shouldnt have human rights #right wingers will try to gaslight you into believing basic human decency is an unattainable and torturous request #then when you get upset theyll be like ''god the left is so emotional 🙄'' #like yeah. i am. and you should be emotional too about human rights violations. the fact that youre not is pure evil. #anyways ill go cry myself to sleep like a faggot now #it just breaks my heart that i dont have any immediate family members who dont blatantly hate me for being queer/first nations

[whumpflash]

Never: Left

cw: hand whump, gore, brief emeto mention, this one gets kinda graphic so be warned :)

"Pick a hand."

James eyed his captor, sullen and silent. For two days, he'd been a prisoner in the brig of his own ship. No food, no water, no idea if the men still loyal to him were even alive. Kept chained to the wall, bound in a bent position by rough rope.

His body ached, his head was pounding, his mouth felt swollen, and here was Peter, first mate turned mutineer, giving him stupid orders.

"Pick a hand," Peter said again, sounding annoyed.

"Why?" James spat out, his voice rasping. "Why should I do anything you ask of me?"

Peter clicked his tongue. "Well now, you don't sound like someone who wants a drink of water."

James scowled. So this was how it was going to be. He'd have to play Peter's games, cave into his demands, just for the pleasure of keeping himself alive. Fine. His life was worth more to him than his pride.

"Left," he said, and Peter's face broke into a smile.

"There we go!" he said, producing a small flask from his hip and unscrewing the lid. He pressed it to James' lips, and he drank, unable to grasp it himself with his hands tied behind his back. It was taken away too soon.

"Now, you said your left hand?" Peter asked, moving behind him. James tensed as his former first mate cut the hand in question loose in such a way that the other was still tied firmly in place. Traitor or not, Peter was skilled with rope tricks. He gripped his wrist tightly, and James winced as his arm was straightened for the first time in days.

Even with one hand freed, the rest of his body was practically immobilized. Trying to fight back at this point would yield only failure. His best hope was to entertain Peter's wishes until the traitor let his guard down.

"Left hand, left hand. Good choice," Peter said, tracing a finger along James' palm. "Now, will you let me cut it off?"

James clenched his jaw. Even though he'd suspected this was the way things were headed, hearing the words spoken out loud sent a shock through him. "What?"

"I want to cut off your hand," Peter said. "But only if you tell me to. Will you?"

What kind of game was he playing now? "No. Why would I?"

"Okay!" Peter said brightly, releasing his arm. James watched him stride out of the room, flexing his fingers. Was that it? Was Peter just trying to mess with his head?

He took a shaky breath as the other man returned a few moments later, carrying what looked like a small anvil.

Of course not. Peter's games were never so simple.

The anvil was placed a few feet to James' left, and he felt a shudder run through him when he saw the metal cuff welded to the top. He was too weak to pull away when Peter grabbed his hand, and could do nothing as he was dragged from the wall, body stretched as far as his restraints allowed, left wrist locked into the anvil.

"I'm going to ask again," Peter said. "Can I cut off your hand?"

James' heart was pounding in his ears, worsening his headache. Should he just say yes? Get whatever Peter had in store over with? Or would he really be spared if he denied the request? He squeezed his eyes shut, thinking of climbing the rigging, steering the ship, engaging in battle. All things better served with two hands intact.

"No," he said at last.

"Okay then," Peter said cheerfully, drawing a small knife. Its edge was polished, razor-sharp. James felt his blood run cold as Peter brought it down to trace the outline of his hand.

"That means I get to convince you."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Peter started with the ring finger. One long deep cut along the inside of it, a few more around the circumference, and he was able to set to work on removing the skin.

No amount of screaming, begging, or threatening would stop him, James found that out within a few minutes. He'd tried to clench his hand into a fist, but Peter struck him against the knuckles with the hilt of the knife and threatened to take an eye if he made this difficult, so he'd given up on that and took to screaming instead.

"Cut it off, cut it off!" he'd screamed as the finger was reduced to bone and muscle, and then not even that as Peter began to slice away at the tendons.

Peter had responded in a calm, friendly voice as he dug the point into the first joint, began to pry it away,

"It's too late for that. You can only tell me to cut it off when I ask you if you're ready for it to be cut off."

So James could only wail helplessly, straining against the bindings that held him in place until his skin burned and bled wherever the rope touched it. He'd be sick if his stomach had anything to give up.

Peter hummed as he carried on, removing more and more of the finger until it was down to the knuckle. He paused then, looking at the bloody space thoughtfully, and for a moment, James dared to hope he was done.

But then Peter jammed the point of the knife into the wound, and James' vision went white with pain. For a blissful few seconds, he knew nothing, felt nothing. But when the world came back to him, Peter was holding his thumb.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He didn't know how long it took as the process was repeated, the slow filleting of each finger, the piece-by-piece removal of bone. James' consciousness felt like it had melted into the pain, each new excruciating stroke indistinguishable from the next as he faded in and out of consciousness, barely able to do more than whimper as his body shook and his hand was taken from him one cut at a time.

Eventually, he opened his eyes to see everything gone, the remains of his hand sitting amid discarded flesh and gore. Peter was carving the skin off his palm, still humming a carefree tune. James let out a sound that was something between a sob and an animalistic whine, and Peter's gaze flicked down.

"Ah, you're awake!" he lifted the knife, twirling it between two fingers. "Now I hope you remember the rules, because it's your turn again."

James couldn't speak, couldn't even nod. It had to be over. He couldn't take any more of this slow slicing. It had to be over.

"I think you know what I'm going to ask you," Peter continued.

James only stared up at him. His vision was swimming. He had to stay conscious long enough. He had to be able to say the word, just one word.

"Can I cut off your hand?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

next part

#so yeah here's this #another very fun thing to write #i really enjoyed myself #might do more tbh im a sucker for piratey/seaside whump #though i have other projects to work on #whump #whump writing #whumpflash #captive #tw torture #captain hook #villain whump #pirate whump #hand whump #tw graphic #defiant whumpee #begging #this is a peter pan fanfic btw lmao #never/never

[skitskatdacat63]

I meant to write more for a pt 2 lore post earlier but didn't end up doing so, so pls take these AU sketches(Mark & Jense and then some assorted sketchies)

#i should never have drawn them as catboys bcs now they appear as catboys in mind half the time 😭😭 #its only on paper but i drew more catboy sketches of them than whats included here 😭 #seb reminds me of my cat where hes being all nice and cuddly and then will bite you out of nowhere #seb in his frilly nightgown is very important to me!!! #i meant to draw both of them in nightgowns but brain wasnt worked too well tonight #so thats why these are mostly half finished #the bottom seb is too remind myself i have a regular art style 😭😭😭 #mark in this au is so funny to me. bro is tortured by having to be with seb like practically every waking moment #he basically is a offically provided live-in bestie 😭😭 #*based on real life thing. i think its funny how you can be royalty yourself + #but bcs youre not part of the imperial family you can still be reduced to the job of having to dress the emperor 😭 #^ so thats mark in this au #seb promoted him to an important role when he became emperor but still makes mark do his old duties 🤭🤭 #jense is in charge of all the horses and transport and things. thus: ye olde horse girl #im sorry but in historical AUs all f1 drivers are legally obligated to be horse girls. its literally canon #so sorry for the catboy sketch. it will happen again. #but ig i dont wanna go too deep into lore stuff in these tags cause yeah. another post in the works!! #i think about it and have talked about it a lot. but its hard to like contain all of it to bullet points and such #my brain is not built for writing fic i think so idk of youll ever get that from me. but lore yes i will deliver #sebastian vettel #fernando alonso #jenson button #mark webber #f1 fanart #formula 1 fanart #catie.art. #formula 1 #boy king au

[capaldiera]

sometimes when a male character seems distressed by getting kicked between the legs it's actually because it made him dysphoric that he didnt have balls to get kicked 😔. or you could get creative with it maybe he's a masochist and sad it didn't hurt

#yeah sorry this was prompted by deep breath. the first part i mean #the second option came to me as i typed #me.txt #although #there may be something to be said for the formative experience of being uncomfortable because you didnt get hit in the balls on your first #day of your new regeneration. maybe he is at least subconsciously into the idea of cock and ball torture and maybe its because of that.. #who never can say. #. im always following trains of thought to entertain myself at work and i dont always like where i end up but at least its usually amusing

[good-beanswrites]

Woo hello 🎬!! I kept all of your ask here -- I put it like this for my own easy scrolling, but no way am I cutting any of this, it's so perfect AH

Oughhhhgh Haruka getting more confident from hanging out with everyone and getting such positive feedback… I’d imagine the back to back innocent verdict and night of compliments would do wonders for his psyche ;-; And same for Muu and Amane! Minus the inno verdict, but the sudden influx of explicit compliments and acknowledgement of “hey, that was fucked up what they did to you, okay?” I wonder if there’s any awkwardness since After Pain directly follows Bring it On, but I like to imagine Fuuta and Muu have a deeper talk about things in private (and maybe Muu hesitantly mentions her involvement with Rei in preparation for INMF…)

Damn, who’s going to give the sex talk to the kids after Yuno’s vide-- Shidou. Sidou does. Without hesitation. They have to stop him because no one wants to hear it and everyone there already understands the basics.I love the idea of she, Mahiru, Muu, and designer Mikoto chatting about everyone’s fashion sense (I can imagine them poking fun at Fuuta’s tracksuit and Shidou’s patterned shirts.) And planning shopping trips that include everyone!!! Amane and Kotoko are given no choice in the matter, and a lot of the guys are genuinely interested in coming along.

Awww, I love the thought of Haruka getting into a “boy” interest with Fuuta and Mikoto -- he never knew what it was like to have brothers but he’s really enjoying it <3 (Also I’m cracking up over Fuuta trying desperately to convince them “it’s not cringe!!!”)

ASDFSDF Mappi just straight up sobbing and Mikoto handing her tissues 😂 But yes, she also gets choked up during Magic and Amane can’t figure out why. This begins the adults’ efforts to get her out of whatever situation she’s currently in (which Jackalope was already half-working on, but is definitely spurred on by several angry almost-murderers demanding he get it done now.)

I do like that idea of Red more comfortable with showing skin than Blue. (I know people are very emotional about the stalker theory, but I personally never took it in a harmful way. I always enjoyed how it was a symbol of stripping away everything else until you’re left with your true, whole self.) So I like to think that Blue feels too exposed, but Red/Green are the ones who pitched it in a symbolic sense! 

I’m losing my mind at Kotoko/Kazui/Red talking about sparring. Everyone else is like “hell yeah, let’s see it!” and Shidou just sitting there like “you all are going to be the death of me. You are NOT fighting.” Because I really want to think about it happening, I’ll say they manage to sneak away at least once and nearly break a prop in the process, to which even Jackalope shuts them down.

I think they all manage to get pretty serious again by the time T2 rolls around, but the hiatus is filled with a lot of sweet moments and healing conversations between everyone. Also, making so many plans for the future helps keep them sane when some of the project immersion gets a bit too real. Whenever they start realizing they might be condemned for their actions and worried that they’re too broken/they’re life is ruined, they come back to those plans and relax a bit.

Absolutely no pressure, but I would love to hear your T2 thoughts! 👀👀👀 I’m so incredibly grateful you’ve taken the time to share your ideas -- from the very beginning this au has been a big collaboration, so it’s super fun bouncing ideas around :D

#milgram #ft everyone! #i really love all of these ;---; #thank you so much!! ive been enjoying these so much and im sure everyone else is as well #i keep swinging drastically from torturing myself by thinking deeply about upcoming angst #and then healing myself thinking of everyone chillin in this au sdfsdfa #pretty soon ill write up a post with little details ive had in mind here and there 👍👍 #i just havent had the motivation to put em down on paper yet but youre inspiring me!!!! #and yeah... i swore id finish a few of my current milgram wips before starting anything new but youre tempting meeeee #there will be plenty of time over the upcoming trial break for me to get some writing in im sure 👀 #in a more serious tone i want to write a little drabble of the prisoners leaving/returning to the prison area #the odd relief of dropping pretenses and feeling free again #and then the heaviness that settles over them when they put on their fake bandages and torn uniforms and walk back in #but movie night my beloved!!! #not in a limiting gender role sort of way but i think with all the femininity that was forced on haruka he has a great time with the boys #all that fashion advice was Not heeded when choosing outfits for backdraft and triage #the Dad Fit was all shidous idea #(<- says this but i love the backdraft look jsyk) #i feel like t2 movie night would be much more chaotic since they were involved for a lot so they can get rowdier #then again some things were left secretive -- they never got to meet shidous kids and most didnt watch tear drop filming #and some of the post-filming effects probably turned out cooler than they were expecting #lights camera sing your sins #ask

[snazzi-strawberri]

You know not going to college doesn't sound like a bad idea 😳😳😳

#college applictaiosn are so hard and no ones helping me im so overhwelmed and tired and i dont know whta to do #i can live not going to college it doesnt so that baadddd #who needs a big proffessional job pshhhh #why torture myself yoknoww🥺🥺 #and it's just a big money spender too- #so its all in all a great deal 😎 #but yeah i am seriously considering this #im ok with not going #not the end of the world #why torture myself trying to get all these documents and requirements for applications when i can just sit back and relaxxxx😎😎😎

[gazelessmenagerie]

They match your earrings

#|| Etchings in the Walls { Art } #( you know when you're watching scenes from movies on yt and then you get punched in the heart? yeah thats me ) #( I can't believe I tortured myself to try and do some color bullshit using references. didn't quite get it but shh ) #( still a very long ways off from knowing how color works bc omfg its gd magic to me rn. ) #( but one day. ONE DAY. ) #( till then. im gonna go cry in the corner bc my kokoro is brokoro )

[vagueiish]

idk what it is rn, but i'm feeling like this is gonna be the year i Become a Real Person. and i am fucking stoked

#yeah yeah i know im a people right now #but i dont feel it. ya feel me? #idk if it's just 'new year new me' syndrom #or like...idk man. maybe astrion baldurgate3 is resonating with me #idk what it's like to be constantly tortured for 2 centuries #but i guess i know how it feels to feel like a ghost... #the year of feeling myself boyyee #to the void with love

[fxrtunas]

allan's enemies... help.....................................

     these aren't muses that are available to rp with but are more-so background npcs that may pop up who allan knows and can lend antagonistic plot elements, which is optional of course! either way they will still be people allan knows from his past >w>

disclaimer im dumb pls excuse my incredibly bad knowledge of lore i swear i did... some research.............................................. watch me be a whorish lorebender im so sorry pls dont be offended LKSAJFOIWQJWKLQfj 

obsly this is all VERY optional if ur not comfy with this at all. honestly i dont know if anyone would be interested in this im wheezing im sorry yoship pls dont ban me from ur game i just like to run wild with ideas AHHHHHH

     just as an introduction, these are the people that helped allan with his illegal experimentation during his time in sharlayan. after being discovered, they were all very sussy of one another bc they don't know who betrayed the rest of them <///33 however, they all have some version of the twisted, special ability allan has im just gonna spoil it its a manmade echo which makes them just a teeny bit dangerous.

d'kav............. bitchass thaumaturge. LKJFALKSJf he's seriously bad news. he's p psychopathic and is VERY happy to torture people/burn people alive/freeze parts of their limbs and break them. u get the gist lkJALSKJF.

     in a nutshell, his brother was the nuhn of his tribe, d'kav killed him but used underhanded means to overthrow him. eventually he was defeated in battle and someone else took over as nunh, but he survived and managed to escape.

     d'kav has his own gay lil band of mercenaries that he chooses to keep close based on their skill so he's a tad dangerous to get on the bad side of lkJLKSAJf

     his manmade echo randomly allows him to see into the future, but gives him an awful migraine that lasts for like days to a week KLJASLKfj.

eluric....... he's ok ig.................. he's an arcanist with an unhealthy thirst for knowledge lkajsfklj. he just kinda wanted to know where the experiment lead tbh LKJASLKfj. he didn't think it'd end up with banishment. unfortunately he's got a very... very very spiteful streak. and he's rich so he's likely to send assassins after the others in their group out of vengeance lkajsklfj

     his manmade echo allows him to see aether. unfortunately it can't be turned on and off at will and debilitates his vision temporarily after the duration of the aether sight <//33 also it amplified his ruination abilities.......... think decomposition....... i cry.... i will think more on this later my brain is gone

scarlet... she's so cute... she's a samurai who is very happy to kill anyone that crosses her. she joined bc she wanted to amplify her power. she's a lone wolf that basically hated being part of their research group and was only too happy to be banished LKJASLKFAJSF honestly she's off running around and being a hermit... bless her...

     her manmade echo allows her to see into the past of someone she has a close, emotional bond to. which is just ironic considering she's a lone wolf and dislikes company so... side effects are unknown since she's never benefitted from it. however, she inherited insane strength from her echo, which is absolutely terrifying with her abilities as a swordswoman. yike.

ovette... the only Good bean... sorta... chaotic bean LKJASLKFJ a conjurer who sought only to save her brother at any cost from a disease that would take his life. she thought she could harness the power of a manmade echo and manipulate it to save her brother. unfortunately it... did not work... he died during the experiment.... she’s also probably the only person that allan called a friend. 

     huge huge spoiler about allan but allan had the same disease as her brother. the manmade echo saved his life (bro i really need to think about the logistics about this IM SORRY IM A LIL LOREBENDY IN THE WAY THAT IM DUMB AND NEED TO RESREARCH MORE BEFORE SAYING SHIT LKAJFLAKSJF) and like... knowing that allan survived and not her brother... she got very bitter and angry and blames her brother dying on allan since he was the one who did it on her brother... im wheeze lkJALKSJF

     a-anyway her manmade echo actually impaired her conjury, so she can no longer heal like she used to. however she also gained insane strength sue me im unoriginal and can regenerate at an insane speed too. bc of this she went and became a reaper... nyehe... sexy of her. she might also be trying to reanimate her brother but dw about it.

#i like to post things and humiliate myself without doing proper thorough research #but its okay i embarrass myself constantly and without fail LAKJSFIQWJFLKQWJf #dont perceive me im v dumb ALKJFOIWQJFLWQJFLKQWjf #torture tw #death tw #terminal illness tw #illness tw #lorebending tw #SAKFLJWIQOFJKWLQFj #yeah im tagging that whats up AKLFJOIWQJFKLWQJF IM AKLSJFIOWQJFKLWJ #I GET RLLY NERBOUS ABOUT THE LORE PLS EXCUSE ME LKJASFOIWJQLFJ #THIS IS SUCH A LORE HEAVY GAME I WHEEZE INTO THE CAMERA LKJALSKFJ #drops this and leaves lKJAFLKASLFj #i say this like it addresses the lore DONT MIND ME IDK WHY IM SO NERVOUS ABOUT IT AHHHA SKLFJQWIOJFKLQWFj #im running away goodbye lKASJFIOWQJFKLWQJF #pls ask to tag i think i got everything but ljflkjglksjglksdkljg

[slutdge]

somehow while ive been going through the unbearable torment nexus ive still been able to keep up with my album-a-day-for-a-year thing so far

#like yeah brother i wish i was dead right now but im not. somehow i havent killed myself so i keep checking out albums #but i dont wanna undermine that im in unbearable pain rn lmao #my therapist said that wasnt good for me to pretend #im very much still in a torturous life and i feel helpless cause i dont think i can ever escape #but at least ive had the motivation to keep up one thing yknow #or im just crazy and psychotic and this made no sense whatever im going back to my suffering hibernation now #at the very least being honest cant hurt even if it doesnt help all that much but im really at the lowest ive ever been my dudes #ive never been lower than this #im failing at all the aspirations of a healthy person but at least im keeping up on the album thing #i know that maybe doesnt seem significant to other people #but when the only thing i can do when i get off work so i dont die of starvation is get in bed #but i still make an effort to hold myself to this commitment #thats at least a tiny bit of light im trying to put in my life no matter how hard i just wanna lay down and die all the time

[fyodorkitkat]

I still stuck with my cardio and weights routine despite the lack of sleep the last 3 days, when do I get to unlock unlimited energy and runners high 😐

#im fucking dying #im so dumb #when do i get a gold star for torturing myself #im going to become an incorporeal mist instead im done having a body #these ppl are out here lying ive been on this for like 6 months and i still dont feel like whatever joy ppl said i would #like yeah im making progress with strength and endurance but at what cost i wanted the omg i love doing this feeling everyone around me has #i didnt actually need to change my physicality where are the brain gains 😐 #GIVE ME THE BRAIN GAINS

[dirt-str1der]

Work has ruined me i literally cannot enjoy playing yakuza because of my stomachache like fuck you ....

#Yakuza liveplay #real sorry sbout venting about my poor tortured belly but it hurts so bad #‘whats this have to do with work’ it doesnt i just hate work #i want a ps4 controller or im going to start shaking and sobbing and hugging myself #i hate this xbox controller its the worst thing that has ever happened to me #what do you mean hitting ^ will cause me to hit > and < as well cant i just hit one button at a time #stop inputing random things i hate you you little freak #spits on my controller #and on top of that the ones i planned on biying sold like hotcakes and i will never get to lay my hands on a ps4 controller ever again #actually im not mad anymore #im going to play yk2 karaoke #im going to plqy pride from despair one hundred times because i like it so muchchhh #gonna play heartbreak mermaid as well it is one of my favourite songs ... #yk2 karaoke is so fun ... maybe ill play yk1 too ... fuck maybe ill download ps2 yakuza #oh my god yeah then i can finally see the kiryu lying on haruka scene. sleeping on his little baby #that is such a good idea im so happy ..... baby pillow ... sleeping on baby .... kiss her forehead #i hope to get the dub so i can listen to yuya #GOD I SHOULD GET THE DUB IM SO SMARRTTTTTT ILL GET RIGHT ON THAT

[eightylinesofvergil]

wuh woh

#vince.txt ⚟ #this is my tumblr so who give a shit but like #ill be honest? i do think im sort of running out of that usual steam i have to keep pushing #even after her death i felt like people just. pressured me wah too much to just pretend like nothing happened or anything #not even counting the subsequent treatment i received too 😀 after multiple requests for people to maybe not violate boundaries #like i dunno. maybe dont tell me to kill myself. or make jokes about car crashes and shit #or even make jokes about me not having a partner anymore 😟 i thought itd be easy but i suppose not #and then theres THIS current thing too which annoys me to all hell #it annoys me that some people can just do shit and get away with it and have their lives uninterrupted #whilst im stuck slowly bleeding out night after night not able to sleep anymore #or to look at certain people without completely breaking down #because the physical aspect does matter yeah. ill never be able to regain most of my sense of touch in that hand #im never gonna truly regain my dexterity either but #those aren't gonna be things that torture me for the rest of my life yk #day after day has been torment for me as of late #and i really don't think thats gonna change #not for a while at least. i know im strong and all but #i do think im at my wit's end. between people and my hand and the fact that ill never get closure on anything #november grows closer every single year after all too #I'll get over myself one of these days though