I don’t know what came over me but this came to me in a dream, Yandere Theodore x Male Reader x Yandere Enzo. The reader is notoriously oblivious like cannot take a hint unless you kiss him and even then he still might not get it. In my dream Theo and Enzo were all over him with affection and then he would be like “wow you guys must love affection! I’ll gladly do that for my friends! :D” in my dream he was a Gryffindor but you can put reader wherever.
it’s literally me 🥹 you could make out with me and i’d still be like “im so glad we’re such close friends!”
also this is like really short but wtv
requests open
our dumbass darling — yandere! theodore nott x gn! oblivious! gryffindor! reader x yandere! enzo berkshire
warnings: implied sexual content? (no detail, post-sex scene)
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“And Snape was like- oh! Hiya, Teddy!” You giggled when Theo wrapped his arms around your waist from behind, pressing a kiss to the side of your neck, and picking you up to spin you around once before setting you back down.
“Come along, love,” Theodore said smoothly, shooting Neville Longbottom—whom you’d been chatting with—a rather dirty look.
You had to jog to keep up with his long strides, glancing behind you apologetically at Neville. “Teddy, slow down, what’s the matter?”
“Nothing, darling. Just don’t like other boys… looking at you.”
You giggle, scrunching up your nose. “Well obviously other boys are gonna look at me, Teddy. This is a big school, and it’s common courtesy to make eye contact with whomever you’re speaking with.”
“Don’t care,” he grumbled, putting an arm around your waist as you walked, his hand low on your hip.
“You’re the only one who does,” you shake your head. “None of my other friends are as overprotective as you.”
He scoffs. “What can I say? I’m just a really caring… friend.”
~~~
“Y/N! There you a- whose sweater is that?”
You look down, smoothing your hands down the front of your red knit sweater with a large golden ‘G’ on it. “Oh! George Weasley’s. He took me to Hogsmeade today, isn’t that sweet? He wouldn’t let me pay for my own butterbeer either! And then it got a bit cold, so he loaned me his sweater. He is just such a good friend, isn’t he?”
Enzo stared at you for a long moment, as if he was trying to tell if you were joking. “Right. Friend.”
You nod obliviously, grinning cheerily.
“Well I don’t like it,” Enzo harrumphs. “Red’s not your color.”
“I’m in Gryffindor, Enzy.”
“You look better in green,” he insists, tugging off his hoodie and handing it to you with an attempt at a charismatic grin. “Now, why don’t you take off that, and wear this instead?”
You shrug, pulling on his hoodie over top of George’s sweater. “I can layer up.”
Enzo frowned, but at least his hoodie—his Quidditch team hoodie with a large BERKSHIRE written on the back—was covering up that horrendous ‘G’.
~~~
“Good morning, Teddy!”
“Morning, love.”
Draco pretends to swoon as you reach across the table to grab a piece of toast. “Oh! Teddy~”
Theodore has the most humorless expression on his face, his distinct ‘dead eyes’ looked like they were plotting his murder as his gaze swung over to Malfoy.
Draco shut up quickly.
“You don’t ever get to call me that,” he says gruffly. “Only they can.”
Draco nods mutely, staring resolutely down at his plate and avoiding all eye contact.
~~~
“Hi, love,” Enzo sighs, flopping down on his stomach onto the library’s couch, his feet hanging off the edge and his head in your lap.
“Hi, Enzy,” you murmur, not looking up from your book as you start carding your fingers through his hair.
He lets out a pleased purr, his eyes falling shut.
You sit in a comfortable silence for a bit before Enzo suddenly speaks.
“Go out with me.”
“Out?” You ask, puzzled, as you look away from your book and down at him. “Out where?”
His eyes remain closed as he mumbles into your stomach, “Fortescue’s?”
“Sure,” you shrug. “I love ice cream. Ooh! We should invite Panz and Matty too!”
His eyes open slowly and he sighs. “Y/N.”
“Mhm?”
“I’m asking you out on a date. Romantically.”
“Oh!” You look bewildered. “Oh- no one’s ever asked me out before.”
“Yes they have. Like, multiple times a week.”
“Really?” You look absolutely stunned.
Enzo rolls over to lay on his back, his head still in your lap and looking up at you. “Are you even… aware that Theodore likes you?”
“Teddy?”
“Yeah, darlin’. Teddy and I’ve both been in love with you since like, first year.”
“First year?!”
“…yes, love. I’m pretty sure ninety-five percent of the school is under the impression that we’re dating.”
“What??”
“I literally kissed you at the Yule Ball.”
“I thought that was in like, a friendly way!”
“How??”
~~~
You pant heavily, sweaty and exhausted but content. Theo’s chest heaves with exertion as he rolls over onto his stomach, tossing an arm over your waist and nuzzling his face into your neck.
Enzo follows suit, pressing a kiss to your forehead and settling down beside you, his fingers drawing random shapes on your outer thigh.
You wait a moment before asking, “So does this mean you guys are like… into me?”
“…Y/N.”
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welcome to yan corp! (yandere! office)
you've just been hired by the biggest corporation in your country!
its orientation day and everyone is looking at you in a strange manner but that's okay! this is a perfectly safe company and there's nothing to be afraid of darling! every staff member is kind and they'll treat you well.
but unfortuantely, some might want to keep you for themselves.
let's meet your bosses, shall we!
-------------------------------------------------------
chief financial officer
name: knox
age: 29
pronouns: he/him
height: 6'5
personality type: stoic
interests: playing chess, counting money, watching you the stock market
likes: making money, spoiling loved ones, observing human behaviour
dislikes: losing money, insubordination, the colour red.
fun fact: i like money.
vice president
name: quinn
age: 27
pronouns: they/them
height: 5'9
personality type: calm
interests: puzzles, advocacy, worker's rights, knitting
likes: non fiction books (your diary), alternative music, coffee
dislikes: messes, bad coffee, narrow-mindedness
fun fact: i wear a hearing aid >_<
head of human resources
name: florence
age: 25
pronouns: she/her
height: 5'6
personality type: mischievous
interests: reading, writing, research
likes: reading staff (your) profiles, writing queries, firing incompetent staff, pastries
dislikes: talking to knox, talking to bennett, interacting with most men
fun fact: my nickname is iron lady.
chief marketing officer
name: priest
age: 27
pronouns: he/they
height: 6'0
personality type: cheerful
interests: social media (stalking you), art, human perception
likes: cooking, taking naps, going out on fridays
dislikes: distasteful jokes, being bored, doing paperwork
fun fact: angel is my twin :)
head of sales
name: angel
age: 27
pronouns: she/they
height: 5'1
personality type: sweet
interests: economics, human perception and behaviour, baking (sweet treats for her darling)
likes: sweets, pastries, tea, staying up late
dislikes: camomile tea, insects, being away from her twin
fun fact: i'm the older twin :)
chief technology officer
name: bennett
age: 28
pronouns: he/him
height: 6'4
personality type: mysterious
interests: everything tech, hacking (your devices), exploring cybersecurity
likes: looking at (your) search histories, hanging out with priest, good food
dislikes: loud noises, bright lights, encrypted folders
fun fact: i'm a bit of a piercing addict
-------------------------------------------------------
once again, you're welcome to yan corp! we sincerely hope you enjoy your time here! dont deny them when the time comes darling.
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