#y’all Idk how many shots I did.. but it was at least ten..

[chanluster]

10/10 | {m} ; {c} ; {f}

oneshot | friends with benefits! au | 18.7k words

“Because what you feel for your best friend cannot be described in words, but in numbers.”

s u m m a r y > > you and bang chan had no secrets between one other. each detail of your life would be discussed with your best friend of forever, no matter how insignificant it may be, through a little system you both had concocted — through a small rating. a number out of ten. a simple concept, used from being a child and rating your cookie a solid eight out of ten to your later years in high school, giving your first kiss a measly five. however, when you confess an average rating of your sex life in one hazy evening, chan decides this dilemma cannot be solved with buying you consolation cookies. he must simply raise that rating, all by himself.

w a r n i n g s > > friends to lovers! au, college! au, music! major chan, music! major reader, you both are literally soulmates, came out the womb holding hands, so much teasing, sexual! tension! chan has a massive fucking cock (i mean isn’t it obvious already), shit loads of making out, aggression, fingering, oral (f. and m. receiving), unprotected sex (stay safe homies!!!), kinda hate sex, orgasming left and right, ex! hyunjin, who’s also really bad at sex lmfaoaoao sorry king, chan is hella soft dom at the start but goes !!! hella hard later!!!! (i mean idk but) shit ton of fluff, friend! jisung which chan gets soooo jealous of, reader is so fucking annoyin, teensy weensy bit of angst, and yeh basically me venting out my love for chan once again

p l a y l i s t > > here!

a u t h o r ’ s n o t e > > this is dedicated to my dear friend chloe, boo i love u so much and thank you for that insane prompt :( also help this feels so rushed to me at the end but i hope y’all do enjoy <3

t a g l i s t > > @hanflix @thatonepieceofpineapple @kimkailover @decembermoonskz @smilesohwas @missskzbiased @illicit-roses @embroideredstarz @freckledquokka @moonluvbunny @aliceu @coupscarat @maedesculpaeusoubi @baby-wolf @multi-fandom-kpop-stan​ @minaamhh @leescrt

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“I’M SORRY, BUT I DON’T THINK I CAN DO THIS ANYMORE.”

Hyunjin’s face faltered completely at your words. It was expected, really. The poor boy was not anticipating this news.

“Wh-what?” he asked, a little too loudly, catching the stares of a few others in the coffee shop. You immediately glared at him, and he retracted back into his seat, but still had a befuddled expression on his face. 

You sighed a little. “Look,” you started, swirling your latte with a thin, wooden stirrer. “I’m going to be completely honest with you. I just think we’re much better off as friends.”

“Friends?” the boy flinched at the term, and even you had to hide your self-distaste. God, ____, at least try to be a little nicer! “Damn it, we’ve been dating for nearly three months, and you think we’d automatically become friends?!” he leaned in, knitting his eyebrows in growing desperation. “What the hell happened?”

You fought hard to not scratch the back of your neck. And possibly run away from the shop. Taking a long sip, you tried to feign the most sympathetic expression you could muster. “Hyunjin, please…”

“B-but, babe—” he started, and his eyes widened, trying to grab onto your hands which cupped the latte. “I don’t understand, we were so happy!” He huffed a smile, trying to convince you of your oh-so heavenly times spent with him. “Why are you thinking like this?”

You tried not to retract your hand from his — not only because it was hard to console him, but because they were embarrassingly sweaty. “Don’t think I have just done this on a whim. I have thought long about this decision.”

Finally, something out of your mouth which wasn’t a blatant lie. You had been thinking of breaking up with this goon — had the notion in your mind for half the time you dated him.

“____,” he said, and the melancholy you heard in his voice had you silencing your tongue. “What’s happened?” He began to caress your hand with his fingers. “Have I...have I done something wrong?”

Oh no. There it was. The reaction you dreaded.

Well, kind of. But still. Not the reaction you imagined in the perfect situation. 

Reluctantly, you put a hand over his fingers, hoping that your face was a painting of sympathy. 

“Hyunjin.”

Don’t say it, girl! Don’t you dare!

“It’s...it’s not you.”

You put your hand on your heart. 

“It’s me.”

Oh, Jesus.

Your eyes raised to his own, wide and glistening. 

Now, you knew Hwang Hyunjin was not the brightest kid on campus. The boy, who once asked you what the purpose of a spork was, may not have possessed the most intelligence, but you were scared that he may be smart enough to figure out that what you just said was complete, utter bullshit. 

Face it, ____. You’re done for.

A few tears spilled from his eyes, and a pang of guilt shot through you. “I-I see.” 

He did not let go of your hands. “We can still be...friends, right?” he sniffled, blinking at you rather irritatingly. “Like, we can still hang out together?”

You raised a brow, but reigned in a sarcastic reply. The boy would probably not even understand. “Of course,” you replied, a saccharine smile on your face. “But I think it’s best if we had some space from each other, okay?”

That was not the answer he seemed to be looking for, but he nodded, a little sadly. “Okay.” He still refused to take his hand away. “Does that mean I can’t rock up at yours midnight anymore if the junior needs a little taking care of?” 

Your brows could not help furrow in absolute exasperation. “Yes, Hyunjin,” you monotoned, unable to believe that you put up with this man for three months. “Now can you let go of my hand?” 

Realising his clammy hold on you, he flushed, looking away from your directory gaze. “I...should go, then.”

“No, no,” you insisted, getting up from your seat as you grabbed onto your drink. “I shall leave. I’m the one who dumped this news on you.” 

You debated leaving without paying for the latte — you knew the boy was still infatuated enough to cover your expenses. Sadly, shame coursed through your veins, and you cursed yourself for feeling a little sympathy for your now ex. “Here,” you offered, fishing out a little cash from your jacket. “For the drink.”

When you nearly stepped past him, you stopped, looking down at him as he tilted his head upwards. Your hand itched to put upon his shoulder, but you knew better. Hyunjin would only take that as a hopeful sign.

“I’m sorry,” was the last thing you said before you left the coffee shop.

Upon falling into a leisurely step onto the street, you let out a harsh breath, an endless amount of relief washing over you.

You were almost delighted to let Hwang Hyunjin go.

Now, it was not like he was a monster who had caged you into his two-feet-squared, dingy flat. In fact, the boy was, in almost every way, a decent boyfriend, whose stupid personality earned him a few laughs. 

Although extremely corny, the problem was not truly all him.

It was partly you as well.

Hearing your phone vibrate, you brought it out from your jeans pocket, already having an inkling on who the sender was, spamming you with messages.

CHRIS THE PISS :

bitch have you done it?

CHRIS THE PISS :

helloooooo??

CHRIS THE PISS :

hoe answer the phone i’m dying!! 

CHRIS THE PISS :

or prolly hyunjin at this moment lmaooo

You could not help the eyeroll which escaped from his words, and you decided to ignore him until you arrived at your destination. 

Which, evident from the persistent vibrations still, you figured you could not do.

CHRIS THE PISS :

i KNOW ur reading my messages DAMN just tell me!!

CHRIS THE PISS :

unless this is hyunjin and u killed her FUCK

CHRIS THE PISS :

haha dude whats poppin!! best man for ____ by far don't know why she was breaking up w u 

YOU :

chan i will kill u :)

CHRIS THE PISS :

hyunjin i promise i didn't mean it when i said u looked like a cheese string w ur new hair

CHRIS THE PISS :

that was ur girl putting words in my mouth 

YOU:

omfg chan STFUUU i’m coming

CHRIS THE PISS :

PLS HYUNJIN I SWEAR UR SEXC

Letting the man panic, you turned a left into student residence, buildings lined down the street, providing accommodation for hundreds of people like you in need of a place to sleep, eat, party, and contemplate the inevitability of death under.

Smiling at a few acquaintances, you entered the designated building, finding yourself with dozens of doors of the same, dead colour. Walking along the hallway, you stopped right at the very last one, bringing out your keys.

With a single twist you unlocked the door, but before you wrapped your hand around the knob the door swung open, catching you completely off guard.

“Funny, Hyunjin, how did you manage to transform into a little bitch so quickly?”

You cursed at the man who welcomed you.

“Damn it, Chan,” you said, hand on your chest. “You nearly gave me a heart attack.”

“Sad it didn’t kill you off, then.”

You heard him splutter into laughter at your sad attempts to pinch his shoulder, glaring daggers into his crescent eyes. The bumbling idiot was Bang Chan, the one man you managed to keep for your entire life. That too is purely because none of you could manage a stable, healthy relationship — which was a shame, of course, when your best friend, with his fluffy, raven curls, black-oversized hoodie and sweatpants, was admired by so many. You often wondered how you had not fallen at his feet when he smiled at you, but then he’d open his mouth and all would be understood, as your anger would flare up, and rush to hit him as hard as possible. 

He gave you such a smile then, fingers gripping the doorframe. “How is Rapunzel, then? Sent him back to the tower?”

Wrenching his hand off the frame, which nearly had him falling onto the floor, you side-stepped past his stumbling figure, peeling off your jacket. “Rapunzel is never stepping in our lands again.”

After regaining his step, he muttered a cursed endearment your way and sat himself down on the couch, instantly settling his laptop upon his legs. “Oh, God. How badly did you break his heart, ____?”

Smiling, you dumped the jacket on the side table as you entered the living room, settling on the other end of his sofa. Propping your legs upon his, you pondered over the answer, and said, “At least a good seven.”

Chan let out a little whistle. “Oh, he’s definitely causing a shitshow on the groupchat tonight.” A huffed laugh was his answer. “Want Chinese or Indian tonight?”

“Surprise me,” you said as he brought out his phone. He dialled a number, and then you added, “Actually, can we please get Chinese?”

“No, we’re getting Indian.”

You raised a brow. “Didn’t you cry the last time you had their special curry?” 

The man stared at you for a minute before sighing, putting the phone to his ear. “I’d like your least spiciest dish please.”

He groaned as you pushed his legs off the couch, laughing at his pathetic tolerance towards spice. As he carried on with his order, you grabbed the TV remote, surfing through the channels. 

Even after all these years, you still found it endearing how Chan understood the depth of the numbers you tell him. The system between you two had been created during kindergarten, when, on the last day, you both had received such delicious cookies that words could not express the joy you felt when having the first bite. It was a mere joke at first, rating random classmates despicably low in middle school to even more serious situations, when you moaned to your best friend of your mundane kiss, expecting fireworks and butterflies yet were only met with an over-enthusiastic tongue. 

Chan himself used this system  — it was the reason you knew of his distaste towards spicy food, and certain girls he had dated in the past. Even now, when the two of you had started college together, working on the same projects and going to the same parties, this concoction had not been shelved in your memories. Although this may be something which others might deem insignificant, the concept had become a pillar of your friendship with this absolute loser.

The food arrived within the hour, and you both continued your box set as the plastic containers were cracked open, the pungent smell of curries and biryanis filling the room. Chan provided the plates and cutlery while you poured him the sufficient amount, and you rebuked his whining as you added the spicier dishes onto his plate.

“I refuse to let you eat only korma, Crispy,” you scolded. “Prick, careful! Don’t spill it on your laptop!”

“Bitch!” he yelped as a bit of the residue nearly stained his sweats, but was saved by his hands. “Just ruin everything I wear, why don’t you? Now I got curry on my fingers!”

You propped your legs over his again, eyes upon the screen once more, and the action occurring. “Just lick it off?”

“How about you do it for me?” the boy then simpered out, and you nearly tossed your entire dish on his head. 

“Let’s just focus on Tommy and his cocaine problem,” you dismissed him, but returned his impish smile as you elbowed him, nearly causing his food to stain his hoodie.

The two of you seemed to settle down after a bit and watched the show, commenting on the terrible choices the characters were making, and then boasted of how you and him could easily be the better leader from the protagonist. Soon, you had finished your takeout, and after Chan followed, he got up, hurrying into the kitchen situated behind the doorway in the lounge. He then came back, you delighted to find his hands occupied with two tubs of Ben & Jerrys’.

“Gimme, gimme, gimme!” you sang, snatching one of the tubs from him and pulling open the cover, digging straight in. “I didn’t know you brought ice cream!”

“Thought it’d help with the breakup,” he confessed, settling back into the sofa, shuffling closer to you. “But it doesn’t look like you need it.”

“Oh, I can’t believe Hyunjin broke my heart like this!”

Chan shook his head at your melodrama. “You may fool the looney princess, but you’re not fooling me.”

“You know me too well,” you said, which he agreed to with an absent-minded hum, eating his dessert.

There was a short pause, a comfortable silence reigning upon you both for a little before your best friend broke it, gulping down his ice cream.

“____?” 

“No, you’re not having any of mine.”

Chan prodded you lightly with his foot. “No, I don’t mean that. I was just wondering something.”

“Shoot.”

“You’re not...upset, right?” He took a bite of his ice cream. “Like, I know you always complained about him, but breakups can be difficult.”

You looked at him, and saw genuine concern painted on his face — along with a little vanilla stain on the corner of his lips. “You don’t have to pretend to be happy if you’re not, okay?” he continued. “Especially with me.”

Your heart melted slightly. “Of course, Chan, don’t worry. I wouldn’t ever lie to you.” 

Turning to the TV screen, you sighed as you thought of your recent relationship. “There were good moments for sure. He was still a sweet guy, you know?” You then stabbed the creamy plains inside the tub. “It was just so...dull.”

The man beside you took in another bite, if a bit slow. “What do you mean?”

Following him, you relished the chocolate goodness, swallowing. “Dates were kind of boring. I carried most of the conversations because he’s too thick to talk about anything.”

Chan let out a soft snort. “I remember you telling me about it. I can certainly believe it.”

“Well, you won’t believe what I’m about to tell you next.” You focused on your ice cream, a sarcastic smile plastered upon your face. “Hyunjin. Hwang Hyunjin was terrible at sex.”

You did not need to see your best friend to sense his shock. “What?”

A small chuckle escaped you. “First time he fucked me, I think I cried. Not because it was so good, no, but because it was so bad.”

“No way,” Chan said, brows furrowed. “Didn’t you say he had a big dick or something?”

“That’s the downside, bud,” you countered, halfway through your tub. “Because he had a massive cock he thought that was enough for me to enjoy. But it’s not. He just did not know what to do with it!” 

The man had been silenced. He took another bite of his ice cream, in disbelief. “So you were...deprived of pleasure?”

“Deprived?” You scoffed. “Chan, I thirsted for a crumb of pleasure. God, can you believe I’ve faked nearly all my orgasms with him?”

This time, your friend glanced at you in horror. Carrying on, you said, “The only real orgasm I had was not even because of him. God, I was thinking about Lee Donghyuck singing between my legs.”

A soft growl entered your ears. “Oh Christ.”

“Bastard was so proud when I came all over him,” you crowed, trying to sweeten your bitterness with the dessert. “If only I told him I undid myself for an idol I’m never going to meet.”

Your friend did not say anything. The episode finished, and when you noticed his further silence, you used it to your advantage, starting a romantic comedy before he could even complain.

Even with the movie on for about twenty minutes, and the romance you thoroughly enjoyed, the man stayed quiet, idly stirring his melted ice cream in the tub. You ignored his rather odd behaviour, assuming he was either thinking of his assignment or had gotten a brain freeze. Either way, it let you watch your movie in peace, swooning outwardly at the man’s teasing to the girl.

One hour in, and you asked if Chan was okay. “Yeah...yeah, I’m good,” was his answer, sending you a second-long smile before going back to his brain freeze. You raised a confused brow, but went back to the chick flick, gasping when the boy went back for his love.

This was it. The fireworks, the passion which exuded from the mere actions of lips enveloping lips, hands holding onto waists or necks or locks and refusing to let go. You craved for your heart to drop down in lust as you let yourself fall, be wrapped up in another as you undid yourself. Where was this? Where was this for you?

Did you not deserve your desires to be fulfilled? Did you not deserve to have your entire world turned upside down in pure exhilaration?

Before you knew it, the credits rolled, and you let out a long, laboured sigh, leaning into the cushions. “Maybe it’s time I find myself a millionaire who’d pay me to have sex with me.”

The man was still looking at the now black screen. “Do you mean a prostitute?”

“Well, yes, but—” you groaned. “You know what? Maybe I’m meant to stay forever displeased.”

It was after a long time your best friend spoke. “Or…” he cleared his throat. “You find yourself someone who would pleasure you.”

You turned to him. “Wowie, thank you for a perfect solution! I really wouldn’t know what I’d do without you.”

Then, you saw his eyes darken. “____.” He propped the tub upon the coffee table. “Why search for other alternatives when you have options right here?”

Confusion marred your mind, not just from his words, but his entire change of character. “Chan, what are you on about?”

“____,” he said, and his hand inched closer to yours. “ I’m saying you should have a friends with benefits.”

The silence was suddenly heard. You did not realise the sheer weight of this man’s gaze till his very stare gravitated you to him. The lights were dimmed, and all you could see from the laptop’s light was his face — his beautiful face. 

What was all this? Why was your best friend looking at you like that? Why were you being affected by his gaze?

“I…” You could barely get the words out. “I never thought about that before.”

Chan had no such problem. “Well, maybe you should. There are many who would gladly be that person for you.”

You gave him a look. “And who would they be?”

A slight cock of his head. “____, who is your best friend, in the same class as you, share the same interests and would help you out in any way whatsoever?”

The question rather befuddled you. Why couldn’t the man just say the answer already? You thought of the few viable options, tossing, turning the names. 

Then it occurred to you. Your friend’s face sparked a little in what could only have been hope.

“I know!” you exclaimed, holding onto his arm. “I should ask Jisung!”

The little sliver of hope in his eyes morphed into annoyance. “What the fuck?”

Raising your brow, you asked, “Is that not the right answer?” You listed out the evidence. “He’s basically my best friend, is in music with us, we like similar things and would be willing to help me in any situation. I think.”

When you were done, you found yourself more confused when Chan closed his eyes, shaking his head. “What?” you demanded.

“Oh my God.”

His fingers caressed yours, and you gasped to find your skin prickling at the touch. You raised your eyes to his, and found yourself lost for words.

“You dumb bitch, I should be your friends-with-benefits.”

Your mouth dropped.

Perhaps you would have said something, but then his thumb began stroking your skin, and you figured it was better to relish that instead. Thus, you looked at him, gobsmacked, not entirely sure what to say to his declaration. 

It seemed Chan was a little nervous too. “Look, I can tell you’re surprised…” he paused, a little lost for words as well. “Fuck, I guess I shouldn’t have suggested so early into the breakup, but you just…”

He pinned you with his gaze. “I couldn’t have my best friend miss out on the pleasure she deserves. And if that means giving you the pleasure myself, then I will do it.”

Bang Chan. Not just the best friend you’ve ever had, but the man who proposed benefits to this certain friendship.

“Well,” you got out, after what seemed like eternity. “Well damn.”

“We don’t have to do anything right now. Or even anytime soon.” He let go off your hands, and you did not know why the touch was missed so greatly. “Just...think about it for me, will you?”

You didn’t really have it in you to refuse. “Of course,” you said, feeling the need to touch something. Your eyes fell upon the remote, and figured you should distract yourself by watching the next episode of the series you previously watched. 

You needed a clear distraction, or else Chan would not need to wait long for his answer.

The episode began, and you watched, clamping your lips together as you felt the man shuffle closer to you, one hand sprawled on the top of the couch with his other hand idly surfing on his laptop. You rooted your eyes to the screen, finding yourself engulfed in 1920s England, trying to forget that your best friend left no space between you two.

Managing to somehow distract yourself from the lack of distance, you even began to relax, swooning softly of the gangster’s mannerisms towards his love interests, their intimate dancing in her bedroom. It was touching, and you even let yourself lean into your friend, who, too, glanced every now and then, a little smile upon his face.

Everything was fine and dandy until the characters started to kiss.

Now, there was nothing wrong with kissing. You were a hopeless romantic, and adored to see the actions of love on screen, the final breaking of barriers between two characters.

The problem was, the kissing did not seem to end there. The bigger problem was that this lust on screen made you all the more aware of your best friend beside you.

You froze, watching with no small amount of confused shock as the characters increased their desires, unbuttoning their clothes, discarding them as their lips moved against each other’s. Your eyes widened at the nudity, once never a bother but suddenly extremely embarrassing, as they collided, bare chest to bare chest.

The matters did not help at all when you sensed the increased beating of Chan’s heart, almost as loud as the instruments harmonising in the background. His searching on his laptop had ceased, as frozen as you were as his eyes refused to look away to the man and woman making love.  

It was too much. You had seen much worse scenes in your life before, but never had one made you so hot and bothered. Of course you knew why, though. Of course you knew, when the man you laid your head upon was breathing harder than you do when you walk up a flight of stairs. 

You did not waste a minute longer as you pointed the remote to the TV, and switched the screen off. Completely black, void of further lust radiating through the glass. 

A shuddered breath escaped Chan. “Well...double damn.”

You did not answer back. Only distanced yourself on the sofa, his fingers on the couch brushing against the back of your head. His touch may have been the last thing you needed then.

But that was not true. Seeing that sex scene, all glorified and affectionate, had you craving his touch. Your eyes could not bear to meet him, but his presence was suffocating enough. God, if you did not leave that couch now, you would dare to do something quite unimaginable.

Chan did not seem to move either. Your presence, too, had him nearly choking out a pained sob. Anymore time spent, and he would have another problem erecting soon.

At last, when a few minutes seemed like hours, you felt your friend stir. You were surprised to be devastated at the prospect of him leaving.

You were further shocked when, as Chan mustered all the strength in himself to get off the couch, he was stopped by your hand encircling his wrist. 

Whirling his head at your direction, his eyes widened. He was met with your own aghast ones, as your hand tugged him back to the couch.

You did not let go of his wrist as you whispered the words you never thought would have left your mouth that night.

“Let’s do it, Chan.”

His hand went limp in your hold.

For a second you thought he died under your grasp, but the way he parted his mouth went against your judgement. Perhaps you had sent his living soul flying out of his body, but you could not blame him — you did not feel at all like yourself just then.

“I wanna do it,” you murmured, refusing to let go. 

Chan’s eyes darted to the tight hold upon his wrist, and then to you once more. He opened his mouth, closing it straight after as he glanced away.

With a heavy sigh, he looked to you once more, an abundance of emotions swirling in his usually mischievous, soft eyes.

“Are you sure, ____?” He leaned a little closer, causing your heart to malfunction for a second. “You don’t have to think about it now—”

“Well, it’s all I can think about,” you cut him off, eyes never leaving him, despite the reddening of your cheeks. “And I want to do it.

“Like I said, Chan.” You shuffled a little closer, and your knees brushed against his. “I am deprived of pleasure.”

The man blinked once, twice, taking your declaration all in. He had to tell himself that this was not a dream, but a very much a fortunate reality, and that you were asking him of something he had been wanting to give you for a very long time.

There it was. Something he wasn’t quite ready to admit. You wanting your desires met by him was so much more than enough.

Dreaming still, he slithered one hand around your waist, almost like second nature as the other found refuge upon your face. His fingers were tender, softly caressing your cheeks as his eyes beheld you in a way he had never before..

This change of sight had you unable to look away from him.

“If you feel uncomfortable with all this…” he swept away a stray curl. “I will stop. That’ll be the end of it.”

You nodded, finding solace within his eyes. “I know.”

But there was no discomfort. Rather an impatient welcome, a growing urge for your needs met. Promises fulfilled. 

When you sensed him lean closer, so shy and yet so determined, hands still holding you, those vows were sure to be carried out.

You found out in the best way possible — the second when Chan brushed his lips against yours. 

His touch had you flying out your skin; well, not really, but it sure felt as such, when his mouth moulded with yours, a confirmation that he was strangely perfect for your own two lips, that he was meant to embed himself upon your mouth. 

You closed your eyes, heart climbing up your chest as your hands skimmed around his neck. Chan began his movements, and you were so unaccustomed to the actions that you could not help but be led by his kiss. The man had a way of making you listen to his every order, vocalised or not. 

The kiss was so...unreal. It was all that rang in your mind, over and over as the man took his time; he carried out a sensual rhythm upon your lips, not only to avoid overwhelming you, but to fully take in his situation — that he was kissing you, and no other girl who he had never dreamed of. 

He had all the time in the world for this.

The hand upon your waist gripped onto you a little harder, nails skirting around the hem of your shirt. His tongue teased you now, running along for entrance, to delve inside and drink in your every essence. Your mouth practically begged the man to prowl inside, opening up to him completely, a signal of full trust. 

You wanted this as much as he did. 

His elated rush was expressed through his tongue, when it slithered inside your mouth. Butterflies erupted in your body at the way he swirled it along with yours, almost playing with your tongue as if you both did. Of course, this is slightly different, because your gimmicks with Chan never had you salivating at the mouth. Nor feeling like you’re about to leak into your clothes from his touches.

Which really was the situation you ended up in; Chan, his hand now skimming under your shirt, revelling the skin of your abdomen, warming beneath his touch. The hand, once upon your face, had latched upon your locks, while you ran your fingers through his own velvety hair, nearly undoing yourself over the soft feel. 

Just when you thought he was going in for more, he broke away, hands still upon you — your breathing was ragged, the man in front of you panting slightly as well. His eyes, with no small amount of surprise, seemed a little feverish, whether that be from a random cold he contracted during the minutes he kissed you, or…

Or, as you found yourself biting your lip, he took an intoxicated toll over you, and how exquisite it was to drive his tongue in your mouth.

“Better than Rapunzel?” He whispered, so close his breath fanned your lips, spit-slick thanks to him. 

You made sure he was aware of your fingers threading in his locks, eliciting a low murmur. “Rapunzel better not leave the tower again.”

Chuckling, he wasted no time before he was upon you again, an invisible leash on him threatening to snap. He drove the shirt higher, skirting up your sides until he broke away from you for a mere second before peeling the shirt off of you and tossing it beside him.

Heaving, the sight of you in a bra was making the leash all the more tight, hands never leaving your sides as he latched onto your neck. Leaving open-mouthed kisses, down and down until his lips trailed past your collarbone, you let the moans leave your mouth, heightened and quick and unexpected. Suddenly he descended on you, kneeeling on the floor with hands following suit. 

Pleasure. You were oozing with pleasure as you hurried for the hems of his black hoodie, needing to have it off and run your hands on the expanse of his chest. Chan, a little preoccupied, did not realise your demands until you whined out your request.

“Chan—!” you gasped out as his lips left your belly, fingers upon the buttons of your trousers. “Hoodie, I need it off!”

The man only continued with his task, taking the zip down. “Up,” he rushed out, gesturing with his hand.

Dazed, you replied with a confused murmur, only understanding the need to take his stupid hoodie off.

He looked up from his endeavours, and the sight of him hovering between your legs nearly undid you. “I mean your hips, baby, put them up.” He grabbed onto the sides of your jeans. “I wanna take this off.”

Gulping, you raised your hips, giving Chan ease to pull your jeans, all the way down until your legs were bare, save for the soiled underwear which he instantly landed his eyes on. 

His mouth slipped out an uneasy fuck, which was just the right way to have you leaking even further. “Chan, come on,” you hurried, seething at the throbbing. 

His hands pushed you back on the couch, travelling down until they caressed the back of your knees. Pulling you closer from there, he leaned in until he was a few inches away from your moistened cunt, hurting more the longer he made you wait.

It wasn’t his fault, really. He still felt as if he’s living a dream he did not deserve. 

Fingers drumming against the back of your knees, the man blew a little upon your folds, and you let out a strained hiss at the soft breeze. This hypersensitivity was going to be your undoing, but even the smallest of actions brought you such thrill.

“I’m about to spoil you good, ____,” he whispered, and before you could reply, he descended.

The first kitty lick along the surface had you in shock.

Tendrils of pleasure gushed inside you, lurking all over your body as Chan swiped his tongue along the outside of your cunt, teasing, shying away, awaiting your reaction. You answered him with an indecipherable noise, a sound which had never escaped you before.

Maybe because no one had ever played with your cunt like this.

You truly had wasted your time with Hyunjin — this man, tasting your arousal, let out a satisfied hum, and when he dug deeper with his tongue, spreading your legs further, the moans you let escape were, for the first time, absolutely real. No acting, no bullshit.

Just like your best friend promised.

“Chan—!” You stuttered out, when he began circling your clit. “God, just like that!” You encouraged further, hips shaking at the way he made a mess of you. 

In response his hands left your legs, pressing them upon your hips. To your horror he paused his actions, peering up from your legs. 

The slick shining upon his lips could well have made you cum on his face right then and there. “I need you to stay still, baby,” he said, his hands on your hips keeping you in place, as his eyes did the same. “So I can do this properly.

“I don’t want you getting half-assed pleasure, okay?”

His soft demands, his calm explanations brought you in a further state of frenzy. You could not nod faster, chuckling emitting from him as his hands travelled down once more. 

“Good girl.”

And his mouth was upon your cunt again, this time the leash finally snapping as his tongue hardened against the seams. Your moans could have been heard in the hallways, but you didn’t particularly care when Chan, in the midst of his ravenous lapping, introduced the prospect of his fingers, caressing your dripping folds, swiping them over around the edges.

You didn’t know what to do — your hands scrambled to fist the fabric of the couch, laying back against the pillows. The hold grew tighter when your best friend slid his middle finger inside of you.

The journey may have been slow, but that was what made it all the more delightful. Feeling it go deeper and deeper had a particularly loud groan flying out of you, but the rhythm he adopted, pulling it out, but then diving it back again without leaving your cunt, had you delirious. 

A once foreign, unimaginable feeling you never thought you’d experience, was back inside — the heavy sensation deep within your gut, like a dull ache which grew more known the harder Chan worked between your legs. The feeling you had only ever experienced when you imagined Donghyuck instead of your ex-boyfriend in this similar situation. 

Fuck, there it is, you thought. The feeling of your incoming orgasm.

And it was not going to go if this man worked harder than the devil tonight.

“Chan—fuck—” you got cut off when he increased the speed of his finger inside of you. “I-I’m close.”

Never ceasing his finger, he looked up at you, hooded eyes welcoming you despite the tenderness on his face. “You’re doing so good, ____. So fucking good for me,” he cooed, melting your heart despite the situation. 

This time, he accompanied his fingering with a second digit, stretching out your walls and working harmoniously together in making you submit to him. Already you felt as if he’d filled you up, and the actions of his digits practically scissoring inside of you had every muscle in your body readying for release.

He dove back in, merciless to your clit, and all this work, everything at once, was so much that when you cried out, your release had to follow through. You couldn’t control yourself as you let your cum escape, staining the couch and the floor — most importantly, how most of it landed in Chan’s mouth. 

Breathing unevenly, and louder than you ever thought possible, you closed your eyes, slumping further into the couch. You sensed an emptiness inside you, and figured Chan had taken out his fingers. Opening your eyes, you saw him close your legs together, propping his head upon your lap, hands supporting his chin. He looked up at you, licking his lips free of your residue.

Oh. My. Fucking. God.

The man smiled at you. “Satisfied?” he asked, fingers caressing your skin. 

Oh, of course you were. Damn it, you were more than satisfied — you were positively elated. If he had managed to make you cum with his fingers and tongue alone, imagine what he could have done with his dick.

You blinked. 

Imagine what he could have done with his dick.

“____?”

Perking up, you looked to the man kneeling before you still, anticipation brimming in his stature. “Please tell me you didn’t fake it.”

Embarrassment engulfed your body at the idea. “Chan, if you really think I faked all of that then I deserve an Oscar.”

Pride washed over his features. “Good.”

You then watched him slowly get up, climbing over you, hands skirting up your figure till he captured your face in his hands and pressed his lips against yours. You had enough strength to kiss him back, but failed to exceed him when he began nibbling upon the swell of your lip, making you revert to stage one of your growing need all over again.

Breaking away, you glanced up at him, holding onto his hoodie. “I want...more.”

The man stilled his actions, hands going limp upon your skin. You had about three seconds of panicking as you tugged on his clothes, whispering, “Wait, Chan, it’s okay if—”

But suddenly, his hands left your face, and the panic increased with you being lifted into the air, his hold under your knees and back as he brought you close to his chest. 

His eyes upon you were a hazard to your well-being. “God, ____, you could really ruin me.”

Your flustered nature was interrupted by Chan rushing to his bedroom, kicking the door open with his feet and pressing quick kisses upon your mouth, your cheeks, all over your face as you giggled out in reaction, arms locked around him.

His room was the same as his attire, black on black on even more black, save for a few gold corners and grey instruments settled in the far end of the space. His bed, however, was vast and comfortable, a place you have slept in many a time when late night recording sessions turned into sleepovers.

Gently, he laid you down on his bed, feeling the cool sting of the night air on your cunt, making you shiver. Your bra was useless in keeping you warm, but when Chan began to take off his hoodie, shirt dragging out along with it, you suddenly began to feel a lot hotter.

Discarding the clothes, you were rewarded with the image of shirtless Chan, slightly disheveled due to his endeavours between your legs. His smile revealed a hint of arrogance as he acknowledged your blatant staring, slowly taking off his sweatpants. 

“Careful, baby, or you’ll cum right there,” he mused, noticing the way your legs shivered in ecstasy. He dumped his clothes along with the others, catching sight of his Calvins barely containing his erection.

You felt the mattress press down as he prowled to you upon the bed, the more chaos erupting in your gut the further he came closer. You could barely contain yourself when he hovered over you, lips mere inches from yours. A powerful force within you halted your very breath — you knew, though, that at this particular moment, your entire soul rested in the hands of this man, looking at you through long lashes. 

He enveloped your lips, grinding his clothed erection against your cunt, drinking in your whines, your silent pleas of replacing it with the real deal. He smirked against your mouth, opening the seams as his one hand grabbed onto yours, leading it to the waistband of your boxers. 

Your fingers fumbled to take peel down the fabric, Chan parting from your lips to take it off entirely. His cock sprang free, and you let out a god-awful, shrill-like noise at the way it stood, red and angry and so very fucking big. 

“Fuck me,” you slipped out in a breath, earning a chuckle from him. 

“I very much plan to,” he had the nerve to reply, you wanting very much to slap his shit-eating grin off of him. Or perhaps kiss it till your breath was lost. 

Embarrassed, you tried to look away, but his fingers gripped your chin, leading your eyes to his. Other hand holding onto your hip, he gently positioned himself between your legs, precum already staining your folds. Breathing stunted, your stare reflected subservience, a request to bury his dick inside you already.

He read your every plea. 

Pressing his forehead against yours, he let out a shuddered breath before beginning the final descent.

Slowly, ever so slowly, Chan slid his cock inside — your mouth parted from the transition, at the tightening sensation as he kept going, burying those inches until your eyes were as wide as saucers, unable to look away from him. You dared not move, fear of snapping more a reality in your head than some far-fetched delusion.

Dragging his stare from your slit to your face, he caressed your cheek, offering you a small smile.

“Don’t be quiet, okay?” he asked, hand on your hip like iron. 

Nodding, it was all the signal he needed.

Just as gradually, he began to slide out, and, with his words in mind, you let yourself be shameless. The rhythm of his hips, the pain-stakingly tempered movement, made you whine profusely, and when the man slithered inside once more, moaning lewdly was your only reaction. It was all your brain could think of, when his cock was the sole deity which mattered in this moment.

His pace began to fasten, though, grunting erratically as his grip on you tightened. Your cunt was taking a toll, your second orgasm of the night a great possibility as you felt it inside you, as tangible as the dick being pushed and pulled out into you. 

“F-faster!” you wailed out, and God bless Chan, for he obliged you completely, increasing his rhythm, practically abusing your slit with the way he fucked into you. Tears pricked the corner of your eyes, and you let them fall, for there was no hiding your emotions with this man.

Your best friend could see right through you anyway. 

Chan’s strength seemed unhuman as he thrusted his cock into you faster and faster, and you knew if he did not stop then you would cum all over for the second time. The very image had you on the edge of your sanity.

When his cock hit your g-spot you really believed yourself hitting seventh heaven of delight. White spots blurred your vision, tears now your beloved companion as they trailed down your cheeks. “I’m c-close, fuck—” you tried to voice, but were cut off when slid out once more, tip never leaving your folds. 

His hair stuck to his forehead, beads of sweat peppered on his face as he crushed you with his lips, relishing your whines. His tongue befriended yours, and the swirling of your muscles with each other had brought a new form of high bubbling within you. 

You moaned his name onto his lips, hands sliding around his neck, pulling you as close as physically possible. This was it. You could not wait any longer. You wanted your undoing, and you wanted it now, in these sheets, within his arms, within his hypnotic presence. 

It was incredibly fortunate that Bang Chan could read you like the back of his hand.  

Parting from your mouth, he kissed a sloppy trail all the way to your ear, lips grazing against the lobe. 

“Go on, then,” he purred, leaving a small kiss to your skin. “Cum for me.”

His words were all you needed before you let yourself go, crying out as release poured from the tight spaces your cunt offered, and onto the sheets below. You wheezed in a few breaths, tired gasps gripping your body.

Chan, within the second, pulled out, just in time for him to let out a pained growl as he came onto his bedsheets. Some of the fluids sullied your legs, but seemed the perfect time as he collapsed right beside you, breathing as heavily as you were. 

You and Chan were the only noise in the room — however, if one could translate emotions into sound, that would be an entirely different matter. 

At least for you. You could barely contain your elation.

An emptiness may be present inside of you, but it was now replaced with a full heart. Fuck, you could not believe you had finally been given pleasure, such unadulterated satisfaction that you wondered whether it truly occurred, or was just another fantasy — this time with Chan’s face plastered rather than your infatuation of the month.

Sensing the said-man move, you turned to your side, smiling to see his stare fixated on you. Shifting closer, he curled a stray lock from your face behind your ear. “How’re you feeling?” he asked gently, hand on your face still.

You laid your head against your arm. “I am so pissed I didn’t break up with Hyunjin sooner.”

Laughing, his fingers trailed downward, sketching onto your collarbone. “You…” he paused, biting his lip with what you saw, surprisingly, as apprehension. “You really liked it?” 

Your eyes darted to the surroundings, smirk spreading across your lips. “I mean, I am an insanely good actress...”

His shock horror had you spluttering into laughter. When he tried to turn his back to you and sulk, you held onto his arm, keeping him in place. “Oh, stop! You know I’m joking, you big oaf.”

Pouting, he wrapped an arm around you, pulling you close. “You better be,” he muttered, earning further giggles from his truly. The laughter was replaced with your yawning, which Chan instantly picked up on. “Hey, ____, you should sleep.” He began stroking your hair. “You’re really tired.”

You tried to object, but your intended groans become more deep yawns, proving his point. He passed his fingers over your eyelids, fluttering them close. “I’m not hearing anything else!”

Stinging out your tongue in what you hoped was at his direction, you grudgingly obliged. “Fine.”

You felt him sigh upon your face. “Goodnight, baby.”

“Goodnight, Hyuck.” 

“Nevermind, I hope you have a terrible sleep.”

With your last round of exhausted laughter, you let yourself fall into oblivion, safe in your best friend’s arms. 

YOU WOKE UP WITH CHAN ALREADY GONE.

It was not such a huge disappointment. The man had warned you before that he had to leave early to meet up with his supervisor. In all honesty, maybe it was good he was not there, next to you in his sheets. 

Your hands gripped those very sheets, raising them right under your chin as you looked up to the ceiling, watching the dried swirls of black paint overlapping each other.

“Oh my God.”

Indeed. Here you were, in your best friend’s bed, basking in his scent, in his world. Of course, you always seemed to smell of him, considering you both never seemed to let go of each other, but last night was different.

Obviously, because Bang Chan had never rocked your shit before. 

Your legs began to tingle at the thought. Even the mere memory had you feeling a mysterious sensation all over your body, reminders of the places Chan had looked, touched, tasted. God, you did not think, did not let yourself think further or you’d be calling that man this second.

You knew you had to get up at some point — you had some recording to do today, and more assignments to hand in. You had tasks, obligations to take care of. Unfortunately, the warmth of your best friend’s bed was much too enticing for you to submit to the requests of reality, and so you let yourself lay there for moments longer, in hope you can recreate the scene in your head once more.

There was no lie about this. Bang Chan knew how to fuck you into another dimension. 

Just when you were about to dream into last night, your phone vibrated harshly against the bedside table. Curious, you stretched out your hand, grabbing the object and checking who so rudely disturbed your shameless manifesting.

CHRIS THE PISS: 

just stopped by the medical room,,, want me to get a wheelchair?

CHRIS THE PISS:

cause im sure asf u can’t walk rn 

You rolled your eyes until it hurt. Stupid prick.

YOU:

i haven’t gotten out of bed actually 

CHRIS THE PISS:

oh damn

CHRIS THE PISS:

i PARALYSED u??

CHRIS THE PISS:

why am i so powerful 

“This asshole,” you muttered. 

YOU:

STFUU COCKY MF

CHRIS THE PISS: 

It’s ok you’ll cute in a wheelchair

YOU:

?!?!?!?!!?!

CHRIS THE PISS:

but tell me 

CHRIS THE PISS:

how good was it

This had you pausing. 

CHRIS THE PISS:

outta ten

Now here was a rating you couldn’t bring yourself to confess.

All you wanted to do was give him a solid ten — the man finally offered you a better view of sex and how it can be appreciated, and the way he guided you through it was more than just adequate.

But the thing was, you and Chan hadn’t ever given each other 10/10s.

A perfect score was a rarity in your dynamic; possibly a rating never revealed before because you and Chan had promised each other never to exaggerate on this system. The only time you had ever used the solid ten was when he made you his first ever song at the tender age of nine. At the time, it was a terrible tune, with beats all over the damn place with no form of rhythm, but because he made it especially for you, you voiced your true opinion and rated him the perfect score.

Again, the situation here was different.

So, instead of the truth, you resorted to irritation. 

YOU:

2/10 :)

You waited for his text.

However, you did not receive it.

Only the shrill ringtone of your phone, snapping you further into consciousness. 

Groaning, you swiped right onto the screen, pressing the speaker button.

“Now I know you’re lying!”

Laughing, you propped the phone beside you on the bed, upon the place where Chan would have been. “You got a big ego there, hun.”

“That may be true, but my cock is bigger, so I still win.”

You were glad he was not here — the man would have sensed your embarrassment in an instant. 

It was worse because he was not lying. “Now tell me, Pinocchio,” he continued, voice interrupting as the noise of the students around him came through the receiver. “Out of ten.”

“I already messaged it to you, buddy,” you said impassively, or at least you tried. “A solid two would suffice.”

God, you could almost feel your nose growing.

Perhaps he felt it too, for he answered, with no small amount of pride, “I’m gonna pretend I fucked you so good you forgot how to think properly.”

You could not help gulping, raising the sheets over you. It wasn’t exactly hard on boning, but even so...you really thought for a second you’d lose all feeling in your legs last night.

“Shut up, Chan.”

“Shut up, Chan,” he parroted, which had you threatening to hang up. “Don’t think I’ve let you go on this subject.”

“Try me, buddy,” you jeered.

“And for Christ’s sake, stop calling me ‘buddy’,” he demanded. “Or else I’m pulling a Hyunjin.”

“A Hyunjin?”

“Yeah, a Hyunjin.” You heard the sound of horns blaring at the end of his call. “Ruining your sex life.”

That nearly made you freak. “Damn, I won’t say it again, Christopher Bang, musical name Bang Chan, nicknamed Chris the Piss—”

You heard his chuckling through the phone. “All that for my dick. I must have changed your life, ____.”

Heating up from his stupid comments, you grabbed the phone from the table. “I’ll see you in the studios, asshole.”

His smugness ran rich in his voice. “Buh-bye, baby.”

The minute the call ended, you sighed heavily, clutching the phone to your chest.

He did change your life.

Not necessarily your entire life, but certainly a huge aspect of it. A small part of you was horrified at how easily he shifted your daily balance, making you ponder over him more often, with much more intensity than before. Were you a sex maniac? Were you so deprived of being touched that one night of fun had you begging like a woman starved?

“Whatever,” you groaned, swinging your legs to the side of the bed, and upon the carpet. “Fuck Chan.”

Hopefully tonight.

FUCKING AROUND WITH CHAN MIGHT HONESTLY BE THE BEST DECISION YOU HAVE EVER MADE IN A LONG, LONG TIME.

And you weren’t the one to make good decisions. You get up an hour before the afternoons, drink Pepsi Max to compensate for your lack of water drinkage, and worst of all, you would gladly sell your body for Colin Firth, especially if he dressed himself up as Mr. Darcy at his age. Whatever setbacks you possessed, you knew that this, at least, was a step in the right direction.

Bang Chan may have been as big a loser as you were, but the man made you feel like a powerful entity. Hell, in all the state, with the way he made you act.

Never before had you become so daring — libraries, which were once your place of study, became a rendezvous for his slender fingers inside your cunt. The living room had become a breeding ground, and even your shower was stained of your promiscuity. There was no place left where you and Chan hadn’t done something scandalous, and you wondered, with no small amount of excitement, on how this new side of your friendship with him would progress. 

These thoughts accompanied you as you walked to your destination. It was not far off as you entered campus, and smiled at the few students who passed by.

Soon, you found yourself in the music department, and walked through the familiar halls, littered with posters of different artists and singers in their peak careers. A few trophies were boasted of behind a glass screen, but the surroundings all became irrelevant when you approached your designated music rooms.

Expecting Chan to be inside, headphones adorned, you did not bother knocking, strolling straight into the room. However, you stopped completely when a giant, hoodie-clothed back did not greet you.

Instead, it was a tinier hoodie-clothed back, faded yellow over the trademark black. Although not your best friend, you instantly recognised the alternative, and smiled.

“Jisung!”

The boy did not seem to hear, for he kept bobbing his head, no doubt trying out beats. 

You tiptoed slpwly until you stood right behind him. Then, in a flash, you snapped your hands upon his shoulders.

“Boo!”

A shrill, terrified yell erupted, chair being swivelled suddenly as the back hit against the controls. You took a step back out of shock too, a choked giggle escaping when you beheld the face of Han Probably-shit-his-pants-Jisung. 

“Oh my fucking God,” he rasped out, hand on his chest. He then locked eyes with you, and suddenly his quivering mouth melted into a smile of relief. “Ah, ____!”

“The one and only.” You sat down on the neighbouring chair. “Sorry if I made you shit your pants. It was fully attended.”

“Stop,” he insisted, taking off his headphones and scooting a little closer to you. “These are new jeans as well.”

“Not my fault if you’re a pussy,” you chanted, picking up the headphones, settling them upon your ears. “Can I listen?”

“Of course!” Jisung pressed a few keys on his laptop, and the music began. 

Your eyes widened in surprise to hear pleasant, almost lo-fi background before his voice flooded in, comforting you with his soft lilt and meaningful lyrics. On instinct your head bobbed along to the rhythm of the beat, smiling at the wordplay and the rising vocals.

“Jisung, this is really good!” you exclaimed. The boy waved off the compliment, but you instantly saw his face reddening. “Oh, stop it, you know that you’re one of the best out here.”

If you thought he couldn’t get more flustered, he proved you incredibly wrong. “Don’t say that,” he shrilled, propping his feet up on the chair and hugging his legs tightly. When he saw the look on your face, though, he smiled, teeth and all. “Thank you, ____. It means a lot coming from you.”

“Oh, I’m no musical genius,” you said, pressing the play button to hear his music. “Just a motherfucker who can appreciate a song of the year when she hears one.”

Jisung nearly passed out from your compliment, but you did not take it much into account as you focused all your attention on the piece. It was an undoubted fact that Han Jisung was an extremely talented dude. You already knew you could never compete with him, but he was certainly up to Chan’s level of musical expertise. With all this talent brimming around you, you made a mental note never to make more gifted friends in the future. 

Once the song ended, you took off the headphones, propping them gently upon the table. “I think you’ve inspired me to do some actual work.” 

The boy was still smiling as he reached his hand out, planting it upon your own on the table. “Well, I’m honoured to be your inspiration.” His eyes reached yours, and you were engulfed with his warmth. “The feeling is more than mutual.”

You offered him a grin, and were about to say something when the door opened.

Turning, you were welcomed by Chan’s dark figure at the studio entrance, holding two cups of coffee. Despite his black attire, you found yourself admiring a little too brazenly the bare face he never exposed in public, the beanie hiding his curls, and the tick in his jaw, which heightened further when he took in the scene.

The actions were quick — the darting of his eyes as they started on you, then travelled to your hand, engulfed with another’s. He raised them to the man guilty of the touch, and found himself staring at Jisung, beaming not only from you anymore, but at the arrival of his friend.

The joy was not returned. 

“Chan!” Jisung greeted, letting go of your hand innocently as he ushered your best friend over. 

He nodded in return, gaze back to you as he walked, a little too slowly, to the two of you. He put the two beverages upon the table next to the keyboards. “I didn’t know you were in as well,” he said. After a pause, he added, “I would have gotten another coffee.”

“Nah, it’s okay,” he assured him, even though it did not look like he needed any reassurances. 

Catching onto Chan’s attitude, you slid your coffee to the boy beside you. “I don’t want any right now. You take it.”

You took note of the pursed lips, and ignored it as Jisung widened his eyes. “No, no, it’s okay—”

“Ji, I insist,” you pestered him, driving the cup within his grasp. “You look so tired.”

He offered you a lovely smile before taking the beverage. “Thank you.”

Chan, watching this little conversation, had him clamping his lips together, possibly to not say something stupid. It was a little habit of his, thankfully in action. He slid the other cup to you. “You can have mine.”

You looked up at him. “I’m good, buddy.”

He narrowed his eyes. “Share.”

You rolled your own, taking a sip of the coffee, and thanked yourself for not being petty enough to refuse him. “Fine.” 

Jisung swivelled his chair so he faced Chan, fingers upon his laptop. “Do you wanna listen to the demo?” He grabbed the headphones, holding it out to him. “I’m nearly done with it.”

“You can send it to me later,” was his curt answer, as he took the cup from you and drank. 

You looked at him in exasperation, but the boy nodded in satisfaction, picking his bag off the floor. “That’s chill!” he said, heaving off the chair. “I got all the time, so don’t worry too much about it.”

He then turned to the two of you as he strolled to the door. “Actually, I’ve been meaning to ask you both something.”

“Spit it out, then,” Chan jeered, which had you glaring at him. What the fuck was his problem?

Jisung did not catch on, continuing. “So, later this week, Changbin and I are throwing a party, and I was hoping you both would like to come.”

You perked up at that piece of information. “That’s something I like to hear!” Snatching the coffee cup from your friend, you purposefully took a huge gulp. “Any specific date?”

“I was hoping Friday night.” A small sip of his drink. “We just wanted to have some fun after a difficult week, dissertations and all.” His gaze never faltered from yours. “You in?”

Chan, noticing, settled in the space previously taken, and raised a hand in objection. “Sorry, Ji. ____ and I always do something Friday night. Gotta uphold the tradition.” 

You turned to face him, a brow raised. He wasn’t wrong, in all honesty. But why did he mention it now?

Jisung, too, was a little curious. “Oh?” He fixed the strap of his bag. “I won’t get in the way, then.”

He turned, and you made to open your mouth only to have Chan press a finger to your lips. His brows were furrowed, which you matched until he left the finger as the boy looked back once more. 

“I’ll see you around, guys!” he exclaimed, eyes sliding to you before opening the door, and leaving the studio.

After a few seconds of silence, you faced your friend, who had the audacity to sigh in relief. “What the fuck was that?”

The man shrugged. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Yes you do!” you finished the last of the coffee, throwing the empty cup in the bin nearby. “Why were you being such a dick to Jisung?”

“No I wasn’t,” he only said. “I was being the perfect gentleman.”

“Stop it, man!” You couldn’t believe his stupidity in the situation. “He was being so lovely, asking for your opinion on his music, inviting us to his party and shit. Why were you being so mean?” 

Chan only shook his head, turning away from you as he made to put his headphones on. You, on the other hand, were not going to be satisfied with silence, and grabbed his arm, wrenching him toward you. “Chan?!”

He turned to look at you, and you hitched in a breath — you had never really pondered over your friend’s angered face, nor really drank in his heightened features before. However, in this moment in time, with his eyes darkened, bare face twisted, frizzy morning curls all over the place, you had to stop yourself from the butterflies fluttering downwards. You’re supposed to be mad, not horny.

Your hand upon his arm — his tensed bicep, specifically — seemed almost feeble now. Still, you were glad it was on there, if only to feel his muscle bulge.

Chan studied you and your dazing, and made you jump when he guttered. “What?”

Instantly getting back to the situation, you cursed yourself silently for letting your desires try to take the reins. “I said,” you continued, trying your hardest not to be fazed by his eyes, “Why are you being such a massive prick to Ji?”

He cocked his head slightly, and if he leaned any further his lips would brush against yours. “I’m being a massive prick, ____, because he really fucking likes you.”

You felt hands upon your waist, tugging you off your seat. With a yelp you found yourself upon the man’s lap, hands encircling you fully.

Even though you looked down at him, his stare had you shaking. “And that really fucking pisses me off.”

You couldn’t suppress a shudder, an action which had not gone unnoticed. A smile ghosting his face, he craned his neck upwards, catching your lips and rendering you completely at his mercy. Your fingers went straight in his morning curls, carding through the locks as he captured your bottom lip in his, sucking on it to the point a whine escaped you, helpless and shameful. 

He left a trail of heated kisses down your throat, fingers skirting underneath your cardigan, your shirt, and savouring the skin. His mouth landed on a particular part, grazing his teeth against it as he softly nipped at the skin. Your breath quivered at each flushed kiss he branded upon you, but when his free hand began undoing the top buttons of your shirt, you finally called out his name.

“Chan!” you gasped out, shivering at the lovebites stinging your throat. It did not seem like the man would stop, unbuttoning your shirt just so he could glimpse the sliver of your lacy bra, humming with satisfaction. “Chan, w-wait!”

He paused his actions, tilting his head upwards in irritation. “Do you mind?” he asked, pouting too cutely for his words.

“Yes, I do,” you answered, wrapping your arms around his neck. “Why are you so mad, buddy?”

A harsh scoff was your reply. “Well, first of all, because you never stop calling me that.” 

You pinched the back of his neck, but when he pursed his lips, you leaned in, pressing your forehead against his. “Chan, you’re overreacting. He’s just a motherfucker trying to gain your approval.”

“I think it’s more your approval,” he countered, nuzzling his head against your shoulder. “With the way the asshole can’t keep his name out of your mouth. God! And the way he held your hand? Like you were his one and only?!”

“Jealousy isn’t a cute look on you, hun,” you mused, but in reality, you were lying through your teeth. His jealousy was like fuel to your turned on fire.

“Permission to punch him in the face?” 

“You might have to put a hold to that.” 

“Fuck.”

Raising his head, his agitation grew in his eyes as you beheld him. “He just...goddammit, he just makes me so angry at times.”

You played with his curls. “How angry?”

He held onto you tighter. “9/10.”

That certainly made you do a double take. 

9/10. A rare rating, you noticed with quite some surprise. It did reflect the fury which Jisung unintentionally ignited, but you did not realise how much it truly affected him. The two had always been friends, as far as you were concerned, but you had to admit that Chan never really felt as easy with him as he did with you.

Of course, because you were his closest friend.

“I know,” he said then, snapping you out of your thoughts. “It’s...unreasonable...but I don’t care. I really don’t give a shit.”

Clamping your lips together, you watched him look away, swaying you back and forth upon his lap. Well, you couldn’t have a dear friend sulking away when you knew Jisung meant nothing and less to you.

Suddenly, a very pleasing idea came to mind. 

“Chan,” you murmured, fingernails grazing against his neck.

 Sensing goosebumps form there, you were met with his undecipherable gaze. “Yeah?”

You brushed a chaste kiss to his forehead. “How about,” you began, trailing down to his nose, “I help…” you carried on, another kiss to the corner of your mouth. “Soothe your irritation?”

Although completely compliant to your touches, he grumbled, “The only way you can do that if you consent to me giving Jisung a broken nose.”

“Hmmm…well...” you peppered another kiss, and felt his hands wander lazily once again. “This is a very close second.”

Catching the implications dwelling in your gaze, you could have sworn the man’s breathing halted. His tongue swept along his teeth, and you had a dire wish to replicate that action with your own tongue.

“Come here, then,” he guttered.

The lower octave had you nearly squealing as you pressed your lips fully onto his, giggling when he responded with twice more ardency, the desperation lurking beneath his physique. He pried your mouth open with his tongue, swirling it along with yours as he pressed your body completely against his, refusing to let you go. 

On instinct you grinded against him, sensing the outline of his boner beneath you with no small amount of excitement. He groaned into your mouth at the friction, digging his fingers into your skin.

It was a dire shame you had to break away from the kiss, catching his disappointment. “Tease,” you heard him mumble, which had you pecking his lips quickly before sliding your own down his neck, leaving his skin altogether.

Slumping downward, you kneeled before Chan as he spread his legs before you, struggling down his black trousers till he revealed the angry outline of his erection underneath his dark boxers. You noticed, with pride, how the top of the fabric was stained with arousal. 

“I think your dick is angrier than you around Jisung right now,” you said, failing to contain your amusement. 

Chan’s eyes promised murder. “I’m so glad my cock will shut your stupid mouth up,” he jeered. 

Thank God you were kneeling, cause that comment alone would have made you fall.

Shuffling closer, you raised your hand to his boxers, feeling his clothed length between your fingers. The touch had your friend growling much too loud, a reaction you enjoyed thoroughly. 

“How about a little less teasing,” he seethed, gripping onto the arms of his chair, “And a little more sucking, baby?” 

Baby. You didn’t know why now, of all times, it struck a deep chord within you. His command had you reaching for the waistband, pulling his boxers down until his cock sprang free. 

The image had you remembering your Lord and Saviour. 

You don’t know why you kept forgetting how insanely big Chan’s cock really was. Its length was inside of you on almost a daily basis, so maybe all this foolery had finally gotten to your head. Observing it now, hard and veiny as it curved against his stomach, the only reaction you could offer was your mouth breaking its seams. 

“Staring at it won’t be enough, ____.”

Gulping, you planted one hand upon his leg, the other wrapping around the shaft. Even the slightest contact had the man hissing, making you smirk at his helplessness. Slightly gurgling, you spat on the head, lubing his member with your fingers, and then you began.

A string of groans escaped him as you commenced, a slow rhythm of pumping his cock as your hand moved up and down. The repetition was constant, neverending as Chan’s grip on his chair threatened to snap the plastic, but you dared not slow down. You knew this was not how he gained his satisfaction — he needed a perfect graduality, a refined art-like stroke or else he’d lose his high. Fortunate for him, though, you never let him down.

You increased your pumping, sensing him containing his moans. You could feel him holding back, but that didn’t stop you at all. In fact, that only had you progressing to the next step, an action that would have him screaming your name.

Shifting even closer, you spread his legs further, Chan’s eyes rooted to you as you directed the tip to your mouth. Letting your tongue free, you swept it along the shaft, and sure enough, an obscenely loud moan emitted from his truly. Chuckling, you carried on, trailing all the way up to the head and ending your journey with an ironically chaste kiss. Staring up at him, you smugly observed his lust-struck face, mouth releasing irregular breaths already. You couldn’t wait to have him curse at you.

Eyes back on the task at hand, you grabbed the base of his cock, opening your mouth. Slowly, aggravatingly slow, you sunk down, taking in inch by inch — Chan pushed his hips forward, and you nearly gagged at the impact of his head hitting the back of your throat. 

“Shi-shit baby,” he sputtered, watching you in awe at your work. “You better tell me if you don’t want your throat fucked.”

You answered him with your progression, slowly releasing his cock from your lips, tongue licking his slit before descending back on him again. You tried to be slow — you didn’t want to go straight to deepthroating, but the way Chan choked out his curses was sweet encouragement. Holding his dick still, you began bobbing your head and down, shallow at first, testing the waters.

When the man instinctively began bucking his hips, pushing his cock into your mouth further, you opened your jaw wider, taking in the remaining inches. The gag reflex kicked in like a bitch, but you refused to cease your labour as you increased your pace. Chan leaned in a little, caressing your cheeks as he rutted against your mouth.

“God, you’re fucking perfect, baby,” he cooed breathlessly. “So good for taking my cock like that.”

Unable to smile, you answered him with your hands, now playing with his balls, slapping them slightly to make him groan out in pleasure, head laid back against the chair. “I’m close, ____,” he warned, never stopping his own thrusts. You hoped he never would, when his end was so near.

Taking all of him in, you pressed your hands on his legs, urging you to look at him. With one final home run, you hollowed in your cheeks, surrounding his entire cock in your mouth as you imprisoned him with your hooded gaze.

The image of you, a beautiful ruination, was his undoing. 

Chan let out a vicious string of curses as he released, ropes of cum spilling inside your mouth. He slumped into the chair, breathing in the entire county’s worth of oxygen as all energy left him. This time, to add to his lust-driven shock, you swallowed his release, thanking your lucky stars that your friend finally listened and ate some fruit. His cum, at last, tasted more than bearable. 

After a few silent moments, the man finally raised himself from the dead, sighing as he beheld you kneeling still. “I think I can’t live without you.”

Chuckling, you heaved yourself up, legs unsteady. “That’s just your inner horny speaking,” you said, nearly falling over on your own feet. Quickly, Chan brought you back onto his lap again, creating an iron grip around you.

“Think what you like,” he began, peppering small kisses on your neck. “But your head game is stronger than my will to punch Jisung, that’s for sure.”

You hummed as he plunged his teeth upon a certain spot, pressing your legs together. “It better be.”

Finding your lips, he lazily kissed you, hands skirting higher as you move your mouth against his, never tired from his touches. 

“Have we christened the studio yet?” The man asked in between kisses, pushing his chair forward till your back hit the table. 

You shook your head no, already sensing his unbearable grin. You could not help returning his enthusiasm.

And as you both continued in your shameless arrangements, there was one thought that lingered in your head. 

There was absolutely no way you were going to that party. 

OF COURSE YOU WERE GOING TO THAT PARTY.

You looked to the building, the whole ground floor alight with different, ever-changing lights, and a dim pandemonium welcoming your ears. Your phone pinged with messages, but you dutifully ignored them, taking a deep breath as you took a step inside.

Greeted with a half-full hallway, it was not hard to find the party house, greeting awkwardly to a few drunk acquaintances before entering Jisung’s dorm. You were instantly hit by the smell of sweat and alcohol as the noise of popular music made your ears ring in discomfort. An abundance of students were cramped as they danced along to the tunes, screaming and laughing and simply enjoying themselves. 

While observing the scene, a small part of you wished your best friend was with you, an arm slung around you as he makes a comment on the specific people dancing rather terribly in the centre. You could already imagine him in his Friday attire, midnight-kissed with gold chains dangling off his belt, rings adorning his fingers and a little makeup to elevate his already exquisite features. Maybe, if you had insisted, he would have let you paint his nails, something which you adored on him. 

Fuck, you thought, searching through the crowd for a place to get a drink. Maybe you shouldn’t have come. 

You shook your head, though, beginning to squeeze through the partygoers. No. You can’t let Chan win in this.

And so you found your way to the kitchen, cans of beer, vodka and tequila stacked in broken pyramids to drink away. Just as you made to grab the Smirnoff your hand brushed against another’s. You turned to the direction, and beamed to see Jisung holding out the can for you.

“____!” he exclaimed, barely heard from the commotion yet could feel his joy radiating from him. “Don’t you have a thing with Chan on Fridays?”

“Well, that can happen every Friday, Ji, but your party was only today,” you answered him, and he was more than satisfied. 

He grabbed the same drink as yours, cracking it open as he looked at you, stare lingering upon your black dress. “I’m really glad you came, love.”

You blinked at the sudden endearment, but before you could say anything Changbin had interrupted the both of you, threatening to bring the roof down with his whining.

“Pleeease Ji, get me away from her!” he begged, holding onto Jisung’s arm and rocking it back and forth. “She keeps tryna drag me into the bedrooms and I can’t do it with her, bro!”

The boy adorned hints of irritancy, but he let himself be led by his friend, glazing at you. “Wait for me,” he requested.

His answer was a little wave, which he returned dutifully as he began to berate his friend for tearing him away from you. Raising your eyebrow, you turned back to the alcohol, finding some soda water and pouring it into the empty cups along with the Smirnoff. You would have drank the vodka straight from the bottle but you decided against drinking your tits off tonight. You didn’t really have a great desire for intoxication. 

You cursed at a few passersby as they bumped against you, nearly knocking the drink off your hands. Fixing your dress, you took the first sip, relishing the strong taste. The songs kept changing, the dancing getting wilder, and at this rate you knew someone was going to get handsy soon. 

Drinking away, you snapped the cup on the table beside you, waiting for Jisung to come back. 

Why did you even come here? 

You instantly soured at the thought.

Still, you could not help pondering further.

You should have stayed home. With him.

You groaned out loud.

It was ridiculous how you were unable to have any idea which didn’t centre around that prick. If he did not want to join you that was on him. 

Then were you feeling miserable?

Great. You poured yourself some more diluted vodka. Now you’re a full-time simp.

That helped you down the drink some more. At least this time, in fortunate circumstances, you were not a lightweight, and so were still completely aware of your surroundings. 

Aware enough to see a more tousled Jisung stagger toward you, giggling like a little child. 

You watched him lunge towards the tequila cans and crack one open, downing half the thing in one go. “Careful, Ji, or you’ll fall to your death!” you warned him, laughing as he exhaled with great exaggeration. 

He staggered to where you were standing, slumping against the wall and taking another can. “I’m so sorry!” he simpered, much too loudly for your sober ears. 

You raised a brow, about to ask him for what but he was already answering your question. “I made you wait so looong!” he dragged, drinking some more. “Look at you! Leaving you all alone.”

“Gee, thanks,” you said dryly, crossing your arms, drink still in hand. “Just say I have zero friends.” 

“Hey, don’t say that!” You were taken aback by Jisung grabbing onto your arm, pulling him to you. He looked you dead in the eyes, wide and alive. “You do not have zero friends!” he declared, louder than before. “I’m your friend.”

Your poor ears hurt like a bitch, but you smiled at his words. “Yes, indeed you are,” you said in earnest. “Thank you, Jisung.”

It was then he blinked slowly, parting his lips as his fingers upon your arm began to wander. “But I wish you didn’t think like that.”

His touch did not go unnoticed at all. You looked at him, raising a brow, but that action went unnoticed. “What do you mean?”

“Come on, you’re a smart girl,” he slurred, voice still soft and innocent as his hand travelled to your shoulder. “You know exactly what I mean.” 

Freezing up, you felt the pads of his fingers caress your face. When he tilted his head, you finally saw what he had been trying to show you since the start of the year, the emotions he was too drunk to hide any longer. 

Lust. Pure lust swirling in his eyes. 

It was like a lightbulb had finally switched on in your grape-sized brain.

“Oh my God!”

Instantly, you pressed your hands to Jisung’s chest, pushing him completely off. He nearly fell flat on his ass, but grabbed the table just in time to stagger back to balance. He glanced upwards, and you saw his eyes widen.

“____?” he got out, but you raised a finger, which he was still intelligent enough to figure out to shut up.

“Ji, what the fuck?” You slapped your drink down on the table, making him jump. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” he exclaimed, taking another can. “But it’s the truth, damn it, and I’m tired of having to pretend all the time about it!”

Fuck, you suddenly thought, realising that you needed to get out of this crammed residence. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

“Jisung, look—” you started, but he groaned out loud, waving off your answer.

“No, no, I know what you’re gonna say.” He then did a terrible impression of you, simpering, “Oh, Ji, I can’t go out with you because I’m soooo in love with my best friend in the whole wide world!”

You snapped your head to his direction. “What did you just say?”

“You heard me clearly!” He finished off his nth can. “Okay, maybe it isn’t a Romeo and Juliet shit going on, but I know something is going on between you two!”

A laugh huffed out of you, but the boy was not convinced. “We’re just friends. Good friends, that’s all.”

Your answer was a hysterical bout of laughter, confusing you even further. “Come on, ____. I’m stupid, but not completely braindead.”

He took a step closer to you, careful of your hands still. “I know Chan practically adores you.”

This little statement made your shit freeze. “Stop it,” you murmured.

“Why?” he demanded. “Because I’m saying something the both of you refuse to listen to?” 

“It’s none of your business,” you snapped. “Don’t get mad because I don’t wanna go out with you.”

“I’m not mad because of that.” With one last tequila can, he grabbed it, turning on his heel. “I’m mad because the both of you keep lying to yourselves.” 

Before you could counter back, the boy stumbled away from you, hollering to the crowd to leave some space on the dance floor for him. You wondered for a second how he’d handle dancing when he could barely walk properly, but then your thoughts drifted back to the more dire subject at hand.

“Fuck,” you cursed out loud this time. 

There it was. The question you should have addressed ever since you started this arrangement with Chan.

Were you really just friends? 

You knew the question to that yourself. Both you and him had transcended past that point now, and in a horrifying realisation, you didn’t mind it that much. After experiencing his touch, his whispers, you doubt that you could ever see him as a friend again. 

But...to be more?

Fuck indeed. You had a lot to think about tonight.

“But first,” you muttered, “To be out of this stupid party.” 

Quickly, after taking two Smirnoff cans, you squeezed past the million drunkards, making your way to the exit. When you were out of the residence, you breathed in the cool night air, a rarity in these sweaty dorm rooms. 

You had a small hope, as you walked down the lanes, that Chan would be there, right at the entrance as you left, but he was not there. He had a little habit of going wherever you were supposed to be if you were not home at the expected time, worried sick if you had drank or done something more stupid than usual. 

But he was not here today. Maybe going to Jisung’s party made him extremely pissed.

There was a reason he rated it 9/10.

Soon, you were at your building, entering inside and finding your door at the very end of the hallway. Fishing out the keys, you slid them into the lock, careful of the cans, hearing the click! of the unlocking.

Your hand rested upon the doorknob. Eyes staring at the lifeless colour of the door, you closed your eyes, letting out a deep breath.

Stop worrying. Chan is your best friend.

You turned the knob.

Your best friend.

Pushed the door open. Stepped inside.

Right?

“Back so soon?” 

Your body shivered at the words. Quickly walking inside the living room, you found the back of the sofa greeting you as per usual, with Chan’s head peering on top as he watched the TV. Walking further, you noticed yours and his favourite show playing on the screen.

“Yeah, it was quite boring, but the real question is,” you began, irritation marring your features, “Why are you watching this without me?” 

He didn’t even glance back at you, nor pause the TV. “Oh, I don’t know, ____, maybe because it’s Friday night, and it’s our thing to do this every time? Do tell me if I’m wrong!”

“Shut up, Chan,” you seethed, dumping the Smirnoff on the coffee tables in front of him. “This is the one time I missed this, so stop being such a baby.”

“Oh, so you tell me to shut up,” he jeered, snapping the remote on the table, making you jump slightly. “Fine, I’ll shut up. You won’t hear a word from me again.”

You took a glimpse of his face, and caught this cold fury simmering beneath his skin. Oh no. Had you going to Jisung’s party made him this angry? It was beyond nonsensical now. Bang Chan was the most reasonable man you ever befriended.

Taking in the emotions inhabiting on his face, however, proved otherwise.

I know Chan practically adores you.

The memory brought chills all over you again. 

Making your way into the kitchen, you figured to make yourself a midnight snack, hearing the crack! of a can opening behind you. Asshole, you refused to voice out loud, but opened the fridge, taking out leftovers and heating it up in the microwave.

“Anything interesting happened, then?” you heard the dry question travel to you. 

Scoffing, you turned, taking out your food. “Oh, I thought I wasn’t hearing a word from you again.”

Your best friend’s smile was anything but sweet. “Well, I figured if you weren’t going to tell me things, I had to ask you myself.”

That snatched any faux amusement you might have harboured. “What the fuck does that mean?”

“You know what the fuck that means!” he snapped, getting up from the couch, pausing the screen. “I can’t believe you’re not telling me.”

“How about a little less attitude and a little more truth, you prick,” you rebuked, putting the cartons on the kitchen counter. 

“Fine, I’ll tell you the truth that you’re too much of a pussy to say yourself!” He thundered into the kitchen, Smirnoff still in hand. 

You backed up against the counter when he caged you with his glare. “Since when did you start going out with Jisung?”

Instantly your brows furrowed. “Who the fuck told you that?” 

“Shit, I knew that bastard wanted to get in your pants,” he roared. “And you let him use you!”

“Woah, woah, buddy, slow down there!” You raised your hands in objection. “I’m not dating Jisung!”

“What?” He took a gulp of the vodka, confusion mixing with his fury. “You’re not?”

“Of course not, the fuck?! Who told you this?”

“He—” but then the cogs turned in Chan’s head, and suddenly it made sense to him. “Oh, for Christ’s sake!”

“What happened?” you asked, but he was drinking some more, cursing himself for even believing such nonsense. “Chan?”

“That son of a bitch called me before you came,” he started, swirling his drink in the can. “And I don’t know why he did, but he kept telling me to back off from you.”

You let out a low curse, but your friend was not finished. “I told him to get some sleep, cause clearly he wasn’t right in the head, but then...he said some words which literally shut me up.”

Then, you saw him hitch in an uncertain breath. “____, he bragged that he asked you out and...and you said yes.” 

His reaction had you widening your eyes, mouth parting just a little. “And, damn it, I thought that this is why she’s so nice to this little fucker, giving him my coffee, or missing Friday night for his stupid party. Hell, even suggesting him first to be her friends-with-benefits.

“Because maybe she liked Jisung all along.”

You watched in horror as he finished his drink, crumbling the can and throwing it in the bin beside you. A shuddered breath escaped you at the explanation, but you sucked it in once more when you blinked back the sheer intensity of this man’s stare. 

“So...yeah.” He ruffled his hair, breaking the stare as he looked away, face flushing with colour. “That’s why I just...yeah.”

A small part of you melted at his words, and his now embarrassment after expressing his desperate worry for you and your potential relationship.

Still, you had some problems that needed solving. “Chan, then why were you so angry at me?!”

You crossed your arms. “You didn’t even wait to hear what I had to say on the matter.”

“I don’t know, okay?!” he exclaimed, propping his hands to his sides. “I heard Jisung saying all that bullshit, and at the time I was so pissed that…”

“I can’t believe you’d think I’d go out with him, you dumbass!”

“Well, I don’t know, he’s just such a nice guy like you keep saying, and all that flowery poetry for him just went straight into my head!” 

The situation almost seemed comical now. “Oh my God, did you really think I liked him?!

“Of course” he cried out, slapping his hands on the counter top next to you, unable to let you escape. As if you even wanted to. “Of course I thought that or else I wouldn’t be shitting my pants all night!”

“Then you’re the dumbest fucking prick I’ve ever met!” you screamed, as you grabbed hold of his hoodie, pulling him closer to you. “Because I don’t like him!

“I like you!”

“Well, I like you too, you stupid bitch!” 

The confession had you both stopping, preventing the two of you going deaf from your shouting. The whole fight was completely ridiculous, but when you looked at each other, drinking in the words that just left your lips, the realisation finally dawned on you. 

I like you too.

Well, shit. There it was.

The one thing you’d been hiding ever since you decided to fool around with him. 

Maybe this was the last way you wanted to tell him, shouting out your declaration to prove his suspicions wrong. It was almost like something out of an unfunny American sitcom — this weird, comic deflation, but at least it was out in the open now.

You had finally told him of your feelings. 

A pinch of that anger brewing within his features settled a little, hands still fisted on your sides. His eyes darted on every point of your face, as if he’s trying to memorise every inch, every detail etched upon your skin. 

Although his blatant awe made you flustered, the aching inside spoke for you. “Are you going to keep staring all night or just kiss me already?” 

God, you were such a bitch.

Chan seemed to think so too. “Nevermind, I fucking hate you,” he snarled, capturing your lips with his in an instant. You smiled against his mouth as you kissed him back with the same intensity, the same need which spread like wildfire in your body.

Kissing him should have become a routine with the amount of times you did it, but every locking of your lips with his sent you in a frenzy, lust-driven emotions spiralling out of control. You welcomed his tongue inside your mouth, the strong taste of tequila and desperation enlivening your inner workings, heightening your need for him, him, and only him.

His hands had no restrictions — the pads of his fingers had their very own needs, their own desire to feel every crevice of your body, your every curve and corner till you have no secret stored in your figure which they did not know of. You welcomed their ravaging, embraced their interrogation as they tried to uncover everything you held dear. 

Once these hands found a weakness in the form of your dress altogether, they cleverly found an opening, reaching for the end of your dress lined at your thighs. His fingers hitched the hem upwards, skirting it higher until it bunched at your waist, revealing a red, silken thong, embroidered with black thread. You relished in Chan practically salivating all over the image, but his lust slapped him out of his dazing, and hurried to get it off, hands slipping it down your legs until it was discarded on the kitchen floor. 

In an instant the man thrust two fingers inside of you, stretching your walls and creating a hypnotic rhythm of removing and inserting them back again. Your moans could bring down the whole residence, but none of you cared when Chan was scissoring you with his digits on the kitchen counter, desire radiating off his stature, and a determination to completely ruin you stark on his face. 

“M-more!” You begged, knowing you could take it, and you were rewarded with a third finger, filling you up as you cried out in pleasure. His mouth quietened you, sucking on your lower lip and then taking all of you, had you delirious, but this insanity only progressed as the thrust of his fingers hit lighting speed. 

The three digits had quickened your potential release, right on the tip of your cunt if he did not stop. “I’m g-gonna—fuck—!” 

You were interrupted as Chan’s lips left yours, trailing down to your neck, collarbone, brushing his teeth between your chest as he fell to his knees. Pulling you forward, on the edge of the countertop, he spread your legs apart, cock twitching at the drenched cunt which awaited him, like a feast displayed for a starved, wild animal. 

Looking up at you, he growled, “Cum when I say so, understand?”

Your hurried nods was all he needed as he dove right in, tongue sliding up your slit, lapping up your arousal as if it was an eternal cure. He fastened his stroke as he welcomed in his sight your clit, swiping his tongue along the bud. 

You moaned out his name like a cry for help, and he answered at first ring when his fingers still laboured, faster and faster, along with his heavenly tongue licking your clit like ice cream on a summer's day. 

“Chan, please—!” You choked out, one hand carding through the man’s hair, driving his face deeper into your cunt. “Please, I need to cum!”

Completely ignoring you, he carried on his ravishing, making you shake your legs to a point your body was beyond your control — you were at his mercy when his head was between your legs, when he prodded at your core as if it was no one else’s but his. 

When Chan brushed against your g-spot, it took every muscle in your body not to cum on his face then and there. He was being cruel; this was punishment for going to that party, justice for choosing Jisung’s company over his.

You did not know punishment felt so pain-stakingly amazing. 

Calling out his name for the last time, you knew that if the man carried on, you would go against his wishes and free yourself of the burden pushing down on your gut. Gripping onto his hair hard enough to rip right off, Chan spared a single glance at you from above, licking his lips off your mess.

“Cum for me, baby.”

That was the first time you came that night. Shaking as you freed your juices unto him, he gladly accepting the release. It was like you possessed a vessel of your release, the way you kept it inside for so long. He could never refuse though, when he knew he was responsible for driving you down that road of vulnerability. 

However, even with all of that, you still wanted more. 

And as Chan ascended on his feet, yanking his fingers out of you, he saw it in your eyes. The uncontainable passion. The unadulterated desire. 

All for him. All. For him.

Your best friend’s smile was positively wicked.

“I will completely ruin you, ____.”

He was upon you like a beast, no mercy upon your lips as he bruised them with his teeth, your pleas drowned out by his mouth as he lifted you in his arms. His kisses never ceased as he led you in his bedroom, nearly ripping the hinges at the sheer intensity of slamming his door shut. 

Throwing you on the bed, your breath whooshed out of you at the free fall, heart running miles as you witnessed Chan take his shirt off, his entire chest glistening with sweat, no doubt from the work he put in mere minutes ago. 

Upon you in seconds, his mouth robbed you of any more oxygen, prying it open as he attempted to unzip your dress from the back. Then, pressing open-mouthed kisses down your throat, he tried to loosen the zipping, but the damned thing got stuck in it’s trail, unable to satisfy. 

Letting out an angry growl, he damned the dress when, using his hands at the front, he ripped the fabric in half, completely down to the hem. 

“My dress!” You gasped out, watching him discard the torn fabric as if it were a minor inconvenience in his path.

You were cut off by his mouth, scorching you down to the bone. “I’ll buy you ten more, baby,” he muttered, skimming his hands down your bare sides.

You had the audacity to roll your eyes at his words. “Why do you keep forgetting you’re a college student?”

It seemed Chan did not take kindly to your comment. “Shut your fucking mouth,” he snapped, resulting in you leaking right onto his sheets. 

That kept you wilfully obedient, and rightfully so, when he unclipped your bra, tossing it to the side, and settled upon your breasts. Grinding his clothed cock upon your bare slit, he licked your right nipple, making you whimper out at him. His reply was swirling his finger on your left nipple, toying with your body as if it was his plaything. You would have had a right mind to shout at him if he didn’t bring such euphoria along with it. 

“Chan,” you whispered, gripping onto the sheets as he continued sucking your breasts. “Chan, I...I need you to fuck me already.”

He paused his assault on your bud, raising a groomed brow. “What do you say to that?” He asked, too calmly in a crazy situation like this. 

Of course, he wanted to make you beg. Considering you did not care the least for your self respect, or lack thereof, you completely obliged him, rutting your bare cunt upon his trousers. 

“Please, Chan. Please.”

Hearing the little pleases had him kissing you insane as he urged you to take his pants off. You willingly obeyed, tossing the clothing along with his Calvins, and when his cock sprung me you felt the inside of your mouth water at the sight. 

The man hovered just above you as he positioned his dick right at the entrance, poking between the folds. “Say the magic word, now, baby,” he commanded quietly, and just for the last time, you had to be the most annoying person in the world. 

“Donghyuck!”

The second that damned name slipped out of your mouth, you completely regretted it as instead of making sweet, slow love to you, Bang Chan thrusted his cock so hard into you your whole body flinched with the impact. You couldn’t suppress the whimper that escaped, tears settling in your eyes, but alas, your best friend had little sympathy for you. 

“Bitch,” he seethed, pulling out, widening your eyes only to have him slam his cock back into you, sending you into another universe entirely. 

You envied his strength — you could barely hold onto his arms while his grip on you could probably compete with the Earth’s gravity, stable and safe and inescapable. He imprisoned you in his hold as he pulled out slowly, and then drove back inside, but you wanted to be in this cage, to never leave his midnight eyes that offered something other than rage and lust and humour. You dared not wonder what it might be, but when you closed your eyes, your mind began to ponder, float amongst the stars of ideas and questions which defined your relationship.

As Chan began to fasten his pace, thrusts more erratic, you held onto his dark curls, mouth never refraining every moan and whine which he fucked out of you. There he was, the man who deemed you worthy of being pleasured, despite risking your decade old friendship to see you have the same advantages as any old person who was sexually frustrated.

But this man did not just give you any old advantages — he offered the whole world in his hands to you, knelt before you, fulfilled your every waking desire, held onto you before you could ever slip away into the chaos of your mind. Even now, with you getting lost into the galaxies of his eyes, it was solely his hands which were the anchor to reality, a reality he made better by his offer. 

Bang Chan, your very best friend. 

When he caught the tenderness radiating on your face, he could not help stealing a little for himself, moulding his lips upon yours as he pistoned you in the bed. It was perhaps this small warmth, along with his perfect rhythm of his cock that had you crying out, barely able to contain your second release.

You broke away from the kiss, and uttered his name like a prayer. “Chan,” you whimpered, not needing to say anything for him to realise that you were so very near.

He pressed his forehead against yours, unable to keep away from you. “Fine then,” he grumbled. “I’ll go easy on you.

“Cum for me, ____.”

The words weren’t fully out when you stained Chan’s bed with your release, pushing through the tiny spaces in your walls. He, too, let out an aggravated cry as he spilled into you, most mingling along with your cum upon the sheets. 

A heavy silence fell upon the both of you, both of your breathing harmonising with each other in the cold midnight. Chan toppled on the side of the bed next to you, closing his eyes as he breathed from his mouth, chest rising unevenly.

For minutes none of you said anything to each other, simply basking in each other’s peace. You felt the eyes of your best friend, and locked them with yours.

You decided to break the silence first. 

“I’m sorry for saying his name.”

Brilliant. Why would you mention that stupid idol once again? 

Chan, surprisingly, burst into laughter. You were caught completely off guard, but seeing his smile lighten up his face had you reflecting his happiness. 

“You are,” he rasped out, holding onto his stomach, “The most annoying bitch I’ve ever met.”

“Hey!” You exclaimed, smacking him on his arm, which he responded with threats of pushing you off the bed. “You wouldn’t dare!”

His hands were upon you in seconds, steering you at the edge of the mattress. He cackled at your shocked yelping, and you glared at him as he pushed you away from the edge, and into his arms. “Asshole,” you murmured, burying your face in his chest, which he gladly welcomed as he stroked your hair softly with his fingers. 

You both found solace in each other’s embrace for a little while before Chan let go of you. “Hey, I completely forgot, but...I got you something while you were out.”

Your eyes perked up at the idea of a gift, which the man tutted when he noticed. “Greedy whore,” he crowed, getting out of the bed as he strolled to his desk, grabbing a brown paper bag. His marble-cut ass was out for you to see, and you took full advantage, watching it with no small amount of admiration. 

“Enjoyed the view?” He asked innocently as he slithered right back into bed again, offering you the paper bag. Sticking your tongue out at him, you took the offer, opening it up to see what was so special inside.

Catching sight of the gift had you bursting into a smile.

“Chan!”

You whipped the goods out of the bag, hand on your mouth.

The man bit the inside of his cheek to stop himself from smiling too wide. “You like it?”

“You like it?” You parroted, already digging in. “Where did you even find these?”

“Oh, I visited my mom earlier in the day, and she got the cookies from the old shop,” he explained, taking one of the sweets for himself. “I instantly thought of you as she gave them to me, so I saved them for you.”

You widened your eyes in affection. These sweets may have been normal, bakery cookies, but they held a significance for the both of you: these cookies were what started the whole trend of you and Chan rating certain objects or situations for each other, and whenever you were on an academic break, you made sure to drag your friend back to our hometown, where you could always grab a dozen of your favourite snack.

“Thank you for these, bud,” you said, eating away the first cookie. “I think they’ve become better than an eight now.”

Chan hummed in agreement, finishing off his one too. Licking the crumbs off his fingers, he then turned to you, a question riddled all over his face. “Hey, ____?”

“Yeah?”

When he didn’t say anything, you focused your attention on him, propping your head on your elbow. You saw with slight surprise that his cheeks were reddening by the second.

“Chan?”

“It’s just…” he raised his hand, holding your own. “I’ve been thinking about…all of this.”

You raised your brows, refusing to reveal the dread rising in your gut. “Us?”

“Yeah, us,” he confirmed, stroking his thumb across your fingers. “Now, remember that you’ll always be my best friend, okay, like I don’t want you thinking that this would be the end of us or something—”

“Get to the point, buddy,” you hurried along, earning a glare from him.

Then, he licked his lips in anxiety, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. Hand never leaving yours, he pinned you with a stare, making you even more nervous.

He parted his mouth. 

“____, would you like to go on a date with me?”

You blinked. 

Your delayed reaction had Chan groaning. “Fuck, nevermind, just forget I said anything!” He swiped his hand away from yours, holding his head in shame. “I should have kept my big mouth shut, your bad habits are really growing on me—”

“Yes.”

Your best friend paused. 

Turned, ever so slowly, towards you. 

“What?”

You could not contain your smile as you took his hand once more. “I’ll go on a date with you, you big oaf.”

For a second you truly believed you had killed off Chan with that declaration. Then, his face exploded into pure joy, and he tackled you in a massive hug, burying his face into the crook of your neck.

“Oh my fucking God!” he cursed, “Don’t do that to me again!”

You laughed heartily as you put him at arms’ length. “You were the one doing mental gymnastics!” 

Refusing still to let go of you, he played with your hair as he clamped on his lips. “One more thing.”

“Shoot.”

“How good was I?” He looked at you, a vulnerable expression etched onto his beautiful features. “You know...with all of this.”

You stared at him, drinking in his face, his every detail, as if you had all the time in the world. Firstly, you had a right mind to pull his leg one more time, but you feared that if you made fun of him again, he might die of a heart attack.

And you still had many more years of tormenting your best friend.

So you brought him towards you, pressing your lips onto his. He seemed very much obliged to go deeper, but you pulled away just as quickly, offering him a ghost of a smile.

“I think you were a 10/10,” you whispered. “From start till finish.”

Hearing the score, and sensing your sincerity along with it, had him in near tears. He enveloped your mouth with his, backing you against the divan as he expressed his affection within the rhythm of his lips. 

When he pulled away, still mere inches from you, he said the words he’d been meaning to say since the day he first laid eyes on you — since the day you two contacted this system, since the day he knew your rating as if he knew his own name.

“Well, baby, you’ve always been a 10/10 for me.”

#stray kids smut #bang chan smut #stray kids oneshot #bang chan imagines #bang chan oneshot #bang chan fluff #bang chan x reader #stray kids x reader #stray kids scenarios #stray kids fluff #stray kids imagines #stray kids dark hours #bang chan dark hours #bang chan hard hours #stray kids hard hours

[call-me-aesthetic]

If Twisted Wonderland was an American Public School

WARNING: There are some slight sensitive topics that are featured in here! Reader discretion is advised!

Part 2 can be found here

Heartslabyul

Riddle Rosehearts:

- That one preppy girl who takes all honors and AP classes 😑

- Wants everyone to know that he’s becoming a doctor one day for his strict parents or he’ll dishonor the family

- Reminds the teacher about homework, knowing well that he’ll get slander for it

- Complains about how he got a 90 on his test or a B on his report card, a try hard much?

- Wears a cardigan with thicc but cute glasses since he’s one of those people with can’t see shit on the board so he has to move to the front of the class

Ace Trappola:

- The SoundCloud rapper, that’s it

- “Wanna listen to my mixtape? It’s pretty fire, my guy.” 😩🔥

- You will not miss him BLASTING out some song on his Bluetooth speaker, that shit be echoing through the hallways

- Tells you to stop what you’re doing only for him to either sing horribly or do a backflip, thinking that he’s so cool

- Wears a Supreme jacket with AirPods and waves on his head

Deuce Spade:

- Assuming that he’s still a delinquent, he’s that kid with the most fucked up school record

- Not much of a bully but will still talk shit to your face without caring, might even throw stuff at you during a lesson and you would be the one getting in trouble instead of him 🗿

- If he ever gets mad, it would be overdramatic like kicking the desks, punching the lockers, or walking out of the classroom unannounced and everyone would look at each other wondering wtf happened

- Covers the entire desks with drawings of skulls and those “s” if you know what I mean

- Wears Champion hoodies, wants you to know that he’s broke and rich at the same time

Trey Clover:

- The guy that’s not really popular but everyone knows him since he’s in all their classes

- Most people might have a crush on him because he’s REALLY nice 😳👉👈

- Gives off “older brother” vibes based on the way he looks and acts, like offering you a ride home if you beg ask nicely

- Secretly bakes creme brulee but doesn’t want to mess with the flow so he sticks to the status quo

- Wears the school’s hoodie just because he thinks it looks good on him, and the fact that he doesn’t know what else to wear

Cater Diamond:

- Hot Cheetos girl 🥵

- Has a whole buffet of food in his backpack and will not hesitate to eat them during a lesson, no sharing either sorry

- Excuses himself to the bathroom or full on skips class just to film a Tiktok

- Has about 100 followers on Instagram Magicam and brags about how he’s famous

- Wears a Thrasher hoodie with large hoop earrings and his hair in a bun

Savanaclaw

Leona Kingscholar:

- The kid who flunked their freshman year that also sort of vibes with new classmates

- Always gets mistaken as a teacher by people since he looks and sounds old

- Knows the lessons but still fails them anyways, didn’t really give a damn either 🙄

- Captain of every sports club you can think of, never actually plays but has a lot of knowledge on them

- Wears the school’s letterman from years ago since it used to be his brother’s and that he’s too lazy to buy a new one

Ruggie Bucchi:

- That one kid who NEVER has money for the book fair or any other school event

- Always has to ask his classmates for some cash

- If he somehow does, then he’s one of those kids who buys Diary of the Wimpy Kid or the World Record books

- If he’s feeling cheap, he’ll buy the “cool stuff” like the chocolate scented calculator or fruit snacks 😭

- Wears oversized hoodies and basketball shorts that are clearly hand-me-downs

Jack Howl:

- That one athletic kid who’s both scary good and competitive when it comes to school games like football or soccer

- Literally the best player on his team and without him, they’re trash as hell 💀

- Tries his absolute best to support his teammates without yelling at them for how dumb they are

- “KICK THE FUCKING BALL! DO YOUR LEGS EVEN WORK?!”

- Wears the school’s jersey just to show off his “school spirit”

Octavinelle

Azul Ashengrotto:

- The kid who sell snacks for “charity” but everyone knows he’s keeping the money to himself

- If you don’t have cash or try to negotiate with him, the only thing he’ll do is raise the price up

- “What do you mean you don’t have ten bucks? I can see it in your pocket.”

- Just bring nothing with you, he’ll doing anything to steal your stuff 🤭

- Wears a collar shirt with a tie and khakis that have pockets to keep his glasses and money in

Jade Leech:

- The kid who puts on a goody two shoes facade but is actually a stoner

- Only does “safe” drugs like vape but occasionally smokes weed, mostly in the bathroom or behind the school 🌬

- Can play it off and hide the scent when he’s high, teachers never suspect anything from him

- No one really cares to stop him unless he gets caught or something idk

- Wears clothing that either makes him look like a businessman or a junky, there’s nothing in between

Floyd Leech:

- The kid that’s plays basketball or volleyball just because he’s hella tall, and is actually good at the sports but doesn’t put much effort into them

- Always stays behind after gym, even though the teacher tries to make him leave for his next class 😬

- “I swear after this one shot, I’ll go to class.” *He never made that shot*

- Will jump you no matter who or where you are, and will get angry if you step on his new shoes

- Wears the jersey of any famous team with the latest pair of Jordan sneakers

Scarabia

Kalim Al Asim:

- VSCO girl at best, don’t lie to me now 🤡

- The only words he knows are “And I oop– sksksk.” and “Save the turtles.”

- Walks during a track meet while everyone else is running and sweating hard, the teacher doesn’t care either

- Doesn’t really do anything in gym but talks to his classmates and stands near the water fountain to refill his Hydro flask

- Wears tie dye shirts with cute scrunchies

Jamil Viper:

- That one quiet kid who everybody thinks is a serial killer but he’s actually not, I swear

- He just wants school to be over and spend the rest of his summer relaxing 😔

- Although he shouldn’t abuse his “power,” he‘ll move his hands in his pockets or backpack to make it look like he’s about to pull a weapon out.

- “Chill, I’m just grabbing a pencil.” *Everyone in the class started crying*

- Wears dark colored hoodies that intimidates people but are actually comfy

Pomefiore

Vil Schoenheit:

- The baddie popular girl 😌💅✨

- Arrives to school late with a Starbucks in hand from his local Target

- Fixes himself every 5 seconds like reapplying his lipgloss or spraying Bath and Body Works cherry blossom perfume

- Uses acrylic nails and long hair extensions as weapons during a cat fight

- Wears a crop top with ripped jeans and those clout sunglasses

Rook Hunt:

- That creepy guy in the hallways who tries to get your attention, even if you don’t know him

- Scares people when he says, “Ayo, where my hug at?” 🥶💯

- Uses at least 10 cans of Axe body spray a week after gym class, which stinks up the locker rooms

- Waves at you if he passes your class, even walking into the room just to say hi

- Wears literally anything but always include a hat

Epel Felmier:

- The artist girl who just wants to be alone 🧑‍🎨

- Purposely draws in front of you but pretends like you’re not looking

- If you complement him, he’ll just brush it off and proceeds to diss himself

- “Thanks but I’m not THAT good at drawing, teehee.” *Insert Radio Rebel face*

- Wears a hoodie or a cardigan with big pockets to put his art supplies in

Ignihyde

Idia Shroud:

- I don’t even need to tell you who he is, y’all already know ahaha 🥴

- Sneaks a whole PlayStation in his backpack so he can play with it during lunch

- Is on his phone 24/7 even in class to the point where teachers don’t care anymore

- Tries to get people into anime but only to little success

- Wears a shirt of any anime character or that damn ahegao hoodie, girl bye

Ortho Shroud:

- The nerdy kid who’s known for destroying others at many games

- Plays classics like D&D, Yugioh, Pokémon, the whole shabang

- Daily Beyblade battles during recess with everyone surrounding him, the menacing aura radiates off of him

- Will steal your things if you lose to him but gives it back a week later cuz he’s sweet 🥰

- Wears light up Sketchers shoes and those Minecraft shirts you find at Old Navy

Diasomnia

Malleus Draconia:

- The theatre kid who also goes to band practice, change my mind 👁👄👁

- Takes his role seriously when it comes to school plays and concerts, even if he gets casted as a damn tree or doesn’t go solo

- Remembers the songs and their lyrics to any musical you name, a really good singer at that too

- Plays almost every instrument, you definitely know this since you can hear him down the hallways during a test

- Wears a white button up shirt, black pants with fancy dress shoes, and top it all off with a fricking Rolex watch

Lilia Vanrouge:

- The weird guy who pranks people and vandalizes school property in every way possible

- If you ever get a textbook with a message that tells you to go to a certain page only for you to found a picture of a dick, yeah that was him 😒

- When using a Chromebook, he’ll leave a tab open on YouTube so when the next person uses it, pray that your ears will still work by tomorrow

- During lunch, he is a literal DEMON that mixes milk with chicken nuggets together and having the audacity to eat it too

- Wears an oversized raincoat or a windbreaker but idk wtf kind of things he has hiding underneath

Silver:

- That guy in class who consumes Monster energy drinks and falls asleep 99% of the time but somehow manages to pass the class 🤷

- Whenever he’s awake, he’ll talk to the teachers since he’s basically friends with them for some reason

- Writes his name out of boredom on any desk you sit on but in different places, sometimes around the corners or the sides

- Has a sixth sense because he’ll wake up if you try to draw on his face and if you did get something on him, it’s on sight

- Wears those colorful hoodies that zips all the way up to cover his face with a matching backpack, it’s pretty cool ngl

Sebek Zigvolt:

- That kid who literally knows everything about historical wars and will show it off during class

- Also has knowledge on weaponry, which has people questioning him but he’s just very dedicated on serving his country and people

- Knows how to fight and defend himself from a bitch since he spent his summer at a military boot camp, put respect on my man’s name 😤

- Honestly a great partner for a group project, actually does the given work but not the whole thing for you

- Wears anything that has camo pattern and chunky combat boots

I only made this because me and my friends were talking about our school memories so yeah. This is based from my experience so they might not be exactly accurate. Might even be a part two if you want.

#anime #twisted wonderland #twst #riddle rosehearts #ace trappola #deuce spade #trey clover #cater diamond #leona kingscholar #ruggie bucchi #jack howl #azul ashengrotto #jade leech #floyd leech #kalim al asim #jamil viper #vil schoenheit #rook hunt #epel felmier #idia shroud #ortho shroud #malleus draconia #lilia vanrouge #twst silver #sebek zigvolt #twst headcanons

[cinnamontoastandtears]

thank you for the tags @mithranqueer and @rufusrant vv happy that y’all thought of me haha 💕 (and thanks for the awesome questions @dustino)

have you ever written rpf before, or are the beatles the first you’ve ever done it for?

yeah, no, the beatles are the first and most likely the only rpf thing i’ll ever write. i’ve written fictional character ones before that but they were shitty so the first thing i ever posted was beatles too.

what’s your favorite ship to write and why?

starrison... because it just is, i have really no idea. they have the dynamic of the kind of relationship i want, i guess, (plus majorly awesome side-character energy) so yeah.

easiest beatle to write?

george. his personality is scarily similar to mine, so all i really have to do is think how i’d handle (x) situation.

hardest beatle to write?

paul. which is strange bc every mclennon fic ive ever written is from his perspective lmao. i think it’s hard for me to write him because i don’t actually like him very much and he gets on my nerves.

original era or modern au?

modern, but i can tolerate original if i throw period-typical homophobia in the bin. don’t like writing that.

least favorite pair to write?

mcharrison.. mostly cause they’re just such great friends and ugh, will die for some good mcharrison bromance (writing a fic like that now lmao...)

do you read or write more?

write, sorry to every fic ive ignored, but multi-chapters stress me out so much especially if they already have upwards of like 10,000 words. (very sorry if i’ve ignored your work, it’s really not your fault i promise) if i catch a multi chapter in its first couple updates i’m more inclined to read it. (but yeah, i write way more to the point where i have several almost finished fics in my drive, expect a week soon where i just post them all ahajkdks)

aus or canon compliant?

i mean i guess modern au if that counts? or them as like, anything but musicians because that’s hilarious.

ship you’d like to see more of?

uhhh... lenstarr or lennison (create the content you wish to see)

au/trope you want to see more of?

nothing specific. (but i love drunken confessions and bed-sharing, specifically together)

fanfic trope pet peeve?

ARCHETYPE BEATLES. archetype beatles can fucking kiss my ass. no sweeter-than-sweet ringo, depressed/moody/angry george, way-too-much-of-a-“leader” john, and paul the a) over-the-top drama queen or b) the Most Serious About Music™️. hate those. please be complex :))

prefer to write one shots or multi chaptered fics?

oneshots. but i did just start a multi chapter one you can read here if you’re interested 👀 (it’s sort of crack, idk if that hurts or helps)

on a scale from one to ten, how much has fanfiction taken over your life?

like maybe 6-7. it’s a lot.

do you have an author you look up to?

YES. literally all of them omg. seriously @mithranqueer @measuredoutinyears @dusted-0negin @celeste-fitzgerald @rufusrant @muzaktomyears @blobfishmiffy you all are very cool and i always feel very nervous to talk to you 😌

what’s a fic you can’t get tired of no matter how many times you read?

(time to sift through my bookmarks)

by @measuredoutinyears

a love that’s shining all around here - starrison (literally the first beatles fic in my bookmarks)

because you’re sweet and lovely - starrison (oh my god)

by @mithranqueer

baby, you’re a rich man - starrison (ahhhhhhh them as mob members is crazy and perfect and you know??)

by @blobfishmiffy

beatle toast (but gayer) - lennison (vv accurate for their dynamic)

a push in the right direction - starrison (the obliviousness and denial and the lenstarr bromance = everything)

by @celeste-fitzgerald

if this was a movie - starrison (i think the first time i read this i had to get up it was just so sweet)

by no particular author i know the tumblr url of:

peppermint kisses - mclennon (it’s christmas fluff i mean come on)

drunken lovers. - starrison (what did i say about drunken confessions)

attracts me like no other lover - george/everyone with endgame starrison (not sad but made me cry)

do you have a current fic obsession?

will you be mad if i say my own?

how seriously do you take fic writing?

not as serious as i should maybe, if you measure how much i don’t try and how much i live off of people’s praise :D

tags before the nsfw: ... @muzaktomyears (vv sorry if this is like the third or fourth tag, but y’all already talked about some of my favorites)

do sex positions (top/bottom) effect your enjoyment when reading or writing a fic?

kind of ?? more in the next question

do you have a preference over who’s who at all? if you do, then what are they?

in lieu of the confusing answer i had, here’s the six main ones:

mclennon: top john

starrison: prefer top george but either one is fine

lennison: top george

mcharrison: either way

mcstarr: mostly top ringo, maybe top paul

lenstarr: top ringo

this stems from the deal that if i read a ship and one or another of them is the top the possibility of me being able to picture it another way goes down (like first come, first served sort of)

is there any kind of kink you have to fight back including in every fic?

nor unless you count dirty talk which i always put in there anyway

when do you feel comfortable adding a smut scene in your fic, if it matters to you at all?

i guess in truth, i’ve only written a couple of fics (posted and unposted) with smut in them, and in a decent half of them i used sex to represent a deeper emotional connection rather than, like, because i was horny (but i have like 4 of those too so if you want i could..) /hj

#tags #this was vv fun #the beatles #thank you everyone #sorry i had to make a new post cause

[simply-not-an-egg]

The Next Karate Kid - A Probably Very Opinionated Commentary by Yours Truly

I really am trying to go into this with an open mind; let’s see how this goes.

Starting off with a military band? K sure, you do you sweetie, and I don’t hate it yet so that’s a positive

Aha, a military REUNION, I see. And look at Miyagi with his medal!! Sweet!

So I think if I remember from reading the plot on wikipedia that Miyagi new this guy who was married to the woman he just said hello to

Y’all they got Miyagi’s name wrong. His first name is Nariyoshi not Kesuke. That is his middle name. Although in saying that, I feel like that was more or less revealed in Cobra Kai so idk, anyway, for future reference, Miyagi’s first name is Nariyoshi

Also Louisa Pierce? I assume grandmother of Julie? That would make sense

Ooh we’re in Boston for this, and look at that big white house

Yes, Louisa is grandmother, oh and hello Julie!

Julie is unhappy, a little moody, sweetie are you okay?

Alright so Julie’s an orphan! Why does Miyagi keep picking up either somewhat or completely orphaned children?? I mean, I guess that’s good but also, why?

Ooh yay Miyagi advice about losing parents and grief!

Alright so now Louisa’s gonna fuck off to California while Miyagi takes care of the child

Said child who has now snuck into some place - OH THAT”S RIGHT THE SCHOOL AND THE BIRD

Yes I remember this from wikipedia plot

I like birdy, birdy is nice, and yes Julie talk to birdy, birdy is unjudgemental friend

Now time for the Animal Studies me to take over, that wing is NOT bandaged securly at all. Wing bandages should be wrapped around the wing and on the body, to keep the damaged wing still, thank you very much

Police have come! Julie gonna get arrested, maybe? Unless girl escapes, although that’s evading police then, and now she threw a torch, that’s attempted assault. Idk what it’s like in the USA, but in my state (Queensland, AUS) that’s a $5,500 fine and 50 days in jail (evasion), and a $5,338 - $8,007 fine and 6 - 12 months in jail (police assault, depends on severity)

Have fun in prison, Julie! Oop, nevermind she’s home again

Anyway, I wonder what Daniel’s doing at this time. Wiki says Julie was born in 1977, which is a whole ten years after Daniel, and considering she’s in high school I’d say she’s about 16/17 in this movie, which brings us to like 1993/1994. Perhaps this was around the time he met Amanda, maybe even started dating her? They got married in 1998 (I believe), so it would make sense for that to happen

Bonding moment for Louisa and Julie? No, nevermind

Miyagi’s happy! Love that! He’s going to make special birthday dinner!

Straight of the bat though like the dynamics are so different. Like the moment Daniel ever so much as raises his voice at Miyagi, the dude’s a little disheartened whereas Julie talks shit here and Miyagi’s like “haha, you’re funny, anyway, let’s talk about Japanese cuisine, yes?”

Okay but I LOVE the fucking ‘sayonara’ and dissapointed headshake like, man, Miyagi, legend

This school’s nothing compared to West Valley imo

Alos that little gang? Those coordinated outfits? Do y’all not have a personality? Feel like the Cobras get a win on being comfortable with their own skin whilst also maintaining such a well-formed group

You can see I’m biased, and I’ll probably remain biased, because, two seconds into seeing this Boston group and I’m already dissappointed by the lack of personality. Again, two seconds of Cobras and y’all know you’re in for a ride, and a good one at that

I like the little garden corner that Julie’s at it’s very nice and peaceful

Back to the group, they look like real dickheads. Also, Ned? Shit name for a ‘bad boy’. Also, please stop trying to coerce Julie

I’ve seen this fucker for, what, a minute, if that? And I absolutely hate everything about him. I also don’t like how he sorta just, enters?? Like, at least with the Cobras we knew what their intentions were right off the bat. Here, well, what does Ned want Julie for? Why does he want her with him and his friends? Like, please establish that before anything else

Also why he standing like a Roblox character

The Alpha League? Really? Y’all really tryna be cool with that aren’t ya? Do I smell some toxic masculinity? I think I do?

WHY DOES THAT HIGH SCHOOL DUDE LOOK LIKE HE’S 30 DUDE

Ew I hate that school bell

Please get out of the girl’s bathroom sir

Not the fucking wing bandage again, jesus christ. And shot in the wing?? Y’all really gotta have that shit strapped then, STOP LETTING THE BIRD MOVE HER WING THAT IS GOING TO DAMAGE IT MORE

“I’ll call Dominos Pizza and have them deliver 48 pizzas to your house in the middle of the night” ma’am that is a dream come true, first of all, and second of all, please work on your threats, thank you

Okay but is this military training or phys ed??

Miyagi looks so nice in his checkered shirt! Anyway, I swear that’s like the only thing I love about this movie, Mr Miyagi that is

Teacher just slapped a kid and choked him, alrighty then

Oop and here comes Miyagi, defending kids since 1984!!

Love that. “Boy, you okay?” like just the delivery of this line it’s so neutral I love it

Ah yes, threatening a bastard with a story about a bull, the best

Honestly stan how passive-aggressive Miyagi is at any given time

Yeah okay but honestly it would be better for that bird to be taken away considering that god awful bandaging job

“It’s just a car” EXCUSE YOU JULIE, as a car person myself I take PERSONAL offence to that. That’s not just a car, that’s his child, his other half, his soulmate, his everything, thank you very much

That’s right tell her off for saying that, good lad

On a sidenote; my video quality is shit, like super shit, because I’m streaming on Netflix and there’s a few other people in the house using internet so like, :(

“For a while he was sending money and then one day he just stopped” ah yes, every child of divorced parents can relate to this statement very well

i’m sorry but the music is so cheesy

anyway, i was gonna say that this movie lacks something, and i remembered what it is, and that is love. Like with KK1, 2, and 3, you can tell a lot of love and heart and soul went into making those movies (maybe not as much with 2 and 3, but it was still there and in good amounts). Meanwhile, this just feels like a cashgrab (which it is, and a very failed one at that)

Like, when will people learn that well-crafted media will get you better reviews/more money/whatever? 

I hate this fucking background music so much jesus christ please kill it

Please tell someone about the hawk i am worried for its health

The fact that Miyagi has lived with Daniel so long to a point where he’s forgotten he has to actually knock on doors (because you bet your ass Daniel was and still is the type of person who really just doesn’t give a single fuck about who sees him doing what)

This poor man tbh. So ashamed of himself

FUCKING I WAS RIGHT I LITERALLY JUST SAID THAT WHOLE SHIT ABOUT MIYAGI AND DANIEL NOT GIVING TWO SHITS ABOUT SEEING EACH OTHER DO WHATEVER AND NOW MIYAGI’S JUST OUTRIGHT CONFIRMED THAT

“Boy is easier” 100% I will agree, hence the reason I’d like sons in the future. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’d like at least 1 daughter as well but holy hell are females complicated (and I should know because I am one)

“Don’t order me around” sweetie, he isn’t ordering you, he’s making a helpful suggestion. Please stop the Miyagi slander, my man does NOT deserve this treatment

Miyagi, love you bb, but please don’t waste your advice on Julie at the moment

Speaking of, I greatly dislike Julie, but you know why that is? Because she’s really not been fleshed out as a charater, unlike the others we see in the KKU. Like her one redeeming quality is that she looks after a bird, but even that isn’t redeeming to me because she isn’t caring for it properly, like please take it to a fucking veterinarian

I feel like I’d enjoy Julie more if she was actually fleshed out but like, no, no, she’s just a whole “I’m an orphan so I’m always angsty grr” character and I just - I’m disappointed

Same goes for the other characters; again, the only thing/person I love about this movie so far is Miyagi, and with the way it’s been in these first 25 minutes, I doubt that’ll change

Yeah no I really fucking hate Julie. “You can’t even speak English” she says, even though she has understood every single word Miyagi has said thus far

Ah yes because people can definitely jump on cars and cars can definitely go unnoticed for such a long period of time in a quiet neighbourhood

I honestly feel like giving up on this movie like it’s so bad

But I want to see more Miyagi so 😬

No offence to Hilary Swank but her line delivery could do a bit more work during the ‘emotional scen’ with her and Miyagi

And again, music, hate it

I am literally willing to turn this movie off even if it means I don’t get to see more Miyagi content

Like I can not express my displeasure for this movie enough

Yes, Miyagi, same, I hate the 12am rock concert in Julie’s bedroom to. Like please, gurl, some of us have sleep schedules

Okay so now Julie’s worried about her appearance?? Y’all just made my hatred for her character rise again. When was she ever worried about that? imo this is just put in there to make people remember that she’s still “girl uwu 😙✌”

Haha, yes, pay Miyagi with the homework that’s right

Bet he did that with Daniel after the tournament like “you do homework, I teach karate”

“Boys easier” AGAIN I AGREE SO MUCH MIYAGI

Okay so I’ve sat through 33 minutes of this bullshit and I am going to quit for today. I’m sorry to anyone that does like this movie, but like I really don’t, it sucks in so many ways. Words cannot describe the sheer amount of dissapointment I have for this. Like, it could have been good! The idea is solid and the base of the characters is somewhat okay! And yet they made this shit instead of something actually worthwhile!

I will continue tomorrow, but for now I just need a break from this before I hit something.

#karate kid #the next karate kid #julie pierce #mr miyagi

[zanecosh]

’ ･ﾟ : 👽  : ･.  INTRODUCTION — Zane Wancosh  .･: 👽 :･ﾟ ’

⌠ CHANCE PERDOMO, TWENTY-ONE, CISMALE, HE/HIM ⌡ welcome back to gallagher academy, ZANE WANCOSH! according to their records, they’re a FIRST year, specializing in MEDICAL TRAINING; and they DID NOT go to a spy prep high school. when i see them walking around in the halls, i usually see a flash of (sunglasses in every imaginable color, serenading ‘ my heart will go on ‘ loudly at 4 am, finger guns to the pals and the gals). when it’s the (aries)’s birthday on 04/18/1999, they always request their FRENCH FRIES WITH GRAVY from the school’s chefs. looks like they’re well on their way to graduation.

tw; drugs, jail/prison ??, alcohol

PAST but not rlly since i always had to mention what it did to him

- Zane was raised in Ottawa, Canada .. something he is very proud of and will mention a billion times as soon as he gets to know someone -- he will also deliberately say ‘ eh ? ‘ to let people know b ut we all know he ain’t sleek !!

- His parents had always been a loving bunch so he grew up receiving so much affection and attention that he now is a little FULL of himself but only because he seeks love and won’t stop until someone provides it for him im srry i didn’t make the law

.- So given his upbringing he’s always been the completely affectionate type, having his hands everywhere all the time and achING for hugs and small things like hand holding or just a pat  on the shoulder like he is seriously convinced that if he doesn’t get at least four hugs a day he will die a painful, lonely death

- So in addition to that, he had always been a very active, youthful and energetic kid which was pretty much something he got from his dad since he sort of kept things playful and always did the best that he could while his mom was on the stricter side but instead knew how to teach him things that were important !!

- So growing up he always made friends very easily because of how open he was ( except that time when he brought this girl home at the age of 7 because he thought she’d make a cool pet ) and because he was always vERY friendly, even if he had a tendency to be too nice at times and just got upset when people didn’t like him ?? which is honestly still the case

- Of course he loved being popular which is kind of his aspiration in most things nowadays?? he seeks to be liked so much it’s sometimes a lil sad but he will legitamately try anything to make you his friend and he wont care if ur bothered because at least then he’ll get a reaction out of you !! but yeah it’s something he never really learned bc he’s used to getting validated from his parents so he genuinely doesn’t COMPREHEND meanness ://

- It was when he was around ten ( 10 )  years old when his dad randomly moved to New York ?? which was honestly super scary to him but his mother assured him that it was for a special job which was definitely weird for him because that was the only thing she ever said when he asked her about his father and ofc zane wasn’t dumb just a little idiotic !!

- They still visited his father often where Zane was able to get to know America and New York a little better, which he definitely enjoyed even though he sort of preferred Canada always because he likes snow a lot and the fact that it kind of melts when you pee on it but anyway he was getting a bit more suspicious as he grew older

- Then on his sixteenth birthday he was able to visit his dad once more to which he then was revealed that his dad was the ring leader of a spy business !! WOW to which Zane was baffled of course bc his dad ??? who tripped over his 7th birthday cake because Zane saw a squirrel and started to chase it ?? exactly !!

- So of course, Zane wanted to start working there !! Not only because of curiosity but school was kind of boring ( ngl ) and he missed his dad a lot so while his mother was not happy about his choice at all she always believed in people doing whatever they wanted so without much time passing the male moved to New York and started working for his father !!

- it was quickly noticiable that Zane wasn’t great at spy work, considering he was incredibly clumsy and was always distracted by everything and almost shot off his left toe ONCE okay it was only onCE !! Anyway his father got a little frustrated with his chaotic energy so he gave him the jobs were he was usually with someone else so they could babysit him which was honestly better for him too bc he could make friends !!

-  So when he was around 19 that’s when he got to know his boy Landon, his main squeeze, one could even say the love of his life ( only he would say that ) but they immediately vibed with Landon being his driver even though they lowkey ended up doing stuff that completely wasn’t what his dad wanted but Zane was honestly just loving life and just doing a bit of shady stuff with his buddies was bonding ??

- HOWEVER NOT ALL THINGS CAN BE SUNSHINE AND CAKE; so they often kind of got into trouble ?? they were good at hiding and sort of running from the cops a couple of times but honestly not that much of a big deal as Zane would say but once upon a time, these assholes rlly got caught ahead of their time to which Landon then got away in time with someone from Gallagher helping while Zane honestly didn’t know what was happening n got caught ??

- To which he then ended up in jail for a year !! love carrying contraband while being high as fuck !! anyway, it was a very self reflecting time . even though he sort of learned nothing ?? anyway not even his dad could bail him out, only shorten the time if he in return joined Gallagher, a school where he would learn how to behave and use his spy knowledge to some good instead of just causing trouble !!

- Which he honestly didn’t vibe with so much because he was kind of scared of these spy kids ?? legit all of them could kill them w a look he wasn’t sure was his dad was thinking but that’s also why he chose medicial training, in order to not get hurt and if he did, he would be able to take care of himself which honestly wasn’t that much of a help when he was about to bonk this girl but ended up hitting his dick against the ground as they rolled around ?? he doesn’t wanna talk about it

- Anyway, he sort of grew into Gallagher for the most part, since he is a very adaptable person in general and was looking forward to making friends with people who were way cooler than him which was honestly a plus !! he just vibing y’all there ain’t no problem at all at all

PERSONALITY & LITTLE QUIRKS

- He’s super chaotic and all over the place, loves talking about anything and everything and sort of philophises over the most mundane things because its fun to talk about life y’all

- He has a super colorful taste in clothing and decoration and is pretty extraordinary in most things in life, whether its sunglasses or flowers on his backpack and shirts and stuff that’s way too big

- Is a slow talker and also doesn’t understand people who talk fast

- Has a habit of interrupting people mid-conversation and doesn’t realize that it could appear rude

- Loves everyone, is also super affectionate and always has an arm around his friends or will at least ask for conSENT bc that matters to him but he will most likely touch u some type of way im sorry

- Probably because he is super fidgety too, he legit has his hands everywhere all the time because he doesn’t like to stay still

- Somewhat of a class clown and certainly does not enjoy studying or any school related work so he’s kind probably always on the verge of failing ?? idk how he does it you guys

- will fist bump you but will also grab your ass

- Just wants to chill most of the time but somehow still always stressed

- Is a party ANIMAL like if there is a party, he’s there and probably drunk and high before the party even starts ?? in general i don’t think he’s been sober a day since he turned 18 who the fuck knows

- Will probably trip and fall everywhere as a drunk but he just laughs about it the second day, like he says if he doesn’t get hurt it won’t be a good party and i honestly worry about him and i’m not sure how he’s still alive

- does the peace sign way too often

- could be considered a sunny boy but since he’s from cold ass Canada he loves snow way much more and the cold for some reason

- has the biggest potty mouth like he doesn’t even realize he’s swearing

- is extremely honest like he will just stand there listening to someone complain and be like well that’s a bitch

-  also huge flirt and also catches feelings fast and will mostly say it outright when he falls for someone like boy has seriously no shame ?? he will feel the heartbreak but he believes he can deal with it better than questioning it all the time and if they feel the same he will just loVE

- he also might be polyamerous he doesn’t know it yet bc he’s never had that many chances but he just likes to love whatever

- his head is everywhere and nowhere at the same time so it’s possible that he doesn’t make sense 80% of the time

- has tattoos that don’t make sense at all, i like to refer pewdiepie or uhhhh what’s his name uhhhh kURTIS CONNER ?? im too lazy to fact check i been writing this for an hour let me be

- knows how to juggle and thinks that’s that probably the coolest skill he’s ever learned

- has two earthworms that he got during a biology project back in high school who have been in his possession for six years now ?? ( i checked they live for four to eight ) he loves them to death ok their names are Niall and Liam ....... ( yes he was an 1D stan don’t confront him about them he’ll cry )

- is very superficial, loves the horoscope and believes in like bad luck and stuff like that, will scold u if u don’t listen to him rant about unlucky things !!

/ @gallagherintro

#gallagher:intro #not putting any wcs bc he legit fits everything ok #this got loooong #but i could meme for 4 hours w this dude

[toxicpineapple]

my (personal favourite) writings from 2019

I don’t have anything for January because I guess I didn’t write/didn’t post anything then? At any rate, here are my favourite writings from every month of 2019.

---

February:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/17764769/chapters/41916899 : “To Give Life Meaning”, a 5+1 things Hinanami fic I wrote over the course of several days, mostly at night. The honourific situation with this one is messy and there are the beginnings of a lot of good lines? Like I know what I was trying to say. But it’s not the kind of thing that I would be happy posting nowadays. (Ignore the fact that it says it was completed in September of this year; I went through nine months later and separated the different sections into chapters so that it would be easier to read. I wrote and published all of it back in February.) This was the second Danganronpa fic I ever wrote.

Content warnings: Contains talk of suicide, and mentions of being suicidal. Generally in the past tense. Nobody is proactive in this fic.

---

March:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18232343 : “Hold his hand”, the very first Amasai one-shot I ever wrote. I got the idea for this one late at night thinking about how Shuichi would react if his mom died. I was actually going to write this with Ryoma comforting him, or Kiyo maybe, but I ended up doing Rantaro because I watched all of his FTEs with Shuichi and was like… I do like this green man. Anyway, I’m glad I did, because if I hadn’t I don’t know if the Amasai series would… even exist. That’s really weird to think about.

Content warnings: Minor character death on the part of Shuichi’s mother. The focus of the piece isn’t her dying (as it is in fact from Rantaro’s perspective) so much as it is the conflicting emotions that it stirs up for Shuichi, but it’s still, y’know, someone’s mother dying. Anyway, read with caution.

---

April:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18468478 : “Does it matter?”, a late-night fic where Aoi is conflicted about her sexuality and calls Makoto to talk about it. I wrote a lot of one-shots in April (I actually surprised myself going through them haha) but this one is my favourite because it touches on things that I don’t see addressed a lot. Makoto and Aoi are good friends. 10/10.

Content warnings: Internalised homophobia. It hasn’t triggered anybody that I know of because it’s mostly just Makoto giving advice and Aoi coming to the conclusion that she really likes Sakura in a not-so-platonic way, but y’know.

---

May:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18776947 : “Shuichi thinks too much”, another installment in the Amasai drabbles series, and… wow. I literally only posted Amasai in the month of May. This one is my favourite (of the ones I posted in May, obviously) because it’s the one where Shuichi realises that Rantaro is claustrophobic and then they have a messy first kiss in the wake of Rantaro’s panic attack. I like fics where Character A kisses Character B and B has to be like… slow down partner… ur panicking. I also just like milking Rantaro angst so it’s a win-win. I go back and read this one periodically :)

Content warnings: Panic attacks, claustrophobia. Shuichi is exhausted in this fic haha but at least he has his shit together enough to know exactly what he’s feeling through the whole thing.

---

June:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/19210423 : “Quiet Moments”, an introspective drabble/character study in which Peko thinks about how much she loves Ibuki. Damn, I love Pekobuki. I haven’t written nearly enough for them. I wrote a lot of things in June (including an Undertale one-shot which was a strong contender for this spot just because this list is dominated by Danganronpa stuff) but this one is my favourite because it was just me… rambling about how much I love Ibuki… and projecting onto Peko. Which I do every time I write this pairing, but I didn’t make this list to call myself out, so yeah I’m just going to move on.

Content warnings: Peko briefly mentions that Fuyuhiko had to get an appendectomy within the piece, but it’s nothing intense.

---

July:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/19974424 : “Take his soul with a kiss”, a Grim Reaper AU in which Maki is Death and Kaito is a guy with the audacity to tell her to wait a week before grabbing her soul. I’ve finally hit the part of this summer where I was eating one meal a day and spending the rest of my time on my laptop writing fic. 14k words a day, babey! I wrote all my favourite pieces in July (Shuichi’s love hotel, the one where Rantaro pierces Shuichi’s ears, the domestic Hinanami, the one where Shuichi has a breakdown and everyone comforts him, that one where Shuichi is mean to Kokichi and then apologises) but this one definitely deserves to be here because it’s my favourite. I like Momoharu/Kaimaki/Harukaito (idk what y’all call it man) so, uh. Yeah.

Content warnings: Death is talked about a lot but I don’t want to spoil anything about the ending by saying shit so I’ll just??? It’s a Grim Reaper AU, procede with caution. Oh, and Kaito has a lung disease.

---

August:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/20442290/chapters/48499868 : “Causation and Correlation”, another 5+1 things fic (I have a good chunk of them) where Kyoko can hear death and so she goes around saving people. Also, in the end of the fic, someone saves her. It’s a cute fic and I love writing Kyoko so obviously this one is my favourite. (The one where Kokichi has parents and the Kaemugi fic I wrote that month are ones I really like too… this isn’t easy for me gamers ;w;) This is one of those fics where I was feeling extremely confident about my writing abilities the whole time I wrote it, and I’m still really proud of it.

Content warnings: Again, uh, death? Attempted murder, near-drowning, sickness, head injuries, and also attempted suicide. (Nobody dies in this fic, though.) Kyoko has her work cut out for her in this one.

---

September:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/20577251 : “Cigarette smoke”, a vaguely nonsensical Saimota piece I wrote where Kaito breaks down and Shuichi comforts him. I’ve only written Saimota twice and both times it’s been Kaito angst because you guys, you just, you don’t address his sadness at all unless it’s in Oumota (and we all know how I feel about Oumota). I should start referring to September as “the month of angst fics I wrote in the middle of the night” because that’s exactly what all of it was. This one wasn’t a vent fic, but there were a lot of them. September is also the month I started doing Amami week, so there’s a lot of that, too.

Content warnings: Kaito really… berates himself in this one. His internal dialogue is hard for me to read in this one because he’s super hard on himself. He also has a meltdown and starts hyperventilating at one point (and the way I write breakdowns is always super descriptive) so please make sure you’re happy and healthy before reading.

---

October:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/21195527 : “In the forever sense of the term”, what is probably my favourite Amasai fic at this moment, where Shuichi and Rantaro are forced to address Shuichi’s abandonment issues, and also there’s crying. A lot of it. From Shuichi mainly but a little bit from Rantaro too. I was surprised at how many fics I wrote in October because I was mostly focusing on Inktober I should think? I wrote a lot of original works in Inktober (though I ended up falling off the wagon at the end due to burnout) and it was a really fun experience! I think it strengthened my skills as a writer. Anyway this one is cathartic as hell.

Content warnings: The self loathing is strong with this one. It’s one of many mental breakdown fics that I’ve written this year. And there’s obviously the abandonment issues thing. Yikes.

---

November:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/21399748 : “One hundred and twenty six tiles on the ceiling”, where Himiko ends up bailing on plans she made with everyone to hang out and instead stays at home, stewing in self deprecation, until Ryoma shows up, and then everyone else comes to take care of her. Another one of those ones where everyone is there for someone after a breakdown. I like this one because Himiko is my baby and most of the angst the fandom puts out for her is centered around Tenko and Angie, which sucks because I headcanon her as having depression. Like, depression that is entirely unrelated to the people she knows kind of depression. I didn’t write a lot in November because I had a relapse, but I like this one anyway.

Content warnings: Depressive episode, disassociating, suicidal ideation, all the ugly things that come with depression. This isn’t a pretty fic. I don’t write depression as something that’s pretty or poetic because it’s not. It fucking sucks and that’s just how things are going to be.

---

December:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/21976864/chapters/52442179 : “An Ode to Yellow Carnations”, a 5+1 things fic where Tsumugi is a florist and Kaede takes different people to her shop until eventually she goes by herself. Is anyone surprised to see this one here? I wrote it for Tumblr’s Danganronpa Secret Santa Gift Exchange 2019 and went waaaay overboard with it. Which is probably why I like it so much. It took me ten days to actually complete, and I’ll frame it like I was diligently writing the whole time, but anyone who knows me knows that I never do things in that way. In truth I switched ideas for the fic four different times and then wrote half of it all in one night when I was hit with a surge of inspiration. I was really nervous that the person I wrote it for would hate it since it’s so long, lol. (Hi Alerane, I love you.) Anyway, I’m gonna think of December of this year as the month where I spent a really long time on a bunch of fics and then posted them all at once.

Content warnings: Very minor character death, mentions of alcohol use (nothing egregious, just recreational use on an outing with friends and all the characters are of age), also Kaede doesn’t go outside in this fic.

---

I’m going to try and get out one more fic before the year ends. To be honest I wasn’t expecting to have updated Search by now so I’ve been kind of sitting around wondering what I should write. Maybe I should just start on the Aki chapter, but I’m kind of putting that off because writing those chapters takes a lot of energy and Aki’s is probably going to double Tsubaki’s in length. (Which is great, since Tsubaki’s was already a monster of a chapter on its own.) I’ve had a really great year for writing, y’all. I’ve made lots of friends and learned a whole lot about myself, and my writing style, and the characters I’m trying to portray.

I didn’t include any long-term multi-chapters in this list, like The Best Lies or my Fanganronpa (rip… I swear I’ll pick it back up again soon, I love those characters) but if you want to track my progress as a writer without reading eleven different fics, I’d really recommend reading one of those, because you can see it happening as the chapters go on. There’s so much that I’d probably write differently from where I am now as a writer, because that’s just how things work. Life is like that. You do things a certain way in the moment, and then later, you wish you could’ve done them differently. It’s impossible to live your life without regrets, or things that you’d like to do over again.

But for what it’s worth, I’m really happy that I don’t have to. Thank you guys so much for sticking with me this year. It hasn’t been the best, but it’s been all that it’s been capable of being.

Here’s to a new decade.

#danganronpa #danganronpa: trigger happy havoc #super danganronpa 2 #sdr2 #danganronpa: goodbye despair #new danganronpa v3 #danganronpa v3 #danganronpa v3: killing harmony #hinanami #amasai #saimami #sakuraoi #pekobuki #momoharu #harukaito #kaimaki #saimota #tenmiko #kaemugi #fanfic #*claps twice* year in review #ok guys pls dont cancel me for the p*diepie reference i swear i didnt mean it #i can only be problematic on main #i dont have enough tags yet to tag every character but i'll tag the popular ones to get clicks >:) #shuichi saihara #rantaro amami #kyoko kirigiri #makoto naegi #hajime hinata #chiaki nanami

[llama-milk-for-the-egg-nog]

Thoughts on Mulan (2020)

Ok so I had heard some stuff beforehand about this movie, but I didn’t wanna let that tint my experience too much, though it kind of did in the form of noticing western influence on certain things. Here’s a list of thoughts more or less in chronological order.  First I wrote these in a notebook, and now I’m putting them here.

The beginning sequence reminds me so much of Kung Fu Huslte

though honestly it might just be that stephen chow’s movies are pretty much the extent of chinese-made media that I watch

Rosalind Chao is here, I’m a Keiko O’Brien stan so she reminded me of DS9

Fa Zhou saying something about “emissary” also reminded me of DS9

The music where the rourans first attack is cool I guess

idk if the brass made the music of the imperial city sound kinda western or what, but it certainly did sound militaristic (which I guess it’s supposed to)

Why does mulan have a little sister instead of a little brother? to add more female characters to the story? she doesn’t really do much though

After mulan’s whole childhood sequence, it cuts to a shot of the witch in the desert, which if you didn’t already know the story, might make it seem like mulan grew up to be the witch

although this makes some sense too bc the movie likes to compare them

the witch twists into a hawk (?), neat!

I saw people earlier comment about both men and women in china (and other parts of the world) keeping their hair long, so when mulan’s hair fell out of place in the matchmaker scene it made me notice that both the men and women also wear their hair up, which in turn causes the part of the movie later when mulan emerges after the avalanche to make way less sense since how would they know she’s a woman?

ok this is the thing I’m upset about, its a small thing but still, Why don’t we get to see the sword form?? If you remember in the animated version, her father does this straight sword form. (It’s a real form, not just made up for the animated movie). So I was like “ok maybe mulan will do it later” and then it NEVER HAPPENED. (possibly she did it during the “make a man out of you” training sequence, but the odd camera angels and quick cutaways make it impossible to tell)

I also had heard earlier that the script was not subtle at all,,,y’all were right

oh look, a phoenix

mulan: “the phoenix”

yes, we know

Commander Donnie Yen Tung’s entrance is iconic

BAHAHFHDSK mulan’s reaction to seeing naked men skjfdk

uh oh,,only 40 minutes in and the forced romance is already upon us

although, in retrospect, the way they resolved it at the end didn’t make me cringe that much

I’m a slut for butterfly kicks

the scene where mulan bathes in the lake has a much more predatory undertone now, especially now that Ling, Chien Po, and Yao are missing

the trio made the scene funny in the animated movie

can the not-Li-Shang-love-interest Honghui please leave Jun/Mulan alone?? ffs

speaking of no Li Shang, I liked the Donnie Yen mentor character half better than the Honghui half

Honghui kind of comes off as a simp ngl

what’s with the witch’s makeup/outfit? are they based on something?

speaking of outfits, awhile ago, I saw a really cool doll alteration video for mulan 2020

Commander Tung’s monologue/ mulan’s and the army’s training sequence about Chi where the words “Tranquil as a forest, but on fire within” are spoken is actually my favorite part of the whole movie. As much as I would have liked a musical remake, I think they translated the visual elements and the words together well in a way that was different enough from the animated version, but still satisfying to watch (at least for me).

They also integrate the music of Reflection here really well imho.  In the animated version, there’s a point where mulan modulates to a higher key, but the live action version doesn’t do that, which further pushes it away from sounding like disney’s classic musical theatre style.  They also changed a few of the notes, and I think the overall changes to Reflection in this part of the movie really improve this montage.

Compared to the Spiderman where they changed the notes from harmonic minor to (normal) minor (idk if that’s the real term I’m not actually a music major) in the MCU opening sequence, the note changes in Reflection don’t actually upset me.

my brain: oh look!! flowers!! cool! whooshhhh (honestly I couldn’t even tell if she was doing flowers right in the first part of the movie until here)

Mulan/Jun is gonna marry Commander Tung’s daughter? Yeah girl!! Get it!

oh look at me I’m a rouran and I gotta turn around on my moving horse to shoot arrows let me just swoOP

1:01:56 WHY ARE YOUR FINGERS IN FRONT OF THE HILT oh ok they fixed in the next shot but its still annoying

Unsubtle phoenix imagery not subtle

I guess I was warned about it :/

oh look its my fav interval a major 7th, I wonder if that’s supposed to be like “the last step before rebirth/the octave” bc of how Jun “dies” after the witch throws a weapon that gets stuck in her chest binding

at least she’s not using ace bandages or smth but idk much about binding

WHY ARE YOU THROWING OFF ALL YOUR ARMOR WHEN YOU’RE GOING INTO BATTLE? ACCEPTING AND PRESENTING YOURSELF AS WHO YOU REALLY ARE DOESN’T MEAN YOU HAVE TO TAKE OFF YOUR ARMOR

ok I know it was so she would be visually distinguishable from the other imperial soldiers, but still

the soldiers doing the turtle thing with their shields reminds me of the “we irritating 😂😂😂” meme

brass to signify that mulan is going to have a heroic moment (causing the avelanche) seems western to me. Idk much about traditional chinese instruments but it seems like they could use more of those.

Guys,,,I’m so fucking stupid I- .... it took me an hour and ten minutes to register the Lucky Cricket stand-in character,,,excuse me,,,,

the scene where mulan saves hongui and puts her hand over his heart gives me r*ylo vibes and I hate it

the witch, 1:14:40: “🎵yes I~ am a girl like you~🎵”

damn the music even reminds of the barbie movie a bit

The emperor’s voice reminds me of the mentor character from Kung Pow Enter the Fist which in itself was a western guy making fun of old cheesy martial arts movies (and how movies sometimes have a white male protagonist when they’re deadass set in asia and everyone else is asian)

the mentor characters voice was dubbed into english (and you can tell) but to me the emperor’s voice also kinda sounds like that

I’m disappointed that we didn’t get some kind of scene like the part in the animated verison where Mulan leads Ling, Chien Po, and Yao to cross dress to help save the emperor.

to me, that scene in the animated ver. is a reminder that it isn’t shameful for men to act/dress feminine

in general the animated version, to me, sends the message that it is ok to have both feminine and masculine traits, and that they don’t undermine each other or your identity, so they should all be embraced as a part of one’s personality (which tbh really helped me as a young kid)

the 2020 ver,, just doesn’t really send that message, instead its more broad like “be true to yourself”

I’m a slut for butterfly kicks

the witch taking an arrow for mulan really didn’t do it for me tbh, it made her seem a little wishy washy

like, I get that she wanted acceptance/validation, and that a part of her was glad that mulan found that for herself, but what about the rest of her motivation? Isn’t a desire for power or something what separates her from mulan?

Unsubtle phoenix imagery and dialogue is unsubtle

The music playing during the Mulan v. Khan duel reminds me of Duel of the Fates

actually the setting of the duel and other things really remind of of the Maul v. Ahsoka duel from Clone Wars s7

damn I really wanna watch the Maul v. Ahsoka duel cause the fight choreo is just,, so much more interesting

aww! Cricket is alive!

Around 1:34:39 , the music does not feel like it should be building up to Reflection here.  At this point, I think the melody had been reprised too many times and was getting to be overused (I still like it in the training sequence though).

I was happy to see Ming Na Wen!

Mulan is going home and ugh! Honghui! Don’t you know she’s betrothed to Commander Tung’s daughter? smh. homewrecker simp.

the matchmaker reminds me of Baron Harkonnen (Dune)

cheezy credits song is cheezy, even cheezier because they reprised reflection again

#mulan's hair falling out of place in the first matchmaker scene reminds me of when my hair fell out of place during a comp lol #I love watching the sword form bc I learned it when I was younger #I basically forgot it tho :/ #'impossible' #&lt;insert 'it's not impossible just hard!'&gt; quote here #mulan's experiences in the sleeping camp make me grateful I don't have a roommate tbh #mulan 2020 #the character keiko obrien is Japanese but Rosalind Chao is Chinese

[papistark]

Okay. I’ve allowed a night to let everything sink in. I’m ready to talk about Endgame now.

*cinemasins voice* spoilers!! (duh..)

so the wounds are still fresh. v v v v v v v v v fresh. but my thoughts during the entire movie were just OMG IM TRYING TO REMEMBER EVERY SINGLE THING THAT IS HAPPENING SO I CAN REMEMBER IT AS LONG AS POSSIBLE BEFORE i inevitably go see this movie again

This is what the movie reduce me to like 99% of the time btw

now, I’m gonna try and break this up to be as organized as possible into 4 main sections which will be general thoughts, the highs, the lows, and closing thoughts. that may sound organized but I promise it won’t be and as always I’ll have to use bullet holes to even stay relatively "organized"

I'm sure I'm leaving stuff out that I either loved or would wanna discuss but tbh the ENTIRE FILM i was just like GOD I WANNA REMEMBER THIS FOREVER!! Every scene that happened i was like god there's still 3 hours of stuff that's going to happen but I want to remember it all!!!

Overall

this movie was good. and i’m mad it was so good and i found it so enjoyable for how dirty they did me. The pacing was pretty well done for a first viewing, but I'm sure after a couple rewatches I'll get caught up on the occasional misstep in the pacing and general direction the story took, but I really liked it!!

I thought the Thor stuff was kinda distasteful and honestly a joke that ran too long. Like ha ha okay we get it but also? He went through so much fucking trauma can we just lay off him? Damn? I don't wanna linger too much on it bc honestly the more I think about it the more I get upset the russos did him dirty

all the callbacks??? made me so emotional????? eleven years and almost two dozen films guys holy fucking shit it felt like such a good homage to bring stuff back

Yo literally when they went up to busted ass thanos i leaned over to my bf and whispered "are they just gonna kill thanos in the first ten minutes is that allowed" and uh YEP! WOW

Also the opening scene being Clint's family getting dusted... gasps in my theater y'all they went in hard on us

TIME HEIST!!!!!! FUCK marvel knows how to take you on a fun journey!! The concept was so fun!!

I also appreciate them mixing up the plot a bunch to keep us guessing!! Like fuck, when Thanos was finding out through Nebula... future nebula talking to past gamora i was SO SOFT... sisters...

Hulk was... weird. It felt a weird kind of fanservicey for a little bit, and honestly a little out of place? But. Eh. Wasn't the worst part. Certain parts of it were fun! I think I got used to it haha

Everyone looked. So good. After the time jump. Damn. Thank you make up department for everyone's new looks. I live for silver fox tony always.

I loved seeing Loki again i know it was so little content BUT I DONT CARE I'LL ALWAYS LOVE MY FUCKING PRINCE

We didn't get as much Nebula and Tony content as I was hoping but god it was so cute and tender in the beginning. Imagine all that bonding. Nebula finding tony on the floor, knowing he's on the brink of death, and propping him up in the seat :'(((( tony helping fix nebula :(((( the father daughter relationship we deserved and didn't get to see come to fruition.

AMERICA'S ASS. THANK YOU SCOTT LANG.

All the New York flash back was so fucking fun. The elevator scene. Brilliant. I really thought they were gonna recreate but it was such a fun tease. Also cap making fun of his past self for saying "i could do this all day" I SCREAM why do the Russo's get steve so well

Carol taking a direct punch in the face from Thanos without even flinching? We stan a goddess

ALSO SHORT HAIRED CAROL YESSSS I LIVED!!!!! YES!!!! (But also that movie could've used like way more Carol thats just mY OPINION)

Also AGAIN, I DON'T CARE THAT IT WAS FAN SERVICE, STEVE WEILDING MJOLNIR WAS E V E R Y T H I N G. They have TEASED US since that one middle avengers movie we don't talk about that he was worthy and!!! Our!! Son!! Is!! Fucking!!! Worthy. And the scene of thor making him swap w/ him "you get the little one" i screamed bitch

also I was living for how much Steve swore in this film lol literally fuck joss Whedon's characterization we don't know her!

Valkyrie on a Pegasus thank you THANK YOU i was living

That entire final action scene..... holy fucking shit y'all. It was just crazy enough without being too crazy. I loved the callback to the original long continuous shot

THE HEAVENS OPENED UP AND SANG WITH THAT A-FORCE SCENE. YES. ALL THE MARVEL LADIES LINING UP. THEY ARE HERE AND THEY ARE THE STRONGEST OF US ALL. A-FORCE. FUCKING A-FORCE. Thank you Russo's for my LIFE

Carol's little "hi peter parker :)" god i love them. I love peter. My fucking spider son. I missed him so much. I missed Tom Holland's sweet peach little face AH I CRIED WHEN HE SHOWED BACK UP

Also last kind of ~general~ thought i know i don't get time travel at all and it is an instant way to confuse me in any franchise but wouldn't steve doing what he did fuck literally everything up idk we'll get to steve in a bit

Highs

morgan

H.

fucking

stark

I CAN’T BELIEVE I GOT FED WITH SUCH GOOD TONY CONTENT THIS FILM ONLY FOR THEM TO STOMP ON MY HEART LMAOOO

DAD TONY BEING AS LOVING AND DOTING AND SWEET AND TENDER W/ HIS DAUGHTER AS WE ALL HAVE HEADCANONED HIM TO BE FOR YEARS!!!

TONY GETTING HIS JUSTIFICATION IN BEING MAD not just mad but PISSED at Cap for how everything fell out. catharsis. felt good scoob.

speaking of good tony content of course i need to just take a moment to YELL ABOUT STONY thank you russos for the fan service thank you for having tony ogle and comment on steve rogers’ ass it almost makes up for all the pain and suffering

btw do y’all think the H. for Morgan’s middle name stands for Harley because I LIKE TO THINK SO

also am i lowkey annoyed that like half of viewers won’t recognize an adult ty simpkin at tony’s funeral at the end even tho i know i shouldn't be because ot everyone is a die hard BUT half the articles im looking up for reviews and shit of that scene literally all the results are “SO WHO IS THAT KID AT THE END OF ENDGAME” YOU FUCKING FOOLS IT’S TONY’S FIRST BORN SON HARLEY KEENER FROM IRON MAN 3. FUCKS. im getting off topic anyway i was just happy they brought him back because I am an iron man 3 enthusiast and his relationship with tony was SO important and this confirms that at the very least tony kept in contact with him over all these years!!! and he wasn’t just some insignificant blip

Not to be stony on main but steve being the first person to hold Tony again once he was back on earth :)))) wrow.

Also the first thing tony telling him being "I lost the kid" WOW BREAK MY HEART MORE HUH!! WHY NOT!!

The first thing Peter doing when he saw Tony again :'') just rambling about everything that happened and tony just so happy to see him alive and hugging him so tight I'M NOT FINE!! NOTHING WILL EVER BE FINE AGAIN!!!

I appreciated the closure with Howard like?? A lot?? I'm the last person to be a Howard stark apologist, but I think his character and his relationship w/ Tony and how Tony viewed him as a father and as a man was so well crafted throughout the series??? Idk I liked that scene it was good to my baby.

And now a pOSSIBLY CONTROVERSIAL~~ opinion but..... I loved Steve's ending. I really did. I thought he got a beautiful and fitting ending and I was so happy. It meant so much especially to hear his reasonging being that in a way, he did it for Tony. He was inspired by what Tony told him. He saw Tony get his happy ending and for so many films now Steve has been searching for that and he missed an entire life. Tony helped him realize that. It just made me!! So emo!! Like Bucky's face when he knew Steve wasn't gonna be coming back. Steve's last convo w/ Sam. It was just amazing. I can't believe I'm seeing hot takes from people calling Steve selfish or blaming the fact that the Russos have a boner for Steggy or whatever. Who cares!!! Steve got his happy ending and it was well deserved and a wonderful arc!! Lay off him bc you ship him w/ Bucky or tony more damn!!!! (Idk about the timeline y'all dont come for me i really have no idea i think the Russos just said fuck it for that one even when talking about not fucking up the timeline)

Lows

Natasha deserved better. She did. I understand why they took her character arc the way that they did, and honestly, this is the first time I've felt we've seen Natasha have even a modicum of actual character traits since like, Iron man 2 and Avengers 1. She found purpose in keeping the family together and trying to help the people left living, while never stopping or losing contact with anyone else in their endeavors to fix what Thanos broke. As tired as I am of seeing a female character die for ~man pain~ this felt like so much more than that. In the end Nat wanted to sacrifice herself for the greater good, and that's what she did. I'm still fucking upset though, even though they've butchered her character across almost all the films she's been in

Thor being turned into an entire fucking joke. That's it. I got nothin left for the writers at this point.

So..... let's talk about Tony's death, shall we

"You can rest now" broke me. It truly did. I've never loved any fictional character across any medium as much as I have loved Tony Stark. But Pepper's line at the beginning "you'll sleep, but will you rest?" Is so fucking telling. I think I immediately knew for sure in that moment. Because she's right. And that's the worst part.

Peter :)))) finally :)))) calling :))))) tony :)))) by :)) his :)))) first :)) name :))) as he was dying :)))) asking him not to go the same way he told tony he didn't want to go when he was getting dusted GOD. AND WE THOUGHT THAT SCENE IN INFINITY WAR WAS ROUGH. HAD N O T H I N G ON THIS.

No offense but where was Rhodey when Tony was dying lmao ok

That funeral scene.... seeing everyone there drawn together..... god. It was beautiful. It really was.

Of course I'm not happy. I'm extremely fucking upset. I knew tony wielding the gauntlet would be coming, but I thought they would find a way for him to make it out alive. As soon as they were showing that even the hulk couldn't handle it with the gamma radiation, I knew the nail was going to be in the coffin.

All that aside... what I can say, is that if they HAD to kill him off, I think it was a proper send off. We saw so many arcs of Tony's come to a close, and I knew it was just a matter of time. Also that being said, I really don't believe in death being necessary to end a character's arc. Yeah yeah blah blah we get the sad and tragic but TRUE message that at the end of the day death is inevitable and that tony had to sacrifice himself for the greater good. He and Strange both knew it, and as soon as Strange held up that finger I knew that was it for him.

It wouldn't be so hard if they hadn't given us everything they did with tony after the 5 year jump. He healed. He was HAPPY. But pepper was right, and as long as Tony was alive... he would never truly /rest/. And that's the only way I'm able to make peace with this death. Tony has always been a character who was just going going going, never going to stop even if it killed him, all to protect the ones he loved, and protect the whole world and make it a better place. He had a beautiful story that was told so well over these past eleven years, with admitted shortcomings here and there. He had the most cohesive trilogy films, the best character development and arcs, and an incredible portrayal. I'm grateful for it, but that doesn't make it any easier that they decided to go and show us that Tony was able to FINALLY settle down with Pepper and see him find the best version of himself as a husband to her and a father to his little baby girl. A baby girl that now has to grow up without her dad, and pepper has to go on without her husband, the love of her life. It's fucking tragic and honestly, we didn't need that imho lmao

The hardest parts is that like.... idk. I feel like the only reason they killed him is for shock factor, but somehow without the shock? A lot of us felt or were worried that this was coming. I think the russos and co. We're just totally set on the idea that like... tony HAD to die and that was the only way for this arc to come to a close not just WITHIN the universe, but meta, outside of the MCU as well. They did the same thing with Hugh jackman as Logan and that shit HURTED me y'all. Eleven years we had RDJ give us this amazing character and he is the SOLE reason the MCU is where it is today. So you know what, the Russo's and everyone can circle jerk about how much ~poetic justice~ there is in this ending for Tony, but at the end of the day... it just ain't it fam.

Realistically I know after wielding the infinity stones there is no way Tony, a human, could've survived, even with his armor on. I knew that. And as biased as I am towards seeing Tony living, if he had wielded the stones and NOT died? It would've felt cheap. So again, if they had to end his life, I appreciate the way they did it and thought it was the best send off they could've given him. I also would've appreciated some kind of alternate option where oh i dont know carol or someone strong enough could've handled the snap and tony could live the rest of his days with his wife and daughter and found family but..... ig that's just me huh.

:(((( Happy asking Morgan what she wanted and her saying "cheeseburgers" SHE'S JUST LIKE HER DADDY I AM SO!!! UPSET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And last thought is that I fucking cried AGAIN because the biggest applause moment was during the credits when RDJ's name appeared. My theater gave a standing damn ovation. Also the very last sound after it faded to black... Tony hammering away, building the very first Iron Man suit.... that shit hurted.

If any of y'all read this and wanna yell about stuff w/ me I WELCOME YOU INTO MY DMS LMAO PLS MESSAGE ME I NEED MORE PEOPLE TO CRY WITH!!!

#avengers spoilers #endgame spoilers #avengers endgame #endgame #have my classic word vomit long ass post after a marvel movie mess of a review lmaoo #long post

[piximiplays]

Take Us Back “Review” ig

Wow that episode was just... wow 😭 That was actually a really good ending (at least the one I got, I'm not sure about any other endings there might be) to an amazing series 😭😭

Also, if you haven’t blocked the twdg spoilers tag, I’ll put a break here but if you haven’t played the episode and/or don’t want major spoilers for Take Us Back, don’t read the rest of this long ass post. You have been warned. (That sounded super serious sksksksks 😂)

Ok so I’m just gonna start off with the beginning when AJ voiced the “last time on The Walking Dead” like damn that entire sequence put my anxiety (which was already super high because I was literally freaking out about possibly getting Clem or anyone else killed) through the roof. He was listing all the things I’ve taught him in the past and that shit honestly gave me ten different types of anxiety.

So, I got James killed in the last episode so I have no idea what he says in this episode or anything like that, but I’ve heard that it’s not great sksksksk

Anyway, the fact that we literally saw James as a walker broke me so much I was literally crying at that point.

And then when AJ said he wanted to be a firefighter damn that shit was lowkey kinda cute. At that point I was a little more relaxed because we were somewhat safe in the cave.

But then shit went so south when we left the cave and after we met up with Violet.

Of course I had to mention the tree house and omg I almost cried again just thinking back to season 1 when we met Clementine in her tree house 😭 (Even though I’m pretty sure she said she hated her tree house in season 2 abgsfhj)

And of course I had to rename Ericsons to Castle Violet who do you think I am

But the bridge OOF

Fuckign Minerva akajsfkjh I’m wondering if there was a way where she could have lived I highly doubt it but damn I wasn’t expecting her just die like that wow I was lowkey kinda hoping maybe she would get some kind of redemption but wow that whole dragged out death was so gruesome but not necessarily in a bad way, at least not for this series sksksksks

And damn Minnie just had to fucking slice Clem’s leg that shit looked like it hurt askdjashdg

AND THEN TENN FUCKIGN DIED WHAT THE FUCK

I think if I hadn’t told AJ to make the tough calls then he wouldn’t have shot Tenn, and Violet probably would have died instead (or Louis if you saved him at the end of episode 2) Fucking hell

And when we split up and Vi went back to the school goddamnit that scared me because I had a feeling something was gonna go wrong  AND I WAS FUCKING RIGHT WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK

At this point I was fucking crying my goddamn eyes out because CLEM GOT FUCKING BIT WHAT THE ACTUAL SHIT JFHJKSGHJGF

I was such a mess at this point there was honestly no saving me

The entire time I was shouting at Clem to just chop her leg off at that point because there was no way that Clem was gonna die in such a stupid way like damn. wait fuck that's how Lee died AKSFJKG IM SORRY LEE I DIDNT MEAN TO DISRESPECT YOU LIKE THAT FUCK

Anyway

And then when I got that fucking achievement after that at that point like, first of all fuck you game, second of all fuck you. But seriously, I was genuinely wondering if there was any way to avoid her getting bitten but idk at this point it’s almost 1am I have school in the morning and I am way too tired to replay the entire episode even though it was a lot shorter than I thought it was gonna be tbh probably because I didn’t look around for collectibles as much and because I probably didn’t pause the episode as much as I usually do while making hard decisions sksksks

And then when we made it to the barn and we fucking started playing as AJ I was freaking out at this point

But when Clem was literally dying I was sobbing the entire time and just fuck, the parallels between that and season 1 when Lee died goddamn that shit hurted

I literally had to pause the game at this point because AJ was crying right in my ears and I couldn’t focus because I was also crying and only one of us can cry at a time buddy

Originally in episode 3 I told AJ to leave Clem if she ever got bit but fuck I didn’t think it was actually gonna happen so I changed my mind and told AJ to kill her because god damn I’m not gonna let her turn into a walker fuck that (even though that’s exactly what I did with Lee fuck) (Also I just looked and I’ve literally used the word fuck in this post like 23 times so far sksksksksks 😂)

And when it cut to black after that, literally all that was left was the sound of my sobs goddamn. And the achievement “final lesson” that shit just made me cry even harder

And the fucking ranch flashback right after goddamnit I was still mourning Clem you can’t just have me play as her again like that, shit. Also damn poor AJ 😭😭

And then when AJ was fishing and Rosie showed up damn she actually put a smile on my face somehow. I didn’t think that was possible at that point

Clem’s hatttt 😭 I was so scared I wouldn’t get it because I kept missing the quick time events but then Rosie got it thank god

And omg when we got back to the school and Take Us Back started playing I was even more of a mess I thought the episode was gonna end there but boy am I glad it didn’t

Also omg Ruby and Aasim holding hands damn that shit was adorable

When the music faded out and shit, I was like ok I think there’s still a little more to the episode but then FUCKING CLEM STARTED TALKING AND AT FIRST I WAS LIKE WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING IS AJ IMAGINING THIS BUT NO CLEM WAS ALIVE AND OH MY GOD I LITERALLY STARTED CRYING AGAIN BUT THIS TIME THEY WERE HAPPY TEARS AJHAFSGF

I was so fucking glad that Clementine was alive I didn’t even care about the fact that she was missing a leg I was just so glad to see her oh my god I really thought she was dead

And they all lived happily ever after

Jk except for Tenn GODDAMNIT HE DESERVED BETTER

But seriously, I was so glad Clem wasn’t dead and that mostly everyone was alive I seriously thought I was gonna get a shitty ending (But I’m also a little confused on how Clem survived the bite. I know she obviously cut her leg off and she did say something to AJ about she was glad he didn’t listen to her in the barn which I’m assuming was referring to when she told him to kill her, but if that was where Clem had her leg chopped off, I feel like the bite would already have spread to the rest of her system at that point? Idk I’m not gonna question it I’m just extremely glad she’s not dead)

And the very ending where we walked through the hallway and it showed all the names from the Still Not Bitten Team damn I loved that so much

And omg when we went into the room and were able to look at Disco Broccoli and his friends, I noticed that the option to look at Disco Broccoli kept popping up so I kept selecting it and ALKHASDFJKG I FELT LIKE I ENTERED ANOTHER DIMENSION WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT I don’t wanna spoil it but y’all need to see that if you haven’t already skskskkssk whether you replay the episode and see yourself or if someone makes a video of it on YouTube (which I feel like someone will eventually)

But omg the very ending with the “thank you for playing” that shit hurted 😭 I literally started crying again but not nearly as much as I thought I would tbh I thought I would be bawling my eyes out for hours but at this point I just feel kinda numb 😂 Like it hasn’t really set in that The Walking Dead just ended. Maybe because I can immortalize it forever in my Steam library and replay it however many times I want (and by reading fanfiction sksksksksks) 

(Also this post is gonna be put into my queue until more people play the episode so it probably won’t be posted until later tomorrow. So just know that this post was made at 1 in the morning a few hours after the release of episode 4 and I have to go to school tomorrow morning. Wish me luck)

Long story short, that entire episode was amazing (even if it did fuck with my head a little and was a little emotionally scarring sksksks) and I am so glad I was basically able to grow up with Clementine and this entire series

Also here are some screenshots because why not 😂

sksksksk AJ’s face 😭😂

This shit hurted 😭 (But it’s also a really pretty picture and I highkey want this framed on my wall or at least as my wallpaper on my phone or some shit)

What the fuck when did I ever say it was okay to try and kill someone if they try to steal from you alskhjags (Update: I just realized that this was referring to when I attacked Abel aksjdhkhg AJ THATS NOT WHAT I WANTED YOU TO TAKE AWAY FROM THAT)

This was actually really cool and even though it made me feel a little guilty because some of these choices I made weren’t the best, oh well

And here are my choices because why not 😂

And lastly, I want to thank Skybound from the bottom of my heart for saving this incredible game. If it wasn’t for this company these last two episodes wouldn’t have ever come out and Clementine and AJ’s story wouldn’t have gotten a proper ending. So thank you so much Telltale for starting and creating this amazing game and thank you to Skybound for giving it a proper sendoff.

#twdg #twdg spoilers #spoilers #dont say i didnt warn you #queue #telltale games #skybound #skybound games #the walking dead game #great now im crying #goddamnit

[sad-goomy]

ship meme (ahoy)

coTagged by: @melodygardella thank you!! I’m gonna go ahead and try to do this with Pokemon (& Pokemon Ranger) ships because that’s what y’all are here for and I aim to please

List 10 of your favorite ships, in no particular order. Don’t cheat by scrolling down to see the questions yet, either!

LonaShipping (MoonxGladion)

SnowLilyShipping (LilliexHau)

MinaxMallow (does this have a name? I’m in rarepair hell)

SkullShipping (GuzmaxPlumeria)

FerrisWheelShipping (NxHilda)

ContestShipping (MayxDrew)

Conflictingshipping (GreenxLeaf)

Vantonageshipping (KatexKeith)

DuelingRangersShipping (SpenserxJoel)

PhaesporiaShipping (DianthaxCynthia)

1. Do you remember the episode/scene/chapter that you first started shipping 6?

I feel like I should say the Ferris wheel scene but tbh...it wasn’t until the last battle in pokemon black/white when I realized the sheer potential this had

2. Have you ever read a fanfic about 2?

I’ve read a fanfic or two that mentioned SnowLilyShipping in the bg but I haven’t actually read any, if y’all have recs send them my way!! I may also try and write a proper drabble or something for these goofsters eventually

3. Has a picture of 4 ever been your screensaver/profile picture/tumblr screensaver?

no, but to be fair none of them have

4. If 7 were to suddenly break up today, what would your reaction be?

well it’s not canon so they can’t even break up, so jot that down I can see them as the couple that’s on-again off-again a lot in the beginning with all their bickering, but if it’s a for real break up, well...not completely surprising

5. Why is 1 so important?

my dude,,,,my guy,,, sit down because I have 2 answers

for personal reasons, this ship got me out of a long fanfic and general creative slump, like I was convinced for at least several years that I’d never write and publish stuff online (fanfic-wise), and I was feeling unsure about my writing in general, and then these 2 dorks came along and inspired me so much

as a ship, I see these 2 as so supporting and helping each other come out of their shells, I feel like Moon is the first person that Gladion truly trusts and respects just from meeting her outside of his sister and I could go on all day

6. Is 9 a funny ship or a serious ship?

started off as a joke in my mind and still kind of a more light-hearted, ‘haha what if’ deal than some of the others on the list

7. Out of all the ships listed, which ship has the most chemistry?

oof this is so subjective but I think I’ll go with ConflictingShipping because I see them as the childhood friends who never quite understood their feelings but always had some sort of spark between them

8. Out of all your ships listed, which ship has the strongest bond?

probably RocketShipping because so many failed attempts at catching one pokemon and they still stick it out for each other? that’s commitment babe

9. How many times have your read/played/watched 10’s fandom?

I’ve played through pearl and platinum like twice each, and I’m in the middle of my second playthrough of x but please don’t make me try to remember add up all the times I’ve replayed pokemon games

10. Which ship has lasted the longest?

well none of them are canon, so jot that down

in canon, I guess probably RocketShipping,,,but then my personal longest ships have probably been ConflictingShipping and ContestShipping from when I first watched the anime as a kid and was just getting into the games

11. How many times, if ever, has 6 broken up?

probably like 12 times before they come to their senses, and half the time one of them doesn’t even realize they were in the relationship to begin with

12. If the world was suddenly thrust into a zombie apocalypse, which ship would make it out alive, 2 or 8?

practically speaking, VatonageShipping because I feel like pokemon rangers have mad survival skills that they’ve been working on since ranger school

13. Did 7 ever have to hide their relationship for any reason?

I feel like they might have hid it at first just to avoid the ‘I told you so’s of all the friends and family who saw it coming for like, years

14. Is 4 still together?

they are in my heart

15. Is 10 canon?

well none of them are canon, so jot that down

16. If all 10 ships were put into a couple’s Hunger Games, which couple would win?

I feel like RocketShipping and SkullShipping would fight dirty and have a shot until they did something stupid that sabotaged it for themselves

realistically, probably DuelingRangersShipping with their combination of experience and survival know-how

17. Has anybody ever tried to sabotage 5’s ship?

n kinda sabotages it considering he just leaves at the end and in general they kind of sabotage themselves with their conflicting philosophies

18. Which ship would you defend to the death and beyond?

pretty much all of these but LonaShipping and ContestShipping hold a special place in my heart and you can pry them from my cold (due to low blood circulation) hands

19. Do you spend hours a day going through 3’s tumblr page?

man I sure would if they had one

20. If an evil witch descended from the sky and told you that you had to pick one of the ten ships to break up forever or else she’d break them all forever, which ship would you sink?

none of these have ever actually set sail my dude, but I guess Mina x Mallow considering there’s so little there anyway rip in pieces

tagging: idk who’s done this or who wants to, so @jane-plane @pixel-sylveon @wow1076 @sansvirtuosity @aurantia-ignis and whoever’s reading this

#q me up before u go go #tag meme #ship meme #text #;goomy speaks; #what a fun distraction from all the reading i already have due #also time to get back to writing #in much ado news: the dialogue for the next chapter is all set #time to fill in all the bits and bobs

[thewolfamongussy]

gimme ALL the numbers for the fanfic ask meme, Tumblr Dad!

 i would literally die for you did you know 

1. What is your favorite fic you have under your belt?

I don’t know lmao I don’t really reread my old work because it just makes me want to rewrite all of it. But I guess I’d say Stubborn cus it’s one of the only ones that I actually posted online and people seem to like it!!

2. What is your favorite snippet of dialogue?

Already answered!

3. What inspired Stubborn?

I daydreamed a lot about Cyder and Butch being stubborn babies who just wont admit that they care about each other

4. Do you prefer writing long or short fics?

Already answered!

5.What’s your favorite headcanon you use in fics?

My favorite headcanons are pretty much all canon in my fics like aroace Deacon, native Butch Deloria, etc

6. What’s the detail you wait on bated breath for readers to notice?

Really can’t think of any at the moment, maybe because the majority of my writing is locked away in my secret vault and will probably never see the light of day but uh maybe in this one in the line “He could see his reflection in Deacon’s trusty shades.” it was kinda like symbolism for Deacon being unreadable and how he’s private and shit cus you can’t see pass the shades and can’t see his eyes, Ghost can’t tell what Deacon’s thinking… like that’s it……..

7. How much do you like symbolism in your fics?

I do it a lot more now I think. Especially when writing about Seabrook. A lot of water-related symbolic imagery. 

8. How often do people catch onto your little details?

idk man who even reads my writing is the real question

9. What’s the fic you like the least?

Okay, this is no longer on AO3 actually so y’all can’t read it but I had a sad Danse fic called Goodnight, Paladin where he uh (trigger warning trigger warning) attempts suicide after Blind Betrayal and god I hate it because I wrote that before I ever experienced depression and being suicidal. I feel like a lot of it was kinda melodramatic maybe? I haven’t reread it since. It just makes me cringe and is kind of triggering for me (wow good job past Rhys)

10. What would you change if you had it all to do again?

I don’t know why I thought it’d be fun to write about That so if I were to rewrite it, I’d scrap the whole idea and just make a more light hearted fic about Danse accepting that he’s a synth and that’s it.

11. What’s a fanfic idea you haven’t done yet?

Every once in a while I want to write a long Fallout 4 fic with actual chapters and shit about Ghost but I know I won’t be able to do that. I NEVER finish my writing lmao.

12. What’s the hardest thing to write for you?

Literally everything. 

13. Do you have a favorite character to write for?

Already answered!

14. What’s your favorite shipping fic you’ve written? Favorite gen fic?

Shipping: uhhh I guess Stubborn? Some other fics that i’ve never posted too like this one really gay nsfw fic with Butch (y’all if uh.. if y’all wanna read it.. i might? post it? one day?) Gen: literally anything I’ve ever written about Deacon and Ghost cus they just kinda hang out and sometimes argue and be friends.

15. Give us a snippet of something from your WiPs!

Here’s a little something I wrote about my Courier Six

Now I’ll tell you, there ain’t nothing as bad as waking up to find to one of your eyes ain’t where it’s supposed to be. In your head, that’s where that is. I can’t think of many things that can be worse than that. But at first when I woke up, I didn’t realize I had forgotten everything and all. I just felt the side of my face hurtin’ like hell. Like stepping on a cactus, only worse than that. Maybe about ten times worse. Doc Mitchell was saying somethin’ ‘bout somethin’ but I was still too out of it to really know what was going on. Then he asked me my name. Now that question really killed me, that did, ‘cause I still don’t know the answer to that one up till this day. But you can call me Six. I was a courier of some sort and I got shot in the head by some guy in a checkered suit. That’s about all I know about me before I woke up in Goodsprings. There is one thing I remember though, and that’s the gunshot. Maybe it’s the hole in my head that’s making me think that but I could have sworn I’ve heard a gunshot. The Doc was alright. He’s a real nice guy. He got me all set up gave me my stuff and some clothes to wear. He said:“Put this on so the locals don’t pick on you for lacking modesty.” “Modesty”, now that’s a word I’ve heard before.

#wow thanks for asking me all these #my writing #casino-lights #asks

[just-jordie-things]

Being the Bait - Theo Raeken

word count: 7090 summary: you’re tired of theo constantly breaking your heart, but the idea of losing him again just doesn’t seem like an option.  (set in 6A but not everything follows the episodes exactly) warnings: swearing, angsty depression, night terrors, murder a/n: this isn’t the song used for the lil prompt below, but i listened to this a lot while writing this imagine.  idk if y’all even click those link or not but i thought you’d want the same experience

[you’ve taken my heart by storm / i’m lost in your love / i can’t hold back anymore]

You blinked, not sure if what you were seeing was correct.  You raised your fists to your eyes, rubbing them as though to clear your vision.  

But nope, Theo Raeken was still standing there in front of you.  All chained up by Liam and Hayden.  A strip of duct tape over his mouth, which you were thankful for.  He couldn’t sweet talk out of this one like he’d done with you before.  He looked the same, the same dirty blonde gelled hair, the same muscular frame, same perfect jawline-

You snapped back into reality of the situation, and glared between the sophomore werewolves.

“What the hell did you do!?” You screamed, punching Liam in the shoulder and giving him a growl.  “Scott is going to kill you- hell, I’m gonna kill you! What were you thinking!”

“First of all, ow” Liam muttered.  “And second of all, Theo’s the only one we got who could tell us anything about the Dread Doctor's experiment” You sighed, and rolled your eyes.

“Liam… goddamn it” You pinched the bridge of your nose, shaking your head as you looked down at the ground.  “Are you fucking kidding me” You sighed.

“He’s right” Hayden piped up.  “He’s the only leverage we have for figuring out what these Ghost Riders want” You looked from Hayden, and shot a glance at Theo, who had his eyes set on you.  You kept his stare for a moment, before looking up at the sky, trying to process through your wild, thought jumbled head.

“Okay” You sighed, looking back to Liam.  “Okay” Your eyes wandered the woods that they’d told you to meet them at.  “But why here?”

“We’re searching” Hayden shrugged.  When you stole another glance at your ex boyfriend, you found his eyes were still on you and you quickly turned away.

“Fine.  But no promises that I don’t maul him when this is all over” You said, flashing your ice blue eyes at Liam.

You all began walking, and you weren’t quite sure where it was you were going.  Just that the betas on either side of you were determined to get somewhere.  Liam kept telling Hayden about what he’d learned so far about the Hunt, but you’d zoned out of the conversation, falling a bit behind the both of them as you were swamped in your own thoughts.

Mostly memories, of your time with Theo before his true self was revealed.  The day that you’d found out he was working with the Doctors, your entire being felt shattered, and your heart broken.  But if you were being honest with yourself, you cried yourself to sleep many nights after you’d watched him get dragged down to the pits of hell.  And your heart was still broken.

You jumped and spun around when you felt a small nudge on your arm.  You saw that Theo had awkwardly put the back of his hand against your forearm, while still in his handcuffs.  You kept his gaze again for a moment, wishing that things weren’t the way they were.

But that wasn’t going to change, and no matter how sorrowful he looked at you, neither were you.

You looked away, and walked quickly forward, trying to join the conversation with Liam and Hayden again.

Theo Raeken needed to be out of your life, even if you needed to carve him out yourself.

You ended up in the middle of nowhere.  It was dark now, and you were in the middle of the woods, having no idea where it was you even are.

“Liam” You grumbled, putting your hands on your head.  “I am actually going to murder you in these woods” Hayden stepped defensively in front of him, but you just rolled your eyes.  “Well give me a reason not to!” You yelled at them both, and Liam sighed.

“Because Scott would be-”

“Oh, he’d be just as pissed as I am right about now” You said in a growl.  “Not only, did you lead us all out here so we’re lost in these woods” You angrily through your arm towards Theo.  “You brought back this fucking psychopath!” Your heart tightened at the words you’d used, but you’d known it was true.

“y/n, breathe for a sec, okay?” Liam said, putting his hand on your shoulder.  You huffed in frustration.

“And why should I do that when I’m stuck out here with the last person I want to be with, ever” You said angrily.  Liam handed his end of the chain to Hayden, and she proceeded to tie Theo up at a thick tree.

“Maybe because your claws are digging into the palms of your hands and your eyes are..” Liam trailed off, and you closed your eyes tightly, willing the color to go away.  You hated their new color.  “Look if you want help with control it took me a while too-”

“No.  I don’t need it” You snapped back at him.  “Just let me breathe on my own” You said, walking away, and running your hands through your hair, pleading with your inner self that you could shift back to being human.  Tears welled in your eyes as your mind flashed back to the worst night of your life.

Not only had Theo been ripped away from you to spend his eternity beneath the surface of the earth, but you’d lost the beautiful yellow color of your shifting eyes.  They’d gone from a golden color, to a sky blue one, in a matter of seconds.  And it was a complete accidental incident.

You could hear thrashing and metal clanking behind you, and looked out of the corner of your eye to see Theo struggling against his restraints, pulling and yanking.  He was mumbling under the duct tape, but no real words came out.  You tilted your head just barely towards the three of them, listening to what Liam and Hayden were saying.

“We’re not letting you free damnit stop trying!” Liam said angrily, and Hayden tightened the chains around the tree.

“Hey” You called so they’d hear you, but your voice was soft as you wiped your sleeves over your eyes.  “Let’s just get going” You said, taking their attention away from the chimera so they’d stop yanking on the metal cuffs around his wrists.  “I think I could get us out of here if we backtrack enough” You told them, and Liam sighed in relief.

“Thank god” He said, and began to undo the ends of the chains where Hayden had tied them around the trunk of the tree.

“I got it” You said, taking over and unlooping them with ease.  Liam reached out to take them, but you held onto them with a firm grip.  He didn’t question you, and neither did Hayden.  Because all four of you knew that Theo was much less likely to run away if you were the one holding onto his leash.  In fact, both you and him knew he wouldn’t even think about it if you were holding the chains.

You’d gotten everyone to the entrance of the preserve, where both yours and Liam’s cars were parked, and everyone felt both relief and exhaustion.  You checked your phone for the time.

“Jesus it’s ten o’clock” You sighed.

“There’s no reception… I wonder if Scott tried to contact us” Liam said worriedly, but you didn’t care so much about Scott at the moment.

“Where’s he gonna stay..?” You asked with a nervous tremor in your voice.

“Well we can’t just let him go off to… wherever the hell he lived” Liam said.  You almost corrected him by telling him that Theo had a small apartment but kept your mouth shut.  “Don’t look at me, my step dad would kill me if I just showed up with him at my house” Liam said with wide eyes towards you.  “Besides.  He’d kill me in my sleep in an instant” He said in disgust.  Your ears picked up in the slowed pace of Theo’s heart beat, but no one else seemed to notice it so you didn’t mention it.

“My sister hates when I bring Liam home, you think she’s gonna let some eighteen year old boy stay the night?” Hayden scoffed, crossing her arms.  Your hands tightened on the chains in your hand, bending the thick links as you came to a realization.

“Your parents are still on vacation right?” Liam asked, and you tilted your head, giving him a glare.

“Oh, you can’t be serious” You growled.

You shoved Theo into the back seat of your car, slamming the door, not even checking to see if he’d pulled his legs in or not.  But by the lack of bones crushing as you whipped the door shut, you figured he’d moved inside just in time.

You spun around, and punched your fist hard across Liam’s jaw, and he stumbled back, but it barely fazed him.

“You’re lucky to have your life tonight” You said angrily.  Liam rolled his eyes.

“You’re being over dramatic.  At least he won’t kill you if he stays at yours”

You swung at him again, but this time he dodged your punch.

“Great, now keep up that aggression for when he’s there” Liam said, giving you two thumbs up before dragging Hayden quickly away towards his car.

“Well fuck you Dunbar!” You yelled after he shut the door and turned on the car’s engine.  When he drove away from you, you flipped him off.  “Fuck you!” You yelled again, then stormed over to your own car.  You angrily opened the door and slammed it as you got in.

You put your hands on the wheel, catching your breath as you realized you were panting from the frustration boiling up inside of you.

“Blue’s a new color on you” You heard an all to familiar and calm voice say from behind you.  Your eyes flicked up to the rearview mirror, thankful to see that they were back to their normal y/e/c.  But not so thankful to see Theo, with his duct tape in his hands.  You cursed internally upon realizing his hands weren’t bound by anything now.  Thought the cuffs were still on them, he could remove the tape easily.

“If you think that I won’t kill you in an instant if you put me, or my friends, into any danger, then you are sadly mistaken” You said, finally jamming your key into the ignition and turning it.  You instantly began to drive away.

“And if you think that I’d intentionally hurt you in any way, then you know even less about me than you thought” He said with a slight chuckle.

“I don’t think it’s in your best interest to crack jokes about all the lies you fed me” You grumbled, going five miles more than the speed limit to get home faster.

“y/n I-”

“I don’t care Theo” You said, keeping your expression as blank as possible, and refusing to look back at him.  With that, he shut his mouth, and was silent the whole rest of the ride back to your place.

When you got here, you let him walk himself behind you to the door.  You knew he wouldn’t try to make a run for it.  He carried all the chains in his arms, and stayed silent as you unlocked the door.  He closed it behind him, and locked it again.

“You have the couch” You said, pointing to the living room before going upstairs to change into pajamas.

You stalled in your room, trying to calm down the wave of emotions you were currently drowning in.  Yes, the feelings you’d had for Theo were still all there.  All the passion and love and adoration you’d had for almost half the year.  But now, it was mixed up with something new, and cold.  A hatred, a boiling anger.  You knew in your heart of hearts that Theo Raeken was a manipulative liar, but that you still had feelings for him.  And you had no idea what to do about it.

With a sigh, you decided to bring down a pillow and blankets for him.  You went down the stairs to see he was lying there, on his back, his hands folded over his chest with all the chains sitting there on his stomach.  Some hung down and swung near the floor.  When you entered the room, he looked over at you as you held out the items you’d grabbed for him.

“Here” Was all you could manage to say as you set them on the coffee table in front of your couch.  You crouched down in front of him, pulling a bobby pin out of your hair and picking the lock on his handcuffs with ease.  Theo gave you a small grateful smile as they fell off, and he rubbed his wrists immediately to relieve the sharp pain of the bruises there.

“Thank you” He said, and you looked at him, but didn’t say anything.  When you finally tore your eyes away from his green ones, you stood up, tugged down your sleep shorts awkwardly, and headed back towards the stairs.

You didn’t get much sleep that night, mostly tossing and turning and your mind jumping with the thought of Theo sleeping in your house again.  But every time he’d done so before, he was always in your bed.  His arms protectively holding you against him, a few kisses pressing into your hair as he fell asleep.

It felt weird to have him here without him holding you.

After the long restless night, you took a long shower the next morning before putting on your outfit for school.  You went downstairs while adjusting it, and was surprised to see Theo just sitting on the couch.  His blankets and pillow neatly folded and stacked back onto the coffee table.

“Uh, you want breakfast?” You asked timidly, pointing off to the kitchen.  He nodded his head, and followed you in.  “I’m making toast… is that okay?”

Why should it matter if that’s okay with him, he’s my prisoner, you thought to yourself, but didn’t take back the offer.

“Toast is fine” He said, and sat at the table while you put bread in the toaster.  It was silent as you got down the plates, and pulled out butter and a knife as well.  But he was the first to speak up again.  “You know if.. If you want to ask me questions or something I’d answer one hundred percent honestly” He told you.  You looked at him for a moment, testing to see if he was lying.

You didn’t find a tell that he was.

But you looked back at the toaster, waiting for the bread to pop up.  “No thanks” You said, twiddling the knife around between your fingers.  “I actually don’t want to know a single thing” You added.

Breakfast was silent.

The car ride to school was silent.

He kept in step next to you on the way into the building.  He felt weird, seeing that he was in the same clothes as he was yesterday, and had no school books with him.  But he didn’t dare question you or whatever it was your plan was here.

You met up with Liam Mason and Hayden, and Mason was the only one who reacted upon seeing the chimera.  Instantly jumping behind Liam.  Who explained it all to his friend.

“I still don’t trust him” Mason said simply, and headed off.  Liam followed after him, causing Hayden to go as well.  You sighed, heading to your own locker instead.  Theo still right behind you.

“It feels weird being here again” He told you, filling the now awkward silence as he stood at your locker.  He looked over the crowd of students, who all gave him a weird look.  He could hear all their whispers, and he knew you could too.

“Where did he go?”

“I thought he like… died in that whole library wolf incident”

“Maybe he should die.  He was so cocky and rude”

“Are him and y/n still dating?”

“I hope not, that way I actually have a chance at prom king and queen with my boyfriend”

“He looks like he just crawled out of a hole”

You looked up at Theo as his eyes raked over the halls of people.  You frowned having heard what the other students were saying.

“Don’t listen to them” You told him against your better judgement.  “Just ignore them.  They don’t know anything” He looked at you, a slight surprised expression on his face upon realizing that you were easing his hurt feelings.

“Well congratulations y/n” He sighed.  “You aren’t the only one who wants me dead”

You didn’t say anything, just got the books you needed and headed off towards the library.  You were supposed to meet with Scott, Lydia, and Malia there.

Let’s just say it didn’t go well.  But you had somehow convinced Malia not to kill Theo.

At the end of the day, he was just sitting on the stairs outside of the school.  Since he was no longer technically in the system, he’d spent the whole day in the library, then headed outside when the final bell rang.  You were a little late coming outside, having been stopped by Scott.

“I just don’t think it’s a good idea for you to be the one watching him” Scott told you.

“Yeah, and I’m the only one who can do it” You’d replied.  “And the only one he’d actually comply to “ You added.

“You think he wouldn’t try to hurt you and free himself?” Scott asked, not believing it as much as you did.

“I don’t” You said, before heading towards the doors.  “I’ll see you later McCall”

When you went outside, Theo was the only one there, sitting on the steps and wringing his hands together.

“Come on” You said quietly as you walked down, heading towards your car.  Theo got up and followed after you.  “Let’s go home”

The next two days, the silent tension between you two had faded away, and you’d grown used to having him in your home.  You’d gone to his apartment one night so that he could get all his clothes and other things he’d need during his stay at your house.

You were sitting in the living room, on the recliner with your legs criss crossed in your lap, a book in your hands as you read in silence.  Theo was on the couch, laying so that he was facing you as he messed around on his phone.

“It’s weird” He told you.  “It’s been awhile since I’ve had this, and I barely know what to use it for” You looked over at him as he tapped on the screen.

“Well what’d you need it for before?” You asked him, and he chuckled quietly to himself.

“I’d only ever used it to talk to you” He said, stealing a quick glance at you, and catching you with your cheeks pink and a ghost of a smile tugging at your lips.  But you looked away, trying to remove the expression from your features.

“Sounds like a waste of money” You said blankly, your eyes staring down at your book, but unable to read a word.

“It wasn’t then” Was all he said.

Another hour spent in a more comfortable silence passed before you decided it was time for you to go up to bed.  You were halfway up the stairs when you stopped, and turned around.  You thought through what you were going to do next, before descending back down and going to the living room.  You found Theo already getting comfortable on the sofa under his small blanket and pillow.

“Hey-hey Theo?” You called nervously, and upon smelling the anxiousness on you, he looked at you worriedly.  “I… I was thinking that if… if you want you could st-stay upstairs in the guest room” You told him, and his brows rose in shock.

Was it just him, or were you warming up to him again?

“You know with the whole Ghost Riders thing and-and it’s storming and the couch just seems to small and uncomfortable-”

“I’d love to stay in the guest bedroom” He cut you off from your nervous rambling, and a breath of relief blew from your lips.

“A-alright then” You said, and he gathered his blankets and pillow up before following you upstairs.

And to think the last time he followed you up these stairs, it was so you could sneak into your bedroom for some mischief before your parents came home.

“It’s here” You said quietly, opening up the door that was across from yours.  Theo followed you in, and smiled at the bed.  He missed sleeping in a bed.

“Thank you” He said sincerely as he set his things on the mattress.  You nodded, looking down at the carpeted floor.

“Yeah I just figured it’s… time” You said, and he didn’t ask for clarification on what exactly you thought it was time for, but he smiled at your kindness towards him.  He sat on the bed, setting up his pillow and everything, but you hung back at the door hesitantly.

“Uh… Theo? Can I ask you a question?”

“I told you I’d tell you anything you wanted to know” He said, and you nodded at the memory of him saying that.

“Is Stiles real? Do you remember him?” You asked the question that everyone had been wondering lately.  Theo smiled at you, and laughed, but you didn’t get the joke.

“Oh he’s real” He told you, and your face lit up.

“He is? Were we friends?” You asked, stepping a little further in the room.  Theo nodded from where he sat on the edge of the bed.

“You were very close” He told you.  “Like brother and sister.  Scott too.  You were all like a family” He said, and your heart swelled at the idea.  All this time, you were worried that Lydia was just going bat shit banshee crazy, but she was telling the truth.

“Can you… could you tell me about him?” You asked, and he nodded again.

“He was.. Very sarcastic, all the time.  There was no off switch on his mouth.  But he was also very smart” You nodded, eagerly drinking up an information he had to offer.  “He never liked me he sorta… he sorta saw through the act” Theo said, beginning to quieten a little as he looked down.  “He actually told you a lot to break if off when we were dating and he’d… he’d threaten me a lot” You bit the inside of your cheek as you tried to think of these memories, but nothing came up.  “He care very much about you y/n, that’s what’s important” He said.

“Thank you” You said softly, and he nodded, a sort of sad smile on his lips.

“Yeah, yeah anytime” He murmured.

“Are we going to win?” You asked him.  “Do you think we can… beat this? The Ghost Riders?” You asked, needing an honest opinion.  Scott’s ‘we can try’ speech was getting old and you needed real feedback.  Theo sighed before replying.

“I think it’s a long shot” He told you.  “But I’m not letting you get taken by them.  Any of you” He added the last piece quickly, but cared more about your safety than anyone else's.  You nodded, a gentle smile pulling at your lips as you looked down at your feet again.

“Goodnight then, Theo” You said quietly before heading back out of the room.

“Goodnight y/n” He responded before you shut the door.

It was getting easier for you to sleep.  In the few days he’d been there you’d felt safer, even though Beacon Hills was becoming more dangerous by the minute.  With a Nazi Werewolf running around and taking Scott’s pack one by one, and the Ghost Riders taking out anyone in sight, the fear was amplifying every day.

You’d already lost Mason, Corey, Liam, Hayden, Melissa, Argent and Stiles.  It was just a matter of time before they got to you too.

But the next night, when the house was quiet and it was late, you woke up screaming and thrashing in your sheets.  Theo had been there in a matter of two seconds, not even bothering to knock.  The only instinct he’d had was to get to you as fast as possible.

“y/n, y/n look at me” He sat on his knees in front of your bed as you sat up, tears streaming out of your eyes as he held your head in his hands.  “Hey… hey it’s alright” He whispered to you, brushing away your tears with his thumbs.  “It was just a bad dream, your safe, no one’s here” He told you in a soft tone that he’d used many times before.  Remembering your many nightmares and difficulty with sleep.  He knew exactly what to do, that all you needed was someone there to hold you, to coo to you, to tell you that you were safe.

But now, he wasn’t exactly sure of what you wanted from him.  So he sat there, his eyes staring into yours as you cried and he kept his hands cupped around your cheeks.  You surprised both him and yourself when you reached for him, slipping onto the floor onto your knees in front of him, your hands, clenched into fists, sliding around his neck as you held onto him tightly.

“Don’t let go- don’t let go” You mumbled, your eyes closing tightly.  He let out a shaky breath and wrapped his arms around you, holding you just as tightly as he used to.

His eyes closed, relishing in the memories of having your small body in his arms so casually before.  In the halls, on the couch, when sleeping, while waiting at your locker, hugging hello, hugging goodbye, in the kitchen, everywhere.  All the time.

“I won’t” Was all he could say as he ran his hands up and down your back.  “I won’t, I promise”

You stayed like that for a long time, sitting on the floor holding onto each other.  You’d never needed to be in his embrace more than now.

When more time than he thought he’d have you passed, you slowly released him, but didn’t move away, just wiped your eyes with your sleeve and stared at your lap.

“I got taken” You said quietly, opening up about what it was you’d dreamt about.  “They took me a-and no one else was there.  I was alone” He nodded, letting you pour it out before speaking.

“They’re not going to take you y/n” He said when you were quiet for a long time.  “I promise they won’t get you” You looked up at him with wet eyes, unsure of what to say to him.  Of course you didn’t believe it, there was no way he could stop them from getting you.  “I’d throw myself in front of them before ever letting you get taken, okay? He said, his hands framing around your face again.  Your eyes shot up to his, surprise and fear and what he’d recognized as adoration all inside of them.  For a moment of his staring, you thought he was going to kiss you.

But he didn’t.

He lifted you up, and set you back in bed, even covering you back up with the blankets you’d kicked off of yourself.

“Go back to sleep” He murmured, caressing your head with his hand gently before pulling away to leave.

And he left, going back to his own room, staying awake the rest of the night in case you’d need him again.

But as much as you wanted to call for him to come stay with you, you fought against yourself, and went to bed alone.

This time, feeling more lonely than ever.

You ran up to Scott desperately trying to catch your breath.  The hospital was pretty much abandoned, except for the pack, who was trying to fight back against the Ghost Riders.

“y/n!? What are you still doing here?! You were supposed to get Lydia and Malia and get out!” The alpha yelled, worry evident in his tone.

“I couldn’t leave! And neither could they-”

“Get back!” He yelled, grabbing you and pulling you away from the crack of one of the Riders’ whip.  “Run! Find Theo, and leave!” He roared, before turning back to the phantom cowboy, and growling.  You sprinted off before they began fighting.

You ran through halls, flickering lights and papers flying around.  It was like it was storming inside of the building.  You searched for Theo, your heartbeat racing as you looked everywhere.  Tears welled in your eyes in fear and worry.

What if he’d gotten taken? What if he was gone for good?

No, no not again.  You couldn’t let it happen again.  You’d lose yourself if you lost him again.

Upon sprinting around a corner, you ran into something, and fell back.  But they caught you.

“y/n!?” Theo’s nervous shriek rang through the hall.  “What’re you still doing here- you have to go!”

“No-no I couldn’t leave” You told him, but he shook his head, his hands coming around your arms as he tried to move you away.

“You can’t be here- you can’t be here y/n you have to go” He begged you, grabbing your hand and running with you to the nearest exit he could find.

“I can’t leave! I have to help!” You said, and he brought you to a hall where Malia and Lydia were.

“Oh thank god” He muttered.  “Lydia! You gotta get her out of here!” He called, and she came up to you both.

“We figured it out, we know how to stop them” Malia said as she jogged towards you too.  “Someone’s gotta be the bait”

“Yeah, and it’s not gonna be y/n, so get her out of here” He said.

“Uh, we sorta don’t have time for that” Lydia nodded off to two Ghost Riders who turned down the hall, a gun in each of their hands.  Theo cursed, grabbing you again and sprinting you as quickly as he could to the elevator at the end of the hallway.  He slammed the down arrow, and stood in front of you as the doors opened so that you couldn’t possibly be shot at.

“No, no don’t make me leave” You begged him, tears in your eyes.  “I’m not losing you again” You said, grabbing onto his shirt so he couldn’t get you into the elevator.  “Don’t make me go” You said breathlessly.  “Theo I-”

“I know” He said, his hand coming around your cheek as he stared into your eyes and brushed away your hair.  “I already know” He told you, and when you leaned in to press your lips against his, he shoved you into the elevator.

“What are you doing?!” You panicked, scrambling to get out, but he’d already pushed the button.

“Being the bait” He said, and all you saw before the doors closed, was the whip of the Ghost Rider wrapping around his arm, and a puff of green smoke go up.

And just like that, you felt the same way you had the night he was dragged to hell.  You couldn’t even hear your own screaming as the elevator descended down to the first floor.

You didn’t try to get out, just let it sit there, the doors closed as you sobbed and banged against the doors in anger.  Your claws were digging into your palms, canines grown out and eyes a dangerous shade of blue as you dented the metal elevator door from continuously pounding against it.

How could it be that the boy you couldn’t help but love so deeply, be ripped away from you again?

It had been days, and you hadn’t gotten more than an hour of sleep.  You stopped going to school, and you were too weak to go out Ghost Rider hunting with the rest of the pack.

It was unfair that Liam came back.  That Hayden came back.

You were in the school when Stiles returned, relief flooding over you as memories of him returned.  You’d hugged him desperately clinging to him, only for him to pull away from you and look at you seriously.

“Theo” He said, and your heart went mad.  “I saw him, I talked to him- y/n I’m so sorry I ever pushed you to leave him” Your lips parted as you stared at the boy who was much taller than you.  “y/n he loves you, he loves you so much e told me everything- he told me when I got here to find you and make sure you’re safe he wasn’t even worried about the goddamn train station from hell he was in” Your eyes welled with tears at the words, your hands covering your mouth.

“He-he told you all that?” Your voice cracked, and Stiles nodded.  You looked from him, to Scott to Malia, to Lydia, all of them wearing the same surprised, but happy expressions on their face.

“Alright alright happy moment over, you’re supposed to get to Liam so he’s not fighting these by himself” You nodded, flicking out your claws and glowing your eyes before running off to the sounds of Liam’s grunting.  You figured he was already fighting somebody.  You got a running start, before leaping up and grabbing the railing of the balcony, and pulling yourself up slightly, but struggling a little.

A hand grabbed you, and pulled you up over the railing, and when you looked up to see who had sat you back on your feet, you were surprised to see him there.

“Th-Theo?” You asked unsurely.  This just had to be an illusion, like Claudia Stilinski turned out to be.  He couldn’t be real.

“In the flesh” He said, and you gasped, looking over to see Liam had already taken down the Ghost Rider you’d heard him fighting.

“Fucking hell” You muttered, your hands reaching out to grab Theo and pull him against you, crashing your lips against his hungrily and desperately.  His hands flew into your hair, kissing you back with as much passion and force as he could.  You were holding onto each other so tightly, but it didn’t matter.  “Stiles told me, he told me all of it” You mumbled against his lips.  “I love you so much” You cried out, and he cupped your face in his hands like you’d done for him.

“I never stopped” He replied, kissing you longingly.

You were surprised to have made it out of the mess alive, and with everyone back home where they belonged.

It had been a long night of emotions and fighting on practically zero hours of sleep, but you were happy to be able to go home with Theo, to hold onto his arm as you both went upstairs.  He planted a kiss on your forehead before going into his room.  You followed him, watching as he went through the dresser where he kept the few pieces of clothing he had.

“Theo?” You called quietly as he found a pair of sweatpants to sleep in.

“Yes love?” He asked, turning to face you.

“Will you stay with me tonight?” You asked, and he smiled and nodded.

“I’ll get changed and be right in” He told you, and you nodded, heading into your own room to put on comfier clothes.

There was a soft knock on your open door a few minutes later, and you looked up from where you sat on your bed to see Theo standing there.  You smiled, a sense of calmness coursing through you.  He walked in, wearing only his sweatpants as he came over to you.  Until he was in front of you, but you still had to look up at him since you were still sitting.

“I’m glad you’re back” You told him softly, and he took your hands, before leaning over, and pressing a gentle kiss against your lips.  You tugged on his hands, pulling him closer to you as you shuffled back on the bed.  His hands steadied himself on either side of you, your legs in between his.

You didn’t know how to describe it, it wasn’t a hot makeout session, it wasn’t desperate or needy, it was completely soft, and slow, and gentle.  Even with him held over top of you, it wasn’t sexual whatsoever.

It was like you were just getting back into the swing of normalcy.

“Don’t leave again” You whispered, and he pulled away from you, his hand cradling the back of your head against the mattress, the other holding himself up over you.  Your eyes flashed blue momentarily.  “I can’t do any of this without you” You said in an even more hushed tone.  Theo smiled softly down at you, his thumb rubbing circles over your cheek.  He didn’t have to say anything for you to know he was promising never to leave you again.

It was quiet for a few minutes, the both of you staring at each other and holding on to the other, before Theo moved off of you to lay down, pulling you into his chest and winding his arms around you as your buried your face into the crook of his neck.

“I killed one of Satomi’s betas” You confessed.  Theo looked down at you, your eyes large as you thought back to that night, and full of tears.  “Her name was Hayley, Hayley Reid” He didn’t say anything, just listened intently as you told him the story behind your eyes.  “After you… after you were… taken away” You said taken away, but you both heard ‘dragged to hell’.  “I was angry and… and the wolf just-just amplified my anger and… and my mourning”

She mourned over me?

“I went out one night, to walk to-to clear my head” You continued.  “I didn’t even know I’d gotten so far into town it was just supposed to be for a few minutes but she was out too, just outside that place their pack all lives” You licked over your lips slowly, unable to meet his eyes.  “She asked me if I needed a ride home, that it was going to rain and she didn’t want me to get soaked” Theo raised his hand to your cheek, wiping away the few stray tears that had slipped onto your skin.  “I told her I wanted to be left alone, that I needed time to myself.  It was like… it was like I was drunk in all these awful feelings” You breathed deeply, taking another pause.  “She kept- kept asking and it just annoyed me I was so frustrated and I turned and I growled at her and-”

Theo kept quiet, still stroking your cheeks as you told him everything.  Your eyes slipped shut.

“I told her if she didn’t fuck off then I’d rip her throat out” You choked.  “And-and I-” Another choke as you trembled a little in his arms.  “I did. I did it I did it and I wish with everything I fucking have that I could go back and take it back, thank her for the ride home…”

He stroked his fingers through your hair, a small sigh coming through his lips.  All he could think about was not only your own tragedy, but all the times he’d committed the same crime.  Without second thought, and not even regretting it until he saw the way it had torn apart his life.

But you weren’t like him.  You were sweet, and caring, and always kept in mind what’s good for the community.  You’d risk your life before letting even a stranger get hurt.  For a werewolf, you were incredibly human.  With human qualities.  You were genuine, you tried your hardest to do everything from school work to saving Beacon Hills.  You had more love in your heart than anyone he’s ever met, and you proved it to him every day.

“I sat there, in the storm, I held onto her so tight and just begged for her to wake up, I just… I just remember apologizing over and over” Theo held your face in his hands again, pressed his forehead against yours as you cried, your closed, long lashes dripping tears over your face.  “They burned so bad, I was screaming, gripping onto her and screaming it was like… like my corneas were being scorched” You told him.  “But I deserved it”

“No, no y/n” He placed a kiss on the top of your head.  “It wasn’t you, okay? It wasn’t you, and it was all my fault”

“No it wasn’t, it was mine.  I shouldn’t have left.  I should’ve stayed at home, I shouldn’t have lied to the pack and said good riddance when you left.  I should’ve done something why didn’t I do something?” He kissed your head again, then wrapped you up in his arms and cradled you close to him.  “I barely knew her, but she really didn’t deserve what happened to her it was so.. So brutal.  And I always think about it… every day”

“Look, y’n, what i need you to know, is that you never meant for it to happen.  It was an accident, really.  You didn’t want her dead.  You didn’t know what you were doing”

“I mean yeah but-”

“That’s all you gotta know.  That it was an accident” You sighed, not knowing what to say to that.  Theo kissed your cheek softly, then hooked a finger under your chin, tilting your head up to look at him.  “And I want you to know, that everyone still loves you, I still love you, and you should know that nothing will ever change that” You smiled timidly,your hands splaying on his cheeks as you pushed your head against his, your noses bumping together.

“I love you too” You whimpered quietly, kissing him chastely then nuzzling your face back into his chest.  Theo smiled to himself, closing his eyes as he listened to your steadying heartbeat.

“Just go to sleep baby” He said, his lips pressing to your head and lingering them there for a moment.  “I’ll be here when you wake up, promise” He said.  You smiled, completely relaxing against him, your mind already drifting off to sleep.

And when you woke up the next morning,

he was there.

ah so long and angsty theo angst just comes so easily to me

( dedicated to liv bc she’s my soulmate and the lydia to my alli :) )

xoxo - jordie

#teen wolf #teen wolf x reader #teen wolf imagine #teen wolf scenario #teen wolf fanfiction #theo raeken #theo raeken x reader #theo raeken imagine #theo raeken scenario #theo raeken fanfiction #cody christian #cody christian fanfiction #cody christian x reader #cody christian imagine #cody christian scenario

[quietpagan]

Watching Transformers 5 and...???

- Okay so the trailer was COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY MISLEADING, like they CHANGED SHIT and literALLY LIED THROUGH THEIR TEETH

-battle imagery is fantastic and BRUTAL

- oh my god there’s like an actual black dude, in armor. he even got a line. Wow don’t strain yourselves guys.

- this is already horrible. I love it.

- battle imagery, again, is incredible. gotta give props for the costume design and the way the battle itself was shot.

- the dragon transformer makes up for the shitty jokes and cutting mistakes

- gov’t shooting at kids i am not surprised

- little girl is snarkyyyyyy

- canopy is so wonderful, ten seconds and i love him

- twenty seconds and WHY?!! wtf

- is that motherfucking cocksucking Barricade

- IT”S MOTHERFUCKING LENNOX. Bumblebee looks so fucking betrayed like wtf Lennox

- FAT BALLERINA LIVES

- y’all playing fuckin polo like??? is america the only place having an alien apocalypse???

- IT’S MOTHERFUCKING WHEELIE OH MY GOSH

- I don’t even care how baby dinobots get made, I want one.

- idk who the heckity heck these new Decepticons are but I love Nitro Zeus BUT LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT. They brutallly murder Ratchet and other Autobots, but keep Decepticions in some kind of jail, enough that some of the guards form a rapport with them?  

- Cogman owning Crosshairs, cheers for the leprechaun

- like it’s so bad I can’t even can’t even

- the bully dog is the best part of this movie, she’s so perfect.

- COgman ProVIDING THE BACKGROUDN MUSIC

- MOVE BITCH GET OUT MA WAY, GET OUT MA WAY

- Cogman and the old man are the best crotchety old men ever

- it just keeps getting worse and worse, lord

- GODDAMN BUMBLEBEE, MAN. THAT BEAUTIFUL VOICE JUST RIPPED THE DEVIL OUT OF OPTIMUS PRIME. TALK ABOUT FUCKING TIMING!

- watched that scene like thirty times no joke, I still can’t

- Cade’s magic transformer sword was wonderful, thank you.

- don’t y’all fucking destroy Stonehenge you heathens

- what did I just fucking...

- i have NOT A CLUE what just frigging happened

- The movie was horrible enough without the forced romance.

- everything is so bad. At least the first movie had some heart. but like

- it’s giant fighting robots from outer space with swords, tied up with Arthurian mythology and reclaim-your-ancestral-destiny cliches

-even if it’s horribly done it’s damn entertaining

- i have many problems

- but fuck if I’m still gonna buy the damn dvd because. I mean. Giant alien robots with medieval imagery. It’s a terrible film but I still loved it like a trash goblin. 

#transformers 5 #the last knight

[coshayphinelove]

just some thinky thoughts after i wrote a tag essay that got way bigger than the tags.  feel free to read if you want, but forewarning... i have more questions after writing than before so..

so before i start anything i’d like to clarify that i love ob.  most of my issues with it are bc i got my hopes too high and held the creators to the standards i hold myself, which is not fair in art.  also, i’m only talking about the ob team and the characters, not the fans.  don’t get all in a twist, this is just me... thinkin.

so ep 5 was great.  2013 me would have loved it.  but 2017 me is like.. hard into communication and explicitly labelled representation.  and cophine is neither of those things.  like... i can understand that there’s not enough time to linger on stuff the way i would want to.  i get it.  but like... there was enough time to linger on alison.  for five seasons.  the first time she ever did anything main plot-moving was this season, she was always almost completely seperate.  she got flashbacks out the wazoo to explain her entire life story.  we met her mom.  her monitor is redeemed.  

i just am very unhappy with the doling of screen time.  like... it’s not even about shipping anymore.  it’s about plot holes and i am genuinely confused about the story at this point.  like delphine and donnie are easily comparable characters.  donnie monitored alison for close to a decade.  lied to her for a decade.  once he found out about the clones started doing things without alison’s knowledge or consent.  he is forgiven.  almost immediately.  for everything. 

delphine lasted as a monitor about... a month?  she was so bad at lying that cosima caught her.  she immediately came clean.  then in the flashback begged cosima to believe that she would always protect her.  and yet?  the conflict surrounding delphine for the entire show is ~is she good or bad???~.  and at every turn she is keeping that promise while making and keeping other promises.  and everybody, including her love interest keeps throwing her mistakes in her face.

donnie gets side plots and new dynamics to explore.  delphine has to have all of her characterization as a subset of cosima’s screen time.  donnie gets a seat at the bubbles table, delphine does not.  she has to leave and get shot (a whole different rant of equal length).

on another note, alison and cosima are also easily comparable characters: side characters used to provide info for sarah to react to.  cosima’s safety is always at risk, she’s been boiled down to her love interest for several plots, and she doesn’t ever get to acknowledge her Very Obvious PTSD and abandonment issues.  alison has low stakes conflict (up until this season, but that’s already over), she is never boiled down to donnie’s wife, and we got to watch her parse through her issues in s2 in great detail.  

like even the flashbacks.  like alison got half her episode told in flashbacks and it was gorgeous.  i by no means wanted that when there’s so much going on but i thought we would get at least a little more.  

we met alison’s parent.  we hear about her in a natural and very not forced way.  cosima gets one very long line about her family very late in the game in a clunky and almost pointless way.  (like... why was it in there?  what purpose did it serve?)

i think the problem is subtext.  everybody is always talking about the subtext.  but the problem is there are several issues that the writer’s address almost explicitly.  like alison’s drinking problem.  we learned all about that and we cheered for her when she went to rehab and we we sad when she relapsed. with cosima it’s.... two instances of smash cuts of bad memories and her reacting to them.  ......*gestures with flailing arms* ISN’T THAT ALSO IMPORTANT???  

like.  i’m going to keep talking about delphine but.. that’s just where my head is rn..

but from s1 to s2 her arc was learning what her role would be in clone club and then how to do that.  and she made some big huge strides there.  and then she comes back for s3 and it’s gone.  she’s just.. not doing that anymore?  like they took the time to film her telling cosima immediately after she messed up that she had, in fact, messed up.  and then, what, a few days later she Can’t Tell Cosima Anything Anymore?  and don’t get on me about screen time here.  it could’ve been like.. 2 more lines.  “it’s not safe, they’ll hurt you.”  “b-but delphine??” “i’m sorry.”  LIKE?  they just wanted the drama of cosima not knowing.   which i can see wanting, but it didn’t end up working.  because then you had scenes showing delphine doing things for clone club.  so then... it was just.... confusing?  and imo drawn out for too long.  

but even to this day I, a delphine stan, am still kind of iffy.  she literally made an ultimatum (promise me, everyone.  you will never make an ultimatum in your romantic/sexual/platonic relationships.  that’s a manipulation tactic that a lot of abusers use.  slippery slope please don’t do it.)(i’m also not saying that delphine is an abuser or that you’re an abuser but just.. it’s a thing to be careful of.)  

“accept our toxic relationship as is or leave.”

IN WHAT WORLD IS THAT OKAY??? like i get the sentiment behind it.  like she was saying, ‘hey cosima i know i’ve been bad but like you don’t have to stay if you don’t want.  i’ll stop kissing you and everything.’  but then....  have her say that?  everything delphine ever says to cosima is wrapped in 3 levels of subtext.  or alternatively, cut the kissies in half and let them have a few lines about a new promise or something.  idk if that’s just her being extra or if that’s just.... the writers.

bc the creators... bless them.. they’re trying.  but when it comes down to it they were predominantly straight men.  and they did add tatiana as an executive producer which is like.. the head idea guy who tell the writers what to write.  which was awesome!  but like.. she’s straight (as far as we know).  so like.. i really don’t want to pull the sexuality card here.  but i think i am.  

bc it’s one thing if you don’t give romantic, mental health, or communication plot lines very much time.  it’s another if you give a straight couple plenty and a wlw couple scraps.  it’s one thing if the straight couple gets to delve into things multiple times and the wlw couple gets ten seconds before the plot needs to keep going.

i get that the cosima-centric ep was very plot heavy, stuff was happening, i get it.  but like... if you cared about giving good rep as much as you claim you do wouldn’t you... re-structure so that they have more than 10 seconds?  wouldn’t you sacrifice some of that oh so dearly beloved body horror to let them just... talk for a hot sec?  or let them be in the same room?

i know it’s hard work.  the longest original work i’ve ever finished is a 30 page script.  and even then it’s a lot of ‘is this dialogue working?’  ‘would that character say that?’ ‘that’s a plot hole’  ‘wait where is he going again?’  i get that there’s a lot to keep track of so like... knowing who cosima’s parents are wasn’t on a post-it note on the beat board.  but i just...  one of the questions i always ask myself is ‘is this healthy?’  so like... i always make sure that if the dynamic isn’t then i either address it somewhere else or change it so it is.

i don’t think they were asking themselves that.

bc straight guys are used to power balances in their relationships.  they’re used to ultimatums.  whether it’s in their life or in fiction, that’s what they see.  and they’re socialized to see that as normal.  so when they’re made aware that the media they’re making is feminist/progressive, these guys seemed like they did research and tried to make it more so.  but... they missed the mark.  bc straight men will never know what it’s like to be a wlw or a woman.  that’s just how it works.

and then.. like... they were so hyperaware of the fans and what they wanted.  and i think the thing they understood the best was that they wanted cophine kisses.  bc a lot of ppl wanted that and like...ppl who are cophine critical sometimes also want cophine kisses.  so that’s the loudest thing they heard/saw. and instead of doing the emotional work and the plot work they thought every scene had to have kisses.

and they also knew that they could always fill in the gaps at panels.  WHICH.  not canon if you say it at a panel y’all.  they knew the fans would spread their patches all over the place.  so instead of doing the work and explicitly taking a stand they just.. let people ask them questions so they knew what people were wondering about and then...... answered.

i don’t think they did any of this maliciously but like.. the whole drama surrounding sarah’s sexuality, the great debate of whether it was problematic or not.  like... knowing now that they didn’t intend it to come off as her lashing out and having a mental breakdown helps, but.... that’s still what it looked like at first glance.  and if i’m just a DVR viewer who doesn’t meticulously stalk everything ob online, i wouldn’t know that.  and they do that with delphine’s intentions a lot.  they do it with sexuality a lot.  they do it with gender a lot.  and it’s like.... it’s representation but... label-less to the masses.  like my dad was in the room when sarah was kissing a girl and he made some snide comment about it.  and it’s like... they were just too aware of fans that they gave them what they wanted (sarah kissing a girl/cophine kisses) without thinking about if was the healthy thing for the moment.  they didn’t think about the ramifications.

and it’s just so frustrating.  bc i love this show, i do.  there’s so much to talk about and so many themes and allegories and cool stuff.  but they just... do a lot of stuff that..... really grinds my gears.  like this isn’t even a comprehensive list.

#blog stuff #thinky thoughts #i think i like that tag...

[curly-q-reviews]

ROAD TO THE OSCAR MAYER WIENER AWARDS 2K19

Cold War (original title Zimna wojna), 2018 (dir. Pawel Pawlikowski)

Nominated for: Best Foreign Language Film, Best Director, Best Cinematography

TW SUICIDE MENTION

SPOILER WARNING IM GONNA GIVE AWAY THE ENDING IN THIS REVIEW DONT READ THIS SHIT IF U WANNA WATCH THIS MOVIE OK BYE LOVE U

well shit the oscars is only a week away!!!  and ive only seen like half of the movies i wanted to see!!!  how does this keep happening to me!!!!!!!!!!!

ok well no use crying over spilled milk im just gonna have to go on a massive movie-watching spree this week and try and consume as many films as possible, and in the meantime lets talk about the movie i saw last night.  this is probably the first year ive seen more than one movie in the foreign language film oscar category, mainly just because the foreign language films are typically harder to find unless a local movie theater happens to be playing them as part of an oscars season special event or something.  but now that two of our nominees this year have american distributors it makes watching them a lot easier. 

going into Cold War i had absolutely no idea what it was about except that its set in Poland during the, well, Cold War.  the trailers for this movie didnt really reveal much about the plot or characters, which honestly i kinda prefer with trailers.  sometimes they just give away waaaayyy too much and then whats the point of going to see the movie??  i did know beforehand that its a romance so i at least had that expectation.

and well yeah its a romance all right!!  its a very romeo and juliet star-crossed lovers kinda situation where a student who gets accepted into a state-run polish music academy becomes close with one of the instructors and they fall in love, however life circumstances keep pulling them away from each other over and over again.  the movie spans over a timeline of about a decade and a half, and in this time the two of them find other lovers, get married, travel from country to country, but always end up managing to find each other before theyre separated again by circumstances that usually involve the polish communist state.  so basically communism is a total cock block. 

acting in this movie is overall very solid with not really a weak link in the bunch, except for maybe tomasz kot who played wiktor cause he just felt a lil stiff to me.  however joanna kulig steals the fuckin show for me as zula, shes utterly captivating on screen and really takes advantage of all of the close-up shots of her face throughout this film.  it also helps that shes given a fantastic character to play in zula, shes a spitfire and strong-willed and will not take any mans bullshit but near the end of the film you do get to see her struggle as well.  the shit she has to put up with gets very harrowing at times and u do feel for her

and wiktor goes through his fair share of shitty situations as well, i mean damn he ends up in jail when he goes back to poland for zula and they mangle his hands so badly he’ll never be able to play piano again which was his livelihood.  its pretty tragic how these two people are just like little puppets for the communist state to toss around and play with to their hearts content until theyre both almost destroyed.  and really the whole underlying backdrop of communist poland is really what elevates this story from being just another romeo and juliet clone to something a little more profound. 

ill come back to the story in a bit cause there are a few things i took issue with but i wanna take a moment to praise the music in this film cause holy SHIT its so good.  im honestly really surprised it didnt get any music-related noms cause the music was probably my favorite part of Cold War.  the beginning is full of polish folk music with a full womens choir that sounds just delightful, and then we transition into classic jazz when our lovers end up in paris together in the early 1950′s, and then some american classic rock n’ roll music is thrown into the mix in a few scenes, and then at the end we have a performace thats like a weird polish version of mariachi music??  such a wide and complex musical palette that ebbs and flows with the story, and we also get to see performers doing their thing which is just the icing on the cake. 

so the movie sounds fantastic, and i mean i gotta say it looks fantastic too!  like Roma, Cold War is shot in black and white, which definitely fits the time period its set in and fits especially well with the jazz scenes.  we get a lot of close-up shots of peoples faces, but theyre balanced out well with wide shots that tend to put the focal points in the bottom third of the screen which i thought was an interesting touch.  gave it a very art house feel.  from what i could tell there were mostly still shots except for a few dance scenes, which kept the movie very grounded and kinda added a sense of realism.

so i think thats all the good shit i have to say and i wanna touch on the ending for the last part of this review, cause to be frank, this movie ended so abruptly it gave me whiplash.  i was going into this film expecting it to be like 2 hours long but the run time clocks in at just under an hour and thirty minutes.  usually this isnt a bad thing at all especially for quieter movies like this that take their time, but in this case it couldve used AT LEAST another ten to twenty minutes.  so wiktor is let out of prison early because his commie friend pulled some strings (probably due to zulas insistence) and we find out that zula has married this commie state official and had a kid with him.  and she now works as a performer (probably working for the state like she did when she was with the music academy) singing weird polish mariachi music.  shes clearly drunk off her ass when she sees that wiktor is out, runs to the bathroom to puke, and then he finds her in there and they decide to run away together again.  but its implied that this time its more of an uuhhh permanent escape.  like, PERMANENT permanent.  like no-longer-living permanent.  and this is the point of the movie where im like “oh god really theyre gonna keep THIS part of the romeo and juliet story they really think thats a good idea”

and then the next scene we see them going to an abandoned run-down church that was shown in the beginning of the movie, and they both have what looks like a shit ton of pills out in front of them.  they say wedding vows, then each take half of the giant pile of pills, and then go to watch the sunset.  and then thats where the movie ends.  it just like cuts to credits and thats it. 

idk man it just doesnt have the amount of emotional gravitas that i feel like a scene like that should have.  and it escalates so quickly too, like one minute theyre in a bathroom and the next theyre on a bus and the next theyre at the church with the pills in front of them.  its hard to explain how abrupt it all felt watching it, u have to see it for urself to get what i mean.  the pacing was just really off in the last third of this film, and with the severity of the act theyre committing u’d think the director would wanna spend more time on it.

so other than that i’d say if u like foreign films and good period pieces this is one to check out, i’d give it like a 7/10.  if anything go see it just to listen to the music cause good god its so gorgeous im gettin my hands on this soundtrack. 

OK Y’ALL i got lots of reviewing to do in the next few days so u’ll be seeing a log of long-ass posts from me soon!  i think The Favorite is on amazon video now so ill watch that for sure sometime this week, and then god knows what else i’ll watch i’ll just have to play it by ear.  have a relaxing fun and fresh sunday y’all try not to let the idea of having to go to school/work tomorrow fill u with too much existential dread  ;)

#curly q reviews #oscars #oscars 2019 #academy awards #road to the oscar mayer weiner awards 2k19 #cold war #foreign films #polish films #romance #communism #cold war 2018 #romeo and juliet #tomasz kot #joanna kulig #pawel pawlikowski

[delightfully-daisy]

Like mother, like daughter || one-shot

For the love of God this is not nearly as bad as y’all are making it out to be.

Daisy comes home to Paris.

TW: sympathetic views of previously unsympathetic characters, realistic talk about the world, me randomly using some french words but not the rest and just generally implying that this is spoken in french but only actually using oui and mama, idk this is tame, just don’t hate me

“I broke up with him, Mama,” says Daisy, staring straight at her reflection in the mirror of her vanity table. She has come back home two weeks early, three days ago, four days before Andre, eight days before Nic, ten before Jacques.

Lilian is surprised.

She stands in the doorway to Daisy’s room and had just asked a simple question. The two are going to a party tonight. Lilian had planned to go alone, but when Daisy arrived early (she’d said that she was homesick, that she missed her room and the family dogs and her brothers), Lilian immediately told her daughter about it and they made plans.

“You did?” Lilian steps inside a little. She respects her children’s privacy enough as to not snoop in their rooms. That being said, she has always enjoyed Daisy’s room. It is neater than the boys’, well-decorated with soft pinks and whites and pastels, with the occasional accent of rose-gold. “Perhaps you are less of a fool than I thought.” She says it lightly, as if making a joke, but Daisy’s face contorts and Lilian can tell that she is struggling not to cry.

Lilian does not hate her daughter.

She loves Daisy, her little flower, who thinks all the world is sunlight—or it should be it least. If the world was as soft as Daisy wants it to be, then Lilian would let Daisy do as she wishes. But the world is hard and sharp and steps on flowers and digs their heels into them, leaving nothing but smashed petals on the pavement.

“Oh, I did not mean it like that, Daisy,” says Lilian now and she comes over to sit on the stool besides her daughter, wrapping her arm around Daisy. “I know it is hard.”

“How would you know?” asks Daisy and her voice trembles, as if she were trying to make it sound sharper than it actually is. She turns to Lilian, eyes narrowed. Lilian can see that they are red, though. That Daisy has been crying.

Lilian sighs and squeezes Daisy’s shoulders.

“I know more than you think I do, ma Cherie. I am a woman, too. I was once young. You are not the first society girl to fall in love with someone you should not—”

“Mama, don’t—“ She pulls away, shaking her head, hands out, as if shooing Lilian. “It was only four months.”

“For God’s sake, Daisy—we are French. So, what? We fall in love. We feel it burn through us and it fills our hearts, through our veins, to the very tips of our fingers. You know what I am talking about, I know you do.” She sighs. “The English and Americans will call it passion, non? Instead of love. Love is something different to them—you must build it. And they are not wrong. There is just more than one type of love.”

“You do not feel that way about papa?”

“Oh, I do. I did. It is always that way at first—but tell me, Daisy. There were times, not to your school friends, perhaps, but maybe to the Bonfamilles, to Clarke, your brothers, when they would ask about your American boy and you felt your heart squeeze? But not in a good way. The sort of way that made you feel guilty? That happened, oui?”

Daisy is silent, but her eyes go wider and she gives a tiny nod.

“There was someone before your papa.” Lilian takes a deep breath. No one has heard the full story; she is not even going to tell Daisy now, just the overview. It is a story she holds deep in her heart and wraps so tightly and binds in chains and locks. “I was in London for a summer in university, working at a law office. That way I could be close to home on weekends, you know. He was a musician.” She laughs here. “Dirt poor, but he had dreams. Had this—” She gestured at her head. “Messy hair. Green eyes. His name was William.”

Lilian looks at the floor, thinking of smoky London jazz clubs and Will’s laugh ringing through them all, nights walking by the Thames, his arm around her. There was a time she saw the world and she saw a whole starry sky of possibilities. She knows now, though, that most of them are not meant to be reached.

“And you want it to work. You think it can. Because all those books and movies and television shows, they tell you it can. You know that that is not the way the world works, but you tell yourself this is different. You are different. This time it will be different.” She sighs deeply, running a hand down Daisy’s back, shaking her head. “But the world is not so kind. No one is different or special. We cannot change the hand we have been dealt.”

Will had wanted to follow her to Paris—music flowing in the streets, he had said. Lilian almost let him. And then she remembered how her mother would ask if she made any knew friends in London and her heart would give that squeeze and she would talk of a Mary and an Elizabeth and a James, all working at the same office, all from good families too. She thought of how easy she had slipped into that lie. How it was for the better.

She told William that he could not. That he needed to be in London, that she needed to go back to Paris, and that she was glad that their paths crossed once.

Oh, he’d hated her then. Told her that he thought she was different. She had cried, then in the morning, she packed her bags and she left.

It was for the better—a few years later, she met Jacques. She heard William married too. She hopes he is doing well, that he’s still playing somewhere, that he and Harriet are happy.

Daisy turns her face towards her mother now. In the light of Daisy’s room, Lilian’s face looks softer. There are lines on it that her make up did not quite cover up and without lipstick, her mouth looks less like it is going to take a bite out of something (or someone) and more like it is going to sigh. Like it has sighed, like it has been sighing this whole time, because she is tired, because she knows the world and it is not as kind as Daisy wishes it to be.

“I don’t want this,” Daisy says, leaning so that her shoulder is against the curved end of her white vanity table. She closes her eyes. “I don’t want love, if it just burns you like you said.” The corner of her mouth tugs up into a little smile though, barely there, but there nonetheless. “You sound like a poet, mama.”

“I almost was one,” says Lilian, and Daisy cranks an eye open in disbelief. Lilian lets out a soft breath of laughter. “It is true. I studied Literature in university and thought about writing poetry, but then somewhere along the way, I changed my mind.” She strokes her daughter’s hair, long and blonde like her own, with a twist of curls, soft to touch.

“I didn’t know that,” says Daisy, and she looks at her mother as if she is looking at her for the first time.

“Not many do.” Lilian sighs, her hand resting in Daisy’s hair. “Listen, ma Cherie. I am not telling you not to love—we are French, after all. We love. We burn. We rise from the ashes. Do you know why I love your father?”

Daisy shakes her head.

“Oh, he was magnetic when we first met, charismatic, charming—you know how silly your father can be, with his jokes and he still made me laugh. It was that lick of fire, that burning. You can meet a million men who will make you feel that way.” She shrugs. “Or women, I’m sure.  Fire is easy. But you—we—need steadiness. Forgive me, I cannot think of a poetic metaphor for that—that’s not what they talk about usually, non? The poems. All the talk of fire and passion, and you miss that word for what the type of love that lasts really is. I do not—”

“A lighthouse in a storm?” Daisy offers. Her voice is small. “I’m sure I have seen that once, in a poem. Or something.”

“That works,” says Lilian, leaning into her daughter.

She thinks of Jacques now and how she will be seeing him so soon. He travels for work, he is often away. She is busy, he is busy, but never once has Lilian doubted that he loves her or that she loves him. He is charming and his eyes are blue like an endless sky and he still has silly nicknames for her (“Lili-pad” is one) and they can go out to society events and come home and watch that American show House of Cards together.

“So Papa is your lighthouse,” says Daisy, and her mouth tugs up into a little smile. Her eyes look a little far off.

“I suppose he is,” says Lilian, with a small laugh.

She looks at their reflections in the mirror, curls of blonde hair around their faces, big eyes (though Lilian’s are brown, Daisy has her father’s eyes, as does Nicolas), lips with a sigh on them, cheeks that flush easily, they are more similar than Lilian usually admits, more similar especially considering Lilian as a girl, Lilian with fresh hopes and dreams of becoming a poet, of a human rights lawyer, of something bigger and brighter, of—

“Come on, Daisy,” she says, leaning to kiss her daughter’s cheeks. “We should be ready soon. The world is waiting for us.”

#there was more i wanted to cram in here #but it just #didnt flow as well #and also this got too long #also ten points to whomever tells me who lilian's mysterious former lover is #teehee #closed #one shot