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#wth i have all these ideas at 1 am when i need to do my hw 😀
emblazons · 11 months
Note
hi marie, its me again <3 the anon with byler doubt haha ... you made such great points! and tysm for such a thorough response.
I am SO CURIOUS how do you think they'll get Mike and Will together? I think that's the aspect that has me doubting the most because it feels so so MESSY and they can very easily mess it all up if they aren't careful.
Explaining Mike's internalized homophobia etc might be something too difficult to unpack in just one season, on top of everything else going on as well with the world literally ending. I also don't know what the point was of having Mike say he loved Eleven if it wasn't true, what do you think they were trying to achieve with that?
Do we truly think she'd be okay with breaking up with Mike? And if the answer is yes, how will that affect Mike and El's dynamic going forward, you think? Will they really not only break up milkvan, but leave elmike underdeveloped in favor of Byler?
I look at the Steve/Nancy/Jonathan love triangle and that has been a mess for seasons now and still no resolution, so I don't know how they'll do it for Mike and Will. I fear they'll go for the "easy route" (aka milkvan endgame) to focus on the supernatural and other characters more. Because if Byler is endgame I feel like they'd need to devote a great chunk of the season to them in order to explain wth is going on with Mike specifically + giving him closure with El.
I suppose something else that gives me doubt is how Mike and Will have been sidelined in these last few seasons to give more screentime/protagonism to other characters and dynamics, so I don't know if I can fully believe the Duffers care THAT much about romantic!Byler if that makes sense.
Hopefully this all doesn't sound overly pessimistic or something, I am genuinely curious about your thoughts in some of these more like looking for reassurance tbh! Especially after reading your response to my first ask <3 TYSM once again!!
hello again!
To be honest, you've got a lot of questions that require separate (and equally detailed) responses, but...let me see if I can briefly explain each, and maybe link to other analyses I've done that might help make sense of why I say.
note: some of these are just my frankest opinions unfiltered, but I do have analytical reasons for all of them. Your questions are also asking things it's taken several rewatches and a year to sort through so...apologies if you just get the simplest version of the idea delineated here haha. also, a cut, because this got really long.
1: How do you think they'll get Mike and Will together? Transparently? I'm not really all that into specifics, because expecting specific things means I'm going to fall into the trap of thinking I'm the one writing it when I'm not and then say The Duffers "lied" or "messed up" because I expected something they never put in there. That said—in terms of plain setup, they will need to address the painting because that was a critical plot point from damn near minute one of S4, and now it's become fully integrated with not only Will's feelings for Mike, but Mike's own sense of El's feelings for him.
Beyond that...I think El will need to be the one to initiate the "complete" breakup, because she's the one who wanted space in the first place, the one who is repeatedly having her romantic partner paralleled to parental and tragic figures, the one refuses to be vulnerable & who built lies into their relationship...and the one whose general arc centers around reclaiming autonomy and choice from the men in her life. I also think Mike will be the one to initiate the romantic aspect, if its not a bit mutual.
2: Mike's internalized homophobia etc might be something too difficult to unpack in just one season - I disagree. We managed to sort through introducing Will's romantic feelings and sense of his queerness in a single season just fine...and Mike has had queer-coding show up throughout every season if you know what you're looking for.
The fact that this boy already has a one way sign into his closet, has repeatedly yelled about "boys only" every season AND shows clear signs of male attraction already has most people (even the supposed 'GA') suspicious of his sexuality, and combined with his devotion to will + the wider context, there are plenty of ways to introduce the idea of him liking boys explicitly that don't require any intense delineation...unless you expect them to say "he's gay" out loud, which they didn't do when Robin came out, and still haven't done for Will either...despite everyone knowing damn well they're gay.
3: I also don't know what the point was of having Mike say he loved Eleven if it wasn't true - I think that most of the breakdowns I've done of parentified!mike make clear that the love he has for her is somewhat genuine...though its being written as misplaced familial love, because he spent so much time believing he needed "a girl" to assuage his insecurities.
While I absolutely lean toward a gay!Mike reading myself, it's still clear even without a label that Mike's love mirrors Hopper's more than it resembles any of the love given by potential romantic partners to other women across the show—and Mike, given that he was being told by Will that El needed him to say he loved her for her to win, did what he thought was necessary to help her.
I do not think his love for her is a lie—I simply think it isn't romantic, and has now been so conflated with something negative in El's mind that it wouldn't matter if he mean't it romantically anyway. That said: narratively, Mike had to say he loved El because unless the fullness of what was expected (an I love you) was accomplished, it would hang over the story and any relationship Byler might have. El needed to hear it...so she could reject it, which she did.
4: Do we truly think she'd be okay with breaking up with Mike? yes. I think El will be absolutely 300000% just fine being broken up with Mike lmao. She has Hopper back now (who she was mourning the loss of, and therefore looking to fill with Mike emotionally), on top of having Max's "there's more to life than stupid boys" at the fore of her mind saving her.
Mike is also paralleled to parental and abusive figures in El's mind, on top of the fact that she has been keeping him at an emotional distance for the entirety of S4. Given that she and Lucas will probably also get closer in the search for Max...I'm quite sure she's not going to take it as hard as people imagine, especially given the fact that we already know she was happiest in S3 when they were broken up.
I also don't have any expectation of ElMike being super close friends (beyond party bonds + civility) either, which...I mean if you are I apologize but. I don't see that happening in canon, so them being developed deeply as friends before the show ends is not important to me as a plot point, and doesn't really have any canonical backing considering their ongoing lack of platonic connection outside of the necessary + lack of common interest. That's even a note thematically in the show...which means its makes sense for them not to be that close by the end of the narrative.
5: Steve/Nancy/Jonathan love triangle and that has been a mess for seasons now and still no resolution, so I don't know how they'll do it for Mike and Will. Truth be told, that love triangle has a resolution—Nancy has chosen Jonathan, and continues to, even though she flirted with Steve when she felt lonely. Nancy's arc has always centered around choosing something different than her parents and has from S1—her brief flirtation with Steve aside, her loyalty to Jonathan hasn't changed, though they are absolutely not a perfect couple.
If anything, the end of S4 set up Jonathan and Steve learning to be friends less so than anything implying Nancy might choose Steve instead—Jonathan is finally in a narrative position to choose something for himself now which frees him up to be honest with Nancy, and even outside of that, Nancy is far more likely to end up with single than she is with Steve—which is the exact opposite of how they've set up Mike to be with Will rather than El over the course of the season.
6: I fear they'll go for the "easy route" (aka milkvan endgame) to focus on the supernatural and other characters more. I don't agree. The supernatual plot has always been well-integrated with the romantic elements in every couple across the board, from Mike's "first love lost" energy happening when El disappeared in S1, Lumax bonding in S2 in a fight with demodogs, Jancy's bonding across S2-3 happening in the lab seeing the gate, while Will was un-possessed, and while they fought the thing monster in the hospital....and Jopper in Russia fighting a demogorgon in S4.
The Duffers have never slacked in setting up their romances in conjunction with the supernatual plots, and there's no reason to think they're gonna start with Byler, especially given Will's mirroring of Vecna/Henry, the way the day his disappeared is the day the UD is frozen, and how he's the one who can sense him...while now having Mike glued to his side.
7: if Byler is endgame I feel like they'd need to devote a great chunk of the season to them in order to explain wth is going on with Mike specifically + giving him closure with El. The 5th season is going to bring all of the characters together again, and they've already said Will is central to that. I've written before about the reason why they had to sideline Will in their plot to make a narrative point, but regardless...like I said before, if you know how to read subtext, Mike being queer won't come as all that much of a surprise.
Note: I've done several (1, 2, 3, 4, 5) analyses on Mike and his arc, which might help.
Beyond that...again, I honestly don't think The Duffers care much to make ElMike besties like fanon seems to think they should be (they haven't done it with any of the other romantic couples they've broken up) so...closure can include civility and acceptance for them the way it did S2 Steve with Jancy, imo. What Mike needs most is to gain the courage to accept himself and realize he doesn't need a girl to assuage his insecurities—and him being casual friends with El the same way he is casually supportive canonically with Max makes more sense than trying to skirt over all the mess of their relationship for the sake of an attached fandom ☠
—that was a lot to cover, but hopefully that cleared up my position on a lot of your questions? I would also encourage you to take a look at my ST commentary tag & analyses highlights list (soon to be updated again) and even my asks for more context, on top of maybe giving the show a rewatch in its entirety if you can.
Sidebar: I also encourage you to dig into my Duffer Brothers tag and commentary (see bottom of the page), because knowing who made the show is just as helpful as understanding the show itself.
Its really easy to get caught in other people's wants and headcanons for the show if you don't keep going back to it yourself, so—as lovingly as possible, I really do encourage you to just sit and watch it with the "byler knowledge" you have from users like me, your other fave analysts, and maybe some of the "old guard" like @kaypeace21, who was integral in my own development of opinions before I dug in for myself. If you're ever doubting, that's always your best bet.
That said: It's literally impossible to summarize a framework crossing nearly 37 hours of TV in a single ask (or even 20)...which is why I've got almost a year worth of posts about it (and have evolved my depth of understanding dramatically over time).
The same way you can't spark notes your way through a degree without missing a lot of context, even me saying this with evidence won't help a lot if you haven't dug into it yourself—and doubt will repeatedly creep in if you're trusting me over the show itself, even though the show is where I've pulled all this from lmao.
—this got really long, but....I hope it helped. And again, sorry if I seemed short anywhere lmao. This was a lot to cover. Still, as always, thanks for the ask!
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baekhvuns · 10 months
Note
Okay I'm here after reading all the hwa ffs in less than a month (talent ladies). So, I'm going to review it. Although, ik everyone already knows how perfect those ffs are but hey.
1. Bodygaurd
Accidentally tumbled upon this and I'm glad I did. I mean it's been so much time I've spent on Tumblr and then this shows like a miracle. So, OHMYGOD PARK SEONGHWA IN A SUIT AND GLASSES , READY TO SHOOT SOMEONE WHO COMES NEAR ME?!?! Perfect. The story was so well-planned and i like how even though y/n had grown up through so many hurdles she still was so cheerful and bubbly and not all emo and depressed. Ok i get if some fic writers do it in a few of their fic i get it, sometimes the mc has to have some issues BUT I'm tired of it. Really. I'm trying to escape this reality to somewhere where I can be someone i very much aspire to be and not to be depressed which I practically I am irl so ...yeah 😃. Oh and tears. I did tell u i cried and i was not joking.
2. Just friends
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You knew ... you knew what you were doing when you wrote that and how much of an impact it would have on us. I can literally hear that one tiktok sound that goes "the hOe$ gonna love this..." AND I BET THATS WHAT WENT THROUGH YOUR HEAD. But let be real tho, this fic was everything. When the fashion world gets involved with love and Seonghwa?!?! Masterpiece. Shakespeare could never. Plus the clothes inspo?!? This was one of the fic i could actually visualise yk?
3. Rewrite the stars
These types of tropes are basically what I live for. Its like you know you have limited time, you can't fall in love, you mustn't but...oh well look at how the sun shines on his face as he gives his million dollar smile. I think it'd be fine to fall in love. Even if it's just for a few days. Maybe just for tonight.
*kickin the air and rolling in my bed* OH AND BUDAPEST??? đŸ« đŸ« 
4. The Duke and his general
Its a classic.
I thought.
But oh boy was i wrong. First of all the simplicity of the fic..and the classic trope but then you get to the plot and then boom! Its like i kind of have gotten used to the whole meet -> fall in love -> get heart broken -> finally together.
And honestly I'm glad I saw the fic after they'd already been written completely because lord knows what I would've done with the whole amount of curiosity after every part.
5. Mr and Mrs Park
Holy oompa loompas THIS!!! THIS IS WHAT WE CALL 'INSPIRATION'!! Ykw...i don't even have words. The last scene at the beach tho. Chills literal ✹chills✹. And the whole loop that starts from the 'A. You messed up' and it ended on the same line but obviously now it had a diff. Meaning. And ong I can never look at a person named 'nayoung' the same.
6. Khronos
No words.Just tears and trauma.
7. The trouble with hating you
Again, the trope was simple. And oh we have seen it in so many movies and dramas about this. BUT yet again you sprinkled it with your own touch. Idk how you do it but when I read your fic i actually transform into yn. I am the real yn when I'm so into reading those lines and talking to air that my family becomes concerned but do i care?...no. and that's what we need in a story! I really hated hwa here tho. HOW COULD YOU?? But hey, yn's got charms 😏
8. Lets not fall in love, again
This was so hurtful. Because, i did not know people getting divorced felt like that. See? That's how you elucidate the feelings. When you're single asf but you still feel the pain of getting seperated from a man who has no idea you exist. Yes. I also recently realised that you have kind of a lot going on. Which again! Intersting.
At first, i was so mad at hwa at the start of the fic i was like wth did I even do. Turns out....he just did it out of love 😭. So pure.
Basically you have the best ffs I have read so far. 🙌🙌
o my god i am actually screaming
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1. bodyguard : Accidentally tumbled upon this and I'm glad I did. I mean it's been so much time I've spent on Tumblr and then this shows like a miracle. So, OHMYGOD PARK SEONGHWA IN A SUIT AND GLASSES, READY TO SHOOT SOMEONE WHO COMES NEAR ME?!?! Perfect. The story was so well-planned and i like how even though y/n had grown up through so many hurdles she still was so cheerful and bubbly and not all emo and depressed. Ok i get if some fic writers do it in a few of their fic i get it, sometimes the mc has to have some issues BUT I'm tired of it. Really. I'm trying to escape this reality to somewhere where I can be someone i very much aspire to be and not to be depressed which I practically I am irl so ..yeah g. On and tears. I did tell u i cried and i was not joking.
DBWNDJWKDHWKHEKW IM CRYING UR SO SWEET FOR THIS REVIEW IM ACTUALLY GONNA SOB BFMWDH no bc ur so right on that part like why do all the yn’s gotta be depressed, let’s make the guy depressed đŸ€šđŸ» u are so right on that last part 100% !!!
2. just friends : You knew ... you knew what you were doing when you wrote that and how much of an impact it would have on us. I can literally hear that one tiktok sound that goes "the hOe$ gonna love this... AND I BET THATS WHAT WENT THROUGH YOUR HEAD. But let be real tho, this fic was everything. When the fashion world gets involved with love and Seonghwa?!?! Masterpiece. Shakespeare could never. Plus the clothes inspo?!? This was one of the fic i could actually visualise yk?
THE WAY I FUCKING GASPED AT THE MEME JFBWKCJSKD I KNEW THIS WAS COMING 😭😭😭😭😭 o i did EXACTLY THAT đŸ„°đŸ„° i knew how nasty this fic would be and what the reaction will be, two top models and enemies??? sign me up! this fic was my fashion rĂ©sumĂ© actually <3 RIGHT I LOVED WRITING THE PHYSICAL PHOTOSHOOT ITSELF
3. rewrite the stars : These types of tropes are basically what I live for. Its like you know you have limited time, you can't fall in love, you mustn't but
oh well look at how the sun shines on his face as he gives his million dollar smile. I think it'd be fine to fall in love. Even if it's just for a few days. Maybe just for tonight. *kickin the air and rolling in my bed* OH AND BUDAPEST??? đŸ« đŸ« 
no ur so right, these travelling romances are the >>>> top tier of any tier,, the thrill of romance & the separation 😼‍💹😼‍💹 OH MY GOD IM GONNA STEAL THAT PARAGRAPH MISS CHAERSSSS !!!!! U MAD EMT MIND GO BRRR WITH THAT & yes budapest <3 im absolutely in love w that city, was debating on italy but miss budapest got me
4. the uke and his general : Its a classic. I thought. But oh boy was i wrong. First of all the simplicity of the fic..and the classic trope but then you get to the plot and then boom! Its like i kind of have gotten used to the whole meet - fall in love - get heart broken -> finally together. And honestly I'm glad I saw the fic after they'd already been written completely because lord knows what I would've done with the whole amount of curiosity after every part.
FBWKDHSK U FOUND MY FORMULA AND I WILL USE EVERY BIT OF IT! ahhh ur right, a simple fic turned out to be so big it amazes me! it really was a craze the curiosity and excitement when i first released it, the anons attacking hwa during that time in the fic amazing âœŠđŸ»
5. mr and mrs park : Holy oompa loompas THIS!!! THIS IS WHAT WE CALL 'INSPIRATION'!! Ykw... don't even have words. The last scene at the beach tho. Chills literal ✹ chills. ✹ And the whole loop that starts from the 'A. You messed up' and it ended on the same line but obviously now it had a diff. Meaning. And ong I can never look at a person named 'nayoung' the same.
FBWKDHWK THE SCENE WHERE “come to daddy” *beats the shit out him* “who’s your daddy now” IM FJWKHD đŸ€ČđŸ»đŸ€ČđŸ» nayoung will make a return in this blog again in that yunho fic <3
6. khronos : No words. Just tears and trauma.
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7. the trouble with hating you : Again, the trope was simple. And oh we have seen it in so many movies and dramas about this. BUT yet again you sprinkled it with your own touch. Idk how you do it but when I read your fic i actually transform into yn. I am the real yn when I'm so into reading those lines and talking to air that my family becomes concerned but do i care?...no. and that's what we need in a story! I really hated hwa here tho. HOW COULD YOU?? But hey, yn's got charms
DBQNJDKWHDKW IM SO GLAD ITS READ LIKE THIS, TEARS IN MY EYES these are the biggest compliments ever 😭😭😭😭 HEY ITS ALL ATEEZ’S FAULT IN THAT OKAYF HWJDHEJ
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8. lets not fall in love, again : This was so hurtful. Because, i did not know people getting divorced felt like that. See? That's how you elucidate the feelings. When you're single asf but you still feel the pain of getting seperated from a man who has no idea you exist. Yes. I also recently realised that you have kind of a lot going on. Which again! Intersting. At first, i was so mad at hwa at the start of the fic i was like wth did I even do. Turns out....he just did it out of love 😭. So pure. Basically you have the best ffs I have read so far.
this is the best description of that fic, he did out of love 😭😭😭 THANK YOU SO MUCH !!!! ALL OF THIS HAS MADE MY ENTIRE YEAR IM GONNA BE SAVING THIS WHEN I NEED TO SMILE STOP IT THIS IS SO NICE FBNWDJKW 😭😭😭😭
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brick-a-doodle-do · 1 year
Text
reviewing all 25 of my fics !!!!!
i have never read my writing! i just did. some was good, some was bad, here's my review and at the end there's a tier list C:
curiosity one
actively throwing up i hated every little bit of that i'm so glad i'm rewriting that oh my god why was that so popular?? đŸ€ą
i can confidently say i no longer feel this way vvvv
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curiosity two
ehhh getting better but still not the best. but at least i didn't cringe my way through the fic this time!! :D
curiosity three
writing is iffy because i'm mixing two different writing styles together
HOWEVER i LOVE the h/c in this therefore it is so far my favorite chapter :D
"tommy calm down, it's just a drink, see?" is just WJKEJFNRDNF i love it for no reason :D the interactions in this i admit are really nice
curiosity four
supposed to be an exiting chapter but tbh i did not execute that too well
uhh yippeee he's out!!!
curiosity five
mmm mm m mmmm idk how to feel about this one
very fast paced i will admit
this whole series is so fucking rushed 😭
curiosity six
meh
dialogue is pretty cool tho
overall this series is rushed and poorly made lmaooo
wilbur chocolate 1
okay this is pretty good
not lovely but it's readable and i honestly love this au so i'm not gonna diss it too hard
wilbur chocolate 2
i like this one
dialogue go brrr
also i feel like i executed wil's panic semi-well? i definitely made him have some trust in tommy way too soon but yk
i'll run away and hide with you
ehhh there's nothing technically wrong with it,,,,,
no real comments it's fine ig
spy au: unofficial prologue
idk there's nothing wrong with it like this fic !! :D
2022 summer exchange
again too rushed i need to draw out trust it doesn't happen in two minutes!!!
"you're pretty" makes me happy tho. don't ship dnf too hard but i like it :DD
ghosts are better than humans
writing is iffy but it's cute !!
company & repairs 1
first fic and it's mid. i got fanart for it though, that's pretty cool :D (i toooootally didn't ask for it, i got it just by pure chance. totally!)
mm i could've written his injuries better
i like my use of internal questions
dude in my earlier fics i was so scared to write like product names and the word "scream" and "yell" bc i didn't want it to come off as cringe like wth that is literally so bad
i let go, when i should've held tighter/an inconvenience, at best 1
typos are bad. bad bad.
writing can 100% be difficult
ended up deleting it to redo it bc after all this worldbuilding i need to redo some things :)
also dialogue is everything but accurate
never fucking again.
ok ummm i could've done his pain a lot better
i've gotten better at writing mental health so i'm going to rewrite this someday
but to be fair i wrote this alongside many other things that day---i was doing a bet,,,,
writing is actually kind of decent and i love how chill tommy is lmaooo "well, he fucked that one up" "at least he got his powers working"
apart from thattt i LOVE this au and am excited to write the first chapter :D
oh, george
okay time to see all the hype around this. 93 notes???? this better be good
not worth all the notes (sosososo grateful for those btw almost 100 notes that is AWESOME) but i can see why it was liked. i can usually tell if this community will eat smth up or not,,,
don't fall
i liked that
definitely my favorite so far
writing is decent and it's fluffy so i like it :DD good job me C:<
heavy is the head that gets no sleep
mm cute i like it :D
top for sure
2022 secret santa: too good to be true
okay the idea for this was like actually awesome, i loved having dream like kinda do into that trance thingy and having it fade in later. and i like how i incorporated "bitter stares" into it.
however there's a severe lack of dialogue and the action is drawn out, far too short and not properly there
it also felt rlly short so there's that,,,
the act of making noise 1
i like this one! it could be a little bit better but tbh it's a good au and i like the writing a lot more than some of my other fics so it s a win from me :D
i also think i has a nice flow to it? that could just be me tho
counting down the seconds
v bad i can see why this didn't do too well
deleting it cause this au is on hiatus,, might give it out as a prompt now :D
uhh writing wasn't too good and it was very boring, way too long asw,,,
mere monstrosity
I LOVED THAT??
it's actually well written??
WRITING SHANE IS SO FUN HIS DIALOGUE IS THE BEST----
this is such an underrated fic of mine istggg
top fics for sureee
sfdjsdjgdnf SHANE'S DIALOGUEEEE!!!!! I WILL GLADDLY WRITE MORE OF HIM!!
the little things (written)
badly written, fluffy, one of my oldest fics
cory's notes give me life tho <333 "your writing makes me feel warm" AJGFSAJDGEFJDNF i love cory smsm :D
shroud, you savior?
eh
good fic idea, poorly executed
and oh my god in my earlier fics i'm realizing how oblivious i was to how puncuation worked, especially for my dialogueeeeeee!! it makes me feel terrible reading it,,,,,
also the amount of fluff-to-angst ratio is good, but again i need to write panic better,,,,
hush 1
YES! I LIKE THIS! to be fair it's my newest fic but STILL i like this a lot!!!
good angst, suspense could be a tiiiny bit better but i still rlly like this!!! top fic for sure C:<
switched
fluff. fluff fluff fluff. writing aside the mouthplay scenes are the best things ever i am so happy this exists !!!!!!!!!
wow i have an excruciating number of fics. i did not like reading them :'D
tier list time >:D (more under cut)
Keep reading
hush 1 (writing, dialogue, plot, everything is good imo)
don't fall (if the writing for this was better it'd be #1 !! the fluff, this entire au in general, "i won't hurt you" mmmm this is a yummy fic !!!)
mere monstrosity (speaks for itself. i loved this fic! it's a bit rocky in the beginning but i just love shane sm <3)
the act of making noise 1 (YES this is good. the overall plot is iffy but i like chapter one so far, hopefully i can take this au in the right direction !!)
curiosity killed the cat 3 ("it's just a drink, see?" mm yummy)
heavy is the head that gets no sleep (prime boys my belovedd)
spy au: unofficial prologue (i just have a thing for spy!dnf <33)
wilbur chocolate 2 (like i said, dialogue go brrrr, and it's actually a decent sequel. wilbur chocolate beloved asw >:D)
wilbur chocolate 1 (angst beloved)
ghosts are better than humans (it's simple. i didn't overdo it,,,)
i let go when i should've held tighter/spy au 1 (spy au belovedd!!!)
never fucking again (love this au sm, my opinion is swayed again)
switched (tinies overcoming their fear of getting nommed is such a high trope for me,,,)
oh, george (my opinion is swayed bc of the tiktok it's based off of)
2022 secret santa: too good to be true (honestly despite my lack of flow & dialogue its pretty good)
2022 summer exchange (honestly idk why i don't rlly like this---i'm making a part two so some part of me should enjoy it?)
shroud, you savior? (ok this fic is an era to me it brings back positive memories :] also ppl like this so i meannn)
curiosity killed the cat 2 (he and wilbur talk, what's not to like? i like this chapter a lot actually)
the little things (little streamer au my belovedd)
curiosity killed the cat 6 (everything is revealed!!!! and wilbur not being able to really do anthing cause a. he's in tommy's storage and b. he's a traitor, kidnapper and villain in tommy's eyes)
i'll run away and hide with you (idkkkk why i don't like this either. to be fair nothing's really wrong with it,,)
company & repairs 1 (again memories and also idk this was my first fic, i think nostalgia is helping my decision)
curiosity killed the cat 4 (he gets out, that's pretty cool)
counting down the seconds (eeeehhh this used to be a cool au of mine but that was before i just stopped working on it and i realized it wasn't that cool,,)
curiosity killed the cat 1 (No.)
i switched these around so much lmaoo but i was dead set on the last two. curiosity was so bad wtf??
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linhmiu201 · 1 year
Text
I played V's After Ending again... Don't know how many times I've come back to Mystic Messenger just for more suffering. I can never escape from this angst hell, sigh. OTL
People weren't kidding when they said the Forgive End is really easy to get. 3 years ago I got it without relying on guide, 3 years later I still get stuck in it... Gosh I tried to be hostile to Rika as much as possible but I messed up JUST because I chose the choices that express concern for the Choi twins. I hate that in order to get the Judge End, you'll need to be a bitch with V (burn his letters, suspect V of rescuing Rika, talk about burning his possessions one by one if he doesn't come back in a year...), ignore the members' mental health, i.e. don't ask about Saeran, don't worry for Saeyoung, don't comfort Yoosung... In other words, don't be a freaking normal human being and just seething with anger. This is no difference from Rika, and that's not what I wanted. Why is it so hard to throw her to jail?
What funny is that I remembered choosing a lot of "harsh" options about Rika in my first playthrough, such as: interrupting her self-pity party, expressing the desire to bring her to court, i.e. refusing to be guilt tripped, which should lead to Jugde End, but the game still decided I would forgive her...? Wth I never knew I was such an angel to Rika? :) And this time in the first episode, I only got 6 or 7 choices 'wrong'. Why am I still end up forgiving her? OTL I know that each episode is short, it's not a whole day so every choice counts, but isn't this proves how much Cheritz wants us to forgive Rika? Some of the choices that lead to Judge End - which is treated as bad end - was like: 'She’s not wandering about our sight to make us feel sorry for her and forgive her, is she? '; 'That’s right. Some people need stop doing wrong things unless they’re properly judged.'; 'That’s nothing compared to what she’s done.'; 'All of those bad things happened because of Rika.'; 'I wish we could get rid of her quickly and return to our happy lives.'; 'Couldn’t you tell us sooner? ' (About Saeran might be alive); 'Don’t stand there crying. This is all because of you.'; 'You’ve already chosen to be a parent. You have no excuse to make up excuses.'; 'Wherever he is, he’ll never get to see you again.' Cheritz please reminds me why are they bad again? =.= These options speak nothing but the truth in my eyes.
And I notice even though sometimes there are more than 2 options, but according to the guide I read, the third option (or even fourth?) is lean towards either judge or forgive (with more than half of it goes to 'forgive'), it's not truly neutral. I would have love a third ending where you get to yell at Rika for being a bitch like she is, then have the option to forgive her and she still gets her redemption arc in jail heh. _(:3」∠)_ Cuz rather than Judge and Forgive, it's more like Cheritz wants to slap us with the label "Blame or Forget". =.=
Anyway, I think I gotta farm some HGs and reset this After Ending, cause I'm starting to like the Judge End more and can't stand having this Episode 1 remain as 'forgive'. I already gave up the idea of romancing V after his route, only wanted to stay friends with him, so I can't be bothered even if MC and V don't get married in Judge End. Not to mention the child that came out of nowhere, I didn't even turn 20 when his AE came out, for crying out loud! Even if there's a 5 years time skip, MC having a child is still a bit too much for me.
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nvrtrust-naims · 1 year
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im such a genius
im a creative visionary
what the actual hell
all my ideas are so good wth wth wth wth
(ive was struck w such creativity last night while i was shifting/daydreaming LIKE I HAD BEEN DAYDREAMING FOR LIKE 4 FUCKING HOURS AT THAT POINT n like then it hit me — it rlly hit me)
the zombie fucking apocalypse. its so (sparkles n ahhs — basically im cumming like my brain is on such a high im such a fucking genius)
why do i make so many good ideas right when i need them like this is so crazy
honestly the one daydream verse ive been stuck on lately got a little boring n was honestly getting way too close to what my real life is like but THIS OH THIS AHHHHHHH
the zombie apocalypse twist is legit all i needed n now im better like catch me (please dont im embarrassed) daydreaming on all my car rides, whenever i possibly can, n from the hours 10pm to 3am (or 4 if i feel like school a particular bitch that day)
— i stepped away for like an hr or two from writing this to daydream on the ride home if that helps w context or sumn —
i should start daydreaming from 4pm until midnight or 4am again omg im so back into that energy nnngghhhh i want to i want to i want to
but no — cause i am a fulltime student, sibling, friend, and club member i cant jus go full daydream girl until summer — like ik i hate summer (not the season — i love the heat n the summer vibe — i hate the time of year like those specific sets of months n the holidays in them) it the free days for months literally sets me so free
ill be gone 80% of the day for months like full on months n the days blur together n shit n sometimes ill jus sleep or daydream for like 24 hrs or more its so crazy
but tbh im gonna check what i have to do tmmrw n if it doesnt sound particularly important
 mmmm im gonna either halfway do it or ignore it to go back to daydreaming beCAUSE IVE STUMBLED ON GOLD AHHHHH ITS SO GOOD actually its not even that diff from b4 but like its sm better idk why im such a genius
this is the sign that im manic again.
n now (bc i took up your time) a collection of current vibes —
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this high is pretty up there like on a scale from 1-10 its def a 7 or an 8 its rlly giving — so i think the low that comes after im done being hyper n manic is gonna be rlly low just in time for finals exams n other important end of yr shit 😭😭
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inbetweenhours · 1 year
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short ramble i uploaded the second and legally final chapter of Who Am I That I Should Get To Hold You and I’m rereading the whole thing after i got my first comment on the second chapter and just,,,,
 god idk what to do with this because writing is such a pain and its technically done but I have 3 rough outlines for a resolving chapter 3 where Tubbo and Q reunite and Tubbo is found out by the sbi his origins and we get some kind of justice for them all with the cabinet duo reunion but every outline doesn't feel quite right and its because chapter 2 was supposed to end with Tubbo meeting w Q and resolving but then chapter 2 was already twice as long as chapter one before i ever had the chance to begin a resolution. So it ends okay for Tubbo with no resolution for Q. And its because the structure of the two chapters was supposed to be a shift in pov. chapter 1 is qs struggle and chapter 2 is tubbos struggle post Q telling him to leave. Chapter 3 existing at all throws a wrench in my plans because i want to balance the pov, and not just switch back to one of them. On top of this that world has so much going on behind the scenes i never mentioned and never will in universe because its not relevant! I don’t think I ever explain what Orpheus/Wilburs powers really are, or Technos. Ranboo is mentioned offhandedly by Tommy in chapter two as another kid Phil has let stay before. Theres a whole unexplored plot wth that! Techno’s parents were supervillains, and he spent a lot of time after meeting Phil realising that and learning to stop defending them and THAT is why he jumps to conclusions about Tubbo’s story and why he doesn’t believe him when he talks well about Q or his dad or anyone else from before. There was an unexplored concept in my brain that I don’t love as a solid plot idea but as a concept the idea of Wilbur and Phil meeting and charming death to bring Sally back is a thought I had! Sally in general is an entirely unexplored idea because she is backstory fodder, dead as the plot begins.  idk this fix just leaves me with a lot of thoughts and i dont really do dsmp anymore and I just needed to get that chapter out but i do like the story and the world and i just didn’t have the energy to put into it... idk 
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wodenscild · 1 year
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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
Felt the need to scream for a second. Now i need to know how tf Nosoul is capable of making art in Microsoft Paint. Like that program is a pain is the ass.
Also i have been chatting with Fenix about my story (yes i call it that it does not have a name yet) and now I'm working on the designs of the important characters in gacha and then I'll draw them (probably without color but still)
Aaand nvm people have invaded my space. Ah shit i forgot to eat- THOSE BITCHES DID NOT JUST- HOW DARE THEY?!
I'm going to meetup with MA2 today :D so i have some food saved up, really he does not get enough food. So i have a sandwich and a cookie for them and those MOTHERF4ERSS TROED TO STEAL MY FOOD. I'm leaving this spot, i have been invaded.
I'd like to just eat my food in peace without some boys from the first year annoying me. That'd be nice.
Also like 3/4 of the classes i would ussualy take today- the teachers of those are either sick or teaching a different class so less stuff to do today :D
Also a while ago frog thought i was his brother "Rashe" turns out he reffers to me as his brother. So i guess he was right but my name isn't Rashe? Wth is he thinking??
Jesus Christ people need to stop invaded my personal space now i have to move again
The next ask will contain what i see as "pirate accent" and who knows it might be Australian talk but under a different name? :D i would put it in this ask but MY LESSON OH SHITTT
-Mystery anon 1
HEY ANON!!! I AM SO SORRY FOR NOT REPLYING TO YOUR ASKS SOONER A LOT HAS BEEN HAPPENING- ESPECIALLY WITH THAT OERSON I HAVE BEEN TALKING TO OMGS- for the past few nights we have been giving each other mini lectures about what we study at university! AND IT IS SO CUTE AND WHOLESOME ALL OF THR SUDDEN I CANT TELL WHAT KIND OF ATTRACTION I HAVE WIYH HER ALL I KNOW IS THAT I WANT TO HAVE HER IN MY LIFE ToT
It is so so cute too omgs- she spent yesterday reorganising her room ready for me to come in <33 she has been floating the idea of us getting our own appartment some time next year <33 she wants to meet my family (we are gonna try to organise that next month)- & we having a study call/date this afternoon & I am just vv !!! right now-
I really wanna meet her family too they sound amazing ToT her brother is funny- & her ma is so beloved- massive Hindu. When she & her bro were younger & playing Minecraft together, their ma would come by asking them not to kill the cows & to instead eat carrots <3 <3 it might be a bit rash but gods I hope their family loves me- it makes me both giddy & nervous to think about-
ALSO WTF KIND OF SCHOOL ARE YOU AT WHERE PEOPLE STWAL YOUR FOOD THEY ARE SO FERAL???? WHAT???? LMAOOOO
ALSO THAT IS ADORABLE YOU ARE FROG’S LITTLE BROTHER THAT IS SO CUTE ToT SIBLINGS <33 Maybe Rashe is his nickname for you?? Also I am gonna call you Rashe here after-
Btw all I can think about are swim shirts & the ocean with that name- cos we call those kinds of shirts rashies here in Australia! Why? I think cos they can give you a rash if you wear them? DODOALSK it is funny
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zuluc · 3 years
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1am thoughts let’s goo taken inspo from an ask i got a few months ago that i have to find again
adeptus xiao had lost many of his friends during the archon war, years and years before coming to the time he resides at wangshu inn. he’s fine, content, okay in his isolation, but there’s that feeling he’s carried with him for centuries. a feeling that he can’t get rid of because he can’t heal it. a feeling of loneliness that is only cured by making connections to those he meets.
but what point does it have once those he cherishes will go as quickly as the others went? they may be mortal or immortal, but it doesn’t change the possibilities. so he says nothing. creates no relation to anyone.
the traveler comes and he’s most certain they aren’t even human or at least of a human life-span. they’re much older than they look and the aura they give off is one of experience through countless places not limited to the bounds of Teyvat. he makes an exception here.
but to his surprise, there is one other person he never would have thought to see again. after the war, the disappearances of many he held close was something he has to accept. but your was the most difficult.
hailing as another adepti, though not a yaksha, under Rex Lapis you too fought the war with the strength you could provide. a dendro user you were, one connected to the nature of the earth, hurt by the destruction against the once blossoming fields. your protection and persistence with life aided your fight and helped your companions.
though you fell. you fell down onto the earth after a blow unseen by you or your comrades. it knocked out all your fight and stunned your senses until all you could feel was the field burning in the aftermath. the last you could see before your senses faded was a hue of jade and the color of golden irises.
xiao had known you the longest. you were someone special to him, especially after Rex Lapis had taken him in. he felt his, for a lack of a better term, youth in some ways return to him. you were a delight and he found himself seeking your presence almost everyday whether that be for a walk, a spar, or simply company. your vision provided you with the ability of plants and nature to which you took it upon yourself to jokingly make him flower crowns. he wore them proudly without any insistence.
now he could have nothing more with you after this and he was devastated.
and then you woke, but you were unsure how much time had passed. clues were given about from the new grass you could feel under your fingertips and the sounds from the clear blue waters below. your gaze trickles down to confirm the streams but also the distance to which you were from the actual ground.
you’re on a mountaintop it seems, isolated in your own little area. you look up to see birds soaring in circles on the higher tops and a beacon of light shining into the sky. surely, this was still home? despite not knowing the passage of time there were still aspects of the geography you were familiar with. your brain racks itself for anything really until your hand grazes something behind you.
you turn and feel the petals of a qingxin flower.
a smile subconsciously grazes your lips at the thought of that activity and the memories associated with a particularly stoic male and his adorable accessory. but that feeling of joy also sparks a feeling of worry.
was he alright? did he live? what about the others? ganyu, rex lapis? where were they? you, of course, were still unsure of your own life coming back but thanking the archons in the moment was all you could do.
regardless, you had to find him, right?
your question answers itself when a gust of wind passes by you. in a split second you are startled by the image of him, his mask and all. you’re tempted to reach out and touch it but you’d hate to feel nothing at all. maybe it was better to see but you swear he’s standing in front of you right now. what a mean trick your mind decided to play. it wouldn’t be that easy.
it was easier than he had thought. the waiting game was one xiao had to play for a long time and he had no choice but to continue its run. during his patrols, he has the small thought to look out for anything more green than it should be, perhaps, a shining green vision, or a polearm similar to his own. wishful thinking has never been one of his strong suits.
being realistic was. his search to find anyone he knew had come to an end years ago, but there was a shift in the atmosphere he most certainly could not ignore. not when it felt like you. so he acted, he rushed, he flew to wherever it was and found it.
so he reaches out to cup your face and relief, agony, and sorrow wash over him in intense waves. your face is warm through his gloves but he doesn’t blink, afraid you’ll leave his sights all too soon.
so you reach out as well, your hand placed on the mask to carefully pull it aside. underneath, you melt at the golden irises you’ve always adored. tears burn behind your eyes but you don’t care. not when you are certain he is here and certain that he’s alright.
xiao leans forward, sending his spear away so he can hold you with both hands, pressing his forehead to yours before finally closing his eyes.
i missed you.
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haircoveredwriter · 3 years
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Some thoughts after watching 11x06 "On the Inside". I'll put it beneath a break because there's more than I thought to my mindless rambling.
Okay so they're going with a straight horror movie intro but skipping the usual 'we're having such a good time out here in the woods...wait, something it out here too'
Both LR and KC do a really good terrified for their lives
Also have to say Virgil really seems to have stepped up since we met him because dude can actually take out walkers now. Good job, sir. Never stop learning.
More of Leah walking around amoungst a group of people and having no real reason to be there or contribute anything to the scene. 🙄
Damn, Hondo! Stop pulling at Frost's nails! I can't rip half mine off at work without feeling like Hershel when Rick chopped his leg. Fingers and toes always make thigs worse.
Chokeholds are illegal, Daryl. Someone needs to have him watch his own earlier seasons.
The conversation beneath the conversation between Daryl and Frost is spot on and super interesting.
Daryl's like 'look...I'm going to have to chop your finger off but it's for a good reason. Gonna save your life and who knows, maybe one of these weirdos has a Govenor closet somewhere and they'll let you take it home with you.'
Plus him taking off the vest was WAY more entralling than it needed to be, but I'm a woman with eyes so don't judge me. 👀😍(Enthralling? yup, that's what we'll go with)
It's a definite sign Daryl's not all team Reapers because he's basically taking off/hiding who he really is to fit in with his crazy ex-girlfriend's new posse.
Though my science schooling is giving how little blood there is from the amputation the side eye. Guess Frost just willed his blood some place else.
Am I crazy or is the music playing while Daryl torutres Frost the same that was playing in 10x07 while Carol tortured the Whisperer? Coincedence??đŸ€”
Evil Monopoly man seems like he enjoys playing games with his people.
If Connie looking in the mirror is not me everyday I wake-up😏
GUYS! There were medical scissors in the medicine cabinet. You know what this means??? Queen Beth is gonna rise from the dead and save Vonnie all while less half a brain. LOL.
whoever belongs to that eye in the hole needs to get checked for jaundice.
Ofc the pencil breaks when Connie TRULY needs it. Fate really has it in for her, screwing her over with one of her most trusted friends.
These Reapers have no idea do they about how to sneak up on a building without being seen. Maybe they need it to be night before their powers activate. Funny Leah is in charge when she's the least believable one there.
Daryl pretending to be a cat hiding behind a plant with that mailbox...no one can see you my friend. You're good.
Carver and Leah remind me of the evil version of Caryl and Daryl.
They obviously have something going on and/or had a thing in Daryl's abscence. All those "Always" remarks sound an awful lot like The Princess Bride's "As you wish".
Yup, Carver is uber jealous of Daryl. Leaver is setting sail ya'll.🚱
Carol strolling in to find Kelly stuck in the mud with her casual "need some help" is perfection. I actually lol'd.
AT is also SUCH and underrated and underutilized actress on this show, I need more Kelly on my screen because she needs to be protected like the sweet cinnamon role she is.
WTH is with this episode, they really out here trying to start a bunch of new ships or something? I'm down for Vonnie.
He's so into you, Connie. Who else is gonna keep talking to you knowing you can't hear them but needing to vocalize how much more important they see you to themselves.
Oh, come on...he's said her name in this ep more times than anyone has in the last season. He's trying to rival Daryl for saying Carol's name in s10.
So in case you're keeping track...we now have Vonnie and Leaver riding the crazy shipping seas.📃
Great... more posturing about who cares about Leah more.đŸ€ź Carver you aren't getting it; Daryl's been phoning it in since Day 1, he's not a threat just wait it out and he'll audios up out of here to go find his fire queen back home.
Leah's even telling Daryl "stop pissing of my secret boyfriend okay?"
Note to everyone: a dancing phone line is the sign to run to the basement and not a sign of an overeager squirrel running across the line for his acorns.
So the jaundice family watched The Ring too many times and think this is how all the cool kids act in horror flicks. All they keep saying is 'hungry'; Connie, Virgil, someone get them a Mars bar and it'll be done.
A+ fight put up by Virgil. He's been taking some classes during the lockdowns to better himself.
The Reapers are HORRIBLE military folk. How do ya'll not see Maggie & co leaving when you have people on the perimeter for the sole purpose of finding runners?! Do not hire them. 1 star on Yelp.
Yup I'm all over Vonnie. That "together" stuff was by far the shippiest thing we've seen all season.
And their reunion hug through the walll .... guuurl.
walker guts trick again: the express version
why do I feel like they could do a mini spin off of just a little war going on between the walkers and those jaundice mo-fos? Then one of the walkers falls for a crawler girl but her family thinks he's from the wrong side of the yellow house and don't like how he thinks he's better because he's taller than all of them.
Kelly found Connie! So happy this storyline ended with the 2 people the arc was truly about; the 2 sisters finding each otherafter years of the show hating siblings.
Now can we finish with Carol's self-hatred stuff and let her heal? We know Daryl is gonna be finished with his "gotta save 'em all" issues soon so it would be fantastic if they could finally be on the same baggage free playing field. Just a thought Kang.
Overall I thought it was a good episode. Only a few things I would nitpick ie. limited Carol, cheesy music during some of the haunted house bits, and the reapers need to go back to basic training and learn some stuff and thangs.
Ofc the spoilers beforehand were blown way out of proportion though I'm not surprised. I didn't go in expecting to see what was foretold and thankfully the spirit Gods prevailed again in defeating the overreaction we go through EVERY episode.
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bestworstcase · 4 years
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What are your opinions on the whole "Cassandra is a toxic friend for Rapunzel" or "Rapunzel and Cass's friendship was a toxic one" statements?
so.
first of all, “toxic” is one of those buzzwords that gets tossed around on a lot in online spaces and as always with those, i think it’s important to clarify precisely what i mean. the formal definition of “toxic relationship” as phrased by dr. lillian glass, who coined the term, is: 
any relationship [between people who] don’t support each other, where there’s conflict and one seeks to undermine the other, where there’s competition, where there’s disrespect and a lack of cohesiveness.
toxicity in a relationship doesn’t necessarily stem from abuse (although all abusive relationships are toxic; rectangles and squares, etc). sometimes, it’s just that two people aren’t good for each other, or don’t mesh well, or have other things going on that make it so they can’t do the work necessary to build a sustainable relationship. regardless of the root cause, though, all toxic relationships:
- create persistent stress, unhappiness, discomfort, anxiety, anger, malaise, or resignation, instead of creating joy,
- may catalyze or exacerbate mental health issues of people trapped in them,
- make communication between participants difficult or impossible,
- warp interpersonal boundaries within the relationship, and
- have a detrimental effect on attachments outside the relationship.
so with our term defined, do cass and rapunzel have a toxic friendship?
yeah.
but—and this is the controversial part of my Opinionℱ lol—it’s rapunzel, not cassandra, who’s the toxic friend. 
as i see it, there are two major problems here: 
#1: rapunzel has no respect for cassandra’s boundaries.
one idea i see expressed an awful lot in both cass-fan and cass-critical circles is that cassandra isn’t good at communicating her feelings, desires, or needs and frankly... no. i used to kind of nod along with this, but i increasingly just do not agree that this is a general trait of hers.
consider her behavior in season 1.
in before ever after: 
CASS: You can’t let Eugene see you!
RAPUNZEL: What? Why?
CASS: He can’t know anything about last night! I told you, Rapunzel, if it gets out I took you outside Corona, I’m done for.
RAPUNZEL: But I trust Eugene.
CASS: Well I don’t. [beat] My Dad will have me taken off princess detail. We’ll never see each other again.
cass states a boundary plainly and directly, and explains her reasoning so that rapunzel will understand why it’s so important to her that rapunzel keep their excursion a secret. 
in what the hair: 
CASS: Raps, I told you, we can’t tell anyone about that night!
RAPUNZEL: Um, Cass, I think the secret’s pretty much out.
CASS: Yeah, yeah, everyone know’s the hair’s back—but if anyone found out I was the one who snuck you out when it happened, I would be sent to a convent. Literally a convent.
RAPUNZEL: Well... I have to tell Eugene.
CASS: No, no, no no—as far as he knows, you... just woke up that morning with long hair.
RAPUNZEL: But Eugene is my boyfriend! We tell each other everything!
CASS: I know this is a lot to ask, but I can’t risk it. Please, don’t tell Eugene.
again, cass is upfront in asking rapunzel to keep this secret from her. she even acknowledges that she’s asking a lot from rapunzel, but her livelihood and home are dependent on this secret staying secret, and cass spells this out as clearly as possible for rapunzel. 
then, when eugene tries to guilt-trip rapunzel into telling him the secret, cass cuts in to emphasize—again—why she doesn’t want him to know: “I don’t trust you. You have a big mouth,” a statement she backs up with multiple examples just from the week or so since BEA.
and later in the episode: 
RAPUNZEL: This isn’t right, Cassandra! I have to tell Eugene.
CASS: No! Rapunzel, I want to trust you. And I trust that you trust Eugene, but I don’t trust Eugene, and if I can’t trust Eugene, I can’t trust you, and you’re just going to have to trust me. [beat] Trust me, that logic tracks. 
the gag of course is that this is not an especially eloquent way of stating her point, but the reasoning here does in fact track: cassandra’s safety depends on keeping their excursion secret, and she doesn’t trust eugene’s ability or willingness to protect her by keeping the secret, therefore she is asking—really, begging, at this point—rapunzel not to tell him.
cassandra’s communication on this point is always crystal clear. she empathizes with rapunzel’s discomfort keeping the secret from eugene, she understands why rapunzel feels that way, and she repeatedly and clearly asks rapunzel to prioritize cassandra’s safety over her own discomfort. 
and rapunzel refuses. in the final scene of what the hair, rapunzel checks to make sure that cassandra isn’t paying attention, then tells eugene the truth. his gut reaction is to cheer because oho cass is in for it now, and of course raps shuts this down—but she doesn’t care that she just betrayed cassandra’s trust. she’s just relieved that she’s no longer hiding anything from eugene. 
now, we don’t get to see cassandra’s reaction to this, but cass is standing right there, and even if she didn’t hear rapunzel telling him the secret, she would certainly have heard eugene crowing about getting her into trouble. there is no way she doesn’t realize what just happened. 
it’s not brought up again in the next few episodes, so we can assume that cass simply decided to let it slide. rapunzel doesn’t mean any harm, after all, and she got eugene to promise not to spill the beans. it is what it is. cass just has to hope neither of them tell anyone else.
and this brings us to the next time cass tries to establish a boundary with rapunzel, in challenge of the brave.
now in this situation, there’s no danger to cassandra. she just wants to participate in the challenge and she’s simply not keen on the idea of competing alongside rapunzel.
but... remember what happened the last time cass laid down a boundary with rapunzel? not just any boundary, but a boundary about something that was a significant and immediate threat to cassandra’s safety? remember how carefully and clearly she explained herself to rapunzel, how she pleaded for rapunzel to protect her by keeping the secret—only for rapunzel to glibly do the one thing cass begged her not to do?
in challenge of the brave, cassandra knows that rapunzel won’t listen to her stated boundaries even when cassandra’s whole life in the palace is at stake. and the stakes are not that high with the challenge, not by a long shot, so what does cass do when rapunzel tries to tag along?
RAPUNZEL: I wanna sign up!
CASS: You mean compete?!
RAPUNZEL: Let’s do it together! 
[excited kid babble]
CASS: That would be fun... but I’m not so sure that’s the best idea...
RAPUNZEL: I’m brave! And I’m always up for a challenge!
CASS: But th- the thing is, the Challenge is by invitation only, so you can’t do it. Oh, man, ughh, rules are rules!
RAPUNZEL: Aw, okay. But you can always count on me to cheer you on!
first, cass drops a large hint that she really is not enthused about the idea of competing in the challenge with rapunzel. she’s clearly hoping that raps will pick up on her disinterest and back off on her own (and if rapunzel were more socially astute, she probably would, because cass is... not subtle). 
but when this doesn’t work, instead of saying outright that she wants to do the challenge by herself, cass scrambles and makes up a lie to prevent rapunzel from entering. why? well, rapunzel didn’t listen to her when the stakes were “i will be sent to a convent,” so she has no reason to think rapunzel will listen to her when the stakes are “this is just something i want to do by myself.” 
this happens again when rapunzel is making cass uncomfortable before the challenge begins; in contrast to BEA/WTH, cass is visibly uncomfortable being open about her feelings with rapunzel now, so she says “Why don’t you go find Eugene in the stands?” instead of being direct about what she wants.
now of course, all this falls apart when rapunzel discovers the lie and decides to sign up for the challenge at the last minute. cass reacts quite badly to this, with her frustration and hurt feelings bubbling up more and more throughout the challenge. but like, at this point, what is she supposed to do? rapunzel is in the ring. she’s going to be in the challenge whether cass likes it or not, and when rapunzel first enters, cass tries really hard to grit her teeth and be a good sport about it.
she just... can’t, because the challenge means too much to her. it represents her life outside of being rapunzel’s servant, and rapunzel joining in and effortlessly succeeding at things cass has trained hard for feels like rapunzel taking that away from her.
all of which eventually culminates in... this: 
RAPUNZEL: Wait, stop! We’re supposed to be friends!
CASS: A friend wouldn’t be so oblivious, Rapunzel. You have no idea what this contest means to me! I mean, you’re a princess, you’ve got nothing to prove. To you, this was just a fun way to blow off a Saturday, but to me, it was a chance to show everyone that I am more than just your lady-in-waiting. And just when I thought I might get even the slightest bit of respect... Never mind.
cass spends the whole day bottling these feelings up, but when she does finally snap, she is able to clearly and succinctly express what her problem is. and though this isn’t explicitly stated, it seems likely to me that cassandra didn’t say any of this earlier because she assumed rapunzel wouldn’t care. when raps says “I respect you, I look up to you!” cass is visibly taken aback. 
and this is super important!! because rapunzel listens. even though cass tried to brush off her own feelings, rapunzel sees what her problem was, understands her, and immediately offers her a true, heartfelt apology. this matters to cass. this is why she lets go of her anger, and why she’s able to gracefully accept rapunzel’s victory a few minutes later. she’s not just seeing that rapunzel really does care for her, she’s also seeing a marked change from how rapunzel treated her in BEA/WTH. she’s seeing a signal from rapunzel that rapunzel DOES care about her boundaries after all.
like with the BEA/WTH incident, this leads into the next time cass expresses a boundary with rapunzel, in under raps. 
in under raps, the stakes are super high again: cass is a key player in a dangerous game of espionage with an insurgent who’s going to attempt to steal top secret information that would put all of corona in danger if it fell into the wrong hands. and cass is doing this on top of all her duties as a lady-in-waiting and a maid, during an obnoxious holiday that she’s not a fan of in general, so she’s pretty damn stressed.
anyway, at the beginning of the episode, cass is very open about how she feels about the day of hearts, and when rapunzel tries to “fix” this, cass makes her disinterest clear—first politely, and then more pointedly when rapunzel doesn’t take the hint: “I don’t have time right now. You two have fun though, okay?” → “Will you just stop, Rapunzel?” and, when rapunzel continues to push: 
CASS: Look, Raps, I get what you’re doing, and I appreciate it, but I’m fine.
RAPUNZEL: Cass, no! Something is clearly wrong; you never wanna hang out, you keep disappearing, you don’t even want to beat up Eugene!
CASS: I’m dealing with... some stuff. Stuff I’m not ready to share–but when I am ready, you’ll be the first person I go to. Trust me.
here, as in BEA/WTH, cassandra has no trouble articulating what she wants from rapunzel. she doesn’t elaborate on exactly what’s going on, but she is upfront that 1) there is something, 2) she’s not ready to talk about it, 3) she’s planning on telling rapunzel once she’s ready, and 4) she wants rapunzel to stop pushing in the meantime. and... unlike in BEA/WTH, it seems like cass actually trusts rapunzel to listen to her because she’s taken to heart the way rapunzel apologized in COTB.
except... once again, rapunzel ignores her clearly stated boundaries. she’s too curious about what cassandra is up to to wait until cass is ready to share, so she follows cass and spies on her, taking the choice to share out of cassandra’s hands. then, despite recognizing that cassandra is not keen to be open about her relationship with andrew (rapunzel notes to eugene that cass seems “shy” about it), rapunzel decides to push for even more: 
CASS: A double date?!
RAPUNZEL: Yes! They’re four person fun-machines!
CASS: Rapunzel, I appreciate your enthusiasm. I really, really do, but I- I’m not at a place where I wanna go public.
RAPUNZEL: Which is why I’ve come up with an itinerary of private activities for us.
CASS: [sighing] But we really aren’t that serious yet.
RAPUNZEL: No problem! We’ll keep it short and sweet, then!
cass is withholding some information here—but it’s information that really needs to be withheld. state secrets and intrigue on this level is not something you go around casually telling your friend, especially if that friend has a history of revealing important secrets. 
that issue aside, though, cass is once again very straightforward here. she doesn’t want to go on a double date. she doesn’t want her relationship with andrew to be made public, because it isn’t serious. but every time cass draws a line, rapunzel modifies her proposal to “accommodate” the reason cass gives for saying no (don’t want to go public? that’s fine, we’ll do private activities. you’re not that serious yet? okay, we’ll only do a few casual things) instead of just accepting the no, until cass relents.
it’s also worth noting that when cass relents, she agrees to dinner—but rapunzel acts like she’s agreed to everything on the itinerary, plus a hot air balloon ride. when cass says “This double date needs to end now,” and “As soon as the balloon touches down, I’d like to be alone with [Andrew],” Rapunzel tries to protest: “But we haven’t even gotten to the tandem horseback ride yet.” 
and finally, after all this, when rapunzel interrupts, putting both herself and cass in serious danger and enabling andrew to get away with the journal, cassandra has no problem telling rapunzel how she feels: 
CASS: You know, after the exposition debacle, this was my big chance to prove to my Dad I have what it takes to be a guard. But you messed that all up, Rapunzel!
RAPUNZEL: Well, ugh, maybe if you had told me what you were planning, I wouldn’t have messed it up!
CASS: I couldn’t count on you not letting anything slip!
RAPUNZEL: Hey! I can keep things to myself!
CASS: Oh, yeah? Kinda like when you told Eugene about the night we snuck out? 
RAPUNZEL: How did you know about—
CASS: Or when you told your Dad about those rocks I showed you?!
RAPUNZEL: I had to! He was gonna—
CASS: And how’d your mom find out who ate her last chocolate truffle? Hm?
RAPUNZEL: I turned myself in! The guilt was just—
CASS: Look, Raps, you’re my best friend. But you’re a sharer. It’s in your nature. And I’m fine with that, but you’ll have to be fine with respecting things I want to keep to myself. 
RAPUNZEL: Even if those things have life-threatening consequences?
CASS: Okay, in my defense, no one’s life was really threatened until you showed up. 
RAPUNZEL: ...You’re right. Alright, tell you what, let’s make a deal. I’ll understand you keeping some things to yourself, if you understand that when something’s bothering you, I’m gonna want to help. You’ve got my back, so let me have yours.
CASS: I suppose I can live with that.
notice... three things here. 
first, not only does rapunzel not apologize, she blames cassandra for her own behavior. cass should have just told her everything from the get go—then she wouldn’t have needed to push, pester, and spy on cassandra to figure out what was going on and she wouldn’t have burst in and ruined the delicate sting operation cassandra was handling. in rapunzel’s mind, the problem isn’t that she didn’t respect cass’s clearly stated boundaries—the problem is that cass didn’t tell her every single detail about why she had those boundaries. 
second, cass explains exactly why she wasn’t forthcoming: rapunzel has an established pattern of spilling important secrets, including important secrets, including secrets that cass expressly asked her not to share with anyone. cassandra didn’t just arbitrarily decide to keep the truth of her “relationship” with andrew a secret—she made a reasonable decision based on her estimation of rapunzel’s ability to keep her mouth shut. an estimation informed by rapunzel’s past behavior. 
and third, rapunzel offers cass a “deal” that boils down to, “i’ll accept that you have boundaries if you accept that i am going to push them.” (she phrases this in a nice way, but based on her behavior in this episode and in future episodes, it is clear that by “help” and “have your back,” rapunzel doesn’t mean “i will back off if you tell me to back off, but i’m always willing to lend a hand if you ask.”) and cass accepts this. 
and... that’s pretty much where the girls stand for the rest of s1-s2. big brothers of corona and to a lesser extent freebird are other episodes where cass lays down a boundary and rapunzel disregards it either in the name of “helping” or because it’s about something she just really, really wants to do. and cass continues to get frustrated and have angry outbursts in response to this behavior, but it never, ever changes.
[i have mentioned this before but the argument that cassandra is a bad friend to rapunzel in s1-s2 because of how “mean” she is, how “cranky,” how she “snaps” or “yells” at rapunzel, or “bullies” her, etc—what this argument ignores is the fact that, with the exception of the time in BEA when she’s panicking over real danger, cass always leads with soft boundaries or polite refusals, escalates to harder, blunter statements when rapunzel ignores her, and snaps/yells/gets angry in response to rapunzel transgressing those more firmly-stated boundaries. cass is not the aggressor in these situations.]
#2: rapunzel can’t or won’t see the power she has over cass.
this disregard for cassandra’s boundaries would be a huge problem on its own, but it’s compounded by another: cassandra is rapunzel’s servant. rapunzel is cassandra’s boss. and not only is rapunzel cassandra’s boss, she’s also the princess of corona. she is a queen-in-training.
their friendship does not, and can not, exist on level ground, because rapunzel has a HUGE degree of authority over cassandra’s life, and at the end of the day... if rapunzel wants them to do something, cassandra can’t say no. her choices are “do what rapunzel says” or “refuse direct orders from the princess of corona.” cassandra is well aware of this—painfully so, at times—and rapunzel is not.
let’s talk about rapunzel and the great tree. 
context: cass had her lifelong dream of joining the royal guard within her grasp at the end of s1. she had just commanded a successful battle against an army of automatons and played a key role in rescuing the queen from her kidnapper. had she chosen to stay in corona, she could have gotten everything she ever wanted. 
instead, she chose to accompany rapunzel on her quest into unknown territory, and the king himself charged her with keeping rapunzel safe during the journey. she takes this duty as seriously as able, but she is undermined constantly and her efforts to steer the group away from dangerous, unnecessary detours are, without exception, ignored. and, because the rest of the group is composed of adventurous people less risk-averse than cass is (and without the burden of responsibility for rapunzel’s safety weighing on their shoulders), cass becomes the group naysayer, the joyless stick-in-the-mud trying to ruin their fun. even rapunzel starts to see her that way, brushing off cass’s concern for her safety at the beginning of RATGT.
this is not a nice position to be in. on top of the boundary problem that has been present since s1, cass is now under a lot of pressure, her friends aren’t treating her very well, and she’s stressed out and unhappy.
RATGT is when all of this comes to a head. adira—whom cass feels, not without merit, has supplanted her as the protector of the group, as rapunzel’s confidant, and as the voice of reason—tells them they must go through the great tree, even though a dangerous enemy (one who already almost killed them, and one whom adira has just admitted she was once affiliated with) lives inside it. cassandra says this sounds like a bad idea to her, and once again, rapunzel overrules her advice.
they enter the tree. adira reveals that the tree once belonged to zhan tiri, and although she assures them the tree is harmless, they still end up in mortal peril twice: first because of the withering incantation, and second because of the giant carnivorous flower that tries to eat eugene, lance, pascal, and maximus. they press on, and after an exhausting hike, they make it to the top of the great tree. adira suggests they camp for the night, cass says no way, that’s a terrible idea. and... well: 
RAPUNZEL: Cass... We could use the rest.
CASS: Rapunzel, this place almost got us killed an hour ago. 
ADIRA: And thankfully, I was there to prevent it.
CASS: You stay out of this, Adira!
ADIRA: I think you should calm down.
CASS: You know what I think? I think you’re playing us. I think you led us here on purpose, and for some sick reason, you wanted Rapunzel to find that incantation and read it.
RAPUNZEL: Come on, Cass, listen to yourself—
CASS: Rapunzel, I’m telling you right now, we need to get out of this tree, but more importantly, we need to lose Adira before she gets us all killed.
RAPUNZEL: I can’t do that, Cass.
CASS: What do you mean you ‘can’t do that’? Of course you can! Are you that obliviously naive that you can’t see—
RAPUNZEL: ENOUGH, Cassandra! No one is getting rid of anyone! Is that clear?
CASS: ...Yes, Your Highness. I’ll keep first watch.
now... this is absolutely not cassandra’s finest moment. she’s upset and acting paranoid and yelling at adira because she’s exhausted, she was drained by the withering incantation an hour ago, and this is six months of frustration and unhappiness all coming to a boil at the worst possible moment. and this is not rapunzel’s finest moment either, because she’s also exhausted and stressed and reacting emotionally to cass’s outburst. neither of them behave well in this argument.
but the key thing to takeaway here is not that they’re both acting irrational and distraught, but that this is the moment when the other shoe drops.
rapunzel is a princess who grew up powerless. not only is she unaccustomed to wielding power, she barely grasps that she has it at all. and while cassandra, her servant, is keenly aware of the class chasm between herself and rapunzel, rapunzel’s ignorance of it—or at least, willingness to ignore it—enabled them to become close friends. it gave cass a level of comfort with rapunzel, and once they were outside of corona, those boundaries got fuzzier.
until rapunzel pulls rank during this argument. 
when rapunzel screams “ENOUGH, Cassandra!” the whole group is visibly shocked and uncomfortable. lance even grimaces. cassandra lets go of rapunzel’s arm and retreats like she’s been stung. no one says anything, no one steps up to defend her—not because she’s in the wrong, but because she crossed the line and directly challenged rapunzel’s authority. and she can’t do that, because rapunzel is the princess, and cass is her servant. and rapunzel is willing to use that authority to shut her down.
that is what makes this moment so painful for cass. when push came to shove, rapunzel treated her like a servant, not a friend. 
but rapunzel... doesn’t understand this. she’s confused about why cass got upset and why cass reacted the way she did during the argument. so when she goes to try to patch things up, she doesn’t actually apologize, and she completely misses the core of why cass is hurt: 
RAPUNZEL: So... Earlier. That got awkward, huh?
CASS: Huh. Which part?
RAPUNZEL: I know it’s been an unusual day...
CASS: You know it’s not just about Adira, right? I mean, she’s a jerk, and I can’t stand her, but it’s just... Since when did you stop trusting my judgment?
RAPUNZEL: Cass. You are the closest thing that I will ever have to a big sister, but I’m not that naive girl fresh out of the tower anymore. I am going to be queen someday, and I can promise you I’m going to make decisions that you’re going to disagree with. And I need you to be okay with that. ...Well... I better get some rest. I’m on the next shift.
rapunzel doesn’t just not apologize for pulling rank while shouting cass down in front of their friends. she tells cass i am the queen, i will make decisions you don’t like, you need to be okay with that. and i think it’s worth noting that this is how cass reacts: 
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cass sort of slumps while rapunzel is talking, but when rapunzel says “I need you to be okay with that,” cassandra pulls herself up, squeezes her eyes shut, and takes a deep breath. and then she makes herself smile.
it’s not a happy smile. it’s not a cheered-up, feeling-better smile. this is the smile of a woman who just opened up to her best friend about one of her deepest insecurities and got told that her feelings don’t matter, her friend is the queen and she just needs to deal with it. so that’s what cass is doing here: she’s sucking it up and dealing with it.
is this the message rapunzel wanted to send? no. but what rapunzel doesn’t get is that her friendship with cass doesn’t exist separately from her relationship with cass as a queen to her servant. any pretense that it could shattered the instant she pulled rank. so while rapunzel is trying to speak as one friend to another here, cassandra responds as a servant.
and now let’s talk about rapunzel: day one. 
cass, of course, gets burnt in the great tree, but that in and of itself doesn’t have anything to do with the question of whether this friendship is toxic or not. the only thing to bear in mind is that, while using the incantation during the battle in the great tree, rapunzel says two things to cassandra: “I got this, Cass, go!” and: “I can’t... control it!” 
this is important because, in RDO, rapunzel only remembers (or acknowledges) the first of those statements. it’s possible that she genuinely forgot admitting she couldn’t break herself out of the incantation, and it’s possible that she’s selectively choosing to focus on telling cass that she was fine and to get out of the tree as a way of alleviating the guilt she feels. which one is not really important. what is important is this: 
rapunzel blames cass for getting injured in the great tree.
in fact, she’s is angry at cassandra for getting injured in the great tree.
RAPUNZEL: I get why Cass is mad at me. She told me not to use the decay spell back at the Great Tree, and I did, and she hurt her hand. But if she had just listened to me and stayed out of it, this all could have been avoided! And I feel like we could work things out, but she refuses to talk about it! [...] I’ve gotta find a way to get her to talk to me.
and
RAPUNZEL: It’s okay if you’re mad at me. I’m mad at you too. I told you that I had it under control, and you didn’t listen. 
so... this is the dynamic at play here. 
first, rapunzel constantly disregards cassandra’s boundaries in general. cass knows this. 
second, rapunzel insists that it’s all cassandra’s fault that she got injured, because rapunzel either doesn’t remember or won’t acknowledge that her saying “I can’t control it” is what prompted cassandra to grab her. 
third, immediately before cass was injured, rapunzel pulled rank to shut cassandra down in an argument, shouting at and humiliating her in front of their friends. a few minutes later, when cass opened up about her hurt feelings and insecurities, rapunzel reiterated that she is in charge, and cass just needs to “be okay” with that. 
and fourth, rapunzel is making cassandra’s pain—her physical pain, and her hurt and angry feelings about having been horrifically injured by her best friend—all about rapunzel. rapunzel wants to talk things out so everything can be okay again and she can stop feeling guilty about what she did to cass, and the fact that cass isn’t ready to talk about it doesn’t matter because rapunzel wants to talk about it NOW.
[sidebar: “We can’t just push this aside and forget it like it never happened!” lmao season three would like to have a word with you.]
what... exactly is cass supposed to do here? 
if she says she doesn’t want to talk about it, rapunzel will pester and prod and wheedle her until she snaps. if she gives rapunzel the cold shoulder, as it’s implied she’s been doing, rapunzel will manufacture a situation where it’s just the two of them alone together so she can back cass into a corner and make her talk about it. if she does what rapunzel told her to do—i.e., be okay with decisions rapunzel makes as queen—by saying things like “Look, if you feel that way, then it’s fine. We’re good,” rapunzel will refuse to accept that and continue to bug her.
and if rapunzel, her boss, the princess, has decided that the fault for cass’s injury lies on cassandra’s shoulders... and if the last time cass opened up about her feelings with rapunzel, rapunzel effectively told her to just deal with it... why would cass want to subject herself to this conversation?
she literally does not have a single good option here. every choice available to her sucks.
i think this is why we don’t hear rapunzel apologize at the end of RDO; why the resolution is cass saying “i’m still angry, but i’ll get over it.” she’s still doing what rapunzel told her to do in the great tree: trying her best to suck up her feelings and be okay with rapunzel’s decision.
i don’t think cass is lying at the end of RDO. she really does feel sorry for using the wand, she really does intend to get over her anger. but i also think she is holding a lot of stuff back because she no longer feels safe expressing her true feelings around rapunzel. this is not s1 cass, who was comfortable spontaneously expressing and explaining her boundaries and frustration and pain to rapunzel. this is a cass who has learned that her feelings don’t matter to rapunzel, not really. that rapunzel is more invested in “getting along” than in actually making sure cassandra feels better. 
so she turtles up and toes that line as much as she is able. 
and that is where the toxicity in their friendship comes from. 
rapunzel means well. god bless her, she really, truly does. and she really, truly loves cass with all her heart. all she wants is for cassandra to be happy. absolutely none of her behavior towards cass is malicious or intentionally cruel.
but she is a nineteen year old who was raised by an abusive, narcissistic kidnapper and was then, less than a week after escaping that environment, dumped into a position of enormous authority with zero preparation. she doesn’t know how to have healthy relationships. her relationship with eugene is healthy because eugene is an easy-going, well-adjusted guy who is on equal footing with her and who doesn’t have any qualms about letting her in on his private thoughts or feelings and who is both willing and able to gently help her correct course when she inadvertently veers into yikes territory. 
but cassandra has baggage and the hard personal boundaries that come with it. and cassandra is rapunzel’s servant, with all the restriction and limits that implies. for rapunzel, trying to be cassandra’s friend is like trying to climb a mountain when she’s just barely learnt how to crawl. she has no fucking clue what she’s doing and she is not equipped to handle it.
i think cassandra gets this, and that’s why she gives rapunzel so many chances, why in s1 she tries so hard to help rapunzel understand where she’s coming from. but it doesn’t get better—in fact, it gets worse. (a lifetime of behaviors absorbed from your abusive “mother” do not disappear in a year’s time.) and it destroys cassandra’s mental health, makes her miserable, leads her to repress her feelings more and more throughout the tail end of s2, and leaves her wide open for zhan tiri to take advantage of in the shell house. 
at the same time, the very fact that none of this is intentional or malicious on rapunzel’s part means that this is a relationship that can be repaired. rapunzel understands cass a lot better in s3, and she’s made huge strides in healing from gothel’s abuse. the whole moonstone/zhan tiri debacle ends up being a giant reset button on their relationship: they still love each other deeply, but they’re effectively starting over from scratch, and they’ll be taking it slowly by dint of cassandra leaving corona. their only contact will be via letters for the foreseeable future, which will (a) give cass time to get her head on straight and figure out what she wants to do with her life, which she desperately needs, and (b) give rapunzel some much-needed practice in being patient, not prying, not letting her nosiness lead her to step on cassandra’s boundaries, etc. and in leaving corona, cass also left her servitude to rapunzel, so they can finally approach each other on an equal footing. 
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horansqueen · 3 years
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Stuck With You - Chapter 36
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Chapter 36: Electric Love
đŸĄȘchapter 1  đŸĄȘchapter 2  đŸĄȘchapter 3  đŸĄȘchapter 4  đŸĄȘchapter 5  đŸĄȘchapter 6  đŸĄȘchapter 7  đŸĄȘchapter 8  đŸĄȘchapter 9  đŸĄȘchapter 10  đŸĄȘchapter 11 đŸĄȘchapter 12 đŸĄȘchapter 13 đŸĄȘchapter 14 đŸĄȘchapter 15 đŸĄȘchapter 16 đŸĄȘchapter 17 đŸĄȘchapter 18 đŸĄȘchapter 19 đŸĄȘchapter 20 đŸĄȘchapter 21 đŸĄȘchapter 22 đŸĄȘchapter 23 đŸĄȘchapter 24 đŸĄȘchapter 25 đŸĄȘchapter 26 đŸĄȘchapter 27 đŸĄȘchapter 28 đŸĄȘchapter 29 đŸĄȘchapter 30 đŸĄȘchapter 31 đŸĄȘchapter 32  đŸĄȘchapter 33 đŸĄȘchapter 34 đŸĄȘchapter 35
College Enemies To Lovers AU
characters // masterlist // instagrams // mood board
Candy, she's sweet like candy in my veins Baby, I'm dying for another taste
And every night my mind is running around her Thunder's getting louder and louder
Baby, you're like lightning in a bottle I can't let you go now that I got it And all I need is to be struck By your electric love (Ohh) Baby, your electric love (Ahh) Electric love
Drown me (Drown me), you make my heart beat like the rain Surround me (Oh), hold me deep beneath your waves
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NIALL
                                                Her eyes roamed on me shamelessly and it made my lips curl. I didn't even dare to take a step closer, scared she'd take a step back so i just waited a few minutes.
We were getting along so well since the start of this trip and it made me realize that most of the time, we had fun together, no matter what we did. The only reasons why we fought was because of jealousy or about the status of our relationship but if we ended up dating and trusting each other, what we had would be epic. I knew it. I felt it. I just didn't know how to tell her anymore. I didn't know how to convince her. But the more time we spent together, the closer I felt to her, and I just hoped that at some point, she'd see what I see.
"Turn around." she let out in a low tone, making me raise my eyebrows.
"Are you... serious?" I asked gently. She started nibbling on her bottom lip and it made me realize how nervous she was. "You know you're beautiful, right?"
"I don't have the kind of body that makes people stare and I know it." she let out, shaking her head lightly. "You say you love having sex with me but, it's all about that connection we have, it's about those feelings. Me just getting naked in front of you wouldn't do anything to you without that."
My lips parted slightly and I frowned  before shaking my head too. "The connection and feelings are all that matters, don't you think?"
"I've always just... wanted to be gorgeous for someone, you know? I was never the pretty girl, I was never really important. If I was in a book, I'd be the ugly and fat best friend. I want to be the protagonist."
I took a few steps closer to her slowly and she didn't move. I blinked a few times and breathed in before sighing with a small smile. "You're the main girl in my story, Devie." I whispered. "I thought you knew that."
Her tongue ran nervously on her bottom lip and after a while, she grabbed the bottom on her shirt and passed it over her head. I waited, motionless, as she took off her pants too and I tried to keep my eyes locked with hers for as long as I could. I didn't resist too long and my eyes traveled down on her breasts, moving to her stomach and panties. I knew I was the one who didn't want us to have sex anymore but I had no idea how I'd be able to resist and quickly, I looked up in her eyes and my lips curled on the left.
"Last one in the pool is a loser." I said a bit too loud before jumping in the pool.
When I got my head out of the water, I pushed my hair out of my face wth a fast head movement only to see Devon near me, in the pool. She was rubbing her eyes and my lips curled in a smirk.
"Got water in your eyes?" I asked, pushing more water at her and letting out a laugh.
"Hey!" she did the same to me and we started fighting. I was hearing her laugh, keeping my eyes closed as I received as much water as I was throwing, and it made my heart swell in my chest. I felt a bit bad for changing the subject and not commenting on her being half naked in front of me, but I was so close to kiss and touch her that I just had to move away.
When we finally stopped, she had a smile plastered on her face and she swam a bit closer to me. I watched small waves still move over her chin and it made me want to kiss her again. Everything made me want to kiss her.
"You know, I said I didn't want us to have sex anymore because it hurt too much, but that doesn't mean we can't be friends." I pointed out randomly.
I had no idea if I'd be able to be only her friend. In fact, it seemed highly impossible. Every single time I looked at her, I was tempted to kiss her and tell her how I feel. It was almost automatic, and it was not easy to stop myself. I wanted to write a million songs about her and whisper them to her in the dark, late at night, when we'd be cuddling. I wanted to share everything with her and I wanted her to trust me enough to do the same. I wanted to be the one to make her laugh, to make her smile. I wanted to be the first person on her mind when she'd wake up, and the last before she'd fall asleep at night. I felt so selfish to want all that, to need all that, yet here I was, wanting it so bad it was almost unbearable.
"We can try."
From the tone of her voice, I knew she didn't believe it could work either, but I was ready to try. Not having her in my life would be too tough on me, I knew it.
"Okay, good. Then you should let me show you how to snowboard tomorrow."
This time, she laughed and shook her head. "No, I don't think so."
"Come on, it'll be fun! I promise I won't laugh at you."
She seemed to think for a few seconds, her eyes never leaving mine, and when she finally nodded, my smile grew more. She started running her fingertips on top of the water, and I watched them move, leaving a trail behind. I couldn't understand why everything she did endeared me but It didn't matter.
"You know you're wearing white boxers, right?"
"Yes." I chuckled. "I'm the one who put them on this morning. Besides, that's the only underwear color I own."
"Do you know I'm gonna see your dick through it when you get out of the water?"
"Is that a complaint?"
This time, she just giggled and it made me smile even more. She started swimming away, turning around and getting on her back to float. I followed her to a part of the pool that was not as deep and she disappeared underwater before moving back up very close to me, right in front of me. She sent me a smile and I loved how the lights of the pool reflected on her face. I took a step closer and she took one back, making her smile get bigger. It faltered when her back hit the side of the pool and she tilted her head as I moved even closer.
"You're so beautiful." I whispered as she tilted her chin up to look in my eyes. "You make me want to.."
I stopped myself and pressed my lips together but she just raised her eyebrows up as her lips parted.
"I make you want to what?"
I knew she expected something sexual and I hesitated. Should I tell her just what she wanted to hear, or what I really was about to say? I took my hand out of the water and brought it to her cheek, running my wet fingers on her skin, noticing her eyes fluttering at my touch. I brought one of my thumbs on her bottom lip, brushing it gently before one of my fingers ran slowly down her tiny nose.
"You make me want to drop up everything for you." I admitted in a whisper. "You just have to say it and I'll do it." Her eyes got slightly bigger as she stared at me and I bent down slightly. "Please, say it."
"Niall..." she murmured, making me shake my head.
"You said you loved me earlier, right?"
"That-That's not what I said." she just replied so low I barley heard.
"Do you love me?" I asked, ignoring her comment. We remained silent for a while and I breathed in deeply before repeating my question a bit louder. "Do you love me, Devie?"
"Yes. I do."
Her answer surprised me, making my heart throb all over my body. My vision got blurry and I blinked a few times until I could see her face again. Did I just imagine that or did it really happen? At first, I wanted to ask her to repeat just to be sure I was not dreaming, but I only shook my head, my lips parted. I was searching for the right words to tell her, something smart or sweet to answer, but nothing came to mind. I placed two fingers under her chin and moved it up very slowly.
I brought my head down until my lips reached hers and immediately, her eyes closed. I shut mine tight too before deepening the kiss and my heart skipped a beat when I felt her hands reach my chest. It was a weird feeling, her fingers running on me slowly because of the water, and I couldn't help but bring my hands to her body, too. I moved them over her breasts before reaching her shoulders and moving the straps of her bra down. We both had to go slowly, the water slowing our movements, but it didn't matter. I felt like it was even better this way.
One of her hands moved down my stomach and reach for my dick over my boxers, making me groan in her mouth. She only ran her hand up and down a few times on it and it made me so hard that I felt a bit dizzy.
"Did you ever have sex in a pool?" I asked in a whisper, bringing my hands to the side of her panties, slipping my fingers in and hooking them on the waist band.
"Mm, no, but I feel like I'm about to."
I smiled against her mouth and chuckled a bit, making her laugh too. I moved down a bit to her take off her panties, bringing them out of water and leaving them on the side of the pool. I felt her hands try to move my boxers down and I helped her before moving closer and kissing her again. Slowly, I brought my hand between her legs and she let out a curse word, making me smile more despite myself. It was amazing how fast we could turn each other on and I grabbed one of her legs, gripping my dick with my free hand. I pushed myself inside her slowly, feeling her walls throb around me, and I finally gripped her hair, kissing her slowly but deeply.
It felt so amazing to be inside her again, my body pressed on hers. I had missed the taste of her mouth and the feeling of her touch. My body was alive when she was near, so alive that I had no idea how long I would last. I started thrusting up slowly and gently, my grip tightening in her hair as my other hand moved between us to reach her clit.
"Oh my... god."
Her hands groped around as she tried to find something to grip to keep her balance but I just pushed her harder, pressing her between my body and the pool.
"You feel so good." I whispered, panting against her lips. "I love you so much."
I rubbed my nose gently against hers and she let her head fall back. I ran my open mouth until her neck, leaving small kisses before nibbling on her skin gently and when she let out a moan, I knew I was close.
"Devie..."
She brought her head up again and kissed me harder as I started fucking her faster. "Don't stop." she whispered, holding me close, our mouths pressed together and her hand behind my head. "Please, Niall."
I reached for the side of the pool to hold myself and started fucking her deeper, my forehead leaned against hers and my parted lips brushing on hers with every movement. I heard her whisper my name so softly and I started cumming, letting out a curse word under my breath. She started shaking against me but only whimpered low until her body relaxed. It took me about a minute before I opened my eyes again, panting slightly and I looked at her, her eyes fluttering open until they met mine.
"Do you do that with all your friends?" she asked, letting out a chuckle. "I mean you said we could be friends, and here we are."
"I meant it when I said it." I confessed in a murmur. "But then, you said you loved me, and it changed everything."
She didn't answer and I just kissed her lips gently again before reaching for my boxers and pulling them up. I watched her take her panties back and putting them on without coming out of the pool.
"I think we should leave."
"Yea me too, if we get caught it's gonna be bad!"
I put both my hands on the side of the pool, pulling me out with a swing and when I turned back to her, she was sending me a smile, pressing her lips together. She finally turned around and reached for the stairs, getting out of the pool slowly. I stared at her too but when she shivered, I realized that I was cold too.
"We forgot towels." I pointed out uselessly as she nodded. "There must be some in a closet near." I added, grabbing my clothes and the keys I had stolen.
She did the same and followed me out slowly, trying not to make any sound. I locked the door again and we walked to the nearest hall. I smiled when I saw a closet and tried a few keys before finding one that worked. She rushed inside and I followed her but when the door closed behind us, I felt my heart jump in my chest.
"Oh shit."
I turned around, running my fingertips on the door, trying to find the knob again and when I tried to turn it, It confirmed what I feared. It was locked.
"What? What's wrong?"
"Devie. I think I just locked us here."
She remained silence for a while but I knew her heart was beating fast because mine was too. "Wait, you got the keys, just unlock it!"
"Uhm, the keys are already in the lock but on the other side of the door."
"Uh-oh."
I blinked a few times, getting slowly used to the darkness, and my eyes followed her shadow as she moved a bit farther. It took only a few seconds before a light appeared and I blinked again, blinded by it. She finally handed me a towel and placed her phone on a shelf to illuminate the room the best she could. I couldn't help but stare at her when she took her wet bra off before running the towel on her breasts. I knew we just had sex but I loved looking at her and when she took her panties off too, I held my breath. I finally took my boxers off and did the same before putting my dry clothes on, going commando. She did the same and let out a sigh taking a step back and grabbing her phone again.
I watched her type something and finally looked up at me with a shrug.
"I messaged Louis, Lewis, Daxia and even Noah. Someone will see this and come help us. I mean, hopefully." she shrugged before the room became dark again.
We ended up sitting down on the floor in silence. I leaned my back on the wall and brought my knees up as I felt her hands on my legs. She moved between them and leaned her back against my chest, making me smile immediately. I moved my face down, feeling her hair tickle my nose and chin and left a few gentle kisses on her neck. Her skin was soft against my lips and I even felt goosebumps appear on it.
"You know we could be stuck here for a while." she added with a chuckle. "I mean, I'm getting used to it now. I don't know if it's a curse or something."
"Seems more like good luck to me." I argued, my lips curling on the left. "There's not one time we were stuck somewhere that was bad."
She leaned her head against me. "Mm, you're right." We both started laughing together and I felt her shake her head as it rubbed against my chest. "Lewis and Louis are gonna tease us with this for years."
"Oh god, I know. Especially if they're the ones saving us." I agreed, chuckling again. "It'll be so bad."
I felt her hands caress my thighs very slowly, moving up to my knees and then back down. Her touch felt so good it made my heart twist in my chest and I closed my eyes, trying to focus on every little movements of her hands and fingers. It made a shiver run up my spine and I held my breath.
"How's your claustrophobia?" she asked in a whisper, making me shrug a shoulder.
"Tolerable for now."
It was true. In fact, I felt extremely relaxed and I was not sure why. Perhaps it was a mix of my post orgasm feeling and the high I felt for hearing her say she loved me, and it made me want to hear it again. It was still hard to believe and somehow, I was scared she'd take her words back, or that something would just blow up in my face.
"Do you love me?" I breathed near her ear, making her chuckle low.
"I answered that earlier."
"Say it."
It took a few minutes but her voice came like a melody to my ears with just the right notes to make my heart flutter.
"I love you, Niall Horan."
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gainingexjock · 3 years
Text
THE EX JOCK
Harry had been a great athlete in high school, the typical jock type. He did football, wrestling, basketball and occasionally a bit of soccer. He always had a love for food but his activities meant he still had a trim and athletic physic. As he began his final year in high school he found exam stress and work meant he had to stop doing so much sport, in fact he decided to stop altogether until his exams were out of the way. But he hadn’t altered his diet to match his new found laziness, and so the weight began to pile on
Harry came home after school in September after a long day and revision after school, the first thing he did was head to the fridge and cupboards . He grabbed some coke, a bag of share Doritos, two chocolate bars and a bad of haribos. He ran upstairs quick and closed the sort to his room, he removed his clothes until he was just in his boxers and sat in his gaming chair snacking away while playing Xbox with some friends. Half a hour passed and he had finished all the food so headed downstairs to grab some more, as he was rumadging through the fridge his mum came through the door. “Hey bby sweetie, what are you doing?”
“Just grabbing some snacks mum”
“Well don’t eat too much cause I am making lasagne for tea”
Harry nodded and headed back upstairs to finish his snacks, 1 hour passed and he could hear his mum call from downstairs that dinner was ready. He chucked on some joggers and made his way downstairs his belly having a slight jiggle to it, his mum was a good cook but didn’t eat a lot herself. Instead she made a nice big lasagne for Harry with garlic bread and pizza on the side, while she had a salad. Harry finished the whole dish as well as the rest of the food. He sat back in his chair to let his belly hang out, it was firm and stuffed to the brim with food.
“Oh darling, I am glad you have a good appetite”
“Me too mum *burrppp, oh sorry pardon me”
“Why don’t u go sit down and I will bring you some dessert”
Harry took his plate to the dishwasher and went to sit in the couch, he found it discomforting to find a comfy position. He was too full and his belly to firm, his mum came over with some chocolate cake and ice cream.
“Here u go sweetpea”
“Thanks mum but I think I am too full to eat anymore”
“How about I rub your tummy while you have it hmm I don’t want to see you go hungry”
Harry obliged knowing he did want that cake, so he sat there scoffing his face while he felt his mums warm hands massage his stomach. The peace didn’t last long as his mum had something she needed to say
“Hun, I didn’t want to say anything and I have fed u up tonight so u didn’t feel bad but I think stopping your sports was a bad idea, you have gained a lot of weight scince”
“I know mum but tbh I am too busy for sports and plus it’s kind of nice not having to do it anymore”
“But you were so good at it, I don’t mind you gaining weight in fact you were maybe too skinny but I don’t want u to fell unhappy in your body”
“I don’t mum, in fact the size is nice. I feel more comfortable and we haven’t had nice moments like this for years while I did sports”
“Yes I guess you are right, it’s nice to spend more time with you”
“I want to tell you something, I actually want to get bigger and I hope you will help me do that mum”
“Ofc I will Harry, if that’s what u want sugarplum”
Harry was quite surprised his mum had agreed so easily, but he knew she was a feeder, she always had made big meals for everyone that came round and he knew she wouldn’t deny him what he wanted.
-January-
All the parents stared as an obese Harry came waddling out the school doors. The last few months had been endless food and laziness for Harry, his mum had definitely pulled through and was helping him gain weight. When he told his mum about his want to gain he was about 230 pounds but now he was edging 350. It wasn’t long till all the parent and kids saw Harry’s mum pull up in her big suv, she got out and helped Harry into the back giving him some snacks to eat on the way home. They where driving the way home and Harry noticed they had pulled into a drive thru, his mum ordered and passed the three bags into the back
“Here u go darling, u look stressed so here is some food to make u feel better”
Harry gobbles it all up before they got home, his belly popping out from under his small t shirt every time they went over a pothole or speedbump. They pulled up onto the drive but there was another car there, to Harry’s surprise his dad get out. Harry’s dad left home four years ago and was again a typical high school jock kinda guy, Harry hadn’t seen him for just over a year
Harry’s mum helped him out the car, his dads face turned to a look of anger and surprise
“Wth happened to you Harry !!”
“Don’t shout at him please james”
“Last time I saw you, you were a successful sports player and now look at you, a huge butterball who probably can’t run across the playing field ! You are a disgace”
Harry could feel his tears beginning to form in his eyes, he ran as fast as his fat legs could carry him to his room where he stripped down and lay on his bed. He could hear his mum shouting and then his dad slamming the car door and driving away
There was a knock at the bedroom door and his mum came in, he was completely naked but his new belly hid his private parts so he wasn’t too fussed. His mum sat down on the bed next to him and passed him a Swiss role she had brought from the store.
“I’m sorry hun, you know I love you and I think you still look as good as ever”
Harry felt better feeling the support from his mum and embraced her with a big hug. The months that passed were great, he continued school but as soon as he got home his mum would feed him whatever he wanted and he got bigger and bigger every day. He started getting comments at school from his older jock friends but he was soon gonna be leaving so he didn’t care too much. That day when he got home from school, he saw a furniture moval van pulled up on his neighbours driveway, he knew their house had been up for sale but had no idea it had sold. He went inside to see his mum had just finished baking a nice big chocolate cake, he dropped his bag on the floor and headed over to lick the icing
“ no Harry, this isn’t for you. It’s a moving in present for the couple next door. We are taking it over in a bit, I hear they have a son about your age maybe you two could become friends hmm”
Harry was annoyed at being denied the cake so just nodded, grabbed some Doritos from the cupboard and headed upstairs. He didn’t particularly want to meet this new kid as he would probably take the mick out of Harry and his ballooning size which was now over 400. So he was anxious to hear his mum shout from downstairs that it was time to go welcome them
Harry quickly chucked some joggers and a white tee on and headed downstairs, him and his mum walked round to the neighbours house which looked a lot less chaotic than earlier. Harry was puffing from the walk over and was really not liking the idea of meeting this kid. His mum knocked on the door and after a few seconds it was opened my a big man, with a large beard and a even larger stomach. Harry guessed he must have been around 300 pounds, he was quickly joined by a smaller more petite lady with brown hair.
“Hi, sorry to disturb you cause I know you must be busy unpacking. But we live next door and wanted to bring this cake as a welcome gift. This is my son harry”
“Well that’s very kind of you, it looks delicious” the man said
“Sorry my husband is forgetting his manors, I am Julie and this is my husband Charles, our son Sam is around. Why don’t you come in and I shall grab him”
Harry and his mum came in and sat on the couch by the kitchen, as Harry sat down his shirt rode up leaving the softest part of his belly exposed. He quickly tugged it down hoping no one saw. In the hall he could see Julie come down the stairs, and following her at a much slower pace came Sam. Well Sam’s belly, Harry couldn’t quite see his face yet. Harry was in awe , sam must have been around the same size as him but with blonde curly hair and a huge double chin. He was wearing shorts that let his big wobbly thighs loose and a black tee that stood no chance of slimming the big belly down. He smiled and sat down next to his parents
“ so how long have you and Harry lived here?” Julie asked
“About 7 years now, Harry goes to the local school which I presume sam will be joining ?”
“Oh no, same finished his exams before we moved so idk what he is gonna do yet, perhaps get a job somewhere local. In fact sam why don’t you take Harry to your room you two can get to know each other better”
Sam agreed and signalled Harry to follow him, it took a couple of tries for both of the boys to get off the couch. Harry couldn’t help but look at Sam’s big jiggly ass as they walked up the stairs, it really was very plump
“Here is my room, it’s nicer than my last one a lot bigger”
“It’s really nice” Harry replied
“Take a seat”
The two boys sat on the bean bags sam had in his room, Harry knew it was a bad idea as it would be hard for him to get back up again after.
“Do u wanna play some Xbox” Sam asked
“Yeah defo”
“Let me just grab some snacks, why don’t u put a game in”
Sam soon came back up with two big bowls of crisps, chocolate and some coke for them both. They spent a good hour eating and playing some video games, Harry reached back into the bowl to grab some crisps to find it was empty
“Oh sorry mate, I have quite a big appetite I shall grab some more” Sam said as he patted his belly
He tried to get up, getting a bit flustered in the process. He pushed himself up with his left arm trying to get onto his feet, but his weight betrayed him and he came crashing to the floor again with a huge thud, spilling his coke all over his t shirt in the process
“You okay mate?” Harry said while quickly supporting sam back onto the bean bag
“Yeh thank you, I dunno why I couldn’t get up”
Harry could see sam was getting upset
“Don’t worry, listen I probs will struggle to get out this seat as well. U ain’t the only one with a big belly in the way haha”
Sam smiled a little
“Haha thanks, yeh I guess we are both big boys. I need to change my top though”
Sam slowly made his way over to the dresser, deciding to just shuffle over as he couldnt quite get the energy to push himself off the bean bag
He opened the drawer and grabbed a t shirt
“Sorry this too is a bit small but I haven’t unpacked the rest of my clothes yet”
“Don’t worry mate”
Same heaved himself up and slowly removed the soaking t shirt exposing his stretch marked belly to Harry. Harry didn’t quite know why he was so attracted to Sam, perhaps it was because they were so similar in size or maybe Harry had never seen such a big boy before apart from himself. Sam had a beautiful body, a big belly that hanged over the waistline of his shorts and moobs that dropped either side, he slid the new top over his large belly but it didn’t quite cover it
“I figured as we are both big it didn’t matter if I took my top off in front of u haha”
“It’s fine”
Sam came over and lowered himself again
“Listen, I wanna speak big guy to big guy. What’s it like for you? I have been big for a long time and I can’t really remeber a time I wasn’t overweight. I hope you don’t think me rude but you are a big guy and honestly man you look great” Sam said
“ well tbh sam I love it, I have really plumped up this year after stopping football and all my other sports. Mate you look great as well, I don’t really know what to say but the belly suits you”
“Thanks man, shall we get some more food, I bet my parents won’t mind if we order pizza”
“Sure let’s do it”
The boys pigged out massively that evening, not moving from the bean bags on Sam’s bedroom floor, in fact Harry stayed there that night as they where both too full to even try and get up. They both slept there in their briefs with their belly on show.
The boys became good friends over the next few months, Sam had gained a lot as he didn’t get the job his parents were hoping he would. So he lived a life of laziness and eating. Harry had just finished his exams and began his holidays, his mum fed him well when she got home from work and during the day he did the same as Sam
One day Harry was laying on his bed now weighing a colossal 500 pounds, he was watching netlix in his briefs while stuffing his favourite, a chocolate Swiss role. Suddenly Sam came bursting through the bedroom door
“Oh shit sorry man, your mum said to come up I had no idea”
Harry quickly tried to adjust himself but he hadn’t moved for a good few days and was weighed down by his belly
“It’s okay mate”
“I just , ugh he grunted” he began to sweat and his breath quickened
“ I can’t get up”
Sam came over
“Oh shit mate, let me help you”
Harry pushed and pushed while sam pulled and eventually he was now sat up right, his huge belly hanging between his legs. Sam sat next to him making the bed creak so much they thought it would break.
“Thanks man” Harry panted
“ no worries dude I mean you have seen me in this situation before haha”
“I am such a disgrace, you must think me such a slob”
“No Ofc not, I do the exact same thing when I am home. In fact let me be a slob too”
Sam stood up and began to remove his tight joggers and top that barley covered his belly anyway, Harry couldn’t believe the sight, Sam looked amazing so huge and obese. His briefs cutting into his huge thighs. He came and sat next to him, their bellies pushing together as they where both now released from the constraints of clothing.
“See we are the same” Sam said
“Listen mate, I don’t want you to think me disgusting but you look amazing and honestly I just wanna fuck that big ass of yours right now”
“I thought u would never ask”Sam said
Harry turned laying down next to Sam, they pushed their bellies together each helping the other to remove their tight briefs from their body.
It was amazing, they laid there next to each other after having the best sex in their life, both panting and tired from the exercise. The door opened, Harry’s mum had never looked so shocked in her life !
“Boys what, what are you doing?!”
“Mum, me and Sam we love each other and we want to grow big and old together. We want to grow fat together”
His mum called round Sam’s parents and they explained it all. They all agreed, both parents already knew their boys love for food it was just now they would be doing it together. The boys where brought food by their parents as they lay in bed together and grew in size.
Years later the bed was reinforced with steel to take the weight of the two boys, growing fatter by the day. Harry a colossal 900 pounds and sam a huge 850, they where both now 23 and had been living their dream life. They planned to keep on growing with the help of their parents
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deborahdeshoftim5779 · 3 years
Text
BBC Merlin 4x05: His Father’s Son
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Here's a round-up of my main observations from BBC Merlin's "His Father's Son" (4x05).
1- MERLIN AS A KNIGHT 
I have to admit that Merlin as a sorcerer and trusted adviser appeals to me the most, but I did write a lengthy post analysing how Arthur had turned Merlin into an excellent fighter. This refutes claims that Merlin gave more to Arthur than he received in return. 
At the beginning of 4x05, we see Merlin selected to play a new role: that of knight. How did this come about? Arthur Pendragon is best known for his skills as a warrior, but he deserves more credit for his military tactics. These destroy the popular yet false idea that he is unintelligent. More on the latter in a forthcoming post.  
One of Arthur’s favourite tactics is using decoys. Previous examples of him using decoys include: The Castle of Fyrien (3x07), when Arthur used Merlin as a decoy to entrap Cenred’s soldiers; Aithusa (4x04), when Arthur used himself as a decoy to get Sir Percival to safety; Arthur’s Bane Part 2 (5x02), when Arthur uses Merlin as a decoy to enrage the slave traders before they escape-- by far my favourite example. 
All things considered, I don’t think it takes long for Arthur to choose Merlin. Furthermore, this decision may have taken place before they reached their selected location, as Agravaine later mentions a previous attack by Caerleon on the border. This choice demonstrates that Arthur has higher confidence in Merlin's abilities than he does of in his knights-- else he would have chosen them. We must conclude that Merlin is Arthur's best fighter, though at first glance, we wonder why an unarmed man follows trained knights into battle. 
Merlin is sharp, fast, has high stamina, and is incredibly resourceful. Most of all, however, he is incredibly brave. In fact, when rewatching 1x02, I was surprised to see Arthur acknowledge that Merlin was "braver than you look." This despite Arthur’s frustration that Merlin did not try hard enough during practice ("Come on, Merlin: I've got a tournament to win!"). 
What’s more, in that same episode, Merlin complains about his first day, but later on, we see his fascination wth the ongoing tournament. Then he admitted to Gaius that working for Arthur (in the context of said tournament) "isn't totally horrible all the time." It took one day for him to change his opinion! 
Sure, Merlin would continue to treat the fighting as pointless violence, and Arthur as having nothing more in his head than a desire to knock "the seven bells" out of other people (3x04). However, even in 1x02, when he applauds Arthur's fighting, his actions tell a different story. We associate this habit of liking something whilst pretending otherwise to Arthur, yet Merlin has it as well. 
As I have said before, Merlin and Arthur have profound differences, yet are profoundly alike. 
2- MERLIN AS A SERVANT 
It comes as no surprise that Merlin would return to serving after the beginning of 4x05. However, what that change represents sets the tone for this entire episode: Arthur dismissing Merlin's counsel repeatedly in favour of listening to his uncle. 
When Arthur says, "so please, stick to what you do know," you have to wonder whether Merlin remembered being entrusted with the role of knight. Now, Arthur puts him back in his place. 
Here's another example: "My conscience is clean, which is more than I can say for my room, so just... do your job, will you?" Yet just yesterday, that job involved Merlin risking his life against enemy forces by dressing as a knight. 
By the way, you can tell that Arthur doesn’t believe his own excuses, because he keeps using the passive voice to justify killing Caerleon: “...a show of strength was necessary
 an example had to be made
 My conscience is clean
” 
Merlin’s face after Arthur claims he doesn’t need anyone is self-explanatory. 
3- NEW THOUGHTS ON ANNIS
Is Queen Annis a good person? Actually, no. 
First of all, she knows and approves of her husband invading foreign kingdoms to plunder their wealth. Such invasions naturally cost not only the lives of Arthur's men, but her own, too. 
Furthermore, despite accepting Arthur's offer of a fight by single combat, she is prepared to cheat by enlisting Morgana's power. Perhaps if Arthur had died, too, she would have felt some remorse. Yet she still takes a monumental risk with Arthur's life in blatant violation of the knight's code. One has to wonder about her reaction had Camelot plotted against her armies in the same way. 
Then we have Annis calmly ordering Merlin’s execution without giving him a chance to explain himself. The lack of emotion in her voice suggests she has done this before. 
Speaking of cruelty, Annis’ champion seems to enjoy inflicting pain on his enemies, yet the Queen claims that he “served my husband well.” I dread to think what she means by “served”. 
I will also note that Queen Annis disdains magic, referring to Morgana as “witch”. As I have said before, Uther did not begin prejudice against magic; sorcerers were disliked and feared elsewhere, too, including by those who disliked Uther. Many sorcerers caused this prejudice by engaging in manipulative, violent, and wicked deeds. 
Examples include High Priestesses using Fomorrohs to enslave people’s minds (4x06); Cornelius Sigan using his power to change day into night and acquire vast wealth (2x01); sorcerers using special blades to murder people (3x04), and so on.
None of this takes away from Annis’ complexity, nor does it undermine her immense humility when she accepts defeat and withdraws from Camelot. After all, much of Annis' rage and desire for vengeance stems from intense grief over Caerleon's death, so we can assume her marriage was a happy one. 
Forgiving the man who destroyed her domestic happiness (as well as leaving her people without a king) shows tremendous nobility on Annis’ part. I think Arthur sees that, for he is always humble and respectful before her. 
4- LONG LIVE THE KING 
Few people respect Arthur more than Merlin. So when he doesn’t join in with cries of “Long live the king!”, you know something is wrong. 
5- CONTROL YOUR FEAR 
Episode 4x03 has a hilarious scene where a drunk Arthur claims he isn’t even a little bit scared, because, “I’m a warrior. You learn to control your fear.” Then Arthur walks smack bang into a pillar. Never fails to make me laugh. Minus the drunkenness, Arthur was telling the truth about controlling his fear.
You can see this at least twice in this episode: first, when he sees how many men Annis has brought against Camelot, and secondly, when he sees the size of Annis’ giant. In both cases, Arthur harnesses his fear into determination, which is another sign of a great warrior. 
Next up, we have a fascinating scene where Arthur watches his men joking by the fire. It's a great way of showing Arthur’s care for these men, as well as his guilt that impending war will end their lives. In a sense, Arthur has to control his fear yet again. 
6- TRUST IN MERLIN 
After the above scene, Gwaine asks Merlin if Arthur is all right, and the fact that Merlin can describe Arthur's feelings without even questioning the King once again shows the unique nature of their friendship. Merlin sees Arthur's expression, and he just knows. And Gwaine knows that, hence why he does not question the King himself. 
Listen to the silence after Merlin's response. Nobody questions Merlin's judgement: they just reflect. Given the way Arthur has repeatedly dismissed Merlin's advance in favour of his uncle, I think he could have learned something from his own knights. 
I wonder whether the knights would ask Merlin something about Arthur in this way, whenever the king was absent. In ancient kingdoms, kings had advisers, and in order to earn the monarch's favour, you spoke to the latter first. Did Merlin ever play that role for the knights?
7- MERLIN’S IDIOCY 
Now, I have a problem with Merlin telling Arthur that 1)- he would have taken any other option but to face war with Annis, and 2)- his decision to kill Caerleon “was made in the best interests of Camelot.” 
Sorry, but it wasn’t. Merlin knows that. I understand that he has to rally Arthur’s spirits so that they can win against Annis, but I am glad that Arthur knows full well he has done wrong. Both Merlin and many fans do not give Arthur enough credit for recognising his own errors. 
However, even these foolishly optimistic statements pale in comparison to Merlin's reckless and self-righteous interference when Arthur negotiates with Queen Annis. I burst out laughing when he trips and falls headlong into the tent, a metaphor for his impetuousness.  
Merlin eavesdrops outside Annis’ tent, gets caught (so he didn't conceal himself), and then has the audacity to say, “Sorry about this!” to Arthur! Not only that, he got angry over being called a “simple-minded fool”, when he couldn’t even walk in a straight line to follow the king, got himself caught and almost killed by enemy soldiers, and made Arthur look as though he were double-crossing Annis! 
I completely agree with Arthur’s anger: “Oh, I was being kind, believe me: you almost got me killed in there!” Correct. Merlin simply could not trust that Arthur knew what he was doing, and decided to interfere. Instead of apologising for getting Arthur into trouble, Merlin remains on the defensive, claiming without evidence that Arthur was “doing a pretty good job of that yourself!” 
This is untrue. Arthur surrendered himself to Annis’ men. The most injury he received was a slap. He asked a favour. That isn’t risking your life. In fact, Arthur was trying to save lives, and if Merlin had been listening properly (or just stayed in bed), he would have seen that. Only after Merlin’s sudden entrance did Arthur face serious danger from Annis. 
Now, Merlin’s explanation for this is, “I’m your friend! I was looking out for you.” I don’t doubt it. But once again, Arthur is right: “I appreciate that in your very confused way, you’re only trying to help, but please: don’t do it again.”
Condescending? Of course. But this time it was Merlin who provoked him into this anger. 
8- MORGANA 
Despite all her power, Morgana still has to defer to non-magical kings and queens. After all, she requires their military assistance to take over Camelot. 
You can also see how Queen Annis detects Morgana’s hatred, greed, self-righteousness, hypocrisy, and bloodlust. In one glance, Queen Annis begins questioning the wisdom of working with a sorceress she does not trust, not least on account of Morgana being a sorceress. 
In fact, Arthur’s prowess as a warrior impresses her more: “You have as much to lose as I if Arthur wins
” Fascinating scene. 
9- THANK YOU, OLD FRIEND 
It’s ironic that arguably the best scene in 4x05 begins by showcasing Arthur’s cynicism. No guesses why Arthur did not tell Merlin about breaking off his relationship with Gwen earlier. That speaks volumes. If he had told Merlin, I think they would have had an argument similar to that of 4x11. 
Only when Arthur realises that he may die does he ask Merlin to pass his ring onto Gwen with an apology. You can see the guilt etched onto his face as he refuses to make eye contact. Interestingly, Merlin does not ask any further questions. 
Arthur’s entrusting Merlin to look after Gwen in the event of his death says a lot. For example, that ring is technically royal property, yet Arthur gives it to a servant for safe-keeping, rather than his next-of-kin, Agravaine. Despite claiming to need his uncle’s advice, Arthur will not trust Agravaine with such duties. Has Arthur made a medieval will or testament? Obviously, I have no idea, however, this episode already shows Arthur’s reliance on Merlin to deal with family matters. 
Another interesting aspect to this scene is Merlin’s silence after Arthur makes an indisputable point. This dispels any idea that Merlin’s advice was always correct. On several occasions, Merlin had to defer to Arthur’s judgement, because he saw the truth and wisdom behind it. “I don’t know what will happen. But for the first time since I became king, I know in my heart I’ve made the right decision.”
Got to love Arthur’s half-amused, “You’re not about to start crying on me, are you?” He expects Merlin to be either in good spirits or confident, because that is how he, too, remains confident. Arthur is an optimist, yet Merlin becomes a pessimist, so the king must pull Merlin together with light and yet serious teasing. 
Needless to say, Arthur calling Merlin “old friend” implies that they have been friends for a long time. So why do some fans still think that Arthur had trouble admitting that Merlin was his friend? Also, the word “old” in this context can imply reliability, constancy. Arthur chose that word to describe Merlin’s value, as well as the length of their friendship. 
The great thing about Arthur is that while he makes some serious errors, when he does repent, he does so well. Not only does Arthur graciously thank Merlin for his concern, but he makes it clear to Agravaine that he relies on Merlin’s judgement prior to entering battle. This supports my earlier statement that Merlin is Arthur’s best fighter, as well as right-hand man; Arthur does not leave for the fight until Merlin has confirmed his readiness. 
On top of this, Arthur later admits that he might be a cabbage head. “I should have listened to you, Merlin. Just this once, I think you were right-- even if you are the worst servant in the five kingdoms!” 
By implication, Agravaine is wrong. Arthur won’t say that, of course, but we saw Merlin’s sound advice competing with Agravaine’s lies for this entire episode. We can only conclude that regardless of what he says, Arthur trusts Merlin more than members of his own family. 
And this is a theme which will continue and grow for the remainder of Season 4. 
FURTHER POINTS:
Merlin’s fighting skills
Paradoxes of Arthur and Merlin’s friendship
28 notes · View notes
myuntoldstory · 3 years
Text
This First Love | 1
AO3
End notes in AO3! Enjoy!
Rating: M
Pairing: V | Kim Jihyun/Main Character (Named)
Warning: N/A
Summary: The idea of being in love with her swept him away that he didn't think of what it meant to love her.
A person from Lux's enigmatic past returns just as she and Jihyun reach three months into their long-awaited relationship. Already struggling with the remaining remnants of his own past, Jihyun finds himself competing not only wth Lux's but also the person in it who understands her better than she understands herself. Jealousy and inferiority comes to the fore as he realises that maybe spending two years away from her when their love's barely started has its consequences.
Will their young, fragile love survive the strength of a first love that lifts a person up?
Chocolate Kisses
The clock reads midnight.
On the coffee table sits an unfinished puzzle, glasses of wine, and an empty charcuterie board. Lux and Jihyun sit by it, kissing. Her hands fist around his shirt while he holds onto her shoulders. How did they end up this way? She can't remember. The moments leading up to this fades like a dream. All she knows is the present, the electricity racing across her skin at the gentle press of his lips against hers.
Before, his kisses only ever made her feel warm, wonderful, and loved. Nowadays, though... they set her body on fire. Underneath the heat is desire. As comfortable as he makes her feel, she now can't help wanting more... more kisses—more than just a kiss.
But...
She unfurls her fists and pulls away.
"No... wait..."
The words, mumbled against her lips, surprises her. More than that, his hands tighten their hold and pull her closer. For a beat or two, she's unable to respond as he continues to kiss her. Then, he opens his mouth. A jolt of excitement courses through her. She slides her hands further up his chest as she presses closer. She's desperate to deepen the kiss, to taste him...
Suddenly, Jihyun starts. Lux finds herself pushed away. Disappointment and rejection flash through her like lightning. Breathing heavily, she opens her eyes. Jihyun's in front of her, head bowed. He keeps her at arm's length. The pressure of his lips lingers as she watches him catch his breath. Being unable to see his face makes her worry. When a full minute passes without a word from him, she starts to run her thumbs over his pulse points.
"Jihyun?"
He starts again. This time, he lifts his head. His eyes resemble the deep caverns of a turquoise ocean. Despite that, her brows knit together. There it is again, that stricken look. As if something hurt him. Her desire dissipates as concern takes over. What troubles him? Did she do something that made him uncomfortable?
"Jihyun..." she murmurs.
"I'm sorry," he blurts. "Truly, I am sorry."
Shaking her head in assurance, she takes his hands and squeezes.
“It’s okay," she says, "are you okay?"
One second passes. Two. Then, he turns away from her. Avoiding her eyes, he nods. His hands fall limply to his sides, forcing her to let go. With an impassive face, Lux continues to look over Jihyun. He doesn't seem to notice as he combs his hair back and then glances at the messy coffee table. He gives her a tight smile.
“I’ll clean up.”
“I’ll do it," she hurries to say.
“Please, Lux, you’re a guest—”
“Come on, not just a guest
 right?”
At that, he turns to her. She smiles kindly.
“Well, no, of course not
”
She chuckles at his blush. Taking advantage of his embarrassment, she pulls the board towards her and piles everything on it. She's careful not to disturb the puzzle as she does so. Then, she decides to check in on Jihyun. To her amusement, he's watching her with a small pout. Does he have any idea that he's too cute for his own good sometimes?
"You need to shower, right?" she says.
He blinks up at her. "Ah... yes."
"Okay. Go on. I'll sort all this out."
Jihyun doesn't answer. Lux almost laughs as his pout grows more pronounced.
"Are you sure?" he says.
“Should I walk you to the bathroom?”
At that, he scrambles to his feet.
“I’m going.”
In the echoing silence of the bathroom, Jihyun stands under the water.
Hands planted on the wall, he shivers as the temperature sinks into his skin. His gaze flits to the hot water tap but he doesn’t touch it. Instead, he takes deep, even breaths. With each exhale he wills his body to calm. It’s difficult
 getting Lux out of his mind. Traces of her presence still linger, as if she’s in the room with him, still holding him. He keeps his gaze firmly on himself. If Lux is anywhere near him he’d know.
When his body no longer clamours for her touch, Jihyun continues on. Regret makes his movements sluggish. His mind insists on revisiting the kiss he had with her minutes ago
 but all it does now is fuel his guilt. What is she thinking about now? How he acted must not have escaped her notice. There was a chance for him to explain himself but
 once again he takes the cowardly path: always apologising, never explaining why.
He thought he broke out of the habit but

Jihyun sighs, rinsing the shampoo out of his hair.
The kiss keeps playing in a loop in his head. It’s not the kiss though; it’s what happens to him when their intimacy increases even a little bit. He squeezes his eyes closed at the flashes—gold, green, voices, hands
 not one belonging to Lux. On instinct, his hands pushed her away
 and she doesn’t even know why. If she doubts his feelings for her he wouldn't blame her; anyone would after such half-hearted treatment.
Jihyun turns off the tap and steps out of the stall. He sighs. He couldn’t miss the hurt and disappointment that flashed across Lux's face. Should he have told her? Should he have explained—said something? Despite the pain it will bring, knowing about it is better than keeping secrets, isn’t it? They all know that.
With an unfocused gaze, Jihyun dries himself. As he ponders over this another memory emerges in his mind. This one is more recent, one of many moments that recurred since his return. His heart twinges and he sighs. If he tells Lux the reason why he keeps doing this... it would hurt her far more than anything.
He doesn't want to do that to her. Not again. Not ever.
Jihyun's mouth sets in a grim line as he gets dressed. He needs to fix this and soon. After everything he had put Lux through, he doesn't want to make her worry more than she already has. What she’s done... it's passed above and beyond. And it's not just him she's given so much to; it's the others as well. Providing a happy life, being with her completely... that's the least he can do. The least he should do.
After he's done, he walks back to the kitchen. Lux isn't there.
“Lux?” he calls.
“Here!”
That's the living room. Jihyun changes directions, somehow desperate to see her again. He wasn't even gone long nor did he go far away. Is it possible to miss someone this much? Is this the effect of his two-year absence? God, he can’t even understand how he managed it without her. When he arrives in the living area and sees her at the coffee table this immense relief overtakes him.
“Thank you for—”
Eyes widening, he stops talking. Lux sits at the table as though she hasn't moved but... the charcuterie board is gone, so is everything else. The only thing left behind is the puzzle. Right beside it is a mug with steam rising in curls from it.
“Wow
” he breathes, looking around. “You are incredible.”
Lux chuckles. “It’s nothing—here, I brewed tea.”
“Thank you very much,” he says, sitting next to her. “Where’s yours?”
She takes the mug by the body and holds the handle out to him.
“Tea’s not my thing,” she says.
Alarmed, he hurries to take it. “Right. Sorry. You said so before...”
“It’s okay...”
Lux reaches out. An explosion of warm butterflies flutter in the pit of his stomach as her fingers sift through his damp hair. Somehow, the gentleness of her touch makes his cheeks and ears burn. To hide them he sips the tea slowly. Meanwhile, she continues to comb through his locks.
"You look cute after a shower."
He swallows hard. "Cute?"
"Yeah, with your hair down like this." As if to demonstrate, she flattens his fringe. "You look young and super adorable."
"Lux..."
She giggles again... but Jihyun picks up the sigh that follows. He lifts his head to look at her as she retracts her hand. There's an expression of regret on her face. When she noticed him looking she gives an apologetic smile.
"I have to go soon."
Immense disappointment floods him at her words.
“Oh
 already?”
“Yeah
 I’m sorry,” she says as she sits back.
He holds her hand. “There's no need to apologise.”
She smiles, intertwining her fingers through his.
"Exams are around the corner," she says. "My students have started asking for extra practice so... I have to do things earlier than usual."
“They work hard, your students,” he says, squeezing gently.
“I'm proud of them!”
He can't help chuckling at her bright and proud voice.
"They must remind you of yourself when you were younger."
“Me? What do you mean?”
“Well
 you must have worked hard to be where you are now.”
“Oh
 I guess?"
Jihyun remains silent as her hand slips from underneath his. She doesn't offer any more words, letting the silence settle between them. Without anything else to say, Jihyun continues to drink the tea. Somehow he can't help feeling that there is now a wall. Though disappointment of another kind assails him, he doesn't delve too deeply into it.
“That was delicious,” he says, once finished. “Thank you.”
She smiles. “Then I’ll be off.”
“I’ll walk you out.”
Getting to his feet, Jihyun holds out his hand and helps Lux to stand. Then, he escorts her to the door. Upon reaching it he opens it for her, about to say farewell with a smile. She doesn’t step out immediately, however; she stops before him, prompting him to close the door.
“Thank you for this evening,” she says. “I had a good time.”
Reaching out, he tucks a lock of loose hair behind her ear.
"The evening was too short," he sighs. "Time flies with you."
"By that you mean you want to keep me longer?”
He chuckles at her teasing words. “Precisely.”
“Well
 one of these nights, maybe?”
“Maybe—oh
 later tonight
 shall I pick you up at six?”
“Okay.”
Lux leans forward and wraps her arms around him. He sighs as affection fills him to the brim, bringing with it warmth and comfort. Truly, he doesn't want her to leave; he wants her to stay with him tonight and all the other nights in the future. But the time isn't right for now. So, he makes do with returning her embrace. With a tight squeeze, he kisses the top of her head.
“Be careful on the road, please,” he says.
“I’ll let you know when I’m home.”
Nodding, Jihyun lets go though he’s reluctant to. He opens the door again and this time Lux steps out. Standing by the threshold, he watches as she walks through the hall. As she nears the corner she looks over her shoulder. He catches her eye and waves with a smile. After a quick wave back she rounds the corner and disappears.
Four-thirty on the dot, Lux is awake.
Sighing, she stares at the ceiling, thinking of nothing at all. A few minutes pass by. When the silence becomes too stifling she decides to get off the bed. The first thing she does is make the rumpled sheets and fluff the pillows. After, she heads straight to the bathroom to start her morning rituals. Half an hour later, she’s in the living room dressed in activewear, hair tied in a high ponytail. Once she secures her mobile to her armband, she goes on her run.
At five in the morning, the neighbourhood is a ghost town. Once in a while, a straggler will stumble along, returning home from their final haunt of the night. Workers whose jobs need them to be awake before the whole country drive along the roads or opening shops. Some have already settled into their shifts. Nature itself is on the verge of awakening. Birds whistle and tweet songs shyly into the misty morning. They flitter about from one tree to another, easing the populace from slumber.
Lux barely stops to savour it all. Her unfocused eyes stare ahead as her feet pound against the pavement. A playlist of high-paced, hard-hitting songs blare into her ears from the earphones but she doesn’t hear any of it. Instead of staying in the present, she goes to another place... fuzzier and consisted of nothingness. Despite her inattention, she manages to navigate the streets—hazards and all—with ease.
More than an hour later, Lux is back home. She stands in the kitchen, wearing a light blue layered ruffle blouse and brown skirt. After stirring a mug of coffee, she takes it to the bar where a bowl of kimchi rice sits. She doesn’t bother to sit, staying on her feet as she gets started on breakfast. In the living room, the television is on, showing a morning show in low volume.
Suddenly, her phone rings. Lux accepts the call without looking.
"Hello?”
“Good morning.”
The corners of her lips pull up. Bright, warm energy that has nothing to do with the coffee or breakfast now fills her to the brim. God, he is like the sun—bringing hope and happiness into her days. Just hearing his voice is enough
 knowing that he’s in her life is enough. Without him, everything in her life has less meaning. Those two years without him
 how did she even survive that?
“Hi,” she gasps, enthusiastic.
“Is this a good time? I wanted to catch you before you go to work.”
“Of course! You definitely caught me.”
He chuckles. “I’m glad. Did you eat?”
“Yeah, I’m eating right now—kimchi fried rice.”
“That sounds delicious.”
She sighs wistfully. “It would’ve been better if we ate together.”
"It would," he says with a hum. "Then, let's have breakfast tomorrow?"
His words and the affection in them make her smile wider.
“Really?”
“That is, if you're not busy—"
“Yes! A hundred per cent yes!”
He chuckles. “It’s a date, then.”
Tomorrow already seems so far away. As she anticipates the next morning, she’s unwilling to let go of him yet. The coffee and rice rest on the bar, cooling as she shifts her whole attention to the man on the other line. She wishes that he’s right beside her now, eating breakfast together, sharing the morning.
One day.
“Did you eat?” she continues. “Don’t go out hungry.”
“I won’t,” he assures her. “I’m reheating some leftovers now.”
“That’s good—” Lux stops when she sees the time.
“Lux?”
“I have to go,” she sighs.
“Oh, that’s fine; I just wanted to hear your voice.”
“I’m glad you called—I got to hear your voice too."
Jihyun huffs out a quiet laugh. Lux brightens even more.
“All right," he says. "I’ll see you tonight.”
Tonight? She’s about to ask him what’s happening tonight when she remembers their conversation last night. She blinks in recognition. It seems she doesn’t have to wait that long to see him again after all. Well, it’s a shorter wait
 that's still a few hours away.
“Yes, I’ll wait for you.” Her smile softens. “Have a good day today.”
“And you as well.”
The call disconnects. Lux gazes at her mobile with a sigh. The next second, she shakes herself and gets ready to go. She gathers her materials, slips on her shoes, and turns off the television. The half-finished coffee and kimchi rice sits forgotten on the bar. Soon, she's in her car and on the road. There are more cars than before. Lux finds herself waiting through traffic as she navigates to her next destination.
Ten minutes later, she arrives at a flower shop. Her expression brightens when she spots an elderly woman bringing flowers out for display. She steps out of the car and walks up to her. Too focused on her task to notice anything else, the old woman doesn’t react to Lux’s presence. Smiling, Lux squares her shoulders and clears her throat.
“Good morning, Mrs Lee!” she greets loudly.
Mrs Lee jumps, quickly turning to her. Recognition lights up her features before exasperation replaces it. She smacks Lux on the arm. Lux doesn’t dodge, accepting the punishment with a giggle.
“You scared me!” Mrs Lee exclaims.
“Sorry! Sorry,” Lux says.
Mrs Lee glares but she doesn’t hold it for long. With a longsuffering smile, she pats Lux’s cheek before walking back inside the shop. She leaves the door open for Lux, who closes it behind her upon following in. The fragrance of fresh flowers begins to permeate the closed space. It’s faint now but Lux knows that it will strengthen as the day goes by.
“You’re earlier than usual,” Mrs Lee remarks.
Lux inspects a bucket of gardenias on her way to the counter.
“Yeah, she says. “I have extra work after this so
”
“You’re not neglecting sleep, are you?”
“What is sleep?”
Mrs Lee answers with a sad sigh.
“I’m joking—joking,” Lux hurries to say. “I’m getting enough sleep.”
“Mhm.”
Lux chooses not to address the sceptical reply. Instead, she makes a beeline for the shelf of cacti and succulents next to the counter. Bending down, she takes a closer look. They’re all young plants, planted within tiny pots. Jihyun’s smile flashes in her mind as she examines each one with interest.
“Are you looking for something?”
“Hmm—oh, nothing.” Lux smiles at Mrs Lee. “Well, now that you asked
 I read this article about unusual looking succulents? I saw one that looked like bunny ears. It’s cute
 wouldn’t mind having that one for our collection.”
Mrs Lee sucks in a breath thoughtfully, head bobbing to one side.
“Hmm
” she says. “I’ll look around and see if I can—”
“Oh, you don’t have to do anything!” Lux hurries to say.
Mrs Lee waves her hand. “Don’t be silly on me now. It’s not like it’s a big task. Now, come on. If you’re busy then it’s best not to keep you for too long.”
Turning away from the display, Lux smiles to find the bouquets already prepared for her. She pulls her phone from the armband as Mrs Lee ducks down to bring out the machine. After making a quick payment, Lux takes the bouquets and cradles them in her arms. She leans in close and takes in the delicate scents.
“Lovely as always, Mrs Lee,” she compliments.
“I reserve the best for my best customer.”
Lux beams at that. “Thanks so much. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Take care—make sure to get some sleep!”
With a nod, Lux exits the shop and returns to her car. After placing the flowers carefully on the passenger seat, she drives off to her next destination. A further fifteen minutes later, she enters the carpark of the memorial park. As it is the morning there are only a few visitors around. She’s able to find a space without trouble. She takes the bouquets, holding them close to her chest as she ventures out of the carpark and into the park itself.
As she begins to walk further inside, her heart starts to pound in her chest. Clutching the bouquets tight, she doesn’t miss a beat in her strides. At first look, anyone who doesn’t know would see the memorial park as something closer to an art museum. The sleek, clean, and minimalistic structures; the evocative sculptures and artwork; and the water features
 it’s beautiful, the kind of place one would love to sit and relax.
No stranger would look at this place and think this a necropolis.
There’s not much wind today but the air always seems to be still in the park. It’s like everything inside doesn’t follow the natural rules of the world. Everything has come to a complete stop. For Lux, it’s the kind of stillness that makes it hard to breathe. Nevertheless, she keeps walking. Eventually, she reaches an area where graves sit in rows over a vast area of land. With the same unfocused eyes as this early morning, she navigates through the rows to find the one she’s looking for. As she reaches the far end of the land, she stops before a grave.
Unlike most of the others around it around it, this one is pristine. It shines under the morning sun with not even a speck of dust in sight. The corners of Lux’s lips pull up in a sad smile. Engraved on the stone is the name “Yoon Minsoo”. With a quiet sigh, she goes on her haunches and places one of the bouquets on it. As she rises to her feet, her fingers brush against the delicate, fresh petals of a small forget-me-not bouquet that’s also on the grave.
“Hello,” she says.
She doesn’t spend more than a minute gazing upon the headstone. Once done she walks off, backtracking towards the direction she came from. However, instead of returning to the carpark, she veers off to another area. Eventually, she reaches an area of the memorial park that has a long set of stairs leading up to a modern-looking structure. On either side of the stairs are open columbarium separated into equal walled sections. Lux ascends the stairs until she reaches halfway. Then, she turns to the left, going to the very last section at the end. Inside that section, she approaches the centre wall. The plaque she’s looking for is in the middle row of the last column.
“Hey, dad,” she says as she comes to a stop before it.
She places the bouquet in the holder next to the plaque named “Park Yongsik” with a picture right beside it.
“I’m sorry,” she continues. “I can’t stay long.”
As she steps back, her fingers graze over the name. The time she takes is longer than the time she took at Yoon Minsoo’s headstone. Eventually, though, she says her farewells and makes her way back to the carpark. She drives off to her final destination, which is the conservatory. When she reaches the carpark, it’s still empty except for one or three cars. Sighing, she gathers her materials in her arms. She goes straight for the practice rooms where she knows one of her students is waiting.
“Who’s this early bird?”
Lux is halfway to the practice rooms when she hears a familiar voice. Looking up, she sees Seojun, her mentor, and Principal Kim ambling her way. She smiles at the sight of them. Without hesitation, she gets out of their way and bows as they walk by.
“Good morning, Seojun. Good morning, Principal Kim,” she greets.
“Good morning, Ms Park,” Principal Kim says as she walks past.
“Morning,” Seojun replies.
Lux doesn’t raise her head until they’re a few steps away. Glancing in their direction, she smiles at their backs before continuing on. Entering the practice rooms is like entering another world. There is a similarity to the memorial park in its stillness, in how everything seems to have just stopped
 but it’s thicker, more stifling. If Lux had a knife she’s sure she can cut through the air and let the world in. It’s perfect for piano practice, though. With everything so silent Lux can hear scales resounding from one of the rooms. In less than a second, she’s able to locate her student, who stops the moment she steps into the room.
“Good morning, Ms Park,” they say.
“Good morning.” Lux smiles. “Ready to start?”
The clock strikes one in the afternoon.
Jihyun walks to the offices, carrying an armful of binders, when the sound of the piano stops him. Inclining his head to the side, he listens to the gentle melody. The virtuosic quality of the piece makes his heart skip a beat. It’s
 light, delicate, expressive in the way it conveys emotion. All thoughts of work leave Jihyun as curiosity takes over. Looking around, he finds a group of staff congregated around an area of the hall. The music’s resounding from within.
“That
 is Jeong Yejun.”
The voice makes him start. He turns to see the Director approaching.
“Jeong Yejun, sir?” Jihyun says.
“Yes.” The Director smiles proudly.
“Right—oh! Is he the performer for tonight?”
“You are absolutely correct.”
Nodding, Jihyun turns to the crowd again. With the Director beside him, he has no opportunity to get a closer look. Nevertheless, he observes the people watching and listening. Every single one wears a look of awe on their face. Somehow, he’s certain that they’re in another world. Jeong Yejun must be good, to elicit reactions like that.
“Is he
 well-known?” he asks the Director.
“I beg your pardon?”
The question, coupled with the Director’s wide-eyed stare, almost makes Jihyun wince.
“I’m not familiar with the classical music circuit,” he adds hurriedly.
“Kim Jihyun,” the Director sighs. “Choosing to immerse yourself in the world of the arts means familiarising yourself with all facets of them, to better appreciate their existence in this world.”
“Yes, sir.”
The Director nods.
“Born and raised in France,” he continues. “A bit of a prodigy, really; at three his fingers already found their way to the keys. He studied under masters and former pianists. It seemed like he was on track to becoming one of the most transcendental pianists but
 there were some issues
”
Jihyun glances at the Director when he trails off. The man wears a troubled expression on his face. Then, their eyes meet. The Director’s eyes widen in surprise. With a noisy clearing of his throat, he seems to shake himself out of it.
“Anyway,” he blurts loudly. “Three years ago he managed to break through. Now, people can’t get enough of him—which is about time, in my opinion.”
A pensive silence falls between them, punctuated by the melody.
“That’s quite a story,” Jihyun comments a second after.
“Mmm,” the Director affirms. “His interpretation of Mozart and Chopin are some of the best I’ve ever heard in a while—simply exquisite. He gives us this emotional expressiveness whilst keeping every note clear. Like little pearls.”
Jihyun has excellent comprehension but the meaning of those words flew right over his head. Casting an uncertain glace at the crowd, he gives his best impression of a sort-of-agreeing-but-more-observant type of nod. Hearing little musical pearls in a melody may be above his understanding but there was a reason why he stopped to listen. Maybe that is it.
“You do know Mozart and Chopin?”
Jihyun turns back to see the Director gazing at him sceptically.
“Generally,” he admits.
At that, the Director frowns. “You’re seeing a conservatory teacher.”
“Yes, sir.”
“She doesn’t talk shop?”
“I’m afraid not—”
“Played something? Surely?”
“Oh—”
“As art is the lifeblood of many artists, so is music to musicians.”
At those words, Jihyun casts his mind back to all the time he spent with Lux since his return. The moment he starts scrambling he knows the answer. There is not even an instance where he caught her playing for herself. A mild deflating yet troubled feeling settles in his chest. She’s seen his attempts at art numerous times since his return... but the other way around

“Uhm
”
“Director! Are you busy?”
The interruption saves Jihyun from answering. He releases a quiet sigh when the Director turns his attention to the newcomer. They talk amongst themselves while Jihyun continues to listen and watch. The thoughts in his mind are a jumbled mess. Pearls. It is good piano playing, even he can tell that
 but he doesn’t understand what it means. Will Lux know? Will she talk about it with him? Is there a reason she hasn’t been?
“Back to work, Jihyun.”
Jihyun turns to the Director, who’s gazing at him sternly.
“Yes, sir.”
With a nod, he walks off. As he does, he also addresses the crowd that had gathered around Jeong Yejun. He scolds them, telling them to return to work as well. With a titter, the staff disperses. Finally, Jihyun gets a glimpse. Dark hair, a broad back, arms that seem to dance along the length of the keys. He continues to watch as the Director hangs back to speak with the pianist. Like a switch, his professional demeanour relaxes and a fond expression overcomes him. Jeong Yejun glances at the director and Jihyun catches a hint of a dimple.
Soon after, the Director departs. After one last look, Jihyun goes too.
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kari-a-la-tari · 3 years
Text
The (Unneccessary) Lore of the WG Spanish Dubs
Aka me being like this meme for an entire post
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OKAY so a couple of weeks ago I had just learned that there existed a Spanish version of Wordgirl called “La Chica Supersabia” which is honestly super cool cause who doesn’t wanna hear their show in a different language?
But alas, this ended up taking me into a much deeper rabbit hole than I was expecting and it’s honestly pretty interesting so I thought I’d share it with y’all!
DISCLAIMER: I am not an expert by any means nor do I intend to come off as one, this is simply an elaborate essay of what I’ve found through my informal research. I will also be translating anything in Spanish to the best of my extent, so I apologize if I mess up a bit with the wording since it’s not my native language.
So then *places a baseball cap with glued lightbulb on my head* let’s get started shall we?
Okay so first things first, there are a couple of select episodes of La Chica Supersabia (I’ll use LCS from here on) available on the internet. The most reliable source that I’ve found is on an old Facebook account here where a fan would upload LCS episodes based on when they aired. However, the only episodes available are a select few from season one.
Now this got my mind thinking “Hey, what if there’s more episodes?” So naturally, I started scoundering on Google (like the rat I am) to see if there was indeed more. And according to this one site there are only two seasons of LCS that were dubbed.
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Translation: In Latin America, the first season premiered on Discovery Kids August 3, 2009, while the second season premiered on the same channel January 11, 2010, being the only two seasons issued. (Source)
However, later on I discovered that there was some mislead in that info because someone else found a Spanish episode that was from season 3, which doesn’t make sense because why would there be another season available when it clearly says that they technically shouldn’t exist? (Btw I tried finding it myself cause I did see that episode before but for some reason now I can’t find it dhdvvdbdvd 😭)
At first I thought maybe this is just some info added from a fan. After all, that statement was posted on a Spanish Wikipedia page so it is possible. So I began looking for other articles that talked about the Spanish dubs, but they all said the same thing. Well, until I came up with this site that said two very intriguing things:
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Translation: The series actually had 3 seasons and is dubbed in Caracas, Venezuela. On May 2012 the series stopped running on daytime hours and was removed from the programming one year later, on June 17, 2012. It is unknowns if it will be aired by another channel or come back to the Discovery Kids programming, besides only the two first seasons were dubbed in Spanish. (Source)
I was a little bit confused here with the wording because it still didn’t confirm my original questions; if anything it left me with more. But then I read the next section below which got me completely off track.
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Translation: The series received negative critics and complains on behalf of parents of families in Latin America that claimed that it wasn’t appropriate for the objective public of Discovery Kids. Without doubt in the U.S. the series had been well received and even won an Emmy award for Jack D. Ferraiola, writer and coproductor of the series together with the creator of the same show, Dorothea Gillim, who declared the following in respective to the series: (Source)
Now this one took me by a whirlwind: WTH why was this version hated by people in Latin America while it’s adored by everyone in the U.S.?? And I watched some episodes of LCS and while the dubbing is pretty funny (lol) there wasn’t anything inappropriate about it. For the most part they stuck on script with the original episode they had to dub.
So I dove even deeper...
And o h m y g o d there is an answer to this.
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Translation: The program premiered in Latin America on August 2009 on the Discover Kids channel, aiming at pre schoolers. Although the channel gave a lot of promotion for the show during the final months of 2009 and the majority of 2010, at the end of the year they decided to change the programming to nighttime hours because the show received a lot of critics from parents saying that the show was too “violent” and that it encouraged kids to lie to their parents (due to the obvious fact that Becky had to give an excuse everytime she had to leave to turn into WordGirl and save the day), and they complained constantly on the message boards now deleted of the channel. The program was eliminated completely on June 2012, without doubt, PBS maintained the Spanish dubs so that they would use for SAP (Second Audio Program) in the U.S. in a different studio (Dubbing House in Mexico and later Lorry Post in Miami, FL), but the program no longer returned to Discovery Kids until August 2014. (Source)
And DUDE no y’all this was just a complete hilarious yet ridiculous slap to the face. I mean..what the, why was that the reasoning as to why it was hated so much? Just cause of some literal PG kid friendly cartoon violence? And what do parents mean when they say it teaches them to lie to their parents?? I mean with all due respect, who was Discovery Kids target audience they had in mind vs. what it actually was? Because if there actual audience was very very young kids, they okay sure I can understand the need to point fingers at them in that sense. But if it was for slightly older kids (8-10 years old), then I think that parents can probably show kids at that age the reasoning behind why Becky lied in the show (not to mention that most kids at that age can understand what’s going on for the most part).
“Now is this actually true?” some of you may ask, which is understandable since this is coming from a wiki page. Well, I think it’s about time I put another disclaimer: sadly for the most part, the majority of these sources that I’ve attached have broken links when it comes to their references. And the ones that aren’t broken don’t mention anything about the topics that have been discussed here. But there are some smaller sources I’ve found here (look at the last three comments) and here that do indeed confirm that the show was canceled due to the force of parents.
However, the current grey area I’m in still is on the Spanish dubbing listing. See, I originally thought that there were three different dubbings according to this one post below (M&M Studios, Dubbing House and Lorry Post). I even thought I cracked it since according to this chart below the rest of the seasons were under the Dubbing House studios! However, it turns out that one of the studios Lorry Post doesn’t actually exist. Like nothing related to dubbing came up at all when I searched it up.
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Translation: Dubbing Studio 1 - M&M Studios (Seasons 1-2). Dubbing Studio 2 - Dubbing House (Seasons 3-8). Dubbing Studio 3 - Lorry Post (Season 8 - final episodes). (Source)
And then that’s when I took a harder look at this website and realized that it’s part of a Spanish Wiki page called “Propuestas de Fans de Doblaje” (Fan Proposals for Dubs). *insert facepalm emoji* And just...I honestly feel so dumb that I didn’t notice that detail when I did my initial research cause that would’ve saved me a lot of time đŸ˜€. Anywho so that explains the Lorry Post mystery, but then lies the other question: do the other dubs exist?
Well, this is where I draw the line. See, on that same wikipage, it mentions that LCS had completely different voice actors for each of the dubbings. The first dub (M&M) is from Venezuela and after looking at the VA’s, they can be traced back to LCS. But after looking at the VA’s for the second dub (Dubbing House) in Mexico, there is nothing related to them and LCS or WG. Not even on movie databases.
“Now are you gonna give up on this idea?” you may ask. And the answer is......
No.
Why? Well, it’s mainly because there is a compellingly set of evidence that proves that the first two dubs do actually exist, which is...
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youtube
THIS VIDEO, which shows that there were not one, but two variations of the LCS Spanish theme song. The first one is the Spanish version, and the second one that plays is the Venezuela version. And if you can remember, there were 2 dubbings of LCS; one located in Mexico (Dubbing House) and another In Venezuela (M&M Studios)!
Anywhosole, that is where I conclude this elaborate essay of mine. There are still a couple of loose strings here and there that I wanna check out myself but I’ve already tired myself out with this essay. I hoped you liked seeing me lose my mind speculate on the LCS episodes! This was honestly pretty fun ngl, maybe I’ll try doing this again in the future if something else interesting pops up! If you have anything you wanna add or maybe point out something that I may have forgotten, please by all means bring it up!
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yamagucji · 3 years
Text
a series of thank you’s i’ve been meaning to give for a while now. please note i couldn’t get everyone bc im smol brained and im forgetful :(( also its vedy long so i added a readmore link but if it’s okay then i can remove it!
i would’ve preferred to go to your inboxes/dm’s but im scared tđŸ€ąumblrs going to glitch on me if i do it again a ha ha
@doublemoons
i remember you sent in my first ever request and i was SO happy likeđŸ„ș my account had no visibility on week 1 but then you somehow found my blog and since then you’ve been supporting me. i love the aesthetic of your blog and i always look forward to your rb’s because they so cute and insightful !! ik we haven’t talked much but i definitely perceive u as a gentle person here’s 1k hearts for you and you only <3
@insanityqueen
please i was *intense squealing* and *happy noises* when you said you wanted to be mutuals :’) im definitely uhhh way too immature for u but you still stick with all the caps and !!! i send you😭 you’re such an interesting, talented person. day 1 you got me HOOKED with your art and im gonna say this again,, i have never seen skin look soo s o f t painted. im really grateful for your company and all your cats and the hinata art you made međŸ„ș i am not still thirsting over it i swear and then you sent me pieces of your writing and i def expected hc’s but then BOOMđŸ§â€â™€ïž im so amazed by your writing. also you are vv pretty i hope you know that
@zephyrria
matching heart memes matching heart memesđŸ˜Ÿ i don’t talk to you as much but our main form of communication is literally exchanging heart memes w/o a word,,, if that isn’t true love idk what is :// anyway i love our little convos so much it always brightens my day! and omg lets not forget when you made me a drabble back😳 like wha- HUH !! i was so touched i rlly went boom boom woosh bc no ones ever written me one back and i!! that yamaguchi gives me so much comfort. you give me sm comfort, thank you bub <3
@beanst0ck
hehe my first tumblr crushđŸ˜Œ as soon as i deactivated my reading account to my a writing blog i was like “ok bean is on my top to-follow list” like i thought you were so cool and i was vv shy to interact with youđŸ„ș and YOU STILL ARE COOL!! your works are really amazing and i am vv much still in love w my matchup w suga :’)
@killuababie
HHHH GRR BORK BORK I LUB U B NEVER GONNA STOP LOVING YOU BHH💓✹ bro,,,, when we switched over to insta it was WILD like— our sense of humor? matched. immaculate. please i love seeing all the memes u send me it makes my day so much like u don’t understand😭 and our convos really go chaos sometimes gkfjdj i love it. u need to pull up and play among us w me sometime 😡
@bewwybun
m-my first spouseđŸ„ș even tho it was a joke the first time and i said sike fkdjdjdj but you still accepted my dino chimken nuggie ring hehe <3 bub your are literally the CUTEST HHHHH LIKE,,, cuteness overload !!! i love talking to you sm and our little exchange of heart memes make the butterflies in my tummy go ✹
@mei-writes
mayđŸ„ș imy bub i hope you’re doing well and taking good care of yourself. still very grateful for that time you pulled through to check which of my links weren’t working. and there’s a LOT. like the fact that you took time out of your day for me still baffles me. anyway im lomve you ik we don’t talk as much but you’re still a valued moot to me. im offering u free headpats hehe
@kozsma
hi maria👉👈 you’re so wonderful and rlly amazing w your smaus. absolutely smitten over our chaotic conversations fkfjd we haven’t talked in a while but if you see this just know that i’m here for you <3 take some self care okay? hope you’re doing good bub
@tsukkeisimp
dalia, you wondering being💞 please what did i do to deserve your love >;( we don’t talk much but we have exchanged heart memes before and you’re always out here supporting me whenever you can and like!! tysm bub. i hope you’re feeling better from the last time we interacted, and please do take good care of yourself!
@satorispup
can’t believe you made a reputation of having a piss kink. what power. what energy >>> anyway it’s fun seeing your chaotic energy on my feed/tl. sometimes i won’t even look at the user and say yeah💔 that’s hero alright gkfjdj also you’re so cute what the heck😡😡
@tobiokvgs
[ insert 100 hearts ] this for u bub. im still going crazy over your tsukki lipbalm piece like i was so FLUSTERED you really did that huh😭 you’re so nice and sweet, ty for giving me headbonks as well im really glad to get them😌 hope you have an amazing day bub, and take care!!
@bunnyuuji
cutecutecutest bean everđŸ„ș you have such wonderful works and im truly in love with your writing😌 also you’re so SWEET WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE U GKFJDJ literally you weren’t obligated to stop by my ask and check in but u did >:(
@yanderepunkin
hehe ik we haven’t interacted in such a long time but im including you!! bc i appreciate you!! i know you’ve supported me a lot especially when i just started this blog and im really thankful for it. also uhhh im still not over accidentally turning off anon when i was- yeah😿 i wish you all the love in the world, and please do take gentle care of yourself 💓
@ahkaahshi
frannn👁👁đŸ€Č yes im gonna start with how big brained you are. your passion for textiles and improving the environment is vv cool to me. and then there’s the fact you write these hq characters so well. yes i am absolutely still living for your character analysis. i am thriving off of them!! here’s me manifesting kita and/or sakusa to show up in your dreams hehe
@sachirou-senpai
i hope you dont mind me sending u stuff every now and then! anyway im in awe of your writing and art skills. you brought a realistic yamaguchi and i ascended😳 i genuinely think you’re such a cool person but also please take breaks!! ik it’s such an overused phrase but i genuinely mean it. i care u <3
@kenmakodzu
you’re so sweet and you do really be sending me back some heart memes😳 i go BOOM BOOM yaya that’s more to my collection;) also you and your hq anon interactions go WILD omg it really does make my day more interesting whenever i see them😂 also i do be seeing some of ur chaotic energy on my dash and i am HERE for it
@tsukkisbean
hemlo clarađŸ„ș d-do you remember me gkdjshsjs i think its been a while since we interacted. you’re so sweet and AHH lmao did u know we were in a poly with wiss😔💔 yeah❀ n e way i hope you’ve been alright these past few weeks, and if not, please get some break!
@atsunflower
miya twin supremacy😡 can’t believe you made me swerve over to osamu’s lane because of your amazing writing. how could you. the mf audacity. i rlly do fell in love with that piece do so THAMK U and that also goes for the support you’ve given me💗
@lespaghetti
ozzyđŸ‘đŸ‘đŸ€ ngl our conversations have been top tier im glad i got to uhmm,,, get some of these *thoughts* out of my head. you’re such a sweet little bean!!! that art/sketch you did with the purple (?) themed uniforms was really cute. im glad to have u as my moot and *cough* my vip reader *cough*
@sleepykarabou
our heart meme streak was strong until school happened😔 but i really enjoy them tho!! it’s very calming talking to you (fun, but also vv calming idk that’s how i feel) loving the brainrots we give each other of our favs from time to time :’) also omg OSRRY im barely active in the server please spare me😿 im lomve u
@nerdybreadcollaborative
gee!! AHHHH KGFJJD GRRR u sweet bean oh my goodness. where do i start- ??? i’ve already gushed so much abt your writing but here we go again; i love your writing so much and your attention to the little details is so great. they flow so well and i hope u get more visibility bc it’s what u deserve!! also please take care of yourself and don’t work too much u nerdy bean
@nishinoya-is-baby
ely my plant kinnie, my spouse (?) and also the blog that i dump my h word thots onđŸ˜­â€ïž ahhh im lomve you, you’re amazing. from your writing, to your makeup skills, and your room, the talent really ✹jumped out✹thank you for supporting me so much, i genuinely appreciate it. i hope we can stay moots despite me being busy gkfjdj anyway take care bbie don’t work too much okay?
@art0saurus
TATEđŸ˜€ the amount of hq brainrot you’ve fed me is astronomical. idk how you keep coming up with such good ideas but im all for them!! i love your writing so much and the plots are so *chefs kiss* (yes im still gushing over mermaid!bokuto). thank you so much for sending some bits of positivity into my life, im really grateful for it :’)
@dorkyhaikyu
EL!đŸ˜Œ you sweet bean. wish i could bombard ur asks but school is saying no </3 you’re such a sweet mutual and your writing is absolutely amazing. still kinda hurt over that angst u made💔 but anyway i loved it sm. also please wear safer shoes next time on big events so u dont get any more BLISTERS kgjdjdh jkjk
@chickenwingspiker
nashnashnashđŸ„ș👉👈 wth you’re so cute and even cuter with the little emoticons u put in my asks. i really appreciate you taking time out of your day to check in on me. i think your works are really heckin cool, im still very into that sock agenda one and the akaashi fic AHH i love them sm. i hope that u have better experiences with online learning and i really wish you all the best on ur art journey <3
@miyastrology
did u forget abt our walk to the strawberry field😿 jkjk heyyy atlas!! im lomve your theme and your writing. i have the urge to say you’re as sweet as strawberry bc im unoriginal like that💔 let’s just pretend i put something kute :’( n e way u are vv cute, make sure to take care of yourself ok!!
@derpeedoo
your rb’s and comments on ppl works... i just... my heart is full. im complete. i go absolute doki doki for you. you’re such a genuine person and you give people so much love❀ here’s an unlimited supply of my love to you bc you deserve it. ty for all the cute questions btwđŸ„ș
🕊 anon - still wondering if ur one of my already-moots or not😳 but anyway dove anon i have a lot to say,,, like how ?? do u go “ok let’s check in on aaron today hehe” like am i interesting??😭 i feel kinda bad ngl you really don’t have to talk to me. but nevertheless im really appreciate of all the support you’ve given me. i genuinely think you’re a cool person and you do all these fun stuff like photography which is amazing. here’s the biggest THANK YOU i could ever give <3 ps. your art is CUTE and AMAZING @bee-kins
@simping-for-tendou
do i??? spam your feed??😭 you’re always liking my posts and i feel so sorry for spamming but also vv appreciate of all the interaction i’ve had with you!! im very glad i got to ask you qotd and stuff because i got to know that you like plants as well!! thank you for sharing plant facts with me, it really made my day. i genuinely think you’re such an awesome and big brained person for knowing all those factsđŸ„ș👉👈
@wissaaltje
ngl i was very intimated by you bc of all your angst and really good works which is probably why i never reached out to you sooner😿 ur my uhhh third spouse <3 but anyway your CHAOTIC ENERGY is thru the roof i love that sm and your writing is so mf beautiful i wish more people got to see it😡 i will gib you flower soup and muddy pie to make you feel better ;) jkjk but you’re very amazing and i hope you know that!
@smolbludandelions
hehe you’re in heređŸ˜Œ thank you ???? for supporting me even tho you’re not obligated??? like wh- i- bubđŸ„șđŸ€Č you have all my heart and i rlly rlyy want to stop by your inbox and give you heart memes but me why >;( i hope you have the most amazing day(s) of your life because you deserve it SO much.
@tadashi-simp
FINALLY someone i can simp over yamaguchi with😭 ik we haven’t talked much but AH i love the conversations we’ve had so far and all that insight you gave me about the new wanda film (truly a blessing bc i was so genuinely confused gkfjdj).
@oikaw-ugh
just. JOLLIBEE. can’t believe one of our first interactions was u sending me chain mail smfh i cannot believe you😭 anyway po i appreciate you so much na kaka tawa ako sa mga msgs mo and all the good vibes u radiate. mag bisaya unta ko nimi pero baka mag nosebleed ako😿 im losing my native languages it’s not even funny anymore but when i got to talk to u in my mother tongue, i felt a bit more at home. thank you bub <3
@makemealive
hihi👉👈 idrk what we first talked about, i think it was spending vacation in the galapagos islands??😭 riding turtles??? what a great way to start our friendship :’) i rlly think you’re cool and i just,,,, admire u from afar- yeah. sorry this message is too chaotic but anyway u might not have a green thumb but look at you growing potatoes accidentally😌 anyway i think you’re cool i just haven’t said it before because im s Hy
@lostsealscreams
seal, bub, i genuinely care about you. you’re such a sweet person. i know we haven’t interacted much but im looking forward to more conversations with you!! please find little fun things to do... maybe do some self appropriation if you can, bc you deserve it. maybe even treat yourself... or any self care tasks that make you feel better. i care about you a lot, im just an ask/dm away if you wanna talk about anything at all💕💞✹
@hqgardenia - jkjk this is my spam account idk why i put this here but here probably bc im dumb as fuck
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