#wtf even is this crackfic

[winterchimez]

MOOT GAME: " make up a trope for your moots and their biases. doesn’t need to be romantic. can be crackfic/funny. ^ㅇ(๑>◡<๑)ㅇ^ "

hi anon-ie!! yayyyy ok this is so fun imma just *rubs hands* cook up some scenarios 😋 (tagging the ones i talk to on a daily basis!! 💗)

@sungbeam acedemic rivals - theres something about you just being rivals with changmin and it gets on your nerve whenever he outperforms you but then all that bickering slowly turn into romance and thats something i will be watching from afar with my popcorn.

@from-izzy strangers to lovers - you and hyunjae (as much as i wanna mention the other guy but i won't bcs im trying to be nice 🥰) would meet as strangers on your first day of uni orientation, seemingly also ends up as deskmate in class and boom hes the goofy funny guy, always trying to get you involve in activities when you're just shy and reluctant and then the both of you start falling for each other

@daisyvisions best friends to lovers - we all know how much you love this, esp with hyunjae when yall be doing things that are pretty much obvious that's more than just friends 😏 so by the time yall end up together its more of a meh we've already done this before but then it gets awkward cs you're both now labelled as bf/gf

@aimeecarreros / @momhwa-agenda enemies to lovers - bcs of what you told me yesterday....but juyeon who's always teasing and bullying you...but then it's bcs he actually likes you sm but bcs of his ego he refuses to believe nor accept reality...but then it eventually hits him and hes confronted by you with a revenge dress and he goes oh. 😌

@snowflakewhispers mutual pining - realistically you and jacob would be having feelings for each other but then you both have your doubts (even though you don't look like it when you have beef with me everyday 🙄 HOWEVER it'll be cute but then the rest of us at the side will be all frustrated (aka me, daisy, elena) be like HE ALSO LIKES YOU BACK WTF but you're just "IDK MAN I DONT THINK HE WOULD"

@kimsohn unrequited love (but with a happy ending) - sunwoo's been head over heels over you since day one but you're always just ignoring his advnaces be like "this dude is hella weird", this goes on until one day you eventually see the other side of him, he makes you blush and he gets a high and giddy be like "okay confirmed maya likes me now i've won in life"

@justalildumpling rich kid au - ok i know it sounds cliché but hear me out!! na jaemin aka the rich boy from uni and he gets all the girls and naturally you fall for him too cs hell hes a fine-looking man but then maybe one day you are forced to live with him and thats when you see his true colours which makes you go ew, but then bcs of your personality you'll be like "i will change this man" (which you do) and he realises that you're not like the other girls out there

@ethereal-engene coffeshop au - you just give me calm sunshine vibes so!! you and woozi in the coffee shop, woozi as the barista (WHEW WITH A WHITE SHIRT- 😮‍💨) either you both work tgt as coworkers and eventually become a couple, or you would often visit the store not just for the good coffee but also for the good looking barista 👀

@drunkdrazed childhood friends to lovers - you're literally the sweetest human being so it would only be appropriate for this trope!! either with ten / jacob, you would fit so well 🥺 love the way how yall know literally anything abt each other and when yall reach uni / work and thats when you both realised that you're falling for one another instead 🫶

@h0mebody-heaven soulmate au - you're so funny and another ball of energy!! i can't imagine a better soulmate for hendery than you! lmao i can imagine all the chaos, the jokes that you both are gonna pull, probably asks you to film plenty of questionable tiktoks but then you oblige bcs YOLO 🤭

@strayed-quokka established relationship - do i need to say more, husband sangyeon and you're the housewife. you can replay that scenario in your mind.

@sanaxo-o arranged marriage - chanhee the rich son of dior's ceo ✨ but imagined getting pampered by him??? what a life it'll be 😮‍💨

#❄️ — asks! #sweetest anon! <3 #mutuals! <3 #this was fun ngl #def can do a pt2 if anyone wants cs the list here is already so long ansdjasnd

[softrosehale]

That Took A Twist! - Rosalie Hale

A/N: hi so i was really high when i wrote this and i intended it to be a funny, light-hearted crackfic. don’t get me wrong, i have no idea wtf is wrong with me, like some parts of this don’t need to exist but here you go. anyways, i genuinely think that rosalie is one of the most complex characters in the series and smeyer fucked her over that’s all bye 

“You know what I love about you?” You asked, peering at your mate from your upside-down perch from the couch, legs kicking playfully in the air. Rosalie quirked an eyebrow at you, full lips pulling up into an affectionate smile. “And what would that be?” She asked, her voice honey sweet. 

“Is it her ample bosom?” Emmett asked from his spot on the ground, brows furrowed as he gripped his remote controller tightly, cracks forming in the flimsy plastic. Rosalie’s eyes rolled, and she turned to the gigantic teddy bear. “Excuse–”

“Nah, it isn’t her bosom,” You answered. “Though,” You grinned at your mate, practically leering at her. Your eyes glinted predatorily. “Her bosom is indeed ample.” Rosalie squinted at you, even though you could feel through the bond, that she was internally preening at the twisted compliment. You growled softly in her direction, the lust in your eyes evident. Rosalie swore that if she could blush, she would. In fact, she could feel the phantom heat of blood rushing to her cheeks. She winked at you, crossing her arms across her chest, pushing the subject of the conversation higher. You let out a soft squeak and turned away quickly, feeling faint. 

“Hey, can we please stop using the word ‘bosom,’ please?” Jasper grunted out from his spot on the love seat in the corner, Alice twined around him. Edward, in the same position with a golden-eyed Bella, nodded in agreement. Bella turned to him, brows furrowed in confusion. “What’s wrong with the word bosom? You complimented me on mine just an hour ago, Edward.”

Edward choked silently while Emmett and Jasper roared with laughter. You turned to Edward. “Really? Bosom?” You shook your head sadly at him. “This is why you were still a virgin at 110 or some shit,” You lamented. 

“Seriously,” Jasper agreed. “Why not call them what they are?” 

Alice quirked an eyebrow at him. “And what would they be?”

“Are we speaking about Bella’s bosom or yours?”

“I thought you said that we weren’t using the word bosom anymore?”

“Can we also put Rose’s bosom back on the list? Hers is ample.” 

“So are Bella’s!”

“So are Alice’s!”

“Why are you lying to her?”

A half an hour later, three broken walls and about half of Emmett’s limbs removed, courtesy of Jasper, Bella, Edward– well, everyone, really. Alice was searching on her phone about which push-up bras were best and pouting. Jasper was still nursing both bite marks and biting hurt from insults hurled (“Shut the fuck up, Jasper! You were a fucking Major for the Confederates, you’re used to suppressing someone else’s rights!”). Edward was rocking back and forth, his hands carding through his hair, raking it into a wild mess. His eyes were haunted– they grew that way when an impromptu wet t-shirt contest was held. Bella was looking at you and Rosalie thoughtfully, nodding her head. Yes, Rose’s bosom was quite ample. Emmett was still sulking about the lost arm-wrestling match between you and him– hence one broken wall explained. 

Rosalie, as always, was unbothered, staring at her perfectly manicured nails. She made sure to keep them shorter this time. You were curled against her, head rested on the reason for three broken walls, Emmett losing half of his limbs, and a slight but repairable rift in the family. You nuzzled your face into your mate’s chest, a soft purr rumbling through your throat. “You never answered my question earlier,” You murmured, softly enough for only your mate to hear. 

“Yes, you can go on top next time,” Rose murmured back. “It’s quite fun when you’re on top, not gonna lie.” She mused. You blinked. “...That wasn’t the question I was talking about, but…” You trailed off, cocking your head thoughtfully. “That’s good to know. No, I meant, wanna know what I love about you?”

Rosalie’s expression melted into something warm and soft, eyes full of love. “What would that be, my heart?” She asked, brushing her fingertips along your cheek. You leaned into her soft, tender touch. “I love everything about you,” You smiled, capturing her hand in yours. You pressed soft kisses to each of her fingers, happily noticing the much shorter length of her nails. You ended it with a kiss to her palm. She curled her fingers around yours. “There’s nothing about you that I don’t love,” You continued. “Thank you. Thank you for giving me this life and wanting me for eternity. I promise to love you for as long as that is for us, and beyond.” 

Alice’s eyes unfocused for a second, and she smiled to herself. Edward, seeing the vision through his gift, smiled as well. He and Alice unobtrusively herded Bella, Jasper, and Emmett, who was still subdued from his loss (of limbs and arm-wrestling match) followed along silently.

Rosalie’s eyes welled with tears that could never fall. For so long, she loathed her existence, cursing herself for her beauty. It was all anyone had ever noticed about her– nothing below the surface of the complex girl with the face that rivaled Aphrodite’s. Until you. You’d seen beneath the cold, stoic, angry mask– clawed your way past the surface with bare hands and a determined heart. You knew her. You saw her. Her beautiful face and ample bosom were just three bonuses– very nice ones, but bonuses nonetheless. 

“I love you with everything I am,” Rosalie’s reply was soft, but no less filled with heart than yours. “My entire heart is yours.” She intoned. You squeezed her hand gently. “I promise to treat it with nothing but the utmost care,” You replied. “I know that others in the past have not, but I promise that I’m not like them.”

Rosalie inhaled shakily. Those wounds, no matter how old, were still raw. She wondered if they would always be– wondered if the pain ever lessened. She hoped it did; she had to hope that it did. “I know,” She agreed quietly. She leaned forward until her forehead pressed against yours. “And me?” She breathed softly, liquid gold eyes wide. “Do I have your heart as well?” Her voice was teasing, playful, but her eyes held hope that both heartened but broke your heart as well– that she could doubt her worth to you. 

You pulled her closer, twining yourself around her like a koala would a tree (minus the chlamydia). You looked up at her, golden eyes glowing with warmth, your love for her practically roaring through the bond like a wildfire. “You know you do. You have, ever since the first ‘hello.’”

#Rosalie Hale x Reader #rosalie lillian hale #my writing

[ear-motif]

crackfic

alana feels a pebble in her shoe. She takes out the pebble. under that pebble is a single piece of dog kibble. smelling the now-freed kibble, a dog wanders up. there is a scroll of parchment tied to its collar.

alana feeds the dog the kibble. the collar is unmarked. an owned dog with no name? a stray with a decoration? well, arent we all. she unrolls the scroll. it has been penetrated with a quill that scored it with cursive in computer-font perfection

“hiiiii alana its me will dictating to hannibal cause my hands are broken. Don’t worry about it.

Anyways do you know any good sex therapists in the greater Baltimore area? We’re not coming back but we might kidnap one lol. Hannibal keeps getting bored in the bedroom and there are only so many ways a guy can eat pussy know what I’m sayin? Or a girl. Eat pussy I mean. You get it. Wait shit Han don’t write that I shouldn’t assume what she does in the bedroom. Hannibal shut up you know nothing about gay people

Ok so he has this fantasy of giving me a lethal injection and then saving me right before I die. And my argument is that that’s not sex. Like wtf. But anyways dude I cant with him he doesn’t even wanna kiss anymore unless my mouth is bleeding like wtf man

He won’t see a sex therapist of course I just need someone to rant to who wont scream and you refuse to reply to my letters, asshole. Ok ttyl byeee”

Alana crumples up the parchment, but in doing so, sees more words on the back. They were barely legible, even worse than when Will had to write with his toes (he got injected with botox while trying to stab an esthetician). Unfortunately, Alana could still make it out;

“Dude forget the sex therapist I told Hannibal he could inject me with whatever as long as I get to do something similar. And bro I’m gonna make an electric chair for him im so excited. So we dont need any more recommendations also sorry for the pussy comment ok bye for real”

#why do i write these things #delete later #its too long therefore betrays my embarrassing investment into whats essentially a braindead tumblr post

[gary-mu]

Hi there- may I request headcanons for Aki when you send him a weird crackfic? I know this may be a weird request but I send horrible crackfics to my friends to torture them lol.

Not weird at all my dear anon. I find your request very interesting, actually. Here we go...

-HC- Sending Aki a crackfic

Warnings/Tags: none, friends being friends, Aki being a grandpa.

*No beta read

Aki was on the balcony enjoying a cup of coffee and smoking a cigarette when he got a text. Seeing your name on the screen put a soft smile on his face.

You hadn't talked in a while, and it was nice to hear from you again, but as soon as he read the "hey Aki, you should totally read this lol," he stared emptily at the horizon like he was in The Office. He knew you too well to know it meant bad news.

You should have seen his face when he read the description. It was a mixture of "WTF did I just read?" and "will I regret what I'm about to do?". But hey! He's a demon hunter. It's not that he hasn't seen worse things before. Right?

Well, no... Two paragraphs in, and Aki was already pinching the bridge of his nose and cursing the moment he decided to open the link. His day had just begun, and now he would have to deal with that mental image for hours.

"Y/N, what the hell?" was his first reply. He wasn't even near the funniest worse part.

Crackfics' only purpose is to make people laugh at crazy situations that never make sense, but not for Aki. He would analyze everything as if he was reading the newspaper or a scientific article.

"But that's not even possible!" he would yell mid-reading, looking almost offended. How could the author dare to make such assumptions?

Call it masochism, but Aki couldn't stop reading. No matter what, he always finishes what he started, and that crackfic won't be an exception.

"Some people just have a lot of free time, smh," He wrote, actually shaking his head like a grandpa once he was done. He needed another cup of coffee.

"So? What do you think? Did you like it"?" you asked, perfectly sure he was gonna say it was shit.

"I don't even know what drugs people must be on to write such things. I didn't like it," he finally replied drily.

But he will never admit to you -not even to himself- that he had to bite back a laugh more than once because the story was just too silly.

#aki x reader #aki hayakawa x reader #chainsaw man x reader #csm x reader #chainsaw man headcanons #csm headcanons #aki hayakawa #aki csm #chainsaw man

[sobashahzadi]

yeah so this a comic I made a whole while ago

I don’t do many but ya know, @randomnumber20 and I were talking bout their oc and and I couldn’t resist (context at the end of u want some)

Rika-UGH! I’m so bored!

Aki-Well, you could always help us clean up?

Rika-that’s boring!

Rika-I know! Let’s talk about romance and stuff!

Endou-what romance stuff is there to talk about?

Rika-Loads! Like uh… what about… Ryuukou! I bet he’s 100% going out with someone!

Kabeyama-Really? Who do you think he would be going out with?

Rika-I dunno but I do see him talking with Reina a lot

Fudou-Nahhh, he’s deffo going out with Afuro, have u seen the way he looks at him?

Touko-but he’s always so soft and gentle around Reina?

Fubuki- (bless his sweet soul) Ryuukou and Afuro would make a really cute couple

Kougure-I bet 500yen he’s dating Reina!

Todd(wtf is his name in sub again?)- I bet 1000yen he’s dating Afuro!

Aki-guys stop we can’t be betting behind their ba-

midorikawa- I bet 1500 it’s Reina!

Aki-MIDORIKAWA! Not u too!

midorikawa-sorry…

______________________________________________________________ CONTEXT-

-Ryuukou is @randomnumber20’s Inazuma eleven oc, go ask them about him if your curious but beware the guy does not shut up once he starts (only if there isn’t anything else in common to talk about ofc)

-Everyone from past Raimon teams (most characters, some aren’t there for the plot but they were all supposed to go, so like the s2 team and Inazuma Japan and all) gathered to have a match or whatever just for fun before they graduate middle school (this is before their actual post-graduation match) just for funsies under coach Hibiki, coach Kudou and coach Hitomiko. -but suddenly a storm started to brew and crashed their parade, now these poor players must wait out the rain and thunder in the club room-chaos ensues (coaches went for shelter to the school because they’re professional adults, also Hitimiko refused to step inside that “shabby looking ramshackle of a shed”)

-basically they’ve been there a solid 5 minutes and Rika is already bored out of her mind and she wants to do what she does best, gossip about romance. When Endou, oblivious to everything but sakka asks what romance there could possible be to talk about Rika thinks hard and suddenly remembers a fairly new face that happened to catch the hearts of many recently, the one the only, the thundergod of the field Ryuukou.

-she first suggests that Reina might be interested in this handsome specimen, however Fudou, always looking to stir up trouble brings up the fact that Afuro seems mightily interested in the him too

-this sets off a series of comments on both possible romantic candidates only for the fire to be further fanned by the ever so mischievous Kogure who starts betting on who he thinks is the better option of the two for their dear friend, not at all intending to pay the price

-Kurimatsu joined in and Aki worries for another storm brewing in their club room and wishes to stop this betting nonsense, Midorikawa, ever so oblivious to the conversation simply wants his dear friend Reina to win, not knowing the stakes at hand, he bets even more for her only to upset Aki further.

I got a bit carried away lol, I’ve never written or even drawn a proper comic or even a fanfic (I mostly only do crackfics) so this was fun

I have part 2 of this drawn up and ready to go if anyone is interested in seeing how this goes and I also have a separate comic involving this same oc in ie-go.

OH YEAH FORGOT TO MENTION- this was drawn up very very late at night whilst I was very tired and feeling very high on Inazuma eleven brain rot so mind u the drawings may look a bit sloppy

#Lemme know if y’all are interested #Cuz I have loads more stuff #Lol #Ik it’s a lot so I dunno if anyones gonna read it #Eh #Inazuma eleven #inazuma eleven go #inazuma #endou mamoru #fudou akio #fubuki shirou #kabeyama heigorou #kurimatsu teppei #zaizen touko #urabe rika #afuro terumi #aphrodi #yagami reina #kino aki #midorikawa ryuuji #kogure yuuya #hehe #tags

[sonicasura]

Currently rewatching a playthrough of Knack from Super Beard Bros and I can't help but laugh when I look back at Trollhunters cartoon. The goblins in the show are just comically small frog gremlins with a Cuccoo mentality. Kill one and they go after your ass so vilely that trolls pray for a swift demise.

Then you look at the ones from Knack and I'm pretty sure some Trollhunters' will have a WTF moment. Like some goblins are either toddler size or the size of a small tank. I took some screenshots from this cutscene movie here. Mainly cause obscure games like this don't have a large fanbase to archive stuff.

But yeah. This goblins here are human sized while some such as the Village Chief are close to a small tank. I can imagine this being brought up if Knack and Jim ever met.

Knack: You're telling me those weird frogs are your world's goblins? I can imagine the priceless look on Gundahar's face if he ever saw them!

Jim: This coming from the living Legos who has a civilization of OGRES for enemies! Goblins shouldn't be that big much less pilot tanks!

Knack: It was so therapeutic to destroy that weapon's factory. Tank lasers to the face is not a fun experience.

Jim: Laser Tanks?!?!

I love niche obscure games cause you find some ridiculous nonsense like this. Sometimes enjoyment can be found in the bargain bin for $20. If you haven't noticed, I tend to like simple stuff more than the next big hit.

Can mostly catch me watching cheesy shit such as Street Sharks instead of Stranger Things. You see popular franchises try to one up each other only to crash and burn later. Knack is just a simple game series that can be someone's first PS4/PS5 like it was mine. Plus I get a good chunk of inspiration for some chaotic ideas.

For Knack fans, I recommend checking out Trollhunters in your spare time even it's connected series which is 3Below and Wizards. DON'T TOUCH THE MOVIE. Rise of the Titans is just Danny Phantom's Phantom Planet equivalent to the series. We treat it as non-canon or Blinky's crackfic.

I also recommend checking out Knack for any Trollhunters/3Below/Wizards fans too. You can check out cutscene movies, watch a playthrough or play the games yourselves. I do have to warn new players that it's like the era of PS1 games. People offen joke it is the Dark Souls for kids. The second game is more kinder in difficulty mainly cause it fixes some gameplay issues from the first.

It's my personal opinion and recommendation anyway.

#sonicasura #my personal opinion #tales of arcadia trollhunters #toa trollhunters #trollhunters #tales of arcadia #toa #tales of arcadia 3below #tales of arcadia wizards #are mentioned #knack #knack videogame #knack 2 #playstation knack #ps4 knack #knack ps4 #comparing games #minor game recommendation #minor show recommendation

[scripted-downfall]

I have finally got some titles for you! 😈😈😈

1.) to hook a star

2.) Shadows Ticking

3.) the Stud Muffin and the Cupcake

Have fun! 😌😚

Okay so.  On the one hand, kudos on the gif because I love that one.  On the other hand… WTF ARE THESE TITLES, MY DEAR???  I adore you but WOT.  ESPECIALLY number 3!?!??!!

Anyway :) 

1. to hook a star

This, my dear, is foul freaking play because you know full well that I have so many Howl’s Moving Castle thoughts… At this point, I’m not even sure which universe I’m going to choose (maybe more than one, but I’d have to take care not to get too repetitive), so I’ll give the possibilities.  I’ve considered fusions with: 

a) Supernatural.  Dean as Howl and Cas as Calcifer… Casting for Markl and Sophie are a bit more up-in-the-air, but I’m thinking Jack as Markl and Sam as Sophie — and this is obvious since you know me, but I want to clarify: no Wincest.  This would work within the HMC framework, but not be a complete fusion

b) Heaven Official’s Blessing, of course!  You know this too, because I’ve already mentioned it, but Hua Cheng and E’Ming as Howl and Calcifer respectively (this would take slight tweaks to the falling-star premise, but I think the parallels are visible), Xie Lian as Sophie, and… idk for sure about Markl.  I have to finish the series.  Ban Yue would be an option, but she was always more Xie Lian’s apprentice, so… meh.  There’s Yin Yu, I guess, but I haven’t seen much of him yet and idk if the characterization works.  Maybeeeee He Xuan, though it’d take some tweaking.  That has funny possibilities.  And maybe I could work in beefleaf :) 

c) I have kinda considered a few other universes --- Stranger Things, Good Omens --- but never especially seriously... They still deserve mention though.

I swear there were more, but this is all I can remember right now aldksjf

2. Shadows Ticking

Huh… Interesting.  Ummmmmm.  I just went through my writing doc, and this title would work for a From Dusk ‘Til Dawn fusion I’ve had planned for a bit… idk if it’s the title I’ll use whenever I get around to writing it, but I think it’s the only idea I’ve got rn.

Anyway, Sam and Dean stand in for the Gecko brothers, while you’ve got fallen (by which I mean “disgraced”, not “demonic”) angel Castiel with adoptive kids Jack and Claire.  The basic outline of the story is roughly the same, but I’m modifying it a bit… specifically, because Jack, Cas, and maybe Sam have varying degrees of supernatural heritage/biology, so they don’t die like their source characters in canon; instead they just… change.

3. The Stud Muffin and the Cupcake

Can I once again say wtf????  Uh… Suffice to say that, while both of those^ stand a chance of being written, I’m almost certainly not writing this one…  I don’t think I’ve ever said the words “stud muffin.”  Ever.  But anyway…

Crackfic, goes without saying.  I’m really trying to make this something about baking, and Heaven Official’s Blessing (and Xie Lian’s absolutely atrocious cooking, and the fact that people always underestimate Xie Lian/think he’s too sweet/polite/kind to take seriously) keeps invading my head, but I also don’t want to soil HOB by connecting it to this title, so… Frustration.  But I guess that’s my very-vague-because-I-don’t-know-what-to-do-with-it summary.  You suck :)

Thanks for the ask, Jezebel… You’re a problem child, but I appreciate it :) 

– – – 

(Title Ask Game)

#answered asks #scripted downfall asks answered #i'm not fandom-tagging this because i don't want anyone to see number 3 #how dare you jezebel #typicalopposite

[dreamy625]

Magical - one-shot

Content: This has been sitting in my abandoned fics folder for months with the title ‘Magical crackfic wtf is wrong with you’ but in desperation - none of my other WIPs are going anywhere at the moment - I have dragged it out and attempted to make it acceptable for human consumption. I was a little bit tipsy when I started it, but I’ve edited it sober so I can’t really use that as an excuse! So here it is I guess.  Some swearing, mention of alcohol.

Words: 2110

—-----------------------------

“Anything I want?”

“Yup.”

“But only for five minutes?”

“That’s the deal, take it or leave it.”

“Is this a TV show? Is it RAG week* again?”

“I’ve done all that bit. Messenger of the gods. Reward. Once in a lifetime chance. Yada yada yada.”

“But reward for what?”

The being, approximately human-shaped in a skinny and genderless way, with an odd golden sheen to its skin, sighs and unrolls a scroll seemingly pulled from mid-air.

“The rabbit that you cut the six-pack rings off was important to Artemis. She wants to reward your compassion.” 

With a snap of long, pointed fingers, the scroll disappears again. 

Frankly, I still think this is a set-up of some kind. Or a friendly local loony out on day release. But then, I’ve got nothing better to do on a drizzly Thursday afternoon, so…

“Really anything?”

“Really. Anything.”

“Even if it involves time travel?”

“Easy peasy.”

“Even if I’m deliberately trying to change the past?”

“Go for it. No skin off my nose.”

“Even if it involves manipulating the emotions of someone else?”

“Look, gods don’t have scruples. We are petty, arbitrary, and cruel. It’s in the job description. Do you want this or not? I’ve got other people to see, you know.”

“Make him love me.”

“Him?” The minor deity’s eyes glaze over for a moment. “Oh. Him. Really? Are you sure?”

“I’m sure. I want to go back to… 1990 should do it. Wherever he is. He has to be alone. And he has to love me instantly and without question. As if he always has.”

“For five minutes?”

“For five minutes.”

“He won’t remember it afterwards.”

“Doesn’t matter.”

The divine being leers, “Are you going to screw him?”

“No! Ew! I do have some scruples, thanks very much.”

“Fine.” It shrugs. “Off you go then.”

There is an unimpressive purple flash and a sort of ding sound.

I blink, and immediately have to leap to one side to avoid a kid on a skateboard careening towards me. What? Where am I? I was… I was in the park, like a second ago…? Panicked, my eyes dart around the busy street scene that surrounds me. Looks like… the King’s Road? But… wrong? Holy shit. It’s real. I’ve gone back in time. Bike shorts. Walkmans. The whole ghastly nine yards. This cannot be happening. Then I remember - five minutes. I spin around, scanning the crowds. Blond hair, he still had the blond hair then, right? He must stand out. No one’s got hair that colour.

And there he is. The hair, the leather jacket, jeans, boots, carrying a square plastic bag, oh of course, records. Right. Five minutes. Five minutes from when I got here? Or five minutes from when we meet? There is no voice from the heavens to answer my question. Really, customer service on miracles sucks these days. For fuck’s sake, they could have given me time to prepare! I’m wearing bootcut jeans! I don’t remember if I brushed my hair. What am I going to say? There’s no time. There’s no time.

“Hi!”

Stopping abruptly to avoid a collision, Steve looks momentarily startled before his face breaks into a wide grin. 

“Hi!”

Oh gods, he really is just as gorgeous close up. The smile that I’ve been gazing at on my bedroom wall for twenty years is dazzling in real life. I am literally struck dumb, just grinning at him grinning at me. 

“What a lovely surprise, I didn’t know you were in town.” He leans down and kisses me on the cheek. KISSES ME ON THE CHEEK! “Do you want to get a drink or something? Do you have time?”

Do I have time? I don’t have time. And I’m wasting the minutes I do have being a simpering idiot. What do I even do? I was going to talk to him, but what could I say? So many people tried, what did I possibly think I was going to do that they couldn’t? Such hubris. 

Fortunately my mouth gives up on getting any meaningful instruction from my befuddled brain and takes charge of the situation. “Sure, I’d love to.”

That grin again, then he motions his head towards a side-street on the left and we fall into step. Swinging the plastic bag he starts into happy chatter on its contents, “So City Sounds finally got that ‘77 Zeppelin bootleg I’ve been chasing, and I got the latest Pixies album, and Alice In Chains - they’re new, have you heard them?”

“Oh yeah, I loved No Excuses. I think they’re going to be big.”

“Maybe they’ll tour? We could go if you like?”

“Definitely. As long as it’s somewhere nice and not one of those seedy little clubs you like.”

“I’ll have you know the Marquee Club is the quintessential music venue of twentieth century London.”

“If quintessential means grubby and smells of armpits!”

I know it’s not real, that this easy intimacy is entirely manufactured. But it feels real, like I’ve known him all my life. That emotional bond I asked for, apparently it works both ways. We reach the pub and Steve holds the door open for me, but as I look at it I realise there’s a haze over the doorway, the building, that’s not just cigarette smoke. It’s fading, thinning. No! I need more time. 

“Wait!”

Desperately I dig in my handbag for a pen and something to write on. The street around me is starting to wobble and I can feel a pull at my back, time trying to snap back into place. I find a receipt and scribble down my address and tomorrow, tomorrow in my time, tomorrow’s date, September 16th 2005. I grab his hand and fold the fingers over the paper.

“Come here. On that date. It’s a long time. But it’ll be worth it. Something magical. I swear, something magical. Please.”

I step back and turn my head so that I don’t have to see his beautiful, confused face dim and disappear. And when my vision clears - trees, grass, pigeons, I’m back in the park again. No sign of the golden messenger, no sign that anything has changed. Just a leaky biro clutched in my fingers and the feeling that I left my heart, and possibly my stomach, in 1990. 

—-----------------------------

Of course it didn’t really happen. Of course he’s not going to come. It was just a… well I don’t know what it was just a, but maybe I should see a doctor about it. But I have to… just in case… I didn’t put a time on the note… so I have to be awake from midnight. Of course it’s ridiculous. I could just google. Just type in the name and in less than a second I would know. But I can’t shake the feeling that that would decide it, like Schrodinger's Cat. If I don’t look, there’s still a chance. No technology, I’ll just read a book. An old book.

There’s that noise again. I must have fallen asleep. Was that the doorbell? No. I’m imagining things. But I have to check. I open the door. There’s a middle-aged man standing on the street. Shoulder-length, sandy brown hair, long black coat, wearing sunglasses, even though it’s dark. He’s got his arms folded and looks like he’s here against his better judgement. 

“So what’s this magical thing then?”

I literally cannot believe my eyes. This has got to be a dream. The whole thing. Maybe I got hit on the head? Maybe I’m in a coma? I realise I’ve been standing there with my mouth open for an embarrassingly long time even for a brain-injury-induced hallucination and, with a herculean effort of focus, manage to stammer out, “Y-you. You are. Oh my god.”

The stranger, though of course not a stranger - even instantaneously aged by fifteen years I would know that lanky frame, those hands, that haphazard swoop of hair, anywhere - pulls off the sunglasses and squints at me, silhouetted against the hall light. The same sky-blue eyes, now showing a mixture of confusion and irritation. 

“What?”

“Um, come in, I can… well, maybe I can’t explain, but… I can try.”

“No offence, but I don’t know who you are. Or what this is. So I’d rather not.”

“Okay, fair enough. I’ll come out.”

I pull the door to behind me. It’s chilly out here, but maybe I’ll look less threatening without the backlighting turning me into a looming shadow. 

“I’ve got this piece of paper.” Steve pulls it, crumpled, from his pocket, “It’s been in my wallet for years. It says to come here today. It feels like it’s important… but I don’t know why?”

He’s still frowning but his eyes look almost pleading. The elation that my ridiculous plan worked is swamped by realisation of the enormity of what I’ve apparently, impossibly, done. I’ve changed history, and I’ve profoundly meddled with this man’s life and free will.

“Okay. So the easy part is that I gave you that paper. This is my flat, and I asked you to come here. The rest, the rest is going to sound crazy.” The confused expression is joined by a touch of wariness. “The reason is… haha, I can’t even believe you’re here… right… the reason it’s important is that, well, that piece of paper changed history… and possibly saved your life.” His expression is now raised-eyebrow incredulity, so I plunge on before he can say anything. “You were, um, there’s not a good way to say this… dead. Up until yesterday, you died, would have died, in 1991, but yesterday I went back in time and gave you that and now you seem to be alive, and I know this sounds bonkers, it is bonkers, but here we are.”

He’s backed up a few steps and is standing on one foot, poised to flee, but apparently his curiosity gets the better of him, “I’m dead?”

“Well, not any more. Unless you’re a zombie or something. Do you have a heartbeat?”

“Of course I’ve got a bloody heartbeat.” But he slips his hand into his coat to check - apparently reassured, he continues, “So you’re telling me that because of this piece of paper I’ve travelled through time? Like Doctor Who?”

“No? No, I don’t think so. You were younger when I saw you yesterday in 1990, so I think you’ve lived the years in between just like normal. More like you side-stepped into a different timeline? Or I did? Or… I don’t know, I don’t understand the science of this… if there even is science… maybe it’s just magic. I didn’t ask them how it worked.”

“Them who?”

“Oh, um, it was a goddess. Well, a messenger of a goddess. This isn’t getting any better is it?”

“No, not really.” He sighs, “Look, I’m gonna go now. I’m not sure what this is but… yeah… I’m just gonna go.” Still frowning, he turns away.

“I understand.” I bite my lip, then blurt at his departing back, “I’m glad you’re here. That’s magical to me.”

He just shakes his head and keeps walking.

—-----------------------------

It must be late, but there’s no way I could sleep. I can’t even sit still, alternating between hunched over my computer and pacing around the room. My mind is whirring. Was that real? How could that be real? It’s impossible. Insane. Preposterous. But I’d Googled, of course, the minute he was gone, and there he was: ‘Hard-partying rock star Steve Clark enters court-ordered rehab’, ‘Def Leppard tour news - troubled guitarist Steve Clark will rejoin band for new dates’, ‘Heavy metal guitarist weds after whirlwind romance’, ‘Plant’s band are (from L to R) Billy Fuller, Clive Deamer, Steve Clark…’, ‘End of a fairytale - rocker’s ex-wife shares heartbreak as divorce is finalised’, ‘Struggling pub saved by millionaire musician’, ‘Once Upon a Rock Star - notorious groupie Rita Rae Roxx tells all’, ‘Our reporter sees a softer side of the wildman of rock as he romps with his dogs Gibson and Page’, and on and on and on. That’s a life, a tumultuous one, but a whole real life. 

The shrill of the bell in the nighttime hush makes me jump. Cautiously I open the door just a crack. The man leaning against the railing holds up a bottle of vodka.

“I think this’ll help. Now, tell me that ridiculous story again?”

As he steps past me into the hall, with very real footsteps on the tiled floor, and a very real waft of cigarette smoke and cologne, and a very real coat sleeve brushing my hand, I offer up a silent prayer of thanks to benevolent Artemis and her irresponsible minion.

—-----------------------------

* Stands for Raising And Giving, a week when British students dress up and do silly things to raise money for charity

#steve clark #steve clark fanfic #steve clark fanfiction #i think too much time on rockfic.com has re-calibrated what i think is acceptable to put on the internet!

[smartzelda]

for the author ask meme: 3, 5, 7, 19!

*GASP*

Thanks🥺💖

ㅤ

3: I mostly write start to finish? Like when I started out I vehemently wrote start to finish, but nowadays it's common for me to write in order and then occasionally skip ahead a small bit while fleshing out my outline to type a rudimentary version of an interaction or thought process so I don't forget it by the time I get to that point. Every once in a while I'll hop around by choosing to just write whatever point in my outline that struk me in the brain on how to do, usually because I have writer's block on the scene before, but rarely do the stars align for this.

���

5: I am ngl, the perfect environment is basically just cozy and homey and comfortable, but it wildly shifts between "No sounds. NO SOUNDS WHATSOEVER" and "Play that music that you're obsessed with on repeat it will give you the energy". Although the sound thing probably depends on how over or understimulated I am

ㅤ

7: Hmm probably...the getting myself to write bit?

Coming up with ideas? Mostly figured out. Doing the outline? Let my brain go wild as it gets obsessed with the idea. Dialogue and fight scenes? Sure there can be struggle here and there, but got that. Editing? Only freaking sucks when the fic is long or when I'm stressed and also can't tell if I hate it because it's bad or because the brain is bad

But getting myself to start writing takes the most struggle and can often feel like I'm just waiting for the stars align and for it to just happen (which it can actually, just not reliably enough to rely on it)

ㅤ

19: Ooohoo this is a good question and it'll probably not have an easy answer

So, in general, I have the easiest time with characters I am 1. Obsessed over and 2. Have spent a lot of time thinking about and/or writing meta for. For example, I've done a lot of Riku pov in my kh fics, and I think even today Riku's pov is one that I can fall into naturally, even if it's been a while since I wrote kh fic or back on my hyperfixation bullshit (and sometimes if I'm not on it at all). Even if I haven’t written a fic, just the act of doing media analysis and thinking about them and having gender envy can get me in the headspace enough for them to be easier, because I have an idea of them in my head and I feel as if I almost *get* them

In general, the hardest are ones for properties I have just gotten into or for characters that I might love but haven't quite fully dissected yet. For example, I've been a zelda fan for ages, but writing the Ghirazim fic was difficult. And you wouldn't think that, cause it's a dumb crackfic for a crackship, right? But on top of having to balance two character who are from completely unrelated properties, make their personalities play off of each other, make their similarities obvious but make sure to balance this and make it clear what makes them different so you're not equating them as the same person, and try to make them convincingly have feelings for each other while also being in character, I had to write Ghirahim. And even though I love Ghirahim and have been a Zelda fan since I was young, it's only recently I've been digging deep into him, and I just barely had at the time, so it was hard writing him while also not having it from his pov. (Wow I just realized how that fic probably prepared me for writing lawlight wtf). And it gets harder if the character isn't one I'm currently obsessed with. For example, I can sink into Riku so easily, but even though I wanna wrote Terra ship fic, it would take perseverance to start, because I've never really written Terra Kingdom Hearts and I he doesn't live in my brain rent free, even though I do like and relate with him.

The easiest answer I can give you to this question is Light Yagami. He is easy yet hard. I can easily fall into his headspace but he takes so much work. The reason being is that I have done the first thing I meantioned. I think about him a lot, even if I don't always talk about him. There's scores of meta on the brain for him as to his morality, what an act is to him, the difference between his acts and the real him, pulling at all the strings to work out what is closest to who he is and thinking about what he's been through that makes up him, etc. I need to kiss him, I need to see him wrecked, he looks the best when he's on the verge of death, I have gender envy and just regular old envy for a few things (I also love when he gets kicked and punched in the face. I also love when he looses. Duality of man and all that. He's my seemingly put together and perfect neurodivergent bitch loser). I feel as if I can sink into his headspace. And yet....he's still so hard at the same time? No matter what iteration of him I'm writing, I always have to keep in mind what makes the versions of him different, how he would react in a specific situation, what times he would be fine letting go and which he would choose to hold back. It's like I'm playing a perfect balancing game of all the things that make up him and his acts, channeling my meta and character analysis of him through him, dealing with my own perfectionism. He is not easy. He is not hard. He's so easy. He's so hard. He's easyhard idk what to tell ya, but the outcome of writing him always feels so satisfying to me. So, at least all the effort and thoughts taken up pay off😂😂😂

#fr thank you so much for this ask #I was actually almost gonna lead with ''*gasp* attention?!''😂 #my writing #ask meme #ask game #feel free to shoot me more questions everyone I love to talk about my writing

[miniimapp]

can u do an Aaron t x Chinpui crackfic? TYYY

Gen. ;; Fluff + Crack - Imagine/Scenario

Warnings ;; Complete and utter tomfoolery and confusion lmao + Cursing/swearing also

Proofread + edited ;; Nah, I'm tired af lol

Word count ;; 919 words (5100 characters)

Auth. Note ;; THE AMOUNT OF RESEARCH I HAD TO DO BECAUSE I DIDN'T KNOW WTF CHINPUI WAS IS ABSURD. So sorry if anything is slightly off because of this lmao ANYTHING TO APPEAL TO THE NICHE SIDES OF THE 4*TOWN FANDOM !! ANYTHING !! (i have no idea what i've created lmao help-)

this is a bit short, please forgive me haha !! all interactions are platonically coded as this is a first meeting - i found it p hard to write a magical space mouse but here we go, enjoy !! <3

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T's chest heaved as the backing for U Know Whats Up faded out, heat crawled all over his skin as he held his final pose alongside the rest of his friends. It had been a long day full of rehearsals in preparation for their upcoming concerts but despite the fatigue settling in his bones T's face was split by a huge smile. Nothing would ever feel as freeing as singing alongside his friends - his brothers.

As their manager called for a break, sending praise to everyone that they could, 4*TOWN were handed some cooled water bottles. The cooling trickle of water felt like heaven in T's throat, which had a tendency to feel dry after he hit some of his lowest notes.

As an incredible, amazing plan entered T's mind he felt his grin slip into a mischievous smirk. T noticed Robaire's face pale as he took a couple steps back, and then a dozen more to be safe, and elbowed Jesse and Tae Young. Fortunately, they'd forgotten to warn another poor member, one who was looking eerily like T's next victim.

Z.

Holding back premature cackles, T snuck behind Z as he wiped his face with his shirt. Poor guy didn't even know it was coming. In one fluid motion T uncaps his bottle and dumps it all out on Z's head. T dissolved into bouts of snorts and cackles as Z remained stock still. That should've been a warning but what's the fun in that.

As T rolled on the floor laughing he failed to notice Z beginning to move again, flicking water off of his face.

"T, dude, you might wanna-"

"Oh my god, can we not have one normal practice-"

"Anyone got a casket laying around-"

T wheezed, holding his stomach as it started to cramp, barely listening to the world around him. At least he wasn't until heard the countdown and a chill was sent down his spine.

"3"

Oh shit, he'd fucked up now. T scrambled to his feet, glancing at the pitying and smug faces surrounding him.

"2"

No time for dawdling !! This is life or death !! T sprints past some technicians, yelling apologies as he went. He rushed down the stage steps and through the stadium

"1"

Though it was barely audible, the final number within the countdown rang the loudest, seemingly echoing as T ran. Turns out genius ideas have not-so genius consequences.

Not stopping until he found some empty alley a couple streets over from the stadium, T finally let himself collapse against the wall, even more out of breath than he'd been at the end of the last rehearsal.

"Fucking...ahhhh...holy shit...."

T takes sharp breaths as he spews curses into the air, clutching his side that decided to give him a stitch

"God, why won't this ease up for a second !!"

"Chinpui !!"

What- what the fuck ??

A high pitched shout cam from his left as the pain in his side disappeared. T turned to look at the source and found nothing...

"Down here !!"

T frowned but looked down all the same...

"GAH !! WHAT THE FUCK-"

T tripped backwards in a scramble to move away from the giant....thing ?? Mouse ?? Monkey ?? Monkey-mouse ?? WHY IS ITS HEAD SO BIG !? Mouse, right ?? Looking like Mickey's purple cousin Michael fr-

"Haha !! Are you okay ??"

"NO !!"

The big-headed mouse thing just hums and FLOATS OVER HIM-

"I-" T sighs and flops into the ground, tired after his very dramatic day

After a minute or two of lying on the gross alley floor T stands up dusting himself off and grimacing at the feel of the muck on his clothes.

"Great, as if I didn't already feel gross enough." T begins to aggressively brush his clothes, "Get off of me !!"

"Chinpui !!"

T freezes as he feels air pulling at him, like he's being sucked up by a fucking vacuum

"What the shit-"

Once the suction finally stops, T falls forward, bracing himself against the wall before he turns to the apparently magical purple mouse

"What kind of magic genie are you ??"

"That wasn't magic-"

"I think the fuck it was !!"

"-it was scientific method ??"

"As if you pulling a blackhole out of nowhere is any kind of logical or scientific ?? Yeah, okay..."

"It is !!"

"Mhm, sure it is, little mouse dude. Whatever you say, buddy."

"I can access scientific technology by using a key word !!"

"The fact you don't have a name for this "scientific technology" speaks volumes...but anyway, moving on, do you have a name or is it just freaky floating mouse ??"

"I'm Chinpui !! And you're Aaron T, known as T to close friends and family !!"

T frowns and points as finger at the floating alien accusingly, "You a spy drone or something ??"

"Nope !!" Chinpui (if that's even its real name !!) giggles and flies closer to T's face

T hums in thought, questioning all of his life choices in those few seconds, before he felt a stroke of genius enter his mind, and he plasters an innocent smile on his face "Say, Chinpui, my dear pal, my good friend, mi amigo, you ever tried a few practical jokes with your...scientific method ??"

Chinpui does a few log rolls in the air as it thinks, "Not that I can remember !!"

T's smile turns into a mischievous grin, "How about we test that out then, turn our hypothesis into a working theory, yeah ??"

Chinpui giggles and somersaults above T's head, forcing him to look straight up, "Sure thing !!"

"Glad to have you in on the fun, partner !!"

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I think I panicked and blacked out writing this, please don't ask-

Here we go, I hope you enjoyed !! <3

#4town aaron t #4town #4town au #4*town aaron t #aaron t #chinpui #chimpui #crack fic #im scared of my creation lmao #4town aaron z #4town jesse #4town taeyoung #4town robaire #4townie

[oops-aquarius]

tainted kisses

summary: steve needs some relaxation, which you provide to him

warnings: smut (!!!!), praise kink, slight degradation kink, a little bit of angst cuz a hoe is sad, oral fixation (duh), slight dom/sub dynamics (?), mentions of sadness/depression, tiny mommy kink (like barely there)

pairing: steve rogers x reader

word count: 2.2k

note(s): not edited well at all, also i used a prompt generator to get the promt i used (which is below !!)

prompt: “baths or water (tubs or jacuzzis; hot springs; water houses or steam rooms; the ocean; swimming pools.”

kink: “Oral fixation or fetishization (lips, tongue, or whole mouth; french-kissing; licking; oral displays using food or beer bottles; smoking cigarettes, cigars, or pipes; biting or chewing one's lip(s))”

--

***this is post-endgame except nobody died, cause im a hoe for all of the avengers***

Steve never realized how much he liked things in his mouth. Not always in a sexual way, at least not until after fighting Thanos.

After fighting for so long, bottling up his emotions was not at all how Steve needed to cope. He tried the yoga and meditation route Wanda had so kindly suggested. Yeah, after one session of hot yoga, Steve decided that it wasn't going to happen. Tony, obviously, suggested sex. Said something about it being a “healing experience for the soul”. That’s bullshit were Steve’s first thoughts when that came out of his mouth. Bucky told him to get some goats and raved about how therapeutic it was to raise them. But Steve could barely take care of himself, how would he even take care of a goat? Steve felt a hot sense of hopelessness burn against the back of his eyes as he sat on the floor of his bedroom, back pressed against the adjoined bathroom door.

“Steve?” A soft knock came from the front door. He took his thumb away from his mouth, he had resorted to subconsciously nibbling on the tip of it. Pulling himself off the door and towards the voice, he rubbed his tear-stricken cheeks in attempts to clean himself up a bit before seeing you.

“One sec, Y/N/N.”

When he opened the door, your face softened a bit before the smile that Steve, secretly, loved so much dropped off your face completely. “Stevie, what happened?”

Stevie, a nickname he hated for his entire life. A name that reminded him of the days before the super solider serum where he was a little guy getting beaten up on the streets of Brooklyn. Stevie, a nickname he loved hearing from your caring voice. Nobody else’s. 

“Just tired, Y/N” he sighed, “so,so tired.”

“Stevie,” your voice caught at the back of your throat. Seeing him in so much pain made your life turn upside down. He doesn't deserve to be in pain. “ S’there anything I can do to make you feel better?”

“Just stay with me? Please?”

You took him back into his bed and sat with him, just talking about life until his breathing turned back to normal and he seemed partially-okay. 

“Do you want to take a bath?” you asked, still stroking the blonde strands of his hair.

“Are you saying I smell?” He took his face out of the crook of your shoulder, feigning a look of hurt.

“No, punk, I meant to relax. You seemed pretty shaken up and I just wanted to help. I mean, that’s what I do when I feel down, relax in a bat-”

He cuts you off, “I appreciate it. Really, Y/N, I don’t know many people that are as loving and caring as you, sweetheart.” The nickname made a pang in your heart. You had like the super solider since you had met him, but never felt like he reciprocated the feelings. Even though you both cuddled often, and had movie nights, and he always let you beat him while sparring, and that one time you came down with a stomach bug and he fed you soup and-holy shit. Did Steve like you? “Sweetheart?”

“Huh?”

“I said, ‘A bath does sound nice’. What’s got you so suddenly zoned out?” He says, donning a smirk.

“It’s nothing. Let’s get you into that bath, mister,” you had a faux grumpy look on your face as you got up and walked to the bathroom, starting to fill the white, ceramic bathtub with warm water. “Okay, big boy. You need help getting up or are you okay?”

Rolling his eyes at your inauthentic tone, Steve pushes his tensed frame off the body and managed to stumble into the bathroom, while you following him closely to make sure he doesn't fall over from exhaustion.

“I get it, I’m old, but damn Y/N. I can walk perfectly fine,” He chuckles as he pushes himself up to sit on the counter top.

You start to fill up the bathtub with warm water, adding bubbles and lighting a few scented candles. He looked so pretty, hair sticking out in every direction, lips pink and puffy from biting them, his ocean blue eyes still misty as he looks down at his cuticles, picking them slightly. 

“Okay, I’m gonna leave so you can take this bath,” you say, shutting off the faucet, “Got it?”

“Y/N?”

“Yes, Stevie.”

“Stay, please.” His eyes were watering more than earlier. He had those puppy dog eyes, lip quivering as his voice cracked and wavered even with just a few words. He looked so vulnerable, how could you say no to him?

“Of course, Steve. I mean, the bubbles with kind of cover everything. I’ll just sit next to the tub with you, alright?” You awkwardly giggled and scratched the back of your neck. He nodded, hopping off of the counter and starting to undress himself with a wobble. “Stevie, you’re shaking like a leaf, let me help you.”

His eyes never met yours as you helped him pull his t-shirt over his head and looped your delicate fingers through the waistband of his sweatpants, dragging them down his muscular thighs. “You’re not gonna finish your job, doll?”

His boxers. The only clothes he had left on were his grey boxers. You wanted to give him privacy and not look, especially in such a broken and vulnerable state. But god, you could see the outline of his partially-hard cock through the soft cotton. You thought about what it would be like to have your mouth around his hard length, chocking on it as he rammed himself into the back of your throat.

“Ummm, I just--I thought--I mean I can---Only if you want--” The dirty thoughts clouded your brain. It made speaking a speaking a sentence almost impossible as your mouth watered just thinking about his cock.

“It was a joke, sweetheart,” he laughed heartily, “You’re too adorable.”

Pulling his boxers down his legs, he waddled tiredly over to the tub before stepping in. He groaned in pleasure at the feeling of the warm water encapsulating his exhausted body. You imagined that’s how he’d groan if you sucked his cock so hard he was seeing stars.

You were still facing the door, like you were as Steve got completely undressed. You knew if you turned around and look at him, naked and at ease, you’d jump his bones in a heartbeat. “Come sit with me, Y/N”

And you did. You turned around cautiously, like you expected, the bubbles covered his body enough for you to be able to handle yourself as you sat down next to the tub. You grabbed his hand away from his lips, running your soft fingers over his rough calloused ones. “I always see you biting your nails or cuticle or lips or your pens. Why?”

He sighed, “I’m not sure, I guess it just distracts me?” He said it more like it was a question rather than a statement. “I guess I don’t truly know why I do it, I guess I just enjoy having things in my mouth.”

You could read Steve like a book, his pupils blown with lust, his lip stuck between his teeth, a blush heating up his cheeks. You took a leap of faith.

“Yeah, like what?”

“You.”

His lips were on yours in a flurry, it took a second for you to react, but as soon as you did it felt amazing. Neither of you seemed to care about the water splashing over you as his hands trailed up your body, tugging at the hem of your shirt.

He pulls away panting, “F-Fuck, Y/N, I need you. Please. Oh my god I need you so bad,” His eyes looked as if they were welling up with tears and he looked so pretty still in the relaxing bubble bath, whimpering and whining for you. 

“God, I need you too, baby,” you stop to look in his eyes sincerely, “Are you sure you want this? I don’t want to do anything that you don’t want to do or that you will regret.” Your hand caresses his cheek.

“Just get in here with me and I’ll show you how much I want you,” he whispered, “Need you, really.”

You sighed before your hands moved shakily to take off your t shirt. As much as you wanted this, you were still scared of how the ripped super solider would feel about you and your body, As soon as your shirt was off, Steve was whimpering, dipping his hand into the soapy water to massage his aching cock. This only spurred you to take off your clothes and join him faster. 

“Did I say you could touch yourself, puppy?” Your stern voice caught him off-guard, making him pause his actions with a look of fear on his face. You step into the bathtub, straddling him. Your nails raked up his milky white thighs, trailing up his body admiring the beauty of it. “Y’Know I was planning on being nice to you because you’ve been so good to me, but you might need to be punished, baby? Do you need to punshied like a brat?”

He mewled, bowing his head in shame. You could feel him growing harder and harder by the second and you were starting to go crazy with the empty feeling inside of you that on he could fill. “No, ma’am. I’ll be good, I swear!”

“Mmmm, that’s my good boy.” Your hands slid up his chest and rested on his cheeks, hearing him preen at your praise, as you repositioned yourself over his cock. “Are you sure you want this?”

“If you dont ride me into next week right fucking now I’m going to scream, Y/N,” He breathed out with a chuckle, Grabbing your thighs, he helps you sink down on his cock. Both of you were moaning and whimpering messes by the time you were sitting at this base of him, trying to get adjusted to his large size. 

Hot tears burned at the back of his eyes as soon as you lifted yourself up off of him, only leaving the tip of him inside of you, and slamming back down on his dick. 

“Baby-please,” he whimpered, “n-need, shit, need your fingers, bad.” 

You were confused, slowing down a bit to make sure he was okay. But his puppy dog eyes showed that he was okay. Slowly taking your wrist from his cheek, he puts your fingers in his warm mouth. Moaning around them and swirling his tongue around them. He did it the same way you always dreamed about sucking his dick, chocking and gagging on his length.

“Yeah, you’re such a needy little slut for me, for this pussy. Look at you, so ruined and fucked out just because I’m fucking you.” He moaned sensually at your words making your core tighten impossibly. 

You had gotten a good idea as you were riding him. Slowly, you start to thrust your hand in and out of his mouth, watching the saliva dribble out of the corners of his mouth as he choked on you. The band in your tummy starts tightening as you feel yourself getting close. 

“Shit, fuck, baby, I’m gonna come. Oh my god, you’re make me come with your beautiful cock, puppy. So good for me, aren’t you?” Your free hand dips into the water, cupping his balls and rolling them around your soft palm.

He nods, choking on your nimble finger yet again his you massage his sensitive balls. “Gonna come,” he slurred and spit around you.\, “almost there.”

“I didn’t” you moaned as you feel his balls tighten, fall back down on his cock at a faster pace, “give you permission to do that. I thought you were going to be good for me?”

“I am” he spluttered loudly, “i am good, I swear. Just please let me come. I need it, oh shit, mommy.”

The name went straight to your core, making you grow weak as you feebly give him permission to come as you come undone with one more bounce on his large member. His hands come up to grope your breasts as he come with hot spurts inside of your tight cunt. 

“Oh my god,” you stifle a giggle as you stand up on shaky legs. You wordlessly helped him out of the tub and wrapped him in a white towel, walking him to bed while you dried yourself off. Collapsing on the bed with a grunt, the solider hollds out his hand to you, signalling you to lay down with him. You could easily tell he was still coming down from his sex high, starting to regain his self back.

“I dont know what possessed me to,” he pauses, trying to figure out a way to word the rest of his sentence, “to suck, I guess, on your hand. I’m sorry, Y/N, that was really weird of me.”

“What do’ya mean, baby? Having an oral fixation isn’t something to be ashamed of.” The words make him smile with droopy eyes, tucking his head into your neck and starting to fall asleep, happy and comfortable, cuddling you.

“And to be honest, puppy. I think it’s really hot.”

#steve rogers #steve rogers smut #mcu #avengers smut #steve x reader #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers angst #steve rogers x oc #steve rogers fic #steve rogers drabble #steve rogers headcannon #smut #angst #fluff #the falcon and the winter solider spoilers #wtf even is this crackfic #i hate it but oh well

[dracosathenaeum]

What Dating Roadman!Draco Would Be Like HC

Request: “can i also request a a blurb/prompt with the prompt i created which “I’ll shank ur nan” for Draco?? can it be smutty angst thank u luv im chuffed xx” - @evermoredraco​

Warnings: swearing, things I cannot translate explain 

❗️THIS IS A CRACKFIC ❗️

“oi y/n, you’re bare fit.”

That would be his idea of a pick up line

He’d follow you around with his Adidas trackies swishing as he walked

His black hoodie drawn over his head under his North Face puffer jacket

“ayo my g, lemme take you out sometime.”

You’d give Draco a once over, cringing at the way he rubs his hands together as he waits for your reply

“Sorry Draco, I’m kinda talking to Ron.”

“Ron? That munter? He’s bare clapped innit, you can do so much better blad.”

Ron would happen to walk in at that exact moment

“ayo wassup my g, big man tings innit.”

Draco would throw a middle finger up at Ron and shout “I’LL SHANK YOUR NAN.”

You would like that Draco was being such an Alpha male so you’d tell Ron it never would’ve worked anyways and follow Draco home so he could give you a ‘proper shag’

“safe, i’m fucking gassed for this y/n, brap brap!!”

As you walk away Harry waddles over to Ron, “that’s fucking peak mate.”

PART 2

tagging those I think might enjoy this lmao: @fuckingdraco​ @dracosaccount​ @pipppaaaaalouisee​ @tomfeltonsslut​ @evermoredraco​ @teawiththeweasleys​ @anchoeritic​ @dreaming-about-fanfictions​ @buckyswildflower​ @dracoxspencersgirl​ @evermoredraco​

#draco x reader #draco #draco malfoy #harry potter #draco malfoy x reader #draco crackfic #pls im embarrassed I even wrote this #wtf is wrong with me #roadman!draco

[podagogue]

It's 5 and no welder. I'm gonna be lathering the peanut butter onto my windows all by myself tonight aren't I

Another Peace Corps Volunteer

#peace corps #sierra leone #salone #wtf is life #this statement isn't even that strange in context? #okay #maybe it's still strange in context #but uhhh #i'm writing this crackfic #for spncoldesthits one day #omg #it'll be great

[erwinsmissing-arm]

This randomly popped into my head so here, also this is modern AU??? Idk, you can choose. It's a textfic/crackfic where Y/N (you) are a Hashira so yh, hope you enjoy! <3

Genre: crack

Warnings: swearing, no real plot

Context: the Hashira’s wake up after a night they don't remember very well but they slowly find more and more photos from the previous night

Last Night~~~~~~

Y/N The Baddie🥵: @everyone lmao

look what I found from last

night

Butterfly👀💜🦋 is online

✨💅Flamboyant💅✨ is online

Stronk 🙏Prayer🙏 Man is online

Kaburamaru’s Side Hoe🐍 is online

Wind bITCH💨💨💨 is online

Simp💗💗💗 is online

Cloud Stalker😬☁️👀 is online

uMAI🍱🍙🔥 is online

Butterfly👀💜🦋: I wish I remembered last night😭😔

Kaburamaru’s Side Hoe🐍: Y/N, what's with the names?

Y/N The Baddie🥵: why not

Kaburamaru’s Side Hoe🐍: why tho

Y/N The Baddie🥵: why not

Cloud Stalker😬☁️👀: why am I called ‘Cloud Stalker😬☁️👀’

Y/N The Baddie🥵: bc you pretty

much stare at them all day. I

remember you told me their

names once, their NAMES.

.YOU.NAMED.A.CLOUD. Altho I

would change ur name bc you are

child and precious🥺

Cloud Stalker😬☁️👀:...I hate you

uMAI🍱🍙🔥: I think they're fun

Y/N The Baddie🥵: see, Kyō gets me

Stronk 🙏Prayer🙏 Man: are we just gonna forget the photo Y/N sent us?

Wind bITCH💨💨💨: shit, forgot about that

Y/N The Baddie🥵: gASP- Sanemi

forgetting something?!🤭🧐

Wind bITCH💨💨💨: STFU I will end you

The Water Man Himself🌊 is online

Stronk 🙏Prayer🙏 Man:...

Simp💗💗💗:...

✨💅Flamboyant💅✨:...

uMAI🍱🍙🔥:...

Kaburamaru’s Side Hoe🐍:...

Wind bITCH💨💨💨:...

Y/N The Baddie🥵:...

Cloud Stalker😬☁️👀:...

Butterfly👀💜🦋: good morning Tomioka-San! How are you feeling? Is your head okay?:)

The Water Man Himself🌊:...why are you being so nice?

✨💅Flamboyant💅✨: back read

The Water Man Himself🌊: okay?

The Water Man Himself🌊: @Butterfly👀💜🦋 @Y/N The Baddie🥵 🖕

Y/N The Baddie🥵: WHAT YOU

FLIPPING ME OFF FOR?!

The Water Man Himself🌊: YOU JUST STOOD THERE AND TOOK A PHOTO

Y/N The Baddie🥵: if I was

sober I probs would've

come save you😭 sorry

bestie💔😔

Wind bITCH💨💨💨: that's a big ass fat ass lie

Y/N The Baddie🥵: that's not

true!! You're just mad😌🖕

✨💅Flamboyant💅✨: hoe’s mad

Wind bITCH💨💨💨 is offline

Y/N The Baddie🥵: real mad

Cloud Stalker😬☁️👀: look what I found

Simp💗💗💗: so THAT'S how we got back

Butterfly👀💜🦋: how did you even take a pic of us

Kaburamaru’s Side Hoe🐍: everyone else took a cart while we wanted to do...this

Butterfly👀💜🦋: you remember last night?

Kaburamaru’s Side Hoe🐍: I only remember drinking loads and getting on the bike

The Water Man Himself🌊: why am I on there even tho I probably have like a major concussion

Y/N The Baddie🥵: idk but I found

something else

Stronk 🙏Prayer🙏 Man: is that...a weird drawing...of me?

Y/N The Baddie🥵: I think so, yh

uMAI🍱🍙🔥: I have a vague memory of Giyuu drawing it then all of us slowly coming forth to hail this drawing of Gyomei

The Water Man Himself🌊: I drew that?

uMAI🍱🍙🔥: I think so

Wind bITCH💨💨💨 is online

Y/N The Baddie🥵: welcome back

Wind bITCH💨💨💨: what did I miss?

✨💅Flamboyant💅✨: it's easier just to back read at this point

Simp💗💗💗: I'm going through my camera roll now to see if there's any photos from last night

uMAI🍱🍙🔥: same

Wind bITCH💨💨💨: wtf. Why?

✨💅Flamboyant💅✨: I think I can speak for everyone when I say this, we don't even know at this point

Kaburamaru’s Side Hoe🐍: mans just wanted a selfie

Y/N The Baddie🥵: Giyuu being

a complete mood as always

Stronk 🙏Prayer🙏 Man: where is he? I can't see him

Butterfly👀💜🦋: by Tengen’s hand

Stronk 🙏Prayer🙏 Man: thank you Shinobu!

Butterfly👀💜🦋: np!!😊

Cloud Stalker😬☁️👀: I just wanted a selfie! Why did ya’ll have to ruin it?! Assholes🖕

Butterfly👀💜🦋: someones moody

Cloud Stalker😬☁️👀: of course I'm moody, that was gonna be a good selfie, the EMOTION in that selfie at the start, did you not see how happy I was

The Water Man Himself🌊: you were happy?

Cloud Stalker😬☁️👀: uh, yh, can't you tell?

Wind bITCH💨💨💨: looks like ur normal neutral expression to me :/

Cloud Stalker😬☁️👀: seriously?

Y/N The Baddie🥵: don't worry

Mui, I knew FROM THE START

that you were happy, until

they RUINED IT

Cloud Stalker😬☁️👀: idk if you're just saying that or not

Simp💗💗💗: this is so funny to me

Y/N The Baddie🥵: lmao Giyuu why

are you always in the background

of the photos looking sad and

lost😭🤣

Butterfly👀💜🦋: it's bc nobody wants him in the photos bc he has no friends

The Water Man Himself🌊:...

✨💅Flamboyant💅✨: honestly Gyomei looks fabulous and fits his part well

Simp💗💗💗: he does! But I think you all do! Even Giyuu

Y/N The Baddie🥵: what as a lost

depressed man?😏

The Water Man Himself🌊: 🖕

Simp💗💗💗: no that's not what I meant!!!

Kaburamaru’s Side Hoe🐍: don't worry we all know, Y/N’s just joking, right Y/N🔫😊

Y/N The Baddie🥵: sure

👁👄👁💧

Y/N The Baddie🥵: alright ya’ll

imma go die on the inside now

and sleep, bye

✨💅Flamboyant💅✨: bye

Simp💗💗💗: have a good sleep Y/N-San!

Wind bITCH💨💨💨: I would come over and annoy you but I'm bedridden so I can't😔

Y/N The Baddie🥵: oh no, how sad

CloudStalker😬☁️👀: you dying on the inside brings me joy

Y/N The Baddie🥵: fuck you

Stronk 🙏Prayer🙏 Man: have a good sleep and hope you feel better soon Y/N:)

Y/N The Baddie🥵: thank you

Gyomei🥰🥰🥰

Butterfly👀💜🦋: bye Y/N-San

The Water Man Himself🌊: bye

uMAI🍱🍙🔥: make sure you have water! Hydration is important!

Y/N The Baddie🥵: thanks for the

reminder Kyō!

Kaburamaru’s Side Hoe🐍: bye

Y/N The Baddie🥵 is offline

#kny #kny x reader #demon slayer #demon slayer x reader #text fic #crack fic #muichiro tokito #giyuu tomioka #gyomei himejima #sanemi shinaguzawa #mitsuri kanroji #shinobu kochō #tengen uzui #kyojuro rengoku #y/n #obanai iguro

[crossdressingdeath]

Listen. I'm all for rareships and crackfics because the fandom can be fun. But where does JWYxLJY come from? Like what started it? Did I miss something? I didn't even know it was a thing until it just randomly appeared in a fic I was reading (wasn't tagged, thanks. I hate that btw) LMAO Wtf? The bar is in hell, people

Honestly strangely enough that's one of the less infuriating JC ships to me, because I have never seen anyone suggesting it is in any way canon. Even JC stans seem to mostly grasp that it is completely 100% crack and has zero basis in any of the various canons of this story, so you know what I do not care. I have never seen anyone confused or angry on people Very Much Not Shipping It or claiming that it's totally canon and anyone who disagrees is a piece of shit with no reading comprehension. It really ought to be tagged (manners, people!), but other than that... eh. It's just one more for fandom's collection of Random Crack Ships That Somehow Became Reasonably Popular Despite Making No Canonical Sense, and more power to anyone who enjoys it.

#mdzs #grapehate #asks #anon

[maxmagi]

A List of My OTPs

because it's 11 and I can't sleep.

Enjolras x Grantaire a.k.a. Enjoltaire a.k.a. ExR- Les Mis

How I fell into this I don't remember now. I vaguely remember reading a crackfic of this and then everything just went sideways.

This was also the fandom that helped me realize that I wasn't exactly straight and that it's okay to not be loud about my sexuality, that I can just be.

I think that explains my attachment to this ship, not to mention just the movie's Grantaire (played by George Blagden) also shipped the characters and played his character like how he thought it should be, Grantaire loving and pining after Enjolras without the revolutionary knowing it.

Except in the fan fics, Enjolras returns his feelings and they work it out, even though it's not easy because they're both stubborn as mules. Ah, ultimate fantasy I guess. And the number of great fics here, *whistle*

Also, the Les Amis? Is amazing? Especially in the modern AUs? Like they're great friends? I love this fandom so much! Permets-tu!

Shen Wei x Zhao Yunlan - Guardian / Zhen Hun

C'mon, Zhu Yilong & Bai Yu's performance and emotions? Plus just the fact the fanfic writers of this ship are absolutely amazing? Please, escape from this pairing is impossible!

Best opposites attract trope for me. An academic by day, superhero by night in love with a roguish police chief who has no powers but whose charisma, wit, and heart can get him to toe to toe with the legends.

Also, Professor Shen Wei constantly acting like an innocent civilian and lying badly? Gold!

Loki x Tony Stark a.k.a. FrostIron - Avengers

How did I honestly get to this ship? I really can't remember what started it all. I think it must have been a Loki redemption fic where Tony Stark and Pepper broke up and something something happened. Let me tell you, the writers of this ship have written sagas and ballads of epic and sometimes confusing proportions, and that is why I fell deeper into the pit. I mean, they gotta give justice to two brilliant but chaotic characters, right? Angst. This ship has sooooooooo much angst.

Eiji x Ash - Banana Fish

My god, if you want to keep your heart intact and not be reminded of all that's ugly in the world, DON'T WATCH OR READ BANANA FISH. YOUR HEART WILL NEVER HEAL!

If you're gonna watch/read it anyway, make sure to watch something fluffy and sweet after. There's a reason that people from this fandom go, "If you've seen Banana Fish's ending, then you can handle whatever angsty show you're watching now." ~ or something to that effect. Another thing we like to say in this fandom is, "Other fandoms: Let's write a Mafia AU! Banana Fish fandom: We are the Mafia AU." Yes, all of us in this fandom is dramatic af.

Yuuri x Viktor - Yuuri!!! on Ice

Uh, does this really need an explanation? Aside from the fact that you will surprisingly find a lot of Mafia AUs here because we all know that hiding behind that beautiful face of Viktor Nikiforov is a devil capable of... tearing down your self-confidence, like WTF Viktor, don't make Yuuri cry! Also, their dance together at the end, such beautiful love.

Magnus Bane x Alec Lightwood aka Malec - Shadowhunters

I never read the books and have no plans to in the near future. I just saw a video on Youtube about why Malec is life and now here I am, still reading some Malec fics from time to time.

Some stuff on the show were WTF but overall they were a really good couple who supported each other. Plus, they're a Power Couple.

Erwin x Levi aka Eruri - Attack on Titan / Shingeki no Kyojin

Not to be confused with Ereri, which is Eren x Levi, which I don't generally ship except for that one time when a writer wrote an epic fanfic series with Eren in his mid 20s and Levi in his late 20s/early 30s, reincarnation AU. Boy was that one a surprise. I did not expect that.

Anyway, I'm an Eruri fan through and through. Especially with that promise that Levi made to Erwin. And the reason he gave the serum to Armin. HE DIDN'T DO IT FOR THE KIDS YKNOW. HE DID IT FOR ERWIN. Plus, Levi, Erwin, and Hange are my special trio. Erwin's batch was really amazing.

Also, I really like the fact that the shorter and slighter person is the more badass fighter while the taller, bigger one is the more calculating and strategic one. Rocks the boat of stereotypes and all that. Bonus: how these two met. My god, what a meet-cute! 😂

Dani x Jamie aka The Au Pair and the Gardener - The Haunting of Bly Manor

It really is more of a love story than a ghost story. I dunno how to feel about this. I loved these two characters so much and I wished they had a better ending but I wasn't SO surprised because it was a horror series (Like, I was still hoping at the end that they'd be together forever but yknow...). In any case, Jamie was just awesome. And her nickname for Dani? Poppins?! God, what a lover and fighter. She was not afraid to cock a gun in a ghost's face.

... and now for my flexible BROTPs

Merlin x Arthur aka Merthur - BBC Merlin

Yeah, my brain is so chaotic multiple OTPs and BROTPs of the same pairing exist at the same time without clashing with one another or having major identity crises.

I actually really like BROTP Merlin and Arthur and also like reading OTP Merthur.

And when Merlin is paired with Morgana or Freya or sometimes even Gwaine, that's fine with me too. As long as his bromance with Arthur stays intact, because that's what drew me to the show in the first place. Personal preference. I see them as platonic soulmates.

*Shout-out to the Merthur writers though, you kept me sane during my "Post-Merlin Depression," which is actually a term thrown around in the fandom because of that horrid final season (not saying it's a good term but it's what it was called). A lot of amazing fics here, too, both Magic Reveal and Modern AU ones. Full of action and adventure too! I mean, there are boy-band-looking Knights and magic-wielding badasses!

Tim Drake x Conner Kent/Kon-El aka Red Robin x Super Boy - DC Comics

More like flexible otp. I dig Stephanie Brown and Tim Drake BUT I really really also dig Tim Drake and Conner Kent. When they're TimKon, it's like an entirely different entity from TimSteph. Ugh, hard to explain.

I mean, Kon telling Tim, "You'll always be my Robin" and Tim telling Kon, "And you'll always be my clone boy" is the shit. Also when Kon could pick out/recognize Tim's heartbeat. And when Tim nearly went mad scientist trying to bring his bestie back. Like, dudes, wtf. And at the same time, hell yeah.

Liu Kang x Kung Lao aka LiuLao - Mortal Kombat

- I see these two as more like ride or die best friends connected by fate/platonic soulmates. But also like their dynamic is so awesome, cute, sweet, badass, can't-live-without-you vibes.

Basically the same way I feel about Merthur. I like reading both romantic and platonic relationships between these two characters. Like, the LiuLao fan creators peeling off the layers of this relationship and exposing every raw nerve is beautiful.

They love diving into the characters' psyche, emotions, motivations, fears, and doubts and you get really amazed because... Aren't they just characters from a video game, you ask? Well yeah, but MK video game has several interesting storylines and the Mortal Kombat 2021 movie was just the perfect jumpstarter to this beautiful blaze.

I mean, "We swore that if we were to die, it would be together"? Hell no, you're not dropping that on us and not expecting us to create our very own spin-offs and 12-page essays on that shit. That's what we fans do, baby. And also, really, we need a shaolin monks/white lotus spin-off/prequel. We're starving here.

As this ship is the newest one on my list, it's the one I'm looking forward to the most. Not enough fan content, I tell you. Not enough. One of these days, I just might add my own.

But right now, it's past 1 and so I shall attempt to sleep.

***No images for TimKon and LiuLao coz apparently I've gone past my 10-images allowance 😤

#enjoltaire #malec #au pair x gardener #liulao #merthur #timkon #eruri #ironfrost #frostiron #viktor x yuuri #eiji x ash #banana fish #merlin #red robin #enjolras #grantaire #erwin x levi #zhen hun #shen wei #zhao yunlan #dani x jamie #loki x tony stark #les mis