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#wrote a letter. it kinda sucks. it was really long and now it's pretty short
aita-blorbos · 4 months
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AITA for dying (again)?
So. Being a gifted child sucks ass. You study the blade, you start a sect with your shixiong, try to uphold justice in the world, be the beacon of light everybody can follow and depend on, and you really think you're achieving something. But then, surprise surprise, you couldn't be more wrong! Long story short, my shixiong got murdered (or so I thought), my girlfriend broke up with me, one of my subordinates terminally poisoned me, I had to go into a duel to avenge my shixiong with the poison in my body, and I returned barely alive to find half the sect dead and the survivors blaming me for what happened, which is only fair. There was also the poison to consider that would kill me in ten years anyway, and all the people I loved had good reasons to hate me, so I opted for staying dead to them and starting out anew. The only things I wanted to do was 1) recover my shixiong's body 2) live in relative peace until the poison got me.
Well, it's ten years later and I by chance meet my shixiong's secret son who's also my disciple but doesn't know who I am, and my archenemy is out of seclusion -- my plans for staying out of public affairs are pretty much blown. A lot of things happened, but to summarize, my shixiong was alive the whole time and orchestrated everything that happened, tried to kill the emperor, all the people I was hiding from found out I was alive, and my disciple and archenemy got EXTREMELY fixated on this silly idea of curing me, although my illness is literally incurable. The more I was involved in all this the more obvious it got that just by changing my name I couldn't escape the curse of my past self and that I was disturbing all these people's lives again, and I didn't feel like making the two people who care about me watch as I slowly die, so I wrote my archenemy (we're friends now) a letter publicly announcing I was dead, so neither he nor my disciple would look for me, and then I fucked off to just kinda wander around until I do actually die. But I know that both my archenemy and my disciple haven't given up, haven't accepted my death, and have been looking for me for months. This can't be good for them, but I don't see what I could have done differently. Maybe the problem is that I did lie to them quite a bit in the past so they're not buying the bit with my death as I hoped they would. AITA?
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captainsleepy111 · 1 year
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Ramble/rant below (nothing bad but if you don’t want to deal with me having a crush for the first time in at least three years scroll past, also I have no idea how to do the cut thing so also potentially very long post with terrible grammar, cause I’m going on a ride here and also just suck at grammar)
Anyway…… how do deal with emotions
This fucker has made me write poetry FUCKING POETRY!!!!!!! Sgdhshdhsijagdhd (for reference I hate writing poetry and absolutely suck at it, no hate to people who like poetry, I just don’t personally like it that much, can be cool to read though) and now I am a sappy human bean who is very repressed and writes poetry apparently. I hate it so much. Not only that but before I even got to the poetry phase I wrote two letters to him! Like this fucker has been ruling my conscience for the passed like month and a half. I’m used to the like couple hours, or like at the very most couple of day vague “this persons nice and I like them” maybe crushes that turn out to just wanting to be friends kind of thing. Not “I short circuit every time they do anything vaguely nice to me and even considering asking them out because I really like them, but I’m also afraid of commitment and I also know they like someone else and I don’t want to put them in an awkward situation because honestly I just like seeing them happy and I don’t care how it happens/who it happens with” and now I have to deal with it, and I have absolutely no idea how to say any of that in a coherent way/without seeming slightly insane or like I’m trying to guilt trip him into a relationship, cause I don’t even know how/if I want a relationship. Also the letters either turned into me being kinda self deprecating or going through major personal character growth but vaguely directed at him, so like idk how to just talk about how he makes me feel without accidentally making it about me, and I don’t want it to be about me I want it to be about how he’s a fantastic human being and I adore him.
(Spacing so my brain doesn’t want to implode it’s self) Like literally all this guy has to do (and has done) to make me even slightly flustered is just be a decent human being. Like that’s it. He’ll just talk to me like we’re relatively good friends and then BAM feelings. And it’s even worse (better) because he’s also a pretty like affectionate person in general (or just not emotionally repressed like I am) so he’ll just like casually just joke around and like say he loves me like the “I’m insulting you but also I love you” kind of friendship and I have no idea how to deal with it. Also he is unfairly good at hugging, like it’s annoying (it’s fantastic but so far he’s hugged me three times and I’ve completely short circuited every time, like to the point that idk what else was going on at the time, for last two the first one was very awkward, but also somehow one of the best hugs I’ve gotten. Also for the record all of these hugs happened within the span of two days) cause he’s so warm and like, squishy, and on the last hug that he did (cause the last two were after awards for a speech and debate tournament, he got fourth in the event that we had done like three full practices for; we’re both in short prep) it was like one of those ones where like you tighten your arms around the person during it and he was the one who initiated it!!!!!!?????!!? Like ahdgdjdueueididgjeody. Also (cause I watched his round for finals cause you can do that) and afterwards he was basically saying that me being there was how he was able to do it (though I think he would have been able to do it without me cause he’s amazing) and like he was doing the like happy cry thing and then I was almost doing the happy cry thing cause I feed off of other peoples emotions cause I’m a vampire and don’t know how to recognize/feel them on my own. But like !!!!!!!!!!!!! Cause there was another person on our team that also watched his round and as far as I know he didn’t do that for them; but like I also waited for him at the bottom of the bleachers after awards finished to congratulate him cause I was on the opposite side to him and couldn’t at the time, whereas the other kid was I think sitting next to him so he may have done it then. But I don’t know. Also I’m this same tournament he offered to let me use his cologne for the first day (cause it was a two day tournament) and also told me how to use it cause trans and don’t know how to man. Granted for that one he also offered to another one of the kids but still. I’m also debating if I should go look specifically for that cologne to have it because of him but idk if that would border on creepy stalker.
Also there’s like, I have two best friends that are basically just my sisters, and like no matter how much I like him, they will always come first and idk how to say that without making him feel like he’s just like a second option or like I don’t care about him as much. Cause I do, I would go to the ends of the earth to make him happy; but also if it came down to him or them I would choose them every time cause they are my family. And I don’t know how to bring that up without feeling bad about it (cause it feels like I’m kinda leading him on cause he’s not my number one priority and I don’t know how to do relationships (or this level of affection both from or towards people) that didn’t start out from being friends first and in the last relationship I was in (which was like 3ish years ago and ended cause someone spread a rumor that I cheated; I didn’t, and the person believed it cause I was being “defensive” over losing the person that at the time had been my whole world) they were my number one focus and like came first no matter what and I like just wanted to spend time around them (probably also because they were pretty much my only friend that somewhat actively talked to me at the time) and now that I also have other people that I enjoy being around and don’t want to leave behind so I can’t do that again, but I also don’t know how else to do relationships cause I’m scared that if I don’t then he’s leave me because he doesn’t think I care about him enough. Cause that also destroyed the remains of the first relationship even after we broke up, and if I have to do that again I would crawl back into the hole I dig the first time around and never leave it ever again (an exaggeration but still, I would be very sad) I also don’t want to explain all this to him because I tend to over share/over explain when I’m trying to tell someone my emotions while also trying not to scared them off, and again I don’t want to guilt trip him into a relationship or like accidentally trauma dump on him while telling him that I like him. But I also want to make sure he know that I care about him, and it’s not a matter of who I like/love more and more just a) I’ve them known longer and b) they’re my family.
Anyway, that’s the rant over. Sorry for the long post, have a picture of my dogs as thanks/apology for reading/the amount of scrolling
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dandelioncrownns · 3 years
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random grishaverse facts/trivia (mostly tgt/kos, tbh), because i love useless details. Also, attempted organisation, because i like order too. + ft. my unwanted commentary
the darkling
has a sweet tooth
loves animals and nature in general
for those of you who have read demon in the woods, he got to meet the white tigers :)
his bedchamber walls are carved into trees bc he loves the woods
his favourite trees in particular are pine trees (or just evergreen trees in general)
he used to be afraid of the dark (many possibly worrying? interesting? implications to this; i won’t get into it here tho)
he likes bright colours, but wears black all the time basically for the aesthetic
he met his younger half-sister, Ulla, when he was a seer’s apprentice in Fjerda 
the darkling is a musician! He plays the fiddle, and growing up, he played the balalaika and oud (i wonder if he can read tablature,,) 
His father was a very powerful heartrender (maybe this is why the corporalki are valued so highly by him?)
genya
she got an amplifier between the end of R+R and the start of KoS (kestrel bones)
Genya used Dekora Nevich, the Ornamental Blade, to poison the King
It smells like cinnamon and is a warm golden colour
the royal family / nikolai’s bio family 
the King once cut himself on his own sword
genya named the queen’s dog 
until she was like 11, Genya was like the daughter the queen never had (omg i really wonder how Nikolai and Vasily felt about that? ik it’s not really mentioned, and Nik kinda acts like he just met Genya is S+S, but they must have been a lot closer, right?? I mean genya was almost always at the grand palace with Queen Tatiana, and nikolai just really wanted his parents’ attention, there must have been some kind of maybe one-sided jealousy/sibling rivalry thing, right?? I digress- for now)
also the queen in a dog person
p. sure Nikolai is a mommy’s boy
(possible explanation:) he looks exactly like his real father (except for his eyes). Nikolai even has the same laugh as Magnus
the queen was also fed up with Vasily and his horses
Vasily rides a white gelding horse and Nikolai rides a speckled grey horse (called Punchline)
speaking of, vasily is definitely a horse girl, but like... just the worst (darkling 🤝vasily)
Queen Tatiana’s letters to Magnus Opjer were “very racy” 
 She doesn’t approve of women in trousers
Linnea is ~1 year younger than Nikolai
she is good at math + studies engineering at ketterdam (I wonder if maybe she and Nikolai crossed paths when he was at uni- they’re around the same age, so maybe?)
The King and Queen hired a clown for nikolai’s 10th birthday (the worst birthday party he’d been to, inclusive of the night Vasily died, according to Nikolai)
Nikolai is afraid of spiders (and also clowns???)
nikolai:
he can juggle
Nikolai sucks at learning languages 
he once spoke Fjerdan so badly a man named Knut offered him a ruby to stop
his Kerch seems pretty good tho
Nikolai met The Darkling when he was 14
Nikolai is a baritone (as is Jesper!)
In his free time, Nikolai writes bad poetry (remember that time he got stabbed w/ a letter opener bc his poetry sucked?)
he went through an emo phase/ existential crisis before becoming sturmhond.
during said emo phase, he wrote rhyming poetry pretty much exclusively
He also took philosophy classes at uni (PPE?)
alina:
alina tried on the same rose dress that the Queen watched vasily die in
Nikolai gifted Alina a VERY low-cut cobalt lace gown (In the words of Nadia, “The bodice might as well be cut to the navel.” )
Alina hates herring, but Zoya and Nikolai love it
She is VERY sarcastic and snarky!! I feel like this gets glossed over so much in the fandom, and just why?? (she’s so gloomy and over everything 90% of the time, i love it so much)
So this isn’t technically a fact-fact, but there is no way Alina wasn’t at least a little bit into women. Did you read how she talked abt genya? Zoya? there’s no way she wasn’t into them
Alina doesn’t really like hard cheese
zoya + zoyalai:
Zoya’s horse is called Serebrine
Zoya can use her lightning as a defibrillator (I’m sure other squallers can do this too with the right training)
Zoya likes Nikolai’s hands (and Nikolai likes Zoya’s feet lmao)
she has ‘weird (long?) incisors’  
she definitely had a crush on Nikolai since Ruin and Rising
kaz:
Kaz grew up on a farm in Southern Kerch, in Lij
Kaz is a both a cat and a dog person  (he just likes strays)
Matthias is a dog person, obviously
All the other crows are cat people 
He likes hot chocolate
both he and nikolai like brandy
hates cereal
Kaz is obsessed with magic + likes puzzles
actually very funny if he wasn’t terrifying (honestly?? at leat 70% of his dialogue is just witty quips/jokes)
Kaz’s right leg is the one he broke, and the dregs usually get their tattoo on their right forearm
the other crows:
Jesper has been known to go line-dancing (and would like country music) 
Mal and Jesper were friends in S+S!! (Probably) Jesper has a not-really-secret crush on sturmhond. 
He also had a VERY not secret crush on Kaz before wylan, ofc
Matthias’ middle name is Benedik
Nina would win in an arm wrestling contest against Jesper
Inej has a thing for Kaz’s eyes
Nina was at the orphanage with the other grisha kids in R+R
In the opening scene of CK, Jesper was wearing a navy waistcoat with little gold stars (his fashion is just top tier honestly)
grisha- powers, etc.:
A solar eclipse would have no effect on the Darkling’s powers, but it would make it harder for Alina to summon.
Fabrikators can make flowers bloom
The twins have shark teeth amplifiers
Adrik and Leoni are saints
general world stuff:
Gay marriage is legal in Kerch!
there was a landbridge connecting Shu Han and Kerch but the council of tides covered it
Antimony is used as mascara
kruge is pale purple paper currency
ravkan currency has Nikolai’s face on it (ig not anymore tho?)
Hringkälla is celebrated on March 20th
the distance between Ivets and Os Alta is only about 100 miles? (i’m just going to willfully ignore this, because thats,, so small?)
Mermaids and dragons exist(ed) in the grishaverse
misc:
the daughter of the duke of ivets has a daughter who can play the harp
there is not fourth tale of krigi
The baroness Natasha Beritrova is fifty (as of KoS) and has lands near caryeva
Elke Marie Smit is from one of the most powerful Kerch families and is just 16 in KoS
Oncat is an orange tabby
Anya liked Joost a lot :( (I got way too attached to them at the start of SoC and was so sad + confused when they died lol)
david eats hard boiled eggs for his working days in the shops
‘Malyen’ is the Ravkan version of ‘Malcolm’ (very fitting)
Nikolai brought the kids at Keramzin toy boats + frequently sends Alina and Mal gifts 
The triumvirate would also visit them every feast of Sankt Nikolai too :)
star signs / birthdays (ik the gv constellations aren’t the same as ours, but idc):
Inej: Cancer (june 21st - july 22nd)
Kaz: Capricorn (december 22nd - january 19th)
Nina: Leo (july 23rd - august 22nd)
Jesper: Gemini (may 21st - june 20th)
Matthias: Taurus (april 20th - may 20th)
Wylan: virgo (august 23rd - september 22nd)
Kuwei: aries (march 21st - april 19th)
Darkling: aries
Nikolai is most likely either a gemini or cancer (but he could also be a Leo or Taurus). Whatever it is, he is a summer baby.
Alina and Mal have the same birthday (they were given the Duke’s birthday when they came to the orphanage)
heights:
Jesper is 6’2” - 6’3”
Kaz is 6′
Matthias is 6’4
Nina is 5’9”-5’10”
Inej is 5’3” - 5’4”
Alina is ’short’ (5’3”?)
Mal and the Darkling are ‘tall’ (tbf, like all the characters are tall >:( I want my short people rights)
Nikolai  (well, stumhond, but i think they’re the same height) is described by Jesper as tall (so 6’2”+?? why is everyone so tall??? I-)
Zoya is several inches shorter than nina (zoyalai height difference lets go)
Kuwei is slightly shorter than Wylan (who is about 5’8”?)
there’s definitely more, so if you made it this far and have any more, pls add to the list!
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luci-in-trenchcoats · 3 years
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A Place To Call Home: Jensen’s Day
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Summary: TJ approaches Jensen on how to best to handle the unexpected discovery of many of the reader’s childhood things. While the pair work out how to do that, Jensen spends some quality time with the other kids too...
Masterlist
Pairing: Jensen x foster daughter!reader
Word Count: 7,300ish
Warnings: language, angst, period talk, minor injury, fluffy dad Jensen
A/N: This part takes place in Jensen’s POV and after the TJ’s talk timestamp. Enjoy!
______
“Hey,” said a voice at the door. I jumped and looked over the top of the computer screen, TJ smirking. “I scare you?”
“Pft, no,” I said. I typed out the rest of the sentence, TJ wandering over to the leather chair in my office JJ normally used to read in. “I’m kinda in the middle of something. Can it wait?”
“Oh. Sorry,” he said as he went to stand. I waved him back down and shook my head.
“Read a book or something. I’ll be another few minutes,” I said. He turned his body back towards the bookcase, picking out one on homes. He flipped a few times and I glanced over at him, going back to the screen. I wrote out a few more lines and read it over, pretty satisfied with it. I set a reminder for myself to come back to it later and spun around in my chair. “So. What’s up?”
“What are you working on?” asked TJ as he flipped through the book still.
“Actor stuff,” I said.
“You always work on actor stuff with parchment paper next to you?” he asked. I looked over my shoulder and saw the paper and envelopes, TJ probably recognizing them. “Writing letters?”
“If you must know, yes, I am. I was. I prefer to handwrite them but I started this one on the road this week so I’ll write it down later,” I said. “So. What’s up?”
“Y/N started doing that, writing letters for the kids,” said TJ as he put the book back. “After the accident and all.”
“Yes, I know. What’s with the intrigue?” I asked.
“Well, you’re a sap. I needed some advice,” he said. I rolled my eyes and he cocked his head. “Oh yes. Clearly you’re a hardass.”
“Sometimes I miss the day you came over the first time and were scared shitless of me. Good times,” I said with a smile. I nodded and he got up to shut the door before taking a seat. “What are you up to?”
“Well...it’s complicated,” he said. “Like supernatural level complicated.”
“The show?” I asked and he shook his head. “TJ, buddy are you okay?”
“I’m fine. I just…” he said. He reached into his back shorts pocket and pulled out a manila envelope. He handed it over and I opened it up, pulling out a few sheets of papers and photos. I recognized the face immediately, TJ sitting up on top of the desk. I smiled and TJ laughed. “You never seen baby pictures of Y/N?”
“No. We thought they were all lost. There were a few things from her parents we found but only a few boxes and her teddy bear. A few pictures but none of when she was little,” I said, smiling at the one of her in a onesie passed out asleep on her dad. “He looks young.”
“Her parents were older than you guys, right?” he asked.
“Oh yeah, a lot older. Just only ever saw them on that home video. Y/N had a picture once she said but some dickhead foster parent burned it,” I said. I pouted and felt TJ’s gaze on me. 
“I get angry about stuff that happened to her too sometimes,” he said. 
“Just don’t stay angry,” I said and he nodded. I turned my head at one of the sheets and went wide eyed. “Is this her birth certificate? How the Hell did you get this? It looks like the original.”
“It is. Long story short, I’m working on a renovation right now on the east side of town. Out in the suburbs, average home, nothing like this place or even ours to be honest. They needed an architect for like two days at most. Older couple. I got talking to them and we come to realize, I’m standing in Y/N’s old house.”
“What?”
“Yeah. It’s the one she grew up in. It’s her house,” he said.
“Small fucking world,” I said, leaning back in my seat. “I thought they ditched everything in the house after it went up for auction.”
“So did I. So did Y/N. Apparently, this couple packed up a lot of the personal stuff cause they felt wrong about throwing it out. They shoved it in some bins in the basement and forgot about it until this week. Jensen, I got bins full of photos and awards she won as a kid and stuff of her parents and did you know she was a ghostbuster for Halloween? I didn’t know that.”
“Neither did I,” I said. “Why not tell her you found this stuff?”
“Part of me is scared that she knew, that she didn’t want to deal with it. Maybe she wanted to shove it away. I don’t know. You know her as well as I do. What do you think?”
“I know she almost cried over a teddy bear when she was seventeen. I know when she saw that home video she almost cried. But I know both those times it was happy tears that would have happened. You know as well as I do this would mean the world to her.”
“I know it would which is why I need your help. How do we tell her?”
“Oh so you want to make a big elaborate thing out of it all I see.”
“I bet I could get at least your sappy letters level of waterworks,” he said.
“I’ve taught you well,” I laughed. “We’ll come up with something. Oh and I got something for you.”
I reached into a desk drawer and smiled as I pulled out an envelope. I held it out to him, TJ staring as he saw “Thomas James” written on the front.
“What’s this?” he asked.
“Always keep an ace up your sleeve,” I said as I stood. I pushed it against his chest and walked past him. “It’s your first letter kid.”
“What?” he asked quietly. I turned around and smiled. “But I’m not…”
“Yeah, you are. Your dad’s a shithead and I don’t know when or if he’ll get his act together. Either way, you deserve better. I ain’t perfect. Not even close. But I do know you love your kids and for me that means all five of them. We don’t really care about blood relations around here if you haven’t picked up on that by now,” I said. He stared down at the letter and back at me. He nodded quietly and I laughed. “Read it in private and when you’re ready, we’ll figure out something for our girl.”
“Jensen. Why am I getting this now?” he asked as I reached to open the door.
“Cause you asked me for help on something that will bring my daughter joy. Cause you love her as much as the rest of us. Cause I felt like we’re at that place now where we can talk like this with no hesitation. Maybe cause you caught me writing letters and I was in a sappy mood. The letters aren’t always about a birthday or a wedding. Sometimes it’s just moments. Oh and you gotta work on your hand writing kid. Your kids are never gonna be able to read your chicken scratch.”
“I don’t…” he said as I smiled. “I tried writing one once and it sucked.”
“Considering your children can’t read yet, I think you got the time to figure it out,” I said. “Arrow and I are going golfing in a few. Wanna come?”
“I would but I have swim lessons with Allie. She’s getting pretty good. Y/N worries.”
“Never noticed,” I said. “Enjoy it. They’re only little once.”
“I will. Say hey to Arrow for me, Jensen.”
Two Hours Later
Arrow groaned as she sat down in the passenger seat of the cart. She took a swig from her water bottle and raised an eyebrow at me when she caught me staring.
“What?” she said, a little snippy.
“Can we try that nicer?” I asked. She rolled her eyes and sat back, crossing her arms. “Arrow, if you don’t want to golf with me today why’d you ask if we could go?”
“I thought we were going mini-golfing,” she said.
“Why didn’t you say anything?” I asked. She shrugged and I turned in my seat. “Arrow…”
“You were like...excited about it and stuff,” she said. “It’s fine.”
“Well as good at this as you are, I’d much rather we go do something we both find fun. Okay, munchkin?” 
She shrugged and I drove up the path, headed back to the clubhouse.
Twenty minutes later she was in the front seat of the car with her head against the window and eyes shut. I frowned and reached over to touch her forehead. It was warm and bit sweaty but she popped right up.
“What?” she snipped again. I looked at her for a moment before it clicked. 
“Not feeling great?” I asked. She shook her head and I smiled. “Okay. I know just how to fix that.”
“Not something you can fix,” she mumbled.
“Oh, this I know how to fix. Trust me.”
“How’s that feel?” I asked when we were curled up on the couch in the TV room about half an hour later. 
“Better,” she said, a light blush over her face as she held the heating pad to herself. 
“We don’t gotta talk about it if you don’t want to,” I said.
“My friends dads don’t really talk to them about you know, periods,” she said with a wince.
“That’s too bad. They’d be able to make ‘em feel better if they did,” I said. “You’re already more of an expert on this than I am but your mom and older sisters say after the first year you really start getting the hang of what to expect and all that.”
“You can stop cramps?” she asked, happy for a moment.
“No, you can’t do that. But you learn what day it’s gonna happen and you learn what medicine works best for you, what makes you feel better best. Y/N got one of those heat pad stuffed animals for your sister. I hear heat helps.”
“Dad, this is kinda gross to talk about you know,” she said.
“Like I said, we don’t ever got to talk about it if you don’t want. Just...know you can.”
“I got that from when I got it and we had that talk. I don’t need it again,” she said. I held up my hands and returned my attention to the TV. “Dad. I’m sorry. That was mean.”
“S’okay. You got a lot going on right now inside you. I’ve lived with women a long time. I’m used to it at this point,” I said.
“Why does Zepp not have to deal with this?” she asked.
“Well...he also can’t make a baby. You got that on him.”
“A baby and cramps. Thanks genetics,” she said. I chuckled and she crawled over, using my leg as a pillow. “Why do you boys get everything? They get to not have periods and stuff.”
“The grass is always greener on the other side, kiddo. I’m sure some days, especially in the mornings, your brother would much rather be you right now,” he said.
“Huh?” she said.
“What grade do you take health class again?”
“Eighth,” she said.
“Oh. Okay. We’ll save that one. Better yet, you’ll find out when you’re thirty,” I said.
“Dad I know what sex is. Biology class. Make a baby,” she said. “Duh.”
“Oh really? Didn’t realize you were so grown up and all now,” I said, ruffling her hair. “What if you want to not make a baby?”
“They you don’t do it. Duh,” she said.
“Right, right. We’re gonna get you a book to explain all this to you,” I said, Arrow rolling her eyes. JJ wandered inside, hands behind her back, lifting up onto her tip toes. “I see someone wants to borrow the car.”
“Please? I’m just going over Tom’s,” she said.
“You’re going over the Pad’s to make out with your boyfriend you mean.”
“Tom is so not my boyfriend for the like, gazillionth time,” she said.
“Why you going to his junior prom then? As his date?”
“We’re just friends. Like, everybody does it,” she said. “I’m his best friend, like of course we’d go together.”
“What do you think? Is Tom just a friend?” I asked Arrow, a shit eating grin on her face.
“She doesn’t know-” said JJ, a loud crash happening somewhere in the house. I hopped up, the two of them following after. 
“Zepp,” I called, jogging up the stairs. “Zeppelin.”
I rounder the corner into his room, spotting him on the floor, with a hand on his head. He looked away and I knelt down, putting a hand over his.
“Let me see,” I said. He winced and I pulled his hand back, spotting a gash on his forehead. “JJ, get me a towel please. Quickly.”
I heard her leave and I saw his desk chair flopped over on the ground.
“We told you not to stand on that thing, Zeppelin…” I said, seeing the spot of red on the corner of his desk.
“Sorry. It’s just a cut. I’m okay,” he said. 
“I’m not mad, honey. Promise you won’t do it again?” I asked as JJ came back and handed me a towel.
“Yeah. Don’t have to worry about that,” he said. I put the towel against his head and looked at his eyes. 
“Did you pass out?” I asked.
“No,” he said. “I’m okay.”
“I know you are tough guy. We’re still going to urgent care,” I said. “JJ tell Tom to come over here. It’s getting late and I don’t want Arrow home alone.”
“We’re not going with you?” she asked.
“Do you really want to go sit in a waiting room for a few hours?” I asked. I helped Zepp to his feet, glad when he didn’t stumble. She shrugged and I turned to Arrow. She looked worried and I pursed my lips. “Well if you want to come, let’s go. Otherwise, JJ stay with your sister.”
I walked out ahead of them, Zeppelin groaning when I took his arm to walk down beside him. I sighed and left them in the kitchen while I grabbed my phone and wallet.
“Alright,” I said. I shooed them out to the garage, the three of them piling in their usual spots. I put the radio on low as I drove, a call coming in quick on the dash. I pressed the button on the wheel and forced a happy voice. “Hi hon-”
“JJ just texted me that her brother hit his head and he’s gushing blood everywhere,” she said. I shot her a look in the passenger seat and she mouthed sorry. “Jensen.”
“De he is not gushing blood. He has a little cut. We’re driving to urgent care right now,” I said. 
“Mom, I’m fine,” he said from the back.
“Were you standing on that chair again?” she asked. 
“On the way home, we’ll stop at home depot, get a step ladder. Problem solved,” I said. “I don’t even think he has a concussion. We’re just being careful is all. Alright? How’s your parents?”
“Fine. I’m gonna head home early,” she said. 
“De. We’re fine. I’ll let you know as soon as he gets checked out, okay? Nothing you can do in the meantime,” I said. “Say hi to your folks.”
“Jay are you sure…” she said.
“Honey. I am absolutely 100% positive. He is fine. I promise,” I said. 
“Alright. I’ll talk to you guys later okay? Love you.”
“Love you too,” I said before I hung up.
“You’re totally freaking out on the inside,” said JJ.
“Thank you for texting your mother. Guess who’s not hanging out with Tom tonight now,” I said.
“When was I even gonna go?” she said, rolling her eyes.
“How you holding up back there bud?” I asked as I got on the highway.
“I’m fine for the millionth time,” he said.
“Mhm. Sure you are.”
Three Hours Later
“Hey doc,” I said as we finally were getting out of there with a small bandage on Zeppelin’s head and an ointment for the cut in my hand. “I mentioned to the nuse, he uh, he had a head injury when he was a toddler. It was a hard hit was all, no concussion or anything. They told us to watch out for more of them is all and I know it was just a smack to the head tonight but he’s okay, right?”
“He shows no signs of anything aside from a cut and some bruising. It doesn’t warrant an MRI,” he said.
“I know. I just…” I said, trailing off when I saw Y/N’s friend Kelly walk by in the background. “Kelly.”
“Mr. Ackles! Everything okay?” she asked.
“Zepp hit his head tonight,” I said.
“You do an MRI?” she asked the other doctor. He seemed a little miffed but shoved the chart in her hands and she rolled her eyes as he left. “He’s kind of an asshole, don’t take offense.”
“None taken,” I said. “They said he’s fine but...you know.”
“Send the little shrimp back here and I’ll take care of him,” she said.
“I always knew I liked you,” I said. I got Zeppelin from the waiting room and she sent him off for a quick scan, letting me wait in the hall just outside. “Y/N said you were going for pediatrics if I remember?”
“Yeah. Kids are less of complainers than adults typically,” she said. “How’s Y/N? We haven’t hung out in a bit. Her babies still adorable?”
“Like always,” I said. I smiled and she looked a little a bashful. “It’s okay that you watched my show, Kelly. I’ve always known.”
“Really?” she asked, pursing her lips. “Y/N promised she wouldn’t ever tell you.”
“Oh she didn’t. The you saying holy fucking shit to Y/N when you saw me in the backyard for the first time kind of gave it away,” I said. 
“Yeah, subtly isn't really my strong suit,” she said. I chuckled and she shrugged. “To be fair, like all of our friends think you’re the hot dad.”
“I know. It’s great to tease Y/N with,” I said. “Mind if I ask you a question while we’re waiting.”
“Shoot,” she said.
“Y/N. Why were you her friend? You know that’s a hard shell to crack. She doesn’t have a lot of them and most of those are TJ’s. Nothing wrong with that. Just wonder what made you say hi to the new girl at school.”
“This isn’t going to sound great but basically I had this ex boyfriend. He was like a dick once I told him I wasn’t ready to like, you know, do it yet and we broke off and like six months go by and then I had my new boyfriend at the time but this old ex was still like a super dickhead to pretty much every girl in school that wasn’t super popular. He was...he bullied her the first few days.”
“I never knew that,” I said.
“It was only a couple days. By the third day, she was fed up with it and snapped back at him. He didn’t like that so he shoved her and I just walked over and told him to back off of her. She just looked so...not scared but like, defeated you know?”
“Unfortunately yes, I do.”
“I guess we just talked about how much of a dick he was and we sat together at lunch and she eventually warmed up to me by the time we graduated.”
“She liked you before that. Trust me,” I said. “You’re a good kid. You’re gonna be a good doctor.”
“I hope so,” she said.
“So super fan. I gotta ask cause I also love to torture my children’s friends. Sam girl or the other one?” I said, giving her a smirk.
“I’m not answering that,” she said.
“In a way you did,” I chuckled. “Shoot Y/N a text sometime. We’ll get you hooked up with some con tickets sometime.”
“That’d be so cool!” she said. “If it’s no trouble.”
“No trouble at all,” I said as the door opened and Zepp came out. “How’d it go?”
“No bleeding,” said the tech that walked out and handed a slide to Kelly. She walked over to a wall and stuck it up to a light, nodding her head.
“He’s good. You guys are all set,” she said.
“Thanks Kelly.”
“I want pizza,” said Arrow about five minutes later as I texted De that everything was good from the truck.
“I want tacos,” said Zeppelin.
“I want pasta,” said JJ, looking at me. “What’s for dinner?”
“Well since we all agree it’s so simple,” I said with a chuckle. “How about cause at least two of you have felt crappy today we splurge a little and don’t tell mom.”
“Like what?” asked JJ.
“We will get italian food and tacos and the most unhealthy dessert we can find on the menu,” I said. “Eat whatever you want tonight.”
“Don’t we do that always?” asked Arrow.
“Yeah but dad’s a on a diet,” said JJ. I rolled my eyes and she held up her hands. 
“I wasn’t on a diet. I had a cholesterol test and didn’t want to get yelled at by the doctor thank you very much,” I said. “But that was yesterday and I’m a free man now. We can go home and have leftover chicken salad if that’s what you guys want.”
“Not at all what we said, right guys?” said JJ.
“That’s what I thought you’d say. Seatbelts and someone look up some menus on their phones.”
One Hour Later
JJ burped from her seat, Arrow letting out one herself, the pair of them giggling as they dug into their desserts. Zeppelin shockingly didn’t want his so I saved it in the freezer for later. I figured the pain meds they’d given him had finally kicked in. I was cleaning up at the sink, the girls in the movie room when he came up behind me and gave me a hug.
“Feel any better?” I asked. I spun around and returned it, a little surprised when he snuggled into my chest. I ran my hand over his head and he took a deep breath.
“I’m really tired, dad,” he said. 
“That’s the medicine they gave you. How about an early bedtime tonight and you’ll wake up feeling a lot better in the morning.”
“Okay,” he said, still not moving. 
“Alright, alright,” I said. I moved back and squatted down, hoisting him up, legs wrapping around my back. “You better not be taller than me or else this is gonna get real difficult once you hit your growth spurt.”
“Okay,” he mumbled, resting his head on my shoulder.
“I gotcha,” I said. I got him upstairs and set him down on his bed, Zeppelin out by the time I tugged his covers down. I pulled them up over top and kissed his head. “Night kiddo.”
I turned off the lights and went downstairs, tidying up and pouring myself a glass of whiskey. It burned a bit but the good kind, not too overwhelming. I was about to head to the movie room when I caught something on the floor. I picked up the note and smiled.
DAD CHECK FRIDGE
“Well what did you leave us,” I said to myself, opening it up. There was a casserole dish with a note taped to it and I pulled it out.
Made an extra serving of chicken penne (tons of cheese for you). Just stick in the oven and I figure you four can survive another day without mom. Tell Zepp to stop trying to crack his skull open while you’re at it. Love ya. - Y/N
“What would we do without you and your mother,” I chuckled. I heard someone calling my name and I poured more whiskey into my drink. “Please don’t be twilight again. Please please don’t be that again.”
I carried the glass over to the tv room, the girls bundled up on either side of the couch. I didn’t make a face when I saw the sparkly vampire on the screen and was pretty proud of myself. They both started to laugh and I shook my head.
“Dad we know you hate it,” said JJ. “We wanna watch one of your movies.”
“Well well, tonight is a good time to introduce you two to a little movie called Tommy Boy.”
“Night giggles,” I said, the girls heading up to bed after the movie. I stretched out and went to my room, going out on the balcony and taking a seat outside, closing my eyes as I leaned back. “So. Got another question for you guys if you’re in the mood for listening tonight. TJ found some photos and some of your guys stuff. Not quite sure what the best way to give it to her is though. I feel like some fanfare should be involved. Nothing crazy but you know, make it special. Any genius ideas and I’d love to hear them.”
I took a sip from my drink, a light breeze in the night air.
“Someday I’d appreciate it if I got a little more feedback. Just saying,” I said. “She was a cute kid. Still cute but you know what I mean. Just want to get this one right.”
I sat outside for a while, texting for a bit until I got a bit too cold. I locked up and walked around the house, arming the security system before I climbed into bed. I groaned as I plopped down, barely getting my phone on the charger before I was curling up to sleep. My eyes wandered over to the phone when a text from TJ popped up.
Read the letter. Thanks. Means more than you know. Honestly.
Just don’t forget what I said, k? Night TJ
Night Jensen
“Now if only the other three could find ones like that, then we’d be pretty damn lucky,” I said to myself. I chuckled when I saw one last text pop up. I rolled over in bed to De’s side and used her pillow, snuggling down into it. Three more days and she’d be home again to help stop the crazy. Or at least slow it down.
The Next Day
“Alright so I came up with the perfect way to do it last night,” said TJ as he walked into the gym where I was running on the treadmill.
“I hope you knew how to do it before considering you have a child or else this is going to be very awkward.”
“Smartass,” he said. 
“One of my best qualities,” I said as I hopped off. “Hit me with it.”
“A letter,” he said with a smile.
“You want to write her one go right ahead but…” I said with a shrug. “It’s definitely important but it’s not a letter kind of thing for me.”
“You literally write sappy letters for your children’s life changing events all the time.”
“TJ. I didn’t make these things or buy them for her. Her parents took those pictures. I can’t write a letter. It’s not my gift to give.”
“It’s not a gift though. It’s-”
“TJ, I’m not writing one. You don’t force that shit. Not the important shit. You should write her a letter and tell her how you found the stuff. That’d be really sweet.”
“So you don’t want to be involved in this now,” he said. I took a deep breath and stared at him. “I’m just trying to understand why you’re changing your mind.”
“I’m not her dad, TJ,” I said, putting my hands on my hips. “I’m not the guy in those photos. It feels awkward if I did that. Those are her memories. You found them. This is totally your thing. You do whatever you want or I’ll help but I’m not writing her a letter, alright?”
He scoffed and I crossed my arms, narrowing my eyes.
“TJ. Enough.”
“You’re so fucking stupid. For someone really smart you’re an idiot, Jensen,” he said as he turned to leave.
“Excuse me but why don’t you say what you have to say to my face,” I said. He stopped and turned around, walking over to me, his jaw clenched. “What.”
“If she ever heard those words out of your mouth, it’d destroy her. You literally do not understand how important you are to her you idiot.”
“I understand perfectly well how-” I said before TJ audibly growled. A part of me was happy for a moment at that reaction. Obviously he was pissed and trying to do something to benefit Y/N. For the most part though I had no clue what he was talking about. “Clearly I don’t understand what this is about so-”
“You fought for her, Jensen. I wasn’t there but I know how it was when she came to this house. She ran away. She didn’t want to be here. But you made her a promise, that you cared. No one cared about her for years. I don’t think even you know how deep that hole inside of her was. None of us do. But she tried because you were so damn adamant. Everyday it terrified her. Until it didn’t. Until you got from that first day to now. Jensen you ever tell her you’re not her father to her face and I’ll kick your fucking ass.”
I blinked a few times and frowned, opening my mouth to speak but nothing came out. 
“You are her father. She had two. That’s all there is to it. If you think you’re second place or that she loves you any less, you haven’t been paying attention good enough. There is no dad that raised her and dad that adopted her. It’s just dad to her, that’s it. Why don’t you stop being the scared one for once, take a page out of her book and put some fucking trust in your daughter that she loves you just as much as her first father. Understand that?”
I swallowed and nodded, walking out the side door and to the backyard. I walked down to the dock and took a seat, closing my eyes as I exhaled.
“Jensen,” said TJ behind me.
“I got the message kid,” I said. 
“I’m sorry for...I just don’t understand why you’re afraid of believing her. What she’s saying isn’t a bad thing.”
“No,” I said as he took a seat beside me. “But I don’t want to wipe away who he was or who her mom was either. I am her second father. I didn’t get unconditional love off the bat like you do with your own children. I guess part of me is afraid she’ll decide it’s conditional again one day.”
“Do you get why I called you stupid?” he asked.
“TJ, I know how I have always felt but it wasn’t like that for her. That’s okay. But I can’t…” I shrugged.
“Can’t trust that she won’t hurt you and say it’s conditional again?”
“Exactly.”
“Funny. A seventeen year old girl found a way to trust you. You’re fifty one and you should know better than her.”
“I’m older and bigger and stronger but I’m not tougher. She had the hard job all along. Just don’t know if she knew that.”
“You know...I know some of the nitty gritty details about the accident. Y/N told me a month back. She didn’t want to but I needed to know, for myself.”
“Did she now,” I said, looking out at the water, watching as a boat went past.
“I know you’re alive because of her. I know you two fought pretty good during it all. I know she screamed at you that she wasn’t leaving you. The girl kept you alive when you should have died. I don’t know what more she has to do to prove to you that there is nothing you could do to make her not love you unconditionally. So suck it up and own that you’re her dad. Write a fucking letter, don’t write a fucking letter. Just stop being scared of her hurting you. She stopped being afraid of you a long time ago.”
“I thought you were kinda nerdy when we first met,” I said. “That was the first time Y/N called me dad actually.”
“You’re a nerd,” he said and I smiled.
“You are as kind and gentle and as much of a best friend to her as I could ever hope for. I love you kid. But I’ve never seen you mad like that. Wasn’t sure if you were capable of it. Now I know you will do anything for her, even jeopardize a relationship with me, one you need in your life too.”
“I care about you but nothing will ever be more important to me than her and my children.”
“I will think about writing a letter,” I said. He nodded and I returned it. “For the record, you so couldn’t kick my ass.”
“I could still try,” he said.
“I suppose you could. Let’s not ever test it out,” I said. He hummed and I stood up. “Thanks kiddo. Always get a little wrapped up when it comes to her for some reason.”
“Not a bad thing,” he said. 
“Can’t wait to see you freaking out over your daughter. Ah, that’ll be nice. Let’s have this chat when she’s sixteen.”
“Your daughter is sixteen,” he said with a smirk.
“Shut up. I don’t even want to think about whatever she gets up to with that boy,” I said.
“Just fyi, she’s a smart, innocent kid. Like innocent innocent. She talks to her sister. You’re good.”
“I’m totally not gonna shove you in the water now for that,” I said. “Come on. You can help me wash the cars.”
“What? Why?” he groaned.
“That’s what you get for coming in like a hothead. Come on. I might even let you drive Baby when we’re done.”
Later That Night
I’d just sat down with a sheet of paper and pen when I got a text from Y/N, tons of pictures of her from when she was little coming in.
OMG. TJ found these at my old house. Can you believe it! We’re gonna make copies of everything for you and mom.
I smiled and sat back, scrolling through them for a few minutes.
That’s awesome! We’ll take whatever we can get. You were pretty cute, tall munchkin.
I got in another bunch of pictures, stopping at a set in a frame. There was a black and white one of her and her dad from when she was little the two of them looking straight at the camera and laughing, a bit of ice cream stuck on Y/N’s nose. The one on the far right was one of us in a very similar pose after a day on the lake, Y/N cracking up. The center one was a little less crisp but it was easy enough to see that TJ had gotten a picture from the home video with me and her parents, this one of me and her dad giving each other a smile as a very small Y/N was passed between us.
TJ made this up for me. Isn’t it so cool? I love it so freaking much. It’s perfect. 
“Yeah it is,” I said. I wrote back and wiped off my face with the back of my hand, JJ standing there in the doorway when I moved my hand back. She walked over and gave me a hug and I showed her the photos, a big smile crossing her face. 
“That’s so cool. Y/N’s dad was a dork like you,” she said. 
“I’m Y/N’s dad ya dork,” I said, pulling her into a noogie. She laughed and plopped down on my knee, scrolling through my phone. I gave her a hug, JJ looking through the phone for a few minutes. 
“Dad. Why were you crying?”
“Got a little emotional for a second is all,” I said. “Sometimes I forget that I make her smile as much as her other dad did.”
“I like this one,” she said, turning the phone around, showing another one from the airport but not something I recognized from the tape. I vaguely recalled something to do with a bear and scratched my head.
“Uh oh,” I said as I glanced over at the main corridor. There was a teddy bear on the ground, not too far off from where I’d found that little girl a few minutes earlier. “Tell mom I’ll be back in a minute.”
“Don’t miss the flight doofus,” said my sister and I rolled my eyes as I stood up.
“Loser,” I said before I walked over and picked up the bear. I looked down at the other gates, knowing Y/N’s family had taken off that way. I started walking, trying to look around but these were big flights and there were a million people everywhere. 
I pursed my lips and kept going, looking all around before I felt something hugging the back of my leg.
“Hi Jay!” said Y/N, looking up at me as I spun around. I saw her mom shaking her head as her dad stood up and walked over.
“What’d we say about you staying with your parents?” I laughed. I held out the bear and she immediately looked relieved.
“You found Teddy! Daddy Jay found Teddy!” she said as she hopped up and down, squeezing the thing for dear life.
“Finding the bear might have been an even bigger crisis averted than before,” chuckled her dad. “I guess we Y/L/N’s owe you one.”
“I just saw it and figured it was hers. She’s having a rough day,” I said, glancing down as she beamed up at me.
“Oh yeah, clearly,” he chuckled. “You in college yet?”
“Uh no sir. I just graduated highschool. I might go in the winter if my plans don’t work out,” I said.
“Nothing wrong with manual work for a living.”
“I’m gonna try and be an actor,” I said. 
“Any good?”
“No idea.”
“Well, you better let me get a picture of you and the kiddo for if you make it big someday. We can say we knew you were before you were famous,” he said.
“I’d settle for not flopping on my face,” I said, rubbing the back of my neck.
“Come on you two,” he said, pulling out a disposable camera. I squatted down and Y/N gave me a hug. He took a few and laughed as I stood up. “I do not know what it is about you she’s so in love with. She’s normally quite shy around strangers.”
“Me too,” I said. “Hey munchkin. Do me a favor and stay with your parents for me? Please?”
“Okie dokie,” she said, skipping back over to her mom.
“Thanks for the bear and finding her, kid,” he said as I started to go. “I hope that acting thing works out for you. If it doesn’t, consider doing something with kids. You’re great with ‘em.”
“I don’t think I could handle more than whatever I end up making myself,” I said. “And maybe a kid like yours. She’s pretty easy going.”
“You got a long time ahead of you before you get there. Have a safe flight back, Jensen.”
“You too, Mr. Y/L/N.”
“Dad, hello,” said JJ, her hand waving in front of my face. I blinked and shook my head, smiling at the picture. “What’s that from?”
“I found her bear, gave it back to her.”
“How old were you?” she asked.
“Oh, only a few years older than you,” I said. “Still just a kid.”
“You should hang it up with our little kid pictures,” she said.
“I think I just might,” I said. “It never bothered you, us bringing your sister here, did it? You were young at the time and I knew we had a few rough first weeks but I mean even as you got older. You never felt like mom and I didn’t care about you guys as much right?”
“No,” she said, shaking her head. “We got a big sister. It’s nice having one of those. We just wanted her to be happy I think. She tells me more stuff now that I’m older. I literally can’t imagine living her life. I just can’t. It sounds terrifying.”
“Only a part was. We gave her a family back, including you,” I said. I booped her nose and she smiled. “So. What are your plans tonight? Hang out with the Pad boys?”
“Nah. They’re doing something with Cody tonight. I thought we could hang out if you’re not going anywhere,” she said.
“No, no plans for me tonight. Why don’t you go round up the other two and we’ll go play some minigolf. How’s that sound?”
“Okie dokie,” she said. I smiled and she left the room. I picked up my phone and shoved it in my pocket, stretching as I stood up. I leaned over to my desk drawer and put the paper and pen back inside, a few envelopes with letters already in there. She popped back into view and I closed it up.
“All set?”
“Mhm. Are we taking your truck?”
“Let’s take Baby out,” I said, walking around the desk. “After you, kiddo.”
_______
A/N: Read the Halloween timestamp here!
228 notes · View notes
sourmochii-v2 · 3 years
Text
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Hahaha how crazy would it be for someone to write a short Kyalin fic where Kya is actually the one who’s scared to get emotionally attached because throughout her years of traveling, everytime she’s gotten attached to someone, they’d leave or she’d go to another place hahahaha how crazy...
Hahahaha...
How crazy....
Would that be....
Yall....
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)....
CW: Drug use and sexual content
  Words: 3,148
     The lights were bright and colourful, and the music was loud. "I can't believe I let you brats drag me here." Lin said to Korra and her friends. "Come on, Lin, it'll be fun!" Korra said. "I doubt it." Lin folded her arms. "And look at how good you look!" Asami gestured to Lin's outfit. She wore a dark green button up with the sleeves rolled up. The shirt was tucked into a pair of black jeans. She kept her metal boots though. "You know what would make it better?" Asami said to Korra. Korra raised an eyebrow, then watched at Asami unbuttoned the first two buttons on Lin's shirt. "Hot damn, you're right." Korra looked Lin up and down. "Can I go home with you tonight, Chief?" Korra joked. Lin scoffed at the two before looking around at the scene. "Ooh, Opal! Let's dance!" Bolin said. "Be careful." Lin said at they walked past her. "Oh, ease up, Aunt Lin. We come here all the time." Opal said.
     Lin maneuvered her way through the crowd of people, trying to find Mako to take her home. She hated being out like this. Instead of Mako, however, she ran into a woman who was taller than her, spilling her drink all over her. "Oh- uh- I'm so sorry, I was just uh-" "It's cool! It happens all the time." She bent the water out of her shirt. Lin locked eyes with the woman. "Kya?" Lin said losing her breath. "Oh. Lin!" Kya said nervously. "How- how long have you been back in-" "Please don't tell Tenzin." Kya said. "Oh my spirits, Kya.. are you high?" Lin asked. "Uh-" Kya rubbed her arm. "No?" She said. "Your eyes are red, Kya. Don't lie to me." Lin said. "How long have you been back?" Lin asked. "A month or so now. I've just been kinda living here, staying away from the family." Kya said. "Kya, are you coming out back?" A guy asked from behind her. "Yeah, I'll be out in a minute." Kya waved him away. "Sit down, let's catch up." Kya lightly grabbed Lin's hand. "I was actually trying to find Mako to take me home.." Lin looked away. "Lin," Kya squeezed her hand tighter. Lin looked back at Kya and sighed. "Alright." She said. They sat down in a small booth, and Kya asked one of the many people she knew at the club to bring them a couple of drinks.
     "So.. were you gonna tell us you were back?" Lin asked. "Oh, of course. I was just waiting. I didn't want to have to listen to Tenzin's bullshit at eight in the morning as soon as I got here." Kya giggled. "We're you gonna tell me?" Lin asked. Kya's smile faded a bit as she looked down at her drink. "Yeah. Eventually. I've missed you a lot." Kya said. "Yeah well, all the letters you wrote to me sure proved it." Lin said sarcastically. "Lin.. listen, I-" "It's not a big deal. I'm just being a bitch." Lin said with a smirk. Kya nervously giggled. "Don't you have friends waiting for you outback?" Lin asked. "Oh! I do, don't I?" Kya said with a smile. Her and Lin stood up from the booth with their drinks in their hands. "Hey, how about you come out there with me?" Kya smiled. "Not to jump to conclusions but, wouldn't they just run when they saw me?" Lin asked. Kya let out a laugh. "Lin, you're practically unrecognizable without your uniform on." Kya lightly grabbed her hand. "And you look pretty damn good without it too." Kya looked at Lin's attire. Lin tensed up before letting Kya drag her through the crowd.
     They walked into the alley behind the building where, sure enough, was Kya's group of friends, standing in a circle, passing around a lillyweed joint. "Kya, there you are." One of them said. They all seemed younger. Older than Korra and her friends, but younger than her and Kya. Kya put the joint to her lips. "Really, Kya? Right in front of me?" Lin said in a whisper that only her and Kya could hear. "What are you gonna do, arrest me?" Kya asked with a smile. They talked with each other some more, and soon Lin felt a nudge on her shoulder and the joint in her face. "Oh- uh- no thanks." Lin said. Kya reached over and grabbed it. "What, you don't wanna loosen up a bit? I know how stressful your job can be." Kya said with a smirk. Lin took a deep breath in, looking between Kya, and that joint she was holding. "Alright then." Lin said. Kya smiled before handing it to Lin, letting her take a hit.
     Kya and Lin sat on the sidewalk in the alleyway. "Lin?" Kya looked over at her. "Hm?" Lin looked back at her, making Kya bust out laughing. "What's so funny?" Lin asked. "Your eyes are red." Kya smiled at her. "Yeah, well, so are yours." Lin let out a light laugh. "I never thought I'd see the great Chief Beifong stoned." Kya said. "Enjoy it while it lasts, cause it's not happening again." Lin chuckled. "Trust me, I'm enjoying it." Kya said. “Remember the last time I got you high?” Kya asked. “Yeah.” Lin chuckled. “Oh to be sixteen again.” Lin said. “Spirits, that was.. what? Thirty something years ago?” Kya said. “Thirty Six.” Lin said. Kya chuckled before looking at Lin. "You're pretty when you're high." Kya smiled lightly. Lin's face became red as she struggled to look for a reply. How is it that a single woman can make the Chief feel like this? And how it is that the Chief has been able to hide her feelings for decades? It's simply eating her up inside. So much that she couldn't stop herself from leaning in and kissing the water bender. Kya pulled away in shock, and looked at Lin. "Did you.. did you just kiss me.." Kya asked in disbelief. "Yeah.. I hope that's alright." Lin scratched the back of her head nervously. "That's- that's fine." Kya said. Kya's nerves were through the roof. Her hands were getting sweaty. "Can I kiss you again?" Kya froze in place. Can I kiss you again? Is that what she said? Kya looked back over at Lin, and nodded her head. Lin leaned in and kissed her. It started easy, but it became heated within a matter of seconds. Lin pulled back slightly and laughed. "Spirits, I'm so bad at this." She chuckled. "No you're not." Kya reassured her. Lin leaned back in, connecting their lips. Kya could feel Lin's smile against her lips.
     "Chief?" Lin heard behind her. Her and Kya stopped in their tracks. Lin turned around and saw Mako. "Oh- uh.. hey, kid." She said nervously, avoiding eye contact. "I'm gonna go wait outside." Kya whispered to Lin. Lin nodded her head, and Kya walked away. "Who's that?" Mako asked. "Just an old friend." Lin said. "I came to find you to ask if you wanted me to take you home. I know big public places like this aren't really your thing so-" "Actually I'm going home with my friend." Lin said. Thank Raava for the dim lights. I really don’t need Mako seeing me in this state. "With your- your friend?" Mako said. "Yeah. Is that a problem?" Lin asked. "No, not at all, Chief. I just didn't expect this kind of thing from you." Mako said. "Spirits, Mako, I'm not going to hook up with her." Lin rolled her eyes. "No no! That- that isn't what I meant- I- I know you're not that kind of person! I just-" Mako became flustered. He stopped for a second and took in a deep breath. "Just be careful, Chief. And call me if you need anything." Mako sighed. "Thanks, kid." Lin said before going outside. "Ready to go, Chief?" Kya asked. "Yeah. Are you okay to drive?" Lin asked while they walked to Kya's Sato-Mobile. "I can drive perfectly fine when I'm high. I do it all the time." Kya said. "I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that." Lin said.
     "Apartment, sweet apartment." Kya said as they walked into her place. "This is nice." Lin said. "Thank you." Kya said. "The bedroom is nicer." Kya said. Lin started getting nervous as she followed Kya back to her room. Lin sat down on Kya's bed as Kya lit an incense. Kya flipped the light switch, then used a remote to turn on the two lamps on either side of her room, both lighting up red. Kya stood in front of Lin and placed her arms around Lin's neck. Lin smiled nervously at her. "Everything okay?" Kya asked. "Yeah, everything's fine. I've just uh.. I haven’t done this kind of thing in a minute." Lin chuckled. Kya smiled at her. She leaned down and kissed Lin a couple times before pushing her back and climbing on top of her. "Trust me, Lin." She smiled at Lin before kissing her again. Lin let her hands glide under Kya's shirt to rest on her bare sides. Kya slowly unbuttoned Lin's shirt as she kissed down her neck.
     Kya unbuckled Lin's belt after leaving a trail of kisses down her stomach. Lin sat up on her elbows and watched as Kya pulled Lin's pants off her legs. Kya kissed Lin above the hem of her underwear, and started sliding them off. When Kya looked up and made eye contact, she smirked, and Lin's breath hitched. "You're obviously really nervous, Lin. Just relax." Kya said in a low voice that sent shivers down Lin's spine. Kya tossed the last piece of Lin's clothing down on the ground.
     Kya placed a hand on Lin's shoulder before pushing her back down on the bed, kissing her in the process. Lay back, Lin. Relax." Kya said. She kissed up Lin's jawline and lightly bit down on her earlobe, "Let me make you feel good, Chief." Kya whispered in Lin's ear. Lin felt Kya's hand slide down her stomach as Kya kissed and sucked on her neck. "Kya.." Lin breathed out when she felt two fingers inside her. "Yes, Linny?" Kya teased. "Don't- don't stop." Lin's breath started becoming faster. "Oh trust me, I don't plan on it." Kya said with a smirk before pumping her fingers faster. Kya saw Lin biting her lip to keep from making noises. Kya pulled her fingers out, causing Lin to gasp. "Why'd you stop?" Lin asked, breathless. "Don't sound so needy, Beifong." Kya said in a low voice in Lin's ear. "I'm just taking my time. You're so easy to get worked up. I love it." Kya chuckled and dragged her fingers along Lin's inner thigh while she sucked on her nipple.
     Lin lightly gasped when she felt Kya's tongue in between her legs. "Ah~ spirits, Kya.." Lin moaned quietly. "Don't be afraid to get vocal, Chief. I'd love to hear it." Kya said as she inserted her two fingers again. Lin almost lost her breath feeling Kya's mouth around her bud, and her fingers inside her working together. "Kya!" She moaned louder. Lin tangled her hand through Kya's hair, her breathing pattern rapidly increasing. She was close, so close. "Kya.. I'm- I'm-" Lin heard a sinister chuckle come from Kya. Kya curled her fingers inside Lin, then started pumping faster. "Ah~ ah~" Lin now how a grip on the handful of hair.  Kya's tongue moved faster, a smile forming on her face as she heard the small moans Lin made while she finished. Kya leaned up and roughly kissed Lin, a hand still tangled in her hand. Lin kissed her back, moving her hand from the back of Kya's head and to the side of her face. "I never would have took you for the hair pulling type, Beifong." Kya remarked. Lin chuckled before flipping Kya over. "There's a lot of things you probably wouldn't have taken me for." Lin said as her hand slowly wrapped around Kya's neck, squeezing the sides.
     Lin came out of the bathroom in a pair of sweatpants and her sports bra. "Are you sure it's okay that I wear these?" Lin asked. "For the last time, Lin. Yes, it's fine." Kya said with a smile. "And you're sure it's okay that I stay tonight?" Lin sat down on the edge of the bed. "Yes." Kya laughed a little. Lin didn't say anything after that. It was quiet for a couple minutes before Kya spoke up, "Is everything okay, Lin?" She asked. "Yeah, everything's alright. I just feel like things are awkward now." Lin chuckled. "Why? Because we had sex? We're things awkward with your other sexual partners?" Kya asked. Lin slightly tensed up a bit. Lin wasn't the kind of person to just go out and hook up with people. She chuckled. "All of them but one." Lin said. "Well, lay back, and relax, cause I'd like to be number two." Kya said. Lin looked back at Kya and saw her smiling. Lin smirked a bit before moving next to her and leaning back.
It was five in the morning. Lin was trying to get her clothes on as quietly as possible, trying not to wake Kya. However, "Lin?" She heard a quiet voice from behind her. "Uh- sorry for waking you." Lin said. "No don't be, it's okay." Kya sat up a bit. She still didn’t have clothes on from last night. "Do you want some coffee before you go?" Kya started to get up. "Oh, no, no, no. I don't need coffee. Lay back down and get some more sleep." Lin sat down on the bed next to her and stopped her from getting up. Kya laid back down and pulled the blanket up to her chin. Lin couldn't help but stare at her. "What?" Kya asked in a raspy voice. That voice. "Nothing." Lin said. "I'm gonna go." Lin said softly. "Mhmm okay." Kya was almost half asleep. Lin went to get up, but she paused. She looked back at Kya, who's eyes were closed. She leaned over and gently kissed her forehead, then left.
Two weeks later
They haven't spoken to each other since that night. Well, Kya hasn't. Lin, on the other hand, had been trying to message her and get ahold of her. But since she's had no luck for the past two weeks, Lin went to her apartment. She was worried about Kya. What if something happened? What if she isn't okay? Did I do something to upset her? Did she only want me for that one night.. Lin's mind raced with thoughts. That was until she saw Kya's surprised face open the door. "Lin, what're you doing here?" Kya asked. "Making sure you're okay, given that I've been trying to get ahold of you for the past two damn weeks, Kya." Lin pushed her way past Kya. "I'm fine." Kya said in a monotone voice as she closed the door. "That's not the point, Kya. I-.. I was worried about you.." Lin said that last part quietly, hoping maybe Kya wouldn't hear her. "Well, stop worrying about me." Kya said. "I didn't hear from you for two weeks. I'm allowed to worry about you. Why weren't you talking to me?" Lin said. Kya shrugged her shoulders, no expression on her face. "Damn it, Kya, I want and actual explanation-" "Because, Lin, I fucking like you, okay?" Kya said.
Lin had to admit, she was sort of taken back by Kya's sudden outburst. She never yelled.. at least not at Lin.. "Well... I like you too." Lin said. "I know that! That's why I refused to talk to you." Kya said. "Why? Why do you have to stop talking to me?" Lin asked. "Because if I don't, then I'm just gonna like you more, and then you're gonna leave me." Kya said. "What're you talking about, Kya-" "Everyone I've ever been in a relationship with has ended with her leaving, or because of my traveling." Kya had tears in her eyes. "I have been left time after time, Lin. I can't handle anymore leaving!" Kya said. "Kya.." Lin said in a soft voice. She grabbed Kya's hands gently and sat her down on the couch. "I don't want you to leave me, Lin." Kya sniffled. "I'm not, Kya. I'm not gonna leave you." Lin said. "I care about you too much to do that to you." Lin said. Kya sniffled again, but this time a little laugh came out. "I never thought I'd see Lin Beifong talk about feelings." She said. Lin chuckled and she leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees.
"Lin?" Kya said quietly. "Yeah?" Lin looked at her. "What if I decide I wanna go traveling again. Then what?" Kya said. Lin looked down at the floor. "Would you.. would you wait for me?" Kya asked, causing Lin to smile a bit. "What's so funny-" "Kya.. I've waited thirty six years for you." Lin said, her eyes still focused on the floor. "There'd be no harm in waiting a little longer." Lin said. "Do you really mean that?" Kya asked. "Of course I do." Lin said. "Kya, if you don't want to be in a relationship, then we won't be, and I'll leave you alone. But if you do.. just know I don't plan on getting into it just to leave you." Lin said. Kya leaned over and kissed Lin's cheek. Lin's eyes widened slightly and her face became red. "You're too sweet, Beifong." Kya said. "Don't go telling people that. I like my rookies scared of me." Lin joked. They were quiet. Neither of them knew what to say to each other. "I um.. I should probably get going-" Kya pulled Lin into a kiss. Just a short one. "Don't go." Kya said when she pulled away. "Do.. do you want me to stay?" Lin asked. "Yeah. I do." Kya said. "I want you to stay for awhile." kya said. "How do you mean?" Lin asked. "I want a relationship, Lin. I'm willing to give it a shot.." Kya said. Even though Lin tried to hide it, she was smiling. "Are you smiling? You know how to do that?" Kya joked. "That's it-" Lin stood up and walked towards the door jokingly. "No, Lin, wait!" Kya laughed as she ran to Lin and wrapped her arms around her from behind.
     They laid in Kya's bed, wrapped up in each other. "Are you gonna put clothes on?" Lin mumbled into Kya's neck. "I might." Kya chuckled. Lin took a deep breath, inhaling Kya's scent. Kya pushed Lin away from her a bit and kissed her. "Thank you for giving me a chance." Lin smiled at her. "Well after that, i'm glad I did." Kya smirked. Lin chuckled before kissing Kya, running her fingers through Kya's hair.
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Text
Fic writer review, thank you to @thelaithlyworm  for the tag <3
how many works do you have on AO3?
Ten? Oh no, it’s actualy 12 now!
what’s your total AO3 word count?
86,468
how many fandoms have you written for and what are they?
Grand total of 1: Star Trek: Picard - although my latest offering might branch a bit into other Trek as well.
what are your top 5 fics by kudos?
“Passengers”
“And a Barrel of Gagh”
“CMO’s Log”
“Preparations”
“Game Night”
Which is actually kinda interesting. I wrote Passengers, Preparations, and Game Night while the fandom was still a lot more active (especially in the Aramis in Space corner), so that makes sense. The CMO’s log has had chapters added every few months, giving it probably the most exposure of any of my fics. Barrel of Gagh, though? I think I’m gonna attribute that to Thimblerig turning it into a truly, TRULY brilliant piece of podfic. Also the fact that it’s whump involving a character played by Santiago Cabrera. ‘tis A Thing..... :D
do you respond to comments, why or why not?
I really try to! I love talking with people in the comments and just... thanking the people who found the time and energy to leave comments. But especially in the last few months I have gotten very bad at keeping up with the comments and now there’s about two dozen that I have neglected to reply to for a painfully long time 🙈
But I will get there! Because I love that kind of interaction!
what’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?
So far, none of them have had angsty endings. Angsty middles, yes, but not endings. I’m just a sucker for everyone being happy in the end. Or at least on the way to being better, and supported and cared for on that way.
do you write crossovers? if so what is the craziest one you’ve written?
I haven’t yet, but I’m definitely not opposed. One of the threads of my 200k unpublishable whump scenes takes place in a continuity that has existed in my daydreams for... I wanna say six years at the very least, probably longer. It’s mostly straight-up Star Trek, but with the twist that it involves the Wraith, the telepathic, hive-minded alien race from Stargate: Atlantis that suck the life force out of you with their hands? Or, well, at least a variation thereof.
I once typed up the world building for that particular setting and it took me three hours to try and make it all make sense. So it’s... involved. But not necessarily “crazy”. And I’m not sure I’m ever actually going to publish any of the stories I have set in it (not least because that would envolve finishing any of them and bringing them into a form that is interesting to read for anyone but me...)
have you ever received hate on a fic?
Nope.
do you write smut? if so what kind?
Hm, not yet. I do enjoy reading smut, but only under very specific circumstances. I think I may eventually try my hand at smut, but the inner prude is still very strong. Writing about Rios and Xyr making out (which, honestly, was really tame, all things considered) made me melt in a puddle of blushing embarrassment, so full-on smut is probably beyond me at the moment. One day!
have you ever had a fic stolen?
Not that I know of. Though litigating that in a fandom like ours would be... tricky. ST:Pic is way too small to steal stories outright. But similar or the same ideas pop up all the time. And it’s a complete coincidence. Reading the book that recently came out and that has a kinda similar setting to a lot of my stories (pre-season 1, early in Rios’s history as captain of Sirena, dealing with original characters, holo shenanigans, friendship with Raffi, etc.), I was struck by just how many elements, both scenes or story beats and little details, were similar to things that have cropped up in my writing. And it is entirely coincidental, because I am beyond certain that the author doesn’t read fanfic. Just... for legal reasons. Not to mention I wrote a bunch of the things I saw parallels to while the book was already in production, and some of them are only in my drafts.
So there is a ton of convergent evolution going on in this particular section of the fandom, and trying to litigate who came up with certain plot ideas or character beats when would be a sysiphean disaster. Some things are clear and whenever I use any of them I give credit where I can, but people will have very similar ideas. It just happens. So no, I haven’t had either a full-on story or “an idea” stolen, and I might change my tune if it ever does happen, but so far, I’m trying to practice equanimity, so I’ll be better at it should I ever need it.
have you ever had a fic translated?
Sadly no. My dad keeps complaining that all my fic is in English so he can’t read any of it, but honestly? I’m kinda glad for this very convenient excuse. Maybe if I ever feel like I want to practice my interpreting skills, I will give translating the stories into German a shot. We’ll see. Otherwise, if anyone feels inspired: Have at it! Just let me know, okay?
have you ever co-written a fic before?
Not quite. I have a draft of off-the-cuff worldbuilding that I wrote on Discord with @curator-on-ao3 and that I would love to turn into an actual short fic (letters from a conference on holo-ethics), but I haven’t gotten around to it yet.
what’s your all time favorite ship?
I don’t really do shipping.
what’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?
I WILL NEVER ACCEPT DEFEAT!!!! One day, I will write the next installment of Star Trek: La Sirena! I have so many ideas for that continuity and those characters. I’m not going to abandon them!
what are your writing strengths?
Hmmmmm. Probably detailed worldbuilding? Ask me something about, say, a technological or cultural aspect of Star Trek and chances are, I have thought about it in the past or will come up with three different sets of intricate lore within half an hour. (Things like... the architecture of San Francisco, or Will there still be taxi drivers? or the treaty between IKEA Intergalactic and the Borg Collective, or the Universal Translator, or Emergency Services or Why There Are Very Few Ambulances On Earth Anymore etceterah etceterah...)
I’m also good at slapping together off-the-cuff plot ideas (if, say, you need an explanation for how Seven and Agnes ended up stranded on a desert island, I could probably give you three different scenarios pretty quickly. Just don’t ask me to make them poignant or actually write them.
I’m also very, very good at beginnings.
what are your writing weaknesses?
Everything that isn’t a beginning. Especially endings, or rather: finishing something, but also just... keeping momentum.
I think my dialogue is somewhat samey and not distinct enough between characters. (Also my witty banter is... let’s just say it doesn’t come to me naturally...)
And I also struggle with keeping things brief and to the point. I can write you 30k of whump covering a span of three hours, but fitting a whole story in the same space? Much more difficult!
I have also avoided writing full-on action so far, but where it has crept in it has always been a struggle and been workshopped a lot with the indefatigable beta.
Otherwise, I don’t know. My self-perception is always a little warped, so I’m not sure what other people would say my weaknesses are.
what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?
Oof. Well. I have used Spanish sentences in my fic and done the thing where they’re translated in the end note, but I’ve mostly done it sparingly. I’ve also done the ‘“What do you want?” he said in Spanish.’ It’s tricky. But I will likely keep doing it in some instances, even if it’s a bit annoying.
(It also really helps to have a native speaker of Spanish as a beta, even if it’s Spanish from a different region than you’re character.)
Speaking of regional: I’m also torn about the whole “phonetically writing out accents” issue. Some people love it, some people hate it, I’m really unsure because I’m not a native speaker of English, so I’m not even sure I’m consistent in my narrative voice’s regional quirks. So far, I’ve mostly gone with describing that an accent is happening, and only writing out when phrasing actually differs from standard English. Like Ian (Scottish) saying “dinnae” but not writing “I” as “ah” as you’d see on, say, Scottish twitter.
Though it can be a very useful tool if, for instance, you want to indicate a characters accent getting stronger as they get tired or upset. 🧐
Anyway, I don’t think there is one right or wrong answer here and everyones milage will vary.
what was the first fandom you wrote for?
Published? ST:PIC
Actually first? Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter. Pretty much simultaneously, though I did write more for LotR. On graph paper, mind, with my fountain pen turned upside down so I could write smaller. I still have folders worth of those stories that I urgently need to digitize before they fade and I lose them forever...
what’s your favorite fic you’ve written?
I’m going to quote @thelaithlyworm here: I Love All My Children Equally! I honestly couldn’t say. They are different and I love them for different reasons but I love them all.
Thank you for the tag! ❤ I’ve kinda lost track of who all has done this already or has already been tagged, so feel free to ignore me! But I tink I’m tagging @curator-on-ao3, @aini-nufire, @29-pieces, @flowers-creativity, @highfunctioningflailgirl, @cristobalrios and @the-goofball. And anyone else whom I forgot or who feels inspired to do this!
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5-seconds-of-bucky · 4 years
Text
Letters To A Boy Who’ll Never Read Them
A/N: Kinda inspired by To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before. Anyone who knows me will see how much I projected on this but oh well. Also, this is the longest fic I’ve ever written! (Which is kinda sad I guess but oh well)
Summery: The letters to Peter were never supposed to leave that box 
Word count: 2.6k+
Warnings: I like half proof read this so probably some typos
Peter Parker was a boy you liked to admire from afar. You’ve gone to school with him for the past three years and were yet to feel the courage to talk to him. The first time you laid eyes on the curly haired boy, you were a goner. Everything about him was perfect to you, even if he was considered a nerd by most others. You liked to imagine that he felt the same towards you, but you were sure he never took a second to register your face among the hundreds at Midtown. 
And maybe you owed that to how perfectly average you were. Sure, you were fairly smart, but so was everyone else at the school. You were pretty enough, but it wasn’t something that set you apart from everyone else. You blended into a crowd like a chameleon on a green wall. 
Your one special talent, if it could even be called that, was your writing. Your teachers always commented on the eloquence of your essays and your friends liked to ask you to come up with witty captions from their Instagram posts. You were even on a competitive writing team.
 Writing was the one thing that set you apart, but it was something that went unnoticed by the majority. 
Unbeknownst to you, Peter Parker was very aware of your presence in a room. Your “average” beauty was more than average to him. He wasn’t sure how long he’d known that he liked you, but he guessed that it started around the first time he read one of your essays. Your way with words was something he would never stop admiring. He was a science kid, through and through but he could see your passion for writing even in the simple essay you had to write about symbolism in Lord of the Flies. 
He wanted to talk to you and ask you just how you did it, but there was always something holding him back. You were either hanging out with your small group of friends and he didn’t want to interrupt or you were studying quietly in the library and he was sure you wanted to be alone. He never seemed to have the courage to talk to you and he wasn’t entirely sure why. 
So he never approached you. In the three years he had known your face he never spoke a word to it. Every class that you had together never required a group project and assigned seats that were never next to each other. Sometimes, it felt like fate was keeping you apart. 
~
You kept a container under your bed. There wasn’t anything that special about it originally. You put some stickers on there when you were a little younger. There was no reason in particular that you did it, you just had some stickers and wanted to put them to use. You ended up sticking it under the bed eventually and left it there for a while. 
There was a day when you got sick of keeping your crush at bay. It wasn’t all that long after you “met” Peter. Who knew that staring at the back of someone’s head could make you like them so much? 
So you did the thing you knew best; write. 
You wrote him a letter. A letter you hoped he would never read because it was too embarrassing for him to see. 
Dear Peter, 
How does one tell you they love you? Perhaps I could tell you in this letter, but a letter alone could not capture the raging feelings I have for you. The butterflies I feel when you walk in a room, the sense of calmness I feel when I see you smile, the giddiness when you shoot your hand up to answer a question. Not a day goes by that I fear I won’t see that smile again. But that doesn’t come close to the fear that you’ll never see me. For I am little more than another face in the crowd. I’m average and you are anything but. I wish this letter could make you see me, but I doubt anything really can. I hope this is a letter you’ll never read, but fate has ways of changing the things we want. Maybe, some day, you can be mine. 
With love, 
                 The girl I wished you’d see
You read the letter once over and weren’t sure what to do with it. You obviously couldn’t give it to Peter but you didn’t want to get rid of it. 
Your eyes caught sight of the container under your bed and you grabbed it, folding the note and putting it in there. You placed the container back under the bed and worked on more homework, hoping that somehow, the letter would rid you of your feelings. 
Over time, the container accumulated more letters. From little notes to full length letters describing how you felt, they never left that container. You even wrote “Dear Peter” in sharpie on the side. There were things you hoped you could mention in the hallway as you passed him and things you could only hope he would never know. 
From
Dear Peter, 
Your smile makes me happier than One Direction. 
To
Dear Peter, 
Sometimes, I fear that you’ll realize that you’re too smart and kind for the people at Midtown to treat you like they do and that you’ll leave. Sometimes, I wish I could be the one to make it better. 
You never told anyone about the container. It was something you felt was too personal to share. Even if your friends knew all about your crush on Peter, you weren’t sure you trusted them with the things you wrote to him. 
“Alright, I’m gonna get changed,” you said to your friend, Becca, as you grabbed your pajamas and headed to the bathroom across the hallway. The two of you were having a sleepover and you didn’t want to be in jeans while you watched movies. 
Becca twisted the ring on her finger as she waited for you when it accidentally came out of her grasp and rolled under your bed. 
“Oops,” she said to herself as she kneeled on the ground to get it. She swiped her hand under the bed before she found it, curiosity striking when she felt the box it was resting against. She looked down and was met with the container, the “Dear Peter” in your handwriting facing her. 
“What’s this?” She pulled the container out enough to see the folded letters sitting in it. She pulled one out and read part of it.
Dear Peter,
I love you. There, I said it. Well, wrote it, I guess. But that’s as bold as I can be right now. I’m still the girl you’ve never seen; the girl you’ll never see. 
The sounds of your footsteps interrupted her reading and she quickly put the letter back, shoving the container under your bed. 
“What are you doing?” You asked, seeing her kneeling on the ground. 
“Oh, my ring dropped.” 
You smiled. “You need to stop dropping that thing, my gosh, Becca.” 
“I know, I know,” she chuckled. 
Later that night, when you were asleep, Becca took some of the letters and shoved them in her bag. There were tons of notes in there. Surely, you wouldn’t notice if five of them were gone. Maybe she could get these to Peter. It wasn’t the nicest thing to do behind you back, but she was sick of hearing you swoon over the boy. Just because you were oblivious to the yearning looks Peter gave didn’t mean she didn’t see them. 
The next Monday at school, Becca didn’t hang out at your locker for long, claiming that she needed to go to the bathroom before class. While you went to class early, she pushed the letters in through the crack of Peter’s locker. All she could do now is hope that Peter knew what to do next and that you wouldn’t kill her. 
“Dude, did you even read the chapter last night?” Peter asked Ned as they walked to his locker. 
“Of course not. Why do you think I’m asking you about it now?” 
Peter scoffed as he put the combination to his locker in. “What if everything I just old you wasn’t true?” 
“You would never-”
Ned was cut off by a few pieces of folded paper flying out of Peter’s locker. Peter picked one up, reading the short message written in small handwriting. 
Dear Peter, 
Your eyes are like the midnight sky. Dark and mysterious yet beautiful. 
“What is that?” Ned asked, reading it before Peter could move it out of eyesight. 
“I don’t know. Maybe someone’s putting notes in people’s lockers or something.” 
“Then why do you have four others in there?” Peter closed his locker, leaving the rest of the notes in there. 
“Aren’t you going to read them? What if Y/N finally confessed her love to you?” 
Peter rolled his eyes. “She is not in love with me. And I’ll read them later.” 
Little did Peter know that Ned was right. As he read the notes later, he couldn’t help but wonder what led you to put such personal and deep notes in there. 
Dear Peter, 
It’s me again. I know I’ve written a million notes for you, but I don’t know what else to do. I am helplessly and completely head over heels for you. You and your cute sweaters, your genius brain, that little smile you get when you know all the answers to a test. I’ll probably be stuck writing letters to you ‘till the day I die, but oh well. You are the sun and I am a small blade of grass in the middle of a field. You are the ocean and I am one of the thousands of fish. You are you and I am just me. Maybe one day I’ll gain the courage to tell you that to your face, but until then, I remain the little fish in the big pond. 
Sincerely, 
                The little fish, 
                                      Y/N 
Dear Peter,
Yeah, you’re Peter Parker and I’m Y/F/N Y/L/N but what if you were Peter Pan and I was Wendy Darling? (That sucked, I’m sorry but not really)
Love, 
         Someone who wishes they were your darling
He couldn’t believe his eyes. He had been dreaming about you for years and all of a sudden you just threw some love letters in his locker? 
Of course, it could be fake. It was a little elaborate to be fake though. Ned couldn’t write like that and nobody else knew about his crush on you. Maybe it was an actual dream come true. 
“Hey, Y/N!” Peter called when he saw you standing at your locker the next day. He didn’t know what you were doing there since it was a lunch period but it didn’t matter. He walked towards you quickly, one of the letters subtly stuck to his side. 
You gave him a confused look. He knew who you were? Since when? 
“Hey, I uh . . . I got your letter.” 
“What letter? I never gave you a letter.” You closed your locker and turned to face him fully, arms crossed as you leaned onto it. 
“Well this letter says it’s from you. Unless there’s another Y/F/N Y/L/N in this school I don’t know about.” He held the letter up and your eyes widened. You snatched it out of his hands and scanned over the message. Yup, it was definitely yours. 
Dear Peter,
I love you. There, I said it. Well, wrote it, I guess. But that’s as bold as I can be right now. I’m still the girl you’ve never seen; the girl you’ll never see. I keep telling myself that if I can confess these stupid feelings behind the pen, then I can do it in person too. But that day hasn’t come yet. I guess it’s like liquid courage but with ink. Ink courage? That’s weird. 
That wasn’t even the end of it. There was a lot more on the page, things that even if you were to tell him how you felt, you would never want him to know. And you were absolutely mortified. 
“How did you get this?” 
“I don’t know. I was in my locker the other day. There were like four others with it.” 
“Four?” You stared at him like you had just seen a ghost. 
“Yeah four. This was the deepest though.” He had a shy smile, but you couldn’t even look at him. 
“You were never supposed to see this.” You leaned your head on the locker and brought a hand up to cover your face. “I don’t know how it made it to you.” You’ve never told anyone about the box of letters. 
“Well-”
“I’m so sorry you had to read that, Peter. It must be so weird. You don’t even know me. I’m really really sorry. You were never supposed to read it.” 
You looked like you were about to burst into tears in the middle of the hallway. Thank goodness nobody else was around to witness it. 
“Hey, no. It’s okay. I thought it was really sweet.” He placed a hand on your shoulder, rubbing it softly. He didn’t want to make you uncomfortable but he had an urge to comfort you somehow. 
“You don’t think it’s weird that some girl you’ve never talked to is writing love letters to you?” You finally let your hand fall and glanced up at him quickly, reverting your eyes to the ground when he made eye contact. 
“No, it’s really cute actually. Just because we’ve never talked doesn’t mean I don’t know who you are.” He looked sincere, but that did little to relax fear and embarrassment swirling inside of you. 
“You know, Y/N, I’ve always thought you were cute too.”
Your head snapped up quickly, banging on the locker and causing you to grimace. 
“You okay?” He immediately stepped closer and took your head in his hands, checking to make sure you hadn’t really hurt yourself. 
Warmth spread through your body like a fire. The feeling of his hands was a little more comforting than you cared to admit. “Yeah, it’s just a locker. I’m a little tougher than that,” you laughed softly. 
“Just making sure.” He smiled sheepishly and pulled his hands away. 
You stood there, staring awkwardly staring at each other's shoes until you spoke up.  
“So can we agree to just forget about this and never speak of it again?”  
“Only if you will go on a date with me.” 
Your head shot up and you hit it on the locker again. Peter laughed and you sighed as you took a step away from it.
“I really need to stay away from lockers apparently.” Peter smiled a little wider and you swore your whole word was on fire. “But yeah, I’d really like to go on a date with you,” you said shyly, scratching your neck as a surge of nerves pulsed through your body. Peter Parker actually just asked you on a date. 
“I’ll make sure to go somewhere without lockers.” 
“Oh, how considerate of you.” 
“We should probably get to lunch.” 
“I’ll walk you there.” 
“To the cafeteria?” 
“Where else? Unless you want me to follow two steps behind you like some creepy stalker.”
“No, no, that’s okay. I guess you can walk me.” 
“What a privilege.” 
“It is actually. You get to walk with the Y/F/N Y/L/N.” 
“True, true.” You both turned and walked in the direction of the cafeteria, smiles on your faces. 
“Happen to have any more of those letters?”
“Oh you have no idea.” 
~
Please reblog and leave some feedback! :)
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thatsdemko · 5 years
Text
Yours truly-W.Lockwood
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Requested: yes|no
A/N: for you who don’t know will is former ntdp I don’t think imma add all the former ntdp into the ntdp masterlist also this is kinda like a blurb I did about him waaay back! (I don’t like the way this ends and also yes had to hit y’all with the gif cause it’s hot also tagged Vancouver cause he’s a prospect there! )
Let me know your thoughts if you have any!
You threw your clock across the room, the alarm was unnecessarily loud for nine in the morning and you weren’t having it today. You threw the covers off your body walking out of your room to see your roommate was already gone and left a list of things she would be doing in her time out and about while you had class that morning. She mentioned that will, your boyfriend, called saying he would be coming over to drop off a box that was yours that accidentally was shipped to his apartment. You made yourself a bowl of cereal sitting there staring at the blank television before getting ready to walk out of your apartment not even caring to do your makeup just throwing on wills sweatshirt and walking out the door with your things driving off to class.
You hated days like this. When you woke up feeling like there was rock, fifty feet of crap, and then you. You never could understand how your own boyfriend could love you in times like this when all you felt doing was change everything about you to become a better and different person. What made things worse for you was the pretty girls constantly surrounding you. It made hard for you to feel comfortable with yourself.
You walked into class seeing Jake Slaker, Will’s teammate and your friend as well, sitting in the seat he always sat in next to you.
“Hey, y/n, how are you?” He asked picking his head up from his phone now and you shrugged, “I’m alright, how about you?” You asked pulling your things out and he did the same, “pretty good, we have a game tonight you excited?” He asked and you nodded your head, “I’ll be there.”
“That’s good, it’s against state tonight I know will is going to want you there. Big game as you would know.”
You nodded your head will loved you being there, but today you weren’t feeling it. You hated not showing up to big games like this and you know it would disappoint will if you didn’t because sometimes it calmed him when he looked into the crowd and saw you cheering along with everyone at yost.
“You sure everything is okay?”
“Yeah everything is okay I guess just female things.”
“Oh, okay well if you need anything let me know.”
You trudged your way up the steps, of course the elevator was broken today after you and many others had used it because some idiots decided to go over the weight limit, you hated living on the fourth floor when you had to use the steps. The books and MacBook in your backpack already hurt enough that walking up the stairs with them was even worse.
You put the key in the door unlocking it going into your bedroom seeing Will was waiting for you sound asleep in your bed, everything was put back from that morning when you threw things around your room. Your clock was back where it was supposed to be, the clothes you had on your floor were in the laundry, your books that were on your floor were put on the shelf, and your bed was made.
You took your backpack off careful not to wake will up, but once you sat down on the bed his eyes opened, “baby,” he whispered and your heart fluttered laying down seeing the sleepy smile forming on his face, “hi,” you whispered and he rested his head on your chest, “how was class?”
“It was okay.” You whispered with a sigh and he pulled you into him now closing his eyes, “Jake told me. What’s going on, y/n?” He asked and you just didn’t answer pulling yourself a little bit more towards him in hopes he would get the message to let it go, and he did and now you both went to sleep.
You woke up to the sound of keys and you turned onto your back opening your eyes seeing Will was dressed up, you assumed he went to his apartment, he was only a floor above you, and then came back to see you.
“You look handsome,” you smiled and he turned from looking at himself in your mirror adjusting his tie to see you laying there, “I try sometimes.” He jokes walking over to you and you wrapped your arms around his neck when he went to press a kiss to your forehead, “food is in the kitchen and your friend is home, I’ll see you tonight? Yes?”
“Yes, good luck.” It was your turn to give him a kiss only this time it was a hard passionate one on the lips, “thank you, I’ll see you, I love you!”
“I love you too.” Your bedroom door shut again and then you heard the front door shut. After that you got up going into the kitchen seeing will had bought chipotle for you and your roommate which was nice of him to do.
“We going to the game tonight?” Your friend asked and you nodded your head grabbing your bowl sitting down across from her, “can’t really miss this one since it’s a big deal.” You joked, and your friend went through the mail while you both sat there eating, “ugh a sorority news letter.” Your friend used to be in one of the sororities until she dropped out because she hated how rude the girls were and the reputation she then had on her for being one, you gave her a lot of props for having the courage to leave.
“What does it say?” You asked, one of the girls wrote the paper and she usually wrote a little section about the few girls who dropped out, your name got thrown around in there sometimes, but you were never in a sorority.
“Just the sorority sisters meeting, who’s engaged, getting married, got dumped, things like that.” She said handing you the paper and you read over the news scoffing at some of the things they all had to say, it was pure comedy to you to hear what some of these girls think is their “hardest times” when they hadn’t stepped a foot into your life.
“This is funny.” You haded her the paper back checking your watch seeing you should probably get ready now and you both got up going into your rooms getting ready. You threw on one of wills old hockey jersey, you’ve been with him since high school, every time you went to find a jersey some of them took you down memory lane. Sometimes you can’t even believe you’ve been with him for so long.
Michigan ended up winning against state at home thankfully, you waited for will seeing all the other girls waiting for their boyfriends, you looked around, a few of them were in a sororities, a small amount were athletes, a few girls who just seeing one of them on the team, and an even smaller amount of those been with their boyfriends for a couple of years. You were in that category and so were a few others, but there weren’t many of you, usually once you got to college freshman year a lot of them broke things off to be free, especially if you lived long distance, but thankfully will never broke up with you, sometimes you didn’t know what you would do without him.
Will came up from the locker room saying his hellos to some families, his older sister and his cousin were waiting with you and you all were talking about the recent things going on in your lives, the parties going on, and spring break trips. You weren’t going anywhere crazy since will couldn’t go out for spring break you were just going to go visit some family down south and then spend time at your own house with your family because you always felt bad that will couldn’t go anywhere.
“You played great!” His sister hugged him and then his cousin did, you smiled about to give him a hug when he was interrupted by one of his teammates. He tried to make the conversation short knowing you were waiting, “guess you’ll be waiting.” His cousin laughed and you nodded your head and now will turned to you when the conversation was over giving you a hug.
“Did I do okay?” He asked and you nodded your head, “no fight so that’s always a plus.” You smiled and now the two left leaving you both together, “so umm do you want to go back to my place and maybe tell me what’s going on?” He whispered rubbing his hand up and down your arm, “no.” You whispered adjusting his tie, “you suck at doing your tie, you know that?”
“Well you just do it better,” he whispered pressing a kiss to your forehead, “come back with me? Just to eat or something?”
“Can I lay in your bed?”
“Always a spot saved for you.”
“Do you ever get sad?” You asked playing with wills hair in your hands, his eyes were closed, occasionally he drifted off, you didn’t blame him he did just play a game and he was exhausted like always.
“Hmm no,”
“Why?”
He sat up opening his eyes now looking over at you, “because I have you. Everyday I can imagine that is horrible to me I remember I have you, and that’s not horrible that’s the best thing to ever happen to me.”
You smiled feeling him move the loose strains of hair behind your ear, “you don’t ever need to be sad because I’m here. You’ve got me and I’m not leaving. Doesn’t matter what sorority thinks they’ve got me tied down the only one who’s got me is you.”
You scoffed rolling your eyes knowing will couldn’t be this sappy when that fazed passed you both a long time ago when you were high schoolers making promises in the back of his car.
“What? Babe, I’m serious! I love you, do you love me?”
“Always, William. Those are very nice words.” You smiled, looking at the goofy grin on his face looking at you and you shoved his face away from looking at you, “now come here, I think we have some sorority news gossip your roommate has to tell us about.”
132 notes · View notes
sleepymccoy · 4 years
Text
year in fic
i saw a couple of these around and i love the idea! so yeah im taking part too <3
Heresy
Rated: General
Word Count: 2,524
Posted: 15/6/19
3000 years on from the apocalypse have been pretty chill for Crowley and Aziraphale. Gabriel and Beelzebub took their posts after they quit their jobs as reps on Earth and now are trying to get in touch to discuss personal matters. This is basically a short fic that’s jut a hella awkward conversation with some possessiveness, it’;s sweet. Side note, this was my first fic and I wrote it up before we knew Beelzebub uses they/them pronouns so I used the actresses pronouns for it. I mean to fix it up but haven’t got to it yet, so, apologies
Needed a break, gone to France x
Rated: General
Word Count: 8,808
Posted: 28/6/19
About a week after the apocalypse and Aziraphale leaves Crowley a note on his door explaining his absence. Crowley goes into a tailspin trying to decode it for like two months. Light miscommunication fic, but it’s made up for with some nice fondness and some letters at the end that are pretty cute tbh 
Try On Some Pride For A Day
Rated: Mature
Word Count: 20,614
Posted: 4/8/19
One night, two months after the apocalypse, Aziraphale challenges Crowley to a competition. Will Aziraphale get Crowley to inhabit the seven heavenly virtues, or will Crowley get Aziraphale to enjoy the seven deadly sins? It’s all very cheerful with much sexual tension and a couple of squabbles. This is a friends to lovers sort of fic. It’s also asexual Aziraphale, pretty outright, so while it gets steamy there’s no sex in the fic
Summoned
Rated: Explicit
Word Count: 12,635
Posted: 21/8/19
Heaven and Hell decided that as they have their Worst Employee of the Forever sorted, they could shimmy the worse parts of the gig off to them. And being summoned sucks. Crowley finds he keeps getting summoned by different people, more often than ever before. This fic is the roughly year and a half period after that failed apocalypse, told only through scenes where Crowley (and one time Aziraphale) have been unwillingly summoned by someone. I will say the real joy of this is that Crowley is pissed off most of the time and Aziraphale is appropriately protective. The last chapter is full blown sex. This is another friends to lovers fic
Is It Worth It Yet
Rated: Teen
Word Count: 10,935
Posted: 22/9/19
Around abouts the 1000AD mark, in what would become Turkey a few hundred years later, Crowley sat down, took a breath, and told Aziraphale how he felt in a total trainwreck of a conversation. Chapter 1, that conversation. It’s pretty angsty but I fix it all, don’t worry Of course, Aziraphale would then expect Crowley to bring it all up again after the apocalypse, and when he doesn't he decides to take matters into his own hands and broach the topic himself. It doesn't go as well as he'd hoped. Good ending tho, don't worry guys. 
Soft.
Rated: Mature
Word Count: 9,178
Posted: 10/10/19
Crowley has had one thought going about his mind for a while now, and that is that he really likes Aziraphale's body (highlighted by how he comparatively didn't enjoy seeing Aziraphale in Madame Tracy). But how does one tell their friend of 6000 years that he's got a hot bod? Awkwardly and with great difficulty, is the answer. He accidentally dredges up a Gabriel-related issue Aziraphale has been holding on to. This is a very consent heavy fic, there’s a lot of “are you sure?” and “what do you want?”
the kind of thing one says easily
Rated: Explicit
Word Count: 15,496
Posted: 15/10/19
Kind of my take on an au where Crowley just straight up told Aziraphale pretty early on that he loves him, so it was a fact of their dynamic for centuries before the apocalypse. I call it the "if they actually communicated" au. Fits in with tv canon, I've done a prelude or a run on from one or two major scenes in the show, you'll almost certainly catch it. But yeah, snapshots of them talking about feelings, sometimes very serious (mostly pretty serious actually) but sometimes quite light and lovely. Classic lads. Still don't get together until post apocalypse cos, ya know, it be like that. Runs from like 2000bc to 2020ad with 12 segments of story, although three of those are 2019 cos like that's when shit really went down
Not Quite Human
Rated: Explicit
Word Count: 10,398
Posted: 26/10/19
Crowley and Aziraphale had both quit their jobs for each other and returned home after the apocalypse, tumbling rather helplessly towards a relief-filled romance. But old habits die hard and with nothing left to keep the pair from expressing their feelings, they created their own barriers to hold themselves back. And so years passed with pointless desire, self inflicted wallowing, and miserable restraint. Luckily for both of them, the angel was fed up. He’d been stewing too long and had decided to give it a go. This is kinda an exploration into a different writing style for me, it's not a dedicated pov and it's full of little flashback style (sort of, not like serious flashback, more like mulling over the past for context) vignettes with ideas i wanted to include. 
Still Waking Up
Rated: Teen
Words: 31,153
Posted: 5/11/19
Aziraphale has noticed Crowley's odd behavior. Since the Apocalypse he has spotted Crowley outside the shop, just watching, like a watchdog that watches and doesn't come in and explain himself. This fic follows a roughly two year period after the apocalypse in which Crowley admits to nightmares about the bookshop and Aziraphale burning and struggles to come terms with it and ask for help. Aziraphale grows increasingly lonely and purposeless and some of his damage from Heaven rears up. They slowly navigate supporting each other as best they can. Main points of interest are probs bed sharing, much mutual pining, kissing, and softly handled trauma recovery.
(omg guys that’s a cumulative word count of 121,741 in six months! that’s a whole lot more than i’d imagined. what a year)
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katieelizabeth · 4 years
Text
What would you call your body type? Definitely curvy
Are you a morning person? Yes and no. I’m taking sleep meds for nausea so right now waking up is kinda hard. 
Have you ever been to Target? Loveeeeee Target
Do you like iced tea? Iced tea is always my jam
When is the next time you’ll be at work? Hmm it’s kinda up in the air right now. I’m itching to get back tho.
Do you have a savings account? Yes. one for myself, one with my boyfriend
Has anyone ever hacked your accounts before? Only once.
What color bedsheets are currently on your bed? Currently grey
Have you ever been to Disney World? If so, how many times have you been? Yes, I wanna say total like 6 times.
Does grammar and capitalization mean anything to you? It absolutely does.
Are you good at wrapping gifts for others? My boyfriend thinks I'm a terrible wrapper hahah
Do you have a dirty clothes hamper in your room? Yes.
What would you say is your favorite television show? If I had to narrow it down, probably Skins. 
Do you enjoy big holiday dinners? Yes and no. I don’t care for holiday dinners with my family but I love holiday dinners with my boyfriends family. 
Is there any piece of jewelry you’re constantly wearing? I’m not married or engaged but I do wear a small silver band on my ring finger.
What is one thing you desire as of now? To be able to just go and sit down in a restaurant. This virus has everyone living in fear and I'm tired of it and want to live normally and enjoy my pregnancy
What kind of phone do you have? An iPhone XR.
If you could move anywhere, where would you choose? Canada or London
Do you blog a lot, if at all? No not really. I used to when Xanga was big.
Is your present hair color, natural? Nope.
What makes you the most angry when it comes to people? My boyfriend thinks that anytime my opinion is different than his, then I'm trying to argue with him. It’s so fucking frustrating. 
Describe your current outfit? Anaheim Ducks shirt and matching pj pants hahah
What was the last thing you ordered online? Some toothbrushes lol
Have you ever felt as though you were drifting apart from a best friend? Ive had two best friends in my life completely shut me out before. It sucks.
What color are your eyes? Poop brown
Have you ever worn color contacts? I have but I could never wear them because of the astigmatisms in both my eyes. Lasik was the best decision of my life
What’s the best thing about a hug? Right now I miss everything about hugs
Biggest fear? Losing my loved ones, death, never getting better/getting worse, never doing anything with my life....
If you have a significant other, how long have you been together? Just celebrated three years
Do you know any genuinely friendly people? Yes.
Do you buy your friends gifts? I try to when I can 
What was the last thing you plugged in? My phone to the charger.
How old are you? 29
What color headphones do you own? They’re black.
Have you ever shopped on Urban Outfitters? No, just a reminder than I'm fat
Where do you buy the majority of your clothing? Amazon, Goodwill
Would you rather wear necklaces or earrings? Necklaces
Do you consider yourself fortunate? Very
Do you enjoy watching fights? Nooo.
Have you ever been in a physical fight? No way
Do you tend to talk badly about people? I try not to but everyone is guilty of that
Where are your parents as of now? Watching tv in the tv room
Does your computer cooperate most of the time? I literally just bought it so yes haha
Does your family have any cheesy traditions? Kind of
When did you last go to a book store? Gosh it’s been a while!
What’s the closest book store where you live? Barnes & Noble.  
How much money do you have on you right now? On hand, $20.
Favorite personal feature? my hair and my lips
Are you wearing make up at the moment? Nope.
Favorite television channel? Bravo, E!, ID, HBO
Describe any piercings or tattoos you might have? 6 tattoos no piercings
Have you ever been fired from a job? INope
Are you currently losing a best friend? No.
Describe the worst day of your life: I’m good.
Do you play any video games? Not at the moment
Would you say you hate anyone? I feel hatred towards racists, homophobics, ect.
Do you think freckles are cute? Very cute!
Last time you went to the mall? Gosh its been a really long time
Name something that’s your favorite color: anything teal
Have you been to Red Lobster before? Yesssss. I want seafood
Do you judge by appearances? Anyone who tells you they don't to some degree is a fucking liar.
Do you follow a certain religion? No thank you
Who is your role model, if you had to choose? Im not really sure
Would you rather have nice hair or lips? Hair.
What are you most self conscious about? Pretty much my whole body
Do you have any family members who live out of town? Yeah.
Do you consider yourself short? Nope, I'm average height for a girl
What room are you in? Mine.
Hoodies or jackets? Hoodies.
Are you outside a lot? No not really. The sun doesn’t like my skin haha
Have you ever been dumped via text message? Nope
Do you like dreamcatchers? Not really
What is your favorite letter of the alphabet? I don’t have one.
Do you hate repetitive people and things? Depends on the situation
Do you think autocorrect is a blessing or curse? BOTH
Do you believe in any particular curses? No.
Ever play a Ouija board? Nope, my mom wouldn't let me growing up
What movie scares you the most? The Exorcist. I can watch the movie now no problem but it FUCKED up my childhood.
What was your bedtime as a child? 9. I remember watching Happy Days from 8-9
Reason why your favorite holiday is your favorite: Who doesn't love Christmastime?
Do you work with any close friends? I work with my baby daddy
Do you consider yourself spoiled? I would say in some way I'm probably spoiled
Do you listen to any country music? yes
Favorite high school teacher: I don’t specifically remember any high school teachers I liked. Probably my French teacher. He was super cool!
Do you ever get drunk? Of course. Can’t drink yet tho until after baby
Have you ever had highlights before? Nope
Favorite number: 7,10
Do you still sleep with any stuffed animals? Not anymore. I used to for a a long time 
 What is your biggest regret in life? Eh I've got a few
Would you say you think you have a mental disorder of some kind? Depression/anxiety. Ive taken meds for it 
Are you normally an independent person? I like to think myself as independent but my boyfriend sure takes care of me. I dunno what id do without him
Do you have any paintings? a few
What is one clothing fad you wish never existed? anything from the early 2000s haha
Do you like to be organized? Do I like it? Yes. Am I organized? NO
Have you ever failed a class before? oh yes
Ever been judged because of your weight? All the time. Not so much as an adult tho
What is your favorite breakfast cereal? The sugary bad ones, ha.
Ever had a wish come true? Nope
Do you regret meeting any of your exes? No way
Do you own any coloring books? Yes haha those adult ones
What’s the meanest thing someone’s called you? I can’t think of anything specific. Probably fat
Have you ever bullied someone? I likely have, unfortunately :(
Do you ever watch Lifetime? Only for the reality shows
Ever tried to intentionally sabotage someone’s grade? God no
Do you own any brown clothing? Hmmm I don’t think so
What color are your walls painted? White.
Last thing you drank: I’m drinking decaf coffee 
Have you ever seen a tornado in person? Noooo.
Do you have an inground pool at your house? Nope
What is the first digit of your phone number?  9
What’s the prettiest town you’ve been to? Anywhere in England
Do you tend to sleep a lot? yes and no. I’m taking sleeping meds but it’s hard for me to fall asleep
Silver or gold jewelry? Silver
Do you sometimes celebrate holidays early? Not usually. My boyfriends family Is out of state tho
Have you ever been in love? Yes.
What’s the best gift you’ve ever received? My unborn child
When was the last time you showered? Last night
Would you consider yourself attractive? Sometimes yes
Has anyone made you mad today? Nope
Favorite smell: Vanilla
Are you afraid of insects? I wouldn't say afraid
Do you have any children? I’ve got one cookin in the oven haha
If so, what are their names? I’ll tell you when I know the gender
Would ever consider having children in the future? MORE children? Lets see how traumatized this first one is haha
Have you ever lived on a farm? No.
Ever played any sports? Oh yes, played soccer till I was 18 
Do both of your parents have jobs? They're both retired from jobs they were at for 40+ years
Where is the best place you’ve been on vacation to? Its a tie between South Africa, London and Colorado
Are you afraid people won’t accept you? Not anymore. Being an adult means getting over that haha
Are you, for the most part, an honest person? I try to be
Did you make prank phone calls as a child? oh yes!
Do you like to make donations? Yeah.
What is your current ringtone? Just the standard apple ringtone
Meet anyone from your past lately? No.
Have you ever called a teen suicide line? No.
Have you ever caught something on fire? Not that I can think of
Ever been obsessed with a show? Ive been obsessed with many shows
What type of perfume or cologne do you use? English Laundry Signature
What’s the last book you read? The book that Ted Bundys girlfriend wrote
Dream career: Zooologist
Have you ever climbed a mountain before? Yes, in Colorado
At what age do you plan to get married? Not sure, we aren't in a rush to marry
Ever been in a car accident? Yes, three
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authenticaussie · 5 years
Note
Hmm... 18 (soul eater au), 52 (roommate), 42 (marvel), 98 (leverage), and or 14 (lantern lights)
babe……….you’re my Favourite™
also, under a readmore because this got LONG as SHIT
8. Soul Eater au
the soul eater au is really scattered because my wifi sucked on that particular day and I was posting it in the mas chat (sunshinepunks) BUT the basis is weapons ace & sabo and meister Marco. It’s a lot of “dumbasses refuse to accept New Friends (because TraumaTM)” and Ace/Sabo being dicks to Marco because he refuses to give up on them. (ahhh my favourite dynamic //swoons)
Part of the plot - my favourite part of the plot - is that Sabo spends a lot of time spying on Marco to try and catch him out as Secretly A Dick and Manipulating Them, and ends up finding out that Marco really really cares about him and Ace? And the way to Sabo’s heart is thrrrroooough his besssstieeeee lmao. So Sabo ends up crushin’ hard first, but then SPYING BACKFIRES and paranoia kicks his butt and he Feels Bad because he was ONLY MEANT TO TRUST ACE and Marco HURT HIS FEELINGS (sabo you moron it’s your own fault). Anyway Ace and Marco pair up to try and make Sabo feel better and it drives Sabo even Nuttier until there is battle couple stuff and a mid-fight Feelings Fight and then a confession and then they become the DMCA power couple. Ta-da!
Ace was a pipe and Sabo was a knife! Or…..you know, something in that realm pft. Basically hitty-stick and stabby-stabby, because you could make a) an argument for their personalities Being Like That (ace is blunt and strong and easy to just hit with but if you’re clever about it he’s awesome, and has the reach to be a longer weapon, sabo is more…well a knife can be used for a lot but also it’s very….vicious. There is very little you can do to Incapacitate with a knife that is not Wow Stabbed. Which I feel is very Sabo, he’s kinda…harsh??? in his way of handling battle, I think.) and b) because in canon, Sabo’s weapon is a pipe and Ace has that knife, and I thought it’d be cool to match that.
42. New Roommate Wanted
an OC-based commission!! James moves in with a shape-shifting thief and her GF and accidentally Falls In Love snickers
It is………..I wrote it a while ago so you can definitely see the self-projection of “I want cute rich gfs to love and adore me so I don’t have to stress about a job”
52. 5+1 Marvel AU
in the actual word document the title is “If you’re broken I will mend you” (Or 5 Times Sabo was There for his Team (and one time histeam was there for him). Sabo is Coulson and Marco is Hawkeye and Ace is a Black Widow (codename: Redback). It fluctuates between sorta implying MAS (but with a definite focus on Marco/Ace) and Coby/Sabo mainly because I made Coby Captain America (YOU CAN’T!!! ARGUE!!! WITH ME!!! HE IS!!!! PERFECT!!! AS CAP!!!) and I love fics that have the lowkey “Coulson has a fanboy crush on Cap.” lol. 
(also coby/sabo is. fun? crackship but So Fun.) 
Here’s the shortest one haha
It takes about five minutes after the comms. go silent forSabo to know that something is wrong, and two minutes afterwards to gear up.
It takes him approximately four seconds to tear through the people trying to keep him from helping Ace and Marco.
(It takes two weeks for them to heal, no matter how fastSabo was, and a month for Sabo to get off desk duty, but Ace and Marco refuseto do missions when he’s not their handler. They refuse to do anything thatinvolves leaving his side until after he assures them he’s fine, and that hewasn’t just a S.H.I.E.L.D agent because he had a pretty face - though that hadprompted an argument about Sabo’s ‘pretty face’ that he’d had to steadfastlyignore.)
88. LEVERAGE AU MOTHERFUCKER
THIEVES! CON ARTISTS! So this one is actually three different aus in one file - there’s a “MAS but as Leverage” and it starts out as “Ace and Sabo who fill in Every Job They Can (but their specialties are Ace = grifter/hacker and Sabo = hitter/thief and I have reasons, okay) and then they try and run a con on Marco but he’s like Um Excuse Me? And then he gets dragged into their Bullshit snickers. Oh ALSO they ONE THOUSAND PERCENT do not realise they are Madly In Love With Him (but he does. And he’s trying to be patient. But also. Dying. Because wow it’s kinda awkward being in love with. two daredevil thieves)
The second one in the doc is the Leverage trio in the OP world, ‘cause duh, and Parker starts off like…trying to steal kids from being SMILE experiments? and hires Eliot and Hardison to help her. Um I think I wanted to give Hardison a DF?? But I had a whole list: there was altering people’s sight/perceptions, being able to edit vision/specifics of reality in lines of like, code?? (aka he could do Little Changes but they could affect Big Things, a butterfly effect sort of DF). A lot of them were trying to give him a way to…manipulate stuff in a world where tech wasn’t as big a thing.  
And the third one is ASL leverage! Marco still gets dragged into the disaster but it’s more found family stuff. 
14. Lantern Lights
Lantern Lights is technically posted [here] under “all the light we cannot hold” BUT I have MORE. I wanted to make it longer when I originally posted it - mainly because Lea asked for angst - but I ended up running out of time (I am………so bad at deadlines, jfc). Plus, with all the things I wanted to include it honestly would’ve turned into something RIDICULOUSLY long and I was already pushing 5k when gifts were a minimum of 1k.
This was the original start / end bracketing.
START:
HiAce.
Hispencil hesitated above the empty page, only a single lead smudge marring theotherwise blank paper, and Sabo sighed softly. Eraser nub ticking against thedesk, he bit his lower lip and tried to think of what else to write. He had somuch to say – about Marco, and the Whitebeards, and about the new friends he’dslowly been making, like Koala and Hack and even the standoffish, arrogant Law,but it’d been so long since he sat down to write Ace a letter that the wordsseemed to have vanished.
Hi Ace, heread, as though the greeting would organise what he wanted to say intoneat lines for him to write. He heaved another sigh, resting his chin in hispalm. Casting his eyes up to the window above his desk he watched as theburning dusk faded into twilight blue and the stars began to shine, silverglints of light that were mirrored by the compound’s lanterns flaring to life.The gleamed against the darkness and Sabo couldn’t help but be reminded ofAce’s fire. How it glowed beneath his skin, lighting him bright red in fury orembarrassment or glorious gold in his joy. Sometimes Sabo couldn’t help butwish – but hope – that Ace was still burning, somewhere out there. In the sky,with the stars-
Hecouldn’t help but selfishly hope that Ace had given part of his fire to Sabo’sheart, to burn within him.
Sabogrowled, burying his face in his hands to try and stop the subtle sting formingin his eyes. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair that so many simple things couldremind him of Ace, that undeniable frustration at his uselessness still restedheavy in his every thought, that the feelings he wanted to put to paper wereimpossible to articulate.
Thesharp tip of his pencil cracked as he pressed it into the paper, and the threewords he wrote turned from his usual neat cursive into a jagged scrawl.
I miss you.
END:
-Marco thinks that ouranniversary is the battle, but I don’t like it there. Besides, having ouranniversary on your birthday? You’d expect double gifts, and we can’t havethat.
Sabo’slips quirked into a bitter smile, his eyes drawn up to the small gift stillwrapped on his desk, bow deflated from his constant touches but nonethelessstill stubbornly holding onto the silver wrapping. He’d never had a chance togive Ace his birthday gift, and was sure that Ace wouldn’t have expected it.Would he have even been given gifts, when he’d been kept on the candle wick? Orwould the gift have been an extra moment of freedom, so painfully perfect in its rarity?
Pullinghis hair away from his face, Sabo gently bit his lip and scanned what he’dalready written, trying to figure out what else to say. His fringe curled infront of his eyes when he took up his pen again, but he barely paid attentionto the soft brush of hair against his scar tissue. Two years of having them hadgotten him used to his limited vision and things in front of his face that hecouldn’t see. 
He’d never seen Ace’sflustered thoughts, nor known what each fleeting touch had meant until it had beenfar too late, and couldn’t help but wonder just how blind he’d been back then.
Did I tell you thatMarco finally stopped being chickenshit and used the word ‘boyfriend’? I feellike that counts more as our anniversary than the battle, especially consideringI wasn’t much better about speaking up about “feelings” after you left. Twomonths of not talking over the topic because one third of the topic up and-
It’s pretty stupid ofus, huh?
I mean, you werepretty fucking stupid when you-
Sabocrossed out the last few words with two strokes of thick black ink, his teethgrit in a way that made his head pound.
Regardless, everythingis going fine, now. I’m sure you’d be happy to know that Marco and I havegotten past awkwardly refusing to admit to holding hands and have nowprogressed to awkwardly kissing each other on the cheek (and then refusing toadmit to it, of course. Got to keep consistency). You’d think that as someoneso attention-starved I’d be better at this, but it always feels…not wrong, persay, but, like something is missing because you’re not here.
You’re a dick forthat, Ace.
Anyway, this will bemy last letter for a while. I’m sorry it’s short, but I’m already running late;Koala and I are set to sail with the afternoon tide, for Flevance, and Marco isgoing troll hunting. Whitebeard heard there was trouble with the gnomes in thefar north mountains, so he’s going to check them out and I want to say goodbyebefore we part ways.
As always;
With love, Sabo.
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dillydedalus · 4 years
Text
january reading
why was this january at least 3 months long
unequal affections, lara s. ormiston (audio) this is jane austen fanfiction about an alternate version of the story where lizzy does accept darcy’s first proposal - their ensuing engagement, which (because lizzy doesn’t go off about how she feels about darc in this one) is full of unspoken conflicts and tensions & hella awks. the initial premise needed some suspension of disbelief but once i got over that i found it super enjoyable, pretty believable in terms of character interactions and interiority (darcy is a dick), funny & sweet. i don’t think i will necessarily start getting into JAFF now (tho goodreads rly thinks i should), but this was just. nice. wholesome. also now i want to reread p&p..... 3/5
lincoln in the bardo, george saunders (uni) ya know what i really liked this. this is about abraham lincoln mourning his young son willie during the civil war, not exactly a topic i’m particularly (at all) interested in, but the execution is so cool - it’s told partly thru fragments from historical records, books, letters (both real and imagined) and partly thru the voices of the many ghosts stuck in a kind of limbo in the graveyard, who are trying to get willie to move on, while they themselves desperately try to stay in limbo, bitter about what went wrong in their lives and in denial about their state. & it’s done really well, the polyphony and contradiction of the historical record (one chapter has a bunch of quotes about how ugly lincoln was & then the last is like ‘idk i thought he was kinda handsome’), and the ghosts are so sad & bitter & desperate & hopeful. 4/5
the steppe & other stories, anton chekhov (tr. from russian) bunch of short stories from 1880-1890s russia. to be honest, i found most of them pretty boring, although ‘the duel’ is pretty good, an interesting look at how sticking too closely to your worldview/ideology/morality will probably either make you a useless disaster person or a eugenicist douchebag. some of the other stories were okay as well, but overall: 2/5, i’mma stick with his plays
perfectly preventable deaths, deirdre sullivan  teenage ocd witch book! this is a pretty good YA witchy horror book about twins who move into their new stepdad’s castle (yeah he has a castle) in a weird irish village where girls have been going missing for decades. creepy magical-ish things start happening (of course) & our narrator isn’t sure whether her sister’s new age-inappropriate boyfriend is just creepy, or creepy. i love the concept of ocd witchery & the atmosphere is really good as well, but the pacing is off, with slow build-up & a climax that happens way too quickly. also like can someone please say the word ocd it’s not gonna kill ya. 3/5
the priory of the orange tree, samantha shannon gonna be controversial here & say... yeah this should have been a duology. give the world some room to breathe, give the characters some room to breathe (give me another book w/ a cover this spectacular). anyway, this is a bigass book about eastern vs western dragon lore, a holy queendom (go sabran of inys!!), dragonriders, lesbian sword mages, how religion & historiography marginalises women, and magical trees. & like, okay, i wrote a lil thing right after finishing it about how i had some quibbles with it but enjoyed it overall but you know what? the more i think about it/let it sit the more complaints i have and the more annoyed/disappointed i get. 1) i liked all the characters fine, but none of them feel like they have any depth - i feel like i could sum all of the main characters up in like 3-4 words, and while i was rooting for ead/sabran, even this, the most central relationship of the book felt... surface-level. like, there were some big emotional moments but generally all i felt was like ‘good for her’ or ‘that sucks i guess’, 2) this world & its mythology is very much inspired by eastern vs western dragonlore so i understand the need to ground the fantasy world with real-world parallels but the extent to which some of the countries are literally just fantasy versions of real countries was... frustrating? irritating?? this is especially grating as, while inys is very clearly fantasy!britain, there is a lot of cool world-building (religion, aristocracy, history/myth) to make it more than that, while fantasy!japan and fantasy!china are literally just ... ‘what if japan but with dragons’. i did like fantasy!netherlands because at least you don’t see that a lot. 3) so much of the plot is just people travelling to different locations to get and transport different items but most of the travelling is cut short by some magical animal/being turning up and just transporting them in a cutscene.. 4) considering that this is all about dragonlore the dragons sure aren’t as important in the end as the three macguffins of power. 5) i loved so much about kalyba but not where it led, that said i want a kalyba-hawthorn-nurtha backstory.   okay that’s it for now but like. idk. this had a lot of potential but the execution was just severely flawed. 2/5 
trust exercise, susan choi this was super hyped, especially for a game-changing twist of some kind, but has a rather low rating on goodreads (3.18!) so y’all know i was intrigued. i’m not going to give away the twist because it is genuinely really cool if not really all that original, but this is a really clever & cool book about theatre kids, teenage dramatics, constructing your own narrative and what that excludes, elides, changes, and most of all consent & abuse (some very triggering depictions of sex/sexual abuse here). i really liked this, and am considering buying a copy so i can reread it. 4/5
soldiers of salamis, javier cercas (tr. from spanish by anne mclean) very meta novel about a writer called javier cercas writing a book (tentatively called soldiers of salamis) about a (real) falangist poet who escaped a mass execution & survived in the forest for a while with a group of republican deserters. ‘cercas’ researches, speculates, despairs, talks to roberto bolano (who compliments his previous books lol), and finally tracks down the man who he believes/imagines/hopes to be the soldier who let said fascist poet go, leading him to consider who really should be remembered & written about. made me think about that one poem about reading ezra pount that ends w/ a veteran saying ‘if i knew a fascist was a great poet, i’d shoot him anyway.’ interesting book altho i far prefer his book anatomy of a moment, one of the weirdest & most fascinating nonfic books i’ve read. 3/5
the stopping places, damian le bas (audio) damian le bas comes from a settled british romani family and, feeling somewhat unsure about his place in & connection to the community, he decided to go on a roadtrip through britain (+france) in a van to seek out the atchin tans or stopping places, starting with the ones his great-grandmother remembers from her childhood before the family became settled. he combines the travelogue with insights into romani culture(s) (mainly british) and history, as well as his own family history. it’s really interesting & engaging (the history&culture more so than the travelogue) and le bas narrates the audiobook himself & sounds like a cool dude. 3.5/5
confessions of a bookseller, shaun bythell  bythell records a year of working as a second-hand bookseller, with an entry for every day. he talks about the impact of amazon, rude & weird customers (but also nice customers), his weird staff, and some of the books he’s reading. the look into bookselling in the age of amazon is pretty interesting but much of this is banal & repetitive, & if it wasn’t the perfect thing to read in little bits while at work i probably would have dnf’d it. 2/5
giacomo joyce, james..... joyce  super short story by my man jamesy joyce that never made it out of manuscript (literal). not much to say about this - it’s interesting to see jj play around with themes while still working on portrait & thinking bout ulysses & the prose is nice, but the whole english tutor feels attracted to his student is a bit... eh. 3/5
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96percentdone · 5 years
Note
im the “I don’t love you.” anon! i meant oumasai sorry
You’re good anon! I kinda thought so but thanks for specifying! Here ya go:
“I don’t love you”
Kokichi paces the roof, the all too bright and cheerful sun streaming across the tan roof. It runs contrast to dour grimace on his face and the relentless thrumming of his nerves. This was a huge mistake. Why did he let it go this far? Why did he decide today was the day he reveals himself? Just because it’s white day? Is he an idiot? I think I’m a moron. I think all of my brain cells jumped into the ditch Haruto-chan dug behind headquarters and buried themselves there.
An image of a folded up letter and a heart-shaped box flits through his mind for the 17th time that minute. The same impulse runs all throughout his body, bouncing between the walls of his skull. His fingers twitch. Is it still early enough to steal it back? Saihara-chan tends to spend at least an hour after class just going over his notes and completing his easiest HW-assignment, right? He should still have time; he wrote the meeting time to accommodate for that.
He glances at the clock on the wall. It’s ten to four. Fuck. Even if he ran all the way to Saihara-chan’s locker he would have just enough time to take it out before Saihara-chan would be there asking what he was doing. No go.
So then what? Does he lie? Does he say the note and the chocolate were just a joke? That this was a prank gone far too long? Oh yeah, that’ll go over well. ‘Hey Saihara-chan yeah about the secret admirer letters, it was all just a big prank! The chocolate too! Nishishi~’ That’ll just get him slapped. Another no go.
Then what can he do? Can he run? He could probably make it all the way out the door to the front entrance in the next five minutes. He probably wouldn’t get caught, and more importantly, he won’t be here for this! Yeah, except if you’re not here it’s the same result as the last one. Another cruel prank. Someone playing ding-dong-ditch with Saihara-chan’s heart. “Damn it!”
The clock ticks; he’s so hyperaware of it it’s loud in his ear. But it’s not as loud as his regrets. He didn’t have to do this! He didn’t have to make chocolate at all! And it took so long to do it too. Dai-chan had to supervise him because he’s not allowed in the kitchen, and it took three different attempts to make something that was passable. It probably still sucks. All this work, just to inevitably get rejected! Great!
Ding. Dong. Ding. Dong. The clocktower resounds throughout the grounds.
To my beloved detective,
Come to the roof at 4:00. I’ll be waiting.
-You’re soon to be known admirer
P.S: enjoy the gift. It’s homemade~
The final bell chimes, and with it the door to the roof opens. FUCK! “Ouma…kun?” The soft voice of Saihara-chan rings out questioningly. Kokichi stops pacing and looks into the doorway to see him standing there, still holding the door open, mouth slightly ajar. You’re so surprised to see me! Of course, he is. Who would expect to see Ouma Kokichi? Who would hope for Ouma Kokichi as their secret admirer? “Are you…?”
“Ding ding ding! We have a winner!” Kokichi cheers, throwing his fist up in the air in victory. He’s not feeling particularly victorious. The grin smashed on his face shouts otherwise. “Hope you didn’t try the chocolate before you got here! I wanted to see you try it.” That part is actually true. If he’s going to go out, he might as well go with a bang. Maybe he’ll stick around to see Saihara-chan scrunch his face up in disgust. Ha, as if he’d get that far. He’d probably just throw it out without trying!
The sound of the door gently closing prompts Kokichi to actually focus on the boy he invited to meet him. Saihara-chan doesn’t say anything for a while, slowly walking across the rooftop to meet him. He looks off to the side, clutching his arm as if he’s still trying to put together how to phrase his next works delicately. At least he wants to be nice about it. He’ll probably try to still be friends, and Kokichi will say okay like a dumbass even if it’ll hurt more. Finally, he manages to ask, with pink staining his cheeks, “Do you…really like me…?”
The plastic smile drops, leaving behind a thin line. “What do you think, Saihara-chan?” he asks, words soft. Despite writing poetry on notes for months and months, saying it out loud just can’t happen. Or maybe he’s just trying to distance himself ahead of time.
“I…had no idea,” Saihara-chan replies, finally looking him in the eye. The sunlight makes the gold of his eyes pop more. He’d take in their beauty more closely if he wasn’t waiting for the inevitable implosion of the world. It’s coming. It’ll be over soon. He’ll say the words Kokichi dreads to hear and he’ll go home and definitely won't cry in a pillow. Saihara-chan opens his mouth. Here it comes. The inevitable ‘Sorry, but…I don’t love you.’
Who would love him?
“Ilikeyouback!” Huh? The sentence hangs in the air despite being blurted out so fast. What? How? Is this a joke? A prank? Revenge for all the shit he’s pulled over the years? Maybe! He might even deserve it after knocking down the bookshelves in the library. His heart is racing; he’s almost dizzy. Is he dreaming? Did he mishear something? There’s no way there’s no way there’s no way!
Saihara-chan’s face is now the color of the heart-shaped box in his hand. Wait, that’s not the box he gave him. Is that…? “I actually…I was going to give this to you earlier, but then I kinda chickened out, and I thought I’d just save it this but…” He laughs, awkwardly, running his free hand through his hair, “it ended up in the same place. I’m pretty lucky, aren’t I?” That small and nervous smile is the world.
“You…like me…?” The words sound cracked and disbelieving to his hears. Like he could barely force them out of his mouth. He’s sure his façade has entirely shattered, leaving the shock plain as day on his face. Can it…really? He reaches for the red box but stops just short of taking it. Saihara-chan nods, audibly gulping. What are you apprehensive for? I already confessed! Kokichi takes the box gingerly. For a moment, all he can do is stare at it, fidgeting with it in his hands. And then he smiles, big and genuine and bright. “Good! Cause it’d be super boring if I spent a whole year writing you notes and nothing came of it.”
Saihara-chan returns his smile, brilliant and beautiful and warm. Those gold eyes are filled with love.
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a-sirens-melody · 5 years
Text
Red Tulips Mean I Love You
Day 1: Flowers
Fem!Ishimondo oneshot. This does contain internalized homophobia, so just a heads up! Stay safe!
Maiko had been acting very strange today.
Kiyoko wasn't sure what the issue was. All day, her best friend had seemed nervous. Maiko wouldn't look her in the eye when they talked, yet whenever Kiyoko snuck a glance in class she could see her staring at her. When she caught Maiko (which was only twice, to be honest, as she was much more concerned with focusing on her studies), she would promptly turn away with pale pink flooding her cheeks.
The hall monitor had tried to ask her what was going on in the hallway during what time they had between their second and third classes that morning, but her attempt proved to be fruitless. That conversation had gone something like this:
“Maiko, are you alright? You seem very distressed today. Did I do something to alarm you, perhaps?” She asked, concerned.
Her friend's violet eyes widened and darted to the side. “W-what!? N-no ya idiot, ‘m fine! You didn't do nothin’ wrong okay!!?”
“So then what is wrong? You're being incredibly confusing and I just want to help-”
“Goddamnit, I'm FINE! DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT!!” And with a crimson face, the biker had turned on her heels and fled the scene, like a puppy with its tail tucked between its legs.
Kiyoko had yelled after her to not run in the hallway, but Maiko had gotten away before her mouth could cooperate with her brain.
She could not, for the life of herself, put her finger on it. Her friend had said she didn't do anything wrong, but Maiko’s accent had come out stronger and she'd raised her volume, which often happened when she was upset or flustered. But how would Kiyoko herself cause that to happen? All she did was ask how she felt!
For the rest of the day, pondering the answer to what seemed like a simple question made her mind spin. She didn't get to talk to Maiko in between any of her other classes either, which upset her deeply. Was Maiko lying? Did she not want to spend anymore time together? But they'd been soul sisters for months now! If anything, Kiyoko had hoped she would have trusted her enough to explain her reaction that morning!
Maybe I should've just kept my mouth shut, she thought glumly, standing at her locker and gathering her homework that afternoon. Classes had ended, and the biker girl still hadn't spoken another word to the disciplinarian. She must have gotten on one of Maiko's rather sensitive nerves.
She shut the locker door and turned to walk back to her dorm room, head bowed down and tears forming in her ruby red eyes. Usually, she and Maiko would head off to one of their rooms to study together or talk about their day, but that certainly wasn't going happen today.
“Kiyo, wait!”
Maiko…?
Kiyoko tilted her head back up only to be meet with several little red objects shoved into her face and Maiko talking a mile a minute.
“I’m sorry I didn't talk to you all day I've been a nervous fuckin’ wreck and please don't tell me I made you cry, I hate it when you cry and yeah I just wanted ta give these ta you so sorry if they're really shitty I had ‘em in my locker all day and uh well I really really like you so I'm gonna GO NOW YOU CAN JUST READ TH’ NOTE N TALK TO ME LATER OR WHATEVER OKAY BYE!!!”
Rushed footsteps faded away. Kiyoko didn't move for a few minutes, ignoring the few stragglers left in the hallway.
What was that all about? Why wouldn’t she like me? I thought we’d been best friends this whole time already!
Now she was even more confused. She certainly hadn't been expecting to get what she now identified to be a bouquet of flowers shoved in her face with Maiko speeding through an explanation so fast she could hardly understand her. Were these supposed to be friendship flowers? Was their friendship official now? Kiyoko had never had a friend before Maiko; she didn’t understand how this worked.
When she pulled the flowers away from her slightly teary face, she could properly see that they were blood-red tulips. She counted 10 of them, all bundled up with a white ribbon tied tightly around the light green stems. The aforementioned note was a small folded up piece of white notebook paper hanging from the ribbon, and Kiyoko carefully tore it off. As she walked to her room, she unfolded the note. Surely this would explain the strange events of today.
The handwriting was very neat and tiny, as if whoever had wrote the letter tried their very best to make it look presentable. If Maiko had written it, she definitely had taken her time because her handwriting was always sloppy and rushed, huge letters scrawled onto a report or a math worksheet. Kiyoko began to read.
Kiyo,
You’re probably wondering why these tulips were in front of your door or who they’re from. Unless I handed them to you in person. Then you know damn well who it is and I’m screwed.
Look, you know how much I suck at asking guys out. Every time I tried, I got so nervous that I started yelling and scared the shit out of the poor dude. It’s happened ten times now.
TEN.
You would think the the leader of the most badass biker gang in Japan had enough charm and confidence to win over any guy she wanted. But I haven’t succeeded once in getting a date, and that kinda losing streak does a shit ton of damage to a girl’s self esteem.
(Sorry for all the cussing by the way. I’m really really nervous about this, but if you were here as I write you’d probably scold me to “watch your profanity!!”)
Anyway, the point is I really suck at confessions. It's gotten hard to fall in love because I know I'll scare someone off of I try to admit it. But I don't want to lie to you anymore. Even before we were friends, you were never scared of me so hopefully this letter won't scare you either.
I'm in love with you.
God, Kiyo, I love you so much, it hurts.
You're so pretty, did you know that? You're too cute for your own good with your long shining black hair and your scarlet eyes that sparkle every time you talk about the future or something that excites you and you’re so smart and kind and beautiful and
The next paragraph was scribbled out and difficult to decipher. It seemed Maiko hadn’t meant to put her nervous rambling onto paper.
Fuck
FUCK
I said too much didn't I? This is way too much for a confession isn't it? Hell I don't even know if you swing that way. Oh god wait what if you hate me now? PLEASE DON'T HATE ME KIYO I CAN'T CONTROL THIS
Okay that's fine it's fine it doesn't matter if you don't love me back anyway I can deal with that! I've dealt with rejection 10 times before, so what's another one?
Um
So.
Yeah.
You can get back to me whenever I guess. Enjoy the flowers.
-Maiko
Oh.
Kiyoko had stopped in front of her door, silently reading the final paragraphs of the letter. She definitely hadn't been expecting a love confession.
She...loves me.
Maiko loved her. As more than a friend. Somehow that was not an unwelcome thought. It surprised her. Why did she feel absolutely ecstatic when that thought ran through her head? Her skin felt tingly and warm and she felt as though butterflies were fluttering in her stomach. And when she realized the reason for this, the weight hit her like a sack of bricks.
She loved Maiko back.
But if that was true...then why did she also feel so scared? Like feeling this way wasn't right? Was something wrong with her? Wasn't she straight? Every time she dreamed of becoming prime minister, she always had a husband, not a wife. Now she might not have imagined any specific quality she particularly wanted other than someone respectable, or found that relationship...desirable when she woke up and remembered her dream. She thought about being with Maiko more than any boy in their class, but that didn't mean some of them weren't good people!
But the more she thought about it, still standing straight as a rod outside her dorm, the more she began to realize she didn't want to be with a man. The only person she truly wanted a romantic relationship with was Maiko. She wanted to be by her side through thick and thin, to live with her when they graduated, to smile with her, cry with her, hold her hand, and…kiss her.
Oh God she was so deeply in love with Maiko!!
Her physical reaction was a bit delayed. First, she opened the door after what felt like hours, then closed and locked it. Then she slid down, put her head on her knees, and cried, the tulips loose in her grip.
She should've been happy. Her best friend-no, she was more than that now, her crush oh God- admitted to returning her affections. But all Kiyoko could think about was the fact that she was and would always be unable to love a man, to be normal. Never in the history of Japan had there been a female prime minister, which made her dream hard enough to achieve without a tainted and broken background, but now she'd have to run against straight candidates. Normal people whose hearts didn't flutter or brains short circuited when they thought about a person of the same sex.
She hated this. Sobbing on the floor for no one to hear, accusing herself of being broken and unworthy of anyone’s affection, male or female. She wanted to break this poisonous cycle of negativity but couldn't. Maiko didn't deserve her. She was a crybaby and much too strict and socially awkward and how could anyone love her when she was such a mess and couldn't even love herself?!!
She sat there and cried for so long that when she finally wiped her overflowing eyes and took a deep breath to recollect herself, it was an hour until curfew. She stood up and tilted her head back down to the bouquet on the ground. She bent over and picked it up, wondering all the while why Maiko had given her tulips instead of something typical for romantic gestures like roses.
I may as well ask her that when I go to her dorm, Kiyoko thought. As much as a part of her apparently wanted a romantic relationship, she needed to talk this out with Maiko. Maybe she had gone through this herself and knew what Kiyoko was dealing with. It would be nice to have someone reassure her that what she was feeling wasn't wrong or unnatural right now. Also, it would probably be best to give the other girl closure as soon as possible.
Brushing imaginary lint off of her perfectly clean skirt with tulips in hand, she opened her door and marched down the hall. Maiko’s dorm was only ten paces away, which wasn’t nearly enough time for Kiyoko to figure out what she was going to say. Perhaps it would be wise to start off with returning her feelings (something that still left her reeling) and ask about the flowers. By the time she approached her friend’s dorm, her heart was beating out of her chest and her grip on the tulips had tightened so much her knuckles had turned white.
However, she didn't have much time to be afraid. So she swallowed her fear, took a deep breath, and rang the doorbell with shaky hands.
Silence.
Kiyoko started to wonder if Maiko had gone to sleep and began to consider returning the next day when the door creaked open.
All Kiyoko could see of the biker girl was one dark purple eye peeking out from the crack of the slightly open door. “Kiyo?” She called out timidly.
“Hello, Maiko,” she replied back, her voice shaking. The moral compass had never been so nervous in her life. She cleared her throat and continued, “I read your note.”
“S-so? Do you hate me now?”
Kiyoko met her gaze, determined. “Not at all! Even if I wasn't...homosexual myself, I would never judge you for the way you feel about anyone be they male or female!”
Maiko appeared to be thinking over this statement. “Oh...thanks, I guess.” But then her eyes widened at fully processing the sentence. “Wait...you said ‘even if I wasn't homosexual’...” She trailed off, glancing to the side and looked back up with hope glimmering within royal purple oceans. “So you are?”
The hall monitor flushed and began fiddling with the tulips to distract herself. “Y-yes. And I feel the same way about you, Maiko. I… I love you too. Although I have- ACK!”
The other girl had yanked open the door and pulled Kiyoko into a crushing hug before she could say anything else. She whispered in her ear, “God oh thank God, I was so scared you’d hate me or that I'd scare you off like all the others. Please don't leave me, I love you so much.” Her body was shaking badly, and Kiyoko could feel the other girl’s tears staining her blazer.
She hesitated, then wrapped her arms around her love. “I’ll never leave you, I promise,” she whispered back, tears pricking at the corners of her scarlet eyes. “Though I am afraid of what the future will bring.”
Maiko pulled back and looked at her, still a bit teary-eyed with concern now shining in her eyes. “What do you mean? You wanna go inside ‘n talk about it?”
Kiyoko sniffed and wiped her eyes with her sleeve. “Yes, please.”
Maiko grabbed her hand that wasn’t holding the tulips and squeezed it reassuringly while reaching for the door and slowly turning the knob. They walked in hand in hand, and Kiyoko was relieved at a change in scenery. The girls had spent many afternoons in each other’s dorm, studying or just talking about whatever came to mind. She glanced at the Crazy Diamonds flags stacked up in the right corner of the room and the bike magazines spread out on the bed. This room was messy and laid back, a stark contrast to the hall monitor’s own calligraphy covered walls and tidy room.
It was one of her favorite things about Maiko, now that she thought about it. Her lifestyle and personality was so extravagantly different from her own, and yet they shared a friendship so deep they considered themselves soul sisters.
“Earth to Kiyo?”
The disciplinarian snapped back to the present to see that Maiko had brushed some of the magazines off of the bed to sit down on. Kiyoko set the bouquet down on the dresser behind the bed and joined her. Maiko’s arm came up to wrap around her and she leaned into the warmth, nuzzling the other girl’s shoulder.
“So what’s bothering you?” The biker asked. “You said something about the future?”
“Y-yes, actually,” she stuttered. “I didn't actually figure out that I liked you until I read your letter. A-and I was happy, don't get me wrong! But also…”
“This'll make it harder to become prime minister, won't it?” Maiko finished for her.
“Indeed.” Kiyoko nodded. “But that's not all! I didn't know I was a lesbian until a few hours ago! And it…” She choked up and tears flooded her vision. “It scared me. I thought something was wrong with me because I couldn't ever see myself wanting to be with a man.” Tears flowed freely down her face now. “And I think that feeling might return and I hate that and I just want to know that there's nothing wrong with me!”
She sobbed and shivered for a few minutes while Maiko rubbed her back in calm and comforting circles. “Shhh shh, it's okay. It's gonna be okay, Kiyo,” she murmured soothingly. “There's nothing wrong with you at all, you're not broken. You're a sweet, beautiful, confident girl that’ll be the best damn prime minister this country has ever seen.”
Kiyoko sniffed and looked back up at her. “R-really?”
“Hell yeah.” Maiko smiled. She brought her hand up to wipe away the tears. “I'll always be here to help you no matter what. We’re in this together, ok?”
“O-ok.”
“Besides,” Maiko continued, “I went through somethin’ similar. Thought I had to choose one gender to be attracted to.” She looked far off and smiled. “Actually, Fukawa helped me overcome that.”
“Did he really?”
“Yeah. It's kind of a miracle that he didn't get sick of my dumbass pining for you.”
“Language!” Kiyoko scolded and swatted the back of her head. “And you aren't dumb!”
Maiko hummed non committedly in response. Her other hand was in her lap, and Kiyoko picked it up and squeezed it. She beamed at her.
They stayed like that for a while, just smiling and knowing the other girl would always offer unending support and love. Then, Kiyoko realized she had one more question.
“Why tulips?”
“Hm?”
“The bouquet. You gave me tulips instead of typical roses. Not that I’m complaining by any means, but it did intrigue me.”
The gang leader blushed and avoided the other girl’s eyes to stare at the ground. “Well…’s like what you said. Roses are, like, the official flower of love, but they get used a ton ‘n I wanted something different. So I got ya tulips instead because…” She tilted her head back up, face entirely painted in rosy red and honesty and embarrassment glinting in eyes framed in eyeliner. “I thought they kinda symbolised you cause they’re simple but still really pretty ‘n not as appreciated as often…” Her voice trailed off, quieter than Kiyoko thought was possible.
She was stunned at how much thought and passion Maiko had put into the arrangement. Her girlfriend really was the sweetest thing. “I appreciate the effort you put into it,” she said. She leaned over and kissed her cheek and grinned when Maiko immediately began blushing even though she was as well. “They're beautiful flowers.”
Maiko squeaked and hid her face. “It's f-fine.”
The moral compass giggled. You're very cute when you blush, you know that?” At this, the other girl buried her face in her hands. Kiyoko grinned in success.
“Shut up,” came a muffled reply.
“Nope.” As much as it was to tease Maiko, she was going to have to get serious for a second. “But in all seriousness, thank you. For listening to my problems.”
Maiko finally stopped hiding her face and gave a shy smile back. “No problem. What kinda girlfriend would I be if I didn't listen to you?”
Kiyoko’s heart fluttered. She couldn't remember ever being this happy. The future looked brighter already, and the thought of the days to come excited her. “I have to get back to my dorm before curfew,” she said to Maiko, “but one more thing.” She let go of the biker’s hand and brought her own to her face, cradling it and looking straight into the amethyst eyes she loved so dearly.
“I love you. Have a good night, dear.”
Maiko's face turned cherry red again. “I l-love you too! GOODNIGHT!”
With that, Kiyoko picked up the tulips and left the room.
That night, she dreamed of her new girlfriend and was amazed as to how she earned such unyielding love.
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lilsapphicmoon · 5 years
Note
if you don’t mind me asking, didn’t you and bre separate for a little bit and then you guys back together? I’m only asking because my partner and I just broke up to take time on ourselves and then maybe get back together. I was just wondering if that’s what happened with you two? I don’t mean to be personal, I just really could use some positivity right now. like what was it like? (if it’s too much to answer and relive please don’t answer, you two just seem so happy now)
we went through a lot of shit to get to the happy point we are at now.
we broke up on our 8 month anniversary (november 1st). a lot of shit had happened between there and december. i got my heart broke more than it was and i was angry and sad and it was pretty bad tbh. but i don’t want to go into all of that because it was really sad for me and i was hurting really really bad for a while. it got a little better but i was still shattered. so we’re gonna start where things got better. 
the last night of december i wrote her a letter, it was sad and angry and i cried the whole time i wrote it. but i needed to. the letter was a goodbye letter of sorts. a goodbye to my feelings for her because she still wasn’t ready and i couldn’t spend my whole life waiting. all the reasons i was so angry and upset. how our breakup was unfair. how i still love her with everything in me and i’ll always be waiting for her to come back home. i got out everything i needed to because i wasn’t going into the new year holding onto all this stuff. i got a few of her things i didn’t feel like i should keep and i out them in a bag with the letter and i gave it to her before she left for school in the new year. and i cried after i gave it to her. but that i think is what helped me move on the most. 
come my spring break, i went and stayed a few days with her at her school since our breaks didn’t line up. we had a long talk (and i didn’t cry!!) and she told me she wanted to be my girlfriend again. we talked about things that had to change and things that we needed to work on. we set, not rules, but kinda like rules? things that fixed a lot of the issues we had before. we needed to communicate better. i needed to calm down and stop worrying i was gonna lose to something all the time. (no one said that but it’s something i told myself). and other problems we’d been having. we said since we never “really” broke up we would just keep our time going so instead of starting over at like month one we were at just over a year together. 
this was long story short but to make it shorter, we needed a break to realize what we really had. bre phrased it to me like in the 17 again movie with zac efron where at the end the dad said “you were the greatest thing that ever happened to me, i just forgot.” she needed to remember. and she did. we both did. it sucked, and was the worst thing i’ve been through in a long long time. but we’re better because of it. 
if you ever need anyone to talk to, my messages are open. this shit is hard and it hurts but don’t let yourself not feel it. the break might be just what you guys needed just like it was for me and her. whatever comes from it, you will be okay. and i’ll always be here if you have more questions or just need someone to talk to, about this or anything else. 
i’m not sure if this helped you any or not. i wasn’t entirely sure how to answer this really without going into everything that happened which i’m not doing for privacy of us and some others. 
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aphdrabble · 5 years
Text
Snowflakes and Ash
25 February, 1947
Diary entry no. 276,483
As of today, I am no longer a nation. The Allies have forced the dissolution of my state, which really sucks, actually. Though my strength has been fading for a couple years now, I’m no stronger than the average human, and my strength is still leaving. As awesome as I am, I’m disappearing. I’m scared. No. I will do this with strength and courage, like everything else. I am still awesome, and will be so forever.
Prussia paused, tapping his pen on his desk. He was tired, so tired, yet he had the nagging feeling that he was missing something. Something big, something important. Did his brother know he was fading? West was smart. He should know. Would he be upset? Questions burned through his mind, and the things he never got around to saying beat at his brain until he just wanted to close his eyes and give up, to just fade away and disappear.
But he couldn’t. Not yet. He still had things he needed to do. 
He ripped a page from the back of his book, an atrocity he never would’ve committed under any other circumstances. He would leave a note, yes, that was a good idea. He would leave a note to say all the things he never got a chance to say in person, advice he never got to offer.
Hey West and all you other people,
I guess I should get this out of the way now, instead of later. If you’re reading this, I’m dead. The awesome me has vanished. Wait! Don’t start crying. I still have some more things to say.
West- You’re my baby bro. Even though you got your butt kicked (again), I’m still proud of you.
Prussia paused again, tapping his pen on his desk impatiently. His thoughts were scrambled, he couldn’t think straight.
Keep your chin up, West. Work hard, but don’t forget to have some fun. Have lots of fun, actually. You’re too much of a hardass all the time. Loosen up and smile. Read my diaries and try to emulate me, if you’re having trouble.
Italy- You’re a sweet kid. Keep smiling, but don’t forget you need to work hard too. Work hard, play harder, and enjoy your naps. Oh, and bug West for me. He’s too serious, but you can make him smile. Keep being sweet, Italy.
Once again, he paused. Who else could he write to?
Romano- Just so you know, you’re nothing like your brother. You don’t smile often, you swear even more than my awesome self, and you’re bitter, but that’s not a bad thing. You don’t have to be like Veneciano, because that’s not who you are. You’re a short little asshole, but that’s not a bad thing. Even though we never got along, I do admire you. You work hard, and have your priorities in order, but it wouldn’t kill you to smile, you know. Or maybe it would, who knows.
Spain- Thanks for the help during the war, even though we lost, which really sucks. And you were kinda frustrating when you stopped me from beating up France. And you also helped the Allies. You’ve been a good friend most of the time though. Remember all the times that we pranked West? Those were the good times. Just keep smiling.
Prussia paused yet again, his pen tapping in his desk. That might leave a stain. He would care if he was in a better mindframe, but he had so much more he needed to say. 
France- I have only one thing to say to you. I’m going to kick your ass next time I see you, you traitorous bitch. I thought we were friends! Friends don’t stab each other in the back. 
America, Russia, China, and all you other Allied Bastards- See France’s note. Also, I hate you all. Kiss my ass and go to hell.
Was that a bit harsh? Oh well, it didn’t matter. Prussia didn’t really care, they had beat him and insulted his pride. Still, maybe he could soften the blow a little. There was one Ally that had never done anything to him. He thought. He wasn’t sure. 
Except you, Canada. As far as I know, you’ve never personally offended anyone ever. Also, your pancakes are so good, even if you did, I forgive you because I’m awesome.
Was that any better? Whatever, it wasn’t like Canada would ever read it. Now, to write other things, less unpleasant things, to his two oldest friends. 
Austria- You’re conceited and stingy, and even though we fought a lot, you were still a pretty good friend. Remember when I occupied Silisia? You hated me for that, even though I totally needed it, you stingy bastard.
Hungary- Remember how we used to fight all the time, back when I was still the Teutonic Knights? Yeah, that was a long time ago. At least we mostly get along now. Usually. At least we had some fun. Remember how surprised I was to find out that you’re a girl? Yeah, that was weird. Anyway, annoy Austria for me, will ya?
Prussia paused. Did he sound casual enough? Yes, probably. Was he missing anyone? Well, Lithuania, but Prussia doubted he would appreciate being called out for hating him for no apparent reason. Same with Poland. Prussia had heard that Poland was back, after vanishing for so many years. Sighing heavily, Prussia’s pen went back to paper, and he began to write once more.
Poland- I know that we don’t get along very well, after I ended up living in your house, and we fought, so I had to move back in with West, but you are incredibly resilient. You’re tough, don’t die easily, and are (I literally can’t believe I’m writing this) brave. You really are the Phoenix.
To anyone I missed-- Keep smiling. Don’t cry too much because I’m gone. You all are awesome, almost as awesome as I am.
Prussia paused again, frowning slightly, then scribbled one more sentence.
Don’t forget about me. -Prussia  
Prussia folded the note in half and sighed heavily, flipping back to his diary. His handwriting was getting worse, shaky almost to the point of illegibility, but he had to finish this. Pen went to paper once again, and he continued writing. 
I wrote a letter for West and everyone else so I could tell them the things I wanted them to know. I was totally nice about it too! I mean, obviously, I was. I’m always nice.
I feel weird though. Is this what it’s like to vanish? If I come back, I’ll tell you what happened, and if I don’t... Well, I guess you already know. 
For the last time,
Gilbert Beilschmidt
The Kingdom of Prussia
Forever awesome  
He sighed, closing his dairy. His eyes swept the room one final time. It was neat, orderly, with a small bookshelf with all of his diaries from the past decade or so, the bed made with a prestigious neatness, the old sword from his days as a teutonic knight above it. He staggered over to it, the tiredness tugging at his very bones, and pulled the sword down before collapsing against the wall. He slid to the floor, his eyes closing. The sword was tight in his grip as he sighed, his final breath long and slow as his body finally dissolved, falling into a fine ash that swirled, mingling beautifully with the snowflakes drifting in the cracked-open window. 
The sword clattered on the floor, and Prussia was no more. 
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