#writing things cant say in feelings

[inkskinned]

i keep thinking about hobbies and how i often spill over myself to pick up new ones. i have adhd, i end up trying something for like a month and then just getting far enough in it that i move on, satisfied.

and that should be fine; but it's never fine.

i am a pretty decent artist; but i can't just make art for my dnd campaign, i should be selling dnd maps and character designs and scene setting pieces. i can't just make my friends matching earrings, i need to get an etsy and ship them internationally and take bulk orders. i make pretty good props and decorations and use them to throw my friends parties - but i should be running a party planning business and start taking paying clients and networking and putting my skills to actual use.

for some reason, i never figured out the specifics of pottery. it was a fun class and i enjoyed myself - and still, i'm embarrassed, years later, that i put in all that useless effort. everything i make has to be stunning. stellar. i should have applied myself more. maybe i'm too lazy. maybe i'm broken and selfish and needy. actually creative people would have kept going; they would be bettering themselves at every possible opportunity.

we find ourselves in this trap, even accidentally: we need to commodify our time, because it is a commodity. if we spend our efforts and our time not earning, isn't that the same thing as burning free money? and god forbid you ever take up a hobby that ends up being more expensive than you thought. you sit in your car and you look at the receipt and in your head you hear a conversation that isn't even happening - your mom or your friend or your partner all saying oh great. not this shit again. it's always something with you, and it never actually means anything.

i have realized this horrible thing, recently - i'll get excited to start a project, pick up a new hobby. and then i just... stop myself. i start thinking about the amount of time it will take, and how it'll look in my monthly budget. what if i can't even produce a good enough final product. sure, it's exciting to think about how i could make my friend her own custom dice. but i'm just polluting the earth if i don't get it right. better not bother. better not try.

restless, i get caught in the negative space. the feeling that oh god, i want to create. and that horrible sense - yeah, but i don't have the time to just put to waste.

#hobbies #writeblr #what stage of weirdness to write about hobbies on my hobby writing blog #although i know OBJECTIVELY i am a creative person #i often forget to label myself that bc i don't feel im an ARTISTIC person bc i don't do anything like that professionally #writing doesn't even feel like a hobby i think that surprises nobody for me to be like #it would be easier for me to stop . like. breathing. #which feels cheesy and trite but listen im running late for a meeting and all i really want to say is like #i couldn't even consider writing my hobby bc it makes my skin crawl bc it makes it sound like it's not important to me #bc we really devalue hobbies. like entirely. #it HAS to be a job. it must #also idk if this is clear but i personally get stuck in this space where i CANT create bc i am putting so much pressure on myself #to make it RIGHT #and im like ... idk i only have an hour #so probably shouldnt get involved in this thing

[buppkizz]

a very small engiespy moment...

#tf2 #team fortress 2 #tf2 engineer #tf2 spy #engiespy #what do you guys call this ship idk i am out of the loop #yea it does say 9/11 that's my hc since it's his meet the team vid upload date LOL #this is so old i used to write so extra messy lol #i feel like i literally always have a reason for x thing but i cant for the life of me remember why i picked 1925 tho... #some tags are confused ...blnd means blonde lol

[bucketwritingpail]

Thinking about Danny wishing to go back to a time where he wasn't constantly in danger, and Desiree not being able to find a time in his life that can fit the bill so just,,, nothing happens.

#bucket writes things #danny phantom #danny fenton #desiree #danny phantom prompt #think of the fallout #desiree begining to say 'so you wish it-' but then stopping halfway through because she cant make it be #and they just stop mid fight and look at each other #and obviously this is bad parents Jack and Maddie #you know with all their unsafe lab practices and keeping radioactive substances in their fridge #just oh the feels #angst

[beaulesbian]

Rang a few times, then went to busy signal.

#byler #stranger things #strangerthingsedit #mike wheeler #will byers #dustin henderson #max mayfield #mine #gif:byler #this scene was so interesting for few things: #max know the byers landline by memory which means she might call enough to memorize it probably talking with El! #mike is enough frustrated that he cant connect the call that hes 'whining' about it to dustin #dustin probably doesnt call it there as much to have this problem #mike probably rather writes to el but would rather call to hear will and therefore is annoyed he cant reach him as much as he would wanted #but he wont say it to will that hes calling him much more than the times theyve actually talked!!! #therefore the argument about not connecting - which leads to mike actually talking to will in 4x4 how he feels he lost him!! #okay now im done

[spacephobos]

I've got so much I want to say about Polite Society. But I refuse to post anything too spoilery yet.

So one thing I will say is the way Lena's depression and mental health is written is incredible. So often when men write women with mental health issues they write this sort of "prettily struggling" womsn in a spiral.

(this infamous queens gambit scene comes to mind)

They're never allowed to actually be ugly or gross or even not have their hair and makeup be perfect.

Like beth here is in a pretty frilly top shes reclining in an uncomfortable fashion. Her makeup looks perfect and he cardigan is prettily draped over her shoulders. She's meant to be attractive. Her sadness is almost fetishised.

but then Lena looks like this

Whereas Lena's a WRECK. It's considered an achievement she showered. AND shes proud of herself for that small acomplishment. Shes angry. She destroys her work. She's dressed in sweats and pyjamas with either no makeup (if i remember correctly) or makeup that looks like it's been on for days. There's a scene where shes wandering aimlessly and just buys a duck to eat. And she does not eat it daintily or prettily (and no its not a chicken ppl seem to be confused).

I love that she spends all the first act in hoodies and pajamas looking like shes not washed in 3 days. It's just so good to see a woman direct another woman with depression. There's so much to be said about the male gaze and how it even impacts the portrayal of women going through crisis. The removal of that lens has created what I will argue is the most authentic experience of depression in a woman I've maybe ever seen. I literally cannot think of another time I've seen that.

Anyways Nida Manzoor I love you.

#Theres sooo much in general I want to say about this movie #This is just one of many things I love #womems emotions on screen rarely feel authentic #polite society #media commentary #nida manzoor #writing this bc im currently in a depressive episode and look like lena rn lmao #thinking of like 9 more points to say but cant be bothered to write them #might add more later

[the-stove-is-divorced]

Remembering I can draw fanart for my own fics, SO BEHOLD! The most mentally sound halves of a fusion imaginable! Technically a redraw of art I did way earlier for the same fic! Flexing my art muscles and thinking about these two is good for the soul. Love them. Bastards to write though. I can't wait to write them fused back together, but we're not here yet and it's AGONY.

#fanart for me #because it's mine haha #steven universe #my fics #steven universe future #steven universe fanart #pink steven #unfortunately steven 2.0 does not have pretty pink rose curls (just yet maybe ???) #we will see if that happens sooner or later #sometimes when you cant write cause u brain is mush you draw instead and that's just the honest truth of this world #i literally forget i can draw art for my own fics #I do not know why #steven universe au #i mean yeah technically steven unfuses in future au #as someone described it “steven if he was 2% more fucked up” #also ty for the bookmark that says “Plz this story has me feeling things I didn't know I could feel” devolve where ever u are #AND I WILL DESIGN STEVEN BACK TOGETHER CAUSE HE'S GONNA LOOK A LIL DIFF HEHE #lovingly been calling him steven 3.0 lol

[lucaonthropy]

Overheard someone saying T*re Liy* is the best author in my country and subsequently took psychic damage

#okay so im def not judging anyone who likes his writing #i liked his older writing! #i like his current writing worse bcs i think the guy is starting to burn out BUT that is strictly my personal opinion #to say that he is the best in this area tho??? deadass????? NO #his writing style is stiff and more tell than show. actually. it's mostly tell than show #his dialogue is .... well ... this one is a matter of taste but god his characters cannot just say things normally cant they #his romances dont feel like romance too lets be real for a sec here #like okay if you will be adamant about it alright fine. but maybe try other authors like dee lestari or ziggy z first #sure theyre both flawed too but at least i dont feel like im being seen as third grader when i read their things #luca rambles #random thoughts #vent post

[zombiechan22]

en garde🤺

rens also

#sumire yoshizawa #kasumi yoshizawa #good ren amamiya day. i don’t have any fun things to say today #but i hope all is well! #akira kurusu #p5 morgana #persona 5 #bright colors cw #i think #drawinf that made me feel ill i cant lie… #I JUST REALIZED I MAYBE MESSED YP THE WRITING IN THE SPEECH BUBBLE BUT I CANT FIX IT. SO SORRY. IGNROE THAT. SORRY.

[sophiethewitch1]

Small PSA: if you do this I will immediately block you. I am chronically ill and have no interest in this sort of fan. I feel guilty about not writing enough... And it's fanfiction of all things... My priority is my own health, always and forever.

#sophie speaks #the 'stay healthy' really feels like this person just spat on me #multiple people have also told me this sounded like a threat lmao #NOT willing to deal with this #if you send anons like this i just sort of don't think you deserve to read my writing #not saying its a great thing or anything. but its mine #and you cant demand gifts from someone #thats what fic is #its a gift from one person in a fandom to others #community relies on kindness and empathy and if you don't show it #you wont be invited into said community again

[remedyturtles]

can i just tell you how crazy it is to me that you can write so much and so well in so little time??

a legend, truly.

hahaha i don't know either?

#rem askbox #plus 50k of dw sidefics in there too lol #something between im autistic and writing is my special interest #or that im depressed and writing is the only thing that makes me feel better #(tho sometimes i cant if it gets too much which happened this week so sorry abt the slower update hahaha) #idk as i always say i just write like im on fire

[hecksupremechips]

God every day I think about Akane’s breakdown in door 3 because there really is no correct way to interpret that and every possibility makes me crazy. Like she sees this fucked up corpse whom Junpei (and the player, depending on how they play) believes is their friend Snake, but she knows that it’s Guy X. It’s a man she very intentionally put in the game for this very purpose, so that he could die horrifically and be displayed for everyone to see. And she has a full mental breakdown over being trapped in this room with the corpse, being trapped by Junpei, to the point where she rips out her hair and starts bleeding from how much she bangs on the door screaming to get out. And fuck, there’s so many possibilities like

Akane could be feeling genuine terror over the sight of the body, and with that remorse. She made this happen, she wanted this to happen, and now she’s forced to quite literally watch the damage she’s caused unfold. She can detach herself from his murder easily in other timelines where she doesn’t have to look at it, and she can sleep easy knowing that her hands are technically clean because she didn’t do the literal killing. But she can’t do that here, and she has to face the fact that not only did she happily cause this death, she failed her mission. She isn’t going to survive, and now this man is dead for nothing and everything is her fault

On the other hand, her entire breakdown could be completely fabricated in order to keep playing the role of the damsel in distress who is so innocent that the very sight of blood drives her to insanity. The interesting part about this is that if she could fake such a horrific breakdown, just how much of her personality a facade? We know she wants revenge, for everyone from Cradle to feel even an ounce of the pain she and so many others went through, but we don’t get to see the extent of how much she feels this way. We never hear directly from Akane about her feelings on any of the original organizers, just her note about her desire to punish them. She hates them, but does she see their deaths as a necessary evil, or does she feel joy and satisfaction at watching them go? It’s absolutely horrifying not knowing, not being able to see her true feelings, not knowing just how real or fake she is, the extent of her madness. Perhaps she doesn’t even know that herself

IN OTHER WORDS, it’s fucked

#zero escape #akane kurashiki #the truth lies somewhere in the middle im sure #but god both possibilities are so tasty #personally i think her reaction is fake to an extent like i think she does feel at least some joy over the murders #shes doing a good deed and ridding the world of evil #but i think that this is a rare moment where she actually thinks for a minute about what shes done and how its fucked #like shes never truly present in the moment she can never fully grasp the severity of the trauma #and i kinda want to believe that this route is a bit unexpected for her #like she had to have known it was a possibility but its entire existence relies on junpei betraying the others #and i think that she was ready to write it off as a rare possibility so she didnt worry about it too much #because the only thing holding junpei back from choosing door 3 is aoi saying that picking it would require leaving people to die #and akane has nothing but her trust that junpei is good and wouldnt do something so horrible to rely on #but then it happens and she cant handle the uncertainty she wasnt ready for ANY of this to happen #not only did junpei betray the others he betrayed HER in so many ways he doesnt realize #he did what he thought was good for june but its exactly the opposite hes not only damned her #but he trapped her in a room with the disgusting corpse that she put there and everything throws her off #and she has to confront that even junpei is unpredictable and is capable of evil and that she herself has fucked up so much #she cant escape this without literally STEPPING INTO the entrails of someone she killed #and its all just too much and she completely loses it #so yeah for me its less a mental breakdown cuz she feels bad for murder #but more a breakdown because shes been betrayed and caught off guard and has a brief realization of how terrifying her actions are #those may sound the same but they arent please guys please :( #as you can see im very normal about this and good god 999 is so fucking good

[rapidhighway]

hey i might be controversial but im not really feeling the 12th doctor so far

#idkk idk what to thinkkk #i finished s8 today #im just nottt feeling ittt #i just think i might hate how moffat writes no matter what it is fdvxcdfdfv #i actually don't know WHAT is wrong because it's like... things i SHOULD be enjoying but im not it feels like its bad #idk idkkkk #i just feel there's something lacking and i felt the exact same way through the entire 11th doctor era #its just even worse now because i guess im tired #like im so desperate to enjoy this doctor like i did 9 and 10 and i just cant?? cant enjoy the companions and side characters as much eithe #idk man :( #i need to watch some older dw stuff and see if im idealizing the old episodes lmao #because i really want to have a fair opinion of this showww #heeeelpp ToT #i think i just dont like the writing? but i dont know enough about writing to actually say what's wrong #theres just something wrong #ouough #i still hold so much hope everyones always so excited about 12 and i was very excited and its just not ittt #ough ok byeeee #ok wait #like i think his personality is fine and stuff is fine it's just.. the stories? the way they present them? i dont knowwww #i just dont really like moffats dw i gues... #SAD

[suckishima]

*bangs fists on table* haikyuu and food!!!!!!!! and how furudate uses it to illustrate the varying levels of drive different characters have!!!!

so, context (chp 213), this panel is hinata narrating as he's walking to the bus stop after day 2 of the first years training camp. he was told a few hours ago by washijo that he's not allowed to stay for meals or to sleep over, but since then he's been diligently watching the other players who were invited—he stays late after the regular hours of the camp for extra practice as a ball boy not a spiker/player. and the FIRST thing we see once he's done playing is four whole pages of how hungry he is and what should he do about it, and not just to literally feed his physical hunger but also in order to become a better player!!! food is muscle!!

all of that is so so good and makes me crazy but what i wanna talk about real quick is just this little panel. (1 i love that hinata is even thinking about whether tsukki is eating, he's probably half jealous wishing he could eat those wasted leftovers, and half actually worried whether he's eating) But mostly it's the "he'll leave stuff if nobody's watching to make sure he does [clean his plate]" line that i think is extra effective here

it's so small in comparison to the rest of hinata's hunger narration, but i love that furudate does take a moment to acknowledge that not all of the players are as hungry as hinata! and by using tsukki, someone who we know is less passionate and driven than a lot of the other characters—who earlier in this chapter refused to do extra practice, while hinata accepted it—as the example of someone who eats less, it just further emphasizes furudate's point that it isn't just physical hunger we're talking about here. hunger=desire, drive, passion

and then the bit about tsukki only finishing when someone's watching is a great piece of characterization and insight into his current volleyball mindset—tsukki doesn't like to eat a lot. tsukki only puts in the minimum effort necessary. tsukki will get away with less if no one is looking—in life and on the court. and none of this is new info either, hinata has been eating a ton since the beginning of the series and tsukki has been eating less (there's the scenes at tokyo camp of the third years trying to get him to eat more, or if you ever look his plate in any eating scene his portion is way smaller than everyone else's, despite him being a lot bigger than them) and furudate chooses now, when hinata is at the biggest developmental crossroads of his life to start to really start to shine a light on the theme!!

then of course hunger is contagious too and eventually during camp tsukki does stay for extra practice, he specifically invites hinata to practice with him, and even though tsukki questions himself, he does it anyway (chp 214)

and eventually, eventually, tsukki does start to get hungry too (chps 283 & 284, right to left)

it's not 'ugh i'm so tired i want to stop,' it's 'ugh im so tired, i wish i had enough to keep going' which isn't too far of a jump to him saying 'i like this, i want to keep going' !! which of course, he does admit to volleyball being fun the next day during the next match, thanks to everyone who helped him get there, including hinata and his contagious, never ending hunger

food is volleyball, volleyball is fun and volleyball is connection, connection is love

it was never just about food!!!!!!!!

#this page (and the next) that this comes from is the source of my 'coach what should i eat tag' and i (unsurprisingly) have a LOT to say but #thats eventually gonna be its own huge post so #coach what should i eat #tsukki #hinata #i know im repeating myself at times here i Know it but i cant help it alksjahs #hq meta #<- this was not originally meant to be a meta post. i just didnt stop typing.... #also. i hate that i feel the need to point this out but. whenever im saying 'connection is love' in these meta posts i never mean #romantically. (unless its about the like 2 canon couples lol) for these meta posts im always just talking strictly canon or things that can #reasonably extrapolated from canon #when i write fics or joke posts thats when i play around with the possibilities of the romantic aspects lol #x #connect #this is still volleyball #hq manga spoilers #what more do you need

[skitskatdacat63]

Boy King Seb :D

#thank you to Grace for the idea of making his chivarly collar red bull instead <33333 #he was gonna have both collars but then making that one made me suffer so no not today #this was a lot of fun but also made me suffer. but i keep looking at it and being like AAAHHHHH BABY!!! BABY BOY!!!!!!! #can you believe i tried to do this in one night? i cant #i stopped and came back to it and was like 'no way you could do this in one sitting at 1 am' #this is kinda the ascended form of that very first sketch i made for this au! concentrated boy king sebby!!! #i say to myself i need to take a break from drawing complicated things but youll prob see a nando version of this in less than a week ;;; #okay about the drawing(i wrote good tags and then tumblr deleted them so these are a bit inferior AGH): #this is typical pouty seb but is also referenced off a specific pic from AD 2009(beloved) #its very important to me how emotionally open Seb is. im not sure the specific context of this. maybe after a triumph? #but instead of being that typical stoic serious detached kind of ruler; i like him being openly emotional(think AD 2010) #its important as well for his dichotomy with nando and how they choose to portray themselves #seb is very assured in himself and his rule vs. nando who is more insecure and bitter about his #so nando takes strides to portray himself in that more stoic calculating way bcs he feels like it helps him legitimize himself better #whereas seb has absolutely no care for outward public image and shows how he feels and is loved for it(nando hates it but loves it) #not that nando cant be fun and whimsical!! but to me he always seems a bit more mysterious; like i can never tell his true thoughts tbh #anyways i feel like ill finish 10 more drawings before i end up posting the lore pt 2 LMAO #its just a lot harder to organize and layout compared to part 1 which was just an explanation #pt2 would be a mix of more world building/characterization/anecdotes ive talked about with mutuals(LOVE YOU GUYS!!!) #i have a *lot* of ideas (gotta whip out my notes app every once in a while to write down stuff abt it) just hard to put into a coherent pos #sebastian vettel #f1 #formula 1 #f1 art #formula 1 art #f1 fanart #formula 1 fanart #catie.art. #*ill prob make a process post later if anyone is curious!! its fun to write abt my process and influences and such #boy king au

[nosfelixculpa]

[so mun voice]: hi dad mo tak i hope this email blows ur tits clean off

#creations #gifs #kdrama #kdramas #the uncanny counter #the uncanny counter 2 #netflix #so mun #ga mo tak #ive been meaning to gif this scene since the episode i lov it so much #theyre such goobers #hitting the brain cell to eachother like ping pong at all times #i may hav to make another set for the 2nd part of this scene #whole thing is 1000/10 #i saw some ppl saying they were sad they dont hav a father son relationship in s2 nd im like #what show r u watching do u not see them #i also wish there was a better way to translate ahjussi to english #i get that its like old man [affectionate] in terms of their relationship but i cant write that #it feels wrong to hav mo tak there when he doesnt call him that but it will hav to do

[rexscanonwife]

Against my better judgement I'm watching more of the 2016 ppg reboot and lemme tell you something. I HAAAAAAATE the way they write Utonium I HATE IT!!!

But sometimes there'll be a little moment here or there where he's kinda...cute > ^ <

#jane journals #self insert talk #🔬 starkissed scientist 🔬 #ONCE IN A GREAT WHILE THERE'LL BE A VERY RARE W #like the one i just watched on recommendation from my partner where bubbles doesnt feel cute anymore cause she took a bad school photo #and woww they CAN write him being a good dad for once!! 🙄🙄🙄 #not like good dad is a CORE PART OF HIS CHARACTER #but he reminds her that being cute is just ONE facet of what makes her a wonderful person #and then he brings her close and says 'between you and me you're the cutest one in the world!' UGGGHH #YOU CANT DO THAT YOU CANT TRICK ME LIKE THAT!!!! #and in the one i currently just finished he had a. job interview?? i guess he DOESNT get paid by the government #but the lady doing his interview said that they 'really love his work' and he BLUSHED ugghgh #fuck this show. ESPECIALLY FUCK IT FOR HAVING /SOME/ MOMENTS I ACTUALLY LIKE!!!!! #also it seems weird to me that bubbles would become so hung up on being cute #in the og its not like she's consciously being cute because its her THING she just IS #shes naturally innocent and good hearted ie CUTE #idfk #oh also buttercup pulls out a bucket list and the first thing is 'yell at a bird' #and ngl that made me blow air out of my nose ajfkf #ugh i could say a lot more but im not gonna