Emptiness has begun to consume me,
Emotions have begun to devour me,
Struggling amidst,
I feel like a pendulum,
Just keeping tabs of time passing on,
How do I overcome my incompetence,
To cope with this bane of morality,
Drugs even could not give me any respite,
My miscreant mind can't even give my stupid heart a short reprieve,
Money has no appeal for me,
Power I can't be trusted with,
Due to my crippling empathy,
Attention makes me awkward,
And anonymity suffocates me,
Spirituality seduces me now & then,
But all of its roads lead me to,
The actualisation of my hypocrisy,
Failures don't provoke me,
Success also has only a momentary euphoria,
Inevitability of death, I have already accepted,
But how do I live with a fading spark?
They say, love would be an elixir for you,
Huh!!! As if I am not narcissist enough,
I have already imagined the worst any of my beloved can do,
And forgave them,
Alas!! I am not that tough!!
I invite y'all, if you have any tip,
Not asking from the survivors,
I am asking those who are living....
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An open letter for expectation
Hey expectation,
Will you please find me next time,
Coz chasing after you has often left me in exasperation,
Despair has been the consequence of most of our meetings,
Got a handful of jubilant encounters,
But the bad far outweighs the good,
I refuse to be the deliverer of my own misery anymore,
You live in my wants, they are infinite,
Kindly move in to my needs, that would bring satisfaction,
You have utterly disappointed me when I was in love,
Coz the only way to be successful in love was your murder,
I tried to suck the life out of you but ended up in the abyss of depression.
Now when I go online looking for a date,
I search for the girl with following traits-
Don't give me advice
Give me your support,
Don't need you to blindly believe me
I just need a rapport,
Can you be with me without expectations
Coz if you do you would be my beloved,
I'll be living forever for your satisfaction
Society also suffocates me using you as a weapon coz-
The thing that an individual seeks from society is it's validation,
The thing that society wants from an individual is to not ever live up to it's expectations,
Either you are a hero or a villain,
You have to go against the norm,
Hypocrisy has seeped deep into our bones,
Coz we ostracize the people who do not conform,
Whereas going against the society has been the genesis of any reform.
Expectation, you mostly have been the conveyer of despair when most wish for an ecstatic fantasy.
I had explored some facets of you in my life which I conveyed through these poetries.
Don't mind it, coz it is a rant of an optimist,
Silver lining can't be the end result
When evil is engulfing most of it,
Hope arises from a place of uncertainty,
Expectation you are a wishing well,
All is hunky dory when you come true,
But something to shift the blame when we fail.
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Its not easy for me to love you,
Coz you are the flame, I am the candle,
You are the water, I am the glacier,
It takes everything to hold on to you,
Even then I am gradually fading away,
Don't worry I would never blame you,
Coz I am the moth to your flame,
I want to perish into you,
Existing anyway would be in futility,
If you are not in my vicinity,
You are my heroin(e),
There is no cure to your addiction,
The high I feel with you,
Is the nirvana for the monks,
I have already achieved enlightenment,
Ready for the next chapter,
You are my diety, my muse and my grim reaper..
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Autumn
You may be metaphor for many,
For me you are an oxymoron,
We have not formally met yet,
Coz I dwell in the tropics,
You are a temperate phenomenon,
Still I can't seem to escape you,
Like my bitter reality,
Supposedly I owe you a gratitude,
Your arrival makes the night longer,
I get more time to hole up in my fantasies,
I see people writing poetry,
Fascinated by you as an ode,
Coz people often forget,
The leaves you shed off,
Revelling in the name of fall,
I thought I would write an elegy,
For those leaves forgotten,
People mock me and compare you
To my facial hair which keeps growing,
Only to ultimately end up shaven,
Don't be proud autumn,
Coz of your aesthetics,
The lesson you impart is of impermanence,
And it's the leaves that wilted away,
Who should get the credit of it..
I appreciate you bring harvest,
I am not being indignant,
Like I said you are an oxymoron,
You bring the fruits of our labour,
Abandoning the leaves who made it possible,
For you to end up in this present..
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Love story beckons
One broken
Other abandoned
Love infernal
Heart rotten
She infests
Parasitic relation turns mutualism
Her trust issues
His insecurities
Confrontation light years from contemplation
He an introvert
She a gossip queen
Compatibility awaits conquer
Leave caste or class
International border dividing
Can love be enough as a unifying factor
Elusive end
Or profound beginning
Love story beckons..
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Me- A mystery or a mirage
I am a paradox
Dwelling in contradictions,
You may have me all figured out
But that could end up as an illusion,
My wit is fire,
Coz I burn the pretention
Whether it's in me or you
Bring your genuine to the fore,
Power it has to mold opinions
I tend to direct it inwards coz
Introspection I engage in galore,
My ego is like water
It can take whatever shape I desire,
Humility is my sword
Pride my hidden armour,
Insult me all you want
Grudge I can nurture,
My brain is just like earth
Creative enough to manifest my thoughts,
Just like earth manifests life
Cruel enough to discard most of them,
Only let the most overwhelming to dwell in my mind
Just like earth where only it's fittest progenies survive,
Space is comparable to my mind
Wisdom is the boundary ever expanding
Ignorance the region where light yet can't reach,
Intellect the gravity holding everything together
Intelligence I possess like a supernova
Exhibition of it gradually alters my persona,
Insecurities and fear are air to me,
I breathe them in constantly
Creating the storm of anxiety within me,
Pen is becoming Jesus commanding the storm
I breathe out poetry & stories currently,
While trying to somehow tame it..
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Where is the light coming from?
Desperate to find that fragrance
Borderline crazy like the musk deer
I always looked for the light elsewhere
Parents had inculcated good values,
Corrected my ways throughout childhood,
Grandparents were the architect of my character,
Through mythological tales and fables,
Teachers imparted knowledge,
Taught me the value of discipline,
Neighbor aunties also contributed,
Ratting me out to my parents,
Whenever they caught me in a mischief,
Friends have lifted me up,
As well as dragged me down,
But they don't lie on the morality meter,
Coz we stumble and fall together,
To rise up again and with a tale,
To reminisce about in the future,
I am high on gratitude for these people,
Never wanna get to sobriety,
But like that musk deer,
The guiding light is within,
Whenever I have a nefarious intent,
It tells me to refrain,
Always suppresses any evil tendency,
Conscience thou name,
I am the prisoner of my conscience,
Sentence is lifetime imprisonment,
My soul have been put into that lighthouse,
It is a solitary confinement,
If my mind tries to brew any storm,
In the sea of my thoughts,
Conscience takes over the sails,
Course correcting through the moral compass,
Soul beams the light from the lighthouse,
Reaffirms my conscience,
You are on the right path..
The sun is within me to counter any stygian,
I may wander sometimes from the right way,
But never get lost because
The address of my home is Introspection...
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Mundane Ambitions(A haiku sonnet)
Faced adversity
Listen inner demons weep
Sparring with fate now,
Ignorance befriends
Curiosity is foe
Hey alter ego,
Adventure mundane
Narcissistic tendencies
Empathy counters,
Constantly battling
Introspection paves the way
For my own progress,
Dwelling in insomnia
Slumber my ambition.
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Somebody please answer me ( Part-1)
If beauty lies in the eye of beholder,
Then why does ugly lie with the partaker,
If maturity comes with age,
Why do people retire,
If youth is the golden period of life,
Why it is the age group with most suicides,
If justice is a basic human right,
Why is it a privilege in our society,
If capitalism is such a great economic policy,
Why can't it address the grave income inequality,
It could go on and on,
If anyone has a retort, you are welcome?
Let's end this one on this footnote,
I have a long list of queries,
Let's just call it Part-One.....
As I am a paradox, I also have my thoughts on these questions,
But eager to learn, I throw these questions out in the universe,
A perspective that alters your own thoughts is the way to grow and learn as a person..
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What are Poems?
Poems are mosaics made of broken pieces of heart,
Emotions are the clay burnt constantly for the process to start,
Reminiscence fills in the colours and pattern, you get a piece of art,
You need a certain sensitivity to be able to grasp,
Or else the comprehension would certainly be thwart,
Poems are word weaving tapestry that paintings would be shy of,
Is it a duck or a rabbit, open to several interpretations,
You would like to cut your ears, cause would not be hysteria,
Profound famous last words for memorabilia,
Poems enable poets to live in the abandon,
While they gradually rot away in their concerns,
Escape from reality holing up in their imagination,
Or recovering from trauma calming the storm within,
Poems give you wings but beware they belong to Icarus,
Fly too close to the sun, you could start a revolution,
As this Icarus can mutate into Phoenix,
Give rhythm to poetry, you'll get rap with lyrics,
Poems are ghost possessing you, only way to exorcise spilling it through your pen on the paper,
Epiphany blurted out but in hindsight seems trivial,
Don't let it eat dust, share it with your peers..
Maybe what you thought to be a slapstick,
Turns out to be Oscar winning material..
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The Mattress ode(elegy)
My own launching pad that sends me to different worlds,
Landing is always smooth with 100℅ track record,
I concoct alternate realities with its support,
A good listener, has never given me a rude retort,
It has the power to absorb my exhaustion,
Often alleviates physical pain when I suffer,
The best remedy for mental anguish it provides me,
Coz it facilitates my escape from my anxieties,
And aids me to hole up in my imagination to avoid the bitter reality,
Credit goes to my mattress coz the cost which it pays is it's own elegy,
Coz exhausted I went to bed, it gradually withers away everyday,
Yet It was the one which replenished my energy,
And I could write this ode with revitalized mind and thoughts in synergy...
©paradoxicalpenman
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Seasons with you
Eternity waiting your promise of a moment,
Come sit by my side,
I will give you the monotony of Spring,
If I were a falling leaf, I would make sure,
You be my Autumn,
I have seen Summer shying hiding in shadows,
Coz it couldn't handle your glow love,
Your warmth gives the Winter a tan,
As if we are on the beach somewhere at the equator.
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Tell me the poem worth your pause (Part 1)
Singing serenades for your serenity,
Your lover recovering alcoholic,
Standing below your window,
Has given up on his sobriety
Skip
Lamenting the loss of her lover,
After longing for him in lonesome,
She lost her lucidity,
And the country he died for,
Denied his dependent asylum..
Skip
Chanting mantras carefully,
He was a true devotee,
Heavens didn't open the door for him,
Stuck in purgatory wondering why,
God didn't even bother to enlighten him,
Just sent him off for an another try
Skip
An artist tried marketing his art,
Someone asked him a question,
When are you launching your next project,
Abandoned the idea, fired the company,
I crave the appreciation of my audience,
Art is my baby not a product or project..
Skip
Suppose the sun became vainglorious,
Refusing to brighten the dark,
Even if he tried he couldn't,
Unless it is a self-sabotage,
You're yourself the greatest obstacle,
When it comes to manifesting own potential..
Skip
From crimson red to azure blue,
Dwaling in paranoia to comfort of content,
Not an Herculean endeavour,
Just changed the canvas thoughts were painted on,
Skip
You despise the sigh, love the moan,
Enjoy the giggle but try to wish away the groan,
Maybe that is why although I am with you,
Yet somehow I feel alone.
Skip
You love to talk but don't wanna listen,
Your friends are angels, mine spawns of Satan,
I can pamper you but you expect me to serve,
You can't demand a specific treatment,
Baby you have to deserve.
Skip
It's high time to revaluate your relationship,
When you start clinging to your partner,
Instead of leaning on them,
Opposites may attract,
Or you can pass a compatibility test with flying colours,
The thing that matters is will you still be longing for your partner's company,
No matter the years..
Skip
My arrogance could scale Everest,
But the humility in me swallows it whole,
Coz it's deeper than the Mariana Trench,
My anger could start a supernova,
But calmness in me is like the black hole Cygnus,
Eating stars for breakfast, doesn't even burps..
Skip (to be continued)
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Spectacle beckons (A haiku sonnet)
Two lovers longing
They finally meet
Spectacle beckons,
Star crossed their love seems
Family rivals
Spectacle beckons,
Destiny tempts
Composing ballads
Spectacle beckons,
Overcame hurdles
End up together
Spectacle is done..
Love story not a legend,
Lovers get their desired end..
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Tools of a writer
Aficionado not necessary amateurs would also do,
No need to be armed with lexicons, you just have to know any language to pursue,
Can't write, even that is not the end of the world,
Just dictate to someone, let others do the work,
The only skill you require is how to weave words,
Be a poet, novelist or columnist,
The only tool you require to begin as a writer,
Possess a vivid imagination,
Trying to capture your audience with it,
Let's say, You are just stating facts,
But how would you pique your reader's interest and also keep it intact,
Thats the art you gotta cultivate,
When you write an informative piece,
A good reader makes a good writer,
Unless your brain is a mine-field of ideas,
You get to know the world better through reading,
Arsenal yours would increase substantially,
When you accumulate knowledge,
Even your sub-conscious would churn out beautiful fantasies,
When you delve in the realm of novels or screenplay
Be it a fiction or non-fiction,
Just be mindful to not get stuck in,
The abyss that is contemplating your thoughts,
Coz the only way out is manifesting,
Poets are often borne out of suffering hearts,
They just use the words to keep themselves at ease,
For some a vent, for others a way to keep their sanity,
Drowning in emotions or facing a drought,
Poems are the potion of their remedy,
Songs are poems set to music, people say,
Just be in sync with the rhythm,
Let your lyrics meet the pure bliss of melody,
You would possess an armada when you become an expert,
But vivid imagination and an understanding of language is all you need to start,
Not even impairment of sight, hearing or speaking could be an impassable hurdle,
Only impediment you, thwarting your will of expression...
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Plight of a flower
Lily, the neighbor of rose,
Was quite perplexed,
Coz she couldn't believe,
What she just heard,
She had seen rose praying,
Where she wished to become a pitcher,
She couldn't control her curiosity,
So she asked rose the reason,
You have it all,
Beauty and a divine fragrance,
Pampered, nourished and humans at the beck of your call,
Why would you wish to be a pitcher,
An ugly, carnivorous beast,
With no friends or admirer,
Rose burst into tears and responded,
She said do you think the nectar is my fault,
I don't want the bees to entice and attract,
What can I do if the god made me this way,
The only thing I could was wish it away,
That's why I wished to become a pitcher,
If I don't have any nectar,
The bees wouldn't bother,
And if any insect tries to touch me,
I could also have the option to counter,
I understand, lily consoled rose,
Coz the plight of rose was not superficial,
It was something genuine,
But you have to understand,
Without bees, who would carry our pollen,
Nature is a cruel devil, brewing it's own stew,
It treats species indifferently, always ready to create something new..
I can't say anything to ease your anguish,
Except, May God grant you your wish!!!!
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