#worst part is we went to the store and were literally abt to pay but my mom didnt have any money so we went back home to get some but when | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

otrtbs · 3 months

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Hiii ! I had already asked that question, but I will ask it again because you didn't respond to it last time but at the same time it's harmless (I think), and if you don't respond again then I guess it isn't harmless 😭

I was wondering how you got into art ? Have you ever made art yourself like painting, drawing, and sculpture and decided to study that, or do you really just love art history and never had touched a pen to draw in your life? And how did your family react ?

And another question was were you in school, or work when you were writing AHB (I mean in general when you are writing actually) and if so, how did you find time to write and read? Because as a writer I feel like an important part is to read but when I do write I don't read, and I know that a big part of that is just school and I don't have time, but maybe you got a magic trick or smth?

hi! yeah it is harmless i am just SEVERELY behind on answering asks these days but i am not intentionally ignoring you/anyone. i am just behind on asks, sorry! also i get rambly under the cut so this is a warning!

as far as how i got into art, i used to volunteer at my local art museum when i was in high school!! and during that time i got to talk to a bunch of curators and educators and i was like,,,,, 'yeah. i wanna do this'

i am NOT artistic at all,,, i can't draw or paint to save my life el oh el. i had to take a fine arts course as an undergrad in uni which was fairly rudimentary ,,, just exploring different art mediums,,, color theory,, etc. and i was SO BAD at it,, so. bad. we had to bring in our art projects for critique and i still have nightmares about that...oof.

as far as my family support,,,, also el oh el. uhm,, no one was very thrilled with my life decisions to say the least...but i do not care! it's my life to live! then when my sister went to uni and said she wanted to be a biomedical engineer major n maybe go to med school,, well they put all their attention on her so we move!

also yes!! i was in school while i was writing ahb! i was in my final year of undergrad, i worked full time as a resident assistant at my university and i worked part time at a call center (<- WORST JOB OF MY FUCKING LIFE) and sometimes i would pick up extra shifts at my university's campus store because i was paying my own way through undergrad and so honestly.... the truth is i hardly slept. which is not healthy and i do not recommend that you do that at all. by any means. thankfully, because it was my final year i had some easy "blow off" classes in addition to upper division art history courses so the workload was lighter than previous semesters.

but my RA job would put me "on call" which meant i was the one an entire building of 500+ college girls would call if there was emergency of any kind (could be something serious like a fire or a strange man in the girls dorms or someone needing serious medical attention to something miniscule someone's fire alarm running out of batteries). and we would be on call for 24 hours on the weekends or 5pm to 8 am on weekdays. and if you missed a call because you were asleep you would be fired immediately no questions asked. and bc i got my housing and a lot of my income from that job,,,, i would get so paranoid and stressed abt missing a phone call that i wouldn't sleep at all when i was on call. so i did a lot of my writing for ahb! during those times at like 5am while i was on call. i was also required to work 10-15 hours a week at the front at my university through my RA position and it was a 24 hour desk and i got the night shift where literally nobody would come in. i'd work 10pm-2am on tuesdays and thursdays and then a few hours on saturday (But those were normally busy). and i would write my fanfic then!!! (should've been doing school work ,,, but alas) <- so for the "sHE CoULd'vE aT lEasT EdiTed iT" crowd who have beef with ahb!,,, i was too busy trying to graduate uni and working 3 jobs to do anything but post. so eat dirt.

additionally, i didn't read fanfic when i was writing ahb! for the most part. i was reading a ton before i started writing and then i think i was only able to keep up with the choices updates and picked up heavy fanfic reading again once ahb! was finished.

so no magic tricks from me unfortunately :(( i think it was only feasible bc i was operating on like zero sleep and my course load was light the final semester, and i got lucky with my job hours !! otherwise,, i didn't really do anything else. like i stopped reading, stopped watching shows,, etc,, if i had free time i would be on the google doc hahaha

#asks #and that's my life story good lord

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dentixvoxel · 2 years

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ough no, i have to talk abt my last therapy session even just a little bit to give context as to how i somehow ended up severely dissociating for nearly 24 hours straight (hell) and how posca markers Saved My Ass(tm)

Some long personal rambling below

so we spent nearly the entire session talking about school and such and i really didn't vibe with that since im still having severely complex feelings about the concept of "should/will i graduate this year???" and only towards the very end of the session did i go "hey so uh.... can i get checked for potentially having adhd? my mom's kinda worried abt that". And my therapist seemed very,, reluctant abt it????? bc shes not sure how much the medication would help and it was like getting hit in the face with a shovel like wait what????? when did i mention THAT????? AIEH???? bestie WHAT???? and she said that the tests ive done that got me my autismo diagnosed as kid are also used to screen for the adhd and im like ?????? well????? so i made her go and look up the last time i did one of those tests at the age of 18 to see what it concluded and lmao guess what. the things i scored lower at compared to ye avergae population can be indicative of both adhd and/or autism. My therapist jusy wasnt sure if my struggles with attentuon and memory are the autism kind or adhd kind. Like actually fuck my life. I still asked to be able to do a test again nexy session cuz fuck. My major shock was her basically telling me that since weve done all these tests already, we could just skip the whole UFMING DIAGONOSIS PART and go STRAIGHT to medication.

And then i went and fucking dissociated for 24 hours straight and oh boy those were undeniably one of the worst 24h of my life. I literally kept forgetting and remembering what i had done that day in rapid succession, it was horrible. At one point whilst playing audiosurf i noticed i wasn't even fuckin paying attention to what i was doing and was just autopiloting the game. And then my phone deciding to update without my consent cuz apparently it had died during the night which made me so fucking MAAAAAD. Going to the mall, at a bus stop my brain convinced itself that a completely random woman is a Threat for some reason??? Like i was geniuenly super tense the entire bus ride??? That was extremely weird.

At the mall out of impulse i stopped by an art store i had never gone into before and upon seeing the posca markers i felt like i was suddenly alive again. Like wow i could actually Think again?? Dont do severe dissociation kids, it's evil. When i got back home i must've still looked really off from all of that cuz my mom later told me that she feels like she needs to comfort me but based off of the look on my face.

#ivan.docx #i owe my life to posca markers #these ones are funky theyre likr. Small #Thin poscas... unreal #unreality #tagging that juuuuuust in case

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