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angelicamerlinbarnes · 3 years

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James Potter, Remus Lupin, & Sirius Potter Lupin’s QPP Rules & Boundaries as discussed and mediated by Minerva Mcgonogall and Severus Snape

QPP = queerplatonic partnership

James

Remus

Sirius

Mcgonogall

Severus

(this is weirdly formatted please forgive me i have very limited options and i'm new here)

#1:

“Friend-dates” will occur approximately three times per month at least. Sirius Potter Lupin and Remus Lupin hereby rescind their right to the planning of said friend-dates exempting my birthday.

I absolutely do not rescind.

I do.

#2:

Remus Lupin will be allowed at least two hours per day for homework without any interruption from the two idiots he’s chosen to spend his life with lest one of them be on fire or dead.

Moooooooonnnnnnnyyyyyyyy!

Fair enough.

#3:

Picnics will only take place by the lake with the giant squid.

Sirius Potter Lupin is forbidden from being within five hundred feet of the giant squid. So is his wand.

You’re no fun, Moony.

#4:

When James and Moony are doing that

disgustingly sappy curse upon my innocent eyes

THING where we close our eyes and press our foreheads together for an unspecified amount of time, Sirius Potter Lupin must agree to leave us the fuck alone.

Nooooooooooooooooooooooo…

Padfoot.

Fine.

#5:

Remus Lupin will not be doing any of Sirius or James’ homework lest there is an emergency. (Emergencies include: lying letters from bitch mothers, depressive slumps, shortage of ADHD medication, self-harm recovery, anxiety/panic attacks, relapses into unspecified eating disorders, traumatic episodes, James fucked something up with Severus and/or Lily and needs to focus all his energy into fixing it, a prank involving Peter of which I am disinvolved.)

(What about

No.)

#6:

Remus and James will tell Sirius these exact words: “I love you” without alteration or exception at least once every day. Twice is preferable.

The same words will be repeated to Remus at least once a day, barring the occasional addition of “fucking” in between “I” and “love” for reasonable purposes. Seven times per day is required the day before, of, and after the full moon.

I love you, Pads.

I love you too, Moonshine.

#7:

James and Sirius hereby agree to spend an obscene amount of their respective riches to shower Moony in affectionate gifts, such as chocolate, jumpers, and books.

Absolutely not.

Remus Lupin, in return, promises to keep on being his wonderful breathing self and to understand that aforementioned gifts come from a place of love and never pity.

I said no.

Moony acknowledges that his refusals have been duly noted, discussed by the council of Padfoot and Prongs, and swiftly dismissed on the basis of being complete and utter dogshit.

PADFOOT!

#8:

Sirius and Remus will set aside at least one hour per day for time with James.

Three is preferable if possible.

Of course. This time can either be split between the two of them or spent with all three of them together.

#9:

James and Sirius promise to take care of Moony always. Because of full moons or otherwise.

Guys.

This is non-negotiable. They will do what work they can for him, help him study for tests, speak with professors on his behalf, stand up for him against friends and foes alike, and never take his unconditional love for granted. They will love him the same and accept every part of him, regardless of illegality or immorality.

Guys.

We love you, Moony.

#10:

Remus will hold Sirius and James’ hands (respectively or together) between at least three classes per day. On the weekends, he will hold both their hands during Hogsmeade visits.

You two are insufferable.

Think of it as keeping us on a leash.

Fine.

#11:

James’ house is open to both Sirius and Remus at any point in time, regardless of season or circumstance. By extension, Regulus Black

Lupin

Apologies, Regulus Lupin will also be permitted at any time, night or day.

#12:

Sirius and Remus hereby agree to give James advice regarding Lily and Severus whenever he asks, barring his understanding that their advice may very well be shit.

Fine, you wankers.

#13:

Remus hereby agrees not to blast his sad indie music at two in the morning, especially on Mondays.

Fine. You can’t wake me up with Queen at three.

REMUS! FREDDIE MERCURY IS A GOD!

BOW TO CONAN GRAY AND LANA DEL REY OR DIE.

We could just play Taylor Swift.

And Hamilton.

Fine. Agreed.

#14:

James and Sirius vow not to make fun of Remus when Regulus calls him “Mum”.

We do?

You do. And you can’t make fun of Regulus either, he gets shy.

But Moony

I said no, Sirius.

#15:

James and Sirius will make themselves scarce when Remus cries.

James and Sirius promise to give Remus his space but still give him hugs and cuddles and tell him they love him when he cries, because they know Remus hates crying and especially hates crying alone and that no matter what he says he wants them to stay.

Fuck you guys.

It’s okay, Moony. We love you.

#16:

Sirius and James hereby swear they will not make any werewolf jokes in front of Remus’ mother.

You’re no fun.

Pads…

I love you, my Moonshine.

#17:

Sirius and Remus hereby promise to keep their sappy gay shit away from James’ embarrassed bisexual ass.

Sure, sweetie. Sure.

#18:

Sirius will not sing, reference, dance to, play, or otherwise acknowledge the existence of any and all Disney Channel movies, High School Musical included.

Moony!

NO, Sirius.

#19:

Short pecks on the mouth are permitted. Short pecks are also acceptable on the nose, cheeks, forehead, hands, shoulders, jaw, ears, neck, and elsewhere if specified and consented to.

Remus and James will keep their dirty lips off of my hair.

We will not.

#20:

Remus and Sirius hereby agree to be referred to as Remus Potter and Sirius Potter respectively at James’ introduction.

Fine, but only if I can call you Sirius Lupin and James Lupin to total strangers.

Fine.

I don’t want either of you to have my name.

Your name is Sirius Potter Lupin. It was never anything else. I don’t know why you’d be ashamed for us to borrow it.

I love you guys.

We know. We love you too.

#21:

When Sirius wears a skirt, Remus and James are required to tell him he looks beautiful in it.

And when Remus wears a skirt, Sirius and James have to tell him he looks beautiful in it.

Yes, yes, yes, we’re all gorgeous. Old news. Moving on!

Jealous, Jamie?

Oh stuff a toad up your ass you

Boys.

Sorry, Moony.

Hmm.

#22:

Sirius Potter Lupin, Remus Lupin, and James Potter solemnly swear to spend the rest of their lives loving each other, to the best of their ability and with the utmost honesty.

We solemnly swear to protect, defend, and guard each other from our own demons and the world around us that extorts them.

We solemnly swear to be loyal to each other above all else, to encourage the best in each other, and to accept one another as we are without conditions, exceptions, or judgement.

#23:

This list may be altered at any time by either Remus, Sirius, or James so long as there is a communicated understanding of why so. Until said altering is necessary, if said altering is necessary, this list will be kept in the safety of Remus’

humongous and annoying and boring oh my

favorite book, Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen.

Oh. I thought you were gonna say that Defense Against the Dark Arts book you’re always carrying around.

That’s a textbook, you dipshit. I’m required to carry it around.

Ah. Sorry.

ANYWAY, these rules and boundaries may always be altered or discarded. Understood?

Except for #22.

Alright. Except for #22.

#24:

The violation of any of these rules will result in Remus crying, Sirius punching something, and/or James refusing to eat. For the safety of each other and your poor friends and family (Merlin help them), please take care to act within the boundaries you all have agreed upon. Best of luck.

#25:

Translation: Try not to fuck it up, losers.

Signed 1976

James Potter (guys this is gonna be so great)

Sirius Potter Lupin (do you think Peter’s jealous???)

Remus Lupin (I swear to Merlin I will stab both of you)

Minerva Mcgonogall (now I know how you felt with Albus and I, Mr. Lupin)

Severus Snape (why am I involved in this again?)

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