As said but it came from none
Only the eternal struggle of sword and shield amongst the plains
Decades, centuries, even in the war you’ve seen and partake
War where cause and effect exists beyond where you’ve been born
Never left
That battlefield of steel and bone shrapnel
Tore even deeper than skin but the soul milked over the eyes
The heart which somedays breathes and sometimes seizures
I have made thousands of paintings I can’t remember
In a battle of oceans of words
New to repetitive metaphors in the anatomy of beauty and pain
Blessed, as well, by new waters which flow from pens of strangers
In this endless abyss of faceless allies and opposition
There is a strong desire
For good
Great for all that is and ever was
That which consists in a word I either never knew or always forget
I share to you my welcoming homefront
Awaiting when the silent fight breaks from the sky’s crackle
Which, in the abyssal darkness, thickets the void
With a single flash, a sprinkle of light
And a groan that crawls all that endlessly
The horn that brings back sound only for everyone and I to
Stand still and watch patiently in the moment
I am not sure what any of that means
Though, I present to you the I against I
All that is me
Oh Fortuna, I bleed a blood I can’t see
What is wrong with me? Why won‘t I let anyone in? Why do I keep pushing anyone away who shows the slightest interest in me? Why won‘t I let anyone get to know me? Why am I being so closed up and annoyed when anyone tries to talk to me or ask me out? Why am I surprised that anyone could like me? Why do I keep shutting people out? Friendzoning them? Do I know their intentions? Have I already been through the same shit over and over again and am I just tired? Why do I do this? Why won‘t I give anyone a chance? Why is it so hard for me to trust someone or open up? I want someone in my life but why won‘t I let anyone in it? Am I still caught up? Thinking about him? Comparing everyone else to him? Or do I simply don’t want to repeat the same mistakes I made? Do I know what they want? Do I know the drill? Can I see further down the line and do I see how it ends every single time? Do I know their approaches and their trickes? Why do I get so anxious when someone tells me how they feel about me? Why do I get so nervous and quite when someone asks me out? Am I waiting on someone who‘s never gonna show up? Am I waiting on someone that is way out of reach? Or am I way out of reach? Why do I keep doing the same thing over and over again and never getting an answer? What is wrong with me?
Tread through any thorns, withstand every single storm knowing It’d lead me to her,
Who she is has always been a mystery,
Where she is has never been known.
The only thing I have is the compass in my chest, my intuition guides me alone.
I have withstood the fire and grown in the ash sprouting roses in my bones and thorns in my flesh.
I drown in the idea of her having faith that she must return for all lives make me believe my spiritual being is meant for me, but my vessel is meant for her.
I swear in this life I will find you again, I swear I will stay true to the life I have always lead,
I do not yearn for just any love, I do not live in loneliness , I only desire for her to be returned to me again.
and while others have tasted poison,
her lips don’t sting or burn.
Every lick & bite I sink into that tempting fruit
has healed me more and helped me learn,
but still my hunger yearns.
The person you will call your favorite person in the world five years from now might not even be in your life yet. Think about that every time you walk into a bar, every time you’re forced to go out when you don’t want to, and every time you have to let someone who doesn’t deserve you walk out of your life.
And if he loved you, he’d love you like the world was ending and you’d swear the stars were written in your name and that the sun shines for you and the birds chirp only in your presence.
“your gut instinct is not a liar, those initial feelings exist for a reason, sit on them if you need to, process whether your feelings are valid or just projections, but never dismiss your intuition when the signs are staring you in the face and your nervous system is agreeing.”