#with behavioral issues and severe depression

[plusvanity]

Yesterday, I wanted to say that people who blocked me did the wiser thing, but today, I want to touch on a recent issue, a hugely (intentionally) misinterpreted and degrading problem.

The controversies that people started to spread about me literally make me sick to the stomach.

They don't give a fuck about my countless explanations of how this ship is my comfort ship, designed to help me heal from severe abuse, self hatred, body dysmorphia, depression and anxiety.

I try to switch from unhealthy coping mechanisms to something that is both productive, helpful and most of all, harmless (because it's imaginary).

They felt the need to turn something that I created as my own personal fictive escape into a gross sadomasochistic, abusive and extremely toxic 'excuse' for 'why is this ship and not that?'. My guts twist for seeing such cruel assumptions when I have one thing that makes me happy (a story, a healthy narrative) viciously turned into a gruesome scenario that is not what it is at all.

The fact that they accuse me of shipping fair-skinned, blonde people is also the biggest hypocrisy that they could come up with when they themselves forget that Øystein's natural hair is blond and his eyes are blue in their own double-standard ship.

The fact that accuse me of romanticizing self-harm while they themselves 'like' (I have proofs) and approve art of EuroDead self-destructive romanticism shows their duplicitous and impostor nature. This is not to be taken as an insult, but an obvious fact concluded by their behavior.

My ship has little to do with physical looks and everything else to do with the in-depth psychology. It's not me, PlusVanity who says that there's a gigantic overlap between highly-autistic traits and trauma response (in personality disorders), it's Freud, Jung, Lacan's teachings and many other's scholars, neurologists and psychiatrists came to this conclusion many many years before you and I were even born. If you, dearly-opinionated friend, think that you can prove to these honorable psychoanalytical figures (and me, of course) otherwise with credible and well-documented research and not your 'I don't like that just because' synthetic opinion, I will gladly listen to what you have to bring up. I am well-versed in the philosophical and psychological domain, and I can provide solid arguments to everything I claim.

It's more than just unfair to point the finger at me, accusing me of a ludicrous sadomasochistic and 'subliminal racial element' in my art just to satisfy your late frustration with an ' good-enough explanation' for something that you never even bothered to look into because otherwise you would know that you are wrong. I'm not spiteful, I'm just pointing your flaws in logic as straightforwardly and inconsiderable as you seem to point mine, but it's not like you will actually try to understand what I'm saying because this must imply 'admitting defeat' and a kick in the ego, so you don't even bother with my transparent explanations. That's alright.

This message is for the people who are open and mature enough to read the motive behind my art and writing. This monologue is not for the ones who blindly accuse me of horrible things or a hidden agenda that I don't have or try to promote.

If you think that you know better than me, you simply don't. Why might that be? Because I am the author, because you don't think with my brain and you have no access to what I stand for, other than my words and actions and neither my words or actions stood for any type of abuse or political extremism.

You also put words into my mouth by calling me a fan of Varg, when I'm most certainly not, but I mean you hate me, of course you will say such things. Everyone who's following me knows that I not only hate Varg, but mock him daily for his spiteful persona.

I do not engage in any drama, I am not here to fight anyone.

I will only have civilized conversations (if openness exists). I am here to be and share with my friends the one thing that makes me happy. To subjugate me for simply having a different view than yours is tyranny and black and white extremism.

Pairing real people is morally bad, but this includes all real people. Not just Varg and Pelle, but Øystein and Pelle too. Doesn't sound fair now, does it? I understand why.

Anyone is free to believe anything, but a conspiratorial opinion will never compare to the ultimate truth that only the author can provide.

Please block me if you wish for. This is a far more mature approach than lurking here or sending hate. I hope this is constructive.

To sum it up, I'm beyond hate and ingoing frustration. I will gladly wish my late-proclaimed haters a wonderful day even if they roll their eyes. 🖤

You cannot change options, you can only provide your insight.

Be kind, be open, be alright 🖤

I wish this post can be shared so a lot of people can read this 🙏

#my ramblings #pelle ohlin #varg vikernes #burzum #per yngve ohlin #true norwegian black metal #dead mayhem #mayhem

[transwhorefinn]

I think we should talk about how Chip’s words are borderline s**cidal

“I’m just another bastard, I never should’ve existed”

Like….

I’m extremely concerned…

#jrwi #genuine concern for my boy like omfg #it’s the narcissistic behavior turns out to be a facade for severe self esteem issues and severe depression #he’s getting way too relatable and hitting way too close to home now like omfgg #jrwi riptide #just roll with it #chip jrwi #jrwi chip #chip lastname #jrwi spoilers #tw sui ideation #cw sui mention #cw sui ideation

[letters-to-lgbt-kids]

My dear lgbt+ kids,

Can you have a healthy relationship with a narcissist?

Well, if you trust many social media posts, then the answer would be a resounding "No". Narcissistic is - apparently - a synonym for abusive, and of course you can't have a healthy relationship with an abusive partner!

But, well, social media is not always right. A lot of topics get oversimplified, terms get misused and black-or-white thinking is rampant - and "narcissistic means abusive" falls into all three of those pits.

Let's look at it a bit closer: "Abusive" describes a set of behaviors - while narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) describes, well, a personality disorder. It's a mental health condition.

I am not a trained mental health professional, so I'll use a medical source here. According to mayoclinic.org (link to article), symptoms and their intensity may vary from one affected person to the next (just like the exact symptoms and severity of depression or anxiety may vary!). A person with NPD may

have an unreasonably high sense of their own importance

have an excessive need for attention and admiration

have low/no empathy (struggle to understand or care about the feelings of others)

have low self-worth

be easily upset by criticism

struggle with social interactions

have difficulty managing their emotions

experience major problems dealing with stress 

And, again just like with other mental health conditions, NPD can negatively affect the person in a lot of areas of life. For example, struggling to manage their emotions and stress levels may make it hard for them to hold down a job and cause financial worries, or they may avoid participating in social events, which may lead to them becoming isolated and depressed etc. And yes, of course some symptoms may also lead to problems in romantic relationships.

Therapy for NPD usually centers around talk therapy, with the goal of helping the person to better understand and manage their emotions, to learn how to cope with self-worth issues, and to create/maintain healthy fulfilling relationships and communication with the people around them.

Now, you can look at all this and go "See? The social media posts are right! They are self-centered, have no empathy and are easily upset! That's abusive!" - but that'd be jumping to conclusions. None of those things are behaviors.

An autistic person may also easily get upset and they may also feel low empathy. So could a person with major depression. Yet, we do not treat "autistic" or "depressed" as a synonym for abusive. We do not assume that their symptoms will definitely lead to abusive behavior. So, why would that be different for people with NPD?

Am I saying no person with NPD has ever been abusive? Of course not. That'd be black-or-white thinking, too. What I am saying is: People with NPD are people. And people can show abusive behavior or they can not.

If someone who easily feels upset hits you, that's abuse... but hitting would be abuse, even if they didn't feel easily upset. A partner with or without NPD shouldn't be hitting you. If someone with no empathy degrades and insults you, that's abusive... but that would be abuse regardless of their ability to feel empathy. A partner with or without NPD shouldn't be degrading and insulting you.

A person could have NPD and behave abusive - but "some people are X and Y, so all people who are X must be Y" is a flawed logic.

So, let's circle back to the beginning: can you have a healthy relationship with a narcissist? Yeah. It will be a relationship with someone who has a mental health condition and that's something to be aware of because mental health conditions do affect everyday life (duh?).

You should set boundaries and take warning signs of abuse seriously - like you should do when you date anyone, regardless of health status.

With all my love,

Your Tumblr Dad

#lgbt #lgbt+ #obviously not a lgbt specific topic but I wanted to talk about it

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for breaking up with my partner of four years who I live with?

sorry this is a long one but I don't want to leave stuff out and make it seem biased.

My partner (22F) and I (22F) have been together since senior year of high school, just before COVID hit, and have lived together for a bit over a year now.

It's her first time living outside her parents' house, and early on she was a really crappy housemate. I ended up nagging at her a lot and having to use gentle parenting techniques to get her to do basic housework and do her share of responsibilities. We had a fight around six months in, where I told her I felt like I had to parent her, and she understandably took it poorly. Since then, she's put in a lot more effort around the house in a way that felt less like it was a product of caring, and more like the product of fearing abandonment. I pointed this out to her, and she said that she was trying harder because she loved me and wanted me to be comfortable in our home, though she had made several offhand comments that she was always worried about pissing me off.

I've been clinically depressed for a long time, and one of the chief ways it's manifested is irritation and anger. It developed into a problem, and I started getting therapy/ medication. Often I would end up being pretty mean to her. I felt bad about it, but she would get on my nerves a lot. I get overwhelmed and overstimulated easily. She has unmedicated ADHD and often comes in and starts hyperactively info-dumping about her day without a greeting or anything, knowing I had just woken up (I work nights).

She stopped doing that only after months of me asking her to and enforcing that boundary. Sometimes I was hurtful about it, but when I was nice about it she tended to ignore me or "forget" I'd asked her to stop doing that.

The last six months she's been better about things, but the first six months of living together kinda killed my feelings for her. At first, I thought it was stress from school, work, and other things related to the house (bug infestations, things breaking constantly, standard Landlord Special bullshit). But more and more I found myself annoyed with her. I'd often make rude comments about her behavior out of frustration. When I tried to discuss things more maturely, she'd break down crying and panicking, and I'd reassure and comfort her afterward instead of getting to express my feelings. She'd rarely express hers, just start sobbing and apologizing and saying she'd change, which made me feel awful and like I couldn't express grievances to her.

I'd try to get some space from time to time, and she'd get extremely anxious and seek reassurance, which I'd give to her because I didn't want to start anything. I thought I'd come back around and find happiness with her again. She'd been extremely patient with me throughout the relationship, with my moodiness and temper. I'd tried changing that about myself, but I found that the only thing that ever seemed to help my moods was getting space from her.

In late 2023/Jan 2024 I ended up having to get a couple surgeries, and she was supportive and caring in a way not many people would be for their partners. She made time to take care of me while I was more or less disabled and gave me grace as I worked through the emotional aspects of my health issues.

During this time I started having feelings for her again, but within a week of recovering, I was back to feeling the same sense of vague irritation and resentment as before, even though her behavior had changed and she was objectively being an amazing partner.

I realized I wasn't happy in this relationship and felt tremendous pressure to be responsible for somebody who had fallen behind me in terms of emotional maturity. I couldn't discuss big issues with her without her breaking down and panicking, and I felt like I had to walk on eggshells because of it. I was hurtful to her because of it, and it wasn't fair to stay a relationship I was no longer emotionally invested in.

Before I left for work one day, she ended up pressuring me into talking about what was on my mind after I told her I didn't feel the time was right to discuss it. I told her how I felt and that a breakup seemed like the healthiest way forward for us. She shut down, started crying, panicking, saying that we could work it out and go to couples therapy, etc. By this point, I had kind of lost faith in her ever fulfilling any promises related to therapy. I had to leave for work and she wouldn't stop talking about it, so I ended up apologizing, taking it back, and saying we could work it out.

A busy week or two went by where I was noticeably less nice to her, hoping that when I tried to break up with her again she wouldn't get emotional whiplash from it coming seemingly out of nowhere. I wrote out what I wanted to say in a letter and told her that I had things to talk about, but put them in a letter so she'd have time to process it instead of shutting down. I told her this, as well, to give her something of a warning.

I asked her what she thought we talked about during that big argument, and she said she honestly couldn't remember. We then went to a concert where I got drunk to try and enjoy things (I did) but she couldn't have a good time due to worrying about our conversation. I gave her the letter two days later, left it for her in the morning to read and process while I was in class that day.

It understandably went poorly, and she blames me for being a shitty partner, for being mean, for ruining the concert which was the one thing that she had looked forward to us doing as partners, and for treating her like shit in the weeks leading up to the breakup, and has indirectly asked if I can stay elsewhere on the nights where we'd be sharing a bed. AITA?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[areus-in-a-little-cave]

I am so fucking angry about Dream stans (mostly on Twitter, though they are here) being like��“can you BELIEVE people are upset that a minor 😱😱😱 was messaging with an ADULT!! LMAOO wait until they get into the real world and find out that 17 year olds can be friends with 25 year olds. Next they’re gonna call Tommy messaging Schlatt dangerous!!”

It was not that she was 17 and Dream was 20. The age gap was not the issue.

It was that Dream had a position of power over her and abused it. 

He knew he had this position from the very start, as she was a fan of his and their first messages with each other was her telling him how much his content had helped her through depression.

[Image ID: a screenshot of an Instagram direct message to Dream that reads “Hi, the chances of you seeing this are very slim, but I wanted to let you know that your content makes me sooo happy. Ive been really depressed lately, all thats going on in the world and in my life and your videos give me one more reason to stay. You know how people type “LMAO” and dont actually laugh? I actually sit in bed laughing when im watching you. That means a lot [Unclear emoji]. Love you Dream!❤️ -Amanda”. Dream replied and wrote “aw thank you for the kind words :)”. End ID]

This means that he knew full well that her wellbeing was somewhat dependant on his content. She says that his videos gave her one more reason to stay alive.

He confirmed that the Instagram messages are real. 

[Image ID: a screenshot of Dream’s twitlonger regarding the allegations that reads “The second thread had instagram dms from me, again, having friendly normal conversation and nothing inappropriate. I believe these message are real as well. Once”. End ID]

Thusly, the Snapchat messages that haven’t been deleted are, without a doubt, real, because he tells her the name of his private Snapchat in the Instagram messages. They cannot be ignored.

It is incredibly inappropriate for Dream to message her on Snapchat knowing that she was 17 and a fan at the time and that messages can easily be erased. That on its own would be uncomfortable, but he was talking to her in a flirtatious manner.

[Image ID: a screenshot of a Snapchat message by Dream/Clay that is a reply to a video sent by Amanda that reads “ur gorgeous as fuck”. End ID]

This is not normal, friendly behavior. Especially with a fan who is underage and has said that she is emotionally invested in his content.

This is predatory. Several girls have come forward. This proves that Dream not only has more than once, but likely will again, use his platform and power to engage in sexual relationships with underage girls.

He cannot have a platform anymore.

Please, read this post about the Snapchat messages, this post about why Tommy messaging Schlatt and other CCs was completely different, and these two threads about his response to the situation (thread one) (thread two) and how it was manipulative and more focused on his audience rather than adressing the allegations. 

This thread includes most of the information regarding the situation.

#areus rambles #dream situation #ask to tag #tw grooming mention #dreamwastaken #dwt #<- for blocking purposes if it gets past the situation tag

[amyintherapy]

Things I've Learned in 18 months of therapy

When people repeat the same patterns of behavior that are more negative than positive, it's usually trauma related. Examples: Your sister who has dated 15 different men who all are emotionally unavailable, short-fused guys who don't respect her. Or your aunt who has gotten into severe debt several times in her life, always buying items she doesn't need. Or your friend who has always befriended people who are not disabled but don't work and chronically need 'favors' so they end up allowing people to mooch off them to the point of it harming their own financial security. Basically anytime you find yourself frustrated and wondering 'why do they always DO that?" or "why don't they just do X instead? They always do Y which just makes things worse..." the answer likely is, they have trauma related to this issue, and/or their behavior is related to their trauma response that they are stuck in. Of course, this is true for you also! If you keep reacting to certain situations in a way you dislike, or going back to a coping method that you see as harmful and can't figure out why you can't stop...it's probably trauma related in some way.

Part of being traumatized involves your brain trying to hide the trauma from you..at least most of it, if not all of it. My therapist has used the example of a piece of paper that is standing upright. You might see the fine edge of the paper, so you sometimes know a piece of paper is in front of you, but you can only see the edge, so when that paper finally gets turned so that it's facing you and you can read everything written on it, it kinda knocks you over and you feel like you should have known all of that all along...after all, the paper was right there. But you couldn't read it before, and you didn't even know there was all that writing on it anyway so you didn't realize such a big piece of your puzzle was missing. In other cases, the paper may be more like...trapped in a book, so it was always there, but you had no idea it was as you thought it was just part of the book, not this hand-written note hidden inside. So anyway, it's very normal to feel shocked at how lacking in awareness you were about the full impact or detail of your trauma once you get on a roll with therapy. I always knew I had trauma, and I've always been a self-reflective person...so I thought I was self aware of my trauma. But I've been surprised at how much I was failing to see fully.

ADHD is stupidly named. Having ADHD doesn't mean you have a deficit of attention. It means you can't control (aka regulate) your attention the way most people can. Tons of people with ADHD would tell you that they feel like they have too much attention. They are interested in ALL the things which is why they struggle to keep their focus on one thing while blocking out everything else going on around them. The things you do that cause you problems, were things you originally did to protect yourself. For example, maybe your addiction started because you were reaching for emotional relief and had no other (healthier) way to make yourself feel better. Or maybe you shut down and isolate when you're hurt, because when you tried reaching out for support as a child it just made things worse because your caregiver was reactive instead of supportive. Endless examples, but people do things for a reason. Your coping methods have a logical cause of some kind or another, even if they do more harm than good now, that wasn't always the case. At one time, they helped you cope with or avoid some bigger pain or problem. Depression and anxiety are both forms of avoiding other feelings. Much of general society knows the concept that "anger is a secondary emotion" (which is only sometimes true, it's also a core emotion) but I didn't know this was true of anxiety and depression. They're always secondary emotions. However, it's important to differentiate between sadness and depression, and fear and depression. Fear and sadness/grief are core emotions, but anxiety and depression are secondary. The fact that I am detail-focused and couldn't be concise if my life depended on it, are both ADHD related for me. Social anxiety is usually attachment trauma aka an insecure attachment. Anxiety and depression are often caused by trauma. I wish I knew this earlier. I spent a lot of time thinking of my anxiety was simply genetic or sort of temperament based and therefore unlikely to be healed or fixed. I don't mean to suggest that genetics or temperment isn't some element but...I can't help but wonder how many people are like me and don't realize they could heal a lot of their anxiety or depression by doing trauma work. I'm definitely still an anxious person, but I've seen a really big improvement in my anxiety. More than I thought was possible two years ago. Most kids and teenagers are avoidant in therapy, so they don't usually see as much progress from the experience, at least compared to adults. It's often a rather slow process to see improvement. However, it's still really helpful in the longrun if they have a positive experience with therapy as a teen, they're likely to try again as an adult when they're really ready to face their issues. Online, I've seen child therapists outright say that their #1 goal with kids in therapy is to make them think of therapy positively so they'll come back to therapy when they're older! I saw some progress in therapy as a teen for sure, but the 4+ years of it resulted in roughly as much (if not less?) progress than I've seen in 18 months of therapy as an adult. Apparently that's quite common. Talking about trauma feels awful, and it often makes me leave trauma-related therapy appointments wondering if there is any point or if i'm just making myself sad. A "okay, I understand this issue I have now was caused by XYZ experience from my past...but wtf do I DO about it? I understand it now, but I still have no clue how to fix it?" type of feeling. This is the result of being too close to the current day to see the full picture. Over the course of time, the benefits and healing always become apparent to me.

People who get angry often are sort of the opposite of me. I default to feeling anxious when I "should" feel angry (like when someone is rude to me), and sometimes also when I 'should' be sad. Most people who experience chronic anger are simply people who are converting their fear and/or sadness into anger. It's sometimes the difference between being an internalize and an externalize. Anger is an external emotion, fear/anxiety is an internal one. So if you struggle to externalize, you'll convert anger to sadness or fear, and if you struggle to internalize you'll convert sadness and fear to anger.

My "small t" traumas - like emotional neglect, are at least as impactful as my "big T" trauma (sexual abuse) was.

Sensory issues are common in ADHD, not just autism even though the content online often makes it seem exclusive to ASD.

I am probably forgetting a lot, but if I don't publish this now I never will. So if I think of more later, I'll just add on. :)

#my posts #trauma #adhd #therapy #mental health #cptsd #ptsd #anxiety #depression #generalized anxiety #social anxiety

[writers-potion]

i was wondering if you could give some points and tips on writing about a character who is suffering from DRUG ABUSE

Writing A Drug Addict Character

Know Your Drugs

Was the drug invented? A scene using insulin set in 1820 is problematic since this treatment wasn’t discovered until the 1900s. Fentanyl shouldn’t be used in a 1930s scene since it wasn’t available for use until the 1960s—opium or morphine would be more accurate choices.

Was the method invented? Since insulin must be given as a shot, that scene is even less authentic as the hypodermic needle wasn’t invented until the mid-1800s. Older historical fiction could involve the use of poultices and mustard packs, while skin drug patches (transdermal patches) are only appropriate in more modern scenes.

The most common drugs abused by gangs are: Marijuana, Methamphetamine, Heroin, Cocaine

Or, it can be prescription drugs

Although many medications can be abused, the following three classes are most commonly abused:

Opioids—usually prescribed to treat pain;

Central nervous system (CNS) depressants—used to treat anxiety and sleep disorders; and

Stimulants—most often prescribed to treat attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). (common example? caffeine)

Write In Stages

Stage 1: First Use

Some people use a substance for the first time out of curiosity, while others use substances due to peer pressure. People may also be prescribed medication, such as opioids, by their doctor. Individuals may view their first use as a one-time occurrence, but this opens the door for future use. Some people try a substance one time and never use it again. 

You character will feel:

Angry and/or desperate

Miserable

Lonely

Trying to run away from a certain problem

Persuaded into doing drug

Guilty

Stage 2: Regular Use

If a person uses a substance and enjoys how it makes them feel or believes it will improve their life, they may start to use the substance regularly. They may use drugs or drink alcohol on the weekends while at parties or hanging out with friends. Occasional use may become a regular occurrence. It might become a part of a person’s routine.

Your character:

Will start getting in careless activities while doing drugs

Will probably be violent

Won’t think he has any issue whatsoever and shrug it off

Start associating themselves with harder drug users

Have a false sense of security that they’re able to quit whenever they want.

Stage 3: Risky Use

The next stage after regular use is risky use. A person will continue to use a substance despite the physical, mental, legal or social consequences. Their use likely started as a way to escape or have fun with peers but has now taken priority over other aspects of their life.

Your Character will feel:

uncomfortable around family members/friends who start to notice

Exhibit more reckless behavior

Driving under influence, stealing money to finance substance use, etc.

Underperforming at work or school

Experience tension in personal relationships

Stage 4: Dependence

The next stage is a physical, mental and emotional reliance on the substance. The individual is no longer using the substance for medical or recreational purposes. When a person doesn’t use the substance, their body will exhibit withdrawal symptoms, such as tremors, headaches, nausea, anxiety and muscle cramps.

Your Chracter Will:

Develop a sort of rountine/typical place where they abuse

Believe that the substance is essential for survival

Use substance even when it's unnecessary

Stage 5: Substance Use Disorder

While some people use dependency and substance use disorder interchangeably, they’re very different. Once a person develops a substance use disorder, substance misuse becomes a compulsion rather than a conscious choice. They’ll also experience severe physical and mental side effects, depending on the substance they’re using.

Your Character:

Has noe developed a chronic disease with the risk of relapse

Is now incapable of quitting on their own

Feel like life is impossible to deal with without the substance.

Lose their job, fail out of school, become isolated from friends and family or give up their passions or hobbies.

Research the Trends

Medical knowledge changes over time and with it the drugs prescribed. This then impacts the type of prescription drugs available on the streets.

late 1800s: chloral hydrate used for anxiety and insomnia > bromides > 1920s: barbiturates, barbital > benzodiazepines ("benzos") > early 2000s: opiod drugs > opiod drug bans led to growth of black markets: ilicit fentanyl > and so on...

Different countries/locations will have varying trends of drug abuse (depending on laws, availability, costs, etc.)

Research the Slag

look for "[drug name] trip report" on YouTube, etc. to get first-hand accounts of how drug addicts behave.

The main focus should always be to use the words your characters would use in ways that suit the world you have created.

The slang for certain drugs is a difficult vocabulary to maintain as it is ever-changing and varies based on country, region, town, even by streets. Some writers use what they know or have heard locally, others invent their own.

Resources

FDA (Food and Drug Administration) and DEA online databases and drug resources

Social networking groups focusing on related specialty writing topics, such as trauma or emergency medicine

Newspaper articles and medical journals are great places to find real cases.

The US national poison center 

Helpful Vocab:

Addled - sense of confusion + complete lack of mental awareness

Crazed - emotional anguish experienced by the addict

Desperate

Despondent

Erratic

Fidgety

Hopeless

Impressionable

Struggling

#writing #writers and poets #creative writers #helping writers #creative writing #let's write #poets and writers #writers on tumblr #writeblr #resources for writers #writing inspiration #writing advice #writing prompt #writing tips #on writing #writer #writing community #writerscommunity #writer on tumblr #writer things #writer problems #writer community #writer stuff #writblr #writers of tumblr #writers community #writers block #writers life #writing questions #writing quotes

[turbulentscrawl]

If I may ask, may you do general headcanons for emil, if not then just ignore this💜

Suuuuure can!

!Edited on 01/26/24 to add a few more small HCs!

Warning: Mentions of abuse (a lot)

-Emil’s health situation is as complicated as it is depressing. He suffers from chronic pain that’s a result of the years of abuse he’s endured—both in the dog fighting ring and in the asylum. Ironically, he’s got some of the highest pain tolerance out of all the survivors, but it’s difficult to tell when he’s I the middle of his worst days. (This pain tolerance is all psychological, however. A little something he developed as a defense mechanism.)

-Pain medicine does little for him now. He was on such high doses of opioids while in the middle of his shock and bloodletting treatments that they don’t help much anymore while also having dealt him some lasting issues like low blood pressure and brittle bones. This bone weakness, his parkour movements, and lowered sensitivity to pain mean he tends to suffer more severe injuries in matches than most.

-Emil’s communication skills have improved over the last few years, but he still struggles with writing and social cues. He’s used to the body language of dogs and angry men, so things like confident shoulders and direct eye contact make him nervous. If those behaviors are displayed towards Ada or another special person, he may become aggressive.

-In addition to his communication struggles, Emil’s emotions are also rather stunted; he often has disproportionate reactions to events and stimulus around himself. (He especially tends to under-react.) It’s very rare for Emil to cry or become genuinely angered. He spends most of his time with that pitiful, placating, resting smile and just letting the world whirl around him.

-Emil’s attachment to Ada mostly comes down to hers being the first truly kind hand he’s ever been offered. Despite any dubious motives, Ada does genuinely care about helping people, and at the time of meeting Emil she had not been a practicing physician long enough to be come jaded or careless. Other doctors did not spare Emil any sympathy because he was quiet and obedient, but Ada still gave him those. Her being in trouble is one of the few times this emotional reactions will be high—he’s terrified of losing his only source of comfort, and will become desperate and violent in order to keep her safe.

-Emil likes “being in a daze” because when he’s drugged up his constant pain is muffled. But he’s also less aware in general, and he’s so desperate for affection that he’s willing to forego the relief to be alert around Ada, or anyone else who dotes on him. Also similar to a dog, he’s fiercely loyal to Ada because she takes care of him. It’s not impossible for him to become attached to others too, but it will take time and repeat exposure to get over his protective urges. He’s more likely to get along with children and people Ada specifically introduces him to.

-Emil doesn’t have much preference in regards to food; he’s used to eating slop, scraps, and dog kibble. He does, however, like cakes because Ada always gave those to him as a “treat.” They represent another form of praise and affection to him. He prefers to eat with his hands than utensils—it hurts to try gripping those tiny things.

-Emil is afraid of dogs, and this unfortunately includes Wick. He and Victor don’t get along well because of how much the pup means to the Postman. He does seem to have some fondness for Ann’s cat, though.

-Most love languages work well for Emil, but Physical Touch and Words of Affirmation are his favorites to receive. (He rarely knows what to do with the gifts he’s given, however.) To give, he likes Acts of Service and Gift Giving. Emil loves to be touched gently, for any reason. Pet his hair, rub his back, massage his hands, he doesn’t care as long as you’re doing it with the intention of being loving and gentle. He even easily forgives missteps that aggravate his pre-existing pain. Uneducated as he is, Emil still knows what remorse looks like. The gifts he gives are rarely valuable in a monetary way, but he likes to share pretty things with the people he loves. A wire ring, a nice rock he found, the undamaged wings of a dead butterfly, you get the idea.

-Sexual abuse was among the abundance of mistreatment he suffered growing up. If and when Emil does engage in those sorts of activities, they require patience and a lot of communication to avoid triggering him. Ironically, he does better with those things when he’s NOT being regularly treated by Ada because the memories are buried too deep to crop up.

-Emil is somewhere between the ages of 25 and 28. As an adult, he grows facial hair, but he's not able to shave himself due to both a nervousness about knives and unsteady hands. Ada does it for him about once a week, and it's a time-consuming activity due to Emil needing regular reassurances.

-Another trait he's picked up from his canine company is "licking his wounds." And other people's if he cares about them enough. You've cut your finger? In his mouth it goes. Saliva does tend to promote healing to an extent, so most people let his behavior be.

#idv x reader #identity v #idv patient #emil x reader #turbulentscrawl

[newkatzkafe2023]

@lara-legomonkiekid

What if Monkey King acted like a yandere?

They're all equally lethal weapons😰😰😰

(Lmk Wukong) His Yandere Instincts are fueled by his fear of losing you. It probably doesn't help that he has severe attachment. Issues needs to be around you at all times or else? Some very bloody consequences will happen. And if you were a mortal at the time you were dating, he's gonna give you an immortality page without you even knowing. So so don't freak out too much when you're like forty six and you look like your Twenty two

(NR Wukong) Man's would make a very interesting yandere, Because no one can predict anything he would do. Granted, he does love you. And he's never really worried about losing you to someone else. But that still doesn't mean he doesn't worry. Also, he is slightly a pervert. So I can see him like stealing from you. Small stuff that you don't really knowohh this or considering its old stuff, then you definitely won't notice.

(Mk Reborn Wukong) I don't even think anybody would notice him as a yandere Because he's the freakin same. Possessive, jealous,Violent blood thirsty and insecure But also we might accidentally strike fear into you. But not fear of the outside world like he wants you to feel but fear of him as well. Don't allow him to know you fear him. Or that's gonna break him in a way you really don't need him to

(HIB Wukong) Okay the worst I see him do is Isolating you. He would not hurt or threaten you whatsoever, but he definitely wouldn't know how to keep you away from people. First he would be low-key with it. And you wouldn't even notice you'll find yourself distancing away from people your family and friends and soon enough from society. What he's really trying to show was that the only person you're gonna need us have for now and forever.

(Netflix Wukong) If he was a yandere he would be full of paranoia depression and desperation. He is constantly bombarded with dark thoughts About you leaving him for good. So he makes sure Never give you a reason to leave him whether it's about his behavior or his Appearance he will do whatever it takes to make sure you stay with him. And if none of that Is enough he'll just have to make To wear there's no one else but you and him

FEEL FREE TO REBLOG

#monkey king netflix #monkey king reborn #nezha reborn #monkey king x reader #lmk monkey king #monkey king hero is back #x female y/n #male yandere #Male wife

[arrivingonthescene]

i got this dialogue chain from espirit de corps after jean had just participated in mocking harry over the radio along with the precinct, where harry has a legitimate panic attack over not wanting to be here anymore, pidieu tries to keep it private, but quickly they hang up on him and discuss. its still apparent, the narrative that helping people in these states is not first fifth or even the last mission for the RCM or these institutions, we see with the lazareth dialogue that no one behind that radio is truly interested in helping the ill, downtrodden, or disabled and it's carried out in such a nonchalant way, you encounter so many people who their world didn't extend enough compassion and they're left lost and wandering like pigs or coping with chemicals like birds nest roy

so jeans words he speaks to harry, contrasting with his behavior away from him is so interesting to me. he wanted, at least in this moment, to protect harry's issues from being broadcasted, suddenly it's *not funny* despite laughing in his face about how hilarious his memory loss and alcoholism is. it's not funny and he still condemns him as a lost cause. why did harry say he wants to get worse? it's not like the institution wants him to get better, yearning for something he felt is unattainable hurts and getting worse is a tangible thing, he is an Expert in self-punishment. it really isn't funny and jean goes on to do the courtesy of hiding harry's breakdown from the higher ups and report it as a prank call. i'm so interested in why. he clearly does not think harry can be helped and jean himself is seen as a medical anomaly for being severely depressed and somehow still alive, like the end stage of depression to them is suicide. does jean think he himself is a lost cause? idk. i'm not saying he projects onto harry and he certainly is a mouthpiece for the way disabled people are treated in the workforce but i cannot stop thinking how this dialogue chain made me pause

#text #disco elysium #eh i know jean is a bigbig issue rn but forgive me as i am still playing the game most of the posts i see on him ars #meta about fandom interpretation. i wanna hear your interpretation #since this is new dialogue to me i just got it a few hrs ago

[thecuriousquest]

Yandere Gaara SFW Headcanons

Yandere Gaara x Fem!Reader

Tag List: @issamomma

Warnings: Yandere themes, slight fluff, SFW, murder mentioning, manipulation, control issues, obsessive tendencies, stalking, itty bitty meanness, desperately trying to court you

Checkout my Master List here.

—————————————————————————

Yandere Gaara is obsessive, overprotective, and self-aware.

He obsesses over you touching him. He’ll paint your nails if it means he can hold your hand. His favorite thing is when you allow him to rest his head on your lap and you drag your fingers through his hair softly.

This Jinchuriki is overprotective because he fears something bad happening to you. He has been faced with loss and depression in his life. You are his safe haven. He needs to keep tabs on you and make sure you’re okay at all costs. He’ll go as far as he has to, even if that means stalking you.

A variation of his protection isn’t just killing for you, but he’ll find ways to manipulate you into settling down with him. This might look like isolation. He’ll find a way to get in between you and your friends, shutting off their contact with you, forcing you to turn to him for solace seeing as he’s the only one left. He’ll have you make friends with his sister, and he’ll make sure that she talks about how great he is to you.

Being self-aware is really hard for him. On one hand, he knows something isn’t exactly right. He knows it’s not normal to obsess over a person and stalk them. However, he’s not going to do anything about it, and this leads to further turmoil because he feels guilty for not putting a stop to his behavior.

Panda Boy seeks your guidance on so many things, believing that you hold the wisdom of a thousand gods. You could be the village idiot, but he sees you as someone worthy of being the Kazekage’s advisor. Isn’t that so sweet? It’s not at all a tiring job that you didn’t want in the first place. Like I said before, he’ll do anything to keep you close to him.

Gaara can have a mean side, but you’ll never see it unless you SEVERELY piss him off. You’ve only seen this side of him one time when you kept asking him to stop sending shinobi to guard your place. He blew up on you, frightening you into silence. He slammed his hand down on the table and stood up, pointing in your face. “I’m doing this for your safety! Don’t stand there and act so ungrateful. Leave before I end up doing something I might regret.” His sand started floating from his gourd, and you ran from his office.

He doesn’t know how to flirt, and it’s hilarious to watch his attempts at flirtation. “How are…your legs look very long today.” He gets better later on, saying things like, “Your beauty is more rare than painite.” It’s cute, though, and you start to see a side of Gaara you didn’t even know was there.

Lastly, you will get to know his romantic side because he will have dozens of roses sent to your house on a regular basis because “flowers don’t last forever” as he puts it. He will fill your sweet tooth craving (if you have one) by ordering you the finest desserts. If you don’t have a sweet tooth, he’ll spoil you with the finest presents of silks and jewelry.

All in all, he’s just a man who wants to have you in his life, and he’ll do anything he has to in order to make that happen.

#naruto shippuden #gaara of the sand #gaara of the desert #kazekage gaara #gaara #sunagakure #yandere #yandere x you #yandere x reader #yandere x y/n #yandere x darling #triggering content #triggering themes

[diacripticcomplex]

My absolute favorite DL characters in no particular order:

🌸 YUI KOMORI 🌸

Never understood the hate towards Yui. Again the anime is a promo for the game and it did not do her character justice at all. The prequel and sequels for some of the mangas did her character justice. She’s a very kind and compassionate person, she’s HUMAN and grew up in a church, she’s a soft girl who doesn’t like violence so y’all can only imagine what this girl has to go thru meeting a bunch of bloody thirsty horny vampire boys, who have severe parental issues and a bunch of other abusive behavioral problems, but she is very patient with each and every brother in all the routes and I love that about her, she’d be a really good therapist too lmao. She’s an Angel, must be protected at all times. I won’t tolerate any Yui hate on this blog.

❤️‍🔥 AYATO SAKAMAKI ❤️‍🔥

Poster boy for the entire franchise. A lot of people find him to be annoying, he is annoying and we love his Aries self for that. While Ayato is a menace to society he’s got a good side to him as well and for the most part knows right from wrong, more than some of the fandom gives him credit for. I also really like his character design, he kinda looks like a mean little bat. They give him a lot of cute and playful moments with Yui and I think that’s beautiful especially in a dark themed game series, they have serious moments but also a lot of light hearted moments and I think that’s important to lighten up the mood sometimes.

👨‍🌾 YUMA MUKAMI👨‍🌾

First off, I absolutely love his character design, the messy long hair and he’s a giant too plus they gave him realistic human hair and eyes to show that he used to be human, maybe I’m thinking too deep on it idk. I absolutely love the identity crisis he had due to his amnesia and the connection with Shu, it brought that twin flame connection back, I love those best friend tropes a lot, his voice actor also is Mako from Free! So I have no choice but to Stan Yuma. Yuma also has a lot more self awareness then the rest of his adoptive brothers and thinks ahead due to his past experiences, he knows that he’s a vampire now but still has a garden for food and has sugar cubes with him at all times, he uses his past experiences and acknowledges that it happened then moves forward he doesn’t dwell on it too much.

🔪AZUSA MUKAMI🔪

He’s a lil creepy, and socially awkward at times but he’s just so relatable sometimes. He’s very soft spoken and he a lil wild with his pain tolerance and some of the out of pocket shit that he says, but I think he’s such a sweetheart, protect him at all costs as well, even his brothers know to protect him at all costs.

🎻 SHU SAKAMAKI 🎻

Shu will forever be my favorite DL boy, he doesn’t like doing anything but can do everything and do it perfectly too. He has severe ptsd, depression, and detachment issues. No you can’t fix him even Yui realizes this and just accepts him for who he is because that’s the only way it’ll work. He’s also hilarious without even trying to be, he says some mean shit at times but it’s so unhinged like damn Shu you don’t have the energy to eat, shower, wipe your ass but you got the energy to completely disrespect all your siblings with a few words. Also his beef with Reiji is somewhat familiar grounds especially if you have a sibling that is constantly irritating your soul. I always felt like I could relate to Shu the most due to him having a hard time getting close to people after losing his best friend, he can’t just get over it either, I don’t like when people would say “oh it happened a long time ago” yes it did but everyone heals at their own pace and it’s important to acknowledge that as well.

#diabolik lovers #diabolik boys #yui komori #shu sakamaki #dialovers #ayato sakamaki #diabolik brothers #yuma mukami #diahell #azusa mukami #favorite characters

[letters-to-lgbt-kids]

My dear lgbt+ kids,

Shame is a helpful feeling - in some cases.

As draining and painful as it is, shame serves important purposes: If you make a mistake, that feeling helps you reflect on your behavior and motivates you to fix what you did wrong. This is necessary to navigate social interactions and relationships in a healthy way!

Without any feelings of shame, you would really struggle with peacefully co-existing with other people. You would often cross other people's boundaries and not even apologize for it. In that way, shame is a really wonderful thing! It acts as a "social glue" that helps us be nicer to each other.

But shame can also become unhealthy, for example if:

you keep feeling shame for a mistake that has already been taken care of, when there's nothing left to (productively) reflect on, apologize for or fix

you feel deep shame for a small mistake that did not affect the other person that deeply

you become so afraid of embarassing yourself that your quality of life suffers (as you stop doing things you love or stop trying new things etc.)

another person is purposefully instilling a sense of shame in you over something that wasn't your fault or wasn't a mistake at all

And a big one:

the shame is not related to one specific mistake at all

You may feel ashamed of something you are (rather than something you did) or something that isn't fixable and/or doesn't need fixing at all. This includes, for example, feeling ashamed of your sexual orientation, your gender identity, the way your body looks, a disability or illness etc. It can also be a sense of shame over something that is hard to pin down, a general feeling of "I am embarassing", "Nobody likes me", "I am worthless" etc. This is often associated with mental health issues such as depression, PTSD or social anxiety.

Unlike the "social glue" type of shame, these types are not productive or helpful. So, how to deal with those? There isn't a one-size-fits-all answer or a quick fix to that. Especially when they're related to a mental health issue or severely affect your quality of life, you may need professional help to deal with them.

Something that can help (not as a replacement of but in combination with therapy) are self-compassion exercises, such as

"Imagine a good friend would feel the same way you do right now and asks you for advice. What would you tell them?"

"Think of some situations in which other people may feel worthless. What would you think or do if you witnessed such a situation?"

"Describe your situation from a completely neutral point of view. Don't try to make it sound more positive but don't include negative judgements, either - just stick to neutral facts. How does this make you feel?"

It can be helpful to actually write down your answers (rather than just quickly answer them in your head), so you can repeat the exercise a few days later and compare your answers!

With all my love,

Your Tumblr Dad

#lgbt #lgbt+

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if I don't want to contribute to paying for furniture for the house?

1/3/2024, Names changed. Sorry, this is a little long.

I (26) live with three roommates: Kay (22) who is my sister, Sam (22) who is Kay's high school sweetheart and fiancé, and Andy (25) who is Kay and Sam's best friend. All of us are autistic, queer, and neurodivergent in some way or another.

Background info; Kay, Sam, and Andy had had plans to move in together for several years with Andy moving cross country to do so. Kay and I both moved out of our parents house within a month of each other in Summer 2022, with Kay and Sam moving in together, and me moving into an apartment by myself. Early 2023 due to issues with my apartment and landlord and being unable/unwilling to stay there past my lease when it was up in six months, with some encouragement from our mother Kay asked if I wanted to move in with the three of them because Kay and Sam's lease was up around the same time mine was and they were already planning on getting a bigger place to live with Andy when he got here. Due to the aforementioned apartment troubles and having a hard time mentally living alone for the first time, I accepted. We found a small house and the four of us moved in Summer 2023.

Now we've butted heads a good bit the last couple months (especially me and Andy because we had barely known each other before moving in together and we have very different personalities), including a few very loud fights, but we have thus far managed to eventually talk it out and work it out and kept things mostly under control. I admit, there have been times where I was definitely the asshole in situations, but I've acknowledged that, apologized, and tried to improve my behavior since then. Anyway, this ask isn't about all those times.

A lot of my issues in the household stem from my depression and lack of motivation to get things done. A big contributing factor to that is that I am painfully aware I wasn't part of their original plan, and that leads to me not feeling wanted as part of this house. The three of them often do things without me like playing D&D, and hanging out/going fun places without me, while things I want to do with all of them just kinda never happens, like playing a video game or board game with one of them, or going out somewhere fun I want to go. Some of me not being included is completely justified like Kay and Sam's date nights, and some things while they do still sting a bit to be excluded from make sense why (like their D&D games that can get very NSFW, and I'm a sex-repulsed asexual. also being Kay's sister would make it extremely awkward regardless of my sexuality. I only found out about the NSFW nature of their games two weeks ago though), but certain things it doesn't feel like as good a reason for me to not be included or it's not actually communicated to me why I'm not invited to be part of something.

A REALLY big thing that contributed to these feelings I have was the day we got the keys to our house, as Kay and Andy were showing it to me, Kay told me "Just so you know, this isn't permanent. You're going to get your own place again eventually" with a soft deadline of two years because that's when another of their friends graduates college and might need a place to stay after. Over the last few months we have had several conversations about my feelings of being unwanted and Kay has apologized saying that what she meant that day came out wrong. What she meant by that statement was they all want to help me become more independent so that I will be able to move out and live on my own again one day when I'm ready since the first time didn't go so well. They were not/are not planning to kick me out, and the other friend moving in is just an idea that may not even come to fruition anyway. Even if it was partially a misunderstanding and there is no set time I need to be out of the house by, knowing that there is an end in sight has made it much harder for me to settle in because I don't feel like I can get settled since I'll just have to leave again at some point anyway even if that time is literal years away. Sorry if that doesn't make sense but that's the best way I can phrase it.

With all that background out of the way, I'll get back on track now. Kay and Andy have spent months planning on how to decorate the house and want to make the whole first floor (kitchen, living room, and shared craft space in the front room) themed like a medieval tavern. I haven't been able to give much input on how the house gets decorated outside of my own room. I've been trying to at least make my bedroom feel more homey since it's where I spend a lot of my time, but the common areas are much harder for me to feel comfortable and like I belong in because I don't have much control/input in how they will look. Which again, I know I'm not going to be here super long term, so it makes sense but it still sucks.

Now onto the actual situation here. There is a dining table set that Kay and Andy picked out that costs over $400 that Kay said on 12/25 she wants us all four to pitch in to get for the household for her birthday in a couple months. I am hesitant to contribute to this set, because I am not going to live with them forever. Obviously I pay my part to the household. I pay my fair share of rent, utilities, and food (though I will often make mini grocery runs throughout the week and I rarely if ever ask for money I spent back because I feel awkward about asking for money from any of them). I have already contributed towards furniture for the house but that is either things that are explicitly and exclusively mine despite household use (a tv stand I already had, a bookshelf I bought to display my things) and will come with me when I move out, or something that was a gift for someone else but still not ridiculously expensive (a $40 secondhand curio cabinet the rest of us got for Kay as an early Christmas present and various other small decorations for around the house).

There was another interaction today that has me a little upset. We've been thinking of getting a second TV for the living room so we can play online co-op games together. Who pays for the TV, determines who gets to keep the new one and who takes the old one when I leave. If the three of them want to keep the new TV, they're going to split the cost and I get the old one, however if I want the new TV I will have to pay for the whole thing myself. 1 person vs 3 people paying for something just feels unfair to me.

But the dining set feels different because it's a lot of money and I won't get to take any part of it with me when I eventually leave. With the TV I'd at least get to keep it. I feel guilty about not wanting to help pay for it, especially because Kay has said she wants it as a birthday gift, but if it almost feels like I'm just buying furniture for someone else's house. Honestly, I'll probably end up sucking it up and contributing anyway because I really don't like confrontation and tend to keep my feelings to myself anyway, but I just want to know other people's opinion on the situation.

Money has been a growing issue for me lately. I'm the only one with a stable, salaried job (barely pays above minimum wage though so it's not like I'm rolling funds), while Kay and Sam are hourly and Andy is between jobs right now. Like I said, I feel awkward about asking for money from any of them. Honestly I don't mind paying a little extra here and there to help out since I'm not much help with the cooking and cleaning, but the amount I have been contributing with no compensation has been eating away at my savings the last few months and I've been keeping silent about it because I don't want to make them feel guilty about it and make it awkward.

TLDR; I'm insecure and have trouble feeling wanted around by my roommates, and am expected to eventually move out. WIBTA if I don't want to help buy a dining set for the household because I won't get to take any part of it with me when I move out?

PS- If it's not too much trouble, could you please tag @aita-roommates-furniture so I am notified when this gets posted? Tumblr won't let me submit asks from a sideblog. If not, no worries! I'll just keep an eye out for it

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[eroticwound]

The Parentification of the Berzatto Siblings: Mikey’s Mental State

Let’s take a look at Donna’s mental state, as a way of understanding Mikey’s. Donna is dealing with mental illness. She most likely has a personality disorder (Borderline would be my guess) that might be comorbid with a mood disorder (Bipolar or Intermittent Explosive Disorder), and is using alcohol to self-medicate.

Donna’s alcoholism doesn’t exist in a vacuum. Because of her mental illness and the stressors of being a single mom, she is self-medicating with alcohol, meaning she is using it to numb herself out. Between 50 and 70% of people with BPD have substance abuse issues, and 41% of those with Bipolar disorder self-medicate.

This is the state of the Barzatto Family Home: the unstable woman at the center, who can be fun and funny, but is incredibly volatile. She is influencing and modeling behavior for all of the Bear Sibs. So looking back at Michael, as the oldest son, the burden of Donna’s moods and the state of his siblings (and any guests that happen to be around) is firmly on him. And he is empathetic enough to get others out of their funk and charming enough to keep things positive and running (relatively) smoothly. But all the anxiety of this situation—the parentification, which forces a child to disregard their own emotions and well-being in favor of their parent—gets severely internalized, and then masked by his ability to be loud and funny.

Mikey is avoidant above all else. In that first interaction in Fishes, between him and Nat, he literally says, “with [Mom], not handling it is the best way to handle it.” And this approach of his pops up again and again, whether he’s avoiding Carmy (by not picking up the phone or engaging in difficult conversations, or literally, when he leaves the pantry after Carm gives him the present), avoiding handling Donna, or avoiding dealing with his own mental health. This is in no way helped by the fact Mikey is most likely dealing with some form of chemical imbalance, whether it’s depression or bipolar disorder like Donna.

Add to all this the self-medicating behavior Donna models for him, and it’s a fairly clear line from internalizing and masking his pain, to substance abuse; alcohol and pain medication and whatever else he was using are just more intense ways of avoiding his pain. They are quite literally the only ways he’s managing his distress.

In fact, so much of Mikey’s behavior is modeled off of Donna:

The first person to throw a utensil in Fishes is not Michael, it’s actually Donna. She throws one at Steve while Mikey and Richie are giving Carm a tough time about Claire.

Mikey hits himself after Carm gives him the gift, and Donna hits herself at the dinner table.

If Donna hadn’t driven her car through the wall, the scene Mikey makes at the dinner table might’ve been the big story from that Christmas.

And then of course there’s the traumatic tirade Donna goes on about killing herself. That seems like a fairly common threat in the Berzatto household. And it makes me wonder if the gun Michael used to kill himself was his father’s, the one that Donna threatened to use.

And this is a real issue with Parentification: it becomes normalized and perpetuated. These roles and behaviors become integrated into a child’s personality, and alters ideas of what normal and healthy relationships look like. You can see this in how Michael treats Carmen. It was normalized for Mikey to handle Donna in the kitchen. It never occurs to him that baby Carm shouldn’t be around that. But it is normalized *and* unavoidable, so Michael let’s him take on that responsibility. Even the way he talks to Carm, calling him moody, a saltine—these are intended to get Carmen out of his head, but they are also cruel and tell Carm that his emotions are too much, that his emotions can’t compete with Donna’s. After all, Donna and Mikey work together as a parental unit.

You see it especially in the first Mikey-Carmy-Donna Kitchen scene in Fishes, where Donna and Mikey gang up on Carmy together, getting Carm to say he’s happy to be home and loves them. This is a lie to smooth things over on Carmen’s end, but if being around Donna is bad for Carm, it’s bad for all of them. Living at home has got to be triggering, and you can tell throughout Fishes just how done Michael is with it.

Michael’s adulthood is so sad. We know that he had a trail of failed business ventures, money problems, and even had to move back in with Donna. He doesn’t seem to have a girlfriend, and is stuck telling the same old stories from his youth, because the best he can do is mask his dysfunction and entertain everyone. All of this is a self-perpetuating cycle, his avoidance making sure he cannot ask for the help he needs, and his relative functionality ensuring no one pushes the issue.

My next post will breakdown some of the key Mikey scenes in Fishes.

#michael berzatto #mikey berzatto #donna berzatto #carmen berzatto #carmy berzatto #natalie berzatto #sugar berzatto #the bear #the bear fx #parentification #bear meta #the bear meta #meta

[doublel27]

Honestly a little surprised that you are "not mad" that Carlos didn't tell TK this huge secret in all the time they've been together. Especially after the way he acted about TK and his sponsor. Yeah the set-up for this storyline was non-existant and that's bad writing, but also, Carlos's complete lack of remorse and TK's complete lack of a reaction to the news makes me feel like I'm watching pod people. Is TK gunning for sainthood? Even if the set-up was there the way they handled the reveal just makes no sense.

Look, this is a man who spent four-six months of a break up lying to his parents about the break up and the fact that they weren’t living together anymore in a time period that included major holidays AND TK’s birthday.

He hates confrontation (I have a whole meta on it) and his anxiety is like for real bad (therapy Carlos my love please)

This is not new or news.

I’m going to detour (but bring it back around): this morning I was catching up on the Drama Queen’s podcast and they were discussing a storyline in which a half a married couple admits he’s lied by omission and his wife was physically injured due to this lie. And Sophia Bush (my angel, my love) brought up how as a person with severe anxiety (like me and Carlos and the queen herself) learns from a very young age to not bring their anxiety and worries to other people but to feel that they have to have a solution to the problem before they let others in.

The need to have an solution ready before he loops anyone else in is a VERY common behavior in Carlos. We see it from season one through season three. This is an area of growth for him.

Do I believe Carlos should have told TK long ago: yes.

Is this a flaw in Carlos’s character: absolutely

Does TK have every right to be pissed and hurt: most certainly.

But it’s Carlos turn to do the growing. We’ve gotten three seasons of TK’s character development arc start with a failed proposal in the series premiere and end with a successful proposal in the season three finale. TK’s ability not to immediately internalize this as Carlos thinking he was too fragile to handle this news and recognizing that Carlos has been drowning in his anxiety and guilt and shame over this and THAT is why he didn’t say anything, is outstanding and amazing and WHY Tarlos works. They take turns being the messy one.

So no, I’m not mad with Carlos. I don’t think not telling TK with the depth of guilt and shame and Carlos’s history of conflict avoidance is out of character. I do not blame others for being mad at Carlos and TK definitely has every right to surface his mad about this later after processing and when Carlos isn’t on an anxiety spiral.

I said it last season and I will say it again this season: we are watching two men with two different manifesting mental health issues navigate a relationship. They’re both doing their best but they will still hurt each other in the process of doing their best. Sometimes their best isn’t enough.

That’s marriage, kids, especially when you throw in depression, anxiety, substance abuse, internalized homophobia, and stressful jobs.

#carlos reyes #tk strand #tarlos #carlos reyes meta #911 lone star spoilers #911 lone star #911 ls meta #911 ls s4 #doublel27 talks #anon reply #anon ask