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#wishful thinking i guess. wanting it to be the weekend
ofgentleresolve · 5 months
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the way i think moving blogs might help with my enthusiasm on here but also not knowing if it would actually help....
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transmechanicus · 1 year
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It is sunday night. I remain exhausted.
#my stuff#i tried everything this weekend and nothing is healing my Existential Ambivalence#like i know i cooked and i saw friends and i did my hobbies and normally i'd be proud of myself for all that but i just...don't care#i wanna call out sick or something tomorrow. I'm worried about my finances and i genuinely think im gonna have to move somewhere cheaper#like i was expecting my tax return to offset the slow bleed of money from my savings each month and that Is Not Happening#And its not like i have any way to Make More Money#bc im a grad student and we're contractually prevented from doing so#So that means i'll need to move when my lease is up this summer and i really don't fucking want to#i like where i live i just wish it wasn't so goddamn expensive on rent#even like $200 cheaper would be world changing for me#but no instead i gotta look at my bills after power and car insurance and food and be like oops guess i lost $100 this month#and god forbid i get coffee or eat out in the cheapest way possible bc somehow that adds up to like $100 the second i look away#im sick of being anxious about this!! im not eating enough as it is!!#i also don't wanna get a fucking roommate bc i don't want someone in a space i've come to consider my own#like sorry but im transgender do not fucking look at me stranger#so the only real solution is to move and that's such a fucking hassle and it doesn't solve the problem now and i just want this to get bettr#i wish all students a very $2000 raise forever#and all landlords a very Scrooge Moment that makes you cut my rent in half#ave omnissiah
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toastsnaffler · 6 days
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thinking abt the touden siblings got me sniffling and weeping....
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from-beyond · 1 year
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I am having a pretty shitty day, squad! 
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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years
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...
#the thing about me is i hate making decisions#im literally worrying myself up and down over things i literally cant even make decisions abt now bc i dont know that ill actually be#accepted into the programs. like im just stressing bc for the program in the uk i have to try for scholarships#bc i dont wanna have to pay to go to school over there when i have equally enticing oppertunity here that will pay me for like 5yrs#so i have to get a full ride scholarship and to do that i have to collaborate with the guy and im gonna feel so bad it it flops#and im gonna feel even worse if i get the scholarship and then get sniped by another school#bc right now my heart kinda wants to go to this school in [redacted] bc i could get a 4-5yr phd in ecology and Evolution#the lab is set up with a bunch of other evolutionary genetics ppl. its near a rad national park. and the reasearch is sick as hell.#like it sounds so good. my heart wants to go there. if theyll have me which i wont kno for literally months. but the uk thing is like#if i get the scholarship i cant say no. like i mean i cant. it would look insanely good on a resume. id get to do directed evolution and#photosynthesis stuff with a guy who has controversial photosynthesis ideas lmao. but idk hes just starting out so it feel more like a leap#of faith. and ive done uk courses they r not as soul crushing as american courses and i want them to crush my soul#and its like a wanky good school. so like i cant say no to that. ugh but the [redacted] school also has nasa and astrobiology connections#and then theres the Canadian guy who's reasearch also sounds sick as hell. and again this is all stupid bc i havent even applied to any of#them yet and idk who will even take me but ugh i dread the decision making#ugh i just need to shut up and work on my applications. but i dont wanna think abt the present bc im not happy doing what i do now#id rather think abt the future where im somewhere else#but i guess ive got time to write this weekend bc our sampling plans were busted by the rain rip#so idk we have to go back at some point. sigh..#i wish everything could just be easy haha#unrelated#also ive possibly been exposed to covid thru my boss who got an alert that she was in close contact with someone who test positive rip
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transgaysex · 10 months
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i ;eft my room to go to the bathroom and cucho came up to me and i immediately started crying more than i already was before
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cerbreus · 1 year
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that artist feeling where you have so many other things you SHOULD be doing and so many other things of your own that you really, really wish you had the motivation to work on but all that gets you going is just... other ppl’s ocs.....
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wannaremember · 11 months
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toaster-selfships · 1 month
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Cannot wait to have today over with, getting through work and getting the yummy food I've been dying for
Uuhhh slight rant in tags? Kinda just butthurt complaining. I didn't know I was gonna have a whole rant but I'm just gonna leave it as is
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habsjost · 6 months
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- dating update (with nothing to report lol) -
- sens fan (that's what imma start calling him now) & i have reached the point where we gotta use the 'reply' feature so we can answer each message separately 😂 - we're both still slow at responding tho (i've been worse lately) & he's been skipping certain messages, which sometimes is annoying. BUT he did say his social battery is drained (i sent two messages telling him to get some rest & take care of himself and he responded to neither lmaooo😭) - he still has ten million things going on at all times, which i don't know why he would even try to date with a schedule like that. (granted, again, it doesn't even matter bc he's in ottawa, and i'm... well, not) - and it still just feels like i'm talking to an online friend. we might flirt sometimes, but i feel like i suck at it, and he doesn't give me much other than ask how my days are going (which is super sweet in itself, i know, i just need more prompting in order to open up)
#can't wait for the szn to start so i can tell him how much better my team is 🥰😈#can't wait to face the sens and crush them 🥰😈🥰😈#one like and i'll send him a picture sunday from the bc saying 'look at my boys <3'#(SUNDAY???? THIS WEEKEND?????? HOCKEY??????????????? OMG.)#(on the TWENTY FOURTH too. bro.)#maybe i really am just attracted to the potential banter lol#idk things are just so *nice* and i need a little spice too 😔#it feels.. superficial sometimes like there's no depth to our conversation#i kind of want to go back on hinge but thinking of the nightmare it would be to run into someone i know -again- is enough to stop me#but i wish i had something else going for me#and i wish he hadn't deleted his profile so i could've saved our messages#i think we've been talking for almost a month now but i can't know for sure :/#also what sign do we think he is (i'm totally not gonna have a breakdown when i find out haha absolutely not hahaha)#two of his friends are virgos from what i've learned#what kind of a maniac could handle not one but two of them (it's a joke i literally love virgos)#he has to be an earth sign too... right?!..... RIGHT??!! (pls)#i'm guessing capricorn since he seems emotionally detached and always on the hustle 🔥🔥 (ending it now)#anyway i'm having a much better week + i'm seeing my friend tonight so that's a guaranteed mood boost#aaand my package was delivered ALSO i'm completely lost in the book i'm reading rn#i started a thousand boy kisses and haven't stopped reading it's like i'm in a diff world#anyway shutting up now that's enough rambling#**#brunch anecdotes w the girlies
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crimsonblackrose · 1 year
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I promised my aunt I’d make tiramisu but forgot pie day coming up and I’ve wanted to make pie for pie day for...years and always miss it. But! I think we have a pie crust (with cigars resting in it for some bizarre reason) in the freezer and this like raw sugar-free book has a pie recipe that I think we’ve got all the ingredients for...so I might be able to do both?
#mumblings#I also want to do something for st. patricks day but my aunt and uncle have their anniversary and are going to go away#I'm hoping they take the dog 🤣#because my cousin said he'd babysit the dog but the dog managed to get into the pantry and eat all the trash in the trash can on his watch#so I'm just like I don't want to have to babysit my cousin and the  dog because my cousin has like no awareness whatsoever#I also kind of wish we'd already had the bathroom basement remodeled because then I could just avoid that side of the house altogether#I was worried these raw recipes would be a pain#but I think the most annoying thing is that I'm just going to have to keep washing the food processor#because every step seems to be throw everything into a clean food processor 🤣#it'll be a little reminiscent of the holiday truffles#because except for the annoying dipping them in chocolate bit that was pretty much throw these ingredients into a blender#There was a pie crust making class nearby but even though I signed up for it they never got back to me#which like...lesson re-learned#I always forget how fast those classes fill up and I assumed they took down the sign ups once they were full but I guess they don't?#they just ghost you#I feel like I should also say like the cigars are in a plastic bag and the pie crust is covered in it's own container#it's just still weird#the last raw sugar free thing I made was peanut butter fudge last weekend as like a please don't eat my friends birthday cookies eat this#and they were just...like peanut butter and kind of disappointing so I'm hopping the tiramisu and pie are at least a little better#I mean it did it's job no one inhaled the birthday cookies before I walked out the door 🤣😅 and the peanut butter things were gone#when I got back so 🤷‍♀️#but still hope these are better than just like peanut butter melted with coconut oil and maple syrup and poured into cupcake liners
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yo9urt · 1 year
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such a good day at work today
#mine#both shifts were short because holiday weekend hours#but my first shift is the one i have with my crush (!!!)#and we TALKED to each other today#and at one point me and my other coworker talked to each other about him#i was sayign how i was gonna go on my break and she wasl ike but we close soon#and i was like yeah i did all my work im gonna go on break and then come back and hang out until close#and she was like omg you can hang out with ***** over there (me and him work at the same station basically)#and i was like yeah :D and she was like your best friend! and i was like well not quite#(but i was thinking oh my god i wish)#and she was like i saw u two giggling earlier and i forget what i said#but in my head i was like GRRRRRRRRRRRR#it was true. we were giggling earlier because when i came in he was asking me some silly question#hes so fine i want him#we talked a lot more than usual today so i looked at him a lot and i just hrrrgrgrggrgh#keep seeing him in my mind i want him so bad#i rly feel like today was just a banner day for work relationships like a lot of my coworkers were really nice and friendly with me#and with ***** in particular i feel like we really umm. whats the word.#there isnt really a good word here but i guess augmented maybe#or boosted#our like. work relationship#i really want to like. become good enough work buddies that we can start hanging out outside of work#partially because i have a crush on him but also because i would like more friends at my school#so scary though...#anyway
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absofrutey · 1 year
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Still want to be alone with you
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cameronspecial · 2 months
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Let Me Fix Your Problems, Angel
Pairing: Frat!Rafe Cameron x Reader
Warnings:  N/A
Pronouns: She/Her
Word Count: 1.1K
Summary: Y/N needs to vent, but Rafe needs to solve her issues.
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Girls know that when another girl comes to them with a problem, it is just to vent about the issue that they have. Boys. Well, boys like to go to each other for solutions and Rafe isn’t innocent of that mentality. Before Y/N, Rafe hadn’t been in a relationship, so he didn’t have a chance to learn that women just need an outlet to voice their frustration. And he is about to be taught that lesson. He waits for her at the coffee shop with a mug of coffee in his hand and a hot chocolate across from him for her. His fingers tap along the ceramic mug. He looks out the window to see if he can spot her arrival. This is the first time that they are going to be seeing each other in person after returning to campus from the holiday break and he anticipates seeing her again. He wants to see all the gifts she got this Christmas and she is excited to show him. He spots the pompom of her pastel green hat that he sent over to her for Christmas. A massive grin grows on his face and he knows the bell sounding announces her entrance. As she slides into the booth across from him, she leans over the table to kiss him on the lips. “Hey, Rafe. How are you?” she greets. 
He can see something is wrong. There is a slight furrow of her brow and a slight dip of her lip that she is trying to hide. He plays along with her pleasantries for now, “I’m good now that I get to see you, Angel. How was your Christmas?” “It was good. I got to spend time with my family. I was also pleasantly surprised with how many gifts I woke up to on Christmas morning. Some handsome fella even gave me this pretty bracelet with his initials on it. I think I might keep it and him around,” she recounts, holding out her wrist for him to see. He takes her arm into his hand, “Wow. That handsome fella must really be special if you are wearing this even though you have only been dating him for around four months.” “Yeah, I guess you can say that I love him,” she teases and kisses him. “Thank you for the gifts, Rafe. I just wish you told me we were also sending each other stuff because I hate the thought of you not getting anything from me on Christmas.”
His warm hand cups her cheek and his thumb brushes reassuringly against her skin. “Don’t worry about it, Angel. You gave me my gift before we left for break. Plus, getting that FaceTime call from you on Christmas day was my gift,” he promises. She kisses his wrist and this thumb goes to trace the slope of her lips. He can’t be in the dark about her sadness anymore. “What’s wrong, my angel? Why do you seem so sad?” he questions. She shrugs, “Nothing, I’m fine.” “Please, don’t lie to me. I can see something is wrong,” he pleads to her. She sighs, “It’s stupid, but Stacey is having a back-to-school get-together this weekend and she didn’t invite me. I guess I feel a little left out.” “That’s not very nice of her. Have you tried telling her how you feel?” he suggests. She shakes her head, “No. Do you know how embarrassing it would be to run to her like a little schoolgirl and tell her she hurt my feelings?” Rafe understands what she is saying and slides in on her side of the booth. He rests her head on his chest, vowing to help her with her problem. 
———
Rafe knocks on Stacey’s door and puts his hands behind his back. She opens the door with a slight frown at who is waiting for her. “Uh, Rafe. What are you doing here? Is everything okay with Y/N?” she worries, knowing that Rafe only cares about one person. Rafe’s head moves from side to side, “Actually, she isn’t okay. You didn’t invite her to your get-together this weekend.” Stacey nods and cracks her knuckles nervously. “I did not. Because, you see, Y/N and I aren’t really that close of friends and this party is for girls that I am really close to,” Stacey tries to explain. Her mouth shuts when she sees that is not the answer Rafe is looking for. He chuckles, “Obviously, she feels close enough to you that she feels left out by what you did.” He pauses to see if Stacey has anything to add to her defence. She doesn’t. “You know what I want you to do, correct?” Her head hinges up and down, “Yes, I understand. I’m sorry that I hurt Y/N’s feelings.” “Good, I’m glad we can come to a conclusion. I’ll see you later,” he grins and heads back home. 
———
Y/N doesn’t bother to knock. She uses his passcode to storm into his room and finds him on his bed. He sits up right at the sight of her. “Is everything okay, Angel? You didn’t tell me you were coming over,” he frets, rushing to her side. Her arms cross over each other, “You forced Stacey to invite me to her party.” “I did. You said you felt left out that you weren’t invited,” he states. He places his hands above her elbows. She lets out a low laugh, “Why would you do that?” 
“Because you had a problem and you needed help fixing it.”
“Rafe, most of the time, when I come to you with my problems, I don’t want you to fix them. I just want you to listen and agree that I am in the right.”
“Why can’t I fix your problems if I have the solution? Come on, let me fix your problems, Angel.” 
“Sometimes girls just want someone to vent to. Plus, I don’t even like Stacey so the last thing I want to do is go to her party, but now, I have to go because you made a point of getting her to invite me,” she complains. He chuckles and pulls her into a hug, “Okay, I’ll take that venting thing into account for next time. Angel, if you didn’t want to go to the party, then why did it bother you so much?” “Because I wanted to be able to turn her down,” she mumbles, burying her face into his neck. He lets out an amused breath, “I see. Well, I’m sorry that I ruined your ability to reject her. If you want, I can call you with an emergency half an hour into the party so you can leave early.” Y/N pulls back to look him in the eyes. “That is the least you can do. You are getting me sushi too,” she orders. “Sounds fair. I’ll do whatever you want, Angel.”
Taglist: @winterrrnight @loves0phelia @thelomlisrafecameron @wickedlovely121 @queen-shadow22 @victory-in-the-llama @drewsmusee @starkowswife
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I have been binge reading your blog for the past few days and when I saw that request are opens, I screamed
See you that, you have almost every fic idea I could think of written down already it was a bit of a struggle to find out how to ask this
But is there anyway you could write a lando fluffy/Angsty/smutty request where reader fakes a orgasm and lando finds out you can choose the rest with a cute ending i just wanted the idea out there
You don’t have to if you don’t want to remember to drink water and take breaks
I Know A Real Orgasm - LN
Bruh actually tell me about it, if I stop writing for a bit (not that I'm going to tn, I got more on the way hehehehe) it's bc I'm just thinking of new ideas, I've even burned through most of my requests since I've literally got nothing but free time rn.
Themes: Fake orgasms, very mild smut at the beginning, angst
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The problem isn't Lando. It really isn't, she just sort of wasn't feeling the right mood initially and now they're having sex. There's just something not right.
It feels great.
But she feels like stopping might just be the best solution.
Easiest means of doing that? Faking it.
Now admittedly, it's been a while since she had to and really she doesn't recall an occasion in her relationship with Lando that she has faked an orgasm.
Time to testing the acting skills.
Tense the stomach, clench down on him and pull him closer and moan his name. Hold it for a few seconds. That sounds right, but does it feel right? Y/n's not sure.
Lando does cum purely from her tightening around him.
She lets out a couple fake heavier pants before loosely entirely but something is off.
"What the fuck was that, y/n?" Lando asks and the icy tone of his voice let's her know maybe her fake orgasm was maybe a little rusty.
It convinced plenty of men before Lando, but he prides himself on putting her pleasure before his own. Probably in the moment he was caught up in the moment but clearly there was something that gave her away.
"Did you really just fake an orgasm?" Lando scoffs sounding annoyed making guilt pinch at y/n's gut.
In fairness, she can't exactly fault him for being upset. It's an insult on a good day.
"No?"
Was it worth trying to lie? Probably not. Especially since she clearly did not succeed in convincing him with that lie either.
"How did you know?"
"Because I know what a real orgasm feels like from you, y/n. If that was an orgasm then it was a pathetic one." Lando grumbles making her sigh. She should've known he'd be pissed about it.
"I'm sorry...I wanted to have sex at first but I don't know I guess I wasn't in the mood like I thought I was." Y/n murmurs dodging meeting his intense gaze.
He softens slightly before leaning over to kiss her. Soft enough that she knows he's not holding that against her but he's still annoyed that she didn't just say something and really faked an orgasm just to get him to stop.
"Let's shower, we'll clean you up." Lando mutters while she nods.
Despite his mood still obviously not being all that great, he does everything he'd usually do and helps clean her up.
-
His mood really didn't improve by the time the race was on and everyone through the race weekend had picked up on it. Y/n hates that she's the cause for it.
Though the race results don't exactly fair well for his mood either. He made top 5. But anything less than a podium isn't impressing him.
"Lando, can you look at me?" Y/n questions making her boyfriend look at her with a blank sort of expression. "I know you're mad at me-"
"I'm not mad at you. I just wish you were comfortable enough to just say that you weren't in the mood...I don't like that you didn't tell me and really this fucking race is just the cherry on top of the sundae." Lando grumbles as she gently pushes him to sit down and sits on his lap sort of just pulling his head under her chin. "Shoving my face in your boobs does help."
Y/n laughs a little since he can be in a bad mood, but his humour remains unwounded.
"I love you and I promise, I swear down, if I'm ever not in the mood even mid-sex, I will tell you. Also, if I ever fake an orgasm again, which apparently I'm not very good at...then feel free to like I don't know edge me till I'm crying or...make me cum so many times I can't breathe."
"That's bold words given I've done both those things to you and you cried both times then tapped out." Lando states, his tone giving away the smirk he is hiding from her as he tucks his hand up her top and gently moves to cup her boob. It's not sexual, though context might suggest otherwise. The man has spend most of their free time referring to her boobs as the best way to just occupy his hands.
"I didn't meant to upset you like I did...plus that way you know I really don't want to end up in either of those positions again so I'll not be faking anything ever again." Y/n sighs while he hums at the feeling of her gently pushing hand through his mass of hair. "Want to go home?"
"Yes...and if you're in the mood when we get home, I think we should have a lot of sex."
"Mmm...now you mention it, I might be in the mood for that." Y/n teases then hissing when he pinches her nipple. "I mean if you're that eager. I am actually in the mood now..."
"Good, and I'm going to make sure it's real orgasm I'm getting from you."
"Speaking of which, how did you know?"
"I'm only going to tell you because that fake orgasm was shameful." Lando taunts since he could tell almost immediately but in the moment his own orgasm hit and he was momentarily distracted. "After you orgasm, you like twitch around me...a lot. Feels like you're trying to keep me locked in there forever."
Y/n's face honestly burns at this information, it's not that it's embarrassing but learning something she didn't even know she does just makes her feel like she should actually know it.
"Right. Well...yeah, I don't know how I could even try to pretend that was happening."
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stopmakingsensse · 2 years
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been thinking about maybe applying for a carpentry apprenticeship….
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