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#wish i was fine in general but im not fully
bunnyb34r · 4 months
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I know I should just block (and not OPEN) tags and posts ab '24 but my brain is stupid and likes to be informed even if it makes me worse
#marquilla#im not even joking when i say this next election makes me wanna kms so bad. im fucking terrified and i feel like we already know what's#gonna happen. not bc people arent voting or organizing i mean bc of how far the right has gotten and how angry they are that a#dem won so theyre gonna show up in droves and it's like god i wish we could idk have some safegaurds in place??? like oh idk you#incite an insurrection you Can't run for president?? but also that wouldnt fully stop shit bc florida has its own neo nazi running and#theres more behind him in the wings. but like idk man i just get so fucking suicidal thinking ab the future#and my drs. are like well then dont look at the news??? 'i sure dont' mkay thats great (not) but um i CAN'T not watch bc i need to#be informed i need to know. and they're like well then stop worrying ab it til election day?? LIKE THAT HELPS#so i just dont bring it up. and i just spiral and have breakdowns in the shower and think ab making a will and shit yknow normal stuff#bc this is fine! just dont engage! stop worrying it's like a year away! it MIGHT get better! idk Join in your community then??#like yes yes thats a start but with what fucking energy when im bedbound most of the time im not working and that doesnt stop these fascist#s like me helping the community garden would be good for the community and probably my mental health in general BUT that doesnt deal with#the actual fear that makes me wanna Kermit#like it really fucking feels like all i can do is pray and hope god somehow intervenes (rapture anyone?) and that things do go well and#that the outright outspoken nzis don't win but like I really just wanna die man#i know the outcome more than likely will not directly affect my life bc im white. cis passing. and can go back in the closet regretfully#but like that doesnt reassure me any bc i have friends and loved ones and generally just give a shit ab other people and how this WILL#affect them directly and that terrifies me. it really feels like we cant ever have a moment to just exist yknow??#idk man i just wanna die bc im so scared haha how fun (: how normal (: this is fine. everything is fine.
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frecklydork · 4 months
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Hi frecklydork!! I just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you- I just got out of a convo w/ a therapist where I realized I was in a really bad relationship and she mentioned I was displaying PTSD like symptoms. I just wanted you to know that theres someone out there who's super super super DUPER proud of you and all the work you've put into managing your PTSD- Feeling constant overwhelming anxiety helped me understand a little of what you must be going through, I can't imagine how stressful your day to day life is and I'm feeling overwhelmed rn! I hope you can take some comfort in this
Goodnight! Or Good day, or good morning whenever you get this!
Hi sweetheart. I'm so sorry to hear that you have gone through a relationship so devastating that it left this much of an impact on you. My heart goes out to you, it's not fun, to say the least, it is a really horrible time and it's especially difficult (in my opinion) when it's repetitive actions from someone you trusted... it's like an extra layer of betrayal on top of everything else. I'm so sorry. I know how badly that hurts.
My response is kind of long so I'm gonna put it under a readmore for ya:
I am so touched that you thought of me, and even more touched that you took the time out of your day to tell me that you thought of me. I hope you don't mind it took me a few days to finally crack open my inbox. I reread this a few times because it really warmed my heart. Thank you for being proud of me. I'm so proud of you, too. I'm so happy you've (I'm assuming, hoping, praying) gotten out of the relationship, or in the very least I'm reassured that you've realized how unhealthy the relationship was for you and you can take the steps to overcome and heal from it now. It's SO HARD getting out of relationships, but nobody else can do it for you, it's always you who has to take those steps, and I'm so proud of you for pushing yourself to take those steps!!!! I know it isn't easy!!!!! I think one of the loneliest feelings in the world is knowing that you're in an unhealthy friendship/relationship with someone and you can literally feel this person draining your energy and making you feel hopeless and worthless and numb. I have never felt more empty than when I was trapped in an emotionally abusive relationship/friendship. It's awful. Getting out of that kind of situation is so difficult, so I am so damn proud of you for recognizing that you deserve better!!! Because you do!!! You deserve the whole world and I'm sorry somebody didn't give you the respect you deserved. It's not your fault. Nothing you went through is your fault at all, and I'll say that as many times as you want to hear it.
I completely hear you on the stress side of things -- thank you for empathizing with me. My God, isn't it the fucking worst? The constant stress?? I PROMISE YOU IT GETS BETTER, I PROMISE I PROMISE I PROMISE!!!!!!!!!! I am finally at a point where my anxiety is not killing me 24/7. It took a hot fuckin minute to get here, but I am at a point now where my anxiety will only eat at me for a chunk of my day instead of my whole day. Getting into the Barbie movie literally saved my life. But, like... it's literally a stress disorder, an anxiety disorder. That feeling of it literally EATING at you every single second that you're awake, and even giving you nightmares when you're asleep -- jesus!!! it's so much!!! it's!!! A LOT and it's intense and it's like you never get any peace. BUT I PROMISE IT GETS BETTER!!!!! 😭😭💙💙💙 IT GETS BETTER ANON I SWEAR TO YOU. I AM HOLDING YOUR HAND THROUGH THIS WHOLE THING!!!!!
One day you will wake up and the person who traumatized you, the events that traumatized you, will NOT be the very first thing popping into your head. One day you'll be able to sit down and eat a sandwich and think to yourself "oh I just went 20 whole seconds without thinking about it". One day you'll be tying your shoe and thinking "oh I think i just went five whole minutes without thinking about it!" slowly, gradually, you will have healed so much, you will look back and think "oh. I'm... so much better than I was."
I actually had this revelation a few weeks ago, I sat down making comics, and then I thought to myself... "...oh... I don't think I thought about my abuser... at all... when a trigger was right in front of my face... for a solid two minutes." I saw a gifset where Margot Robbie was wearing an article of clothing that normally triggers me into a panic attack, but I just kept looking at Margot and thinking "hehehe that's my Barbie!!! <3" and then i realized the trigger was right in front of my face but I was so focused on being gay asf I didn't even realize the trigger was there. And then when I noticed it, my body was like "oh. time to panic" but I managed to push away those feelings and say "nope. nope. that's Barbie. and Barbie is safe. and everything is ok!!!" And two minutes of handling a certain trigger may not seem like a long time, at first... but when you're constantly overwhelmed every single second of every single day... two minutes looks like a blessing. and one day you won't even have to count the minutes anymore. you'll just exist and the misery will only be momentary.
But aside from triggers, now, just in general, I am at a point where I can go hours without remembering my abuser or the events that gave me literally DOZENS of triggers in the first place. Flashbacks are rare, when they used to be constant. I'm not as jittery as I used to be, I'm not as... uh, feeling like I'm going out of my mind, I don't know how else to phrase it, but the anxiety that ptsd gives you literally makes you feel like you're losing your sense of self, and I promise you that feeling goes away with time. I promise you it gets better. I didn't have a support system during my time of need, so my healing process is taking much longer than it would have, so I am hopeful that your healing process is actually going much speedier than mine, even if our circumstances may not be exactly the same ofc but just hearing that you have a therapist helping you out with this is absolutely wonderful. Therapy is so important, paired with self care.
I'm so proud of you anon. I'm so sorry you're going through this and ahhh sorry I'm scatterbrained, it's been a long day and my brain cells are on fire, but!!! I AM SO PROUD OF YOU and I LOVE YOU and IT'S GONNA BE OKAY!!!! IT'S GONNA GET BETTER!!!!!! That feeling of constant anxiety 24/7 is an absolute bitch, but it gets better!!! It gets better!!!! I'll say it a million times, it gets better!!!! And I'm here for you the whole way okay? Please feel free to message me anytime. Ilusm I'm sending you so many hugs and I will be keeping you in my thoughts. 💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙
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#aaaaaaugh dude I MISS HIM i dont know what to say that hasnt already been said#but posting is so hard talking about him is so hard#every day i wait for his youtube to post a new video or for the technodad account to be like 'LOL YOU NERDS ACTUALLY FELL FOR IT'#he was just playing a long-con prank and It'll Be Fine and he just wanted to distract us while he worked on some new insane project#how am i still fully in denial 5 months later. it's almost been half a year#i cant watch his videos anymore. it was easy the 1st week and then it was impossible then it was easy again now it's impossible again#drawing in general is hard bc he was all i was drawing. he still is but im drawing WAY less and with pretty much no passion behind it#cant draw stuff for myself i just wanna draw him. partly bc of him but also bc that's where i made all my friends with you guys :(#i dont wanna go back to what i used to do. i wanna stay here. but it's really hard#i know i dont *have* to make my own posts and i can just reblog and ramble n stuff but. it feels weird not to#i save all my favorite things here. there's still clips i havent taken. art i havent made. fics i've never wrote (and never will lol)#i dont WANT to stop. it's hard to force myself to get back into it tho. there's no easy way to talk about him#it feels borderline unhealthy trying to keep it up#but i keep going into swings of ''i love it here so much i love you guys'' and ''i cant keep going im not strong enough''#so like. which is it. what's REALLY wrong??? i wish i could just go back to how things were aaaaa#idk what i mean by that really. just wish i could find some normalcy in it all whatever that would mean for me#idk if my issue is Him Being Dead or trying to run a blog for a guy who died. some combination. some secret third thing. augh#chat#tw death
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bmpmp3 · 2 years
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a lot of anime opening single b-sides get kinda overlooked but Everyone Should Listen to the b-side of fabiniku’s opening Refrain this song has been consuming my mind for the past 48 hours LIKE listen to it
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the weirdass white noise/ darth vader breathing noise in the beginning and the quiet parts, the jazzy drums in the verses, guitar riffs that will make any dad who listens to too much classic rock air guitar his heart out, the vocals at around the 3:20 mark, the fantastical synth melody, THE FLUTE ASS SOUND are you listening to me are you listening to the FLUTE? the WOODWIND INSTRUMENT in the ‘refrain... refrain... refrain...” sections and the DISTORTION on the “refrain“s in the final seconds LISTEN TO ME listen to the woodwind instrument
#i havent actually watched this show (i've seen a couple clips tho!) but 1) im a big fan of anison in general like#there's a bajillion anime ops and eds i straight up know NOTHING about but i just like the tune or maybe a seiyuu i like sings it lol#and 2) i HAVE read the manga (its fantastic) and i do this like weirdass thing#or maybe its not weird? it might be normal. getting me to watch a television show is an exercise in futility#so whenever im interested in an anime i just read the manga or light novel if there is one#and then i just... look up the music for the anime later JKFKDSLJFLKDS i like tunes!!!#in practice i usually get a similar or somethings even better experience than the anime watchers#but sometimes some animes source material is like REALLY BAD and the anime basically toned down everything that sucked#so a totally different experience in some cases..................... BUT luckily it seems fabiniku is not one of those#i thought the manga was great at least. i get it now. i understand isekais#i always understood modern isekais in theory but in practice i couldnt quite get there#i was too stuck in proto isekais like old shoujo manga isekais or early mmo isekais so this new reborn in another world style#confused me a lot. i figure it was just wish fulfillment that wasnt for me. but fabiniku... i understand now#who knew the way to get me to fully deeply and completely understand isekais was to make the main character lgbt (every letter at once)#actually that makes sense like i love characters that have clear defined identities a lot BUT#i dont connect deeply with them the same way i do with characters like tachibana hfkjdsdfjkds which is fine!! its good to have both#types of characters because some people connect more with defined labels and some connect more with ambiguity (me lol)#and both are always interesting to read about either way~#anyway. fabiniku is absurd and hilarious and has one of my favourite romantic relationships ive seen in a manga ever thank you and goodnight
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hellfireeddiemunson · 6 months
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i have bad melted soup brain today and i hate it
#i have never really felt like just disappearing off of the face of the earth and not talking to Anyone before but i have been thinking of it#a lot today! which is wild bc not my normal isolation thought but today it seems good ahahahaha#i am just. tired. i feel like i am not listened to ever and i feel unwanted as hell lately which i know in the back of my mind i am not#unwanted but boy do it feel like that lately lol. and i’ve been back on my ‘im gonna die alone bc nobody ever will love me how i love them’#bullshit which i have Not missed but it is come back full on ! soooo fun for me hahahahahaha i love to feel miserable about being unwanted#by those around me!!!! love it sooooooooooo much weeeeeee i totally don’t wanna slam my head through a window!!!!#also just in general lately i have felt like people talking to me is a chore to them bc nobody around me has been having actual conversation#it’s all been shit ass one word or one sentence replies from everyone or they talk about what they want and not acknowledge what i said and#i don’t even know what to do about it. i just don’t even want to talk to anyone now bc i feel like they literally don’t want to speak to me#and they don’t care what i have to say clearly bc they don’t pay attention and then bring up what i said says or weeks later like i never#said anything and it’s like hm wow yeah i fucking told you about that??? maybe if you pay attention you’d have known that but it’s fine !!!!#I’m just. tired of it. i am fully understanding of everyone having lives and doing their own things they need to do. but this is like. fr#different. like it feels so much different than that and i don’t get it and i don’t know what to do !!!!!!! i feel like i’m going Nuts#anyways if any of you wanna stick me through a meat grinder i would be forever thankful and you have the rights to take anything i own after#what this boils down to is my autistic ass is like everyone is not doing their normal thing!!! everyone is off their normal talking schedule#with me!!!! this must mean they fucking want me dead!!!!!!!!!!!!!! bc they went off script/pattern and not in a way they have in the past#that indicated that they just are struggling to reach out! this is different and bad and they want you out of their life!!!!!!!#which is ridiculous but what the fuck am i to do about it bc i will be thinking this until i basically am told otherwise by these people. so#that’s soooo much fun i love brains they’re so silly i wish i could jump at a wall and stick to it until i just slowly peel off and onto the#floor. anyways. hope everyone else has a good night
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mamawasatesttube · 3 months
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ok i put a longer post abt tim's Emotional State in drafts for when my brain is less melted but re: tim and going to college im just gonna get a lil silly with it. hear me out.
i have this whole vague story in my mind for tim's college days moonlighting as red robin as he tries and figures out what he wants out of life. (it's a while after rr leaves off and all because he's like. Super Depressed for a hot minute and then has to drag himself through actually bothering to get his GED and applying to college, etc., but eventually lucius is like hey. you're great with gadgets, and you clearly love tinkering. i'd hire you for r&d in a heartbeat but you need at the least a bachelor's of engineering. i know you have a lot of the technical skills, but you need a degree. so tim goes ugh fine i'll get a goddamn engineering degree how hard can it possibly be.)
anyways. i think it's a universal experience that if you go to college and you hang with the STEM crowd, you will unfortunately get to know at least one Fucking Guy. it's like brentwood arc; tim does make friends, but there is just this One Fucking Guy he cannot stand and will never stand. this Fucking Guy is in the common room playing his guitar at midnight. he's drunk and yelling and laughing really loud when people have exams coming up. he's convinced everyone adores him. there's also a detective/supernatural plot going on. the subplot is just that tim hates This Fucking Guy.
at some point, there's a story beat where he as red robin has to rescue That Fucking Guy from a real dicey situation, and That Fucking Guy is really shaken and grateful to him, and he's like okay. maybe. maybe we are making progress. but then the next time he encounters This Fucking Guy as tim drake, the guy is just like. "ohhhh hey drake you missed it last night, it was AWESOME!!! i had to save red robin from a KILLER ROBOT. he's pretty cool though i guess. i bet you wish you could be more like him huh??" and tim is just. I Will Not Grind My Teeth About This. I Will Not. his life is a fucking joke. he dismantles the toaster oven in the common room kitchen to cope. it's definitely to cope and not just so that That Fucking Guy won't be able to heat up his pop tarts in the morning.
at another point, This Fucking Guy looks at street mode, lowkey, unremarkable Normal Car-looking redbird and goes, aw, dude, i thought your dad is loaded?? he only got you a generic-ass sedan?? that sucks lol, if you want we can take my car down to the game instead. and tim is just Say One More Fucking Word About My Baby I Dare You I Fucking Dare You One More Fucking Word.
(also i like to toy with the idea of this being a university in metropolis - he's out of gotham, but not too far. keeps him from getting antsy about what if he's needed because he can get right back over there. and in the meantime, he can hang out with kon and kara a lot, and occasionally enable and be enabled by lois lane and her snooping habits. there's another subplot in which tim and lois get up to shenanigans. at least once.)
it's sort of an introspective thing of him trying to come to terms with the way he no longer wants a fully normal life the way he always used to assume he would - he has the option to walk away from the cape now, like he always thought he would one day, but he just can't give it up anymore. he's fallen into the same black hole he watched dick and bruce dive headlong into. it's also about him finding joy in tinkering and working with his hands and getting to spend more time as tim drake first and foremost. and it's about him venting to kon about That Fucking Guy while they have a lil picnic on the green while kon loses his absolute shit laughing. all against the backdrop of a little mystery or something. <3
OH and also, most importantly. zoanne wilkins is there and laughing at him for assuming college would be easy. and kon gets her into wendy the werewolf stalker. My City Now.
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milk-geoculus · 2 months
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Ok that post I reblogged made me really think about Gamings localization and I try not to think about it too much buuut... English slang and phrases DO NOT mix with his character AT ALL.
I get why localizations happen but I also feel like sometimes they are kind of unnecessary and drift from how the character is meant to be. Sometimes the "equivalent" is so far off its unrecognizable and makes them seem like a whole different character
So I put the voice lines that really bothered me into the DeepL translator to see what the literal translation might be.
This is also just my opinion and not meant to cause drama. Personally I'm just not a fan of a lot of localizations and think they should only be used where absolutely necessary and should stick as closely to the translation as possible. Or just add a note explaining it. This is not a hate post, I really love Gaming. I just wanna make a post about it.
This will be in a couple parts
1. "When Thunder Strikes"
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Complete difference. No need to localize this? Perhaps it was too similar to other characters or its an incomplete portion of a phrase in Chinese that English players won't understand the reference to.
It does show his more energetic personality however I personally don't like the phrases used. I will admit it is funny.
2. "Good Evening"
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I feel like the literal translation " so if you're here, you cant eat it" makes sense just fine? Perhaps if people aren't used to reading things like that it could get confusing.
Its literally just "if you dont come with me you will really miss out" "you'll miss out on a great opportunity".
I just dont like the phrase "use it or snooze it" bleh
3. "Hometown"
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Hoyo please remove "dope" from your vocabulary.
I dont mind "nibbles" too much but it wasn't even there in the first place?
4. "Chongyun"
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I actually really wanted to talk about this for a while not because of the "for real" but because of "heatiness" aka "Yeet Hay" which is mentioned alot since chenyu vale was released.
I am weirdly obsessed with this concept because it perfectly describes something I couldn't explain to other people about food and nobody seemed to understand. And I just love that it's getting mentioned in Genshin more because it's great and I wish others would learn about it.
First just get rid of the "for real"
Now the best way I've learned to describe "heatiness" is by trying to find an example the person im explaining it to may have experienced. If that makes sense. But this is a post so I can't do that.
You know when you've eaten a lot of it and for some foods it kinda coats your throat and you start feeling really weighed down and coughing more? Thats yeet hay. Its this feeling of discomfort and warmth.
Some time ago for a time I had quit drinking soda and started drinking more tea and felt a lot more energized. The soda made me feel really weighed down and I found that I stopped coughing so much after not drinking it for a while. Same with beef. Ive replaced most recipes that contain ground beef with ground turkey. Not only does turkey absorb flavor better its not nearly as greasy and is even softer than beef without fat. I really like it personally.
But learning to identify "Yeet Hay" foods and trying to consume them in moderation has improved my health and general wellbeing
Those are obvious examples but I don't eat a lot of seafood or tropical fruits so I can't tell you if they do anything. But I have noticed the effects of yeet hay and I do try to understand it because doing so has improved my life and how much I actually enjoy eating food I make.
You can learn more about it and "Hon Loeung" in this link
I think that website explains it pretty well. Even if you cant grasp it fully, you should still be able to understand that some food need to be eaten in moderation or it will affect your health. And anything to help you learn to identify those foods, i think, is good.
5. "Qiqi"
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Fuck "munchkin".
I think it's so cute for him to call QiQi "little sister". Forever mad at localizations that get rid of it and people that think referring to others as "aunty, older brother, little sister ect." Means they are family. American-centrism makes me mad in general but I digress.
I dont know why the chinese version is
一二七七…二二七七…
Yi er qi qi... Er er qi qi
Perhaps I'm not far enough in learning Chinese to understand it? Or maybe he is saying her name? But he says "qi qi" on the CN voice over. I wonder is this what Qiqi actually says? I dont know.
Also idk why it translated as "bu bu lu" but that sounds so cute.
Thats all the photos I can fit in this post so ill see you in the reblog
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strwberri-milk · 2 years
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Tearful Embrace: Diluc
Diluc x GN!Reader || (Slight) Hurt/Comf, Fluff || 573 words
Hugs make everything better, don't they?
a/n - tell me why my team lead bought me an appreciation hippo and also hugs me a lot i go through w it bc it makes [redacted] happy and idrm hugs anymore but man are they uncomfy (in general im not a hugger LMAO)
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Diluc knows that sometimes you aren't going to be talkative. That is perfectly fine in his opinion. After all, he's not going to just sit there and strongarm you into having a conversation with him. However, today just felt very different.
Right now you were just sitting across from him in the drawing-room. the two of you beginning to wind down to get ready for bed later. He watches discreetly as you fiddle with your fingers, toes tapping the ground a little restlessly as you continue to fidget. He can clearly see that something is weighing on your mind, making you fidget as aggressively as you are in his presence.
He's not too sure on how to breach the subject. Does he risk embarrassing you and asking you if everything is okay when there might actually be nothing wrong, or does he ask and also upset you by making you talk about something that you actively wish to ignore? His mind worries over this, creating a rut in his head as he mentally walks back and forth.
In that time, you manage to sneak your way over to him and slip into his lap. You immediately settle in his warmth, sighing contently as he just stares at you. Diluc doesn't really mind that you're being touchy, gingerly brushing out your hair in confusion but he wishes he could do more.
"Luc," you say a little sleepily, his presence calming your once racing thoughts.
"What is it my beloved?" he hums back, voice low to avoid stirring your thoughts up too much.
"I love you."
His heart skips a beat. No matter how many times you say that to him it'll always feel like the first time, making his mind scatter and body still. That, paired with the affectionate look in your eyes makes him think he really will just melt into your arms, leaning down to kiss your lips softly.
"I love you too."
For some reason, you shake your head. It's funny the way you do it, eyes closed and lips pouting. He can barely contain his laughter, giving you a soft smile as his shoulders shake.
"Why are you shaking your head?"
"I love you," you repeat, the emphasis not really explaining to him what you were trying to communicate.
"And I love you," he mirrors, wondering if that would manage to sate you.
It doesn't seem to but he doesn't mind as you crawl onto his lap and hug his body tightly to yourself. Your arms wrap around his neck and you bury your face into his hair, breathing all of him into you so intensely he thinks your body will mold into his.
"I love you so much," you whisper into his skin, the words etching into his body and imprinting them onto his soul.
"You are what is good with the world, what it means to be fulfilled, the only reason why the sun rises in the morning after the majesty of the moon has had it's fill of you," you continue in an almost ramble of his praise.
Diluc can't respond, the words knocking his breath away as you hold him even tighter, pressing kisses to his throat slowly. Clearly you've won whatever battle you were waging against him he thinks as you smirk against him, fully resting your weight on him.
"Well, when you say that how could I ever trump your love for me?"
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oopsiewhoopsiez · 4 months
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yno what im gonna say it
yesterdays little battles at the end of the day really did highlight just how broken the enchants and armour are
fights between 2 fairly matched pvp players often last for 5+ minutes, are extended even further with the use of op food items and as the cc’s themselves pointed out - pvp is often only really winnable once a person’s armour starts to break
obviously the cc’s have agreed to give unenchanted armour a go which I hope works out well for them as tbf they’re correct that constantly grinding up op gear during a timed event is very time consuming and can put you greatly behind the other team as they’re both able to easily kill you again before you can remake good gear, or use the time your spending gearing up to get ahead on the tasks - which again just isn’t very fun on a timed event
however personally, it highlighted a issue I have with the main qsmp server in that the armour is also far too overpowered. Players are literally able to stand still and tank hits for minutes at a time, almost always have healing active from autofeed and are able to kill several mobs with barely any effort. admins are forced to either spam hundreds of mobs (which often causes unbearable lag and u really wish they’d stop doing that during big already laggy events) or to cheat in overpowered gear.
This has resulted in the main sever just feeling a bit boring for me personally outside of the cc’s being silly goofy with each other or from any active lore going on at the time (im not fully counting the egg disappearance arc as active lore as it’s been stretched out for months now) - there is no real risk to do anything and players have no incentive to explore and gather materials outside of build projects. It also means that mobs in general have to be very strong to counter the player armour which in turn negatively impacts any new players and basically forces the older players to just gear them up immediately so they stop dying every 5 minutes.
I honestly do think the main server would benefit from nerfing the players via some kind of lore event or something. Obviously im aware this would increase the risk to the eggs if/when they return but we haven’t had a egg properly die for 5+ months (possible purgatory consequences asside) so I think narratively the increased risk is fine.
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kabutoraiger · 2 months
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fun find at the used bookstore the other day since their horror section is usually pretty sparse. had to stop myself from saying Holy Fuck out loud upon picking it up and seeing that guy. retro horror book covers you will always be famous to me
as for the actual stories inside,
son of celluloid - really cool concept of a monster in a movie theater that can like send your ass to the Movie Dimension and shapeshift itself into old film stars to lure you in with a beloved face and gets stronger the more it is "perceived"
however i really did not understand part of the lore of this creature which was that it partially grew out of cancer cells...?? what does that have to do with the rest of this... and unfortunately this story gets bogged down with the central POV character who is a fat woman, which is obviously fine, but like half of her narration is just thinking about how she hates being soo fat and how men aren't into her which is just. :/
also it made me question if clive has ever actually seen dumbo. dumbo's ears were his notable feature, my guy. that's kind of the whole thrust of the film.
rawhead rex - this is the only one i'd heard of in advance and it's certainly... memorable.
again the idea here is kino with this beast from ancient times being unleashed on this blase little british town and kind of plunging them back into a more primal state of being. the descriptions of rawhead and especially of him eating the children is like. viscerally freaky and horrible.
but the decision to write some scenes from the POV of rawhead himself is... i dunno. like i do think the story would feel a bit unfinished without his perspective so it's more How they're written, i guess, in this very normal voice that just makes him come across as a simple animal crossed with a petulant cruel teenager or something, and thus kind of ruining his scariness. maybe that was part of the intention and i just didn't fully get it? to me it would've been better for his POV to read as very stylized & different from the humans somehow.
and god i wish there didn't have to be so much piss involved. the demonic watersports scene got me staring off into the distance with a tired resignation
confessions of a pornographer's shroud - relatively simple ghostly revenge story. due to being told in big part from the POV of the ghost i can't call this one particularly scary, but the base idea of taking the silly halloweencore ghost wearing sheet and turning that into an actual serious haunting is fun.
scapegoats - a ship gets beached on a creepy little island they hadn't even noticed on the map which turns out to be a burial ground for tons of unidentified bodies who washed up there during the world wars.
the ending bit of this one was pretty effective but i can't get over my disappointment that this island wasn't more like lovecraftian in origin, which felt plausible based on initial descriptions of it. half alive corpses are scary sure but i wanted At The Shitty English Island of Madness instead.
also there's one part that felt straight out of one of junji ito's weirder oneshots which made me laugh out loud and im not sure the humor was intended.
human remains - sex worker goes home with a guy and finds some kind of sentient human sized statue in his bathtub which then proceeds to start following him around and taking on his identity & exact appearance.
probably my favorite in this book which feels odd to say since it's the least horror out of them. the MC's reaction to this creature eventually becomes almost friendly or loving, and the creature is polite and well spoken and though it kills people it generally only does so to live. very interesting. a story that it's difficult to imagine a straight author writing. could probably read some layers of metaphor into it if you were inclined
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goblinbugthing · 7 months
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sorry to the person that sent this ask, i deleted it on accident
anygays.
someone on anon sent an ask saying “why do you want the white lady to be stereotypical?” in reference to this post where i said i reject the canon that she doesn’t care about any of the vessels, just seeing them as tools to seal the radiance and only experiencing shame in the fact that it was her eggs that were used to produce them.
lemme elaborate on what i meant by that.
(tl;dr at the bottom of the post)
(cw: mentions of child neglect + implied child abuse)
it’s not that i want the white lady to be the general fanon stereotype that she’s actually a loving mother to all her kids, including the fallen vessels in the abyss, i simply want her to treat holly like her child because thats what they are. they’re a living being who deserves all the love and more that they never got in their childhood because their parents thought they were effectively a lifeless creature.
now, i project onto them a lot. they’re my #1 blorbo and comfort character in hollow knight, so i give them the same needs i have and write other characters as providing to those needs. that includes parental love from the white lady, their mother.
in my aus, wl isnt a motherly figure to all the vessels — in fact, she’s actually kind of scared of most of them. she only really acts as a parent to holly, because she knows they’re alive and that they literally need it to stay that way. they call her mom, she calls them her child, and she’s grown really attached to them because of that.
wl didn’t initially view holly as her child — before their escape and rescue, to her, they were just another failure. just another impure vessel. she didn’t honestly care about what happened to them, at least not too much (they’re still her spawn, and she felt some guilt in seeing them this way, but she shoved it down and continued acting like everything was fine). but after the fact, holly themself said to her that they genuinely see her as their mother and want her to treat them as her child to make up for the decades of neglect they went through. hearing this, and knowing they’re a living being that literally just wants the love they were never given, and already having an innate desire to protect her young, she agrees to call them ‘child’ despite not fully seeing them like that.
after a while, though, she did start developing a genuine motherly love and connection to them. of course, at this point in time in my main au, holly is still very much trying to impress pk to avoid getting thrown into the abyss and dying (which he wouldn’t do, but they don’t know that), so they never call wl ‘mother’ around him, and they requested that she do the same for them (which she agreed to do bc she doesn’t want them getting hurt any more than they already have been).
tl;dr, im sad and need the comfort so i gave a lore reason for it to happen canonically in my aus.
(also, in twins of void, wl just always loved diligence. she knew right off the bat that they were alive and she decided “fuck it, they’re my child and i love them, the other one is pure they’ll be fine,” despite pk’s wishes for neither of them to form any unnecessary attachments in the case that purity wasn’t pure.)
(in reign of light, she doesn’t want anything to do with moon. something to do with them fusing with radi. more angst fuel for the angst au!)
(also, here’s rol and tov’s basic info post)
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houndfaker · 5 months
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how come you’re so crazy about kikuno? asking as someone who only knows her from arena
honestly anon a good 50% of it is “i literally don’t know”. maybe it’s the fact that she’s so underrated that kind of stokes my obsession a little? the other half of it is well. not even so much just her roles in each story she’s involved in but just general stuff about her as a character beyond that. i’ll give my general reasonings
(beneath a cut because wow i started rambling really hard)
im a sucker for the general trope of an utterly devoted character that serves under another, potentially to the point of viewing themselves as a tool. combine that with the general aesthetic of a battle maid and im pretty much sold.
further combine that with a devotion so sincere that it corrupts, and you have me acting up. kikuno being so hellbent on setting mitsuru free of her family’s burdens that she is willing to sacrifice the entirety of sees for it, that she goes as far as drugging her so she might sleep through it all, was just insanely interesting to me. kikuno clearly despises takedera, thinks lowly of him, but joins forces with him for the good of providing peace to the person dearest to her, even at the risk of being hated by her.
she also technically falls under that other trope i like where she has a history of being a lab experiment. which i sorely wish they would’ve done more with! the horrifying implications of a child that was sold to ergo research!! a survivor of that dark hour experimentation that’s effect is typically known only through strega (and eventually sho by extension). takedera threatening her with returning to those experiments is a genuine hair raising moment to me. she’s the type of character you imagine would have a persona, but she never seems to awaken to one, only having the potential to interact with the dark hour.
shes also outright a cool addition to exploring more of mitsuru’s backstory and home life. the drama cd in general gives insight to mitsuru as a child and i came away feeling even more fondness for a character i already love intensely. (seriously, kikuno describing their first meeting and how much of a little shit mitsuru was about trying to make friends with a withdrawn and bitter kikuno…so sweet)
i just really get the sense that the writers have a fondness for her. she almost feels like someone’s oc. she’s practically a main character in the drama cd she originates from, she briefly cameos in a later drama cd promoting the movies (and has a brief appearance in the movies!!!!), then goes from loose mention in the first arena game to a fully visually implemented character in ultimax with portraits and voicework, and later she’s portrayed in the stageplay based on ultimax. surely you could chalk a ton of this up to needing a plot-furthering character and kikuno as a pre-existing concept would more often than not fit the bill but i like to imagine she’s just a Well Loved side character. i sincerely hope that love persists into reload. im DYING to see her again, even if it’s just a brief moment.
SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH HER. in the second scene shes in she tells the limo driver escorting her and mitsuru to the manor to run over a crowd. shes like an angry attack dog for the first half of new moon that mitsuru needs to tell to relax. she fucking pretends to break a ring that normal people use to access the dark hour, acts like she loses all of her memories in the past 6 years to takedera AND TO MITSURU BEFORE BEING LIKE OH LOL IM FINE BTW. IVE ALWAYS HAD ACCESS TO THE DARK HOUR I JUST PRETENDED TO USE THE RING AND NEVER TOLD YOU ABOUT IT. she blows up the iwatodai dorm kitchen because she impulsively came over to help bake something as an apology to mitsuru, and doesn’t tell anyone that she’s never cooked before until after there is a fire. when mitsuru requests a beach-related activity for the senpai squad to partake in she sends an entire cruise ship to them. in arena she intentionally leaves the top open on the artificial dark hour-inducing box so that the police investigators handling the materials snoop into it, trigger it, and get attacked. she stays On Site in a damaged helicopter during ultimax so she can shoot down and blow up shadows and smiles and winks while she does it like she’s having the time of her life.
its not anything New i guess but the way she carries herself does kill me. woman who behaves so put together but is so not. she wants to commit unspeakable violence. shes smug and cunning. also she can be incredibly fucking stupid and i chalk that up to having grown up somewhat sheltered in the same manner as mitsuru. the perfect woman i think
gay ass homosexual woman. if a relationship in p3 is paralleled with junpei and chidori it’s so over that’s them telling you something gay is happening. you cannot refer to somebody as “the one destined for you” and be not gay about it. it does not help that she then compares herself to yukari who is also ridiculously gay with mitsuru. it’s also like why are you as a woman revolving your life’s work around providing comfort and peace to another woman. she’s ridiculous get me out of here.
her arena design is like catnip for me. what is she so dykey for!? her fucking chest harness....
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another thing is like just generally the Potential she holds as a character. i would've liked to see her directly encounter more members of sees beyond her first appearance. i think her and yukari's dynamic in particular is really funny just based on the last bit of dialogue between them in nm/fm. something about the kinda one-sided like. kinship kikuno appears to have with her and like i wanted to see how yukari would further deal with her and her antics but they dont really interact on character developing-based terms in ultimax....i like to think about them anyways. ive also manifested the concept of strega being loosely aware of her from their time as child experiments under the kirijo group, particularly ive been wanting to try writing or drawing something grounded in the dynamic between her and chidori consisting of how differently the two ended up and how that might create further tension than what we got in their brief canon interaction...im just Rambling at this point but its genuinely a big part of her appeal to me.
well while im here. i feel like there might be this impression that i ship kikuno with either yukari or mitsuru but like generally speaking i find it hard to put into words what the deal is. i dont really consider either of them in a romantic relationship with her and yet there is some kind of psuedo-polycule shit going on there in my brain. i dont pair them but theyre doing gay stuff n proximity to each other. do you get it. its like two married women and the maid that they do yuri shit with
she sucks a little bit and also shes so awesome. im her biggest fan. thats all
addendum: PLEASE, one p3 fan to another, do yourself a favor and either listen along to or read the scripts for the drama cds she appears in. (and the whole p3 drama cd catalogue in general because honestly its made up of really great stuff between sincere lore shit and just characters goofing off during daily life.) i'll link the specific ones below for ease of access also.
New Moon (Youtube) (Script) Full Moon (Youtube) (Script)
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nmzuka · 2 months
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Alright I did it Ranking the human characters from Primal Rage: The Avatars from least to most mischaracterized to me personally:
--Kaze and Keena They're kinda just genetic "protagonist hero" and "girl" I do like a lot of moments they had overall and dont think their characters are bad for them Keena having a crush on Kaze wasn't terrible since it obviously wasn't reciprocated but I did HATE the long bit of Keena fretting about "never feeling the touch of a man" she's 15 bro she's not thinking about that pls fuck off I do think it was lacking a lot in Keena being a child (and they kinda cop-out of doing that by saying she like matured by magic after becoming an Avatar which is lame) I don't really have that much to say in general about Kaze. I thought he was fine for being the "main character" The other characters joking about him being WAY too loyal to Blizzard (to the point of joking he wanted to fuck him) was honestly really funny tho
--Shank hard for me to fault much cause like he isnt in the book a whole lot? but I do wish they'd done more with him… he's just kinda there, does his thing, and then goes away Spoilers kinda but it was really weird that he gave a false name when he met them and then like Keena just out of no where was like "what's your real name?!" and then Malyssa knew who he was?? which I guess was the point that he hid his name so they wouldn't realize he was Chaos but they also never brought up that Malyssa knew who he was?
--Sinjin on the one hand I think Sinjin's character was kinda fun. He is sassy and a bit quippy (really like his line when all the gods got together and were roaring at each other and he just says "one big happy family…" its just so silly of him I love it) They made it a point of how good he was at rallying troops behind him and like giving these passionate speeches which is kinda fun for him to be charismatic like that but it really feels like character moments that should have been for Arik?? The book didn't even bother bringing up his want to die (I dont remember if it even brought up he was immortal? I dont think they did) that annoyed me but REALLY annoyed me when he had the line while giving a speech to the soldiers and said "we have the will to live!" made me yell HE WOULD NOT FUCKING SAY THAT!! his personal motives are just kinda dropped after a while too? like he started out playing both sides (the other Avatars and Necrosan) but that doesnt really go anywhere and once he gets the powers of being an avatar it seems like he's going to betray the Avatars because he doesnt want to release Diablo again but it just never happens? they have a lead in like he's planning something but Tor and Arik show up and he just never tries any kind of backup plan or anything? he's just fully helping the Avatars to beat Necrosan and release the gods
--Arik, Tor, Xiao Ming Im lumping all 3 together because they are honestly interchangeable in the book you could just swap the names and it wouldnt make a difference because they arent given enough character to stand out. which is a real shame! especially for Arik and Xiao Ming because I think they have a lot of interesting character possibilities with what we get from the game:
Arik is a fallen prince who wants to rebuild his kingdom and in his game ending it says how he became a greatly loved king who was known for his compassion and wisdom. He establishes a new age of peace and prosperity for humanity and its a shame the book just doesn't touch on that at all I mean they mention he's a prince but not any of his wants to help humanity
Xiao Ming is an arrogant fighter who challenged the god Slashfang to a fight and lost. Shashfang doesnt kill him tho and instead makes him his avatar in his ending he rechallenges Slashfang who says instead of a fight Xiao Ming must hunt him down He fails at this as well but over his time traveling gains a sense of humility and peace
So I always pictured his relationship with Slashfang being more bitter? it says how Xiao Ming is "disfigured" by his earlier fight with Slashfang and I dont think he was really a willing follower?? Slashfang is more trying to teach him a lesson in the book tho he's just a guy, given no sense of arrogance or anything he's just there and hanging out with Slashfang like whatever. it did annoy me too cause there was a bit where Xiao Ming and Keena think Kaze betrayed them and Keena is the one going off about what a jerk he is and shit and Xiao Ming is the one like "no he wouldnt do that would he?" when I think it should have been switched with Xiao Ming shit talking Kaze for betraying them
I did laugh when the book out right said Tor and Armadon were boring lol (Malyssa is the one to say it and I was just like "girl you get it they are so boring") but honestly that made me more sad then anything cause I had hoped to get some character ideas for Tor especially but nope he's just kinda around and is a normal dude? Armadon mentions him being afraid but never of what? like what is that suppose to mean my guy??
--Malyssa ok so like… she is my fav character in the book but also the one that bothers me the most ffff I liked how much pull she had in the story playing both sides the whole time, betraying people and then talking her way back onto their side (even tho most of the time it made no fucking sense what she was trying to do or how she was able to make the others work with her again) I just liked how important she was
what I didnt like was how much of her character was "breasted boobily down the stairs" they for some reason made her centuries old but keeping herself youthful by drinking the blood of virgin men after sleeping with them?? like okay (I dont at all mind that she liked to get it like good for her! they just kinda made it weird cause she always thinking about it) her not wearing much clothes was brought up a LOT and just talking about her "supple body" I get it she's sexy idk it just really derailed me every time and made me roll my eyes. they didnt at all bring up any of her lore from the game which also really bothered me and I think was the main reason I hated her being portrayed as she was in the book
in the game she's literally a slave to Vertigo as are all her people (magically bound to serve Vertigo) and Malyssa wants to free them she ends up tricking Vertigo and rewritting a spell that Vertigo thought would free herself into one that would free Malyssa and her people and then she leads her people with kindness and allows them to pursue freedom and happiness
which is like so good??? thats part of why I like Malyssa so much cause she's bound to one of the big bads of the series yet she herself isnt evil and wants to do good (at least for her people) I just love that for her and it feels like such a shame the book reduced her to just "sexy evil lady" (not that thats not a fun character type but just not for Malyssa I think)
anyway I know the book was just a silly thing written to promote a fighting game about giant dinosaurs so I dont hold it to being like the most amazing piece of literature ever written. It would have had to have been a lot longer to touch on all the characters lore (and honestly thinking of it now if we had instead gotten a series of books each focusing on the individual characters with a slowly intertwining story would have been amazing!!) at the end of the day I had fun reading it! But did just want to whinge a bit about the characters (because I love them a lot hhh)
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forgottenluck · 7 days
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I go by Kie or Kierax just about everywhere.
I am over the age of 25
I am comfortable interacting with minors on a strictly platonic setting. I was once one of them, rping my way into a love of writing. I'm fine with sharing that love, sharing a love for writing, a love for world building....I'm fully willing to plant the seeds of imagination in the next generation. I am NOT willing to do anything other than that. If you are a minor, any rp I do with you will be innocent, the darkest it can go is maybe some fight scenes and possible darker themes. That's it. Do not push me any further than that.
I am asexual biromantic. I am a Survivor. This means there will be very little to no smut or sexual things unless I am extremely comfortable with you.
This does not mean I am not willing to explore my characters romantic side. As long as things are fade to black, I'm okay.
Please do not pressure me in replying. I have ADHD, anxiety, and depression. All of these combined do not make a good cocktail for pressure, and if i’m pressured in interacting, replying, or other things then I get burnt out really fast. I do this because I enjoy it, so please don’t take my enjoyment out of it by putting a deadline on me.
That being said, if i’ve taken more than a week or so to even interact with you, feel free to poke me and just give me a gentle reminder! I don’t consider “hey we still good for that rp?” a pressuring measure, and I love to interact so i’d be thrilled to get a message!
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I care very little about how other people run their blogs. I care very little about what topics you rp. If I enjoy talking to you, or writing with you, then I will do so. This means I do not take place in censorship culture. I will not shame you, or call you out based on what you find enjoyable. I know for a lot of people, writing and rp is a type of therapy, and most of us are adults here and can choose to disengage when something makes us uncomfortable.
I reserve the right to rp with whoever I wish. I do not pick sides. I will not choose one over the other. If you attempt to make me choose either you or someone else, unless I know you very well and we are close friends…I will likely choose the person who is not pressuring me to choose. Firefox and Chrome both have extensions that allow you to block almost all instances of a user on your blog, please use it. (the only exception to that is asks, and for that reason I do not answer asks, but instead make a new post.)
I try not to engage in drama. I do my best to keep in my own lane. I have in the past, voiced my opinions on topics that are related to me particularly or related to people I am quite close with. However, I try to stay out of it.
If, for some reason, you do something that unnerves me, upsets me, or otherwise is against my rules, if it is directly affecting me (Ie: in a reply or im) I will give you a warning. If you do it again, then I will let you know and unfollow. In the case of me seeing it on my dash, you will not get a warning unless we have interacted quite a bit, I will immediately unfollow.
I curate my space based on my likes. If you don't like my likes, my interactions, then the unfollow button is right there. I don't care. I'm here to have fun, to blow off steam, and to enjoy myself. I'm not your baby-sitter, and I don't ever plan on being one. There are many different ways you can make sure you don't see something. Use them.
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funeralroach · 3 months
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On the 20th of December 2023, my dearly beloved dog, a companion, a best friend and an anchor to help me keep on living; Tiffa was euthanized in the age of 15 years.
On all other aspects possible...including her senses, her diet, her heart and organs alike she was perfectly fine, but to quote the vet "if nothing else gets them, old age wear out will."
Her joints were giving out and it was causing her an unspeakable amount of pain. She was given a shot which reduced her pain receptors from signaling her body and she was prescribed with a daily pain killer to alleviate her suffering for the time being but it was becoming increasingly obvious that her time was coming to an end despite my best efforts.
The most difficult part for me about it personally was being in charge of the metaphorical guillotine which I was to pay for in order to end the life of my best friend. She appeared and generally behaved as though she was no older than a 5 year old dog. She would run around, she would jump around ,she would bark and play and eat and drink and respond to her name but. It was an accumulation of little things.
She would not be able to make as sharp turns in the narrower parts of the apartment any longer, her paws would not be able to handle the same arctic weather as she used to just a year ago, she would wish to make her walks shorter by turning around and head home sooner than before, she would get exhausted quicker, she would be panting more, she wouldn't let me clip her nails or brush her fur.
All of these things I regarded as mere old age pickiness or sass perhaps. She knew her boundaries and i wished to respect them.
I could not fathom that these were the indicators of death approaching when it wasn't as visibly obvious. But the more I looked at her and the more I spoke about it the clearer it became.
During the euthanizing itself I was very fortunate to be allowed to spend as much time with the corpse as I wished after her heart had stopped. I stood around the operation table and I felt her over numerous times from head to toe taking in the subtle changes of her life having vanished from this body. She was incredibly light in comparison to before. She wasn't tense in the slightest any longer. Her tongue and gums begun to turn purple, she began to grow colder, her bladder gave out, her eyes were no longer retaining moisture. And I was very very glad that I was able to internalize these changes so I could fully process that she was no longer here.
And after leaving the veterinarian office I began to count days and weeks and mentally visualize the various stages of decomposing that were taking place and frankly now that we're at a point in which I know her body has fully turned to liquid, leaving nothing but her bones behind I feel more at ease.
I feel that theres nothing left for her body to go through.
I miss her so severely and will forever continue to, but im glad her suffering has come to an end and that i could ensure it was as painless as possible.
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hunters-hobby-log · 3 months
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Day 2: game day
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I played a game today, so I didn't have much time to hobby. I also forgot to take photos, so you'll have to take my word for it. I built up part of a mortar team. Im still waiting on traitor bits, so they shall languish in unfinished until then. I also replaced the arm on my nurgle icon bearer. Now he mroe closely represents iron hand stracken.
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I think he looks good with those "catachan" I wrote about yesterday.
I also bought a leman russ!
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Since the photos are minimal, I guess I'll write an after action report.
The opponents list was centered around 3 fully loaded blocks of kataphron breachers. Each had a skitarii screen, and a manipulus. Mine was a mixed guard regiment: 2 fully loaded krieg squads with marshals, the "catachan" squad shown above, a cadian command blob with leontus and two psion teams. The infantry was supported 2 basilisks a mortar team, two russes and a tank commander.
My traitors did not fair well today. I played against new rad bombardment detachment for admech. They drop mortals in your deployment every turn, and if you want to minimize mortals each unit can hit the dirt, but they're battleshocked for the turn. Its super flavorful, but man I both overestimated how lethal those mortals would be and hit the dirt with every one of my units in the first turn. That was a mistake. I shoulda just eaten the mortals and the admech shooting turn one. Everyone was hidden behind buildings. I woulda been fine.
Due to the battleshock my first turn was a dud. Battleshock means no orders, and secondary actions. Shooting did nothing. My opponent was able to setup on points and start scoring.
Turn two was a bit better, but my infantry wasnt able to push onto primary points, and my target priority was all over the place. I, at best, killed a couple of individual kataphrons and some infantry. I was then slapped incredibly hard by admech shooting.
Turn three was the death knell for me. I reinforced my now vaporized catachan squad, and now was able to set them up again in my opponents deployment zone. I set up a krieg squad in position to charge where my catachan were initially vaporized, and I set up my command blob with leontus in position to take the center and right objectives. Then I rolled snake eyes on literally all 3 charges. There my guard stood as they were gunned down mercilessly by the forces of the mechanicus on my opponents turn.
I conceded there, between a misguided call to take first turn letting my entire army get battleshocked, and the scramble causing a lack of focus on targets lead to a complete shutout.
I wish I got photos, but I was too caught up in socializing and generally hanging out with my buddy to reliable photograph.
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