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#will probably delete lol
disguisedmermaid · 9 months
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when i went out last night :)
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Rant ahead!
Tw: burn out, anxiety, mentions of unalive and sh
Anyone else ever feel so tired of just... being tired? Like ik it doesn't make sense. But the day literally hasn't even started for me yet and I'm so fucking done. No amount of sleep or rest or breaks from studies is helping me. I just feel like screaming and punching something. Literally everything every. Single. Thing. Is pissing me off and I just want to quit. I can't do this anymore. Fuck everything. I am so done. I can't even let myself be carried away in music and stories anymore. Nothing helps. And I really really just want to give up on life itself but you know what fucking hilarious? The fact that I am such a coward to not even be able to THINK about unaliving myself because of how many people I'll hurt if I did that. And i just want to feel something. Anything. And its getting so hard to not just go looking for a pencil sharpener or somn around my house. And the truth is? I can't even anymore. I'm so tired. And it's getting so hard to see anything past all of this and I can't bring myself to care about anything or anything and it'd all slowly fading away right before my eyes. And it's like I'm floating in this bottomless ocean, except I'm not getting yanked but instead slowly getting pulled and I can't help but slowly give into it as the water fills me all around inside and out. Regulus Black core indeed. I just. Idek anymore. Fuck this shit
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paracawsal · 3 months
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welp. I ordered some rushes, hopefully they’ll get here before imbolc 🤷🏻‍♀️
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ardentlylesbian · 5 months
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My pussy is so soft and wet and nice
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a-boring-boi · 1 year
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Was drawing Riku kingdom hearts and all of a sudden my brain said "ok but like what if we give him silver eyelashes" and that thought has not left.
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noblogsir · 2 years
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..man, i can feel Zain nearby
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/just a lil thing to make your wait for my comics more enjoyable;>
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@divearyxxx​ i shall grant your wishes:)
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You know you're too deep in fandom phase when the verses of "don't threaten me with a good time" sounds faintly like Bipper scenario (in the future)
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flyingfabio · 5 months
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the irony in * talking shit now because a certain someone decided to save their unemployed ass .
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loopsisloops · 2 years
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I could really use Frost Giant Loki right about now it's 1am and it's 90 degrees and so humid outside bro
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thecelestialsyzygy · 1 year
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Kinda need the duffers to make Will call Mike “Mikey” to make me pipe down a little. I’ve been doing too much. Taking so many W’s it’s suspicious. I gotta give something.
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I’m trying not to think too hard about it, but less than 60 notes over the first day sure feels like a flop 🤡 what am I doing wrong
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demented-angel-x · 2 months
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Actually cbfa, fucking SICK to death of people, sick to death of my fucking “parents”. This fucking anger is going to explode soon istg.
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paracawsal · 7 months
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hi
I love my fireteam
that is all
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sanaxo-o · 7 months
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It’s one of those days again :(
I hate this feeling so much. I hate it. Like I know I am not good enough and I never will be. I hate the fact that I keep feeling insecure about myself and my writing. I just hate myself at this point. No matter how much I get I will always be ungrateful haha…
How do I stop feeling like this?
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i have to go shopping later and i really dont want to lolllll what if i just didnt no i kinda have to also for some reason ive started calling cucumbers carrots and whenever i try to say cucumber i legit cant so ykno its fkn weird anyway lol
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inkskinned · 11 months
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one of the things that i think we should pay attention to, socially, about the disney v. desantis thing is that it is really highlighting the importance of remembering nuance.
in a purely neutral sense, if you engage in something problematic, that does not mean you are necessarily agreeing with what makes it problematic. and i am worried that we have become... so afraid of any form of nuance.
disney isn't my friend, they're a corporate monopoly that bastardized copyright laws for their own benefit, ruin the environment, and abuse their workers (... and many other things). this isn't a hypothetical for me - i grew up in florida. i also worked for the actual Walt Disney World; like, in the parks. i am keenly aware of the ways they hurt people, because they hurt me. i fully believe that part of the reason florida is so conservative is because it's been an "open secret" for years now that disney lobbies the government to keep minimum wage down, and i know they worked hard to keep the parks unmasked and open during the worst parts of Covid. they purposefully keep their employees in poverty. they are in part responsible for the way the floridian government works.
desantis is still, by a margin that is frankly daunting, way worse. the alternative here isn't just "republicans win", it's actual fascism.
in a case like this, where the alternative is to allow actual fascism into united states legislation - where, if desantis wins, there are huge and legal ramifications - it's tempting to minimize the harm disney is also doing, because... well, it's not fascism. but disney isn't the good guy, either, which means republicans are having a field day asking activists oh, so you think their treatment of their employees is okay?
we have been trained there is a right answer. you're right! you're in the good group, and you're winning at having an opinion.
except i have the Internet Prophecy that in 2-3 months, even left-wing people will be ripping apart activists for having "taken disney's side". aren't i an anti-capitalist? aren't i pro-union? aren't i one of the good ones? removed from context and nuance (that in this particular situation i am forced to side with disney, until an other option reveals itself), my act of being like "i hope they have goofy rip his throat out onstage, shaking his lifeless body like a dog toy" - how quickly does that seem like i actually do support disney?
and what about you! at home, reading this. are you experiencing the Thought Crime of... actually liking some of the things disney has made? your memories of days at the parks, or of good movies, or of your favorite show growing up. maybe you are also evil, if you ever enjoyed anything, ever, at all.
to some degree, the binary idealization/vilification of individual motive and meaning already exists in the desantis case. i have seen people saying not to go to the disney pride events because they're cash grabs (they are). i've seen people saying you have to go because they're a way to protest. there isn't a lot of internet understanding of nuance. instead it's just "good show of support" or "evil bootlicking."
this binary understanding is how you can become radicalized. when we fear nuance and disorder, we're allowing ourselves the safety of assuming that the world must exist in binary - good or bad, problematic or "not" problematic. and unfortunately, bigots want you to see the world in this binary ideal. they want you to get mad at me because "disney is taking a risk for our community but you won't sing their praises" and they want me to get mad at you for not respecting the legit personal trauma that disney forced me through.
in a grander scheme outside of disney: what happens is a horrific splintering within activist groups. we bicker with each other about minimal-harm minimal-impact ideologies, like which depiction of bisexuality is the most-true. we gratuitously analyze the personal lives of activists for any sign they might be "problematic". we get spooked because someone was in a dog collar at pride. we wring our hands about setting an empty shopping mall on fire. we tell each other what words we may identify ourselves by. we get fuckin steven universe disk horse when in reality it is a waste of our collective time.
the bigots want you to spend all your time focusing on how pristine and pretty you and your interests are. they want us at each other's throats instead of hand in hand. they want to say see? nothing is ever fucking good enough for these people.
and they want their followers to think in binary as well - a binary that's much easier to follow. see, in our spaces, we attack each other over "proper" behavior. but in bigoted groups? they attack outwards. they have someone they hate, and it is us. they hate you, specifically, and you are why they have problems - not the other people in their group. and that's a part of how they fucking keep winning.
some of the things that are beloved to you have a backbone in something terrible. the music industry is a wasteland. the publishing industry is a bastion of white supremacy. video games run off of unpaid labor and abuse.
the point of activism was always to bring to light that abuse and try to stop it from happening, not to condemn those who engage in the content that comes from those industries. "there is no ethical consumption under late capitalism" also applies to media. your childhood (and maybe current!) love of the little mermaid isn't something you should now flinch from, worried you'll be a "disney adult". wanting the music industry to change for the better does not require that you reject all popular music until that change occurs. you can acknowledge the harm something might cause - and celebrate the love that it has brought into your life.
we must detach an acknowledgment of nuance from a sense of shame and disgust. we must. punishing individual people for their harmless passions is not doing good work. encouraging more thoughtful, empathetic consumption does not mean people should feel ashamed of their basic human capacities and desires. it should never have even been about the individual when the corporation is so obviously the actual evil. this sense that we must live in shame and dread of our personal nuances - it just makes people bitter and hopeless. do you have any idea how scared i am to post this? to just acknowledge the idea of nuance? that i might like something nuanced, and engage in it joyfully? and, at the same time, that i'm brutally aware of the harm that they're doing?
"so what do i do?" ... well, often there isn't a right answer. i mean in this case, i hope mickey chops off ron's head and then does a little giggle. but truth be told, often our opinions on nuanced subjects will differ. you might be able to engage in things that i can't because the nuance doesn't sit right with me. i might think taylor swift is a great performer and a lot of fun, and you might be like "raquel, the jet fuel emissions". we are both correct; neither of us have any actual sway in this. and i think it's important to remember that - the actual scope of individual responsibility. like, i also love going to the parks. Thunder Mountain is so fun. you (just a person) are not responsible for the harm that Disney (the billion dollar corporation) caused me. i don't know. i think it's possible to both enjoy your memories and interrogate the current state of their employment policies.
there is no right way to interrogate or engage with nuance - i just hope you embrace it readily.
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