#widow ooc (cat speaks)

[the-blackest-spider]

This is me right now.

I'm in a state of limbo, sort of. I'm trying to figure out how to live life without having someone who needs 24/7 care as a part of it and not really having anything I need to have an escape from reality wise. It's an odd sort of struggle... I want to write, I still very much have muse and such, I think about the ooc and ic relationships I've cultivated here, more importantly those behind the characters who have been there when I've needed it the most even if they had no idea at the time.

I feel like I'm learning how to live each day all over again, and this is coming from someone who had one hell of a personal brush with death. I'm trying to finally take care of myself and learning how to do that...

Does that mean I'm never coming back here?

Truthfully I don't know...

I wish I did either way, but right now I'm figuring things out, and I don't know how long that is going to take. I wish I did, but it's one of those things that just you can't predict.

Also I have this really strong desire to have most everything fresh and new, as well as smaller and more simplified. I have no plans to remake Nat's blog, if I return to tumblr, it will be here, but I'm wanting something I can take wherever to do that with, so I need to figure that out, and get things (finances) back in order so I can (most importantly I need a new damn mattress, which kind of effects my being here too in a way).

I guess I'm realizing I need time... how much? I don't know and I really can't predict it or even ballpark it. In light of that, I completely 100% don't blame anyone for moving on, don't feel like you have to wait for me, if you do great, but I understand if you can't. I need to brush off Discord and whatnot, tho lately these days I seem to gravitate towards Facebook, which if we've talked a lot, you're more than welcome to ask for even if it's just to use their messenger deal. I'm also always ok Skype, though lately it's been questionable with reliability, but yeah...

I'm just stuck in figuring shit out limbo and wading through A LOT.

I hope everyone is doing good, and I'll make updates when I can, when I know fully what I'm doing besides the necessary basics of adult life aka sleeping, work and all that, with some exercise tossed in, since I am trying to take better care of the whole package here mental and physical, and I hope y'all are taking care of yourselves too as best you can.

#widow ooc: cat speaks #mobile widow #life updates #pinned post

[soraavalon]

DM: So you all reach the top of these steep stairs and come into these crystalline glass doors, it's almost silver, the doors themselves are silver but there are these panes of glass that are in these jagged crystal fractals that reflect the light back to you and make these little purple twilight light dance around as they are opened for you by a pair of knights at the gesturing of the Starlight Prince. And you enter the interior of this large round room at the center of the palace, you can see hallways going off with other doors that lead to other places, but you walk in under this huge dome, above you you can see the night sky perfectly clear, there are soft sounds of water there's these lily ponds on either side of this marble floor that seem to be running out somewhere behind the throne room perhaps that the water's coming in and out. You see these cat's tails that are swaying, it's basically these interior ponds that are both wild and bog-like yet elegantly kept. On the far side is a raised dias with these two thrones and you see the monarchs talking to one another there leaned close.

DM: They look up as you all enter again led by the Starlight Prince, first to rise is the king; This monarch that you see is the picture of storybook regality, his mane of greying brown hair begins as small feathers along his high cheekbones and widow's peak hairline, his eyebrows exaggerated into feathered points that remind you of a horned owl. You see fine features elegant and powerful, yellow eyes that are a bit too large to look natural, so perfect as all archfey have been so perfect that it sends a chill through you. A beak-like nose and thin lips in a soft smile as he first sees his son and then a look of consternation as he sees the Lord of the Hunt. His beard is neat, short and pointed at the chin, upon his brow is a silver crown with sharp points reaching heavenwards

Nathaniel (OOC): [in chat] new goal: gotta level up so I can draw Swan's fey

DM: Each [something] with an eight-point star. A cloak of owl's feathers hangs about his shoulders matching the large wings folded at his back and at base of his rich velvet purple robe you can see his feet are owl talons, clicking against the marble floor as he steps down from his throne and quickly comes to meet you all halfway. His presence carries dignity and a sense of wisdom and wit but a small nagging part of your mind and heart will not let you forget that he may be dangerous. So... He holds up a hand to stop you all from approaching further and as he does there are several knights in the room that stand at attention. He looks to his son then to the Lord of the Hunt.

Owl King: [Sylvan] And what brings you all into my home?

DM: As he speaks its a voice in the soft ruffle of feathers, the surface of a pond shivering in the breeze and as he speaks you feel a sense of patience come over you, expectation and anticipation but without rush or haste. The Starlight Prince quickly explains the situation of, you know, that the Lord of the Hunt was working with the Flickering Knave, that you all know what happened to him and he's like 'And also.' He turns and presents Rymer who kind of steps out from the crowd kind of sheepish all of a sudden, his excitement turn into nervousness. And as he steps forward, you see the queen rise very quickly from her throne. She is stunning, of course, wrapped in pale silks and linens that make her seem to float, ethereal with a warm white fur cloak that boasts a large fluffy collar that widens out her willowy frame. Her wings are large and pale as moonlight, dotted with soft silver speckles and along her temples are two antennae, long elegant with golden fronds along the length. Her silver and snow-white hair is braided intricately into a low complex bun and her luminous grey eyes gleam with inner light. She flies from the raised platform and immediately lands the most graceful being you've ever seen and wraps Rymer into a tight hug, crying softly and holding him to her chest.

Mistletoe: Mistletoe is tearing up a bit because this is sweet.

Hunt: Yeah.

Tark: Tark doesn't say anything because why? Like he's trying to piece together what happened.

Marigold: Sometimes, you know, crimes are fun.

Tark: Yeah.

Hunt (OOC): Swan, can I guess that the Queen, I presume, has the moth aesthetic?

DM: Yes, she actually looks like a specific moth; the dotted line white moth or dot-lined white moth.

Hunt (OOC): Oooh. (IC): She just kind of more nods to herself 'cause she's had a feeling regarding the moths and his reaction to it whenever she's seen him, she's like 'Okay, I get it.'

DM: Yeah, the fact he seems to have an affinity for moths seems to clearly come from his step mother.

Marigold (OOC): Aww.

DM: She is speaking low against his hair, you can kind of make out the general 'Oh my god, my baby!' kind of you know a mom who has her kid back and just the Owl King is trying to appear as unaffected as possible 'cause there is a lot going on right now.

Owl King: [Sylvan] I see. And these pebbles are friends of yours?

DM: The Starlight Prince kind of shrugs.

Starlight Prince: More of Tadpole.

DM: He steps aside and lets the Owl King get a better look at all of you. He sort of lingers on Mistletoe and Marigold who are clearly the outliers of the group.

Mistletoe: [Sylvan] Hello Your Majesty.

Owl King: [sylvan] Greetings, you have come here for a purpose I take it? Not just to return my son home?

Mistletoe: Mistletoe looks at Marigold and then is just like, [Sylvan] "Well I'm just along for the ride." and nudges Mary with his elbow.

Marigold: [Sylvan] We were hoping to get some help back to the Material Plane.

Owl King: [Sylvan] Of course. What sort of help is required?

Marigold: [Sylvan] I mean, I would really like to not lose my memories more than anything.

DM: You feel the Lord of the Hunt touch your shoulder and just very quietly

Lord of the Hunt: [Sylvan] You will not. 'You' will not.

Marigold (OOC/IC?): It probably wouldn't be a bad thing then if everyone else lost their memories. (IC): [Sylvan] Okay, we're just hoping to not lose time then.

Owl King: This is a gift I can grant.

DM: The Queen of Moths pulls back from Rymer---

Tark: Tark kind of steps forward and he's holding onto Eudora's hand... (OOC): Hang on, what was whatshisface's name? The guy who took Eudora's...

DM: The Summer Knight.

Ethan: The Summer Knight. The guy who hired Jeremiah in the first place.

Tark (OOC): Got it, okay.

Marigold (OOC): That dickhead.

Tark (OOC): The piece of shit. (IC): Tark steps forward with Eudora and says, "If we could also request, the Summer Knight did something to our friend, she's not herself. We were hoping you could fix that?

DM: The Moth Queen kneels down to look at Eudora, she sort of gently and slowly reaches out and you see her fingers glow as she traces them across Eudora's brow and she frowns.

Moth Queen: I can perhaps heal this

DM: She speaks in the flutter of wings and the gentle warm crackle of a candle wick when she speaks, you feel deeply loved and passionately inspired.

Moth Queen: But either I can do this for you protect your memories as you return home. Not both.

Tark: Son of a bitch.

Ethan: [in chat] maybe it's for the best ya'll forgot some things...

Marigold: If we heal Eudora, Eudora could then use the favor?

Nathaniel (OOC): [in chat] including Eudora's price?

Tark (OOC): What was Eudora's prize?

DM & Hunt (OOC): A favor.

DM: From the Knave of Hearts.

Tark (OOC): Oh.

Ethan: [in chat] Hunt has a book.

Hunt: I have a journal.

DM: Hunt has been keeping a journal.

Hunt (OOC): Yeah which she has been updating almost every time everyone takes a break.

Marigold: Can I look after it?

Hunt (OOC): ....

Marigold: Can I make some edits?

Nathaniel (OOC): You can't read.

-laughter-

Hunt (OOC): Yeah Marigold can't read.

DM: You're illiterate, my friend.

Marigold: Yeah, my edits wouldn't be small.

Tark: Tark frowns.

Marigold (OOC): Don't need to be able to read to be able to cross out.

Tark: I think I could fix her on my own if I had time, so I think the not losing time is the most important.

#D&D mischief #Relni campaign #Relni Recap #Relni Chapter 42 #Adding three more dolls to the list XD #it seems that the blood bond protects Mary from being affected by the memory wipe #while it would be great to forget Heartbreaker and the Knave of Hearts not so much on everything else #Mary you have no right to decide that on your own #Hunt still has the journal it's her contingency for memory loss #the only way he's getting the journal is if he steals it from her

[the-blackest-spider]

First of all, I apologize. I'm just getting to this now. To make a long story short, both my laptops that I have (my big one and the mini) are basically on their last legs, they've been well used but despite them being compatible I think Windows 11 is the culprit for it. So I need to get a new laptop, and that will take a bit of time because I wanna research before I invest in one and while I like the big screen I'm also considering I need something easy to take with me when I want to, but anyway that's some of the reason my ass hasn't been here, the other is my Mom is back in the hospital again, and we're not sure what is going to go on because everyone thought we had figured out how to keep her fluid retention off, buuuut apparently not and there's other stuff (she had kidney disease/failure and congestive heart failure) that has us all going basically day by day.

Annnd besides my Mom's health situation my Aunt and I are both having issues, and work is stressful...

Basically when it rain it fucking pours and it's flooding.

Anyway, I apologize that I've been so flaky lately because of stuff, and I miss writing with y'all and hope everyone is doing okay. ❤️

#widow ooc (cat speaks) #mobile widow #medical tw

[the-blackest-spider]

-coughs from all the dust-

Hi. Been a while, I'm not back yet, but I'm getting there. I want to come back, I have the urge and need to write, but well, I'll explain more under the cut.

A few of you are aware, but my Mom did pass away at the end of July. I'm doing okay, but like my Aunt and my Dad, I'm in a sort of state of limbo of now what and trying to get used to the new normal. It's a whole other existence when you were used to taking care of another human being, and then you're not. My Mom's passing was inevitable, not a matter of if, but when and now she's at peace.

Anyway, thank you to those of you who haven't given up on me yet, and please don't, but all the same if you do, I completely understand. I can't really give a timeline, some due to the fact my laptop is being wonky on top of everything else, and it is the holiday season. Also I'm thinking on how I want to come back, but I want to make sure I'm not overwhelming myself and I want RP to be as enjoyable as it's always been and a way to relax and escape from the everyday.

I miss all of you, Natasha misses all of her people too.

In the meantime, don't hesitate to reach out and chat with me if you feel the urge on here or Discord, I'll answer back when I can and I have the spoons, which having spoons is getting easier each day.

I'm going to try to check in while I work on coming back.Thank you for everything, and especially y'alls patience and understanding as I work through stuff. ❤️

#widow ooc (Cat speaks) #mobile widow #death tw #parental death tw

[the-blackest-spider]

GET TO KNOW THE MUN.

what’s your phone wallpaper :  Thrawn is my home screen and two characters from a couple of otome games I play is my lock screen.

last song you listened to :  New Future Weapon - Billy Idol

currently reading : Thrawn by Timothy Zahn (re-reading)

last movie : Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 

last show : Mega Zoo on Discovery+

what are you wearing right now : tank top and flowy capris

piercings / tattoos? : ears only no tats

glasses ? contacts? : Glasses, can't do contacts.

last thing you ate? : Chocolate Cheesecake ice cream

favorite color(s) : Blue, Green, Pink, Red, Black, Silver and Lavender

current obsession :  Various animes, otome games, my big three: Marvel, Star Wars and Final Fantasy VII (and related), my current rp off tumblr with my friend.

do you have a crush right now? : fictional only lol

favourite fictional character : I have A LOT so y'all don't have time for that. XD

Tagged by: @poeticphoenix

Tagging: @paramounticebound @traumamade @shieldshawk @agentjjkelly @huntingbounties @the-mjolnir-owner @sentineloftheunderworld and whoever else!

#widow ooc (cat speaks)

[the-blackest-spider]

BTW if any of my mutuals ever have some big and or complicated plot idea y’all wanna do and aren’t sure of who to approach. Me. Approach me. I’m always up for those kind of things and how often it can revolve into our own little universe, and I have no problem writing side characters for it. 

#Widow ooc (Cat speaks) #plot ideas

[the-blackest-spider]

// You've got such an awesome grasp on Natasha and I love how you incorporated her into the FFVII universe!!!

ANONYMOUSLY OR NOT, TELL ME SOMETHING YOU LIKE ABOUT MY MUSE/BLOG

it could be about my portrayal, my headcanons, my blog’s aesthetic, my muse’s dynamic with someone else’s muse, etc.  Accepting | Open

It's always nice and humbling to hear that I've done a good job at putting her into other universes, especially with FFVII because I wove her into a lot of stuff with what I came up with, but it was fun to do and to keep exploring and figuring out new things. I do it with all of her verses, and getting to write with amazing and talented people like yourself helps beyond what words can express, and especially when they manage to give me a better respect and understanding for the character they're writing, like you with Genesis.

#widow ooc (cat speaks) #widow resonses #♥

[the-blackest-spider]

Good news, my Mom is home from the hospital, she came home yesterday, so I’m going to be spending the weekend with her and the fam of course, and not sure yet what the following week will all bring, so on a day to day basis still. 

#Widow ooc (Cat speaks) #medical tw

[the-blackest-spider]

You know the drill. Mutuals only, like and comment if you maybe want something specific like verse or situation, etc or if you're a multi-muse with the muse you wanna write with. Length may vary. :)

#widow ooc (cat speaks) #in the web (mutuals only)

[the-blackest-spider]

I didn’t make it on tonight, sorry about that, I’ll try again tomorrow, but I do have some stuff to do. Honestly this week is going to be extremely sporadic unlike the last few days. Also...

(putting below cut for reasons) 

I’m doing better, but I’m still on the struggle bus. Some of it is me, my own head telling me stupid shit and some of it is hormones also telling me and my body stupid shit. I know some of you have been around here long enough to know about the big health scare I had back at the end of 2014 into 2015 and it was mentioned then, that I might start going into pre-menopause and even menopause itself early, well pretty sure I am doing one or the other. I have a long list of symptoms to share with my OBGYN I just need to call and make the appointment, but here’s the thing... I’m kinda terrified and I’m just tired, and stressed for so many more reasons than that and it’s starting to spread into every corner of life. 

I feel like in one group of people I’m not doing enough, I try to do too much and want too much, and that I just need to admit the truth, that I really don’t fit in there, I'm really not necessary, cut my losses and leave. It was fun while it lasted. 

I feel like here, I’m wanting too much, that my ideas are too complicated ( I feel like that all across the board, here on tumblr and elsewhere), I feel like some of my writing choices, things I’ve attempted (whether in the wrong or right ways) have driven people away, and one situation that turned out very badly did drive some people away from me. 

I feel like over all I don’t write things the way I should, and the voices I give to fictional characters are all wrong. That I want to make it all about who I’m writing and I don’t, when I write with others, I want it to be about everyone involved, end of story.

I used to be so eager, so excited and willing to reach out to people new and old around here and now I worry in both cases, will I annoy them, will I come on too strongly, will I do or say something that just ruins everything? 

And in both situations I feel guilty because over the last couple of years, since a particular situation I haven’t been around as much, and when I am around I feel like if I say hi to people or pop into a dis.cord server including ones I’ve made or helped make that I shouldn’t do it, and I should just continue to remain quiet and not even bother trying, because I’ll annoy someone or everyone or say the wrong things or go on too much or be too excited and so on. 

Anyways, if you read this, I apologize. I’m trying very hard not to be this way, it’s a process and maybe it will be one of those things that I’m constantly battling with, maybe I’ll go and get checked out, get some more things to help get my brain and get my hormones under control. I’ve had a lot of good days this past week, so maybe this is just me getting in a bad day, I don’t know.

What I do know, is I’m tired, and I feel aggravated at myself because I know all the things I don’t want to do, I should do and some of the things I want to do, I shouldn’t do at all. 

Anyways, as a line from a favorite book goes, tomorrow is always fresh with no mistakes in it.

#Widow ooc (Cat speaks) #I hope everyone has a good night

[the-blackest-spider]

Just a quick kinda late check in, my Mom is doing good, each day is getting better with stuff, I'm gonna try to be around to do some things later tomorrow evening and on Saturday. Sunday I'm gonna be busy, and then she has her follow up appointment with our family primary doc, and he wanted me to get my blood drawn again a month from when he saw me, which will roughly be Monday (I'll let y'all know why if anything comes of it and a couple of other things). Anywho, hope everyone is doing okay!

#widow ooc (cat speaks) #mobile widow #medical tw #health tw

[the-blackest-spider]

Annd as far as I'm aware of, that's what I owe, I'll try to get back on when stuff comes back and get them at least get a rough draft of a reply written, then clean up and post actual replies to y'all when I can this week. Have a good one, and have a good night or day depending on where you are!

#widow ooc (cat speaks)

[the-blackest-spider]

I apologize for the radio silence. Everything is going as good as it can be with my Mom. I just need to get through this weekend and next week, then some normalcy will settle in, and I can be here. Hope everyone is doing well.

#widow ooc (cat speaks) #mobile widow

[the-blackest-spider]

FYI it’s Natasha’s favorite time of year, so if anyone wants to do wintery and or Christmas threads/plots let me know. If your muse doesn’t know how to ice skate she will gladly teach them how. 

#Widow ooc (Cat speaks) #in the web (mutuals only)

[the-blackest-spider]

Headache "fun" today. Partially allergies, and partially getting used to medication for my asthma, which is helping. So I'm gonna just relax for the evening and plan to be around tomorrow after work.

#widow ooc (cat speaks) #mobile widow #medication tw

[the-blackest-spider]

"🙋" + favorite brand of hair brush

Send "🙋" + any headcanons you want to know about my muse.

Accepting | Open

Because I headcanon Natasha having ridiculously thick and curly hair (to read said headcanon go here) she needs a brush that will go through her hair, but gently and that can be used on wet hair, because a comb is a bitch to get through thick, curly wet hair and it pulls something terrible when it comes to any tangles. So a wet hair brush, one with good reviews on amazon (or other verses equivalent of).

#Whispers #widow reponses #widowcanon #widow ooc (cat speaks)