#why'd life have to go and get complicated | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hanyacoded · 2 days

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if i had to choose her or the sun! megumi x reader

repost from old acc!

megumi fushiguro x gn!reader

cws; none really, femcoded(?) reader, swearing, reader drinks coffee, megumi whipped for reader, first kiss, small [physical] fight between megumi and yuji for funnies

wc: 1154

TO SAY THAT megumi fushiguro hates mondays would be an understatement. he doesn't hate them, he fucking despises them. there's nothing he can think of that's even close to likeable about them. the mornings? the worst part of his entire week. the nights? he's so tired he can't even think. and all the time in between? literal ass.

today's even worse. he normally hates waking up to go to class, but even that sounds better than waking up at 5 am to go to yuuji’s stupid sports practice. the fact that yuuji manages the patience or energy for this is astounding.

it's the worst day in his entire life, he thinks. but then he sees you, and suddenly it doesn't feel so bad anymore. you're dressed in layers and layers of fluff and wool, trudging through the soft layer of unshoveled snow on the ground, making a beeline straight for him.

there's a cute little grin on your face as you bounce towards him. your cheeks and nose are flushed, and your pretty, sparkly eyes are trained on one single thing: the steaming cup of coffee that he's cradling in his freezing hands.

“hey!” you yell, using your hands to form a makeshift microphone before you reach him. you plop down beside him, onto the bench.

“what flavour?” you demand, not noticing the way he stiffens, or the way his cheeks turn a even brighter shade of pink, a shade that no amount of cold can ever produce. he shifts uncomfortably as you lean into him suddenly, with no regard to his prsonal space. you take a deep breath, then close your eyes.

“caramel?”

“mm.” he offers it to you quietly, and you happily cuddle into his side as you take a big sip. you always tell him how surprising it is that the two of you, despite having opposite personalities, have the same taste in coffee. the short answer is, you don't. the long answer, however, complicates things wildly. he's never been a fan of sweet things, but you absolutely adore them. and when you'd told him how much you “love, love, love!” (your words, not his) sweet things. and of course, the one day he'd tried out caramel coffee, you'd tasted it too, and decided that you loved it.

“homemade?”

“yeah,” he murmurs. somewhere along the line, he's started making it at home. just for you. he enjoys seeing your little reactions every day when he hands it to you, and it goes without saying that being unable to savour his own coffee in peace is so worth watching you savour yours. he's used to it now anyways, choking down his own black coffee in seconds before setting out with “his” coffee, that's actually always been yours.

you tug at the thick muffler that's hanging half off your neck with one hand.

“wait– lemme–” you pull again, and the coffee almost spills out of the cup. he takes it from your hand gently.

“there, do it now.”

you rip off the muffler gratefully and reach for the cup. but before you can take your coffee back, yuuji jogs over and snatches it up, pouring some into his mouth. megumi grabs it back from him, annoyed.

“stop touching my stuff!”

“why are you always mean to everyone?” groans yuuji, collapsing onto the bench.

“wh’d’ya mean?” you ask, voice muffled by your megumi’s coffee cup. you put it down beside you. “i don't get it, he's never been mean to me!”

“nyeh!” yuuji sticks out his tongue at you. “that's cause he likes yo–”

your eyes widen. you've never seen megumi move this fast before; he lunges at yuuji, hissing “why'd you say that in front of–”

“i’m sorry, it just slipped out!” he gasps, trying to wriggle away–but even though he's stronger than megumi, the angle at which he's being held down is enough to hold him in place. and that's when it finally clicks.

“megumi… you like me?” your eyes are filled with wonder and surprise as you stare down at the pair, unmoving on the ground against a striking backdrop of snow.

yuuji shakes his head vehemently. “no, i was joking, i swear!”

“that's not true!” yells megumi at the same time. but then he sees how you seem to deflate, and your bright eyes dull. fuck it. he twists around to look at you properly. “i mean, it is true, but–”

he sees the way a small smile plays up on your lips. it's the prettiest sight he's ever seen–and distracting enough for yuuji to shove him away and take off running. beinf an s-class track star, he doesn't have to run for long before he's out of view. now it's only you and megumi left.

he's sitting on the floor of the pavilion, in front of the bench, scared to talk to you. you, on the other hand, have never been so bold. you walk over to him, and kneel between his spread out legs. you touch his face.

“hey, megumi.”

“yeah?” his voice is nervous, shaky.

“can i kiss you?”

he nods.

taking a deep breath, you lean forward, pressing your lips tentatively to his. megumi freezes, before pulling you closer to him, hand on your waist. holy shit, your lips are soft. but what if someone sees them? it would be so embarrassing. he pulls away briefly to catch his breath, but you look disappointed, like you wanted more. and then he's effortlessly pulling you up onto his lap, embarrassment be damned. your hands are tangled up in his hair, and he kisses you again, fervently.

“we should,” he gasps, out of breath. “we should really go somewhere more private.”

“oh,” you say, surprised. “we're still in the pavilion.”

he nods, lifting you off of him, then gets up. he pulls you up too, but then his eyes widen as soon as he sees your lips. picking up your muffler, he wraps it securely around your neck and the lower half of your face, so they're no longer visible.

“what's wrong?” you ask, confused.

he shakes his head, cheeks dusted a pretty pink.

“your uh,” he clears his throat. “your lips are swollen, it'll look weird.”

your laughter is infectious, and he's also laughing by the time you get to gojo’s car. when the two of you get in, his chauffeur–because when is gojo not going all out over little things–starts the car, and you immediately cuddle into megumi's side.

“so.”

you ignore him, eyes closed.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

LATER

“wait, so you actually like me?” you ask, peering down at the heart-shaped box of chocolate in your hands. there's a note stuck to it that says, happy valentine's day. you look up at megumi, who's holding a bouquet of flowers and the three stuffed animals you've won from the claw machine at the arcade.

“baby,” he groans. “we've been over this already, we've been together for two damn years!”

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landograndprix · 4 months

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「Feel the magic ๛ l.n」

part xvi

✧.* you disappeared from the face of the earth for a couple of months for reasons and while your life is looking amazing to the outside, you've been going through it.

✧.* happy new year babies ❤️ theres a lil' times skip here — tag list is closed, follow @landonfourlibrary to be notified for updates :)

✧.* prev part - next part

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y/nusername

liked by carlossainz55, milouberger and 287,563 others

y/nusername lately dump 👶🏻

tagged: landonorris, maxfewtrell, cecilemoulin

view all 1,682 comments

norrizz I KNEW IT!!!!

cecilemoulin never been more excited about anything before 😍

bott_ass I am in fact speechless (in a good way)

charles_leclerc congratulations you guys!

sharl16 another baby for Charles to obsess over 😂

norry4 and y'all were convinced they broke up..I knew they were up to something 😂

mclaren baby mclaren 👶🏻🧡

carlossainz55 congrats! ❤️

chilisainz alexa play that should be me by Justin Bieber

hamilt44n a siblings just for me? 🥺

lanlan y'all sleeping on the last picture, this baby is already acting like a menace 😭

y/nluv ma'am this is more than just breaking your arm and having some complications 💀

landonorris ❤️❤️❤️

carlandooo dilf lando

y/nlandooo so happy for y'all but are we all going to ignore milou in y/n her likes 😭

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y/nusername

liked by oscarpiastri, milouberger and 206,453 others

y/nusername 🧡

tagged: landonorris, charles_leclerc, oscarpiastri

view all 1,999 comments

piastripastry thank you for adopting oscar, it means a lot 🥺

norry4 never screamed so hard when I saw you pop up on my TV 😭

y/nlandooo living that wag life like you should

landonorris wrong hat..

oscarpiastri not really

y/nusername no

norrizz mom and dad fighting about the kids already 💀

leclerc_16 Charles smelling babies from miles away and trying to convert them to ferrari kids like usual..

yukisan milou hiding in the likes again

oscarpiastri 👍

y/nusername seat robber

landoscar lmfao stop 🤣

mrlandonorrizz aw lando and his parents 🥺

cecilemoulin friend sees cat, friend needs to stop, friend needs to take a picture

bott_ass did she take this one home too?

y/nusername wasn't allowed to take it home, had a good cry about it 😔

bott_ass why'd they mistreat a pregnant woman like that? :(

carlandooo so happy to see you back on the grid 🥰

maxfewtrell what's your man trying to do in that last picture?

y/nusername trying to feel important

cecilemoulin happy to see the step stool is used in public too

landonorris thanks guys

julieeeexo is it national bully lando day? 😂

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y/nusername

liked by landonorris, cecilemoulin and 273,876 others

y/nusername 👶🏻💙

tagged: landonorris

view all 1,109 comments

maxfewtrell can't believe we're getting a second version of lando in a couple of weeks..

sharl16 the bullying just multiplied

carlandooo tripled, y/n bullies max as much as lando does 😂

hamilt44n how far along are you actually?

norrizz my babies are growing up so fast 😭

bott_ass boy mom y/n? Makes sense!

norry4 a mini lando? 😭

landonorris I'm always right

y/nusername boy i never said you were wrong..

yukisan kids no fighting pls :(

landonorris 💙💙💙

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y/nusername

liked by landonorris, milouberger and 226,989 others

y/nusername vegas with the lads

tagged: landonorris, oscarpiastri

view all 1,462 comments

chilisainz oscar night out with his parents 🥰

norry4 someone tell milou to fuck off, she's dead to all of us..

yukisan fuck off @.milouberger

carlito55 be gone @.milouberger

norstappenn you're gonna get married here right? RIGHT?! 👀

fewtrelllando a couple of besties on their night out 😭

bott_ass super happy you're becoming a mom but I'm sad we don't get to see you drive in Vegas :(

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Everything taglist; @thomaslefteyebrow @hopefulinlove @smoothopz @honethatty12 @cixrosie @parkersmjs @ireadthensuetheauthors @celestialams @be-your-coffee-pot @heli991113 @kodzuvk @reality-is-a-con @80sloverry @bibissparkles @myescapefromthislife @lanando4 @elliegrey2803 @ravisinghs-wife @harrysdimple05 @minkyungseokie @pretty-little-bunny382728

Feel the magic taglist: @celesteblack08 @mrsmaybank13 @cha-hot @judesgfirl @roseseraj @kissesandmartinis @jpg3 @amulhermaisfelizdomundo @marialovesf1 @silkenthusiasts @luvrrish @laneyspaulding19 @emily-b @formula1bby @buckybarnessweetheart @strawberrychita @iifloweringnightsii @buendiabebeta @babyvinnie @mishaandthebrits @hockeyboysarehot @ironmaiden1313 @justdreamersdream @dreamsarebig @for-our-moony @sadg3 @gaslysainz @goldenharrysworld - continue tags in comments

#lando norris x reader #lando norris x you #lando norris x y/n #lando norris #lando norris x oc #lando norris smau #lando norris au #lando x reader #lando norris fanfic #lando norris imagine #f1 x reader

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hyuuukais · 2 months

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-`♡´ - APARTMENT 143

pairing -> lee minho x fem reader

synopsis -> after a bad breakup, y/n needs to find a new place to live. although she's grateful for her best friend, up-and-coming model hwang hyunjin, for letting her stay at his, she can't keep living with him and his model roommates. so when an opening for somewhere nearby with cheap rent opens up, she jumps on it, despite knowing next to nothing about the 3 other tenants, only that one owns 3 cats. the three quickly learn of her breakup, determined to help get her back on her feet. but what happens when one of them begins to develop feelings?

warnings -> gen, y/n talks abt being compared to her sister, family tension, food/eating mention, lowkey survivors guilt going on

MASTERLIST | PREVIOUS | NEXT

CHAPTER FIFTEEN -> LIKE IT USED TO BE (partially written, wc: 898)

"Oh good, you're not dead yet," Han speaks a bit loudly into the phone and you move it away from your face slightly.

The bright screen has your eyes straining in the otherwise dark room, tucked under a plush comforter from your childhood. It's amazing it's still in good condition considering how old it is, but your bed squeaks under you to remind you of the age of this room full of old memories. On the night stand next to you is a framed photo of you with your family, your mom and dad standing behind you and another little girl, slightly taller than you; your sister. You lean over and put the frame face down.

"Still alive, barely," you reply with a sigh. "Why'd you assume I'm having a bad time?"

"Let me think," he puts a finger to his bottom lip in fake concentration. "'How am I supposed to last four more days'... doesn't exactly sound like someone having a good time."

"You caught me, but I swear it's nothing." A lie. "Nothing interesting." A truth; is your family drama really worth talking about? "How's the apartment?"

"Fine. We've started to try and befriend the guy down the hall, Seungmin? Maybe you've run into him?" You shake your head. "Minho seems to get along with him the best. I think it's because they both act unwelcoming to strangers."

This makes you snort. The two of you continue to talk and laugh, the cats making an appearance at one point with Minho, who gives you a short wave, and you don't realize how late it's getting until your eyes catch the time briefly; 3:08AM. Shit. How loud have you been? You freeze when you hear a door open, muting Jisung on the other end and flipping your phone over. Your door opens.

"What are you doing up so late? Don't you know what time it is?" Your sister groans. "And you're being kind of loud, mind keeping it down a bit? Who're you even talking to?"

"No one," you say too quickly, internally cringing at yourself. "Sorry. I'm going to bed soon."

"You're lucky it was me and not mom who walked in here," she says with a sort of laugh. "She would have screamed her head off and taken your phone, despite being an adult now."

You sit up. "Yeah."

"She really fucked us up a bit, huh?" She sits next to you hesitantly when you don't reply. "Maybe we'd be closer now."

"Hyo-"

"I'm sorry," she stands suddenly. "I shouldn't be saying all this. Forget this, please." Your older sister stands in the doorway, eyes pleading. "Don't mention this to anyone, okay?"

"Okay," you whisper, knowing damn well Jisung heard every word.

As you listen to her footsteps fade, you learn to breath again, flipping your phone back over and unmuting Han. When he notices you're back, he says nothing, fiddling with the string on the hoodie he wears.

"You-"

"It's okay-" You speak at the same time and laugh, breaking the newfound tension. He continues. "It's okay if you don't want to talk about it, but I guess this is what you meant by complicated?"

You pout, eyes beginning to sting. When you speak, your voice breaks a little. "Yeah, I mean, it's hard, you know? All my life I've been compared to Hyo by my mother and teachers and even my friends. Like, I have to be her instead of myself, and she never once stepped in to protect me from all that like a big sister is supposed to. Never heard her stand up for me when it was happening right in front of her, no moment of 'hey, let my little sister be who she wants, you already have one of me'. I feel like I can't talk to her anymore. I'm rambling, sorry."

"No, it's okay," Han reassures you.

"We used to be close when we were young," you speak into the space he's left you. "Then as we got older, we drifted. We're only a few years apart, but she always acted so much better than me once we hit a certain age. She said hurtful things to me a lot, and I'm sure I said equally awful things back." A tear falls onto your blanket and you sniff, looking up to your ceiling where a poster of a boy band is pinned to prevent more from falling. "I want my sister back, but... I think there's too much pain."

"Oh Y/nnie," Han gives you a sad look. "I wish I could hug you right now."

"I'm just saying stupid stuff now, I should sleep." You've overshared and want out of this conversation ASAP. "Goodnight Han, sleep well."

He's about to protest when you hang up, moving your phone next to the frame to charge. For a while you lay there, staring at your ceiling with a heavy weight on your chest. You've never fully talked to someone about the way your upbringing made you feel or the way it still affects you. There's still a scared little girl inside of you, shying away from hands that want to hold you, comfort you. Because what if it's all a lie? What if they all leave you, like Hwa? Or like... like him?

You glance over to the frame again, not having it in you to flip it back up.

notes -> me vs y/ns mother rn- who do we think this "him" is referring to? and what happened? will hyunjin and y/n make up?

taglist -> @chaeryred @toplinelix @channie-143 @puppyminnnie @tfshouldidohere @kangaracha @chlodavids @whitney190 @thisisnotjacinta @borahae-reads @brooklynie @gini143 @kayleigh-28 @skz-streamer @babyphotos0325 @scallywag1299 @venusmoonxnight @naomisosoup @fertiliezedtoesw @s00buwu @realrintaro @anothershorthuman @skzstaykatsy @ilovejeongin007 @btswestan @multifandomedsimp @ihrtlix @raehawthorne @euphoric-univers @hyperpixie @evermourning @satsuri3su @jazziwritesthings @minhwa @wyzminho @fic-for-readers @dreamerwasfound @imsiriuslyreal @lailac13 @palindrome969 @lixie-phoria @aalexyuuuhm @sunflowerbebe07 @st4rhwa @lukeys-giggle @jabmastersupriseee @judeduartewannabe @gaysontheprince @stepout-09-15 @splat00z

^^^ orange means i can't tag you

#-`♡´ - APARTMENT 143 #stray kids smau #skz smau #non idol au #stray kids #skz #lee know #lee know smau #lee minho smau #lee know x reader #lee minho x reader #lee know x fem reader #lee minho x fem reader #skz fanfic #stray kids fanfic #smau #social media au

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folkookie97 · 8 months

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❝ twisted in bedsheets ❞ — jjk

— PAIRING: ex boyfriend!jungkook x female!reader

— SUMMARY: ❝ An affair with your ex who's your children's dad isn't a good idea. Especially when he's about to get married. ❞

— TYPE: angst | non-idol!au

— WORD COUNT: 2,617

— WARNINGS: Past/Secret relationship, Cheating, Coparenting, Husband!Taehyung, Jungkook has a fiancée, Mention of (2) Unplanned Pregnancy, Slight Toxic!relationship, Curses, Sad/Open(?) ending, Inspired by August & Illicit Affairs (Taylor Swift), Mention of brother!Namjoon, Mention of Marriage Convenience, Argument

— NOTES: i hope u like it <3 happy birthday to our bunny

— RELEASE DATE: September 01, 2023

— CROSSPOSTING: ao3

Forgiveness is inevitable for our individual evolution. It's necessary in any religion or even in psychology, which emphasizes the importance of that attitude and feeling so that we can have a better life.

Could that be the reason why things were so complicated?

Your brother used to say that you had extreme difficulty in overcoming certain situations, especially when people harmed you. It was as if you didn't care about their remorse. Even when years passed it was like you focused on the pain felt by your past self and refused to forget what they'd done.

Whenever Namjoon said that you would roll your eyes and vehemently deny it. Not only due to the discomfort of acknowledging a possible red flag but also because you didn't see yourself that way.

At least until that day.

"I'm seeing you received his wedding invitation." You felt a kiss on your face as Taehyung entered the living room accompanied by your two children, who didn't waste any time jumping onto your lap and showering you with hugs.

With your head still slightly sore, you returned the affection and watched the two kids running towards their bedrooms.

"How did you know he was engaged?"

The sigh that escaped Taehyung's lips increased your irritation. You made an effort to not rush him as you continued analyzing the expressions on his face. You noticed everything from the subtle bite he gave to his upper lip to the furrowing of his brows.

"He mentioned it to me."

You definitely didn't expect that. Anything was possible except for that.

What the hell was going on?

"Wow, amazing! You and Jungkook become fucking friends again?" You screamed and laughed sarcastically at the same time. "How'd it happen?"

Taehyung trembled at your voice's volume. He never saw you so stressed before. Yelling at him wasn't your style. Like never.

"My darling..." He attempted, sitting beside you and trying to get closer. Despite knowing the reason for your anger, Taehyung wasn't ready for the blow to his heart as he saw you move your body further into the sofa's corner. Away from him. "(Y/N), stop it…"

"Tell me that shit right now or I swear I'll sleep somewhere else tonight."

You didn't want your words to sound so offensive. You were even trying hard.

However, Taehyung knew you well. He knew you all too well. You couldn't fault him for being such an amazing husband.

You changed the question when the silence hung too long, "Why'd you keep this from me?"

“I was afraid you'd wanna be in his bride's shoes."

At that moment you knew Taehyung was correct even with such selfishness.

You really wanted to be in Jihyo's shoes.

You wanted to be Jeon Jungkook's future wife.

After so many years. You still wanted him back.

Resentment. Anger. Jealousy. Envy. Sadness.

Those were the feelings that took over your heart when Jungkook's messages showed up on your phone screen.

"Can you meet me at the snack bar near your house in half an hour? It's about my wedding. Take the twins if you can."

You rolled your eyes with an urge to send him to hell fucking strong.

So it was hard to believe that you were really fighting the intrusive thoughts and getting the twins ready for the meet.

Ivy wore a pink dress detailed with sunflowers and yellow shoes. The little hair bow was the same color as the flowers and contrasted with the dark tone of her hair strands.

Dressing Oliver was always a hard situation so you chose didn't stress yourself more than usual. You gave way to the little boy's desire to wear a simple Spider-Man costume and Iron Man flip flops.

You looked around for Jungkook when you arrived at the snack bar but couldn't find him anywhere. Rolling your eyes and biting your lip to push away the anger starting creeping into your veins, you decided to sit with the kids at a table farther away and near the large window.

The bell on the entrance door rang once again after you ordered a portion of French fries and hurried footsteps ran towards the three of you.

"Did you already order without me?"

Tears were already welling up in the corners of your eyes before you could muster efforts to contain the pain in your heart. The warmth of the liquid reminds you how pathetic you'd seem if you cried in front of him.

You couldn't show weakness.

"Hey, Jungkook. I see you're late... As usual." You commented and saw your children leave their seats to hug his waist and hug him. That damn tiny waist.

"Don't be so mean, my angel. You know I'd never be late on purpose."

His sarcastic smile caused a frown on your face. He was such an arrogant bitch.

Jungkook whispered something to Ivy and Oliver, who nodded with their little heads and hurried to the snack bar background where you knew there were some small tables with blank sheets of paper and colored pencils to draw with.

The owners of that place understood how great it was having a space to entertain customers' children. No one liked seeing kids witnessing adult arguments.

"Why'd you ask me to bring them if you just sent them to drawing?"

"I just miss my children, (Y/N). They're mine too, you forget?"

He didn't say it with a rude tone but a guilt feeling hit you instantly. Even though you knew he wasn't blaming you for those trip days, you were aware that Jungkook would miss the twins a lot and yet you refused to let them being at his house.

"How were the days in London? Business trips are usually quite tiring and I-" You cut off him when he sat across from you. Was he beating around the bush?

"What the hell, Jungkook? You call me here to talk about my work at my dad's company or talk about your fucking wedding?"

It was his turn to rolling eyes and wrinkling his nose while he noticed your impatience. You looked like a cartoon character with your flushed face, furrowed forehead and lips being bitten to avoid more shouting.

If he tried a bit harder certainly he'd glimpse flames coming out of your body. Really like a common facial expression in comics cartoons.

"Wow! Looks like you aren't happy for me."

"And how could I be?" You chuckled with a heavy dose of sarcasm. He couldn't be serious. He'd be cruel as hell. "Why are you marrying Jihyo?"

"Cuz I'm in love with her." Jungkook shrugged as if that were the most obvious answer in the whole world.

For the hundredth time since the wedding invitation papers landed in your hands, you rolled your eyes and felt the urge to grab him by the neck until he dropped dead.

"You didn't look so badly in love with her like that when you were eating me out before my trip just like a dumb needy virgin." You took the initiative to curl your lips into a mocking smile and Jungkook widened his eyes on your sharp words.

"Don't say that." He warned you with a sound coming out much rougher than you anticipated.

Instead of containing the venom dripping through your teeth, you continued the session of criticizing the character of the man in front of you.

"Actually, you didn't look to love her in any of so many nights we've fucking these last three years. But I think you loved moaning my name when I was creaming around your cock and also when you cumshot in my face. And maybe when-"

Your mind stopped processing any more humiliations when Jungkook punched the table and all the decorations placed there rattled, just like the instantaneous movement of your body.

It'd been a single punch. Very quick. But you couldn't help but feel scared in Jungkook's presence for the first time in all those years of going back and forth.

The silence between you two lasted for just three minutes although a discomfort in your chest felt like it hung there for almost an eternity. Slowly you looked at him; his trembling lips and eyebrows frowned. Almost like he was about to cry.

Anything about that sounded impossible to you. Jeon Jungkook never cried easily. Why was he so broken?

"Jihyo's pregnant…" The news came along with a few tears in the corners of his shining eyes.

You definitely weren't expecting this. He knew you weren't because whilst you were trying to come up with something to say Jungkook was faster and cut off anything you could think of.

"Taehyung found her a few days ago at the mall while he was there with Ivy and Oliver. She was buying baby clothes and he saw her briefly."

"It was the day he told me that you asked him to see the kids at your house before the agreed-upon time." You said more like thinking out loud. Jungkook nodded in agreement.

"He got really confused so he came to my house and wanted to confront me. I left the kids playing in their room and sat with him in the kitchen." Jungkook fiddled with his own hands studying the collection of tattoos on his skin with as much interest as he had when he got it. "I told him that I knew about it a few days before. Tell him about the wedding wasn't in my plans but he noticed my engagement ring."

There was so much to ask and so little courage to do it. Your mind was boiling with desperation and your heart felt shattered into pieces.

Goddamn fucking fate!

"How many weeks of pregnancy is she?" You allowed yourself to ask, not interested in more minutes of painful silence..

"Sixteen," Jungkook replied. Sixteen weeks! Four damn months! "It's a little girl. She'll be named Liz."

You clenched your teeth remembering the reason behind the choice of her name.

"Before our breakup you used to say your dream was having a daughter named Liz." You reminded him and he swallowed hard realizing that memory remained fresh in your mind even the years that passed.

"Yeah… But when you were pregnant it was you who chose the name Ivy, so I thought-" Jungkook stopped talking and widened his eyes noticing what he'd just said. "But I love our daughter's name! It's so beautiful!"

You almost wanna laugh remembering how upset he was when saw your pregnancy belly and found out that you hid the pregnancy from him. Annoyance for your secret turned to happiness after a few minutes of civil conversation. And it turned into shock when you told him it wasn't a common pregnancy but a twins pregnancy. He went back to being happy when you told him about the babies' genders and he went back to being upset when heard you say that you'd already decided the babies' names on your own.

And the little girl wasn't named Liz as he always dreamed.

“Well, you know… maybe if I'd chosen the name Liz instead of Ivy you might have changed your mind about us and our relationship."

It wasn't true. You loved your daughter's name and could never imagine it any other way. You were just hating the perks in Jihyo's life and the fake "perfect love" she swore existed between both of them.

"My angel… you know you were already engaged to Taehyung. He's… He was my best friend. I couldn't act that way. I couldn't go against your families' desire to see you two get married."

"It was just for the company's sake, Jungkook! Just for the reputation of Taehyung's family and mine!" You fumed and clenching fists before running the fingers through your head, where you tugged a few hair strands overly desperate.

"I don't give a fuck about that bullshit! It's because Taehyung loves you! HE ALWAYS LOVED YOU!"

If you and Jungkook weren't such frequent customers in that establishment, surely the owners of the place would tell you two to leave the instant Jungkook punched the table for the second time.

Though Ivy and Oliver remained quiet drawing in the other room, you knew your children well enough to know they were covering their ears when they both saw their dad so furious with you.

For that one reason you stared at Jungkook. Eye to eye. Tears to tears.

The resentment was high. However, it wasn't strong enough for your pride worthed more than your children's mental health. Jungkook looked like he shared the same thought and tried to normalize his breathing and clear his mind. He adjusted himself in the chair until his posture was more relaxed.

"Love you, my angel. I swear I love you with all my soul and I think that my love for you can never go away." Jungkook looked like he was about to break. "But it's not fair."

His voice came in trembling whispers and his eyes were teary as you've never seen it. "It's not fair to Taehyung, it's not fair to Jihyo, or our twins, or Liz. Much less to us. Me and you. We don't deserve to live like this."

Deep down, you knew it was true. And that hurt more than if you were lied to.

"So are we done again?"

You never really started over. Everything should've ended after the casual fuck when you found out your father wanted you and his business partner's son to get married.

Jungkook swore to himself that he was happy as a single man and you swore to yourself that Taehyung would be an excellent husband and dad, even if you didn't love him.

But then when Jungkook got back from his exchange in Canada everything snowballed. He found out about your pregnancy and the fact the child was the result of the drunken reunion you two had a few months after the breakup.

As if everything couldn't be more desperate, you were actually gonna marry his best friend the next quarter.

Taking on responsible fatherhood and coparenting was all he promised to you. The whole coexistence between you two should be only for the twins.

Of course it didn't go as planned. He was angry seeing you in a fake marriage with Taehyung, who still laid with you every night despite loving you with all his heart and not being reciprocated.

His self-control lasted just for three years until the desire to feel you again took over, and after Ivy and Oliver's third birthday party you two fucked for the first time since the night that reconnected your lives.

Jungkook knew you confessed the first cheating to your husband and he also knew that he could ask for a divorce. However, Taehyung loved you enough to remain a second option and only get out of your life if your true love asked you to come back.

But Jungkook never did it. Because of the fear of spoiling your life. Because of the fear of hurting Taehyung's heart. Because of the fear of being a bad example for your children.

The affair between you has never ceased during the last three years. Not even when he forced himself into a relationship with Jihyo to try getting over you.

He wasn't proud of it. Deep down, you weren't either.

And Jungkook couldn't allow himself to fail one more time.

"You were never mine to lose.“ It's the confirmation you needed. It was over. You and Jungkook were done.

On that August 31st you knew Jungkook was no longer the target of your anger. It was yourself.

And you would never forgive yourself for getting twisted in bedsheets of someone that were never yours.

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pandorasprongs · 27 days

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CHAPTER FIVE | this is what it feels like.

'it's nice to have a friend' masterlist + playlist | previous chapter

PAIRING: jamie tartt x fem!reader

WORD COUNT: 5.0k

SUMMARY: reader is starting to forgive jamie, even going to a charity gala together.

WARNINGS: language, mentions of what happened in amsterdam

A/N: yay! welcome back to me, i guess HAHAHA sorry for going ia for how many months, life just got in the way and i wasn’t able to make time for writing. i’m a bit rusty at this, but this is an extra long chapter and is mostly fluffy (at least, imo), so i hope you guys enjoyed it! we’re down to the last two (maybe three?) chapters of our story, which i hope you all will like :) see you then and thank you again for waiting!

Your relationship with Jamie did start getting better. Slowly, but surely. It wasn't the same as the past few months, though. That repair of your relationship was built on denial and was bound to come crashing down like it did.

You were still talking, but he wasn't coming over every weekend anymore. He was the one who suggested it too, so you wouldn't feel pressured to decide if you forgive him just yet. He wasn't pushing for an immediate answer either and he was making that clear with how he was acting.

He sometimes sends you a message just to check in and your replies were short, but not apathetic. You'd do the same too, usually after his matches, specifically when it ended on a loss, since most of them were as of recent. What was it, seven matches at this point?

The loss at the Man City game was especially painful, but after you saw the article about Zava's retirement, you had hoped that some part of Jamie was relieved about it all.

Your suspicions are confirmed when you hear Jamie knocking at your door. You open it and instantly get blinded by the light. "Fucking hell."

"Shit, sorry," Jamie exclaims, shutting off his headlamp. Once the light is gone, you finally get a clearer look at the footballer. He was in a grey hoodie which was starting to get all sweaty, and was currently jogging in place. "Went out for a workout with Roy before dinner, and we went pretty far. He already went home though."

You knew where Jamie lived and if he had run that entire length, you don't know how he's not passed out at your doorstep. "Congrats, I think. Why'd you pass by?"

"I wanted to see you," he answered, a little out of breath. You'd be lying if you said your heart didn't skip at that. "If that's not weird."

"No, it's not," you answered quickly, a smile creeping on your face. "D'you wanna come in? I made some pasta if you haven't eaten yet." You offer without thinking but don't retract it in any way. Things like these would help you bond again right? And after seeing Jamie give you a genuine smile and a soft look with his eyes, your worries instantly dissipate.

So now you're having dinner with Jamie and barely any words are spoken, until he mentions, "I'm going to Amsterdam in a couple of weeks. We're having a friendly against Ajax."

"Amsterdam?" Maybe you should've hidden the worry in your voice better.

As far as you know, Jamie had a complicated relationship with that place. You don't know what happened, never wanting to press for too many details, but the first time he went there with his dad, your best friend came home a shell of himself.

—

You headed over there the moment your mom told you he was back and while you half-expected Georgie to turn you away in case his dad was still there, what you ended up seeing was worse. You found Jamie lying down in his bed, just staring at his ceiling. When you called out to him, he made no move to acknowledge that he had heard you.

You were fourteen and uncomfortable with emotions, but you knew you needed to do something for him. You made multiple attempts to try and get a verbal response from Jamie, but it fell on deaf ears.

It was only when you asked if you could lie down next to him did he finally move. He turned to face the wall and his back towards you, but you didn't say anything about it. Instead, you wrapped your arms around him.

"If you don't want to talk about what happened, it's okay," you whispered. "I'll just stay here with you."

In one swift move, Jamie turned around and pulled you into a hug. It was almost instinct that you pulled him closer.

You don't really know how long you stayed like that, but it was long enough that you started to get sleepy and eventually drifted off. The next morning, you woke up in an empty bed. Your grogginess quickly turned into confusion.

It would've turned into panic soon if Jamie hadn't walked back into the room as he dried his hair with his towel.

"Oh, you're awake," He said softly. From his voice alone, you wouldn't have been able to tell that he spent that night crying, if not for the bags under his eyes betraying him. The swelling had gone down from the cold water, but the redness was still there.

You don't say anything at first, unsure of how to proceed. But Jamie breaks the tension by asking, "Do you wanna have breakfast before you go back? Smelled mum's cooking from the hallway.”

"Okay." Jamie pulls you up from the bed but doesn't let go of your hand as you head down the stairs. He squeezed it tightly as you walked into the kitchen, his own way of saying thank you.

—

That's how the two of you always were. Talking about your feelings was never a strong suit, but that didn't mean you weren't there for one another. It's how you dealt with hard times as kids, but maybe it was time to ditch that as adults. Or at the least, work on expressing yourselves better.

As if Jamie could read your mind, he gives you a reassuring look, "I don't really think about that trip anymore. Don't really remember much of it either. I just remember the second time. When we were 16 right?"

"Oh yeah," You chuckle at the reminder. Jamie's mom had planned a trip for the two of them to Amsterdam and your parents just happened to also be figuring our your own summer holiday plans.

The five of you spent a week there going on tours, visiting museums, and all the usual tourist activities. One of the pictures you still had of you and Jamie was one your dad took when you visited some tulip fields. Jamie had his arm around your waist and both of you were holding stroopwafels, impatiently waiting to eat them.

A group of old ladies passed by as the photo was being taken and thought you were a young couple, which both of you were quick to deny. Things were only awkward for about twenty minutes till Jamie started chasing after your stroopwafel because he had already finished his.

"That was pretty fun, wasn't it?"

"Mhm," Jamie says as he continues to eat. "I still remember all the facts you made me memorize. Might try and annoy Roy with them."

The two of you continued to talk that night and for the first time since that night in Nelson Road, being with Jamie didn't put a pit in your stomach. There was no longer a nagging voice in your head reminding you of the past or the rising feeling of resentment when he'd joke about the past few years. Instead, you were just content and happy to be there with him.

When you finished your meals, you suddenly got a waft of Jamie and almost gagged. "Oh my God, you definitely need to shower."

Jamie pulled his hoodie up to his nose and cringed. "Right. I guess I should head home now."

"No. I am not letting you out into the streets of London smelling like that. You can shower here," you offer and without giving Jamie a chance to respond, you start walking over to the bathroom.

Jamie lagged behind a bit but caught up as you pulled an extra towel from the cabinet. "You can go to the guest room for spare clothes. Dad leaves a bunch of them here when they come over. Oh, and slippers too if you want to give your feet a rest." The footballer gratefully takes the towel and heads into the bathroom.

When you hear the water start, you move to walk back to the living room when you pass by your bookshelf once again, the empty spaces between your books glaring at you. You head into your room and open your closet to pull out the pictures. You pick up the one from Amsterdam, from your graduation, and from your 10th birthday, and scatter them around the shelf.

You go get ready for bed and change into your pajamas before going back to the living room to wait for Jamie. After 30 minutes — or an episode and a half, — you hear him call out your name.

You find Jamie in the hallway in one of your dad's giant grey shirts and sweatpants. When you approach, he finally asks, "Have these always been here?"

He points towards the frames and you realize that despite the number of times Jamie's been in your flat, he's never looked at the top of your bookshelf.

"I put them there pretty recently." You admit before turning towards the footballer.

Jamie catches your eyes and seems to be debating whether to say something. He finally speaks up, "So I take it you've..." but he trails off, leaving you to finish it.

"I forgive you. Well, I think I’m starting to," you start. "I guess these past few months, I've been compartmentalizing my anger towards you and that wasn't fair. I know neither of us is particularly good at expressing our feelings, but we should've talked about this back when we saw each other again. That's my fault, I admit and I'm sorry. But I'm happy now, spending time with you and I don't have this sinking feeling that it'll all go to shit anymore. So yeah, I think I forgive you, Jamie."

You give him a wide smile and before you know it, Jamie wraps his arms around you tightly. Your smile only grows wider as you pull him closer.

This is what you've missed all these years. Being so comfortable and safe with Jamie, that him randomly hugging you doesn't take you by surprise anymore. You're content and happy. And you have Jamie, your Jamie, back.

He breaks apart from you and the two of you walk back to the living room, the sitcom still playing on the TV. You expected him to make his exit by now, but seeing as you've just made up, Jamie felt confident enough to stick around a bit longer. He takes a seat across from you on the couch. Maybe it was because he was fresh out of the shower and no longer wearing sticky clothes, but he felt freer than ever.

Jamie glanced down at his phone at notifications from the team group chat and suddenly remembered another reason why he passed by your apartment. "Are you doing anything Friday?"

The last time Jamie asked you that, it ended with one of the worst outbursts you've ever let out, but you tried not to be reminded of that. Besides, you trusted that he'd keep his word; he wouldn't break your heart once again.

"Not really. My lectures are all in the morning that day. Why?"

"There's this charity ball that my boss does every year and I was looking for a plus one," Jamie explained slowly, before turning to you to see your reaction. "If you want. You know, as friends."

You don't know what stunned you more: the way your heart swelled when Jamie asked you to go with him to an event or the sinking feeling that appeared when he added the 'as friends' part. All this tension and ghosting these past few weeks made you forget all about those pesky, jittery feelings that you still had for him, but now that the dust had settled, they were coming back.

You try to ignore it, just for this moment, and prepare to answer him. But the more you thought about this "charity gala," the more you realized what you were about to agree to.

"Wait, is this the thing where people bid on football players for dates?" You remember seeing an article on it a few years back where three women got into a bidding war for Jamie. "Fucking hell, if you're just doing this to stage another bidding war for you, then—"

"No! 'Course not! You kept saying before how you want a reason to dress up!" Jamie's quick to defend himself and you fall back into your seat. "Plus, I can't have Richard setting me up on yet another disastrous date, I just can't."

You say nothing, absorbing his plea, but then watch as Jamie's expression turns mischievous. He teasingly asks, "Why? Would you actually bid on me? You're already spending time with me for free." He playfully elbows you and you take in a whiff of the lavender-scented body wash you kept in the guest bathroom.

You roll your eyes and cross your arms. "Christ, and they should be paying me for it, too." You reply, but you avoid eye contact with Jamie knowing how easily you'd break into laughter if you did.

"Fine, I'll go with you." You finally agree and before Jamie can celebrate your response, you add on. "But, you owe me a date, too. To Liv's wedding."

Jamie takes a second to reply, and you worry your usage of the word "date" threw him off. But quickly enough, his mischievous smile returns and he agrees, "Alright, it's a deal."

Neither of you mention the gala again till Jamie finally decides he has to get going — "It'll be worse for me if Roy gets to my house and I'm not there," — and says he'll send you the formal invite when he gets home.

It only sinks in when you're getting ready for bed that you're actually going to a formal gala. With Jamie. As his (friendly) date. Next week. What a way to start the new era of your friendship, right?

You wonder how exactly he'd introduce you to the rest of the people there. As his childhood friend? His date? Every option made you feel jittery inside, and you have a hard time accepting that it's possible you're falling for Jamie once again.

The first time you ever found him attractive was at the ripe age of 16, after locking eyes with him when he was celebrating one of his team's wins. It was that summer of growth spurts and you started to see what everyone else did; Jamie Tartt, your best friend, was fucking fit. It only took a year till you fully accepted it, but ultimately decided to never act on it. Well, aside from that one time, which neither of you brought up again after the morning after.

It took another two years before you gave up on those feelings and buried them deep down, or at least tried to. But allowing Jamie's friendship back into your life brought those feelings back up to the surface.

So, the week went by quickly and you were now waiting in your apartment in a cropped silk camisole, high-waisted black trousers, and wedge heels that Liv let you borrow, pacing a hole into your floor. All you did with your hair was pin the side bangs away from your face and you hope that's enough.

You hear a knock on your door and you almost trip on the bottom of your pants to open it. You find Jamie in an almost identical outfit to the one he used for his date before, except in a different color. His hair had been slicked back, reminiscent of his older hairstyle but the highlights made the look pop more.

When his eyes land on you, Jamie takes a second to scan you before exclaiming, "Fucking hell."

With a teasing tone to try and make yourself feel more at ease, you ask, "Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

Jamie looks back up at your eyes and smiles, "You look great." You don't detect a hint of banter from the guy which makes you feel warm inside, until he adds, "Though, I half expected you to wear your dress from our year 12 formal."

"Jamie, I swear I can still find something else to do tonight." You threaten but are unable to stop the smile creeping up on your face.

Jamie just chuckles and takes hold of your hand as if it's the most natural thing in the world. "Come on," He realizes what he's just done and pauses to see your reaction, but when you tighten your grip on his hand, he continues, "Need to get there early so they don't swarm me for pictures." You roll your eyes as the two of you head out of the building.

You actually did get to the venue quite early, since the photographers were still setting up the booth and so the two of you walk over to two ladies, one of whom you recognize as Keeley Jones. After he introduces you, — as his friend and plus one, no mention of the word "date" — you soon find out that the taller one is Rebecca Welton, the owner of AFC Richmond.

"Wow, so you two practically control Jamie's career. Blink twice if you need me to take him off your hands." You lean in towards the two of them but speak loud enough for Jamie to hear and he pulls you back to his side as you laugh. The two women chuckle and share a look between them that you don’t know them well enough to understand, so instead you brush it off.

Jamie gets called for photos and Rebecca leaves to greet the guests heading inside the venue, so you're left standing with the PR manager of the team. As you watch Jamie cycle through various poses, Keeley leans in to ask you, "So, how long have you known him?"

"Well, I met Jamie when I was seven, but when I went off to uni and he joined Man City, we kind of drifted apart and didn't really talk for the next few years." That was basically the truth, anyway. "But I went to one of the Richmond games and we bumped into each other."

"Well, I'm glad the two of you met again. Honestly, Jamie's become much more tame recently. He hasn't had any Twitter feuds or issues in weeks. Makes my job a lot easier." You chuckle, knowing that instead of fighting back, Jamie ends up just complaining about it to you. She adds, "You must be a good influence on him."

"People have been saying exactly that since we were kids, so maybe it is true." You reply and Keeley gives you a wide grin.

When you head into the venue, there are already a few guests settling down in the area. You recognize some of them as footballers, — both from AFC Richmond and other teams, even some retired ones — business owners who are trying out being philanthropists, and people you've seen on magazine covers.

You were less uncomfortable than you expected because everyone's attention was on Jamie. You stood by him while he greeted a bunch of people and continued to introduce you as his plus one. You hated crowds when you were kids and Jamie knew that, so he'd always check on you if you wanted to go to your seats ahead of him. You'd shake your head every time because you've already had years to get over that fear. Plus, everyone had been nice so far and more polite than you expected rich people to be.

Everyone finally decides to leave Jamie alone and the two of you head to your table, where some of his teammates are already seated and chatting amongst themselves. You recognized them immediately: Sam Obisanya, Dani Rojas, Isaac McAdoo, Colin Hughes, and Richard Montlaur. Without Jamie even having to introduce you to them, Dani had already asked what your name was.

“What a lovely name! I’m Dani.” You shake the hand he offered you, as the other players start to welcome you as well. They were so warm and kind, that it’s no wonder Jamie had gotten so much better during his time at Richmond. It seemed their energy was so infectious that it was rubbing off on Jamie.

Though, it could be a bit overwhelming too, as they all wanted to have a conversation with you. Someone had asked, “Tell me more about growing up with Jamie,” while someone else chimed in, “Do you think there’s a correlation between your genes and how well you can shoot a penalty? Because Colin here…” and somewhere in the mix, you hear, “That’s a lovely bag you have. Where’d you get that?”

While Jamie was enjoying watching his favorite person interact with his favorite group of people, he started to notice how tense you were becoming, despite the plastered smile on your face. He reached out to grab your hand as he interrupts all the conversations with, “Alright, alright, I think the programs about to start. Let’s stop bothering my date for now, yeah?”

Date. The word alone sent chills down your spine. Even more so when you turned to look him in the eyes, and he had a look of concern that only you could’ve detected. You breathe a sigh of relief and give him a comforting look, which allows him to relax, too.

You both turn towards the stage as Rebecca, along with Ted, their coach, walk up to the mic. They start with the basic pleasantries, thanking everyone for coming, with Ted’s occasional funny chime-ins. As they segue into the auction itself, you can hear your own table come back to life. The teammates started to tease one another when Colin turns to you, “Oi, looks like you’ll have to put up a fight for Jamie tonight.” He nods towards the table behind yours, and you spot a familiar looking lady, smiling at the man beside you. It’s only when Jamie groans that you realize who it is: the old woman who was one of three people in Jamie’s “bidding war” two years ago.

“Oh my god,” you’re unable to stifle your laughter and instead turn away to try and hide it. “You know what, I think I’m fine going home alone, Jamie. This isn’t the first time you’ve gone off at a party to get lucky, so go have fun!” You tease him, but instead, he turns to you with a desperate look in his eyes.

“Please, don’t do this to me, (Y/N). Make sure you win.”

You scoff and lean in, “Who says I’m even bidding tonight? I’m not even tenured, Jamie. How much money do you think I have?”

Jamie pleads once more, “Please. I’ll pay you back in full and you can pick all the movies we watch for the rest of the month. Anything, come on.” You sigh and finally give in to his puppy dog eyes.

You give him a slight nod and he quietly thanks you, as Ted starts to introduce the team. “Let’s start the auction with one of our striking strikers, Mr. Jamie Tartt!”

Jamie gets up and walks over to the stage, and it’s only then you realize he had been holding your hand this entire time.

Ted rests a comforting hand on his shoulder, but before Richmond’s coach can even start the bidding, you hear a loud voice behind you exclaim, “Five thousand pounds!”

You have to hold in your chuckle as you turn to Jamie who is now desperately staring at you. You raise your paddle high enough and shout, “Six thousand pounds!”

“Oh, and another bid from Mr. Tartt’s lovely date tonight. Can anyone match that, do I hear seven thousand?” The lady once again raises her paddle.

“Eight thousand!” You exclaim once more, as Jamie lets out a sigh of relief.

This back and forth goes on for a while, up until the final bid (from you, unfortunately) of fifteen thousand pounds. The football player finally allows himself to relax and with one final slap on the back from his coach, makes his way back to you.

“Thank you,” he whispers, squeezing your shoulder as he gives you a quick hug and sits down. You playfully roll your eyes, but give him a small smile back. A few more rounds of bidding take place until Jamie leans back into you. “You feel like going on that date now?”

You turn to him confused, “Like, right now? We’re in the middle of the program.”

Jamie shrugs, “We’re done with our part now and gave out a good amount for the charity. Most of them won’t even notice us leave, come on,” He takes hold of your hand, and as if on cue, activating those butterflies in your stomach, yet again. “Unless you want to bid on someone else tonight, which in that case, I didn’t know you had that in you.”

You roll your eyes but eventually agree. You say your short goodbyes to everyone at the table and Jamie leads you to Rebecca and Ted, who, after Coach Beard — you believed his name was? — had taken over for him, was currently gorging on the appetizers.

“Hey boss, Ted, we’re heading out early, but see you both on Monday.” Jamie quickly explains, still not having let go of your hand. You’re starting to wonder if he’ll ever notice or has just grown used to it like he was before.

“That’s no problem, Jamie, see you and thank you for coming!” Rebecca directed that last comment towards you and you give her a big smile. But his coach wipes his mouth with his table napkin and stands up to greet you anyway.

“Well, I can’t let you go off yet without introducing me to this lovely lady.” Ted reaches out to shake your hand and you take it quickly before he leans to whisper to Jamie, but loud enough for you to hear. “Is this her?”

“Jamie Tartt, do you talk about me to your coach?” You ask teasingly, but instead of his usual reaction of fake annoyance, he turns away shyly.

Ted replies for him instead, saying, “Oh well, not all the time. I usually have to pry it out of him, too.” He nudges the football player, who finally decides that it is definitely time for you two to leave. He leads you out of there and the pair of you walk back to his car in a comfortable silence.

You may not have realized it till now, but the inside of the venue was the stuffiest place you’ve been to in a while. Sure, the people were nice, but the mixing of colognes and posh accents was starting to get to you. Before you can thank Jamie for getting you out of there, he’s rifling around his jacket for something.

“I, uh, found something in some of my old stuff. Was planning to give it to you before we left, but I… got distracted,” you try and ignore the warm feeling creeping up on your cheeks as he says that and instead watch Jamie turn back towards you, pull out your hand, and place an item on your palm. “Here.”

You look down to find a small plastic ring with a “gem” in an obnoxious pink color. You chuckle as you’re reminded of the toy rings Jamie would give you on your birthday as kids, till you realize… you’ve been missing one of them since you moved out.

“Wait, is this…” You start and look back up at Jamie, who has a sheepish look on his face. Definitely doesn’t fit him.

“Yeah, I forgot to tell you because well, we weren’t really talking all these years, but I went by your house a few days before you left for uni, but you weren’t home and so I went to your room and saw that lined up with the rest of them on your drawer. I thought you were crazy for keeping them all those years, and I wanted to mess with you, so I… took one of them, hoping you’d notice. You never did though, so now I look kinda stupid.” He explained guiltily, but you could only laugh.

“I thought it just fell into the trash when I was moving out. If you wanted me to notice you taking something, you should’ve taken my shoes or something. Why the ring?” You lean onto the side of his car, and Jamie joins you on your right.

He shrugs and swipes his hair back, “I don’t know. We were going our separate ways and you were going all the way to Wales for so long. I realized it was going to be a while before we saw each other again. I thought, maybe if you’d realize it was missing and wanted to go looking for it, you’d always have a reason to go back to me.”

You feel a heavy weight on your chest as the last part sinks in. After everything that’s happened, it had never occurred to you that even at one point, Jamie was afraid of losing you too.

You sit in that silence for a while before you decide to rest your head on Jamie’s shoulder, in one way telling him, I would always go back to you. He got the message.

“I know it doesn’t go with your usual outfit choices now, but I just thought you’d want it back anyway.” He whispers, causing a smile to form on your face.

“Thank you, Jamie.” You look back up at him, his face softening at the sight of yours. “You wanna go on that date now?” You straighten back up and take his hand in yours this time. “What does the legendary Jamie Tartt have planned for this one?”

Jamie looks around and spots a bike rental on the other side of the car park. You didn’t even have to ask to know what he was thinking. “Race you back to that ice cream shop across your flat. Last one there has to pay.”

“What kind of date is that, Tartt?!” You exclaim, as he drags you across the street.

If there’s one thing you knew about Jamie, it was that he was a sore loser. So after you dropped your bikes in front of your flat and were massaging your calves waiting for your sundaes, this may have been the happiest you’ve seen him lose at something in your whole life.

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cloverdaisies · 7 months

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SNAP OUT OF IT (juyeon ver.) 🖤🎸

description: alternative rock band tbz, are on a wicked roll with their first tour "tbz: most wanted" and things just had to get more complicated for (your name) as another man just cannot keep his sly hands in his own pockets. Album based on AM - arctic monkeys.

snap out of it (eric ver.) 🖤🎸🎧

contains: (slight mature content, drugs misuse, suggestive themes, minors dni sil’vous plait, reader discretion advised but there’s nout too mental bit cliche really)

member: juyeon x reader

🔨🦺 editing in progress 🦺🔨

"i wanna grab both your shoulders and shake, baby snap out of it"

"under a spell you're hypnotised."

Radio announcer one: I honestly cannot get enough of this track, and neither can you guys as "snap out of it" by the Boyz continues to slaughter the music charts serving number one at the top of the charts for over two weeks now!

Radio announcer two: You mean they can't get enough of their lead singer Juyeon, I mean wow, what a man! He posted a picture on instagram earlier and the fans went absolutely nuts, so did Kerry in the studio didn’t you?

Radio announcer 1: Of course I did! He’s gorgeous, how could I not? Anyways to keep the theme going here’s another one of their tracks for you here on Radio Z..

Things for you have been complicated since you’d met Eric, unfortunately it didn’t take long to start the fire, the paparazzi had caught a photo of you two together - it spread online and absolutely enraged fans who according to their delusion smooth brains, thought he was the sweetheart of the band.

And it didn’t take them long to find you either.. your instagram was soon swamped with the vilest hate comments of all kinds, despite all of them being the most absurd untrue things you’d ever read.

Whilst both you and eric were distraught about the rumors, his manager was eating every piece of it up, dollar signs shining in his greedy eyes, taking the form of the greenest trees - awaiting the growth of the desired image he had for Eric, to be like the rest of his band mates, immersed in sex drugs and have a tainted image that was clean enough to attach people..

———————

A week later and no contact from Eric, trying to distance himself was probably the best thing he thought he could do in this situation to try help you get out of this mess.

However, you had another problem on your hands:

02:57: Juyeon (3) missed calls

(1 new message)

Juyeon: Hey (your name), you can’t ignore me for much longer darling.

Juyeon would not leave you alone.

You didn’t know why, or what he had in mind when he left multiple missed calls and messages as if he hadn’t seen another person before in life, or he was doing it for the sake of medaling in Eric’s “little love life”.

Juyeon is calling….

Rolling over in the sheets of your bed, knowing you weren’t gonna get any shut eye if you didn’t at least answer once so you grabbed the phone and answered the phone with a slam of your thumb on the accept button.

“What, Juyeon?”

“Oh. So you answered? *laugh*.” His sinister chuckle was self explanatory that he’d gotten either high or pissed out of his mind before calling you.

“Why’d you only call me when your high?” You sighed, rubbing your eyes in tiredness not being able to sleep because of the constant vibrations from the bedside table.

“I just wanted to know darl, you coming out tonight?” His voice was gruff and low, tempting as lucifer’s own words, but you were smart enough to understand he didn’t know his left and rights at the present moment.

“No, it’s 3 in the fucking morning, I’m going to sleep. I have to be up the morning. Leave me alone.” With that you hung up and luckily your phone didn’t ring again.

——

A week without those suspicious, phone calls was bliss you slept peacefully for the first time in weeks without anyone medaling with the cycle.

Of course, naturally the peace was short lived, and the phone calls returned except this time it was noon, an unusual time for Juyeon to message you.

Juyeon: Hi darling, the band are doing a secret pop up show tonight, just a small venue, would love it if you came x

You: As if your fans aren’t already crawling up my ass about being anywhere near you, hard no x

Juyeon: Can easily be solved with backstage lovely x

You: Still a no x

Then another message from someone you hadn’t heard from in weeks since the incident that tore you to pieces mentally. How considerate of him.

Eric: Please come so he’ll shut the fuck up, I’m so sorry, do us a favor.

You: Sorry but why would I do you of all people a favor matey ?

Eric: Just this once.

You: Fine but if it’s a shit show, I’m gonna be mad as hell.

Eric: Thanks, sorry again.

So, with that you dolled yourself up and got ready to leave the house for a night you’d never dreaded more, you felt as if you were being lured in by some sorts of dark forces. However, there was something so thrilling about having connections to one of the biggest alt bands.

You’d made your way down to the venue and out of the cab that and dropped you there, you were dressed to perfection in the eyes of yourself and everyone who caught a glimpse of you that night.

The venue chosen, was a small industrial bar not too far out of the city, it was a quite spacious but definitely couldn't handle a capacity more than 100-200 people, the place was lined with a dark polished wood and lit cozily with a dim warm lighting, highlighted with a pool table as the centrepiece of the place.

Immediately spotted by security at the doors, you were ushered into a dark corridor at the back of the place and then thrown into the noisy room at the end.

The sounds of incoherent instrument practice stopped as you turned around to see Hyunae and Sunwoo in states of confusion upon seeing you.

"You actually came." Sunwoo looked up at you in shock, the cigarette between his lips threatening to fall and set the place a light.

"Yeah shocker she'll be doing a lot of that when he's done with her." Hyundai chuckled boyishly, at the crude comment which earned a high five from Sunwoo and a twisted chuckle.

"You're both vile excuses for human beings, where are the other two of your kind?" You smiled sarcastically, watching them brush off your comment with laughter.

"One's preparing something very special for you, fuck knows where Eric is." Hyunjae shrugged, taking off his bass guitar and leaving the room to grab another drink from the bar.

"What does something very special mean?" You looked at Sunwoo with a glare, your arms folded over one and other in front of your torso.

"You'll have to see, I can't tell you another man's surprises." He surrendered his hands up in the air, and went back to viciously practicing the drums to avoid anymore conversation.

You wandered through to the bar to ask Hyunjae the same question you’d asked Sunwoo, also to get yourself a drink to try make the night a little less nerve wracking.

“Hello gorgeous.” The familiar devilish, northern english, voice echoed through your ears, the presence of someone’s body heat behind you making your skin crawl in temptation. “Can I get you a drink?”

*insert no diggity juyeon right here* All wrapped up in a crushed velvet suit with a causal t-shirt tucked underdeath, his hair was slicked back and emphasizing all the right sharp features of his face. A glass of Jack on ice firmly grasped in his right hand he smiled down at you.

“Sure.” You turned back around to the bar, already quite crowded with people lining up to be served, none of them knowing remotely who tbz were.

“I heard you had a surprise for me tonight. Care to explain?” You asked trying to ignore the fact he was practically leant over you with one arm on the bar, sending shivers through every bone in your body.

“You’ll find out in ten minutes, darling.” Before you could ask anymore questions, the bartender rushed over to serve him - ordering you a double rum and coke with a lime, served on ice in a small crystal glass.

After he did so, he handed you the glass, but before you could grab it his large defined hand grasped yours, bringing it to his lips causing all oxygen to stop entering your body as you held your breath, his soft lips touching the the back of your hand and leaving a gentle kiss. But why?

Despite the feeling the electric sensation between the two of you, you still couldn’t trust that his affection was pure, like no other man did he make you feel, it felt as if you’d found some sort of evil twin flame connection. It felt so good but you just couldn’t trust his image, he was 100% fucking with you, for his own entertainment. At least that’s what you’d gathered.

You needed to ask the only trustworthy source close to him, and that was unfortunately Eric.

Amps, Microphones and a set of drums were all set up at the front of the bar, you’d been quietly moved to a balcony area in front of all the action with a few other staff members and friends of the band.

You watched as they got into place on the stage area, Juyeon walking on to adjust his mic, looking up at you as if to check you were there. Eric doing the same, making his first appearance of the night, sending you a shy smile.

“Hello, kingsley inn, we are a small local band I’m sure you’ve never heard of. We’re here to play a few of our tracks and I hope you’d enjoy them” Juyeon gave the place an on brand sarcastic introduction, the older regulars of the bar probably believing it word for word.

First they played “Snap Out of It”, Juyeon’s voice sounded unreal, with it’s highlights being the lower tone and accent, Hyunjae and Eric complimenting him with their higher register backing vocals.

“I wanna grab both your shoulders and shake baby, snap out of it, I get the feeling I’ve left it to late but baby, snap out of it”

You couldn’t help but sing a long quietly, admittedly it was an amazing song, and made you feel a certain way that you couldn’t quite put your finger on. The way Juyeon looked as he performed it, swaying along to the beat at certain parts, his facial expressions he was truly a work of art, as most people thought.

The song came to a close, and the bar broke out into a small applause for the band as they began preparing for the next song.

“Hey.” You heard a voice next to you, looking up to see a boy with thin framed round glasses and beanie a large camera hung around his neck. “Are you (your name)?”

“I am, why do you ask?” You looked over suspiciously at the boy, who stared blankly back at me.

“Oh I’m Kevin, the band’s photographer.” He awkwardly held up the camera, “I’ve just heard your name going around the past few weeks from someone in particular.”

“Juyeon or Eric?” You sighed in frustration looking the boys messing around with their band equipment on stage.

“Well both, but I’d say Juyeon may have developed some sort of infatuation with you.” He spoke awkwardly as if he was keeping many secrets in his bank of overheard information.

“Well? Spill then.” You spoke abruptly, wanting to grasp more information from the boy who seemed to more than he should.

“A man never tells another man’s secrets. But he doesn’t have any bad intentions, I guess what I do know about Juyeon, he has a very addictive personality, he sees or finds something he likes and he wants it, badly.” Kevin spoke minimally trying to reassure you as much as he could without disturbing Juyeon’s privacy

All of a sudden the guitar chords began again as another song was about to be played, Juyeon’s lips that were sealed around a cigarette now closing in on the mic.

“This next song is dedicated to someone special, it’s so thing we’re working on to be released very soon. This is “Why’d you only call me when you’re high?” As the words fell from his lips your stomach dropped, remembering the conversation from last week, he’d used it for a song? You were halfway between being outraged and startled by the sudden announcement.

The song had a beautiful baseline but questionable lyrics about Juyeon’s desire for you but his habits seem to get in the way.

“Now it’s 3 in the morning and I’m tryna change your mind left you multiple missed calls and to my message you replied ‘Why’d you only call me when you’re high?’”

It was such a good song, but you couldn’t look past the fact he’d written a song about you? Did he really find you that infatuating? And the answer was yes, yes he did.

For the moment he laid his eyes on you, the words were already in the notepad as he smoked up and drank next to a grand piano. His brain couldn’t shake the image of you, he was jealous someone else had their eyes on you, since he thought Eric had. He had to do something chivalrous that would one up Eric’s advances. At least that’s how his brain thought of things.

The words in the pad read those from ones of a famous poem “I wanna be yours.”

(Switch song - I wanna be yours , Arctic Monkeys )

Which was the next song to play, a mellow song with a low sultry guitar and bass.

“Secrets I have held in my heart, are harder to hide than I thought, Baby I just wanna be yours.”

Juyeon sang the lyrics looking up at you every now and then, singing lyrics of desire and deep devotion that melted the ice he’d formed around your heart. It was a deeply romantic act that made him more attractive than he was already. Something that no man in the right mind would do as a practical joke, he meant every word of that song.

“Thank you for listening tonight, Kingsley. We’ve been the boyz.” Juyeon closed the set, leaving the stage and grabbing his drink from the side.

Shortly after disappearing from the side of the stage, you felt a hand grasp you. Juyeon seemed as if he’d ran up the stairs to see you, sweeping you into his arms.

“What did you think of the set darling?” He asked a hopeful glint lighting his eyes like a golden retriever, contrasting his usual seductive and enticing nature,

“I can’t tell if I want to kill you or kiss you.” You looked back up at him with a look of affection, admiration and also nerves.

“Do both, I don’t care. I just wanna be yours. ” His eyes dilated in deep feelings of love clouding every ounce of devilish charm he normally he has.

Soon returning as you pulled him into a passionate kiss in a more secluded area, by his collar melting him as he took control of the kiss, forcing you to surrender to love, lust and all in between.

He’d won and it would be hard for an upset observer, to accept that as they went back into the shadows of the night.

a/n: hello my daisies!! IM BACKKK AGAHWGW, no one can get rid of me, hope you enjoyed this imagine as much as i enjoyed writing it!! i will now be sleeping as I stayed up this late to finish it 😩🤍

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y4wnjunz · 1 year

Text

Complicated

c.by x reader

short story based on the song complicated by avril lavigne

you and beomgyu have been best friends since diapers, when you both started college you noticed beomgyu straying away from you, for a new found popularity group. beomgyu thinks that you both can still be friends, until he realizes how far he strayed away from you.

fluff, angst, college au

warnings: cursing, depression, loss of a best friend, lmk if there’s anymore!

tumblr is based on the system of reblogs, show my work some love!

Chill out, what ya yellin' for?

Lay back, it's all been done before

And if, you could only let it be, you will see

you and beomgyu are skating around the city’s skatepark, enjoying the night air, listening to beomgyu rant about how much he deserved the recognition in college. he wants all the friends, go to parties, and get laid every weekend, but being a nobody in high school allows him to be somebody that’s not in that crowd or seen as such. you frown at the boy as he places his board into the trunk of his car and sits down in the driver’s seat. you look down at your beat up shoes, the holy jeans and black zip up jacket that beomgyu had gifted you a couple christmases ago.

“is my love not good enough?” you whisper to yourself.

I like you the way you are

When we're driving in your car

And you're talking to me one on one, but you become

you walk into the campus entrance alone after watching beomgyu put on his fratboy attire and run out the door to hop into yeonjun’s car with three girls and soobin. you frown at the scene in front of you, but quickly shrug it off as you grab your board and skate to school. now you might be thinking ‘why aren’t you stopping him?’ well, easy, i want him to get a taste of what it’s like and if i truly mean so little to him then so be it, who am i to stop him?

you spot beomgyu in the crowd, laughing at some joke one of the girls wrapped around his arm was whispering to him. he looks up at you with wide eyes and stiffens.

Somebody else

'Round everyone else

You're watching your back

Like you can't relax

You try to be cool

You look like a fool to me

Tell me

you roll your eyes at him and walk to your first class, which you have with the three frat boys, beomgyu, yeonjun, and soobin. sitting in the middle of the lecture hall with your headphones in and beating along the tempo on your desk, you see them walk in with the crowd and the professor following shortly after. the boys sit a few rows behind you, laughing and throwing paper at each other. the professor has given up to stop their stupidity. you shake your leg when you hear one of the boys accidentally hit your head and snicker.

“guys. stop, don’t bother her.” beomgyu says. the other two laugh at him and nudge him.

“why do you care for the loser?” yeonjun laughs and soobin covers his mouth.

“i don’t, i just know she has anger issues. i grew up with her.” beomgyu says rolling his eyes.

you stiffen at his words, and grab your things and quietly make your way out the back door of the lecture hall. beomgyu takes notice of your absence and guilt washes over him. the other two wouldn’t stop laughing at beomgyu’s words. as you walk down the hall you look at your phone, when your mom sends you a picture of you and beomgyu when you were just in diapers. a tear trickles down your cheek and before you could notice your phone has splotches of tears on the screen, making the device freeze up. a body sits next to you and holds you.

“y/n i didn’t mean that. i just didn’t want them to make fun of me even more.” beomgyu says with his arm around you.

“beomgyu, it’s fine. you’ve wanted this since our senior year of high school.” you say standing up, leaving the boy behind as you make your way to your house.

Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated?

I see the way you're acting like you're somebody else

Gets me frustrated

Life's like this, you

And you fall, and you crawl, and you break

And you take what you get, and you turn it into

Honesty and promise me I'm never gonna find you faking

No, no, no

the next day, you stay home revising notes that a classmate sent you from all the classes you missed yesterday.

“i can’t believe i allowed a stupid ass boy to come between me and my fucking major,” you say when you accidentally hit the wrong key for your notes. groaning you slam your hands on your desk and stand up. the door bell rings with urgency, debating on whether or not to ignore it, you go with the latter because it could be something important. opening the door you see beomgyu with his shaggy hair over his eyes, with his stupid frat boy clothes on and a duffle bag.

“what do you want beomgyu?” you roll your eyes when you see the boy open and close his mouth clearly not expecting you to just not let him in.

“i- uhh, i just wanted to talk to you about yesterday,” he says adjusting the bag on his shoulders and scratching his neck. you open the door a little wider allowing him to come in.

You come over unannounced

Dressed up like you're somethin' else

Where you are and where it's at you see

You're making me

Laugh out when you strike your pose

Take off all your preppy clothes

You know you're not fooling anyone

When you become

he poses in your mirror with his ripped american eagle jeans hugging his butt. you laugh at him and his ego.

“what? don’t they make my ass look delicious? you know you want some,” he sticks his butt in your face. you grimace and slap him away. he changes into his skater boy attire and jumps on your bed.

“say lets remanence on old times and go to the skatepark!” beomgyu gets says ecstatically, you shrug your shoulders and agree.

“i suppose we could, just know if i hear you shitting on my name again i’ll have your head. like you said, i have anger issues.” you say taking your shirt off and throwing it on beomgyu’s head.

at the skatepark, you ride around like usual and talk about how stupid popularity is and that your friendship should’ve came first. you goof off and laugh as he attempted certain tricks and most definitely failed them.

you smile at him going into the bowl of the park, and doing tricks with other guys.

Somebody else.

end.

a/n i hope you liked it, this isn’t proof read and i’ll more than likely go through this later on when i get off work! enjoy my friends, show me some love and tell me what you’d like me to write for :)

#🎐.#writers on tumblr #fanfics #kpop #fanfiction kpop #choi beomgyu x reader #beomgyu angst #beomgyu fluff #choi beomgyu #tx beomgyu #txt fanfic #kpop imagine #txt beomgyu imagines #beomgyu imagine #txt imagine #txt angst #txt fluff #txt fanfiction

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violetrainbow412-blog · 2 years

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Fluff ☼

Angst ►

Smut *

Steve's sister ☼

Steve takes care of you when you're sick

Confessions ☼

You and Steve have a conversation after being drugged by the Russians

Harrington ☼

The weather is worse than you expected, but luckily Steve is there to save you

Mess with you

Tommy and Carol don't like you and make fun of you for it, but Steve doesn't plan to sit idly by

Warm ☼

Steve accidentally throws you in the pool and lets you wear his clothes to apologize

Lip balm ☼ gn!reader

In a study session, Eddie learns that lips balms have flavor. Although of course, he does not only keep the theory

Maybe I miss you a little ►(☼)

You and Eddie broke up a long time ago, but when the going gets tough you realize it was all a mistake

Just keep driving *

The boys find Eddie's sketchpad and accidentally see one that brings back too many memories for him.

Only bad dreams ►☼

You and your friends escaped The Upsidedown, but you're having trouble sleeping and Eddie wanna help

Eddie the Banished (Byers!reader) ☼

Eddie helps you have a great time with your little brother

Eddie the Banished part 2 (Byers!reader) ☼

You wonder if you're ready to take the next step with Eddie and when you try it all goes wrong

Discoveries (or Eddie the banished part. 3) (Byers!reader) ☼

You and Eddie are finally dating, but after that a chain of unexpected events is unleashed, including one related to your brother Will [greatwise in this]

For Eddie ►

You realize how difficult life is without him by your side

Green fields

You spend precious time with Eddie and Dustin before the final battle

86, baby! ☼

Eddie finally graduates

Old friends ☼ (adult!Eddie)

It's been years since you were last in Hawkins and when you come back you get into one of those dating activities. Who would have thought that love had always been so close

Complicated freak ►(☼)

You and Eddie have broken up and when he realizes he's going to lose you for good, he decides to do more than just write a song about you

Preppy girl ☼

Eddie doesn't see you for years and when you come back to Hawkins you are the most beautiful thing he has ever seen. It doesn't take long for him to start kissing you

Rescuing you ► (vamp!Eddie)

Eddie came back to you, but not in the way you expected. Now it will be necessary to help him come back as your real boy

Parties and exes ☼

Eddie sees you talking to your ex and doesn't miss the opportunity to mark his territory

Hair emergencies ☼

After a stupid thing that Eddie did to his hair, only you can help him

Calmly ►

Eddie is dead reluctant to talk about anything after what happened on the upside down. Luckily you are patient with him and find something perfect to know how he feels without him saying a word

Ahoy! ☼

In some timeline, Starcourt didn't burn down and Eddie was able to go to work selling ice cream. He and Steve make a little bet, from which Eddie comes out happy

Pretty metal ☼

You try to find the perfect birthday present for Eddie. He asks for a kiss, but he never said under what circumstances you had to give it to him

Safe place ►☼

After a bad day, Eddie Munson's arms seem to be the best place to be

Why'd you only call me when you're high? ►

based on the song of the same name

That first meeting ☼

thanks to a school dynamic of introductions you end up finding your ideal boy

I hate you (rivals to lovers) ►☼

you and Eddie Munson know exactly how you feel about each other. Until a moment changes everything and you embark on a journey of discovery about your relationship

D20 ☼

Eddie and Max play an innocent game that inevitably ends up focusing on you

Queen ☼

Eddie hates the sudden crush you're having for a celebrity and when you find out why it turns out to be the cutest thing in the world

A couple of curious cousins (tozier!reader) ☼ (►)

Mike gets a visit from a couple of cousins from Maine and their friends. Eddie gets a date, but the resident monsters of Derry and Hawkins don't hesitate to make an appearance… or something like that [a little bit of Blyer and Reddie]

#steve harrington #eddie munson #stranger things #steve harrington x reader #eddie munson x reader #stranger things 4

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submissive-and-readable · 3 months

Text

Skater Boy by Anthony Nerada

Source: Audiobook ARC from NetGalley

Release date: 6 February

Genre: young adult contemporary romance

If you like: queer coming of age, explorations of toxic masculinity, pop-punk, flawed protagonists trying to be better, Sk8ter Boy by Avril Lavigne but gay

Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5

Synopsis

Stonebridge High’s resident bad boy, Wesley “Big Mac” Mackenzie, is failing senior year—thanks to his unchecked anger, rowdy friends, and a tendency to ditch his homework for skateboarding and a secret photography obsession. So when his mom drags him to a production of The Nutcracker, Wes isn’t interested at all . . . until he sees Tristan Monroe. Mr. Nutcracker himself.

Wes knows he shouldn’t like Tristan; after all, he’s a ballet dancer, and Wes is as closeted as they come. But when they start spending time together, Wes can’t seem to get Tristan out of his head. Driven by a new sense of purpose, Wes begins to think that—despite every authority figure telling him otherwise—maybe he can change for the better and graduate on time.

As a falling out with his friends becomes inevitable, Wes realizes that being himself means taking a stand—and blowing up the bad-boy reputation he never wanted in the first place.

Content warnings

Explicit language

Bullying

Alcoholism

Underage drinking

Racism (as experienced by a Black love interest)

Past domestic abuse

Childhood trauma

Smoking (cigarettes + weed)

Homophobia

Physical violence

Review

Why'd Wes have to go and make things so complicated 😔🤘

I hadn't expected to, but I found myself relating to Wes quite a bit. His experience of being labelled as a bad kid, and then only being seen as such without being given the chance to break that expectation, as well as his feelings of anger and fear and powerlessness, that no one wants to listen to him, that he can't open up to people, that he's inferior and will never amount to anything, took me right back to primary and secondary school lmao. (I'm so glad I'm not a teenager anymore.)

I also empathise with how awkward Wes feels around Tristan, or when he's trying to talk to people who aren't his friends; not knowing the right thing to say, or when he says something that comes off as angrier or meaner than he intends—that's literally me, baby!

A part I don't relate to is the bullying. Wes is like, a legit bully, like pushing kids into the lockers like in american high school movies kind of bully. While he's not the main aggressor among his friends, it still kind of hurt to read about how he hurt people in the past. I liked how his character arc developed, with him facing up to his actions and apologising to his victims, although I do think he was forgiven pretty easily; I personally would have held a grudge until I died, but good for them!

At the start of the book I was worried that this would be a whole "find a bf and magically all your problems are fixed!" kind of story, but while Tristan is definitely a motivating factor for Wes to improve himself, I really appreciate that Wes was the one who decided to take initiative and begin the first steps to becoming better.

There's layers of complexity to Wes and Tristan's relationship, because (a) Tristan is Black, and so deals with racism that Wes could never understand, (b) Tristan is out and Wes is not, (c) Tristan is a perfectionist and has a goal and life plans, while Wes is flunking high school with no plans to apply for college, (d) Wes had an abusive childhood, and Tristan has loving supportive parents, and (e) Wes is poor and Tristan is wealthy.

These are a lot of issues to handle in one book, and while I feel like the author does a good job discussing and resolving most of these elements, there's one point that I feel didn't get fully resolved, and that's the wealth disparity between them. Wes is super aware of this, he constantly notices the differences between the way they live, which makes him feel self-conscious around Tristan.

Spoiler warning, but at one point Tristan dresses Wes up in like a pricey cardigan and a polo shirt to meet his parents, and later Wes is furious and leaves early because he feels out of place and insecure, and that Tristan is trying to change who he is. Later, they talk and Wes comes to the conclusion that he was over-reacting, which, yeah, he was. But Tristan never apologises and is like "you know I would never have made you change your clothes if I knew it would make you feel bad!" He also makes fun of one of Wes's friends, and Wes wonders if part of the reason why he doesn't want to introduce Tristan to his friends was because he felt embarrassed.

I feel like this is a pretty big deal, and an obvious source of tension, that doesn't seem to get fully resolved. Most of Wes and Tristan's discussions about their relationship revolve around Wes apologising, but Tristan, even though he never does so intentionally, never apologises for making Wes feel inferior in this aspect.

I also feel that Tristan was kind of one-dimensional. From Wes's perspective, Tristan is perfect and flawless, and he puts him on a pedestal, while Wes is the one messing up. Tristan's only flaw, as far is I can tell, is that he struggles with anxiety, but he never seems to show it to Wes, for all that he encourages Wes to be emotionally vulnerable with him. I would have liked it if Tristan messed-up, or needed Wes to support him or comfort him in some way (Wes does support him, at near the ending, but that doesn't really count), to balance out their relationship a bit, instead of always having Tristan encouraging him, and having Wes mess up and make up for it.

The climax of this book gets really chaotic, huge shit goes down, like life-ruining shit. He manages to work it all out in the end, but I feel that it came way too easily, especially the problems he had with his friends. I feel like it got dismissed as some sort of misunderstanding, like Wes was the one making a big deal out of nothing. Afterwards, he and his friends talk it out very maturely, but where was all that maturity when shit was going down!!

I realise that a lot of my review sounds like I'm complaining, but this is really worth a read! The way this book discusses toxic masculinity, emotional vulnerability, dealing with trauma (because Wes is very clearly traumatised) is so well-done, and you can tell from the author's note that he put a lot of love and thought into this book. I would discuss this more but this review would get very spoilery.

To finish off this review, here are some nitpicks! These are minor details and do not affect the overall story! Some of these are purely personal issues I have that may not apply to other people!

Wes is stated to be a punk, and a lot of this book (the title, the chapter titles, the marketing) is about pop-punk, or scene music in general. But Wes doesn't seem to listen to pop-punk? The only band he mentions listening to is Metallica, which, last I checked, is a metal band. He wears a Linkin Park t-shirt once (huge slay) and mentions the My Chemical Romance reunion (double slay), but that's about it. He seems to be more of a metalhead tbh, which there's nothing wrong with, but I was hoping for more pop-punk references. (This sounds greedy, since almost every chapter title is a pop-punk reference, and I did appreciate that, but I wanted more!!)

I didn't vibe with the audiobook narrator. I'm kind of (very) picky about audiobooks, so the fact that I didn't dnf shows that he did a decent job at least, but I feel like he missed the mark on narrating the dialogue. Sometimes I couldn't tell the difference between Wes's internal narration and when he was actually speaking which was confusing, and the narrator also read everything in this sad, hesitant sort of voice, which works for the overall vibe of the story, but makes the happy, lighthearted moments in the book feel sad as well.

Minor spoiler, Wes's mom got him and his friends tickets to see Metallica, but later they start growing apart and the concert is never mentioned again (unless I somehow missed it?), so its unclear if they did go to the Metallica concert. I need to know if they went, because if they skipped out on it due to their beef, I will be very sad on their behalf.

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