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akinnie75 · 5 years

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Ghost Marriage

Pair: Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Romance, Fluff, Angst, Slow Burn, Fantasy

Word Count: 24.9k

Summary: Everyone wants to be married to the international celebrity, Jeon Jungkook, but what would they say if they found out that they’re going to marry him even after he died?

Warning: Minor Scene of Violence

It’s your special day: it’s your wedding. You walk down the aisle in the wedding dress that was hurriedly chosen. The bouquet in your hands has six roses in them, though you don’t find the point of having a bouquet when there’s practically no one here for your wedding. The only people sitting at the pew is your mother and your fiance’s parents.

Your father couldn’t come due to work, so you walk down the aisle by yourself taking each step slowly to Here Comes the Bride. Your mother is in tears, moved by seeing how you’ve grown into a beautiful woman. Your to-be husband’s mother is crying for a different reason, and she’s sobbing uncontrollably.

In front of you is the priest who will wed you and your fiance. Or rather, the picture of your supposed fiance, Jeon Jungkook. It’s a classic mahogany-framed photo of Jungkook, smiling as if nothing can ever put him down. Since Jungkook isn’t physically here to stand in front of you, you instead face your mother and his parents.

The priest plasters on a smile as he opens the book to this unnatural wedding. “(Y/N), do you take Jungkook as your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and cherish?”

There’s the last section missing, but it isn’t required for your wedding.

“...I did.” You say, in past tense.

You turn to Jungkook’s portrait, holding his ring in your hand.

“I took this ring as a sign of my love and faithfulness in the name of the father, the son and the holy spirit.”

You set the ring down on the small table that holds Jungkook’s picture. After that, you put on the ring that Jungkook is supposed to put on you on your left ring finger.

The priest closes the book, smile still on his face. “Congratulations, you two are officially married.”

But there’s no applauds, only the sobs from Jungkook’s mother. You look at your mother, who’s also crying, using a handkerchief to dab her tears.

Even though for most women, this should be one of the most beautiful moments in their lives, for you, it is nothing but sorrowful. This is, after all, an arranged marriage to Jeon Jungkook—a well-loved and respected man who died not too long ago.

------

It’s not surprising that Jungkook’s apartment is this lavishing, especially since he owns this entire building—or used to. He really was living the life of a celebrity who had recently become an entrepreneur. It’s a shame that he died so young, as he could’ve become something worthy of this capitalist world. Despite everything having been left untouched since his funeral, there’s not a speck of dust. His mother must’ve hired maids to keep his place clean before you moved in.

All of his furniture is black and urban, his carpet being the only thing that isn’t entirely black. It’s a black-and-white striped pattern. Even in the kitchen, the counter is solid, black granite. The plates in the cabinets are also black and rather heavy. Only the sink is a silver color. His flashy smiles in the pictures that you saw, you never expected Jungkook to be this interested in dark colors. Perhaps it’s because of his recent death, but this place feels so...eerie.

“I am so sorry, Dear. I was not expecting there to be so many reporters out in the front. I’ll have whoever leaked the information fired and be made sure that they never get a job after.” Jungkook’s mother snarls, rubbing her temples.

Despite her son being a millionaire, his mother isn’t partaking in the wealthy life. She’s dressed as any typical middle-class mother, a woolen jacket for the fall season, rose-patterned hand-sewn shirt, and baggy pants. Had you not have been introduced to her as Jungkook’s mother, then you would’ve thought that she was any other mother.

“Mrs. Jeon, you don’t have to go that far. I’ll make sure that whoever leaked the information doesn’t get away with it, but I don’t think they deserve that harsh of a punishment.”

“Those people out there are vicious! They don’t care that we’re all in pain. They just want numbers for their damn political news...Jesus Christ...they don’t understand that this is my son that they’re talking about…” his mother sighs with a shaky voice, ready to cry any moment. “I’m going to peel some apples.”

Mrs. Jeon opens the fridge and takes out a basket of apples. She pulls out a knife from the kitchen drawer next to the sink, rinsing both the red fruits and blade. You and Jungkook’s manager sit next to each other in front of the counter, unsure of what to say to each other.

“Must be tiring being a celebrity, isn’t it?” The manager snickers.

“...I’m not the celebrity, Jungkook is. I just got caught in the middle of it.” You say rather dejectedly.

“Sorry, that was just a poor attempt at a joke. By the way, I never got the chance to properly introduce myself. My name’s Chunwoo, and I’ve been Jungkook’s manager ever since his solo debut. I’m practically like his second father to him.”

You nod your head in acknowledgment.

“...Look, about the accident...I didn’t mean to…”

You don’t need to hear about the accident for the millionth time. You heard enough about it. “It’s okay, I’m not like those reporters outside. You don’t need to tell me about it if it’s hard for you.”

Chunwoo gives a relieved sigh, chuckling nervously. “You’re right. Sorry.”

There’s an awkward silence between you two. The only sound that can be heard his Jungkook’s mother furiously slicing the skin off the apples.

“...An arranged marriage...huh,” Chunwoo mumbles. “Well, to be exact, an arranged ghost marriage. I guess it is true that traditions take generations to die off.”

A ghost marriage...is what your mother called it as well. It’s an old tradition once practiced in China and France, but it’s since been hidden from the public, with your marriage resurfacing its abnormal culture. It is the practice in which after the death of a person who has never married, typically the bachelor, a living partner would wed them so that in the afterlife, they wouldn’t be suffering alone. Although it was more romanticized in French culture, due to high death rates during wars, reasons in China differed. Some reasons were because it was shameful for a son to never get married, or to prevent bachelors from returning as evil spirits.

Your case is a little different. It was an oath that both your and his family made centuries ago. The Jeon family used to be poor, so your ancestors offered them aid and in exchange, they offer your family a marriage candidate. It’s become a tradition since for the first children that starts a new generation to get married when both have turned eighteen. However, due to Jungkook’s career as a public figure in the music industry, your marriage had been stalled for many years. It even had the potential of never actually happening.

Typically, this family tradition is common with two living partners, you’re of the first couple to have a ghost marriage. After much consideration, both families decided that it was appropriate that you still get married to Jungkook even after his death. His mother was worried that he would be lonely in the other world.

You look at the diamond ring on your left ring finger, imagining what it would be like to have a normal marriage with Jungkook. You’ve never met him in person, so would he be able to stare at you lovingly, putting this very ring on you? You don’t know, and you never will.

Mrs. Jeon sets the plate of sliced apples in front of you and Chunwoo. “Thank you, Mrs. Jeon.”

“Please, call me ‘Auntie’. We’re family now.” His mother smiles. “You too, Chunwoo. You probably didn’t eat since this morning either.”

“You got me.” Chunwoo takes an apple slice.

Auntie marches to the closed blinds, opening them slightly to see that there’s still quite a number of reporters hanging out by the front. She scowls at them, muttering every curse that exists in the dictionary.

“Do they have not have anything better to do? Why aren’t they doing their jobs?”

“That is their job as journalists,” Chunwoo says in between his crunching. “Sitting and waiting for something to happen.”

“You weren’t hurt by any of those people, were you, (Y/N)?” Auntie asks in a concerned voice.

“No, I’m fine.”

Auntie is definitely ten times nicer than how your mother made her sound. You were aware of the arranged marriage since the day you could understand words. She always said things like, ‘if you don’t fold the laundry properly, then your future mother-in-law isn’t going to like you!’ or ‘one day when you get married, your mother-in-law is going to expect you to learn how to cook a lot of dishes’. She said those sentences so often that you started thinking that it was just to scare you into doing chores. You never thought the day would come to actually meet her, but she’s way nicer than you thought.

“Come here, child. Let me help you settle down.” She signals for you to give her your luggage.

------

Chunwoo and Auntie stayed for a while after that. It was too dangerous to leave too soon since the reporters were still there, and after a few hours, some did leave. However, a good amount of them are camping at the gates of the apartment complex, so Chunwoo and Auntie had no other choice but to escape through the back.

By the time they left, the sun has already set. Auntie suggested staying here with you until you were accustomed to Jungkook’s extravagant home, but you insisted that you’ll be fine. Once they left you alone, you had nothing else to do, so you decide to head to bed early. You’ve been on your feet since this morning, talking to your attorney and finalizing your marriage to the Jeon family, all the while avoiding the media when they chased after you. You weren’t expecting marriage to be this complicated.

After removing your makeup and changing out of that uncomfortable dress, you head to Jungkook’s bedroom. You requested to have your own room because you didn’t like the thought of sleeping on a dead person’s bed, but Auntie was extremely persistent that you sleep on his bed or else Jungkook’s ‘spirit’ would feel lonely. It’s creepy, but her son just passed away, so you don’t want to stir her up.

What you weren’t expecting was to see a shrine dedicated to Jungkook. It sticks out like a sore thumb in this urban, postmodern-style apartment. It’s shaped like a temple, and in it is a frame with Jungkook’s picture, one candle on each side. There’s a small vase with white orchids inside.

You try not to pay to attention to it, grudgingly sliding into Jungkook’s king-sized bed. You apologize under your breath, wanting Jungkook’s spirit to know that this wasn’t your idea to sleep on his property.

...You check the time on your phone, and it's only been fifteen minutes since you tried to fall asleep. It doesn’t feel right sleeping on a stranger’s bed, especially since a picture of that stranger is staring daggers at you. You turn your head to face Jungkook’s picture, the glass holding the picture glistens because of the moonlight. You know that he’s dead, but you get this feeling that he’s watching your every move. You sigh, getting up from bed and to the shrine. You turn the portrait the opposite direction, not wanting to be watched by him, then drop back onto his bed.

You don’t know if you can handle living like this for the rest of your life. Because your husband died before you even got to meet him, doesn't that mean you’re technically still single? You’re going to be single literally for the rest of your life because if you try to find a partner, it means that you’re cheating on Jungkook. You don’t know what kind of mess you got yourself into.

You wonder how it would be like to be married to Jungkook if he was alive. Your mother kept telling you that you were going to marry Jungkook one day, but you always brushed it off as a joke. Based on the times you saw him on television, he looks charismatic—the kind of person that attracts everyone. You wonder...if you had met him in person, would you have been attracted to him as well..?

------

Your eyes are blinded by something bright. You shake your head, blinking profusely before opening them. The first thing you see is the blaring sun. It’s bright, but it doesn’t hurt when you stare at it for a long time. You feel the ground with your hands, and it’s solid. Looking to your side, you see food stands, roller coasters, a merry-go-round, and hundreds of people...frozen in place.

You jolt up, frantically looking around, questioning where you are. You’re in what seems to be an amusement park?? Everything’s frozen in place as if time has stopped. You also don’t understand why it’s so sunny either; it’s the beginning of fall, and it’s been cloudy for the past few days. When you look down, you see that you’re still in your pajamas.

You stand up, running around the place, avoiding physical contact from the human statues. When looking up close, they have no faces, and parts of their bodies are missing. The ends of where they’re missing the body parts have a blend of dust falling off, almost like sand. When looking up, you see balloons with ‘2008’ on them. On one of the frozen people’s shirt is a pin that says, ‘celebrating Gaya Land’s grand opening’. This may sound crazy, but you think you went back in time to 2008. This place is too unrealistic to be real...but it’s too realistic to be unreal either.

From a distance, something catches your eye. Among the crowd of the faceless statues, you see something or someone moving. This is the first thing you see moving, so you run after it.

You continue avoiding the human replicas, bumping into them occasionally, but never feeling pain when colliding into them. You feel the pressure of hitting them, but nothing physically hurts. However, that’s nothing to you because right now, you need to get to whatever’s running away.

“Hey!” You call out.

Because of your voice, whatever was moving around finally stopped, giving you a chance to catch up. Fighting through the crowds of still people, you manage to come face-to-face with the moving object. And what you see shocks you.

“Ju...Jungkook??”

You can’t believe it. Jungkook is standing right in front of you, alive and well. For a moment, you thought that maybe Jungkook actually faked his death but...he’s wearing a hanbok that’s entirely black—the same outfit his body was wearing in his coffin.

He cocks his head to the side, raising an eyebrow. “Do I know you?”

He sounds just like how he does in those videos you’ve seen of him. He is, without a doubt, Jungkook.

“My name is (Y/N), and can you please explain to me what’s going on?”

“Err...I’m just as confused as you are. I woke up here and have been wandering around for a while now.”

So even he doesn’t know what’s going on. This is all too surreal. Jungkook has appeared before you in his funeral clothes at an amusement park of all places.

“Uh...I know you just gave me your name, but who are you exactly?”

You’re unsure of how you’re supposed to answer him. No matter what you think of, it’ll all lead to Jungkook being shocked. “It’s kinda hard to explain but...we’re married.”

“WHAT?!” Jungkook shouts from the top of his lungs. “H-how….? When…? Why…?”

“I don’t know either, but apparently we’ve been arranged to get married since the day we were born, but then you died all of a sudden, so your mom was worried that you were going to be alone in the afterlife.”

Jungkook flinches when hearing about his death. You said it without any worries, so now you feel bad that you brought it up. It might be too soon to mention his death.

“That’s right…” Jungkook looks around the somewhat vacant theme park. “Jesus...first, I died, then I got married. I mean, I remember my mom telling me about marriage a long time ago, but after moving to Seoul, I kind of forgot about it.”

At least you aren’t the only one who forgot. You’re surprised that Jungkook accepted his death so easily. Typically, spirits can’t wrap around their heads about their deaths. However, how do you know that the person you’re talking to is a spirit? Maybe this is all a dream, and you just so happen to be hyper-aware of everything.

“But...anyway, since you’re the only other person here, I guess I trust in you to tell you something I found really odd.”

“What is it?”

Jungkook points into the distance, directly at three frozen humans. You two head there, and there among the hundreds of frozen people, there’s two that you found familiar. There's a man and woman, looking down at something that’s supposed to be in between them. They’re smiling at the empty in between them. Next to them is a boy seemingly in his teenage years, having his earphones in and a device you haven’t seen in ages. In his hand is a fourth-generation iPod Nano, and he looks as if he’s shuffling through his playlist.

But strikes this even stranger is that unlike the rest of these still bodies is that this couple and the boy have faces. While the other bodies have missing body parts, these have their entire bodies intact. Not only that, but the three of them look very familiar. The woman and man...are Jungkook’s parents, though in their younger form. And though you’ve never seen the boy on the right, his face resembles Jungkook’s face a lot, his head is a little wider.

“I’m assuming since you got married to me, you’ve met my family?”

“Your parents...yes...but not the person next to them.”

“Junghyun? He’s my older brother.”

“What’s...going on?”

“I don’t know either. But...I’ve been here before when I was a kid…” Jungkook wraps his hands around his mother’s. “When I was a kid, my parents brought me here to Gaya Land. I think I was 11 or 12, and right at this moment, I was standing in between them.”

Now it makes sense why they’re standing at nothing in between them. In this freeze-frame, Jungkook was supposed to be standing in between them. But the reason why the young Jungkook isn’t there is that he’s next to you, staring at this scene before him.

“Everything I remember about Gaya Land is right here in front of me. The colors, the sunny day, the food.”

“I found clues that might suggest what time period we’re in. I think...we’re in 2008 again.”

“That’s right! I remember now! I went here in 2008 to their grand opening. They took me here to Seoul because I was going to some singing auditions. They saw that I was stressing out a lot, so they thought that by bringing me here I would feel more confident. I still haven’t said thank you to them. I’m not really comfortable saying ‘thank yous’ and all...and I don’t think I ever will.”

That’s a wonderful memory. You can tell that Jungkook was raised well by his parents.

“...Hey...how are my parents doing?”

You’re a bit surprised that Jungkook doesn’t know. You assumed that since he’s a spirit now, he should be able to see what the world is like after his death.

“Your mother’s been taking care of me. I haven’t seen your father since the wedding though. Oh, and your manager, Chunwoo, is going to keep an eye on me until the media goes away.”

“Oh! Chunwoo!” Jungkook looks delighted to hear about him. “How is he doing??”

“He tries not to show it, but it’s been tough on him. It’s been tough on everyone.”

Ironically, it’s been tough on everyone except for you. You never got to know Jungkook, neither did you ever become a fan of him either, so you can’t really say that you were heartbroken about the news of his death. In your eyes, he was just another known face on Earth.

“Oh…” The excitement in his eyes fades away.

“I-I didn’t mean to make you feel guilty! It just came out of my mouth so…”

“It’s fine. Well, I’d like to get to know more about you! You’re the person who’s talking to me after all. If I can, I’d like to—”

You wake up to the sound of your phone ringing. You pull your body up, gasping for air as if you’ve been submerged into water. With your shaky eyes, you inspect your location before realizing that you’re back in Jungkook’s room. You try to steady your breathing, confused as to what the hell you just experienced. It’s just a dream...but it felt so real. It was as if you and Jungkook were really there at the amusement park and talking. And his funeral clothes…

You shake your head, grabbing your phone from under your pillow. Because your phone was ringing so much, you initially thought that someone was calling you, but it turns out that you’re receiving a huge wave of text messages from unknown numbers. They’re coming at you fast, some even in other languages as well. A few of these caller IDs have locations from international countries.

‘殺人犯’, ‘¡la cazafortunas!’, ‘미친년’. All these words being sent to you but having no idea what they mean. But you do receive a few messages in English as well, and one reads:

‘Stone cold bitch,’ ‘you don’t deserve Jungkook’, ‘killer’.

Some of them are even sending you ‘memes’ of your face being cropped over pictures of pigs laying in mud, some with X’s crossed over your eyes, and there’s even one with you being photoshopped into a photo with a naked man doing obscene things with him.

How did these people get your phone number?! As far as you know, your attorney suggested that you keep all of your social media with a low profile to avoid any information getting leaked. You turn off all notifications and immediately call Chunwoo.

An hour goes by, and you and Chunwoo are sitting at the kitchen counter. He’s reading all the messages you received, and to your surprise, Chunwoo doesn’t look all too shocked.

Chunwoo returns your phone. “I could be wrong, but I think someone hacked into your information and leaked it.”

“What?! Shouldn’t we tell the police about this??”

“No. Getting the police involved would cause more controversy, and we’re already struggling with the ones we have to deal with. Besides, there’s too many people messaging you that they can’t arrest them all.”

“Then what about the hacker? It’s just one person.”

“I never conclusively say that a hacker was involved. It’s just a guess. Even if there was, a hacker is smart enough not to leave any trace behind, or this might be the work of more than one person.”

“So what am I supposed to do with all this??” You ask while scrolling through the thousands of text messages you received.

“Just get a new phone. We’ll do that first thing in the morning—”

“And let these people get away with it? This is harassment! They’re accusing me of things I never did.”

Chunwoo sighs. It’s three in the morning, so it’s no wonder that he looks too exhausted to deal with anything. “(Y/N), this may sound brutal, but these are Jungkook’s fans, and they’re just as heartbroken as us that we lost him. It’s just easy to blame you because you’re a single person. Plus, you came out of nowhere and married him.”

Chunwoo does have a point...but it doesn’t excuse them of hacking into your phone and calling you these names. You’re angry that you’ve been pinned as the bad guy for appearing suddenly and marrying him after his funeral. You remember reading those articles of people tagging you as ‘cold-hearted’ for not crying at his funeral. You know you should’ve felt bad, but forcing yourself to cry would’ve been scummier.

“For now, you have to completely wipe everything out in your phone to prevent more of your privacy being shared to the internet. I can have a bodyguard watch over you in the meantime in case something happens.”

Despite being the one in danger, you can’t help but wonder if Jungkook had gone through this before. He must’ve, though probably with more positive comments, which can explain why Chunwoo is so nonchalant about this. But what was that dream you had last night? Though you remember everything until exactly the moment you woke up, your memory of it is slowly fading away. All you can remember now is that you met Jungkook at an amusement park name Gaya Land.

------

It’s the next night, and you lay on Jungkook’s bed. You stare at the popcorn-like ceiling, curious if Jungkook has ever laid in bed, just staring at the same ceiling you’re staring at. You were able to wipe your information on your phone and buy another one, and none of this came out on the news. Well, fans were theorizing what happened on the internet, but nothing worthy enough to become national news.

You wonder if that situation happened because of bad luck; because you were being impolite and started touching Jungkook’s shrine without his permission. Maybe his spirit was upset that you turned his portrait away, so he cursed you with his fans. But he wouldn’t. Jungkook doesn’t look like the type to use his fans to his liking.

You turn to your side, deciding to forget about that for now and head off to sleep.

You open your eyes, no longer looking at the popcorn ceiling of Jungkook’s room. Instead, the ceiling is divided into rectangle tiles with lights blaring down on you but not blurring your vision. When you sit up, you’re in an unfamiliar setting, but it still follows a pattern similar to the previous dream. It’s a large hall, but it’s filled with frozen, faceless people, tips of their limbs fading into dust. You inspect the various people here, and they’re all roughly in their pre-teens, mostly males. They’re all dressed in street clothes, with white sheets of paper with numbers taped to the stomach of their shirts.

There are older people here too, the majority of them wearing suits, with the occasional staffs who are wearing navy blue collar shirts, presumably their work uniforms. This place...you don’t know what to call it. It looks like a gathering of some sort in a large auditorium,

“(Y/N) is your name...right?” Jungkook approaches you from behind.

You turn around, seeing Jungkook still in his black hanbok. “Yeah. Do you know where we are?”

“Oh, this place?” Jungkook looks around. “This is where I tried out for Superstar K 3. I think I was...in my preteens? So this has to be around...2009? 2010? I don’t remember.”

You’re surprised. You thought that it would be like that one show, American Idol, where a thousand people would be in another room, and the audition would be in a separate room. Who knew that the audition room and waiting room were in the same auditorium.

First, it was the amusement park, now it’s Jungkook’s audition. “Hey, Jungkook, what the hell is going on?”

“I’m just as lost as you.”

What’s the point? You’re talking to your imaginary version of Jungkook in your dreams. At least you’re conscious of that. But if that’s the case, then why is it that you’re dreaming of places that you’ve never been to before? All these settings take place in Korea, and your engagement to Jungkook was your first time here.

“It’s weird. The last time I saw you, I was just remembering how my parents took me to Gaya Land before my audition. Then I remembered how nervous I was when I actually had to sing in front of three judges.”

Jungkook begins to wander off, and with nothing else to do, you follow him. He looks over the shoulders of the human statues as if looking for a specific spot in the auditorium. While looking around a little longer, he finally finds the spot he was looking for. He runs to it, and you tell him to wait, but his eyes are locked onto wherever he’s looking at.

He stands in front of a small section of the large hall, staring at a set. The screenshot looks somewhat outdated, and it has large words in Korean sprawled on it with a yellow star on top and the number ‘3’ at the bottom right corner of the font. On the other side are three judges, sitting across a long, horizontal table. It took a while, but then you realize that this is where Jungkook auditioned.

“Gee...standing here now, it’s a lot smaller. Everything felt so big to me when I was a kid. I felt like my knees were going to give up on me, and when I tried to look at the judges, I just kept looking down!” Jungkook begins to laugh. “They were recording me too, so I made me even more nervous.”

Jungkook’s laughter trails off...beginning to remember a lot about himself now.

“I failed on the first try. But I guess it was for the better because, in the end, I got into BigHit.”

“You did?”

Jungkook nods. “A lot of people were spreading stories about how I chose BigHit because I thought Namjoon-hyung was cool. I mean, it is true. He lived in a completely different world from me. He was a part of underground rap groups and he had the spirit of a leader. And when you look at me...I was just an ordinary, shy kid. I aspired to be like him and many other people at the time. Speaking of members! Do you know how everyone’s doing?”

“Everyone…?”

“You know, the members from my previous band. Jimin, RM, Taehyung, Jin, Hoseok, and Suga. How are they? I haven’t spoken to them since…my debut.”

That’s right. You’re not a huge fan of Korean pop music, but you did a little bit of research on Jungkook before moving to Korea. He was once in a band that blew up internationally, and they were well received. However after their popularity died down a bit, Jungkook made the sudden announcement that he was leaving his band and pursue his solo career.

They released a video where the six older members made a good-luck video for him, but then soon after, there was a leaked video of Jimin condemning Jungkook for leaving the band and how he betrayed their trust for his own selfish goals. It was a really unstable period in their lives, and it was what everyone talked about for a while.

“Did they...come to my funeral at least?”

“...No. Your parents insisted that they keep your funeral private. It was only me, my parents, and your family.”

“Oh…” Jungkook’s shoulders slump.

“I-I’m sure that if your parents didn’t make it private, then they would’ve come.”

“Yea, my parents really hate public attention. They’re really old-fashion, you know?” Jungkook sits down on the floor and smiles.“Enough about me. I want to know more about the person I got married to.”

Your cheeks turn slightly red. You can’t believe Jungkook said that so naturally. Does he not find it strange that he’s married to practically a stranger?

You take a seat next to him. “Compared to you, I’m just normal.”

“To someone like me, being normal is a blessing.”

“...Well, I was born in Richmond, British Columbia. Not in the downtown area. The suburbs.”

“Uh...America?”

“Canada.”

“Oh! Canada! Is it pretty there? I heard it snows there a lot.”

“Yea. It can get pretty cold there.”

“If you’re from Canada, then how can you speak Korean so well?”

“My mom made me study Korean. It was…” You sigh out of embarrassment. “...for when the day comes to us going to Korea. Little did I know she actually preparing me for you and your family.”

Jungkook chuckles. “Makes sense. It’s a good thing your mom made you learn Korean, right? Now you can speak to me and everyone else who can speak Korean!”

“I guess...Everyone in my school took French, and I was pretty much the only kid who could speak Korean. But I guess I was feeling kinda insecure about it, so I never really spoke in Korean unless my mom was testing me. Other than that, I lived a pretty normal life. Went to school, got a degree with liberal studies even though I freakin’ hate kids. Shortly after, your mom called my mom, asked me to marry you ASAP, and yea.”

Jungkook stares at the three judges who evaluated him.

“...You must be having a hard time with the public, aren’t you?”

“How did you…?” You look surprised.

“I’ve been in the public eye since I was 15. I think by then I can already predict how the mass media is going to react. They weren’t happy, were they? Our marriage, I mean. Especially the fans.”

You shake your head, debating whether or not you should tell him about the threatening messages that bombarded your phone.

“It was hard on them too. I think out of everyone, they miss you the most.”

Jungkook is skeptical about how simple you put it. He knows enough that fans aren’t going to be okay with you getting married to him, but he decides not to pry further.

“It’s going to be tough for the first couple months, but everyone will eventually find something else to get upset about. Don’t sweat it!”

Jungkook pats you on the shoulder. When he touched you, your shoulder suddenly felt cold. It was so cold that you can feel shivers going down your spine.

“It’s good to know that I’m married to someone I can trust.”

You blush. “How do you know that I’m trustworthy?”

“Hmm, I dunno. I can just sense it!” He smiles from ear to ear.

You’re starting to understand why people are attracted to him. Despite being a famous celebrity, his way of talking is down-to-earth. If you met him on a busy street in a city, you would’ve never guessed his occupation. He’s not delusional in his fame like other celebrities, and he knows how to turn a conversation from him to the other person.

You open your eyes, having just experienced your second dream of Jungkook. Just like the previous, this dream also felt real. The setting, his face, the world...there was nothing that was fabricated. It was all a dream, but you felt like you were there.

You brush your tangled hair out of your face, massaging the shoulder that Jungkook touched. It was frighteningly cold...and you can still feel the shape of his hand there.

------

You open the door to see that Auntie has come to visit you. It’s really early in the morning, so you’re a bit surprised that she came, already dressed for the day.

“Auntie...good morning.”

“Chunwoo told me what happened,” she states while darting inside Jungkook’s apartment. “Kids these days are so ruthless. This is why I didn’t want to give Jungkook a phone until he was older.”

She continues to mumble to herself. You notice that she brought a grocery bag with her, and she sets it on the counter. One-by-one, she takes out the contents from within the bag, revealing it all to be ingredients to make breakfast.

“I’m fine though. It isn’t like they hurt me physically.”

“I’m not talking about whether or not they hurt your body. I’m talking about here,” Auntie points to her head.

“It’s okay...Chunwoo bought me a new phone so that people won’t bother me anymore.”

She doesn’t believe you whatsoever. She puts her hands to her hips, waiting for you to give in and admit that you aren’t fine. However, you’re too stubborn to admit that this affected you, so she gives up in trying to make you spit it out.

She sighs with a disappointed tone. “How would Jungkook feel if he found out that his fans were harassing his wife…?”

It’s that word again, ‘wife’. You find that word harder to shallow than the thought of being accused as a killer or gold digger. You still feel like you’re too young to be called that, like you still have a life you want to live. Sure, you currently aren’t working and can’t even find a job until the media calms down about the marriage, but you know that you have a future ahead of you, not just being known as ‘Jungkook’s wife’. You want to make a name for yourself too.

You look at your left ring finger, the wedding ring absent of its presence. You haven’t worn it since the first day you got here, as it was a nuisance to wear a rock on your finger. Seeing it reflect in your eyes would remind of your marriage.

“I thought you went back to Busan,” you say as you take a seat by the kitchen counter.

“My husband went back because he has work. I decided to take a few more days off to watch over you. My instincts told me that you were going to feel a little lonely, so I’m going to stay in Seoul for a while longer.”

Jungkook is lucky to have a mother like her. You aren’t even her biological daughter, but she treats you like you’re a child of her own. You love your mother, and your mother takes care of you and all, but you haven’t been able to contact her because you changed your phone line.

“I’m going to prepare breakfast. Unless you have preferences, I’m going to cook breakfast like how I typically do.”

“Let me help.”

“No, I can do it alone. You just relax.”

Though you feel bad that you’re letting Jungkook’s mom do everything, you have a feeling that she’s the type to keep fighting you off until you give up. You thought about the dream you had last night, and since Jungkook’s mother is here, you might as well as her a few questions.

“Auntie...you mentioned something about a ghost marriage being married to the spirit of your dead spouse, right?”

Jungkook’s mother puts on an apron and ties her hair. After that, she spreads vegetable oil in a pan and cracks three eggs into a bowl. “That’s right. I know it was rather rash of me to have you marry my son. I practically got you caught in a web, didn’t I?”

You’re glad that at least his mother is aware of what troubles she put you into. That’s probably why she’s staying here a little longer to make up for making you lose your freedom.

Once she beat the eggs, she pours the yellow component into the pan, followed by the sound of the pan sizzling upon contact. “But I was worried that since my son died so suddenly, he would be lost and feel alone in the afterlife. His spirit won’t find peace and would become enraged. That’s why in my most vulnerable state of mind, I forced you to get married to him. At least, it would put my delusions at ease in the meantime.”

Jungkook’s ability to accept the harsh natures of life must come from his mother. That must be why Jungkook was so quick in accepting his death and his mother moving on rather quickly. Despite his mother being aware of her problems, she still acts on them impulsively.

“And with a healthy marriage, you and your spouse and connect without ever having to speak. You can just connect through your mind and that’s it. I just thought that maybe with your marriage, Jungkook will come to terms with his passing and move on,” Auntie chuckles uncomfortably. “My, you’re listening to the ramblings of an insane old woman. (Y/N), you don’t have to stay married to Jungkook forever.”

“I don’t have to?”

“Just for now until the media goes away. After that, you’re free to return to Canada whenever you like. It’s not right of me to ruin your future like that.”

You’re a little happy to hear that. You seriously thought that it was going to be like this for the rest of your life. Even though his mother claims that everything she’s saying might just be words coming out of an insane woman’s mouth, it does make sense. You’ve have two dreams of Jungkook in specific places, though you don’t particularly remember what you two spoke about. You always remember everything when you wake up, but as the day pushes forward, you slowly forget more and more.

Speaking of the dreams, there’s a few things that you want to confirm with his mother before you make any bold claims. “Uhm, Auntie?”

“What is it?”

“...Did you and your family ever take Jungkook to Gaya Land?”

Auntie stops during the middle of her cooking, slowly turning her head to look at you, completely astonished. “Yes, my husband and I did. We took him back when Gaya Land just opened.”

Despite forgetting a lot about your dreams, you do remember the time period, the setting, and Jungkook’s parents being in the dream.

“How did you know?”

“I just came across some old pictures.”

“You did?” At this point, the bottom of the pan is starting to burn, but Jungkook’s mother doesn’t care. “I don’t recall ever taking pictures. May I see them?”

You lean back on your chair, afraid that your lie is biting back at you. “Uh...sorry, I don’t know where I put them.”

“Oh…” Jungkook’s mother’s shoulders slump with disappointment. “It’s fine. I just wanted to see the old photos...I don’t think Jungkook brought any family photos here, so I got a bit excited to see if he really did”

You feel awful for raising her hopes for some petty lie, but you were to able to get some information. That first dream you had of Jungkook isn’t a coincidence then. Perhaps that was meant to happen.

That’s when you remember something. In that first dream, Jungkook said something about wanting to thank his parents for taking him to Gaya Land.

“I think...I think Jungkook is really glad that you two took him there, and if he could, he would like to thank you guys.”

His mother doesn’t reply immediately. She returns to her cooking, using the ends of her chopsticks to scrape off the burnt eggs that have been stuck to the bottom of the pan. There’s smoke invading your space, and all you inhale is the smell of burnt food. You want to point it out to Auntie, but you don’t want to ruin the mood.

After a few seconds, his mother finally says something. “That boy...He always pretended to be an extrovert, but he’s a shy kid at heart. He was never comfortable with saying thank you to anyone, but when you look into his eyes and see that awkward smile of his, you could tell that he’s thankful,” she sighs unsteadily. “I swear, he gets that from his dad. Neither of them were ever great at being affectionate.”

Jungkook’s mother accidentally drops the chopsticks into the large, piping hot pan. She covers her wet eyes with the palms of her hands.

“Why did my child have to die before me? His father and I were supposed to be the ones to spoil him, but he spoiled us with nice clothes, cars, houses, everything. That boy grew up before we ever got the chance to shower him with gifts. I want to see him again…” Her voice cracks.

You get up from your seat, embracing her with your arms. The poor little old lady cries on your shoulder while you wrap your arms around her head, combing her hair with your fingers. She always puts up a tough front, but it’s undeniable that she’s in pain. There is no mother out there who wouldn’t be heartbroken if they ever outlive their children.

------

“That’s what my mom said?”

You nod.

You and Jungkook are in a dance studio—the walls surrounded by mirrors, with the corner of it having lockers. The corner of the room have specks of dust cluttered together, and there’s a lot of skid marks scraped across the shiny, wooden floorboards. You two are sitting next to each other, leaning against one of the mirrors. Unlike the previous settings, there’s no one in the studio besides you two.

You explained to him what his mother said, also mentioning how you seem to meet him in your dreams. You concluded that the reason why you dream of him is because there’s something Jungkook left uncompleted in the living world.

“So...the cliche of the spirit needing to pass on, huh. But the only difference is that whenever you fall asleep, you and I are put into fragments of my memories.”

“You did die suddenly, so maybe there’s something you still want to do? Maybe we have to figure it out based on your memories. Since I can connect with the outside world, I can try to do what you need.”

Jungkook rubs his chin with his index finger. “Hm...I don’t really know what I want.”

“Maybe to remember something from the past? Climb to the peak of the highest mountain? Reconciling with people? Learn how you died?”

When you brought up ‘reconciling’, that grabs Jungkook’s attention. It makes sense if he wants to, especially regarding how he never got to say goodbye to his parents or how unhappy his relationship was with his former bandmates.

“Maybe that is a good idea. I mean...I did end on a bad note with my hyungs. I’ll think about it.”

‘Maybe’ it’s a good idea? As interested as he was earlier, he brushes it over his shoulder easily. Since that did intrigue him briefly, perhaps you can start with that. Chunwoo still has some connections with the staff at Jungkook’s former agency, so maybe he can help you meet with the members who are still there.

Jungkook stands up, stretching his arms, then walks to the lockers. “Before our debut, I came here a lot with my hyungs—to this dance studio. I used to stay here with V- and Jimin-hyung until it was really late at night.”

He opens one of the lockers and finds a black backpack. He unzips it and reaches his hand inside.

“The hardest days were the ones where we had our diet period and had to practice until 3 AM. But we always broke our diet. Every night after practice, we used to go to this corner store, and we bought snacks small enough that we can sneak into during practice. Look.”

Jungkook takes out a rectangular-shaped object. He turns it around, and there’s eight smaller packs of bubble gum inside with pictures of the flavors: grape, melon, orange, and strawberry. You recognize this brand, but you can’t exactly recall where you saw it.

“I can’t believe this was in my backpack. I used to buy these all the time, and I would always eat the strawberry flavor before the others even got the chance to choose.” He snickers.

“Oh! I remember these! When my mom and I used to go to the Chinese supermarket, they would have these by the cashier. I had it a few times, but then the store closed down.”

“That sucks. And you haven’t had it since?”

“No, I kinda forgot about it soon after.”

“You should eat them again sometime! I’m pretty sure there’s a store somewhere that sells it. These are called Marukawa bubble gum. Tell me if it still tastes the same.” Jungkook smiles widely.

You smile back, promising that you’d try them when you can. As of right now, it’s nearly impossible to go out, and a part of you is scared to even step out of Jungkook’s apartment.

The energy in Jungkook’s eyes begins to fade into cheerlessness, but his smile remains. His lightly taps his finger on your hand as if asking permission to hold it. You open the palm of your hand, letting his icy hand wrap around yours. It’s the same sensation like when he touched you last time.

“Thanks for visiting me every night. I wish I can be there for you too, but I can’t.”

“It’s not a problem. I’m doing fine in the other world.”

The sound of the alarm clock wakes you up. You shut it off, pulling out a notebook and pen from under the pillow. Since you tend to forget what happens in those dreams, you thought that it’d be better to write them down while they’re still fresh. You write about how you were in the dance room, you two talked about gum, and Jungkook’s possible desire to reconcile with his former band members. You underline the words, ‘band members’ three times to signify the importance of this.

You can’t believe that you’re accepting this naturally without any rejections. Any normal person would’ve accepted this as mere dreams, but you oppose it. It’s outrageous thinking that you’ve been dreaming of Jungkook in places that you’ve never been to, and it can’t be a coincidence that you began having dreams of him when you moved here. Perhaps you see this as a way of you indirectly learning about the man you married, and with nothing to do here other than hide, this is the only thing that keeps your chin up.

------

Chunwoo has been put on hold for a while now. He’s tapping his foot, sitting in the living room with you. You lean forward, feeling a rush of suspense, hoping that this plan would work. A few days ago, you called Chunwoo, asking if he can get you into contact with Jungkook’s former members. He declined your request initially, but after pestering him endlessly, he finally gave in today.

He claims that the only number he knows is Kim Seokjin, and apparently it’s because during Jungkook’s switch to Bang Sihyuk’s new agency, Chunwoo had to keep in contact with Seokjin in order to help transfer his information. Since Seokjin became the new CEO of BigHit, he’s been busier than before, which can explain why the receptionist had to put Chunwoo on hold.

After waiting for an hour, Chunwoo finally hears a beeping sound, meaning that his line is being transferred to Seokjin. “Hello? Mr. Kim! Hi, hello. This is Lee Chunwoo. Do you remember me? Ah, yes. I’m doing fine. And you? ...I know you’re busy, but I wanted for an important reason. You see...Jungkook’s wife would like to see yo—”

Seokjin begins shouting on the other side of the phone. He’s so loud that even you can hear him. Seokjin doesn’t sound upset upon hearing about you, but rather, he’s shouting with excitement. To save his hearing, Chunwoo momentarily moved the phone away from his ears.

“Huh? Y-you’re really going to cancel all your meetings?” Chunwoo looks at you for a second. “It’s not all that important for you to do such things! What?? In ten minutes?? A-alright...Thank you. We’ll see you then.”

Chunwoo hangs up the phone, sighing.

“It’s hard to imagine such a childish extrovert owns a company. Anyway, Mr. Kim will be sending one of his guards to pick you up, since it’s dangerous for you to be alone.”

“You aren’t coming?” You ask.

“No, no. I can’t. I have something to do. Tell Mr. Kim I said hi.”

“O-okay…”

From what you remember, Jimin and Taehyung left the company after their group disbanded. Jimin went back to school to get his teaching credentials, and Taehyung became a self-proclaimed photographer. As mentioned before, Seokjin became a successful businessman, becoming the CEO of BigHit, owning a restaurant with his brother, and he even controls a few luxury apartment buildings. On the other hand, Namjoon, Yoongi, and Hoseok still work in BigHit, but as of right now, Hoseok is currently in the army to complete his military duties.

You’ve only seen videos of them when they were younger and still together. They were very active and charismatic for their age, despite all the repercussions of being an idol in Korea. They were a group that everyone admired, so it was devastating when Jungkook left the band to pursue his solo career in a different agency—the agency that Bang Sihyuk and his girlfriend started together.

Seokjin’s guards park in the company’s parking lot, hidden from the public eye. Thankfully, you were able to escape without catching the media’s attention, so sneaking out wasn’t too much of a hassle. The bodyguard escorts you to the lot’s elevator, proceeding to the main lobby, where you see a tall, fine man in a black suit. He’s on the phone, talking very fast. Based on his voice, you can tell that this is Seokjin. He was the oldest member of the band, iconic for his high pride in his looks. There’s even been scientific proof that Kim Seokjin is handsome.

When he turns around, you can definitely see why he was deemed as the ‘visual’ of the band. You two make eye contact, and he hangs up the phone, fixing his suit before marching to you. You almost felt intimidated when he arched over you, nearly six feet tall. He sticks his hand out, waiting for a handshake.

“Wuah, you must be Jungkook’s wife. I’m Kim Seokjin, pretty good-looking, right?”

You don’t know how to answer back to a narcissist.

“Can’t believe that Jungkook of all people got married first. That boy was such a virgin! Whenever he saw a girl who he thought was cute, he would run the opposite direction, I’m already in my thirties, and my looks are still discouraging girls. I’m too handsome.”

You knew that he was conceited...but you assumed that behind the scenes, he would behave more modest.

Seeing that you raised an eyebrow, Seokjin heaves out an exhausted laugh. “Sorry, I thought you were going to be gloomy, so I wanted to lighten up the mood. Besides, it’s not every day you meet a happy-go-lucky CEO, right?”

“Hyung, you’re going to scare her away.”

There’s a voice coming from the hallway. The two of you look and see Namjoon, wearing a military-patterned coat and holding a hot cup of black coffee. It’s hard to see underneath his baseball hat, but he has dark circles under his eyes.

Namjoon approaches you and shakes your hand. “Sorry if he’s bothering you. I’m Kim Namjoon and I’m one of the producers here.”

“Hey! Don’t talk about your boss like that. I can fire you, you know?”

“It’s not like you will. You’re company is going to be hopeless without me,” Namjoon doesn’t even bat an eye at Seokjin.

“It’s nice to meet you both. I’m sorry for meeting at an inconvenient time.”

“Not a problem. You probably wanted to talk to us about Jungkook, is that correct?”

You nod. Namjoon is definitely easier to talk to compared to the robust Seokjin.

“Alright, let’s find a private place to talk.”

------

In one of the staff lounges, you, Namjoon, and Seokjin are sitting at a circular couch. This room has everything—video games, a foosball table, massage chairs, and even a small kitchen. Namjoon had just made coffee for both you and Jin, and you thank him for his hospitality.

“So, what did you want to talk about?” Namjoon asks after taking a sip of the coffee.

“It might be a sensitive topic...but how are you guys since Jungkook’s passing?”

Namjoon and Seokjin look at each other, with Namjoon then lowering his head. Seokjin beams, flashing a smile to prevent the mood from becoming depressing.

“It’s hard, but we’re managing. I don’t think Jungkook would want us to be mourning for him for too long.” Seokjin comments.

“Yea, he would probably say something like, ‘why are you guys clinging onto me? It’s weird’. So we’re just doing something that Jungkook would most likely want us to do.”

“Have you guys visited Jungkook’s grave?”

Seokjin sighs. “I haven’t since my schedule has been so tight.”

“Only once, but I’ve been drowning in work that I never got the time.” Namjoon glares at Seokjin, possibly hinting to him that he wants a lesser load of work.

“How’s everyone else doing?”

“...We haven’t spoken to Jimin and Taehyung since the news about his accident. Yoongi-hyung refuses to come out of his studio, and I haven’t spoken to Hoseok after he took off for his duties.”

“It’s just been me and Namjoon who’s been keeping in touch.”

Namjoon exhales loudly. “I know...we said that we’re trying to move on, but the more we think about moving on, the deeper we fall into darkness. If you don’t mind me asking, why are you all of a sudden curious about us? We’ve never spoken before this. I’ve never even seen you before this.”

“...Something’s been bothering me, I guess,” you lie. “Just learning about the accident, I just assumed that everyone’s having a hard time...and I want to help everyone move on, maybe by starting with getting rid of some guilt off your shoulders.”

You don’t know how else to put it. You can’t simply tell them that you’ve been dreaming of Jungkook every night since your wedding. They’ll think you’ve gone insane.

“I understand that you’re worried about us, but our private lives don’t have anything to do with you.” Seokjin says in a serious tone for the first time.

“Hyung, don’t say that.”

Seokjin’s words are harsh, but true. “I’m sorry to kill the mood so early, but the way you cold-heartedly ask us those questions are pushing me.”

“The questions? I…”

“I read a lot of articles about you, rumors about how you married Jungkook for the money, that you plotted the accident, that you’re a sociopath for not showing any emotions at his funeral. Having experienced half-assed gossip like that, I didn’t believe them, but there is one that I do believe.”

Seokjin leans over to you.

“You didn’t cry at his funeral because you felt out of place, didn’t you?”

Your eyes widen.

“You’re just a stranger who got jumbled up in a celebrity’s death, and it’s a nuisance to you, isn’t it? You were too busy being forced into a culture you don’t know than mourn for someone who’s important to millions of people.”

“Jin-hyung! Stop making assumptions!”

“The only reason why I cancelled all my meetings today is because I want to tell you something: getting married to Jungkook is like asking for a death wish. Especially since you know nothing about Jungkook, it upsets everyone that an unsympathetic stranger has been engaged to someone precious to millions of people. I suggest you file for a divorce.”

When you look closely at Seokjin’s eyes, you can see them start to well up. Seokjin moves back, quickly wiping his tears.

“Excuse me for a moment,” Seokjin walks out of the room.

“Don’t let his words get to you. Jin’s the type to pretend that he’s okay, but when the water boils over, he has a habit of releasing his stress all at once.”

“It’s okay...I was being too insensitive.”

“One way or another, we all feel responsible for Jungkook’s death, but we just don’t want to take the blame. We’re...such bad role models for Jungkook…” Namjoon takes off his hat to mess with his hair. “I mean, drunk driving? You know what we always told him? That drinking is a bonding moment and a method of relieving stress. We kept drinking in front of him until we were piss drunk, and even when he felt uncomfortable, we forced him to drink because it was ‘fun’.”

Namjoon covers his face with his hands.

“If we didn’t give him that stupid advice, then he wouldn’t have gotten drunk and mindlessly start driving.”

Not only Auntie and Chunwoo, but Seokjin and Namjoon. Jungkook was an important part of their lives, and you’re beginning to feel guilty. In the midst of all the tears, there lies you, the outsider. You can’t sympathize with them nor can you lift their spirits up. You don’t deserve to be the one to see Jungkook after his death. It’s Namjoon, Jin, his mother, Chunwoo, and many others who should. What can an outlier like you do?

------

“They said that?” Jungkook asks.

You nod.

You and Jungkook sit beside each other on the dirty tiled-ground of the Los Angeles International Airport, LAX. It’s overwhelmingly crowded, even the seats being taken by those faceless humans. Some spots in LAX are missing, fading into black.

“Jeez, they worry too much. It’s embarrassing. It’s not even their fault at all.”

You look at him, and he looks completely unaffected by what you told him.

“I wish there was a way I could slap their faces and tell them to stop worrying about the past,” Jungkook laughs.

You thought about what Seokjin told you. Being married to him is dangerous. Not only for Jungkook’s reputation, but for yourself. You’re also thinking about how you’re the one who gets to see Jungkook, not the people who cared for him.

“Hey, Jungkook…”

“Yea?”

“...Do you think it was a mistake to get married? I mean...I barely know you, only what articles and online forums said about you. Don’t you think you’re better off with someone who knows you?”

Jungkook thinks about your questions. He stares blankly at the feet of the frozen humans, his long eyelashes fluttering while he process his thoughts.

“It doesn’t bother me, the fact that you didn’t know who I am. Besides, I think I would prefer you over someone who knows me, or people who think they know me.”

“You’re just saying that to make me feel better.”

“I’m serious! Let’s say that I was stuck with a fan. They would cry and climb all over me, then they would probably feel highly of themselves for being able to have psychic dreams of me. They would feel like the ‘special fan’, and it feels kinda...greedy. Like, what’s so special about talking to a dead person? And if I were stuck with someone like my mom or one of the members, I would have to constantly hear about how they’re sorry for not being to do this or that for me.”

“Wow...you sound more heartless than me.”

“I’m serious! There’s no point in crying over me when I won’t come back. I’ve come to terms that I’m dead, and I wish that others wouldn’t treat me differently. I’m just as human as everyone else. I like having you because you’ve accepted that I’m dead, and you don’t treat me like I’m a god. So if I were a nobody, you would still treat me the same.” Jungkook gleams with joy. “It feels reassuring.”

You blush slightly, looking away. You can’t understand why Jungkook would feel so happy being stuck with a stranger. If you were him, you’d gladly have someone you know versus a stranger.

“Besides, I get to share important memories of myself without someone editing or twisting my words on the internet. For example, this airport. I think this is the time when I first came to America to study dance before my debut.”

“You came to America even before your debut?”

“Yup! For two years with my choreographer. I was so terrified because I knew very little English, so I latched onto my coach like there’s no tomorrow,” Jungkook leans closer to you. “Here’s a secret between you and me: I got lost in the airport, and I was so scared about being lost in a foreign country that I started crying.”

You try to hold in your laughter. You can’t imagine Jungkook in his teenage years crying for his dance coach in an airport. It must’ve been adorable.

“Wow! So you are capable of laughing!”

You blush. “What are you talking about?”

“You’ve been nothing but serious every time we meet. You said that people think you’re a sociopath, right? See? You do have emotions.”

Jungkook rests his head on your shoulder suddenly. Despite his icy body being colder than the winter air, you feel your body burning up, feeling completely flustered.

“I should make you laugh more. You got a really nice smile.”

“S-stop.”

“I’m not lying,” Jungkook snickers. “You know, I’m kinda glad that I died. Even though we were meant to get married regardless, but with my career, I don’t think we would’ve ever met. You’re very down-to-earth and don’t see me as a celebrity, and I think that’s charming.”

You begin to shiver. The longer Jungkook keeps in physical contact with you, the colder it gets. But, Jungkook looks so happy that you don’t want to spoil the moment for him.

“Hey...did I ever tell you that…”

You open your eyes to the sound of the doorbell ringing. It must be Jungkook’s mother again, visiting you to make breakfast. You sit up, feeling your arms and shoulders. You had the heater on all night, and yet you’re freezing. You see him in your dreams, but it seems like he can interact with your physical body in terms of temperature. You want to write down this dream, but Auntie is at the door. You can’t leave her like that.

As you jump out of bed, you thought about Jungkook wishing that his members would just move on. You want that too, especially after seeing how hurt Namjoon and Seokjin are. You can’t give up because you’re Jungkook’s only hope of moving on.

------

You keep dialing Chunwoo’s number, but it always goes straight to voicemail. In the kitchen, Auntie is preparing breakfast for the two of you. When you try calling for the tenth time, the result is the same. You exhale loudly, turning off your phone and lean against the couch.

“Not picking up again?” Auntie asks.

You shake your head. “Yea. Is he busy?”

“I haven’t contacted Chunwoo since the first day we took you here either,” she shrugs her shoulders. “By the way, where did you go a few days ago? I was surprised when you told me that you were going out. You didn’t get hurt, did you?”

“I’m fine. I went out to visit Jungkook’s former members.”

“Ah...them.” Auntie’s voice becomes deeper.

You recall that Auntie didn’t include them to the funeral, but she never told you the reason. Based on the tone, she must not have a good relationship with them. You feel as though you shouldn’t have brought it up.

“They’re really nice people...when I met them.”

Auntie doesn’t bother answering anymore. She finishes cooking the vegetable omelet and sets it on a large plate. She puts the pan back on the stove to let it cool down then takes off her apron and releases her bun. Auntie checks the time on her phone while grabbing her purse on the counter.

“You’re not going to eat with me?”

“No, I’m going to visit Jungkook’s grave. I’ll eat afterward.”

She says her farewells, and you repeat it back to her as she walks out the front door. The click of the door closing echoes across the vast, empty apartment floor, reminding you that you’re the only one here. You’re glad that Auntie decided to stay with you for the time being because you don’t know how you would be able to handle be alone in Jungkook’s home.

How did Jungkook manage to survive on his own in this large apartment? Based on what people have been telling you, Jungkook is an introvert, so he might’ve been okay with living alone. But he spent most of his life living in a dorm with six older brothers, so there was no way he could have gotten used to this stark silence.

Your phone receives a text message, and it’s from Chunwoo.

Sorry, I can’t call you right now. I’m currently in the police station being questioned.

Chunwoo’s being interrogated? But it does make sense since he was the one in the car with Jungkook that night. But he must’ve been gone since early morning, maybe even longer, since he had to ignore all your calls. You text him, asking if he’s alright, followed by you sending another text, telling him to get back home safely.

You hear the sound of the doorbell ringing. You haven’t touched your meal, and so many things are going on at once. You walk to the intercom, assuming that it would be Auntie who might’ve forgotten something, but surprisingly, it was someone you didn’t expect.

“Hello?” It’s Taehyung on the screen.

“Hi, I’ll open the door for you. Just give me a second.”

You run to the door to find Taehyung standing inches away from it. He’s holding a rectangular box, wrapped in wrapping paper with a purple bow on top. But it isn’t the present you’re most curious about—Taehyung’s face and hair are soaking wet. Droplets of water drip from the tips of his hair and either onto the ground or on his clothes. Despite being wet from his neck and above, his clothes are dry. The weather didn’t say anything about rain, so you’re confused by this unusual introduction.

You point to your face. “Uhm..your face.”

“Huh? Oh, yea. I ran into Mrs. Jeon—I-I mean, not you. Th-the uhm...Jungkook’s mom. We don’t really have a great relationship with her...so...when she saw me, she took out a water bottle and splashed it in my face.”

“You can just call me (Y/N). And I’m sorry about what Mrs. Jeon did...”

“It’s fine. Can I…?”

“Come in. I can get you a towel too.”

You head to the double-doored cabinet where Jungkook keeps his towels. Meanwhile, Taehyung takes off his shoes before entering, eyeing the apartment with familiarity. He sits down, and you give him a fresh white towel.

“Thank you.” He sets the present down and wipes his hand.

“I’m sorry for asking but...why does it seem like you guys have a bad relationship with Jungkook’s mom?”

“...There are a ton of reasons, a few being that she blames us for his death, and we were trying to stop the marriage,” To lighten the mood, Taehyung smiles. “Anyway, I got you a wedding present. The funeral and wedding were both private, so I couldn’t really drop off the present.”

“What’s in there?”

“Just glass champagne cups.”

You don’t particularly like alcohol, but you accept it anyway since Taehyung bought it. “Thank you. You didn’t have to.”

“And...take it as an apology, too. Namjoon-hyung told me what Jin-hyung said to you. I don’t think Jin-hyung meant to say that in an insulting tone. It’s just that fans get upset when we get into relationships, but getting married is by far the worst. I think what Jin-hyung meant to say was that he was worried for your well-being and that the marriage was too soon for everyone.”

You’re not surprised with Seokjin’s train of thought. It’s too soon to be married to someone, and it’s understandable that his former agency wouldn’t agree to the marriage either. It has ‘bad’ written all over it, so it makes you wonder how the plan got through in the first place.

“But after thinking about it for a while, I think it was a good idea that you got married to Jungkook.”

“What? You think so?”

He nods. “I heard his mom’s reason, and I think it’s very romantic. In a way, it kind of puts me at ease knowing that he has a partner he can rely on in the afterlife.”

You lower your head, protruding your shoulders up timidly. “But there’s no point in having a stranger like me get involved.”

“I don’t see it like that. While you are a stranger at first, at some point, you’ll no longer be that. Maybe one day, you’ll know things about Jungkook that we don’t know, and it’s that special connection that will cut the ties of being strangers, regardless if he’s dead or not.”

You’re starstruck by Taehyung’s words. His way of thinking is very abstract, so it makes sense why he’s fascinated with art.

“We were all strangers to Jungkook once, and we made the fatal mistake of becoming estranged to him again.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“We will never forget how much Producer Bang-nim has done for us, but whenever Bang-nim is blinded by lust, he’ll do anything, and his girlfriend at the time wanted to start her own agency. He knew the hardships of starting a business from the bottom, so he thought that by having Jungkook join their agency, it would be a great starting point.”

You’ve heard all this before on the articles you read, but hearing Taehyung’s perspective on it feels fresh.

“Namjoon- and Jin-hyung said that it was a great opportunity and that he should take it. Hoseok-hyung wanted him to stay but said that if he really wanted to go, then he should take the opportunity. Yoongi-hyung said that it was whatever Jungkook wanted. But Jimin and I were completely against it.”

The articles weren’t lying. Jimin and Taehyung were clearly upset about Jungkook’s contract ending early, but Jimin was most notably upset.

“After Jungkook left and Jimin’s leaked-video controversy, we just couldn’t stand each other, and we eventually all went our separate ways,” Taehyung pauses briefly. “All the hardships we went through...the accomplishments we made...years’ worth of memories were gone within a span of a few weeks. We all became strangers again. I lost hope in keeping in contact with any of them besides Jimin.”

Taehyung sounds like he’s about to cry, but he holds it in. His face is turning red, but his smile still remains confident.

“So when Namjoon-hyung finally contacted me and told me that you wanted to help us move on, I thought that this may be our only chance to finally be a team again.”

Taehyung takes you by the hands.

“I want to help. I don’t want his passing to haunt us forever. I want...all of us to make more fond memories.”

You almost feel like crying after hearing Taehyung’s plea. But you don’t feel like you did anything particularly special. All you want to do is help Jungkook. It’ll definitely be a lot easier on you now that you have Taehyung on your side, and it’s someone that the members know especially well.

“Thank you so much...Taehyung.”

------

In the park, there’s no one here except for you and Jungkook. The two of you are sitting on the swing set, dipping your toes into the sand. Though you feel the sensation of the sand tickling in between your toes, the sand slips off of you like you never touched it—your feet still clean.

“V-hyung was always the kind of guy who never liked to take the leadership role, but he also didn’t like to sit still either,” Jungkook said as he kicks the sand in the misty air. “Everyone called me ‘the most competitive member’ in our band, but really, it was V-hyung.”

“Really? He looks so tame.”

“No...he hates losing more than anything. He’s so stubborn, and I admire him for that. When I left the agency, it literally felt like a romance drama. Taehyung would wait at the front of the building just so he can convince me to come back, but I always declined...even though I really wanted to come back.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“It was under my contract that I was not allowed to work for any other company unless it was for collaborations. I think Hyung saw it in my eyes that I regret leaving, which is why he couldn't bring himself to give up for a while.”

“Why did he stop?”

“...One of the producers in my company threatened to call the police for trespassing, and I remember V-hyung’s exact words: ‘it’s not called trespassing if I’m on public property so mind your own business’ and he said that all in his Daegu accent. It was funny,” Jungkook laughs. “But Taehyung actually got arrested.”

“WHAT?!”

“Jin-hyung was able to pay the media outlets to keep quiet about it, but the producer eventually called the police, and since Bang SiHyuk had more money, they didn’t need to try to listen to Jin-hyung. I felt really guilty, so I pretended to be mad at Taehyung and told him to stay away from me.”

Jungkook digs his feet into the sand, motioning back to start swinging. When he kicks his feet in the air to let himself swing, he accidentally flicked some sand in the air again.

“If you really wanted to go back, why did you decide to leave in the first place?”

“...I had a long talk with Namjoon-hyung. He told me that I was still young and should strive for more. And...I was so jealous of the members. They were all great at writing music or dancing. I wasn’t so bad either, but it’s just that I wanted to do so many things that I ended up being equally mediocre in all of them. Namjoon-hyung might not be the best at dancing, but his songs are exceptional. Yoongi is naturally bad at everything but a rare gem in the music industry. I wanted to become good at something too, so I thought that by debuting as a soloist, I would eventually learn the one thing I was gifted at.”

Jungkook kicks his feet back and forth, making him swing higher and higher.

“But it was naive of me to try growing up before I was even ready.”

Silence falls upon you and Jungkook. The only sound that can be heard is the friction of the chains rubbing against the metal bars as Jungkook swings. You remember in the articles that fans called Jungkook a traitor for leaving, but they’re also the same fans who accused you of using Jungkook for monetary gain. You despise how easy it is for people to switch sides so easy to make themselves look nice, and Jungkook is no exception to that.

You’re beginning to sympathize with Jimin and Taehyung. If you had a friend of 10+ years suddenly leaving you because they wanted to become more successful, of course you’d be upset. However, if you never had these dreams of Jungkook, you would’ve never heard his side of the argument. While he may have physically left the company, he still belonged to the members. He was afraid of the backlashes he would receive if he changed his mind, so he was stuck in a dilemma of wanting to be with his friends and his personal goals.

As much as you sympathize with Jimin and Taehyung, you also can understand Jungkook. You also feel like you’re stuck in a dilemma. You’re in a position where you’re vulnerable to the media, and all you want is to hide where no one knew who you were. But you also want to help Jungkook and his members. It’s a battle between protecting yourself and helping those in need.

“Who knew that the only way I’d be back here is by having dreams?? I guess all the talk about my hyungs made me remember this place.”

“This place?”

“Sometimes after practice, I would go here with V- and Jimin-hyung. We used to be stupid kids and jump everywhere. Like on the swings, we swung has high as we could, then jump off. Whoever jumped the furthest won the entire Marukawa pack.”

Jungkook kicks his feet higher, and he kicks high enough to the point where the entire swing set begins to shake a little.

“Jungkook! Be careful!”

Jungkook jumps off of his swings, flying as far as he could. He spreads his arms out like he would with wings, but the predicament is obvious, as Jungkook lands face-flat on the sand. His body is sprawled out like a starfish, and he isn’t moving.

You burst into laughter. “What was that? Jungkook, you’re not a kid anymore.”

You wait for Jungkook to get up and laugh with you, but after a couple of seconds, Jungkook still isn’t moving. You fear that Jungkook might’ve hit his head hard enough to fall unconscious.

You run to his aid, kneeling beside him and shaking his cold shoulders. “Jungkook! Hey, are you okay?!

Jungkook rolls over to his back, snickering like a child. You sigh in relief, but you’re quick to getting irritated, since he worried you for nothing.

“You can’t get hurt here, so even if I landed face first, I’m alright.”

“That wasn’t funny.”

“But I made you laugh again.”

You blush.

Then out of the blue, Jungkook wraps his arms around your neck and pulls you in for a hug. Once again, you’re hit with a wave of Jungkook’s freezing body temperature.

“You’re so warm, (Y/N). Whenever you’re not around, my body feels so stiff, and I’m always shivering. But when I touch you, it’s like I’m touching the sun.”

Your cheeks turn a darker shade of red. “...What’s with the cheesy lines?”

“I’m serious.” Jungkook heaves a heavy sigh. “Hey...next time you come back, can we not talk about my hyungs? I get kinda jealous that they get to be with you.”

This is the first time a guy has openly admitted about his jealousy towards you. It’s strange that Jungkook is already so attached to you, or perhaps you’re the strange one. You’ve always been distant from other people after all. Ever since that time in high school, you disliked getting close to people.

You pull yourself away from Jungkook. “What are you talking about? I see you every night.”

“That’s not what I’m talking about. I mean...we’re stuck in a place that doesn’t actually exist, and even though you sleep for a few hours, it only feels like minutes here. And...what about when I move on?”

Jungkook stares at you with eyes of desperation, waiting to hear your answer. But...you don’t have anything to say in this situation.

But Jungkook shakes his head and returns to his smiley persona. “Sorry, our conversation got dark. I just wanted to hear more about you from your point, that’s all.”

You cock your head to the side, creasing your eyebrows at the last part of what Jungkook. “Wait...what do you mean ‘from my point’?”

You open your eyes to see that you’ve returned from your dreams. You check the time on your phone and groan at the bad timing whenever you wake up. It always seems like whenever you finally get into an interesting conversation with Jungkook, you always wake up. You drop your head back onto the pillow, sighing loudly.

------

You were surprised that you got a phone call from Taehyung. He asked if you could have lunch at his place so you two can start planning the reunion. Jungkook wasn’t joking when he said that Taehyung disliked sitting still, as it hasn’t even been a full day since Taehyung said that he wanted to help you. If anything, Taehyung is doing more than you already.

You called Chunwoo to see if he can take you to Taehyung’s residence. To your luck, he had time, so he snuck you out of Jungkook’s apartment and into one of the company’s cars. In the car, you’re sitting in the back while Chunwoo drives. When you met him the next morning, you were surprised that Chunwoo had dark circles underneath his eyes. When you look closely at Chunwoo’s fingers, they're trembling.

“How was the questioning? They weren’t too hard on you, right?”

Chunwoo sighs. “They were rough. I can’t even count the amount of hours I’ve been in the interrogation room. All I remember is going into the police station in the morning, and it was already dark by the time I got out.”

“...I hope they were nice to you though. Your hands are shaking.”

“Don’t worry about it. It’s understable if they’re trying to get me to tell them everything, especially since I was in the passenger when Jungkook was driving while intoxicated. And...I’m just still a little shaken about the accident, so I’m scared of being in a car.”

It makes sense to see Chunwoo still be scared of being in a car, especially since he had a near-death experience. Chunwoo was with him that night when Jungkook drove while drunk. Chunwoo received a lot of criticism on the internet because he was drunk as well, but many fans defended him, claiming that Jungkook wanted to take responsibility and drive since his alcohol levels weren’t as high as Chunwoo’s.

But you don’t see the reason for wanting more details when the police officially closed the case as accidental, but it could be the heat coming from the media demanding for more information. The police has to be especially careful when dealing with a celebrity’s case and the pressure that comes with it.

“But be careful at Taehyung’s place. You’re already aware of how closely the media is watching you, aren’t you? I hope you’re not doing anything suspicious.”

You gently press your head against the window, staring at the various buildings as Chunwoo drives past them. “It’s alright. I know how to take care of myself.”

------

Chunwoo drops you off at the back of Taehyung’s home, which is an apartment complex. You enter through the back and go up the elevator to Taehyung’s place. You look at the address that you saved on your phone, mumbling the number to yourself until you stand in front of the room number. You ring the doorbell, and after a few seconds, Taehyung opens the door.

Unlike yesterday, Taehyung’s dressed in comfortable clothes: sweatpants and a flamingo-patterned collar shirt. His hair is a mess, and you didn’t notice this before, but there’s a stubble growing.

“Oh, (Y/N), hello. Come in.”

You walk inside to find the place having a completely different aura to Jungkook’s home. The interior design resembles that of a combination of nature and urban-city theme—the coffee table and chairs being made out of pure walnut wood, and the kitchen is black just like Jungkook’s.

However, what makes Taehyung’s unique is the various modern and postmodern artwork framed on his walls. Based on your research on Taehyung, he seems to be a huge fan of Ante Badzim, seeing some of his photos hanging on Taehyung’s wall. But there are some that you don’t know, such as the picture with many Campbell’s chicken noodle soup and Marilyn Monroe in different shades of colors.

In the living room, there’s a huge mess of art supplies and canvases everywhere. There are opened jars of paint with brushes dipped inside. The only color you see is black. The navy blue carpet is stained with the paint, black smudges by the edges.

Taehyung kicks one of the canvases with his bare foot to make space for you. “Sorry, it’s kind of messy. I stayed up all night trying to paint something.”

“It’s fine.”

You take a seat on his couch, slowly falling back into the cushion as the foam memorizes your shape. Taehyung jogs to the kitchen, grabbing a few things and returns with a tea set, crackers, and two sandwiches. In Taehyung’s other hand is a bottle of Coke.

“I wanted to meet up somewhere like at a restaurant, but with the whole problem about my image and all, it was gonna be impossible. It wouldn’t be good for you either, so I asked for a sandwich delivery.”

“Thank you.”

You take the sandwich, and it looks as if it was made from a deli. The lettuce, raw tomato, ham, and cheese are all matted neatly and enclosed tightly by the bread. It doesn’t look greasy either, probably from a healthy but expensive sandwich place.

“So I thought about how we were going to meet together. I got into contact with Hoseok again, and he said that he’s going to come back in November while on a temporary break. Since he’s returning, I thought I could gather everyone.”

“Oh, that’s a great idea! Have you told them yet?”

Taehyung shakes his head. “Only Jin- and Namjoon-hyung, and they both agreed to meet up. Yoongi-hyung read my message but didn’t reply. And Jimin…”

Taehyung trails off, and you can sense that Jimin will be the hardest.

“He’s probably still angry at the hyungs, but I’ll somehow convince him to go too. He’s the one who’s processing Jungkook’s passing the hardest, so I think it’ll be the best for him.”

Every time you think about Jimin, you think about the leaked recording of Jimin. When you see that gentle smile of his, it’ll always direct you back to all those mean words that he said about Jungkook—that Jungkook is a selfish prick who only thinks of himself.

“Hey Taehyung?”

“Hm?” Taehyung takes a large bite of his sandwich, wiping the crumbs from the corner of his mouth with his thumb.

“What Jimin said about Jungkook...did he really mean it?”

Taehyung opens his Coke, the sizzling of the carbonated bubbles being exhaled. He thinks about your question, cleaning his teeth with his tongue in the process.

“Yes and no. Jimin gets very emotional when he’s passionate about something. He may have gone overboard with his words, but he wasn’t lying about his feelings.”

“...Do you think he’ll go to the gathering?”

“...I’m not sure, but he’ll come around eventually. He has to. Jimin and Jungkook were the closest to each other.”

“I’m sure that Jimin will-”

Suddenly, your vision goes black—as black as Taehyung’s paint—until you can no longer see anything. You hear Taehyung call out your name once, but after that, it goes silent.

------

You wake up in the same playground that you were at with Jungkook. You’re conscious, but you’re not controlling your body. You’re at the swing set, kicking your feet back and forth to increase the height. You want to stop swinging so you can check your surroundings, but since you can’t control your body, you can’t.

Your head turns to the right, and you’re met with a younger version of Taehyung, sitting on the other swing. The top of his hair is dyed golden blonde and the sides of his hair have been shaved. He’s thinner than now, but you don’t understand why the sudden change.

“Hey! You guys hurry! I don’t have all night.” A voice says from behind.

“Hyung! Don’t eat the candy yet!”

Your mouth moved by itself, but rather than your voice, it’s Jungkook voice that come out. When your legs swing back and forth, they’re unfamiliar to you. They’re more firm and muscular. This isn’t your body, but Jungkook’s.

Why are you in Jungkook’s body? Just moments ago, you were in Taehyung’s house and talking to him. After that, you don’t remember what happened; everything turned dark. Could this perhaps be another one of those episodic dreams you’ve been having of Jungkook? But this is different—you’re not with Jungkook, but in him.

Your head keeps turning to Taehyung, Jungkook is presumably estimating the height in which Taehyung is swinging. Jungkook looks at his feet, leaning back when he kicks his feet up, his body nearly as straight as a horizontal plain.

Once Jungkook is higher than Taehyung, he jumps off, soaring in the sky with his arms and legs spread out. His time in the sky is short, as he crunches his legs together and uses his forearms to embrace the impact of the playground’s sand. Jungkook makes his landing, landing on his feet first while curled up in a ball. He rolls, the sand being flicked everywhere.

Taehyung follows thereafter, jumping off the swings but not as far as Jungkook. Unlike Jungkook, Taehyung lands on his feet, nearly faltering but regaining his balance. As cool as Taehyung was for his landing, Jungkook ultimately won because he jumped the furthest.

Jungkook stands up, pumping his fists in the air with a victorious ‘yes!’ The defeated Taehyung kicks the sand, cursing under his breath as a familiar face runs up to Jungkook. It’s the person who was behind him, and you almost didn’t recognize him. It’s Jimin, but a younger version of him. Most of the pictures and videos you’ve seen of Jimin is with his serious expression. Right now, he’s smiling so much. When Jungkook turns to Taehyung, Taehyung is smiling and laughing as well, not the plastic smiles he gives you now.

“Whoa, Jungkook! Teach me how to fly like that!” Jimin exclaims.

Jimin wraps his arm around Jungkook’s neck, pulling him down. This was when Jimin and Jungkook were the same height, but now, Jungkook should be taller than Jimin without a doubt. Taehyung walks to him, patting the sand off of his clothes.

“I guess Jungkook really does deserve the reward.” Jimin taps the corner of the Marukawa gum pack against Jungkook’s cheek.

Jungkook flinches, taking the pack from him with a wide grin on his face. “Thanks, Hyung.”

His smile fades away, and you feel something aching in your chest. Since you’re in Jungkook’s body, you must be feeling what he was feeling at this time. You feel nervous, like there’s butterflies in your stomach.

“Oh? What’s bothering you, Jungkook?”

“Do you think people will like me? When we debut, I mean.”

“What?? Of course they will! Once they seen how hard we all worked, we’re bound to have lots of fans.”

“Do you really think so?”

“I think so.” Taehyung chimes in.

“Yea! Even if the world hates us, we’ll always have each other’s backs. You can count on me for that, Jungkook.” Jimin messes with Jungkook’s hair.

Jungkook admires how confident Taehyung and Jimin are. If they’re not scared about their future, then Jungkook shouldn’t be worried either. As long as he has his older brothers, then Jungkook wouldn’t be scared about the future.

------

“(Y/N)! Can you hear me??”

The next thing you remember, Taehyung is shaking your shoulders with a frantic expression on his face. You shake your head to wake yourself up, having no idea what that was earlier. For a short period, you were in Jungkook’s body. You were able to see his thoughts and feel his emotions, but you couldn’t control him.

What you saw wasn’t much, but you could tell from Jungkook’s emotions that he has a strong attachment for Taehyung and Jimin, mainly Jimin. You could tell with the way Jungkook looks at Jimin, believing every word he says.

“What happened? You spaced out and didn’t move for a while.”

“Sorry, I was just thinking about something.”

You can’t tell Taehyung what you saw because you don’t know how to properly explain it. It felt similar to your dreams in that you’re in a setting from Jungkook’s brain, but it was different in that everything wasn’t frozen. Everything moved as smoothly as this world. You can’t comprehend what happened just then.

You and Chunwoo return to Jungkook’s apartment later that evening. It was difficult having to come back without the public eye on you, but somehow you two managed. It doesn’t feel like you did much, but today was exhausting nevertheless.

While you two weren’t home, Auntie went to Jungkook’s mailbox in the lobby and left them on the counter. She even cooked dinner for the two of you and left it in the fridge. Chunwoo stands next to the kitchen counter, his waist leaning on it while he goes through the stack of mail. The mail that are addressed to Jungkook has been tossed away, as they are usually death threats to you disguised as fan mail.

Chunwoo sighs. “These people have nothing better to do in their lives. They waste paper and stamps just to write an angry letter.”

You nod, still thinking about what happened at Taehyung’s house. Even after that, you still received fragments of Jungkook’s memories, though not as dramatic as the first one. They would last for a second, quick flashes of Jungkook practicing in the dance studio or Jungkook hanging out with friends. You keep getting so many of these that you’re starting to notice some of Jungkook’s habits.

You’ve learned that Jungkook feels uncomfortable whenever a sentimental conversation comes up. But you also learn that Jungkook blanks out whenever the other members talk, his mind completely somewhere else. Sometimes, he’ll think about the webtoon he read last night, or about how he’s going to level up in his game. You let out a small chuckle without thinking.

“Huh? Did something happen?” Chunwoo breaks your thoughts.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I was thinking about something.”

Perhaps having these menial memories of Jungkook isn’t so bad. He’s more innocent than you initially thought, especially for someone who’s in his mid-20’s. He mostly thinks like a child, either wanting to improve himself or watch anime. He loves messing with the other members, and it’s gotten to the point where he does it naturally.

“Jungkook was always like a kid, wasn’t he?” You ask.

“Hm, really? When he transferred agencies, he was always mature. Jungkook was going to be the oldest in Bang Sihyuk’s new company, so he had to play as the big brother for all the other idols. I’m older than him, but it felt like he was my big brother,” Chunwoo gazes at the stack of envelopes, thinking about Jungkook. “Just like that night...we both drank and shared our complaints. I said that I should drive, but Jungkook insisted that he drives. He was the one who drove, not me.”

You can’t imagine Jungkook as mature. He may be talkative and friendly, but he has the heart of a kid. He always has that wide grin and that snide laugh whenever he teases you. You don’t particularly hate it, but it’s always something you notice about Jungkook. While those memories you’ve been having of Jungkook is surfacing during the day, you know you have to ask Jungkook about it.

------

When you open your eyes, you’re laying flat on the floor in a hall. However, this place strikes you as strange because it feels all too familiar. You think you’ve seen this place before, but you can’t remember exactly. But when you look at the students and their uniforms, you realize you’re at a place you never wished to come back to. You can’t understand this at all. You thought that when you go to sleep, you would wake up in Jungkook’s memory, just as it’s always been. But why are you in your high school?

You recognize the stained halls of your indoor high school, the corners of the glass windows being smothered with outdoor dust. The tiled floor was always dirty, and you hated the stench of black tar it gave off. There are students here, but their faces remain absent, and parts of their limbs fade into dust just like in Jungkook’s memories.

You dash through the halls, the echoes of your bare feet against the floor with each step you take. Where’s Jungkook? I need to look for him, thoughts like those circled around you. You can’t have Jungkook know about the person you were in high school. What is he going to think once he finds out? You’ve built a sturdy enough relationship with him, and you don’t want it to crumble.

As you dash through the still halls of this nightmarish setting, you see a familiar message in large fonts scrawled across the bulletin board, and a teacher standing in front of it, attempting to rip it off. The message reads: ‘(Y/N) is a whore.’ Old memories resurface, feeling the pit in your stomach again after reading that. But you don’t have time to pity yourself; you have to find Jungkook.

The first place you look is your old homeroom classroom. If this is your school, then that is top of the list. You speed through the hall and to your classroom. You were running so fast that you slip on your own feet, but you pick yourself back up. You can’t waste your time like this. Even if Jungkook finds out about your secret, you have to explain it to him.

Unfortunately, when you look through the window, Jungkook had already beat you to your classroom. He’s standing in front of where you used to sit at, his left hand resting on it. This overwhelming dread swarms over you, telling yourself to march into that classroom and tell Jungkook what happened. But, your feet refuses to move. You’re scared about what Jungkook has to say when he looks at you after seeing those messages. All you want to do is run away and never come back to the dreams.

Jungkook turns around and finds you standing on the other side of the window. You flinch, nearly fleeing from his sight, but you feel welcomed when Jungkook tilts his head innocently, beaming at you. In that instance, you knew you can trust him. You shouldn’t forget that you married this man.

You enter the class through the door, taking slow steps to stall the time to rehearse what you’re going to tell Jungkook. Your breathing starts to shake, having to prepare yourself to say something that you’ve never told anyone before.

“I never got the chance to answer your question before you woke up.” Jungkook interrupts you.

You raise an eyebrow, unsure of what he’s talking about. But when you recall what you wrote down on your dream journal, you remember that the dream ended with your asking what he meant by ‘your point of view’.

“You don’t need to explain everything to me. I already know.”

“Wh-what…? How…?”

“...It’s not your fault. You were coerced by that kid, and he forced you to do all those things.”

You don’t know why, but you feel upset by how Jungkook is assuming things for you. “Why are you trying to defend me?? And why do you already know about this!? I never told you!”

Jungkook avoids eye contact, looking straight at the ground.

“Tell me!”

“...What do you think I do while you’re awake?”

“What? I-I don’t know.”

“(Y/N), I never meant to, but whenever you’re away, I get these memories of you. Like...I’m inside your head. I see, feel, and think everything from your perspective. I don’t like doing it because it feels intrusive...but I can’t stop it.”

It’s the same as today. You experienced that with Jungkook’s memories. But, how long has he been going through your memories? How much does he know about you?

Jungkook turns his attention to your desk, and it’s written with offensive slurs, calling you a slut, whore, easy-going. “...You didn’t deserve all of this. Being called these names because you said yes to dating a guy who didn’t even like you...it’s unfair.”

You can’t bring yourself to look at your desk again. Just looking at it will bring memories you wish was wiped out. “If you read my mind like you claimed you did, then you should’ve known how stupid I was.”

You will never forget that day when your crush asked you to be his girlfriend. It felt like heaven to be asked out by the person of your dreams, so without hesitation, you said yes. However, you quickly learn what he was truly after. He didn’t like you, but he wanted to win a bet with his friends to see if he can get the ‘Korean-speaking chick’ to sleep with him. Deep inside, you knew that since the beginning, but you refused to admit that your crush would do such a thing. You did whatever you could to make him happy, even things you didn’t want to do.

“I’m nothing but a whore to everyone in my school.”

You can’t help but compare your current life to high school. You got involved in a relationship with two conventionally attractive guys, both of them you didn’t decline even in the first try. And you’re now experiencing the bullying and threats from Jungkook’s fans, just like how you were bullied in high school. These two scenarios are too similar for you to not connect. When thinking about these comparisons as a whole, it makes you wonder what kind of person you truly are.

“I find it interesting how making one claim can drive the whole world around you insane. It even manipulates you into believing that that’s who you are.”

Jungkook slides the chair back and sits at your desk, one foot on the table.

“The world gets to choose what kind of person you are, and you can do nothing but live with it. ‘Jeon Jungkook, the Golden Maknae of BTS’ was my title up until I died. It’s pressuring having to live up to the title that others gave me, and if I didn’t then I was afraid that I would be the reason for our downfall. I spent many nights crying because the pressure was too much.”

Jungkook takes your wrist with his icy hand and drags it over your desk. You want to pull away, but you give in once Jungkook forces your hand onto the table. Your fingers stroke the pencil etchings of the wrongful accusations, along with Jungkook’s hands entangled with yours.

“But in this nonexistent world with you...I get to be...just Jungkook.”

Jungkook brings your hand to his cheek, and you begin to blush. You don’t understand why you let him touch you so easily, but it might be because you pity him in a way. The way his eyes radiate when he touches you makes you feel important. No one gives you that look of desire like how Jungkook does, like a child wanting to hold their mother’s hand.

“He told your entire school that you’re a slut because of one act. But when tried breaking ties with him, you hurt his pride so much that he had to do something to heal it. If I were still alive, I’d find where he’s at and punch him for hurting my wife.”

Your entire face turns red when he called you his ‘wife’. Even after a month into the marriage, you still can’t comprehend that you got married to Jungkook. While you’re embarrassed, you can’t help but feel happy at the same time. It’s been a long time since someone sided with you. While Taehyung, Chunwoo, and Auntie are kind people, you don’t feel as close to them as you are with Jungkook. Despite the short amount of time you’ve been with him, you two learn about each other through memories. Since the day you declared to be his wife, you two began sharing a subconscious—allowing his spirit to live inside of you and ultimately becoming one.

Jungkook lets go of your hand and stands up. “Let’s trash the place.”

“What??”

“You hate this place, right? So then, rip your heart out on this classroom.”

You don’t look too keen on that idea, and it shows on your face.

“This place doesn’t exist beyond our heads, right? So there’s no repercussions that we gotta worry about. Though, I don’t think we can break anything, so we won’t get the satisfaction of seeing things shatter, but it’s better than nothing.”

You reconsider Jungkook’s suggestion, eyeing your old desk. You walk towards it, finally being able to look at every word scrawled on the wooden board. You’ve been turning a blind eye at this for a long time, but looking at this now, this is nothing compared to the nasty words you’ve seen people call you on the internet after the engagement. If anything, you’re a bit disappointed by how uncreative these messages are.

You take a step back to make enough leg space. You lift your right leg up and kick your desk with all your strength. It collides with other desks and chairs, making them fall. You turn to Jungkook with an excited smile, and Jungkook returns the grin.

“That’s what I’m talking about!”

Within that moment, you and Jungkook began the rampage. You grab the chairs and bang them against the walls, and Jungkook knocks over all the desks. Just as Jungkook speculated, nothing is breaking or even making a scratch, but this feels satisfying. You were always concerned about what others would say, but here, you can escape reality and just be yourself with Jungkook.

You two are screaming at the top of your lungs, being destructive children and running around. Jungkook opens the windows opposite of the halls, and he sticks his head out to the outside. When he looks into the distance, the setting doesn't extend beyond the school gates, but there’s still the ground surrounding the school.

Your class is on the fourth floor, so Jungkook grabs a few chairs and desks and throws it out the window, cheering whenever he hears the echoes of the furniture hitting the ground. You chuckle when witnessing Jungkook’s wild side, then you grab the students’ backpacks and throw them out the window as well.

You run to the teacher’s desk, opening the filing cabinet to find stacks of paper. You grab it all and run out the class, tossing a trail of paper in the halls. You can hear Jungkook laugh and run after you. You avoid all the lifeless students as best as you can, the stack of paper in your arms becoming thinner.

Even in the dreams, you can run as fast as you want and still won’t get tired. You could run forever if you want, but you’re reflexes are too slow in that you accidentally run into a student. Unlike the desks, actual humans must be locked into place, so even after bumping into one, you end up being the only one with force bouncing back to you. With Jungkook following closely behind, he runs into you as well.

You two fall backward, and you land on Jungkook’s chest. Your arms flail in the air, creating a rain of papers around you and Jungkook. Because of your adrenaline, both you and Jungkook are still laughing, not an ounce of exhaustion after working your bodies. This is the most fun you’ve had in a while, and it feels great.

“Are you okay, Jungkook?”

You turn around, arms resting on Jungkook’s chest. He holds onto you by folding his hands around your lower back. Your faces are inches away from each other, experiencing an intimate stare for the first time. Despite Jungkook’s body giving off nothing but a freezing, cold sensation, you don’t mind it at all.

“I’m...fine.”

You two don’t exchange a word, staring into each other’s eyes after this childish play. You would’ve never thought there would come an opportunity to look into Jungkook’s eyes since he died, but here you are, no gap between your bodies, holding onto each other, just as a married couple would.

Instinctively, both you and Jungkook close your eyes, steadily leaning in for a kiss. However, what you didn’t get was a kiss, but rather, Jungkook holding onto your shoulders and sitting you up straight. Jungkook scoots a little to make space, and he’s inspecting your body in case you got injured.

“I hope your body didn’t get scratched.”

You look down, brushing your bangs behind your ears upon the realization that you almost kissed Jungkook. Your face is burning with embarrassment, praying that Jungkook didn’t notice that you leaned in for a peck. But he doesn’t look bothered by it at all.

“I’m alright. You did say that you can’t get hurt here, right?”

“True.”

You stand on your feet, and so does Jungkook.

“I hope...you feel better now.”

“I do, and thank you.”

“For what? I didn’t do anything.”

“For making me not scared anymore. I’m just used to shutting people out that I never knew how to express myself properly.”

Jungkook chuckles, but it looks like he’s thinking about something else. “I’m just curious...but during the day, do you get flashbacks of me?”

You almost forgot to talk about that with him. “Oh, just now I can.”

“Oh man...then that means you’ll see my embarrassing memories.”

“What are you talking about? You’ve been looking at mine even before I could. But back to the topic...maybe we’ve switched roles. Instead of seeing my memories during the day and yours at night, it’s the other way around. So I guess in revenge for looking at my conscious without my permission, I’ll be seeing yours.”

He chuckles nervously. “Please don’t think too much about them.”

“I won’t.”

However, Jungkook raises an eyebrow at you. He isn’t seriously suspecting you; he’s just playing around. He raises his hand, his fingers curled into a fist except for his pinky. “Promise?”

You raise your pinky, locking it with his. “Promise.”

------

Today is one of those rare days where Chunwoo and Auntie aren’t here to bother you. During times like these, you reread your dream journal, specifically reading the lines with Jungkook. Occasionally, you let out a small chuckle, remembering the unusual things Jungkook would say.

It’s been a few days since that time, and since then, you’ve been looking forward to going to sleep just to see Jungkook. Sometimes, you fall asleep earlier so that you can have more time with him. Every night with him always helps you escape from the troubles you go through during the day. There are times when you wake up to your memories, and other times, you two are in Jungkook’s. And during the day, you would have flashbacks of Jungkook, and you’ve gotten used to balancing your day with his memories. But regardless of where you two are at, you’re always fooling around with him.

While looking through your journal, you get a phone call from Taehyung. You set the book down, picking up the call. “Hello?”

“(Y/N)! I was able to gather everyone together for Hoseok-hyung’s come-back dinner.”

“That’s great.”

“Yea, it is. We’re finally going to be able to be together like how we used to,” Taehyung laughs with relief on the other line. “...I was wondering if you’d like to eat dinner with us.”

“What? No, I can’t possibly. This is something for you guys.”

“I know...but I feel like I owe you. You’re the one who motivated me to do this, so I want to return the favor.”

“No, I shouldn’t—”

“Great! It’s going to be tomorrow night, and I’ll pick you up at 6 P.M. See you then.” And just like that, Taehyung hangs up.

You sigh, not knowing if you should call him back to tell him that you’re not interested in going. But then, he would just ignore you just like he did just now. You can’t forget how Seokjin was brutally honest with you that day, and even though Namjoon was treating you well, you knew that he didn’t want anything to do with you. You’ll only be talking to Taehyung.

But you know that that’s not your full reason. Having the members reconcile with Jungkook’s death would mean that you possibly might not have dreams of Jungkook anymore. That would mean that he’ll be able to move on, leaving you here in this harsh reality. You don’t want that, but this is what you set out for in the first place. You shouldn’t back out now because of your own selfish desires.

------

To your surprise, the restaurant that Taehyung chose isn’t some high-end place. In fact, it’s a small, corner place, and the name of it is ‘Yoojung Sikdang’. You know this place because of Jungkook’s memories—he and the members used to eat here often during their trainee days. As they got more popular, they stopped coming here, and eventually they moved away.

You met Jimin for the first time when Taehyung picked you up. Taehyung did mention something about he and Jimin being roommates, so it would make sense for him to be in the car as well. When you greeted him, he barely let out a ‘hello’ and continued on scrolling through his phone. Just as you thought, the members aren’t looking forward to meeting you.

The place is small, and this place is designed in a traditional Korean style. There are petite tables, and instead of chairs, it’s pillows. It’s empty here besides them, but it makes sense since Taehyung said he reserved the entire place for the night. In the corner of the room, there’s practically a shrine for BTS, pictures of them in the past altogether when they were still producing albums together. Seeing Jungkook with them stings a bit.

Namjoon and Yoongi are already inside, sitting in the far corner of the space, both on their phones. Taehyung calls out to the pair, and they both shoot their heads up at the same time. Namjoon’s eyebags have gotten better since the last time you saw him, but despite this being the first time meeting Yoongi, you can tell that he isn’t in best shape. He looks extremely exhausted and thin, looking as if he could faint any moment. He looks so serious, so you don’t know if you should greet him or not.

The three of you take your seats on the pillows, and you make sure to sit next to Taehyung. You feel heavy vibes coming from them. It’s written on their faces that they don’t want to be here. It’s only Taehyung who looks cheerful with his shoulders jumping up and down.

“Where’s Jin-hyung and Hoseok-hyung?” Taehyung asks while breaking the chopsticks in half.

“He went to pick up Hoseok at the airport,” Namjoon answers. “They should arriving ny minute.”

An elderly lady exits from the kitchen with a tray of food. She looks happy to see them, a gleeful smile on her face as she sets the tray on the table.

“Taehyung, Jimin! How have you been?”

“Oh, Granny! You’re still working here!” Taehyung exclaims. “Shouldn’t you be resting? You’re getting old.”

“Ah, don’t worry about me. Just because I’m climbing up the numbers doesn’t mean I can’t cook dinner for you all. I wanted to see everyone,” after speaking, she turns to you. “You must be Jungkook’s wife! How are you?”

“I’m fine. Thank you for letting us eat dinner here.”

You know this woman from Jungkook’s memories. Jungkook has always remembered her as a kind woman who reminded him of his mother. Jungkook always missed his home, so coming here was a remedy to cure his homesickness.

“What a fine woman he married. Well, I don’t want to keep your time, so if you all need anything, I’ll be in the kitchen.” The elderly woman gets up and leaves.

Once again, silence befalls the group with Taehyung taking his rice bowl and picking a piece of pork belly. With how intensely quiet everyone is, you don’t want to dig into the meal just yet. Seeing how no one is grabbing anything, Taehyung grabs pieces of meat and salad and puts it in Jimin’s rice bowl, then Namjoon’s and Yoongi’s.

And as if on cue, Seokjin and Hoseok enter. Seokjin opens the doors rather dramatically, opening both the double doors, his head high and hands in the air. Hoseok is standing behind him, looking a bit embarrassed.

Seokjin wobbles to the table and sits down with all the gravity pushing him down. Upon closer inspection, Seokjin’s face is red, and there’s a strong scent of alcohol coming off of him. Hoseok, currently fulfilling his military duty, has shaved his hair, and he’s dressed in sweatpants and a thick jacket.

“Sorry it took so long! It was hard to find Hoseok.”

“Hi, you must be (Y/N). I heard a lot about you. I’m Jung Hoseok.” Hoseok smiles and reaches his hand out for a handshake.

You take his hand and shake it.

Other than Taehyung, Hoseok is the only other member who treats you kindly, so it’s nice to finally have someone else initiate a greeting instead of you. Seokjin breaks his chipsticks in half, mumbling something about how great the food looks.

“Hyung, why do you smell like alcohol?” Namjoon asks.

“Oh, me? Well, you see, I knew that everyone is going to be depressing, so I thought I’d drink and make this night more fun!”

“You drank while picking up Hoseok-hyung?” Taehyung asks in a frightened voice.

“No, his driver picked me up. Jin-hyung was in the passenger seat.”

“Come on, come on! Let’s drink until we’re piss drunk! Isn’t that what you wanted, Taehyung?”

Seokjin grabs a bottle of soju from the table side, pouring soju in everyone’s cup, including yours. Since he’s drunk, his accidentally lets the alcohol overflow in a few of the cups.

When Seokjin gets to Jimin’s cup, Jimin swipes the tip of the bottle away, making it accidentally spill on the kimchi. “I don’t want any.”

“Why? You used to love drinking! You used to make every excuse possible to drink. Don’t spoil our reunion and let’s drink.”

“I said...I don’t want any.”

“Come on!”

Seokjin attempts to pour soju in Jimin’s cup again, but Jimin pushes it away with more aggression than before. Some soju even got on Jimin’s hands, trickling down to his wrist.

“What part of ‘I don’t want any’ do you not understand!?”

“Why are you raising your voice at your hyung?”

“Oh, now you’re our hyung?! What about when Jungkook died, huh?! Where were you then?”

“Jimin, stop it.”

“So you get to choose when you want to be our hyung?? I guess you were thinking about being our hyung while chugging alcohol, knowing full well that that’s how Jungkook died. What a great example you are to all of us.”

“Don’t put the weight onto Jin-hyung—”

“Namjoon-hyung, you were our leader, and you let Jungkook walk off to some other company, knowing full well that he wasn’t ready for it!”

“Jimin...we’re here to celebrate Hoseok-hyung’s return…”

“Just...stop it with your hopes of getting back together as a team, Taehyung! Hoseok-hyung obviously went to the military because he couldn’t handle Jungkook being gone. Namjoon- and Yoongi-hyung became workaholics, and all Jin-hyung does is drink his sorrows away! Look at us! Did you really think we wanted to see each other again??”

The tension escalated quickly, and it feels like the six of them have forgotten that you’re here. After Jimin’s brief rant, silence follows. From the corner of your eyes, you can see Taehyung has lowered his head, and droplets of tears fall from his cheeks.

“At least Taehyung is putting all of his efforts into getting us to talk to each other again,” Yoongi speaks up. “What have you done?”

“What…?”

“Running away from your responsibilities and blaming others, is that your way of coping with his passing? At least we’re trying our hardest to move on. You’re still stuck in the past.”

“I…”

“Before you go off running your mouth, learn how to acknowledge your own faults before pointing out others’.”

Jimin opens his mouth to argue more, but nothing comes out. He bites his lip, slamming his fists against the table before running off, followed by Taehyung chasing after him. Something inside is telling you to go check on them, so you instinctively got up and ran after them.

From outside, you can hear Jimin shouting at Taehyung. Taehyung is doing his best to calm him down, holding onto his shoulders tightly and shushing him. Jimin catches notice of you and snares at you.

“What the fuck are you doing here?! No one asked you to be here!” Jimin shouts from the top of his lungs.

“Stop! I invited her! I told you that already!”

“What’s the point of having a fucking outsider with us?! She’ll never understand how much pain we’re in. Stay the fuck away from us!”

Frightened by his booming voice, you take a step back.

“Why couldn’t you have been the one who died, not Jungkook?!” Jimin points at you.

Suddenly, Taehyung punches Jimin across the face. The impact was so strong that Jimin fell to the floor. Taehyung must’ve been wanting to hit Jimin for so long, but he held it in because he was waiting for Jimin to wake up. He knew the pain that Jimin was going through, but he was waiting for him to grow out of that.

And without warning, your vision turns black.

------

You’re in a room, presumably in a lobby from Jungkook’s new agency. Your nose has congestion, and your eyes won’t stop crying. Your chest is aching with unfathomable amount of pain. Your head is leaning on the wall while your body's resting on the leather bench like a lifeless doll. This must be one of Jungkook’s memory playing out again.

Jungkook keeps looking down at his phone, his screen on Jimin’s phone number. You can hear Jungkook’s thoughts fighting against itself, debating whether to call Jimin or not. After much consideration, Jungkook wipes his nose with his forearm and presses on Jimin’s number. He puts the phone to his ear, but it only took one ring for Jimin to decline the call. It goes straight to voicemail, the automated voice asking if Jungkook would like to leave a message after the beep.

“Hyung...I can’t do it anymore. I feel really lost, and whenever I talk to someone, it feels like they never listen to me. They keep telling me that I need to act professional...but I don’t know how that looks...I...really want to see you and everyone else again. Let’s talk like how we used to...but I know you might still hate me. If you listen to this...know that I don’t hate you. Please call me back.”

Jungkook hangs up, breaking down into a river of sobs. This room feels so cold and dead, not giving him the warmth he needs, but just more isolation. Jungkook feels alone, and all he wants is to talk to someone, anyone.

------

Jimin puts his hand over where Taehyung just punched him. That caught him by surprise that he doesn’t know how to react. That’s when Taehyung gets on one knee next to Jimin, grabbing him by the wrist and pulling him in for a hug. Jimin tries to push him away, but Taehyung only clings onto him tighter.

“That’s enough...you went too far. If you have someone to be mad at, let it out on me.”

But rather than lashing out again, Jimin hesitantly wraps his arms around Taehyung’s back. He can no longer hold back the tears, so he sobs uncontrollably on Taehyung’s shoulder. After witnessing that memory, you can no longer hide your tears as well.

“He called me...the night of the accident, and I was being selfish...I was still mad at him for leaving us. If I wasn’t so stupid and picked up the call, then Jungkook would still be alive. I...I killed our little brother. I can’t forgive myself for that.”

You approach them, getting on your knees while you cry. “Jungkook loved all of you guys, and all he wants is for you is to move on. He would never hate any of you.”

All three of you are crying your eyes out, and by the entrance of Yoojung Sikdang is Hoseok, Seokjin, Namjoon, and Yoongi. Hoseok is crying on Seokjin’s shoulder, and Yoongi is trying his hardest not to cry as well. It took you awhile to realize that they aren’t crying because of sorrow, but because they finally saw the light at the end of the tunnel—maybe, they do have another chance to fix what’s been broken, with Jungkook being the glue to put them back together.

------

Dinner ended in a lighter mood. Everyone told stories about Jungkook, some that you already knew and others that were new. They were smiling and laughing, which is something they must’ve not have done in a long time. It was a little uncomfortable at first, but they eventually open up to you, and you’re beginning to understand why they’re so beloved. They make sure that they don’t leave anyone out, and they’re very down-to-earth people.

Once dinner has been paid, you get up to use the restroom. You did your business, wash your hands, then exit through the door. To your surprise, you see Yoongi waiting by the ladies’ restroom. You nod your head slightly to acknowledge him.

“Are you currently living in Jungkook’s apartment?” He asks.

“Yes, I am.”

“Then, I’m assuming you’re keep in close contact with Chunwoo?”

“Jungkook’s manager? I am, why?”

“...Have you noticed anything strange about him? Does he get anxious whenever he talks about Jungkook’s accident?”

“Now that you mention it, yea, sometimes.”

“I feel like I should tell you this because you’ve been talking to him lately,” Yoongi gets off the wall and leans closer to you. “I’ve been keeping in contact with the police, and they might’ve found some new evidence.”

“What? But I thought the case was closed as accidental?”

Yoongi looks serious, and you have a bad feeling about what he’s going to tell you next.

“I need you to do me a favor.”

------

Chunwoo enters through the front door of Jungkook’s apartment, and you’re sitting in the living room. Soon after dinner, you called Chunwoo and asked him to come over. Fortunately, he had time in the night, so he came over as soon as possible.

“Good evening, (Y/N). How was dinner?”

With the information you got from Yoongi, you don’t know how you’re supposed to face him now. For now, you try to remain calm.

“Good.” Your purse is on your lap, keeping your hand inside it.

“Did you need something?”

“I just wanted to talk...because we’ve been talking about Jungkook at dinner, and I want to personally talk to you about him.” You stumbled with your words a bit, but he didn’t notice.

Chunwoo looks confused, but he still takes a seat across from you. “What is it that you want to talk about?”

“You’ve known Jungkook for a year, right? I heard that after he transferred agencies, he would confined to you about his problems.”

“He did.”

“Since I never got the chance to meet him, what did you two normally talk about?”

“He usually talked about how stressful work was. Jungkook had to do a lot of promotions, composing songs, and directing his short films. Bang Sihyuk had him do all that because it was good publicity, but it was too much for the poor kid.”

“I see…”

“I felt bad for him. He always talked about how great it was being in his old band, and I could tell he really missed the old days. He was a good person who was being exploited for his talents, so I became his manager to watch over him.”

“I’m assuming you two talked after work a lot too.”

Chunwoo raises an eyebrow, confused with the sudden interrogation from you. “Yea...we did. We often went out to drink our problems away. That night too, we drank, and Jungkook offered to drive because I was more intoxicated than him. Then he ram the car into the tree.”

“People must’ve felt bad for you, being the one with the most guilt. But at least there are a lot of people who sympathize with you, knowing that you had to see his dead body.”

Chunwoo leans forward, his hands folded on his lap and his knee shaking up and down with rapid speed, as if he’s nervous.

“I know I said that you didn’t have to talk to me about this, but I can kinda understand you. I’m usually a secretive person...but after talking to the members, I felt so much better, especially knowing that I can trust that they won’t tell anyone.”

You keep your eye on Chunwoo, and you can tell that he’s beginning to sweat. “...Yea.”

“So I thought that maybe I could be someone you can rely on too. I don’t want to be an unreliable person.”

“...Can I tell you something that you can’t tell anyone?”

“What is it?”

“I feel very awful about this, and it’s been gnawing at me since it happened. I told myself that I would take this secret with me to the grave, but I can’t anymore.”

“What happened?”

“...Jungkook wasn’t the one who drove. I was,” He waits for you to say something, but you look speechless, so he decides to continue. “Jungkook was so broken that night, so I suggested that we go out for some drinks. We both got drunk and I...offered to drive. I was so intoxicated that I wasn’t thinking straight, then I...I...ran into the tree.”

“But...the reports said that Jungkook was in the driver seat.”

“...That’s because I dragged Jungkook’s body to the driver’s seat, and I placed myself on the passenger side then called the police.”

“Wh-why...would you do that?”

“You don’t understand. Do you know how much repercussion I would get, being the reason why the international idol is dead?! My entire life would be over! S-s-so I thought...if I could shift the blame on Jungkook...then the press would go easier on me.”

You feel the urge to hit him, but you try not to let your anger boil over. “So...are you telling me that this whole time while I was getting death threats and sending Jungkook to the grave with a false accusation, you did it to protect your image?”

Chunwoo chuckles nervously. “I knew you wouldn’t understand. Anyone would do that to save their ass!”

“Dragging an innocent person’s body to the other side so you won’t get blamed?! Jungkook didn’t die from impact, so you could’ve used that time to call the goddamn police! Do you realize how selfish you sound?!”

Chunwoo’s eyes widen upon hearing what you just said. “...It was never released to the public that Jungkook survived the impact...How did you know?”

You cover your mouth, realizing that you said too much. Yoongi had told you everything about the police suspecting Chunwoo, including the part that Jungkook was still alive after the accident. Chunwoo stands up, and you cautiously scoot away from him. He trails his eyes down at your purse, noticing that you haven’t moved your hand from inside since he got here.

“What are you doing?”

You look away, afraid that you might’ve been caught. “N-nothing!”

You have to get out of here ASAP. You stand up from your seat to the door, but Chunwoo grabs you by the arm, causing you to drop all the content from your purse. In your hand is a tape recorder, and it’s still rolling.

Chunwoo’s expression is in absolute horror when he realizes that you’ve been recording the entire conversation. He takes the recording device from your hand, but you try to take it back. However, Chunwoo pushes you to the ground. You fight your dizziness by shaking your head. You get back up and climb onto Chunwoo’s back. He punches your head, but you fight back by biting him on the shoulder.

Chunwoo rams into the wall to get you off of him. He bumps you into the wall multiple times until you give in and fall off his back. He gets on top of you, wrapping his hands around your neck and applies pressure on it. Your air circulation tightens, and you’re now struggling for air.

“I stood by your side because I wanted to redeem myself, but it turns out to be a mistake. I should’ve left you to drown by yourself.”

You scratch his wrists and hands, kicking him in the stomach. Unfortunately, you’re not strong enough to push him off of you. Your face turns red from the lack of oxygen, and you’re losing consciousness.

------

Jungkook and Chunwoo are in the company’s lounge, and Chunwoo is making tea for the pair to drink. Once again, you’re in Jungkook’s body, and you can feel exhaustion wave over his body. He turns to Chunwoo, a forced smile forming on his face.

“I knew I can trust you, Hyungnim.”

“Don’t flatter me. This is my job to take care of you.”

“But you treat me more like a son. I don’t mind though.”

“You’re just saying that.”

Jungkook chuckles to himself, already knowing that Chunwoo will never take him seriously. He thinks about how the transfer would’ve been harder had it not been for Chunwoo. He knows that he can rely on him whenever he wants because Chunwoo is that great of a man.

------

You grab Chunwoo by the wristing, losing all air circulation, but you have to tell him something. “Please...tell...everyone the...truth. Be the...great man that...Jungkook said...you are.”

Chunwoo’s expression changes to conflicted. You don’t know what will be the outcome, but all you can do is pray for the best.

------

You wake up in your bedroom in Canada. This is one of your memories, but your room looks different. It’s pinker, and your bed is smaller. There’s butterfly decorations on the wall and a dollhouse next to your closet. Based on the interior design, this must be when you were approximately four or five.

You walk out of your room and down the stairs, surprised to see four familiar faces in the living room. You immediately recognize your parents in their younger forms, but it’s the other adults that catch you by surprise. They’re...Jungkook’s parents. You don’t understand why Jungkook’s parents are in your home. You don’t ever recall meeting them prior to the wedding.

You notice that the front door is open, and it’s snowing outside. You walk outside to find two young children building a small family of snowmen. You kneel down to get a better look at their faces, and it’s a boy and girl...specifically a younger version of you and Jungkook.

“When I was four, my parents took me to Canada to meet my fiancée. Being a kid, I thought that marriage was gross, so I didn’t want to come.”

Jungkook was standing by the other side of the door, and he approaches you and the two children.

“While the adults were talking, my fiancée was hiding in her room, so I got bored and went outside to build a family of snowmen. When I saw the family getting bigger, I thought about how nice it would be to start one myself, so the thought of getting married wasn’t so bad. And that’s when my fiancée finally showed her face, and she helped me build our family out of snow. We had a dog and three kids. We also made ourselves. After we finished, I turned to her, and I vowed to her that I…”

“...Would be the best husband there is.” You finish his sentence.

“I’m surprised you remember. I don’t think you knew Korean at the time.”

“I asked my mom after because she overheard.”

There was no way you could’ve remembered this. This was when you two were barely starting kindergarten. It was just by chance now that you remember this, and you feel awful for not remembering something as important as this.

Jungkook gives you a pained smile. “Sorry I couldn’t fulfill my end of the bargain.”

Jungkook holds your hands, then he puts his head on your shoulder.

“I ended up becoming the worst. I died, then I couldn’t be there for you when you were in trouble. You ended up having to be there for me.”

“I didn’t do anything.”

“No...you don’t understand...and you never will,” he grips onto your hand tighter. “When I died...all I did was swim in darkness. It was so dark that I couldn’t tell if my eyes were open. I felt hollow, floating in nothingness, and I felt like I was going insane. Suddenly, light started beaming from the distance, and I swam towards it, only to be in Gaya Land again. When I saw you, I can’t explain why...but you were like the sun to me, and I was attracted to your light.”

He lets go of your hand and wraps his arms around you.

“When I touched you for the first time, I became addicted to your warmth. I’m nothing more than a cold spirit taking space in your body. And whenever you woke up, I would go through your memories, and I couldn’t help but fall for you even more. They were a good substitute, but having you with me, recreating fragments of our lives just so we can see each other, I looked forward to that the most.”

You can’t hold your tears anymore. You let them out, knowing where this conversation is heading.

“You created a new world for me, letting me know how it’s like to be alive again. And for that, I can’t express how thankful I am to have you as my partner.”

But Jungkook pulls away from you.

“But on the other side of this fantasy world, you were suffering because of me. (Y/N), I live in your body, so did you think I wouldn’t know what you would be feeling?”

You take back Jungkook’s hand, pressing it gently on your forehead as you cry. “No, Jungkook, I...I was willing to go through all that because at least by the end of the day, I got to be with you.”

He cups both of your cheeks, using his thumb to wipe away your tears.

“You’re so sweet...I feel horrible because I would have thoughts of how to get you to sleep forever so I wouldn’t have to go through the pain of seeing you leave me. But seeing how you just experienced a near-death experience, I can’t bring myself to see you in pain a second time.”

“Jungkook, I don’t mind…”

“No...I want you to live a long life and die a peaceful death. Do what you couldn’t do with me. Divorce me, marry a man who loves you, have lots of kids, be happy back home in Canada. You married me because you wanted to see me pass on, right? Well, you did it. But to tell you the truth, I already knew that my hyungs would make up, so they weren’t reason for me staying here.”

Jungkook brushes your bangs back and kisses you on the forehead. His lips felt cold, but it still warmed your body. After a few seconds, Jungkook pulls back, smiling that smile you fell in love with.

“I just wanted to someone to listen to me, and you became that ‘someone’. Thanks for putting up with my obnoxious feelings.”

You can’t help but laugh. You thought that this departure would be heartbreaking, but you feel uplifted. You’re happy that Jungkook can finally move on.

“Make sure to eat a lot of Marukawa gum, alright?”

“I will...Bye, Jungkook.”

------

It’s been a few days since you’ve been discharged from the hospital. You didn’t suffer serious wounds, so your stay wasn’t too long. Ever since Chunwoo’s confession, you’ve garnered a lot more sympathy from the public. Jungkook’s former members visited you individually, all telling you that they’re thinking of reforming the band for Jungkook’s sake.

Yoongi was the one who told you about Chunwoo being a suspect in Jungkook’s manslaughter. They found drag marks on the ground, and they’ve been interrogating Chunwoo, but they never got a confession from him. After you fell unconscious, Yoongi and the police were able to stop him from killing you.

In Jungkook’s apartment, Auntie is preparing a meal for you while you sit by the kitchen counter. You stopped having dreams of Jungkook ever since you said goodbye, never to see him again. You stare at Jungkook’s wedding ring—the one that you never wore since your wedding day.

“Auntie…”

“Yes?”

“You knew about the ghost marriage, didn’t you? Our souls linking together. That’s why you rushed the marriage and hoped that I could do something to help him.”

Auntie stops cooking for a moment. “...That’s right. I’m sorry I never told you anything. I was afraid that if I said something, then you would leave. If you like, you’re free to file for a divorce now. My husband and I will compensate for everything.”

“It’s alright...I married Jungkook, and I plan to keep it like that. If it wasn’t for the marriage, I would’ve never met him.”

“...He was a great man, wasn’t he?”

“...I think he’s more than that.”

You put on the ring, feeling heavier than when you last remember. Though Jungkook disappeared from your life, the time you spent with him are unforgettable. You two travelled through each other’s memories, but it felt more like you were creating new memories for yourselves. It may be harder that Jungkook won’t be here, but you’ll do as Jungkook asked you to do: to strive for a happy life. Of course, you aren’t going to leave him for another man. You aren’t that cold-hearted.

Just wait for me, Jungkook.

------

Epilogue

“Doctor! We’re losing her!”

“Keep using the defibrillator!”

“It’s no use! Her heart rate isn’t picking up.”

“There’s...nothing we can do. I’m sorry, (Y/N).”

Those were the last words you heard before your lungs takes its last breath. The heart monitor’s rhythmic beating slows at the same rate as your heart until there’s a long, constant ring. After living for decades, your heart finally gives in, but this isn’t a sorrowful death for you. In fact, you’ve been waiting for this day, and you can’t wait to open your eyes again.

Jungkook is walking along a pathway made out of stones. He tries looking up at the sky, but it’s being blocked by the ferris wheel. He thought that Heaven would be extraordinary like what everyone said it would be, but it didn’t take long for it to become boring. He thought that since he can create his own Heaven, Gaya Land would be the perfect place because this is where he met you for the first time, but it doesn’t feel the same without you.

“...kook…!”

He blinks profusely, picking his ears with his pinky finger to make sure that he isn’t hearing things. His boredom must’ve taken over to the point where he’s hearing your voice all of a sudden. He made it clear that his Heaven wouldn’t be with you because you would have a life of your own once he passed on.

“Jungkook!! Jungkook!”

Jungkook must miss you a lot that he probably created a figment of you. But he can’t understand why your voice is getting louder. That’s when he hears your voice again, and it’s coming from behind him. He turns around and sees you running after him.

“(Y/N)?!”

You spread your arms out, launching yourself in the air to hug him. You bump into him, making him fall to the ground. He can’t believe it; Jungkook could’ve sworn that you lived a long life, but you still look the same age as before.

“Wh-what are you doing here?!”

“Don’t move.”

You cup both of Jungkook’s cheeks, squishing them close to each other. After groping them for a while, you giggle.

“Your body’s finally warm.”

“Why are you here? Why do you still look the same??”

“Well, I did grow old, but when I came here, I became young again. Besides, when I got the choice to choose what kind of Heaven I wanted, I decided on wherever you were.”

You’re so glad to see Jungkook again that you nuzzle your forehead on his head.

“You mean...all this time, you didn’t move on?? You…”

You shake your head. “I never got married to anyone else, nor did I ever have kids. How could I pass someone like you?”

Jungkook puts his hand over your left hand, feeling the wedding ring on your ring finger. He blushes, as this is the first time he’s seeing you wearing the ring. Seeing it means that you really are his and his forever.

He’s so embarrassed by your straightforwardness, but he feels giddy at the same time. He pulls you in for a kiss on the lips, then he hides his face on your shoulder.

“You really wasted your life on me,” But Jungkook is ecstatic to learn that you stayed with him all this time. “Geez...I love you too much.”

“I love you too.”

Even though the physical world was unfair to you, it also brought you the best kind of happiness—one that you will never replace. There were limitations, but it only made you treasure it more once you passed on to this world. You can finally touch him, express your love, and never have to leave his side ever again. Even though you two were engaged a lifetime ago, this is just the beginning of your marriage.

The End

A/N: Thank you to everyone who read this all the way till the end!! If you have anything to tell me in relations to this story or anything else, then don’t be afraid to tell me! Unfortunately, links are not working for me, so I can’t directly take you to my masterlist, so click on my name and look for it on the header.

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