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#why do i even bother lol
ilkitie · 1 year
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I got my hair cut y’all!
I hate it!
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no-sp4g-4-b4by · 9 months
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Yet another detransitioner going around Twitter blaming the healthcare system for *their* personal mistakes. See, I've I lived the same situation, being in a doctor's office and them listing me the possible changes and side effects. And guess what? I chose to wait cause I was scared. I waited a good 8 months before starting T after opening my file at this new clinic. Same thing with top surgery, I got scared so I pushed the date by a month. Nobody forced my hand, nobody stopped me from seeking out more informations elsewhere so I could feel better prepared. Your carelessness is no one's fault.
Framing trans people as these "insane" hrt fiends who would do anything to start medically transitioning is incredibly infantilizing. Yes, it is the doctor's job to provide accurate information about a medication but what you choose to do (or not do) with that information is your fault.
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tell-tale-taeil · 2 years
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muzzleroars · 8 months
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Lucifer, as he once was
As a seraph, Lucifer was always consumed by the fire of divine love, yet his devotion ran so deep even his insides were devoured in flames. He was God's first creation, and so became His assistant in forming the primordial chaos which later evolved into his role as Prince of Angels. However, Lucifer was soon rejected from Heaven for his rebellion against God's rule - the narrative would see him twisted into a prideful and arrogant traitor, yet in truth Lucifer had only refused to accept Hell as a part of an all-good creation due to its inherent cruelty. For calling God's Goodness into question, Lucifer became the first resident of the very prison he opposed and resides there still, in one form or another.
Some additional notes under the read-more
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maxsix · 10 months
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Bouncy Era: Wooyoung and San
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molekularinspektor · 2 years
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oh okay yeah sure whatever
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uncanny-tranny · 6 months
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By implying that children are too stupid and rude to learn about the world and learn how the world works and how to interact with others, you are casting responsibility away from the people who are responsible for that child's upbringing and placing the blame on the children (who don't have the autonomy given to them to be allowed to decide what they want) who can't help what they do and do not learn, often.
If the children aren't okay, then investigate why before turning to thought-terminating clichés of, "Well, the kids are just stupid and dumb and aren't even worth the effort because they're lazy!"
#youth liberation#i was really bothered when i saw this clip where this person was saying almost verbatim that...#...'kids [these days] are too STUPID and they're teachers are scared!'...#...why is the blame placed on the kids who have no control over school curriculum and what their home life is like or if they have money...#...it's because when you place the blame on the people with no power or control you don't have the responsibility to change circumstances..#...you essentially keep the status quo while simultaneously belittling a group of vulnerable people...#...and thus you feed into the cyclical nature of the broken education system#the kids these days AREN'T okay but it ISN'T THEIR FAULT...#...it's the fault of late-stage capitalism and poorly-funded education and a world that wasn't even built with them in mind...#...they had NO PART in the creation of the world which is hostile to their entire existence#don't mind the incorrect usage of their in the second tag i was so focused on how pissed i was#also remember how a good chunk of these kids lived through *checks notes* the fucking PANDEMIC LOCKDOWN#which was a clown show in terms of supporting kids and their parent/s#some places handled lockdown in the US better than others but holy fuck in my area at least it was a nightmare#what do you expect from parents who are now working full-time and teaching part/full-time and parenting full-time?#what support exactly are you expecting they recieved? because you'll likely find they got either a little or NONE#hilarious that i used the wrong their in a post subtweeting about education LOL#look i was focused on how PISSED i was lol cut me some slack here
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ra-vio · 6 months
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im supposed to be studying
#resident evil#resident evil 4#ada wong#I ACCIDENTALLY MADE THIS CANVAS SO SMALL SO I HAD TO RESIZE AND NOW ITS BLURRY AHHHHHHHH#its fine but ITS NOT FINE IT BOTHERS ME SO MUCH LOL#i had to switch mice for this. the other one was so slippery. i dunno if its because its wireless or whatever. that boy go NYOOM#changing the settings didnt help.#anyway. last week i finished the mercenaries and got leons rpd outfit. it was hell. it wasnt but i was in a rush so it was#i think after everything my favorite is still ada cause that grapple gun is everything. the hardest for me was krauser#krauser should have been the easiest cause you just knife everything but i kept slashing dynamite and had to redo the village like 10 times#it was absolute ass. he's the most broken character why would they do that to me#and then immediately after i started on my separate ways professional S+#its funny someone said the S+ was harder than base game. base game's pro S+ burnt me out so bad#i didnt touch the game for months afterward. separate ways S+ was a cake walk after. you dont even have to fight krauser ovo)b#the most difficult parts are probably the double garradors and the countdown to get to leon at the end#immediately after i got all my achievements I was plunged into a depression like no other. plus i had a discrete math midterm on friday#i am SO SAD. WHO WAS I BEFORE SEPARATE WAYS#i did the same silly thing i did when i drew Link. the shine in her hair says 'Ada' because i have to derive joy from somewhere
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arliedraws · 6 hours
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Just a weird lil note to say that fics aren't metas.
Sometimes an author makes decisions based on what works best for character AND story.
I'm not saying that a character's actions should be OOC, but sometimes you have to Manufacture Situations in order to get the story you want. I dunno. It's like... sometimes you write a fic and do what vibes right. Sometimes I don't really feel like doing lit analysis for a fic. I don't need to "prove" that the character was one way ONCE in order to show that character behaving in such a way again. Hopefully I'm a strong enough writer that the context I make up explains the character's actions.
Also, you don't have to be married to an interpretation that you have in one fic. Like, you can switch it up. Fic is about exploring interpretations based on Situations. I could write a dozen "Sirius adopts Harry" fics with different ideas of how Sirius might parent. He's overprotective in one, or in another, he's self-conscious about his ability to be a parent. My Slytherin Sirius is sad and lonely because of the Situations I put him in--if I took away those Situations, he would be a very different Slytherin Sirius who is probably much happier. But that wasn't the point of the story so I didn't let him be happy :(
Anyway, I guess, don't feel like you're beholden to one interpretation you've made in one fic. Your unrelated fics aren't part of your [AO3 account] Cinematic Universe, and unless specified otherwise, your readers shouldn't assume what is true in one of your fics should be true in another.
Just my two cents!
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spittyfishy · 3 months
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What did you think of Season 5 of ML, if you have seen it?
So, I have seen season 5 and frankly… I wasn’t a fan.
Season 5 was just chocked full of missed opportunities, because there were some interesting ideas there but the show's writing fumbled the execution so hard it was difficult to watch at times. Just seeing character assasination after character assasination unfold on screen was so unpleasant. I don’t think a single character came out of season 5 unscathed, I’m wracking my brain for anyone that got better this season, or at least didn’t get worse in some way, and I can’t think of any.
To be fair, there were a few bits I liked. A couple akuma designs were good (Hoaxer, Dark Humour, Queen Mayor, and Ryukomori). I thought the Ryukomori episode was well done, I’d probably say it was the best of the season (which is a low bar). But everything else with Kagami was bad. Full honesty I hate Felix and what his role in the story has been so far, but I especially don’t like that Kagami got brought down with him. Felix is the entire reason Hawkmoth got EVERY OTHER MIRACULOUS and it seems like everyone forgot that?? He didn’t get any consequences At All, and yet when Chloé worked with Hawkmoth (when he already had the miraculous for the record) she was painted as the worst person on earth.
I know I’m not the only one who’s pointed out the double standard between how the girl characters are treated compared to the boys, but it really got highlighted this season. Male characters like Andre, Jaggedstone, Felix, and even Hawkmoth himself can do any number of horrible things and still be ‘sympathetic’, but the two fourteen year old girls are irredeemably evil?
I’ll admit I'm biased, Chloé has been my favourite favorite character since I started watching in season one, but she really deserved better than the show gave her. I don’t have an issue with her staying a villain, in fact I think she worked really well as a minor antagonist in season one, she moved the story along and was entertaining to watch. But the last two seasons they’ve made her out to be this giant threat, but haven’t let her actually do anything! She’s been nothing more then a lacky to Lila and Hawkmoth, as far as having Lila in her ear telling her exactly what to say. If Chloé is as bad as the show claims then she shouldn’t need other characters to hold her hand and tell her how to be mean.
But the writing is just like that. They really need to get better at ‘show don’t tell’, and even more importantly, consistency. Because they keep adding things after the fact and retconning things from the earlier seasons to try and clap back at fans criticisms, and it’s just sad. I’ll never stop complaining about the absolute train wreck that was Derision. They made Chloé worse then she was in season one, and made Kim so much dumber then he needed to be. At the beginning of season one Kim was characterized as a bully, he antagonized Ivan in Stone Heart and helped Chloé willingly in episodes like LadyWifi. But for Derision Chloé had to trick him into pranking Marinette? Why?
The pacing in that episode was even worse, because so much of it was dedicated to a flash back everything else was rushed at the end. And Marinette saying she’d never crush on anyone again if she didn’t know everything about them was clearly just the writers trying to justify her frankly creepy actions in earlier seasons because people pointed out that it wasn’t cute or funny it was just weird. And her whole line and issues in that episode flat out don’t work as a retcon because A: why even crush on Adrian at all if she vowed not to like anyone associated with Chloé, and B: we’ve already seen her in a relationship with Luka where she didn’t show ANY of the obsessive behaviour she showed Adrian OR freaking out about going on dates. AND ON TOP OF THAT there’s been two other timelines where her and Adrian have started a relationship (Chat Blanc, Ephemeral) and she hasn’t had any of the issues that come up in Derision.
It’s just such a lazy way of writing the story, and that’s really the core issue with this season. It feels lazy, like the writers couldn’t be bothered to watch their own show and make plots that fit in the world they’ve already built.
Miraculous is a franchise that’s dear to my heart, it’s how I met my best friend and really became comfortable sharing my art online, and I still really like creating content related to the characters, but I’ve been very disappointed in the show since about the end of season three. I still have a small amount of hope that maybe the show will turn itself around and improve, but it’s dwindling.
But at least when cannon goes off it’s rocker that’s what fan works are for!
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rainbowsunflower · 1 year
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ONO London - Dec 14, 2022 (x)
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criminal-sen · 11 hours
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oh so i got this negative comment on Imperfect a few days ago. And it was so poorly written and baseless that it didn't rile me up beyond.. the usual disappointment/irritation i feel when i get a long-awaited Comment Notification only for it to be crap. but the person said the weirdest fucking thing??? so they were calling me uhhh 'disgusting' for portraying Mayuri in a positive light, and said 'most people portray him as a rapist' as part of their evidence
so. lemme get this straight. i'm in Evil Crimes Jail because *checks notes* he's a rapist in other ppl's fanfiction???????? gfto?????? is honestly the dumbest shit i've heard to date
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zexonyte · 24 days
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yeah i made him a fish lookin thang whatcha gonna do about it
#mother series#giegue#earthbound beginnings#yeah im proud of this so im putting it on tumblr too. hiii mother times server how yall doing#ignore that he doesnt have a back leg i tried but it looked kinda weird and cramped#anyways i gave giegue gill things and a more fish-esque appearance because i hc his species is aquatic#like they come from an oceanic? aquatic? unsure. well its a planet that is almost entirely water im talkin subnautica levels of sea#that's why he had that capsule orb thing in mother 1. he needs it to live and the weird engine-esque things at his side are like purifiers#making sure the liquid is suitable. not too focused on much else (why bother when you're a super powerful psychic) but isn't exactly fragil#like the material is flexible and rubbery even. you hit it and it bounces back a good amount#we don't really get an explanation for why earth itself was chosen to get invaded. at least i don't remember if there was one sorry 😭 BUT#i hc also that the reason giegue's species decided to invade here specifically was because of territory. i mean we've got a lot of water#maybe they took george and maria to test humanity in a sense. if they reacted positively to an alien child mayybe they wouldnt have needed#to straight up eradicate humanity maybe this time we wont need to fight too much. would be inconvenient to waste firepower on these#simple creatures. they're not even that smart. can't even use our epic brain powers lol (aged real well)#once again they aint found him yet but when they do they gon be surprised#anyways its like 4 in the morning i cant keep doing this. thanks for reading my brainworms over a game ive never played 🤙
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kuzann · 26 days
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Some people are so weird like what do you expect to happen when you roll up on some ship art and tell the artist that you don't like their ship?? And especially talking down to them about it like? Okay dipshit fun police, enjoy the block you can fuck off now.
Incredibly rude, childish behavior.
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theflyingfeeling · 4 months
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Fourtheenth Day of Gift-Giving: Fun Adventures
Prompt: A group project in school brings some unusual friends together
Yes, it's a high school AU, somewhat inspired by / based off this fic idea I had a while ago! I've never written a high scool AU before so pls be nice, also I've taken some liberties with the prompt again, because there's no group project per se, they're simply in the same chemistry class 😌
Banner made by @kraeuterhexchen again, thanks for suffering for me a bit I love youuuu <3
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~
Aleksi muffled his third yawn in a row on his palms. Every single week at this exact time he regretted his promise to his father that he’d take at least four optional courses this school year on top of all the compulsory ones in exchange for a language course in Amsterdam next June. The tragedy was that his schedule was already so full with the compulsory courses alone that he could barely find gaps to fill with anything else at more humane times than at eight o’clock on a Monday morning, which was when his additional chemistry class was held. It didn’t help that none of his friends or acquaintances were taking the same class; Aleksi envied them for their superior life choices.
Chemistry could be alright at best, but in general it wasn’t among his favourite subjects. Rather than reaction equations, Aleksi was much more fascinated by the only other guy in the group he knew by name, who, by the happy coincidence of the two of them both being late to class on the first day, ended up being his lab partner. He didn’t know Olli because they were buddies, quite the contrary, in fact; one of Olli’s friends was still bitter about Aleksi standing him up regarding a music project (which had been but a case of bad communication, of which Aleksi was deeply ashamed, even though in the eyes of his own friends it had been ‘such a big-dick move to put that cocky emo loser back in his place lol’), so Aleksi wasn’t exactly surprised that Olli never replied to his sleepy greeting on Monday mornings. Thinking back to it, Aleksi couldn’t recall the boy saying anything at all during the chemistry classes, so that by now he would’ve started suspecting Olli was mute, if it wasn’t for the times he had seen Olli laugh and joke about with his friends at recess. From the little Aleksi had heard when he had passed by the group in the school corridors, Olli had a soft, quiet voice, often blending under the much louder ones of his friends, which was why Aleksi had set making Olli speak to him as his main ambition for the course, rather than getting a high mark.
“Morning,” he said to Olli like he did every Monday, and like every Monday, Olli barely glanced his way. What made this Monday different from all the other Mondays was that Aleksi could’ve sworn he had seen Olli nod at him this time, sort of in a blink-and-you-miss-it kind of way, although it may as well have been just his tired brain making things up. Nevertheless, it gave Aleksi the spark of hope that had him sit up straight, ready to converse Olli’s ears off in case he finally happened to be in the mood, but before he could open his mouth to ask Olli about his weekend, the teacher started the lesson by shoving hand-outs on their tables.
That day, however, Aleksi was determined to succeed in his plan at long last, even if he had to get a little creative.
While Olli was concentrating on keeping his eyes open as the teacher explained the theory behind the day’s experiments, Aleksi picked up his pencil and wrote on the corner of Olli’s hand-out:
Hi! :)
The anticipation nearly had him tremble as he waited for Olli to react in any way; for the longest time, bordering Aleksi’s patience, Olli did nothing but stare at the letters Aleksi had scribbled. He still didn’t look at him, still didn’t say anything or – god forbid – smile; he just blinked at the single word that had appeared in the corner of his paper.
Then, after a million years in Aleksi’s experience, he grabbed his own pencil.
hi
Those two letters alone made Aleksi feel like a winner already.
How are you?
Still keeping his eyes firmly on the paper, Olli seemed to be pondering his answer for a while.
good
Aleksi wondered if Olli was as terse speaking up as he was in writing.
Great to hear! I’m doing good as well :) Do you have a long day on Mondays?
Exactly like a moment earlier, Olli did nothing but stare at their brief written conversation. Aleksi wanted to believe that Olli was just about to write his answer but was ruthlessly interrupted by the teacher ordering them to walk over and look closer as she’d perform an example experiment for them to later mimic.
They didn’t get a chance to continue their little chat later on in the lesson, and they never spoke during the practical experiments they were asked to do – or rather, Olli never spoke, despite Aleksi’s best efforts to at least have him answer some simple yes-or-no questions, such as ‘do you want to try first?’ or ‘can you pass the pipette?’ or ‘oh fuck, do you think we should tell the teacher?’ when their experiments sometimes failed unexpectedly. The best Aleksi had gotten out of Olli was a suppressed snort when the other day Aleksi had accidentally spilled some red colour additive on his brand-new Off-White t-shirt.
“Quit laughing, or I’ll tell everyone it’s your blood,” he had said in hopes of making Olli properly giggle, but it had seemed to have the opposite effect, for Olli hadn’t let out a single sound for the rest of class after that. Later, Aleksi had wondered if it had been because Olli was scared Aleksi actually might, and to prevent his friends from getting wind of them being lab partners – because clearly he was that opposed to the idea of being associated with Aleksi – he had firmly kept his lips sealed for the rest of the class and all the ones that followed it.
This day, someone must have put something in Olli’s breakfast porridge, however, because when the class was dismissed, Olli spoke in his low, quiet voice, not even directly at Aleksi, but more to his general direction, so that Aleksi knew the words were addressed to him.
“See ya.”
“Yeah, see ya!” Aleksi replied, perhaps a little too eagerly, rolling his eyes in frustration when Olli hurried out of the classroom.
It wasn’t much, but it was a start.
~*~
The next Monday, Aleksi decided to go past formalities and straight to the point to get Olli to interact with him.
Had a nice wknd? :) 
Aleksi was most definitely too optimistic for his own good, but he had a feeling Olli didn’t take half as long to answer this time, even though his reply remained brief.
yup
Literally on the edge of his seat, Aleksi waited for Olli to elaborate on his reportedly ‘nice weekend’ – in vain. He rolled his eyes and picked up his pencil again.
What did you get up to?
Olli flipped pencil in his fingers like one would do with a drumstic, clumsily, almost dropping it on his desk. Aleksi saw an attractive blush slowly spread on Olli’s cheeks and hoped it wouldn’t discourage Olli away from the budding conversation. 
At last, Aleksi’s patient waiting was rewarded.
went to see a gig
Aleksi clenched his pencil into his fist out of sheer excitement. If there was a topic Aleksi could’ve chatted about for hours on end, it was music, his first and (so far) only love. He knew Olli played in a band and was sure that if he only could somehow make Olli lower his walls for him, they might actually find a lot to whisper about to pass the time a bit more merrily on Monday mornings.
So cool! Who did you see?
Olli didn’t keep him waiting for long, which Aleksi decided to take as a sign of Olli also being keen on their current conversation topic.
If only Aleksi knew how to help Olli get out of his shell a little more.
a friend’s band
Aleksi nodded, careful not to appear too enthusiastic or intrusive to scare Olli off, now that he had gotten him to write more than one word at a time.
Any good?
The teacher was just about to have the class gathered around her table again, so instead of a thorough review of the music show, Olli only jotted down a wonky yup in response before hurrying to the front of the classroom. During the whole rest of the class, Aleksi was not given another chance to fish more out of Olli’s weekend.
Well, he sighed to himself, standing up to join his coursemates, another Monday, then. 
~*~
Later that day, sort of by coincidence (of having purposefully lingered around the music classroom on the pretext of asking the music teacher about an upcoming extra credit class), Aleksi learnt Olli’s band had a practice slot in the music classroom on Monday evenings. His plan was not to spy on Olli, but he figured he might as well use this newly-acquired information to squeeze a little more out of Olli in their next chemistry class.
Any plans after school?
Only when he noticed Olli freeze upon seeing the question on the margin of his notebook, Aleksi realised how it must sound like to him, so out of the blue.
Just curious btw :) 
Olli seemed to hesitate before answering.
band practice
Aleksi hid his smirk behind his palm.
Hook, line and sinker, he thought to himself, the pencil in his hand itching to write down all the follow-up questions he had prepared. By the end of the class, Aleksi congratulated himself, for his plan to have Olli blabber about their common interest had worked out splendidly: Aleksi had learnt, for example, that Olli had been playing the bass for seven years already and that their band was actually working on their first EP, which Aleksi was genuinely impressed by. What really had made Aleksi feel like he was on top of the world, however, was when he noticed the smallest hint of amusement on Olli’s face; he still hadn’t managed to lure Olli to look him in the eye, but he had made him smile, which was perhaps even better.
The rest of the week Aleksi spent barely paying attention to what his friends were talking or laughing about in between classes, too busy searching for his chemistry class conversation buddy with his eyes. He did so every day, even though he was convinced the principal granting him the rest of the semester off with no consequences was more likely than catching Olli looking at him.
That was, until he did.
It was only a fleeting moment in time as they passed each other in the canteen and over before Aleksi’s heart could settle back to its place from his throat where it had jumped up to. He couldn’t tell since when his lab partner looking his way had started rousing this kind of reaction in him; then again, Olli had never really glanced his way before, so how could he have known?
Maybe that was also why Aleksi hadn’t noticed the shade of Olli’s irises until now. They were dark grey, he could tell, serious but not cold by any means. He couldn’t wait to take a closer look at them the next time he was given the chance.
Perhaps it was time for Aleksi to change his tactics.
~*~
“Hi Olli,” Aleksi said as soon as Olli walked up to his desk the next Monday. As if surprised to hear his name spoken out loud, Olli looked up at him, and Aleksi was granted another glimpse of those mysterious eyes.
Olli didn’t let him rejoice for too long, though, before turning his gaze to his desk as he sat down.
“Hi.”
And that was it: their first spoken conversation (in which Olli had also participated), despite Olli avoiding his gaze for the rest of the class, as was his right. Aleksi supposed. Even Aleksi himself was too giddy about the interaction to think of anything else to say.
It was almost ridiculous, if he was honest with himself. Yet, for the first time during the whole autumn semester, Aleksi was looking forward to the early Monday morning chemistry class.
~*~
Within the next couple of weeks, their conversations evolved from exchanging casual greetings (‘Hi Olli!’ ‘Hi…Aleksi’) to deep discussions about the current events in their lives (‘How’s it going?’ ‘Good.’ ‘Awesome’), which was equal parts exciting and frustrating to Aleksi. His heart would do the silly bouncing-up-to-his-throat thing whenever Olli blessed him with a quick glance of his dark eyes (Aleksi could swear they were a different shade every time he looked), but the moments only ever lasted for a second or two at a time. On the bright side, Olli would no longer rush out of the classroom to get out of having to perform any more small talk, but instead took his time putting his books and pencils back in his bag carefully, even if Aleksi never managed to open his mouth in time before Olli would make his inevitable escape. Aleksi suspected that it was, indeed, the newfound thrill of being graced with the occasional, fleeting look from Olli that rendered him speechless and caused him to miss his chance of getting to talk with Olli at least until they’d reach the classroom doorway. From there onwards they’d go their separate ways anyway, to their different worlds: Aleksi to one in which Olli was a moody emo kid with no sense of humour (or so Aleksi had been told by Isac who went to the same biology class with Olli), and Olli to one in which Aleksi was probably portrayed as a self-satisfied snob who once did his friend dirty.
The Monday after that, Olli never walked in through the classroom door, no matter how intensely Aleksi stared at it. When the days passed and Aleksi hadn’t caught a glimpse of the boy by Friday, he became worried, to the extent he considered walking up to Olli’s friend group to ask about him. He was almost certain that the one with the short platinum-blond hair might have actually told him, or at least he looked the least intimidating out of them all. One of them was almost two heads taller than Aleksi, so he saw it best to stay out of his way, although his smile – in those rare occasions he did smile – was anything but frightening. The one with the baggy clothes Aleksi had once heard rapping at a house party was tiny in comparison, but something about the angle of his eyebrows gave Aleksi the chills. Joel was obviously out of the question; Aleksi would probably never dare speak to him after The Incident. Joonas, on the other hand (Aleksi knew his name because he and Joel often squabbled loudly, with Joel shouting his name in bewilderment, his obvious affection for the boy poorly masked as annoyance), seemed like the kind of guy who would whisper you the right answer just in time before the teacher’s drill of a stare would bore a hole through your skull.
Taking a deep breath to brace himself, he watched as Olli’s friends were stepping in the Swedish classroom. As if on cue, Joonas was the last one about to walk through the door, and seeing his chance had come, Aleksi zoomed over and grabbed him by his sleeve.
“Hey,” he said once he had pulled Joonas aside, hidden from the disapproving looks of Joel and company.
“Huh?”
“Do you happen to know where Olli is?” Going straight to the point seemed like the best strategy to get anything out of Joonas, in case Aleksi had completely misjudged him and he was about to be punched in the face.
“He’s caught the cold. Why?” Knitting his brows and eyeing Aleksi up and down, Joonas seemed sceptical about Aleksi’s intentions, to say the least.
(It had Aleksi wondering if any of his own friends would act as protectively about him, but that was a matter of concern for another day entirely.)
“Ummmm… I have his chemistry homework for him.”
Aleksi could almost hear the cogwheels turning inside Joonas’ head until his expression brightened.
“Aaah… Right! Yeah, I suppose you would.” (Whatever Joonas meant by that.) “I’m gonna go over later today to see how he’s doing, so I can forward the message for you.”
“Oh, great! Thanks!” Aleksi said, as if he had any clue what they had actually been given as homework four days ago.
Ironically, Aleksi was saved by Joel calling for Joonas from inside the classroom.
“I’ll catch up with you later, alright?” Joonas winked at him, and then he was gone. 
Joonas never did catch up with him, however, and so Aleksi was saved from the embarrassment of admitting he hadn’t been following their chemistry lesson after all, more or less due to the disappointment of not seeing Olli after having spent the entire weekend planning what he’d say to him. Not knowing if Olli would be attending the upcoming Monday’s class either, the weekend went by slower than ever, which normal-Aleksi would’ve embraced; this new, strange, maybe-crushing-on-his-quiet-lab-partner-Aleksi was on pins and needles.
~*~
There it was again, that awful skip of his heart, when Aleksi saw Olli enter the classroom on Monday. So relieved he was that he had no means to tone down the excitement in his greeting.
“You’re here!”
Olli looked up at him but said nothing, his silence a pang to Aleksi’s chest. His joy upon their reunion changed into defeat in less than a second, and Aleksi felt like a right idiot for having thought Olli, too, might have been waiting to see him again.
Suddenly fascinated by the cover of his chemistry course book, Aleksi put his head down to hide his disappointment. He was already settled for staring at the abstract drawing for the next 75 minutes to avoid more heartbreak, but then a slip of paper appeared in front of him.
can’t speak doctor’s orders
On his face, Olli was wearing a kind, small smile. In that instant, Aleksi forgot what he had even been so saddened about. He flashed Olli a smile in return and started searching with his eyes for a pencil; he would’ve felt too weird talking to Olli out loud without him being able to answer. Tragically, it seemed that in anticipation of possibly seeing Olli again after so long, Aleksi had forgotten to pack his pencil case. Noticing this, Olli offered him his own, the same, tiny smile still on his lips.
Shame! You’re usually so talkative
He knew he was taking a risk poking fun at Olli’s quietness, but to his great relief, Olli’s smile widened and his shoulders twitched in a voiceless chuckle. Encouraged by this, Aleksi continued with an equally risky revelation.
I missed you in class last week
Having written down the words, Aleksi could barely look at Olli as he felt his cheeks heaten up. He let Olli take back his pencil from his fingers, as well as the paper slip from his desk.
Olli spent almost a minute writing down his reply, erasing and rewriting, until he finally passed the paper back to Aleksi, immediately directing his face to the opposite side of the classroom.
missed you too
Aleksi had never seen three words so pretty in his life.
~*~
What followed next was an entire week of unexpected encounters between the two lab partners, as if the universe was purposefully making them cross each other’s way to make up for the past seven days of not seeing each other. On Tuesday, their shoulders brushed walking past each other in a crowded corridor. On Wednesday, they were returning their trays at lunch at the exact same time and exchanged brief smiles. On Thursday, they almost ran into each other at the restroom door, which is when Aleksi learnt Olli had regained his voice, mumbling a small ‘oops’ after having bumped into Aleksi.
On Friday, at the last recess of the day, Olli’s friend Joonas grabbed Aleksi by his wrist and pulled him into an empty classroom.
“Wait here,” he ordered, and utterly confused as he was, Aleksi had no choice but to obey.
A moment later Joonas returned, pushing a red-cheeked Olli into the room before promptly leaping back to the corridor, closing the door behind him.
For one long, anxious moment, neither of them said anything, Aleksi because he was still too baffled by the latest turn of events to open his mouth, and Olli because he was… Olli.
“Ummmm…” Olli finally said, his voice a little hoarse, so he cleared his throat and tried again. “I just… ummm… there’s this… band… tomorrow…”
Aleksi had to bite his lip, both at how adorable Olli was, fumbling with his fingers as words fell out of his mouth one by one, as well as to keep himself from blurting out ‘yes’ before Olli even got around to asking him anything.
“And I was just… thinking if… ‘cuz I have an extra ticket… so… I thought maybe you–”
“Yeah!” To Aleksi’s turmoil, his tongue could sometimes be quicker than his brain. “I mean… what?” 
Behind the classroom door, someone clicked their tongue.
“Yeah, ummmm.” Olli scratched the back of his neck. “So yeah. Would you… like to come? To the show? On Saturday? With me? Maybe? I mean, of course you already have plans–”
“I don’t!” Aleksi hurried to say. “I can come. But… will your friends be coming too though?”
Olli shook his head. Aleksi decided not to dwell on what the evident horror in Olli’s eyes was a sign of. It might have been because he, too, thought it was a little too soon for Aleksi and Joel to make amends – or maybe he was just that terrified of being seen with Aleksi in public.
“No, they won’t. I mean, Joonas was supposed to, but he, ummmmmm, he’s going… ummmm…” Olli’s gaze wandered towards the door, as if for help.
“To my great-uncle’s funeral!” the door whispered at him.
“To his great-uncle’s funeral,” Olli confirmed.
“A-ha,” Aleksi nodded. “Sorry for your loss,” he said to the door.
“...Thanks,” the door replied. Holding back his laughter, Aleksi turned back to Olli who, for the first time since Joonas had urged them on the stage of their current scene, was looking at Aleksi, his round eyes expectant and hopeful for Aleksi’s final answer. Aleksi thought of taking a step closer to him, perhaps even gently touching his hand, but decided against it before his brain would command his limbs to make such reckless movements.
“Guess I’ll see you on Saturday at…?”
“At six. At Sandro’s.”
If Aleksi didn’t get a wink of sleep the following night, it wasn’t only because of excitement; the moment he laid his head on his pillow and closed his eyes, his mind was filled with pictures of a boy with twinkling eyes and a bashful smile, keeping him awake until he fell asleep to them.
~*~
Aleksi couldn’t bring himself to care if he looked a little dumb, smiling to himself and leaning his chin on his palm at eight o’clock the next Monday. Even the teacher announcing a pop quiz could not have washed away the dopey grin that had been painted on his lips since Saturday evening.
He was smiling at the way Olli’s eyes had brightened when he had spotted Aleksi in the crowd. He was smiling at Olli’s shy offer to get him a Pepsi. He was smiling at how star-struck Olli had looked when the band had first got on stage and the way he had lost himself in the music, rocking his head and closing his eyes as if to let the bass lines and guitar riffs swallow him whole. The band had been excellent, Aleksi had to agree, but more than half the time, all Aleksi had seen or heard was Olli.
And for the last three minutes of the show, all Aleksi had felt was Olli; more specifically, he had felt Olli’s hand searching for his, fumbling and hesitating until it finally clasped Aleksi’s during the final song of the band’s setlist, a melancholy rock ballad that prompted lighters and cellphone flashlights to be lit. In Aleksi’s eyes, they were all dim in comparison to the glimmer in Olli’s eyes.
Lying in his bedroom later that evening and throughout the entire next day, Aleksi had still felt the warmth of Olli’s hand in his, even though they had let each other go as soon as the stage lights had been turned off.
“Hi.” Olli’s voice brought Aleksi from Saturday evening back to Monday morning. 
“Hi,” he simply answered. There were a million things he wanted to say to Olli, but his sleepy, happy brain was still working on finding the exact words.
The smile on Olli’s face told him he’d have time to figure it out, at his own pace.
In the meantime, Aleksi could always improvise, and so he picked up his pencil.
They both stared at the tiny heart on the corner of Olli’s notebook, and just when Aleksi was about to convince himself he had made a terrible mistake, Olli took the pencil out of his hand.
♡ ♡
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storytellering · 8 months
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the moment I see someone unironically make a "deadweight" nero joke or seriously refer to him as "deadweight" i know i can't trust them
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