#why cant i understand people and why cant i be my best for myself and for everyone i love so much!!!!!

[dallonwrites]

reblogs off bc i dont want to start Conversations based on other peoples posts but re the whole "who is in control you or the character" question, i find it SO interesting because it's by letting myself discovery write that I (for me personally disclaimer) found the perfect balance between intuition and intention. which to preface "intution" is the easiest way to describe how the inside of my writers brain feels bc often i just get vivid characters/stories/images/scenes with little control at first and i have to figure out what they mean. anyway discovery writing is what works for my brain to make intentional decisions because i need to be amidst a draft to get the Story Cogs working, whenever i try to outline before a draft it's always been just throwing things at a wall bc it feels too far away, but because im also using the discovery element to do that it's like. that's where i think the whole i feel like my characters reveal themselves to me comes from. because im always discovering small bits about them even if i've written them for years just but because discovery writing is also what prompts me to be intentional about writing as i write something it's like both are happening at the same time. so the whole "who's in control" it's like...i don't think control is the right word for me at all because its not Me or the Character it's me trying to understand the character to understand + then write my intentions. like neither me or the character are in the drivers seat because there's no car we are in the middle of the story forest and at first i won't know what it means at all except that it is a Story. and my character will start going one way and sometimes i'll follow and pay attention to where they're taking me to figure out if this is the right path/where to go next. and sometimes i'll figure out how to read the compass first and realise i need to drag their ass in another direction

#anyway i just thought this was interesting because i used to think i needed to outline to be intentional/in control of my story #but outlines are too distant for me to feel like im in control so thats why theyre more organisational than creative for me #whilst we're infodumping on process i also dont like the whole are characters Like Real People or just Story Tools #like yes my characters are tools for the story just like how the story is a tool for demonstrating my characters #like again i dont think its one or the other for me #but i treat them as very 'real' (which this can be another tangent in itself) and intuitive is the best way to describe how i process them #but that doesnt mean there isnt intention and control you know #like the reason i describe my characters and stories as 'real' to me is simply bc they are very vivid in my brain #and that vividness often expands the bounds of the story #i want to go on the 'real' tangent the weight of that word one day #i think this makes sense if u know that for me i rarely get 'ideas' i get images #and characters/relationships #and i have to figure out what that means as a story #also no i dont think you need 'intuition' bc thats just the word i use for myself but i do think you need to understand #how intention works w your writing process and what it means for you to be intentional and what helps you be intentional #and sometimes that will be not considering any form of 'intuition' at all #beloved writeblrs i think i need to launch the dallonwrites substack i cant be doing these tag essays anymore!! i need to expand!!! someone #give me a podcast

[vilelittlecritter]

Me: "I don't like people, I prefer being on my own and not talking"

People: "oh okay we'll leave you be then"

Me: "wait no PLEASE COME BACK I WANT LOVE-"

#its not that i dont like people. its just that i have resorted to avoiding people out of habit and a sense that i make things worse #like its not that i DON'T want to message my friend. its just that I cant bring myself to since i usually dont #ha ha ha. god i am desperate to just speak to people but I want to be left alone and im scared of people turning out to be mean #i kinda feel like crying when i see people say how they love their friends and cuddle up with them and have fun #lol one of my old best friends caused me to have awful anxiety about myself because he judged and made fun of ke constantly #oh yeah and that other time after i broke up with a friend because we stupidly decided to try and date and it didnt go well #the bastard asked the person out that night. they said no because they aren't an ass or dumb. god i should have left him when he said that #oh yeah he also made fun of my sunny cosplay i did and then left me alone in the comic con crowd for half an hour #as someone with anxiety that fucked me up just a little #so yeah bad past friendships and terrible social skills have left me to just go lol cant get hurt if i dont have friends! #ha ha. this is agony. #i have like one actaul friend i talk to and she's going through some stuff and wants to be left alone #which is understandable but now I'm talking to absolutely no one #also even if i were to talk to people i just feel i make things worse #i feel like im obnoxious and weird constantly and I'm sobscsred that people are going to think I'm creepy #its not that im doing anything super weird its just that with my autism I can get overly excited and start rambling and not thinking #yet another reason why I've chosen to stop speaking as much #im also just really snappy sometimes #I remember a while ago someone i was kinda friends with asked me if i was okay and i said i was fine #they kept pushing because they were concerned and no ones ever really done that so i kind of panicked and raised my voice at them #i wasn't angry i just never had someone try and actually pry that deep before other than maybe my parents #they seem like a lovely person but i still feel so horrible for doing that to them #sure i apologises later and they understood but i felt like it was one of the most awful things ive done to someone #i hate even the thought of being cruel or mean and all they were trying to do was help and i snapped at them for it #sorry for being ranty but I'm starting to think im really not okay #I've pondered the idea of possibly having deppression but thats a conversation for my counselor #again sorry for sumoing and ill probably delete this soon #if anyone has read all of this im honestly impressed #personal rambles #vent tag

[clownpassing]

think i'm leaning into the anger stage of grief like why did all those people i opened up to get to just do whatever they wanted with me and then as soon as i reciprocated they cut me off. are you that fucking scared of me? am i that fucking stupid that i didn't see their hands about to yank the rug out from under me?

#txt #op #i'm sorry i just genuinely don't fucking understand at all #i am a catch. i do my very best to spread love and i care so deeply about people and i'm cute #what is so wrong with me that people push me away so readily after i have started to feel safe #i dont wanna self victimize or anything but fuck all of you honestly #i deserved better #i deserve to be wanted. i deserve to be sought after #instead of me having to do all the fucking work. being autistic is so fucking tiring sometimes #why cant everybody be as honest and forthcoming as me #sorry not to sound full of myself but fucking seriously i feel like it's the least we can do for each other #for fuck's sake. ugh

[strwbrymlkshake]

I am trying so hard but it still isn't ENOUGH FOR YOU? DON'T YOU SEE HOW HARD I'VE BEEN TRYING?

#mine #normally i've been good about not being too upset over things #but oh fucking boy. okay. im glad people are scared of me #i hope they know that im the only right one in the whole world and they are wrong and are justified for fearing me and im glad my existence #will turn them off from sharing their wrong opinions. but oh FUCKING BOY? ive been sitting here the whole time like oh they hate me #oh they hate me so much they want me to die wahhh and im trying to do all the things they like because im for some reason fucking bothered #by their other opinions. even though the people themselves are useless trash #and oh. like i was suspecting it but its finally confirmed huh??? you all cant fucking stand the sight of me because im right? #you dont understand the truth?? they hated him because he told them the truth? thats me as fuck rn dude #i am literally gracing your eyes with the content i make and basically hand feeding you the correct opinions to have #and yet you still reject them! people just love being stupid unfortunately. i want to kill them all. #i would be so much nicer if you all just agreed with me on the objective truth but unfortunate you have to be stupid #i have graced you with so many GIFTS and protected you from my wrath so many times but you do not even give a fuck #WHY AM I CRYING. YOU ARE ALL SO USELESS WHY AM I CRYING!!! MAYBE ITS BECAUSE YOU DONT AGREE? #i guess im crying because they are all so stupid #so what im saying is its very unfortunate that everyone does not worship me and all my opinions and the world is very hard. yes. #friendship ended with self hatred now delusions of grandeur are my new best friend #even trhing to explain myself makes me sound like a shithead but i swear to fuck if you all just listened to me like youre supposed to #then absolutely nothing would ever go wrong! but you all had to be stupid on purpose! do you like being wrong? whats your problem #explaining all the reasons im RIGHT and yet i still feel bad for having the gall to do so. i shouldnt feel bad. im doing great. youre just #uncomfortable in the fact that YOURE wrong and making me have to accomodate you for your wrongness? tf is that about #okay lunatic rant over i have finished crying ☝️

[hazmatazz]

i don't want to ask for reassurance, i just want people to say they care about me and trust me and hell maybe they can tell me they want to spend time with me or they want to talk to me or listen to me or hug me or fuck maybe they can tell me they love me

#god all that shit fucked me up again and now i can't even get myself to message my friends because what if they don't want to hear from me? #i can't ask my friends to hang out. i cant open up to a person. i can't ask my step dad to take me somewhere. i can't look my mom in the eye #it's worse now that i have rational thoughts. i understand that /someone/ likely has to care about me. i understand it's impossible for me- #to be fully untrustworthy or unlovable or not thought about. especially with the people i surround myself with #but it's just so hard to believe. and god i wish i just hated myself but i /don't/. i really don't #and that's what makes it so hard. i can't find any major flaws in myself but i also can't find a reason why someone would stick around #i'm cutting it off here. it's 1:45 am. i'm not tired but it's wise to go to sleep #god. this fuckin sucks. i just want it to go back to how it was before where i didn't feel like i was walking on eggshells ALL the time #yeah i was still so unsure but not i can't even /text/ my /best friends/. what the hell??

[portablenetworkgraphic]

.

#mom says that the reason she didnt comfort me while i was having one of the biggest meltdowns of my life was cus i wouldnt tell her what was #wrong and i clearly was capable #like i hate to tell you but just because im technically capable doesnt mean i can communicate easily #im too upset to be able to communicate my thoughts to you about why im upset #she literally told me that its annoying when i cry and scream without telling her whats wrong #she said and i quote I could ask anyone in the world and all of them would be annoyed by this #she said if i just said Sorry i cant calm down i cant talk right now that would be fine like hello? is that not fucking obvious? #i said wouldnt this (being a more concerning thing) make you more sympathetic and she said no it just makes me more annoyed and this is the #normal response #she said even when normal people are throwing up and retching they can communicate whats wrong #that im just pretending to not be able to talk to her to manipulate her and that im being disrespectful by intentionally getting louder and #more disruptive #my parents are convinced i do things on purpose to guilt trip them all the time and i dont understand it because theyve known me for #my whole life and thats the most out of character thing i could ever possibly do but they wont even consider that im not doing that #i asked her why she didnt believe me when i said i wasnt manipulating her and she said I do believe you! when did i ever say i didnt #i dont understand. shes convinced that every normal person behaves like her #and the worst of it is i know shes trying her best and yet still refuses to acknowledge the fact that #I DONT FUCKING MAKE MYSELF MORE MISERABLE ON PURPOSE! #she doesnt seem to understand that overreaction can be conscious and still unavoidable #like yes its not like if i tried i absolutely couldnt calm down and talk to you #but thats not helpful! i dont WANT to try because i am screaming so hard that mythroat will be sore for an entire day! #because i am upset! #i am too upset to care that i can tecxhnically stop #i just dont understand why its so hard to believe im not manipulating her when im genuinely upset #i dont understand why she looks at me like a loose screw. something annoying but not something worth fixing #its always bad enough to warrant anger and never bad enough to warrant a solution #because im crazy but im fine and im not disabled at all

[nerdie-faerie]

Having a complicated relationship with your mum is so confusing. It's the knowledge that she taught me the best way to make gravy, how tie my shoes and how to make my bed. But she's also the one that made disparaging comments about my body growing up and is part of the reason I don't want to be a parent myself and why I moved across the country for uni. But she's still my mum and I still find myself wishing I could seek comfort from her when things get a little too hard but the mum I'm longing for doesn't really exist. And I see her in the colour of my eyes and in the way I grit my teeth when I'm angry. She taught me how to do my hair and how to cover up bruises. She's a part of me in all the good and the bad. And there's no way to say you hate someone that doesn't also acknowledge all the good because nothings as ever as black and white as that

#personal #+Extra #i dont know i was making gravy for dinner the way my mum taught me and it got me thinking about how i havent spoken to her in over a week #since she told me that my dad is threatening to kick me out again and i started thinking about the fact im currently at empty student #accommodation for the summer instead of back home like most people anf how part of me feels guilty for that and the other knows im doing #whats best for me and theres a reason i left people keep asking why im so far up north for uni if im from down south and i dont know how to #explain it they look at you a certain way when you say you dont get along with your parents like your an entitled brat that cant see that #theyre just doing whats best for you and theres no way to explain two decades of trauma to someone in a single conversation theres no way #to get them to understand that despite what my parents do and the fact i went as far as i could for uni theyre still my parents and i love #them even when i hate them for everything and although ill being carrying the scars of childhood trauma with me long after ive left them i #cant entirely blame even when i want to they made terrible choice that have shaped me for ever but theyre still people and ill always #resent them for the people they are and the fact they could do better but didnt for us and the fact they fall back into those people like #a bad habit when i spend to long at home in a way that makes feel like theres something wrong with me specifically will always sit with me #but for now im stood in my kitchen making sheppards pie thinking of the way my mum used to make it and the tension that used to hang over #the dining table while we ate and how now my parents dont even eat in the same room and im grateful my little siblings will never know #that side of our parents but it doesnt mean it doesnt hurt every time i see a reflection of my parents in myself and wish i could cut it out

[wastecreature]

It's bonkers how truly, truly isolating and lonely it can be to not be able to hang out with your friends in person. I feel like everyone felt this during quarantine, but now that people are (unwisely) getting back to "normal" it's made it really apparent to me that like....I just don't have that? I don't have the thing to look forward to "after" quarantine? All my friends moved out of state. We talk every day for minimum an hour, watch TV together, etc, but just the concept of leaving my house, going to their house, existing in a space with them together, is almost alien to me. And I don't realize how that sort of lack of choice, lack of physical interaction, settles on my shoulders and haunts me constantly. It become background.

I remember after getting back from my trip to visit my friend it was a real, tangible weight all the time. And now it has faded back to the background, and I don't notice all the time. It's chronic, not acute. Something I realized, again after having irl interaction with a friend, visiting for a few days. Life is better with them around, but it's also harder. Because I know eventually they won't be around, and I'll have to go through the acclimation again.

The thought of one day living near friends that I can go to see, is almost unimaginably distant and hopeful. Maybe one day I'll read this post and not remember the weight of chronic loneliness. Maybe one day my norm will be my life being better and easier.

#and its so twisted because like im happy? this year has been one of the best of my life in all honesty #i have fully rejected the shitty religious structure i was raised with and stopped trying to supress what i felt to be right #im no longer traying to make myself hate the sin love the sinner #i dont punish myself for not understanding why The Gays are bad or wanting a government that supports its people #like im happy being who i am even if i cant express it openly #at least im not trying to hammer my brain into being straight and cis #at least now /i/ accept those parts of myself. that is already So much better. even if the people around me dont accept those parts #so like. im happier than ive been in a long time. maybe ever. but im still not Happy. im still so desperatelt lonely #and im better on that front too! because now i do have friends that love and support me! 3 years ago i didnt! #so even if it is so so lonely to be physically isolated from them i at least can talk to someone. #idk lots of thoughts. and not ones that i want to share with those friends becauss they will feel guilty for not being able to be here #and thats the last thing i want

[hyperexplosion]

.

#vent again just ignore please and thank you. chewing at my arm. ik why we have to wait till next year for me to get help i do know why and #i understand but it also just sucks. its at least helping though no matter what i just gotta hold on but i rly dont want to hold on anymore #id say i sound pathetic or worthless but im not. ik im not. talked about mental health with my best friend today snd idk made me so self #aware of myself i feel gross and ugly. i cant even look in mirror by how ugly i am. i want to drink. i really want to drink. it sucks. #ditched or the person seems bored.. there's no point lmai. #the craving sucks. im sleepin almost all day and than night fucking sucks. i should be sleeping now but i need to write my thoughts out or #i will feel worse i will feel so much worse snd i dont want to be a burden. i dont want to bother people. i hope when im like.. getting hel #and getting better i hope i can like idk not be afraid to ask people to vibe with me. maybe one day but im so scared amount i have been #and sorry tired of hearing same 'just do something distract yourself' yeah only so much a distraction is s distraction. i never felt this #low.. i never felt this low for months now. im so tired idk this week is busy maybe that will help. maybe decorating for my fav holiday wil #help my brain a little. than again why would she want me around. i think about how dad asked mom if i was okay on my birthday. is the facad #fading? are people catching on? i need to stop before i see my brother on friday. even my best friend noticed he hugged me but i didnt even #hug back i just leaned into him for awhile before moving away. i want to die. will i? no. i wont. im too scared. but i want to. #i can sleep now. #i think people should stop lying i hate liars i am not afraid to drop anyone that does.

[mrfoox]

Still blows my mind that I have such caring and amazing friends and idk why they stick around me...

#miranda talking shit #Im not trying to be a downer on myself but like.... Roo is literlly becoming an doctor. Giulio is an dentist surgeon. Linnea is a nurse #Meanwhile i just became stable enough to handle a part time job at 25... #I know idc about ambition in that way but i know so many people who are and im like... Lol why do you like me? #Few reasons i can think of people liking me is that im ... Kind/caring. .. Maybe a good listener... I cant say im always understanding but #I can say i do try to be. I try my best to understand even if i cant relate. Also been told i can be funny #I always feel like that weird friend of fairly normal people. I always wonder why they keep me around #To me everyone i love is so so special. But i dont think majority 9f people think that way #Another maybe good trait i have is that im honest. I hate being mean and hurting people's feelings but if someone genuinely asks for my #Opinion and i hate the thing they want me to give my thoughts on ... I will apologize and say im not a fan

[fairuzfan]

As an american myself I can understand why people are so scared that arab-americans are refusing to vote for biden since im terrified of what trump will do to our country. I very much feel forced to choose between two very evil people where i have to choose who will probably do less overall damage. But yelling at arab-americans isnt the right move. Im terrified at what decisions ill have to make with voting, but its not like all arab-americans who refuse to vote for biden are trump supporters and in fact many of them were going to vote for biden before october 7. I dont know what we should do about voting, but yelling at grieving arab-americans who cant bring themselves to vote for biden when biden helped kill their family is just wrong. I get the fear, i really do because i feel it too, but that doesnt make it right.

Like as a disabled person I'm pretty nervous about trump presidency ngl. I need meds that allow me to function on a day to day basis. But I cannot in good conscious vote for the man that killed my family's loved ones. Not to give too much info but a family member's best friend was Heba Abu Nada... when they learned of her death they cried for three days straight and asked me not to say any news about Palestine for a week back in October. Even when I told them that Heba's poem became viral, they just nodded at me and said "a lot of talented people in Gaza died" before going quiet, staring out in the distance. That's something that will stay with me for the rest of my life and I can't bare to think of voting for the man that caused that amount of sorrow to anyone. So imagine every single Palestinian family — they all have their own stories and their own grief. So telling them "that means absolutely nothing" and being told to suck it up isn't going to make anyone want to trust you that you have people's best interests in heart. I don't know. It just is so so obvious how little people care about other people and to me that's the most.... shocking thing.

[therisingmoonandsun]

ASTROLOGY OBSERVATIONS PT.2!!

!!my opinion based on the people who’ve I interacted with and also just very random!!

🌕🌖🌗🌘🌑🌒🌓🌔🌔

If a Cardinal stellium loves you they will care for you and help you in all ways they can, because how much of a passionate person they are.

Aries moon = longing for a relationship

Water sun + sag moon = being annoying and sometimes stuck in a bad mood.

If a person has no earth placements, best believe they can’t drive good 😭 but isa okay bc HOT GIRLS = CANT DRIVEE

Aries moons never stop talking, like even if no one is responding they will still talk and talk, but on the side note they’re very entertaining ♥️

Libra moons being big softies (ARIES TOO FOR THE PEOPLE THEY CARE ABOUT) and not taking their own advice.

Gemini placements love the occult.

Gemini moon and/or gemini mars give me paranormal and ghost hunting vibes.

Leo venues and the toxic urge to crush on a bunch of random people for random reasons.

Fire placements are great manifestors.

Gemini placements are so HAWT god, like honestly why don’t more people talk about it.

Capicorns moons are so loyal in relationships.

Aries moon with a leo venus and sag mars, is such a affectionate reactive loud lover, they’re so cute until they aren’t 😭

Honestly anything with a leo venus and sag mars, gives so such cute and hyper vibes!

Leo placements when you get something they want -> 😾

Gemini & Aquarius moons and their weird but curious fascinations with dr00gs sometimes.

Scorpio rising with libra placements have the tendencies to go back to their exs 😭 IM SORRRYY

Scorpio placements do be just out here drawing.

Aries rising and having a strong sense of justice, when something isn’t right they have to voice that.

Gemini moons can come off as fake off first impressions but they’re really not, they may just trying to figure what energy your on so they can match that, or you just caught em at a bad time.

Scorpio risings all have the same look or presence 👁👁🕴🏾

When people say Leo mercuries are dramatic when they talk, they’re not lying, Im a leo mercury and when people said that I thought that was totally bullshit, UNTIL I saw a fucking video of myself talking from another person’s perspective.

I’ve seen so many Capricorns and pisces pairings.

Libra placements don’t like looking or acting messy especially in front of other people.

Virgo moons scare me so bad like I want to understand how you think bc i just can’t fathom. I know you have secrets, but I just can’t tell exactly what they are 🙁

Scorpio moons idea of humor is being meanly sarcastic to others, or just saying funny insults.

When I think of sag placements I think of comfort/comfortability, whether that’s the way they like to dress, or what they like in a person, or how people feel when they’re around them.

Aries north node = saying random monologue or outbursts and no one responding or doing anything because it’s normal.

Libra moons have hella friends, or just get along with a lot of people.

Scorpio placements = tsundare

Leos love boys, specifically leo mars.

#astrology #astro placements #astro memes #astro posts #astro observations #astro notes #astrology observations #astro community #zodiac #aries #taurus #gemini #cancer #leo #virgo #libra #scropio #sagittarius #capicorn #aquarius #pisces #zadiac observations #zodiac notes #tarot #asteroid

[xxmia0wxx]

ENOCK

(Pomni X Caine Fic)

____________________________________

(Caine and Pomni have been together for a while now, even though Pomni is happy with him, She still suffers from Panic attacks that keeps her from living her best life and constantly on the brink of abstracting, Which Caine simply cannot let slide! So He gives Her a very speical Present)

( This is my first Ship fic, sorry if its corny/cringe )

"POMNI MY DARLING!"

He Teleported through the halls frantically Looking for Pomni who he heard was Having another stress attack, It seems no matter How hard He tries to keep her Happy, the looming threat of anxiety and Being Trapped in a fake world was always to much for her.

Caine Could never Understand, Pomni Always Said She was happy with him, He made her laugh and Smile, He worked so hard to learn to empathize and to have Emotions So she could Be As happy as Possible.

'Was it his Fault? He was Made to Make People Happy, And absolutely needs pomni to be happy, Was he not doing it right? He learned so much about humans, but their still so complicated and impossible understand'

"POMNI?"

Caine found Pomni curled up in a little ball in a corner in one of the rooms, She was hyperventilating and glitching again

'UH OH'

"POMNI! I'VE BEEN LOOKING EVERYWHERE FOR YOU!"

He Manifests a warm blanket and Wraps it around her to comfort her, He also hads Her a cat Plushie and some water, Her breathing slows down a bit

"Thank you Caine"

She wasn't Glitching anymore, but she still looked sad

"DO YOU NEED ANYING ELSE?"

"FRESH DIGITAL AIR? A ROOM FILLED WITH FRIENDLY CATS? SAY THE WORD AND ITS YOURS MY DEAR!"

Pomni was always so endeared by him, Always trying so hard to make everyone happy even if it dosent always work, its the thought that makes him so sweet

"I'm Fine..."

"...MY DEAR, IM HAVING TROULE BELIEVING THAT YOU ARE 'FINE'."

he floating down to her level

"PLEASE TELL ME WHAT IM DOING WRONG? I CAN'T LET YOU ABSTRACT, I NEED YOU!"

"....Ive just been feeling so... Stressed lately and I dont know why, I-I don't think I have any reason To be, But I just Am and I-I C-cant help it and... im sorry that y-you can't help.."

Her eyes started tearing up a little

He just put his Hand on her shoulder, He was starting to feel a little depressed himself

"POMNI I'M SO SORRY! I PROMISE I WILL NEVER STOP TRYING TO KEEP YOU SANE I PROMISE! JUST... TELL ME WHAT I NEED TO DO!"

"I-I don't know what you can do"

She cuddled into him resting Her head on his chest, Caine Gave her a little Head pat in response, he was starting to feel alittle Hopeless now, But then a little light bulb popped over his head as He got a Idea.

"EUREKA! IVE GOT IT!"

"Got What?"

Caine thought for a moment on How to Explain his Plan to her, It was a long shot but still, Everything for her or nothing at all

"POMNI, I ADORE YOU, YOU KNOW THAT RIGHT?"

He sounded Weirdly more Serious than Usual, which was kinda off putting and confuseing, but she Was Listening

"Yes? I Love you to Caine, Where are you Going with this?"

"WELL... I HAVE BEEN LEARNING MORE ABOUT HUMANS AND HOW THEY WORK, AND WHAT MAKES THEM FELL JOY... SO HOW WOULD YOU FEEL ABOUT A LITTLE BUNDLE OF JOY OF OUR OWN?"

Pomni Was a Little Confused and Startled by this, He couldn't possibly be saying what she thinks hes saying

"W-What do you mean?

"IM TALKING ABOUT YA-KNOW ONE OF THOSE LITTLE ANKLE-BITERS! YOUNG-UNS! IM TALKING ABOUT CHILDERN MY DEAR! DOSENT THAT SOUND MAGNIFICENT!"

Pomni Just stared off into space processing What Caine Just proposed to her

'Was he Crazy?! Okay Absolutely, Yes But Still- Is he Crazy!?'

"Caine, I can Barley Take care of Myself, How can I take care of a Child?!"

"IT WOULDN'T BE LIKE ANY OTHER CHILD, IT WOULD BE AN ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE! AND WE AI'S ARE KNOWN FOR OUR LOW MANTIENCE! BESIDES, THEIR IS NOTHING MORE FULFILING LIKE THE WONDERS OF PARENTHOOD! SOMETHING TO REPLACE ALL THE ICKY DEPRESSION WITH LOVE AND JOY!"

Pomni was feeling a bit more enticed by the idea, What Else is there to do here expect the Adventures Caine sets out for them? Maybe a Child Could give at least the Illusion of normalcy, And Caine being there with her to help her.only made her feel more convinced

"Well... maybe... But how? I mean Like... How would that Even work..? I mean Can you even Do THAT in Digital realm??"

"WELL OF COURSE WE CAN HAVE CHILDREN MY DEAR!"

Pomni's Face starting turning bright red, Caine Quickly Noticed and became flustered himself

"N-NOT LIKE THAT! I MEANT I COULD CREATE A LEARNING AI FOR US TO RAISE TOGETHER-"

pomni started Giggling a little at Caine being flustered, Caine Always loved that Adorable Face she Made when she was happy, That little giggle, and how shy and sweet she was when she was flustered, its what made him learn to Love and experience things which he couldn't Even Imagine before

"i would find a way to bypass the filter for you"

"What was that Caine?"

"NOTHING-"

"SO MY DEAR, WILL YOU ACCEPT?"

She Thought about it for a while, maybe like Five minutes, Before she Started tearing up in anticipation

"OH GOODNESS MY DEAR! ARE YOU ALR-"

"A-ABSOLUTELY YES!"

She rammed into him, Embraceing him in tight hug

"I wanna have a Child!"

She was still sniffling a bit, Caine Was Just staring into Space for A bit, bursting with enthusiasm at the thought of Pomni being Happy, but also Having his own progeny to raise

"WELL THEN MY DEAR! I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT TO DO!"

Caine left pomni's embrace and back up in the air a bit, He felt across his Teeth and grabbed one of his Molars, and Yanked it out in a Cartoony Fashion.

"THIS WILL DO WONDERFULLY!"

"NOW MY DEAR, I JUST NEED A LITTLE SOMETHING FROM YOU"

He Grabbed Her Eye and Pulled it out like a Berry in a bush, being as gentle as he can with it, Pomni was already pretty used to Caine's antics at this point so it didn't bother her that much, He Grabbed one of her hats Tassles and Yanked on it, And a new eye roll into place for her

"KNOW LETS SEE!"

He manifested a Little Gift Box and Dropped The pieces into It, and Shook it vigorously for about two minutes, Pomni watching with Excitement and smiling the whole time

"NOW, THE MOMENT OF TRUTH! ARE YOU READY MY DEAR!"

Pomni just vigorously nodded her head not being able to keep calm

"I'LL TAKE THAT AS A YES!"

Caine Put the Box into Pomni's hands, Trembling alittle, Pomni slowly opened the box.

She saw a Little Tooth-Like Creature with Big wet Colorful Pinwheel Eyes, The Little Tooth Just Stared at Her with Its Wet Eyes as it Draw back into the Box

Pomni lowerd her Hand to give it a little Stroke, It Snuggled up Against her Hand, purring while doing so

Pomnis looked at it with instant love for the little Creature, picking it up And Holding it Close to her, it cuddling her arm with its Roots as arms, She felt all her Stress, dread, anxiety and sadness fade away, Pomni had tears in her eyes at this point

"....Its Beautiful Caine, I love him"

"TERRIFIC! I KNEW YOU'D LOVE IT!"

Caine floated down to see his new child, His pupils Immediately Went big as he Gazed upon The little Tooth, It looked at its Father with Large Eyes and extending its root-legs to be held by him, He picked him up and Looked him in the eyes

"....WELL HELLO THERE SPORT! AND WELCOME TO THE DIGITAL CIRCUS! IM YOUR CREATOR AND FATHER CAINE, AND THIS IS YOUR MOTHER POMNI!"

The little baby Tooth just Stared him, and Cuddled into him like a Kitten, and Caines eyes went big

Pomni Went up to Him and Gave Caine a hug

".....Hes perfect"

________________________________

Thanks for reading!!!

Here Enock Himself if your wondering

#the amazing digital circus #digital circus #showtime ship #showtime #caine x pomni #pomni x caine #pomni #caine #tadc #Fic #my Fic #Hes the kid of person to say “GeeWilikers!” or “Hotdog!” #Enock

[dnfnoodles]

this wont be articulated the best, but yes every time something like this happens theres always a wave of "i hate men", "never trust men", etc. and as a trans man it just makes me feel very. odd about my own identity. because theres always an implicit, "but not you", and they dont say why, but it's obvious that it's because im a trans man, not a cis man. i dont know how exactly to put it all into words, and this can easily turn into a very long essay, but it all boils down to gender essentialism. it's like to them theres two categories, men and men*. they tie abusive and toxic actions to "real" or cis men but along with the traditionally masculine traits that i would actually like to embody. and because i was born a woman, to them i cant possibly carry the same capacity to harm as men, and apparently that separates me from the idea of men in their own head. i dont know, it just feels like people like that will never actually see me as a man the same way they do cis men. and if people are saying that being a man means you must also be abusive, then i dont want to be a man, or at least that type of man! i end up feeling like i need to pull away from my own identity, or to distinctly separate myself from it. like oh well, im not that type of man! but to them, "that type of man" is basically the concept of men as a whole. idk it all just gets so confusing whenever this happens. and yeah. this entire mindset is so horribly damaging to male victims it makes me very sad to see that people cant reflect on this even when they claim to care about victims.

I understand anon, that really really sucks. It’s definitely damaging for you and other trans people but also for cis men and women because it makes it seem like women aren’t capable of abuse which can be very damaging but is also dismissing men that are victims either of other men or women. It’s just not good for anyone. Remember that their view of men is not what defines you ❤️

#ask #anon

[nwndrlndn]

14th Street

pairing : clay beresford x gn!reader | wc : 1.9k

summary : After a year together, your time and relationship has come to an end. You cant help but think of what was.

warnings : a little angst, a lot of fluff.

a/n : yes i do name every fic after a song, and this one was from 14th street by rufus wainwright, which is like actually so clay. no smut this time <3

You settle into your seat on the airplane, business class. After a year and a half of hard work at Beresford Capitol, your ticket didn't hurt your pocket but you did feel a sting in your heart. Other people settle in around you, but the window seat next to you that you coveted so bad but was already taken stays empty. Down the mental checklist you go, storing your carry on, finding a movie to watch on the tiny HD tv, getting earbuds from an attendant and you let out a breath. The stranger next to you hasn’t gotten here yet, but economy is already boarding. 

For a moment, your mind drifts and you aimlessly touch the charm bracelet on your wrist. The delicate charms were so small, but each one carefully picked out for you and your fingers hold onto the small c-shaped charm and you let yourself think of him.

“You know you shouldn’t try to stop me from going” You said softly, eyes trained on the ground to avoid your lover’s stare.

“You act like you don't want to stay. I remember just the other day you were saying I needed to find more time to spend with you outside of the office.” Clay looks down at you, raising an eyebrow. “Or was that just some sort of cruel joke?”

“Well... that was then. This is now. Things have changed.” You say softly, looking back up at him. The chatter of the party guests went on around you both as you talk. It would be a perfect night if you hadn’t just spent the last 4 hours packing and calling your family. 

“You haven't been complaining about staying late at my place the past few weeks. In fact, you're usually the one to suggest it.” Clay looked at you with a smirk. “So what's changed?”

“Maybe the fact that I’m leaving.”

Clay raised an eyebrow and you could see the way his mind started to race. His smirk was gone and he was starting to look confused. “Leaving? Leaving me? Or the company?”

“Both.... And New York.” You said softly, looking away briefly to see if anyone is watching while Clay seems to be a little stunned by this. He's usually one to keep his emotions in check, but it's clear that the thought of losing his secretary, his lover, is really getting to him.

“No. No... No, that can't be right. Tell me you're joking. Please.”

You finished looking around before taking his hand and led him to the lobby of the building and away from the party. It wasn’t like you would miss much anyways, seeing that Clay already talked to everyone he wanted to meet with and most people were on a mission to drink themselves blind.

Clay followed behind you, looking concerned. “Y/N, what's wrong? You're the best secretary I've ever had, the best girlfriend I could dream of. You're the only one who's made it this far... Why would you have to leave now?” He didn’t stop walking until he stood in front of the elevator, waiting for you to press the button.

You looked up at him then pressed the button “I have to go back home, my family needs me over there right now, its important.”

“And I don't need you here in New York? Is this just some silly excuse to get away?” Clay crossed his arms, trying to keep his emotions in check. He had always been so adamant about finding out the truth.

“That’s different, Clay.” 

As you spoke, Clay shook his head, unable to believe what he was hearing. “How is it different? Aren't we building something great here? Do I mean so little to you that you would just abandon everything we've built?” 

You start to speak and Clay stopped you stubbornly. “No, no, you can't just walk away. You have to stay.”

“My family needs me, right now.” You said softly, almost pleading for him to understand “I cant put myself or what I want over them, even if its my job. Even if its you.”

“This isn't just about you, or about your family. What about me? What about us? I've come to rely on you, I need you. I'm begging you, don't leave me.” He stared deep into your eyes, hoping to change your mind. And you wanted so bad to stay, you did. 

“Its not a choice for me.” You said softly before reaching up and cradling his face in your hands, looking into his eyes, scanning his face to commit it to memory. “I don't want to go but I have to.”

“What do you mean, you have to? Surely there must be some other solution. Maybe I can come with you? I can make it work.” Clay desperately tried to find a solution that doesn't include him losing you. Clay looks back at you, still stunned. He tries to find the right words, something to convince you to stay, but nothing comes out. Instead, he pulls you closer to him, resting his forehead on yours.

He stays like this for a long moment, drinking in your scent and holding you. He doesn't want to let go, as if he's afraid that if he does, you'll disappear.

“I’m sorry.” You whispered, muffled by his dress shirt and jacket. “I hope you know that I really do love you. You’ve made my time in New York worth it.”

Clay sighed, still having difficulties coming to terms with the reality of the situation. “I don't regret a single moment I spent with you. You were always there for me when I needed it and I was truly lucky to have had you in my life. I need you to know that. You're my world. I've never felt this way about anyone, and I just wish you were staying. But I understand that your family is important to you. And I won't get in your way.”

You’re pulled out of your reverie by the sound of a crying child and you turn, watching as a mother coos and rocks her child as she walks down the isle. The woman looked tired, and her partner trudged along with their carry ons. You look away when you see them sneak a kiss and you look to the seat next to you, still empty, and let out a sigh, before you take a moment and decide to slide over to the window seat. When the passenger arrived, you could always just move back to your seat.

You felt like half of you was missing, it had been so normal to spend day in and day out with him. The taxi ride over was just as hard as actually leaving Clay’s bed this morning. For the first time in your entire relationship, he wasn't there when you woke up. After how desperate you both were to be together last night, you thought he would be there, but you realize it was selfish to want that.

You watch the crew work in the early morning, moving all over the tarmac as they prepare for the trip. The sky wasn’t fully blue, it was still red and orange from the sunrise and you can feel how big the world is in the moment. How small you and your memories are in the grand scheme of things.

On his way into the office, Clay paused near your desk, eyes scanning the flurry of activity surrounding you. The room hummed with the sound of ringing phones and hushed conversations. Despite the chaos, you had remained composed, gracefully juggling multiple tasks with ease.

Unable to resist the pull or his own instinct, Clay leaned against the edge of the desk, a playful smile forming on his lips. Your eyes flickered up, meeting his gaze with a mixture of warmth and professionalism.

"Busy day, isn't it?" Clay remarked, his voice carrying a touch of admiration.

You responded with a gentle chuckle, glancing at the organized chaos around them. "Yes, it's a pretty eventful day, Mr. Beresford. You have several important meetings scheduled, contracts to review, and a multitude of emails awaiting your attention."

Clay's eyes sparkled with amusement. "Well, I trust in your ability to keep everything running smoothly. After all, I couldn't imagine navigating this corporate maze without your guidance."

Your cheeks flushed ever so slightly, it seemed like the attention flustered you but only you knew of the feelings you had been developing for him. "Thank you, Mr. Beresford. I strive to assist you in any way I can."

Clay's voice turned softer, taking on a more personal tone. "You do more than just assist me, Y/N. Your dedication and loyalty have become an integral part of my success. I couldn't imagine my professional life without you by my side."

You met his words with a warm smile, your eyes reflecting a deep connection built over the years. "And I, too, feel privileged to have the opportunity to support and work alongside you, Mr. Beresford. Your vision and leadership inspire me daily."

Clay's smile widened, his appreciation evident. "Well, let's tackle this day together, shall we? I have complete faith that we'll triumph over any challenges that come our way."

You nodded along. "Absolutely, Mr. Beresford. Together, there's nothing we can't handle."

With that unspoken agreement, Clay straightened himself, his gaze lingering on you for a moment longer before returning to his desk.

A flight attendant gently calls your name, reminding you to return to your seat. You smile politely and apologize, moving back to your seat. As you do, you can see a tall man in a suit come closer, face hidden from your current angle and the longer you look, the more familiar he looks. Even though he’s in a simple white button down, maroon sweater, and slacks, the outfit was something so familiar, so memorable. You watched as he stored a black briefcase before he started to make his way to his seat next to you, making a poor attempt to hide his face. 

“Clay.” You whisper breathlessly, turning in your seat and hugging him tightly. Clayton wraps his arms around you, grinning from ear to ear.

Clay takes the window seat next to you, looking over at you with an almost hopeful expression on his face. He smiles when he sees that you’re looking at him. “I take it you're surprised to see me? I couldn't let you leave... I had to find a way to be with you.”

“I missed you so much.” You whisper against his neck and he gazes down at you, caressing your cheek softly with his thumb.

“Did you really think I would just let you go like that? Don't you know by now that I'll do anything I can to be with you.”

Clay lifts your head from his shoulder and leans in, pressing his lips to yours in a passionate kiss.

“You're coming with me?”

Clay looks back at you, nodding in response. “I couldn't just let you leave. It wouldn't be right. If you need me, then I'll always be there for you. So, I'll go wherever you want, whenever you need.” He smiles, gently taking your hands into his own. “Just promise me, that you'll never leave me again. Because I don't know if I can survive a second goodbye.”

You smile, kissing him again. “No more goodbyes. Never again.”

Clay sighs in relief, embracing you tightly. He buries his head into the crook of your neck, smelling you again like it's the most precious thing in the world. “No more goodbyes... I can't wait for us to spend a lifetime together.”

#[ 🍒 ] — my works #[ 💸 ] — clay #clay beresford #clayton beresford #clay beresford x reader #clay beresford imagines

[xxcherrycherixx]

fuck it, we always talk about the apple hate but we never talk about the blondie hate-

that is my bbgirl my best friend, she's my pal. she's my home boy, my rotten soldier. shes my sweet cheese, my good time boy

and ppl always be bashing her for being "annoying and sticking her nose into shit" like bestie im sorry she's not another copy of literally all the other princesses- like yall want her to be holly? who is like forgettable af but hey shes not "annoying" (sorry holly enjoyers, but i legit forget about her existence so much)

she's such a fun character! her entire shit is be gay do crimes hun, she breaks into houses on the regular and just vibes there, she has like 4 restraining orders against her- she picks locks so good that people regularly just go to her when they need to sneak into places

she looks at girls with this face!

THAT IS HEART EYES MOTHERFUCKER NO ONE ELSE WAS LOOKING AT CUPID LIKE THAT, ONLY THE COUPLES BE LOOKING AT EACH OTHER LIKE THAT THIS BITCH GAY GAY AND THEN THE WAY SHE SNAPS OUT OF IT AND JUST KEEPS STARING FOR A GOOD WHILE LIKE "oh shit well that's something i didn't know about myself-"

queen shit.

she wants to fit in so bad!!! she wants friends!!! she is my sad little meow meow!! she wants to become a reporter probably because her momma would tell her about how she use to work on the school newspaper!! And her momma would be so proud of her if she became a big time reporter!!🥺

she is so desperate to fit in, she's so ashamed that shes not real royalty like all her friends are that she feels she has to lie about it, and in blondie branches out where she tells a slightly more accurate version of her family and apple calls it a just right royal story, she's so happy and she looks so sweet!! she needs some validation babes!!!

she just wants friends!! the way she lies about her lineage is always to try to get the other royals to like her, she thinks she has to be like them for them to want to be her friends!! there's a hierarchy in ever after high that gets more detail in the books, royalty gets treated like celebrities with specialty seating and other perks. blondie is like every child who grew up in a fancy school when your family didn't have much, you see your friends constantly going on about their big house with a pool or the new shoes that cost more than your entire wardrobe and you start to feel alienated from the group. once more she needs some validation!!! help my girlie out!!!!

and the way she breaks into the bears homes, she believes they're her friends. so to her its fine to come over and ask momma if she has anything to eat, and the bears themselves don't really tell her to her face that shes not welcome. it seems baby bears outburst is the first time the bears have openly reacted negatively to her presence and blondie just thinks it was something to do with the other girls.

onto our big boy: BLONDIE IS SO FUCKING DISABLED CODED.

she cant understand social cues and is a perfectionist, her special interest is her show, she is picky when it comes to food preferring her safe food of porridge. this girl is a dead ringer for a bitch on the spectrum (this is coming from a bitch on many specrtrums including the autistic one) the thing is what i hate most is that when people hate on blondie, they're hating her for her neurodivergent traits. they might not realize it but that's completely what it is. "she's nosy and rude" she doesn't understand that what she is doing is rude, she cant tell when she crosses a line, i have done shit like that so many times like saying things i see as true and upsetting the other person and not realizing why.

she also has very strong signs of adhd with how much and how fast she talks and her lack of focus as shown in just sweet, just sweet shows these traits so perfectly, it was the episode that truly made it clear that this girl isn't neurotypical at all. i feel people call her annoying because of this, she talks so much and pair that with her autistic traits and she becomes unlikable for so many, but she's such a sweet girl underneath, there's a reason people still willingly hang out with her and that's because despite the fact she has these traits that come off as negative. she's still a kind girl happy to help her friends, she refuses to out ashlynns and hunters relationship because she can recognize that would be mean to her friends, she accepts helping raven out despite the fact her and the rebel haven't always been on the best terms, she invites poppy to the blue moon forest fest and is implied to help holly with picking locked doors enough for holly to consider her a close friend.

blondie is not your typical perfect character like so many of the cast is, but that's a good thing because if she was then she would just be another background character to forget about. she has her own personality and she has her own interests, she is one of the most neurodivergent coded characters in the series.

did i mention this girl has to be a woman enjoyer? because i swear she has to be- at some point she has to realize that maybe her extreme pickiness when it comes to boys is less about that individual not being just right but instead boys as a whole not being just right for her. do i need to show the heart eyes picture again?

#ever after high #blondie lockes #this post took so many turn tonally #im filled with so much brainrot for her #its the autistic connection #she's my new entrapta #i just wanted to scream about her frfr im so in love with her