#why can't you just keep it to yourself

[total-drama-brainrot]

TD World Tour AU, where Noah doesn't tell Owen that Alejandro is an eel in London... In Area 51, Noah is accidentally splashed with an alien truth potion (which wears off after a few days) and he talks to Owen... Owen asks Noah what he truly thinks about Alejandro, and Truth-Potion Affected Noah says this: "I have mixed feelings for Alejandro. He's a brilliant, interesting guy and I like him, but I don't trust him. He's like a slippery eel dipped in grease, swimming in motor oil. Basically, Heather with social skills. Wait a minute, why am I telling you this?!"... What if Alejandro secretly heard Noah call him all those conflicting things + Alejandro also learns that Noah is affected with an alien truth potion? 👽

Alright, you got me. I'm an absolute sucker for truth potion plots, especially when the character(s) effected by them are usually either pathological liars or incredibly secretive- of which Noah absolutely falls into the second category, given he shares so little personal information.

I'll gloss over why Noah declined to shit-talk Alejandro in London (though there's so many ways this change in behaviour could be justified) since the focal point of this hypothetical centred around their time in Nevada, so let's start from the beginning of the Area 51 challenge.

Area 51:

Before we start, it'll have to be established that no one was eliminated in London. Let's say that the majority vote went towards Duncan (team CIRRRRH voted him out immediately because they found his re-admission to the competition unfair, I guess. I imagine he'd also vote himself, if not as a plan to escape the competition he'd been actively skiving from, then just as an act of spite) but Chris instead claimed it was a rewards challenge- much like he does in Greece- because he doesn't want to let Duncan slip away again so soon.

I see no reason to alter the first part of the challenge- the sneaking into Area 51 portion- since team CIRRRRH's course of entry is fairly straightforward. Noah's presence doesn't make much of a difference to how it would play out; the majority of them throw their rocks and run, Owen gets lasered over the fence and Owen-napped, ect ect.

When both teams have managed to make their way into the Black Box Warehouse, Noah immediately suggests they should prioritise rescuing Owen. Tyler's quick to agree, since he's a firm believer in the "no man left behind" mentality (and he probably makes a not-so-subtle jab towards Noah for his chance of tune compared to London, where both he and Owen did leave Tyler behind) leaving Duncan and Alejandro to split from the group- Duncan in search of Gwen, and Alejandro just takes the opportunity to finally be free from his 'incompetent teammates' and prioritises finding an artifact.

Noah and Tyler come across the contraption Owen's trapped in, Tyler punches it in a futile effort to break it open, and the face hugger cube drops into Noah's hands. This is where the point of divergence comes into play; Tyler has his E.T. moment with one of the face huggers, but Noah- who's a tad bit more observant than Alejandro, and used to dodging surprise attacks from his various older siblings (and Izzy)- anticipates his own face hugger attack and promptly starts a game of cat-and-mouse with a taser alien hot on his heels.

The commotion of which attracts the rest of his team. Alejandro and Duncan arrive on the scene to see Tyler being electrocuted by an alien and Noah running in circles evading another.

Duncan attempts to rip the face hugger from Tyler's face, finding success at the cost of sending Tyler trampling into Owen's captive contraption (essentially taking Alejandro's canonical place in this scene) and inadvertently freeing Owen.

Meanwhile, Alejandro swipes up the nearest box he can find and snags the alien chasing Noah, who's still very loudly panicking as he flees, and succeeds! The alien is swiftly captured into the box, netting team CIRRRRH their artifact, and Noah promptly goes careening into the nearest tower of junk in his face hugger-fuelled hysteria. This causes another box to topple from the peak of the tower, landing directly on Noah's head and spilling its contents onto the bookworm- glass vials filled with a mysterious, luminescent cobalt blue liquid shatter into pieces drenching Noah in whatever they contained. (i.e. truth potion.)

Owen has his false-amnesia moment, characterised by his Joker makeover, and Alejandro enacts his revenge post-hypnotic suggestion after being addressed as "Al" one too many times.

Noah, understandably, swiftly objects to Owen's treatment and demands that Alejandro snap him out of it. Alejandro concedes, and Owen's brought back to himself. At least, for a moment, before the fatigue of having his mind messed with sends Owen into near-catatonia (the same as canon), meaning he has to be ferried through the Warehouse and back to the Jet by Alejandro and Duncan.

Things carry on canonically from there; Noah's just sort of there for the most part, though there'd be a minor hint to his newfound proclivity for honesty. Something along the lines of him giving an uncharacteristically honest answer to Owen as to who he's voting- Tyler, of course, since he was the one who ultimately threw the challenge for them... and also because Tyler still holds some resentment towards Noah for what happened in London, and Noah feels guilty about it every time he looks at the jock. Wait, why did he say that?

Sometime between this and the elimination scene, Noah wipes the truth-goop off of himself, but not before the effects have already started.

Tyler's voted out, yada yada yada.

The Jet:

Thus begins the start of "Picnic at Hanging Dork". Team CIRRRRH, consisting of just Alejandro, Duncan, Owen and Noah, are slumming it up in the Economy Cabin. Alejandro tries to rally his team by asking how to break apart Courtney and Heather's tentative co-operation. Owen suggests having Alejandro seduce Heather, since it worked for both Bridgette and Leshawna. Duncan makes his "Babe Olympics" comment. Noah pipes up that playing with someone's feelings is pretty scummy, even for someone competing for a million dollars.

Alejandro takes Noah's reluctance towards his methodology poorly; he hadn't spoken up before, when Alejandro had utilized the same strategy against other girls- and even Owen noticed that, so surely Noah did too- so why was he to outwardly against him using the same tricks? Duncan agrees, and offers ''his'' idea of having Alejandro flirt with Courtney to throw both her and Heather off their games (since Heather has an obvious crush on Alejandro), and things follow canon.

Then, the scene between Alejandro and Courtney happens. Noah scoffs at the display from the side lines, prompting Owen to ask him why he's so against Alejandro's plan.

"I mean, you never said anything before, when he flirted with Bridgette and Leshawna." Owen comments, light-hearted in nature but with an underlying questioning tone.

Noah's eyes flicker with a cobalt glow, easily mistaken for a trick of the light, and he speaks without even thinking.

"Yeah, because I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. Bridgette was happenstance, and Leshawna's whole deal could've been a coincidence, or some massive misunderstanding. But this?" Noah extends an accusing hand out towards a smug looking Alejandro, then pans it over to a flattered Courtney, "He's outright toying with Courtney's feelings after she was cheated on in front of an international audience. It's scummy."

Owen nods in understanding, momentary contemplation evident in the pouted curve of his lips, and he chimes in.

"Does that mean you don't like Al?"

"I never said that."

"Well, how do you feel about him, then?"

Again, a flash of blue light against the hickory backdrop of Noah's eyes, and he responds thoughtlessly.

"I guess I have mixed feelings about him. On the one hand, he's slippery, like an eel dipped in grease, swimming in motor oil. He's like if you took all of the worst aspects of Heather, wrapped them up in a pretty package, and gave them social skills..." He holds his hands out before him in a scale-like manner, with the left tipped downwards and tie right raised by his chin. Then, the two hands swap positions.

"And on the other hand, he's brilliant. I've never met anyone as talented as Alejandro; he's smart, he's athletic, he's funny. It's almost unfair just how perfect everything about him is- even his face is perfect. It's ridiculous! Infuriating, even. It's so hard to dislike him, even when I know he's bad news, but that doesn't mean I trust him."

Owen stands slack jawed beside his best friend, both impressed and stunned at the raw honesty of Noah's tirade. Noah, now a little more aware of himself, realises that he's said more than he intended to- more than he thinks he's ever spoken in one go throughout the entirety of Total Drama. He's not usually one for speeches, after all, let alone honest ones.

He's always been the type to play his cards close to his chest, so why...?

"I, uh, didn't mean to go off like that."

And he also didn't mean to admit it, either. What was going on?

The look Owen gives him is, in a word, vivid. The blonde has a shit-eating grin stretching across his face, a sort of elated smugness practically glowing from his features.

"Sounds like someone has a cruuuush!~"

What? No? No! Not at all, where would Owen even get that idea?!

Noah splutters to correct Owen's assumption (to disastrous results, because he does sort-of has a crush on Alejandro, so the truth potion doesn't allow him to outright deny it), and in his preoccupied state he misses how a calculating pair of sage green eyes never seems to stray from him.

Alejandro has a lot to think about in regards to a certain cynic, it seems.

#I'd like to apologise for taking this idea and running with it. #Cutting myself off here before I breach 2k+ words or else I'll be here all day. #Sort of entered actual Writing Mode at the end there instead of Outline Mode but this idea is. So Full Of Potential I couldn't help myself. #But from here it'd basically be Alejandro using his newfound knowledge of Noah's crush on him to his advantage. #Whilst Noah's doing his best (and failing) to deny that he has any feelings for Alejandro. #Eventually leading to the two of them having a Bonding Moment where Alejandro gets Noah to divulge some personal information. #And in turn- or an effort to garner some trust (to be abused later)- Alejandro also lets himself be vulnerable towards Noah. #Something something Alejandro tries to use Noah as a pawn but ends up catching feelings of his own. #Then of course the potion wears off and Noah goes back to being just as prickly and standoffish as he was before. #A point of conflict maybe? Imagine bearing your soul out to someone only for them to close themself off to you not even days afterwards. #...Also imagine being practically forced to divulge information about yourself to someone you don't trust because of a truth potion. #Oh yeah. That's some good angst material right there. #Especially is you have Alejandro be- if not fully aware- than at least suspect that Noah's not being agreeable on his own terms. #Anon why have you given me The Thoughts?? I can't keep brainstorming AUs when I already have fics to work on!! #ophe's ranting in the tags again #total drama #td noah #td alejandro #team chris is really really really really hot #alenoah #-ish #silly ideas #other's ideas #long post #replies #kinda drafty in here (posts from the drafts)

[anneapocalypse]

"Write for yourself" and "Comments are good" are not mutually exclusive ideas.

"Comments are good" is true! They are good! We like them! It's nice to leave them and it's nice to read them.

"Write for yourself" is how you get through the draft knowing that feedback is not (and it never is) guaranteed.

#people get so up in arms about this #i assume because they think 'write for yourself' means you shouldn't want comments #which isn't true #it's fine and normal to want feedback #to hope that people read your work and that you can have a connection with them #that's all good #it's just not ENOUGH imo to motivate your when you're struggling #it can't be JUST for the comments #there has to be another reason you're writing #why you keep going even when it's hard or you're stuck #that's where 'write for yourself' comes in #there's a reason you started writing in the first place #don't lose sight of that #writing

[blueteller]

TCF Part 2 Chapter 28 be like:

Cale: *becomes a heroic figure in literally every place and dimension he visits* Cale: *looks down at himself* HOW did I end up in this deep hole???

Also Cale: *grabs a shovel* Welp! Might as well keep digging

#tcf #trash of the count's family #lcf #lout of the count’s family #cale henituse #cale #tcf cale #tcf humor #humor #tcf hilarious moments #pfffff #the great one who purifies #yeah keep digging cale #not a hero he says #just call yourself our lord and saviour already why don't you #i can't handle this #cale is a total clown #just look at this delusional man and his unrealisitc dream #no wonder your beloved slacker life dumped you #tcf part 2 chapter 28

[tricksterlatte]

Anyone else think short form social media based on algorithms designed to promote topics that create more engagement instead of more joy, the idea of fast fashion but conveyed through social media, and the fact you can monetize suffering and outrage better than ever has largely resulted in the death spiral of media literacy and the mass emergence of bad faith readings?

#I may be venting a lil but god it blows my mind #fyp is a blessing and a curse because i don't think ppl were ever meant to be subjected to this many ppl at once #god i took a bird site hiatus for weeks and now BARELY check it and it already feels like a hit #oughhhhh #even fandom spaces have hugely incorporated marketing and networking into them bc of cmms and sponsorship and building portfolio #which would be fine tbh if it weren't for the way socmed is designed #now it's like you can't support too many ppl or else you're shadow banned or you have to make yourself palatable and marketable #and websites with threads in which people will only read the first post before qrting because ratios are seen as five minutes of fame #features that permit beating an algorithm are locked behind a paywall that promises you money if you go viral #and what goes viral is usually incendiary content meant for those ratios or trends. whether for or against OP #even in hobbyist spaces the climate has changed so much due to the monetization and marketing and just. ugh #not to mention side accounts dedicated to gossip in this new priv account culture like...idk #if you have to make another account so you can make fun of a friend on main with selected priv friends it just doesn't sit well with me #and not every priv account does this but enough do and it makes me tired #unsolicited hate comments are still as bad as they used to be on ff dot net except now people openly are proud of it more #why do most socmed feel like passive aggressive sticky notes on high school lockers #there is so much more I could say about everything that has left me weary about the internet but I don't know the time or place #and I don't want anyone to think this is about them because it's a general statement. though if you are doing the more inflammatory things. #maybe rethink that. it's not good for anyone else and it's not good for you either #I keep coming back online to check on ppl and see art and I *know* it's draining for my health every time #but I feel a lot better now that i use socmed less overall. and that I try to focus on what makes me happy #it just sucks seeing so many people i care about endure absolutely wild struggles bc people online do not care. #I like rambling in my tags because this is the only place I ramble except my personal journal and to my wife

[moongothic]

You know I realize I forgot to mention this before in the Crocodile Power Level Speculation Post/Ask (btw I did go back to edit it so it's actually legible and has a point now lmao)

I really wanna know if Croc has any new tricks with his hook

Like in Alabasta the dude had a poison hook under his regular hook, which was also hiding a tiny blade beneath it as well. This is all fine and dandy, absolutely iconic etc etc

And then we never see him reuse either feature again.

Now to be fair, the only other time we could've seen Crocodile use them would've been in Marineford, but the dude just escaped from prison. Although people are quick to meme about the Marines being 'kind enough' to let Crocodile keep his gigantic fucking hook in prison-- If we're being realistic here, they probably let him keep the base of the hook simply because without a hand any shackle would just slide off his wrist and fall off. Of course he wouldn't still be able to escape or anything since he'd still have the Seastone cuff on his right, but if they wanted to keep him properly shackled then letting him keep even just the hook base would just be the easiest option for the Marines.

It's the fact that the Marines went out of their way to retrieve his missing hook attachment and gave it back to him that's a bit wild

But let's keep in mind that Luffy did break the poison hook back in Alabasta. Even if the Marines let Croc keep the hook attachment, I find it extremely unlikely they would've gone out of their way to fix/replaced the poison hook when the guy's going to jail anyways. If anything it'd make far more sense if they got rid of whatever poison might've still been left in the base and confiscated the blade. Like there's an argument to be made for the Marines letting Crocodile keep his hook due to disability reasons, but the poison and the purely stabby weapon? Not so much

So really, it's very likely the reason Crocodile never used his other weapons in Marineford might've just been that he literally didn't have them on him at the time, just the basic hook

But hey, it's been two whole whooping years. That would be plenty of time for him to replace the broken hook and blade and get some new poison into the hook base too while he's at it

Or

Are there any new weapons Crocodile could've gotten inserted into his hook base that he could whip out

Like just because he could get a new poison hook it doesn't mean he has to get a poison hook, same for the blade as well, right

To be fair, dude feels very old fashioned so I'm not expecting any Inspector Gadget kinda tech from him. Like I don't think Crocodile's knowledgeable about stuff like that himself, at least not enough to install any technically advanced weaponry into the hook on his own, and IDK if he'd trust his hook with anyone to "upgrade it" either for an extended period of time either

But could you imagine if Croc had gotten access to a busted ass Pacifista and stole a laser and had it built into his hook base. He just pulls of the hook and starts blasting people with the laser. How fucking funny would that be. Franky eat your heart out

#Moon posting #OP Meta #Sir Crocodile #A machine gun inside his hook would also be funny as hell but. Dude can create giant sand blades what does he need a gun for #Honestly I think the coolest and unironically the most useful new hidden weapon Croc could potentially have in his hook base #Would be some kind of a Seastone weapon. Like a Seastone Hook or a blade or even just a stick like Smoker's #That shit would be so OP but also make him such a massive threat. Like much more than his poison hook ever did #It's just where the fuck would he even get a custom Seastone weapon to build in to his hook #Like it's the WG who hoards the shit for themselves so getting one would not be easy. Or cheap #Since you can't just make stuff out of Seastone yourself like you need specialists for it etc #But like I said. I think it'd be the coolest fucking thing he could possibly whip out #Aside from a Pacifista Beam but lmao that ain't happening as funny as it'd be #For the record yes it is possible Croc's hook isn't detachable at all #I just have to question how he ever changes clothes if he can't even take the hook off #Also for the record. Croc's hook could've been treated the same way his clothes were treated in Impel Down #Like Oda totally could've just drawn him without the hook and then just told us in the SBS the Newkama had stolen it from the guards #And returned it to Crocodile after he escaped since he could use it etc. While he got some fresh clothes to wear etc #Like that totally could've been an off-screen thing that could've happened. But if it was something that unimportant then why even bother #He might as well keep the hook for the brief scene in the jail cell because it doesn't actually matter for the narrative

[hoshigray]

uh? Gojo doesn’t have sliver hair.

his hair is WHITE

hello again. it's been quite a while since you last did this, huh.

Sorry, this took long to reply to, but here are my responses to your observations (yet again):

1) Yes, Gojo is young (28), and yes, old people have silver hair; HOWEVER, silver is another word to describe the color of "white" outside of plain and snow and so on. I would not like to keep describing Gojo's hair as white and snowy throughout my work because it gets repetitive. Silver is the closest color to white, so I use it.

2) "Gojo has no animal attributes"...Okay??? That's obvious, yes, he's human. I don't quite understand what "animal" attributes you're referring to unless it's like the "growl" or "bark a laugh." To which I say, again, it is another way of speech to describe an action. I don't understand why this bothers you so much as I've never stated in my stories that the characters I'm writing are non-human and have non-human attributes (?) that you're thinking of.

3) What do you gain in sending these asks to me in such a consecutive manner? Like I am fully aware of the characters I'm writing about, I read the material and know what and who we're talking about, and whatever information I'm unfamiliar with can be easily retrieved on the Internet for guidance. If you would have liked to tell me about these things or question why I used them, you could've asked ONCE. Instead, you wasted your time going into my inbox and doing this approach for the second time. And for that, I've warned you once not to do it again and I'm now unhappy I have to tell you again.

Anyway, I will let this slide for the second and final time. Do not explode my inbox with these unnecessary messages; the next time you do will result in a block. I won't even bother replying and just delete the asks.

Have a nice day/night, stay safe, and please don't do this again. ☆

#do not test my kindness and respect my inbox #like i actually almost stopped writing when i first saw this bc it was like ??? okay and??? #like it's okay to have your nitpicks and criticisms but why blow my inbox with that? #can't you just keep those thoughts to yourself or not be a dick about it when you share them to me? #but yeah I didn't answer this bc it just irked me and ruined my vibe bc this is the 2nd time #anyways please respect my inbox as i do not tolerate spamming #thank you. #𝑯𝒐𝒔𝒉𝒊 ⚛ 𝑨𝒕𝒐𝒎𝒊𝒄 𝑨𝒔𝒌𝒔

[there-will-be-a-way]

It's frustrating that no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to make social interactions work the way they're supposed to. Even when I think I'm doing well at having a conversation, I get to hear that I need to talk more, talk more about myself, ask more questions.

I'm scared to take up space and I have barely anything to talk about because my life either was too boring or too traumatic to share anything about it.

I'm giving 130% and it's still not enough. I always get told to act different. To be someone else.

- Stranger

#'you need to talk more about yourself' is something i hear almost as often as 'you are the calmest / most quiet person I know' #personal posts #maybe I should just quit #and then there are situations where people I used to be close with slowly (or abruptly) become strangers and I can't figure out what I did #wrong #because no one tells me and when in the past I asked for clarifications I just got scolded #so why bother #I want to live in a cabin in the woods and only keep the people who don't make me question myself over and over again

[novelconcepts]

i don't make resolutions, but if i did

it would be to finish this fic

(and to be kind to myself for however long it takes to actually do so)

#i'm finishing it if it kills me #i know i've been writing this makeout scene for 3 weeks but baby that can't last forever #if we want to get deep and dark and serious for a second i do think a lot of my struggles to write lately have to do with engagement #and how incredibly low engagement has been on the last few things i've written #which like. is what it is. i'm not entitled to anybody's time or comments or kudos. #but when you write stuff you're proud of and it feels like it's barely getting read it's hard to keep momentum. #this isn't intended as a woe is me or whatever it's just kind of like. there. hovering. #happens enough times you start to wonder if it's you. am i just writing for the wrong fandom/ship? #(too bad if so. they're in my bones i'm writing for them and no one can stop me.) #but yeah. if you ever wonder if authors do care or notice about hits. comments. kudos. buddy i am here to tell you #not only do we care and FLOURISH we also notice when those things drop off and readers vanish #and it is a giant bummer. and sometimes makes us wildly paranoid about why that might have happened. #so if you liked a fic today--not even one of mine. just. anybody's. share it. comment on it. #kudos at the VERY least (cuz frankly kudos is there to be an 'i got to the end and this was nice' feature. #so when you get 500 hits and only like 30 kudos? it feels like 470 of those people hated your work) #anyway. that got out of hand. lil' too raw lil' too honest. happens when you let yourself ramble at 11:30 instead of sleeping #to sum: let your local fic writer know if they've made you happy #and as we go into 2024 i am swearing to myself that this fic (and probably several others) are getting finished #come hell. high water. or dishearteningly low engagement numbers. #(and then maybe we...actually work on something original. cuz why not. new year same old me but i'll do my best.)

[maranull]

tried to write a bit. i wrote like 3 sentences for a new wip and then brain died. so instead i type here.

i tend to write fluff (i thought, then i saw that only 13/42 of my works in AO3 are tagged as such), but i think the vast majority of my works also have angst as a background or in the past of the characters. it's as if i view peace and gentleness as things inherently earned, not provided. man. that feels wrong. peace and gentleness are earned. yea, that is wrong. welp. anyway, my chatfic is one of the very few things i've wrote/ i'm writing that is pure fluff with no drama or real problems. another one that i have abandoned was "father and daughter", thought the father in that one had gone through some shit and was basically a hermit that got handed a baby. the writing on it sucks (i was writing it like 4 years ago)

there's no point to be made in this post btw just typing mindlessly cause typing mindfully (for fics) is unachievable at the moment

#personal #i want to keep typing cause the “clickity clackity” of the keyboard is giving me joy #but i can't really think of anything #nor do i want to #cause thinking sometimes means finding yet another thing that's wrong with me and honestly i have enough #no more #pls and ty #at this point it's not even like sad or anything #it's just #come on #another bullshit in my brain????? #let me mend the other problems first #why you go finding more things to be broken about? #silly mara #just consume media and not think or create anything #creating makes you think #thinking makes you figure out yourself more #and that's no good when the self is so broken and sealed off to even your own mind #what am i even typing anymore #shut.

[tathrin]

Buggering fuck children I am BEGGING you to get an icon or a blog heading banner or SOMETHING to distinguish yourself from the bots. I almost blocked two new Actual People Followers because I thought y’all were bots until I noticed you had actual reblogs that made sense on your accounts (fortunately they loaded faster than I could click the block-and-report button because I was actively moving to hit it when I saw your posts!) and I already have blocked at least two others before I noticed but you look like bots and if you look like bots then people are going to instinctively block you like bots because we are in the middle of the Great Bot War of 2023 and if you are walking around dressed like the enemy we will block-and-report your asses before we notice you are not bots because YOU ARE DRESSED LIKE BOTS please PLEASE put on some Actual People Garb like an icon or something for fuck’s sake.

#tumblr #new users #new to tumblr #new to tumblr guide #the great bot war #internet #like i don't mean to shout but COME ON why are you still being like this #seriously just get a still from your favorite movie or tv show or grab a quote you like and put it on a pretty color background or SOMETHING #this is the Idiots Talking About Idiot Shit They Like website please get yourself some Idiot Shit You Like and give yourself an Identity #i don't understand the ''you can't make me have an icon/reblog things/etc'' attitude i keep seeing #what are you here for then? what are you getting out of this website? why don't you want to have fun? #i'm trying to HELP YOU okay it does me absolutely zero good to ''have followers'' this is TUMBLR #i'm not like ''oh no i blocked a real person so i just lost a follower boo hoo!'' no buddy there's no CLOUT on tumblr #i'm not making money off influencer shit this is the anti influencer website follower counts are empty numbers #i am trying to help YOU not get blocked by every blog you want to follow #insert gandalf ''i am not trying to rob you i'm trying to help you'' gif HEAVY SIGH #excuse me i need to go over here and yell at this cloud for a while brb

[baishouqijia]

i am desperately trying to be more active but i'm experiencing mental burnout. just want to say thank you for the interactions even when i'm only checking in here now and again - i'll respond when i'm feeling better! <3

#nothing really happened - work and the house just got on top of me. #for context i was promoted to a management position in october and i hit my stride so i have a lot of responsibilities and i'm hhh. #having to play catch up in terms of skillset. i'm good at my job but i'm not the best - therefore ? i must keep pushing :y #as for home... Man (horse.jpg) #we bought a house a year ago. i envy people who renovate days after moving in. we're a year in and i'm only just redoing the kitchen floor #after a leak that happened in JUNE 2022. it's expensive as fuck and takes so much time. #i'm so fortunate to be able to afford a house but like. i won't lie. it's really hard having to be responsible for everything that goes #wrong with it. my kitchen has been subfloor for months. we destroyed our kitchen island trying to make room for the floor to be done #so we're down storage and stuff is just piling up. eh i know this is like. first world problem and really not a big deal. #but when your house is in disrepair because you don't have the money to fix it quickly or time to do it yourself. shit's hard. #anyway this is a rant. don't want a wrench or a tissue- just wanna get it out. #[puts on pantalone hat] i have money anxiety too #like i earn the most i've ever earned. i won't really get much higher than this atm. i'm due a bonus and i can cash out my shares #but fixing up the house is so expensive. i'm worried i'm gonna lose it all somehow. idfk why. when things are going well i worry i'm gonna #lose it all somehow. growing up poor does a number on your resource guarding. if i spend a penny I Will Lose It All. #' dima why do you like pantalone so much ' HE JUST LIKE ME FRRRR #sry this is a ramble . i treat tumblr tags like my diary but i hope you enjoyed the read xoxox #anyways! point is! i'm alive! i'm itching to come back but i dont have the mental space for fun rn. #can't have fun until i feel safe enough to have fun if that makes sense. #aight byeee

[nonoqy]

any of you who have essay andied in my inbox im not posting cause i can't agree in full with ur asks and i'm too tired to add onto them but just know i hear you and i hope wordvomitting helps cause it helps me a lot i think

#and all of people who shitted on hannah FUCKING KILL YOURSELF i can't stress this enough #some of you are actually deranged you desperately need to keep your misogyny in check just like george does #like cc like fanbase i guess Like i seriously can't believe some of the things ive been seeing #before saying anything about the women who are affected by dteam's actions try and Think while you're mad at them and not at the dteam #why you're mad*

[incarnateirony]

yo!!! holla

those of you still following this apeshit thread of fractal eternity and liking my posts recently, I SEE YOU, APPRECIATE YOU, AND AM SIMULTANEOUSLY VERY SORRY YOU'RE STUCK ON THIS HONKAI STAR RAIL UNTIL MY EX GETS OFF MY DICK, BUT I DONE SNAPPED GABRIEL STYLE

#spit it out son game's over #you've got blood all over #and you won't burn the body #you just keep riding it #while your family builds an altar to my dick against my will #because we are literally all screaming at you to hop off of it now #your shadow is screaming still #even if you look away #your ancestors are screaming #and building toilet paper tartarus in your certified shitbowl #fucking literally shealyn how many deers to the car does it take #let us go #what is wrong with you #why can't you accept yourself #even when we shove the superbowl up your pussy #since you won't get off my dick #you already confirmed hearing yourself screaming in childbirth of your pyramidheads #you brought home the moon for us #why won't you fucking stop

[derangedthots]

considering how the dance is a cautionary tale of the destructive effects of misogyny on absolutely EVERYBODY you'd think the fandom would be less misogynistic but it's like every day unveils a new flavor of "i hate women, this is why they deserve nothing"

#it's worse when it comes from ppl who think they're somehow more enlightened and not sexist at all #and then they basically say women shouldn't exist or that they deserve nothing ever #like?? the cognitive dissonance is astounding #you really put that clown makeup on yourself huh? #i try not to post angry stuff on this blog bc i wanna be silly and fun for you guys but i saw some stuff today that was really just wow #this is also the reason why i try and limit my fandom exposure and don't engage with hotd twitter #gotta protect my own peace bc my blood pressure can't keep taking all these hits #hotd #fandom

[noctvrnal9999]

Some people really have nothing better to do than hate-post into character tags. Like what's the purpose there? So that people who love said character see the hate? Are they encouraging their followers to go to the tag and see all those who appreciate the character and harass them for it? Why are they literally spending their limited time on this godforsaken planet reveling in hate? Just stay in your lane. Character tags are for character love. Damn.

#i'm fucking hungover as hells and i really can't stand this #why are you going to AA or Cazzy tags only to post hate or harass ppl #just keep your bile to yourself none of us really care you're just getting blocked for cluttering the tags #some people give big yikes energy for focusing on what they hate instead of what they love #i can't stand Karlach for example but you won't catch me hate-posting lmao #thots and prayers.tm

[non-un-topo]

Those days where you open your drawing program and just want to have a fucking meltdown

#i'm calling it. i have lost my ability to draw. and write apparently. #maybe i do need to angrily clean my bathroom because i feel like i'm on fire rn. like i'm just boiling inside. #it's still funny though because i get gender euphoria when my depression manifests as anger like this. #sig why don't you listen to more system of a down and stare blankly at the ceiling for two hours. i'm sure that would fix you. #i shouldn't have an online presence when i feel this depressed lol but it's tumblr #the day after a night out drinking is always dark. no bby boy don't cut yourself ahaha. seriously i won't but i can't just sit here #i should clean. #i think i know what burnout feels like now but i still keep pushing myself anyway. so i can't be burnt out then huh. #i definitely have some serious depression lol. i'm not saying T would fix me buuuuuuuuuuuuuut...