#why am i collapsing in on myself

[arcademgmt]

your words carry a twisted sense of familiarity, embellished with the botched resurrection of your kindness

#miitopia #miitopia fanart #miitopia darker lord #miitopia dark curse #miitopia art #miiblr #mii #mii oc #miitopia community #mii community #mii art #Collapses and explodes #its done. its DONE i am FREE #anyways the conscious of the curse and the great sage combined create this sort of like. mental and emotional imbalance #the best way i can describe it is that my darker lord is like an unstable steven universe fusion kinda #so it creates these Interesting Situations in which the darker lord is basically like #i hate this guy. i hate him. why cant i bring myself to attack him physically #so instead he tries to come at him verbally. but the conflict of interest between the curse and great sage jamie creates like #this situation in which he sounds concerned for arc (the jamie part) but it comes out in a way that brings arc down and reminds him of #his perceived flaws (the curse part). the real fully-conscious jamie would never EVER do something like that #and i can only imagine he is horrified at how his body is being used as a puppet for this and his concern is essentially being weaponized #and misconstrued into something so cruel against arc #Anyways! i am normal about funny mii game. Hi #side note i should mention the darker lord shapeshifts a little so the animal features (i.e. the tail and such) that you see in #my character ref sheet are not always present. that is his quote unquote complete form though #he just preserves it for more dire situations #magnus infodumps

[random-weirdo]

I heard David Tennant speak French for the first time in a BAFTA clip and when I tell you that I genuinely screamed that caught me SO off guard 😭😭😭

#I was litterally like: #‘AAUGHH😨😨😨’ #and I jumped out of my bed #then I collapsed on my floor in hysterical laughter #and once I collected myself I walked out of my room and apologised to my family #they were really concerned about why the fuck I just screamed #why am i like this #david tennant bafta #david tennant #bafta 2024

[silenthillbunni]

📓🕯️🐇🖤pt.2

#only 30 tags lol i ran out... so furthermore #we only get one life. im gonna try as much as i can to enjoy the little moments. nd to not give up on myself nd my life #i will die one day anyway. why rush it. i'll enjoy as many books and as many walks and songs and tv shows as possible #if i get a loan nd have more money i wanna bleach my hair nd dye my hair green #and later this year i think i might change my name #it was the name i wanted to change to from the beginning. but i was in such a bad headspace i just picked eden at random #i do kinda like it now nd im attached to it but i more feel like this other name actually is me. my birth name nd my current name dont feel #really right. so maybe. i havent decided yet. like i rlly dont know. im also attached to this name for some other reason. like it's who i am #to a person i rlly like and if i change... will i be anything to them? i cant put it into words but that makes me hesitate #but it's unhealthy to stay attached to someone i cant truly have even if i want to. so i mean. idk im just weird abt it #but i do kinda wanna change my name (to embla. my mom wanted to give me that name but my dad was like nooo >.<) i am not 100% sure tho so #when i've been getting used to going to school nd working out at the gym. nd after my surgery nd i have more energy #i will try to face my avpd and try apps for making friends. there r two apps where u can find new girl friends!! maybe i can try that #also like i've never tried apps but i think maaaaaybe i can use bumble to try to find friends and women to date. potentially. idk..... #rn it's hard for me to think in those terms bc. i mean i am hung up on someone!!!! i cant evwn imagine dating or being intimate w anyone els #sometimes i feel like.. they're the only person i've ever felt like it'd even be possible. who i'd event want to do that w #not only physically but emotionally. so ig it's even harder to let go bc im so scared i will never feel like that w anyone else #but i rlly need to try to make the most of whatever life i have. the world will collapse soon anyway #that makes me even more sad that i cant be w who i wanna be w nd do what i wanna do but #all pain will all be completely descimated eventually. it's not forever bc life isnt forever #i've just never felt this before. like i want smth to be real so bad but if it happened once surely it can happen again? right? #i wont spend my life alone without intimacy and love and comfort nd support nd understanding right???? :o hope not #im still so sad nd exhausted rn. nothing in my life is working nd theres no repreive nd no help #it gets sooo hard to endure everything sometimes when everything just keeps piling up and gets so heavy it feels like im drowning #nd atm i dont feel like i have any anchor. nothing that keeps me grounded nd im just floating away nd im constantly being overwhelmed by my #feelings nd emotions. im like a stupid little kid who dont understand how to handle what im feeling. or make rational decisions #i feel so ... stupid and useless. i dont know what im doing. i have no idea. i have no compass. its so scary

[dummerjan]

Masha Gessen in an interview with Yuri Dud

#masha gessen #climate change #yuri dud #вДудь #vdud #i've watched this part of the interview last night and finished it in its entirety just now #but i am still stuck on this small segment (which the link leads to) #they perfectly put how i feel and why #the existential horror and feeling that this is it #that i am going to be here for the final days #and seeing people around me go on with their lives as if people my age weren't facing down global collapse in our lifetime #i wouldn't be this worried at least not for myself if i were 50 #20 more years is gonna be umcomfortable but probably doable #but 50? i don't want to be around for that #and that is just thinking of the climate crisis from my very lucky and privileged place of residence #i look at those younger than me and those still being born and i feel like screaming and crying #which is where my antinatalism comes in but how on earth are can anyone around #and consciously (while well aware of the crisis we are already experiencing) decide to reproduce condemning their children #it's like inside of me is one neverending scream of existential terror

[weenhands]

when i was completely convinced that i had borderline personality disorder for so long because two very close romantic connections i had made me feel like i was spiraling and unstable when in reality it was just because of a very severe inability to process my own emotions and what was going on inside of my emotional body while the relationship was unfolding. so i had no clue what was making me feel so bad, why i was feeling bad, nor could these triggers/upsetting things appearing in the relationship be discussed and settled together in the first place

#hehehe but now that i recognize this pattern #i am excited to enter another relationship ^__^ :pp heheheh #bc i know what. went wrong in my first one (the other one was just a situationship) #and i can be more aware of triggers #still not process what im feeling . .. #but i cope better. and i can understand that ehat im going thru isnt me being “crazy” or “attatched” #like i literally //just/// understood what i was actually feeling back in 2018 when i was with my ex situationship and thus why #the connection collapsed #and now i know ill be able to be more compassionate towards myself when i cant really. understand ehats going on #and use my coping strategies:) #if u read this far in the tags kissing with tongue as usual

[musashi]

i miss when this website was actively adversarial to me. i miss when i was universally pegged as a terrible person and so everyone treated me like a cold calulating abuser. i will take it any day over the constant infantilizing and ableism and uwu you are valid! shit. please for the love of god be mean to me. i am begging you to be meaner to me

#wordy wendy #i feel like im going to collapse #i hate being treated like a poor uwu baby so much i fucking hate it i hate it i hate it #LET ME EXIST #STOP TREATING AUTISTIC PEOPLE LIKE WE'RE STUPID!!! #i wish i could find out why people do this to me #i want to cut it from my fucking body #i want to get RID of it #how the FUCK do i make people treat me as competent?!?! #how do i get people to stop coddling me!!!! #how do i get people to stop trying to ''reassure'' me #THERE IS NOTHING TO COMFORT #THERE IS NOTHING TO REASSURE #I AM SEXY AND HOT AND COOL AND I LOVE MYSELF #WHY ARE YOU PROBING FOR SOME HIDDEN PAIN? #THERE ARE NO CAVEATS #I AM LITERALLY HAPPY AND I WILL ONLY GET HAPPIER #WHY DO YOU WANT TO FIX ME SO BAD! THERE IS NOTHING TO FIX!!!

[6ebe]

Where’s the space in society for girls who don’t want to do their degree and don’t want to work and feel so overwhelmed by everything all the time :(

#this sounds far too adjacent to terrible tiktok takes but SCREAM #I hate it ! I don’t think I’ve ever been as on top of uni work as I am rn #like I’m literally a week ahead on readings #and yet I still feel so full of anxiety and I feel so overwhelmed and as if everyone’s abt to collapse #like I exhaust myself with how much I worry abt things #why can’t I have a life that doesn’t fill me with so much stress and pressure #that I turn inwards and cut off all the things I enjoy to only focus on productivity #like I’m so much better than I was and I still don’t feel like enough !!

[bubblegumbeyotch]

.

#spent some time with ***** yesterday #god…. this would be a lot easier if he was just a totally unrepentant asshole and i could just cut him off completely #because it’s so fucking hard to get over someone when you still see all of the little things that you loved about them #we had a really good time together yesterday and it almost reminded me of old times before any of this stupid shit even happened #i had to keep stopping myself from holding his hand or touching him excessively but it just feels so unnatural it’s so hard #he also always compliments me when he sees me which is really sweet but ugh #like yesterday we took a picture together and after he was like #’you have such a beautiful smile’ #and that was sweet right but also made it feel like my heart was collapsing in on itself #and we hugged for a looooooong time and i think we both know it’s because we still have so much attraction for each other leftover #and this is kind of the only way we can express it without fucking up the boundaries we already set #but jesus it’s hard #like god it’s so hard to be around him because i feel like i have to be cold and distant because otherwise this happens #like despite everything i can’t help how much i still love him #and that’s why i can’t talk about it because it feels like everyone expects me to hate him and want nothing to do with him #when the real issue is that yes i am still very mad at him but i wouldn’t be nearly as mad if i didn’t love him #in conclusion: fuck this stupid baka life #personal

[vakta]

i'm so fucking ashamed of myself why am i like this why am i like this

#why cant i manage my time why cant i bring myself to study more effectively or just more in general why do i just sroll tumblr why #why am i like this honestly #am i burned out? well probably bc i managed to get things done in the beginning #i ficked this up sm i was supposed to have like a normal mental state at the exam but nono we collapse in the middle of our revision #thats how we do it eh #fuck fuck fuck just FUCK why #sorry im rly going through this rn #but now im actually gonna go outside

[as-rare-as-trees]

I can't believe I actually took into consideration taking up running, WHAT IS HAPPENING, I AM LOSING MY VALUES

#girl help #i swear #i don't recognize myself #what am i becoming #first I suddenly become touch starved when I've been violently touch avoidant all my life #then I consider the possibility of going to a club and enjoying it when I'm wildly uneasy among lots of people #and now this??? #why?? #there's nothing wrong with enjoying running #but it has always equaled torture to me #it was horrible and painful at gym class #one of my personality traits is hating running #and now??? #i know the reason BUT #it's just that when I get like This I need some way to get the tension and this anger or whatever out #and my hands itch with violence #but I cannot do what I crave #so I have started thinking about exercising or running even so I can exert myself until I collapse #i don't think I would do it actually tho #i am so damn tired #i want to play genshin and ignore everything but my head hurts #i want to sleep but my tummy is so heavy #gjhfjgjjjjkkffg #vaneggiando

[daz4i]

if i die my blog better be archived somehow bc smh there's a lot of gold here that future mentally unwell girlies might relate to. i will never delete this blog. for them 🫡

#I'm joking I'm joking lol #i already have the best quotes saved on a google doc :^) #it's probably the hunger and the late hour talking but i always worry that what i perceive as good lines - #- is just cringe to most other people. idk. what if I'm not as deep as i sometimes think i am (it changes with time). #ik it's silly to think about. most of my favorite lines i wrote were genuinely just the best way i could phrase myself #the whole dramatic or flowery vibe to them is a part of the emotion. i think. #so why am i even thinking about this (<- knows damn well he relies on external validation to not completely collapse) #iiiii should go to sleep lol i have an alarm set up to 6 and a half hours from now 😔 so sad

[apollos-boyfriend]

Hey, genq

Did you change your username or have I just now noticed?

Either way, amazing vibes

i changed it last night yes. we'll get back to the regularly scheduled apollos-boyfriend content soon i just think this is funny

#muse talk #chronicallyzagreus #my theme relies too heavily on my branding for me to perma-change #as funny as this is #everything falls apart the second i stop branding myself as greek mythos themed #why tf am i called icarus. why are my anons called muse talk. it all collapses #i am Reliant on the apollos-boyfriend branding

[pom-seedss]

Wow. Okay. Pain and depression to eleven today.

That’s just great. 

#if i knew what to do i would do it #if i knew what help i needed i would ask for it #if i could change everything about me i would #but i have tried and i cant #i am so sick of everything #no one will save me and i dont know how to save myself #we arent meant to be this alone in the world #we arent meant to be this isolated and alienated and made to feel utterly worthless #but wer are we are #and what am i to do about it!? #when my body is on fucking fire and i collapse under too muhc pressure #i want to fucking die im in so much pain andi get fucking yoga and celecoxib i am just so fucking done #this is why people with chronic pain commit suicide #justi n case you were fucking wondering

[pepprs]

literally for so many reasons i should not do this program tomorrow but explaining why i can’t would be so embarrassing but also i really shouldn’t. lol

#i keep panicking bc i don’t know how to talk abt this in a way that makes it safe for ANYONE. it feels wildly wildly inappropriate to be #participating in a conversation about such an intensely personal sensitive thing LET ALONE facilitating one as someone who has been touched #by it directly. and maybe that’s just me being weird abt this entire broad topic my whole life and uncomfortable at the prospect of even #saying the broad words and touching on the overall topic but this really really feels unbearable and bad. but also i can’t not do it so. lol #purrs #the thought of telling my story and going as deep as i possibly can which might trigger someone when i don’t know who is in the room and #THEN hearing stories from everyone in the room — people i KNOW!!! interact with on a daily basis!!’ — about what horrific things they mightv #been through and getting triggered by that. AND possibly also having ppl in the room who think it’s all bullshit and will say stuff and #everyone else is allowed to react if they’re triggered by that but i am not because im the facilitator and my job is to deescalate. like lol #how am i supposed to do any one of those things. potentially all of them. i feel like collapsing and to say why it makes me feel like #collapsing would involve me having to explain this to people i know anyway so either way im fucked. and like i do want to talk about it very #much but also i dont. at least not until i know what everyone has gone through first. bc i don’t want to hurt anyone bc it can be painful an #and i get hurt by hearing stories too. which is like dumb bc it’s not even MY thing to have stories about lol but im still like this. anyway #this is clearly something i need to be working thru in therapy bc it impacts my life in ways literally no one else in the world sees or #knows about but i don’t know if i will ever be able to bring it up in therapy bc it is just so uncomfortable and embarrassing for me. lol #and like i know km going to contradict myself in even telling the story too which will open the door for someone on the other side to do a #gotcha. and i don’t even know what to do w that. i don’t trust anyone who might be in that room to listen or understand or protect me which #i especially should just let go of because as the facilitator im the person who has to do the protecting. and it sucks bc i need protecting #with this and i will have to pretend im strong and healthy about it when really i have no right to be leading a conversation about it or #even talking about it bc it happened to me but not in ways that anybody even thinks about or cares to think about. so lol. ok stop rambling #even before this all started i have a tjougjt related to this topic every single day. every single one. and it just makes me squirm to think #that now i have to talk about it bc it’s my job. and i really really want to. and i really really don’t

[dancedance-resolution]

so! my job just subtracted a whole dollar per hour from my pay without even fucking telling me (in addition to the $60+ in conveniently ‘lost’ tips)! i feel as though i am going insane!

#and they like me?? they say i do a good job and the co-manager said i match his energy etc?? and i mean they see how i bust my fucking ass #all of the time so like…. #I DONT UNDERSTAND THIS LOL. i pour so much energy into this job and honestly i am just feeling quite fucking done! #i missed my window to apply for the most perfectly located post office clerk job the other day btw. why? bc i had to work a long shift ALONE #while we were at capacity; and i was so fucking tired that i just collapsed when i got home and missed my window. (the time available to app #ly to post office jobs is always so forking short.) #and like #that very day i had an anxiety attack in the parking lot and kept feeling like no i can’t fucking do today. i do not have this in me. but i #felt guilty about putting my coworker on the spot so i was like okay. i just have to go in and be conscious and get paid. and then ofc the #second i walk in there - still crying - i have 1000 things to do to just keep things Mildly running bc no one from laundry was even on shift #and i was alone back in aquatics etc etc. #i had zero energy that day and yet i still gave that fucking job my all and it wore the FUCK out of me and now i get my paycheck and it’s li #ke. okay so this is what i get for all that?? a pay decrease without notice and tip theft. what the fuck you absolute fuckers. #SIGH so i’m going to have to find the time to talk to my boss #but i know he doesn’t have enough power to actually influence my pay or whatever so i might have to go talk to his boss (who dislikes me) so #yeah! #yeah! yeah #um in positive news #i think i’m going to go get myself a bagel. one of the fancy ones that’s $3 at the bagel bin. #so yeah. bagels are good.

[inyoursheets]

i love being twenty four. it’s like the realizations and insights about myself / my life / life in general are tripping over themselves that’s how quickly they’re flying into my orbit

#also very excited about no longer being 24 soon #bc i am ready to like. chill #enough with the grand dawning realizations and insight into childhood trauma im ready to just go live a life #mine ideally #and and and i really hope it's not gonna be like. ok now i know this and now ive connected so many fucking dots ive got a whole piece of art #but then i dont like. do something with the... art #metaphors collapsing in on themselves in the tags rip #anyways!!!! i love!! getting to know myself more!! #i mean i thought i did before as well but this is like. the volume turned up #and there is so much i havent figured out at alllllllllll but im being uncharacteristically chill about it #happy leo szn!! #um um um how do i tag this in a functional sense #Feeling Things #sure why not