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wen-kexing-apologist · 5 months

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ngl i am waiting for you to write about physical touch and HANDS in last twilight *insert manifestation circle.gif here*

Not gonna lie, as much as I have been enjoying Last Twilight, I haven't felt all that inspired to write about it, but it has been making me feel all warm and fuzzy now that people are reaching out and asking for my thoughts. Turns out people actually seem to enjoy my horrendously long posts!

Alright, I will talk about physical touch and hands in Last Twilight, but before I get too far in to it, I just want to say, I love the use of physical touch in shows, but I will dare to claim the use of physical touch seems particularly important, and especially complicated in Last Twilight, compared to most of the other shows I've written about. Why?

Because Day is blind, and Mhok is his caretaker, and if you are remotely aware of disability, the autonomy of disabled people, the privacy of disabled people, the survival of disabled people are often disrupted by abled bodied people. I saw a post somewhere, sorry I can't find it, where someone mentioned the rates of abuse of disabled people by their caretakers and how that might weigh in to Day's reaction to touching a shirtless Mhok in Episode 2.

So.

With Day's blindness, grief, and intentional isolation, as well as his family's anxiety, how much control has Day really had over his own life in the last year? As @bengiyo said in Episode 1, "Day's brashness in the interview when he asks Mhok if he's hot sounds like a gay man knowing that he is about to be touched a lot by a stranger" [not a direct quote, apologies].

Episode 1

gif from @dragonsareawesome123

The first physical touch we get between Day and Mhok is when Mhok touches Day's chin, making a comment that essentially boils down to Day having a punchable face. You can see how shocked Day is to feel Mhok's thumb on him. But the motion is quick, light, and slightly flirty (though maybe I'm reading a bit in to that last one since I know this is a BL). While Day seems taken aback, he doesn't seem uncomfortable with the touch at all, moreso, to me at least, he seems surprised that Mhok *isn't* shying away from touching Day after Day so loudly and blatantly declared his queerness and hit on Mhok.

photo from @thescrumptiousstuffs

The second physical touch we get is when Day leaves his car and winds up on the street with traffic whizzing past. Mhok pulls Day off the street when Day gets overwhelmed and Day goes crashing in to Mhok. I don't remember them staying pressed together for too long, but there is a moment where Mhok is embracing Day. Mhok's hands go to Day's hips while Day's hand rests on Mhok's chest near his collarbone. From my view, this is a decently intimate position for relative strangers, but they don't feel uncomfortable in it. Which is a great hint that Mhok and Day are going to become more to each other. Mhok does something here that I do think is important, which is to tell Day who is he, so Day knows he isn't being manhandled by a *complete* stranger. And though I suspect the biggest reason why Day ends up being driven home by Mhok is because Day wants to be away from Night, it cannot be denied that Day already has some modicum of trust in this random, crass man that burst in for an interview just the other day. Because, as we know, Mhok was really the only person who interacted with Day without falling victim to pity, inspiration porn, or infantilization.

The third physical touch I consider important is when Day's mother stops him from standing up. I've been reading @waitmyturtles PhD level thesis on Bad Buddy so filial piety and saving face is pretty present on my mind. I think it is important to acknowledge that Day does have some autonomy, but where he exercises it is very clear. He can leverage his blindness and his bad experiences with past caretakers to get what he wants out of his mother, and he can double, triple, quadruple the caretaker salary without consulting his mother. But when it comes to physical movement, he listens to his mother, but not to Night. Night tells him to stay in the car, and Day almost immediately leaves the car and goes in to the Society. Day gets out in the middle of traffic after a fight with Night, even after Night begs him to stay in the car. But that moment of challenge from Mhok where he tells Day to come get his ID himself, and Day starts to stand, everything stops dead in its tracks at the first light touch of his mother's hand on Day's chest. So, despite the moments of anger and rebellion we see from Day, he still listens to his mother.

gif from @dragonsareawesome123

And then Day moves to get his ID, and here is where I will mention a moment where there was not any touch. Which, probably could be an essay in and of itself, but I don't have the capacity at the moment, on this airplane, to comb through all the scenes and look for it. But here, this one feels important, because Day takes the ID from Mhok, but Mhok does not let go right away. Their fingers are so close, and in a lot of movies, the handing over of an item would usually involve some sort of moment where fingertips brush and a shockwave of electricity ripples through the future couple. But we don't get that here. The moment of connection, the moment that Day really knows he can trust Mhok, the moment Day decides he is going to hire Mhok has nothing to do with touch, and everything to do with sound. He hears Mhok read Chapter 21 of The Little Prince, a book that is desperately important to Day, and that is that. And I do think it is important that these little touches that we've had, and where we break from the romance tradition for touch are important. Because, I think it is totally fine for feelings to grow between Mhok and Day rather quickly, but I do not think it would have been wise to show Mhok having some sort of actual crush on Day from the beginning. If Mhok had some sort of romantic or sexually attractive feelings for Day before he started working there, that would, in my opinion, read as predatory in some sense. Especially looking ahead to Episode 2, when Mhok is shirtless in Day's room.

Because, the thing about physical touch in television is that a lot of different elements go in to selling it as romantic chemistry. One of the most important components is timing and close up. As a side note, I think timing is a huge factor in to why I did not enjoy Perth and Chimon together in Dangerous Romance (before I dropped it) because the camera just never lingered long enough on their faces or on their touches for me to believe they had feelings for each other. But, by Episode 3 of Last Twilight I can see the care and the chemistry between Mhok and Day. I can see the comfortability that Mhok and Day have from almost the very beginning of knowing each other, but I don't take much of their physical interactions to be sexually charged or romantic in Episode 1. Why would they be? These two don't know each other. By generally avoiding zooming in on just Day and Mhok's hands when they touch, by having Mhok grabbing Day's chin with his thumb quickly and lightly you aren't building to tension. Aof is merely demonstrating that physical touch between Day and Mhok is welcomed and Day is not going to be uncomfortable with having Mhok take care of him.

So we head in to Episode 2 with the understanding that there is some fundamental aspect of Mhok that Day is drawn to, and that Mhok and Day are going to get along.

Episode 2

Now, as much as I have loved the rapidly developing relationship between Mhok and Day, I do kind of wish we had had a full episode's worth of two angry, grieving people coming head to head. But, regardless, Aof handles the transition between casual touch and Something More with expert precision. Unsurprising, considering his oeuvre.

gif by @mooninaugust

So we get absolutely my favorite touch moment to date in Episode 2 with the absolutely terrible secret handshake between two blind people. I love how Mhok is witness to this moment of excitement and friendship between Day and Aon, and that we are too. Because it shows us where Mhok currently stands in Day's hierarchy of relationships. Mhok at the beginning of Episode 2 is still an acquaintance, some dude they hired because he cursed the family out and read The Little Prince during his interview process. The cut scene between Mhok saying Day might not want to see him, and Aon and Day hugging and doing their stupid loser handshake (I love them) shows Mhok and the audience that Day does have joy within him, and that Day is starting to build friendship and connection within his new (read: blind) community. We won't know until a little later in the episode how much Day has been cutting himself off from his old life, but for the time being Mhok knows his place in Day's life.

And Aon picks up on the fact that there is *something* even if it is not necessarily romantic there between Mhok and Day, again not by seeing anything physical between them because a) Mhok and Day did not touch in front of Aon and b) Aon would not have been able to see it anyway. But instead calls out the fact that Day has never talked about a single one of his caregivers before. We know now (and definitely should know already) that Mhok is different from other people Day has engaged with since he started going blind. We just haven't had time for their relationship to mature.

photo from @thatgirl4815

If I recall correctly, the first physical touch between Mhok and Day we get in Episode 2 is when Day accidentally touches Mhok's titty while searching for the eye drops. You can see Day recoil in shock a bit and he questions Mhok almost immediately as to why his shirt is off. Mhok is incredibly matter-of-fact in explaining that Day said he didn't like the smell of cigarettes, so he took his shirt off so as not to stink up Day's room (we can ignore the fact that he would still smell like cigs, but we ignore it For The Vine) and Day relaxes and makes some sort of annoyed comment. Again here, there is no romantic attraction in this rather intimate touch. I mean, this is Mhok's what? Second or third day? Mhok and Day barely know each other, Mhok is constantly fucking up the Whole Routine because he isn't communicating with Day about what Day's needs are, and here he is in his employer's room having his pec fondled. This is supposed to read as funny, and ultimately I think it does, but it doesn't read as romantic, and it definitely should not. What has Mhok done up to this point that would cause Day to have Genuine Romantic Feelings for him? Nothing.

photo from @moonchildridden

Again, the first hint that feelings may be approaching comes outside of the touch, with Mhok seeing how excited Day is to use those few precious seconds of better vision to watch his goldfish. And even moreso, it's not just the action that I think start the train rolling, but the conversation that Mhok has with Day where he asks if the goldfish is lonely. Mhok is able to con Day in to leaving his room by leveraging the health and safety of one of the few things Mhok has seen Day care about and connect with in the short time they've known each other. Day gets outside for the first time in god knows how long, to find that the jasmine is in bloom and to have a lovely conversation with Mhok about it. Mhok asks about Day's vision, how he sees, what he can see, and he tries to adapt to Day's necessary distance requirements. Day of course, has his head turned away and thus does not see Mhok coming in to Day's eyesight range, and bumps his nose against the top of Mhok's finger.

This little, accidental movement is one of my favorites of the episode, mostly because it opens up the conversation where Day asks what Mhok is doing and Mhok asks if Day wants to see his face. And this scene establishes exactly what I mean about timing as it relates to building sexual tension. Day ponders for a moment, the camera lingers on his face, the audience begins to feel like Day is caught off-guard, like maybe he does have some sort of crush on Mhok and he does want to see his face. Only for Day to break that tension right before it gets awkwardly long and tell Mhok he does not. This is closer to the shit that friends would pull. And thus we see that in a very quick period of time Mhok is becoming more important in Day's life as a waypoint. He is listening to Mhok, he has a slight bit of banter going with Mhok when they watch a movie, and even after Day fires Mhok (for the physical touches I will talk about next) Mhok's influence on Day's general day to day (haha) existence is clear in the fact that Day is sitting on the couch and trying to pick a movie entirely independently of anyone.

Things are starting to go smoothly, when Day's friends show up asking when he got back from America. Day panics at the unexpected arrival of friends who seem not to know about his condition, spills his popcorn, and falls to the floor, where he is desperately scrambling to get back on his feet and Get The Fuck Out. Mhok tries to help him up, but he's pretty quickly brushed off. This is the first time we see Day reject a touch from Mhok. Knowing what I know now about where we end up in Episode 3, I am realizing how important this entire scene (from Day tripping to Mhok getting fired) is for establishing a comparison point for change. Because the unwanted touch continues when Mhok breaks in to Day's room, also in a panic when Day is bathing.

gif by @btwinlines

We get such a juicy moment of Mhok and Day's trauma clashing with each other in a way that is unintentionally terrible all around. Day does not know about Mhok's backstory, Day does not know that by putting in his headphones and intentionally ignoring Mhok he is accidentally triggering Mhok regarding the death of his sister. Mhok knows that Day is upset, but only hears the room fall quiet, he does not know that Day is in the bathtub (read: naked) when he comes barging in. Again, to reference the post whoever it was made that talked about the rates of abuse/assault of disabled people by caregivers, this is a horrifically vunerable position that Day finds himself in. Mhok is far enough away from Day's range of vision for Day to see him immediately duck behind a wall to give Day privacy while he wraps himself in a towel. And before Day can really process what is happening, with both his emotions and Mhok's running high, Mhok is grabbing at Day's wrists to check them for cuts. A beautiful (and terrible) detail.

Personally, I do not think anyone's reaction to that situation is wrong, but it does give Day a second round of extremely uncomfortable and unwelcome touching from Mhok, when he's already escalated, and trying to process the fact that Mhok just barged in to his room while Day was naked and got a little peek. Here Day demonstrates that he does have autonomy, and that Mhok respects that autonomy with Day firing Mhok after two particularly awful physical interactions, and with Mhok not even saying a word in protest and just accepting his termination and leaving the house.

photo from @thescrumptiousstuffs

Now. Mhok isn't completely going out fighting, and Mhok I think has really started to realize that he cares for Day (even if he doesn't necessarily have feelings at this point) because of how badly he was triggered by Day falling silent. Mhok is a thoughtful person and respects Day's boundaries by sending Porjai to the house instead of going himself. Much to Day's chagrin, because the second the doorbell rings, you can see this hopeful look that maybe Mhok is going to walk through that door. Porjai hands Day the present Mhok bought him, and Mhok does hold the slippers close, but he relies heavily on his hands to feel the slippers to figure out what they are and what they look like. He knows immediately that Mhok has been paying attention and trying to get to know Day immediately because the slippers solve the problem Day has had with hitting his feet on furniture corners, and the slippers look like goldfish, one of the few things Day has seemed to care about since knowing Mhok.

Beyond the fact that I think Day already felt bad about what happened the other day and regrets firing Mhok, this really does demonstrate to Day that people still care about him, want to get to know him, and understand that adaptation is a constant in Day's new reality. But Mhok takes it further, by committing to the motherfucking bit to understand Day better.

Aside: I fucking *love* Aof for how often his stories focus on the overlooked or disenfranchised people, and I think that while it is going to be a feat for Last Twilight to become my favorite Aof piece considering how important Moonlight Chicken is to me, the backstories of Mhok and Day and the way they inform character decisions is perhaps my favorite of all of the shows I've seen of Aof's. I *love* the conversation that Mhok and Aon have where Aon says Day is scared of being looked at and judged by people, and how Mhok is like "why?" because he has spent the last year a visible criminal, trying to get a job, and being constantly rejected for exactly the reason he thinks. Mhok has spent so much time and energy over the last year trying to reintegrate himself in to society, while Day has spent so much time and energy over the last year trying to remove himself from society as completely as he can. Even if I am not sure that he believes it wholly, I do think Mhok understands that he isn't an inherently bad person because he was locked up, but that he is a victim of circumstance, and yet even reformed from his truancy past, Mhok found it impossible to get a job because people stopped caring about him as a person the second they saw his ankle monitor. Thus, Mhok knows exactly what it is like to be written off, to be abandoned, to be forgotten and I think it is for precisely those reasons that Mhok decides to spend the time and effort to understand the world that Day is living in.

The ankle monitor has served as an embarrassment for Mhok in such a way that I truly do not think Mhok is concerned about seeming like a complete and utter fool. And even so, he starts to understand the fear that Day is living with existing as a blind person in public, because Mhok is extremely used to seeing what people think of him without them having to say anything, and now he has no idea.

gif by @btwinlines

Which I think is a good segue in to the next physical touch we get, which is Day feeling Mhok's face in the marketplace after he asks Porjai to take him there. Again, the distance of the camera, the timing of the movement does not come off as romantic, at least to me. But it does come off as comfortable. I think Day is fucking with Mhok a little bit when he touches his face, and we don't actually acknowledge or get any conversation around the way Day has just demonstrated what it feels like to be touched without warning.

And YET AGAIN Aof has their bond strength not through touch, but through conversation. Because they aren't falling for each other yet, they are still learning about one another. And so they have a conversation where Mhok apologies and Mhok explains what he was trying to do and Mhok identifies what it is that makes Day so afraid of being in public. And we end Episode 2 with Mhok being re-hired as Day's caregiver. But wait!

Remember the last touch we get in Episode 1 is not a touch at all, it's Day taking his ID back from Mhok. Well, the last touch we get in Episode 2 is not a touch at all, it's Day throwing his hands to the sky on the back of Mhok's motorcycle and letting the wind hit his face. It's Day sitting on the complete opposite side of a glass tank, and using his moment of improved vision to catch a glimpse of Mhok. They aren't touching, yet we end the episode with the understanding that Day and Mhok have strengthened their relationship and are on the fast road to friendship. Personally, I feel like it is extremely responsible of Aof to not treat touching a blind person or having a blind person touch you as inherently romantic, and to have the more stomach swoopy moments come from actions and observations entirely devoid of touch. But, I'm not blind so I don't know how much something like that might actually matter to blind people who are engaging with this story.

Episode 3

IT IS TIME FOR FEELINGS!

There are so many physical touches in this episode. The first we get is Mhok unwrapping a bandage on Day's foot, with Day looking extremely at peace with the action. The second we get is Mhok kind of poking at Day and then jokingly moving to pick Day up when he refuses to start cleaning his room. Day doesn't seem like a person generally fond of man-handling, but you can tell very easily that Mhok is just fucking with Day because Day fucked with Mhok. We are witnessing friendship! Which persists throughout the entire episode.

photo by @athousandbyeol

I like too that Mhok using the blindfold to better understand Day is not a one and done situation. Again there are a few friendly touch moments that do not at all read as romantic.Mhok steals Day’s sunglasses and is perfectly at peace with Day feeling up his face to try to see if the sunglasses Mhok is wearing are his; and when Mhok's hand envelopes Day's when they are trying to guess the shirts in Day's closet by feel alone. Day does not tense up, he doesn't suck in a breath, he doesn't really let that touch linger. He shakes it off quickly and is like "that's my hand". And again, as an aside (I hope this does not come across inappropriately but) I kinda like that Mhok is almost gamifying Day's blindness. What I mean by that is that Day and Mhok are engaging in friendly competition to see who can accurately guess the article of clothing. It seems like a great way to bring some joy and levity to helping Day get better at understanding his surroundings without the use of his vision.

I am an absolute sucker for couples in shows that have an established friendship beforehand. I don't mean friends to lovers necessarily, but too often in BLs I have noticed that romantic interests are only ever that and we don't get a lot of moments of stupidity, tomfoolery, and fun. So you better believe I was living my best life in the next physical touch scene when Day and Mhok are fighting with the dinosaur costumes on. And this is where the physical touches start to change, because we start without physical touch and end with it, where we have up until this point been ending every moment of connection and relationship progression ending without touch.

gif by @raypakorn

For the dinosaur fight, we get the non-romantic, entirely platonic assistive touch of Mhok helping (poorly) to guide Day to the driveway (this fucker was so ready to wrestle he forgot to tell Day to mind the stairs at first lmfao). The actual point of connection starts with Mhok intentionally trying to dive out of the way of Day’s touch. And once again Mhok Day’s blindness to elevate a game between them, by clapping and then diving out of the way to try to avoid Day’s movements. But that avoidance of physical interaction very quickly devolves in to a wrestling embrace, laughing, having fun, and then settling on the ground to chat until Day hears his mother’s car and they run back inside to hide the evidence of childish glee.

Day’s mother returns to find a very different Day from who she left, he’s out of his room, he’s eating in the dining room, he’s seeming much more confident in his ability to navigate around the house. And of course, she has to go and ruin the moment by pushing too quickly on a nerve about going back to school. Day wants to withdraw from school and he needs to go in person.

Now.

We have seen Day taking massive strides in his own healing process in the last few episodes because he is starting to ask for help when he needs it, and Mhok is getting better at caretaking because he is started to ask if Day wants help for certain tasks or if Day is going to do them himself, thus allowing Day to set his limitations. Knowing that Day is going in to school, he asks Mhok to help him fix up his hair, and we get the first of many more crush-level physical touches in the show.

gif by @jimmysea

I’m not Thai, so forgive me if this is wrong, but I am pretty sure that in Thai culture the head is considered sacred and having people touch your head carries a significance that I do not think Western audiences really understand (speaking as a Western viewer). If this is indeed true, then the scene where Mhok is fixing Day’s hair gets even more intense, even when there is a clear change in Mhok’s view of Day from friendly to starting to see something more. Mhok even makes a comment about how Day is a stunner (or something) when his hair is done, and when Mhok asks Day if he likes it and Day returns the question, there is a pause that is not at all dissimilar to the pause Day had after Mhok asked him if Day wanted to know what Mhok looked like.

But where the tension from Episode 2 when Mhok asks the question is broken in a way that makes it seem more like Day is just teasing, I don’t think Mhok’s deflection of “it’s alright” really returns the same level of dismissal. Because Mhok is starting to realize something about the way he is feeling for Day.

We get the inside of the Thai subway for the first time in maybe ever? As Mhok and Day make their way to Day’s college. And thus the not-a-date-kind-of-a-date adventure begins. Day is clinging on to Mhok’s arm as they navigate on to the subway car, at which point Mhok breaks off from Day to try to ask for a seat for Day. But Day grabs him and pulls him back, choosing instead of hold on to Mhok’s arm. Like I have been saying, Aof has been doing a really great job at differentiating the types of touches, and up until this point, the more intimate touches between Mhok and Day, such as when Day feels Mhok’s titty in his bedroom or Mhok’s face at the market, don’t read as romantic, because Day is taking in information to supplement his vision. Similarly, the moments where Day is holding on to Mhok for assistance in environmental navigation, such as when Mhok helps guide Day to his professor’s office or helps him down the stairs the physical touch is matter-of-fact on both ends.

photo by @athousandbyeol

But here, in the subway, we get the first instance of physical touch from an environmental navigation standpoint that reads more like a man who is developing a crush rather than Day just being guided…

…but that comes from Day, not from Mhok. Which I appreciate massively from the standpoint of ensuring that Mhok as the caretaker does not appear to be taking advantage of Day. In the subway, Day could have sat down, he didn’t need to stay standing, he didn’t need to continue holding on to Mhok. But he chooses to do that. He chooses to keep his arm linked tightly with Mhok’s, he chooses to get a little flirty with Mhok when he says as long as Mhok stays close to him, that’s all Day needs. And we get the close up of Mhok and Day’s hands when Mhok moves to tap Day’s hand gently, and the shot lingers. Because things are starting to change.

I said in a previous reblog last week when Episode 3 came out that Aof does this really interesting thing in his direction and cinematography when characters share intimate moments, in that he breaks from his standard visual format. The lighting often changes, the camera isn’t held as steady, the moments are zoomed in much closer than we are used to. We get it with Heart and Li Ming playing that spider game with their fingers the night that Li Ming sleeps over and we get it in the subway when Day stumbles slightly and swallows hard, embarrassed and avoiding eye contact while Mhok looks at Day kind of fondly.

gif by @taeminie

So we see the spark in the subway and then watch that spark begin to catch when they end up in the dressing room together. Day and Mhok both establish that they have never been in a dressing room with another person to cut the tension and nerves a bit. Afterall, this is the first time that we’ve seen where Mhok is getting up close and personal with Day’s partially nude body, when they are both calm, collected, and not amidst a panic attack about a potential medical emergency. No one is feeling violated, no one is feeling scared, no one is having their privacy forcibly removed from them. But that makes them all that more aware of how they are feeling, physically, when they are touching and being touched.

And we get a secondary Aof Camerawork Moment where the style of shot changes and we get that gorgeous zoom in on Mhok’s hands and Day’s chest when Mhok helps Day back in to his shirt. And isn’t it wonderful that the most sensual and intimate moment that we have seen from Mhok and Day so far is putting Day’s clothes back on?

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

Check out @btwinlines’ post about this scene.

Day and Mhok continue their day, find the Last Twilight book, and are hanging about the market where Mhok leaves Day standing against a pole while he runs to grab a drink. As a result, we get a bombardment of physical touch, the most overwhelming to date because Day is getting just absolutely shunted around, bumping elbows and shoulders with the people at the market with no idea of where he is or where he is going. And this is where we really get an understanding of how terrible physical touch can be when you don’t have any bearing of your surroundings and can’t see where people are coming from or anticipate contact.

We got a scene in Episode 1 where we see how dangerous being blind has the potential to be, but Day isn’t being touched by anybody at that point until he is pulled off the street by Mhok. But this time while Day does have a moment where he is in more physical danger because he stumbles on to the street, he is relatively much more safe getting lost in the marketplace than when he ran out on to the street in Episode 1, cause the few cars that are present are moving slow and know to be looking out for pedestrians. Day is grabbed and directed by random strangers who are trying to help him and kind of just…drag him along until he is out of the street when he is visibly panicking and then just…left on the side of the road with an offhanded statement from strangers that he is “safe now” and they just…leave him alone and continue on their way. Even there, with a helpful touch, there is no safety or comfortability in Day’s posture, he is not calmed by hearing that he is safe. Which serves as a really great comparison point for how comfortable Day has pretty much always been with Mhok (minus the one moment of severe dysregulation after being surprised by his friends and then by Mhok when Day was buck ass naked).

Especially when compared to the relief that just rushes through Day’s body when he and Mhok are reunited and they embrace.

AND LIKE OKAY, CAN I GO ON A BRIEF TANGENT TO TALK ABOUT THE PINK SHIRT?

gif by @tomystars

You know how in a lot of romances you get that moment where you get the like, love at first sight thing? Time slows down, one half of the romantic pair picks the other half of the romantic pair out of the crowd? WE GET THAT HERE, WITH THE BLIND CHARACTER BEING THE ONE WHO PICKS THE FUTURE LOVE INTEREST OUT OF THE CROWD.

The pink shirt is brilliant, and I love how it both acts as an anchor point for Day who is able to calm down upon seeing it, and not panic or freak out when being grabbed and embraced by Mhok after having a decently traumatic experience with physical touch just minutes before while also reaffirming that Mhok is learning and internalizing the adaptations he needs to incorporate in to his own life to make Day’s daily life easier and more accessible. Mhok understands how Day’s vision functions, he remembers that Day has said he could see that shirt from Mars it’s so bright, and he provides an in for Day to maintain his autonomy by making it possible for Day to potentially see Mhok before Mhok sees Day.

ANYWAY

@athousandbyeol

The embrace they share when Day and Mhok are reunited is not charged, is not romantic, at least not to me. But what it does show is how much care Day and Mhok have for each other, how quickly their friendship is developing, and the safe spaces these two will find in the other. Day calms so quickly the second he and Mhok are touching, as soon as he has an anchor. And he won’t let go of Mhok either.

Aof and co have been playing well with dichotomies, here, a situation that pulls Day and Mhok physically apart ends up bringing them emotionally closer together. It is clear that Day does not blame Mhok for what happened, even if Mhok was gone much longer than anticipated, and that is affirmed by Day defending Mhok to his mother when she questions Mhok’s caretaking skills and holds his criminal record over his head.

And, let’s not forget, this is just writing about the physical touch, this post does not discuss whether or not the lack of touch is important. I wrote a decent chunk of this in the airport without wifi, so I could only talk about physical touch from memory, I didn't rewatch anything like I normally do, so apologies if I missed stuff.

#last twilight #last twilight the series #last twilight meta #last twilight analysis #jimmysea #mhokday #mhok x day #morkday #mork x day #physical touch in last twilight #sorry for the delay anon I know you sent this ask the other day #but fun fact it does take me an ungodly number of hours to write things so I hope you did not feel ignored #wka long post

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limarieb · 6 months

Text

it's so sweet knowing that you love me (though we don't need to say it to each other)

Pairing(s): Wanda Maximoff x fem!reader

Summary: You were born completely deaf, unable to fully learn how to read lips and constantly finding your hearing aids uncomfortable. On your venture for coffee, you find yourself overwhelmed (to the point of escape) when you are being spoken to by a (very pretty) woman who you cannot understand. Confusion and chaos arise on both ends. You return that same week, ready for the hateful confrontation that might take place. Fortunately, that "hateful" confrontation does not happen.

Warnings: none (a bit of angst, but then it's all fluff)

Word Count: 2.1k

Author's Note: this little collection of one-shots is still one of my favorite things to think about occasionally... perhaps i will consider making a third part if you give me some of your ideas on what the third part should consist of...

Main Masterlist | ao3 | Wattpad

Click Here for Part 2 to the 'Sweet' One-Shot Collection

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From an early age, you realized that you were different from other people. When you would go to various places with your parents, random strangers always tried to talk to you. You couldn’t hear them, of course, considering the fact that you were born entirely deaf; adults and children alike never seem to understand that, though, and continued their quests of trying to get you to talk with your mouth rather than your hands.

Due to your innate inability to hear, you grew up learning sign language as your primary language. It wasn’t until you were four years old when you were lost in the supermarket, frantically trying to find your parents, that you realized the majority of people do not comprehend your language. Growing up in upstate New York, there weren’t exactly many people like you. There were not many people that felt ostracized by their community for something beyond their control, nor were there many individuals jumping at the opportunity to make accommodations for situations like yours. Thus, the most you were able to do in terms of communication was writing and reading in English and ‘speaking’ in sign language. Unlike some other people who were deaf, you were never able to learn how to read others’ lips, which frustrated you to no end.

And, honestly? It sucked. It was a lonely experience, and you spent many nights of your childhood (and adulthood) crying to your parents about it. It broke their hearts seeing their child experiencing such a cumbersome set of emotions and experiences that most do not even witness in a lifetime, and you knew they carried a pang of guilt about it all. You wish they didn’t, though, because you know it’s not their fault and that they have been trying their best to help you thrive despite your challenges.

It wasn’t all bad, darkness, and negativity. In fact, there are many moments where you found your deafness as a sort of power or unique ability (instead of an inability). It allowed you to sense things differently. Your favorite way to decompress was feeling certain textures, especially the yarn blanket your mother made years ago, and putting on loud music so the vibrations would flow through the medium of the speakers and into your body via your fingers or your feet. Something about it all was therapeutic.

You received a pair of hearing aids as a child, but you did not necessarily prefer them. In circumstances where there were a lot of people in a given room, the sensations would become quite painful and confusing for your brain to untangle and compute all at once. Ergo, you only really use them on the occasion where you know prior that there were gonna be few people and low amounts of background noise, like when you are working one-on-one with a client.

Given that you were going to the local coffee place, you elected to leave hearing aids at home. You use your phone to place a mobile order, effectively removing the barrier of needing to talk to an employee to order. You walked into the shop and began your path towards the pick-up area. Reaching and sorting through the other orders, you eventually come to the realization that yours is not there. You figured that the staff was simply behind on crafting the drinks, so you wait for a few minutes.

As you anxiously played with your fingers, one of the employees approaches you. She was slightly taller than you, but she was also undeniably beautiful. Her long auburn hair was tied back, held in place by a mere tie. You caught a brief glance of her eyes, quickly noticing how green they were. In the presence of such a pretty lady, your anxiety began to rise. She gave a shy smile and began moving her lips to form words. Due to your overly anxious state and inability to read her lips, you rapidly became overwhelmed. You look behind her to see her coworkers behind the counter snickering at you two. Immediately, you assumed they were laughing solely at you, talking about how the only reasonable explanation for your lack of response was stupidity beyond any repair.

So, you turned around and walked out of the door. You felt so embarrassed , more than you have ever felt since high school. All you wanted to do was go home and decompress.

Wanda stood there in a state of shock. One second, she was there trying to explain to you how she couldn’t make your drink because they were out of oat milk; the next, you were gone.

Did I say something wrong? Wanda thought to herself as she watched you escape her workplace.

Hanging her head in shame, she retreated to behind the counter where her coworkers, Bucky and Sam, were still laughing at her failed attempt to have a conversation with you. The brunette has watched you for a while from afar; she knew your favorite drink like the back of her hand, and she always tried to make sure your favorite spot in the corner of the café was kept neat and tidy for you. In her eyes, you were the most beautiful creature to walk on this planet. She would give up anything to know you as something more than just a customer.

Wanda let out a sigh of frustration mixed with sadness, leaning against the counter with her head in her hands. She finally broke the monotony of the undying laughter, “Would the two of you stop laughing? It’s not funny. Oh my god, that was so embarrassing.”

“Cheer up, little witch,” Bucky started. “There are more fish in the sea.”

“I don’t want other fish, though. I want her,” she tried to reason. “She’s so pretty, Bucky. And, after months, I finally worked up the courage to talk to her, and she just walked away from me.”

The latter part made Sam raise an eyebrow, “What do you mean she just walked away from you? Did you say something that could’ve upset her?”

“I don’t think so,” Wanda tried to think back. “I was just starting to explain how we were out of oat milk, so I couldn’t make her drink. But, before I could even give her some alternative choices, she just… left.”

Sam let out a hum, unsure of what exactly to reply. The three employees went back to work, yet Wanda was definitely not thinking about her encounter with you while making the various orders.

A few days had passed since the incident. Even though you vowed never to return to the coffee place (your favorite coffee joint), a conversation with your mother left you feeling more empowered and confident about it all. Her facial expressions and rapid hand motions displaying her anger at the workers forced a smile out of you.

Thus, you decided that you were going to return to the coffee place the next morning. You repeated the same mobile order but decided to keep your phone in hand in case you needed to type something mean and vulgar at the employees who left you feeling humiliated the other day.

You grasp the handle and pull the door forward, granting yourself entry into the once comforting setting.

With a fleeting glance to the counter, your eyes briefly meet hers. It was too late to turn back now, so you cautiously walked to the familiar pick-up area. However, your drink seems to be missing again today. Great.

You look up to see the same woman from before warily approaching you, and it takes everything you have in your body to not flee the scene. Similar to the previous time she walked up to you, the girl began to speak again. She did not get very far before you opened the notes app on your phone and started to furiously type. By the expression on her face, you could tell she was surprised at the sudden action but waited for you to stop typing.

After a minute passed, you finally turned the phone to show your message to the woman:

Hi, there. I’m deaf, and I don’t have hearing aids on at this moment. Anything that you’ve said, I did not hear… at all.

You watched with patience as the other girl slowly and carefully skimmed the message. Her head tilted and her mouth opened to form an O-like shape, and you could pinpoint this moment with exact accuracy as the moment she realized that you were not (and were never) purposefully ignoring her — you couldn’t hear her; that’s why you must have left suddenly.

She shyly smiled and nodded towards your phone. With a quirked eyebrow, you offer it to her. She happily takes it from you to begin typing a message of her own:

Hi! I’m so sorry I didn’t realize before… I’m sure it must’ve been frustrating to just have someone talking AT you rather than WITH you. Is that why you left suddenly last time?

You weren’t really sure why you were surprised by her message, specifically the last part. Did she remember? After thinking for a few minutes, you form a reply:

Yeah, I guess… I was just very overwhelmed, and I saw some of the others laughing. I just felt bad, idk. So, I left.

You definitely did not expect the frown that appeared on her face when you walked in there today. She pointed to the phone, and you gave it to her once more.

I’m sorry… if it makes you feel any better, they weren’t laughing at you or anything. Actually, they were laughing at me, not you.

As you read the new message, your face visibly contorted into confusion and disbelief.

What do you mean?

With the phone in her hands again, she typed:

I’ve been wanting to talk to you for months, Y/N. The last time you were here, I finally tried to talk to you - at least about how we were out of oat milk for your drink. I guess they found you walking away without saying anything VERY comical.

It was your turn to be in a complete and utter state of shock.

Oh… Wait, how do you know my name?

She wrote her reply fairly quick:

Who do you think makes your drink every time? ;)

As she passes the phone back to you, she personifies the wink in real life. Immediately, you feel the blood rush to your cheeks.

Well, I feel like it’s fair to ask for your name now - an 'eye for an eye’ type of thing.

She subconsciously bites her bottom lip as she slid the phone over with her reply:

Wanda. Wanda Maximoff.

Something about her name and connecting it to her made you feel… light.

Well, Wanda, I’m here talking to you now, aren’t I? Why did you want to talk to me before? Am I that intimating?

It was her turn to fall victim to blushing, reading your questions regarding her apprehension of talking to you.

Intimidating? No, not really. Really pretty, though? Can neither confirm nor deny.

You released a small, quiet chuckle at her compliment; Wanda, on the other hand, has to remember for a second how to breathe because she heard you for the first time. She loved it, and she only wants to hear more.

Give me your phone?

You sit there in confusion but comply with her unspoken request nonetheless. You give you her unlocked phone again, except you notice there’s no new message in your notes app conversation. You raise your eyebrow, showing you don’t really understand what just happened. Wanda, however, just winks at you again and slowly returns to her spot behind the counter.

You never found out what she did at that moment on your phone until you receive a text a few minutes later from a foreign contact labeled “Wanda ;)”:

Wanda ;) [9:47 AM]

Hey, sorry to cut our convo short - I had to help the customers. Meet me for dinner after work? 6 pm? :)

How could you say no to a request from her? You look up from your phone to see her biting her lip, hiding a smile as she makes drinks for other people. You look back down at your own device to respond:

You [9:48 AM]

I’ll be there. :)

You don’t remember being treated with such care and understanding before, especially by who was merely a stranger moments ago and has seemingly little experience with a person who is deaf. Wanda was different, though — a good different. She initiated a feeling of happiness and freedom within you that had not been experienced prior to that day. Most people did not consider trying to help you or finding different ways to talk to you, but Wanda did; moreover, she did so because she wanted to — she wanted to actually know you.

It was increasingly evident that you were beyond infatuated with her. The night went so well, in fact, that you changed her contact from “Wanda ;)” to “Wanda <3” after you met her for your date that same evening.

End.

#wanda maximoff #elizabeth olsen #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff x female reader #limarieb #marvel imagines #elizabeth olsen x reader

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wolfiesmoon · 5 months

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The aquamarine umbrella

duke!neuvillette x dutchess!reader

i have been consuming too much manhwa and too much neuvillette brainrot so this farted out my brain in approximately 4 hours (i know)

also it just so happens to be my first time whipping out my poetic writing side so that means it was written in my native language and then translated into eng because english vocab is scary ( T﹏T )

also you won't guess.... genshin debut!!! 😘😘😘😘😘

What happens when fate doesn't favour you? When you have to leave the place you once called home because of things beyond your authority?

You are sent to an unknown land in a decorated carriage and into the arms not of a Lord mysterious to all. Well, he is not a complete stranger to you, but the name 'Neuvillette' is not quite a sufficient description of his personality.

The closer you get to his estate, the more you realise your helplessness. As the daughter of an unfavoured duke in your country, you have been chosen for this unfortunate marriage. When father called you into his office, you did not expect his grim face. Or the news that you were to recieve on that fateful day.

So, fate decided to marry you to the heartless dragon of the waters, Neuvillette. Neuvillette is a bit... mysterious among the upper class. You only hear horrible but unconfirmed stories about him. But if there are so many, there's a good chance that at least one of them is true. He didn't even show up at the wedding ceremony, so you can only imagine his appearance.

Neither fierce anger nor the shedding of tears has solved your situation. It's not fair that you can just be sold around like property if you're a woman. But you also know that the King would have you executed if you opposed him. Maybe that would even be better.

You can just clutch the big, heavy bracelet around your neck, made of beautiful sparkling diamonds, and hope that the sky above you is full of stars for a few more years. That you will feel the satin covers under you when you wake up, that you will see the sunset every night.

These little things that you used to take for granted now threaten you with an eternal goodbye.

You should smile right now. Smile and look out of the beautifully decorated window of your carriage and wave at the people of his estate who wave back cheerfully in your direction.

His people do not look miserable. The houses are beautifully built and the smiles on the children's faces bring tears of happiness to your eyes. At least that can comfort you.

There are also small creatures waving at you which remind you of deer. You have never seen anything like them before in your life. You have only seen dead deer after a successful hunting trip from brother. You have always felt a little sorry for them.

They were probably happy in nature, surrounded by clear water, lush trees and the soothing chirping of birds. And in one moment, it all ends.

Perhaps now you understand how a deer feels.

Before you can think too much about the deer-like girls, the coachman is holding out his hand for you to get out of the carriage.

Fate has brought you in front of his castle. From inside, you can hear the soothing sound of water. How familiar.

With every step, the click of your heels can be heard echoing through the great hall. The maids bow to you, standing in a row. The interior of the castle is beautiful. You feel as if you are a small pebble in a bubbling brook, and everything around you sparkles.

Suddenly you hear your own name echoing around the hall. You look up and see him for the first time.

And oh, what a sight he is.

Eyes that sparkle like polished lapis lazuli jewels. Long white hair that looks like pristine silk. A hardened, blank face that holds no forgiveness. Is this what a dragon is supposed to look like?

You bow to him quickly. If you really don't want to become like a deer, it's better to be polite and obedient. Obedience is something that is implanted in you as a young duchess. It is all you've ever known. Quite unfortunate, is it not?

"Welcome to my estate. You probably know me already, but I politely ask you to refer to me by my surname. Since exactly one month ago, we are husband and wife by law. I hope you had a safe journey here." He greeted you formally. You also realised that he called you by your father's surname. Since you are his wife, you are now a Neuvillette. How odd.

It takes you a few seconds to collect yourself and answer him. "It is nice to be here."

The answer is quite modest, just as is expected from someone like you.

"Please take her to her room. I can't assure you that I'll always be here if concerns arise, but if you have any at all, you may consult me about it. I hope you sleep soundly tonight."

And so he disappeared down the beautiful blue corridor, leaving you with only the maids who, at his command, showed you the way to your chambers.

Your bed chamber is also a beautiful blue colour. He seems to have a liking for the color blue.

The sky is already turning red, dusk is approaching and with it your first night in your new home. Tonight you can see the sunset. The maids leave you alone, and you immediately lean against the window. Even though you can't see them yet, you are already asking the stars to forgive you. That you will never take anything for granted, as long as they shine. Then everything will be all right.

"How do you feel? I hope the food is to your tastes." Your husband suddenly speaks. He is sitting across the large dining table, but dishes are only placed on your side.

"Everything is fine." You hesitate for a few seconds, wondering if you should bring up your concern. "...B-But, why aren't you eating anything?" you quickly grab a decorated glass and take a big sip of water to fill the awkwardness.

"Human food mostly doesn't interest me, unless it has a large percentage of water. Simple water is more suited to my tastes." His answer is simple, but it doesn't surprise you. He is the hydro dragon, after all. Although you keep forgetting that, because he looks about the same as a human.

"Ah, so... Can.... can you tell me a little about yourself?" you hope you don't sound traitorous or as if you suspect him. So far he's been nothing but polite to you. But what do you know... it's always good to be sure.

"You look like you're guilty of something. I know that look well."

Before you have time to answer, he's already talking. Thank God.

"I don't know what exactly about me you're interested in. But I assume you already know some things about me. For purely impersonal reasons, I can already tell you that in all probability we will never know each other well." These words glue your eyes to his. You don't know exactly what it is, but there is an emotion behind them that is unknown to you. One that makes your chest feel tight.

"I am my land's ludex, not just its ruler. The chief of justice, if you will. I create and oversee laws and hold trials for the accused. I do not doubt you, believe me. But it is best if we keep a distance in between us. Impartiality is the primary virtue of a judge." He explained, eyes closed.

You don't know exactly why, but his words make your heart ache. You don't even know him, and he hasn't cruelly rejected you, but as a little girl you always read fairy tales about love, where a boy and a girl love each other for all eternity. No, since when are you so selfish?! Be happy that he doesn't beat you.

A sad reality many noblewomen in arranged marriages face.

"Ah, I see."

The rest of breakfast was spent in a kind of suffocating silence. You didn't know where to look. Perhaps this accident is suited to you, because nothing comes from nothing.

"It's raining today." The maid gently reminds you as she puts a necklace around your neck. You've never been particularly happy about rainy days, especially because of mother. She always made you wear brightly coloured dresses and would get yell at you late into the evening if you came inside with mud on the bottom of your dress.

And she didn't like it if you got wet, either. To you, rain is an inconvenience that occurs every now and then. Since you came here, you rarely get to see your husband. But his beautiful long hair reminds you of the white silk covers on your bed, and his blue eyes remind you of the diamond in your ring. That much hasn't changed.

You have a tradition of walking through the town every day and greeting people. Your parents made you stop doing this when you were a little girl, because "it is outrageous for the duchy to talk to the townspeople and peasants."

But now that you are Lady Neuvillette, that is no longer the case. You haven't had a chance to ask Neuvillette if you have permission to do so, but so far he hasn't said anything, so you think he doesn't mind.

You are very glad that he is a good man.

You have also made friends with the deer-like creatures, or rather the Melusines. You met one while on a walk and she seemed delighted to see you. After a while, the Melusines showed you their artwork and their cuisine. You thought it was strange, but you were happy to see your new friend's culture nonetheless.

Sometimes they tell you that they notice you immediately when you go out for a walk.

And today is no different. Even if it's a rainy day, the walk has become important for you, for the Melusines and for the people of his estate. The children who sometimes bring you freshly picked flowers make your heart swell.

The maids hand you an aquamarine umbrella, decorated with lace, in your hands at the entrance. It will do nicely.

You wave to the local children on your walk, say hello to the Melusines you meet on the way, and decide to visit a small waterfall in the area before returning. It's not the sunniest of days, but it's still a day to experience. And long ago, you promised the stars that you would look forward to every day.

But you notice something interesting by the waterfall. The closer and closer you get, the clearer this thing becomes. It's not a thing, it's your husband!

He's standing in the rain without an umbrella with a peaceful expression on his face. It is as if he is relieved of all pain. You are tempted to go to him and at the same time you want to leave him alone. You stand in the rain for a few seconds, but finally hear your heart calling you to him.

He notices you and greets you calmly. You stand next to him and watch the water bounce down the little river that flows under the waterfall.

"I'm sorry I don't come to see you as much as I would like. As my wife, you are my responsibility." As soon as he says it, you start defending him. You know how busy leading a fief can leave you. You've already got used to your new life, so there's really no need for him to worry.

"The Melusines tell me a lot about you."

"Really?!" You knew that the Melusines liked Neuvillette, but you didn't know that they also shared things about you to him.

"Really. Thank you for being so kind to them. Melusines are... important to me." His smile made you a little jealous. It's nothing, he knows Melusines better than you anyways. And the agreement still stands.

"You really like the rain, don't you?" you commented, looking at his peaceful face once again.

"Yes, really. The rain is beautiful." His eyes meet yours, and behind them there is undoubtedly a gleam of joy. And it stirs something new in you. You are not a deer. At least not here.

You don't know why, but suddenly you're holding his hand instead of your aquamarine umbrella and you're getting soaked by the rain.

He looks at you with surprise on his face, as if he never expected this to happen.

"Does it bother you?" you ask him, worried he doesn't like it.

"Not really. Feel free to hold my hand whenever you wish. You are my wife."

A comfortable silence fills the air, with only the sounds of the waterfall and the rain to accompany your thoughts.

What's a young lady to do with her heart if fate decides that she should fall in love with her distant husband?

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brain-palace · 9 months

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Notes: This post is created as an archive for myself so I can easily find the fics I love. If you're looking for something new to read feel free to have a look I recommend everything here. I read many different characters/universes, so I'll list them all so you don't waste time looking at something that isn't relevant to you. If you find something you like please show the fics and their authors some love! Also, this is a long post!

Disclaimer: None of the works below belongs to me unless it explicitly says so. © - All rights reserved to the authors. If a fic does not have a name I will make one up for the sake of archival purposes.

Daryl Dixon (TWD) ↴ Series ↴

Spitfire | by @rfsak2 | OC (Original character) | "Everyone always thought Daryl was the rough one." | ✎

Close to home | by @paintyoureyeswithavividmind | "When a run goes poorly and Daryl is separated from his group, a stranger and her companion help get him out of a sticky situation. Little does Daryl know this stranger is much closer to home and his life is going to get a bit more complicated" | ✎♡ ☁

Return | by @daryl-dixon-daydreams | "Daryl loses Y/N when they head into Atlanta to rescue Beth. Her absence colours his years until they find each other again." | ♡ ☁ ❈ ✎

Till dead do us part | by @xwritingdixonx | "Daryl Dixon hasn't seen his wife in 3 years until he strolls through the gates of Alexandria. Reunited with his love and his family, he should feel peace, tranquillity, warmth. Instead, he's faced with confusion, shock, and heartache. Just like so many others put through the abuse and torment of the world, it changes people. Twists your mind, makes all your morals disappear. The kind waitress, the brave bartender, Georgia's delight, Mrs. Dixon. Now, mother of nothing - daughter of rage. The whore of Alexandria. A conqueror with tits. Why can't the Blackwell family get a word in before the people of Alexandria point fingers and create storybook titles? It's finally your turn to talk and Daryl's turn to listen." |

Oneshots ↴

The regulars | by daryl-dixon-daydreams | "Based on watching your interactions, Daryl thinks you, a bartender at a local dive, may actually have a thing for his older brother Merle, but a series of events at the bar may begin to show him otherwise" | ♡

All I'm living for | by @alldevilsharehere90 | "Just when you finally got the man you wanted, another surprise could threaten your relationship, especially when a herd of walkers is almost at your doorstep." | ☁ ♡

Old childhood fools | by @r66dus | "Drunk Daryl and y/n fooling around at the CDC" | 🔞

♠ ♤ ♣ ♧

Rick Grimes (TWD) ↴ Series ↴

The Claim | by @woman-of-balnain | Despite everything that’s going on, despite the world going to shit, despite wanting to stay on Hershel’s good side, despite his marriage falling apart, despite the way he knows he’s broken… despite it all, Rick can’t fight how badly he wants you. | 🔞✓

Undone in sorrow | by woman-of-balnain | "Finally coming face to face with Negan threatens the ties that bind your relationship with Rick together. After that first meeting, the two of you try to pick up the broken pieces of one another and become whole again." | ☁ 🔞

The nurse | by @itsgrimeytime | " Before all this, you were a nurse. A nurse who had patients, one of which was a man in a coma. A sheriff, you think, it was all kinda fuzzy now. When it all went sideways, you set up what you could for the man - but had to leave. You'd always wondered where he'd ended up; until in your search for shelter, you run into a familiar face" | ✎♡ ☁

Magnolia in May | by itsgrimeytime | "Your town was small, not the smallest you knew, but anyone of high fortune was the gossip of the week. Predictably, Richard Grimes was a thing of whispers -rumours of a search for marriage among the grassy hills. You weren't one to buy into town gossip, but something about him... just seemed a little too intriguing." | ✎♡ ☁

Swear | by @daryandricky | "Shane tells reader that Rick didn't make it after the hospital was overrun, causing reader to travel with her former military brother to find somewhere safe." | ✎♡ ☁

Oneshots ↴

The life we could have had | by itsgrimeytime | "Rick knows you're gone, he does. He just keeps seeing you in everything" |

Everything I wanted | by @bloatedandalone04 | "The one where both you and rick are really bad at communicating your feelings." |

♠ ♤ ♣ ♧

Peter Parker (MCU) ↴ Oneshot ↴

Stacked against you (tasm)| by @delicate-dorothea | "Summary: You confront Spider-Man about his true identity, manila envelope style (literally)." |❈

No chance (tasm) | by @spider-stark | "Thinking he has no chance with y/n as himself, Peter begins approaching them as Spider-Man." |

Are you busy (tasm)| by @luveline | "You’re worried you don’t know how to kiss. your best friend Peter offers to teach you how among other things" | ♡

In the real world | by luveline | "You notice something about Spider-Man during a violent villain showdown, then you have to save his life."

White lies, red & blue tights (tasm) | by @t-lostinworlds | "You and Peter accidentally dressed up in the same costumes for Halloween. But he was not wearing a costume, it was his suit. You simply didn’t know that your favorite superhero and your boyfriend were the same. Who would’ve thought that seeing you in red and blue would be the breaking point of his lies" | ♡

Question (tom)| by @waitimcomingtoo | "Peter accidentally sends you mixed signals when he kisses you for the first time then stands you up" | ♡ ☁

It was fun, being 21 (tom)| by @loverwebs | "In which your boyfriend, Peter Parker, doesn't make it to your birthday dinner. So you walk home alone, only to run into the city's friendly neighborhood Spider-Man." | ♡ ☁

Series ↴

Infinitely you (all of them) | by spider-stark | "In every universe you are the one person Peter Parker will always love more than anything; unfortunately, he always realizes it too late. Now that they've been granted a second chance none of them are willing to miss out on finally making things right." | ☁ ♡ ✎|

The red string | by @never--doubt | "Once a year, everyone over a certain age can see the Red String of Fate that connects them to their soulmate. This year, Peter Parker is ready to find his soulmate, be with them. But the question is…is his soulmate ready?" |

♠ ♤ ♣ ♧

Steve Harrington (ST) ↴ Series ↴

Nail to the coffin | by @thetargaryenbride | "Y/N Byers wondered what would end up being the death of the small town she lived in. She never expected that the last nail on the coffin would be hammered by monsters from another dimension who would end up hunting down her friends and family one by one…" | ☁

You deserve each other | by @bimrwolf | "You and Steve have been together for five years. He's seemingly the perfect boyfriend, kisses on the cheek, knowing your orders at the restaurant. A great lover. Too bad you've had enough can't stand him." |

Oneshots ↴

The way you call me "Baby" | by @forevermoreharrington | "Steve’s been so patient with his girl but he just can’t take it anymore and neither can she" | 🔞

Love on the brain | by @vendettaparker | "You suffer from a bad case of pregnancy brain, leaving Steve to hover over you, much to your annoyance." | ♡

Almost Got It | by @mentalpolaroids | "She’s a barista at a coffee shop and always screws up Steve’s name on purpose" | ♡

Tainted Love | by @megxplryxb | ☁ ♡

Tornado warnings | by @harringtonwebs | "You and Steve had a very intense relationship now that you're up, hates to see you with someone new." |

I will always be right there | by @familyvideostevie | "you come first. you’re always my first choice." | ♡

Tell me again | by @appocalipse | "Would you stop stuffing your face with candy for one moment and listen?" |

♠ ♤ ♣ ♧

Eddie Munson ↴ Oneshot ↴

Mechanic Eddie | by @whoahoney | "Reader’s shit box car pooped out on her once again, but at least the cute new mechanic seems eager to help." | ♡

Say you love me | by @marianita195 | "Based on the TikTok trend where girls don’t say “I love you” back to their boyfriends. " | ♡ ❈

Bookworm | by @corroded-hellfire | "Eddie has a thing for the local bookworm he just doesn't show it in the best way." | ☁ ♡

I'm Eddie - Eddie Munson | by @cosmal | "Your father finds Eddie in your room in the middle of something. eddie's a smug bastard." |

His glasses | by @pedgito | "Eddie in his glasses is just adorable" |

Grand Gesture | by appocalipse | "catching feelings for your best friend was never in your plans. when you start distancing yourself from him to protect your heart, eddie vows to do everything in his power to keep it forever." | ♡

Never Kissed | by cosmal | "eddies first date with you doesn't go how he'd planned and he hadn't even expected a kiss. still, you kiss him because you want to."

Series ↴

Worlds Apart | by @munsons-maiden | "You’re the only survivor among the Mind Flayer’s victims, thanks to your friends - but after the Battle of Starcourt, you find yourself adrift in a sea of nightmares. Until an encounter in the woods with Eddie The Freak Munson offers an unexpected lifeline and turns your world upside down." | ☁ ♡

♠ ♤ ♣ ♧

Spencer Ried (CM) ↴ Oneshots ↴

Passive Agressive | by @ddejavvu | "Spencer’s stressed, and he takes it out on you. You’re sure it would have hurt far worse if he’d shouted, but instead, he broke you down bit by bit, his cold demeanour leaving you crying in your car." | ☁ ♡

Tactic Admissions | by @almostgenerallyalways | "Spencer lands in the hospital, and you have to come clean with yourself." | ☁ ♡

Days off with Spencer | by @justmyheart | ♡

Back to you | by @radiant-reid | "Spencer never thought she would love him the way he loves her, but he also never thought she would come back from the dead" | ☁ ♡

No hair for you, devil! | by @thyme-in-a-bubble |

♠ ♤ ♣ ♧

Aaron Hotchner (CM) ↴ Oneshots ↴

Self-Made | by @her-storybooks | "The BAU gets a visitor who tares through the bullpen and leaves everyone in puddles of mush and exploded hearts." | ♡

Good for him | by @ptersparkers | "Aaron loves you. he hopes his son loves you as much as he does." | ♡

Better than morphine | by her-storybooks | "Broken Bone. When Y/N gets her leg broken by an UnSub, she clings to Aaron to help dull the pain." | ☁ ♡

Spontaneous phenomena | by @luveline | "Hotch touches your face much more than a boss should. Or, 5 times you have a nosebleed +1 time Hotch does." | ☁ ♡

Old man problems | by @hoe4hotchner | "Can you possibly write an imagine where Hotch pulls his back on a case, and the fem'reader offers to help him work it out in a friendly way because she was once a licensed massage therapist? Aaron of course is hesitant but gives in and allows it. But it gets heated" | ♡

Sweeter than fiction | By @hotchgirlsummer | "The bau decides to throw a small birthday party for Hotch. the reader is tasked with baking a cake, could this be their chance to express feelings?" |

A solitary mistake | by luveline | " You're not sure you're ready to come back. Hotch has total faith in you. Or, your transition back into the team after your abduction doesn't go as smoothly as you'd hoped." |

I'm Sorry | by @14buddy22 | "Aarons been treating you differently lately" | ☁

New mom | by @marvelslut16 |

♠ ♤ ♣ ♧

Thomas Shelby (PB) ↴ Series ↴

Challenge of a name | by @gypsy-girl-08 | "Y/N is new to Birmingham, she works at an accountant firm. In this part, The Shelby’s arrive at her office to pick up their accounts, where she meets Thomas for the first time. She was in a long-term relationship and is recently single, having moved for a fresh start. Still recovering from the split, she has no intention of meeting anyone else."

Tachipen | by @zablife | "With the flip of a coin, Tommy makes a deal to bring a 20 year old gypsy girl into the Shelby clan. Considering her too young to marry, he employs her as a nanny. When tragedy strikes, he’s forced to confront the truth he has always known." |

Angst | by @murphyoclock | "Your and Tommy's argument gets out of hand when you provocatively try to make him jealous at his charity party." | ☁

Oneshots ↴

Peaky caps and razorblades | by @acewritesfics | "y/n helps Tommy sew his blades into his cap." | ♡

♠ ♤ ♣ ♧

John Shelby (PB) ↴ Oneshots ↴

Just play along | by @runnning-outof-time | "When the person who (Y/N) feels has been following her gets a little too close for comfort, she makes a quick decision that involves John Shelby and some good acting...or maybe no acting at all." |

Red lipstick | by @kkurades | "You feel flattered when charlie shelby asks to marry you while your husband feels like he could strangle his nephew" |

♠ ♤ ♣ ♧

Alfie Solomon (PB) ↴ Oneshots

A very Shelby Christmas | by @cillmequick | "Alfie and his sassy little wife find themselves in the midst of the Shelby clan for Christmas because Alfie’s sister is in a relationship with Tommy." |

♠ ♤ ♣ ♧

Steddie (ST) ↴ Oneshots

Cookies and consoling | by @mangchai | "After a hard day, you return home to your boyfriends who want to cheer you up." | ♡

♠ ♤ ♣ ♧

Billy (ST) ↴ Oneshots ↴

Bartender Billy | by @billysbabyy |

♠ ♤ ♣ ♧

Arvin Russel (TDATT)↴ Oneshots ↴

Mockingbird | by waitimcomingtoo | "Arvin joins a book club just to see you but has to pretend to be your boyfriend to stay"

Notes: This post only contains all longer fics I will be creating a separate post for shorter fics/ i.e. headcanons, imagines, drabbles and scenarios that I love. The link to that will be here → The little things.

#daryl dixon x reader #peter parker x reader #rick grimes x reader #aaron hotch x reader #arvin russell x reader #eddie munson x reader #steve harrington x reader #tommy shelby x reader #john shelby x reader #spencer reid x reader #alfie solomons x reader #daryl x reader #aaron hotch fanfiction #rick grimes x you #peter parker fanfiction #tasm peter parker x reader

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taestefully-in-luv · 1 year

Text

Our Time | JJK (Five)

Summary: After an accident and being in a coma for three months, you finally wake. But the last nine years of your life have been completely erased. You rely on none other than your best friend, Jungkook, to help regain your memories and yourself. But what happens when the truth of your missing time starts unraveling and it isn’t all it’s made out to be?

Pairing: Jungkook x Fem Reader (Detective!Jk x Graphic Designer!OC) side pairing: Seokjin x Reader

Genre: crime au, fluff, heavy angst, smut, romance, darker themes, amnesia au. Best friends to ???

Word Count: 12.2k

Warnings: swearing, frustrations of amnesia, mentions of alcohol, lots of panicking, crying from multiple characters, mentions of death, mentions of vomit multiple times, feelings of betrayal and anger and sadness, next warning is a major spoiler: confirmed kidnapping of jk & ocs c h i l d blah blah blah for those who don't want spoilers and don't need warnings lol

a/n: only one more chapter until the introduction of this story is complete. And then the true plot will begin. 🤭please let me know what you think! Send an ask if you want to be added to the taglist or just want to chat :]

Previous --- Next

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You remember when you and Jungkook truly became friends.

You had never struggled to make friends. You naturally lured people in with your energy, maybe even your charm as a person. But after spending a month in Seoul already, you had never felt more out of place and out of your element. Every face you came across was the face of a stranger. It was like you were sitting in front of a TV screen and watching a crowd of people who didn’t matter to the plot of the movie. Just there. Living a life that had nothing to do with you.

And you were the same to them.

You had only had maybe two conversations with your roommate in the small dorm. The first conversation was hardly even an introduction and the second one was her asking you if it was cool that she would sneak her boyfriend in every now and then. You didn’t mind. But you thought it meant you all would become friends but that proved to be untrue.

The first week of classes, you realized many of your classmates are already friends or the ones who barely spoke were focused on their studies. That leaves you, someone with no friends and someone who isn’t that focused on school the way others were, feeling completely alone.

The Friday night after the first week of classes was supposed to be a night of partying with your new friends and the new independent life as a new adult. But instead you wandered around aimlessly, lost and lonely. You didn’t really want to spend the first weekend as a college student in your dorm but where exactly were you going to go? Well, you decided to stick to campus and ended up browsing the library.

A book to demolish during the weekend didn’t sound so bad, now did it?

When you were in the library, your eyes darted around, for no particular reason but hey, maybe something would stick out to you. And something did.

Or more like someone.

Your eyes grew twice their size when you spotted someone familiar. And goodness, nothing felt better than seeing something familiar in this new world.

You walked up to a table that sat at least six people but you stared with excited eyes at the only person occupying the space.

“Frog boy?” You had blurted in pure happy rage.

The frog boy in question kept his eyes on the book in his hands, only releasing a long sigh before lifting his eyes to you and cocking a brow.

“You’ve known me almost your entire life and you don’t even know my name?”

You had seen the playful glint in his eyes when he met your gaze.

You rolled yours, “Fine. Jungkook. Or you know, Ribbit.”

You hadn’t felt this excited and relieved since moving to Seoul. (Kind of.) (It’s not like you two were ever friends.) But that was about to change. Oh yes, that was going to change.

Whether your little frog boy, Jungkook, likes it or not.

“Do you go here too?!” You had asked him.

He only sighed again, looking back down at his book before answering with an unbothered nonchalance, “Nah.” And then he raised the book up, showing it to you with a straight face. “I came all the way to Seoul because only this library has…” He looked at the cover, “A freshman course Literature book.”

“Oh.” You nodded in understanding, equally straight face.

Jungkook narrowed his eyes at you, “You realize I’m joking, right?”

“That would make sense.” You nodded again, pulling out a chair across from him and taking a seat. “So we both go here. That’s great. We’re friends now.”

“Friends?”

“Unless you’re still too shy.” You remember how you challenged him.

But Jungkook raised another brow, “Am I still eight years old to you?”

“Maybe.” You had laughed before mocking. “When I see your face, I keep imagining it like,” You had scrunched up your features, pretending to cry while shaking your shirt. “A…a…a…a…a…f-frog!”

You remember how he laughed.

His laugh was pure, genuine and contagious. You remember how you joined him and it’s like the past lonely month you had spent in Seoul didn’t exist anymore.

You two would start meeting up once a week at the library. Very casual. He would try to study and you would talk his head off. Jungkook never once complained. You remember looking forward to your weekly hang outs and you had hoped he felt the same.

Jungkook obviously knew you were itching for more.

He looked over a textbook that he wasn’t paying any attention to and said, “You know we can hang out more than once a week, right?”

You basically had jumped out of your chair, cleaning up around you when you said, “Perfect. Let’s go to a party that my roommate told me about but didn’t invite me to.”

“A party?”

“A party.” You nodded.

Jungkook eyed you for a moment, looking hesitant. “I didn’t intend to party though.”

“Come on. We’re in this together.” You fluttered your lashes at him, trying your best to look convincing but he only huffed out an annoyed breath before giving in.

It was your first college frat party. Jungkook’s too.

It was also the first time you got super drunk. Jungkook too.

You two had really opened up and bonded this night. You realized Jungkook definitely wasn’t the shy boy you remember as a kid—that makes sense. You told stories and ended up in your own world. It was a lot of fun and you knew college in Seoul wasn’t going to be so lonely after all.

You remember by the end of the night when you two were walking, completely intoxicated, back to the dorms when you convinced him to just crash at your place. It was risky, trying to sneak him in, but it worked. You both stumbled inside, drunk off your asses when Jungkook claimed he didn’t feel good.

“Don’t throw up.” You remember warning him. “Or I’ll throw up too.”

“If I throw up,” He gulped anxiously, “I’d hope you would too. Didn’t you say we’re in this together?”

“D-Don’t even think about it.” You swallowed down your own drunken nausea.

And then he did throw up.

And then you did too.

Naturally, you were inseparable after this.

Weekly hang outs turned almost daily. You would talk to him like any other close friend and he would do the same. It felt good and natural and like you two had been friends since the day you shoved a frog down his shirt. And that first winter break, you two traveled home to Busan together, surprising your parents because after all these years of being neighbors, you were finally friends.

You two had convinced your parents to have a joint cook out and you remember how afterwards, you and Jungkook laid on the hood of his car, looking up at the stars and talking about life. You remember how you asked him what he envisioned for his future.

He glanced at you, eyes lingering on your face for several long moments before he narrowed them, “We’re on vacation and you’re asking me to think about my future?”

You both laughed.

“I don’t know if what I’m currently in school for is something I actually want to do with my life. I’m hoping I’ll get inspired and suddenly know what it is I have to do.” He had finally answered.

You remember understanding his words, the feeling resonating with you. “Me too.”

You remember turning your body towards his and smiling, “Have I told you how glad I am to have seen you at the library and I forced my friendship on you?”

He had snorted, turning his own body towards you as well. The moonlight hitting his face, illuminating his features just right. He almost looked straight out of a dream. “You didn’t force your friendship on me.”

It was your turn to snort. “Liar.”

He stared at you for a moment, teasing smile pulling at his lips when he began drumming his fingers against the metal hood of his car. “And why would I ever lie to you?”

You remember the vibration you felt beneath your body when each of his fingers landed on the metal with a rhythmic beat. You remember the sound like a melody and his words were the lyrics.

You remember how it felt when he basically sang his silent promise to you.

“Yeah, you’d never lie to me, right?” You had teased back but there was a quiet and genuine conversation happening beneath the teasing.

“Never.” He told you. And you believed him.

And you should still believe him, right?

But Misuk’s words are repeating relentlessly in your mind, ‘Closest. She hasn’t spoken one fucking word to you in two years. But right, closest.’

You want to have confidence in Jungkook because you should. But his silence after her words feels like cold, quick spider legs are racing up your spine, creating a chilling uneasiness and a spasm of worry and discomfort crosses over your face. You’ve never liked spiders.

What does Misuk mean by that? Why would she say that? There is no way you wouldn’t talk to your husband for two years. There must be some kind of misunderstanding. But your body remains stuck to the wall like you’ve been superglued and you’re afraid the moment you peel yourself away, your skin will be ripped off your bones.

You know there has to be some kind of explanation because her words don’t directly translate to you and Jungkook not actually speaking for two years but your brain sends signals throughout your body that you have every right to be as anxious as you feel.

Because your brain knows more than it’s letting on. Your brain holds all the mysteries that it doesn’t want to show you. And your body listens to the signals it sends.

“Be worried.” They say.

But no matter if your skin separates from you and becomes a part of the wall in your kitchen…you have to go out there and get some kind of answer. Because you can’t handle for one more thing in your life to not make sense.

You tell your shaking legs to walk.

Even while you feel imprisoned by fear, they move. Your body turning the corner of the kitchen wall, water still running in the background, as you make your presence known.

Jungkook and Misuk’s heads turn towards you when they feel you. And they mirror one another’s expressions. Watching you in numbed horror.

“y/n…” Misuk says your name, blood draining from her face but you can tell she’s trying to look normal. “Hey.”

“What do you mean?” You’re surprised you have a voice. “Why did you say that?”

Jungkook’s mouth falls open, panicked eyes boring into your face. But he doesn’t speak.

They quickly glance at one another, an understanding that you’ve heard their conversation and you see how Jungkook’s expression twists into one of anger before he looks completely ashamed when he meets your eye again.

“What’s going on?” Your feet take you closer, your brain sending the signals without you telling it to. Your brain must be making fun of you. Mocking you. Wanting you to find things out when it already has the answers. Like it’s playing some game. “Why did Misuk say that? Why are you two on bad terms? Why,” You’re walking faster, getting closer as adrenaline starts running through your veins, your mouth unable to stop speaking.

“I asked what’s going on.” You stop in front of them, “Why—why did Misuk say that? Why are you both quiet now? Why can’t you answer me? Why are you looking at me like that?” You can’t stop the questions from spilling out of your mouth, eyes going frantically between Jungkook and Misuk. “W-Why aren’t you answering? Why are you doing—why are you doing this to me? Why are you making me feel this way? Why—why aren’t you—” Your heart is rapid inside your chest, thumping against your ribcage, trying to run away and hide now. “Fucking answer me because I don’t know what the fuck is going on!” Your chest heaves uncomfortably, eyes blown wide as nothing makes sense inside your mind.

Jungkook stares at you, eyes just as wide before he slowly shuts them, his lips sticking together in a tight line, nostrils flaring.

“Nothing…” You quiet your voice, slight tremble when you speak. “Nothing already feels real to me. But marrying my best friend does make sense. But not talking to said husband for two years does not.”

You concentrate on the two in front of you, watching their expressions and reactions to your words carefully. Jungkook looks pissed while Misuk blinks at you with obvious guilt on her entire face.

“Say something!” You yell at them, both of their bodies flinching and your panicked thoughts only grow more wild and out of control. Fear is bursting your veins now. Fear of the unknown. Fear of what is known. The fear that your brain is just hiding something from you that could possibly make you heart crumble and shatter.

“I…I…” Misuk looks around, eyes unable to meet yours anymore while she sets the muffins down onto the table at the front entrance. “I should—should leave.”

Jungkook is quick to throw Misuk an incredulous look, “Are you fucking kidding me?” He spits at her. “You’re the one who opened your fucking mouth and opened this can of worms. And now you want to leave?”

Misuk snaps her head towards Jungkook, glowering eyes on him. “Should I stay? Say everything?”

Jungkook swallows hard and you can see anger spiking his body. “You’re right. You’ve done enough. Just leave. I’ll walk you out.”

“I don’t need you to wa—”

“—Let’s go.” He walks forward, opening the front door as she seethes, walking past him.

You watch in disbelief, brows pinching when you try to stop them. “Where—”

“—Just stay here.” Jungkook tells you, his voice softens when directed towards you. “I’ll only be a minute.”

And just like that, Jungkook and Misuk are out of your house, front door slammed shut.

How could they? How could they leave you here with your anxiety gripping your core and making you feel more lost and estranged in this world all over again.

You stand here, blood pooling into the heels of your feet. A sudden coldness surrounds you and you feel faint. What is going on? What exactly has transpired in these last nine years?

And where the hell is your explanation?

You wish you could shut off your brain. Tell it to stop coming up with ridiculous theories when it knows the truth deep down. It’s just having fun with you at this point.

You don’t think you can master the uneasiness you feel and control it.

Your tense body twitches the moment your front door is opening again and Jungkook is slipping through with downward eyes. You wait anxiously for him to come closer to you and explain that it is not what it seems. But his body language throws you off. It throws off the confidence you’re supposed to have in him.

Jungkook’s bottom lip is caught between his teeth, his own anxiety radiating off his body like heat off a space heater. You want to read him like a book, like a book with an obvious ending. But you can’t. You can’t read him since he is in another language right now.

“Jungkook.” You call for him, trying your best to stay in one piece.

He tries to look up at you but his eyes can’t manage your eyes. Your face. Your body. He can’t manage to feel what he’s feeling but a million times worse when he sees you. He walks closer to you, stopping just a foot in front of you, tense body looking more uncomfortable than what you’re feeling.

“y/n…” He can’t even say your name without his voice cracking, a harsh breath forcing its way out of his mouth while his hands immediately go to his face, fingers rubbing into his skin with a roughness that makes you more worried than before. “Fuck.” He mutters in into his hands.

“Talk to me.” It’s not a suggestion. He knows this. You’re not asking. You’re telling him. You’re telling him to explain why the hell Misuk says that you two are not close and you haven’t spoken in two years.

Jungkook’s hands drag down his face, the color has left him, a growing paleness that makes you think he might faint or puke at any moment. He’s struggling to even look at you.

But he does.

And you see the pain in his eyes.

“I don’t…” He croaks out, breaths uneven. “I don’t know where to start. I don’t know how to—how to explain. I don’t know what to fuck—fucking say.” He finally stares at you, gaze so intense you almost wish he would go back to looking away.

You swallow your nerves, your need for answers stronger than your need for ignorant protection of your feelings. “We’re married. Yet we haven’t spoken in two years. According to Misuk, anyway. Is that true?”

He’s still staring and you’re growing more panicked. Needing an answer now but his silence is telling.

“I asked if that’s true.” You repeat with a colder tone.

Jungkook releases a shaky breath, “It’s half true.”

Your lips twist, “What does that mean? We do talk?”

“No. We aren’t married.” He tells you, voice quiet and eyes ashamed.

You take a step back, confusion growing. “But…but I saw—”

“—We were married.” He clarifies. “But we aren’t…” He closes his eyes for a moment, stopping them from growing wet. “Anymore.”

You take another step back, face hardening as the confusion only triples. “We’re…divorced?” You ask him, but you hate that you even have to ask.

He stays still in his spot, the shame and regret thick in his voice when he answers, “Yeah.”

Your posture suddenly stiffens, letting out a forceful breath but because of the tightness in your chest, breathing is suddenly the hardest task.

You try to fight for optimism but your veins that were once bursting are filling again, but with a deadly acid that poisons your body. It’s running through you, corrupting and decaying any ounce of understanding. You need to breathe but you couldn’t possibly fight for one breath when your insides are turning rotten.

Jungkook finally takes a step forward but your feet carry you away from him, several steps back until you’re against the edge of your sofa.

“y/n…” He says your name but you aren’t sure he deserves to because he…

“Y-You lied to me?” You finally manage to say the one thought that keeps pushing against your raging forehead. “You lied to me? You lied?” You blink at him, “You lied to me, Jungkook? You made me think we…?” You shakily gesture between your bodies, “You let me think…”

“I…” Jungkook’s expression grows desperate. “I didn’t—I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t…if I told you truth it would just…”

“The truth?” You look at him, disappointment in your killer gaze. “You lied to me. You lied—you lied. You would rather lie to me than—”

“—Yes!” He shouts, breathing heavier than before. “It’s one revelation after the other and you can’t handle the…”

Your disappointment, your shock, your betrayal are slowly turning into anger.

“You lied to me.” You say, knowing it’s a fact now. “Why?”

Jungkook’s lips are parted and you’re both waiting for his explanation but it doesn’t come.

“I asked you why, Jungkook.” You feel your body sinking. An unbearable sadness creating a space inside your chest. “Tell me why and maybe…” You want to be reasonable. Maybe he had to or maybe he…no, why would he lie? Why would he lie to you?

“It’s complicated.” Is the answer he settles for and the anger inside you finally snaps. Your body is struck with betrayal.

“Com—complicated?” You ask the word in earnest. “You’re joking, right?”

“y/n…I asked you to always trust—”

“—You’re asking me to trust you after you lied to me?” Your jaw tightens, “Just tell me and we will see if—”

“—No.” He shakes his head, growing paler by the second. “I-I can’t. I really can’t.”

“You can’t tell me? Why?”

“Because I can’t!” He grows exasperated, his eyes blown out. “I fucking can’t. I can’t. I can’t say it. I can’t do that. I c-can’t.” His body gives up on him, shoulders shaking when he falls to his knees and he squeezes his eyes shut. “Don’t make me say—say it. I just can’t.”

You look down at him, your confusion making you turn to anger instead of anything else.

You’re hurt.

But right now, being mad feels easier.

“Please, y/n.” His entire face makes you hurt more. “Please just…”

“Leave.” You say the word quietly. His eyes shoot open and he stares up at you. They’re blood shot and teary. “Please just leave.”

Jungkook tries to stand again, his knees are weak but he tries anyway.

“y/n…”

“Just leave.” You’re the one begging now, “Please just leave. Let me…just let me be right now.” You feel your own eyes grow wet, stinging and burning. Throat tight but you manage to beg him again, “Please just leave.”

Jungkook is trying to speak to you with his eyes and your brain, deep down, seems to understand him but your brain doesn’t want to let you in on this secret. He nods, blinking his eyes when a tear falls and his anxiously wipes it away. “Okay.”

He clearly doesn’t have it in him to fight you on this. Because for whatever reason, he can’t.

~~~

You wonder if this is how you felt when you first got divorced. Or maybe just a similar feeling. Like you’ve been stranded, abandoned and left for dead. Like your body has been drained of all the blood that pumps through you and someone has scooped out your heart and other organs and you’re now just an empty shell and a sorry excuse for a human being.

You might think to yourself that it’s quite dramatic to feel that way but somehow you feel even worse than that.

You haven’t slept and you aren’t even really sure if you’ve even breathed since the news. You’re restless and anxious. You’re angry. You’re sad. And you’re heartbroken. You don’t even know what it must have felt like when you and Jungkook broke it off. What must have went wrong? So wrong that you two would go separate ways and you two wouldn’t speak to one another.

A thought crosses your mind though…Misuk is upset with Jungkook. And she said you haven’t talked to him. She could have meant that you both haven’t spoken to one another in mutual agreement but Misuk’s hostility and choice of words have you believing different.

So what exactly happened? And why does Jungkook refuse to explain it to you?

You can’t imagine a world where he would betray you so badly that you’d divorce him and never speak again. But again, it’s been nine years. People do change. But you felt it in your bones…the happiness that coursed through his body when he was with you. You could feel how much he loves you. So then, what?

You touch the screen of your phone that rests by your thigh on the sofa, the light is bright and blinding but you catch the time on the screen. It’s after 6 am already. Your mind working in overdrive to come to some sort of conclusion. But you realize you aren’t considering everything.

You cannot be blind to the world around you.

Your parents must know you’re divorced but why are they so willing to agree to your marriage? Why did they only seem happy? Why do they still love Jungkook despite that you’re divorced now? They still trust him, that is obvious.

But Misuk doesn’t. And Subin seems to be on the rocks but she doesn’t seem totally against him either. In fact, you overheard her in the café. She said they don’t know everything. You remember that being strange. Know what?

But in the end, you need to consider Jungkook the most.

You two are apparently not together. And you two aren’t on speaking terms.

Then…is his apartment really his apartment? Suddenly, you feel even more lifeless at the thought. You can’t imagine the Jungkook you’ve always known…someone warm, cozy and tidy…living in that place. The countless bottles of alcohol, the little to no food, the stale air and even a hole in the wall that resembles too closely to the size of his fist.

You also need to consider his reaction to everything as well.

You know in your heart of hearts…how off and conflicted he’s been since the beginning. You also know how hard things must have been for him as well. But you can’t help but still feel hurt, angry and bitter at the fact that he easily lied to you and kept up a façade about something you dreamed of. Making you feel like a fool for being so openly happy with him. When it wasn’t the truth.

And maybe you are a fool.

A fool because 33 year old you might have the resolve to never speak to Jungkook but you, the you that exists now, doesn’t. And your brain is calling you a fool. Because it’s just a game for your brain. Your brain that hides all the answers and the truth. While you sit here completely clueless.

Clueless…

Clue…less…

Clue…?

Have there been any clues? Clues to the truth that you’ve missed?

Think. You need to think.

You sit forward on your couch, elbows on your thighs while your head falls into your hands.

You have to think. What are you missing that could—

The attic.

Your body moves quickly, suddenly standing from the couch when your head snaps towards the direction of the hallway. The attic…he hid your life away in the attic. You returned his keys to him—obviously—but you don’t think you locked it back up. Unless Jungkook went out of your sight to make sure it was locked again…then it should be unlocked and waiting for you to reveal your life.

Your heart has seemed to return back inside your chest, racing wildly and uncontrollably, making you feel dizzy. You just have to take the first step in the attic’s direction and you could possibly uncover more.

But you don’t move. Why? Why is it that you’re desperate for answers but your feet stay glued to the wooden floors?

Fear has made you its prisoner once again.

But you need to release the shackles, break free and run out. Run far away from this thing that’s jailing you. Ignorance isn’t something you associate yourself with and you won’t start now.

Determined, though afraid, you take the first step. Then another. And another. Feet heavy with each step but you take them. You’re you. You will always walk towards the right thing. Even when others disagree…you know, the right thing is the truth. Because you will not be ignorant.

You make it inside the mostly empty guest bedroom. It’s almost hotel like, no personal touch can be seen. For the first time, you feel odd being inside here. But not odd in the way that feels uncomfortable. But odd because it’s familiar. You take a moment, hand lifted towards the bedroom wall, flipping the light switch before your fingers lightly brush against the wall.

The paint in here is newer than the painted walls in the rest of the house.

A weird feeling accompanies your touch.

But once your eyes land on the ladder you placed against the wall, you’re quick to shake off any other feelings before grabbing it, lifting it and taking it out into the hallway and setting it up underneath the attic door before you groan in realization that you don’t even need it.

If it’s unlocked then you only have to pull the string and it should open.

And hopefully that’s the case.

You slide the ladder off to the side, deciding you’ll put it away again when you’re finished. You stare up at the ceiling, eyes on the dangling string and you know what you must do. You have to fight off this hesitance, this fear and walk towards the truth that tries so desperately to hide from you. Okay. Deep breath. Any breath at this point. You reach up, fingers wrapped around the string tightly before you give it a tug.

Your eyes expand when the door cracks open, clearly not enough pull to open it fully.

It’s unlocked.

Heart still racing, blood rushing and insides twisting. You pull again. Harder. And the door opens and the wooden staircase comes down and you unfold it to its full length. All you have to do is go up these steps and search through the physical evidence of your life. The boxes.

Your breaths are bated with each step you take that take you into the hole in the ceiling. The darkness feels consuming and you feel the chill wrap around your body the moment you enter inside. Walking further, you find the light and now a soft yellow makes the room glow.

The boxes glare at you. Challenging you. ‘go ahead, open me.’ They whisper tauntingly. You glance around, feeling a chill at all the cob webs and no doubt, spider webs in the dark corners of the attic.

Fingers brush against the top of a few boxes, dust left on your fingertips, quickly wiping it off on your pants before you pry the first box open. It’s the same first box you opened last time…loose papers, notebooks, random sticky notes with words that make zero sense to you. You grab one notebook, open it and read the first page.

Jeez, your hand writing is messy.

Kim Joo Won > only Wednesdays and Fridays

Geum Jan Di > Mon-Fri

Cha Do Hyun > Tues-fri

Park Hae Yeoung > Tues and Thurs only

Lee Min Ho > Mon-fri

Park Jiyoo > Thurs and Friday was off the Friday…see where he was. Confirmed out of town since Wednesday

You keep reading over the paper but you don’t understand what you’re reading. Your confusion grows…why do you have a list of people and days of the week connected to their names?

You turn the page and there’s a list of times now. Ranging from morning to the evening. With each persons name linked somewhere with a time of…are these work hours? Clock in and clock out times?

You turn the page again but you can’t read your handwriting. Many words are scribbled out.

You decide to close the notebook and set it back inside the box. You grab another notebook, opening it to a random page when you notice different pictures of people taped to the paper. Men and women with their names written next to them. Your eyes go wide. You see the name Lee Jaesung written next to a photo of a man you’re sure you recognize.

It’s the man from the super market.

Next to his name is more scribbled words.

Lee Jaesung > Knows nothing.

And next to his picture and the words are pen scribbles that look done out of frustration.

What the hell is this? Why is the guy from the market inside this notebook with a bunch of other people?

You close the notebook, placing it inside again while you ignore this eerie feeling.

You push the box away and open another one. It’s the box with old clothes you had seen last time as well. You must have been wanting to donate them or something. You’re about to close the box when something catches your eye. On a piece of folded fabric beneath other articles of clothing, your eyes catch something that throws you off. A small patch of a cutesy koala clearly ironed onto the fabric. Your fingers go to touch it, curious about it for some odd reason. You pick at the little koala, the corners lifting off the fabric and you realize it might have been there a while and it’s starting to peel off.

It's cute, you think.

You decide to look at your shirt in whole, hands suddenly digging it out of the box, unfolding the shirt when your heart stops. Face completely focused on what you’re holding and you can’t seem to shake off the feeling that consumes you. Your confusion grows.

The shirt is small. Too small to be yours.

Suddenly, your skin feels cold and clammy. Your brows pull so close together, dropping the shirt to the ground when your hands go back inside the box. You pull out more of the clothing. Clothing you are now realizing is not fit for an adult. Tiny shirts, tiny pants. You drop all of the random articles to the ground and at the very bottom of the box…tiny shoes.

These are clothes for children.

Boys clothes.

Your fingers grab at the clothes frantically, your breaths growing heavier and heavier.

What is this? Why do you have this?

You abandon the box, heart racing even faster as you make your way towards the other side of the attic where you found the box that held your old wedding photo. You need to breathe, you remind yourself. You’re no good if you pass out from lack of oxygen filling your lungs.

But something haunting is crawling creepily over your skin.

You swallow hard, hands rubbing against your arms as if trying to brush away the spiders that must be crawling all over you with their millions of legs. But you only feel the unwanted goosebumps infecting your skin.

Once again hesitant…you stare at the box that’s half open. The box that held the photo.

You slowly reach for the left flap, lifting it and giving yourself a full view of the rest of the box. There’s more frames and you wonder if you can handle seeing more pictures of you and Jungkook living a life you don’t know of.

You gather your resolve, taking a shaky breath before reaching inside.

It’s a framed photo of you, Jungkook and your parents. You set it to the side before reaching in again. Framed photo of you and Jungkook at that park. A framed photo of you, Jungkook, Misuk, Subin and people you don’t recognize at a long dinner table. A framed photo of you and a group of people you don’t know holding up a ‘congrats on the promotion’ sign.

Your hands shake, seeing yourself in all of these scenarios you don’t recall.

Reaching the end of the box, you see one last photo of you and Jungkook wearing headbands that say ‘2017’ while sharing a kiss.

You need to breathe. No matter how overwhelming this is…you need to breathe.

You organize the photos back inside the box before pushing it away and opening another one. A really dusty one. You notice this box is taped closed and you struggle with peeling the tape back and getting it open. But once it is, you slowly open the flaps and reveal what is inside.

Again, your heart is aggressively throwing itself against your chest.

You are confused again. Slowly dipping your hands inside, you pull out a toy car. You bring it closer to you, inspecting the toy. A stabbing pain hits you relentlessly in your lower stomach. You carefully set it down before digging inside the box again, this time pulling out a zoo animals Lego set box. You don’t like this. Your brain is sending signals through your body again. You aren’t supposed to like this. Your brain is warning you.

You swallow even harder, your throat feeling tight and dry.

You reach inside the box again and pull out a plastic robot, maybe around 6 inches in height. It looks like the most used toy so far…scratches across the plastic and even a missing hand. You turn it around, twisting it to look more carefully when you notice something written on the bottom of the foot with faded marker.

Haru.

It spells the name Haru.

Who is Haru?

Your breaths won’t even out and relax. Who is Haru? You bring the toy close to your chest, gripping it tightly but your fingers are feeling weaker and weaker.

You know this toy. You think you do, anyway. It’s the first item in any box that feels familiar to you. And you aren’t sure what to feel about that.

Your lips are drying and even when you poke your tongue out to lick them, it doesn’t help. They continue to dry with an intensity that has you mistaking this cold air for the dessert.

You place the robot back into the box, closing it softly before turning towards another box.

You have to keep going.

Even though you aren’t sure how you will survive the rest of your searching.

Your chest aches. A physical pain from the pounding of your heart.

You reach for another box, sliding it towards you but it’s heavy. Heavy like the box that held photos. You get it opened and your breath hitches the moment you see this box also has photos. On top, a picture of Jungkook brushing his teeth in the bathroom mirror. His sleepy eyes and sad attempt at a peace sign. You hate that your eyes are stinging.

You grab another frame, eyes narrowing at the photo.

A picture of you and Jungkook at the park with his hand over your stomach as you both smile.

No…

Your chest rises and falls much faster.

You reach for another photo and you don’t mean to shakily gasp, eyes burning at the sight. Your stomach looks huge in the photo, Jungkook’s face pushed up against it while you’re laughing.

You aren’t capable of registering what the fuck you’re looking at. Your hands shake harder, the photo suddenly looking blurry. That can’t be you. That isn’t you. It’s not you.

“W-What…” Your voice is barely audible to your own ears.

Your entire body goes rigid and cold.

You set the photo down before reaching for another one and as soon as you look at it, your shaky hands drop it. A loud slam to the attic floor and glass shattering at your feet. You blink at nothing, tears welling as you feel the blood completely drain from your face. You’re shocked frozen. Quick breaths that make you feel like you’re dying.

You try so hard to snap out of it but how could you? How could you process the broken framed photo at your feet? How could you?

You squat down, trembling fingers wiping away the hundreds of pieces of glass. The shards are sharp but nothing feels more piercing than the image that stares back at you. You pick up the picture, eyes blinking rapidly, ridding the tears that are forming. Tears because how could you understand and accept what you’re seeing?

You in a hospital bed with Jungkook’s arms around you. You both look ecstatic, teary eyed and smiling widely while in your arms…is a baby.

A baby.

You scoff underneath your breath. A baby.

Don’t you mean…your baby?

Immediately, just at the thought, you truly begin to panic.

There is no way. No fucking way you had a child. A child with Jungkook. You can’t believe this because nothing has felt more fucking unreal than this and nothing feels scarier. You don’t remember this. This can’t be you. This isn’t you. You aren’t you.

You drop the frame again, the loud thud making you wince before you step away slowly. Your eyes anxiously dart around again. The boxes are once again taunting you. You can’t. You can’t be in here anymore. You can’t do this anymore. You don’t want this anymore. You don’t want this life anymore. You want a life you can recognize but this is too far out of your element for you. This isn’t your life. This isn’t you. This isn’t you. This isn’t you.

Your breaths grow heavier, chest getting tighter and you’re wondering what it’s like to breathe because you don’t remember the last time you did now. Not normally, anyway. Your eyes can’t blink back tears anymore. You’re too overwhelmed to stop yourself from sobbing. Sobbing hard and uncontrollably. Pathetic whines leaving your mouth as you tremble at the sight of this attic.

You need to get out of here.

You quickly turn the light off, stumble down the steps and without bothering to close the attic, you rush to the living room and collapse to the sofa.

Tears flooding your cheeks. Sobs wracking your body. Misery consuming your soul.

You are a mother?

Were a mother?

Where is this Haru?

Is Jungkook hiding an entire child? Perhaps Haru is with Jungkook’s parents?

Everyone agreed to keep a fucking child from you?

They shouldn’t have kept this from you. Sure, you’re 24 in your mind and nowhere near ready for a fucking child. But you birthed this kid and have no clue who he is. Your brain won’t even give you a piece of a memory that deals with someone you should love dearly.

Anger. Guilt. You aren’t sure what to feel right now.

But devastation for this entire thing should be a good start.

And you think you truly deserve that explanation.

You stuff your face into the cushion of the sofa you’ve grown to love and you cry. You cry hard and you cry loudly. You soak the sofa with your tears and you wonder how you could possibly accept this. Accept something that not only doesn’t feel real…but can’t be real.

You imagined marrying your best friend and that’s a place you could start. A place that was easy to accept. But this? This is hardly something you can recognize as a life of your own.

And you need Jungkook to tell you everything now.

Or you might truly go insane.

You don’t care it’s the ass crack of dawn, you feel for your phone that you know you left here on the couch and when you feel it, you bring it to your puffy face and try to find Jungkook’s name through your blurry vision. And you call him.

He must not be sleeping either because he answers before the first ring is even over.

“Hello? y/n?”

You don’t hide the fact you’re crying, “Come over. Now.” And you hang up.

Jungkook sits next to you, body turned towards you, completely stunned. You’re looking weak, unable to look at him for too long without growing emotional. He’s guilty. He lied to you. And you’re upset. But your puffy, red eyes has his heart aching dully in his chest.

“Please talk to me, y/n…yell at me, hit me, anything you want but please say something.” He quietly begs you. He doesn’t dare reach for you, though his hands yearn to. Instead, he drums his fingers against his thigh.

You’re still unable to look at him, your brain still trying to process everything. But you know you need to speak up and get real answers. Answers that are the truth. And you need to hear them from Jungkook, himself.

“I went,” You pause, trying to clear your throat but it still burns, feeling tight. “I went into the attic.”

Jungkook’s fingers come to a sudden stop. “You what?”

You finally lift your eyes to him, “I said I went into the attic.”

His face pales.

“I saw a lot of things.” Your gaze flickers down again, eyes stinging once more. “I saw that I was pregnant. I found his—Haru’s things…”

Jungkook stares at you, pain and terror flashing in his eyes, his bottom lip quivering the moment you said Haru’s name.

“We have a child and you didn’t say any—”

“—I…I…” He chokes on his words, his entire body tensing like it’s on the verge of shutting down.

“We have a son together and you didn’t mention anything?” You give him a hard stare, eyes looking cold and you see how he physically shatters under your gaze. He shatters just like the glass in the attic. He too is at your feet. At least it feels that way. “Say something Jung—“

“—Fuck!” He cries out, eyes slamming shut as his shoulders and chest begin to quake. “I can’t fucking do this.” He breathes out roughly, “I can’t do this again.”

Your head pushes back in slight shock, “Do what?”

“Go through this.” He bows his head, silent tears falling to his lap. “I can’t tell you again.”

You feel struck with something eerie, “Tell me what again?”

Jungkook doesn’t answer you right away. He isn’t able to. He chokes on his words, chokes on his breaths and chokes on his tears. He’s shattered but there is nothing sharp or piercing about him. He’s soft around all edges. He’s soft. And he’s devastated.

“I’m—I’m not r-ready.” He cries into his hands. “This ha-happened too q-quickly. You shouldn’t…you shouldn’t…I can’t…”

You feel the urge to reach for him and you do, your fingers going to the back of his head, massaging his scalp and neck. “What’s wrong? What’s happening?” You suddenly feel worried.

Jungkook won’t calm down. A harsh reality suddenly all around you both.

“Where is Haru, Jungkook? Why are you crying? Is he with your parents?” You ask him question after question and he only cries harder. You’re trying to piece it together. Where is your son? The kid you gave birth to? The one you don’t remember? He’s not…he can’t be…?

“Is he…dead?” You ask the question slowly between long breaths. “Is he—”

“—No!” Jungkook finally lifts his head, swollen eyes on you. “He’s not. He isn’t. He isn’t. He-He can’t be. Haru is…” He shakes his head violently, “He isn’t. Haru is alive. He’s…”

“Jungkook…” You see the pain and terror in his eyes still. And maybe pain and terror have always lived inside his irises. And you never understood it until now. “What happened?”

Jungkook wipes his face aggressively, trying his hardest to clean himself from his sorrowful tears. He takes deep breaths, eyes falling to yours where he seeks comfort.

“A little—a little over two years ago…” Jungkook takes another deep breath. “Haru….” He pauses, struggling to say it.

“What happened…?” Your heart is racing again.

“He—He was kidnapped. He was taken from us, y/n.” Jungkook spills the truth. The words fall from him mouth like vomit. “He was abducted and he—he hasn’t been found.”

You aren’t really processing this. You can barely believe you have a child. But now you have to believe this child is missing. You aren’t understanding. How could you?

“W-What?” You drop your hand from his hair. “What are you talking about Jungkook?”

He sighs out heavily, silent tears still leaving a miserable trail down his cheeks. “Haru was taken.”

Haru…your son…was taken?

“And they closed the case. Too fucking early but they closed the case. They presume he’s…they don’t think he’s…” He can’t say it. But you hear him loud and clear. The police gave up on looking because they believe he’s dead.

You do feel sad. Maybe even heartbroken. But there is a disconnect because none of this sounds real to you.

You look down at your lap, “This…this is around the time we got divorced?”

Jungkook chokes on a silent sob, “We divorced soon after.” He admits to you, “Losing my boy, losing you…and I lost my job eventually too.”

You look back up to him, “Why?”

His expression twists, shame gracing his features. “I was a mess, y/n. I couldn’t…I couldn’t handle myself or control myself. Finding Haru was all I could focus on but it led to too many bad things and eventually…Captain Kim, he felt for me.” Jungkook wipes his face again, “But they couldn’t keep me anymore.”

Your heart sinks at his admission.

Jungkook has been suffering on his own while you are lost on all this trauma.

This was obviously hard on both of you. It was too hard on both of you. He couldn’t handle himself? Control himself? But what about you? What were you like in all of this?

Are you lucky that you don’t remember?

Or is not knowing even worse?

“Okay…it’s okay…” You whisper towards Jungkook. Your heart mending itself from all the broken pieces because it makes sense now. Why Jungkook lied. Why he’s been so careful with you finding things out. Because this is…a lot. But right now, you want to comfort him. Because no matter what 33 year old you was going through…24 year old you just wants to hug her best friend.

~~~

It's been a few days since you found out about Haru. A little boy who doesn’t feel real to you.

He was three years old when he was kidnapped.

And if he is still alive…he should be five now.

You’ve been detached and numb, unable to face anyone quite yet. Jungkook checks on you but suddenly, meeting his gaze has become harder. And you think he agrees. This is a huge shock for you and you see how repeating this news is just as hard for Jungkook. He’s burdened with something miserable that lingers in his eyes.

You finally decide to reach out to your parents today.

Needing them to know that you know everything now.

You call your mom, phone to your ear as you listen for each ring until her sweet voice is calling a melodic ‘hello!’.

“Hey.” You mumble into the phone, “Is dad with you?”

“Your dad?” Your mom sounds far from the phone, “Hold on, I’m putting away some groceries. Almost done!”

You smile a little, “Okay.”

After some shuffling in the background, you hear your moms voice in your ear now. “Okay! What’s up?”

“Is dad with you?” You repeat your question.

“Oh.” Your mom sighs out, “Nope. He’s with Jungkook’s father, they’re out playing golf.”

“Oh.”

“Why? Is everything okay? Are you trying to get a hold of him? Is he not answering?”

“No, no.” You shake your head, though she can’t see you. “I wanted to talk to both of you…but it’s okay. You can just fill him in.”

“Fill him in?”

“I know me and Jungkook are divorced.” You say the words quickly. “Why did you pretend we were married?”

It’s silent. Just soft breaths barely audible on the other line. “Well,” Your mom finally breathes out, “I think it was easier that way.” She admits. “You two love each other very much so I just didn’t see the issue.”

You scoff, “We’re divorced yet you—”

“—It’s not like he’s a bad guy. Or you’re bad, either.” She cuts in. “Things just…”

“I know about Haru.” You tell her. You hear how she inhales a sharp breath.

“H-Haru…” She repeats slowly, “You know because…?”

“I found out.” You tell her, “I don’t have my memories.”

Your mom is quiet on the other line before you hear her sniffling.

“Mom?”

She takes a deep breath, “I’m sorry.” Her voice is shaky. “This isn’t fair for you, honey. I’m so sorry.”

You sigh, “It’s not like I remember.”

“You know…after the abduction…” Your mom grows more and more emotional, “There were days where I wished I could take your pain and heartbreak away. But not remembering your son is also another pain and heartbreak.”

You don’t mean to get teary eyed at that. You try to keep your voice even. “I-I guess.”

“After everything…” Your mom clears her throat, “You really shut down. Of course you did. You’re a mother who lost her child. But…you just…you shut everyone out. You didn’t really talk to me or dad much anymore and we felt helpless. How couldn’t we feel that way?”

“Mom…”

“We were devastated when you filed for divorced.” She says. “You and Jungkook were both heartbroken and in a bad place…it was obviously too much for both of you. But instead of figuring it out together…you fell apart.”

You divorced…because losing Haru was too much to bear?

Your heart sinks deeper. You can’t imagine what Jungkook felt.

Or you. But you won’t understand that one until you feel it again one day when your memories return.

“The pain was too much but I wish you would have stayed together…what you needed was each other.”

“Oh.”

“And…we’re all devastated about Haru. But seeing the both of you completely broken…was another heartbreak we had to feel.”

You’ve thought about the conversation you had with your mom earlier all day. You sit here, trying to analyze her words. But they aren’t hard to understand. She claims you and Jungkook fell apart and divorced because the pain of losing your son was too unbearable. And you realize it is a solid reason.

Your foot taps against your wooden floor, anxiously waiting for Misuk and Subin to arrive. You sent them a long text explaining everything and they said they’d be over as soon as possible. But you’re anxious. Anxious that even they know about a son you gave birth to when even you don’t. Anxious because you realize you feel guilty over it. Guilty you can’t remember something that is supposed to be precious.

You sit here when your hands fly to your forehead when it suddenly starts pounding. A horrible ache pushing against your skull and you wince at the pain. Shit, you haven’t taken your medicine today. Standing from your sofa, you intend to walk to the kitchen but fists get knocked against your front door.

They’re here.

Taking a deep breath, your feet take you to them instead. And as soon as the door is opening, Subin and Misuk bring you into their arms while they whisper their apologies and sorrows. You wish you were still numb. But you aren’t. You tremble in their hold instead and let yourself cry into their arms.

After several minutes and your determination to calm yourself, you finally pull away from the girls and offer a small smile. “Sorry.” You try to laugh to ease your sadness.

Subin pouts at you, “No.”

“Don’t say sorry.” Misuk smiles at you, “I’m sorry. Sorry for everything…you overheard me and it all turned out like this…”

“Well, you aren’t wrong.” You bump her shoulder. “Let’s sit.”

You girls walk into your living room and plop down onto the sofa. “This sucks.” You try to laugh but your chest feels heavy. “How is it that my life turned out like this?”

“I know…” Misuk frowns. “I really am sorry that things spiraled and you found things out like this…I hated lying to you. I hated seeing everyone lie to you. You deserved to know the truth because I know that’s…” She bites her lip, worry written all over her face. “That’s what you’d want. But I truly don’t know what would have been worse…finding out like this or finding out because your memories returned and everything would hit you like a ton of bricks.” You glance down at your hands, trying to mull over her words. You think she’s right. But you think she’s right in a way of the you who would want it this way because you didn’t know any better.

“I just,” You sigh out, “I just can’t believe me and Jungkook’s marriage failed when we needed each other most.”

Your head snaps up when you hear Misuk scoff.

“What?” You question her while she narrows her eyes at nothing. “What is it?”

The space between her eyebrows crease, “Your marriage didn’t fail because of your mutual heartbreak over Haru’s abduction, y/n.” She finally meets your eye. “Is that what you think?”

For the millionth time, your heart beat grows faster. “What do you mean?”

“Your marriage failed because you blamed Jungkook for it.”

Your heart comes to a complete stop. “What?”

“You blamed him for the kidnapping.” She clarifies, “But I guess Jungkook conveniently left that part out.”

“What…what are you—“

“—Misuk.” Subin says her name with a harsh, cold tone. “Enough already.”

“What?!” Misuk grows frustrated, eyes on Subin now. “She already knows this much—”

“—You don’t even know everything!” Subin cuts her off, “It’s not like we even know what y/n was thinking at that time! She didn’t even…” She suddenly gets quieter, her eyes going to you now. “She…you…” She meets your surprised gaze at her outburst. “You barely even spoke to us after the incident.”

You feel cold all of the sudden.

“You…” Subin tears her gaze away, “You got so distant. And we don’t blame you, of course we don’t blame you. But,” She looks at Misuk again, “How could you blame Jungkook for that?”

“y/n had her reasons!” Misuk throws back at Subin, “She told me herself.”

“It was fucking vague.” Subin rolls her eyes.

“Yeah? Well it was hint enough.”

You look between the girls, their own tension forming between their bodies. “Wait, wait. Just hold on. What is happening?”

Subin looks at you again, “Nothing.”

“No.” You shake your head, “What is Misuk talking about?”

“Look,” Misuk takes a deep breath. “All I know is that you blame Jungkook. Before Haru was taken…it was clear your marriage was rocky even then. You didn’t talk about it though. But something was wrong.” Misuk fills you in even when Subin glares at her. “And I trust you.”

On one hand, you’re flattered Misuk is such a ride or die. But on the other hand, you’re only left feeling more and more confused.

But Jungkook’s voice is in your head now.

Him asking you to always trust him.

It doesn’t sound like Misuk has solid evidence to be so against Jungkook. She only has your word. And since you can’t trust your own self right now. You’ll believe in Jungkook.

~~~

You want to believe in Jungkook. But Misuk’s warning words remain ringing in your head. You lay here in bed, mind racing with theories that make you want to vomit. Your head still hurts and something odd keeps bothering you. Like a memory wants to push itself out of your brain but it keeps holding it back.

You toss and turn in bed. The same numbness has returned.

You don’t think you mind. You accept the numb sensation that takes over your body from the inside out, you disappear with it. You’re grateful because it provides the escape from the raw reality that you suffer.

It is a preference.

Rather than feeling overwhelmed with a million emotions chaotically colliding inside your brain…you feel nothing but guilt from escaping. And you prefer this guilt over others.

You turn your head to the right, towards the window, when you feel your phone vibrating against your mattress.

Who is calling at this hour?

Grabbing your phone and looking at the screen, you see Jungkook’s name. Is he so lucky to escape too? Or is he in the reality where he suffers?

“Hello?” You murmur into the phone.

“Hey,” Jungkook speaks quietly, “Um…I didn’t wake you, did I?”

“Cute that you think I’d be able to sleep.” You half joke. “What’s up?”

Jungkook sighs into the phone, “Honestly…if you’re up for it. Want to talk? In person?”

You sit up from bed, “In person?”

“Yeah.” You suddenly hear soft, distant knocks on your front door. “I’m kind of already here.”

You lower the phone to your chest, head turned in the direction of your open bedroom door, where you know Jungkook is in the distance outside at your front door.

You quickly end the call, standing from the bed when you make your way to him. Door opening and a gust of wind enters your house with his scent carried with it, hitting your nostrils and you melt. But you shouldn’t.

“Hey.” You nod towards the inside of your home. “Come in.”

Jungkook gives you a timid smile before walking in, slipping his shoes off and going to the couch.

“I—”

“—Actually,” You cut him off before he can say anything. “I want to lay down. I feel…drained.” You admit to him with a tired smile, “Can we lay in my bed? Just to lay. And talk.”

Jungkook looks conflicted but he sees how exhausted you clearly are. “Okay.” He whispers, “We can.”

You lead him to your bedroom, for some reason you go to the side of the bed closest to the window even though you usually sleep on the side closest to the door. You lay on top of the blanket and rest your head atop the fluffy pillow.

Jungkook takes a breath before climbing into the bed as well. A small smile threatening to pull his lips apart. You notice.

“What?” You question him but he shakes his head, suppressing the smile.

“No, it’s just…this is my side of the bed. And that’s yours. It’s like your body remembered even if you don’t.” He tells you quietly, a shy expression on his face. “It’s silly to think about that, I guess.”

You feel your cheeks grow warm. Embarrassment clear on your face. “Oh.” You’re both facing one another.

“Um, it’s—” Jungkook rests his head against the pillow but he pauses because he’s sure he feels something. “What’s…” He reaches underneath and his curious gaze turns somber. “Haru’s robot…” He whispers, the toy in his hands.

You grow more fucking embarrassed.

“Oh shit.” You blurt, completely forgetting it was under that pillow. “I just…it…” It was the one item in the attic that felt even a little familiar to you so you went back up to get it. “I felt…connected to it somehow.” You admit to him.

Jungkook nods slowly, “That makes sense. Haru wouldn’t go anywhere without this thing. The bath, to daycare, to Busan, any car ride—” He laughs a little. “Even needed this friend when his stomach hurt and he had to poop.”

You crack a smile, “Thanks, that makes me feel great for having it under my pillow now.”

“Eh, I’m sure it’s clean. You always made sure everything was clean for him.” Jungkook lowers the robot to the mattress, “I know you aren’t aware. But you’re the best mom in the world.”

Heat crawls up your neck, “That feels weird to hear.”

“I know.” Jungkook frowns but he tries not to. “But you should hear it.”

“Should I?”

“Yeah.” He tells you with earnest eyes. “He reminded me all of the time that you were the best mommy in the world. He,” Jungkook breaks into a small grin, quietly chuckling when he sorts through his own memories. “I remember when I would take him to work and in front of everyone I would tell him I love him and he would respond with, ‘and I love mommy.’ Such a brat, that kid.” He laughs, keeping his emotions at bay.

You can’t help but giggle too.

“He was always changing. One minute he would be outgoing and talk to anyone and the next he was guarded and shy. And I know all kids say wild stuff but he really said the wildest stuff.” Jungkook continues to smile. “I never knew what crazy thing he would say in public that would make me look like a questionable dad. Swear he did it on purpose.”

“He sounds fun.”

“He is. Never bored around him.” Jungkook’s smile turns so soft. “He always slept through the night too. Once he was out…that was it until the morning. He might have been a pain in the ass sometimes but I really appreciated it that because,” Jungkook’s soft smile drops and his gaze darkens with something coy, “He never interrupted my time with you.”

More heat envelopes your body. “That so?”

“Heavy sleeper too.” Jungkook tells you, “Never knew what we were up to.”

He finally cracks a teasing smile and you push his chest with a small laugh. “Shush.”

Jungkook still smiles at you but it turns more serious. “I know this is all…a lot for you. But being able to talk about Haru with you feels…” He sighs before swallowing his emotions. “It makes me believe in living again.”

You pinch your brows together, “What do you mean?”

“I think I’ve only been surviving.” He admits. “I haven’t felt alive since the last time we were really together.”

Without thinking, you reach for him. Palm resting flat against his beating heart. “You feel alive to me.” You whisper.

“That’s because you’re here.” He whispers back, “This,” He taps your hand, talking about his heart. “Hasn’t made a single sound until you told me you loved me.”

You wish his words wouldn’t affect you. But 24 year old you is affected. Because 33 year old you isn’t here right now.

You aren’t sure if that’s good or bad.

“Can I ask you something?” You gaze into his eyes. His eyes are soft and might you say, full of love when he nods quickly.

“You’re working on a case with your ex-partner Jimin…is it about Haru?”

Jungkook slowly closes his eyes when he frowns, “I can’t tell you anything about it, y/n…I can’t involve you.”

You sigh, “Okay.” Then you ask him something else. Feeling direct. “Misuk doesn’t trust you. Why?”

Jungkook suddenly looks annoyed. “Because she doesn’t know anything. It’s all assumptions on her end but you trust me, right?”

You think you do. So you nod.

“When your memories return…can you still trust me?” He asks you, but it sounds like he didn’t direct the question towards you at all. And that causes an uneasiness to stir.

But still, you are choosing him right now.

You glance to his chest and notice your hand is still against him and you laugh a little, “Sorry. I’m still touching you.”

“It’s okay.”

“I swear I’m not trying to throw myself at you.” And then you scrunch up your features. “Oh no, that’s what I was doing, right? Previously…I was totally forcing myself on you.”

Jungkook can’t help but snort a little, smiling tugging at his lips. “You didn’t force yourself on me, y/n.”

Now it’s your turn to snort, “Liar.”

His fingers go to your hand again, softly drumming them across the top of your hand and you feel his heart beat harder. “And why would I ever lie to you?”

You feel the vibration against your skin when each of his fingers land with a rhythmic beat. You recall this sound like a melody and his words are the lyrics.

You notice how it feels when he basically sings his silent promise to you.

“Yeah, you’d never lie to me, right?” You ask, voice cracking. “Not really, right?”

Jungkook’s fingers come to a stop before he’s wrapping them around your hand. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the truth.”

You quickly shake your head, “No, I can understand.” Your voices quivers. “I was angry. But I can understand.”

“I never lied about my feelings, you know?” He keeps holding your hand in his. “I do love you. I have for so long and I’m never going to stop.”

He’s staring so intently into your eyes and you’re wondering how you couldn’t trust this man. You can see his heart in his eyes and it’s beating so wildly for you.

~~~

The market is busy. It seems everyone is trying to do their grocery shopping today. You and Subin roam the aisles, plucking items off the shelves with giddy smiles. You’re going to bake Jungkook his favorite homemade cookies. You finally found the recipe books and wrote down all the ingredients.

Thankfully, since it will be your first time giving it a go, Subin has offered to help you. You’re both searching for vanilla but it seems that either they’re out or you’re totally missing it.

“What if we just skip the vanilla?” You say nonchalantly but Subin gasps.

“Bakers all around the world all have a tear running down their face right now not knowing the reason why all because you just said that!” She says dramatically, “Vanilla is crucial!”

You can’t but laugh, “Yeah, yeah.”

“We still need brown sugar too, right?” Subin eyes the shelves. “Is it just me or is it so unorganized?”

“You know how people are,” You shrug. “When they don’t want an item anymore they just stick it anywhere.” Then you point at something, “That explains why there’s a package of uncooked chicken on the shelf with flour.”

“That can’t be safe.” Subin shudders. “Anyway, did you already grab the chips Jungkook wanted?” She eyes your cart, “You’ll totally forget. Go grab them and I’ll finish finding the vanilla and brown sugar.” She grins at you with rosy cheeks.

“Oh I did totally forget.” You say, glancing at the cart as well. You look up at the aisle numbers and search for the word ‘chips’. “Sweet, it’s only two aisles over. Be right back!”

You walk over to aisle four, eyes browsing all of the chip options when you spot a few you ‘d like as well.

“Hmm, these ones.” You grab a bag, “And these ones.” Another bag. “Oh, yes…these ones too…” You hold three bags in your arms. “Right, I need to get Jungkook’s too.” You whisper, eyes searching for the brand he wanted. You smile when you spot them, trying your best to carry the three bags in one arm while you reach for the other bag. On your tip toes, you grab it and successfully hold all four bags. Feeling accomplished, you quickly turn around but bump into someone, dropping all of your chips.

“Ah, sorry, sorry!” You apologize to the stranger. Your eyes meet and you’re met with the familiarity like you are every time. “Oh. Nabi.” You say her name like you two are fully acquainted.

Nabi stares at you wide eyed before offering a smile. “Hi.” She says before glancing around, her kind eyes suddenly looking anxious. “How are you? Um, here…let me help—”

“—Oh no, it’s okay!” You smile. But you both bend down at the same time, bumping heads and you’re about to giggle about it but suddenly it’s like images start flashing in your mind. You try to brush it off, reaching down to grab the chips instead of focusing on whatever images you saw that don’t make sense.

You reach for a bag at the same time as Nabi and when your hands touch, you swear the world goes completely still. Your eyes meet in panic and suddenly more images are speeding around in your brain and before you know it, they aren’t just images. But full on scenarios.

And for the first time, they do make sense.

You pull your hand back quickly, eyes blinking rapidly while you try to step back.

“y/n?” Nabi’s kind eyes turn concerned. “Hey, are you okay?”

You take another step back.

Blood draining from your body.

These aren’t just scenarios.

These are memories.

You stare at her, bewildered. Your panicked breathes leaving your mouth quickly as you try to ease your nerves. “Um,” You swallow thickly. “I—I…” Your fingers begin to tremble and you’re unable to hold the chips anymore.

Nabi watches you carefully, “Are you—”

You don’t let her finish, your feet taking you far from here. Panicked, anxious and alert…you race back to Subin and the moment she sees you, the adorable smile gets wiped off her face.

“What’s wrong?” She asks immediately, her hands going to your shoulders. “Hey, talk to me.”

But you’re breathing too quickly, your eyes blown wide.

“What’s wrong?” She repeats, her worry evident. “Are you okay? Did something happen? Hey, y/n…calm down.”

Calm down?

You can’t calm down. Your breathing is harsh and heavy. Your chest is closing in on itself.

You wanted to trust Jungkook. You wanted to ignore Misuk’s words. You wanted to. Really. But with all the things you’ve just seen fly through your head, and the few new memories that sit tightly tucked inside your brain…you don’t know that you can.

Misuk might not have had any solid reason…but your own memories feel like reason enough.

You’re silently gasping for air, struggling to breathe. But you manage to say the words that make you feel like you’re fucking dying inside. “I know,” You swallow hard. “I know why I blame Jungkook.”

594 notes · View notes

byeuijoo · 4 months

Text

fake a kiss and heal a heart 𐀔 han dongmin

⠀⠀⠀chapter three. : rain against the window and that thing again.

warnings : nothing particular but one swear word ⋆ word count : 6,516

serie masterlist ✩ boynextdoor masterlist

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ୨ ✩ ୧

AFTER TWO DAY OF RADIO SILENCE, with a simple note left carelessly on your coffee table, you didn't expect any sign from han dongmin. well, it's not like you really care, but just a little. to be honest, you at least expected an apology or a thank you from him after having to drag him to your apartment in the middle of the night, when he was completely drunk. and this words written in a hurry on a not even cute post-it note had failed to satisfy you.

« i just don't understand why he didn't just send me a message, » you explained to your best friend, donghyun, who had been standing there for over two hours listening to you grumble, « it's no big deal to tell me he's home safe and sound, is it? » — donghyun pinched the bridge of his nose, an umpteenth sigh leaving his lips as he tried as hard as he could to braid your hair despite your constant movements. « maybe he's ashamed to have ended up like that in front of you? » he tried to say, his hands gripping your shoulders to hold you in place for a few seconds, but to no avail, as your arms flew through the air only moments later, « it doesn't make any sense ! i wasn't there to judge him. »

donghyun dropped onto the sofa to sit next to you on the floor, while you swiveled around to face him. your puppy-dog eyes met his, and he could see that you were genuinely disturbed by this han dongmin he didn't even know. « listen y/n, » he began to say, running one of his hands through his chestnut hair to reveal his forehead, « i know it's not like you to judge, but i know it because i've known you for years, » a pout appeared on your face as he brought his fingers to your cheek to pinch it like a grandmother would, « he hasn't known you for long, so maybe he thinks he's gone too far in his behavior. »

suddenly thinking about what dongmin might be feeling, you brought your legs up to your chest, wrapping your arms around your knees. resting your chin against your knee, your gaze now plunged into the void, you thought of a way to infiltrate the boy's mind from a distance and find out exactly what was going on in his little head, but the fact that it's clearly impossible to achieve, made you want to scream your frustration into a pillow. watching donghyun get up to go to your kitchen, he offered you a gentle smile, « do you miss him? »

to say you missed him was an overstatement — your relationship wasn't developed enough to use such a term. but you could tell that not having any sign of life from him was worrying you enough to keep you thinking about it all day long. it was actually quite incredible when you thought about it, the way a complete stranger could make you go berserk. but in your defense, you felt you could say that han dongmin seemed closer to you than some of your friends at school. it was easy to talk to him, it was easy to listen to his voice all day and all night long and to understand him, it was fun to analyze him, his antics and to remember all those little details that made him, him. han dongmin was more interesting than your astronomy classes, and oh boi, everyone knows how much you love the stars. he was like a new planet added to your solar system, which you discover little by little and suddenly becomes your favorite. a planet with its own stars and its own black hole — his own little universe that makes up his personality.

closing your eyes and letting a long sigh graze the skin of your knees, a mocking laugh suddenly sent you spinning to the side, your killer gaze resting on your best friend's face. « oh yes, definitely. you miss him. » he says, swallowing his glass of water in one gulp, jumping up and down as he comes back to you. when he dropped onto the sofa, you took the opportunity to give him a gentle punch in the thigh, drawing another laugh from him. « it's not true ! it's not that ! » you retorted in defense, pushing his legs away from you as you frowned, a killer look in your eyes, « it's just that he... he didn't give me my salary ! that's all ! »

obviously, you didn't care about the money. in the end, you were happy to have met him : he had destabilized your daily routine and spiced up your monotonous life, and you'd discovered you could care about more than just your cat. you hadn't even thought for a second about the stupid job he'd contacted you about in the first place. and you knew for sure that donghyun wasn't going to believe a word you said : he knew you only too well to know you weren't a materialistic person. in any case, he saw it in your eyes, hidden in the depths of your pupils, the little sparkle that bathed your gaze every time you heard or spoke the name of this new pretty boy who had come into your life. he had to admit that seeing you so interested was a little disturbing for him : not that your daily life is so difficult, but it's always been hard to get your attention. and the fact that this mysterious boy managed to do so in the space of a single evening, attracted his curiosity to the max. donghyun could sense that han dongmin wasn't just passing through your little world.

« why don't you send him a message first? » he suggested, his fingers playing on the back of your neck as you finally stopped fidgeting. you shrugged at his words, « to tell him what? » you sighed, burying your head in your arms, your eyes suddenly empty and preoccupied, « it's up to him to give me news. »

you didn't think anyone could have such an influence on your heartbeat and mood — let alone a young boy with pretty hazelnut eyes. you've always had complete control over your emotions and feelings, but han dongmin had triggered something in you that made your thoughts fuzzy and your mind askew. not to mention the unknown warmth in your heart every time you recall the vision of his gorgeous smile playing over and over in your head. nor the way your stomach twisted when you dared to kiss him in the madness of the moment, and the fact that he didn't even try to push you away. were you losing it? probably. and it was all a boy's fault. what a shame.

on the other side of town, as the rain lashed violently against the windows of his house, a preoccupied boy pacing up and down in his living room. dongmin was wondering how he should make up for leaving your apartment like a thief the other day, and as usual, jaehyun wasn't the most recommendable friend to give him advice. « you don't understand jaehyun, » dongmin started to say, finally dropping onto the sofa next to his best friend, who was tapping the joystick buttons with ferocity, « i left as if i were afraid to see her. »

« it kind of is, isn't it? » scoffed the other boy, earning him a sharp blow in the shoulder from dongmin. the latter sighed, furiously rubbing his eyes with his fingers, a cry of frustration leaving his lips. he didn't know what to do, but he knew he was in the wrong anyway.

dongmin has never been very good at dealing with people — sometimes even acting weirdly because he's never quite sure of what to do. and even though it was easy with you, he feels like he's walking on eggshells. mainly because he doesn't want to ruin everything, because he feels he's found someone who understands his every feeling, every emotion, every word, every thought. he knew from the very first moment that you weren't like the other people he'd met in the first few years of his life. you seemed so familiar but so unknown at the same time, which is probably what made his actions so confusing.

he wanted to tell you how much the other evening had meant to him, that having been able to share with you all his pain and suffering, had lifted a vital weight from his heart. since that morning, he seemed less preoccupied by his recent break-up than by the fact that he hadn't heard from you in two days. but he was far too cowardly to send you a message, far too ashamed to have fallen asleep in your arms like a child after a few drinks. well, a lot of drinks, in reality, but that's just a detail. the memories of that night, of him, drunk and almost dead, clinging to you because his blood alcohol level was so high, playing over and over again in his head, made him want to hide in his closet and never come out.

« dude, » jaehyun's voice caught dongmin's attention as he watched him between the fingers of his hands, « are you sure that girl, y/n, was just there to make jieum jealous? » — a heavy sigh left the dark-haired boy's lips, and he let his back hit the sofa backrest almost too hard.

dongmin had to think hard about this question. in the beginning, in the beginning, that was really all you were for : be by his side, be pretty, be touchy so that jieum's jealous eyes look at you longingly to make her wish she'd never left him. but he had to admit that something had instantly shake things up inside him the second your smile crossed his eyes. he felt it directly, that little hidden emotion that had tickled his heart from the very first second, even though he had decided to ignore it. so yes, at first, when he found your name on this web site, all he wanted was to blow his savings using you for petty purposes he would probably end up regretting. all he wanted was to get back the first girl he'd loved in his life, even though she'd clearly broken his heart.

but now he found himself constantly thinking of you, daydreaming about the softness of your lips against his and the warmth left on his skin after the passage of your fingers. not forgetting the sound of your comforting voice repeating in his head, as if he were going crazy. it was so easy with you, and it had been a long time since his heart had been set on someone other than his ex-girlfriend. so yeah, after thinking about it, you probably weren't just some girl, but wasn't he getting ahead of himself? it was like blindly throwing himself into the lion's den. maybe he was imagining things after all, maybe he was alone in his madness. what if you'd just been nice to make sure you'd end up with the money he'd promised you? but it wasn't like you at all. because he had seen the sincerity in your eyes, in every word you spoke, looking deep into his soul, with that bewitching smile of which only you had the secret of.

« at first, yes, » dongmin began to say, while his best friend left the joystick to the side and turned his full attention to the boy, « i just wanted jieum back. » his gaze wandered into the void and an understanding smile appeared on jaehyun's face. he knew only too well how much dongmin had suffered from the breakup, he had seen all the tears the black-haired boy had shed, and the number of sleepless nights that had followed that day. it was horrible to see, because he felt powerless — he couldn't find a way to comfort him, to take his mind off things, to help him forget jieum and her hurtful words. it was like trying to help someone who didn't want help : mission impossible.

but even if dongmin thought jaehyun never understood anything, he was the only one who could see what was going on right in front of his eyes. jaehyun had seen his best friend change overnight, from the depressed little guy who cries all the time, to the young boy worried about whether the girl who comforted him hated him or not. despite everything, he knew dongmin by heart : so he immediately noticed that dongmin's heart was healing little by little. thanks to you. and he didn't know how you'd managed to get his head above water in such a short time, when he'd been trying for weeks to no avail. was it the growing power of a new heart in love? or were you just some kind of good witch who could heal broken hearts? he didn't know if you had magical powers or if dongmin had let you slip into his heart without realizing it, but he knew he'd be eternally grateful to you for getting his best friend out of that dark period of his life.

« but now.. » dongmin's resumption of his speech drew jaehyun out of his thoughts, prompting him to place one of his hands on his best friend's shoulder, « i can't stop thinking about her. » — it was an unexpected confession. well, the fact that he said it with such ease was unexpected, but jaehyun had already suspected as much. it wasn't hard to read dongmin's mind after so many years of rubbing shoulders with him. he'll never stop thanking his mother for having been friends with dongmin's mother for years. « i can see that, buddy, » affirmed jaehyun, catching the gaze of his friend, who seemed far too preoccupied with a problem that wasn't a problem at all, « and that's a good thing. »

« and how can you be sure of that? » asked the lost young boy, preoccupied with so many things that his head was beginning to hurt. he only had unfounded doubts, because he knew deep down you wouldn't hurt him, but what if he's got it all wrong? and if you don't like him at all in the end? but fortunately for him, jaehyun knew how to change his mind. « i can see that you're feeling better for some time now, » dongmin's lost eyes seemed to be looking for the slightest flaw in his words, but there was nothing he could contradict, which gave jaehyun the opportunity to finish his sentence, « and it's thanks to her. »

he was probably right. he was the one who had put up with all his mood swings, all his crying and resentment, for weeks on end, without ever complaining about it. he'd listened to him talk for hours, even if his words were sometimes incomprehensible, he alone had seen the evolution of dongmin's behavior since his breakup. so, who better to say that all you brought him was healing and a spark of new love, than him? nobody.

« do you think i should call her? » dongmin asked hesitantly, his eyes searching everywhere for his cell phone. only to have jaehyun shake it in front of his eyes, a victorious smile on his face, and a lighter heart at the knowledge that someone was able to heal his best friend. « hell no bro, you shouldn't call her. you HAVE to call her. »

coming back from your side of town, and even if continuing to brood all day seemed tempting to you, you definitely couldn't keep twiddling your thumbs while drowning donghyun in your incessant complaints. maybe going out would be good for you after all — well.. if we put aside the fact that it was raining cats and dogs outside. maybe going to the cinema was the solution to all your problems? your mama always told you “nothing ventured, nothing gained”. funny. « i really need to get him out of my head, » you sighed heavily, suddenly straightening up in a abrupt gesture that surprised the boy beside you, « since when do i let someone control my mood? »

a big smile spread across your best friend's lips as he nodded, raising his fists in the air to encourage you. you gave him a big smile of your own, pacing back and forth in your apartment while looking for something to wear to go out, « would you like to go to the cinema? » you offered, shouting from your bathroom as you rummaged through your drawers for a pair of earrings, « i want to see the new film that came out the day before yesterday. »

« what's the title? » he asked, his eyes following your silhouette with an amused look on his face. you suddenly stopped in your tracks, your eyes riveted to the sky, your brows furrowed, and your hands busy trying to hook your earring. you definitely can't remember the title, but since you're amazing and you knew you'd possibly — surely — going to forget it, you wrote it down on your phone. « take my phone, i wrote it down in my notes, » you declared, walking back to your room and putting on a different pair of pants than the jogging you were wearing, « take the opportunity to buy our tickets online while you're at it ! »

slipping one of your legs into your jeans, you were cut off by donghyun, « uh y/n.. » he said, unsure of himself, « someone is calling you. » frowning, you shrugged and told him to answer for you, starting the process of putting on the second leg of your pants. « are you sure about that..? » he asked, further arousing your curiosity. he usually has no trouble picking up the phone for you — so why is he so uninterested in doing it today?

« why? who's calling? » you end up asking, way too intrigued by his change in behavior. « ..han dongmin. » he said as naturally as possible, making you lose your balance, fall on the ground before running half-dressed into your living room to grab your phone like you've just won the lottery. taking a deep breath under donghyun's terrified but amused gaze, you finally pick up the phone and bring it to your ear, « hello? »

after a few seconds' silence, dongmin's voice finally rang out from the other side of the phone. you couldn't hide the smile that sprang to your lips at the sound of his voice, which seemed to make your heart skip a beat. « hey, y/n? how are you? » he asked, and you could hear the smile on his lips from the way he spoke. dropping you next to donghyun, the latter pressing his ear against your phone to hear your conversation, you placed one of your cold hands against your cheek to prevent it from heating up. « i'm good, i'm good, thank you. what about you? » you replied, glancing at your best friend who kept wiggling his eyebrows up and down to tease you.

« i'm good too, » he replied, before his voice became less playful, as if he was afraid to let the next words leave his mouth, « uh, are you at home right now? are you busy? » — his question was unexpected, to say the least, but you'd hoped he'd call you so much you couldn't tell him you were just about to go out. so without leaving any doubt, you shook your head negatively, even though you knew he couldn't see you, « yes i'm home, and no, i'm not busy. why..? »

« can i come? » he asked, and you swore your stomach had never twisted as much as it did at that very moment. glancing at donghyun, you saw him nod positively with a small smile, telling you he understood perfectly. this was probably your chance to see him again and prove to him that you weren't angry at him for running away the other day. then, in a voice more than convincing, you gave him your answer, « of course. of course you can come. »

that's what led you to push donghyun out of your apartment the minute after your call ended. « so that's it, you're firing me for another man? » with a mocking laugh and pushing against his back with all your might, you gently struck his shoulder blade, « oh shut up ! you know you'll always be my favorite, but for now, please get out of here ! » — a scoff leave his lips, as he pivoted so you fell headfirst into his arms in the process, so he could place a kiss on the top of your forehead. « i'm just joking. have fun with your little boyfriend. » he added as he ran away, waving his hand in the air in farewell. « HE'S NOT MY BOYFRIEND ! » you managed to scream before slamming the door, looking all around you to tidy up your apartment and make it a little more presentable.

but you should probably finish getting dressed first.

finishing putting on your pants before running to find a sweater to put on your back, you were quickly distracted by your little cat sleeping peacefully on your mattress. he looked so small on your big bed, it made you want to spend all your time admiring him as if he were the most beautiful work of art in a museum. so you looked at the time on your watch, telling yourself that a few minutes caressing the top of his head couldn't hurt — but timing wasn't one of your strong points, especially when it came to your pet. and very soon, the only thing that got you out of your love bubble with your cat was the ringing of your front doorbell.

« oh shit. » you swear, placing a hand against your chest as if to slow the beating of your panic-stricken heart, which had just had a fright. looking around, you hit your forehead a little too hard blaming your constant failure to finish what you've started, before walking up to your entrance, glancing through the hole in the door to see dongmin's patient face. taking a deep breath, you unlocked the door, your eyes instantly locking with his as soon as he was in your field of vision. his hair and jacket were wet from the rain that kept falling outside but he looked even more pretty to you like this. « hi. » he said quietly, a smile appearing on his lips and his shoulders seeming less tense instantly. and you watched him, with all the gentleness in the world and a smile so comforting that his heart missed a beat, « hi. » you replied softly.

without knowing why, you both stood there for long minutes staring into each other's eyes without saying a word. it was as if you'd been apart for many years, and had only just found each other again — the need to memorize that long-lost face. but the sound of your neighbor's door brought you out of your trance. clearing your throat as you shifted to let him in, you pointed to your living room, inviting the dark-haired boy into your home. silently thanking you for the invitation, dongmin got rid of his shoes before accompanying you to the living room, scanning the room with his eyes. everything seemed strangely familiar, although his memories were hazy. but one thing he was sure of was the quality of your sleeping couch.

« it's really nice here, » he said quietly, approaching your sofa, running his fingers over the backrest, « it's like being at home. » — without realizing it, dongmin had just sent a powerful shiver down your spine, not to mention your heart, which was racing like crazy in your chest. nodding positively while looking everywhere but in his direction, you walked slowly to your bathroom, « i'll get you a towel, you know.. to dry your hair. i'll be right back. » — and without giving him time to reply, you hid behind the door of your shower room, trying to calm your panic-stricken heart.

biting your lower lip and trying not to make too much of a fuss over a simple little sentence, you couldn't help but be flattered that he felt at home with you. well, at least in your apartment. rummaging through your cupboard, you pull out a blue clean towel before glancing into your living room, spying on your guest's behavior with the utmost discretion. he was busy looking around — a smile playing on his lips from time to time, and you couldn't help admiring his face focused on the paintings on your wall. in some flashback replaying in your mind, you thought back to the other night, when he practically passed out on your couch. his nose reddened, his mouth in an adorable pout, and his pretty brown eyes closed, letting the shadow of his lashes dance on the apples of his cheeks. you'll probably never forget the sight of hi soothed face after such an awful evening lulled by sadness.

deciding to come out of hiding at last, you pushed the door open a little too loudly, attracting his attention. seeing your panicked face and hands tapping the door as if to apologize to it, a crystalline laugh left his lips, which made you laugh in turn as you joined him. « come here, » you say softly, unfolding the towel and offering him a gentle smile, « i'll dry your hair. »

simply nodding, hoping you didn't notice the slight shyness that had settled on his cheeks, dongmin leaned a little towards you, making it easy for you to slide the towel over his head. gently rubbing his hair from side to side, dongmin couldn't help but observe you attentively. his concentrated eyes were fixed on your face, exploring every detail of your skin as if he were seeing you for the first time. from the delicacy of your eyes, to the curves of your nose, sliding down your cheeks to end up memorizing the shape of your lips, which had already tasted his.

apart from jieum, you were the first girl to have the opportunity to kiss him. and the difference with you was that he couldn't forget the way your lips had mingled with his.. from the sweet, slightly alcoholic taste they had, from the softness and comfort of your kiss, to the tingling in his cheeks from beneath your fingertips. it was the first time a kiss had shaken him up so much, the first time his heart fluttered every time he replayed the scene in his mind. dongmin knew deep down that you weren't just any girl — and certainly not one he'd let slip through his fingers. but maybe he was getting too far ahead of himself, maybe he was just looking for warmth and affection. that's why a certain barrier stood between him and the possibility of trying to win a piece of your heart. all he wanted to do was not hurt you or give you the impression that he was using you to heal his freshly-bleeding wound. but the temptation to slip his long fingers around your waist and feel your warmth mingle with his was becoming more and more constant.

« thank you, » he whispered, his pupils rising from your lips to your eyes, which, by the way, didn't escape you, « for the party. for the other night. for everything. from the bottom of my heart y/n, thank you. »

you didn't dare say anything at first, your hands stopping all movement in his ebony hair simply to concentrate on his serious face. his eyes carried a certain sincerity that had the gift of shaking you from the inside. the words were pronounced naturally, in a whisper similar to a secret he wanted only you to know. his voice had a way of soothing your thoughts, his particular tone and way of expressing himself made you feel as if you were on a collision course with a cloud. he had just thanked you for nothing, but it was as if his words implied something much deeper. probably tired of having your arms in the air, your hands unconsciously fell on his shoulders, your eyes juggling from one to the other. with a sincere, pretty smile hanging on your lips, you spoke in turn, the sound of your voice awakening the butterflies previously asleep in his stomach, « helping you was a pleasure for me, dongmin, you don't need to thank me. »

it was inexplicable what he felt at the very moment his name rolled off your tongue and into his ears. for years, you were for sure the only one to call him that — apart from his mom. all his friends used a nickname he'd picked when he started high school, one that was supposed to make him cooler. but you just called him by his real name, and it made him melt. running his tongue over his lower lip, he caught the trajectory of your eyes, which left his for a split second to catch a glimpse of his movement. and once again he felt his heart racing in his chest, as if it were the green light he was waiting for to let his desires drift back to his dreams. plunging his eyes back into yours, dongmin watched you for a long time without saying a word, trying to memorize every hint of color in your gaze. you were so pretty.

« y/n, » he began to say, so quietly that, at first, you thought you'd imagined it, « can you do that thing again? »

blinking while frowning, your hands, previously clenched into fists, suddenly resting fully against his shoulders, you tilted your head to the side, trying to understand his request. that thing again? what was he talking about? your hand grazing the skin of his shoulder sent a shiver down his spine, which led him to move slightly closer to you, subtly. « what thing..? » you asked softly, searching for the answer hidden in the features of his face, in his slightly flushed cheeks or in the corner of his lips. but instead of using words at first, dongmin decided to act and give you more clues.

grabbing your wrists, he gently brought your hands up to his face, the sensation of your cold fingers half-camouflaged by the sleeves of your sweatshirt made him shiver. his face now caged in your hands, dongmin shyly tugged at your top to pull you a little closer to him, your faces more than a few centimetres apart. far too hypnotized to say or do anything, your eyes wouldn't leave his for a fraction of a second — you'd rather break your ankle in a fall than miss the gleam of sunlight in his pretty, bewitching hazel eyes. after securing your position in his arms, his own hands clasping your waist the second after, he shifted his pupils to your lips. « that thing. with your lips.. » he whispered tenderly, meeting your gaze again, « the same thing as at the party. »

and suddenly, the red thread met the blue thread, and the innuendo took on its full meaning. your distraught eyes, unsure of what he meant, juggled from one of his eye to the other, looking for the slightest flaw in his words. but there was nothing behind it — nothing except a sincerity you now knew all too well. his eyes seemed almost pleading, hoping you'd grasped his idea without him having to admit it more clearly. you remained speechless, as if this scenario of you kissing him again, for real, and this time not to make his ex girlfriend jealous, was impossible. unbelievable. in what world did you have the right to kiss han dongmin just because he, and you, wanted to? it was a bit crazy, and your heart racing in your chest seemed to be in the same state as your thoughts. you couldn't believe your ears. but you weren't about to push him away — the boy had occupied far too much of your thoughts lately for you to dare say no. especially when his way of doing things is as cute, pretty and unique as he is. this was your chance to satisfy a craving you'd had since that party, and you were pretty sure that the taste of the black-haired boy alcohol-free lips was even more addictive.

but, faced with your lack of response, dongmin began to panic — had he just done the worst thing possible? and if your heart didn't want the same thing in the end, had he just broken any chance of keeping you close to him even as a friend? you felt his shoulders tense under your fingers, which finally brought you out of your thoughts.

placing your hands a little more firmly on dongmin's cheeks, you gently pulled his face closer to you. you felt his fingers cling firmly to your sweatshirt, as if he was afraid of waking up from a dream. but yet, the fabric of your top and your fingers were indeed caressing his skin, and the scent of your perfume was indeed tickling his nostrils. you were indeed right there in front of him, within reach of his hands and sight of his eyes. it was your voice that had whispered his name a few seconds earlier, and your pretty bright smile that had greeted him a few minutes earlier.

you weren't a dream, you were his reality.

and this was confirmed when he finally felt your lips touch his, and all the emotions of the last time crackled inside him again. it was soft, shy at first — almost, hesitant, as if you were waiting for confirmation that this was what he wanted you to do. his heart was racing, and yours at the same time, was beating so fast that you were afraid it would explode in your chest. it was a delicate, good feeling, even if it seemed to hurt. it was a soft pain, the kind that, in its misfortune, brings you nothing but good. then after a few seconds, the boy moved away from you, by a few millimetres, only to tilt his head to the side to gain better access to your lips, which he already seemed addicted to.

and this time, after his desperate gaze met yours, the shyness was gone, to be replaced by the impatience that camouflaged the desire. his arms tightened around your waist to press your body against his, the towel previously on his head falling delicately to the floor, as tree leaves fall to the ground in autumn. your hands on his cheeks left his skin only to encircle his neck, kissing him even harder after that. closing your eyes to make the most of it, you feel an electric field throughout your body — it was inexplicable, but it was real. every sensation crackling in your belly, in your heart and on your fingertips, was real.

the rain crashing violently against the window next to you, gave a musical background to your kiss. it was like in the movies : tender but passionate, like a hesitant first kiss that eventually becomes a confident one, bringing warmth to your beating hearts. your lips seemed made to tangle with his as the pressure on your mouth increased, taking your breath away and making your legs weak. it was a kiss so desperate it broke your heart — but you could feel that he was anything but banal, anything but insincere. han dongmin wanted to kiss you. it wasn't forced, it wasn't a strategy or a crappy plan, it was a real kiss. hesitant, capable of breaking as easily as a thin sheet of ice in winter, but warm as a summer sun and as poetic as a love letter.

maybe it wasn't such a good idea to let yourself be guided by the crazy dance his perfectly shaped lips were teaching you. maybe it wasn't such a good idea to let him make your heart beat fast like crazy just by the feeling of his hands clinging to you. maybe it wasn't such a good idea to ignore the butterflies in your stomach and the warmth throughout your whole body just by holding him so close to you. maybe you'll end up broken in the end, maybe he'll use your weakness to heal his wounds. maybe he'd make your heart explode and let tears roll down your cheeks even after you'd chased away his — maybe, maybe, maybe. a lot can happen after a few stolen kisses, but you can remake the world with maybes. then your heart, head and mind decided to give the present moment a chance, and let the addictive sensation of his lips devouring yours have a chance to last longer.

and maybe dongmin was clumsy, maybe he didn't really know what slippery slope he was currently on. and yes, maybe he was always sad because of jieum. maybe it was true, that he wasn't cured, that he still needed time to lick his wounds and get his head straight. but maybe it was true, the way he felt his heart float every time he was near you, maybe it was true the fact that he had sweaty palms and a racing heart every time you got a little too close to him. maybe it was true that the nickname he gave you on his phone was a glimpse of the future reality he wished for, maybe it was true that he was craving another taste of your lips since day one, maybe he really wanted to feel the warmth of your skin under his fingers and see your face disoriented for a split second as he pulled away to catch his breath, before kissing you even more intentionally, nearly knocking you off your feet. maybe he really wanted that reality where you're the person his heart will end up belonging to. it was still too early to say for sure what he wanted, and what his heart would grant him — but what he could say for a fact, was that he thought of nothing but you.

han dongmin may not have been good for your heart for now, but you were definitely good for his.

⠀

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psychedelic-ink · 8 months

Text

𝐅𝐑𝐀𝐆𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐓𝐎𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐑𝐎𝐖.

DAY NINE OF HAUNTED HOEDOWN

prompt: zombie apocalypse au + "every moment might be our last, let's make the most of it."

pairing: tasm!peter parker x f!reader

genre: explicit smut, minors dni, angst with happy-ish ending

summary: After a massive ecological disaster, the world is overrun by mutated flora and fauna, along with infected humans that sprout vines and flowers. Nature itself has turned against humanity, and you thought Peter would be by your side. That Spider-Man would protect you and those close to you—you never thought you'd be wrong in both aspects. But now he's back, and you don't know how to react.

word count: 1.8k

warnings: arguing, death/grief, brief mention of readers little sister dying, angst, peter is still spiderman in this, emotional sex, piv

a/n: to be completely honest I don't actually think peter would just leave you to fend for yourself in this situation but I really wanted some angsty arguing and this is all I could come up with fgbgfb

The word had gone to shit. You lost everything while seeking refuge. Your friends, your family—everyone. Nature had claimed what was hers violently, poisoning those who came close and changing them as she saw fit. It was beautiful, yet horrifying. Petals sprouted from skin like daisies, eyes replaced by fuzzy pistils as the skull slowly bloomed into beautiful large petals. These were called bloomspawns and they walked aimlessly, looking for their next target to rid the world of humans once and for all.

New York had quickly became a mess. Planes crashing and humans running over each other to get away. You were amongst them, hand in hand with your sister, trying to find safety.

Peter was with you then, which meant Spider-man was with you and you felt safe.

But then he left. Soon after, you lost everyone one by one, your sister’s death hurting you the most. You couldn’t protect her, and she was still young, muscles not strong enough to outrun a bloomspawn. You had to put a bullet in her before she turned and saw nightmares still. He’d said he had to help and that it was happening all around the world. You knew Peter was smart, which meant he needed both his brains and his brawn.

Some part of you believed there was another reason for his sudden departure, you saw fear in his eyes the day before when you were almost killed—it was the fear of history repeating itself, that you would die too, taking another part of his heart.

Now, you’re alone. Not a person or any other being in sight as you walk through the ruins of the city you once called home. The chill of the night slowly settles as the sun sinks into the horizon. You’re looking for shelter, any place that can be safe enough for you to spend the night. A soft sigh parts your lips. You’re not even sure why you’re trying to be completely honest, the apocalypse wouldn’t be ending anytime soon.

Deep in thought, you don’t hear someone moving with haste above the rubble of concrete.

It all happens in a flash. A covered hand clamps over your mouth, halting the scream that threatens to bubble from your throat, you thrash within the solid embrace of the stranger, attempting to kick him but his legs always seemingly out of reach. You can’t reach your gun or your knife and this time you’re certain death is near—

“Shhh it’s me—it’s me. Peter.”

Peter?

The grip around you loosens a bit when your struggle slows and becomes nonexistent. You’re breathing heavily, shoulders still tense and untrusting. “Peter Parker,” he clarifies, clearing his throat. “Don’t know why I just said Peter, as if there’s not a million of us.”

His hand finally falls away from your mouth but he’s still holding you flush against his body, your back pressed firmly against his chest.

“Peter?” you say, almost brokenly. “You’re. . . here?”

You part away to turn around and he lets you. He doesn’t have the mask on but is wearing the red and blue suit. Your heart somersaults, body caught between a deep yearning and violent anger. He smiles as your gaze meets his but the expression quickly flickers and disappears. The sky above you transitions into twilight, painting the horizon with a mesmerizing palette of deep purples and shades of dark blue. You wrap your arms around yourself, tearing your gaze away from him.

“Where the fuck have you been?” you ask, voice soft and silent despite the words. “I needed you with me, Peter.”

Peter attempts to take a step forward and stops when he sees your arms tightening around yourself, “You know why,” he says, knowing well it’s a weak excuse. “They needed me. We’re so close to a cure.”

You almost want to laugh, what good is a cure when you’ve lost everything.

“Everyone’s dead, Peter,” you finally look at him, challenging the comfort he came to offer after abandoning you. Venom drips from every word. “She’s fucking DEAD, Peter!”

You do walk up to him then. Full of rage and bloodlust. You push him away but he barely moves, his eyes gradually moving between your face and your balled fists. “It’s your fault!” you shout again, side-fists hitting his chest. You know he doesn’t feel it. That you’re not strong enough to hurt him—and you don’t want to hurt him, but you’re just so mad. “Sarah’s dead because of you! B—Because of me.”

You break down and your knees give way, you manage to remain upright just in time for Peter to hold you, wrapping strong arms around you as you begin to sob into his chest.

You’re shaking, nose stuffed, and throat raw. No matter how many times you blame Peter, it was your fault too, you had to share the blame. He holds you tight, biceps tensing every time you dare to move away from him. He cradles the back of your head, lips touching your forehead.

“It’s not your fault,” he mutters. “If you want to blame someone blame me. I’m the asshole who left. I was the one afraid and bolted the first chance I got. You’re a survivor, unlike me—I’m truly sorry. I never meant for this to happen.”

“She really liked you, you know?” you answer, ignoring all that he said. Your voice bounces off of his chest. “She believed you would come for us. That there was no way you would just leave and if you did, it had to be for something great.”

Peter doesn’t answer and you continue, “If you found a cure, I guess she was right.”

“I should have never left you or her,” he says, tilting your head up from your chin. A soft gasp parts your lips. Your anger melts away, leaving yearning and want to fill the void it left behind. The whites of his eyes are stained with red, glimmering with unshed tears. You hold his face between your hands and pull him close until your lips brushes upon his. You almost smile as you hear Peter’s breath hitch, a sound that you’ve missed so dearly.

His lips meet yours halfway. His kiss is a lifeline in a world that's fallen apart, a fragile connection to a time when things were simpler, when your sister's laughter filled the air, and the bloomspawns were nothing more than weeds underneath your feet. The taste of his lips is just like you remember. Sweet, tender. You want to give every part of yourself to him. Every inch, every scar, every wound.

You pull him closer, fingers tangled in the tattered remnants of his suit, as if trying to hold onto the past, to the world that once was where Spider-man was enough to save the day.

Peter responds in kind, his kiss deepening with the tilt of his head. You feel his tongue tracing the seam of your lips and you part for him with a soft whimper. He licks himself into your mouth, tongues moving in unison, your body rapidly grows hot. Arousal pools between your legs and he swallows all the tiny noises that you make, his hands deftly moving over your body.

Everything happens so quickly. You two find a small room that is solid enough to keep you safe for the night, not that you’re worried when Peter is around, he strips your quickly, kissing every patch of exposed skin as he lays you upon the old dusty bed. Your hand moves down between his legs, feeling the heft of him through the thin fabric while he sucks on your neck with an insatiable hunger. Peter groans into your skin and ruts into your palm.

“Been so long,” he whispers, pulling back to look at you. “I’ve missed you, I don’t deserve you.”

You kiss him again, long and deep and before you know it he’s pulling away. He shreds himself from his suit and climbs between your already spread legs with his cock in his hand, “Why?” he chokes out.

"Every moment might be our last,” you smile despite yourself, your grief momentarly forgotten thanks to him. “Let's make the most of it."

You swear you see his pupils dilate. He strokes and spreads the beading precome all over his length. He lines himself up with you, the head of his cock teasing your entrance.

“I really need to be inside you right now,” he murmurs against your lips. “Is that okay?”

“Yes,” you gasp, back arching. “Peter, please—”

Your plea is enough for him to press forward, burying himself wholly with one smooth thrust. Your cheeks heat up at how wet you are and how easy your body made it for him. Experimentally, Peter pulls back and sinks into the tight fist of your heat again, wet sounds echoing from where you two connect.

“Holy shit, baby,” he groans, eyelids fluttering. “Are you this wet for me?”

He doesn’t wait for your answer and fucks himseld deeper into you. Peter’s movements are sloppy and full of need, an ache you’ve been feeling all this time when you were apart from him. Your breathing is labored and your chest heaves with the effort of his thrusts. But his rhythm is perfect, hitting all the right spots within you, as if he'd memorized the map of your body after all the times before. Your body trembles against him as pleasure builds within.

He nibbles your neck and teases your skin with his fingers and kisses, pushing you that much further. He rocks his hips forward, making the bed move along with you, your body dripping for him.

Your fingers curl against his skin and your eyes close in delight. You sense Peter straining. You nearly wrap your legs around his waist wanting to feel him in your deepest parts but he pulls out. He presses his sweaty forehead against yours, his chest eheaving as he fucks his fists. He shudders on top of you, thick ropes of come dripping down his fingers and onto your stomach. A shiver crawls up your spine. You arch your back, letting out a moan of your own as he continues to stain your skin.

When he’s done, you expect him to wrap his arms around you, but you’re pelasantly surprised as Peter moves down your body, lifting both your legs above his shoulder. His warm breath tickles your soaked pussy, forcing the clench of muscle.

“Did you think I would leave you hanging?” he asks, tone playful. “Fuck, I’ve missed your taste so bad.”

Your eyes roll back as his tongue licks between your folds. In that moment, nothing else matters. Jut him and you, in this room, hoping that this broken world would soon heal.

No matter what the future brings, you know you are safe in the arms of your Spider-Man.

#peter parker x reader #tasm!peter parker x reader #tasm!peter parker x you #peter parker x you #tasm!spiderman x you #tasm!spiderman x reader #the amazing spiderman fic

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sunilys2 · 5 months

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"THE PROPHECY" Kim Sunoo [ Chapter 3 ]

Materlist

Pairing: cursed!Sunoo × godness!reader

Synopsis: On a birthbed, a second-born baby of the cis male gender is cursed according to his village's beliefs. A pact is made by his parents in search of prosperity and glory, they believed that the divine goddess would bring to the baby the end of the catastrophes caused by the curse, good omen and carnal luxuries from the reaching of age, condemning his son to a wonderful life until the inevitable destiny, a peaceful end on his deathbed. However, in every agreement there are two sides and some consequences.

Genre: fantasy, strangers to lovers, romance.

Warnings: mention of religion and beliefs, pacts, curses, angst.

Note: grammatical errors, english is not my native language.

As stunned as Sunoo's parents were, they couldn't do anything about it. The boy's coming of age birthday is today, there's no way to change that.

After the appearance of the goddess, they accepted their fate and decided to enjoy the last moments with their beloved son, pretending that nothing had changed in their lives, as if he wouldn't leave soon.

The birthday would be celebrated in the Kim family's humble home, everything was ready and beautiful. The boy was as excited as ever, happy to be able to celebrate another year of life, he helped with the decoration and preparation of the special meal that he would enjoy with his family on this important day.

- looks delicious! - he laughed sweetly, sitting at the table, admiring his small feast.

His parents smiled slightly, his sister was happy, his grandparents too. And especially Sunoo, he was radiant tonight.

- my beloved grandson is becoming a handsome adult. -His grandmother said proudly and the boy laughed.

- everything looks so good, thank you for waiting for me for dinner, I think I was late. - a vibrant and unfamiliar female voice was heard, everyone looked towards her, a pretty girl who was standing in front of the wide-open entrance door.

Everyone was silent, Mrs. Kim remained static, with wide eyes and a cold body, yet the unknown woman sating in an empty chair.

- who are you? - asked Sunoo, he was really curious. Why was this beautiful woman, whom he had never seen before, there to celebrate his birthday?

- my name is ___, it's a pleasure, sweet Sunoo. Congratulations, happy birthday. - you smiled sweetly.

- thank you very much... - his voice came out as a whisper, his cheeks pink like flowers in spring.

Silence takes over again, smiling, you stare at the boy hungrily, without looking away or feeling embarrassed about it. You make him really nervous.

- I thought you would come later...you know, we are celebrating now. - began the mother.

- I decided to join this celebration, after all it is a special date, sweet Sunoo is coming of age. - you decided to look her in the eyes. - I'm not welcome?

- no, it's okay, forgive my wife. - the father interfered.

You stood up, walking slowly around the table, calmly analyzing the expressions of everyone there. You stood behind the boy, smiling at him when he decided to look at you over his shoulder. You touched his silky hair.

- I didn't come to disturb this special moment, I'm also not a monster that will harm Sunoo. - you started.

- I came so that he could get to know me, so that you would know that I am not an evil being, I am not a threat, let that tension go away.

The boy didn't understand, but remained silent as he felt the soft touch of your fingers in his hair.

- look Sunoo, from today onwards you will leave with me, can you understand? I will give you everything you deserve, you will live with me and you will have something completely different from what you have today.

- what do you mean by that...? - he hesitated, a little scared and confused.

- I happen to be in love with you. - you smiled sweetly, when he fell silent, trying to absorb the information. - You were born mine, did you know that? If you don't know, your parents certainly know.

You lowered Sunoo's upper robes, just revealing his shoulder.

- do you know why it has this brand? Because you are sealed with the mark of a covenant. You understand? You were born and soon became my boy, this brand says so.

- how could I be yours...? I am not an object. - he pulled his shirt back, hiding his shoulders, with a nervous look on his face.

- no, it is not an object. You are the sweetest boy I have ever seen in all the millennia I have lived, you are a person, even though you sometimes seem like a treasure... - you calmed him.

- there is a very old prophecy, a pact made by your ancestors, it is something much bigger than you can imagine. Calmly you will be able to understand everything, but peacefully I ask you please, please come with me. Above all, Sunoo family members, let me lead you to happiness. -His eyes shone as you explained yourself.

Everyone was shocked, but they were softened by the brief explanation.

The night seemed to be long, but everything went well.

Right after all this speech, you were able to celebrate the boy's party with his family, you ate and congratulated him.

Her presence there was enough to be strange, but as the minutes passed everything seemed to fall into place. Despite not understanding everything perfectly, Sunoo included you in his celebration as if he already knew you before, he could feel that no matter how strange you were, you were good.

He could tell by looking into your eyes that you were there for something very serious, and also that you wouldn't hurt him.

Sunoo just decided to accept you there, he made you feel that his presence was pleasant and satisfying for him. Something you didn't expect, since you thought it would be completely the opposite.

The celebration was cozy for you, but soon everyone retired and everything was tidy, the end of this day was approaching, after all it was already late at night.

Sunoo's parents hesitated, but they understood that this is what he wanted, he wanted to be able to be alone with you, so they decided to withdraw and let the two of you talk.

- you said you're going to take me away - he starts, looking at you, as you sit in the living room.

- Why would I go with you? And if I went, where would I go? It's suffocating to think that I will have to leave my home.

- I know it seemed scary with the words I used, I apologize. I am a goddess, as I said, and we would go to my divine realm. I need you Sunoo, I've waited so long for this day...

- What do you need me for? I can not understand. - you sigh, blinking your eyes precisely and opening them again.

- to quench my thirst, my desire to have you, to make you mine. I am a hungry and ambitious entity, I recognize. But know that nothing will be bad for you, because I am nothing more than your slave... - you sigh - my love for you only grows, you would be such a good boy for me.

- you want me...? But why? I don't understand!

- I don't understand either, I just feel this way, let me make you my perfect boy, let me fulfill all your desires, you will have everything you want.

- okay, I'm not going to oppose something that's sealed. Just give me time to say goodbye and I'll come with you soon. I really don't like seeing you begging, a goddess shouldn't...

- thank you for accepting - you interrupt him - that makes me very happy. It will be as you wish, you have a working day, now I need to go, good night sweet boy.

You smile sweetly at him, disappearing in the blink of an eye, leaving him alone.

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thenextdawn-temporarilyclosed · 1 year

Text

Comeback

Word count: 1.5K

Summary: after a break up with Jenna, this is what you’re going through

Warnings: angst angst, bad writing

Pairing: Jenna Ortega X Fem!Rrader

———

“If there ever comes a day when we can’t be together, keep me in your heart, I’ll stay there forever.”

This is what you and Jenna said to each other multiple times during your short lived relationship. It was one if not THE best relationship you ever had, she was the best person you had ever met. You were perfect for one another, however you had two very different necessities. She was a worldwide known actress, and you were just one of the people she met before becoming famous. It was nice, at first. When your relationship was made public you had lots of fans, lots of people cherished what you had with Jenna, and soon enough you found yourself being invited to movie premieres with her and you were also under the attentions of paparazzis and interviewers and journalists. You didn’t mind that, you had to say. You loved absolutely everything about Jenna’s world and you were there to support her each step of the way.

you were there to support her the moments she broke down, telling her that everything was going to be okay. You were there the moment when the pressure would become too much, and she would feel at ease in her arms. You were there for her, no matter what she needed you were there.

But when you needed her, where was she?

“I can’t today, I have an interview”

“Babe I have filming this month, you know I don’t have time”

“I’m going out with the rest of the cast, I’ll see you at home”

As much as you wanted to be involved in her life, she never let you in completely. She never brought you on sets, she never introduced you to her friends, and sooner than expected you started feeling just like a distraction.

“Why are you still with her? This hurts you, and you know that. You don’t deserve to get hurt from this relationship.” Your mom asked you.

Because some times, We hold on to those who cannot love us for so many reasons. Sometimes, we hold on because we convince ourselves that the circumstance will change - that if we love harder, if we give more, if we stay, if we endure, the situation will evolve. The value of our love will be recognized, it will be chosen. Sometimes, we hold on because we feel like we have to. We feel like we have to be the ones to fix, the ones to mend, the ones to prove that human beings don't give up on a person they see something beautiful within.Sometimes, we hold on because we feel guilty, because we think that walking away and choosing ourselves is us discarding someone we care about, is us abandoning a human being. And sometimes, we hold on because we think that we will never find the kind of person who proves to us that love is not something that is meant to hurt. Sometimes, we hold on because we lose our belief in the fact that love has the potential to be soft, that there is more to life than what we are settling for.

And you want to hold on. You want to hold on because you really hope that she’ll find your way back to you. Because after all you’re perfect for each other. You knew that from the beginning.

From the beginning you knew, well, you hoped that you’d spend the rest of your lives together. But now?

Now you’re strangers again. And remembering how close the two of you used to be, it hurts you. Even after months, you still remember the smell of her perfume. The sound of her laugh, that you’ll probably never hear again. And you’ll always remember small details about her. The time the two of you spent together wasn’t much, and you wish you had more time with her, but you’re glad that your paths crossed, even if just for a while. And even though in the end she decided to leave, maybe she did what was best for you. For now you will love her silently, because you’re strangers again.

You don’t talk anymore, that’ true, but that doesn’t mean that you forget about her, and you know you can’t be anything anymore so you try, you try to move on from her but some times, part of you is still wishing for her to come back to you.

And she did,

She came back.

It was late at night when you heard your bell ring. You saw from your window that it was Jenna, and you had to be honest, you wanted to ignore her and go back to sleep. But you’re too nice. If she called you crying, you would answer. If her mother called you saying “(Y/N) we have an emergency, we need you” you’d rush at her place. If Jenna ever needs comfort, you’ll be there, every time. Maybe you’re too good, to sweet. But it’s who you are, and nothing can change that.

You went and opened the door for her. As soon as you did you looked in her eyes, you saw she was crying and you invited her in. You wanted to hug her and comfort her, but you knew better.

“What do you want, Jenna?” You asked her and crossed your arms, watching as she sat down on the sofa in the living room. She took a deep breath and spoke, trying not to sob. “I miss you. I’m so sorry if I hurt you, please, please forgive me” she said, and you chuckled, making her look at you. “Forgive you? Jenna you didn’t just hurt me, you broke me. You kept pushing me away, you kept excluding me from your life. For you I only existed when you needed support, and when you were asked to bring someone to the movie premieres. I didn’t exist as your girlfriend, I didn’t exist as the woman you come home to. I didn’t exist at all, because whenever I needed you, you ignored me.”

“You kept pushing me away, but I alwavs chose to stay. So, shame on me. Shame on me for letting you walk all over me. Shame on me for letting you get into the depths of my soul that no one has ever touched. Shame on me for putting up with your mind games.“

You saw Jenna’s eyes fill with a new bash of tears, and she tried to speak but you were quicker

“Shame on you for always misleading me. Shame on you for always making me feel we had a chance. Shame on you for keeping me in your fantasy of what we could be; when you had every opportunity to set me free, you chose to let me dream.”

“(Y/N) please, please just let me try to win your heart again, let me try ti fix it-“ she sobbed out, but you have had enough. “No, Jenna. I’m done with your games, I’m done with only being used as a distraction, I’m done with only being there only when it’s convenient for you. Just leave and forget about me. I’m just a stupid normal girl after all I’m not famous like you, I’m not an actress or someone you want to be seen with so I’m sure it will be easy for you to forget about me.”

You said and didn’t look at her, you put your hands in your hair. Now you changed your mind, You just wanted to keep her in your memories, keep her locked there and never see her again.

“But what if I never forget you?” She said all of the sudden, you turned to look at her. “What if, all my life, when I meet someone new I can never fall for them because they aren’t you?” Jenna asked. You wanted to tell her that you will never forget her, that you’ll never find someone like her and that you wanted to be a couple with her again. But your pride was stronger than that.

“Find a replacement. You already did that, all the times that you were acting smitten and all lovey dovey with Percy.” There. She asked for it, didn’t she?

You watched Jenna react like a mouse who just got caught in a trap, like this was her deepest secret.

“What are you talking about?” She said, trying to play dumb.

“Jenna, enough. I’m tired if being a replacement and for someone I want to be someone that isn’t so easily replaced.”

#Spotify #jenna #ortega #jenna ortega #jenna ortega x r #jenna ortega x y/n #jenna ortega x you #jenna ortega x reader #jenna ortega x fem!reader

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theheirofthesharingan · 2 months

Note

Hi there. I am sending this probably silly question because you are one of the few fans of both Sasuke and Itachi that I know, and this has been bugging me since the first time I watched Naruto.

So, Itachi wants Sasuke to be stronger, to kill him and go back to the village as a hero that killed an alleged Konoha traitor. But why does he tell him to kill his closest friend? I understand Itachi wants Sasuke to get the Mangekyou to get stronger, but this would surely make him a criminal in the eyes of Konoha. Also, I think it is unnecessary, since Sasuke could have gotten the Mangekyou after killing Itachi (which didn't happen in the end, but it was a possibility). I understand Itachi wanting to be sure, but still... He was risking way to much here.

It also does not make sense for Edo Tensei Itachi to "scold" Sasuke for being a "criminal" (he was not really scolding, but you get what I mean...) when he himself urged him to commit a way worse crime. So he says "I turned you into a criminal" but, actually, Sasuke never did what Itachi asked. I understand Itachi feels guilty for way more things than he deserves, and indeed he might be responsible for Sasuke leaving the village and going to Orochimaru to gain power for revenge... But anything that happened after Itachi's death was actually Sasuke's own decisions (decisions that came as a result of legit rage against Konoha for committing a genocide, of course).

I know Itachi was a child, traumatised, isolated and under inhumane pressure at the time. In these conditions, it is understandable that he did not make the best decisions, that he was not acting completely logically or thinking totally straight. I am not judging him in the slightest, I just would love to read your views on this.

Thank you and lots of love!

The rules of the Shinobi world are vastly different from those of ours. In the Shinobi world conflict is endless and lives hold different values than they do in ours. You may not face a trial for taking a life, much like you might not get a medal for saving one. Sakumo Hatake, for example, saved the lives of his comrades and ended up being shunned by the village, including the people whose lives he'd saved.

Itachi, after he killed his own parents, was leaving Sasuke in a place that had made him murder his own parents. Hiruzen was a weak shield and Danzo still lived in the village. Itachi wanted Sasuke to get strong, not only to kill him, but also to be able to protect himself in case Danzo made a move against him. An Uchiha, even with a simple Sharigan, was seen with fear. An Uchiha, with Mangekyo, would be formidable. Thinking from Itachi's POV, he was leaving Sasuke in a very hostile place, known for its belligerence towards Uchiha. What was a defenseless child supposed to do in case Danzo's Root came for him and Hiruzen proved useless? It didn't happen, but how would itachi know it wouldn't happen at all? Especially when Danzo did send Sai to kill Sasuke instead of letting a troop also follow them so they could take down Orochimaru, who had actually attacked the village.

Itachi had a flawed perception that as long as Sasuke lived, everything else he went through would be worth it, including his best friend's death. To him, Sasuke's life mattered, not a stranger's who might become his best friend. I believe he changed his mind later on when he met Sasuke and Naruto at the inn. He saw Naruto risking his own life, fighting for Sasuke despite being horrified of Itachi moments ago. It's probably after this that he made his mind to include one more objective to their final battle.

He also understood Sasuke didn't hate him at all. When he says 'you don't have enough hate', it's the truth, because when Sasuke learned Itachi was back and was after Naruto, he rushed to warn Naruto, but all he thought about was Itachi, their final day together before everything went wrong. And then he charged on Itachi, unprepared. We've known Sasuke to be calculative and in control of his emotions almost all the time. He loses it the moment he sees Itachi. Even if itachi tried to ignore him he wouldn't sit back. This wasn't the response of someone who had hate in his heart, but too much of emotional investment.

Yes. Itachi was always risking a lot. Him taking up the mission to annihilating his clan, then leaving Sasuke, and basically everything that followed - all of it was a gamble. Things could go either way. Sasuke had to be safe, for which he had to be protected all the time; but for him to become strong, Sasuke would have to train and practice, maybe go on potentially life threatening missions as well if he wanted to be strong enough to kill Itachi. Itachi's plan was always a double-edged sword. It could go either way.

Itachi blames himself for Sasuke's actions because he controlled a large portion of Sasuke's life. He did it unwillingly, in tears, in guilt, yes, but he did do it. Like I said above, he thought as long as Sasuke was safe it would be worth it. Itachi was somewhat responsible for Sasuke leaving Konoha, but not entirely. After Sasuke wakes up in the hospital, he challenges Naruto, because Naruto had suddenly become so strong. Even then he couldn't defeat Itachi. Then Sasuke, who had lived his whole life for the purpose of killing Itachi, was still no match for him. After Kakashi's pep talk, Sasuke even considers dropping the idea of revenge or at least struggles with it, thinking about Naruto, Sakura, and their bonding. Then Sound Four attack him. The rest is history.

After Itachi's death, while everything that Sasuke does is his own call, his own decisions, they still stem from the life Itachi made him live, and him not finding any closure. Yes, Itachi didn't want Sasuke to know the truth because he knew it would destroy him emotionally, and it happened exactly that way.

Itachi didn't scold Sasuke, he merely accepted where his plans failed. Itachi and Sasuke are very rich characters in terms of psychological depth. I'm no psychology student, but I love to read stuff here and there, and one pattern I've seen in both the brothers is that of 'age regression.'

When trauma impairs your ability to develop full emotional maturity, this is known as arrested psychological development. Trauma can “freeze” your emotional response at the age you experienced it. When you feel or act emotionally younger than your actual age, this is known as age regression.

Taken from this article. There's more to it, but I lifted the important part to answer this ask.

It's very common in how both Itachi and Sasuke respond. Many people say 'Itachi always saw Sasuke as a child to protect instead of a grown up' and he himself says this as Edo Tensei to Sasuke later on. I believe it's because, emotionally, he too never grew up beyond 12-13 and in some ways beyond four. To him he was never above 12 and Sasuke was never older than 7. All of his reactions to his life, however bad and with disastrous outcomes, are out of unresolved PTSD. It's the same with Sasuke and how he responds to his surroundings. Both of them were emotionally 'frozen' in the age they were traumatized. At the age of 12, even though Sasuke is too mature for his age, there's still the longing for his family and he remembers every single detail of his moments with them. Then after learning Itachi's truth too. I believe while he's a grown up now in Boruto, there's a part of him that's frozen in that moment when he found out about Itachi. Since Itachi isn't mentioned in Boruto and Sasuke's feelings for his family aren't the matter of discussion, I don't think I can prove this.

When Itachi saw what he'd made Sasuke - not a criminal or a monster - but a lonely, broken kid, he felt ashamed of himself. He feels so guilty because of his conscience. It's also because he was free from any obligation towards anyone after his death and was very flexible in face of new information that he admitted his wrongs.

Itachi, in fact, never realized what haopened to him was wrong too. His actions weren't spontaneous. On the contrary, they were the outcome of what was done to him. But unlike Sasuke and Kakashi, for instance, he did do many things wrong. Sasuke felt guilty for not being able to save his family, his clan, and then Itachi. Kakashi felt guilty for not being able to save Obito, then Rin. Even if it wasn't their fault. Itachi did a lot of things that were entirely unforgivable and he knew it too. So, his guilt outweighed any desire he might have had to acknowledge his trauma. He defined himself by the horrible things he'd done. Objectively, there would be a lot of nuances that you could consider, but fictional characters can never be objective.

When Hashirama praised Itachi, Itachi would never agree with him. When Sasuke called him perfect, Itachi disagreed with him. When Kabuto called him a genius/exceptional Itachi disagreed with him too.

Itachi felt nothing but regret his entire life, which eventually defined him as a person.

#ask #uchiha itachi #anon #itachi #sasuke #itachi uchiha #uchiha brothers #i guess i rambled way too much so hoping it makes some sense #thanks for this ask because it was fun to answer

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henneseyhoe · 2 years

Text

Unexpected Expected Guest

Killmonger X BLACK!FEM!reader.

WARNINGS :SMUT, slight spiritualism, vampire/ghost!killmonger,profanities(obvi), use of the Nword, all that spooky Halloween shit too lmao.

Summary :reader is curious about the history of the house she just moved into, so she digs deep into it with the help of google and her “witch” friend.

3:00 AM, 𝐒𝐮𝐧, 𝐨𝐜𝐭 31𝐬𝐭.

My clock read, making me sigh in annoyance. I sucked my teeth "this shit do not work, takin' my ass to bed" I mumbled to myself, blowing out the candles I had lit about an hour ago, all seven of them sitting in a circle around a destroyed picture.

The picture contained a man, his face scribbled out completely with all of the corners of the Polaroid ripped. I found the picture laying around just outside of my door, sitting there on my porch.

since then I never stopped obsessing over it. I've had reoccurring dreams, waking up in a pool of sweat because of how every dream ended. With me getting bit by some creature, the unknown being sucking the life out of me with its sharp fangs. Worse part is that I enjoyed the image, not only the image, but the feeling.

You could clearly tell the picture was old, along with proof on the back of it, a date being written out.

'1965' it read, my curiosity becoming overwhelming.

𝐒𝐚𝐭, 𝐨𝐜𝐭 25𝐭𝐡.

"That's weird right? Like who just leaves a picture on a strangers doorstep" I spoke to my friend 'Eboni' while wiping down my kitchens counters

"okay, hear me out Y/N, I know you don't do that witchy shit, but that ain't no mistake. somebodies trynna get your attention" I heard my friend from the other side, her conclusion making me roll my eyes and shake my head.

"Eboni, if you think I'm finna 'call upon' a random ass nigga you out of yo damn mind! He can kiss my ass and stay where the fuck he at!" I argued, my dishwashers door falling open with a loud 'bang', the sound of my plates clicking together accompanying the startling sound, all of it happening simultaneously to me ending my sentence.

I jumped back slightly and glared over at the appliance before walking over and closing it, continuing to listen to my friend.

"Y/N! This is serious! You know you just moved in and literally told me to my face that something was off, and you know after you got that picture it wasn't the first time you had a dream like that in that damn house. What if summoning it is the only way it'll leave? That shit is very possible, you know?"

I thought about it for a moment before groaning, stomping my feet as I walked into my living room

"...fine! Damn!".

I knew the trouble I was getting into, somewhat, but that didn't stop me. Just like how I knew there was something about this house before I moved in, which made me think back to the day I signed the papers for the five bedroom house. Thinking, the stories still didn't stop me.

𝐓𝐮𝐞, 𝐀𝐮𝐠 12𝐭𝐡.

"So for legal reasons, before you sign this lease, I am supposed to tell you that somebody did pass in this house, which is why it's so cheap, but before you rip the paper up, this house has been blessed and saged from in and out! There was never any problems before, but we wanted to double check!" My realtor explained in her thick southern accent, smiling as I stared at her like she was crazy before looking back at the house.

"Um...what exactly happened to this person?" I asked, my eyebrows raising. The woman shrugged, still smiling widely "no idea! But I assure you the house is clean, it's been about 59 years since anything happened, make it 60 when halloween hits actually. A happy family has lived here for 2 years and now they wanna sell, so is it still a deal?" She asked and I sighed, thinking while looking down at the legal papers, a pen in hand.

"..yeah, deal" I spoke, signing the papers with a quick 'flick' of my wrist.

3:33 AM, 𝐒𝐮𝐧, 𝐨𝐜𝐭 31𝐬𝐭.

I woke up in a sweat once again, turning over to look at my clock. '27 minutes of sleep without interruption. That's a record' I thought, a sudden pain striking my abdomen. "shit" I breathed. My clothes were damp against my skin, my thighs clenched tightly to make an attempt at trying to stop my second heart beat.

I looked back up at the ceiling, only to be surprised by the floating being; a man above me, his eyes glowing an electric blue as a sinister grin was plastered on his face, his fangs making the expression more prominent.

My eyebrows furrowed and my mouth widened before anything could come out, my expression beating my scream to the punch. "OH SHIT!" I scream at the top of my lungs, jumping up out of my bed.

I tripped over tangled covers while attempting to run for the door, tears already falling down my face. My hand made contact with the door handle, the limb immediately being jerked back as the metal knob glowed red with heat, burning my hand.

'SHIT!'.

I quickly turned, backing myself back against the door as I sobbed, crouching down and cowering.

the man nonchalantly sat on my dresser, crossing his legs. His clothes had a slick, elegant style to it, his body giving off a slight cologne scent that I could smell from where I was sitting. he was wearing a suit, the black blazer being open to show his plain, halfway opened, white button up, his pants being leather to match his black boots along with a literal chain and lock around his neck as an accessory.

"I like when you look scared, it’s cute" he spoke, an evil chuckle exiting his mouth as he watched me "who- who are you?" I stuttered, my body shaking intensely.

"Who am I? WHO. am. I?! You out here summoning niggas and don't even know they name? I could have been satan himself coming to personally drag you down to hell with me" he went on, jumping down from the wooden drawers and slowly inching his way over to me with a swaggered walk, his hands stuffed in his pocket.

"why, I'm the 'nigga' you've had imaginary beef with for like a month or so, but you can call me Kill, Killmonger, Erik, Daddy, whichever you prefer, doll” he responded and paused, looking down at me. “…Ya know, you talk a lot of shit for a mortal who can't fight" he teased, bending down into my face, shock being written all over my body language as my jaw hung low, my eyes being so wide that they could pop out like gum balls and my cheeks being stained with tears.

"Now what was that about me kissing your ass? I'd like to take up that offer since I'm here. in the flesh" he smiled, his pearly whites gleaming in the moonlight shining from my window.

"I-I-..I'm sorry...I didn't know you were real.." I cried quietly, his eyes rolling. "okay see, I purposely scared you earlier, but now you doing a little much" he leaned up, looking down at me as I wiped my tears, still shaking.

"Stop. shaking." he demanded, backing up as I was lifted out of my crouched position, the shock I already had ignoring the fact that it wasn't me who made my body move like that.

"I said stop." He snapped his fingers in front of my face, my body immediately stopping its movements with my heartbeat slowing down tremendously, my demeanor completely changing and becoming more chill.

I heard every beat of my heart in my ears, every pulse getting louder than the other.

"Much better. So now that I'm here, I wanna talk a little before I get to business. Any questions?" He asked, floating over to the end of my bed and sitting down, crossing his legs once again.

I carefully walk back over to my bed, sitting down as I try to comprehend the moment, yet it was like my brain wouldn’t let me on purpose.

"...what happened to you...and why are you still here?" I ask with almost zero thought behind it. He shrugged before answering. "don't know, honestly. Apparently I was murdered, but all I remember is waking up and BOOM!" He exclaimed loudly, leaning over to me while adding a dramatic pause "..I'm in hell" he stared, his eyes glowing once again before bursting into laughter, watching my terrified reaction "I'm joking. Dead people have amazing sense of humor dont we?" I blinked, still being confused.

He stopped laughing and his face straightened "...I didn't go to hell, obviously, and my ex girlfriend killed me. You can guess how" he explained and gestured to the chain around his neck. I nodded, finally understanding "okay...why?" I asked, the entity letting out a chuckle "let's just say I was very lucky with ladies"

I hummed, nodding again before tilting my head "...so why do you have a problem with me?"

He tilted his head back at me "Problem? I don't. It's not like I hate you or something, I just like fuckin’ around. ain't shit else to do when you're DEAD... but now that I'm HERE, I can finally be free, thanks to yo nosy ass and your witch ass friend" he smiled, his fangs making their third appearance tonight.

"Cool, it was nice talking to you then" I smiled slightly, a nervous feeling rising in my stomach as he shook his head 'no'

"Nah. I can't just...leave" he blinked "...whatchu mean? Yes you can" I squinted and he shook his head again "nope. I can't. See, you summoned me out of curiosity because your friend didn't give you enough information to execute this correctly, I'm guessing, and if I'm correct you didn't even read about me or either you didn't read enough. You want me to leave? Give me an offering" he explained.

"...fine. What do you want?" I asked with a slight attitude, being annoyed with how I actually had to work for him to leave.

He thought, humming "...bring me a body, a fresh body. I don't want anybody cold or dirty, so try not to bring me anyone with a drug or drinking pro-"

I interrupted him "wait— are you asking for a dead person?" My eyebrows knitted together in worry as I watched a smile fall upon his face, his teeth peeking out from under his lips

"Well..not dead exactly, I can do my own dirty work apart from getting them, I just need you to bring them to me. what'd you think I was asking for, silly?" He tilted his head with sarcasm, my head shaking.

"I'm sorry, I can't do that for you. I can't just go out and lure somebody in my house, that's disgusting!" he pouted and got up from the edge of the bed, turning to me with a sigh "well then there's no other way. too bad I gotta take you with me now" he leaned in, his eyes glowing a fear striking red now.

"Please! I'll do anything but that!" I screamed, backing up away from him, my back hitting the hard, wooden headboard. his movements paused as his eyes turned back to a midnight black, the red swirling around his iris before disappearing completely.

"Anything? And you mean anything, correct?" He asked and I nodded, a smirk carving in on his face as he began to chuckle, a deep voiced echo fallowing behind every laugh "why didn't you say that before, love?"

He grabbed my wrists and pinned me to the bed, my night set being ripped apart from my bottoms to my bra without him moving a finger

My thoughts ran wild as he began kissing me roughly as if he had been starving for any type of physical touch. His skin was soft and warm, comforting in a sense as he grazed his fingertips across my bare stomach. his lips went from mine to my neck, laying tender kisses across my jawline and collarbones before licking his way back up. His tongue swirled around over places he had left a kiss until he had came up to my chin, the tip of his tongue flicking up once he finally got to the end.

Almost as if only seconds passed by, he had already been going down on me, roughly pulling me to the edge of the bed by my ankles and putting them up to the sky. he pinned my thighs to the mattress, cupping the underside of my knees before he began going to work, his warm tongue swirling around my clit at an agonizing slow pace. The tip of his tongue did figure eights on my bundle of nerves, making me gasp and arch my back, my reaction encouraging him to go faster with flicking his tongue.

As time went on, he began slipping fingers inside of me. First one, then two, then it was his tongue, slowly sliding them in and aiming upwards for my gspot. The pressure inside of me built up with every thrust of his fingers, my stomach sucking in. "Oh— fuck!" I moaned, air being caught in my throat as I leaned up a bit, looking down at him just to make eye contact with the man himself. He had been watching the whole time, watching how my body reacted to ever motion.

"cum for me?" He asked before attaching his lips back around my clit and humming, his eyelids lowering while the whites of his eyes gained a bright glow as I finally let go, not even being able to answer his question as I came all over his fingers, a loud gasp escaping my throat. He leaned up and my legs immediately clamped together, my orgasm still hitting hard for me as his fingers slid back out of my body. He looked down at me and licked his fingers clean, humming at the taste.

I breathed hard, trying to catch my breath "done?" I asked, trying to cover my body with my sheet, the material not budging from the bed "nope." He simply answered, kneeling on the bed and beginning to crawl closer to me.

I backed away hesitantly, my stomach steady churning with tension once I had made contact with the headboard.

"Stay still for me. You'll make a good partner for eternity" he mumbled quietly, smirking to himself.

#killmonger fanfiction #killmonger x reader #killmonger fic #erik kilmonger x reader #michael b jordan #black panther #black!fem!reader #black fanfic writer #killmonger smut #smut masterlist #masterlist #black actors #18+ only #black reader #black!oc #black!reader #black fanfiction #halloween smut #henneseyhoe

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fayes-fics · 1 year

Text

It Had To Be You: Chapter 1 - A brand-new start

Masterpost PREV | NEXT

Pairings: Benedict Bridgerton x fem!reader (also features Benedict Bridgerton x Genevieve Delacroix), Modern AU

Chapter Summary: A long drive from St Andrew’s to London with a virtual stranger

artwork credit: @colettebronte

Warnings: none really… some language, bickering and flirting.

Word Count: 2.9k

Authors Note: Welcome to Chapter 1 of my next multi-chapter. A modern romcom heavily inspired by When Harry Met Sally. Thank you to @makaylan and @colettebronte for reading through. I hope to update this fic every couple of weeks. Please enjoy! <3

12 Years Ago

When you pull up outside her halls of residence, she has her tongue down some man’s throat—typical Gen.

She finally acknowledges your presence when you lower the window and cough pointedly. A few days ago, when she said her latest boyfriend needed a lift from St Andrews to London, you didn't offer; she volunteered him to join you before you could conjure a believable excuse. Someone to talk to on the long journey wouldn't be such a bad thing; you tried to convince yourself reluctantly. You were slightly worried about who he might be. Gen’s taste in men could be best described as random. Or questionable if you were feeling less charitable. But as he turns towards you, something in your chest flutters.

Oh.

He looks different to her usual choices. He appears rich, just from a glance. But the sort of rich that dresses in ratty clothes as a style choice rather than out of economic necessity. His jeans are distressed around the knees, and there’s an almost threadbare patch right around his rather shapely - don't look there, you admonish yourself - arse. He wears a faded grey t-shirt and converse that are speckled with paint.

“Y/n, meet Ben,” he nods briefly before she pulls him back for another completely inappropriate kiss.

Ben...? Really, Gen? Matching names is a bit too fucking twee.

As they break away, he tosses his bags in the boot of your car and, after another round of tonsil tennis, climbs into your passenger seat. He smiles crookedly, and you see his blueish eyes catch a ray of late Spring sun; his voice instantly makes you shift in your seat as you exchange hellos. Definitely a posh boy. Definitely a playboy. Definitely not the type to keep his bed empty for long. You already dislike him. You especially dislike how attractive your body seems to find him, despite yourself.

This is going to be a long journey.

“You want to drive the first shift?” you ask politely.

“You are already there,” he shrugs, “go right ahead.”

As Gen becomes a waving figure in your rearview mirror, something tells you you will likely never see her again. It's that time when life goes in a million different directions—the end of university. You've been here for your undergraduate course. Apparently, he has been here for his master's in Fine Arts.

“What takes you to London?” he asks as you pull out of the university grounds.

“I'm going to be a journalist,” you state proudly.

He laughs. “You and the rest of the world.”

You bristle at his amusement. You are a talented writer; you know it will happen for you someday. You have a summer internship at the Guardian. Okay, it's unpaid, but it's a start.

“You?” you shoot back, squinting in the sun.

“Artist. I’m setting up a studio in Hoxton.”

Urgh. That's so achingly trendy you actually want to smack him.

Your phone buzzes, and you check it discreetly at the next traffic light. It's from Gen.

Yep, I know exactly what you are thinking. Posh boy twat. His cock is amazing though. Safe travels x

You squeak and drop your phone into the footwell. Ben cuts you a curious sideways glance.

“I can grab it,” he offers rather chivalrously as he sees you groping blindly around your feet as the light turns green.

“No!” you startle, “it's fine, just uhh leave it there, I don't need it. I know the way to Edinburgh from here.” your voice takes on a high-pitched quality that sounds ridiculous even to your own ears.

He seems to stare at your profile for an inordinate amount of time.

“Gen said you were a little high-strung,” he says drolly.

You frown over at him. “I'm just particular,” you argue back.

He laughs and looks out the window. “Mind if I smoke?”

“Yes, I do,” you prickle, “that’s a disgusting habit, and you should give it up.”

“She said you were opinionated too,” he adds, his tone so casual and laid back it just makes you more wound up.

“My car, my rules,” you retort, glancing irritated in your rearview at the lorry getting far too familiar with your rear bumper.

“That's fair enough.”

He suddenly lunges for something in the backseat, twisting so his t-shirt rides up, his whole body thrust towards you. You see a flash of toned abdominal muscle and a tantalising line of hair disappearing into his jeans.

You quickly cut your eyes back to the road and have to slam on the brake not to hit the car in front, praying momentarily that the lorry behind is paying more attention than you are. Damn him.

“Fucking hell!” he exclaims, falling back into his seat and grabbing the dashboard to right himself.

“Sorry,” you mumble, knowing you are blushing. “Can you please not do that when I'm driving?”

“Do what?” he feigns ignorance, but you can tell he knows exactly what just happened, the cocky bastard.

“Climb into the backseat,” you grumble.

“I leaned back to grab something; I didn't climb anywhere,” he disputes, shaking a packet at you. “This is for your benefit, I might add,” he says pointedly, ripping open the box and fishing out a nicotine patch.

“Well, just sit still, please,” you huff, spying a flash of very shapely bicep out of the corner of your eye as he rolls up the sleeve and slaps on the patch.

“Yeah, not highly strung at all,” he mutters under his breath.

Yep. You absolutely want to kick him.

—

It’s almost 2 hours later and lunchtime when you pull into the services just outside Glasgow, needing a toilet break.

“Want a sausage roll?” he asks casually, stretching his limbs in a somewhat distracting manner as you lock the doors. Out of the car now, you realise he's taller than you expected; around 6 feet would be your guess.

“No thanks, I uhh don't eat that stuff. I made a salad; I'm just going to eat that,” you respond, tapping the little bag on your shoulder.

“You made a salad? For a road trip?” he looks at you like you have three heads, and again your dander is up.

“Nothing wrong with being prepared,” you sniff.

He chuckles and shrugs a shoulder as you wander into the building and agree to meet at a table after.

Just as you are neatly drizzling your salad dressing, he saunters over a bright red plastic tray in hand, holding an assortment of beige foods and a large bottle of Coke. You can’t school your horror at the contents of his plate.

“What?” he laughs, taking a seat next to you.

“If smoking doesn't kill you, that might,” you say airily.

“You really do have just so many opinions,” he looks at you as if you are some fascinating species, dons a stupid broad grin and takes a huge bite.

“Am I wrong though?” you raise an eyebrow in challenge, waiting for him to take the bait. Instead, he changes tack.

“Gen never said you were so pretty,” his statement, muffled around the sausage roll, is so matter of fact that you don't think you heard him correctly for a split-second.

“Excuse me?!?” you can't hide the disdain in your voice. “You are Gen’s boyfriend,” you say slowly.

“So?”

“So you shouldn't be flirting with me!” you explain, feeling as if it's unnecessary to do so.

He laughs so hard that some pastry sprays across the table. “I'm not!” he dismisses.

“Yes, you are!” your indignancy rising.

“Can’t I say you are pretty without it being flirtatious?” he posits.

“No!”

“Okay, fine,” he capitulates, wiping his greased fingers on a paper serviette, “I take it back.”

“Well, that’s just rude,” you huff.

“What do you want me to say?”

“I don't want you to say anything! Just… don't notice me at all! You are dating my friend!” your voice again takes on that shrill quality you dislike.

“Sorry,” he raises his hands in defeat. Then after a few moments of silence where you just poke at your lettuce leaves, your eyes meet again. “Genuinely,” his hand on his chest, “I am sorry. I'm an artist. I can't help but notice objectively beautiful things. I truly meant nothing untoward,” the sincerity taking you slightly aback.

You would think it a line he’s using, but his hazy blue eyes somehow give away the truth—he means every word. You are also trying to ignore how the words, ‘objectively beautiful’, echo in your head.

“Well… just… remember, Gen is my friend; I don't want her hurt,” you volley back defensively.

“Neither do I,” he replies, taking a sip of his drink and turning to look out of the nearby window.

The fact you notice an adorable little bump in the profile of his nose is something you pretend doesn't happen.

—

It's mid-afternoon when the rain rolls in somewhere in the Borders. He had taken over driving duty at the rest stop. You were initially concerned about handing the keys to your mum’s old Ford Focus, but to be fair, he seems a sensible enough driver.

“Music?” he asks brightly as he flicks on the wipers.

“An old iPod is connected via the aux,” you shrug.

“Oh, what's on it?” he queries.

“God, all sorts. A lot of 90s indie stuff and Britpop, Im afraid.”

“Brilliant! Put on some Blur.”

You perk up. “Really? I thought us too young for Blur,” you jest.

“I’ve got a few years on you, remember?” he chuckles as you select a random shuffle of their music.

As the opening chords of Country House ring out, he starts to nod his head comedically.

“City dweller, successful fella,” you both chant in unison as the song starts, and you giggle.

You find yourselves singing along loudly. It appears he knows all the words as much as you do.

“I'm a professional cynic, but my heart's not in it,” you say loudly as he points for you to take that line.

“I'm paying the price of living life at the limit,” he picks up as you mirror the gesture.

Your fleeting thought is that the lyrics are the right choice for your different personalities somehow. Or what you know of him so far.

“He lives in a house, a very big house in the country!!!” you both almost yell, laughing heartily around the words.

And that's how the next twenty minutes are spent. Singing along slightly tunelessly to Blur as you cross the border into England, and the journey continues.

—

You stop at motorway services outside Manchester around tea time, having listened to most of your Blur back catalogue and lots of Pulp too. You frown as he tucks into a Big Mac and fries as you pick at a soup and roll.

As you eat, you quarrel about the best American 90s sitcom - Friends or Frasier - you claim the latter until he plumbs for Seinfeld instead at the last minute. You throw down your spoon in annoyance that he changed the rules of his own game, splashing your jumper, which makes you even more pissed off. You make him get up and recycle your empty soup bowl for you, pettily refusing to get out of your chair. He counters that you look adorable when you have a tantrum, and you snatch the keys, threatening to drive off without him. To the people around you, you look, to all intents and purposes, like a bickering married couple, not someone you only met a few hours prior.

When you hit the road, you take over driving duty again. You plan to drive the rest of the way to London; it should only be another three and a half hours.

After his junk food dinner, he passes out in the passenger seat for over two hours. You don’t mind the silence; it’s a novel respite from your squabbling. And if you steal a few glances at his very attractive face as it lolls around, well, you’re not going to admit that to anyone. (What you don’t see is his eyes opening periodically and staring at you, too, between drifts of sleep.)

It’s almost certain you have never met anyone in your 22 years on this earth that you spar with more than him. But it’s not bitter; it’s just like you are so opposite you can't help but be drawn to each other’s orbits, even if all you do is rile each other up. You’ve never met anyone quite so contrarian as him. Or anyone quite as troubling to your hormones. You want to smack his face AND pull him in for a deep kiss, jump on his lap and grind hard. It’s quite the most disconcerting thing.

It’s just after 10 pm when he offers to take over driving duty again on the outskirts of London, as he knows it quite well. His family have a pied-a-terre in Mayfair. Yup, posh twat. However, you’re grateful for the offer, this being your first time in the city except for brief day trips as a child. And as the suburbs give way to the glow of the inner city, you are talking, well, arguing, about movies. Specifically, Titanic that he claims Gen made him sit through last week.

“You're wrong”, you argue, shaking your head.

“There was room on that door for both of them,” he defends.

“It would have sunk if he climbed on too. He did the right, noble thing, sacrificing himself like that,” you assert.

“Please, they could have laid on top of one another and kept it mostly afloat. It’s not as if it would be a big issue; they already had sex, for fuck’s sake,” he counters, waving his hand.

“Yeah, but so what? Sex is great, but it’s not a reason to risk both of you dying by SINKING THE DAMN DOOR,” you huff.

“Oh, I see,” he gloats.

“What? What do you see?” you shoot back, riled up. This man’s ability to get under your skin is almost frightening.

“Obviously, you haven’t had great sex yet,” he shrugs, staring ahead as he drives.

“Yes, I bloody have!”

“No, you haven’t,” the dismissive tone is so irritating.

“So have!”

He chuckles. “Okay then. Who? Who have you had great sex with?”

You flick through your collage of university experiences. A mixed bag, if you were honest. Then a triumphant smirk covers your face.

“Melissa.”

The smirk grows wider as he swerves the car a little, almost taking out a delivery cyclist, and snaps his head over at you. You can practically see his brain buffering. He was expecting a dull boy’s name so that he could argue back.

“Tell me more,” his voice has dropped an octave and goosebumps erupt on your upper arms at the sound.

“She knew her way around between a woman’s legs,” you shrug, meeting his eyes and feeling temporarily unmoored by how dilated they suddenly are, rubbing your bicep instinctually to tamp the evidence of the effect he has had on you, hidden beneath your jumper though it is.

“Tongue and fingers?” His question is soft.

“Whole face and hands,” you counter, not missing how his tongue shoots out to lick, then bite his parched lip and his subtle shift in his seat.

The idea of him physically turned on by the mental picture he is building for himself should make you affronted. Instead, your hand itches to shock him, reach out and grab him, order him to keep driving as you palm him over his jeans. You are horrified by where your thoughts turn. This is your friend's boyfriend. You can’t stand him… can you?

“Lucky lady,” he mutters.

“Yeah, I was,” you tilt your head to one side in reminiscence.

“I was talking about Melissa,” he replies, and you don’t know how to respond to that. So you don’t. You just reach for your bag of Maltesers you bought at the last petrol station and snag one.

“How’s far til yours?” You ask, changing the subject.

“Hmm, interesting,” he says thoughtfully but doesn’t elucidate. “Not long now, we’re passing Swiss Cottage,” he responds as if that’s supposed to mean something to you.

Suddenly a hand is hovering right before you, almost brushing your breast.

“What?” You frown, pretending not to jump.

“Malteser,” he requests, raising an eyebrow and glancing over.

“You should have bought some for yourself at the last stop if you wanted some,” you volley back, smirking and popping another into your mouth obnoxiously.

“You aren’t very likeable sometimes, you know,” he pouts, withdrawing his hand when he realises you mean it.

“I am to people I like,” you counter.

“Guess we are not going to be friends then,” he says sarcastically.

“Guess not,” you chime back. “It's a shame; you were the only person I knew in London...”

And as he pulls up outside some fancy building in Mayfair, you shake hands somewhat stiffly after helping him unload his bags. You part ways without exchanging information. Such a strangely abrupt ending to your twelve-hour trip where it seems you ran the gamut of human emotion together. You try not to be too bothered by it as you follow your sat nav towards the less salubrious environs of Leytonstone, where you have rented a studio flat—deciding to put Ben Bridgerton as far out of your mind as possible. You doubt you’ll ever see his face again. After all, what are the chances in this big city?

Benedict taglist: @makaylan @foreverlonginguniverse @iboopedyournose @colettebronte @aintnuthinbutahounddog @severewobblerlightdragon @margofiore @writergirl-2001 @heeyyyou @enichole445 @enchantedbytomandhenry @ambitionspassionscoffee @chaoticcalzoneranchsports @nikaprincessofkattegat @baebee35 @crowleysqueenofhell @bridgertontess @fiction-is-life @lilacbeesworld @angels17324 @broooookiecrisp @queen-of-the-misfit-toys @eleanor-bradstreet @divaanya

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shutupheathersorryheatherr · 7 months

Text

"You don't know my name, do you? Will you ever?"

Summery: beomgyu keeps his promises--he walks you from and sometimes to work, hangs out there with you. its all very comfortable and usual for the both of you. he even orders the same thing every time he comes in: your wonderful hot chocolate you make him. noting is new, its all been done before a thousand times between the two of you. why? you and Beomgyu have been friends for ever. that's great. You and him have also become a sort of... intertwined. more than just being together; youve grown together. also great. but what happens when you do something out of the ordinary? or rather, maybe the two of you stop keeping your promises and let the feelings youve pushed down so hard you feel like youre about to combust bubble up? also great.

a/n: long hair gyuuuuuu based on 'you don’t know my name'!!!!! its one of my favorite (if not my singular favorite) song by her. and besides... come on y'all, its beomgyu so I had to lol. yerin and I talked about this during he 300 subs special (even though SHE doesn't seem to remember it lmao) so here I am holding up my end of the deal and making my fic based on this song. if you liked it please leave some love such as commenting and or reblogging!

warnings/info: slow burn I guess, kissing, reader and Beomgyu go to a party, mentions of people fucking, Beomgyu gets in an extremely heated argument with a complete stranger at said party, I feel like I ranted a bit too much with the fic, a little poem-ish at times I think, reader and gyu are scared to go into uncharted territory with thier friendship, lots and lots and lots of talk of reader and beomgyu needing to control themselves around each other, cursing, beomgyu being sweet and them slow dancing cause that's a warning in itself, one joke about beomgyu and reader fucking? idk its not said explicitly tho this was way too self indulgent I apologize, friends to lovers, reader is gn.

~this is simply a piece of fiction. my imagination onto "paper." this is in now way meant to be taken as an actual or real representation of anyone~

••••••••••••••••••••••

A sharp, wind chime sounding ping makes you spring out of your thoughts to look at the door. Your smile. Huh right on the dot. Your eyes are met with the handsome fetures of your most frequent customer: beomgyu. Hair touching the nape of his neck and eyes bright as ever despite the mugginess outside. though its not all bad-- it makes him remember how one time last winter on your usual walk-from-your-work-with-him, he had stood behind you and wrapped you in his coat, bringing you flush with his clothed chest. it was oversized on him and noting, he thinks, could have prepared him for how you melted into him.

you noticed his wandering eyes and raise you voice to snap him out of it.

“why do you look like that?” you ask. it’s slow at work right now and you say that because you don’t want him to notice your heart pounding. You know if you don’t distract him he’ll do so. He pays enough attention and knows you all too well to hide it. “oh I dunno I just went for a run. No! It’s because it’s raining buckets out there!” “Yeah YOU running? That didn’t sound right” his mouth hangs open a little "um excuse you." he puffs his chest out. "I-I run." the way he's shaking his head while speaking gives him away if you already didn't know him so well. maybe a little too well. but, you tried not to think about that too much. how you

“I’ll have the hot chocolate” he says, although you know what would fall out of his lips just the Same as last time, and the time before that. And many roles before. You know how he likes it (extra sweet. “Just like you” he says. Before you squeeze you nose) but seriously you don’t think you’ve ever known someone who liked such a sugary thing. It nearly tasting like straight candy

“not many people order hot chocolate in the summer. You sure you want that?” “Yeah, it’s a comforting drink ya know.” Something he always used to drink as a kid. Before he met you. Before he didn’t have to watch what he said around someone like you because of half giddy and half eyes to the floor bashfulness he’ll feel if he slips up and gets a little too flirty. Says something a little too strong to you. Not that you’d mind. No, not at all. But he doesn’t need to know you feel that way.

"Yeah but with everything?" you ask, still making it but wondering anyways. He leans further in, putting his hands on the table. "How come you're just asking me this now? we've been doing this for such a long time and now is when it pops into your mind that it's weird to have it with breakfast, lunch, and dinner?" you roll your eyes at him. but really, you weren't annoyed at all. the truth was you awaited the never-the-same times he'd come in and order that same, warm and comforting drink. (it depend on his classes, and or what he had to do inbetween) It had gotten on the point where one of the other workers there would tap your shoulder and let you know that he was there when you didn't notice.

"your guy is here." one of the workers there would tell you. In a moment of weakness, beomgyu would pop into your mind and your eyes would go wide as you looked for him. "he's not my guy." you'd try and cover your tracks but with the knowing smile on your work friends face as they walked away, you knew it wasn't any use.

"we've been doing this forever." his words rung in your ears. he was right. you had been. you'd both been seeing each other so much and resisting the bubbling urge to kiss the shit out of each other. You'd been inching dangerously close to him, but never as close as you really wanted and craved, the warmth of his heart ghosting your skin... forever. he'd been avoiding your gaze-- the one that made him feel like all the four seasons were swirling up inside him and somehow all their wonder landing in you, seeping out in all the little things you did... forever. To be honestly, neither of you knew how long you could keep this up.

but here you are, thinking of and loving noting more than seeing his eyes fill with excitement as you hand him the mug. he cups it with both his hands even though it isn't cold inside so it wasn't like he needed to warm his hands. "You know, you should just keep your own mug here." you comment. he looks up at you, about to take a sip and obviously not very happy you interrupted his almost-bliss. though, in his mind, it wasn't that different-- no, it could not compare to the feeling he got around you. "Or maybe I should just bring one with me." he jokes, lips pursing to blow the steam off the surface of the delicious smelling drink. "Yeah," you nod, "and bring a plate while you're at it-- you know what," you lean on the counter in front of him, knuckles going under your chin and fingertips folded enough to touch the beginning of your palm. And he'd rather not look at you through the fog emanating from the porcelain mug so he puts it down, leaning in for dramatic effect. "Better yet, take it with you when you leave so I don't have to wash it!" you eyes go wide and you throw your hands up like you just had the best idea of the century-- better than sliced bread.

he puts a hand to his chest, leans back with his mouth hung wide open, and then gets up with his hands to his head pulling at his hair like he just had an epiphany. you laugh freely as he walks around in a circle. once he's back at the counter he slams his hands down on the edge of it and looks all serious. "You've got it, y/n! this is gonna make history!" he exclaims. You take a bow just for kicks and when you come back up his expression has suddenly changed. its gone much... softer, a smile is tugging at his lips and he can't help it but to let it free once he sees your smiling face again... smiling because of him, too. because of the joy you two make together. its unmatched, really. His fingertips feel flushed like his face, and aren't holding on so tightly to the cold metal edge of the counter. he's leaning in now, for what reason he doesn't really know. damn, he wants and fucking needs to be closer to you. he feels it in his core.

Then, he makes the mistake of looking into your eyes and in an instant you send him on a whirlwind. usually he distracts himself and looks at something else but he just couldn't bring himself to this time. He wants to set up an easel and capture your entire expression right here but your eyes... your eyes he's sure made his plan he's trying to stick to of not getting caught in your gaze. or, better yet, not getting caught gazing at you. but, for someone he knows so well and for so long, it wasn't easy. because, every time you speak, every time he looks at you, every time he even thinks of you, his mind starts to cloud with all the goodness he sees inside you. every inch of your mind he knows and all the other filled up spaced he wants to adventure into.

How could he stop his mind from getting tied up in the wonder of a human that was you? He sure couldn't, and nobody in their right mind would be able to. He snaps himself out of his thinking before you can think to do it yourself. Lord knows if you caught him spacing out at a time like this you'd give him one of your infamous smacks on the ears and he'd shriek so loud out of surprise people outside would hear him. "You're making me waste valuable time on drinking this." he chuckled, holding a finger up to you to signal: one minute, as he takes a few big gulps. he puts the cup down and leans back.

"one of your best, y/n." he complements.

you raise an eyebrow. "Oh? so there's a hierarchy and competition for best of y/ns hot chocolate now? if I would've known I would've made it look all cute." you said, getting back to work behind the counter. the place was pretty dead at the moment but there was still a few things needing tone done. "Come to think of it, I should deduct points for not putting a cinnamon heart on the surface." he wonders aloud. "Oh so just a heart would suffice? noting else?" you ask him. "well why not?" he nearly giggles, "Thought you loved me." You simply smile and roll your eyes at him, not really having the opurtunity to have any type of conversation like that here. although you wanted to. and it didn't really have to go the way you intended it. but if he-- or the both of you for that matter, were gonna go there, then you might as well and a full on sit down talk about it. again not that you didn't want to at all-- in fact, you'd thought about how it'd go down plenty more times then truly necessary. And what better place to have it in than where you two had met?

maybe it was just you making excuses for yourself; for putting it off just one more day. one more week. one more month. or basically one more eternity of longing stares and cut of sentences where, you wanna say more but ultimately fail to. the conversation now seemingly over, he shrugs and finishes his drink.

He stays and orders another extra extra sweet, practically caffeinated, slap you in the face to jolt you into operating at top speed crack drink that was his or your signature hot chocolate. this is a habit of his-- one he'd likely have to break soon if this floating feeling of his keeps up and un-in check. but a habit the both of you cherish-- where he comes in and stays until you have to leave. most of the time you don't even get to talk much. but the comfort that comes right along with your presence around each other makes up for it. thats another habit with the two of you: just being in the same room and doing different things. it was pure comfort just being around each other. maybe looking over and smiling at the other or striking up a conversation that could last a minute or the rest of time he was there or in other situations, the rest of time you'd were together-- however long you both wanted it, really. and it was never awkward, either. the silence never aching.

that's how it was when you first started walking back to your respective places after your shift. another habit of his, one you hope, along with the others, would never die. him staying for a while, talking a bit... or a lot with you, then walking together. usually it was him walking you home but others it'd just be whatever you two wanted that day. His hands are shoved in the pockets of his acid washed jeans when you look over at him.

"Did you grow or something?" you question.

"maybe you shrunk, hm?" he countered.

you narrowed your eyes at him. he turns to you and does the same. "Very adult of you." You scoff. "You started--" then, realizing that continuing to say was he was going to wasn't going to help his case in the slightest. It barely falls silent for a second before he, in a moment of either weakness or some extreme courage he doesnt know, he slows down a little, gently puts his hands onto your waist, finger finding place scrunched in your shirt, and stills you. though, with the rapid beating of your heart you didn't need any help to do so. He gently moves you to the inside of the sidewalk. he doesn't know why. it's kinda stupid really. he doesn't even have a reason expect that's how you two are usually walking. but it isn't ever really intentional. Usually he just gets out the door of the diner first and you follow soon after. but he liked it that way. it felt warm and comfortable.

he clears his throat. "So, you were saying?" you look back up at him, not too stunned to speak or anything just....thinking. time still in its frozen capsule like it was a moment ago with his hands on your waist. "I feel like you've grown." you say simply, verbally shrugging. he takes a look at his own arms as if that would give him an idea as to what you're talking about. "I know you haven't but," you sigh, unsure of where you're even going with this, "I dunno you seem different." the both of you are still facing forward, not having looked at each other since a minute ago. "Is that a good thing or a bed thing?" You smile. "good. definitely good." "that's good that it's good." he laughs.

"oh piss off!" You chuckle at him, shaking you head. a second later you don't hear his steps anymore and turn around to see him saying "gladly." and start to walk in the other direction. You yell at him to get his ass back here and he turns on his heel, trotting back to you with a smile on his face, eyes hidden by his hair as he looks down. "But yeah," you say once he's back to walking beside you, "You've defiantly grown. not in height, but how you are as a person now." he hums. "I guess I can see that. you have too, you know?" you quirk and eyebrow.

"like--" he takes a breath, "You've grown... not like you act completely different now, but you've just--" you get what he's trying to say. "Blossomed?" He nods, but before he can start talking again you're already opening your mouth. "So have you. Not like you weren't someone I wanted to spend a lot of time with when were first met but you've grown into this person who-who has so much depth to them. like sure, you look a little different and youve changed your hair countless times, but I think you've bloomed in a way. And I love that you have; that you've made yourself out to be who you are right now." he purses his lips together.

"hey, it's not all me, ya know? Ive only been able to grow the way you said I have because I've got you by my side. actually, no, more than that, I've got you coaching me and trying to help. And have you taken a look In the mirror? its not just me that's grown internally since we've both met. I feel like... You're more you know than you were before. or at least not as afraid to show who you are." "that's cause I have you cheering me on, beom." he smiles at the nickname, something you've had for him forever. just like how you've been learning each other inside and out forever. But he also smiles at himself. he was your personal hype man, as you'd say, wasn't he? "And im really proud of you for flourishing like you have." he says. "Im proud of us." you counter, "for both becoming more than we were before."

all that was missing was two glasses to toast. "Yeah, and we're achieving that together, too. we have been forever. and I know that's why its unfolding so beautifully-- it takes the two of us to pull something so great off like that." you try not to get all fluttery inside by the prospect of him thinking that you're "great." cause there isn't much to it, really. plain and simple. he thinks you're great... or the journey youve taken with him so far is great or whatever... it should stop there for you. but that's the thing: with him, it never does.

It kinda hits the both of you right in the face at that moment. and you realize all you need to know about how the other person feels the same way when your caught looking at each other and saying more or less the same thing of: "wow, I think our lives are intwined now and I love that."

as the minutes go on, you both talk about some of the ways youve seen this with each other-- growing internally as youve both said. You bring up something, then him, it goes on like this until you both have a realization. "...But seriously, though." you cause, "Im glad that we're like this." "Im happy we can be like this too. and to be honest, I don't just want to be a better person, I wanna be a better person with you." he quickly cocks his head to the side, almost like he was punctuating his sentence. "I was just about to say that! I like growing with you. it's amazing. and you make me want to be better. not in a competitive way though. I just wanna move along with life with you next to me."

He puts a hand to his chest, hopping it would distract him from how fast his heart was beating. It had the opposite affect, though, drawing his attention to it under his palm. "Im glad youve been in my life for so long." he says, wondering jut how far he was going to take all this confessing how wonderful it was to have you by his side. wouldn't this make more of an impact on he both of you than just making you smile? or was he making it more than it was? he probably was to be honest; friends tell each other how much they value each other all the time. just... probably the ones who's heart feels like its about to lift him up and fly him away to the moon, stay away from it.

"And I am glad we're in each others lives to often that we can brighten each others days whenever the other needs it." he nods in agreement, not trusting himself to talk more because he'll surely say all that he thinks of you... and us. the rest of the walk is spent back in the comfortable, fireplace like silence like the first couple minutes of it. Once you get to your front door and your back is turned, he draws in a breath. "It is wonderful to have you in my life, y/n. I don't think you can understand how great it is and how much I love it." you're about to swing open your door but you turn around to look in the eye. "Me too. I love how it feels to have you by my side." you really wish you had something more to say but it seems like its enough for him. cause a second later and he's nearly skipping away from your door. You shake you head at him and go inside.

He scratches the back of his neck, thinking entirely too much about what you had said to him. There was a thousand ways you could have meant hit but for some reason he only wanted to think of it as one. the one where you actually secretly wanted to kiss him every time you hugged goodbye. One where you'd invite him into your place for hot chocolate and he'd stay, and long, long while; only really going back to his home for clothes cause fuck, if he had you like that he wouldn't dream of letting you go or leaving you for as long as he could.

God, It was almost uncanny how, you knew what to call him, but his name? that was something else entirely it felt like now.HIs own name had come to be you. that was how much you were written on his heart; written like law on stone. so engraved in his mind that he felt like you were with him all his life... except with this it was more like someone who knew him his entire life but suddenly stoped paying attention for a very important mile marker, then suddenly started up paying attention again, completely glossing over something that was so important to him. Like his name: but now youve replaced it with your own an the wasn't mad about it. and you didn't know, did you? would you ever know his name?

and, in the middle of all his swirling like a hurricane that brought peace instead of distruction, he wondered if you were ever feeling the same thing. did you think of him the way he thought of you?

He knew everything about you, as did you, he, you thought as you slipped off your shoes at the door. But you figured that, since friends need to be honest as much as they can, that wasn't entirely true. cute there was this one, not so small thing youve never shared with him. something that was such a big part of you it might as well be your name. The way you felt when he was near, when you thought of him, fuck, even when someone mentioned him. at this point, him-- and feeling this was about him was such a bug thing that it had become a part of you. he had become a part of you. and just like a name it was something you wanted and needed to tell the whole world. including him.

but there was the problem, you couldn't just scream it out for everyone to hear. that's why youve been waiting. Even though it was takin g a long time for him to figure out that big giant part of you that thad become as second nature as a name. Beomgyu was smart, but apparently he was stupid when it came to this. but seriously, with all the slip ups youve been having recently, you're starting to wonder if he's deliberately not understanding you and your feelings. Like is he that dense or does he just not want you?

You shoot him a message none the less; telling him to text when he got home unless you'll start to worry.

===

The next time you talk was on the phone on your way to work. He likes to walk you there, too. but today just happened to be one of those days where it couldn't happen. But you missed his presence on the street that reminded you of the talk you had yesterday so the next best thing was to call him. "Hey, it's the server from the diner." You say. "yeah, I know." It was a throwback to when he'd given his number to the place so he could get a free delivery. Though he was hoping you'd pick up on it and call him. and you did. you were the one who had to call to let him know his order had arrived and was currently getting cold outside his door. you had ended the call with him apologizing profusely.

One thing lead to another and you made a follow up call on how the food tasted. you heard him smiling from the other end of the phone as he says, "great as always." You barely thought he would even pick up so you didn't know what to say after that. "especially the hot chocolate." he aded then. And now you're the one smiling uncontrollably. After a few minutes on the phone that day your heart is leaping with excitement. so the next time he comes in, you talk with each other more freely. and now you had his number so when he doesn't come in for a few days you remembered mustering up the courage to text him. "I really wanted to come over there. hot chocolate would probably help cure whatever I have." you felt stupid. duh of course he was just sick, why were you so worried?

within the hour, hot chocolate was delivered to his door free of cost.

and that's when the friendship began; with him texting you an entire paragraph just to say thanks for the gesture and you two talking back and forth, heart seemingly on the edge of its seat, about hot chocolate and hot drinks in general.

"You know... our manager is always telling us to use water," you repeat now what you said all that time ago, "But I always use milk and cream for you." He's snapped back to the present, with you on the other end of the phone, wind whipping in the mic. "aww you really do care, don't cha?" he laughs, smug smile gracing his lips.he can practically hear you roll your eyes from the other end of the phone. "your welcome." you drawled. "I sincerely thank you for your sacrifice of cream and milk." he said, and it sounds like a joke, but still he's smiling in gratitude none the less. youre about to joke about how he needs to repay you... somehow. but he beats you to it. though... with the way he starts off, it doesn't sound like fully a joke. but just enough of one where he knows you'll listen.

"And as a formal expression of my forever debt to you, I invite you to attend a party with me." You figured you'd play along, his tone not serious enough for you to spend the brain power to actually think of an answer. "yeah, sure, Beom." It was about as real to you as the both of you staying completely quiet during a movie so you played along. at least, you thought you were playing. beomgyu puts his speaker of his phone up to his mouth, nearly making your ears bleed as he yells into it: "no take backs!" then promptly hangs up.

you roll your eyes at him, a little concerned for future you and him but cracking up none the less. The surprised expression on your face when he comes by later to quote "take the both of you shopping for the party the next day." was so priceless he wished he had whipped out his phone quick enough. "I keep my promises." he reminds you as he sits down at his usual bar stool. And he sure does, like the one he's been keeping, weighing on his heart for so long he feels like its going to crack it n a million pieces impossible to pick up, about just how much he feels for you. he made that promise to you to stick by you as friends for as long as you'd have him there long enough to be forgotten. but now him. he remembers it like it was yesterday and he intends to keep his word, especially to you. who knows which way it would take you if he didn't. and the last thing he needs is for you two to be torn apart.

he slumps on the counter and gives you puppy dog eyes. you sigh "No one told me you were serious. that was coercion; I did not understand the phrasing of the question, therefore--" oh, you wanted court of law? he'd give you court of law. "uh uh" he wriggles his finger in your face. "was this under a false pretense? maybe. but did that initially give you the right to call back and or ask further questions? yes. so for that reason youre guilty!" he slams an imaginary gavel down on the white counter. you turn around to take a breath. he kicks his feat. "come on, y/n! I think it'll be fun. and if not then we'll leave right away and go to my place to watch tv. and we'll get a cute outfit out of it either way!" you think about it for a moment. "I need deodorant anyways!"

well it is important not to have a stench.....

he can tell youre thinking about it and he perks up at the sight of your wheels turning behind your eyes. it was one of this favorite things-- watching you think, weigh your options and all. It wasn't like you completely didn't want to go. there was a part of you, one that was soon going to get bigger youre sure. but a part of you right now none the less. so what was stopping you? you wanted to be close to him. you loved being close to him and that meant doing things together. but in an environment like this.... it might pose a problem to lips kept tightly shut and secrets you held behind your back.

You take one last look at him, and if it's a regular response between friends or in a slip up you don't know, but you agree. he nearly jumps up out of his seat in celebration. Why did he suggest this? who knows. was this a good idea? who. the fuck. knows. maybe because he wanted to do something with you. but it was probably something more than that it the back of his mind that made him call you and ask. but he knows full well what almost happened the last time you two went to a party together. a bunch of "aww youre so cute together!" made it seem all a little too real after a while and as the night went on with him eventually stopping himself from telling the truth to these people and him getting seemingly eaten from the inside when he stopped just reviling in the fantasy and remembered that no, youre not together. The night ended somehow with you two coming dangerously close to kissing.

maybe he really just wanted to spend time with you; a sort of do-over. he could control himself this time. or maybe that's what it was... he wanted to test the waters again-- challenge himself and see if he really could have self control. or maybe, just maybe, in the back of his mind he wanted to test the waters another way. maybe he wanted to know if it'd happen again. of course he wouldn't do anything about it; he wanted to keep his promise to you but something felt like it was knocking at the back of his mind.

once your shift is done, he's got a spring in his step as he opens the door for the both of you and bouncing on his heels with a smile on his face telling you to hurry up. and no, you don't just go shopping for deodorant... but instead spend two full hours shopping around. two full hours that consisted of trying on clothes and the both of you having to bite your tongues. because fucking hell, why'd he have to have such a good style? you perk up as he steps out the dressing room for the third time, already preparing yourself for you heart seemingly about to beat out of your chest. "what do you think?" "I think..." his face sinks.... "oh--" he pouts, "no no! it looks great! its just, its white."

he quirks and eyebrow at you. "I have eyes, ya know? I did pick it out." he reminds you, nose and mouth scrunching up in that classic Beomgyu disgusted face. "spillage." you simply say. his eyebrows got up into his hairline. "youre right." the next out fit he comes out with, a little more spillage proof, is what he decides on. he takes another look in the mirror, sighing. "you really think it looks good?" he questions. "I have eyes, ya know?" you echo him. he spins around into the dressing room, away from you as quickly as possible so you didn't have to see the smile on his face and the rosy tint to his cheeks.

When it comes to you and picking out your outfits, while youre walking ahead of him to the dressing rooms, he closes his eyes, leaning his head against the wall so he can think for a moment. or... more stop himself form thinking so much than anything. he knows what he's getting himself into. but How you reacted each time he'd first appear out the dressing rooms door with that wistful glassy look in your eyes, almost like you yourself were trying to stop your gears turning.... Times like that gave him hope that maybe yeah, you felt the same way about him as he did you. because just for a short moment he saw the same look in his eyes that they had on him now; trying so hard to stop thinking about you. you, you, you, you.

"I think a round of applause is in order!" you say.-- twenty minutes in. twenty minutes of him bouncing his leg. twenty minutes of you hiding the way his complements make you feel. twenty minutes of the second you shut the door behind you him screaming internally into his palms and twenty minutes of you doing the same. he smiles at you when you come out. "I know. we have good taste." his cheeks seem to be nearly kissing at his lashes as he smiles and he's driving you crazy. "We do, don't we?" you take another look in the mirror.

"You really think it's--" Youre starting to stress over if the outfit really is worth the buy. you like it a lot. but now youre starting to wonder if its a little too little here or too much there and-- "I have eyes, don't I?" he repeats, you turn around and lock eyes with him for just a second too long not to do anything to the both of your heart rates.

===

fast forward to the next night and youre swinging your door open to see him turned the other way. he spins around as soon as he hears the door. You press your lips together and he unconsciously mimics you. "you look really beautiful!" he beams. he's just being your personal hype man as always, and youre not afraid to say that you love it. "Aw you look really beautiful too."

the words slipped past both of your lips like water through fingers. though, unlike water, the words were thick, with feelings long left in the dark hiding behind them. "Oh? so just beautiful? not really--" You step out toward him, closing the door behind you, making you step just a little bit too close to him than usual. "really really beautiful." you clarified. and this time, he doesn't move his head. "thank you." he whispers, voice softer than his hair. and the both of you are unable to move from your doorstep-- frozen in time and space, with the only thing moving being your rapid heart beats and rising chests.

====

he looks at you beside him and can feel your gears turning inside your head, a sight he so badly wants to get lost in but knows he can't. realizing it'd be bad enough with the gorgeous outfit you were wearing and how he was sure at least someone was going to try and hit on you... he'd rather not start getting himself tangled with you now. but he can't seem to move his neck any other way than craned to his left to look at you.

its was just.... as much as he wants an needs to kiss you so badly.... your so Important to him, he thinks as he lags behind a bit, watching you walk ahead. and your friendship is so important to him that they never want to break it, even if that meant shutting his mouth and staying further away, cause in the end that's really what he wanted: to be and stay friends with you. the reason he stayed never has been and never will be just about what he felt for you. your friendship will always be the most important thing to him and heeds never want to jeopardize that and loose you. he'd rather your friendship stay strong than anything.

Your turn around, beckoning him to come closer. he skips to you, so happy you don't know what to do with yourself. "You know--" "no, I don't. I was hoping you'd tell me." you scoff. "I was going to say that im glad you invited me. Im ready to go be extroverts together now and experience all the bad smells and all the loud noises a party has to offer." he laughs, but he knows youre half serious. and he's fully serious when he says he's happy you came.

====

the noise thumps in your ears, nearing making them ring. the lights are dimmer than you thought needed but it-- along with noise and people constantly bumping into each other, sufficed in making the atmosphere very party-like. cause well, it was a party after all. He follows you, both trying to scout out where the kitchen was. you'd planned to stick together, tighter than you did last time, tighter than when the both of you were bombarded with people asking you about each other, and stick together you did.

even when you two went upstairs, trying to find the bathroom, and stumbled upon a couple people fucking and practically biting each others faces off in the room you thought was the bathroom. Beomgyu shuts the door immediately, any longer and you'd both be traumatized. "get your own room!" you hear from behind the heavy door." He looks at you and you back at him before bursting into laughter. "I mean, did you want to orrrr?" you phrase it as a joke, and though he thinks he hears something in the back of your tone, he only rolls his eyes at you. though his brows go up higher than youve ever seen.

The second he's done in the bathroom you lead in downstairs to where the music was the loudest. "I heard it too." he pants, "I was trying to hurry up." you really couldn't believe they were playing this here. it was almost too perfect, you thought. with his body so close to yours, dancing and enjoying the song you both liked. And suddenly, it didn't feel like you were in a crowded room. and for a moment all you could see, and feel, and smell, was him. him and his fingers now reaching for yours, spinning you around, laughing without a care in the world. like it didnt matter that your heart was about to beat out of your chest, making you float on the floor you were dancing on.

Everyone else-- the entire room was blurred. It was just you, and him. him, and you. just as it should be. this didn't happen all the time-- rather, you didn't let it happen all the time. but when it did... you swore youve never felt anything so natural. so--so right and beautiful. You smile and ease him into a dip, now youre both laughing. when he comes up, somehow both his hands ended up in yours and now he's pulled flush against your body. he feels like you both are taking up so much and too little space at the same time--like the whole floor is yours and yours only. he swallows thickly, neither of you making a move to step away. you know it sounds stupid but for a second you can feel as life your hearts are beating as one. and for a seance he feels like maybe this is really real. that it won't end any second and that he isn't having another day dream about slow dancing with you in one of your living rooms; all comfy and--

"I have to go get some water." you say so low that only he hears over the music. you really shouldnt let it goony further than this. at least not here. and as much as you wanted to keep ignoring everyone around you cause with him, were they even there in the first place? you knew you shouldn't, couldn't keep it up for much longer cause being this close to him only made you wanna kiss the shit out of him. "y-youre not--" you look at the next to no gap between you still, hands still closes around each others tightly. you blink to free yourself from the perfect daze youre caught in. the song was barely even slow enough to slow dance to. what you you doing? "moving? I know." and before he could even ask if you to stay longer, youre already pushing yourself off his chest and out of his grasp.

"You sure you don't want me to just go with you?" he nearly stumbles after you. "beom, its just for a second." You whip around to face him, arms crossed defensibly. "but a lot can happen in a second." yeah, I can see that, you say to yourself, thinking about just a moment before where dancing to a song you both liked turned quickly into something that was going to make you stumble. beom, the name echoed in his mind over and over until it flowed into his heart where all the other times youve laughed or called him by that nickname laid. "listen I know youre just trying to uphold our agreement, but seriously, im fine."

he knows he's probably being too worried for you, but he just can't. epically after you'd done that. with your hands clasping his against his chest. god, he never wanted it to end. little did he know neither did you. you did actually need water, being so close to him like that had a track record of making your throat go dry and fingers go numb. it also had a track record of making you get lost in his glazed over eyes. you find a cup and rinse in out before anything cause who knew where its been. a moment later youre about to refill your cup when you hear the unmistakable sound of Beomgyus shriek. followed by someone yelling at him.

oh god what did he get himself into now?

You run to where you last saw him and, finding him not there you rush to where you saw a few people gathered by the stairs. those people who were now making way for beomgyu flying down them. someone hot with anger and hot on his tale. Your brows furrowed as he zooms past you. "im sorry!" you hear him say, "I probably shouldn't have gotten involved but it looked like a pretty heated argument!" oh god? that was what this was about? "Yah!" the person yells behind him. "that's why you shouldve stayed out of it!" then and Beomgyu are both on opposite ends of the sofa, both waiting for the other to make a move. when the person inches right, beomgyu tips to the left. when beomgyu goes the other way, the person follows his movements.

two of the three people move off the sofa to get out the way. god, he really was fucked, wasn't he? you didn't know what to do, really. you left for five minutes and here he was getting screamed profanities at by some random person. You wanted to help, but as beomgyu brings up to the person how the person they were talking with looked hurt, and how they themself looked hurt as well, you leaned against the door frame and just watched.

it was another one of these situations, huh? they didn't look mad enough to really do much of a number on him anyways, and youd step in to stop them any minute now if beomgyu doesn't leave the argument first. And step in a minute later after beomgyu and the person going back and forth tore you apart from the inside out to one, see him so worried like this, and two, hearing them yell next to you with the loud ass music was starting to make your ears bleed you didn't need to do after all. Beomgyu was backing up with his hands in front of him defensively. it didn't feel like you needed to collect him or keep him out of trouble or anything cause he was intentionally trying to start a fight, but you could tell no one was going to get anywhere with this. or at least beomgyu wasn't going to get what he was looking for from the person. So you figured it best to tell it that you two should leave. you grab him by the shoulders and lead him out the door. you were kinda done with the party anyways, having been there quite enough time already.

"im sorry! I ruined our night, didn't I?" he begs. "but they were saying some pretty shitty things about someone and it looked like it was about to turn physical." he practically pleads with you as the night air nips at whatever wasn't covered on you. you stay silent the whole way back to you place. "What have I told you?" you tell more than ask sternly once he's plopped down on his sofa. he hands his head low. "Not to get in the middle of other peoples problems..." he echoes what you say every time something like this happens-- he thinks he can be be everyones knight In shinning armor, protecter and helper to all by getting himself involved. it usually doesn't have such... strong repercussions. most of the time its when he hers whispers of someone talking about their troubles with someone else and he tries to console them. which is fine on its own, but then comes the part where he's getting all caught up in it and he's getting hurt along with them.

and as much as you are shaking your head and rolling your eyes at the situation he got himself into... you purse your lips and try not to catch his eyes from across the sofa. you lean back. "But im not surprised. And it's not because you never learn or that youre stupid or anything, ok? so don't even go there. but that's just who you are, how youve always been since I met you-- caring so much for people, even people you don't know that you'll end up like this trying to help them sometimes. that's one of the things about you that haven't changed one bit since I've met you." he inches closer as if you hear you better, legs folded criss cross on the cushions and hands on his knees.

"don't make me out to be such a hero." he shakes his head. and this time you move a little closer. "Not saying you are just," you pause, knowing what you want to say but wondering if this really was the right time for it. It felt right in your bones and besides when were you going to get another chance like this one? when just a bit ago his hands fit perfectly in yours and you could feel his raging heartbeat under your palms? It was now or never, right? but really, you werent too sure you'd be able to stop yourself now. you might've been in too deep, but with him, never over your head. "just, youre the kindest person ive ever met. n' I just worry you'll get hurt more than youve already gotten in the past-- like youve gotten in the past when you get invested like this."

youre breathing all heavy for some reason, and he's getting that same glassy look in his eyes as earlier in the night. it reminds you of a sugar honey glaze on sweet fruit or a dessert and you can't help but stare int them. "glad to see you care." he shrugs. only his lips move thankfully just in your field of vision, eyes staying locked on yours. "I thought you knew I did. he's unconsciously leaning forward to you, his body following the magnetic pull that was you. though he's only following what seemed natural. "Thought you knew that I did?" you put your face in your palm, elbow balanced on your knee. "Yeah, but..." he trails off, the both of you now impossibly close.

and closer, and closer, and closer until your lips join in a searing kiss. you both sigh in relief into it, having waited so, so long. now your heart was really beating out of your chest, your fingertips no longer numb but boiling with feeling. his hands go from his knees to your hands, grasping them firmly, but gently just like you did to him at the party. he felt like he was floating, like he was suddenly sitting on a cloud and wasn't afraid of falling. god, he's wanted this for so long; for fucking ever. how could he stop now? you pull apart, and now youre thinking how in the world you felt out this long. ".... now the way I want you to." he continues, "not the way I do." you smile, leaning in again to kiss him. it was meant to be a quick peck, but instead it turned into you leaning your body into his and his hands on your arms, running up and down them, making you sink further into him and the seat in warmth.

Now, for a second time, you pull away. "Does that help answering how much I care?" he's smiling like a mad man at your words. "so I guess I didn't ruin our night?" he says, more to get his Brian working properly more than anything. "The opposite. I wanted to leave with you anyways." and now he's nearly jumping out of his seat to to do a little happy dance. he couldnt help it, though. especially when you were pulling him back in by his shirt balls dup in your fist and smashing your lips together.

when you pull apart though, instead of smiling in each others faces, the both of you shoot up. oh god... oh god! what did you just do? it wasn't suppose to go like this, he thinks as you rush to put your shoes on at the door. No words were exchanged between the two of you, though. except: "Hey... I--" "no no!" you say a little too loudly, "no, its fine. we don't ever need to speak of this again, sound good?" his lips form a line at your words. he shoots you a thumbs up. "...yeah." it wasn't what he wanted, that's of for user. but what other choice did he have? didn't look like you were ready for it to happen, so my default, now he wasn't either.

it wasn't like you two avoided each other at all costs in the week after the incident. no, not at all. you were friends above anything and everything, and such close friends that being like that to each other would've killed the both of you. and it wasnt like you were mad at each other... but now the silence on your walks together felt.... uncomfortable; unnatural and weird. like you needed to fill it with pointless talking to distract you from how there was this... air in the midst of you two-- like you knew what the other wanted, craved and needed but were too scared to do something about it.

that's why he knew he had to do something about it. so here he was, barging into the diner you worked past closing time. You quickly run to the door to unlock it for him. not like you were doing anything better anyways, watching the raindrops slide down one of the many windows as you wiped down each table. he was later than he usually was, but it looked like he was here for more than just to pick you up. the look in his eyes said it all. You turn around as soon as you pull the door open for him. "we're closed, Beom." the nickname slipped off your tongue so easily it was like you had forgotten the incident the week before, and how you promised yourself you'd back away even more than you had to keep it from happening again.

it wasn't like you didnt want it to. god was it the opposite. it was just... new, and scary. you knew that wasn't the best excuse but it was all you had. he was, in a way all you had. You didn't really know what moving along that road would mean. you knew it'd be good. but again, it was new and scary.

"I can't loose you." he pants behind you. for once he it was raining and for once he did run here. he spreads his arms wide, his long hair dripping on his shoulders. "And I can't-- I can't believe we let this come between us. and I don't want to let the wedge be driven any further." when you still don't respond, back still turned he gets more desperate, running a worried hand through his hair. "Come on, y/n! we're best friends!" you slam your towel down on the counter. "yeah, well maybe that's why this should've never fuckin happened." your words make the room go silent. you didn't yell it, you didnt exclaim it, you basically whispered it, but it boomed like a bomb going off none the less.

he was too important-- your relationship, whatever it may be, was too important to let go; you knew that. he knew that. he didnt say a word, realizing that he might say something to make the situation worse. he knew he was staying after hours, then again, it reminded him of how it would be between the two of you a week ago when you'd still talk the same. he'd come in, you'd make him the best hot chocolate he'd ever tasted next to his moms, and then he'd sit at the same bar stool and you'd talk for hours, barely making a move to actually go home. but eventually, after helping you with cleaning, he'd walk you home.

but for watts its worth, neither of you wanted to go back to those times, even after everything quite liking how the experience of the incident felt. You invite him to go to your place to talk it out some more. having the same idea, he agrees readily.

"I haven't been completely honest with you." you say, youve been talking for a little over a hour now, somehow slipping into how it was about a week ago along the way back to your place, and you don't think youve felt something so good-- so reliving, in a very long time. "I haven't been telling the whole truth either." no other words are uttered between the two of you, opting to lean ever so frustratingly and tantalizingly slow into each other,. his hand coming to rest on your thigh, folded underneath you at the knee on his sofa. you place your hand on top of his has your lips connect, a long awaited satisfied sigh is breathed into each others face, the air tickling you. youre rubbing circles on the back of his hand as his mind races. it was a kiss you poured all your feelings into. one where you spilled into it how you needed him with you so so so bad. how you wanted him beside you even more than he already was. how you were sorry it took you so long, and how you couldn't wait to keep being beside each other. you could feel him pour all that and more into his side of it and you reviled in the feeling, settling into it like it was second nature.

you blink a couple times when you pull apart, glad that you took your talk someplace else now. and well, I guess the both of you know now. youve now pulled out of the dark that beautiful little thing you two were hiding.

Now you both know just that one more, not so little thing you needed-- what was on each of your hearts the most.

~end~

Can’t believe never written a solely beomgyu fic before anyways as I’ve said if you liked it please comment and or reblog since tumble works on that system and liking it only bookmarks it for you :) I hope you enjoyed!!!

taglist: @itz-yerin

#beomgyu x reader #beomgyu txt #choi beomgyu #txt beomgyu #beomgyu #beomgyu fanfic #beomgyu fluff #beomgyu scenarios #beomgyu x poc reader #beomgyu had me fainting™️ (as always) on this one #tomorrow x together #ghosts writing

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