#who also takes advantage of his own kindness and goes for scared little virgins like u

[emiliaheartfeel]

Supergirl

Chapter 7: Bro Code

AN: Atsumu did a shitty thing, that I do not condone. Hope your ready to feel smad!

It’s been two weeks since you started ignoring and avoiding Atsumu. You didn’t even reply to his message and he has been too stubborn to apologize. It’s starting to get on Osamu’s nerves because avoiding Atsumu included avoiding Osamu. He hasn’t seen or heard from you and Atsumu has been a bitch the whole time too. The coach had to bench cause he was being down right cruel to his own teammates. Osamu can’t talk to you and he hasn’t wanted to ask Atsumu, but this had gotten ridiculous and the team agrees. Kita calls a team meeting after practice one day. Atsumu is extremely bitter and becomes even more annoyed when all heads turn to him.

“What happened with you Atsumu?”

“I don’t know what your fucking talking about!”

“You have been rather irritable as of late”

“What he means is you have been a bitch.”

“In a sense, yes”

“I am always like this”

“Like hell you are man”

“Why don’t you all just leave me hell alone!”

Osamu can’t take it anymore and lunges at he’s brother in pure fury. This already was more intense then their usual petty fights. Fights about you always were. Osamu has Atsumu pinned under him hands in his collar holding him down. Both Aran and Kita are ready to get involved but Osamu sends them a nasty glare.

“What. The. Fuck. Did you do?”

“I already told you I don’t know what you are talking about”

“Bull fucking shit. Y/N is so mad at YOU she isn’t even talking to me”

“She chose you,”

“What”

“Three months ago she chose you,”

Osamu is lost now. What was Atsumu on about. Confusion is all he feels as he watches Atsumu looks broken. Years ago Atsumu was the first twin to tell the other he loved you Osamu revealed he did too a few months later.

“Last time she was in town she came to me to talk about you,”

“I don’t understand she barely even said goodbye when she left.”

“Because I had slept with her,”

Osamu’s mind goes blank for a moment before he pulls his fist back in punches Atsumu in the nose hard enough he feels a crunch. Aran grabs his arm as he pulled again to hit his twin again. He looks feral and Atsumu looks torn and ashamed. He’s not even fighting back not making eye contact with anyone.

“You! What!!”

Atsumu doesn’t answer finding his hands much more interesting. The team is stunned into silence this wasn’t the petty bullshit they were expecting. This was deep and personal.

“Answer! Me!”

“She loved you... Loves you”

“...”

“She came to me nervous a few nights before she was leaving to ask me a question”

You were in the Miya house in your pjs when you are pacing in the hall. Your right foot goes to rub up and down you left calf a sign of pure nerves for you. Atsumu raises an eyebrow at you with an annoying teasing smirk.

“What’s up, Supergirl,”

“Umm..I...”

“What? Finally confessing your undying love to the lesser twin,”

He knew. Knew you had a crush on Osamu. You had told him a year ago, but you hadn’t acted on believing it would make your relationship with both the twins weird which Atsumu fully agreed with.

“Haha, no it’s something else...”

“Come on, you can always tell the great and generous Atsumu what’s troubling you”

“I don’t think I want to”

“Oh! She doesn’t want my advise! I am not good enough to give you my advise! Oh the betrayal. That promise when you were 8 and sobbing on front porch and I told you I always got you. That means nothing to you appare...”

“You dramatic bitch.”

*overdramatic sigh*

“Oh my god! Fine...I....to...Osamu...”

“What was that?”

“I want to give Osamu my virginity!”

“Oh”

Something in him really broke. Knowing you loved Osamu was and not acting on it was one thing, but this would definitely lead to you and his brother dating. He couldn’t handle if you two actively together. He couldn’t watch you be with another man.

“What’s that look for”

“I just think that’s a bad idea”

“Why?”

“Tell me have you really thought this through”

“Yes I want my first time to be with someone a love and trust,”

“Then let me do it!”

“What?”

He knew he was running purely on emotions and needs a cover and fast. He’s panicking this isn’t how he imagined confessing to you. He had even thought about ever confessing to you.

“We love each other and you trust me”

“You know that’s different!”

“Not really it’s going be completely yours decision everything. Think about how weird it’ll if he says no or worse he says yes and doesn’t have feelings for you. Having sex with someone you love, but doesn’t love you is a new kind of torture that I don’t want you to go through!”

“How do you know he doesn’t love me!”

“I just do!”

“How!”

“He told me!”

“I don’t believe you!”

“Atsumu I just love Y/N she’s like the perfect little sister!”

He know it was fucked up. He knew he was breaking her heart and lying to do it.

“Obviously I am not saying you need to have sex with me, but I am your safest bet,”

“I need to go home,”

“Let me walk you then”

“I don’t think that’s necessary”

“No it’s not but I need you to understand I am not trying to actively sleep with you. I just don’t want you to get hurt.”

BULLSHIT! He was a liar and a horrible friend.

“Atsumu I just found out the guy I have been in love of with for years doesn’t love me and his brother, who looks exactly like him, offers sex. I am going to be fucking hurt! I need time to think and get over Osamu. And rethink shit about my virginity,”

He knew this wasn’t gonna be good for you. You already looked destroyed and all he wanted to do was hold you, but he knew that might just confuse you. Though the really dark voice in him wanted you confused, cause maybe then you would finally pick him. He couldn’t go that far. Everything had to be your choice.

‘But is it really her choice. You lied so she wanted go to Osamu, to make you seem more attractive more desirable. You are soliciting sex from the girl you claim to live because you are jealous and maybe this is the closest you’ll ever get to her loving you. You thought if you can’t have love, lust is just as good.’ He thought to himself. Guilt riddled him before you were even out the door.

“Y/N forget I said anything. You should love and trust the man you give your first to.”

You walk out and don’t back in until a few days later. Osamu isn’t home again. You knew that and Atsumu knew you knew it. He’s hesitant to even approach you, but it is clear he is who you came to see.

“I need to know this won’t change anything between us,”

“What won’t?”

“That if I give you my virginity. Your still my friend Atsumu. I can’t live my life with out you. You were right I didn’t think it through. Even if Osamu did love me it doesn’t mean we wouldn’t eventually fall out of love and then he would just be out of my life right. I need you by my side even if he isn’t.”

It almost sounded like a love confession to Atsumu, but he knows better. You are so desperate to keep Osamu in your life you have torn yourself a part to hide that you loved him. You just assumed Atsumu was always going to be there, you just need him to say it. It not like Osamu where you won’t even risk it. Atsumu, he knew you could live without him you just don’t want to.

“No matter we are gonna be weird with each other we both have to have faith in each other, but Y/N I was talking out my ass. It annoyed me that you were gonna have sex with Osamu over me. Yeah it doesn’t make sense but you know how competitive we are. You don’t got to do this. We pretend this never happen and have a sundae night.”

“I am sure Atsumu.”

That’s what he told his teammates and that’s how it went down. Osamu is livid. Aran is holding him tightly as Kita had put tape over his mouth so Atsumu could tell his story without interruptions. Everyone taking it all in.

“Wait then why is she mad now?”

Atsumu pulls out his phone and shows them the texts he sent.

“You are an idiot”

As soon as Osamu signals he is calm enough Aran slowly and with hesitation let’s him go. As he turns to his twin face hardened and swallows tightly.

“She can never know you lied”

“...what”

“It would ruin her, Atsumu. You are her confidant and you took advantage of her. She can’t know. We pretend it never happened, we follow our bro code and neither of us go for her ever. We be the best big brothers we can. Nothing changes between us.”

“...I”

“Shut up! You did a terrible thing and should be treating her like a goddess until one of you dies. You barely deserve to be in the same room as her. You are lucky I don’t break your hands.”

“I know”

Masterlist

AN: I don’t think I capture the amount of heartbreak Atsumu actually was suppose to be in but boy is suppose to seem fucking broken. Doesn’t excuse his action but he insecure scared baby that just wants love.

AN: Sorry this chapter took a little longer. If I don’t have you in my tag list just message me! I am so so nervous about how you all are going to react to this chapter and the next ones. Also there are more then 10 chapters this is just volume 1 🙃.

Please Comment!

@kaleidoscopekai @je-suis-argent-miel @liferuinedby5idiotsand1genius @poppi144 @idontevenknow129 @ssuna @im-the-music-whore @kac-chowsballs

#atsumu smau #atsumu x reader #haikyuu atsumu #haikyuu osamu #haikyuu smau #miya atsumu #miya osamu #osamu smau #osamu x reader #aran ojiro #suna smau #suna rinatro #haikyuu suna #suna x reader

[chalkrevelations]

Word of Honor Ep 5, and this is a lot of politicking. (Although not as much as there will be.)

Due diligence, first: If you are NEW or JUST VISITING, this is a re-watch, so there are SPOILERS not just for this ep, but for the entire show. Scroll away and come back later if you haven’t seen all 36.5 eps and want to watch unspoiled.

Before we get to the politicking, let’s talk about what we’re really here for: Date Night For Our Pair Of Merciless Killers. I’m going float a theory about this episode. I’ve talked in previous rounds of this re-watch about how Wen Kexing’s thirst takes on a different dimension when we know his backstory and how he’s trying to get info about Siji Manor and confirm Zhou Zishu’s identity, as well as reacting to him as his one-time shixiong. I’m going to suggest that a lot of the sexual harassment in this particular episode – at least in the back half of it – is about diverting ZZS while he’s trying to figure out an op that WKX’s actual Ghosts were involved in. I think WKX is laying it on so thick here – constant come-ons and physical crowding and repeated attempts to touch ZZS that we repeatedly see ZZS step away from or actually push away - because he’s deliberately trying to make ZZS uncomfortable in order to distract him. More on this in a bit.

Re: the politicking. Straight-up, I’ll admit that I didn’t follow this aspect as close as I maybe ought to have on the first go ‘round because I was distracted by WKX’s thirst, just like ZZS is supposed to be (so, another point to you, show). I’m going to take this in basically chronological order to try to make sense of it: We open on Shenshen fighting Hao Tong and Lv Liu (ugh) to protect Ao Laizi, leader of Tai Shan sect, a lesser sect; the last two living Danyang Sect shidi; and the Danyang Glazed Armor. Shenshen chases Insufferable Grandma and Grandpa away but is kind of an asshole about wanting the Danyang Glazed Armor. He does a credible job of trying to maneuver them all into coming back to the Five Lakes Alliance at Zhao Jing’s place after Zhao Jing shows up with one of the Tai Shan disciples who ran to Sanbai Manor for help. Ao Laizi was not born yesterday and appears to outmaneuver him, although if you pay attention, Zhao Jing actually allows them to slip the snare. I have my suspicions that Zhao Jing wants the Danyang Glazed Armor to stay in the wind, where he’s less likely to be blamed once Ao Laizi gets knifed in the back and gets his newly acquired Glazed Armor took, which I’m assuming – knowing what I know about Awful Yifu from my previous watch – is the plan. This will end up being a big mistake for everyone involved. WKX then gets himself and ZZS invited to dinner at Sanbai Manor, where they get to sit at the head table with Chengling, Zhao Jing, Shenshen, and a dude representing Yueyang Sect, who is apparently Gao Chong’s favorite disciple, despite not being his head disciple, so you lose again, Deng Kuan, sorry. There’s a lot of ostentatious poetry quoting and bullshit toasting of each other at the head table, interrupting ZZS’s actual work of drinking. WKX attempts to feed ZZS by putting a prawn on his plate, which goes over about as well as you’d expect at this stage of their relationship, and which I now have to compare to the New Year’s dinner we’ll see in a later ep, at Siji Manor, which shows just how far their relationship comes. EVERYTHING about how awkward and uncomfortable this banquet is stands in stark contrast to that New Year’s dinner.

Cut to Mu Yunge – oh, this is the guy who was sitting in the back row of the cast during the WoH concert, when I couldn’t figure out who he was or why he was there instead of say, Wang Rong (Han Ying, my beloved …). We saw him earlier with the Five Lakes Alliance contingent that shows up to look vaguely horrified and tearful post-massacre at Mirror Lake. Now, he’s staggering along a deserted street after nightfall, running from Ghost Valley, who appear to be the legit deal this time, in the form of the Department of the Unfaithful. He runs into Ao Laizi and his charges (don’t they have a home to go to?), begging for help, before he gets yoinked away by a red banner that acts an awful lot like a tentacle. Ao Laizi goes running after him. BIG MISTAKE.

Back at the banquet, Shenshen appears to be disgracefully drunk (can none of these Five Lakes Alliance assholes hold their liquor? Damn.) and is busy berating Chengling about learning to drink like a man. There are a lot more weird sympathetic looks from WKX here, along with ZZS. Zhao Jing sends both Shenshen and Chengling to bed like 5-year-olds, and WKX takes advantage of his shameless persona to ask pointedly about the strapping young fellow who escorted ShenShen to bed (aka Song Huairen, Gao Chong’s favorite disciple from Yueyang Sect). There is literally no reason for WKX to need to know this, but it will help us, as the audience, to know it later. Cut to Song Huairen putting Shenshen to bed and leaving, and then we find out, surprise! Shenshen is not drunk! Is not sleeping! Is apparently going to get up and go skulk around secretly …. somewhere. Who knows? We don’t see him again until he has a chance to berate Zhao Jing, which is always a good time, even if Shenshen is insufferable. Pick your fighter, I guess. Back at the banquet again, we and WKX meet … oh. It’s This Guy, Yu Qiufeng, leader of Mount Hua Sect – remember this asshole, he’ll show up again, in various iterations – and his son, Tianjie. ZZS, meanwhile, wanders off, also acting disgracefully drunk, pretending to throw up in the bushes so the maids will leave him alone and he can drink in peace. I’m not sure why we act like WKX is the only shameless one in this marriage. Also, this is … actually not the last time he’ll resemble Shenshen in this episode, now that I think about it. Anyway, ZZS spots Yu Tianjie sneaking away suspiciously and follows him to some part of Sanbai where Tianjie sneaks in then chases out someone in dark robes with his face covered who looks suspiciously like Song Huairen, Gao Chong’s favorite disciple. The banquet gets interrupted by someone who sounds like Happy Ghost berating the Five Lakes Alliance, a maid comes screaming up the stairs, and we all rush out to discover Ao Laizi and two of his disciples, dead, hanging outside the front gate. This really is the worst party ever. Significantly, WKX takes a minute to look around the banquet hall, as if to see if anyone is eying him suspiciously. He does NOT follow everyone to the front gate, but instead ends up outside Chengling’s room when Chengling yells for his shifu because someone’s trying to get him. When they all run to Chengling’s room, WKX is faffing about outside, leisurely fanning himself and saying that surely that wasn’t Ghost Valley, because they were SUCH mediocre fighters and ran away the minute he started fighting. I JUST BET THEY DID.

OK, so, here’s the thing. Back in Ep 4, A-Xiang told Lovelace to take a message back from WKX to tell everyone to assemble at Sanbai Manor. I’m thinking that this time, this is actual Ghost Valley, that they grabbed Mu Yunge essentially as bait to get Ao Laizi, and then killed Ao Laizi and took the Danyang Glazed Armor, so that Ghost Valley is actually IN POSSESSION of a piece of the Glazed Armor, finally. They also, in the process, stole it out from under Zhao Jing’s nose, taking away his chance to have (probably) Xie’er go after Ao Laizi and get it. Ghost Valley then hung Ao Laizi at the gate and presumably menaced Chengling, either as a distraction or to make WKX look good or both.

So, we get Chengling back in bed and see ZZS tell him to go to sleep and not to cry because men don’t cry – thanks, Shenshen. I’ll be sure to remember that when you figuratively stab me in the HEART with your sad little face and crystalline tears later in the show. ZZS has a flashback to telling baby Qin Jiuxiao at Siji Manor basically the same thing, and I’m wondering if this is following Qin Huaizhang’s death? I don’t know, I don’t think we get enough info. ZZS then sneaks onto the roof to listen to Shenshen berate Zhao Jing, who supposedly discovered he had his own piece of Glazed Armor stolen during this ruckus. NOW, LISTEN. Was the dark-robed figure chased by Yu Tianjie actually Xie’er, “stealing” Zhao Jing’s Glazed Armor? Because we know, later, Xie’er wears the Tai Hu Glazed Armor as a necklace. It seems like a lot of trouble to go through, to make him actually “steal” it, when you could just give it to him and act like it was stolen, but Zhao Jing also didn’t know (I think?) that ACTUAL Ghost Valley was going to show up and create a convenient ruckus and an obvious scapegoat to pin the theft on. This is also where I’m unsure about which particular faction scared the shit out of Chengling. I’m assuming it’s actual Ghost Valley, who were “conveniently” driven off by WKX, because also in Ep 4, the Scorpions were told to assemble at Yueyang, not Sanbai Manor, and will make their kidnap attempt there in a later episode.

Anyway, we’re finally back to Date Night For the Merciless Killers, and ZZS chases WKX through the treetops, set to a romantic tune, until they arrive at what will turn out to be a crime scene, where WKX stops ZZS from walking into some Hanged Ghost-style Soul Winding Threads. ZZS remarks this must be the “real” Hanged Ghost, unlike the one at Mirror Lake, because A-Xiang wouldn’t have been able to kill the REAL Hanged Ghost. (SO CLOSE, my friend, but we know that the real Hanged Ghost got got in Ep 1. Although whoever was at Mirror Lake did have access to Soul Winding Threads, as Shenshen and his group discovered them.) At this point, WKX wants to know if ZZS is afraid of ghosts because he’s a VIRGIN, hahaha? He also starts getting up on ZZS, who walks away to continue his investigation of the tree with the Soul Winding Threads. Blood drips from a corpse in the tree down onto ZZS’s sleeve, and ZZS comments that blood “disgusts” him; I think there may be some significance to this word choice, as it correlates to his past breakdown over his work in Tian Chuang and his reaction to the deaths of the Four Sages of Anji - this is the metaphorical blood on people’s hands, including his own, literalized. Anyway, at this point, WKX cuts ZZS’s sleeve. I mean. :hands: He also tries to joke and bet about the identity of the corpse in the tree, who turns out to be Yu Tianjie. ZZS once again will not be diverted and keeps investigating this crime scene like the most devoted Fantasy Ancient China CSI ever. WKX rushes after him, saying that HE’s afraid of ghosts (implying that HE’s a virgin?) and getting right up on ZZS, enough so that ZZS physically pushes him away, as they reach a second body on the ground. Dark-robed, masked, turns out to be Song Huairen, Gao Chong’s (former) favorite disciple, who ZZS theorizes is the traitor who was after the Tai Hu Glazed Armor. There’s a repeated pattern here of WKX really pushing the sexual harassment and other diversionary tactics every time ZZS is working to figure out a piece of this puzzle, which might take him too close to WKX, up until the point when ZZS advances a theory that points away from WKX. ZZS is clearly working his way toward WKX, though, even with some of the wrong turns he’s making. The last thing we do in this ep is move on to the Zhao Coffin Home, where they encounter the Drunk Like a Dream incense and the Drug Men. On entering the place, ZZS pulls WKX back from more Soul Winding Threads, but he then pulls away when WKX tries to put a hand on his shoulder. WKX asks ZZS who he is, again, and it sounds like this time he’s asking more than what the face under the mask looks like. ZZS responds by asking WKX who HE is, and the way he says it – this is where I really begin to think he’s getting suspicious. You can see the wheels turning.

Final observation:

We get two SUPER SIGNIFICANT things at the end of this ep: There’s what I think is the first use of “Lao Wen,” shouted by ZZS in warning when WKX is wandering around high and the Drug Men show up. And WKX calls ZZS “Zhou Zishu” – not Zhou Xu – when he complains about being made to drink the Drunk Like A Dream antidote. ZZS notices.

#zhou zishu #wen kexing #zhang chengling #zhao jing #shen shen #word of honor #word of honor episode reax #will be cross-posted to ao3

[sicklove-stuff]

𝕸𝖞 𝕸𝖞 𝕸𝖎𝖘𝖘𝖋𝖔𝖗𝖙𝖚𝖓𝖊 - FIC.

Notice to all, this fanfic has content considered uncomfortable, sensitive and politically incorrect. If you don't like it, leave soon. - The fanfic shows content of masochism, sadism, rebellion, aggression ... It is worth mentioning that nothing here reflects on the wrestlers, it is just a drama involving their characters in the ring.

Made by Omoshi’ 

★ Undertaker “Ministry of Darkness” era | +18 | Y/N “your name”, will be “Sara”. 

My best friend, Stephanie, when we were at the mall for the past few days ... She told me about a lunatic who claimed to be the minister of darkness with some companions, he wanted to marry her at any cost, however, I already knew that she was getting involved with another guy. This seems to be more disturbing than it looks, but whenever she describes it while we are choosing shoes in stores and among expensive clothes racks, it makes me crazy and my mouth water. - However, I can never express this to Stephanie, because she never seems to be happy to tell about it. I'm starting to sound a little bit possessive about this story that keeps me going, but poor Stephanie, she's having a misfortune.

I started thinking about it while I wait outside the company where her crazy father works, this backstage has never been so full of people that she thinks she can achieve something with me, despite the golden and virgin hair that I take care of very well, this is not an invitation. I snort by the mouth and start shaking my legs while I wait for her, she told me she had a party today ... It would only take a measly minute to say hello to her boyfriend, even though I repeatedly warned her that her boyfriend already had a girlfriend, she just giggles out of my face and pushes me in tones of fun ... saying it was better to live like this, in danger. What a stupid girl! - As time goes by I feel cheated, it's been twenty minutes since this has been happening. I bite my lips while anxiety overwhelms me, we're twenty minutes late from the party ... Just today that Stephanie hadn't robbed me of one of the few boys who had looked at me. It's her habit, stealing boyfriends ... Like she said, she feels dangerous.

Suddenly, everything was so ... empty? While I was lost in my thoughts, I did not notice the hours passing and the people passing too, it seemed that finally she would appear, or had she forgotten me there? Damn it. -When she lifted me from where she sat, a huge black box, to leave. I realize that everything is already closed, and everything starts to get scarier. Scarier, scarier ... Scarier. This is repeated more and more, more and more ... My head doesn't look very well. - Did something pull me?

When I look to the side, I notice that my whole skin is sweating, another hand wraps around my wrist, I look at my forearm, arm, covered in tattoos ... Demon tattoos, flames, just like Stephanie had said, that's ... It's realy true? When I go up to see who the face is ... The ordinary person's voluntary action is to faint with fear, or shout for help, but, I feel that I'm not that common, because that was the all dangerous guy that Stephanie was scared to death? He looked hotter than the ones she dated. - I could be stupid, I know, but my voluntary action was to smile a little, malicious smile. And again my mouth was full of water, but I stayed exactly in place, there was still "ice" inside me.

"Ah, I'm sorry, I'm Sara and ... I'm sorry if I was invading your area. BUT LET ME GO!" - Said while trying to let go, I liked guys like that but, it didn't seem to be very friendly, could it be that I've been thinking nonsense all this time and in the end, Steph was right?

He then pinned me to the wall. He was against his body, his arms were driving me crazy, and his psychotic look and his silence too, I soon tried to get quiet, that's when he brought his face closer to mine, bringing his mouth closer to my ear, God I never I had felt that sensation before. That's when I let out a heavy breath that he was pressing me against the wall. He then decided to break his silence.

"You are allied with that bitch." -He said, I was not surprised his voice was heavy with melancholy and rejection. As if everything in his life had gone ... Wrong? - "Do you want to end up like her? I always watch, she likes you, and my goal is to destroy all those she loves." -I managed to notice that he was laughing quietly and discreetly, just as if he was making fun of me. - "Sara ... Despite everything, beautiful name."

I didn't know if it made me feel hot, sexually and lovingly uncomfortable, or if it scared me, very scared. The misfortune that Stephanie always told me was, at that moment, my misfortune. Mine, my misfortune. I obviously tried to be reluctant to mind my own business, I forced my hand to keep him away from me, no one came around. It seemed to be not just a joke and a joke, the darkness was with this man.

"She does not love me!" - I pushed hard in an act of control over myself, successfully, I was away from him for a few centimeters, withdrawing my arms, unintentionally I ended up touching on a subject that I never wanted to get to ... "She betrays my confidence all the time, and I can only say that it's okay, when in fact it isn't! " - I couldn't believe what I ended up doing, I was confessing all my disappointment about my supposed best friend to a guy who supposedly wanted to kill and her family.But a long time ago, I didn't care about that, I did everything she wanted, so I could not live alone, while she lived surrounded by attention, people, appearing on television every Monday ... Surrounded by fans by simply to be rich, when in fact she was unbearable and stupid ... 

I know he wanted to cut me in half that hour, but, I think his plans had not worked out, he seemed very weakened. His hands weighed on my shoulders behind his back, he could do whatever he wants with me at that moment, since everything I carried over time I realized more of what was happening in my life, a lot of unhappiness and lies, I was always smiling and leaving, so as not to feel alone, when in fact I was more heartbroken than ever, Stephanie didn’t deserve to be with that boyfriend she was stealing from another woman who also loved him, as she told me, she deserved to pay for everything she complained.

"If you want to kill me, go ahead, my self-esteem is already in the trash. I don't have much to do anymore, because my biggest purpose in life has always been to be her shadow, SHE EVEN STEALS THE GUYS I WANT!" - Okay, I had already passed the point, but I hoped that he would soon get tired of me and leave, or just break my neck soon. That’s kind of suicidal.

Contrary to what I expected, he knew how to overcome my existential crisis at that time, I could feel his hands walking around my body, this was extremely strange, it was like he wanted to take advantage of me, but if I was there , I would not fight against the current, I did not know this guy, nor did I know his name, but his dark and evil aura made me crazy to the point of wanting everything he could offer me; so he knew how to select the phrases I said ...

"Do you steal the guys you try? Certainly because they are guys." - He said. A grip on the waistband of my skirt, and I just froze, and I then felt the fabric being slowly lowered ... And I then turned to face him in a feature of pure fear but micro-expressions said I wanted more than ever before.

"I ... I don't know your name ... What's your name?" - I asked while I realized that my skirt was already lowered to almost half of my thighs, I sweated coldly as I took a few steps back against a door. I was trapped.

"I have many names, many nicknames, but you can call me Taker. They currently have me as the Ministry of Darkness." - He came back to me and put his hand on the door handle that was supported, certainly if he opened it, I would fall back with all the strength I could, the moment I reasoned it, I already noticed it opening and my dancing feet losing their stability.I swallowed hard when I felt myself falling on the floor, an all dark room, some shelves, I couldn't identify what was there, I had fallen with my hips directly on the floor, painful as the impact hurt my whole spine in that tension, that tension and that horny I felt. I rolled my eyes when I heard the door being closed, nibbled on my lower lip ... I felt extremely strange, as if there was something burning inside me, the situation didn't help much anymore, my position with my legs spread and my skirt dropped even more , with my panties showing. When I least realized it, he would lower himself, and stay between my thighs ... I again gasped in suspense. I couldn't believe that what I was idealizing so much could actually happen. I can't sing victory before the moment.

"Oh, Sara ... Your drama is really ... Sad, but I'm not as sorry as I should be." - That sentence totally entered my being, while I already felt the fabric of the skirt go through the end of my legs, being accompanied by my panties that obviously could be a little wet. My cheeks went red as blood, from pure shame.I noticed him pulling something, it sounded like a blade, a ... A pocket knife ... And my immediate action was to grunt and stay static. The cold iron coming into contact with my skin, it made me shiver, but I was ... Liking, my side that I always hid, that of a crazy lover of good pain, if I said that to anyone it would be called a crazy bitch. And that was when I felt the blood flow, I closed my eyes tightly hoping for the worst, but, it had been a cut on the thigh, thin ... And then, he licked it.He licked my blood and my thigh, making other small cuts and licking them ...

 They were all very close to "that area", my intimacy, as if they were a path where it really made me shiver more than ever, my fingers stretched, a wave of enormous pleasure ruled me, I was practically out of my mind, I was no longer the Sara I knew. As he licked more, he got deeper, I could see that he had a huge tongue, he smelled, it made me extremely crazy; the fact that I was not seeing anything in the dark left me with "hands tied", he squeezed my thighs and I felt the blood drain more, but, he no longer licked the blood, he just licked my pubis and clitoris, I scratched the floor, the pure cold concrete trying to contain me more and more.That's when he said, after countless hickeys and licks ... 

"Don't hold back" - and laughed at me as he continued.Technically obeying his order, I moved the hands that were scratched on the floor to his hair, Taker ...

 Taker ... I repeated it in my head, Undertaker, Undertaker, of course ... I forced him against me, which made it more intense .. The first time I was having a moment like that, sensual, sexual ... What a misfortune Stephanie was missing all along. That room was already almost impregnated with my smell, I pulled her long hair, I could feel her beard ... until I couldn't help it, I splashed everything on her face. Once, twice, three times.I breathed as if I had run an entire marathon. That was when I decided to change the position and hold on to him, who had been kneeling, I held his waist and then let out the sentence: 

"You don't need Stephanie ... Forget her!"

He answered me...

"I already forgot.".

#sicklove-stuff #undertaker #the undertaker wwe #the undertaker #sicklove-stuff/undertaker #+18 #WWF #ministry of darkness

[thanksjro]

Last Stand of the Wreckers, Issue #5: I Sure Hope You Didn’t Go and Get Attached to Any of These Characters…

We ended on a cliffhanger last issue, so let’s see what the lads are up to now.

Hm. That’s not great.

Overlord’s just ripped Guzzle in half for the fun of it. If you’re wondering why everyone’s outside now, it’s because he exploded the torture chamber so hard when he came in, it no longer exists. Kup doesn’t appreciate having one half of the Big Gulp duo torn in two, so he goes in for the attack. This doesn’t work out very well for him, as he has his head crushed between Guzzle’s upper and lower halves. This whole situation is a non-issue for Overlord, and barely distracts him from his goal of having Megatron show up to kick his ass. Impactor tries to have a big hero moment by shooting Overlord in the eye with his harpoon hand-attachment. Again, very little effect on Overlord; it doesn’t even seem to register on the same level as getting a little soap in your eye.

Back over with Ironfist and the Big Conundrum, Verity’s arguing that killing Impactor will kill the Wreckers- as a team, not in the literal sense. However, time’s running out, and Perceptor really doesn’t seem to be bothered by the idea of not having Impactor around.

She gets smaller every issue, I swear.

Verity makes her case to Ironfist, trying to play off of his fanboy status; the Wreckers are a symbol of hope, one that Ironfist himself created with his datalogs as Fisitron. Killing Impactor to make things easier for themselves destroys the illusion of a cohesive unit who can always be counted on when the chips are down. Too bad ol’ Ironfist knows Things™, and it’s actually Perceptor who’s swayed by her argument, which is interesting, given that he was about to vote Impactor into an early grave a minute ago.

Perceptor wasn’t always the cool, efficient sniper we see him to be in Last Stand of the Wreckers. He used to be a regular old science nerd, and a relatively talkative one at that. He wasn’t really built for a four million year war.

Then all that talking got him shot and he was left for dead.

He made some changes after that, both in body and personality.

Could his own experience with being forsaken by his peers for his flaws perhaps be influencing him here? Or am I, a reader and giant dork, just trying to justify a very quick backtracking on the narrative’s part, most likely due to page number limitations?

So they decide to fight. Then Pyro suggests they run. The “they” in this case doesn’t include himself. You remember how Optimus Prime’s big character quirk in every continuity is self-sacrifice? Yeah, we’re hitting on THAT portion of Pyro’s hero worship. It’s not exactly what he was hoping for in death, but it’s what’s got to be done at this point.

The others run off, and Pyro shoots the control to the door, bracing for one hell of a fight.

Holy shit, I forgot they had Fort Max with them! That scared the crap outta me.

There’s one last look at our hero before we go, and it…

Well, it sure is something.

Yikes. That’s a series wrap on Pyro!

Now it’s time for us to learn about what really happened on Pova. Turns out the files Ironfist had access to weren’t exactly virginal.

First things first, it was raining, and Impactor is kind of a dick. I mean, we already kind of knew that from what we’ve seen of the guy in the present day story, but this little scene really takes the cake. Springer had to basically beg him to stay with him; none of that “I’m not leaving you behind” nonsense. And the whole “shoot Springer through the midsection” idea? That was all Impactor. Springer doesn’t have a way to dampen the pain the way Impactor suggests, and doesn’t even get a moment to brace himself as he’s blasted more or less in half.

When Springer regains consciousness, he’s treated to the sight of Impactor and Prowl having a little chat. It turns out there’s a problem, and that problem’s name is bureaucracy. Pova is a protected planet, declared off-limits by the Neutrality Agreement, so any Cybertronian war business is pretty much null and void there. The fact that the Wreckers are there at all could have disastrous repercussions if the Decepticons catch wind of this and tell the Povians. They’ll have to let Squadron X go.

But it looks like Prowl forgot that Impactor’s a bad boy who doesn’t play by your daddy’s rules.

He walks into where they’re holding Squadron X, chained together into a circle on their knees, with their arms pinned behind their backs, locks the door behind himself, and executes every last one of them as Springer bangs on the door trying to get him to stop. This, obviously, puts a bit of a damper on everyone’s mood.

Even Whirl’s bummed out, and you just know that guy loves a good ‘Con-killing spree.

I guess the moral of the story here is Impactor kinda sucks.

Speaking of Impactor, Overlord’s currently stomping him to death as he holds Springer by the face. It’s honestly almost tender, the delicate placement of his fingers. It also reminds you that Overlord is literally twice the size of Springer, who, as a triple-changer, should already be on the tall side. Overlord is a big dude.

Springer’s still doing okay, because he knows that even if he doesn’t make it, the rest of his team will, and they’ll save the day and get all those Autobot prisoners off Garrus-9.

Ha. Haha. Oh, Springer, you naïve fool. You forgot that this was hell, didn’t you? Overlord already took care of the Autobot prisoners.

Someone really took their gun to that hanging guy on the left and said “fuck this dude in particular.”

Then the calvary arrives! With guns! And art tangents!

Surely things are looking up now!

Ironfist throws Springer a gun that’s about as big as he is- where did he get that?- and Springer proceeds to light Overlord the fuck up.

You don’t get the B-word pass at IDW unless you’ve already had your series truncated and the entire universe is about to get ended for a reboot. That’s just how it goes.

Of course, even the big boy gun isn’t enough to do much to Overlord outside of annoy him, and Springer gets his face ripped off for his troubles.

Now it’s just Ironfist and Verity left, and Overlord is very much looking forward to doing very bad things to both of them. Ironfist has a gambit though! That gun Springer had was actually firing deterrence chips into Overlord’s body, and now he’s just chock-full of the things. And since Ironfist has all of Aequitas in his head now- including the detonation codes- he can do this:

He blew Overlord’s lips clean off! The evil truly is defeated.

However, using this newfound power has costs- Ironfist is knocked clean out by a sudden pain in his head, eyes flaring and fizzing as he hits the ground, leaving Verity alone with Overlord’s flaming, animated endoskeleton.

Yeah no, he’s still not dead, and he’s still not fucking over Megatron, lamenting on how he just isn’t sure how he’ll fight him, now that he’s little more than robot bones. Verity has to be the one to break it to the guy that Megatron’s dead, and Overlord takes it about as well as he can.

I’m sorry Overlord, but at what friggin’ point were you promised ANYTHING from Megatron “Peace Through Tyranny” of Tarn? You were threatened, but that’s a little different than a vow to get revenge. Hell, that’s not even on the same level as as pinky-promise. What a baby.

Impactor ends the pity party by shooting Overlord with his alt-mode’s weaponry and then does a little something for Springer… by not ending Overlord. Nope, looks like the death of Springer finally let him see the error of his ways, and they’re going to bring Overlord in to stand trial, because while the guy deserves to die, Impactor doesn’t deserve to kill him. Maybe if more Transformers took this little idea to heart, they wouldn’t still be at war four million years and counting.

Impactor goes to radio for a ride, and Ironfist wakes up. It looks like everything’s going to be okay now.

Or not.

Yep, those weird brain-seeking bullets Ironfist had loaded into all the guns he brought on the trip were perfected after a disastrous prototype testing accident. THE accident, if you will. Prowl knew about this, and used it to his advantage, throwing Ironfist on the mission, with the intent that he’d be used to unlock Aequitas. Topspin, of course, caused the plan to change a bit, but it all worked out in the end.

Also, Springer isn’t dead. He’s pretty messed up, but he’s not dead. They’ve got Ratchet on it, it’ll be fine.

And thus we arrive at the debriefing, between Prowl and Ultra Magnus. Magnus is questioning just why Prowl had this mission sanctioned in the first place, if he was so very against the Aequitas trials while they were happening. The answer is simple: propaganda. If the Decepticons were to find out that the trials involved nothing but Autobot war crimes, and lots of ‘em, it would be the ultimate blow to the Autobot forces.

Ultra Magnus thinks that they should go public with the information, but Prowl disagrees. The only copy of Aequitas is left with Prowl, and while Ultra Magnus would like to trust that he wouldn’t destroy this info, the end result is left a mystery.

But you’ll have to read the sequel series to see just how that all turns out.

If Ironfist is dead, just who is writing up this narrative framing device for the issue? Why, it’s none other than Verity Carlo, using the power of the internet. I guess she has access to the Cybertronian internet now. Wonder who hooked her up with that. Probably not Ultra Magnus. Maybe Percy did her a solid as a thanks for surgically removing Overlord’s will to live.

Whether you want it to or not, I suppose.

This miniseries is a little dark, ain’t it?

Verity went to all the trouble to leave Earth and hide in the escape pods so she wouldn’t be abandoned, only to end up right where she started, with a heaping spoonful of PTSD to pair off with all the disappointment and lack of friends in her life. She watched a lot of people die on Garrus-9, and she’s in no way battle-hardened like one could argue the other surviving Wreckers are. All she has at this point is a blog she inherited from a nerd who accidentally committed a slow-burn suicide. I hope Perceptor will keep in touch with her, at least, seeing as he’s the only one who was also there and isn’t dead.

That’s the end of the miniseries proper, but not the entirety of the story. Up next, we’ll be looking at all the fun little extras Last Stand of the Wreckers came with.

#transformers #jro #last stand of the wreckers #issue 5 #maccadam #Hannzreads #text post #long post #comic script writing #wreckers trilogy

[kyosohmastan]

Kyo and Tohru Getting Physical Isn’t Actually Surprising

*manga spoiler warning*

I thought I’d bring this up since this seems to be the topic of discussion on Furuba tumblr lately. Tbh, as I’ve stated before, I was on the side with others who were like “hOw TF DiD thEY HaVe sEx TheY ARe wAY TOo inNOcENt”. But after thinking about it and some of you mentioning this specific point to me, it isn’t as absurd of an idea as we’re making it out to be.

And there are a few reasons for that. For one, if you really know Kyo and Tohru’s relationship, they’ve always been physically affectionate, even when they were at the very beginning stages of catching feelings for each other. The main way that Kyo shows his affection is by physical touch and he rarely uses his words to show Tohru that he loves her. (Besides his confession scene at the end of the series.) Some examples are the many times he knocks her head, which is something he does kind of absentmindedly as a loving gesture. 

He also doesn’t hesitate when it comes to holding her hand or even hugging her, even though he’s still cursed and can risk transforming. He hugs her after his true form transformation, while she was confessing how bad she felt for treating her dad like a villain, and after he confessed his love for her. 

The same goes for Tohru, specifically during the laundry scene on the balcony, she let him hold her as a way to seek comfort. It was where she felt safe and it was how Kyo let her know that she was going to be okay and she shouldn’t worry about anything. Words didn’t convey that message as much as touching her and holding her did. It was a way he could clearly show his affection and also comfort her when she was having...basically a mini panic attack. 

They also share kisses too. Which is an OBVIOUS way to show affection. But they took that step so the next step shouldn’t be a surprise. :)))

There’s also many moments where they’re in close proximity to each other and feel totally at ease with that. It’s in those moments when their connection really shines. It’s also the scenes where just being in each other’s presence brings them comfort. From Kyo wiping away her tears to Tohru placing her hand on his knee while they’re chatting. I think it’s also important to note that Kyo doesn’t let just any girl touch him so it shows how comfortable and secure he is about being physical with her.

Basically...they had so much sexual tension and we didn’t even know it. And, honestly, they probably didn’t realize it at times either (haha). But if we’ve seen them be comfortable with little touches or hugging and kissing, then why wouldn’t it be unrealistic for them to go all the way? 

But I do think their innocent mentality is what throws people off about the fact that they did it. I actually can see Kyo being comfortable with it, although he has a naive mindset when it comes to romance lol. But Tohru is another story. We all know how innocent she is so the idea of her..doing that..is admittedly weird. 

However, it’s important to remember that during the series, she is still a child. They both are. It’s at the beginning of the series where we really see that she is way too innocent. However, she goes through maturity at the end. In some ways, she’s not the same person as she was in the beginning. So it’s safe to assume that she has a clearer mindset when it comes to intimacy. 

Unfortunately, we never get a clear idea of that as sex isn’t a topic that comes up a lot in Fruits Basket. (Except regarding Shigure f*** Akito’s mom, which puts it in a negative light.) I think it’s something we can only trust she has a clearer understanding on because she’s aged. And I’m sure she has. For one, being in a relationship has to heighten those desires she’s never had before and that had to be confusing at first. But she was obviously deeply in love with Kyo by the end of the series that those desires to be with him like that had to come out eventually. Taking into consideration their age, since they were about eighteen when they started dating, they are mature adults now so their thinking on a lot of things aren’t the same as how they were when they were sixteen.

Truthfully, Tohru’s innocence makes the idea of them being intimate all the more sweeter. Because of how pure she is and how many high morals she has, I think we can all agree that Tohru would never give up her virginity to just anyone. She would want to settle down with the love of her life and take that important step with them. And Kyo was just that guy that she was willing to give that too. It’s one of the many reasons why she’s such a good role model because it can be assumed that even her thinking on sex is mature and it can’t be something she takes lightly. It gives me all the more feels to know that she trusted Kyo to give that to him. As she should. Because he definitely loves her and would never take advantage of her. And the same goes for Kyo as he also gave that to her. (I mean, I’m assuming he was a virgin. He was always too scared around girls. Unless you have some explaining to do, Kyon. lol but I’m sure he was.)

So because of these reasons, why is the thought of them having sex so baffling? Of course, two individuals who are that in love with each other are going to want to be physical with each other. A reason why some of us might think it’s so weird is because in today’s society, sex can be something viewed as improper. Which is a shame because often times, it’s not. It’s a way to show the only person you love most in your life how much you love them. I’m positive that was the case with Kyo and Tohru. Their thinking wasn’t “We’re just gonna fuck”, it was more like “I love you so I just want to be close to you in every way possible.”

OR we could go with the option that they never got physical and just adopted their kids. But we all know that ain’t true. I mean, have you seen Hajime? He looks just like Kyo and Tohru! (He looks like Kyo most of all.)

I think it is actually fun to think about these things and it’s probably one of the reasons Takaya sensei left the end of the series so open ended. We really get to hypothesize how Kyo and Tohru’s relationship, as well as the other relationships, turned out and how they handled the topic of intimacy. So I’m glad she left us to keep guessing

Also me:

TAKAYA I BEG OF YOU TO GIVE US AN EXPLANATION OF HOW KYO AND TOHRU’S FIRST TIME WENT DOWN. YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE TO ILLUSTRATE IT. JUST GIVE US A WORDED ONE SHOT OR EVEN A THREE SENTENCE EXPLANATION ON HOW IT HAPPENED. I WILL GIVE YOU EVERY CENT I OWN!!!

#FRUITS BASKET SPOILERS #I cried while typing this #they truly love each other so much #the thought of them making love brings me joy #fruits basket #furuba #fruits basket analysis #long post #fruba #kyo sohma #Tohru Honda #kyoru #manga #fruits basket manga #fruits basket anime #fruits basket 2019

[iamartemisday]

90 and 32 for Loki and your choice?

Is there really a choice? lol

Pregnancy Fic + Unexpected Virgin

...hoo boy.

Okay, so Loki decides one day to go to Midgard. No real reason why. He’s just bored.

While there, he meets some mildly interesting people, including a young woman about to graduate college named Jane Foster. She’s just escaped an incredibly painful blind date and Loki further helps her avoid the hapless human by pretending to kiss her in an alleyway. Her hot breath on his face actually makes him think of kissing her for real, but that’s a ridiculous notion. What kind of prince would he be cavorting with mortals? 

Regardless, as they talk about life and Jane’s plans for grad school, he finds himself intrigued by her. She’s highly intelligent for her species and while her grip on the Bifrost could not be more basic, if anyone was going to figure it out, he’d say it was her. 

Over the next month or so, Loki starts visiting Midgard and Jane more and more. As far as she knows, he’s another student like her home for summer break. As they grow closer, Loki thinks more and more about what it would be like to kiss her. Finally, the day comes and by Odin, can she ever kiss. 

Of course, there’s no way something like this can last. Even putting aside Loki’s greater longevity, there are so many people out there he’s pissed off. If they know a vulnerable mortal woman has caught his eye, no way they won’t take advantage.

That’s how Jane ends up a hostage of one of Loki’s many enemies. He is able to save her and kill the perpetrator, but he realizes now that their relationship can only end in pain. He knows now just how deeply in love with her he’s fallen. He loves her so much that he can find it in himself to erase every trace of him from her memory. Everything from their first meeting to the day they first kissed. He gives her one more kiss before he leaves her, pouring all his love and magic into it. Along with a wish that one day, somehow, their paths would cross again.

And so, Loki leaves her. Jane wakes up the next morning in her apartment with no recollection of her harrowing adventure or the prince she once loved. It’s as if nothing ever happened. 

Except as the days go by, Jane starts to have some odd symptoms. She’s weirdly sick in the morning and feels faint during the day. She’s moodier than usual, only wants to eat food she hates and gets random headaches.

There is an obvious answer that is also completely impossible. Jane is not ashamed to admit she’s never had sex (like it even matters how long someone waits). In fact, she hasn’t dated since that one awful blind date a few months ago (every time she thinks about it she feels sad for no reason, and she still can’t figure out why). Days later, the symptoms persist. As a joke, she buys a home pregnancy test. Not like it’s going to mean anything.

The test comes back positive.

Jane buys three more. All positive.

She goes to the doctor, who confirms it. 

Pregnant. 

Now, this is a major problem because again, Jane has never had sex. She rarely drinks and hasn’t been to a bar recently. A few guys in her department like her, but there was no way they’d ever do something like that to her. Right? 

The time frame of conception is determined. Jane recalls a day during that time when she did go to the bar, and now that she thinks about it, her memory of that week is a bit spotty...

At that point, Jane, being the determined woman she is, decides she can’t worry about what might’ve happened right now. She needs to think about what is happening. The obvious answer is abortion. That or adoption. How can she, a grad student going into astrophysics of all things, take care of a child? It’s not that she doesn’t want kids, it’s the idea never even crossed her mind because she’s just that focused on her goal. 

Now, motherhood is an actual reality. It’s still early enough for her to make an appointment at the clinic. She’s online researching, still unsure if she’s actually going to call, when she feels something. At first, she thinks she’s imagining it. She feels her stomach and there it is again. The tiniest movement. Maybe not even a movement at all. Maybe just a heartbeat...

At that moment, something fundamental within Jane changes. She closes her current web search and opens a new one on pregnancy guides and nearby baby stores.

A few months later, Jane’s daughter is born. While it’s definitely a bit on the nose given the circumstances, Jane can’t resist writing Christina on the birth certificate. 

It’s not as hard as she thought it would be. Erik and her mother are both huge helps. They immediately fall in love with the baby and watch her while Jane is at school and studying. By the time she gets her degree, Christina is five and has spent the last few years providing constant encouragement for her mother. She walks at Jane’s side during her graduation. She gets a little stuffed bear with a cap and gown while Jane gets her doctorate. 

The next few years are a bit hectic. Jane tries to give Christina as much stability as possible. They live in one place for a few years while Jane teaches at the university and builds up goodwill with the staff in order to get the grant money she needs to fund her research. Her efforts finally pay off when Christina is about to turn nine. Jane sets up her lab in New Mexico and they move there for the summer. They might stay longer depending on what Jane finds, but she doesn’t tell Christina that just yet. She’s already complaining about how boring Puente Antiguo is.

To entertain herself, Christina reads and writes about all sorts of fun adventures she could be having. She’s never showed her mom this, or anyone for that matter, but she has a few strange little talents no one else seems to have. For example, she can sometimes move things around without touching them. One time, she swears she turned a mean kid’s hair blue when he was bullying her and her friends. Snakes seem to really like her. She can’t talk to them like Harry Potter, but they do follow her sometimes. There are tons of snakes in New Mexico, but she’s not too bothered by it. They all seem pretty nice.

Soon Darcy arrives and she more or less bonds with her new boss’s kid. When some guy in town starts hassling Darcy, Christina asks one of her snake friends to make him go away and the guy never comes back. Another guy makes fun of Jane on the street, calling her a crackpot. He rather suddenly trips over nothing and knocks a few of his teeth out. 

Jane does notice a lot of this stuff, but not once does she think to connect it to her innocent daughter. Meanwhile, Christina is well aware that she’s the one doing this. Somehow or other, she does have powers no one else has, and she’s starting to realize just how strong those powers might be.

It all comes to a head with the arrival of Thor. Jane went out with Darcy and Erik to watch for an incoming storm. Christina had to stay home, as this could be dangerous. So, of course, she snuck along in the back hidden under a blanket. She’s right there when Thor falls from the sky. Terrified that they’re all about to die, Christina unleashes a HUGE wave of magic. Big enough to disrupt the bifrost and send Thor flying into a nearby rock formation. He hits his head hard, and as he is now human. this is not an insignificant injury.

In fact, when they get to the hospital, the poor stranger has already slipped into a coma. Jane is left to comfort her hysterical daughter who won’t stop blaming herself for what happened, She finally admits the truth about her powers to Jane and demonstrates by summoning a pen from the nurse’s station. Jane is shocked and has no idea what to do. Christina interprets this as her mother being scared of her and runs away. Jane chases after her. By the time she turns the corner, Christina is gone. Jane searches the entire hospital, but her little girl is nowhere to be found.

Now comes Loki. He’s been pretty out of it ever since losing Jane. Though it’s been close to a decade on Earth, that barely feels like a week to him. Now Thor has been banished, he has some truly uncomfortable questions to ask Odin about his origins, and to top it all off, one of his old enemies has just randomly appeared with a little girl in tow.

(NOTE: I honestly have no idea who the enemy would be. If I actually wrote this I’d just figure it out later)

His enemy mocks him for growing soft and not protecting his progeny like he should have. Loki has no idea what the hell this guy is talking about until he gets a better look at the girl. Her midnight black hair, terrified blue eyes, that face just like a younger Jane.

Jane...

He hadn’t looked in on her since he left. He just couldn’t bring himself to. Now he wishes to all his ancestors that he had. The enemy issues a challenge, daring him to come and save his newfound daughter. He disappears with Christina, and try as he might, Loki can’t trace where they’ve gone. He has a few ideas, but he’s going to need some help.

And he’s going to need to correct some old mistakes as well.

At the hospital, the police have arrived and are searching for the missing girl. Jane curls up in the waiting room, thinking of everything that led them to this point. If only she hadn’t accepted the grant money. If only she’d gone somewhere else to search for bridges. If only she’d paid enough attention to her own fucking child to know that she was literally psychic. Or magic. Or something!

While she cries, a shadow appears over her. When Jane looks up, a tall man with dark hair and eyes like Christina is watching her.

It all comes flooding back.

She remembers Loki. She remembers their kiss, that monster thing that kidnapped her. Loki saved her, and then he told her they’d never see each other again. Then she woke up at home as if from a dream and it was like he never existed at all.

But he had. She knew now that she had, and she had a daughter to prove it.

Which still begs the question of how. She knows now that they definitely didn’t have sex. Loki’s theory is that his magic somehow infused with latent abilities within Jane herself (she might actually have a small percentage of Asgardian in her) and created a child born of them both. It’s a tenuous idea at best, but it’s all he has right now, and who even cares how Christina was conceived. Point is, she exists and she’s been kidnapped and Thor is in a freaking coma now and can’t help them. Time to gear up and save their kid!

Not going to go into too much detail here as I’ve already written way too much. Basically, Loki teaches Jane to harness the magic within. She already knows a few knife tricks from self-defense classes, so Loki gives her a new knife that never dulls and is virtually indestructible. When she’s ready, they strike out to find their daughter in the enemy’s secret hideout. At some point, Thor wakes up and rushes to help his brother. His willingness to go to a far off planet and fight to the death for a child he’s never met makes him worth of Mjolnir again at just the right time. Loki and Jane rescue their little girl, who instinctively knows her father the moment she sees him. The enemy is defeated and now they’re free to start over and live as the family they were always meant to be. 

#Lokane #Loki #Jane Foster #fic prompt #fic I won't write

[actuallykiwi]

93 OC Asks

(No one is going to ask so I’m answering anyways LOL)

Get to know Annie! My multi-verse OC :)

Basics:

1. What is their gender? Female

2. What is their sexuality? Straight

3. What is the meaning behind their name? Do they have any nicknames?     Her full name is Anneka Sinclair, but she goes by Annie. I totally stole it from the Skyrim character Anneke pfft

4. Do they have any siblings? How many? Are they older or younger?  Which sibling are they the closest with? She has a twin brother named Alexander, who goes by Alec. They actually made a promise when they were little that they would never call each other their full name unless something was really wrong. They’re best friends!

5. What’s their relationship with their parents like? What about other relatives? When they lived with their parents., they were as close as a family could be. Annie and Alec moved out when they hit their early twenties to explore and find out who they are. They have cousins spread far and thin.

6. What would they give their life for? Any cause she truly believed in, and her brother.

7. Are they in a romantic relationship? With who? How did they meet? HAAA so I’m deciding that. In Skyrim (and my upcoming fic!) she is with Kaidan. The decision for Fallout is between Hancock and Nick, but I’m leaning towards Hancock. Annie rescues Kaidan in Skyrim and he vows to pay off his debt to her. Follow the Fallout 4 questline to see how she met the other 2!

8. What do they believe will happen to them after they die? Does this belief scare them? She likes to believe in Heaven, she is a Christian after all. Death scares her a little, but she knows it’s inevitable.

9. What is their favorite color? Favorite animal? Light blue and yellow! Dogs, probably, or dolphins.

10. What are some of their talents/skills? Annie is pretty athletic, and she can sang. She loves drawing, even if she’s not that great at it, and she’s an awesome motivational speaker. Also has a good sense for fashion

11. If they could make a mark on history, what would they like it to be? Whale, as the Sole Survivor, she unites the Commonwealth into the United Commonwealth, and in Skyrim she’s the Dragonborn so

12. How old are they? When is their birthday? 22, July 14

13. What do they do for fun? She is very easily amused, so almost anything entertains her. But she loves reading, practicing magic (ES), singing, and playing with kids 

14. What is their favorite food? How often do they get to eat it? She’s not a picky eater, so she likes anything. Mainly sweets. She’s a scrounger, so it’s not rare for her to find something she likes

15. What was something their parents taught them? “Bad things will always happen. But if you focus on the light at the end of the tunnel, you’ll find that it wasn’t as long as you thought.”

16. Are they religious? Yes, she’s a Christian.

17. Where were they born? Cyrodiil (ES), Smoky Mountains (FO)

18. What languages can they speak? Where did they learn these languages? English and some sign language. When she discovers she’s the DB, she can suddenly understand Dovah. 

19. What is their occupation? In ES, she’s a spellsword/healer. FO, healer/dual pistol wielder

20. Do they have any titles? How did they earn them? A popular nickname “The Happiest Woman in the Commonwealth”. Pretty self-explanatory lol

Personality:

21. What is their favorite thing about their personality? Her optimism, and ability to hide pain well 

22. What is their least favorite thing about their personality? She feels annoying and overbearing sometimes, and naive 

23. Do they get lonely easily? Oh yes

24. Do you know their MBTI type? Probably not, but I know she’s an extrovert

25. What is their biggest flaw? Naivety for sure, but she’s also a huge klutz

26. Are they aware of their flaws? Oh yes

27. What is their biggest strength? Optimism, determination, energetic

28. Are they aware of their strengths? Mostly

29. How would they describe their own personality? Probably bubbly, energetic, optimistic, kinda childish?

30. When frightened, will they resort to “fight” or “flight”? It depends on what’s at stake

31. Does this character ever put somebody else’s needs before their own? Who do they do this for? How often do they do this? Annie never puts herself before others. When she has to, she hates it. It doesn’t matter who

32. What is their self esteem like? On the outside? She seems pretty confident. But inside, she’s facing a lot of her own demons

33. What is their biggest fear? How would they react to having to face it? Losing someone close or letting someone down. Or being alone. In all regards, she would do as she was always told: “Look for the light at the end of the tunnel”

34. How easily do they trust others with their secrets? With their lives? Her brother knows every little thing about her, and they would literally die for one another. She can be overtrusting and overshare sometimes, but she knows what to keep secret and what to share with others.

35. What is the easiest way to annoy them? Pessimism/negativity. 100%

36. What is their sense of humor like? Give an example of a joke they would find humorous. PUNS. FOR. DAYZZZ

37. How easy is it for them to say “I love you”? Do they say it without meaning it? She says it all the time to close friends and relatives, but when it comes to a SO, she will only say it when she truly means it

38. What do others admire most about their personality? Again, optimism and determination. Also, her seemingly endless kindness and patience with people.

39. What does their happily ever after look like? She and everyone around her happy. Her brother by her side, her SO, friends, family, and whatever everyone’s wishes are true. 

40. Who do they trust most? Is that trust mutual? Her brother. Oh yes

Physical Profile:

41. What does their laugh sound like? Do they snort when they laugh? How often do they laugh? Annie’s laugh ranges from a giggle to a belly cackle to just wheezing. Laughter and snorting happen very frequently

42. What is their favorite thing about their physical appearance? Probably her eyes

43. What is their least favorite thing about their physical appearance? Her weight

44. Do they have any scars? If so, what are the stories behind those scars? Nope

45. How would they describe their own appearance? Blonde bouncy curls always in a high bun and underneath a tied blue bandana (ribbon in ES), blue eyes, loads of freckles, a little chubby and pale, and glasses

46. How easily can they express emotions? How easily can they hide emotions? Happy emotions are never hidden, and she’s pretty good at hiding sadness and anger. But when she’s visibly upset, something is really wrong...

47.  What’s their pain tolerance like? Physical? She can take a hit. Emotional? She feels strongly.

48. Do they have any tattoos? What are the stories behind those tattoos? Nope

49. Do they have any piercings? Also nope

50. How would you describe their style of clothing? How would they describe their style of clothing? Usually something bright and aesthetically appealing, she loves styling outfits. 

51. What is their height? Weight? 5′5″, [REDACTED]

52. What is their body type? Are they muscular, chubby, skinny, etc? Curvy, a little on the chubby side, but also fairly muscular

53. What is their hair color? Eye color? Skin tone? Blonde, bright blue, average Caucasian white

54. What is their current hairstyle? What have been some of their past hairstyles? Which was their favorite hairstyle? Almost always in a high bun. Occasionally a ponytail or down when she doesn’t feel like putting in the effort. Her favorite is a french braid, which her mother used to do for her.

55. What is their alcohol tolerance like? What kind of drunk are they? How bad are their hangovers? Super lightweight. She’s what you may call a “crazy” drunk which turns emotional, and then can sleep for 24 hours straight. She’s out sick for the whole next day. 

56. What do they smell like? Why do they smell like this? (Is it the things they’re around or a perfume they wear?) She loves anything lemon scented, so that’s typically what she may smell like if she can find it. Second to that, coconut.

57. How do they feel about sex? Are they a virgin? Still a virgin, and she’s incredibly shy about that kind of stuff. Cuddler all the way

58. What is their most noticeable physical attribute? Come for the blonde, stay for the striking blue eyes

59. What does their resting face look like? Do they have RBF? More like Resting Surprised Face almost? Wide eyes and high eyebrows

60. Describe the way they sleep. She is a sleeptalker. Will actually hold a full conversation with you in her sleep and remember nothing about it the next day. Only bits and pieces. Very cuddly, snores occasionally.

Environment:

61. Which season is their favorite season? Spring

62. Have they ever been betrayed? How did it affect their ability to trust others? Not by anyone closer to her, but outside of that, she’s kind of used to being taken advantage of. “As long as they’re happy!” she says.

63. What is always guaranteed to make them smile? Almost anything, but mainly the smile of others.

64. Do they get cold easily? Do they get overheated easily? Does get cold, yes, prefers the cold though. 

65. What’s their immune system like? Do they get sick often? How do they react to getting sick? She’s pretty average, just the usual allergies during changing of the seasons and maybe a cold. She keeps away from people to protect them from getting it and sleeps it out.

66. Where do they live? Do they like it there? In Skyrim, she starts off in Breezehome and then builds a house in Falkreath. In Fallout, she buys Homebase. She loves both places.

67. Is their bedroom messy? What about their bathroom? Kitchen? Living room? She forgets to clean sometimes, but never lets it get out of hand.

68. How did their environment growing up affect their personality? Annie and Alec grew up in a loving home, with parents just as cheery as her, so she has always been upbeat and chipper.

69. How did the people in their environment growing up affect their personality? Uh, same question? She had a lot of friends in school and never payed attention to the negative much, so, yeah

70. How do they feel about animals? Do they have any pets? LOVES animals. She has Dogmeat of course, and in Skyrim she befriends a fox named Misha.

71. How are they with children? Do they have any? Do they want any? Annie worked in a daycare pre-war (FO), and a school (ES), so she is all about kids. Doesn’t have any, but definitely wants one someday.

72.  Would they rather have stability or comfort? Is both an option? Probably comfort.

73. Do they prefer the indoors or outdoors? Outdoors

74. What weather is their favorite? Do they like storms? She likes warm weather (not hot) and a beautiful sunny day, but she loves watching thunderstorms

75. If given a blank piece of paper, a pencil, and nothing to do, what would happen? Probably doodle

76. How organized are they? Average, not really a neat freak

77. What is their most prized possession? Her blue bandana/ribbon. It essentially became part of her character when she was young, always was her favorite

78. Who do they consider to be their best friend? She has sooooo many. If she had to pick one outside of Alec and her SO: Serana (ES), and Piper (FO)

79. What is their economic situation? Not rich, not poor

80. Are they a morning person or a night owl? Morning person

Miscellaneous:

81. Are they bothered by the sight of blood? Not typically, but if insides are out, she gets queasy

82. What is their handwriting like? Not the greatest, but legible

83. Can they swim? How well? Do they like to swim? LOVES swimming. Doesn’t get to in Fallout, but misses it terribly

84. Which deadly sin do they represent best? Envy

85. Do they believe in ghosts? Sure, why not?

86. How do they celebrate holidays? How do they celebrate birthdays? Celebrates most common holidays, especially Christmas. Makes a big deal out of birthdays 

87. What is something they regret? No big regrets, but always wonders if she’s making a difference

88. Do they have an accent? A little southern, yes. Can mimic a British accent really well

89. What is their D&D alignment? Chaotic good

90. Are they right or left handed? Right

91. If they were a tweet, what tweet would they be? “so blessed. so moved. so grateful. cant believe this is my life. never going to take it for granted. always going to give back. thank you” -Justin Bieber (ew)

92. Describe them as a John Mulaney gif. 

93. What’s the most iconic line of dialogue they’ve ever said? I have not written any, but for now imma go with “Kill ‘em with kindness!” 

Wow, did you read this far? Dedication, fam, thank you. You are AMAZING. Now if you skipped the whole thing and just looked at the gif and this, I thank you for at least doing that pfft. Anyways, 95% of these are self inserts because the character kind of is but enjooooy! 

#oc #oc asks #93 oc asks #i know i wasnt supposed to do the whole thing #but dangit i wanted to #annie sinclair #fallout oc #skyrim oc

[queen-paladin]

How I Loved You, How I Cried

Context: Gwiylim Lee x F! Reader. A few minutes after your virginity loss to Gwilym and their first night together, (Y/N) feels the courage to confess something personal from her past to him and let him know about a personal trauma... Angst/Fluff

CONTENT WARNINGS: mentions of sex, swearing, sexual assault, not the world’s best grammar.

(I have been a fanfiction reading stan on this site for months and now it is my turn to share what I myself wrote! Hello there! This is the not the first fanfic I have ever written, but definitely the first Bohrap cast fanfiction I have written. The original came in two parts and I am hesitant to post the first one with the actual v-card loss and sexytimes in it, unless asked for so maybe ? a ? oneshot ? I would personally love to thank the support I have gotten for this decision to post my own Bohrap/Queen writing online. I will give copyrights to @theborhapboysawakenedmywhatever for a little bit of inspiration in the beginning from the Aftercare headcanons. Also tagging @sohoneyspreadyourwings and @musicalprostitue for the encouragement today...so here we go! Other fics to come soon!

Also, I read or saw somewhere Gwilym was Cassio in Othello in a stage production at some point, but if I am wrong, let me know immediately and I will fix it. And if I am right, someone please say so and tell me what other Shakespeare he has done. Because I am curious. Maybe it may play into some future fics *wink*)

You lie panting for a little bit, now that the climax has tizzied away. You hear Gwil next to you, doing the same. You start to get up on your elbows.

“Let me go get you-”

“Oh no, you don’t have to. You’re the one new to this. Please let me take care of you, let me hold you.”

“Okay.”

He pulls a soft, grey blanket scrunched in a corner of the duvet and wraps it over you like a cape. You feel one of his arms scoop under you and the other around you and you do the same. He nuzzles his face in your hair and you in his chest, smelling his soap. Both of you silently play footsie for a bit, giggling like children for a second. He’s so tall you had to stretch your toes to reach his until you give up and use part of your foot to gently poke his shin.

“How was I?” you ask.

“You were incredible, Y/N”

“Thank you, for everything you did for me tonight” you say, nuzzling his chest a bit. 

“You’re welcome” he says. You feel his hand reach your back and trace bits of your spine and ribs. You start to lightly tickle what chest hairs you see and trace figure eights.

“Fy cariad bach, my little goddess, Rydych yn hardd, my sweet bird” he whispers.

Eventually he lets go and you feel a bit of coolness. The blanket drapes off some of him, but he doesn’t seem to mind. Gwil goes to put on some blue boxers and offers you some of his that can fit you and an old, white t-shirt. It’s not your most fashionable look, but neither of you care. 

A sudden urge hits you. If you don’t talk about it now, you don’t think you ever will.

“Now that we’ve done this, Gwilym...” you say. He perks a bit at the mention of his fuller name. 

“There’s something I’d like to tell you. But could you hold me again while I talk about it...I mean, like spoon me?” you ask. It would be easier if you couldn’t feel the pressure to make eye contact or see his face.

“Yes”

You turn over to face the wall and the bedside desk. A couple of the leftover rose petals tumble in your hair and a couple rest in your peripheral vision. He was so sure you were comfortable tonight he made the effort to decorate the bed with rose petals. You feel his arms wrap around your stomach and his chin on your head. You take a deep breath, enjoying the moment. Outside,birds are chirping a little in the night. A fan in the room was turned on in the midst of the scramble for comfy clothes and it purrs and blows cool air. You take five seconds to enjoy it before you begin.

 “I told you I am-was a virgin. And it’s true. But only technically true. Everything I am about to tell you really happened. Please believe me.”

You sigh deeply. Then you feel ready to relive it one more time.

“There was another boy. He was my cousin. It was Easter and the family were all together after church. When everyone was preoccupied, he took me to the guest bedroom. He asked me to take my clothes off. I did. Then he took off his. He led me to the closet and turned off the lights. It was pitch dark and I couldn’t see a thing, but I could feel. I don’t even remember much. I was in such shock. I’ve kept blocking it from my mind. I remember his...his penis touching me, though. I was lying on the floor and he was doing something like push ups over me. I don’t know if he went into me or not. I don’t remember. I felt so uncomfortable I cried and begged him to stop. He did. We got out and dressed and he told me not to tell anyone. I’ve only told my immediate family and the odd counselor or rare friend and now you.”

You pause for a little to let it soak in. You hear that he has no comment yet to say. Maybe he is taking it in. Then you decide to include the last, and most important detail.

“I was nine years old.”

There is a pause even stiller than before.

“And at the time, I didn’t even know what sex was at the time, much less what happened to me.”

Your heart is picking up speed again. At once you feel relief that you don’ t have to hide or bury this burden with your boyfriend anymore. But at the same time, here you were, out in the open. Nowehere to hide. After all, moments before you decided to reveal your naked body to him. Now it seemed as if he saw your own inner nakedness and was waiting for his verdict.

“Do you believe me?” you ask.

“I do”

You feel his arms tense up a little bit. Almost in anger, almost to keep you secure.

“Oh my god...that bastard...that’s horrible.”

You feel a couple of tears well up. The pain and confusion and loss that hit you years ago has returned. It returns every time you recount it.

“I was so scared...You would think that I was so inexperienced you would be bored and tired of me or that...that I was ...was damaged goods. Either way, I wasn’t good enough, especially not for you.”

“No, no, not at all.” he insists. You give yourself permission to cry for a bit.

“The whole damaged goods thing is just old-fashioned bullshit” Gwilym insists “ And even if you were inexperienced, if you wanted anything or needed help, I could help you. You were wonderful just now, cariad. I had a wonderful hour I will never forget.”

You feel him gently turn around. By this point, there have been more tears wiping off what makeup you have put on for tonight. The little blemishes on your face and eyes are revealed. It almost makes you cry more, since you are worried this is the most unattractive you seem in front of Gwil. You decide  to look at him in his blue eyes and continue rambling. More things, things you have rearely talked about, begin unpiling.

“I sometimes wonder if I led him on-”

“A nine year old girl? If a man or any guy is turned on by a nine year old girl, he’s the one with a problem.” He wipes away a couple tears with his hands. He cups your face with all the gentleness in the world.

“I can’t imagine what it was like or how it is like. But it was not your fault. You didn’t even bloody know what was happening. He was just some prick who took advantage of a child. That’s the nicest thing I can say about him.”

Gwil begins to wipe a few more tears that fall down from your cheeks. Even with your bare, blemished face, reddened and scrunched from crying, he loves you deeply.

“Three words from me, and Rami, Ben and Joe would have a man hunt for him. I think Lucy would especially enjoy parading around town waving your cousin’s head on a spike”

You smile, both of you chuckling at the image. You move over and kiss him softly, in gratitude.

“That’s why I thank you. Because for years, I hated the idea of sex once I learned about it. If I ever got aroused, I hated myself and called myself a slut and a whore. The idea of a wedding night felt like an execution to me. I had my first boyfriend, he loved that I was virtuous or whatever but whenever he hugged or wanted to kiss me, I was a little terrified. And it showed. He was mad that I wouldn't let him touch me. He broke up with me before we could even kiss. I felt like if I wasn’t the way I was, if I wasn’t such a prude when it came to those kinds of things, he would have stayed with me.”

“Honestly, the whole prude idea can go to hell. No one should be rushed or humiliated into anything they aren’t ready for” he whispers.

You flinch, wondering how Gwil would feel with you talking about past relationships. But he is still. His eyes are crying a little bit too. One hand is wrapped around to caress you and the other still holding your cheek.

“Then I met you.” you say. “And I agreed to date you. And be your girlfriend. You never do anything without asking me first. And whenever I let you, I feel good. Warm. Safe. Loved. I decided it was right to make my sex debut with you. It felt...natural. I actually wanted to do it...And there’s no one else on earth I would rather have it be, than you.”

Gwil hugs you tighter and peppers you with loving kisses. He is now smiling, in spite of the tears both of you have shed, starting to dry.

“Y/N, you’re the bravest person I’ve ever met. I promise to you, now, you are always safe with me, especially in here. You have no reason to hide. It is never easy to live with this, but I will be with you and help you every step of the way. I love you so much. And I will always protect you. Even though it still haunts you, just know, at least, even when it feels unbearable, know I am here. And I adore you. And you are safe” Gwil says, leaving a slow, romantic, tender kiss on your lips. You both begin to smile again through it.

After a moment, he fetches you both a glass of water. Crying always made both of you thirsty, and now that your deepest emotions are released, the water replenishes. You ask him about his experience with Shakespeare and if there are some of the Shakespeare lines he still remembers and you fall asleep safe in Gwil’s arms, bits of Cassio’s lines from Othello lulling you both to peace. 

#Bohrap #Bohrapcast #Bohrap cast fluff #Bohrap cast angst #Bohrap boys #gwylim lee x reader #gwylim lee x you #gwylim lee angst #gwylim lee fluff #joe mazzello #ben hardy #rami malek #lucy boynton #fanfiction #reader fanficiton #reader ships #gwylim lee imagine #gwylim lee preference #bohemian rhapsody #bohemian rhapsody movie #tw sex mention #tw sex abuse #tw abuse #angst #fluff #content warning

[rat-apologist]

A Semi-In depth Review of Anna Todd’s After

So I’ve been seeing the trailer for the movie adaptation of this book every five seconds on my Instagram feed, and as a proud dyslexic unwilling to sit down and read it, I listened to the audiobook.

Again, these are all my opinions, if you don’t agree that’s okay.

Here is a quick, spoiler free plot synopsis for those who want/need it: Being moved from Wattpad into the real world of publishing, After follows a girl named Tessa, who simultaneously has the mentality of a five year old and an old man from the 1800’s. She is eighteen years old and is going to college to be an English major. Tessa loves control, planning, and books. She's an introvert at heart, and “not like other girls” (i.e. dresses conservatively, is a virgin (the books words, not mine)). She has a shitty mom and a nice, preppy, boyfriend who is still in high school, and her life is completely planned out. That’s all turned upside down when the poster child for emotional abuse named Harden (harry styles) waltzes into her life during a frat party her first week of college. Your typical Wattpad/teen movie drama ensues.

(the actual review under the cut)

This review is chock full of spoilers for Anna Todd’s book After. If you want a good idea of what I thought about this book without any spoilers I’ll just say this: I can really honestly say I was never bored while listening to this book. However, that is not necessarily a good thing. Often times I was just too much in awe of the clunky writing and truly evil supposedly “redeemable” characters to be bored. On a one to five star scale, I’d probably give it a two. More on that later.

Here are the things I liked:

(this one is only applicable to the audiobook) the narrator was amazing, her voice acting was very appropriate (though she did tend to drop accents sometimes- but that is forgiven because of how otherwise amazing her line delivery was- especially considering the quality of the dialogue).

Landon and Dakota were my favorite characters, and even though they had no personalities beyond what they meant to Tess and how they interacted with Harden (Hardin? Again, I listened to the audiobook I’ve got no idea how to spell that lmao) they still made the book better to listen to.

Despite the repetition of plot/narrative structures I can happily say again that I was never really bored.

Okay moving on to more mixed-bag feelings:

So the last chapter was from Harden’s perspective, and I thought that was an interesting idea. Learning what one character thinks, especially since our protagonist is, how you say, a little bad at reading/interacting with other human people. However the execution left something to be desired for me. It quite literally was just the exact same scene we just saw from the previous chapter, but from Hardens perspective instead of Tess’s. Which was just ended up being unnecessarily repetitive at times.

I liked how Tessa tried to be less judgmental throughout the book, however her growth is very, very limited.

I liked the fact that they mentioned they used condoms in pretty much every sex scene, and that most of the time clear verbal consent/clear nonverbal consent was given for the sexual stuff. That does not happen often in books, especially in fan fiction from what I understand.

I like that Tess does stand up for herself, while I could sometimes see myself comparing her to Bella Swan considering how much of her personality does kind of revolve around her relationship with Harden, she certainly was more vocal about her feelings. And boy, did she have a lot of feelings.

Moving on to the things I didn’t like, this is probably going to be a mix on writing, characters, and plot points so bear with me. (I’m saving my many thoughts on the twist for last)

Okay so a big number one is the biggest plot driver, the love story. So, I feel like it goes without saying, but the main relationship is SUPER unhealthy. Harden constantly stalks, manipulates, and bullies Tess throughout the whole book. He is pretty much abusive, using her caring for him to his own advantage and then dropping her when it suits him. Plus his hyper-sexualization of her “virtue” is really really nasty. Tess pretty much cries in every interaction they have together, and even acknowledges how toxic their relationship is, and yet I’m supposed to root for them? Hmm… I don’t think so

The near constant slut shaming and girl hate in this book bothers me, especially when it’s mixed with the hints of “I’m not like other girls” from Tess

The character descriptions kinda weird me out considering how much Harden is described like Harry Styles, like literally a tumblr punk edit of Harry Styles

The dialogue is… bad. To all the writers out there (myself included) make sure you read your dialogue out loud to see if it sounds natural, that way if your Wattpad fanfiction ever does get published, and your book is adapted into audiobook, you’ll avoid a situation like this one. Because, especially listening to it, the dialogue in this book is really really bad. Honest to god it sounds like robots imitating humans are talking to each other, only they’re trying to convince the other robots that they are humans. For some reason Anna Todd avoided using contractions for most of the book, making the characters sound unnatural and completely out of their predefined characters. Why would these college students not use words like “it’s” “we’ll” and “we’re”? It is truly astonishing, and it makes the few uses of contractions really distracting. Normally I don’t give a shit about grammar since I don’t really understand grammar, and normally grammatical errors aren’t that obvious when listening on audio, but the dialogue was seriously that bad.

The pacing was bad, that’s kinda all I have to say. It was generally too quick during plot development but then took a screeching halt for each fight/sex scene (of which there are many)

The repetition of certain words/phrases really got annoying. Everyone's always screaming, biting on their lip, or smirking. Harden is rude, as Tessa mentioned about eight million times, and Tessa finds his dirty talk arousing. We know this, because Todd uses those phrases about a billion times a chapter.

The sex scenes kind of grossed me out. I’m (in general) fine with sex, but the way the sex scenes were written seriously ucked me out. These college kids avoid using words like “penis” “dick” “pussy” etc. and use really really juvenile words like “down there” and “length”. Maybe this is a fanfiction thing, and I’ll admit that I have not read essentially any fanfiction, but it is truly a disturbing way to write sex. Especially since Tessa is written to have the experience and understanding of sex as like a child, not even understand what an orgasm is and unwilling to say words like penis or vagina, something our loverboy Harden is super attracted to, by the by.

I hate that this book uses “girl almost gets assaulted so man can come in and valiantly protect her” trope. It is super gross and I hate it. That’s kind of all I can say, the use of women's pain so that men can get some amount of redemption is awful.

More on Harden: I am sick of the “violent, broken man that I promise I can fix!” trope. It is used to justify and excuse abuse and I hate it. Tess is honestly scared of him several times in the book and it’s played as a personality quirk of his? Like everyone just accepts that’s how he is? I know for the most part we aren’t supposed to “like” him for the first part of the book, but it’s obvious that the author wants us to root for him and Tessa in some capacity. Especially with the inclusion of his perspective at the end, which in a way is exactly the kind of manipulation that he is into so idk. Also he is possessive despite the fact that they weren’t dating, and he is very clear he does not date. That’s already abuse, but of course there is more. On top of that he is cruel, and pretty stuck-up throughout the book- making him pretty much insufferable to me. And all of this shit just gets worse once the twist is introduced, and no amount of his whining from his chapter could at all change that.

The rest of the characters are all either boring, or the worst people you could ever meet. Tess’s mom, Molly, Jace, all really terrible to offset the horror of Harden. To almost justify what he does- because comparatively he doesn’t seem as bad (up until the twist).

The twist. Dear god the twist. So, as it goes it isn’t an extremely inspired twist. I’ve seen it done before in a similar way (I’m looking at you, Ten Things I Hate About You). For those who are wondering: the big twist is that Harden only really pursued Tess in the beginning because after she revealed she is a virgin at a party early on in the book he makes a pricey bet with Zed (another side character only used to add ~drama~ to Tessa and Harden’s relationship) to see who can take her virginity. All of the subsequent bullying, possessiveness, manipulation, etc. were all a ploy to have sex with her before Zed could. I feel like it goes without saying that that’s disgusting, but let me tell you exactly why: at least if he was actually interested in her at first his weird behavior could possibly be passed off as hormones (I wouldn’t like it, but I’d understand it  more if you’d try to make that argument), but the fact that it was all for a bet not only makes his disgusting actions worse, but makes the fact that he supposedly falls in love with her so much more annoying. Plus, the fact that he literally tries to trap Tessa in a lease so she can’t leave him, and tries to bribe his friends into silence really shows how little he actually cares about Tessa and her thoughts and feelings.  

So, why two stars? Honestly, because I was entertained (for lack of a better word) by this book. Maybe if I actually read it and not just listened to the audiobook it my rating would be lower, maybe if there was just one more sex scene to slow down the pace I would have been more bored. Who knows, but I was entertained. Sometimes by how terrible the dialogue is, by how astonishing the characters decisions were, sometimes by the actual plot. It’s like watching a shitty soap opera, it’s not good by any means, but it certainly keeps your attention.

#pj speaks #book review #after book #after book review

[brokenmusicboxwolfe]

I saw:

Raw- It’s a familiar tale in a way. A quiet, extremely studious, virginal, “good girl” arrives at school where here wild child older sister pushes her to try to fit in among the cruel peer pressure cooker surroundings. Brutal hazing leads her to do something she does not want to do, and has never done before, which leads to a downward spiral and dire consequences. The thing here is it isn’t sex, drugs, or alcohol that triggers her change but....meat.

See, her family have always been vegetarians. Her sister had until she started school, but now she gleefully partakes. Now our heroine’s first taste causes a reaction that builds. A hunger for flesh, the more raw the better, overwhelms her until one day it goes beyond the meat from a grocery store. In an accident her sister cuts off a finger and, instead of saving it to be reattached, our girl eats it. The sister isn’t too shocked by being stuck without a finger for life. See, she’s got the cannibalism bug too, and she has decided to embrace it. How far will the sisters go in indulging the hunger unleashed in them?

The film takes cannibalisim and uses it to comment on growing up, both in the obvious off to college way but also with the connection to family.  I’m not sure that the hazing aspect isn’t more horrifying than the flesh eating, but that’s because my own anxieties are based of social interactions with bullies and not a fear of being eaten/eating people. Still, an excellent little film, a sort of cousin to Ginger Snaps in using horror to deal with the adolescent female experience. 

Black Death- In the 1300s the plague ravages the land, but a young monk has a personal problem. He sends his secret lover to hide in a forest, but is then torn whether to join her or stay true to his vows. When Sean Bean rides up to the monastery needing a guide in the direction of his beloved he takes it as a sign. Well, anyone would take Sean Bean riding up as a sign! He discovers that the bishop has sent the group of men he joined to go to a remote village that has not been sickened and so is believed to be involved with demonic forces. They are to uses barbaric forces to take out the leader and get conversions. Funny about that. The vilagers are pagans and just as devote to their religion, and just as willing to use violence. The young monk had discovers his girlfriend had been killed by bandits in the woods, but the village priestess seems to have the ability to raise the dead. Which side will he turn to with he is offered his love returned? 

This is not a movie about magic but the horrors of humanity, filmed to try to keep a sense of dirty reality.  If anything the pagans have a hint of moral high ground by having simply been keeping to themselves until the christians, out to destroy them, kept arriving. It’s a slim advantage though, because both groups are equally willing to be unmercifully cruel for their faith. For me this is far more chilling than anything that goes bump in the night. Humans have always been the source of my terrors, and fundamentalists of all sorts in particular.

(I went on a bit about my anxiety on the subject, but since it’s about my being an agnostic in the fundamentalist christian bible belt I’m making it so you have to click. I tried not to talk about some of the more upsetting things, but it still ended up a lot of venting. LOL    It is NOT about the movie!!!!!!!!)

Alright, to be honest, because I have lived surrounded by them here in the bible belt, christian fundamentalists scare me the most. Sure, many of my family are christians and all the friends I had were christian. I know them, and have first hand experience with how quickly they can turn on you. Not all of them of course! But enough.

See, in first grade I became an agnostic. The exact train of thought at that age I won’t go into here. But yes, yes, go ahead and be disgusted. I joke it’s the one thing every religion and atheists agree on: they believe agnostics are wishy-washy. Nah, it’s about not thinking the unknown is anything other than the unknown. It’s embracing doubt and uncertainty as rational. Basically it’s “can’t prove it? Then I can’t claim certainty”

The point is, also in first grade my teacher would have us recite a prayer before going to lunch. She was NOT supposed to, but it is very likely I was the first non-christian she’s taught and I was not talkinging about my views. Heck, I didn’t have the terminology yet! All I did was simply remain silent while the prayer was said, what with having a lifelong dedication to NEVER say things I do not believe. My silence was noted by the meanest boy in the class, who actually happened to be a preacher’s son. He started shouting how I wasn’t praying. Obviously the teacher couldn’t punish me since she wasn’t supposedto be doing it to begin with. For days afterwards everyone shunned me. This would not be the last time.

Actually the shunning would become almost an annual occurance. In between everyone would seem to forget. I think it was simply I didn’t fit their ideas of atheists (the catagory I was lumped into, which is fine. It’s closer than any actual religion). I was quiet and friendly. I never got into any trouble, never sweared in public, was famously honest (heck, I paid back a kid that had loaned me a dime even though he was out of school for more than six months after an accident). I always tried to help people, including many of them with school work. An atheist (agnostic) was evil, but I wasn’t evil, so they had to reject the label. But something would come up, like my not saying the “under god” part of the pledge of allegience. And there would be the shunning.

Well, one time I did out myself. In high school a couple of girls were talking about non-believers. Apparently we were all devil worshippers pretending to be nice to seduce christians into evil. I turned around and asked if that’s what they thought I was and they were stunned. They had forgotten!!! They actuallylooked embarressed and hurriedly asked for a bathroom pass. One guy did say “Just ignore them.” and it meant the world to me. A bit of kindness from an unexpected corner when most just stared at me in confusion  and horror.

Christianity is REALLY big here. I had a junior high teacher, a born again christan, who talked about seeing witches. Witches, satianist, demon possession seemed to start to be believed in seriously in the 1980s. I am not sure how it happened, how it got to the point where a Star of David spray painted by some kid on a street sign could be seen as proof of local satanists, but I argued about just that with a freaked out lady myself.

In the 1970s and early 1980s the school Halloween Carnival was about the bigget event of the year and all the kids went trick or treating, but as the 1980s wore of the local churches got very active in insisting the holiday was satanic and evil. Heck, every October we will get at least one lecture from the person checking us out in stores about Halloween being the devil’s holiday. They tried to relabel the Halloween Carnival as a Harvest Festival to get the churches to stop deliberately doing counter events to keep people away from “sin”. One year a rumor started that satanists were going to kidnap a child to sacrifice, so Halloween was cancelled! Really, Halloween barely exists in this town any more.

I dunno. I could go on about the local views on religion. The point is, I know seemingly perfectly nice people that can turn on you out of fears and religious devotion. They half expect the devil to be mucking about in every shadow and those of us that don’t share their faith are subject to suspicions and misunderstanding. Considering the fact that before I was born  my family got shot at  and death threats, for being “yankees”, having black friends, and the (untrue, but whatever) rumor they were jewish, I never can feel comfortable with being reminded of how they really feel about non-believers.

Truth is, I expect if they ever started a witch hunt around here I’d be top of the list. First to the gallows......

#movies #raw #black death

[jimbowow]

First Innocence

It’s so dark, I think to myself. Back in the darkness sitting on that couch, my hand moves over to the pillow that she had thrown at me that time when I had knee surgery. It has gotten more tattered over the years, and not quite as plush. I take it and put it under my bare ass. Fuck you, I think to myself.

I stare up at the curtain. There is nothing but stale air and darkness seeping through it.

I’m alone.

Fully sunken into the couch, I put my head back and look upwards at the ceiling. Even in the dark, I can make out a slight little crack in the ceiling with the worst drywall patch job anyone can do. ****

That same drywall patch takes me back to a moment in time when I was much younger. I was in high school and laying in bed. I am back in my parent’s old house. There was a similar crack in the ceiling. It was there when we moved in, and I always wondered how it got there. When I think of that house that I grew up in, I have the strongest memories of the smells of that house. My room was on the 2nd floor, but just above and adjacent to the kitchen. Sunday mornings when my Mom would cook Taiwanese breakfasts of egg pancakes and congee, the smells would wake me up with a happiness that I will always associate that childhood home with. On the other side of the room was my window, which directly faced into our neighbor’s home office. They were an old retired couple and I remember getting glimpses into their office, papers strewn everywhere, in an organized mess. I could imagine walking in there and getting this sense of a muddled odor that reminds you of old people. Having never been in there, my only exposure to them were my parent’s typical Asian insecurities of the white neighbors next door who were too loud, always had their grandkids over playing in their pool and causing a mess everywhere.

“White people!” they would say… “they don’t ever respect peace and quiet. They just want to play all the time. Where is their work ethic?”

But my experiences didn’t seem to align with my parents’ views. One time, I was playing basketball in the front yard and my ball fell under their boat on their part of the house. I crawled down to get it, and I was stuck. I couldn’t get out from under the boat. Even worse, I had scratched the side of my ribs along the trailer. My neighbor saw me and came out. He guided me out from under the boat, got my ball for me, and even applied medicine and put on a bandage for me. He told me next time, just ring his doorbell for help… that I was always welcome.

Always welcome. That was strange concept to me. He was supposed to be a stranger. Yet he welcomed me with open arms simply because I was his neighbor. My parents never even showed that kind of affection towards me…

Back to my bed, staring up at the crack, I had just gotten my round of college acceptances in the mail. As a kid growing up in California, my parents put a requirement on me that I had to go to a University of California school.

“Taxes! We paid all those taxes! You will take advantage of the in-state lower tuition!”

And of course, I was not going to go to the State school system because they were not “prestigious” enough. I had a huge dilemma. My high school girlfriend at the time, who was a year older, had already did 1 year at a nearby university. I remember visiting her as a high school junior, amazed at how different her life was to when we were in high school. I was exposed to drinking, college parties, ditching classes, and meeting people of all sorts of backgrounds. Honestly, it scared the shit out of me. Not only did I get a sense of discomfort being exposed to so many new things, I also felt a loss of innocence. Little did I know at that time, this concept of losing innocent would become a source of angst for the rest of my life.

I viewed my girlfriend as a sweet innocent girl. We lost our virginities to one another and I thought that bond would be forever. We were only 15 at the time and I remember our first sexual encounter as being very awkward. We didn’t know how it worked. I remember not being able to put it in, not knowing where it would go, and thus being less excited. And that only made the situation even more awkward.

“Why is this so difficult?” I remember her exclamation.

However after that first encounter, sex became a regular part of our life. We would sneak out and have encounters in her car. I remember my parents had a mini van and I would take it out because there were tons of room in the back to spread out. One time, her little sister even walked in on us – an experience I will never forget. Her sister did not even act surprised. She just simply said “I’m telling mom!” I remember I did not see her for several months at school after that incident.

Seeing her in a new light, meeting new people, drinking – I found myself becoming less attracted to her. Of course, those experiences, I would later learn, was a part of being in college. She as doing what all new college freshman should be doing. But I was in a different phase of my life. I felt like she should have experienced those things with me. Not with “strangers” she just met at school. I mean, we were each other’s first, were we not? How could she do this to me? Why was it so easy for her to experience these things on her own?

I had gotten into a rather prestigious school down in southern California - which is generally known to be a “better” school than where she was attending. What also attracted me to it, was its location. It met my parents’ requirement of being a UC, and it was also the furthest UC from home. I wanted to get the hell out of my hometown. My girlfriend’s school was just simply too close. It didn’t make me feel like a completely new place that I could have new experiences in. So, I chose to go to a different school than my high school girlfriend. When I made that decision, our relationship was effectively over.

I told her of my decision to go to another school. We had a very long conversation about our feelings. Although we did not say it, we had both realized this was not going to work. I got out of bed that morning, looking at the crack in the ceiling, and thinking to myself this is going to be the last few months of waking up to the crack in the roof. I remember feeling excited by that. *****

Back to the present, my head is hunched over the sink. I started thinking: It’s a prisoners dilemma. I want to call her but I know if I do, it would just simply push her away more. Yet as every day passes and I don’t hear from her, I don’t know what she’s doing, I go crazy. On her end, she knows all she would need to do is to just give in. I mean, it’s a pretty sweet deal to be with me. I’ve got money, a house, a good job… relatively attractive and I take care of her. All the things a guy should do for a girl, right? All you gotta deal with is my occasional bouts of insecurities.

Yet at the same time, she won’t call… because she also knows if she does she’ll get me going and she’s not sure what she wants from me. So, the simple thing that both parties want to do, they don’t. And so the game goes on.

I’m walking around my house, gun in my hand. Still not sure what I’m supposed to do with my life. When I think about what matters most to me, I realize that I am the type of person who needs love in my life. I need to feel like someone loves me and that I can love that person back. I also realized that most of my life, I’ve always been with someone.

Sunlight starts to gleam through the cracks in the window. Morning is coming….

"Great” I sarcastically say to myself ***

#hopelessromantic #innocence