#which would play on loop for 2.5 hours

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

Coffee obtained (by a long suffering wifey who took pity on me) and consumed (by me and my greedy sugar and caffeine craving hands)

Delightfully (or perhaps wretchedly) this now means that I am ready to confront the radiating doom.

Time to brace myself and prepare.

For those who don't know why I call the Doom bins, it's because they are containers of Things TM that were once useful as useable storage but eventually hit some indiscernible critical mass where they began to radiate a sense of impending Doom every time I look at them.

Once this starts, the container serves only to accumulate more things, but rarely or never to have items taken or used from within it, because the sense of foreboding I get whenever I am confronted by it is so upsetting that I am apparently unable to do this either for daily use or tidying purposes.

The longer this goes on (and the more items are added to the Doom Bin) the larger a sense of Doom it radiates until at some point merely being in the same room with it causes me severe anxiety, constantly draws my eye, attention, and focus, creates endless spirals of guilt and shame that can take hours to break out of, and eventually after weeks or months of stewing, I finally break. I go on a cleaning rampage, scrub everything in my vicinity spotless EXCEPT THE DOOM BIN, collapse in an exhausted heap unable to clean for at least another week, and continue avoiding the Doom Bin for literally YEARS.

It is a source of deep seated pain, anxiety, shame, guilt, fear, and stress within me, and I truly wish I knew how to break the cycle.

This doom bin has been 2.5 years, 8 traumatic relocations, and several severe mental health crises in the making. I am not looking forward to literally unpacking it.

So. As an autistic therapist with CPTSD and OCD, what am I going to do to help myself confront this traumatic cleaning project from a place of rootedness? I know myself pretty well by now so I've developed a bit of a routine for emotionally intense things like this when needed. It is personalized to me, not general advice, but maybe it gives you some ideas of how to put together your own routine!

Step 0: I would never try to do this on an unmedicated/undermedicated day or on a day when I was too overwhelmed already. I want to give myself the best chance for success.

Step 1! Find noise-canceling headphones. Confirm they have enough battery power (70%), turn on, put on, and begin a stim song on a loop or a stim playlist if I have one. Today's stim is Lasciami Stare by Måneskin. This helps me get started moving and keep me regulated during the task as well as setting a defined time block around the activity of "things that happened when the music was playing" which helps me keep them from spilling over.

Step 2: Heartmath (love it it for me cuz I struggle to regulate my heartrate and autonomic system more generally. It's not quite emdr, but I get the sense that they pair well and if you're an emdr candidate you're a heartmath candidate and vice versa, though definitely don't go around quoting me on that because I am not a provider of either therapy). This is a form of breath and heart rate control combined with mindful visualisations to regulate the sympathetic nervous system and de-escalate it from fight or flight when necessary to my understanding (again don't quote me). I spend 5 min on my heartmath exercises which is about twice as long as I usually would for a maintenance round but half as long as I would to fully anchor myself back in reality, because a little distance and externalization here isn't a bad thing for me personally.

Step 3: text wifey. She worries when I don't respond, and since I'll be in headphones I won't hear anything. Gotta make sure she knows why. Also creates an external expectation on someone else's part that I will be starting soon, which creates the impetus along with my stim music (which has me boogie-ing by now) to get up and start working.

Step 4: write down a list of supplies I will need to use during my project. This is part of why I write my accountability posts here. It means I have already thought through my projects in detail and step by step which helps me complete this step where previously I'd have not been able to. I'll need all the hampers we have, a couple of trash bags, the broom, a washcloth and multipurpose cleaner, my headphones and phone.

Step 5: take 3 deep breaths in through my nose and out through my mouth and on the last exhale, get up and collect my items so I can get started after. Usually, once I'm moving it goes from there as long as I don't sit back down.

So now that I've shared this big snarly self-help-esque post with you, it's time for me to go confront my Doom Bin. May this (legally not therapeutic advice just me talking about my journey as I'm dealing with my personal experience of this phenomenon in case it resonates for yall to hear it) be meaningful to you in some way 🤝

[ellies-cycling-notes]

Day 11: Jordan Junction to Evitts Creek

Distance Covered: 76.72 miles

Total Time (including rests): 9:38 (7:51am-5:29pm)

Time spent riding: 6:34

Average Speed: 11.7 mph

Apples Eaten: 3 (jazz - 7.5/10, jazz - 6.5/10, jazz - 7/10)

Today's ride was a mix of good and bad. The riding itself went pretty well, staying on the C&O trail for almost the entire time. The C&O trail is a gravel path, so that's annoying, but it's still better than hilly paved roads. On the other hand, I did get a flat near the end of my ride, which kinda sucked, and even worse, I had to walk my bike for about 2.5 miles on a hilly hiking path because part of the C&O was closed off, and this was the only feasible detour. That detour is a large reason why my total time is 3 hours longer than my time spent riding.

There were almost no other bicyclists or joggers/hikers on the path today, so that was more relaxing. I spent a lot of the ride not thinking about anything and just enjoying the scenery. I am really tired out today, and am glad that tomorrow's ride is only ~68 miles. I did yoga, but I'm still going to do some more stretching, cause my legs are really hurting.

Notes on the Ride:

Counting sheep - I've started to count sheep as a way to fall asleep more quickly at campsites because I'd rather not just be laying in bed doing nothing for too long

More deer - I mentioned on previous days seeing deer once or twice crossing the path. Today, I lost count how many times there were deer right in front of me

Lots of wildlife - in addition to deer, I saw turtles, herons, ducks, frogs, cardinals, and even what looked like a wild cat. There're also a lot of bugs, but they're not the kind of wildlife I want to see.

Faulty pumps - I used my water filter multiple times today at pumps along the ride. However, some of the pumps didn't seem to want to work. I'd give them 20 or so pushes, and still no water would come out. Luckily, there's a pump every 3-5 miles on average, so when that happened I could just continue on to the next pump.

Bug in Mouth - I almost swallowed a fly that flew into my mouth as I was riding. Luckily, it got stuck on the outside of my teeth, and I was able to remove it.

Design Notes

Time loop

Possible Character roles (each player gets one, it influences what actions they can perform and what items they start with): captain, scientist, medical officer, engineer, security officer, navigator

Map: the map is a 3x5 grid of squares. The center square is the sleeping area, where all players start. Each room can have a player cap, which is the maximum number of people that can be in that room. The sleeping area has no player cap, but most rooms have a player cap. Here are some possible other rooms and possible player caps:

Cockpit - 2

Storage - 3

Escape Hatch - 1

Defense Controls - 1

Main Power Source - 3

Supplementary Power - 2

Emergency Power - 1

Food Hall - 4

Communications Room - 2/3

Meeting Room - no limit

Medical Bay - 3

Research room - 2

Brig - 2/3

Arms Supply - 2

Time events are what truly make this a legacy game, as they are the main part of the game which changes things from loop to loop. They are likely going to be necessary, despite the risks, in order to finally escape the time loop.

How serious do I want the game to be? If more comical, I can include more references, both to sci-fi in general and time travel specifically. For example: "time bandits" - a time event that steals an item; "it's bigger on the inside" - an event that removes the player cap for a room.

However, a more serious version would likely entice players who want to play the game more seriously, and take maximum advantage of things. In other words, I think it would be easier to apply a comical theme, but a more serious theme would better showcase what type of game it is.

Grid Delver

I also have a quick overview of the existing tiles in Grid Delver. Each tile is written out like this:

Tile Name - properties of tile; what level they first appear at; how common they are when they first appear; how much more common they become as you advance floors; whether they would be able to have points/gold on them in the new version; restrictions on how they might appead on the guaranteed path from start to finish

Tiles:

Floor - basic tile; level 0; high weight at start; low weight increase; can have points, can be on main path

Wall - block tile; level 0; high weight at first; grows slowly; no points; can't be on main path

Pit - deathtrap tile; level 0; medium weight at first; grows slowly; no points; can't be on main path

Mud - when you step on it, your next movement is skipped; level 1; medium weight at first; grows slowly; can have points; can be on main path

Ice - slide to the next tile after it when you step on it; level 2; low weight at first; increases quickly; can have points; can be on main path, but not on corners

Breaking Tile - a basic floor tile, but once you step on it, it turns into a pit on the next action; level 3; medium weight at first; medium growth; can have points; can be on main path

Jump - when you step on this tile, your next movement jumps forward, skipping a tile; level 4; low weight at first; slow growth; can have points; can be on the main path; but only if the next tile is not a corner

Quicksand - when stepped on, your next input must be "SPACE", if not, you die; level 5; low weight at first; fast growth; can have points; can be on main path

That's all for design notes. I know they might make a little less sense than usual, I just wanted to write down whatever was on my mind. I also didn't actually have much time to think about stuff, being too busy paying attention to scenery and then getting really tired.

I'm really looking forward to tomorrow, as I start the Great Allegheny Passage trail, which is much more of a dedicated bike path than the C&O trail. I've looked up a few bike shops so I should be able to replenish my supplies (mainly bike tube patches), and will probably also try to find a time to go grocery shopping, as I'm running low on bread, apples, and peanut butter.

Til next time!

Previous -- Today's Pics -- Next

[thegreatyin]

I'm not very good at mmos but I love final fantasy, do you have any tips or advice? Your character is cute!

i don't actually know much about a good chunk of the game- i'm only at early heavensward context (the second expansion) so take my advice with a tiny pinch of salt.

having said that, sure, i can try to give advice! also please note that ffxiv is my first final fantasy game, but i'm experienced with mmos, so it's like... the opposite outlook.

if you look up literally anything about ffxiv, it'll be veterans saying that the current base game (a realm reborn) is slow and largely boring. i disagree for a number of reasons, but... it certainly does drag on for awhile. as i said, i don't know how this compares to other games in the franchise, but this one is a slowburn- well worth the payoff, but still slow as hell.

a single character can play all of the classes! this means, for example, rigel (my oc-turned-player-character) can be a black mage, white mage, warrior, dark knight, ninja... basically, alts (mmo-speak for alternate characters, basically any character you create and play outside of your "main") are effectively useless, but still fun to do if you don't mind a grind.

for the sake of all that is holy, when you unlock a job quest, drop everything and do it. these almost always give new abilities that become an essential part of your toolkit, and when they don't, they're leading up to one. i don't care if you're about to do a main story quest and think you can pass by without it, just do it and save yourself the trouble later.

you get your first mount at level 20, the grand company chocobo. however, due to the stupid amount of exp early quests give you/depending on if you're in a favored server or not, you'll likely be far above that when you finally get your bird. rigel was around 27 when he got bird-riding rights. said rights are tied to the main story quests, as is everything, so make sure to do those too.

red mage is really really fun i highly recommend it

at early levels the 2.5 second gcd (global cooldown, a timer where you can't use any abilities for a period of time) will seem agonizing. it gets better. by level 50 as a black mage i felt like it was too short.

i don't know how to navigate square enix's terrible site but be warned it is certainly something that needs mental preparation before attempting. buying this game is a nightmare.

so don't! the free trial goes up to level 60 and includes the entirety of the first and second expansions (first is actually the base game but that's a whole other can of worms) and lasts indefinitely. you can be a free trial player for years and never stop. just be warned that once you buy the game you can't return to free-trial status so once ur sins are committed, they're committed for good.

love yourself. don't play a healer class. or do, if you're into masochism.

housing is a fucking NIGHTMARE i haven't touched it with a ten foot pole

you can use FATES (open-world multiplayer events, basically) to grind extra classes in a pinch. it's not much, but you can do it.

you know that starting mount i mentioned? the grand company chocobo? you can nickname it. and dress it up. and change its colors. and eventually summon it to fight alongside you as a bird pet/companion/best friend and legitimately why would you use any other mount

seriously rigel's bird is named luhmel and i cherish him SO much i spent all my gil on outfits for him birb my BELOVED

i'd honestly recommend ignoring the gold/normal sidequests after the first few levels- they usually don't offer much, and don't give much back. it's only worth doing the blue "plus" quests (which always unlock something for you/your character) and the main story quests (which. are main story, lol. they're marked with a fire symbol around the edge of the icon)

oh hey whatcha know your job quests are blue plus quests maybe that means something

if you want to take Aesthetic Screenshots™ there's a thing called group pose (aka gpose) that you can use to loop an emote and modify lighting and everything to make some really nice pictures. i haven't used it much because i unironically discovered it two hours ago but i sure will use it in the future

once/if you hit levels 50/60/70, you should start hoarding poetics/tombestones! these can be used to buy fresh new gear that not only looks stylish but also will legitimately last you for half of the next expansion. i'm not joking. these are absolutely worth the investment.

if you play lalafell you WILL be pat on the head. it's normal. let it happen.

y'shtola best girl

new players are called sprouts, and are given a little sprout icon beside their name to represent that! this actually stays for a while- 168 total hours played and completion of stormblood (3rd expansion), iirc. i'm still a sprout. rigel's a little sprout boy.

once you unlock the waking sands, i highly recommend going into the side room and talking to all the npcs there! they have different/new dialogue every time the main story quests tell you to return there, and getting to know them all... well, let's just say that it'll make some parts hit harder, y'know? it pays off.

i haven't personally done them but i've heard the hildibrad sidequests are really funny i recommend those

there's a gambling cactus to gamble your life away and the parkour minigame infuriates me beyond reasonable definition

the community as a whole is super nice, and way better at giving advice on the spot than i am! for an anime game where i can play my depressed edgy angsty angel boy as a walking disaster gay catboy, it's really wholesome. not for everyone, but definitely a good time if it is your kinda thing.

okay but seriously do your class/job quests

#ask #ffxiv #thank you rigel is super cute i love my catboy

[sunlightdances]

One Good Reason: (3/5) - Dean x Reader

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Female Reader Chapter Warnings: No major warnings, a shorter chapter this time as Dean and the Reader get used to living together. Also - something strange is happening at the bunker, and it’s not just Dean and the Reader pretending they’re not attracted to each other. Series Summary: Dean never brings women back to the bunker. It figures the one time he breaks his own rule, the state issues a lockdown. Navigating the next month is an exercise in trust, patience, and falling in love. Author’s Note: I don’t own Dean or Supernatural, but the plot and writing is mine, so please don’t repost it without my permission. Also: my new page divider is by the amazing @writeyourmindaway​!

Series Masterlist / Complete Masterlist

2.5 weeks later

You hiss as you get out of bed, the cool floor underneath you a shock first thing in the morning. You rifle through your suitcase, grabbing a hoodie and pulling it on, as well as a thick pair of socks. Yawning, you open your door and head down the hallway to the kitchen.

“Morning,” you say quietly to Dean, who’s already dressed at the table, a steaming cup of coffee in front of him. You narrow your eyes at him. Who looks that good first thing in the morning? His shirtsleeves are rolled up on his forearms, the veins there distracting you.

“Hi,” he says back, meeting your eyes briefly. It’s always like this - the two of you a little shy during the first conversation of the day. “Did you sleep okay?”

“Yeah,” you say, sighing, “I kept hearing noises. Were you and Sam up late?”

Dean looks up curiously. “I mean, we were up later than you.” He frowns, “Didn’t mean to keep you up.”

You start to get stuff together for your coffee, and scowl when you realize the almond milk you like is empty. And back in the fridge.

“It’s fine,” you tell him absently. You roll your eyes to yourself as you grab the now empty milk carton out of the fridge and set it on the counter with the rest of the empties waiting to be recycled - two empty boxes of cereal, and half a dozen beer bottles.

“Is it too much to ask for someone to not put an empty carton of milk in the fridge?”

Dean glances up from his laptop. He and Sam have been working on something for a few days, but he hasn’t mentioned details, and you haven’t asked.

“Don’t look at me,” he replies, “You and Sam are the only ones who drink that crap.” He makes a face at the carton of almond milk.

You sigh, and add the carton to the pile. “We have to go to the store again.”

“See, you say we, but you mean me.”

You smile sweetly, tilting your head. “But Dean. Think about how much you want to drive your car. Might as well run an errand, right?”

You can tell he’s trying not to smile. “You’re trouble.”

You hum, trying to figure out what else you’re going to have for breakfast now that milk is out of the question.

“Lactose intolerant?” He asks, going back to typing.

“Oh, not sure, actually. Just like the taste better.”

He hums. You stare at him for a bit, trying to figure him out. Dean is so mysterious, but still makes himself open, makes you feel comfortable and safe. It’s such a strange feeling. Still, you will not let his or his brother’s good looks make you forget why you’re a little irritated this morning.

Living with men is…. Hard. They’re constantly leaving messes everywhere (even though Dean has tendencies to clean everything when he’s bored) and the volume at which they play video games together…. Astronomical.

Your point is proven a few hours later when you’re on a call with your work team and even though you’re muted so they can’t hear Sam or Dean, you can’t hear a thing being said to you. “Can you guys excuse me just one minute?” You ask apologetically, and then take your headset off, storming down the hall.

You burst through the door and they barely even glance at you. Fuming, you walk right in front of the TV and stand there, arms crossed as they sputter.

“Hey! You make a better door than you do a window, you know.” Dean says, leaning to see around you.

“You are children.” You huff, blowing the hair that has escaped your ponytail out of your face. “I am on a work call. It’s important, and I can’t hear anything.”

Sam looks a little sheepish. “We thought with the door closed--”

“We can’t be that loud.” Dean interrupts.

You look at him like he’s grown another head. “All I’m asking is for a half hour of quiet. That’s it. I’m begging you.” You say, trying to turn on the charm. “Dean?”

He grumbles under his breath, but you can see the fight leaving him. “A half hour?”

“Maybe less,” you reason with him.

“Fine.”

You manage to finish your work call without any other disruptions, but by the time you’re finished, Sam and Dean are watching the news and you’re slipping into a worse and worse mood.

You’re more homesick than you’ve ever been. The weight of all of it is too much, and you excuse yourself from the room before you can burst into tears.

You hate this - you hate the whole state of the world and you hate that it’s forced you into the most awkward situation of your life, all because you couldn’t resist a pretty pair of eyes and a sense of humor.

You find your way to your room and curl in a ball on your bed, the unfamiliar texture of the blanket under you making your heart clench.

You start a YouTube video on your laptop, some mindless cooking videos that play on a loop until you manage to fall into a restless sleep.

.

.

.

Dean approaches your door hesitantly. He has no idea what he should do - if he should leave you alone, or try to apologize. Though if he’s honest, he’s not even sure what he should apologize for.

He’s just got a general guilty feeling coursing through his body. It’s his fault you’re stuck here, after all.

He notices the door isn’t shut all the way, so he pushes it open gently. The room is dark except from the light coming from your computer, and you’re curled in a ball on top of the covers.

Dean finds that he can’t stop staring at you, and wills himself to stop standing there like a creep. He pulls a throw blanket off the end of the bed and covers you with it, reaching over to push your laptop closed.

His mind has been flashing back to that first night with you, trying to understand what made you so different. He’s liked having you around, even if he won’t admit it to anyone who asks. He still feels that connection he felt the first night, but he has no idea what you’re thinking, and he doesn't want to push or pressure you, especially when you can’t leave even if you wanted to.

Leaving the room, he finds Sam and Cas in the kitchen. Cas has an armful of groceries.

“You better wipe those down,” Dean says, and Cas rolls his eyes.

“I can’t get sick, Dean.” He says it like he’s talking to a child.

“And what are you going to tell her when she wakes up?” He asks, gesturing towards the hall where you’re sleeping. “We don’t have any backup plan if things get weird.”

As if on cue, the lights above them flicker. Just once, but enough that the three of them freeze, eyes suddenly sharp.

“You’re kidding me.” Sam says.

A flutter of wings, and Cas is gone.

“What the fuck?” Dean asks, and Sam shrugs.

“Went to check it out? He’ll be back.”

“He can’t keep flying off. He’s going to slip up one of these days and appear in front of her and she’s going to pass out.”

Sam snickers. “You’re awfully protective.”

Dean ignores him, but he can’t deny it either. He feels it in his gut, to make sure you don’t find out the truth about him and Sam, and to make sure you feel comfortable while you’re here. Maybe it’s his innate need to take care of people, but the small voice in the back of his mind that he rarely listens to tells him it’s something else.

The lights flicker again, and Dean moves to the doorway, sighing. “We better figure this out, and soon.”

“You think it’s possible she brought something here with her?”

Dean stops, because he never even considered it. He just figured it was his own bad luck that while he’s trying to conceal who he really is from a girl he maybe sort of likes, a ghost would start haunting the bunker. Maybe it was Charlie here to finally give him the ass kicking he deserves for getting a girl like you stuck in this mess.

“I have no idea.”

Suddenly there are footsteps, and Dean shushes Sam before he can reply. You come into view a minute later, rubbing your fingers through your hair, and Dean finds he wants to do it for you. He shakes it off.

“Problems with the electrical in this place?” You ask.

Sam makes a choked noise that has you looking at him in alarm. “Uh-- yeah.” He recovers, “It’s an old place. You know.”

“Uh huh.” You look back at Dean for confirmation, and he shrugs.

“Slept okay?” He asks, changing the subject completely before he can put his foot in his mouth.

You nod. “Needed a nap.”

Dean looks a little closer and thinks he can see dried tear tracks on your cheeks. It has him reacting automatically, taking a step closer, but he sees you shrink back and he stops immediately, snapping back into awareness of what he’s doing.

“I’m going to take a shower,” you mumble, and then you’re gone, leaving Dean staring at his shoes, clenching his jaw and trying to figure out how you’re all get through a month more of this.

Cas appears back in the kitchen, and Dean glares.

“You have to stop doing that.”

“I think there’s a spirit in the bunker.” Cas says, ignoring Dean’s warning.

Sam groans, head tipping backwards. “Great. Good. Couldn’t be better timing.”

Dean puts his hands on his hips, sighing. “Look, tonight we’ll hunt it. Just-- we’ll wait until she’s asleep and hope it heads to the opposite end of the bunker.” He turns to Cas, “And you. Walk. You have to walk.”

Cas rolls his eyes, and Dean truly wonders if he’s going to make it through quarantine without killing his best friend or his brother, and if he can keep them all and you from being murdered by a vengeful spirit.

#dean x reader #spn reader insert #one good reason #dean winchester x reader

[amusement-spark]

Busch Gardens Part 4: Stanleyville and Jungala

For this review I will be combining a couple locations. In all I will be talking about Tigris, Sheikra, Stanley Falls Flume, and the Zambia Smokehouse. I am visiting this weekend where I will spend more time with the animals, performances, and the train, so I will have a separate post dedicated to those things.

First up, Tigris. Full disclosure, I love tigers. They are my favorite big cat and easily one of my favorite animals, so this might cloud my judgement of the ride slightly.

The queue before the ride is pretty simple with some atmospheric music, jungle plants, and fun facts about the ride itself and tigers in general. Even though I know this is impossible, I always get the feeling that there could be tigers lurking in the forest around the line. I’m sure some younger park goers have a similar experience. Up at the front of the line, the tv screens, in addition to showing normal safety information, have footage of tigers swimming and playing along with multiple choice trivia questions. Plenty to keep you interested for about 25 minutes. Luckily I have never seen the line for Tigris longer than 20.

Tigris is a roller coaster with two main special features. For one, the ride starts with a launch forward followed by an ascent backwards before the main portion of the ride begins. The second unique feature is what they call the "heartline roll," where the track spirals centered around your heart. Combined with the theming, I enjoy the feeling the coaster gives of being a tiger on the prowl, able to both stalk slowly and pounce at a moments notice. Tigris is contained basically on a single vertical plane, so rather than being jerked side to side, the thrills of Tigris come the changes in speed and the couple loops. Busch Gardens calls Tigris the “Tallest Launch Coaster,” at 150 feet, and I make sure to ride it every time I visit.

I love Tigris. It is something unique, always with a decently short wait, and a fun theme that, in my opinion, ties into the design of the ride itself, much like another one of my favorites, Cheetah Hunt. Tigris gets a 4.7/5.

The next ride in Stanleyville is the mighty SheiKra, the largest coaster at Busch Gardens Tampa. The queue takes riders through some stone ruins and up quite a few stairs on your way to the ride. Before entering the queue, you pass by where SheiKra drags through a pool of water, drenching all passers-by. A great way to help build anticipation for the ride. You really feel SheiKra’s power as it screams past. 

The biggest draw to SheiKra is the initial 200 foot drop at a steep angle, past 90 degrees. SheiKra, full of twists, and turns, and tunnels and splashes, is... fine. It’s fine. 

Yes that first big drop is incredible, but SheiKra’s massive size might actually work against it in the exhilaration department. Each of the three rows carries 8 riders, which makes the cars the widest in the park. When a ride like Kumba dives into a tunnel, it feel pretty tight, like a bat flying through a narrow opening. The width of SheiKra requires the tunnels and turns to be more open than the tight turns and gaps of the other rides at BG. 

SheiKra’s height and might make it very enticing, which also can make the line VERY long. Since every run can accommodate 24 riders, the wait is usually better than Cheetah Hunt or Cobra’s Curse. I would just advise riders to temper expectations just a little. Like I said, it’s fine. Just not my personal favorite. SheiKra gets 3.5/5.

Just a few steps from SheiKra is Busch Garden’s log flume, Stanley Falls. Quick story: when I visited last weekend and decided to ride the flume for the first time, it promptly broke down. We continued to move up in line as other patrons gave up on the ride. Once the ride got working again, about half an hour later, we witnessed an argument between a patron and one of the ride operators. There was a lot going on that day. It was hot, and a lot of people wanted to cool off by getting wet. So I will say the experience was memorable. The flume itself was... not.

If you’ve ever ridden a log flume ride at a smaller local amusement park, you’ve likely ridden one just like Stanley Falls. I wasn’t expecting the Mona Lisa of water rides, but I still feel like it was missing a little something extra. As far as log flumes go, Stanley Falls is decent. In the category of water rides at Busch Gardens Tampa, Stanley gets 4/5. But as a theme park attraction in general, Stanley falls a little flat: 2.5/5

Stanleyville is home to one of the major eateries at Busch Gardens, the Zambia Smokehouse. When I visited recently, I believe this was actually the longest line I waited in, and you know what? Actually worth it. I was pleasantly surprised. 

On the menu for main courses, the Smokehouse offers pork ribs, smoked chicken, brisket, and a pulled pork sandwich. We shared the ribs and the pulled pork and I thoroughly enjoyed them both. The sides are to be expected: fries, coleslaw, green beans, carrots. All the standard cookout fixings. I cannot stress enough how good the meat was. Easily the best theme park food I’ve had in years, and even some of the better ribs I’ve had recently. Around the Smokehouse there are signs talking about their cooking process and how they start firing the wood “before sunrise” and I appreciate having a food option that goes that extra step.

My only issue with the Smokehouse is that when you call an eatery “Zambia,” you might expect more than just american southern faire, but once you know what they’re serving, enjoy some old fashioned messy barbeque. They even give you wet wipes. Zambia Smokehouse gets a 5/5.

This whole section of the park is worth spending some time in. Come for the thrills, stay for the pork.

Splashes: 3.5/5

Wet wipes: 5/5

Launches: 4/5

Stanleyville (plus Tigris) gets a 4.2/5

#Busch Gardens #Tampa #Florida #amusement park #theme park #tigers #barbeque #smokehouse #log flume #water rides

[megbox]

2020 Year in Review

Previous Posts: (2019) (2018) (2017) (2016) (2015) (2014) (2013) (2012) (2011) 

2020 is a weird year because as the world goes through something collectively extremely traumatic and that is radically changing the structure of our lives, our workplaces, the way we connect socially, our mental health… our response to disease…. SO MUCH ABOUT THE WORLD…. And yet the day-to-day of living in a pandemic is so… mundane. I am privileged enough to have that opinion. I have stayed securely employed and it is privilege for my main reaction to something as intense as this pandemic to be boredom. But really, 2020 was a year of absences. It was a year spent largely alone, in my own company. It was a year that forced me to rest. It was a year that made me feel so terribly lonely but also forced me to get acquainted with myself and enjoy my own company in a new way. And it was a year of running. 

I would also like to thank Connor for making this post happen by reminding me to do it and not to break tradition. 

January & February 

I am combining these months because they were not altogether all that memorable. My resolutions, as I noted on Twitter on January 2, were to 1) Keep running and 2) Learn how to make fresh pasta dough. I can safely say – mission accomplished on both fronts. 

On January 14, I had the privilege of presenting a suicide intervention lecture to students at the medical school where my brother goes. By that time, I’d done a million of these presentations so nerves aren’t really a factor (imagine that! Me, no longer remotely afraid of public speaking…), but this one meant a little extra to me. My brother is so highly accomplished, and I am so proud of him, and I enjoyed having an opportunity to show him what I do and make him proud of me. I wore my favourite dress and did my hair all nice and he described it later as “exceptional.” It was a really, really good feeling. The first weekend of February, Ali and I had planned to go to Jasper. We wanted to go for a hike or two, and get super stoned and go to the planetarium. A huge blizzard hit Alberta just before we were supposed to leave, so we ended up having a staycation here in Calgary. We rented a hotel room, went swimming, drank wine, went to Japanese Village, had drinks in the lounge and then later to a punk rock band roulette night at the Palomino and finally crawled into our giant hotel bed and fell asleep to Remember the Titans… of all movies. It was the kind of night where you simultaneously feel 18 and 35 years old. 

March 

March was when the pandemic really started to become real. I don’t know exactly why, but I did not take the threat of coronavirus very seriously until the last minute. My coworkers would whisper about it in the hallways and I just rolled my eyes. But then, people started deciding they would work from home, the number of us in the office dwindled. The vibe was bad. Nobody could really focus. They held meetings at 8am and 4pm every day just for COVID-19 updates and we all waited with bated breath for them to finally tell us to go home and not come back. I really feel like I didn’t acknowledge the true implications of this virus until we got the official work from home order, and I had to tell my boss, my laptop at home is too old to run this software, I need a work tablet. My first official work from home day was March 23, 2020. I don’t remember much about that time except that the general sense of panic and anxiety made my job a lot busier, and it is hard to do a job like mine from home because it is hard to counsel or reassure clients through anxieties that are hitting you just as hard. I coped with wine, a lot of running, and listening to Ben Gibbard’s afternoon live streams where he would play acoustic versions of Death Cab songs and other covers. He played New Slang by the Shins one night and I burst into tears. I also coped with teaching myself how to make fresh pasta dough, and enjoying what was, at that point in the pandemic, the novelty and fun of Zoom. 

April 

In the absence of being able to have a party for my birthday, I decided to be obnoxious and do a “challenge” on my Instagram story. I asked my friends to record a distance run and/or walked and send it to me as a birthday present. My actual birthday ended up being a cold and windy and pretty miserable day. I ran 12km myself, came back home and watched both Magic Mike and Magic Mike XXL, and then went to my parents’ to celebrate both Scott and I’s birthdays with our family. My friends dropped off presents to my door and drove past my house and honked and I felt very loved and appreciated. I drank a lot of Prosecco with my brother and we listened to Kacey Musgraves. 

It was also in April that I become “acquainted” with my neighborhood running nemesis. I put acquainted in apostrophes because I have never actually spoken to him. On one fateful run in April, I happened to catch up to him on my regular route. This was at the height of the COVID fear and so, while I would usually just pass someone on the sidewalk, I went out into the street. He saw me out of the corner of his eye and SPED UP. WHICH IS SUCH BAD RUNNER ETIQUETTE LIKE DUDE I’M IN THE ROAD LET ME PASS YOU. And then we ended up in this like, all-out 100m-finals-at-the-motherfucking-Olympics sprint challenge when all I was trying to do was go for a leisurely training run. And then I finally passed him, turned a corner and had to like collapse on to my hands and knees to catch my breath. Since then, I see this man running all the time. Sometimes while I am also running, sometimes from my car when I am driving through my neighborhood. He’s like… 16. And we are very competitive with one another. I hope to one day actually say hello to him. I both hate that guy and have to thank him for the motivation. 

I ran my first half marathon on April 13, 2020. I was very hungover because I had stayed up quite late with someone on Zoom the night before on a virtual “first date” that had gone much better than anticipated. I don’t know why but I woke up the next morning in such a good mood that I decided I would go for a long, slow run. I got to 18km and figured, what’s 3.1 more? And so, I did it. The first thing I did upon finishing was call my mom. The second thing I did was contemplate calling an Uber to drive me the 2km left to my house. The other notable thing in April is that Maddy moved back from Australia, begrudgingly and a LOT earlier than planned, because of COVID. 

May

May was kind of a blur. It was the first month of the Great Virtual Race Across Tennessee, which I signed up for while coming off of the high of actually running a half marathon all by myself. The GVRAT was fucking awesome. It was created by Lazarus Lake, of Barkley Marathons fame. The ask is to run 1022.68km between May 1 and August 31, an average of about 8.3km per day. Well, you could run, walk, or hike. This is the actual distance it would take you to cover the state of Tennessee. Myself and about 20,000 other weirdos from around the world signed up for this challenge. I figured I would never get a chance to run in a Lazarus Lake race for real, and being home all the time opened up a lot more opportunity for training. It was one of the very best things I did for myself in 2020. So May involved a lot of running, because I was fresh and naïve and fully intended to be ahead of the curve. I was running about 10-12 per day, sometimes more, and not taking any rest days. 

In between these runs, I spent a lot of time going on long, ambling quarantine walks with Maddy. We would either go for a long walk or she would come over and we would get absolutely hammered in my backyard playing beer pong just to pass the time. We would send snapchats to our exes and make TikToks like 18 year olds. I know we never really said it out loud but having eachother during this time made these months bearable. We were lamenting the loss of a summer, and Maddy’s time in Australia, and all of the expectations we had for ourselves. We were watching our friends in relationships move in together or get closer due to the quarantine. We needed companionship, and stupid things to laugh about, and love, and distraction. And I can genuinely say I would not have gotten through this quarantine period if it weren’t for the nights I spent shooting Pink Whitney and dancing to Party in the USA in my living room with her. 

May 13th was my one year anniversary of working at the university. It felt good to have accomplished so many things in that time, and have moved up already in my job, and to have a full-time, permanent contract.

And May 16th was when I ran my second half-marathon as part of a virtual challenge put on by a friend of a friend. My parents came and sat in lawn chairs in the park while I did loops. They cheered me on and filled my water bottle for me when I ran out. They’re my number one supporters and I love having a family that does that kind of shit for me in the face of something arbitrary like a virtual half marathon challenge. I knocked 7 minutes (!) off my original time. Amazing what not being hungover can do for your fitness levels. 

June 

I don’t remember many important things about June, other than Maddy moving to Banff. It was depressing but I was also happy for her and happy to have an excuse to go out there and visit. I went the very first weekend after she moved. Halfway through June I seriously contemplated quitting the GVRAT. My shins were bruised, I was dreading every single run, and I could not fathom doing it for 2.5 more months. I was dragging behind in the standings and losing my motivation. 

I spent a lot of time with friends reading in parks. Sometimes, often, with wine. I met a stranger in Canmore Park and ended up kissing him. He was lovely. 

Ali and I had one really good day in June where we went to the Farmer’s Market and then came back to her place and watched Ru Paul’s drag race for like eight straight hours. It was one of those days where we hadn’t seen each other in so long and you just feel totally high off of friendship and absolutely everything is funny and you just can’t stop laughing. I vividly remember it as one of the best days of the year. 

July

Again, July kind of passed in a blur. I did a lot of hiking, and a lot of running… keeping up with the GVRAT. I hiked Picklejar Lakes, Castle Mountain, Little Beehive Lookout. 

I went to Banff for a weekend to hang out with Maddy. We had a predictably wild weekend with her roommates and friends. We had dinner at Chili’s (hell yeah) and then went to High Rollers for beers and bowling. The “thing to do” at that point for all of these Banff people was to meet at the “rec grounds” aka public firepits and drink. The police would generally leave you alone so long as you weren’t being rowdy. I sat next to an Australian named Josh at a picnic table and later took him back to my hotel room and he gave me the world’s most unbelievable obvious hickey. Maddy and I sweat out the tequila shots the next day with a long ass hike, and then had a nap before her brother came and took us climbing at the Sunshine slabs – an activity I was not very good at but I wanted to be good at. It was the kind of weekend where you feel like, okay, I definitely indulged my wild side. And you drive home just like totally exhausted but smiling. I sent Maddy’s brother a voice note on my way into town thanking him for taking us climbing and saying it was nice to see him.

August

Okay – August was actually really eventful. Like most of the year’s events happened in August, honestly. A lot of running and hiking. I did Ha Ling Peak for the first time, and we did a 30km hike to Aylmer Pass one day that was a fricken GRIND. I spent the long weekend in Saskatchewan. We went to a cidery, and I ran laps around my Dodo’s acreage, and then we got to visit Wakaw Lake and reunite with our old next-door neighbours. We took the boat out and went tubing and lit fireworks and had an amazing dinner and honestly it was like reliving my childhood in the best, best, best way. I fell asleep on the car ride home. 

I went camping with Ali in Sylvan Lake. We got ice cream and cooked fish tacos over the campfire. She told me that Cody had a date planned for the day they took possession of their house, that she wondered if he might ask her to marry him but didn’t want to get her hopes up in case it didn’t happen and ruin what otherwise was supposed to be a celebratory day. Spoiler – he did ask her to marry him  I was running when she called me. I was listening to Epsilon by Kygo, and now when I hear that song I always think of them. I stopped my watch and just openly bawled on the street out of happiness for them. 

Steven successfully defended his master’s thesis. We went camping in Waterton to celebrate with Matt, Kennedy, Regan, Scott, and Rie. They brought cake. We did a sunrise hike. I slept in the back of my Ford Escape. 

On August 27, Ollie passed away. It was both expected and unexpected. He had been having some issues with seizures. The vet didn’t think it was anything to be too concerned about, he was old and it wasn’t uncommon for them to happen. It happened suddenly. I had a terrible sleep that night, and woke up in a cold sweat somewhere between 3 and 4 am. In the morning, my mom called me and told me the news. He had a giant seizure in the night and was crying and yelping. They woke up and took him to the emergency vet, they made the executive call to put him down to prevent any further suffering. He died right around the time I woke up in the middle of the night. I like to think that was his way of saying goodbye, maybe. I cried all day. Well, let’s be honest, I cried all week. I burst into tears at the mere thought of him. He was such a good and lovely dog. He was so loved by us. He had a good life. It is always sad when we lose pets so early. They bring so much joy to our lives, and still when I go to my parents’ place the first thing I want to do is call for him or pet him. I hope he is running around in whatever the pet afterlife is. I miss him. 

And on August 31, I ran my last kilometre of the GVRAT. I finished with 733.78 run, 83.18 hiked, and 205.09 walked. 

September

September was a nice break from running. I got to start coming to campus one day a week, on Thursdays, which was good for my mental health and work productivity. I got to spend September long in Vernon with Maeghan and Madison at Michael’s family’s cabin. They took us boating and made us meals and didn’t judge us for drinking margaritas with Michael’s sister literally all day. It was the best. It was the epitome of every summer weekend you dream about. I was so happy I got to go. 

I met a boy in September. It’s always September, isn’t it? It feels weird to write about him. Like, that makes him significant. But. He is significant. And I met him in September. And it was unexpected. Last minute. And essentially not a day has gone by since that day in September that I have not thought about him.

I also joined a Calgary Sport and Social Club team with my friends for softball and it started in September. We played two games and then I tore my hamstring running from second to third base. I tore… my hamstring…. Running like 30 metres…. After a summer of literally running 10+ km every day. I… it was the worst day ever. Softball itself was amazing and so fun even though I really do suck at the sport but highly recommend Rec League C-level beer league softball with all of your best friends. There’s just no way that isn’t fun. 

October 

A lot of pouting about my hamstring, I went to two physio sessions and then decided to just start running again. I’m bad. I’m a bad example. Don’t do what I do… but also…. It worked. 

I went to Victoria to visit Sydney over the Thanksgiving weekend. We went to a Thanskgiving potluck party at my old coworker’s place. It was a nice experience to be the new people at a party, to have a room full of new people to meet and who ask you questions about your life. We got really drunk and they tried setting Sydney up with one of their roommate’s brothers, and gave us lipstick to try, and poured us tequila shots. We had such an amazing meal. It was honestly so fun. We laughed in the cab the whole way back about how we were going to need to debrief that evening HARD the next morning. We watched a lot of All Gas No Brakes, and went for dinner and brunch and I limped up Mount Doug with my hamstring. It was a very very chill weekend, like we spent a lot of time just lounging at Sydney’s apartment and doing nothing. Because that is the kind of friends we are. It was so relaxing and lovely. I was sad to leave. 

Karla, my roommate, left for New York at the end of October. Her aunt was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, and she and her mom made the executive move to go there to basically be with her for the end of her life. She wasn’t going to be back until December. I was happy, because it’s nice to have a place to myself, but also sad because Karla is lovely and I knew it was going to be a stressful situation for her. 

November / December

I am combining these two months because they have also been largely uneventful. In fact… I don’t know if I could really tell you anything significant that happened. We’ve been in a lockdown. I’ve spent my time playing piano, watching Netflix, listening to podcasts, basically doing all of the things I usually do when I’m bored. Lots of Among Us. Lots of outdoor things… skating… more running. We’ve been in a lockdown since early December. Time has dragged on since then. I spent Christmas with my parents. Scott and Rie stayed isolated, because Scott is in and out of the hospital for school. My mom and I watched shitty Christmas Hallmark movies and made fun of the guys who star in them. We drank a LOT on Christmas Eve and both spent Christmas with a wicked hangover. My dad and I ate edibles and I was launched into the stratosphere. I spent New Year’s Eve with Boy from September. We played beer pong, and card games, and he tried to use a coat hangover to pick the lock on the mysterious room that my landlord keeps locked. We spent most of the night kissing, honestly. I was happy to spend the last moments of the year with him.

2021: 

Honestly... at this point... who really knows? 

#year in review #text #personal #2020

[bartholomewmacmillan]

You'll need a boutonniere. Actress Kathryn Harrold is 66.

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[redhawtriot]

When Cheated On (Bakugou x Reader)

Tip Jar ☕- Not expected but always appreciated💞

Part 1: Shinsou

Part 2: Bakugou

All in all, your relationship with Bakugou was a successful one. You had pretty much gotten used to most of the more stressful situations. 

You had mastered cohabiting with with the meticulous hot head, you had braved social events with his alter ego, Ground Zero, and you had even conquered waiting alone during those long nights when he wouldn’t come home until the next morning due to his night patrols/missions.

There were also some aspects of your relationship that took a little more effort to get used to.

His refusal to warm you in public.

His persistent emotional wall that he had up.

His obsessive need to check your phone

Bakugou knew that he was an overbearing, overprotective, overwhelming boyfriend. He knew that it bothered you when you would find him going through your phone when you had accidentally left it laying around the house, vulnerable.

Eventually you had become somewhat accustomed to these intruding acts and were confident that he would never find anything incriminating on your phone—until he did.

“Y/N!!!” you heard him roar, causing you to temporarily lose your footing in the shower.

You heard him slam open the bathroom door only moments before the shower curtain was jerked open, inviting piercing cold air onto your wet skin.

“Katsuki! What the hell is your problem?!” You screamed at him as you tried to find sanctuary under the hot running water of the shower.

“NO!” he screeched as he angrily twisted the shower off, leaving you vulnerable to the icy air. You opened your mouth to protest but he sharply shoved your lit phone into your face as he continued his verbal assault, “What the hell is your problem, you idiot!?”

Your eyes struggled to focus on the objected being forced at you, but after a few short moments you saw a stream of texts that you had with one of your co-workers.

Implicating texts you were sure you deleted the night before. How could you have not deleted them the night before?!

Bakugou’s heart dropped when he saw your eyes widen at the phone set between the two of you.

Your silence caused his expression to momentarily falter. This wasn’t the way that this supposed to go. He would confront you with something. You would immediately refute his claims with that stupid adorable laugh you did and throw yourself on him saying things like,

“Your arms must hurt from reaching so hard all of the damn time,” or,

“Can’t I have two moments of peace in my own home?” and then you would shower him with endless compliments and praise, and tell him how much he meant to you before your eyes would glaze over with an expression that he knew all too well.

You would slowly draw him closer you with that stupid laugh and grace his neck and jaw with a flurry of soft and warm kisses. You would drag your hot lips up to his ear and whisper for him to ‘break your back like a glow-stick.’

He hated it when you said dumb shit like that. It completely killed the mood, but now as he stared at you with your mouth fumbling over itself, unable to say a word, he wished that he could hear it again.

Because he knew then that he wasn’t blowing things out of proportions like he usually did.

His brain tried to process these events but with them came too many emotions. He couldn’t compute the scene that played out in front of him.

“You… cheated on me?!” he voice cracked as his throat began to dry out. His brain seemed to finally click as the happenings fell into place.

He snarled as he tried to cover up this obvious tell of emotion, “and your dumb ass thought that I wouldn’t find out?!” he screamed before destroying the phone in a ball of smoke and flames.

“Katsuki!” you cried out in horror.

He honestly hadn’t meant to do that, but he rolled with it anyway. Destruction was the only thing between him and a full-blown mental breakdown right now.

You immediately grabbed your nearby towel and floundered out of the shower, “I- I don’t know what to...” you struggled to formulate a full sentence as you frantically threw a towel around yourself. You looked up to his face and was met with an unfamiliar expression.

You expected his eyebrows to be twisted and raised in a crazed expression.

You expected his teeth to be grinding inside of his scowling mouth.

You expected him to be furious.

You would have preferred it that way honestly because the softened face and wet eyes that you were met with broke your heart in a million different ways.

Your confrontational and boisterous boyfriend seemed to be replaced with a heartbroken, helpless stranger. 

You felt the back of your eyes become hot. 

In that moment for Bakugou your eyes were trying to destroy that fine line that he was dangerously teetering on. As he looked into them they only reminded him of how much he loved you and how terrified of losing you he was. Bakugou absolutely hated losing.

His heart flipped inside of his tight chest as the first tear fell from your face.

You didn’t even bother on prefacing with a ‘let me explain.’ Your Bakugou hardly listened to you enough normally, it would be a miracle if he listened to anything you said right now at all in his unstable state, “They... were just a friend I swear,” you knew better than to grab him, so instead you threw your your face in his shirt, “We just had too much to drink this weekend, but I swear I didn’t sleep with them. I stopped myself! I—”

“You stopped yourself, Y/N? Congradu-fucking-lations!” The way that he yelled at you didn't match the hopeless look on his face and he knew it. Frustrated, he aggressively wiped his eyes clean with his arm, “I’m gonna go to the guest bedroom. You get an hour to pack up your shit and leave.”

You couldn't find it in yourself to answer him. You knew that reverting to your old tactics of flattery wouldn’t help you now, but maybe there was one last effort to fall back on. 

You hesitantly moved your face up to look at him, but he wasn’t looking at you. He was staring at the shower in front of you as if the last five minutes were playing on a loop in his mind. God, you had broken him.

You paused for a moment before reaching up to his jaw and pressing a firm kiss on his skin. He still remained as a statue-- unmoving and unbothered; however, his lack of disapproval pushed you to place down another kiss. 

Then another. 

And another until your lips found there way to his own. You were more than surprised to find his lips moving ceremoniously with your own. They moved in a well-rehearsed, passionate dance that you two had been practicing for a long time. 

His hands moved up to your hair and grasped tightly at the fibers as he drew you in closer to him to intensify the performance. You leaned your body against his and felt your head become light against his tight grip as he moved you to match him. 

You felt a slight wetness splatter onto one of your cheeks before your dance was harshly abrupted. 

“Cut that shit out.” he suddenly yanked his face away from yours as he lowly commanded you. You looked up to his face which was being progressively covered in more tears.

“Baby…” you wheezed as if the air had just been knocked out of you. You reached out to his face, “I thought—”

“GO!” he bellowed as he snatched his body from you and smacked your hand away from him. He once again harshly wiped his face dry with his arm, “Get to packing.” 

You noticed that he was starting to tear up again as he marched to the guest bedroom and slammed the door behind him.

You waited only a few moments before mustering up the courage to follow after him. Your hand paused as you reached out to grab to door handle. I guess deep down you knew that the events that would occur on the other side would forever change the nature of your relationship. 

.

.

.

Part 2.5?  Someone else could even write it if you wanted to.... jk... unless?

#katsuki bakugou #bakugou x reader #bakugou imagine #bakugou katsuki #mha #mha imagines #bnha imagines #mha x reader #bnha x reader

[sweetsmellosuccess]

The Sátántangó Experience

How exactly does one prepare to watch a 7.5 hour film? A bit like what you might do in preparation for major surgery: Pack a bag of necessities (in this case, water and protein bars), kiss your loved ones goodbye, and try to make peace with your god. Or, maybe less dramatically, treat it as you would a long train journey, one that takes you through some harrowing terrain on half a rutted track before depositing you to your eventual destination.

Of course, this sort of conception of time is entirely relative: If you have to drive somewhere that takes half an hour, it feels unduly long; but if the trip were normally three hours long, and you somehow found a shortcut that would cut the time down to 30 minutes, you would be flying on dulcet wings for that amount of time, and think you were blessed by angels. In other words, spending an entire standard work day watching one film might seem excessive, but it all has to do with your expectations.

In my case, I was at Philadelphia’s newly renovated Lightbox Theater at the University of the Arts to take in Béla Tarr’s magnum opus Sátántangó, all glorious 450 minutes, in a new 4K restoration (it’s currently playing at select theaters across the country). Armed with my snack survival kit, and safe in the knowledge that we would get intermissions at roughly 2.5 hour intervals, I settled in to watch what has been described as a masterpiece in cinephile circles, and currently resides at number 36 in the most recent Sight & Sound critics’ poll.

Tarr’s beyond-bleak film is broken up into 12 segments, each having to do with a failing farmer’s cooperative in Hungary during the last throes of communism in the late ‘80s. Each section has its own feel and perspective  —  some of them are more lighthearted, others are desolate beyond measure  —  but all expertly shot in low-contrast black and white (by Gábor Medvigy), which renders the people and landscape in various tones of drudgery grey.

It originally opened in America as part of the 1994 New York film festival, at a time when Hungary was undergoing a transformation from Communism to shaky democratic capitalism, so it served as a kind of epigraph to the era, a showcase, as it were, as to the imperfections of a political system built on a promise of human egalitarianism that proved to be depressingly difficult to put into practice.

The landscape makes up a lot of Tarr’s vision, the flat, moody farmland upon which the collective has been toiling, and the unceasing rain and wind that constantly pelts the characters as they venture outside for one business or another. As the film opens, the collective  —  made up of three couples; a curious “doctor” (Peter Berling), who spends his time spying on the others, making copious notes in his stacks of file folders, and daily drinking his considerable body weight in Palinka (Hungarian plum brandy); and the cagey Futaki (Miklos Szekely B.), who has to walk with a cane from an unspecified accident, but seems a bit more shrewd than the others  —  is anxiously awaiting their annual wages, which come all at once and is meant to get divvied up amongst the members equally.

Early on, there are various halfcocked plans from individuals to try and steal the small fortune for themselves, reflected in much idle talk about meeting that evening and decamping for parts unknown, but that ultimately come to nothing. However, when word reaches the group that the mysterious Irimiás (Mihály Vig, also the film’s composer) is, in fact, not dead as they had been told, but alive, and returning to the collective he started, the group dynamic is thrown akimbo, with various members fretting for their future, and, one, the owner of the local bar (Zoltán Kamondi), furious at the thought his business will be taken from him. 

Just why they respond like this remains vague. In ensuing segments, we see Irimiás, along with his associate, Petrina (Dr. Putyi Horvath), navigating through a police interview  —  where the local Captain informs them they will be working for him now in ways unspecified  —  though it appears the collective had very actively planned on not having to include their former leader (and his right-hand man) in their financial arrangements. As for the non-collective characters, including the aforementioned barkeep, and various prostitutes sitting idly around, the collective is virtually their only business, such as it is, so they, too, await this potential flood of cash eagerly.

As the segments begin to collect, they also begin to fold upon themselves: Scenes that we see from one vantage point in an earlier segment are revisited later on, from the perspective of a different character, enabling a thrilling moment of realization that the stream of time we’re following has breaks, jumps, and hiccoughs throughout. Never more poignantly than a moment with a young girl peering into a window of the bar  —  one of the only lit buildings in the otherwise dismally dark countryside  —  watching the adults inside drunkenly dancing and cavorting.

About that girl. Easily the most emotional moment of the film involves her, but not first without the audience paying a heavy price, depending on your empathy for other creatures. Before the film screened, during its introduction, we were made aware that there was a scene of animal cruelty involving a cat somewhere in the proceedings. The sympathetic presenter, himself a cat lover, suggested looking away for parts of that segment, though a friend of mine in attendance who had seen it before assured me looking away wasn’t really an option. Fortunately, he also told me that the cat in question wasn’t actually hurt, and was still alive at the time of a 2012 interview with Tarr.

Needless to say, my worry about this poor cat dominated my experience in the early going: Every time I saw a feline in the background of a scene, I worried that it was coming up, such that it was almost a relief when it finally happened. The situation is this: Estike (Erica Bók), the young daughter of one of the local prostitutes, caught up in her world of half-fantasies after being sent out of their apartment by her working mother, holes up in an attic with a grey tabby. At first, she pets and cuddles him, but eventually, she desires to control him, bend the cat to her will. To the cat’s increasing discomfort and fury, she grabs him by the front paws and rolls around with him, all the while muttering how she alone can determine its fate. Looping up the poor fellow in a net bag and hanging it from a post, she goes downstairs to mix a batch of milk with some rat poison powder and force feeds him until he dies (though in actuality merely tranquilized).

Wandering around the farm that night with the stiffened body of the cat tucked under her arm (a prosthetic, the director assures us), Estike runs into the doctor, shuffling outside to refill his giant jug of brandy, shortly after peering through the window of the bar. Eventually, she lies down amongst the deserted crumble of a bomb-blasted church and takes the poison herself.

As gruesome as the segment becomes, its haunting evocations permeate the rest of the film (though not immediately: in a jarring juxtaposition, the very next segment takes us back to the bar, where everyone is still dancing wildly about to a loopy accordion refrain —  only towards the end of this extended scene do we see the face of the soon-to-be-dead Estike peering inside). Eventually, Irimiás does indeed return, in time to give a moving eulogy for Estike, while at the same time transitioning the group towards his next vision, a new farm some distance away where he assures them they can finally live freely and thrive. All he needs to achieve this goal for them is the money they just received from their previous year’s efforts.

With nowhere else to go, and no other plan on the horizon, the members of the collective dutifully deposit their wages on the table in front of their leader. He sends them out to pack their things so that they may meet with him in a couple of days at the new farm he’s selected.

Gathering their miserable belongings, the group reassemble and trudge down the muddy road on foot, as the rain pelts down on them without ceasing. Distressingly, the members don’t have any proper rain coats  —  in an earlier soliloquy in the bar, Kráner (János Derszi) laments that his leather coat is so old and stiff he has to bend it in order to sit down  —  so they wear their woolen winter coats, which do little to keep them from getting soaked in the heavy fall rains.

As they make their way to this new destination, it’s clear that Irimiás is up to something. Most obviously, he could make off with their wages and move on, but it turns out his scheme is less direct than just taking their hard-earned money for himself.

Towards the second half, Tarr’s penchant for long, elegantly composed shots gives gradually away to more adventurous camerawork, including a single steadicam shot in the woods that’s like something out of a Sam Raimi film. There are extensive elliptical shots with the camera spinning slowly on an axis, this particular effect never more effective than when after the group arrives at their new farm, yet another dilapidated series of box-like concrete buildings. Once they dump their belongings and lie on the floor of the unheated, broken-windowed main house, trying to sleep, our narrator makes one of his occasional VO appearances to describe in intimate detail the dreams each character is having.

It’s a shot that could have served as an excellent final salvo, one would imagine. Indeed, by the last hour of this opus, time and again, Tarr arrives at what might be considered a conclusive moment  —  in this, the confusion is aided by his particular style: It turns out many films end on a superbly composed, static long shot  —  only to keep the narrative flowing, circling back, eventually to the original farm, where the doctor, having just returned from a stint in a hospital, begins to narrate, again, the original opening lines. Such is the perfection in this device (the segment is titled “The Circle Closes”) that once you finally arrive there, it’s clear there could be no other ending that would have sufficed.

When finally the film ended, it was later in the evening. I met up with my compatriots also in attendance, and the three of us ventured back out into the city, heading to a bar where we could nurse a beer and attempt to articulate the tangled mass of feelings and impressions of the previous nine hours. In one of the very few bars in the city that still allows smoking, appropriately enough, we debated about the film in an atmosphere swirling with the poisonous fumes of an earlier era. It seemed hopeless, but still necessary, somehow; like bidding farewell to someone already in a coma.

#sweet smell of success #ssos #piers marchant #films #movies #satantango #bela tarr #hungary #communism #Mihály Vig #philadelphia lightbox theater

[projectclockwurk]

Don’t know if I’ll make this a habit on this blog but here we go...

【 Layers of Fear 2 is a game that puts you in the shoes of an actor aboard an ocean liner where you are shooting your latest film. The director is enigmatic and demands things be just so. It should be just like any other film shoot but all is not as it seems. 】

Now, I’m a big fan of the first Layers of Fear game. Though it was something of a Haunted House simulator I thought it was a fun time and that the story was engaging and unlike many horror games in the same vein, you could actually piece together the story coherently with just enough mystery to make you draw your own conclusions on certain events.

The DLC however was a huge disappointment to me that I ended up finishing in under two hours and returned to Steam. Given how much I loved the base game you can imagine my disappointment.

I had no idea a second one was even in production until the day before it dropped. I only discovered it because two YouTubers I watch (John Wolfe and MrKravin) uploaded the first hour of it to their channels. I watched a few minutes of the game and was stunned. I stopped watching and excitedly went to purchase it off of Steam and got to playing immediately.

I was at once enraptured with the enviroment. It looked stunning even in Low Graphic Settings (my laptop couldn’t take High Graphic Settings. I tried and it crashed the game after a few minutes. Sorry laptop). I was drawn in by the opening sequence and the visuals and the mysterious, deep, masculine voice speaking to me once the character woke up in their cabin.

The game is split into Acts and right off the bat in Act I, entitled The Unmooring, it wastes no time in trying to scare you and getting mind bendy with things such as a face in the mirror and a looping room ala P.T. style.

I must admit that some of the scares actually got me and the atmosphere that was set up certainly helped. There was even a moment where I screamed out loud which earned the game a few extra points given I never scream in fear when consuming horror media. I’m more the type that jumps about a mile out of their skin when something frightens me.

But let’s get a little more into the pros and cons of the game and break this down into sections so I might put more detail and structure into what worked and what didn’t:

Visuals: As I said above...gorgeous. They really did a great job. I thought the first game was beautiful and I feel they upped it for this one. Even on Low Graphic Settings it looked amazing. Better than the first. There were, at times, some odd texture issues. Textures on certain objects when observed from far aware had pixels flashing in and out of existence or appeared far too blurry even when standing right in front of them. Switching to High Graphics for a moment did not fix the issue so it is not a problem of having it set to Low. I don’t think, however, this should take points away from the game at large due to the environments and objects still looking beautiful and having been done extremely well.

Lighting: Oh...my God. This game is as dark as the Battle of Winterfell. It’s so damn difficult to see at times which becomes very annoying when seeking things out and during certain points of the game where you need to navigate the dark in a hurry. By the end of the game, I had the Gamma cranked all the way up and it was still really goddamn dark. Act II, entitled The Hunt, which is almost entirely in black and white, was a special kind of nightmare. I don’t know who decided lights were overrated but uh...horror games don’t have to be dark as the night sky to be scary. Ever heard of Daylight Horror?

Dialogue: The dialogue was perfectly fine. It was articulate and well constructed but it got quite pretentious and flowery at times which is very par for the course with games like it and was even a thing in the first one. So I won’t take points away for that as I knew what I was getting into.

Story: The story is engaging and draws you in, you really care about the tale of siblings Lily and James and their attempt to make it across the ocean and start a new life. However, the story as a whole falls flat and leaves you with more theories than answers and the endings can further complicate your understanding of the story as a whole. The ending I achieved actually ruined my experience with the game quite a fair bit as it didn’t line up with anything the game had given me up till that point and any theories I had were dashed. One ending made the most sense and lined up with one theory I had but still didn’t totally answer what was going on. The secret ending only made things more complicated. You’re not sure if the story was telling you about the past or if it had to do with the entire theme of Build the Character. Perhaps this was the point but the ambiguity is annoying and not employed particularly well in my personal opinion. Especially given the context of the third ending. Seriously, what the hell was even going on there?

Scares: The scares were....lacking in this entry. As I mentioned above, some got me, one made me scream but that was pretty much entirely in Act I....there are five acts to this game. The jump scares weren’t as strong and the atmosphere was strongest in the first act. The chase sequences were only scary the first two times it happened. After that they got so annoying that every time one started I immediately became very cross with the game. It doesn’t help that you will always die at least once during every chase sequence before you figure out where you need to go in the way too dark enviroment where it’s easy to miss things and given Act II is almost entirely a chase sequence you can imagine the rage I experienced. The Formless Man quickly became an annoyance rather than terrifying, especially in Act V, entitled Forever, where I died FOUR TIMES because the game decided to throw me into a narrow maze of mannequins and make the enemy basically teleport. There were also a few sequences where you experience cheap deaths because no indication was given that the Formless Man would appear. The first Layers of Fear was much stronger in the scares department.

Overall: This game was very underwhelming in the end, sadly. While the visuals were nice and the dialogue was on point, it was lacking pretty much everywhere else and that genuinely makes me sad. I wanted this game to be even better than the first one but it did not even come close. If you truly wish to experience it for yourself wait at least until it’s fifty to seventy-five percent off.

Final Score: 2.5/5

#layers of fear #layers of fear 2 #game review #couldn't fit this in anywhere but there was also a weird the shining reference #as in the two girls and it like straight up mimicked the hallway where denny sees them dead #and it made NO SENSE in context or for the time period the story was set #which is way before the shining even existed

[sylvinargentina]

Iguazu Falls - Argentina and Brazil

Amanda and I woke up early this morning (6:45a Amanda’s favorite) to get a jump start on the park since we had 2 more circuits to do. Had breakfast 7-7:45 and walked into the park from the hotel. Passing signs saying park open 8-6 leave hotel property at your own risk outside of those times, since it was a few min early they hadn’t removed the signs yet.

We did the upper loop first since we heard the first train to the second loop doesn’t leave until 8:45 from the station, thinking we’d catch the 2nd one (one train every 30 min).

The upper loop circuit is a one way loop and we were the first in with only one couple from the hotel a little ways behind us. Empty!!! The perks of staying in the park. On this route we were on top of the waterfalls we saw last night. And we saw a different animal - coatimundis (some kind of raccoon according to Google) - see picture.

Once we finished this route we headed to the train station for the next circuit. We were told we had to get a ticket before getting on the train. The ticket guy said the next train available was 10:10... more than an hour away... even though the next actual train was at 9:10 and there was a train every 30. The whole round trip was supposed to be an hour and a half including the walk to the falls and train both ways... that would be cutting it close to our 12:30 checkout and taxi. But what could we do, they at least said we could take any train back and they were every 15 min. So we took the 10:10 ticket. As the train arrived I saw a 5 person tour group who I knew was on the 9:40 train ask if there was room on the 9:10... so I rushed over with Amanda and asked if there were two more seats. We got on!!! We weren’t sitting together but we were on!

A nice slow little ride, we could have walked it too but it would have taken a lot longer. Because this was only the 2nd train of the day, the walk and falls had a small amount of people around us.

The Garganta Del Diablo (Devil’s throat) falls were incredible to see! Powerful and definitely sprayed us. As you can see with the splotches on the camera lense on my face in this picture. It was a lot of fun!

Once back to the train station we saw another ticket booth... knowing from before we asked and one guy said we needed a ticket... but the actual ticket guy said we didn’t. So we went to sit down on a bench on the train platform. A conductor came over for the train that just arrived and asked if we had tickets...ugh!!! When we said we were going to the middle train stop he also said we couldn’t take this train we had to take the next one anyway. We were very confused and I was getting a little frustrated. So I told Amanda to wait on the bench while I went back to the ticket boot. Still the ticket guy said I didn’t need a ticket. I insisted, instead he gave two to another couple going to the same place... then finally after insisting like 3 more times that we needed the same tickets he just gave the couple he finally gave me two tickets for the next train. Phew... but annoying!

Because Amanda was sitting on the platform I got through the ropes they had put up for the other passengers and sat with her. So we got on the train first, got seats together, and got back to our hotel about 25 min later.

We had about an hour+- before our Taxi. So Amanda chilled in the room and I hung out at the pool . Then we finished packing and our taxi arrived to take us to the Brazil side. Sadly, no boat trip because they were all sold out and timing didn’t work out well. But means I have something to do next time.

They have two control points along the boarder one in the Argentina side and one on the Brazil side. The Argentina side was just like a normal toll booth. The taxi driver handed him a piece of paper with our information she wrote from our documents. Then the Brazil side we had to get out and go into a building. No line so we were quickly helped and quickly on our way to the hotel in Brazil.

Once at our hotel in Brazil we got situated in our room and headed out to lunch at a buffet a block away. It wasn’t a memorable meal but it was 2p after a 7am breakfast and walking so I was hungry!

After we went to the bus stop to catch the bus (2 blocks from the hotel). But we weren’t sure how to get tickets and after 15 min the bus hadn’t shown. So we decided to try Uber, since the guy at the hotel desk suggested it. But neither of us could use the app... it kept giving us errors... more reasons not to use it. So we got a taxi. The guy spoke some English but more Spanish so we figured out communicating somehow. When he dropped us off at the entrance to the Brazil side of the park and he said he’d come back at a time we asked for (4:45p because we thought the park closed at 5p) and said we could pay after for round trip. VERY TRUSTING!  This gave us about an hour and a half (a little less) to do the 15+ min walk... or so I thought. 

Once we bought tickets the park has double-decker (open top) buses to take you into the park. This drive not only was longer than I expected but it also had a few stops before the stop we wanted. So 30 min later we were finally at the start of the walk. Then the walk was also definitely longer than 15 min... ended up being about 40 min with us walking fast... :P

Still the sights on this side of Devil’s Throat were incredible too. Definitely more water on this side and the walkway that went across the cliff top gave great views and rainbows! (see pictures below, rainbow is in the third picture with the elevator)

We caught the elevator up (mostly saved for those with disabilities, see pic) to save ourselves time - there was no line or we wouldn’t have asked. We caught a bus perfect timing and ended up being only 10 min late to meet the taxi.

Got back to the hotel and had about 2.5 hours before going to see a dinner show. So Amanda hung out in the room and I went to the small pool to cool off. It started to sprinkle but luckily I was under an umbrella and already wet from swimming. Got ready back at the room before heading down to the hotel lobby to meet a car to the show at 8p. Of course right before leaving our room Amanda heard it pouring rain/thunder/lightning out so we luckily grabbed our jackets/umbrellas. This show was something I thought someone we met earlier in the trip suggested but it meant had no idea what to expect! 

We arrived at a large hall with a lot of people and a lot of tables. People were clambering over buffet tables of food. It felt like a madhouse! For $84 for two of us we had a pretty good meal (good meat and pasta anyway) and an “interesting” show. It was, as Amanda put it, like somethings on fire and you can’t look away. Basically the show was showing 8 countries through dance... which as a concept is fun but it was definitely more about the costumes and flourish/flashy. Of the eight countries (seen in pic below) the music was picked based on country but not always played well and the dancing wasn’t always an original step vs just moving around and the costumes were definitely all over the top. I think the Tango (Argentina) part was the most interesting because they had 3 couples dispersed around the floor and dancing on a table, one couple was right next to us (picture). Overall, it definitely was a little over the top, but we had some laughs and at least had a meal.

Now back home and making sure we’re mostly packed as we head to Sao Paulo tomorrow... hopefully the forseen thunder storms won’t keep us from leaving...

#iguazú #iguazufalls #dinnershow #waterfalls #cataratas #rainbows #beautiful #argentina1

[pinelife3]

Russian Doll

The Netflix show Russian Doll recycles Groundhog Day’s ‘bad person relives the same mistakes to learn a lesson’ premise pretty well. I mean, it’s one of this year’s most hyped shows so it has at least been effective in impressing critics. Emily Nussbaum at The New Yorker called it a “clever thrill ride”. Willa Paskin at Slate called it [no obvious lionising pull quote but a positive review overall]. Sophie Gilbert over at The Atlantic called it “tightly contained”. (Wait, that sounds like praise for a rabbit hutch. Let me see what else I can find.) Oh she called it “a zany, biting comedy of manners” and “remarkably well done.” Each of these reviews references Groundhog Day if only to say that Russian Doll is not like Groundhog Day. Right. (I challenge you to find a Russian Doll review that doesn’t name check Groundhog Day - I have read many for this blog post and they all cite it. And I have also fallen into the trap - if only to reference the trap.)

Russian Doll takes ~2.5 eps to break out of the ‘omg this crazy thing is happening to me and I’m bad at explaining my experience to people’ pattern. I found that to be a bad pattern - like this one:

Watching a protagonist react with confusion and shock to something you understand perfectly based on a 30 second trailer (which autoplays on Netflix and is therefore unavoidable) is not a good audience experience. Seeing a protagonist reference Nietzsche with flip ease but fail to refer to Groundhog Day or any time travel film is annoying. 

Many critics have been expressing admiration for Lyonne’s acting abilities and double admiration that Netflix and co. gave her a platform to deliver that performance. Some critics have argued that Lyonne has been long overdue for a vehicle worthy of her talents+. This is not a solid argument because Lyonne isn’t acting much at all and is therefore not displaying any talent. I’m not saying she isn’t cool or charismatic - but those aren’t talents which require an acting vehicle. The differences between Russian Doll Lyonne/Orange is the New Black Lyonne and IRL Lyonne seem pretty minimal (even the heroin addiction doesn’t create much of a gap).

^^“You are very much the character you play.” Sounds like a tough role. 

+At 4:44 in this ep of the Slate Culture Gabfest, quoth Julia Turner (erstwhile editor-in-chief of Slate, now Deputy Managing Director of the LA Times): “Now we have a Natasha Lyonne vehicle which - why hasn’t anybody given Natasha Lyonne more vehicles, you know, she one of the creators of this show and you can tell, it’s finally a project that is designed to set off all of her particular talents and delights as an actress. Like, people should have been giving Natasha Lyonne as many vehicles as they’ve given all the stars of The Fast and the Furious over the last 17 movies...”

We already know that time travel, mortal coils, cosmic loops, etc. are whackadoo occurrences. Seeing Natasha Lyonne ‘act’ surprised while she scratches her head for two hours+ (2.5 ~25 min episodes) before the plot switches it up is anti-fun. Sure, that happens in Groundhog Day too but that movie is a tight 100 minutes so it moves with a bit of purpose. 

I made it through three episodes of Groundhog Day Russian Doll. Even before I watched it, I knew that the first episode would be the protagonist playing catch-up to what the audience already knew: you’re stuck in a cosmic loop that re-starts every time you die. For some reason, once you arrive at this party you die very often. You made it 36 years without dying but now you cannot walk down the stairs without dying. I am not intrigued to find out why. I think the success of the show hinges on the audience being charmed by Lyonne (’s character) and since I am not the show doesn’t work for me. A show not working for me would not normally be worth blogging about but I have a perverse obsession with disagreeing with critics - what they love I often work hard to hate. This isn’t always true (see: Call Me By Your Name, Paddington 2, etc.) but it is certainly a pattern.

Next time I blog, I want to swing the other way: I want to defend a film which has attracted a lot of criticism for forcing the audience to watch a white man make his first black friend, for sharing Driving Miss Daisy’s stodgy view of racial politics, for being by white people for white people, etc. - the Academy Award winning Green Book. 

Probably my interest in objecting to what critics say is not that unusual, because the only reason film Twitter rallied against Green Book is that it was threatening to be popular and then went on to win so many awards. People wouldn’t object to the film so much if it hadn’t been so recognised (there are way more offensive and badly made films released last year) but because Green Book cleaned up awards season, it proves that the film has hit on something in our culture. Rather than addressing what that might be, critics are hacking into the film itself.

I hope you realise I’ve got some devastating arguments in the chamber: like that white film nerds were so eager to seem sensitive to racial politics that they shamed a magnificent black actor. Because of the coverage Green Book received, Mahershala Ali felt obliged to defend his performance and choice to appear in Green Book to a bunch of white film critics who were falling over themselves in their eagerness to demonstrate how progressive they are, how they ‘get’ racial politics, understand blackness, etc.   

I don’t believe the point of the negative coverage of Green Book is to make people think twice about their biases or draw attention to the institutional problem of racism beyond the scope of a single friendship, etc. I’m not sure yet what the point of the negative coverage was - but I’m thinking about it. Anyway, that’s next time on Pinelife. 

#Russian Doll #Groundhog Day. #fast and the furious #slate #natasha lyonne #green book #mahershala ali

[kellyinboston]

Day in the Life

Happy Thursday everyone! And happy first day of NFL football! Whoa hoo. I love football season.

Yesterday was my pop’s birthday, I wasn’t there in person but we facetimed so I was able to see him. Soon enough I will be able to celebrate my family’s birthdays with them!

I thought I would give you a glimpse into what a day looks like for me since there have been some changes to my existence. This is based on yesterday…but let’s be honest most days are the same!

5am – wake up and wake up Dominic to give him his medicine (he is taking daily medication for a possible thyroid issue…the medicine is in tablet form so I have to smash it with a spoon and feed it to him with 2.5 ounces of milk)

5:20 – put Dominic back to sleep and jump in the shower

5:30 – 6am – pump (while pumping I will check work email, play Tetris, read the news, etc.)

6am – 6:25am – clean up around the condo, get ready for work

6:25 – 6:50am – take Snoop on her walk

6:50am – wake up Dominic and put him on his play mat

7am – Neil gets up

7:15am – leave for work

7:40am – arrive at work

7:45am – 10:15 – work, work, work!

10:15 – 10:40 – pump (we have a pump room at work, they installed it when I out on maternity leave. It is required by law (at least MA) to have a pump room that is not a bathroom. Ours is nice enough, VERY cold, but it’s fine)

10:45 – 1pm – work

1pm – 2:45pm - eat lunch at my desk and work (I feel like I cannot take lunch breaks anymore because I take a total of an hour for pumping purposes now, so I usually work over lunch…that being said I know I can take a lunch if I wanted…just want to be cognizant of not taking too much time)

2:45 – 310pm – pump

3:15 – 4:45pm – work

4:45pm – leave work

5:10pm – get home and give kisses to my family (Snoop too!)

5:20pm – pack up the family to go on a loop around the park

6pm – get home from walk and start dinner. Neil feeds Dominic while I make sweet and sour chicken

6:45pm – put Dominic down for bed and eat dinner

7-7:45pm – clean bottles, do dishes, get food ready for the next day

7:45 – 8:30 – read East of Eden while Neil watches Ozark on Netflix

8:30 – 9pm – pump

9pm – 9:30 – wake up Dominic for his last feeding and put him back to bed

9:45pm – in bed, read for 10/15 minutes and lights out

I try to get in bed by 10pm, I will always read, whether its 2 pages or 20 pages. Now that Neil is home with Dominic I can see us really enjoying our evenings. I hope we do evening walks every night (weather permitting) and it is nice to eat dinner a little earlier.

Dominic is a good sleeper (fingers crossed it stays that way, don’t want to jinx it). We put him down usually before 7pm, he sleeps for 2 hours, we wake up him for one last feeding and then he will last until 5am when I wake him up for his medicine. However…the other night he woke up around 3:30am, so I just gave him his medicine then and went back to bed for an hour. We will take every good night that comes our way!

A note about pumping – I don’t know if I mentioned this so apologies if I have. I have had luck with my supply, which I am very grateful for, however I don’t like pumping. I am not sure if anyone really does to be honest. I get very sad for the first 10 minutes (sometimes longer sometimes less) of pumping. It is hard to explain but I feel so unbelievably sad, a sick feeling in my stomach, like a black cloud is just hovering over me. I looked this up and it is a thing. Sometime about the release of hormones and milk. I don’t know the terminology but it is definitely a thing. I have no idea how to combat it, I don’t think I can. Some people have suicidal thoughts while pumping, I don’t but I do feel very sad. So, I dread pumping. I feel bad saying that because it’s food for Dominic but it’s true. I will keep doing it until my supply runs out or until Dominic is one and can switch to regular milk so I am not stopping I just wanted to share my experience.

Neil and I were talking last night about how we have become much more sensitive to stories involving babies (whether fiction or real life). He is watching this show called Ozark (I have been watching it too just not religiously) and there was a scene last night where a baby was crying and the dad yelled at it to shut up. That just broke my heart. That is what started our conversation. We were saying that these stories just take on a different meaning now that we have Dominic. The separation of families at the borders – prior to Dominic I felt horrible about it and knew that it wasn’t right…now I am like hell no you are not taking our baby. It upsets me just thinking about it. Babies/kids are so innocent and they are trying to figure out this thing called life and are so dependent on people providing them with all the necessary things to survive. It breaks my heart to think of situations where babies/children are not in the best environment. Before kids I felt bad, now it is excruciating to read/see/hear anything about the mistreatment of babies. Same with animals. It is just interesting to me.

Finally, I have a feeling that the rest of my life will be busy. I feel like last night I didn’t have too much downtime, with cleaning bottles (ALWAYS cleaning bottles), making dinner, pumping…the evening just flew by. It’s fine and worth it, it is just an observation. On top of doing stuff around the condo I want to spend some time with Dominic. I only have about 1.5/2 hours a day with him now (weekdays) which makes me really sad. I think I will appreciate the weekends much more now… I mean I always liked the weekends but now they are extra special.

Finally (part II) – I need to start working out. I can think of all the excuses in the world, but I just need to make time. I should be able to get two runs in on the weekends – no excuses there. I would like to do some floor exercise 2x during the week (ab workouts + lifting with my hefty 5lb weights) – just 15 minutes. I can do it!

Okay…I have rambled on long enough!

Here is Dominic’s 4 month picture:  

[sbknews]

New Bluetooth flip-front helmet from Sena

New from Sena, the Outrush R is a fully Bluetooth® 5.0-integrated flip-front motorcycle helmet, made for complete wireless connectivity on the move, without the need to fit cables, microphones, speakers or intercom units. Mating Sena’s latest mobile communications technology with a premium, dual homologated modular helmet, the Outrush R allows the wearer to pair with a smartphone to hear turn-by-turn GPS directions, listen to music or FM radio, take phone calls and chat with up to four other riders. At a glance - Flip-front helmet with retractable sun visor - Integrated speakers & microphone - 2-Way HD Intercom (rider-to-passenger or bike-to-bike) - 4-Way Bluetooth bike-to bike Intercom - Smartphone connectivity - Three-button control located on the left side - Bluetooth® 5.0 - ECE rated, Dual Homologated P/J approved for use open-face or full-face - Speedy pairing with Smart Intercom Pairing, using QR codes and the Sena Utility App Bluetooth 5.0 Powered by Bluetooth® 5.0, the Outrush R can link up with one other Sena Bluetooth® device for full High Definition intercom, or up to four for quick and easy communication on group rides - with a range up to half a mile (900-metres) and a talk time of up to 12 hours. Advanced Noise Control filters cut out road and wind noise, so conversations, turn-by-turn navigation instructions, and music are crystal clear. Meanwhile Audio Multitasking allows you to have an intercom conversation while simultaneously listening to music, FM radio, or GPS directions. The overlaid audio is played in the background and will return to normal volume once the conversation is finished. A charge time of just 2.5 hours means the user can stay connected on longer tours with minimal fuss - no more being left out of the loop. Set-up couldn’t be easier, as the Outrush R is fully compatible with the Sena Headset App - available free for download on both iPhone and Android - which allows the user to change feature settings, access the device Quick Start Guide and more. The Sena App also features Smart Intercom Pairing for quick and easy connections: simply scan the QR code on the other rider’s Utility App - no button pressing sequences or beeps to listen for. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6iMyhwPNh4s Dual homologated flip-front The helmet itself has a light yet tough ABS shell and multi-density EPS liner for first class protection. It’s fully ECE certified and dual P/J homologated, so it is legal to ride with the chin bar up or down. Air intakes at the chin and forehead, along with a rear exhaust port, keep the wearer cool. The lining is removable and washable for season-long freshness. A quick release, fog-resistant visor gives a clear view of the road ahead and a drop-down sun visor shields the eyes from glare. Topping off the spec are a fully Reinforced Chin Strap and Steel Quick Release Buckle. The Outrush R helmet is available in Matte Black and Glossy White, in sizes S-XXL and is priced at £249.99. It comes with all of the tech pre-installed and is ready to use straight out of the box. For full specifications and to find your nearest retailer, visit www.sena.com For more Sena news check out our dedicated Motorcycle Communication page Motorcycle Communication News

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[yjwtracey]

WEEK 3: Reflection, Research and Analysis

Reflection: Based of Thursday class’ site visit, I have really set my sight on working at Capitol Theatre (especially after experiencing previous students’ works - particularly Zac who also chose to address the word ‘hypnagogic’ for his project). I was surprised to see that there was a lot I could accomplish with lighting alone (as well as sound). I aim to download and familiarise myself Pharos of the course of this week also. takeaways from the site visit to Capitol Theatre was that with the controlled speed and colours of the lighting I would be able to create an optical illusion of the room shifting back and forth. From Zac’s work specifically, I really like his use of slow flashes on/off from the ceiling which could create the transitioning state between wakefulness and sleep. I also interpreted this motion as representing rapid eye movement (REM) which I will discuss later in the technical research (how hypnagogia works) 

After this week’s presentation, I was also advised to check out the works, ‘Baa Baa Land’, Béla Tarr’s ‘SÁTÁNTANGÓ’ and Stan Brakhage’s works while will be the source of creative influence and research this week.

Also from the site visit, this time to the ‘Black Box’, I found Pierre’s works incredibly interesting, in regards to a sense of rhythm (randomised or not), sound and colour. Pierre also mentioned he took inspiration from composer Steve Reich regarding audio. From surface-level research I have also found Reich uses a lot of repetition in his pieces and I could definitely see that tying into the concept of deep-time. I also feel like a use of keyboard synth and the futuristic/alternate dimension it gives could be powerful. I would love to further investigate this in next week’s blog entry. 

Technical Research: How hypnagogia actually works, envisioning hypnagogic colours:

Mavromatis’ dissertation (Mavromatis 1987) describes hypnagogia that as a state that involves (of the visual cortex) “loosening of ego boundaries...openness, sensitivity...of the physical and mental environment (empathy)” when one is transitioning to sleep and serving as an “intermediate phenomenon between REM dreams and hallucinations” known as NREM. During NREM sleep where hypnogogia tends to occur, “sensory information continues to be transferred and encoded in a similar way to the brain when awake at the level of primary cortices”. This “cortical responsivity” is what significantly contributes to hypnagogic phenomenas (Waters et. al 2016)  These phenomenas can be categorised as:  Visual: kaleidoscope patterns that are changing, “geometric patterns, shapes ...light flashes...imagery involving animals, people and faces...scenes that are...highly detailed and colo(u)rful” (Waters et. al 2016)  Sound: varying intensity from faint to loud noises i.e knocking, calling of one’s name, imagined (nonsensical and fragmented) speech (Mavromatis 1987) Less common phenomenas recorded also include: gustatory (sense of taste) sensations, ofactory (sense of smell) sensations, thermal (perception of temperature) sensations (Mavromatis 1987) The one most interesting to me however, was the associated phenomena of synesthesia which could be responsible for the perception and association of certain colours to imagery (and/or sound) that is commonly perceived in hypnagogic imagery. This synesthesia experience is also personalised and perhaps what makes each hypnagogic experience unique from one another.

‘Comingled Containers’ (Stan Brakhage 1997)

"..." REEL FIVE (Stan Brakhage 1998)

Both of the examples I’ve chosen from Stan Brakhage this week are starkly different in their use of material. The first work chosen, ‘Comingled containers’ is light and fluid. Projecting an image of translucent and spherical (organically shaped) beings that I was led to think of jellyfish in the ocean which could project that calm state of hypnagogia. In contrast, the second chosen work from Brakhage, "..." REEL FIVE is significant faster in frame transitions, over-exposed in colour with harsh, ragged lines that move about haphazardly. This, like the piece ‘HYPNAGOGIA’ by Pierre-Luc Vaillancourt mentioned as an example in this week’s presentation creates a heart-palpitating and tense state of affect in contrast to the calm experienced in ‘Comingled containers’. 

I think with a careful consideration for material that I want to use in my video piece, the tempo of sequences and scenes in the video and accompanying audio could make for 2 stimulating and contrasting pieces that depict unique hypnagogic experiences, one from either end on the Circumplex Model of Affect.

                                   ━━━━━━━☆☆━━━━━━━

Technical Research: Deep Time Deep-time: From the feedback I received from my presentation this week, I was encouraged to look into the concept of deep time and how it has the power to subconsciously make you lose track of time i.e. binging shows and contrarily how deep time can get ‘boring’ and maddening to a degree, making one painfully aware of how long a project has gone on for or how long they themselves have been situated in a certain time/space. I was further recommended to check out films ‘Baa Baa Land’ and ‘SÁTÁNTANGÓ’. 

Creative research + analysis:

Baa Baa Land:

‘Baa Baa Land’ addresses that sort of calm and almost meditative state of hypnagogic experiences I touched on in last week’s presentation. The 8-hour slow-motion film has not only engendered a sort of love for sheep from me but the lack of changing shots (if I am correct the shortest shot was around 15 minutes while longer shots lasted for 1hr+ i.e the opening hour sequence) and unwavering camera movement really pulled me into the slow-motion film. These two concepts contribute to creating deep time and is definitely something I want to think about bringing into my project i.e. slow, unwavering changes in lighting of Capitol Theatre. The slow-motion nature of the film is also satisfying to watch and a stark contrast to modern-day cinema where with the digitalisation and mobility of media i.e. Netflix, plots seem to be shorter, less satisfying and lacking a sort of continuity. 

SÁTÁNTANGÓ

In a similar fashion, Béla Tarr’s ‘SÁTÁNTANGÓ’ is a black-and-white film that is nearly 8 hours long also. Each shot in the film is approx. 2.5 minutes long (whilst in contemporary shot in a Hollywood film is approx 2.5 seconds). What I found interesting about this film was its repetition of scenes/recurring moments with small changes i.e. a character would leave earlier in a different perspective of a recurring scene than they did in another. Alongside that, the lateral camera work* expands the horizon of the set space and gives off an illusion of space. As seen in the clip above also, Estike is seen walking towards the camera whilst the camera gradually pans away from her also creating a nifty vertigo effect. This vertigo effect is something I want to consider in my final piece also and possibly having that vertigo effect play on loop could be a utilisation of deep time that is oddly both satisfying and unsatisfying at once.

*an interesting example of lateral camera work is also Stan Brakhage’s ‘The Wonder Ring’, especially the warping of the train and adjacent buildings through glass

References

Mavromatis A. On shared states of consciousness and objective imagery. J Mental Image. 1987;11:81–130 Waters, Flavie et al. “What Is the Link Between Hallucinations, Dreams, and Hypnagogic-Hypnopompic Experiences?.” Schizophrenia bulletin vol. 42,5 (2016): 1098-109. doi:10.1093/schbul/sbw076

#week3